EITM interviews Justin Furstenfeld (Blue October)

EITM interviews Justin Furstenfeld (Blue October)

Episode Transcript

(00:00):
Please welcome from Blue October. Pleasewelcome Justin Perston bel Hello, Hello,
Hello, how are you, sir? I'm doing really good? What part
of I know? You're a Houstonkid? What part of Houston the Heights,
the oh Okay Heights, Montrose area, the oh very nice? I
was an a leaf kid. Ohyeah, you better back up a little.

(00:22):
Yeah. It has to swim againstyou, not against me. You
didn't. I was a swimmer.Wait, you were on the swim team.
Yeah, HSPVA has a swim team. I was like a hustler.
So I would wake up in themorning at like four, right, because
I wanted to go to the Olympicsin ninety seven. That was my thing.
Are you serious? Yeah? Yeah, I was a fast breaststroker,

(00:42):
right, and so shut up?Yeah, were you really? Yeah?
So I would wake up a fourand go to my my zoned high school
right to swim with their high school. And then I would take a bus
to the Magnet High School for theaterand for VA. Yeah did you really?
And then after school I'd go toUSS swim practice. I'm not trying
to like bust anyone's bubble here,but I worked really hard and had a

(01:03):
great body back then, Bro,I wore Speedo and I shaved my legs.
I shaved my armpits, I shavedmy head everything. Did you really
body oiled it? But wait,so what what looked good when I was
sixteen? But wait, at sixteen, weren't you already doing like music and
everything? I was, right?So you were? You were half swim

(01:23):
guy, half band guys. Duringschool I was. I was straight up
swim guy and theater guy. Andthen after after school, on the weekends
I'd be like selling out the clubdown the street called FitzGeralds. Remember Fitzgerald
FitzGeralds. Remember the Vatican and allthose places? Was Numbers still there was
ever gone. We would play Numberstoo, Did you really? Numbers was

(01:46):
crazy? Do you remember how crazyNumbers was? I remember my favorite show
I ever saw it? Numbers.I saw Dead or Alive play a show
at Numbers and Pete Burns wouldn't goon stage about one forty five in the
morning. I saw nine is Nailsand David Bowie there, shut up?
Did you really? And then,by the way, Numbers is maybe the
size of this studio is crazy.That's awesome? That wasn't Numbers? Bro?

(02:13):
Remember clubs some do you remember thatplace? No good? Because you
went there, you might have seenme. What was the other big one
was? It was it sixty fourhundred, sixty four hundred. I would,
I would put my cassette in andtape at night because Club sixty four
hundred was playing like Front two fourtwo right all the new ninety snails,

(02:37):
KMFDM right before anybody else. Wasyou hear what might be coming out in
the next year by the Cure rightby Joy Division at Club sixty four hundred
exactly, exactly know, But Houstonwas big four like a lot of new

(02:58):
wave music. Oh yeah, brokeout of broke out of huge love that
you know that. I'm sad thatI know that I'm the same as you
though we grew up in the sameage, so it's like, yeah,
it's really cool. The music scenewas so dope and so weird back then.
No, it really was. Itwas blown away that you were a
swimmer like that to me, doesnot only a swimmer a shaving swimmer like

(03:21):
I would. I would, butI was a freshman and I would beat
seniors. Bro I was that God, could you have you took a little
detour? Could you have made theninety seven Olympics. I mean, i'd
like to say because because because Ilike to think I would. Yes,
But I got into music and musicstarted taking off, and I was like,
ogus, swomen. I think youknow what happens though, if you

(03:43):
stop swimming, you start getting alittle chunky. And I'm elite singer,
so I'm like, how am Igoing to do this? I look good
in sophomore year. Why am Inow graduating? And I feel plump,
you know? But I didn't wantto put in to work for swimming because
so I just toured and toured andtour to borrow my parents suburban and just

(04:03):
started touring right out of high school. So so back up for a second.
So you end up at HSPVA isthe High School for Performing at Visual
Arts. Yes, you ended upthere. Your parents moved you to HSPVA.
But weren't you going for like you'reI believe it was your mom who
was like, first of all,like at eight seven, eight years old,

(04:24):
you were like up in the treesin the yard, like singing man
as Elliott know this, So butweren't you you were like Mischian, I
don't want to say opera but likeyou were, you were up in the
trees like singing from a very veryyoung eight. I was a weird guy.
Yeah, but I like to singa lot, right. I liked
to tension. How about that Elliott? I liked to tension. But I

(04:45):
had a voice and I and Iwore Speedo around a lot. But didn't
they But didn't you end up therefor theater more than for just being like
a like a musician. Yeah,because they told me that I had to
learn how to read and write music, right, And I was you remember
when I said I didn't like towork real hard something, I had to
be real good at it. Andthen I just kind of fly by the
seat of my pants. So Iwas like, well, hold on,

(05:05):
I wanted to go for creative writingand for voice, but then I was
like, they don't have creative writinganymore and theater. And I started thinking
of all of like my favorite singerslike Bowie and Peter Garrett from Midnight Oil
and like all these people that werejust whacking weird on stage, and I
was like, I'm gonna go fortheater. Let's just enhance the stage performance.

(05:27):
I lets do music on the weekends. And so it worked I'm glad
I did, because if I wouldhave gone for vocals or something, I
would have ended up probably doing opera, you know what I'm saying. And
I love opera, but that's notmy gig. Who was there anybody else?
And then I want to go backto music for a second. Was
there anybody else there? Like welooked up earlier? Did you cross paths
at hsp VA with Ralphie May nocomedian? No? Oh, because we

(05:53):
were trying to figure out time wise. I'll tell you, I'll tell you
what did happen though? Who camein the year I was graduating? Go
same school? Yeah? She originallywas at Elsick? Thank you? That
was my school? Thank you?Why she leave to go to eight?
I don't know why would anybody leavedaily? Why would anybody want to get
you? Guys had a great swimteam. So but no like so so

(06:17):
going back you like you mentioned MidnightOil? Yeah, but weren't you were
a big Smith's fan joy Division likeall of us Smiths the Cure and Peter
Gabriel right, not Genesis, notPhil Collins. I'm bro. Did we
just become best friends? Oh?Thank you? When people tell me you

(06:40):
sound like Peter Gabriel, I'm likethanking and Phil and I'm like, shut
your mouth, shut your face,shut your face, Phil, call Peter
Gabriel. Man, Oh my god, Peter Gabriel was such a weirdo.
And Peter Garrett from Midnight Oil andThe Cure and the Smiths and uh,
those were all my I loved those. So is that? But so does

(07:02):
that? I guess. I guesshere's my question, right, So when
when when Blue October makes it?And then I want to back up to
like you being in school was it? I feel like you guys got completely
mislabeled as to who you were.And I don't know if it's radio,
I don't know, if it's recordlabels, I don't know, and all
all of the above or garbage,right, but I know they're not.

