March 3, 2022 • 38 mins
Blessing the audience with the recipe for the greatest burger in the world. The Lion of Coronavirus: where is he now? The safest and fairest election ever is getting decertified in a battleground state.
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Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
Speaker 1 (00:10):
It is The Jesse Kelly Show. Second hour of The
Jesse Kelly Show. And look, I don't know. I don't
know what kind of contacts we still have at the FBI.
Probably not very many, Probably not very many that are
big fans of the show. But I do think we
should probably get ahold of somebody, Chris. I don't know
if we should wait to the break to get ahold
(00:32):
of them or something like that. We have to file
some kind of a missing person's report. All right, it's
gotten to the point I'm now getting worried. All Right,
you don't know, it's a dangerous world out there. I mean,
I don't know about you, but I'm old enough to
remember this. The single most respective voice on the pandemic,
it's doctor Anthony Fauci, the man who's become known as
(00:53):
America's doctor, the nation's top infectious disease expert. Anthony Fauci,
you are a saint too many as a super hero,
Doctor Anthony Fauci, American hero and New York Yankee fan,
You've been so much for this country in terms of
this crisis. So I really appreciate your insight. Who better
to give us answers that we can trust than doctor
(01:13):
Anthony Fauci, perfect prison to answer our questions today, joining
us now, doctor Anthony Fauci. So whenever you can be here,
it will have you. It's always an honor to half
time with you. Thanks for being here. Good enough for you, sir,
It's good enough for me and my family. So thank you,
doctor Fauchi. Doctor Fauci, thank you for keeping it straight.
Thank you for fighting the good fight. I am sincerely
appreciative that you are not walking away from this post.
(01:36):
You make us smarter and safer and better every day.
Thank you so much, doctor Fauci. The lion of coronavirus, Chris,
Where is he? I'll tell you what I've seen more
of doctor Fauci than I've seen my wife for the
last two years. Everywhere you turn, his face is on
the billboards, he's on the news. He's playing in the
(01:57):
football games, he's playing in the basketball games. Faucci, Foucci, Faucci.
And now just disappeared like a fart in the wind.
Where did he go? Anyone? Does anybody know? Could we
get a hold of law enforcement or something? And there's
another story I want to bring up because I'm gonna
get to emails. I'm gonna do a big email round
up today because I've been lazy on that. But there's
(02:18):
another thing I want to bring up. We do have
an election coming up in the midterms. We have a
big election coming up in twenty twenty four, that's not
very far away. Well, I know you haven't heard about
this because the media won't report on it. But Wisconsin
they have a special counsel looking into their election, the
(02:39):
election of twenty twenty. And this is not some right
wing partisan hack. I want you to understand that this
is the special counsel in Wisconsin. I believe the legislature
ought to take a very hard look at the option
of decertification of the twenty twenty Wisconsin present advential e Left.
(03:03):
I'm sorry, Chris, maybe maybe my headphones are messed up here.
I would have swore the special council just told Wisconsin
to decertify the election. I believe the legislature ought to
take a very hard look at the option of decertification
of the twenty twenty Wisconsin presidential Eleft. Why. Well, look,
(03:24):
there's a lot to this report that he put out,
but I will tell you a lot of this is
stuff people have suspected and they've been shouted down for saying,
and they've been told their conspiracy theorists and everything else
that goes with it. Ah, you nut job, The election
was fair. Do you know some of the things this
guy found? Nursing homes? One hundred percent of the people
(03:49):
in the nursing homes in some areas voted one. That's
unheard of. No one's ever done that before. Why what? What?
Jesse where understand what ballot harvesting is. This is something
that happens at college dorms, and it definitely happens at
nursing homes. What they do, it's really evil. It's it's
just terrible stuff. You'll send people out, you'll have if
(04:13):
you're a scumbag cheater, you'll send a worker out to
an area, or maybe you'll have just one worker for
nursing home, depends on what you're staffing. You know how
your staffing looks. You'll send them to the nursing home.
They will then gather everybody's ballots for them, and especially
when folks are getting up there in years, sometimes they
(04:35):
don't really realize what's going on. It's not difficult to
go around, all right, I'm here, I'm with you can
make it sound very official. I'm with so and so,
just here to collect your ballot. Oh, don't worry about
filling it out all, don't worry about sealing it. We're
just we have to collect everyone's ballots. And they'll make
people feel forced to do so. It'll make people feel
like they're breaking the law. They don't hand the ballot over.
(04:56):
And what they do is they gather the ballots up.
Tell me if any of this it's familiar by the
way they gather all the ballots up. And then they
just sit back and watch on election night and they
see how the election's going. And if they see, let's
say they're a few thousand votes short, they simply put
out the call get them bad boys, filled out and
(05:19):
turned in. And then not that this would ever happen
here in America in a million years. But then later
in the night, like after midnight, you may get a
big drop of a bunch of votes. It changes the election. Again,
not that would ever happen here. What Chris, Yes, Chris,
I said that would never happen here. Ours is the
(05:41):
safest and fairest election ever. That's how you know what's
on the up and up. As soon as the news
and the Democrats tell you it's the safest and fairest ever,
you can basically take that to the bank, Chris. It's
a guarantee safest fairest ever. Let you know, hey, handsome
(06:02):
Hamburger Henchman, your hamburger recipe is the best ever. However,
you're missing the key element. Hatch green chili. I live
in New Mexico, and we put green chili on everything.
Even our McDonald's has green chili cheeseburgers. Do it live
it said? I can use his name. His name is Ryan,
Okay one, I do make the greatest cheeseburgers ever. And
(06:24):
I've decided it's long past time where I give out instructions. Yeah,
it's time, Chris, tonight. You know what I'm about to
do this. That's one two. I you know, I work
construction forever. Well, we actually did some construction jobs close
to Hatch. I'm familiar with New Mexico. I'm familiar with Albuquerque.
I'm familiar with Hatch. I know New Mexico and Hatch
green chilies really are the greatest freaking thing ever. And
(06:47):
if you ever find yourself actually going into Hatch itself.
As you can imagine, everything's focused on green chili. It's
like their main industry, and you can get things like,
I know this is going to sound gross, you can
get a Hatch green chili milkshake and it's fantastic. No, Chris,
hear me out. You're not adventurous, Chris, you have no
(07:08):
sense of adventure at all. All right, a Hatch green
chili milkshake and there Hatch green chili burgers might be
the greatest thing I've ever eaten in my entire life.
So he's not wrong. Now, all that said, let's be honest.
There's only one person on the face of the planet
who makes the greatest cheeseburger ever, and that person is me.
(07:32):
You see, I'm what, Chris, I'm a person with a
lot of skills. When I say a lot of skills,
let's remember I am a top five napper. I nap.
I don't want to say no what, Chris. I didn't
say I was number one. I'm sure there may be
one or two guys out there better than me. But
I've told you the story. Before I've done I've downed
an entire large cup of black coffee from Dunkin Donuts
(07:54):
and the second I take the last sip, I lay
my head back on the plane and pass out for
two three hours. When I say I can nap, boy,
I can nap. We have a big long couch that
had to get me an extra big one here at
this fancy studio. They built us a nap. Every day
I have multiple days I take two naps, and these
guys always poke fun of me. Hullo, you're napping again.
Yeah I am. That's me feeling refreshed anyway. So I'm
(08:15):
a top five napper. I am the greatest menu orderer
on the planet. I'm the menu whisperer. I gave myself
that nickname. And remember all great nicknames you give to yourself,
because who knows you better than you there is. It's
an art. It was obviously a talent that's been given
(08:37):
to me by God himself. That I can sit down
in a restaurant or you can just send me a menu.
I can look at a menu and I don't ever
have to have been there before, and I can find
the greatest thing on it every time. And I'm just
obnoxious about it too, because I tell people I know
you're gonna find that shocking, but I'm obnoxious about it.
