EITM: Bikes & Tykes 3/1/24

Vigilance amongst us.

Episode Transcript

(00:00):
So I was reading something yesterday aboutpeople having bikes stolen and how much more
bikes are being stolen, and theyfigure it out for a couple of reasons.
Number One, e bikes have certainlyadded to it. Oh so these

(00:20):
aren't your traditional ohthough they are.They're both they're both so. But the
stolen bike business has really ballooned,like the amount of money that people are
making. But it's not just it'snot just E bikes. E bykes definitely
add to it. But also peoplenow also have more expensive bikes, not

(00:43):
in all cases, but like peoplewho have it. I don't mean like
those real high end performance bikes,but just in general, some people are
buying bikes that are a little morehigh end. And then and then there's
just your traditional I don't want tosay, just run of the mill bikes,
not like they're cheap. But thereare two million bikes a year stolen.

(01:07):
Doesn't that seem high? Yes?Two million a year. That's just
the US. Yeah, here inthe here in the United States. Two
million. Now, I've never hada bike stolen like there. I wish
someone would steal the bike I havenow, but thee yours, you kids,
mine, I can't tell you thelast time I wrote it. It's
just a why don't you sell it? Have pain in the ass? The

(01:32):
uh lists it just seems like apain in the ass. I got to
get it fixed up and stuff.The No, that's that's free. That's
free. I'm not selling the dog. I'm not selling the dog. That's
free. You know what, maybewhoever gets the dog, I give them
the bike. Please just take itfor one No, no, no,

(01:55):
no, But the I still can'tget over that number million over five thousand
a day. Yeah, no,I mean it's hey, Kristen, will
you do me a favor? Willyou find me somebody who's had their bike
stolen? Please? With that,I don't care how recently. But I
don't mean like, I don't wantto talk to somebody who's like thirty five
and they had their bike stolen whenthey were twelve. That's why I'm not

(02:15):
saying anything the and I'm in myforties. I just want somebody who's had
their bike stolen some let's just saysomewhat recently, please eight six six to
Elliott eight six six two three fivefive four six eight two million bikes a
year stolen. Do you know howmany are reported to the police. Is

(02:37):
it far less? Well, it'snot going to be more, right,
No, but I mean like,is it is it half? No,
not even half, not even close, really, not even close. People
are just like, oh damn,yes, I mean sadly that's it.
But is it because they really don'twant to bother the police with it?
Oh? They they actually said,here's where it gets weird. Right,

(03:00):
I'm looking for the I'm looking forthe number in here. Bike theft is
big business. There are two millionbikes stolen a year, costing cyclists one
billion dollars. Right. Police willtell you they take bike theft very seriously.

(03:23):
I've told you guys you can registerbikes. However, they don't manpower
kind of other things come up,I mean, especially now everybody's getting carjacked
and stuff the so it kind ofgets pushed back. So people don't think
that cops care. But the truthis they do. Two million bikes are

(03:44):
stolen, sixteen thousand are reported topolice. That's it. That's oh my
god, nobody reports them. Wow. Now, I don't know if it's
higher if it's an e bike versusa regular bike. Maybe because you think,
like at times it's kind of likeAir quotes a motorcycle sixteen thousand out
of two million, which is threedays worth of the calendar year. Yeah,

(04:06):
that's it that I imagine the wayyou're asking it, it was going
to be much lower. But thatis not crazy. That's really low.
And they'll say cops really do careit's stolen property. Yeah, and it
may, but they just they butthey don't have the manpower to go chase
two million bikes and maybe the startof somebody's criminal life. They're able to

(04:29):
help them out and get them onthe right path before it gets worse.
And that's why you've seen an influxof bike vigilante groups. Who are there
organizations who go out I mean whenI say vigilanting, like they're not beating
people up. But there are groupsthat exist that go out like you give

(04:54):
them your info. And by theway, it's like chasing a lost dog.
They'll go out and they'll try andthey'll they'll steal it back. They
said a lot of times it endsup on like marketplace. Yeah, or
you know they just want the moneynext door what exactly? Yeah, No,
you're not stealing two million bikes becauseyou want to ride them. You're
stealing them to sell them. Sothis is why that number that's reported is

(05:15):
so low because of these groups.No, no, no, these groups
exist because the number is low.Wouldn't a law enforcement agency say no,
don't do this's too comfortable with thatgroup. Oh, I don't think that,
like dob be dangerous because there's thedifference between one guy. I was
ridden about one guy who's part ofNola's Stolen Bikes. That's the name of

(05:39):
their group. He's and by theway, he's recovered so many bikes.
He's been hit once. That's it. Oh, like physically hit. Yes,
Yes, stolen bikesnola dot com.They've got a place to report,
a place you can register your bikewith. And most of these places,

(05:59):
it's interesting, most of these placeswill tell you so they go out.
So like, for example, Iwould contact if I lived in New Orleans,
I would contact Stolen Stolen Bikes NOLAand go, hey, my bike
was stolen, and they would go, okay. First thing they want you
to do, report it to thepolice. Okay, because they don't want
to get they like, they wantto be able to know. They also
want to make sure that there's arecord of it. The whole thing,

(06:23):
and then they start tracking the bikeslike they're all over Facebook, They're all
over websites, they're all over listsserves, they're all over everything looking for
people who are selling bikes, andthen they arrange to meet them to buy
the bike. But they don't buythe bike. Joke's on you. We
steal it from the stealer. Thisis super dangerous. Only one guy is

(06:48):
well from stolen bikes Nola. Yeah. He's only been hit once, hit
with what a bullet? No facein the face with a fist. Yeah.
I feel like people would show youthey sit. I mean a lot
of times they'll go like the guys, like the guys who they steal it
back from almost have that look oflike, you know, never trust the

(07:08):
feed. Yeah, Like they almosthave a look of like, nah,
you got us, that's all right, I'll steal four thousand more tomorrow.
They have re covered eleven hundred plusbikes since they started going. They say
they're controversial, they're outspoken, butthey're very effective. Absolutely, they'll get
your bike back. My god,they'll get your bike back. I don't

(07:28):
know what their success rate is,but they're like, oh, we'll get
your bike back. Remember during COVID, I got a promotional code and tried
instaccart and felt like, for onegrocery shopping I was risking another human being's
life and I hated every second ofit. Right, I wanted that food

(07:49):
to get dropped off so badly,and for that person to just get off
your streets safely, stay healthy,right and get away from me. I
would feel very uncomfortable asking a groupof citizens to do this for me.

