September 27, 2024 • 10 mins
On this episode of The Thought Shower, Intern John talks about his weekend, and how insecure men ruin their relationships
Every week Intern John discusses adulting, dating, radio life, and more! You can follow Intern John on social media: @InternJohnRadio. You can listen to past episodes at TheThoughtShower.com
Every week Intern John discusses adulting, dating, radio life, and more! You can follow Intern John on social media: @InternJohnRadio. You can listen to past episodes at TheThoughtShower.com
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Transcript
Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
Speaker 1 (00:00):
And a happy Friday friend. Welcome to the Thought Shower.
Intern John is my name, and my goodness. I have
this announcement that I cannot say just yet. However, you
will probably be the first ones to know. I would say, well,
(00:20):
not probably, you will be the first ones to know.
That's the deal we make with this podcast. As any
big announcement happens on here, first make sure you are
subscribed to a career changing announcement for me on hopefully Monday,
something that will change the outlook of everything. So it's exciting,
(00:46):
it is nerve racking, it is a long time coming.
It is Yeah, I don't know, it's something that I'm
excited for, and I really think you'll be looking forward
to it as well, if that makes sense. That's kind
of been, without getting too much into it, this has been,
(01:09):
you know, some that I've been working on for a while,
but especially the last couple of weeks, even weeks months,
has been taking up a lot of my free time.
Not that I have much free time, but has been
taking it up. So now I'm glad that's kind of
like we're getting down to the to the wires, so
to speak, to where I can finally get this out there,
you know, all good, all good change for me, A
(01:33):
good thing, you know. Yeah, I again, I wish I
could just say it. I can't yet. Good news is
is my decision. So it's not like this is been
forced down or anything, but this is uh yeah, I know,
I hate. I hate that I'm doing this right now.
I apologize for that. But anyway, good things. What else
(01:56):
happened this week? Saw the restaurant on Wednesday, got a
quick tour of It looks good. Very excited for that
as well. It's unrelated to the announcement, but the restaurant
that I'm involved with, man, looks good. It looks so good,
which you're opening in a few weeks, and that's gonna
be a lot of fun. But like to actually see
(02:17):
like the furniture in and like the walls are done
and the TVs are in May, it looks so good
that it's just like cannot wait to get their people
and to have people see the space and very exciting.
The next week too, hockey starts, which is crazy preseason skates.
Speaker 2 (02:35):
I believe this is year eight.
Speaker 1 (02:39):
I think you either year eight or year nine of
coaching hockey at Georgetown Preps.
Speaker 2 (02:45):
So a lot of.
Speaker 1 (02:46):
Things coming, good things, fun things hopefully this week and
the plans to.
Speaker 2 (02:53):
Well.
Speaker 1 (02:54):
I got work on some stuff that I can't talk about. Dude,
I'm so sorry. This is the worst start to a
podcast again. I hate people do this, but trust me,
it's gonna be worth it. I'm also playing doing yard
work so I can talk about that. You want to
hear about the yard work. Gonna be taking the gold
weed whack her out because my mom, as she was here,
(03:15):
did a lot good work. So I can't now, you know,
neglect the work and let the yard fall in disarray.
Speaker 2 (03:22):
That'd be no bueno.
Speaker 1 (03:23):
Gotta be on top of the baby again, rhythm weeds,
making sure the yard looks good. So that's gonna be
the other main plan for this week as well. I
am so sorry. Let me just get to this. The
destructive ways men hide insecurities in relationships. I thought this
was important to get to, especially because the motto of
(03:47):
the show has always been happy, healthy relationship. As long
as you're in that, we support you, work, family, relationship,
whatever it may be. Starting with it become overly protective,
they say. Insecure guys aren't necessarily aggressive when they're finding
their footing a new relationship where they lacking words and
make up for protectiveness while not to be encouraged in
(04:10):
the long term. It's okay to find a flatter in
the moment, just you know, it's a symptom of trying
to mask his insecurity.
Speaker 2 (04:18):
I do think that, yeah.
Speaker 1 (04:19):
Like in public, if it's like you know, it's a
hard balance of like, yeah, when you're a public people
are gonna look at your girl.
Speaker 2 (04:27):
They just are.
Speaker 1 (04:28):
You find her attractive, reasons should tell you other people
are gonna find her attractive too. That doesn't mean anything's
gonna happen. And it's not even like I don't even
think a disrespectful thing. It's like it's human nature. Now
somebody is staring and making your girl feel uncomfortable. Different story.
But if it's a passing glance, I'll know, dude, like
get in the fight over that.
Speaker 2 (04:49):
That's tough. If they get jealous, they.