I tell people when I go out to eat, the
(08:58):
wife gets horrified. I'll tell him, hey, just order whatever
I order, and she'll say, stop, Jesse, don't. And whenever
I see them over there order and crap, I'll just
flat out and say that's a mistake, that was wrong,
that's a mistake. And then she gets really mad. It's
to stop that, stop bullying people. Order whatever you want everyone,
and that's fine, right, she looks really nice, sounds nice there.
(09:21):
Do you have any idea how often my food gets
there and their food gets there? And you know how
often I hear? Oh, I should have listened to you
and order that. I, Jesse Kelly, am the menu whisper,
the greatest, but Chris, it's a real thing. The greatest
menu orderer on the planet. That's meat and so, like
(09:42):
I said, I have many skills. I can nap, I
can order food. I make the greatest cheeseburgers on the planet.
And I need to clarify something else. Whenever I give
out this recipe, everybody and their brother they will you
will email me Jesse at jes see kellyshow dot com.
You will email me and acknowledge it is the greatest
(10:04):
burger ever. Chris, shake your head all you want. How
many emails do we get about my cheeseburger? It's every day,
every day. It is the greatest burger ever. You will
send that email, I know you will. But I also
get emails like this, Jesse put out a cookbook. Jesse,
what about a cookbook? Jesse, make a cookbook. No no, no,
no no. I can't make anything. I'm not good in
(10:27):
the kitchen. I can make eggs and stuff like that.
I can make one thing really great, and that's cheeseburgers.
Do you want the greatest cheeseburger recipe in the history
of the planet. You'll be hooked on them forever. You
ready for it, I'm gonna give it to you in
just a second. Now, let me tell you this now,
(10:48):
more than ever, you really need to be practicing with
your weapon. Practicing with your weapon. And I understand gas prices.
I understand Ammo prices. I mean I just I have
an ordered Ammo in months because I just can't bear
to pay these prices anymore. I get it. That's why
you need to get a Mantis X. A Mantis X
(11:11):
improves your shooting accuracy using no ammo at all. It's
all electronic. It attaches to your weapon, and you practice
in your home and they're putting you through drills. They're
giving you real feedback on your technique. You will get better.
Ninety four percent of shooters improve with thin twenty minutes.
I'm not I don't mean hours, twenty minutes. Go to
(11:35):
mantis x dot com. That's what the Marines are using
in Paris Island. That's what the special forces guys are
using military technology. Mantis x dot com. Go get yours today,
fighting for your freedom every day. The Jesse Kelly Show.
(12:01):
It is the Jessie Kelly Show. And look, you can
have my burger recipe or you can hear from our
commander in chief. Vladimir Putin was counting on being able
to split up the United States. Look how you feel
(12:23):
if you saw crowds storm and break down the doors
of the Yeah, let's just stick with my burger recipe.
All right? You ready, First and foremost, I need you
to do me a favor before we go into this.
I need you to set aside certain traditions. There are
(12:46):
going to be parts of this recipe. You're going to
ballcat Especially dudes. Women seem to be more pliable when
it comes to this, but dudes, when it comes to
cooking meat, dudes get real possessive. Fellas. Listen to me,
My burgers are better than yours. I'm not saying I'm
a better cook. You're undoubtedly better at steaks and chicken
(13:07):
and everything else. I'm not claiming to be some great cook.
My burgers are better than your burgers. Accept it, Try
it once and tell me I'm wrong. All right, So
let's let's let's pause and just acknowledge that. Now, let's
go to the greatest place on earth, the grocery store. What, Chris,
(13:29):
you don't enjoy going to the grocery store? Why what
do you mean? Why are you at the grocery store.
It's where all the it's where all the food is. Oh.
I walk up and down every aisle. I'm that guy.
I walk up and down every aisle. Oh we need that.
Oh hey a new spatula. Hey Candy, how are you?
It's not like a woman, Chris that you know what?
(13:50):
You know what? Stop interrupting? Back to what you got
to go to the grocery store. The greatest place on earth. First,
my voice just squeaked. First, very manly. You must must
go to the bun section first. No I should, The
order doesn't matter, but get to the bun section. And
I really need to stress this point because this, it
(14:12):
genuinely makes me angry. And I've come close. The wife
has held me back. I have come close to saying
something to complete strangers in the grocery store. I'm a
big mind your own business guy, so I haven't, but
I've come close to doing it. I see people just
walk up to the bun section and just grab a
pack of buns and walk off like it's nothing. Now,
(14:36):
the bun is not simply a delivery mechanism for your
burger or your hot dog or whatever you're eating. The
bun is a critical part of it. It matters a lot.
Take some time and finger the buns. You must finger
the buns. What Chris, Chris said, why not make your own? Oh,
(14:59):
I don't know. I'm not amish. They have them there
in the grocery store. Whatever, you finger the buns. And
I don't know why people more people don't know this.
They put the freshest buns behind the ones on the edge.
Because all the chumps who walk up and grab the
one right on the end. You're gonna have to bend
over a little bit, root around the back, and finger
(15:20):
the buns in the back because that's where the fresh
buns from that day are. They're trying to get rid
of the older buns. Get the buns. Then onto the
meat section. And I need to stress this, this is
Jesse's burger night. These things are sacred, sacred, all right.
This is not health food night. We're not doing veggie
(15:43):
burgers and we're not doing any of that ninety ten
ground beef crap. You must get the fattiest burger humanly possible.
You are in this for fat. The fat is where
the flavor is. Everybody knows that here in Texas, it's
not uncommon to find seventy three twenty seven beef. And
(16:03):
that's what I get most places, though I acknowled that
you're gonna have to do eighty twenty and eighty twenties. Fine,
but if they have fatter, get fatter, all right, fat flavor. Okay,
you got your buns, you got your burger. Next to
the cheese section. I know you probably love cheese. I
don't trust people who don't love cheese. I'm a cheese freak.
(16:26):
And believe it or not, I know everyone thinks I'm
white trash and I am. I'm a big Velveta guy,
for instance. But I actually even like fancy cheese. Is
the bree and blue cheese and the weird stuff the
wife gets on the weird like meat and cheese, charcoudery
boards or whatever they're called. I don't eat fancy cheeses.
I'm a fancy person too. Not on Burger Night. On
(16:49):
Burger Night, you will get American slices of cheese American slice.
Oh but Jesse, I love Guda. Good for you. I
love Guda. Two get American cheese. American cheese is how
you make cheeseburgers. It's the only thing that melts in
a proper way. You understand, This is white trash night.
This is Jesse's Burger Night. Just trust me. I'm the expert.
(17:10):
And let me pause here real quick in the recipe.
Why am I an expert? I'm an expert at burgers
for the same reason Michael Jordan was so great at basketball.
He practiced. When I got out of the Marine Corps
two thousand and four, I was on this huge burger kick.
(17:31):
I was just obsessed with eating burgers, and I was
trying to get all the best ones everywhere. And I
decided I went and got some cheap grill from was
it Walmart? I think it was cheapest grill I could find.
It was all I could afford, and I decided I
was going to start working on a recipe. So I
made the best burgers ever. And so it was multiple
times a week. I would just make cheeseburgers and cheeseburgers,
(17:51):
and I'd mix and match and mix and match. What
I'm telling you is I worked on this for years.
There's not an addition to this that I didn't think
of or didn't try. Believe me, I've perfected it, and
it's simple. Remember this is not complicated, all right. So
you got your buns, you got your fatty beef, got
your American cheese. Onto the condiment section. You can use
(18:16):
This is the only optional, flexible part of the whole thing.
You can use any general seasoning you want, any kind
of Lowry's general seasoning or Nature Zone, whatever kind of
generals it's grab. A general season is fine. That's not
at all the the star of the show doesn't matter
that much. Also, garlic powder. Did I say garlic salt? Chris?
(18:38):
Did you hear me say garlic salt? I said garlic powder. Again,
learn from the mistakes I made as a young aspiring
burger master. I've used garlic salt. I love garlic salt.
It gets this thing too salty. Garlic powder. Now for
the star of the show. Are you ready for the
(18:58):
star of the show? Because understand something. This part is
not optional. None of this is really optional. But this
is the part that it's going to change your life.