(08:11):
You know, you don't have agun to their head. I didn't either.
The instacart person could have turned medown, right, but I but
I was putting the instacart person's lifein danger for bread and bikes are more
expensive, but it's still human lifeyou put But but you can't think of
it that way. You can't thinkof it that way. You put people's

(08:31):
lives in danger every single day.This is going to be a weak argument,
but okay, yeah, no,I mean it's true. Your car
can have a blowout and just rollme right over here, you go,
I get it hit by a bus. That was that you are an old
person they lived the No no,but yes, I mean, but listen,

(08:56):
they're they're they're doing it out ofthe room, like one a guy
that I was reading, where ishe out of hold on because they got
a good name too. He's outof Minneapolis. Here we go. Yeah,
I work at Trader joe He's likesa fifty five year old dude.
He works at Trader Joe's. Andhe says, when I'm not doing that,

(09:18):
I'm gum shoeing for Twin City stolenbikes. Yeah. So he does
it because he likes to. Helikes he likes to help people. H
Twin City's stolen. Here they are, Yeah, there you go, eleven
thousand plus followers. Yeah, no, they do well. They do well.
And he's like, we like,people shouldn't be able to get away

(09:39):
with stealing your property, and welike being able to get it back from
them. There's a sense of yeah, there's a sense of no, you're
not going to behave that way.And again, the only the only one
that I heard about was the guyfrom New Orleans who got punched in the
face once. That's it. That'sshocking the well. I don't think people

(10:03):
are gonna pull a gun on youfor your bike. I think gun violence
is a little bit of a problemin this country. Line or Hi Ellie
in the morning. Is this me? Yeah? Hi, who's this?
Hey? It's Rob from Richmond.Hey Rob, have you you've had a
bike stolen somewhat recently? Yeah,actually two bikes. Well my bike and

(10:28):
my partner's bike were both stolen likethis past weekend. But they were stolen
from a storage unit that was locked. But it's like one of those like
big rooms of all the cages,and you can see everything that's in the
cage, right, I understand that, sure cut up. Yeah, But
so now that they've been stolen,we actually need to follow a police report.

(10:50):
I'm gonna do that today. Butnow that it's happened, the apartment
complex is going to secure the door. Oh thanks, thanks, thanks for
doing that. Hey, so theuh are you? Are you actively?
Like like you said, for youand your partner, you're gonna file the
police report, which you should do. And by the way, I don't
know that. I don't know thatthe police are going to drop everything and

(11:13):
go look for your bikes. AndI don't mean that. I'm not even
mad at the cops for something likethat, you know what I mean,
Like, I get it. There'sso much goddamn crime going on that finding
your bike, No disrespect sir.Now if it was my bike, I
might feel differently you have, butno, no, but that's what I
mean. So are you and yourpartner going to try to vigilantio and try

(11:33):
to see if you can find itonline or somebody that's trying to get Yeah,
I have been checking. I haven'tseen it posted yet. But as
you know, as I do thepolice report like today, I should be
able to get some access or theycan get access to some camera footage because
you know you're not going to misstwo people rolling two bikes out of the
buildings. Yeah, so we canrelease maybe see what they look like.

(11:54):
So here's my but yes, Imean, listen, whatever information you can
get is great, but I haveto believe the odds of well, listen,
Kristen's husband Mike got his motorcycles stolenout of their apartment garage and that
nothing ever happened there like you sawthe pictures. But I like the I
like the idea of and I'm assumingRichmond has to have a vigilanti bike organization

(12:20):
that will then go out exactly exactlybecause up until up until I didn't know,
I didn't know what that these thingseven existed. So Richmond may have
a vigilanti bike club. Probably,so there's a lot of bike riders in
Richmond. They probably do a lotof bike riders all over the country.
The uh but and I and Idon't know if it's the same with Twin

(12:41):
Cities or gum Shoeing or New Orleans, but they all make it sound like
they want them to be reported forfor whatever reason, they want them to
be reported as as stolen. Iguess that way, if you do have
it, you could at least argueat whatever stats maybe whatever it is.
Hey, but do be a favorite. See let me know number one,
let me know if you find avigilante group that's going to do it.

(13:05):
And yeah, let me know howthat goes. Well, all right,
brother, appreciate it, Thank you, my friend. Yes, Tyler,
A lot of these groups have tipsto avoid even becoming a victim. Lock
up your bike, well, no, do know what they stress like,
just because it's in the garage ora storage room, you have to still
lock it in place, right,there's no such thing as a secure room.

(13:28):
But a lot of times they're cuttingstuff. Well, the other thing
I noticed all these remove the tire. Well, now they actually, don't
say that. They say, donot use cable locks? Why not?
Too easy to cut the easiest ones. Also scan the rack and make sure
your bike is the most difficult tosteal. Oh, because if they try

(13:52):
yours, then they'll just say what'sthe point next? Or if they know
what they're looking for, they'll justskip right over yours. Wait, so
say that again. So you scanafter you lock up your bike, look
at all the bikes right and say, is my bicycle gonna draw the attention
of a thief or is the oneto my left or right gonna do?
So I'll cut a lock on theone to my left. That way that

(14:13):
one's easier to steal. And thenjust make sure you tug on whatever you're
about to lock. Don't have totell him twice? Lock box, What
was that? Ronaldo? It's gonnacost you a game? Hi, Ellie
in the morning. Hey, Yeah, Hi, who's this? Hey?