(07:26):
Yeah they are, Yeah they arehorrible. But I feel like you guys
got horribly mislabeled as to like,yes, Handy was a huge song,
massive song. But I feel like, if you go a little bit deeper
than that, you guys really gotmislabeled as to who you were and to
what the band was my opinion,right, but let's just think of it

(07:48):
a different way. Okay, UniversalRecords signed us. We put out a
song called hate Me, right,but what's well the first let's do this
first. The first album came outin Universal in two nine ninety nine.
Limpus Getting Corn were huge, rightright, and we were this sensitive,
like like artsy, like this artsykid. So it didn't work. So
we were dropped, right, I'mlike, go for it, bro,

(08:09):
that's great. We didn't make theshoe you wanted, you know, to
make people run fast. People ranslower. Still drop us, that's great,
But were they expecting you to bethe next in line from They want
to sell They want to sell records, and I get it. So we
put out hate Me after being droppedby Universe of being dropped then got resigned,
right, And my logic behind thatwas because they already know us.

(08:31):
They know what they did wrong,and it's not like dating someone. This
is business. You want familiarity,you want you want your name out there.
So hate Me blows up, right, right? This is what happens
when that it blows up. Andyou can always say that it was because
we were mislabeled or misrepresented or whatever. It was not because of that,

(08:54):
Elliott. Okay, it was straightup because I had a drug problem,
okay, and I burned Bridges badbad, including you a couple of times,
a couple of times. And oneof the reasons I wanted to come
on this station, not to promoteanything, but was to apologize to you.

(09:15):
And I'll do that in a littlebit. But the point of what
your question is is we were putinto the category that was selling records,
and so we sold records. Wecould have changed and involved and I could
have worked with a Pharrell, orI could have worked with a One Republic,
or I could have worked with Idon't know, Stone tip Ball Pilots,
or I could have changed and involvedwith the music industry. But I

(09:37):
chose to drink and use drugs andhave my ego take over everything. So
instead of being able to massage anartists and develop an artist the correct way,
they were left with this guy thatwould stand people up right, they
were left with this guy that wasjust pigeonholed. That one song Bam,
which in Spotify if you look atit and all these things, you're labeled
right in that category with all thesebig rock bands. Because I never let

(10:01):
the art breathe enough. I gotyou. I just went okay, well
ball, look at me. Youknow what I'm saying. It was what
was the song? So you guysget dropped by Universal, right because the
record didn't sell fine, like yousaid, the first the first album.
So then now you have no labeland you so and hate me, you

(10:22):
go back, you you right,You start recording and hate Me starts to
take off with no label and thencalling you a song called that's right,
that's right, And so now it'stime to go back, and now everybody
wants to sign you again. Yeah, what is the And you sat down
and performed for all the people fromUniversal or back to watch you perform.

(10:43):
Didn't you go off like crate,not not at them, but just performance
wise, like just right up intheir face. Yeah. It was fun.
That's how I always am anyway,Right, So it was like this
is great. Everybody in our teamwas like, oh, they dropped you,
and I'm like, bro, they'resmart. We sold fifteen thousand units,
they want millions. I would havedropped us too, I mean it's

(11:09):
kind of not it's not very commonsense tells you if you're not doing it,
fire him, right, So herewe are again, And it was
like, oh my gosh, let'sgo. So we just we just attacked
like we usually do and in avery artistic and really good showman way that
I learned all these years. Andthey were like, let's sign you again,
and and I was like, thisis great. Let's talk about what

(11:30):
we did wrong. Let's talk aboutwhere we are now and where the music
industry is now. Because in Cornand Limbiscuit days, they were releasing some
sensitive love songs by Justin that's notreally not really you know what I'm saying.
So where are we now? Andso that's where we were. That's
when Radiohead, That's when Nickelback,creed Sure, three Doors Down, God

(11:54):
Smack, all that stuff was reallyhitting right, And while we weren't like
that at all, we had asong called hate Me that shoved right in
that mix, right, And itwas great for them to be able to
go, well, then, hey, let's do it. And was I
turning down shows because I didn't likeNo, it's just grateful to be putting
food on my daughter's plate, rightand getting through my first divorce and going

(12:20):
I'm making music for a living.Oh my gosh, So go go back
to for a second. So you'reI'm gonna go back to high school for
a second. The the the Howold were you when when you did?
I had a perfect body in highschool? Just want to say, you
know that is the wells a highschool. It was half a high school,
I'm sorry, half a high school. Senior year, you were just

(12:41):
in muffintop him him. How oldwere you when during during the Black Orchid
fourteen when I wrote that you werefourteen? Yeah? The and that was
dark? Yeah that was really dark. Yeah. Didn't the other parents in
the band like any other band thatI was in, Yeah, they were

(13:03):
like, hey, they don't wantyou to be a part of this band
anymore. Like it's just too dark. You're too dramatic, you're too dark.
We don't want our kids to berepresented with a crazy dude like you're
singing about teen suicide. Right,But that's what hit everything, or at
least from an audience standpoint, that'swhat made me, as a fourteen year
old, go, oh, well, if they're gonna hold band meetings because

(13:28):
of a song, this is great. I need to keep writing this honestly
and this openly about every aspect ofmy life. That's gonna be my thing.
I remember back then that's when first, like, do you remember a
True Story Real World California when thatfirst started coming out. So I was
like, I'm gonna be the realitymusic. There's the reality TV. I'm

(13:52):
gonna be reality music. And Ijust stuck to that thing for my whole
entire life. And and uh,those parents were like, we can't really
do that. But at fourteen,right, I started pretty heavy that you
would understand maybe now looking back,well, you've got kids. Yeah,
at fourteen, you could understand somebodyon the outside going, oh, that's

(14:15):
a that's a little heavy for afourteen year old. Yeah. Yeah,
But I wasn't performing until I waslike fifteen or sixteen, you know,
but still yeah, yeah, twelvemonths later, that's still a little bit
heavy. Yeah. But tell meif I owned the label right now,
which I do, Ryan Record Label, duh. If I was at a
bar and all of a sudden,this sixteen year old came up and sing
a song like that, I wouldbe the first one to go, I'm
signing you, right, because whatjust came out of you? Where's your

(14:41):
parents? Let's sit down and talk, Let's nurture this in the right way.
Let's talk about drugs, right let'stalk about depression. Let's talk about
these things now. How can wemassage this beautiful talent through this darkness a
healthy way? Did your parents knowat that age that there were signs of
depre rush? When I sing I'mthat song, my mom was like,

(15:03):
what the god? My dad wasa cop. He was a DA agent,
right, right? My dad wasa DA agent, and I have
a drug problem. Right, Soit's like that was that was crazy?
But if fifteen were you? Wereyou dabbling yet at fifteen? Yeah?
How old were you when you started? When you started dabbling? Fifteen?
Fifteen? Fourteen fifteen we'ed fourteen,ascid all that stuff, fifteen and then

(15:26):
it just once people started liking meat shows and started coming to shows,
and then I started writing songs standup all night and then going oh wow,
this works with that. I wasa huge fan of like John Michelle
Bascod, Shannon hun Right, Nirvana, all these people that they obviously take
drugs and then they make this amazingart. Right, I think I can
do that too. Wow. Soso in your mind, was it the

(15:50):
this is what's leading me to beable to write all of these songs?
It was, yeah, daring hateme. Yeah, because that album I
wrote just completely gone on drugs Ihad never tried before, and then I
got hooked during the writing of thatalbum and I didn't know how to get
off of them. So the nextten years was just me trying to be

