Socially Lubricated

We start off discussing the etiquette when men buy us drinks at the bar, then touch on topics we hit throughout the week - chatty stupid people, bugs in loofahs, birthdays no one comes to... and throw it way back to talk about being visited from loved ones in our dreams.

Episode Transcript

(00:00):
Okay, Minnesota, goodbye these twoJenny and Bailey. We're talking about the
big concert tonight, which is rightnow. It's Friday morning, so you
guys were excited about that one.Yeah, the Minnesota Yacht Club Festival.
It's all weekend. But we weretalking about Bailey's only going tonight, right,
Yes, I'm going tonight. Yeah, And I'm just pumped because it's
like one of those festival things whereyou want to see multiple acts, but
the acts you want to see arekind of spread out in time, yea,

(00:23):
So like I want to see theheadliner, but I also want to
see somebody that plays at like five. So then in the in between,
I didn't want to be there forlike a million five hours walking around drinking.
Yeah. Now it got switched arounda little bit because one of the
acts dropped out. So now thepeople I care about are back to back,
so I'm good. Yeah, Okay, well good news. Let's dive

(00:43):
in with some emails, and thisis a totally random one, but I
like it, so let's get started. Hello. I'm a thirty three year
old Saint Louis Park resident. Likegoing out on the weekends, and I
like going somewhere with alcohol. Asa single female, guys will frequently offer
to buy me a drink which Ican afford to buy myself, but also
who doesn't enjoy a free drink.I was in a situation yesterday where a

(01:03):
guy bought me my friend a drinkand then I pulled her away shortly after
to dance with her, and hewas irritated. She's very shy and timid
and had no interest in him,but didn't know how to get out of
the situation without being rude, whichis what girlfriends are for. Let me
first put a disclaimer out here that, as an LGBTQ ally that the examples
in my scenarios could it could beany role gender sexuality. I'm not implying

(01:27):
other scenarios don't exist, but forthe ease of explaining, I will use
guy girl question one. Obviously,a guy that offers to buy a girl
of drink is not entitled to anything. However, is there an unwritten rule
that if the drink is accepted,she is obligated to entertain him for a
certain period of time or share hernumber, etc. I don't know.

(01:51):
I don't think I've ever been inthat situation where I bought a girl of
drink and expected to have conversation ortried to use it as a way to
meet her. Yeah, I wouldsay that honestly, if I didn't want
to at least like have a tinyconversation with them, I wouldn't accept the
drink. So what do you do? You just like the way, I'm
good, thank you. I Ialready have one, or I'm going to
go get one myself. That's likeall it would be, because I just
feel like that accepting a drink iskind of like engaging in a conversation,

(02:15):
at least at that point. Inmy opinion. You're not obligated by any
means, But I think, like, don't accept the drink if you don't
want to talk to the person.This is interesting. We should move this
to the regular show because I thinkthis is uh, this is I'm gonna
I'm gonna email it to you,Jenny, and we can talk about this
on the regular show. But Ireally like it. She says question two.
In general, if a girl knowsshe's not interested in the guy,

(02:36):
but he offers to buy her adrink, it is it against the rule
to take him up on it?If you have no intentions in mingling with
him. Does the guy have aright to be upset? I don't think.
Well, I don't know. Itdepends because is he If he's offering
to buy you a drink, youcan easily say no and then just like
shove off and go away. Butif he is handing you a drink,
it's so much more difficult to sayno, I already have one, because

(03:00):
then I don't know what if hegets like cranky and huffy about it,
and then you have got like thenyou have to share space with this cranky
dude for the rest of the night. That would suck. So if he's
handing it to me, I'm gonnatake it. Yeah, but it's not
I feel like you're taking I feellike you're almost taking like blame for him
offering you a drink when you didn'twant it. Like it's not your fault

(03:21):
that he offered you a drink.Like I said, I think it's okay.
If you accept it and you stilldon't talk to him, that's up
to you. Yeah, Personally,I just wouldn't open that door to them
thinking that a conversation is going tohappen at that point, So I would
just be like, nah, I'mgood. You talk to him for like
two minutes and then be like,well, thanks so much for the drink.
See, but people don't get thepicture though. That's why I just
say no, Like some people don'tget it, like I'm not interested.