You've never thought of it before, you've never used it before.
You've walked by it a thousand times. Maybe you didn't
even notice it. But if you just follow my advice,
grab it and use it, you will be known as
(19:20):
the Burgermaster. Are you ready for that? Good? I'll tell
you in a second. It is the Jesse Kelly Show.
And yes, this may be our last show before nuclear war.
(19:42):
Oh I'm just kidding, Chris, I mean did not look?
How much? How much faith do you have in these people?
You know? I was at the State Department, the president
was the vice president the last time Russia invaded Ukraine.
This is a pattern of horror. It is a pattern
every time you idiots are in charge, Russia invade somewhere.
And let's just pause real quick. I know I have
(20:03):
to get back to the burger recipe. I will. She
was at the State Department and now she's Press secretary,
and the very much unconfirmed, but everyone knows that rumor
is she's going to go to MSNBC or CNN as
soon as she's done in the White House. Now do
you understand why I call it the system and why
(20:23):
I say the system takes care of its own. Back
to the burgers. In case you missed it, I've been
giving out my recipe again. I haven't done it in
about six months. Try to get it out every six
months or so. I think it's actually been longer than
That's so my fault. But we have a bunch of
new listeners who haven't been graced with the brilliance of
the Jesse Kelly Burger. I already gave out all the
(20:44):
other stuff, the buns, the burger, that everything else, the
final ingredient and the star of the show, chippot Le tabasco.
Chippotle Tabasco. Now, did I say regular tabas go? Did
I say just pick your favorite hot sauce. Did I
(21:06):
say Chipotle Cholula? I never said any of that, did
I Chipotle Tabasco? Again, I'm a hot sauce freak. I
have like twenty bottles in my house, and that's probably
under selling it. I love sauces. I love them all.
Chipotli Tabasco is what you use all right. Now, you
got your bunge, you got your American cheese cheese, you
(21:26):
got your fatty beef, you got your garlic powder, you
got your general seasoning, and get a Chipotle Tabasco. Go
check out, drive home. Now you're halfway there. You got
the appropriate ingredients. But this is where slaves to tradition
to tradition. That sounds like Joe Biden. There, slaves to
(21:46):
tradition will struggle. Put away the grill. I know that hurts.
Put away the grill unless you have a flat top
of some kind. You can cook on your grill. That's fine.
Maybe you'll put a frying pan on your grill. That's fine.
But a great burger, the best burgers ever, they're all
(22:07):
made on flat tops, all of them. So make sure
you have a flat top. I'll get back to that
in a second. Let's get to burger preparation. Get your
burger out, dump it in a bowl or a big
cookie sheet. That's what I use a lot. Pull out
your garlic powder. Just lightly dust the garlic powder on
the top. Pull out your general seasoning. Lightly dust it
(22:29):
with general seasoning. Again, learn from the mistakes of the
burger master. I have overseasoned it with the general seasoning
many times and made it too salty. It's not the star.
You want a little hint of it in there, but
not too much. Now the chipotlea Tabasco. Use a lot.
(22:50):
Drown it in Chipotla Tabasco. And I do mean drown it.
The second you're looking at it and you think, wow,
that has to be way too much, go ahead and
use more. I generally use a half a bottle of
Chipotla Tabasco per pound of beef. That much. That's a lot. What, Chris,
(23:12):
there's only one size bottle, Chris, there's not a big
bottle of Chipotla Tabasco. If there is, I've never seen
it before. The normal size bottle about a half a bottle. Okay, Now,
you gotta have to get your hands dirty or go
get some gloves. You gotta mix all this up. Mix
it all up now, then form your burger patties. Now,
let's pause here for a second. Your burger patties. Burger
(23:33):
patties should be thin. And then see this is where
you run into problems with the fellas, because guys do
the sat nah man. I love a good thick burger. No,
burger patties must be thin. If you like more meat.
If you like more meat, quit, Chris. Doubled up. You
(23:54):
can have a double cheeseburger. You can have a triple cheeseburger.
Some people have lots of meat doubled up or tripled up.
But your patties must be thin. Now, where to cook it?
Don't worry if you don't have a grill. I don't
cook mine on the grill frying pan. Like I said,
flat top, preferably cast iron. But I realize money don't
(24:15):
grow on trees, and I seem to ruin these things
once every six months, so I'm not buying anymore. Don't
say how, Chris, you can't clean it that it's impossible
to clean the thing. The second you put soap on it,
it rusts out. We live in subtropical weather down here.
You can't you can't ever do it, and it weighs
nine thousand pounds. I love cast iron as much as
the next man. It's the most inconvenient thing in the world.
(24:36):
So since it's not Little House on the Prairie, I'm
done with it. I'm just gonna get whatever non stick
pan I find in the grocery store. Don't get me sidetracked, Chris.
Put your burger in. You want to cook it on
medium to medium high. This burger will not be on
here long. I would say about medium, cook and then flip,
(24:57):
and the second you flip, you add cheese. I have
no idea what people's parents do in this country or
why people end up like this, But there's this, this
bottom ten percent tier of subhuman filth in America who
believes that cheese should be unmelted on a burger or
like that's an afterthought. I've seen this before in restaurants.
(25:20):
You'll order a burger and it shows up and it's
just a cold piece of cheese they just threw on
the top when they what the cheese on a cheeseburger
must be hot and melty and delicious. Throw the cheese
on the second you flip the burger. Pull it off,
set it on the bun. Now, finally, before we move
(25:41):
on back to all our stories here, you know all
those condiments you use, I gotta get the ketchup, the mao,
the mustard, whatever. Leave all those alone. You need condiments
for your burger. You don't need condiments for my burger.
And listen, don't you dare, don't you dare assault my
(26:04):
cheeseburger with lettuce and tomato. The fact that lettuce and
tomato ever make it onto a sandwich is a national disgrace.
They have no place anywhere near my burgers. Did I
tell you how to make a salad? No? I told
you how to make a burger. Leave the lettuce and
tomato at home. What, Chris, pickles? No? Not pickles? No? No?
And you know what, I'm glad you brought this up.
(26:25):
By the way, that's that's how you make the Jesse
Kelly burger. I'm glad you brought this up, Chris, because
this really grinds my gears. Why do pickles get included
on the sandwich? Ever? And that's not an anti pickle stance.
I'm all down with fried pickles. A couple bud heavies
watch the game I'm not an anti pickle, all right,
I'm as pro pickle as most people. I'm not everyone, quick, Chris,
(26:46):
grow up, that's enough. I'm pro pickle. But when you
put a pickle on a sandwich, that's all you taste.
That's all you taste. The wife used to do this
with spaghetti sauce when we first got married. She'd chop
up these green peppers in there. I don't I don't
hate green peppers. They're fine, but that's all I can taste.
It becomes a pickleburger. We're moving on, Chris, We're moving
(27:08):
I can't do this anymore. Okay, I've educated the masses. There, Congratulations,
go and do likewise. Welcome to the greatest cheeseburger on
the planet. Back to what we were talking about before,
this is kind of a big deal and nobody's discussing it.
I believe the legislature ought to take a very hard
look at the option of decertification of the twenty twenty
(27:30):
Wisconsin presidential election. What that's the special counsel in Wisconsin?
Do you certify the election? And, like I told you,
if you dig into it, if you dig into the stuff,
he's found yikes. It's really really bad, one hundred percent
(27:52):
voter turnout. And where's all that happening in the blue
areas too? So what they did was they focused on
the hype blue areas and they sent out their henchmen
out there. That's kind of important. All right, we still
have an hour left here on the Jesse Kelly Show.
I'm so happy for them, Chris that they got the
world famous Jesse Kelly recipe. Now do one thing for me.