(16:15):
a functioning junkie, tryatic alcoholic whilegoing through this crazy, toxic first marriage
that I'm like going, I wasdrunk when I got married. I'm going,
oh my god, and I havea kid, and I'm going everybody
has their problems, Elliott, right, but I chose to let it take
over my entire career, and whichleads me to when I was talking to

(16:38):
you earlier about Wow. Okay,so I'm going to get to talk to
Elliott. I don't want I justwant to apologize to him, and I
would love to be able to apologizeto you later at the end of the
interview, because I don't want itto be uncomfortable for me. Yeah,
but I'm just saying, it's like, there's a lot of this is what
I've been doing. Do you rememberwriting Hate Me? Yes, so you

(17:00):
remember as as as messed up asyou were, you could still remember going
through that process. That's what's weird. Songs always were like the piece in
it. All songs were always justlike, oh, well, you're obviously
going through that right now, solet's get that out. You know.
It's almost like a balloon popping whenthere's too much stuff going on. But

(17:21):
back then there's so much darkness,that's so much self blow. It didn't
have to be that way. Elliottdidn't have. I was just the one
going, oh, well, people, do you remember how much people loved
the sad stuff back then? Youremember, like, back then it was
like my chemical romance Blue October,all this really sad kind of dark emode

(17:42):
stuff like that for a while,right, and then it got really old
real quick. I was one ofthose people that drug and into the ground
and made people realize it's just say, I feel like I feel like you
spent a decent amount of time withsome eyeliner on. Oh yeah, and
I didn't have island, right yousharpie? And because of that, guys,

(18:03):
let me tell you I've lost thissight at this left eye you think
I'm getting I didn't have a senseof humor back then. Everything were you
really listen, Oh, there wasno funny that came out of me,
right, would the band say thesame thing. Oh they hated me,
and then after oh my gosh,they and then going through my first divorce,

(18:25):
I wanted to make a whole albumabout my divorce, right, and
the band's going, Bro, there'snothing cool about this. Who who was
she? Like? I know,isn't the story? You guys show up
to play some show in Vegas andthen all of a sudden, Justica comes
back. He's like, well Igot married. Everybody's like, what the
F did you do? Like it'sbad now? Yeah, bro, what

(18:48):
is this gonna be? Like?Where? Did you even meet her at
a strip club? Shut up?Did you really? Thank you? Thank
Jesus this whole thank you for themchrip clubs up there and oven you met
her at a strip club in Vegas? Yeah? Not in Vegas. No,
in Nebraska. Oh I'm sorry,none, different things there, you

(19:10):
know? So did she So youmeet her at a strip club in Vegas?
Does she know who's in Vegas?Let's make that very clear. Does
she know who you are? Yeah? Okay, so you're you're at a
strip club Nebraska? Whipped? Iam whipped. If she said chump,
I would say how high? Ifshe said canceled? That because I need

(19:32):
you. Oh yeah, have youever been whipped before, Elliott, like
back in the high school or maybeelementary school. Well, I was a
thirty year old whipped man who justsold a million records and I couldn't see
the Maybe she wanted my money.Okay, I'm a little angry. So
you're so you're at this strip cluband god knows where in Nebraska, she

(19:55):
knows who you are, called theRoyal Grove another name. Please pull up
a picture because I want to imagine. No, no, no, check
this out and played by day,rock, rolled by night. Oh okay,
and if you're really nice to thestrippers, filled dance to your single,
oh wow wow look at you?But only until five pm? Oh,

(20:19):
because then it shuts down and it'sa I think they sell popcorn.
But I remember the first thing shesaid to me was you want to go
party? Right? I got someeggs and I was like, okay,
do you know what I'm saying?Did you ask her to marry you that
night? No? This was likesix seven years later, was it really?

(20:42):
You stayed in contact with her forseven years? Yeah? I was
in you were whipped. I wasin love, bro right in love.
I could go on for that,But then I would realize this is just
this is whipped This is whipped whipstuff here when you so so at some

(21:03):
point you were, like my dadsaid, check this out, he goes
the sex must be amazing. Washe right? Because you're stupid? Because
you're dumb? She must fart rainbows? Yes, sir, she doesn't.
I like her rainbows did. Didthe rest of the band know you were

(21:26):
dating her for that long? Therest of the band new, but they
didn't really realize how just toxic itwas, right, you know, But
once again, guys, if Iwould have been sober and I've been doing
drugs, let's just keep it infact, this is not her problem.
I could have said, we're overright, but two words right. But
I couldn't get enough confidence, couldn'tget enough self esteem. Up. I

(21:51):
was a sad boy and I justwanted her to love me. Elliot right.
But I could have stopped drinking,gone to therapy, gone to the
gym, worked out eight right,been a pimp, and then said girl,
base right, I'm now okay,But you know it's not that easy.
Bro could have been because it reallyis that easy if you really think

(22:12):
about it. It really is thateasy. I don't feel like in watching
your documentary it's that easy. Well, back then it wasn't elliott. I
didn't have the body that I didin Sawwhere year that was pudgy. If
you have you seen the hate Mevideo, I look like a like a
pudgy penguin with the freaking eliner on. I looked sick. I did not

(22:34):
look cool. Do you when youwhen you look back and see yourself back
then, it did not look likeMichael Stipe? Okay, that's all I'm
saying. You did not. Ilook sad. I looked sick. But
when you when you see yourself backthen, what do you see? Is
it really? I just see you? Suck it up? Bro? Are
you kidding me? That's what Ithink? Are you kidding me? You

(22:55):
asked your mom to come be ina video where you die of an overdose?
Why why did you do that toher? You get it right?
Like really, bro, what's thepoint? Active addiction will make you do
some stupid stuff, makes some stupiddecisions. The so you you end up
just laugh about it. Now youend up marrying her. You have a

(23:17):
kid. The band's on. Everybodyhates everybody at that point, I think
they all liked each other. Theyjust hated me, which was okay,
that's true. That's fair, that'sfair. Including your brother. Yeah,
my poor brother. He just wantedme to be happy. He's like,
bro, like, can you imaginethis? Bro? People are paying this
real good money to come play rockand roll? Why do you keep cancing?

(23:41):
I just won't be my baby?And I'm like, no, bro,
it's way too deep. Bro,it's got dumb. Let me play
rock and roll. And this oneguy was never even a drummer. I
don't want to construction. Please behappy, you know what I'm saying.

(24:02):
And I'm gonna know I need tocomplicate everything. Jeremy, my poor brother.
The well, if you, ifyou the documentary, which is which
is fascinating, by the way,the documentary is great, Thank you for
watching it. But if you ifyou go back and watch that, like
you see, like Ryan obviously hashis everybody in the band has their own.

(24:22):
And they even talk about how likewe all had our problems and we
were all dabbling in drugs and wewere all doing that, but like you
were, but they showed up towork, bro, They show showed up
to work. Yeah, Ryan,you could argue a little bit that that
was right there, But throughout thethroughout the documentary, I'm watching your brother

(24:47):
and everybody else is telling stories,and everybody else is fine. Your brother
spends and it breaks my heart.Your brother spends the whole documentary wiping tears
out of his eyes, trying tokeep it together. He really is like
just fighting to get through it.And that's what was crazy about making the
documentary. Excuse me is I didn'twant people to go, oh, look
at Justin. It's a it's adocumentary about how great it was it was.

