Size Queen

Prepare yourself because today we talk lots of sex, pooping while camping, is Jenny's mom dirty like she is, and more!

Episode Transcript

(00:00):
Earlier this morning on the show,the actual radio show, we said,
Okay, we're going to talk aboutsize queens. And when we actually title
this episode size Queen, because we'regoing to talk about whether size is really
a factor or not. Was thatwhat we decided, Jenny, that we're
going to talk about? We did? I mean, for the most part,
we just were talking about people.We were talking about Pete Davidson being

(00:22):
hunger and whether it mattered or not. Okay, And so we said,
if you have any thoughts on sizesand size queen, then this is probably
not the most family friendly episode,but we'll see. We'll see what we
get. We do have an emailand it says, I don't think this
email has my real name on it, but don't call don't say my real

(00:43):
name, call me Mauve. Okay, Mauv. I'm a polyamorous, kinky
switchet. I know what polyamorous,I know what kinky means. But what
is a switch? Switch means youcan either be submissive or dominant? Oh
okay, And I can't believe thisis the first email I'm ever sending to
the Dave Ryan. I've listened sinceI was a nerdy music theater kid in
high school. I love all ofyou anyway about penises. Yeah, I'll

(01:07):
hear it. Does size matter?Now I'm reading her email, so you
can't get offended because we ask forthis. All cocks are valid. I
love the ball that being said.A well endowed man who knows what he's
doing is a gift to women.I've had a lot of partners. One
of the men I see regularly isso big I can hardly get my mouth

(01:29):
around it when he's fully hard,and I got a big mouth laugh emoji.
He starts slowly and does plenty offour plays, so I'm ready for
him every time. The first momentof penetration feels so fucking good, and
I can feel my body opening.And then she gets a little bit more
than I'm even more comfortable with.We will do it for an hour,

(01:49):
and I enjoy it so many timesI am blissfully exhausted. We'll take a
break and go back again. Wow. I have not had that same experience
with smaller men. Even when theguy knew what he was doing, it
still feels good. I still enjoyit and I still love it. And
then she goes on with I thinkshe really enjoys being very outwardly expressive,

(02:10):
which I'm not completely comfortable with inthis context. You know what I mean?
And we get you know, wecan talk dirty er on the Minnesota
Goodbye, but I don't really feelcomfortable. Sounded like a you know,
like a porn movie, you knowwhat I mean. I will also acknowledge
that some women have issues and reasonsfor not being able to enjoy or handle
large men, and some or manymen that are large have no idea what

(02:35):
they're doing with it, and theythink they can just do whatever and it
feels good. I did that inthe back of my car with a twenty
something that had no idea what todo with his Yeah. Side note story
question. One of my other partnersis average size. He always wants me
to talk about how much bigger heis than other partners while we're doing it.
Okay, sweet, I can exaggeratea little and stroke his ego,

(03:00):
and then he asks if I meanit, and I feel so conflicted continuing
the lie. It kills the moodfor me. Help. I think that's
silly that a guy needs to betold, oh, look how big you
are? Yeah, that, andlike being consistently told while you're doing it,
and he probably knows that you don'tmean it if he's asking you shit
like do you mean it? Yeah, I think that every guy wonders unless

(03:24):
he knows. Every guy wonders whetherhe is built adequately enough. And I
have heard that this that it isa it's a might be a visual turn
on if it's the size of aStanley thermos. But it's a visual turn
on. You don't really want thatbecause that's like, you know, it's
more like what you do with it, you know what I mean? I

(03:46):
guess, Yeah, it's the motionin the ocean. Isn't that what they
say? It's not the size ofthe boat, it's the motion in the
ocean. What about like a rollof a roll of life Savers? Is
that too small? I'm asking fora friend, asking for a friend.
I think that if that person aroll of Lifesavers is you know, they

(04:08):
use other things that they have,like the sporks, because I sometimes bring
a sport. Definitely not maybe onlya spoon time utensils, the spork on
my nightstand. No, that's notgoing to work. But yeah, I
don't know. I mean, giveyou that sport, give you that lifesavers.