(14:33):
This is Ryan. So I grewup on Capitol Hill before it was the
cool place to live. We hadover a dozen bikes stolen. And then
I went to go work at abike shop, actually as a mechanic,
and I've seen everything from sting operationswhere it topslee bikes out on purpose and
then you know, go after him. Once a bike is stolen, it's
almost never recovered. But you know, I've always said bike locks are just

(14:54):
you know, roadblocks. People stealcars. But I mean I've seen it
all. Hey, let me askyou this the the sting operations I get,
like, I totally understand that theis that is that true that the
majority? Well yeah, I meanif two million bikes are stolen, it's
not two million bikes recovered. Whatis a what is the what is the

(15:16):
success rate of getting a bike back? It's almost zero because not only you
know, do these once she's dependingon the value of the bike. Don't
drive it a thousand miles away justto sell it. But you have to
prove proof of purchase. So whenI worked at the shop, you know
in Georgetown, we would have togo through receipts because you have to find
the serial numbers. So if youfind your bike, God willing, and

(15:39):
you find the robber, you callthe police. They show up, and
then you have to show a proofof purchase. The best thing the cops
can do is just take the bike. Is obviously the robber can't show that
he has the serial number, butyou have to sift through PaperWorks and make
sure that the line the numbers lineup proof of purchase. I don't have
proof of purchase. I bought abike. Well, on the bottom of

(16:00):
the bottom bracket, like basically underthe bike is a serial number. And
when you bought that bike, cunningon where you bought it on the paperwork
is the serial number? Right?Yeah? I know. But what I'm
saying is I understand that there arelike registration numbers on the bike, but
do people keep the people keep thepaperwork called the bike shop they bought it
from, and so they'll fall offand be like, hey, I bought

(16:22):
the bike five years ago. Myname is John Doe. Where's my paperwork?
And are you guys able to findit? Sometimes we are, but
that's again, that's if you findthe perpetrator and your bike, which is
almost never. Yeah, right,I would first have to start I would
be able to find my registration number. I would then have to start hunting

(16:42):
to find out where did I buythe bike. I don't even remember where
I bought the bike. I remembermy mom. There's ways around it.
You can actually, once you buya bike, go to your local police
division and register the bike and thenthey'll have the serial number. But if
you use a cable walk or anything, I mean I've seen people it locks
overlocks so you can't get your bikeout. So we've had to come and

(17:04):
cut it after we've verified that it'stheir actual bike. I mean, a
cable w can be cut in amatter of seconds. It's insane. Now
cable lots or roadblocks. All right, very good, Thank you sir.
What about your mom? When mymom sent me the bike I would later
fall off on, that was amiddle school bike, and along with that
bike, she gave me the billof sale. Oh my god, I
swear to God, the nicest ladyin the world. Night. Did you

(17:26):
tell Diane no, Tyler's mom likeis going through stuff? No, no,
No, that doesn't mean like she'sclearing out her house. She means
the same thing Diane's. Yeah,no, but she's going through stuff,
so she can't raise it differently.When you say going through stuff, that
means like medical mental breakdown. Yeah, no, just say she's she's a

(17:47):
she's purging things out of her house. If anyone you're you're the one who's
having a mental breakdown. When youhear about these things she's been sending me.
She has she has records of likelike she'll go like, oh,
here's the paperwork from the last likebaby dentist you went to, along with
a note that he wrote, Ohmy god, parents keep stuff like that.

(18:10):
I keep nothing. I keep nothing. I feel for the longest time.
It goes back years. But likewhen Scott's mom was doing stuff like
that, every time she'd come over, she'd have like a banker box full
of crap. What did you tellme? Like? What was she going
through that she sent you this stuff. I brought it in to show you
because I mentioned it to you offair. But this is all the handwritten
notes from my pediatrician. Well that'swhat it was, handwritten notes from the

(18:32):
pediatrician. Yeah, but it comesin handy because it shows when I got
my two mmr oh it means morerock yep. I got my first one
in October uh, a year afterI was born. Wow, that's great
that you hold onto that. Ihave. My little one's wondering if they're
vaccinated against measles this week. Iam you are certain, Yeah, there's

(18:57):
even but you know what, Idon't have the date and you know what,
I don't care about the paperwork,And this is where are you going
to put that in my keepsake box? Don't you have one? No?
Stop it? What you Maybe you'rea little jealous that this kind of stuff

(19:18):
wasn't saved for you. I havelike every every report card from that my
parents gave to me. Oh mygod, throw it out. You care
what you got in fourth grade English? No, but it's funny to go
back and look at that stuff.How often are you going back for a
good haha? Once I got anidea, find a Netflix special. Once
you're in a clear up files andwatch that. Then you read through every

(19:41):
report card. Oh my god,watch Canadian Family l Yeah right, I
should have been watching the Canadian Fuse. Far better doing that than going back
and seeing what you got just becauseyou the greatest incidalgic. Look at all
the stuff he's got to go through. No so. And it goes from
Town and Entry pediatrics in Chicago,Illinois on North Lincoln to high school when

(20:04):
I was still obviously seeing a pediatrician. I remembered when I had the esophageal
ulcer. But there's even a notehere that I heard a snap in my
thigh during a soccer practice and wentin. It turned out to be nothing.
So you've been in a hypochondriac yourwhole life. So it's all right
here you'd like to look through it. But I was actually the timing could

(20:30):
not have been better. I wasactually really excited to get this for what
reason? Oh? My, becauseyou don't know whether you were vaccinated for
measles. It's just you know youwere. I assumed, but it's just
proof. Yeah, but I hada present mother, so I make assumptions
like that I didn't, and Istill make that assumption. I know I