(25:11):
It's a documentary about and when theysaid it was it hard for you
to make that documentary, I said, no, I just didn't smoke crystal
math. That's all I had todo, not smoke crystal Math. What
was hard was put on the guysbecause they're going, so, what was
Justin? Like? Right? Andthen they're like, bro, we could

(25:33):
have retired? Why not right?But this mother needed to go play emo
for ten years straight. Well,we sit here and really about my kids?
Do you know what I'm saying?And I can joke about it now,
but man about it. They canjoke about it now because I've sat

(25:53):
them down and I've made the lasteleven years all I've been doing. It's
the most beautiful process is to commencedto people that you have have have uh
to take an advantage of and andfor them, it took a lot from
my brother, all those guys,but it's taken a lot of years of

(26:15):
trust and me working as hard asI can to show them just how much
I am sorry for disrespecting their time, disrespecting their futures, their families,
their wives who sat there and said, excuse me, what's he doing?
Now? M you know so,But it's a beautiful thing. Now now
I can look at them and go, you know, remember that time when

(26:37):
I came to your house and you'rehaving a party, Itt, and I
came over and asked you to goto the bathroom, and I got in
your bathtub and lay there for fourhours. He knows that it's funny.
We can all be sitting around andthey'll be having, you know, tequila
shots at night, and they'll beit's just fun because we'll just talk and

(27:00):
it's we're a big family, right. And that's what I think was so
beautiful about the documentary was when Iwas in rehab and coming off all those
drugs, a lot of shame andguilt started coming in. But I remember
this old ninety year old man camein and he said, stop freaking crying.
Bro, Let's just stop whining aboutit. You're just being selfish thinking

(27:22):
about yourself. Shame and guilt isjust another form of you sitting there whining
about yourself. Do something about it. Let's do something. Just shut them
up though, And I was like, WHOA, So I just need to
shut up, put my head downand just keep going. Let my actions
speak, you know. So nowI don't have to attend to every fight
I'm asked too. Now if somebodydoesn't like me, I'm just like,
that's all good, bro. Right, when let's person I have to worry

(27:44):
about. Can I ask you aboutsomething in the in the documentary, of
course, there's there's a partner inthere where it is. I'm trying to
remember it just in my head.You are I think you're going out on
like a promo tour or something likethat, and you end up in Minnesota
in a mental hospital. A mentalhospital. We'll laugh about it. But

(28:07):
you were you were going up onyou were you were going up on some
promo tour and you're you're in Minnesotaand you I don't you get off the
plane or you get there and thestate takes control of you. What does
that mean? So I went toNebraska to see my kid and I and

(28:27):
I couldn't see my kid. Iwas she wouldn't let me see my kid
at the time. So this isthe stripper. Why well, well no,
no longer. You know, shedoesn't like that anyway. But what
I'm saying is is I wasn't allowedto see her, and and and instead
of just going okay, we'll takeout of this latter and being whatever,

(28:48):
I proceeded to get on the planeand uh just start drinking. And I
got off the plane and I don'tremember it, but I got off the
plane and I was just waving myhands around down and I'm I'm making threats
in an airport on some dude Idon't even remember. But the cops came

(29:10):
and walked me off the plane anduh and put me in a car and
took me to the state hospital becauseI guess they got on the horn with
my dad or somebody and and mytherapist and they were like, yeah,
he has some emotional and mental problems. You think this guy's got some emotional
problems. So they instead of takingyou to like a hospital, you know,

(29:33):
they took me to the state mentalhospital. And I'm just sitting there
and I, oh my god,I was like what I think that might
have been? Like wow, nowhere you are, right, but it
still didn't kick in that like everybody'swaiting to go on tour. They're they're
all starting a tour. Do yourealize that they're all ready to go to
work about a suicide prevention tour?Right? And here I am in a

(30:00):
middle hospital again? Press release?Really, bro, seriously, come on,
get your together, just okay,goodbye? Remember those two words?
What were they were? Over right? Right? Bro? Yeah? It
was crazy back then. So yourparents have to come up there and get

(30:22):
my mom does my mom comes upand gets me out there, and uh
and I'm like thirty something, Bro, my mom's coming to get me out
of a state mental hospital to flyme to another mental hospital in Texas because
it's not state owned, right,And I don't really remember much they but
it was just crazy. And I'mtelling you this right now because all of

(30:45):
that was no one's fault. Allof it was not my ex's fault,
it was not my band's fault,or it was my ability to not drink
alcohol all in two drugs and selfmedicaing. If I would have not done
those things, none of that wouldhave happened. It's all a symptom.

(31:08):
I tell people I'm allergic to alcohol. I break out in handcuffs. Do
not try me. I'll ruin lines. You know, the the the combination
of depression. Yes, sir,How old were you when you started cutting
yourself? Probably like thirteen twelve thirteen? Did you? Were you able to

(31:32):
hide it from your parents? Yeah? But I made it in the form
of tattoos like little crosses and stuff. But my parents were like, what
the are you doing? Right,Like stop that? And that's dumb,
you know, don't do that.Yeah, but that was not That was
kind of unheard of back then,right, you know, it was kind
of like this is like the eighties, you know, it's a good time,

(31:52):
good music numbers. No, no, but I mean somebody so from
a from a depression standpoint, right, considering or at least thinking about suicide
regularly, right, that was weird. And then mix on top of that

(32:12):
a unbelievable creative type. But thendrugs, the drinking, drugs and drinking,
and then toxic relationships right where you'rejust off bro right, I'm gonna
marry. I'm with you forever.Do you want me to chop off my
legs? Sure? You know whatthe most? Do that for you because
I love you. The most shockingpart of the whole story, I can't

(32:37):
believe you were with her for sixyears. I would I thought it was
like that. I just want tolove me. I just wanted to chop
my leg off, give it toher and let her beat me because it
felt so good. Were you loyalfor those six years? Yes? No,
you were? Were you really?Yeah? That's a that's a crazy

(32:58):
part. I just found the newestshocking part the whole I could have been
cheating the whole time. Well,come on, though, if I was
canceling shows and I was like,mister, when do you think I'm gonna
have time to hit on a womanas she's walking by in the airport when
I'm glad I'm making threat? Holdon, hey, what's your name?
I got a next year? Twentyfour minutes before I get taken to a

(33:21):
state hospital. Like when do Ihave time, bro, my depressions taken
over. I don't have time toget you know, lay, what are
you talking about? Leg? What'sthat? Best sex I've ever had was
with myself? I was like,come on, you know all right,
let me let me do this.Let me take a quick break. Justin

(33:44):
Furstenfeld is with us from Blue October. I want to get into Spinning the
Truth Around Part two that's coming out. I have a ton more that we
have to get into. So letme do this. Give me a quick
break and tell you in the morning. Telliot in the morning, Tell you
in the morning. Justin first beenfell for Blue October is with us.
Spinning the Truth Around Part two willbe out October thirteenth. Video for that

(34:07):
song a little bit trippy? Yeahyou like it? Yeah, it's a
little bit trippy though, yeah,yeah, yee. Although you do try
to show off those swimmer legs alittle bit. Well, I want to
tell you something. Did you knowyou notice that? But guess what I
asked them to do. Asked themto oil my legs down. Oh that's
why you saw them, because theywere glistening in the sun. Elliott.
That was meant to be and you'rethe only one who's responded about my legs.