(04:29):
Lifesavers using other things hands hands,Okay, yeah, that works.
I'm asking for a friend anyway.Huh, who's your friend? None?
Oh, none, your business.Thanks for that fun email. Really,
that might be the only one weget about polyamorous, kinky switch and penis
size. But thank you for beingbold enough to do that. I appreciate

(04:49):
it all right. Next one,this is from Andrew, one of our
staff writers in Ohio, and I'mgoing to summarize his email because it does
need to be I don't need toread the whole thing. But he says
basically, he hasn't been listening asmuch because there was a trigger that triggered
his anxiety in PTSD. He says, I don't remember what it was now,

(05:11):
but he still has anxiety. InPTSD. I turned off the show,
took a little break. Now I'mback and trying to catch up and
hoping I don't get triggered again becauseI love your show. Hope you all
keep up the great work. Lovethe addition of Bailey. And by the
way, since I don't remember ifI have had said that before or not,
so Andrew, thank you. Sorry. You know what, we don't

(05:32):
really think too much about triggers duringthe podcast because I don't think we do
anything that's too triggering. But alsowe can't give a trigger warning for every
possible thing that might upset somebody.Yeah, Like, there might be somebody
with a large, large whang andI'm going to say the word wang and
they might feel very attacked that wewere talking about that one. Or there

(05:54):
might be somebody with a roll oflife savers that might feel Cause we can't
give a trigger warning for everything wedo. APIs Andrew that you felt triggered
and that you left us. Butwe're glad you're back. Glind you're back.
Yeah, morning show crew. Gracewrites in and never write in.
But the subject of poop time reallyhits home as I'm a notoriously fast pooper.
This came upon the podcast yesterday,yep, and talking about how women

(06:16):
seem to poop really fast. No, No, that was not it.
You said your wife poops very fast. Okay, Bailey and I both admit
we'll bring our phones into the bathroom. Sometimes you bring a little lap desk,
yeah, Amy to work on whileyou're in there, thousand piece jigsaw
puzzle. I'll be right out.As she goes on to say, I'm

(06:41):
usually in and out of the bathroomand under a minute. Many people in
my life have commented on it,and one friend is so disturbed by how
fast I poop that he's convinced I'mdoing it wrong. I'm amazed that you
can do it that fast. I'ma big fan of all you do.
Thanks for the entertainment, especially theI'm still fun with Fallon and Jenny.
I look forward to it every weekto care from Grace. Thank you,

(07:01):
Grace. I'm genuinely like jealous ofpeople like her who can just like go
into the bathroom and be in andout so quickly, because like people like
me who have stomach issues, that'sjust not the case. Because I think
about like I think I could bea good camping person, like where I
could go out and enjoy the outdoorsand stuff, but the lack of bathroom
facilities and being like comfortable going tothe bathroom is one of the biggest things

(07:26):
for me where I do not thinkI could be a solid camping person.
It is tough. I mean,if I prefer the camping where there is
a restroom down the parking lot,like if I go with the KOA campground,
I love the fact that you kindof feel like you're in the outdoors
and you smell campfires and you smellbrat's cooking. But if you want to

(07:46):
get a shower or use a realtoilet, they're down the parking lot,
right, And there's also a conveniencestore where you can buy a doctor pepper
and things to make s'mores. ButI have done this serious camping before too
with the boys, where you hadto poop in a trench where you dig
a little trench and it's got tobe like, you know, it's bout
the size of a shoe box orso, then you do your business,

(08:09):
then you put the sad back upon top of it, and it's like,
yeah, I mean it's it's notyou know, nobody likes that.
Yeah, that's that's why she couldnever be on Survivors. She can't poop
in the woods. Yeah right.Andrew keeps saying that me and him should
try to get on it, andI was like, you can do it,
but that will never work for me. I will not be able to
ever sleep because they basically sleep onthe ground practically, not really. They

(08:31):
build their shelter, but it's notcomfy. Yeah, But yeah, not
for me. I also because Dave, I know you've you've done the Boundary
Waters, right, Yeah, Okay, that's another thing that like Andrew's like,
we should really try to do itsometime together, and I'm like,
so wonderful, I know, butit's that's like one of those things like
you are so off the grid inthose situations that like I'm like, you
don't have bathroom facilities at all.What they do have in the Boundary Waters

(08:54):
and I did it in two thousandand say sixteen, they have basically it's
a toilet seat on a box,So it's not a real flush toilet if
I remember right, and I couldbe wrong, but they had you know,
you pee anywhere, you pee whereveryou want to, but when you've

(09:15):
got to go number two, there'slike a toilet seat on a box,
if I remember right, and youdon't have any cover. You basically use
the courtesy of like, oh,if you know somebody's down at the toilet
seat on a box, you don'tgo over and stand waiting for your turn.
You like wait behind a rock,or you wait around the corner or
whatever. But at least it's somewhereto sit, like sit down yeah,

(09:35):
right, this is what I wouldneed for sure. I can't squat and
poop if you want to do Imean, if you ever want to think
about the boundary, it's totally worthany inconvenience and pooping inconvenience. It is
glorious up there. It is sobeautiful. You can't believe that there is
that much un settled or developed.That's the word I'm looking for, undeveloped.