(20:51):
was vaccinated against measles. You're sureabout that? Well, I don't have
forty year old paperwork being held bynow two people to assure me of that.
Oh she's passed it on just onenow. And this I didn't know
was coming. I got this.Imagine my excitement the mail you must have
been when you got it. There'salso some nice photos I had never seen

(21:15):
of my father and I. Okay, that's nice. Didn't bring those in,
But look, Elliott, here's proofthat I got my means more rock
vaccine from Travis. Yes, letme get back to buy. I had
a bike stolen freshman year of college. Campus police did basically nothing, So
I put up have you seen thisbike? Flyers. Whenever I met new

(21:37):
friends and eventually in the relationship mentionedI had a bike stolen, they would
always ask if I was the dorkwith the flyers, and Liam says,
if you try to get a bikeback in Hagerstown, you will get shot.
Noted Hi Elliott in the morning.Hello, Hello, Yeah, Hi,

(22:03):
who is this hid Rachel? HiRachel, Yes, you had a
bike stolen? Yeah. I actuallywhen I was living in Southwest DC.
I since moved out of the city, but when I was living in Southwest
DC, I had my hybrid bikestolen off my second story balcony. Wait,
off the second story balcony. Yeah, so they climbed to get your

(22:26):
bike and then just threw it tothe ground and took off. Yep.
Yeah. So we had just movedin, we had only been in the
apartment for probably like a week maybe, and my husband came in and said,
you know, hey, you knowwhere's your bike? And I said,
it's on the balcony. Nope,no it's not. Yeah. So
then after that, when I upgradedmy bike, the road bike that I

(22:48):
proached. Secondly, was parked permanentlyinside our apartment. But yeah, they
it's the way the apartment complex wasset up. It kind of almost had
like a built in ladder, Iguess on the like the exterior brick right
have for ventilations for the ac units, right, Yeah, so they tossed
the right down. And did youever did you report your bike as having

(23:08):
been stolen? I did report it, and then I also tried. You
know, this is back when youknow, Eastern Market was more had like
a big parking lot that was amarket, right, and was told I
was told, but a lot ofother bikers were kind of like, well,
just go scope it out on aSaturday Sunday, do what bikes are
there? A lot of times bikeswere being sold at Eastern Market from sellers.

(23:30):
Never found it there, looked onCraigslist like I had the serial number
and everything, but you know,I didn't look too hard because thankfully our
apartment complex required rentures insurance, andour ventures insurance claimed basically no questions,
asked, no receipts, basically gaveme maybe like minus one hundred dollars back
to cost of anything that was onthat bike. Interesting. Interesting, that

(23:52):
it wasn't a big loss for me. But yeah, but it's still a
pain in the ass. And somebodystill stole your bike, of course,
and then you got to go outand buy a well on like a second
store with dopony. We're like,they can like climb that just to take
a bike. And yeah, no, of course you feel violated. Absolutely.
Hey, I appreciate it, Thankyou, ma'am. Is there is

(24:15):
there a DC vigilante one I havenot searched, like stolen bikes DC?
Is that how you assume would bethe best way to I don't know,
or gumshoe d C. I don'tknow. I love that word. Hold
on, I gotta move this aside. Race says I need a booster boosters.

(24:37):
Hi, Elliet in the morning.Hey is this me? Yeah?
Hi, who's this? Hey?This is David from Georgia. I was
gonna say, I wish they wouldhave had something one of those organizations in
Georgia. Man, I got adirt bike from me a couple of years
ago. Okay, that's like amotorcycle. Yeah, okay, that's what
I was thinking. I was makingsure you said bike, so I didn't

(25:00):
I didn't know if it was justlike or whatever. Oh yeah, no,
no, no, that's fair.No, this this one, this
one specifically, like these little vigilantegroups that popped up, they are specifically
for like bicycles or e bikes.But yeah, not like motorcycles or dirt
bikes or something like that. Ohyeah, but by the way, that
would be different. I'm sure.I'm assuming for the for your dirt bike.

(25:21):
You reported that as being stolen,Yes, sir, yes, sir,
And the cops do what they can, but you know, they got
a lot of stuff going on,and I understand, but yeah, no,
no, And that's what I meanis that they'll they'll say, cops
actually do take it. Hey,thank you, my friend, thank you,
sir. Cops do take it veryseriously. But how are you supposed
to with as many people that aregetting jacked and messed up and robbed and

(25:45):
fights and the whole thing. LikeI get it, Like, how could
you be mad that, oh,you're not out looking for my bicycle.
Yeah, like at that point youmay as well be pulling out your your
vaccination reports from when you were sixmonths. Well, I can guarantee they
don't care about that. Why wouldI have to show them that. Well,
here's my registration for my bike.I read the terms of service.

(26:08):
Also, you could stand close tome. I'm vaccinated for measles. Looky
here where am I going? Linetwo? I do like the idea of
being part of the vigilante group.That's what you're gonna say, of maybe
holding on to things moving forward?Zero zero? My kids are gone.

(26:29):
They don't you have things of yourkids like that their date that they got
their measles vaccine? Yes, that'sokay? Is it because it's digitized at
the pediatrician's office? That would bemy guess is that if they were like,
is your kid vaccinated for measles?I would call like, I know,

(26:51):
the younger one has to get ashot. What's the shot you have
to get to go to college?Yes, that's it. Yeah, So
like I know he's got to getthat shot. So maybe we'll hold on
to Tyler's looking to make sure hehad his. I swear to god,
Tyler, I know it's here.I swear to God. I just slipped
the envelope. Wait the well,that's okay because it's going into your keep,
like the print out of like allof the vaccine, just to have

(27:14):
it at home a one page orwhy don't you frame it all of the
vaccines? I know it's on hereonly because at one point the pediatrician in
ninety nine noted that it was acceptedearly decision to Georgetown. And here's when
I read that to my kids,who, like Elliott, didn't care.
I said, early action. Butthat's that's okay, that's okay. It's