Speaker 1 (04:52):
Say, when men with men who are insecure in a relationship,
it can take a while from the build up the
confidence to talk to you about the real stuff. His
jealousy will conceal his real insecurity. He'll worry that every
guy who looks your way he's gonna steal you from
him because deep down he worries he might not be
good enough. Yeah, they say it's important to remind him
that you're choosing to be with him and start building
(05:13):
up trust.
Speaker 2 (05:15):
Yeah, that's tough.
Speaker 1 (05:17):
I also think too, it's just like the nature of
the beast is that women get a million times more
attention than men do, for better or for worse. I
know there's certainly worse parts of that as well, but
so like dudes, we just aren't used to that, you
know what I mean, Like we just aren't. So it's
like it's not really a fair thing because we just
(05:38):
don't get the kind of attention. So yeah, I think
that's gonna be for sure a little bit of jealousy
if they withdraw suddenly. Insecure Men in relationships aren't typically violent,
nor they lash out. The problem is, though, withdraw when
they don't know what to do or feel. If your
partner goes missing action given space initially he's not ready
(05:59):
to share insecurities. Yet that's fair too, because I think
that one thing you can't do men are sensitive. Obviously,
you can't what's the word cast rate him? I guess
for lack of a better term, take away his manhood.
So it is like if you keep pushing the issue
if something's wrong, It's almost like you can't overtly ask
(06:20):
a man to talk about his feelings.
Speaker 2 (06:21):
We just aren't raised that way.
Speaker 1 (06:23):
Get asked him like what the problem is, But like
if you ask him to share his feelings, that just
isn't gonna happen. Yeah, if they use silence to avoid
being vulnerable, I think that's fair. I think again that
goes to most dudes growing up is that dudes aren't
really taught to share feelings or to have weakness. Dudes
(06:45):
are taught be tough, rub dirt on it, that type
of vibe. So yeah, like if there is a chance
of our real feelings might be exposed, or like you
can tell we're being that we're hurt by something, we're
just going to shut up and be quiet.
Speaker 2 (06:59):
Yeah.
Speaker 1 (07:00):
They say that he's characteristic of men with insecurities is
they often don't have the language to articulate themselves effectively.
I do think again, like that is tough because I
think as dudes, we feel like society in general doesn't
care what we think about our feelings. Like in general,
I'm just saying that. So I do think that it's
tough when you're in a relationship where your person wants
(07:21):
you to articulate that stuff, but you've never really been
asked to before. I know, like that might sound crazy
if you are not a dude, but it's true, like
nobody really asks us how we're doing. So when your
girl does and something's wrong, it's going to take you
a little bit to like, Okay, what do I do
from here?
Speaker 2 (07:42):
What's going on?
Speaker 1 (07:44):
Do a couple more of these If they won't talk
about their past, ooh, they say, with insecurity comes shame.
Insecure men feel more aware of their past than women. Remember,
it may have to be in their head. Maybe previous
partners have used their past against them from that experience
and scare of it happening again.
Speaker 2 (08:02):
I do think that's true.
Speaker 1 (08:03):
I've seen memes, I've seen videos where it's like dudes
are afraid to open up because they know if they do,
it'll be used against them. I do think that can
be true. I feel like I've been in situations with
that before too, where it's like, okay, yeah, I uh
opened up about something that bought me in the past,
and now it's like being weaponized against me.
Speaker 2 (08:24):
It's like, yeah, never again.
Speaker 1 (08:25):
And I also think too, the way dudes go, it's
like you open up somebody for the first time and
the relationship doesn't work out, you'll still be like, Nope,
gonna not do it again. I'm not trying to justify
these certainly, but I do think like having the other
perspective is a big one. They keep score, Yeah, I
mean that's bad all the way around. One key way
(08:47):
people hie their insecurity as a relationship is by keeping
shrack of the other person's perceived flaws.
Speaker 2 (08:53):
Even though they may have forgotten to do the.
Speaker 1 (08:54):
Dishes to pick up the takeout, they'll escalate their mistakes
so a full blown accusation that their partner now does
their share of the work, even if it's untrue. I
think that if you get to a relationship and you're
keeping track of the score, the relationship is probably over,
you know what I mean, At that point we're probably done,
(09:16):
because it's like the score is never going to be even.
I also think too, if you're keeping score, you probably
don't want the score to be even. I would assume
you want the score to be more leaning towards your way,
which also isn't productive, which isn't a good thing. The
uh A tip for TAT relationship is not one to have.
Speaker 2 (09:37):
So I don't know. Do I think these are bad?
Speaker 1 (09:41):
Yeah, I think so overall, But also I think too
trying to understand somebody's insecurity could also be a good thing.
But at the same time, you know, you can't love
somebody to fix themselves, you know, like the person's got
to want to do it themselves.
Speaker 2 (09:57):
You can't.