(09:58):
Everything I've never been, I'd loveto. It is amazing and you
can go and they limit the numberof people who can go out, so
you do have to get a permitto go out there, although I'm sure
people break that rule all the time. But you can go for a day
without seeing another crew and it's justgreat. And they assign you know,
they don't assign camping spots, butthey make it so there's enough camp sites.

(10:20):
It's cool. You got to doit. If you want to do
Boundary Waters, you're gonna love it. I would go back in a heartbeat.
Next email from Lexi, I'm currentlylistening to the Minnesota Goodbye and wanted
to chime in on the length ofWar of the Roses because yesterday we said,
well maybe we should make it quicker, and I said shorter, quicker,
thicker as a slogan, Please shortenit. I listen to your show

(10:43):
every morning from six till nine pointthirty. Thank you. That's a lot
of listening. And I love thatyou do that. It's already too much.
Happy to hear War the Roses atseven twenty and then again at nine,
and then again right away the nextmorning. I understand Jonathan Fogel is
advertising his business, but that partthe just needs to It goes on too
long, and I do kind ofwant to shorten it, you know.

(11:03):
And it's not we don't do itjust for Jonathan Fogel. That's he was
definitely like he wanted to do Warthe Roses. We did War the Roses
for many years before Jonathan came on. So it's not because of Jonathan Vogel.
We just really enjoy his personality andthe advice he gives. And when
we say shorten it, do wemean like shorten it by five minutes or

(11:24):
shorten it by like two minutes,Because like two minutes, I mean that's
sizeable, I think, but likefive minutes, then it's like cutting it
in a half. I think sometimeswe take a long time getting to the
story. Sure, Instead of like, Okay, Shonda's on the phone,
Shonda, how you've been long you'vebeen dating Billy? Ah about five it
could be more like, okay,Shanda's been dating Billy for five years,
and Shonda found something in the bathroomthe other day. What did you find?

(11:48):
I found a condom in the trashcan. Okay, Well, here's
what we can do. We cancall Billy right now, blah blah blah,
and but we tend to dig deepsure to pick out more drama feel
about Billy. Yeah, yeah,yeah, And maybe we should just get
more right to it and see whatpeople think. I'm down to try it.
Yeah, for sure. I thinkwe did because we were able to
get one set yesterday. And Ithink we did a pretty good job getting

(12:13):
to the point quick enough. AndI tend to ramble. I'm one of
those DJs that loves the sound ofmy voice. I can't hear enough of
me, me me, So thelonger I talk, and I like to
say a lot, and the longerI can say all anyway, So thank

(12:37):
you. I appreciate that. Also, I'm late to the party on this
topic, but I like when theMinnesota. Goodbye is longer than fifteen minutes.
It's always one of my favorite partsof every day. Oh and one
last thing. I know what dartlick means, but could you explain the
dart part. I clearly don't takepart, and I've never understood that.
Well, that's where you LEXI Fromatzigo. You put your tongue in the shape

(12:58):
of a dart, in the shapeof a yeah, and the and the
the athhole you complaining earlier in thispodcast, being like this is too dirty
for me, and then you're like, well, in and out of the
asshole, you just said it too. Yeah, I know I was being

(13:18):
you. What if your mother hearsyou talking like that? I don't think
she listens to this one. Whatreally was quoting you? I feel like,
does your mom? I mean,would she be surprised? Though?
If she listened to this and heardanything like that, probably she would be.
Oh see, my mom just knows. She knows she's going to hear
some Sh'S naughty. I don't know, but I think she's not. She

(13:39):
really no, like literally like alcohol. She's not an alcohol person. She
was very nerdy in high school.I did find out she did smoke weed.
One time. Okay, maybe she'snot going to be too happy that
I just said that on this podcast, but whatever. But no, she's
a very like goody too shoe kindof person. I don't know Cindy.
I don't know that I've ever metyour mom. No, I don't think.

(14:01):
I don't think I have. ButI picture Cindy is like she down
to parties. She down to like, you know, tell a dirty joke
and do a couple of shots attequila and tell another dirty joke and then
like make out with some guy shemet at the truck stop. I think
that's that's Valence. That's what I'mthinking about. Let's see you got one
mower. Let's see, No theytalk about your This is the vulgar shirt

(14:26):
wearing Throat Goat mom gang, whichwe read yesterday. So we are at
the end of our Minnesota goodbye list. Thank you very much for all of
the content. Really appreciate that one, so Lexi, thank you. Uh
there's anything you want to comment onabout anything? Always love your emails.
Send your emails to Ryan Show atkadiewbt dot com.