(27:37):
still nice that I have this asa keepsake. Right, so this would
have been the pointment right around senioryear of high school. Correct the handwriting.
I mean, seriously, well,thank god you're going to keep it.
It's really hard to decipher. Holdon, hold on, it's a

(27:59):
little out of a mom take yourtime. I am at the edge of
my seat. Well, you cantake a call or take a break.
I'm not gonna stop looking. Thatwould be crazy. Well I can't.
I can't leave the show. Whatif he never got a meningitis? Boosters?
Any boosters? Hi? Ellieah themorning? I like Brody. Hey,

(28:21):
good morning, Not true, Brodydoesn't talk into a microphone. Hi.
Who is this? Yeah? Thisis Map from the Jersey Shore.
Hey, Matt from the Jersey Shore. How are you doing good? A
couple of things. Grew up innorthern Virginia, went to Lake Braddock.
Right, my got my MMR Boosterwhen I was sixteen there. I remember
that for some weird reason, andit's poor Cirl, not Taylorham Excellent.

(28:48):
I have a pretty epic story aboutmy mountain bike being stolen that I actually
recovered. How'd you recover it?All? Right? So I love my
wife yearly. We were moving,we were living in Hoboken. I started
with love my way dear because shesort of got my bike stolen. We
were living in Hoboken and moving fromone place to another, and she went
and got it for me while Iwas in the city at work, but

(29:11):
instead of bringing it into our building, she kind of hid it in between
our cars. Right, we sortof had a driveway, but anyway,
somebody was following her. When Igot off the train to Hoboken. She's
like, I don't know how totell you this, but I got your
bike stolen. I'm like, I'mlike, crap, So can I ask
you? She said? She saidshe hid it between two part cars.

(29:33):
Like listen, I know, likeyou can't do anything, but how much
did you just want to unleash?Well? I I could hear how bad
she felt about it, and Ithink we were just maybe just about to
get married, so I kind oflet it go. But and anyway,

(29:56):
so I did go to police.I went to Hoboken Police and I reported
it. You know, this bikeI've had since I was in college,
and I had parts on it fromwhen I lived ever Sea. So I
reported it and we moved on witheverything. And so a week later,
I'm heading out of town. Andthis part is important. I'm heading out
of town to go donate and it'sgonna be weird. A bow constructor that
i'd had for like fifteen years toa zoo in New Jersey because we just

(30:19):
couldn't take care of it anymore.And so I'm driving out of town and
there's a cop car in front ofme, and I look up and I
won't say ethnicity here, but Iwoke up and I see some guy in
all yellow ride by on my mountainbike and I'm like, oh my gosh,
that's my bike. As this ishappening, the cop flat turns on
his his sirens and he starts toturn around, and respond I starts slamming

(30:41):
on my horn. I'm like hestole my bike. He stole my bike.
The guy takes off. I'm nowchasing this guy. Fall it well,
going slowly because we're not Hoboken andI'm on with Niland one and I'm
following and I'm like, I'm gonnahit him with my car. I'm gonna
get my bike there like, don'tdo anything, don't do anything, just
follow him. I follow him tothe back of Hoboken, which is,
you know, a project area.Sure, and I'm like, I can't

(31:03):
I'm on with NY one. I'mI can't believe this happened. Can't believe
this is happening. Three four copcars show up. They all bust out.
I'm like, there he is.They go grab him. They grab
this person who's also riding the bike, and they throw him in the in
the cup car and I'm like,oh my gosh, I can't believe I'm
getting my bike back. And thecops like, well, now you have
to come to the station. Iwas like, no, I got to
go to Cliver my snake to thezoo. He's like, no, You're

(31:26):
coming to the station now. SoI'm like, snap out of it.
I go back there to the station. They you know, I see the
cop turning out at the back ofhis seat. Well, it turns out
the guy was a heroin dealer andhe dumped about five bags of heroin in
the back of the car. AndI'm like, well, this guy probably

(31:47):
didn't steal the bike, but hecertainly paid for the bike, and paid
for it even further so because Ihad reported it and it had like some
unique markings on the bike. Igot my bike back oscillator. Awesome.
I still have it. It's inmy shed here at the Jersey Shore.
And uh. And then I startedgetting things in the mail about his upcoming

(32:10):
court cases and I'm like, yeah, I really don't want to be part
of this. Don't you have enoughwith him being like a heroin dealer and
have, you know, dumping backto heroin and the DA. She's like,
yeah, we're shed I get tofelony because of the price of Like
She's like, but we're just gonnawe're gonna just ignore that, all right.
Yeah, we'll dismiss that, allright. So my last two questions,

(32:30):
my last two questions, and thenI'll let you just crazy hold on
one second. I'll get to you, Tyler. I'll get to you.
Number one Where where do you liveon the Jersey Shore. I live in
a small town called fair Even,New Jersey. It's right by a red
bank and just about a mile fromthe ocean. Dude, good for you

(32:50):
is the I've actually called in before. I called you guys this summer when
I was down at my in lawis in Manusquan. Oh, oh,
Manusquan, you were slumming. Well, then that answers my other question,
because I was gonna ask if thewife is still with you. She's uh,
she's actually in her car right now, heading to the gym. We
listen to your show here through likethe speakers throughout the house. Uh.

(33:13):
I appreciate it every morning. Iappreciate it. All right, dude,
I appreciate it. Thank you,my friend, Thank you. All right,
let me do this. Can youhold it for one second? We're
still searching. No, I've justI've I've stopped a sir, speacause something
has caught my attention here. Allright, Well again, I'm I'm cutting
off circulation. I'm sitting so faron the edge of the seat, worth

(33:34):
break. It's a mistake. TheI just I can't, I can't.
You weren't vaccinated they gave you two. No, it's okay. He's got
so much phizer in Monjoorno and Godknows everything else in there. All right,
give me no, let me dothis, let me do that.
Trust me, give me a giveme a quick break. It's Elliot in

(33:58):
the morning. Connect with Elliott andmorning. Let me go back over here,
digging through the I don't even whatdo you call them? Records?
Yeah, medical records? Right?Look how old the paper is? Look
how old the paper is from nineteeneighty two? I will say, Jesus
Christ, the uh, Kristen,did your mom keep crap like this?