(28:17):
Stop sending your money to Verizon every month or at
and T or T Mobile. We must put our money
where our morals are. And I'm not pointing fingers, I'm
not looking down at you. I have had actually all
three of those carriers at one point in my life,
so I've funded them too. Have you seen the filth
they put out there all the time. If you switch
(28:39):
to Pure Talk, they're on the exact same five G
network as one of those guys. So you don't sacrifice service,
but you have a patriotic company that doesn't violate your
values at every turn. Switch today. It takes less than
ten minutes. It's all on the phone, and this might
be the best part. You talk to someone who actually
speaks English. Their customer services made in America. Dial pound
(29:03):
two five zero and say Jesse Kelly, and that actually
saves you an additional fifty percent off of everything else,
because the average family saves eight hundred dollars a year
by switching anyway, pound two five zero, say Jesse Kelly.
Put your money where your morals are. Truth attitude, Jesse Kelly. Right,
(29:31):
it is the Jesse Kelly Joe. I'm gonna get back
to a little more rush of Ukraine stuff here in
about ten minutes from now, but I wanted to move on.
I wanted to catch up on some emails and stuff,
and just on a personal note, my son is doing track.
He's been doing really well. I mean, look, he's not
he's not gonna be going to the Olympics. I promise
(29:53):
you that he's still a Kelly, but he's been doing well.
He is Chris, he's super tall, been doing like the
four hundred and eight hundred and stuff like that. And
it does make me really proud to see him doing track.
And I like it. I like it's a good exercise.
The uh, the coach had him try out long jump
today and during the break just now, the wife sent
me a video of him doing long jump. Ah, I
(30:18):
think I have the whitest sun on the planet. That's
that was not good. That was that was certainly not good.
Granted it was his first time, but that that's not
gonna be his event. I don't think the Kellys are
going to be having to worry about whether or not
we attend the Olympics in China in the future. That's
all I'm simply gonna say there. Moving on back to
some emails, I'm sorry I'm behind. I always promise I'm
(30:41):
gonna get to emails, Chris, and then I get sided. Yes,
yes I do. Don't say I never do. I've done.
I know I've gotten to two. I still have like
an hour left. You know what, Watch how many I'm
gonna get through. Now it's gonna blow your mind. Hi, Jesse,
I'm always looking for a new history podcast on Spotify
and was thrilled when I saw you have started one.
And I'm traveling around Europe in Asia right now. Oh
(31:02):
bad timing. I'm trying to listen to the regular show
when I can, and this question may have already been
answered and I just missed it. I was wondering how
often you're going to put out a new history episodes
and what some of the topics you'd cover. I really
enjoyed the Korean War episode. Also, it's not too much trouble.
Is there a wake we can get some a list
of some recommended reading. When it comes to warbooks, there's
(31:25):
so much out there, but a lot of it's propaganda garbage. Chris,
we do need to come up with some kind of
a way we can put out a reading list because
people ask us for reading lists all the time and
we've never come up with anything, anything continuous we can
add to it. We should probably have this conversation off
the air, I would guess, but since we're not a
professional show, that's fine. It's not like there's anyone listening. Michael.
(31:47):
Do you have any ideas here, anything to contribute it
all to the show today, Michael. Now, I'm not going
to make a thread on Twitter. See a page on
the Website's a better idea. A page the website, it's
a better idea. You know why a thread on Twitter
isn't a good idea because like two percent of the
populations on Twitter. I mean, we think you can think
if you're on Twitter, you think everyone's on Twitter. Most
(32:10):
people listening to my voice right now are not on Twitter,
so that's not gonna do anyoing. We'll put it on
the website. We'll come up with something, Chris, can you
get with the nerds who do all the tech stuff
and get us some kind of stuff, do the mega
hurts and whatever? Are you whatever? You call it a
splash page? I've heard of that before. Is that what
we want is a splash page? It is something though
(32:31):
about that, Jesse, Bill Gates, Kelly all right? Moving on. Oh,
as far as how often I'm gonna put out the
history episodes, I have no idea. Every chance I get
I was gonna do one this weekend, but we have
this big event tomorrow night with Clay and Buck and
Michael Berry and everything, and so I'm just not gonna
have time to do all that. I have to go. Look.
(32:52):
As a huge important celebrity, I have what Chris as
a huge important celebrity, I have celebrity obligations. I haven't
found out whether or not yet they're gonna fly me
into Leader Jet up there or not, but I'm sure
it's something. Sure it's something along those lines. Quote. The
only reason someone gets into politics is because they want
access to the things rich and powerful people have, and
(33:14):
they lacked the skills to get it themselves. He was
quoting me from last night, and then he says, says
the failed politician, laugh out loud, Love the show says,
I can use his name. His name is Dan. You
know what, Dan, that's not very nice. All right, that's
not very nice. I did. I ran for Congress twice
and lost twice. So you might say I'm a bit
(33:35):
of a political expert. All right, I'm a bit of
an expert. Oh man, that light in the mood was
off the hook. I missed your coverage the Kelly camp
always talking about what we did on the first, the
first TV member. I have a TV show on the
first every night, nine pm Eastern time, and we covered
the debate. We covered the State of the Union live,
(33:56):
and we had we had a debate. How about that, Chris?
About that? For a pun? We had a debate about
how we should cover the State of the Union address
because Biden sucks. I mean, with all due respect, no
one wants to sit and listen to this just straight
for an hour. Vladimir Putin was counting on being able
to split up the United States. Look how you feel.
(34:26):
Nobody wants to listen to that for an hour. Nobody.
So we were debating what do we do. Do we
cut in? But that can be annoying too if I'm
cutting in and talking over him. What if he's saying
something that's gonna make you super mad or maybe rarely
saying something that makes you happy. So what we did
was we called it the Kelly Cam and it was
(34:48):
just basically a picture in picture. Occasionally they throw on
the screen of whatever I was doing, because I was
just watching it the same way you were watching it now.
I was eating cheese balls and they bought me some
high end stuff, some Jim B. Chris, and we had
some gym being there. It was it looked it was
a good night, good knight. You see this headline the
science officially changed federal agencies dropping mask mandates. Man, I
(35:15):
know this is one of those things. I'm not gonna
get myself upset. Don't worry. I'm totally calm right now.
I know this is one of those things that people
are gonna make little snide jokes about for a week
or two and then they'll move on. But I want
you to remember. I want you to remember all the
pain they caused you for the last two years. And
remember this, They could have taken it away at any time.
(35:40):
At any time, they could have changed the calculations, dropped
the mask mandates, drop the vaccine stuff. With a snap
of their fingers. They could have made it all go away.
And they didn't do it until their poll numbers got bad.
That's evil. That is evil. Don't trust any of these
people anymore, you know. That's why I tell you. That's
why I tell you about Annie's Kit Clubs. By the way,
(36:02):
I tell you that because we have to teach our
kids how to think and question everything. It's something I'm
trying to drive into the head of my sons now
from now on. Think. You have to think. Question what
you see on the news, Question what your government tells you, question,
question what Hollywood tells you, Question what your teachers tell you.
(36:22):
Learn to think. Annie's Kit Clubs. It's a box that
comes once a month. Your kid will have to do
hands on activities and they have to follow what's in
the top secret mission envelope. And they're they're building hovercrafts
and robots and failing. Remember that's good too, failing, And
then eventually succeeding and they're learning how to use their minds.
That's what we're so lacking right now in this country,
(36:44):
as people who know how to use their minds and
want to do so. We have a bunch of hive
mind robots in this place. Go to Annie's Kit Clubs
dot com slash radio. You can get your first kit
up to one hundred percent off Annie's Kit Clubs dot
com slash Radio. All right, baptist some more? What would
Jim do? A US virologist close to the Wuhan lab
(37:09):
quietly called for an investigation. You know, I haven't spent
tons and tons of time on this in the show
because it gets so complicated, and I know it's not
old news, but it almost feels like old news. China
exported a virus to the world, and it looks like
(37:30):
it came from a virology lab in Wuhan, one that
we helped fund. Did we create coronavirus? Did we have
a hand in creating coronavirus? And then government abused us
for the virus they created. Look that may sound like
whack job conspiracy theory stuff, if you look at the evidence,
(37:52):
there's a lot of it there. Oh that's uncomfortable, wouldn't
it hang on and never
It is The Jesse Kelly Show. Second hour of The
Jesse Kelly Show. And look, I don't know. I don't
know what kind of contacts we still have at the FBI.