(34:30):
Thank you, Thank you, Elliott, thank you. All Right,
we're gonna play something, then we'regonna talk, and then we'll play.
What are we gonna play? First? A song called I Hope You're happy?
Okay, whatever, you're ready?All right? There. It will
be days when you fall and dayswhen you're inside up. There will be
days when you fall apart. Someoneelse will break your heart. The never

(34:52):
gonna hold you back. I'm alwaysgonna have your back, So try to
remember that. I hope you're hippy. I hope you're good. I hope

(35:13):
you get what you wish. Falland you won't understood. And now I'm
standing here looking at you. I'mwondering what the hell you're gonna do with
those doctor Pepper eyes and your bubblecome her. Yeah, I'm standing right

(35:34):
here. I remember how I heldyou so right. I remember that Saturday
night, do you? And therewill be days when you're falling down,
days when you're inside out. Therewill be days when you fall apart.
Someone else will brank your heart.They're never gonna hold you back. I'm

(35:59):
always gonna hide your back. Sobaby, try to remember that. I
hope you're happy. I hope you'regood. I hope you get what you
wish for and you won't understood.And wherever your progress, I nor you'll

(36:31):
be fine because I hope you're happy, even if you're not mine. I
remember when the world was asked totake. I remember you next to me.

(36:52):
I remember you with every breath Itake. You always have a piece
of me. I remember mother.Try to remember that. I remember everyoney
that we spoke, you right herenext to me. I remember how we
try it, and we try iteverything, but try to remember that.

(37:15):
Bar. But I just hope you'rehappy. Yeah, yeah, Yeah,
I hope you're happy. I said, I hope you're good. I hope
you get what you wish for andyou won't understood, and every your progress.

(37:46):
Hey, look I normal. We'llbe fine because I just hope you're
happy, even if you're none.Man. Yeah, just hope you're happy.

(38:10):
Justin Furston Feld is with us fromBlue October. Spinning the Truth Around
Part two comes out October the thirteenth, So that's a year after Part one
came out, and there was apart three that's coming. I'm assuming a
year two in twoty five look alot of times during COVID. Is that

(38:37):
when you did all the writing wasduring was during COVID. I have a
studio and my property and every dayI would go in at eight am and
at stay till six pm. Uhand just would you really just like every
day every day every day because wewouldn't you know, my kids were there,
so they would be playing on theproperty and I would just record every

(39:00):
day with my uh my writing partners. And were you also doing like I
mean, the kids at that pointhad to be doing like school online.
They're inside doing school one. SoI get them set up. Were you
doing school online? Were you helpingdo school online? Let me tell you
what I did. I would helpthem and then when they go to bed,
I would look up on YouTube whowas Aldbro? Is this? Because

(39:24):
I went to Eyes School performing arts. We didn't have you know, wait,
so you didn't have to take normalclasses. They did, but I
mean, but they didn't count.It was like you're going to Juilliard,
You're gonna do this that that.Math was never my thing. So when
my sixteen year old daughter, whichwas fourteen at the time, was taking
like algebra one, algebra two,I was like on YouTube all night,

(39:47):
but check it out. Once Ifigured it out, I was like,
Oh, this is dope. Theseare like problems that you can solve like
a puzzle, bro. And thenI got into it. So now I
we'll have to watch YouTube again,but it'll be fine. It'll be fine.

(40:07):
So it was all writing for youthough. During all writing, and
I had I invested in very muchlike this, but for social media,
a media an office, and Iconnected with people online twice a week and
I worked recovery steps A steps,twelve steps. I worked those online as

(40:32):
kind of like a people could watchme and I would talk them through it
and stuff like that. Wait,so I would play songs talk about recovery
and okay, so I'm sorry Imisunderstood. I thought you meant like you
were going through your own like meetingsand stuff, but you were almost a
mentor. I don't, don't.I was hosting these things because I knew
that if I was going to betrapped for years, I need to start
talking to some people out really.So I would start doing these things where

(40:57):
hey, we'd be writing during theday and I'd always be on social media,
and I'd be like, hey,it's four o'clock. I'd go on
at seven tonight. For we calledit to hanging out with two positive dudes,
right, staying positive with Justin andEric. That's what we call it,
staying positive with Justin and Eric,because everybody was freaking out, so
we were like, let's stay positive, bro, come on. So we

(41:19):
would ask these people, tell uswhat cover song you want me to cover?
And I would have to learn itin two hours, right, I'd
have to learn it in two hourswhile he mixed whatever we did recording that
day, and then we go onat seven, right, and we start
with, Hey, this is Justinwhat's going on this week? Blah blah
blah blah blah. We're being positive, being positive, U, let's do
let's talk about recovery for a littlebit. Anybody out there struggling with this,

(41:42):
check out the first step. Ittells us this, and we do
fifteen minutes of step work right right, And just so if anybody out there,
I wanted to get sober during COVIDbecause a lot of people are just
like, oh God, it's gonnasay, how hard did that have to
be for me? I mean forI mean fors it hard for you?
No? Because I had an outletit, and I had the steps,
and I had tools, and I'dalready been sober for nine years, right

(42:04):
so, but for people that werejust getting sober, I can't imagine.
I was like, that's why.And we started out and we had like
maybe five hundred people. By theend of COVID, we had six seven
thousand people every Tuesday, every Tuesdaywatching us. What covers were you doing,
Bro? I was I'm I'm herewe go. I might be a
wedding singer. One now. Iwas killing Journey, I was killing Bonnie

(42:24):
Raid. I can't make you loveme. I was doing all a wider
shade of pale. Bro. Whatwhat you were doing up the guitar?
Pick up the guitar. I don'tknow how to play it, but I
don't do it on the up this? Did you cover George Michael at all?

(42:52):
Yes, George Michael is my favorite. That's your guy, isn't it.
I love Taco and that's not abit that is legit. Everybody there
is. George Michael is your guy. If that's when you were talking to
me about the music categories, Iam not. I love rock music,
got it, I love it.But the difference in me is I grew

(43:12):
up on rock, I grew upon an alternative. But I was infatuated
with George Michael, the pop essenceof him, the the I don't want
Joe Sick, no big brown hiphop, R and B, all that
stuff. I loved R and Band George Michael was my savior because I
mean, first of all, welook exactly alike, and I mean that

(43:36):
is you know, no, wedon't look exactly alike. But I'm just
saying like he was just dope andhe wrote the saddest, coolest love songs,
you know, one more try.He's looking at me like, yeah,
whatever, I didn't listened George Michael. I know I loved like Freedom
ninety was awesome. Yeah yeah,Oh I just got brushed off. Yeah,
you know whatever. I mean.If you like the popular stuff,

(43:58):
that's like saying you like poison.Uh please don't say I'm skinny Bob.
We were best friends of all that. Do you like poisons, unskinny Bob
better than look what the cat drag? Then? Come on, these are
real questions. Oh, pink Floyd, do you like Roger Waters or or

(44:22):
or or what's his face? Orboth of them together? David Gilmore,
David Gilmore or Roger Waters better Gilmore. Oh now we hate each other?
Oh children, Motley Crue, doctorfeel Good or Theater of Pain or girls
Girls Girls, Girls girls girls.There we got. Now we're back,
That we're back. I thought Iwas swimming. My arm pits are sweating.