(34:22):
Are you serious? But here's hasshe sent it to you? No?
Like that's the other thing. Notyet she will be That's very common,
is it really? Yeah, becausethey're they're like your parents are getting older
and they're trying to like clear outtheir stuff. The the But I think
two things. Number one and yes, Tyler told me about this. I

(34:43):
don't know, a couple of daysago. I don't even know what brought
it up or what brought it on. I got it in the mail.
Oh, I just mentioned to youthat she's because you always think she's a
hoarder. The well from nineteen eightytwo. No, wait, but what
discrepancy did you find? So Iwas looking between eighty eight, ninety nine

(35:05):
and two thousand, around the timejunior senior year of high school for meniitis
not being diagnosed, but for thevaccination. Yeah, and I found in
nineteen ninety eight, I went tothe doctor for coldish symptoms. It's in
quotes right there, cold eh symptoms. You went to the doctor because you

(35:27):
had a cold, coldish symptoms,it says, right, so you had
a tickle in your throat. Butthat's not it. That's not the problem.
Wait, but can I ask somethingreal quick? Yeah, it explains
a lot about you. But yourmom was like that too. They even
wrote not really congested. No,you know what I mean? And I
listen nothing, I'm not I Iwill never utter a bad word about Pam

(35:52):
Pamela, right, but boy,that apple didn't fall far from the tree,
did it. But that it's notmy problem. I believe I went
to the doctor for that. Oh, I believe it too. So you
could tell me you went to thedoctor yesterday for that, and I would
believe it. And remember you wentto PT for three years just because something

(36:13):
was in your head. It wastwo years and I made a friend.
When's the last time you saw him? I'm healthy anyway, anyway, go
ahead, jic fingers right. Everyone'sfamiliar with my clarinet journey. I think
so started in elementary school, inspiredby Rhapsody in Blue. If not,

(36:34):
let's go ahead and bring everybody upto speed. Happy one hundred years.
I played in middle school under thedirection of Fred Zarnecki. Then between eighth
grade and ninth grade, I wentto clarinet camp at the high school with
Stan West, who was the directorof the band. I played for two
years, then switched to alto clarinet. The other one was a little too

(36:58):
I said in can't say be inpopular, be in wind ensemble? Dur and
what does it say right here atwhat was my probably not congested, my
final visit before heading off to college. Not sure if he's going to continue

(37:22):
with the alto sacks. That's anhonest mistake, is it. I'm sure
he thought of all of the othermisdiagnoses that were were is this is this
no good? Well? Two things. Number one, he probably thought,
there's no way he's playing the clarinet. Number two, why is your pediatrician

(37:45):
making a note of that. Youyou told your pediatrician you don't know if
you're going to play in college,So why would you document malpractice? Great
question, it's one he or she'sgoing to have to answer a law.
Can you imagine you share that?Why would you share that with the doctor?

(38:06):
They probably asked about physical activity andphysical activity sitting in that chair.
Well remember pep Ban went out onthe field during football halftime and made an
M at Millbourn. So you thinkhe was like, are you going to
do that at Georgetown? And no, no, I'm tired of getting beat
up. I was never hurt forplaying an instrument. And listen, I

(38:30):
know some of you are trying todefend the pediatrician with hey, at least
it's in the Woodwind family. Well, I don't give an s. He
clearly wasn't listening. Alte Sacks Losersplayed that my whole weekend is really Tyler
boring people since nineteen eighty two.I do want to ask something, though,

(38:54):
because when you told me that camein the mail, and how excited
you were and how little I was. The I would look something up is
has your mom sent you? Andmaybe she wouldn't. Maybe this isn't something
she would send you. But didPamela keep I found this hard to believe.
Did Pamela keep her pregnancy test?Oh the test itself? Yes?

(39:19):
Would she have taken one back then? Did they have pregnancy test back then?
Or did you just like an athome win or did you just go
to the doctor? No? No, I mean like an at home test?
Like did you when when you werepregnant? Did you take a piss
test? Me? Yeah, ofcourse. It probably took thirty of them.
Few. I thought there were youhave them tests in the eighties.
No, you threw them out.That's shocking to me. That's surprising to

(39:43):
me. Well, I mean Igot chastised for keeping an ultrasound photo by
who? By me? Yeah?Oh yeah, like a couple of weeks
ago. What do you have thatfor? You got a kid? Is
that? But I would assume,like I don't. I couldn't tell you
whether we have an ultrasound photo ornot. I bet you do. We

(40:05):
don't have a place that it stays. I can tell you that. I
definitely know we don't have the pregnancytest. But I was shocked. I
was I was looking something up aboutlike like people who hoard stuff like that,
and the number of people that keepa pregnancy test was shocking to me.
Doesn't shock me Like they said,people will keep like their kids like
like I sonogram photo does come uplike not in any kind of ranking.