Probably not very many, Probably not very many that are
big fans of the show. But I do think we
should probably get ahold of somebody, Chris. I don't know
if we should wait to the break to get ahold
(00:32):
of them or something like that. We have to file
some kind of a missing person's report. All right, it's
gotten to the point I'm now getting worried. All Right,
you don't know, it's a dangerous world out there. I mean,
I don't know about you, but I'm old enough to
remember this. The single most respective voice on the pandemic,
it's doctor Anthony Fauci, the man who's become known as
(00:53):
America's doctor, the nation's top infectious disease expert. Anthony Fauci,
you are a saint too many as a super hero,
Doctor Anthony Fauci, American hero and New York Yankee fan,
You've been so much for this country in terms of
this crisis. So I really appreciate your insight. Who better
to give us answers that we can trust than doctor
(01:13):
Anthony Fauci, perfect prison to answer our questions today, joining
us now, doctor Anthony Fauci. So whenever you can be here,
it will have you. It's always an honor to half
time with you. Thanks for being here. Good enough for you, sir,
It's good enough for me and my family. So thank you,
doctor Fauchi. Doctor Fauci, thank you for keeping it straight.
Thank you for fighting the good fight. I am sincerely
appreciative that you are not walking away from this post.
(01:36):
You make us smarter and safer and better every day.
Thank you so much, doctor Fauci. The lion of coronavirus, Chris,
Where is he? I'll tell you what I've seen more
of doctor Fauci than I've seen my wife for the
last two years. Everywhere you turn, his face is on
the billboards, he's on the news. He's playing in the
(01:57):
football games, he's playing in the basketball games. Faucci, Foucci, Faucci.
And now just disappeared like a fart in the wind.
Where did he go? Anyone? Does anybody know? Could we
get a hold of law enforcement or something? And there's
another story I want to bring up because I'm gonna
get to emails. I'm gonna do a big email round
up today because I've been lazy on that. But there's
(02:18):
another thing I want to bring up. We do have
an election coming up in the midterms. We have a
big election coming up in twenty twenty four, that's not
very far away. Well, I know you haven't heard about
this because the media won't report on it. But Wisconsin
they have a special counsel looking into their election, the
(02:39):
election of twenty twenty. And this is not some right
wing partisan hack. I want you to understand that this
is the special counsel in Wisconsin. I believe the legislature
ought to take a very hard look at the option
of decertification of the twenty twenty Wisconsin present advential e Left.
(03:03):
I'm sorry, Chris, maybe maybe my headphones are messed up here.
I would have swore the special council just told Wisconsin
to decertify the election. I believe the legislature ought to
take a very hard look at the option of decertification
of the twenty twenty Wisconsin presidential Eleft. Why. Well, look,
(03:24):
there's a lot to this report that he put out,
but I will tell you a lot of this is
stuff people have suspected and they've been shouted down for saying,
and they've been told their conspiracy theorists and everything else
that goes with it. Ah, you nut job, The election
was fair. Do you know some of the things this
guy found? Nursing homes? One hundred percent of the people
(03:49):
in the nursing homes in some areas voted one. That's
unheard of. No one's ever done that before. Why what? What?
Jesse where understand what ballot harvesting is. This is something
that happens at college dorms, and it definitely happens at
nursing homes. What they do, it's really evil. It's it's
just terrible stuff. You'll send people out, you'll have if
(04:13):
you're a scumbag cheater, you'll send a worker out to
an area, or maybe you'll have just one worker for
nursing home, depends on what you're staffing. You know how
your staffing looks. You'll send them to the nursing home.
They will then gather everybody's ballots for them, and especially
when folks are getting up there in years, sometimes they
(04:35):
don't really realize what's going on. It's not difficult to
go around, all right, I'm here, I'm with you can
make it sound very official. I'm with so and so,
just here to collect your ballot. Oh, don't worry about
filling it out all, don't worry about sealing it. We're
just we have to collect everyone's ballots. And they'll make
people feel forced to do so. It'll make people feel
like they're breaking the law. They don't hand the ballot over.
(04:56):
And what they do is they gather the ballots up.
Tell me if any of this it's familiar by the
way they gather all the ballots up. And then they
just sit back and watch on election night and they
see how the election's going. And if they see, let's
say they're a few thousand votes short, they simply put
out the call get them bad boys, filled out and
(05:19):
turned in. And then not that this would ever happen
here in America in a million years. But then later
in the night, like after midnight, you may get a
big drop of a bunch of votes. It changes the election. Again,
not that would ever happen here. What Chris, Yes, Chris,
I said that would never happen here. Ours is the
(05:41):
safest and fairest election ever. That's how you know what's
on the up and up. As soon as the news
and the Democrats tell you it's the safest and fairest ever,
you can basically take that to the bank, Chris. It's
a guarantee safest fairest ever. Let you know, hey, handsome
(06:02):
Hamburger Henchman, your hamburger recipe is the best ever. However,
you're missing the key element. Hatch green chili. I live
in New Mexico, and we put green chili on everything.
Even our McDonald's has green chili cheeseburgers. Do it live
it said? I can use his name. His name is Ryan,
Okay one, I do make the greatest cheeseburgers ever. And
(06:24):
I've decided it's long past time where I give out instructions. Yeah,
it's time, Chris, tonight. You know what I'm about to
do this. That's one two. I you know, I work
construction forever. Well, we actually did some construction jobs close
to Hatch. I'm familiar with New Mexico. I'm familiar with Albuquerque.
I'm familiar with Hatch. I know New Mexico and Hatch
green chilies really are the greatest freaking thing ever. And
(06:47):
if you ever find yourself actually going into Hatch itself.
As you can imagine, everything's focused on green chili. It's
like their main industry, and you can get things like,
I know this is going to sound gross, you can
get a Hatch green chili milkshake and it's fantastic. No, Chris,
hear me out. You're not adventurous, Chris, you have no
(07:08):
sense of adventure at all. All right, a Hatch green
chili milkshake and there Hatch green chili burgers might be
the greatest thing I've ever eaten in my entire life.
So he's not wrong. Now, all that said, let's be honest.
There's only one person on the face of the planet
who makes the greatest cheeseburger ever, and that person is me.
(07:32):
You see, I'm what, Chris, I'm a person with a
lot of skills. When I say a lot of skills,
let's remember I am a top five napper. I nap.
I don't want to say no what, Chris. I didn't
say I was number one. I'm sure there may be
one or two guys out there better than me. But
I've told you the story. Before I've done I've downed
an entire large cup of black coffee from Dunkin Donuts
(07:54):
and the second I take the last sip, I lay
my head back on the plane and pass out for
two three hours. When I say I can nap, boy,
I can nap. We have a big long couch that
had to get me an extra big one here at
this fancy studio. They built us a nap. Every day
I have multiple days I take two naps, and these
guys always poke fun of me. Hullo, you're napping again.
Yeah I am. That's me feeling refreshed anyway. So I'm
(08:15):
a top five napper. I am the greatest menu orderer
on the planet. I'm the menu whisperer. I gave myself
that nickname. And remember all great nicknames you give to yourself,
because who knows you better than you there is. It's
an art. It was obviously a talent that's been given
(08:37):
to me by God himself. That I can sit down
in a restaurant or you can just send me a menu.
I can look at a menu and I don't ever
have to have been there before, and I can find
the greatest thing on it every time. And I'm just
obnoxious about it too, because I tell people I know
you're gonna find that shocking, but I'm obnoxious about it.
I tell people when I go out to eat, the
(08:58):
wife gets horrified. I'll tell him, hey, just order whatever
I order, and she'll say, stop, Jesse, don't. And whenever
I see them over there order and crap, I'll just
flat out and say that's a mistake, that was wrong,
that's a mistake. And then she gets really mad. It's
to stop that, stop bullying people. Order whatever you want everyone,
and that's fine, right, she looks really nice, sounds nice there.