(44:45):
We were good. So during COVIDyou're writing, you're writing, you're
doing these things on Tuesday. Iwas gonna ask you, but it sounds
it sounds like the with those sessionson Tuesday night. Did you have a
lot of people and maybe even inbands? And obviously I would never ask
you to say who I I thatpart I understand. No, I like

(45:05):
talking about other bands dirt. Let'stalk about someone else's dirt. I screwed
a lot of stuff up. Allthat someone must have done just as much
as me. Were other bands reachingout to you and going hey, I
need I need help? Like haveyou been that guy for other for other
artists? You know? It's it'sso it's a blessing. She hates that

(45:25):
word, but it's a it's ablessing when it comes to that, because
the only thing that could have openedmy eyes to that is just it's something
other than me, you know.But a lot of uh singers that reached
out and there was like I'm watchingwhat you're doing on Tuesday and oh my
god, right and they need fora call sure, And I'm like,

(45:49):
sure, can you maybe talk tome tonight like one am after everybody goes
asleep? Perfect girl? That's great, right, because I'm their end.
They don't want to be having thatconversation. The worst part is going,
yeah, I got a problem.Okay, I got a problem. That's
the worst part. How hard wasI've never been involved in one. How
hard was your intervention? I don'treally remember it, bro, you don't.

(46:15):
I don't remember a bunch of peoplebeing really mad at me, right
and telling me a bunch of stuff, and all I remember was true.
So you were you don't remember it. You were messed up out of your
mind. Oh yeah, But Ido remember my dad, which was mister
da cop Dad. He was theone that was always like, I mean,

(46:36):
my dad literally came to my houseone day and tell me this is
too dark, but it's a positiveending. And I had my daughter for
a visitation right right during all thistime, and he got a call that
I was using while I had mydaughter, and he kept drove to my
house and he came inside and hegoes, just and get over here.
Yeah, I found this all overyour floor, you know, in your
bathroom. He is, what theis this? And I'm like, and

(46:58):
my face is went white? Right, So he goes walk. I got
an idea. I brought this fromthe from the office. It's a little
drug packet. If I put itin there and I pop it and it
turns purple, it's positive for boopboom ba boop. And I'm like,
don't do that right, and hedid, and he popped in. He
goes, wow, with your daughterhere, and he goes come here,

(47:20):
and he picked up my daughter andhe goes say goodbye to her. You're
never gonna see her again. Andhe took her and he left and drove
off right, And that was huge. But guess what the first thing I
did was when he drove off,I went right back in and used again.
I was so lost. But that'show hardcore my dad was. But
now the intervention, he's sitting rightacross from me going shut up, man,

(47:46):
just shut up. I'm gonna takeyou. I'm gonna fly you.
You're flying with me. All yougotta do is say yes. Are you
saying yes or not? I waslike okay, right, And so he
flew me to Nashville and check meinto the place and I lived there for
three months in a halfway house andrehabilitation and the best thing that ever happened

(48:07):
to me, the best thing thatever happened to me. He passed away
two years ago. And before hepassed away and died during COVID, yeah
he did. But that's okay.He's up in having having like a golden
orgy, like I hope it's astrip club by day. No, we
don't want to go. Sorry,the whole rainbow thing, no, but

(48:29):
wasn't wasn't the what was the whatwas the song you wrote for him?
That he listened to? Big Love? That's right, Big Love and a
song called Remission and C Major Sowhenever he would go get chemo, he
would listen to it. And uh, and but we had a really good
relationship towards because we didn't have agood relationship. We had a really good
relationship where we would sit quiet andhe would I like to barber, right,

(48:52):
And when he lost his hair,before he lost his hair, he
asked me to cut his hair,and that was a really pivotal moment my
relationship with him because we didn't saya lot, but I remember one of
the last things that said to mewas I love my hair cut, and
he gave me a hug, andthat was just like, that's tight.
We would watch True crime together,right, so we'd sit and watch True

(49:14):
Crime and be like, oh,but didn't he didn't. He passed during
the like the times where like nobodywas allowed into facilities to say goodbye to
to say goodbye to loved ones.Yes, but I went in anyway.
So how my mom figured it outand somehow we were allowed to go in
and these big suits and it wasprobably it's that's a moment that changed my

(49:39):
life because I saw my mom notsit there and go, oh my god,
please downright, But my mom turnedinto this their high school sweethearts,
right, My mom turned into this, go see your mama, go see
your dad. They were really foryou. They got all I heard.
There's this lake you can go fishing. And I was just sitting there watching

(50:00):
and I'm like, going, that'slove because you think about me. I've
been in these marriages where it's justlike just toxic. And then that was
like pivotal. Is that the wordpivotal? Sure, where it's like everything
just switches and you're like, oh, you're supposed to be partners and you're
supposed to be selfless. And sheshowed me this side of her that was

(50:22):
like a beast mode that day.Right, she didn't break apart. She
was there for him and it wasdope. Right. It wasn't nothing selfish
about it. Yah, bro,it was just like go up there,
you know, go see your blahblah blah blah blah. You know,
you know what. You know whatamazed me about the part of your intervention
was Ryan talking about how a rightgood now we can talk. He was

(50:49):
he he did four lines of cocaineand smoked weed on the way to the
intervention. I mean that might havebeen a okay he did, I don't
know he said it on cameras.I'm like, he must a darn say
that. Maybe he low keyed it, maybe it was this is going to
be wrong. But by the way, I would be willing to bet your

(51:10):
intervention because he even says at thatpoint he was like, I'm the biggest
hypocrit in the world. I'm gonnago scream at my brother that he needs
to go get help. In themeantime, I've done four lines of cocaine
I'm smoking on the way to theintervention. He ends up going to get
help himself. Yeah, I would, I would be and listen. I
mean, it's a stupid Betton.Who knows, but I would be willing

(51:32):
to bet if you don't go.If that intervention doesn't happen, I don't
know if Ryan goes. Oh yeah, yeah, definitely. If I didn't
go, man, we wouldn't evenbe having this conversation. I wouldn't have
the chance to look at you.You know, are you ever surprised you're
alive? I'm surprised that I'm theperson I am today because that other person
is just bethetic. Bro. Recoveryis real, man, It's crazy how

(51:54):
real and how good life is andhow beautiful waking up every day and having
a job, I'm having kids andbeing able to make good, sound decisions
and not question it. That's whatI love about sobriety for me, For
me, I'm not preaching it,but for me, I can go.
Yeah, our relationship is not workingout. I'm gonna go and leave,

(52:15):
but I got so much respect foryou. That was a good run,
right, you know back in theday. I'm like, you know,
no, life is short, enjoyit. When did you for for for
spinning the truth around? When didyou hook up with Billy Corgan to do
the writing? Uh? Daring covidIt was crazy. I just got like

(52:39):
towards the tail end? Or arewe really out of it? Right?
Uh? He just wanted to ridewith me, and I'm like, all
right, well, let's see whatyou got. So he calls you and
it's just it wasn't that way.So what did his people call? And
you answer no, no, orthey call your people. Let's just say