Speaker 1 (09:58):
Maybe I've learned this in my past too, Like you
can't love somebody's flaws away, you can't love their insecurity, anxiety,
whatever it is. They got to do the work themselves,
and so that's on them. Listen, have a great weekend,
be ready Monday. Hopefully I'll see them.
And a happy Friday friend. Welcome to the Thought Shower.
Intern John is my name, and my goodness. I have
this announcement that I cannot say just yet. However, you
will probably be the first ones to know. I would say, well,
(00:20):
not probably, you will be the first ones to know.
That's the deal we make with this podcast. As any
big announcement happens on here, first make sure you are
subscribed to a career changing announcement for me on hopefully Monday,
something that will change the outlook of everything. So it's exciting,
(00:46):
it is nerve racking, it is a long time coming.
It is Yeah, I don't know, it's something that I'm
excited for, and I really think you'll be looking forward
to it as well, if that makes sense. That's kind
of been, without getting too much into it, this has been,
(01:09):
you know, some that I've been working on for a while,
but especially the last couple of weeks, even weeks months,
has been taking up a lot of my free time.
Not that I have much free time, but has been
taking it up. So now I'm glad that's kind of
like we're getting down to the to the wires, so
to speak, to where I can finally get this out there,
you know, all good, all good change for me, A
(01:33):
good thing, you know. Yeah, I again, I wish I
could just say it. I can't yet. Good news is
is my decision. So it's not like this is been
forced down or anything, but this is uh yeah, I know,
I hate. I hate that I'm doing this right now.
I apologize for that. But anyway, good things. What else
(01:56):
happened this week? Saw the restaurant on Wednesday, got a
quick tour of It looks good. Very excited for that
as well. It's unrelated to the announcement, but the restaurant
that I'm involved with, man, looks good. It looks so good,
which you're opening in a few weeks, and that's gonna
be a lot of fun. But like to actually see
(02:17):
like the furniture in and like the walls are done
and the TVs are in May, it looks so good
that it's just like cannot wait to get their people
and to have people see the space and very exciting.
The next week too, hockey starts, which is crazy preseason skates.
Speaker 2 (02:35):
I believe this is year eight.
Speaker 1 (02:39):
I think you either year eight or year nine of
coaching hockey at Georgetown Preps.
Speaker 2 (02:45):
So a lot of.
Speaker 1 (02:46):
Things coming, good things, fun things hopefully this week and
the plans to.
Speaker 2 (02:53):
Well.
Speaker 1 (02:54):
I got work on some stuff that I can't talk about. Dude,
I'm so sorry. This is the worst start to a
podcast again. I hate people do this, but trust me,
it's gonna be worth it. I'm also playing doing yard
work so I can talk about that. You want to
hear about the yard work. Gonna be taking the gold
weed whack her out because my mom, as she was here,
(03:15):
did a lot good work. So I can't now, you know,
neglect the work and let the yard fall in disarray.
Speaker 2 (03:22):
That'd be no bueno.
Speaker 1 (03:23):
Gotta be on top of the baby again, rhythm weeds,
making sure the yard looks good. So that's gonna be
the other main plan for this week as well. I
am so sorry. Let me just get to this. The
destructive ways men hide insecurities in relationships. I thought this
was important to get to, especially because the motto of
(03:47):
the show has always been happy, healthy relationship. As long
as you're in that, we support you, work, family, relationship,
whatever it may be. Starting with it become overly protective,
they say. Insecure guys aren't necessarily aggressive when they're finding
their footing a new relationship where they lacking words and
make up for protectiveness while not to be encouraged in
(04:10):
the long term. It's okay to find a flatter in
the moment, just you know, it's a symptom of trying
to mask his insecurity.
Speaker 2 (04:18):
I do think that, yeah.
Speaker 1 (04:19):
Like in public, if it's like you know, it's a
hard balance of like, yeah, when you're a public people
are gonna look at your girl.
Speaker 2 (04:27):
They just are.
Speaker 1 (04:28):
You find her attractive, reasons should tell you other people
are gonna find her attractive too. That doesn't mean anything's
gonna happen. And it's not even like I don't even
think a disrespectful thing. It's like it's human nature. Now
somebody is staring and making your girl feel uncomfortable. Different story.
But if it's a passing glance, I'll know, dude, like
get in the fight over that.
Speaker 2 (04:49):
That's tough. If they get jealous, they.
Speaker 1 (04:52):
Say, when men with men who are insecure in a relationship,
it can take a while from the build up the
confidence to talk to you about the real stuff. His
jealousy will conceal his real insecurity. He'll worry that every
guy who looks your way he's gonna steal you from
him because deep down he worries he might not be
good enough. Yeah, they say it's important to remind him
that you're choosing to be with him and start building
(05:13):
up trust.