(09:21):
Do you have any idea how often my food gets
there and their food gets there? And you know how
often I hear? Oh, I should have listened to you
and order that. I, Jesse Kelly, am the menu whisper,
the greatest, but Chris, it's a real thing. The greatest
menu orderer on the planet. That's meat and so, like
(09:42):
I said, I have many skills. I can nap, I
can order food. I make the greatest cheeseburgers on the planet.
And I need to clarify something else. Whenever I give
out this recipe, everybody and their brother they will you
will email me Jesse at jes see kellyshow dot com.
You will email me and acknowledge it is the greatest
(10:04):
burger ever. Chris, shake your head all you want. How
many emails do we get about my cheeseburger? It's every day,
every day. It is the greatest burger ever. You will
send that email, I know you will. But I also
get emails like this, Jesse put out a cookbook. Jesse,
what about a cookbook? Jesse, make a cookbook. No no, no,
no no. I can't make anything. I'm not good in
(10:27):
the kitchen. I can make eggs and stuff like that.
I can make one thing really great, and that's cheeseburgers.
Do you want the greatest cheeseburger recipe in the history
of the planet. You'll be hooked on them forever. You
ready for it, I'm gonna give it to you in
just a second. Now, let me tell you this now,
(10:48):
more than ever, you really need to be practicing with
your weapon. Practicing with your weapon. And I understand gas prices.
I understand Ammo prices. I mean I just I have
an ordered Ammo in months because I just can't bear
to pay these prices anymore. I get it. That's why
you need to get a Mantis X. A Mantis X
(11:11):
improves your shooting accuracy using no ammo at all. It's
all electronic. It attaches to your weapon, and you practice
in your home and they're putting you through drills. They're
giving you real feedback on your technique. You will get better.
Ninety four percent of shooters improve with thin twenty minutes.
I'm not I don't mean hours, twenty minutes. Go to
(11:35):
mantis x dot com. That's what the Marines are using
in Paris Island. That's what the special forces guys are
using military technology. Mantis x dot com. Go get yours today,
fighting for your freedom every day. The Jesse Kelly Show.
(12:01):
It is the Jessie Kelly Show. And look, you can
have my burger recipe or you can hear from our
commander in chief. Vladimir Putin was counting on being able
to split up the United States. Look how you feel
(12:23):
if you saw crowds storm and break down the doors
of the Yeah, let's just stick with my burger recipe.
All right? You ready, First and foremost, I need you
to do me a favor before we go into this.
I need you to set aside certain traditions. There are
(12:46):
going to be parts of this recipe. You're going to
ballcat Especially dudes. Women seem to be more pliable when
it comes to this, but dudes, when it comes to
cooking meat, dudes get real possessive. Fellas. Listen to me,
My burgers are better than yours. I'm not saying I'm
a better cook. You're undoubtedly better at steaks and chicken
(13:07):
and everything else. I'm not claiming to be some great cook.
My burgers are better than your burgers. Accept it, Try
it once and tell me I'm wrong. All right, So
let's let's let's pause and just acknowledge that. Now, let's
go to the greatest place on earth, the grocery store. What, Chris,
(13:29):
you don't enjoy going to the grocery store? Why what
do you mean? Why are you at the grocery store.
It's where all the it's where all the food is. Oh.
I walk up and down every aisle. I'm that guy.
I walk up and down every aisle. Oh we need that.
Oh hey a new spatula. Hey Candy, how are you?
It's not like a woman, Chris that you know what?
(13:50):
You know what? Stop interrupting? Back to what you got
to go to the grocery store. The greatest place on earth. First,
my voice just squeaked. First, very manly. You must must
go to the bun section first. No I should, The
order doesn't matter, but get to the bun section. And
I really need to stress this point because this, it
(14:12):
genuinely makes me angry. And I've come close. The wife
has held me back. I have come close to saying
something to complete strangers in the grocery store. I'm a
big mind your own business guy, so I haven't, but
I've come close to doing it. I see people just
walk up to the bun section and just grab a
pack of buns and walk off like it's nothing. Now,
(14:36):
the bun is not simply a delivery mechanism for your
burger or your hot dog or whatever you're eating. The
bun is a critical part of it. It matters a lot.
Take some time and finger the buns. You must finger
the buns. What Chris, Chris said, why not make your own? Oh,
(14:59):
I don't know. I'm not amish. They have them there
in the grocery store. Whatever, you finger the buns. And
I don't know why people more people don't know this.
They put the freshest buns behind the ones on the edge.
Because all the chumps who walk up and grab the
one right on the end. You're gonna have to bend
over a little bit, root around the back, and finger
(15:20):
the buns in the back because that's where the fresh
buns from that day are. They're trying to get rid
of the older buns. Get the buns. Then onto the
meat section. And I need to stress this, this is
Jesse's burger night. These things are sacred, sacred, all right.
This is not health food night. We're not doing veggie
(15:43):
burgers and we're not doing any of that ninety ten
ground beef crap. You must get the fattiest burger humanly possible.
You are in this for fat. The fat is where
the flavor is. Everybody knows that here in Texas, it's
not uncommon to find seventy three twenty seven beef. And
(16:03):
that's what I get most places, though I acknowled that
you're gonna have to do eighty twenty and eighty twenties. Fine,
but if they have fatter, get fatter, all right, fat flavor. Okay,
you got your buns, you got your burger. Next to
the cheese section. I know you probably love cheese. I
don't trust people who don't love cheese. I'm a cheese freak.
(16:26):
And believe it or not, I know everyone thinks I'm
white trash and I am. I'm a big Velveta guy,
for instance. But I actually even like fancy cheese. Is
the bree and blue cheese and the weird stuff the
wife gets on the weird like meat and cheese, charcoudery
boards or whatever they're called. I don't eat fancy cheeses.
I'm a fancy person too. Not on Burger Night. On
(16:49):
Burger Night, you will get American slices of cheese American slice.
Oh but Jesse, I love Guda. Good for you. I
love Guda. Two get American cheese. American cheese is how
you make cheeseburgers. It's the only thing that melts in
a proper way. You understand, This is white trash night.
This is Jesse's Burger Night. Just trust me. I'm the expert.
(17:10):
And let me pause here real quick in the recipe.
Why am I an expert? I'm an expert at burgers
for the same reason Michael Jordan was so great at basketball.
He practiced. When I got out of the Marine Corps
two thousand and four, I was on this huge burger kick.
(17:31):
I was just obsessed with eating burgers, and I was
trying to get all the best ones everywhere. And I
decided I went and got some cheap grill from was
it Walmart? I think it was cheapest grill I could find.
It was all I could afford, and I decided I
was going to start working on a recipe. So I
made the best burgers ever. And so it was multiple
times a week. I would just make cheeseburgers and cheeseburgers,
(17:51):
and I'd mix and match and mix and match. What
I'm telling you is I worked on this for years.
There's not an addition to this that I didn't think
of or didn't try. Believe me, I've perfected it, and
it's simple. Remember this is not complicated, all right. So
you got your buns, you got your fatty beef, got
your American cheese. Onto the condiment section. You can use
(18:16):
This is the only optional, flexible part of the whole thing.
You can use any general seasoning you want, any kind
of Lowry's general seasoning or Nature Zone, whatever kind of
generals it's grab. A general season is fine. That's not
at all the the star of the show doesn't matter
that much. Also, garlic powder. Did I say garlic salt? Chris?
(18:38):
Did you hear me say garlic salt? I said garlic powder. Again,
learn from the mistakes I made as a young aspiring
burger master. I've used garlic salt. I love garlic salt.
It gets this thing too salty. Garlic powder. Now for
the star of the show. Are you ready for the
(18:58):
star of the show? Because understand something. This part is
not optional. None of this is really optional. But this
is the part that it's going to change your life.
You've never thought of it before, you've never used it before.