(53:00):
my people put feelers out to everyonethat just wants to write, because I
just want to work with people.I just want to create. I just
want to do business. I wantto create and write. And he wrote.
He wrote back and he's like,I love this. I was always
a huge fan of Into the Oceanand and hate me. I'm like,
let's do this. So I showup in Chicago at this amazing house and

(53:22):
I bet Billy Corgan loves nice.Yeah it's pretty cold. I was like,
here, you're the man. Theseguy like that's all I did.
The old I was today. He'sthe greatest day ever. But we sat
down and and I had all theseideas, and I would play him and

(53:43):
this is how Billy would write.He'd play the idea and he go all
right, he go senses. Hegoes, there's your typeline next song.
And I'm like, well, we'renot gonna work on lyrics. He goes,
know you're the lyricist. I'm justgonna give you melodies. And I'm
like, all right, I'm gonnaorder some coffee. This We went through

(54:07):
like fifteen ideas in a day.He's like, put the next one there,
he go, let's go next one. I'm like, this is writing.
I would have left Chicago going Igot nothing. I have absolutely nothing.
Are you on? The best partthough, is he goes, you

(54:28):
want to go for a drive.And I'm like, okay, let's go
for a drive. And he putshis hat on this baseball cap and he
turns its sideways almost like let's go. What kind of car? Bro He
rolls up in this white nineteen fiftiesor sixties. I'm not a car guy,
right, like muscle car, right, And he goes get in and

(54:50):
I get in. I'm like,what happening? He listened like this really
nice rich neighborhood. No, helistening is really gonna run. He lives
all this under the home. Anyway. He puts it in reverse and we
go outside and he says, swamand I'm talking we'd all these and then
all of a sudden he stops tomurder and he goes, you see that

(55:10):
house over there in the woods andI'm like yeah. He goes that garash.
I'm like, yeah. He goes, that's the fairest Peeler's day off
garage where the car goes and backwardsand goes out of the back window.
Oh, Cam's car goes off theback whoa he is? He goes,
just thought you'd like to see it. What's going on? And then that

(55:32):
Nightety takes me home. It feltlike we were on a date or something,
because I was just like, ohmy god, we gotta say goodbye.
It's gonna be so awkward. DoI hug him? Do I go
in for a kiss? You know? And I said to him, Okay,
I gotta ask you something and he'slike what And I go, how'd
you get that guitar tone on somesign? He goes, You've been waiting

(55:54):
to ask that the whole time.I'm like, he told me how you
did it, and just how hemiked up the amps. And I called
my assistant at home and I'm like, Eric, tomorrow morning on what you
go inside and like up all thesehamps like that to the left. No,
I'm right down left, I'm parallel. You know. It was great.

(56:14):
He's a nice guy. Do youwrite with a lot of people.
Nobody wants to write with me,really, well, everybody, I mean
maybe it's not. Nobody wants towrite with you. Everybody's busy, right,
everybody's doing their own thing, andthat's so respectable, and I love
it. If you were to askme right now, hey, you got
a day off to come hang outand maybe write something. If you really
wanted to write, and you reallywanted to, I would make the time

(56:35):
and I'd be like, yeah,because I love to write. Right.
But if you asked me if Ihad a day off in the near coming
future where I didn't want to bewith my kids spending time with my kids,
I have no day, no time, right, Hey, wasn't there
wasn't there a point? I don'tknow where it was in your career.
I got my body back the waitno, because I want to come back
to that in one second. Butthere wasn't there wasn't there a day who

(56:59):
wanted you to write with Richard Mars. Oh, bro, listen to this.
First time I got dropped by Universal. They fly me first class up
with my dad to the office inNew York and it's Avery and Money Littmann,
right, and they sit me down. No, it's just money.
I'm sorry, Avery, I loveyou, and Money says it's not doing

(57:20):
too good. Records not doing toogood. And I'm like, okay,
okay, what do I gotta doit? He goes, we want you
to go right with a guy,and I'm like, this is where my
ego is, right. He's aguy named Richard Marx, And I actually
went like this, this is toshow you how stupid I went. Hell
no, I'm gladio right with RichardMarks. You mean, mister, I'll

(57:42):
always love like right here waiting guy, I'm a rock or I write my
songs and he goes, well then, and you're dropped and dropped me that
day literally after you were like I'mnot doing Hold onto the night and see
you later. He gave me achance to go, Okay, I'm willing
to do whatever day, sir.Right, I was dumb, dumb,
drugs dumb, and I said noway. Even my dad looked at me.

(58:06):
He goes, no, bro,we don't you know. I'm like,
bro, I was. I wasriding around in a car the other
day and right here waiting came onand I went, damn, Yeah,
guys in cheese is Richard Marks isa freaking cheese all right by himself.

(58:27):
Okay, I write my own songs, Elliott, I don't have time for
Richard Marks. And he did theright thing. Well, then you're dropped,
right, little selfish prick. Youdon't get first class on the way
back, by the way, thatmakes me laugh. Getting dropped is one
thing, but you and your oldman go to the back of the plade,

(58:49):
bro, do not collect two.If I were your dad that I
would have been pissed at. Weflew first class from Houston to New York.
Yeah, and now I'm started deaningat it back. I can imagine
the conversation up there. He's like, oh, my son is on the
way back. He's like, youlittle you should have written getting your body

(59:12):
back do you are you still youwalk like a madman? Yeah? Like,
but is that like is that likeroutine? Like you have to walk
every single day? I have towalk every day. I have to I
have to watch every single thing Iput in my body. Do you really
because so many days back in theday, I've already had fried chicken,
I've already had the double mac,I've already had massive amounts of whatever it

(59:34):
is, right, So now Ieat Vietnamese fu, which I love,
right spring rolls, you know,not the fried ones and everything I want.
I just I just I'm really consciousof it. So, like I
was reading where you'll pull into acity and just go just go walking.
Yeah, And partly is because ofhealth, but partly is because of Listen,

(59:54):
you've had a great life. You'vetoured all over the place, but
unfortunately you don't remember being at alot of those Thank you for bringing that
up. People told me you're inDC. I'm like, wow, what's
DC? What's there? They're likeimportant stuff? I'm like, what do
you mean? Like an urban outfitors? So do you, like,

(01:00:15):
do you do you have any memoriesof anything in DC? Like playing through
here, coming through here, doinganything through your day. Yeah, yeah,
yeah, no nothing. Oh that'stoo bad. I don't remember.
I don't I don't remember anything,though, Right, you gotta understand,
you know, it's not a it'snot a bad thing, because now I'm

(01:00:36):
I'm grateful right to be able toget off the bus and go see it
in this frame of mind, right, because if I would have gone back
then it's just all I would havebeen doing was searching for alcohol or drugs
or drugs or something. Can Ican I ask you? Can I ask
you an addit question if you don'tmind, because I you you. I
saw you talk about something that I'venever I've never heard anybody say before.