Speaker 2 (05:15):
Yeah, that's tough.
Speaker 1 (05:17):
I also think too, it's just like the nature of
the beast is that women get a million times more
attention than men do, for better or for worse. I
know there's certainly worse parts of that as well, but
so like dudes, we just aren't used to that, you
know what I mean, Like we just aren't. So it's
like it's not really a fair thing because we just
(05:38):
don't get the kind of attention. So yeah, I think
that's gonna be for sure a little bit of jealousy
if they withdraw suddenly. Insecure Men in relationships aren't typically violent,
nor they lash out. The problem is, though, withdraw when
they don't know what to do or feel. If your
partner goes missing action given space initially he's not ready
(05:59):
to share insecurities. Yet that's fair too, because I think
that one thing you can't do men are sensitive. Obviously,
you can't what's the word cast rate him? I guess
for lack of a better term, take away his manhood.
So it is like if you keep pushing the issue
if something's wrong, It's almost like you can't overtly ask
(06:20):
a man to talk about his feelings.
Speaker 2 (06:21):
We just aren't raised that way.
Speaker 1 (06:23):
Get asked him like what the problem is, But like
if you ask him to share his feelings, that just
isn't gonna happen. Yeah, if they use silence to avoid
being vulnerable, I think that's fair. I think again that
goes to most dudes growing up is that dudes aren't
really taught to share feelings or to have weakness. Dudes
(06:45):
are taught be tough, rub dirt on it, that type
of vibe. So yeah, like if there is a chance
of our real feelings might be exposed, or like you
can tell we're being that we're hurt by something, we're
just going to shut up and be quiet.
Speaker 2 (06:59):
Yeah.
Speaker 1 (07:00):
They say that he's characteristic of men with insecurities is
they often don't have the language to articulate themselves effectively.
I do think again, like that is tough because I
think as dudes, we feel like society in general doesn't
care what we think about our feelings. Like in general,
I'm just saying that. So I do think that it's
tough when you're in a relationship where your person wants
(07:21):
you to articulate that stuff, but you've never really been
asked to before. I know, like that might sound crazy
if you are not a dude, but it's true, like
nobody really asks us how we're doing. So when your
girl does and something's wrong, it's going to take you
a little bit to like, Okay, what do I do
from here?
Speaker 2 (07:42):
What's going on?
Speaker 1 (07:44):
Do a couple more of these If they won't talk
about their past, ooh, they say, with insecurity comes shame.
Insecure men feel more aware of their past than women. Remember,
it may have to be in their head. Maybe previous
partners have used their past against them from that experience
and scare of it happening again.
Speaker 2 (08:02):
I do think that's true.
Speaker 1 (08:03):
I've seen memes, I've seen videos where it's like dudes
are afraid to open up because they know if they do,
it'll be used against them. I do think that can
be true. I feel like I've been in situations with
that before too, where it's like, okay, yeah, I uh
opened up about something that bought me in the past,
and now it's like being weaponized against me.
Speaker 2 (08:24):
It's like, yeah, never again.
Speaker 1 (08:25):
And I also think too, the way dudes go, it's
like you open up somebody for the first time and
the relationship doesn't work out, you'll still be like, Nope,
gonna not do it again. I'm not trying to justify
these certainly, but I do think like having the other
perspective is a big one. They keep score, Yeah, I
mean that's bad all the way around. One key way
(08:47):
people hie their insecurity as a relationship is by keeping
shrack of the other person's perceived flaws.
Speaker 2 (08:53):
Even though they may have forgotten to do the.
Speaker 1 (08:54):
Dishes to pick up the takeout, they'll escalate their mistakes
so a full blown accusation that their partner now does
their share of the work, even if it's untrue. I
think that if you get to a relationship and you're
keeping track of the score, the relationship is probably over,
you know what I mean, At that point we're probably done,
(09:16):
because it's like the score is never going to be even.
I also think too, if you're keeping score, you probably
don't want the score to be even. I would assume
you want the score to be more leaning towards your way,
which also isn't productive, which isn't a good thing. The
uh A tip for TAT relationship is not one to have.
Speaker 2 (09:37):
So I don't know. Do I think these are bad?
Speaker 1 (09:41):
Yeah, I think so overall, But also I think too
trying to understand somebody's insecurity could also be a good thing.
But at the same time, you know, you can't love
somebody to fix themselves, you know, like the person's got
to want to do it themselves.
Speaker 2 (09:57):
You can't.
Speaker 1 (09:58):
Maybe I've learned this in my past too, Like you
can't love somebody's flaws away, you can't love their insecurity, anxiety,
whatever it is. They got to do the work themselves,
and so that's on them. Listen, have a great weekend,
be ready Monday. Hopefully I'll see them.
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