You've walked by it a thousand times. Maybe you didn't
even notice it. But if you just follow my advice,
grab it and use it, you will be known as
(19:20):
the Burgermaster. Are you ready for that? Good? I'll tell
you in a second. It is the Jesse Kelly Show.
And yes, this may be our last show before nuclear war.
(19:42):
Oh I'm just kidding, Chris, I mean did not look?
How much? How much faith do you have in these people?
You know? I was at the State Department, the president
was the vice president the last time Russia invaded Ukraine.
This is a pattern of horror. It is a pattern
every time you idiots are in charge, Russia invade somewhere.
And let's just pause real quick. I know I have
(20:03):
to get back to the burger recipe. I will. She
was at the State Department and now she's Press secretary,
and the very much unconfirmed, but everyone knows that rumor
is she's going to go to MSNBC or CNN as
soon as she's done in the White House. Now do
you understand why I call it the system and why
(20:23):
I say the system takes care of its own. Back
to the burgers. In case you missed it, I've been
giving out my recipe again. I haven't done it in
about six months. Try to get it out every six
months or so. I think it's actually been longer than
That's so my fault. But we have a bunch of
new listeners who haven't been graced with the brilliance of
the Jesse Kelly Burger. I already gave out all the
(20:44):
other stuff, the buns, the burger, that everything else, the
final ingredient and the star of the show, chippot Le tabasco.
Chippotle Tabasco. Now, did I say regular tabas go? Did
I say just pick your favorite hot sauce. Did I
(21:06):
say Chipotle Cholula? I never said any of that, did
I Chipotle Tabasco? Again, I'm a hot sauce freak. I
have like twenty bottles in my house, and that's probably
under selling it. I love sauces. I love them all.
Chipotli Tabasco is what you use all right. Now, you
got your bunge, you got your American cheese cheese, you
(21:26):
got your fatty beef, you got your garlic powder, you
got your general seasoning, and get a Chipotle Tabasco. Go
check out, drive home. Now you're halfway there. You got
the appropriate ingredients. But this is where slaves to tradition
to tradition. That sounds like Joe Biden. There, slaves to
(21:46):
tradition will struggle. Put away the grill. I know that hurts.
Put away the grill unless you have a flat top
of some kind. You can cook on your grill. That's fine.
Maybe you'll put a frying pan on your grill. That's fine.
But a great burger, the best burgers ever, they're all
(22:07):
made on flat tops, all of them. So make sure
you have a flat top. I'll get back to that
in a second. Let's get to burger preparation. Get your
burger out, dump it in a bowl or a big
cookie sheet. That's what I use a lot. Pull out
your garlic powder. Just lightly dust the garlic powder on
the top. Pull out your general seasoning. Lightly dust it
(22:29):
with general seasoning. Again, learn from the mistakes of the
burger master. I have overseasoned it with the general seasoning
many times and made it too salty. It's not the star.
You want a little hint of it in there, but
not too much. Now the chipotlea Tabasco. Use a lot.
(22:50):
Drown it in Chipotla Tabasco. And I do mean drown it.
The second you're looking at it and you think, wow,
that has to be way too much, go ahead and
use more. I generally use a half a bottle of
Chipotla Tabasco per pound of beef. That much. That's a lot. What, Chris,
(23:12):
there's only one size bottle, Chris, there's not a big
bottle of Chipotla Tabasco. If there is, I've never seen
it before. The normal size bottle about a half a bottle. Okay, Now,
you gotta have to get your hands dirty or go
get some gloves. You gotta mix all this up. Mix
it all up now, then form your burger patties. Now,
let's pause here for a second. Your burger patties. Burger
(23:33):
patties should be thin. And then see this is where
you run into problems with the fellas, because guys do
the sat nah man. I love a good thick burger. No,
burger patties must be thin. If you like more meat.
If you like more meat, quit, Chris. Doubled up. You
(23:54):
can have a double cheeseburger. You can have a triple cheeseburger.
Some people have lots of meat doubled up or tripled up.
But your patties must be thin. Now, where to cook it?
Don't worry if you don't have a grill. I don't
cook mine on the grill frying pan. Like I said,
flat top, preferably cast iron. But I realize money don't
(24:15):
grow on trees, and I seem to ruin these things
once every six months, so I'm not buying anymore. Don't
say how, Chris, you can't clean it that it's impossible
to clean the thing. The second you put soap on it,
it rusts out. We live in subtropical weather down here.
You can't you can't ever do it, and it weighs
nine thousand pounds. I love cast iron as much as
the next man. It's the most inconvenient thing in the world.
(24:36):
So since it's not Little House on the Prairie, I'm
done with it. I'm just gonna get whatever non stick
pan I find in the grocery store. Don't get me sidetracked, Chris.
Put your burger in. You want to cook it on
medium to medium high. This burger will not be on
here long. I would say about medium, cook and then flip,
(24:57):
and the second you flip, you add cheese. I have
no idea what people's parents do in this country or
why people end up like this, But there's this, this
bottom ten percent tier of subhuman filth in America who
believes that cheese should be unmelted on a burger or
like that's an afterthought. I've seen this before in restaurants.
(25:20):
You'll order a burger and it shows up and it's
just a cold piece of cheese they just threw on
the top when they what the cheese on a cheeseburger
must be hot and melty and delicious. Throw the cheese
on the second you flip the burger. Pull it off,
set it on the bun. Now, finally, before we move
(25:41):
on back to all our stories here, you know all
those condiments you use, I gotta get the ketchup, the mao,
the mustard, whatever. Leave all those alone. You need condiments
for your burger. You don't need condiments for my burger.
And listen, don't you dare, don't you dare assault my
(26:04):
cheeseburger with lettuce and tomato. The fact that lettuce and
tomato ever make it onto a sandwich is a national disgrace.
They have no place anywhere near my burgers. Did I
tell you how to make a salad? No? I told
you how to make a burger. Leave the lettuce and
tomato at home. What, Chris, pickles? No? Not pickles? No? No?
And you know what, I'm glad you brought this up.
(26:25):
By the way, that's that's how you make the Jesse
Kelly burger. I'm glad you brought this up, Chris, because
this really grinds my gears. Why do pickles get included
on the sandwich? Ever? And that's not an anti pickle stance.
I'm all down with fried pickles. A couple bud heavies
watch the game I'm not an anti pickle, all right,
I'm as pro pickle as most people. I'm not everyone, quick, Chris,
(26:46):
grow up, that's enough. I'm pro pickle. But when you
put a pickle on a sandwich, that's all you taste.
That's all you taste. The wife used to do this
with spaghetti sauce when we first got married. She'd chop
up these green peppers in there. I don't I don't
hate green peppers. They're fine, but that's all I can taste.
It becomes a pickleburger. We're moving on, Chris, We're moving
(27:08):
I can't do this anymore. Okay, I've educated the masses. There, Congratulations,
go and do likewise. Welcome to the greatest cheeseburger on
the planet. Back to what we were talking about before,
this is kind of a big deal and nobody's discussing it.
I believe the legislature ought to take a very hard
look at the option of decertification of the twenty twenty
(27:30):
Wisconsin presidential election. What that's the special counsel in Wisconsin?
Do you certify the election? And, like I told you,
if you dig into it, if you dig into the stuff,
he's found yikes. It's really really bad, one hundred percent
(27:52):
voter turnout. And where's all that happening in the blue
areas too? So what they did was they focused on
the hype blue areas and they sent out their henchmen
out there. That's kind of important. All right, we still
have an hour left here on the Jesse Kelly Show.
I'm so happy for them, Chris that they got the
world famous Jesse Kelly recipe. Now do one thing for me.