(40:30):
I have the first lock of hair, the lock of hair I have my
kids and my own. Your momsent you your lock of hair with teeth.
Ye teeth are big? Are youserious? Oh my god? Throw
them out? Doesn't it seem likeif she had a test I would have
it the Yes, that's why Iwanted to know. Did she send you

(40:52):
a sonogram picture? Yeah? Youhave your own sonogram picture? Yeah?
Why are you gonna keep it?Even your mom doesn't want it? Because
it's in my baby book. Shegave me the baby book. You never
had a baby book? No,no, m m. There's a lot
of great stuff in that. Neverhad one, never made one. I
was, I was the fourth.Mine was barely filled out. It was

(41:15):
a book. So Pamela gave youyour teeth and your hair. Yeah,
and you have your kid's teeth andhair. Oh yeah, I definitely have
that and all the imaging. Willyou give it to them? Will it
break your heart when they go don'twant it. Wait, give them mine
or give them theirs. You'll givethem yours. You'll do you do all

(41:37):
of that? Make something out ofthis? Why would that be odd?
It's already odd that you have yours, it's mine. It's weird. Teeth
the I guarantee you people don't pass. I guarantee Diane. That's different than
what he's saying. I'm gonna do. I guarantee you that you will give

(41:58):
your baby teeth to one of yourkids. No one does that. I
guarantee you you will stop singing you. I'm not, but you're telling me
people do yes, And I'm lookingat somebody that will. You don't think
you'll do that. You're crazy WhenI'm going through things, No, No,

(42:19):
they don't want. No. DoesLindsay have all this stuff? Does
Lindsay also go? Honestly, howmuch garbage do we need? Well,
we didn't keep a pregnancy test.The you didn't keep a pregnancy test.
No, you kept sonogram pictures.Well, yeah, we already went through
that. They're in your baby book. But she has hair and she has
teeth, but she also won't beWait, Lindsay has teeth and hair from
when she was a little kid.Yeah, but she won't be passing them

(42:39):
down to our children. Oh,yes you will. And can we stop
saying passing down? That sounds likethey're of value? Handing down? What
do you want to call it?I'm leaving them my teeth. Is there
any reason? No? No,like like for no the DNA or something.

(42:59):
Is there any because I found oneof two things. I can either
go Marley, send me your spit, or no, don't worry about it
that I have that in a kitin a freezer. Are you serious?
That was one thing when when theywere worried about missing kids, and they
were doing it a sort of ablanket thing in elementary school, where they
said, here, take one ofthe take a lock of their hair,

(43:21):
make sure you get it out fromthe root, and then do like a
spit swab and then freeze it.And it's still sitting in our freezer.
I wonder how long that lasts for? Oh, how long it's valid?
I don't know. I didn't evenlook at it. You guys ever lost
power sitting in the freezer. I'msorry you guys ever lost power? Wasn't

(43:42):
there a deracho? Well that's probablyno good anymore? Could she have been
during the dracho. I'm trying toremember what year we did that. If
it was frozen, it didn't stayfrozen. Now, yeah, but whatever
you do, don't get rid ofit. It's very important. Ninety she's
on her own. The uh oh, so then throw out the teeth and
the hair and all that other darklooking up like, why should I still

(44:05):
keep teeth? You shouldn't. Toolong ago on Google, you shouldn't.
We don't have them. Hold on, someone, oh god, someone says
you get the first meningitis at elevenor twelve. I wasn't looking back at
the right time. But why isthat true? Is that when you get
it? Because why does my kidhave to get one to go to college?
I thought that was the booster.I thought that was I didn't think

(44:28):
that that was a booster. Ithought that was the first shot you got
because they wanted they actually wanted usto have it before senior year. Well
hold on, let me check withannals over here. Did you find it?
Big letters there? Hip B thatwas ninety five, would have been
thirteen. I gotta go back furtherthan that. Ninety four? What I

(44:49):
get? Oh, you got ita symptom. I was just gonna say
a chill cold. Oh nope,just turns out had to pee nineteen ninety
three. Where's a night brace?Four teeth around the head. He didn't
want to say headgear he was becausenow this isn't a dentist, this is

(45:15):
a pediatrician. Now a rash onside of face? Ha ha spin related
read those three words drools in sleep? Thank god you have that paperwork,

(45:38):
hi Ellie in the morning. Howbad was my rash? Hey, worse
than your cold symptoms? They werea cold ish I'm sorry? Who is
this? Thanks? Yes, Julie. What can I do for you?
Well, first of all, Ijust want to say I love you guys,
and I've been listening since day one. Thank you you and new up

(46:00):
them. And I just want tosay that I actually have so. I
guess when my mom was in thehospital delivering me or giving birth to me,
I have the menu of what flavoredjello she ate? Like? What
duringk she had all that stuff?Who to show up and give you an

(46:21):
award? Sweet little memento she's keeping? What's the heart? It's garbage?
Well, so, actually my well, my mom passed away when I'm seven.
I don't really have very many memoriesof her. So apparently she kept
everything, and so my dad wouldevery Christmas he would put a few things
in a box and give them tome that you know, from her.
So but that's that's why I keepit. But yeah, that's one of

(46:45):
the things that was in there.And I was like, really, Mom,
wait, please please, no,please, can I talk before Diane
talks? Please? You shouldn't.You should have led with that. Now
I enjoyed the store. What anice thing your dad to do. By
the way, I mean maybe Iwould feel differently, but I feel like
I would have gotten rid of allthat as the dad gifting it. Yeah,

(47:10):
yeah, because you don't want toyou don't want to pick it a
fresh wound like that. Also,it says on here copy of footprint or
or or handprint. Duh, that'sI could see what you have those on
your skin? Yeah? No,I tattooed those on me that I understand.
Yeah that I understand. Pregnancy testI don't understand. And by the

(47:34):
way, more people keep hair thanteeth, which surprises me. I would
have thought it's the other way around, because teeth, like they come out
at home. Where where are youkeeping hair from? It's like the first
haircut you take them in for sometimesor even if you don't want a miserable
experience. Miserable experience. That washorrible. I'm trying to think if the

(47:58):
the box we have or the haircould have been also used for teeth,
or if those I know they're separate, or if it had like on the
hey, thank you, ma'am,if there was like a little pair of
scissors or something, so you knewthat little box was specifically four hair?