(01:00:58):
And you talked about going to bedat night and this is clean and sober
and and and like you now whereyou would say that you woke up from
in the in the morning, Yeah, but had dreams that were so vivid
that you were convinced that you hadstarted using again. Yeah? Is that

(01:01:20):
is that a common? I've neverheard anybody say that. Is that is
that common for somebody who is whois not even as much as you went
through, but somebody who's gone throughrecovery. Oh, that's very common,
is it really? Yeah? Likeyou're you're you're about to go on stage
and or or many or all theprogram directors that you completely just stood up

(01:01:42):
right are there and they gave youanother shot. But you can't find the
crystal meth and you just need tofind it until you go do it.
And then you're like and then thatone program director looks at you and goes,
you're on it, and you're like, I'm not. And those are
the dreams. Yeah wow, ButI mean I'm not complaining. It used

(01:02:02):
to be real life, right.I get that everything right now is such
a bonus for me. The factthat I'm in this room right now is
incredible to me. That's all Iask for. That's it, because everything
is a bonus. Everything. Sowhen I hear people talk about how their
food's wrong or their coffee is notcold, or they're dunkin Donuts, didn't

(01:02:23):
get this for them, I'm justlike, bro, you have no idea
what hell looks like? Are youeasier to be around? Now? Oh?
I love being around people. Peoplelove being around me, right,
people love being around me? Right? Steph, No, let's go getting
this is look all right? Whatare we? Oh? Well, let

(01:02:45):
me go back. So so therecord comes out on the thirteenth, when
is do you know when you're puttingpart three out? Or it doesn't matter?
Uh, bro, I own thelabel rob next week? Is there
a schedule like that? One's not, we'll get It's just it's there and
we'll get to it whenever we get. And then what and so what else
are we doing? I mean,obviously we wrote We've Got, We've Got

(01:03:07):
the record came out last year,and then next one comes out on the
thirteenth, and now what's on what'son? What's on our schedule? What
are we doing? We tour tour, tour, tour tour right. Uh,
we have a what I call anecosystem of supporters and fans that are
so amazing that during COVID uh weyou know, everybody went through kind of

(01:03:28):
a lull. So now we're justtrying to make that stronger and make it
about positivity and spread positivity and amessage of hope. And when people leave
our shows now people are just like, oh my god, life is so
good, right, And that's that'smy main goal, is just to show
people that life can just be sogood and you can go and truly try
to make amends. And move forward, and everything that you're given is just

(01:03:52):
an added bonus I'm doing. I'mwriting a one man show right now about
recovery and and uh just beautiful,like how life just has so many colors,
and that'll come out next year.I have a book that I'm working
on that's coming out next year.I'm just always working and being creative.
Are you gonna do any more acting? Why? Yes? Did you see

(01:04:14):
my Oscar Award winning performance? Idon't know if you know Mickey roy a
movie with me. I don't knowthose guys. I want to tell you
the last thing I saw that yourmom say about you, Oh clean your
room. The no no, no, it's from the It's from the documentary
Get back Up. Okay. Hishead was darker than most, but his

(01:04:38):
heart was much bigger. I believethat. Oh, I believe that.
And you started by saying no no, But you started earlier by saying that
you would you would dict us overa couple of times, Yes, sir,
and that and that's true. Andfor the longest time I would have
said, I don't. I haveno desire to meet Justin. I have

(01:05:00):
desire to do anything with Blue October, not not in a not as much
as trust me, there are otherpeople that there's no way, but I
do think And it was all duringthe broken leg part and the running the
bases part and then slipping on thebathroom floor. And you would hear things
from labels, and some of themwould be trying to I should even say

(01:05:21):
labels from management and stuff. Whowould say, listen, they were they
were trying, they were trying tohelp the band. They were trying to
save the band. They were tryingto save your life behind the scenes.
If you don't know, if youdon't allow yourself to go, that is,
that's somebody who's in trouble. Likeit's not. That's not somebody who's

(01:05:41):
on an ego trip. That's somebodywho's who's on the verge of dying.
Then you gonna it's and to seewhat you've done and where you've gotten,
that's where you go. You knowwhat. I can't I'm not going to
hold a grudge against Blue October becausewe got dicked over a couple at times.
No one where, no one,no one where you were. Again,

(01:06:02):
if it were just a I'm atoo cool rock star, then you
go, yeah, go af yourselfwho cares right, but that that's not
who you are. I don't thinkwell no, no, and and is
she crying behind me? Right?Yes? I didn't take Oh yeah,

(01:06:23):
somebody like it or something up?No, uh uh. That's why when
I got here, I told Stephenand my manager like I don't. The
only thing I want to do isapologize to him, because that was that
was It's huge for me to beable to say that to you. And
I'm powerless over what you do withthat apology, but I had to make

(01:06:43):
that fully accepted. I fully accepted. I would even tell you know,
not even not even needed, butI know that it's important to you to
say it so fully accepted. Doyou want me take my shirt off for
you? Now? Is that?What's going on? Is? Please?
I think we should. I thinkI got my body back sixteen year old
Justine this year? All right?What are we? What are we gonna

(01:07:06):
play? Is it right if Iplay hate me? Or would you like
something more positive? That's fine?That's fine? No, come on,
what do you want? No?I hate me? Absolutely? Sure?
Yes, because I can play widershade of pale for you. I hear
you don't know it. I'll beatyou as women. All Right, here

(01:07:26):
we go. I have to blockout thoughts of you so I don't lose
my head. They crawled in likea cockroach, leaving babies in my bed,
dropping little reels of tape to remindme that I'm alone, playing movies
in my head that make a pornofeel like home. There's a burning in

(01:07:50):
my pride, a nervous bleeding inmy brain, and now it's a piece.
Is all I want for you,So don't call it again, and
never say that you loved me,just to put it in my face and
never try to reach me. Itis higher than one a space. Hate

(01:08:13):
me today, hate me to myhorror arm, hate me, see you
you can finally and see what's goodfor you. Yeah, and I'm sober
now for three whole months. It'sone accomplishment that you helped me with.

(01:08:38):
The one thing that always tore usapart is the one thing I won't touch
again in my sick way. Iwanna thank you for holding my head up
lay to night. Well, Iwas busy waging wars on myself. You
were trying to stop the fight.You never doubted my warped opinions on things
like suicide or hate you made mecompliment myself when it was way too hard

(01:09:01):
to take. So I'll dry sofar away that I never crossed your mind
and do whatever it takes in yourheart. You gotta leave me behind.
Hate me today, hate me tomy horror, Hate me for all things

(01:09:29):
I didn't do, feel hate mein a way play's hard to swallow all
hate me. See you you canfinally see what's good for you. And

(01:09:55):
with a sad horror, I sayby to you in wave. I'm kicking
shadows on the street for every mistakethat I made. And like a baby
boy, I never knew how tobe a man until I saw your blue
eyes cry and I held your facein my hand, and then I fell
down, yelling make it go away. Could you please bring back a smile?

(01:10:20):
I make it shine like it usedto be. And that's when she
whispered. She said, how canyou do this to me? Hate me
today, hate me to my horror, hate me for all the things I

(01:10:46):
didn't do? Feel you gotta hateme in way yeah, and ways hard
to swallow. Hate me. Seeyou, you can finally see what's good

(01:11:06):
for you. I swear from hereright now, it's all for you.
Promise. I promise it's all foryou. I said, this is all
for you. Spinning the Truth Around. Part two will be out on October

(01:11:36):
the thirteenth, Blue October will bethrough here at some point, I'm sure,
yes we will. You owe mea show. I'd love to you
all right, excellent justin. Thankyou so much for coming in. Thank
you, Ellen, I really appreciateit.