(28:17):
Stop sending your money to Verizon every month or at
and T or T Mobile. We must put our money
where our morals are. And I'm not pointing fingers, I'm
not looking down at you. I have had actually all
three of those carriers at one point in my life,
so I've funded them too. Have you seen the filth
they put out there all the time. If you switch
(28:39):
to Pure Talk, they're on the exact same five G
network as one of those guys. So you don't sacrifice service,
but you have a patriotic company that doesn't violate your
values at every turn. Switch today. It takes less than
ten minutes. It's all on the phone, and this might
be the best part. You talk to someone who actually
speaks English. Their customer services made in America. Dial pound
(29:03):
two five zero and say Jesse Kelly, and that actually
saves you an additional fifty percent off of everything else,
because the average family saves eight hundred dollars a year
by switching anyway, pound two five zero, say Jesse Kelly.
Put your money where your morals are. Truth attitude, Jesse Kelly. Right,
(29:31):
it is the Jesse Kelly Joe. I'm gonna get back
to a little more rush of Ukraine stuff here in
about ten minutes from now, but I wanted to move on.
I wanted to catch up on some emails and stuff,
and just on a personal note, my son is doing track.
He's been doing really well. I mean, look, he's not
he's not gonna be going to the Olympics. I promise
(29:53):
you that he's still a Kelly, but he's been doing well.
He is Chris, he's super tall, been doing like the
four hundred and eight hundred and stuff like that. And
it does make me really proud to see him doing track.
And I like it. I like it's a good exercise.
The uh, the coach had him try out long jump
today and during the break just now, the wife sent
me a video of him doing long jump. Ah, I
(30:18):
think I have the whitest sun on the planet. That's
that was not good. That was that was certainly not good.
Granted it was his first time, but that that's not
gonna be his event. I don't think the Kellys are
going to be having to worry about whether or not
we attend the Olympics in China in the future. That's
all I'm simply gonna say there. Moving on back to
some emails, I'm sorry I'm behind. I always promise I'm
(30:41):
gonna get to emails, Chris, and then I get sided. Yes,
yes I do. Don't say I never do. I've done.
I know I've gotten to two. I still have like
an hour left. You know what, Watch how many I'm
gonna get through. Now it's gonna blow your mind. Hi, Jesse,
I'm always looking for a new history podcast on Spotify
and was thrilled when I saw you have started one.
And I'm traveling around Europe in Asia right now. Oh
(31:02):
bad timing. I'm trying to listen to the regular show
when I can, and this question may have already been
answered and I just missed it. I was wondering how
often you're going to put out a new history episodes
and what some of the topics you'd cover. I really
enjoyed the Korean War episode. Also, it's not too much trouble.
Is there a wake we can get some a list
of some recommended reading. When it comes to warbooks, there's
(31:25):
so much out there, but a lot of it's propaganda garbage. Chris,
we do need to come up with some kind of
a way we can put out a reading list because
people ask us for reading lists all the time and
we've never come up with anything, anything continuous we can
add to it. We should probably have this conversation off
the air, I would guess, but since we're not a
professional show, that's fine. It's not like there's anyone listening. Michael.
(31:47):
Do you have any ideas here, anything to contribute it
all to the show today, Michael. Now, I'm not going
to make a thread on Twitter. See a page on
the Website's a better idea. A page the website, it's
a better idea. You know why a thread on Twitter
isn't a good idea because like two percent of the
populations on Twitter. I mean, we think you can think
if you're on Twitter, you think everyone's on Twitter. Most
(32:10):
people listening to my voice right now are not on Twitter,
so that's not gonna do anyoing. We'll put it on
the website. We'll come up with something, Chris, can you
get with the nerds who do all the tech stuff
and get us some kind of stuff, do the mega
hurts and whatever? Are you whatever? You call it a
splash page? I've heard of that before. Is that what
we want is a splash page? It is something though
(32:31):
about that, Jesse, Bill Gates, Kelly all right? Moving on. Oh,
as far as how often I'm gonna put out the
history episodes, I have no idea. Every chance I get
I was gonna do one this weekend, but we have
this big event tomorrow night with Clay and Buck and
Michael Berry and everything, and so I'm just not gonna
have time to do all that. I have to go. Look.
(32:52):
As a huge important celebrity, I have what Chris as
a huge important celebrity, I have celebrity obligations. I haven't
found out whether or not yet they're gonna fly me
into Leader Jet up there or not, but I'm sure
it's something. Sure it's something along those lines. Quote. The
only reason someone gets into politics is because they want
access to the things rich and powerful people have, and
(33:14):
they lacked the skills to get it themselves. He was
quoting me from last night, and then he says, says
the failed politician, laugh out loud, Love the show says,
I can use his name. His name is Dan. You
know what, Dan, that's not very nice. All right, that's
not very nice. I did. I ran for Congress twice
and lost twice. So you might say I'm a bit
(33:35):
of a political expert. All right, I'm a bit of
an expert. Oh man, that light in the mood was
off the hook. I missed your coverage the Kelly camp
always talking about what we did on the first, the
first TV member. I have a TV show on the
first every night, nine pm Eastern time, and we covered
the debate. We covered the State of the Union live,
(33:56):
and we had we had a debate. How about that, Chris?
About that? For a pun? We had a debate about
how we should cover the State of the Union address
because Biden sucks. I mean, with all due respect, no
one wants to sit and listen to this just straight
for an hour. Vladimir Putin was counting on being able
to split up the United States. Look how you feel.
(34:26):
Nobody wants to listen to that for an hour. Nobody.
So we were debating what do we do. Do we
cut in? But that can be annoying too if I'm
cutting in and talking over him. What if he's saying
something that's gonna make you super mad or maybe rarely
saying something that makes you happy. So what we did
was we called it the Kelly Cam and it was
(34:48):
just basically a picture in picture. Occasionally they throw on
the screen of whatever I was doing, because I was
just watching it the same way you were watching it now.
I was eating cheese balls and they bought me some
high end stuff, some Jim B. Chris, and we had
some gym being there. It was it looked it was
a good night, good knight. You see this headline the
science officially changed federal agencies dropping mask mandates. Man, I
(35:15):
know this is one of those things. I'm not gonna
get myself upset. Don't worry. I'm totally calm right now.
I know this is one of those things that people
are gonna make little snide jokes about for a week
or two and then they'll move on. But I want
you to remember. I want you to remember all the
pain they caused you for the last two years. And
remember this, They could have taken it away at any time.
(35:40):
At any time, they could have changed the calculations, dropped
the mask mandates, drop the vaccine stuff. With a snap
of their fingers. They could have made it all go away.
And they didn't do it until their poll numbers got bad.
That's evil. That is evil. Don't trust any of these
people anymore, you know. That's why I tell you. That's
why I tell you about Annie's Kit Clubs. By the way,
(36:02):
I tell you that because we have to teach our
kids how to think and question everything. It's something I'm
trying to drive into the head of my sons now
from now on. Think. You have to think. Question what
you see on the news, Question what your government tells you, question,
question what Hollywood tells you, Question what your teachers tell you.
(36:22):
Learn to think. Annie's Kit Clubs. It's a box that
comes once a month. Your kid will have to do
hands on activities and they have to follow what's in
the top secret mission envelope. And they're they're building hovercrafts
and robots and failing. Remember that's good too, failing, And
then eventually succeeding and they're learning how to use their minds.
That's what we're so lacking right now in this country,
(36:44):
as people who know how to use their minds and
want to do so. We have a bunch of hive
mind robots in this place. Go to Annie's Kit Clubs
dot com slash radio. You can get your first kit
up to one hundred percent off Annie's Kit Clubs dot
com slash Radio. All right, baptist some more? What would
Jim do? A US virologist close to the Wuhan lab
(37:09):
quietly called for an investigation. You know, I haven't spent
tons and tons of time on this in the show
because it gets so complicated, and I know it's not
old news, but it almost feels like old news. China
exported a virus to the world, and it looks like
(37:30):
it came from a virology lab in Wuhan, one that
we helped fund. Did we create coronavirus? Did we have
a hand in creating coronavirus? And then government abused us
for the virus they created. Look that may sound like
whack job conspiracy theory stuff, if you look at the evidence,
(37:52):
there's a lot of it there. Oh that's uncomfortable, wouldn't
it hang on and never
Host
Jesse Kelly
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