(48:19):
Were the teeth in a plastic chest? Well, the teeth are in like
an envelope, actually a small bum, didn't they? Then? Dennis used
to have like a little plastic itlooked like a tooth. Right, No,
it looked like a pirate's chest.Oh, I know what you're talking
about. Yeah, yeah, Diane'sright. They also had that for when
they had to extract, because you'dwant to bring it back home for obviously

(48:40):
the tooth fair. Obviously, Nowwhere am I going? Line seven?
Hi? Hi, Ellie had themorning? Hey Richard, how's it going?
Hey? Good? What's going on? Dude? All right? Get
your bars bucker ready. So meand my three siblings werew in our fifties.
My mom had our belly buttons inlittle jars and from how to hide

(49:02):
when they came off and were born. Are you serious? Yes, sir,
guarantee too and all that stuff people, But the belly buttons freaked me
out the worst. That's odd.Well, hold on, do you have
your belly button? Well? Idon't have it, and nor does my
mother. Did you keep your kidsbelly buttons? Option? Yeah, that

(49:22):
I didn't know. So is thatlike where they tie you off and that
thing gets hardy? Yeah, shekept that and then it just falls off
yep in from aldehyde a little bit, a little bit. That's not your
list. No, belly button didnot make the it like no, But
it says like like people feel moresentimental once they become a parent. Yes,

(49:46):
of course you do. Absolutely.I love my kids, but like,
I don't feel like I need astack of paperwork from like two thousand
and four to prove it. Ray, who's got me rest about my vaccine
old symptoms? Says Asian cultures keepthe umbilical chord. Stump. I have

(50:07):
all of my kids and my ownThat does Ray intend to pass hers down
to her kids? Probably? Iwould think so. But wait a minute
to say that again the Asian culturekeep the umbilical chords. Stump, Why

(50:28):
why is that tradition? I don'tknow. I'm gonna look at it right
now. The yeah like that thatjust like I get if you're gonna keep
something. I want to find someonewho kept a pregnancy test. Oh god,
what does that smell like? Rightnow? Where am I going?
Line six? Hi Ellie in themorning, Good morning Elliott? Yeah,

(50:51):
Hi, who's ass? Hey?This is Anthony. So my parents have
done a bunch of downtizing recently.They sent me the whole box cruse of
everything, and as I was goingthrough all those I did find a disgusting
little peace container of a bunch ofmy baby teeth. That was pretty disheartening.
But what also they put in therewas the original hard copy of Early

(51:15):
Entries, my first porno DVD Ibought. Hey, can I ask this
a thank you, sir? Thankyou? Honest question? Is this for
me or everyone? No? No, well for you but no, no,
no, but no, but alsofor Diane. Yes? Would it

(51:40):
break Pamela's heart if you said,Mom, thanks for the envelope? Kind
of you? I know that youwere going through things and mailed this to
me and she was like, oh, well, what did you do with
it? Would it break her heartif you said you threw it out?

(52:00):
Absolutely? Would it? Really?But it's your stuff now, But it
would hurt me. I yes,I realized that to know I was hurting
her. It's not what I thought. You would do it with no guilt.
I would feel awful. So you'lldrop dead with that in your owning
that well, not the teeth andstuff that'll get passed down. So like
I no, I guess I amjust leaving it all. There's not going

(52:23):
to be much of a ceremony.You're just gonna find it in the closet,
so you'll you will hold that tothe day you drop dead. It'll
right next to my playbill collection,the your pearl and Frank sent you stuff.
Yeah. Would it have broken theirheart if you threw it out?
I don't think so now that andI'm not saying this could be mean,

(52:45):
but now that they're not with us, would it would you be like,
oh sweet, now I could throwit out? Or would it be like
they're rolling in their graves? No? I mean there's some things you hold
on to and there until you die. Yeah, there's some stuff I'll have
that like that'll be on Marley toget rid of some day, and I

(53:05):
know she'll just tuse it because shedoes not care. Yeah. No,
but that's what I mean. Allyou're doing is creating clutter for death.
I mean I cleaned out enough ofthe other stuff. She can handle a
small box line four? Hi Elliottthe morning? Hello, Hi? Who's
this? Hi David? How's itgone good? What's going on? Dude?

(53:30):
So I wanted to share that whenI had my daughter, my mom
gave me and my wife a boxthat had my uh, like when they
circumcised me and then they like myown Are you serious? You have your
foreskin? I threw it away?But yeah, I didn't even know that

(53:52):
that was an option. Did yourmom know you threw it away? Uh?
I don't know that. What isthe what is the old joke?
What is the old foreskin joke?Come on, no, Diane, what
is the old foreskin joke? I'llthink of it? Is that? Is
that, honestly an option you cankeep? Like I've been to a couple

(54:13):
of brists. You can keep theforeskin apparently, and then there's other stuff
in there, like the hospital.I was born in ninety eight they had
like a blue cigar. There waslike a blue like something else that they
gave me that was not for childrenat all, is for it's all.

(54:37):
Did you were you circumcised at thehospital? Yeah, okay, no,
because like Jews will have like aceremony, not all. I didn't.
I got. I got circumcised atthe hospital, but they'll do it at
home. I would think the moil, the guy who did the snip snip,
would like just throw it away,like I don't think you throw it
in the trash or in the garbagedisposal. I don't would How would a

(54:59):
hospital let you leave with that?That seems and again listen, God bless
your mom, but that doesn't seemthank you sir. That doesn't seem like
something they'd let you leave with,like it has to go in that special
garbage cam. Yes, with likethe used needles. I see people asking
about it online about keeping it,but I don't see anyone with there.

(55:20):
There is no way. Now,this person did turn breast milk into jewelry,
But if you give it to thechild, you'll always nourish them.
Did you remember the foreskin? Yeah, okay, size of a wallet.
But if you rub it it's asuitcase like your penis. We can all

(55:44):
hear it. Oh, it's likewhen we stay next to you at a
hotel. Damn it. I hopethose numbers are across the hall.