(03:43):
Thanks for the drink, but I'mnot interested. I will I think she
wants a little bit of the guyperspective too, so I will throw that
in. I'll say it's tough.It's tough because you know what, guys
want to meet somebody and maybe ifthey're single and they see somebody who looks
interesting that they'll buy a drink becauseyou know it is is it easier to
say, hey, can I buyyou a drink? Or I'll send over
a drink? Or is it easierto go up and say Hi, what's

(04:05):
your name? Do you come here? Often? I don't think it's it's
easy either way for either gender.But I think that you know, most
guys are probably shooting their shot andif it doesn't go well, then you
know, he lost four dollars fora drink. Yeah, that's not very
financially responsible. Start a conversation first, yeah, and then and then maybe

(04:27):
be like, all right, let'sget us some drinks because I feel like
they're going to say like, oh, I'm going to buy I'm buying you
a drink, or here's a drinkto kind of like trap you to talk
to them, versus talking to themfirst and then offering to buy them a
drink. I had a friend,Brentley. I've heard you heard me talk
about Brentley. Brentley was very handsome, very he worked out all the time.
He looked great. And we wereat a bar one time here in

(04:48):
town and he saw in a track. It was one of those square bars,
so you look across and there's peopleon the other side of the bar,
and so he saw a woman.He's like, I want to send
her a drink. And it workedfor Brentley, and he either took her
home that night or went out withher later and hooked up. Because Brentley
was you could have bought, youcould buy. He could buy a girl
a cup of mosquito larvae and shewould be like, oh God, let's

(05:11):
go home and hook up. Andit was like always like Brentley had this
magic. One time we were outat a bar in Ohio together and he
saw a woman with another guy andthey had their like he had his arm
around the girl. The guy hadhis arm around the girl whatever, And
Brentley gave this girl the eye andthe girl gave Brentley the eyeback, and
pretty soon she was flirting with Brinleyand pissed off the guy that she had

(05:33):
come with. Brentley just had thismagic touch. Yeah, magnetism, he
did. He had this magnetism.And you know, I don't know what
he's up to lately. I haven'ttalked to him aco I kind of look
him up online. I kind ofwant to know what Brentley looks like.
Now. He's a good looking guy. He looks a little bit like a
reject from the nineties. And Iused to give him hard about that.

(05:54):
A hard time. I said,you look like the lead singer of Color
Me Bad. Now, if youlook up Color Me Bad, they were
a group thirty years ago. Soif you look up Color Me Bad,
he looked a little bit like thatguy. Are you seeing what I'm seeing?
I'm looking at Color Me Bad.There's four of them. I don't
know which one's the least. Themustache guy, the must oh oh,
he looks like that. Yeah,that guy's a babe. Yeah, okay

(06:14):
cool. Oh yeah, I feellike I have seen pictures of him before.
Okay, of Brentley or color mebad. No, of Brentley,
because I feel like I had animage of him in my head but I
didn't remember. But now looking up, color me bad, I feel like
I've seen him. This guy's hot. He is a pretty good like well,
I mean, not know what Imean. Oh, color me bad.
Now I think that, Well,he's thirty years older now, so
he's probably got he's probably bald andwhatever. But I think that was really

(06:35):
Brentley had this power and it's kindof like a very very beautiful woman.
They turn heads wherever they go,and anybody who's like, oh, would
you like to hook up with her? Absolutely? Would you like to hook
up with this beautiful specimen of aman? Absolutely? So Brentley could,
like I said, he could sendover a cup of mosquito larvae and a
woman would be like, oh mygod, that's so sweet, and she

(06:56):
would drink it because she would wantto please Brentley. Sure, Okay,
moving on, this guy's not cuteanymore. I looked him up. Oh
okay, well that happens, asyou agh, Dave. You can say
my name. This is my firstpodcast email from Leah Dave. Your bold
statement about a correlation between stupid andchatty could not have resonated more. I
said this yesterday. I said,is there a correlation between stupid and chatty?

(07:19):
And we talked about it for awhile. My aunt is the chattiest
person. She frequently interrupts and talksover people so much to the point you
can't have a decent conversation. Shehas no filter and has nothing intelligent to
say. Years ago, my uncle, her husband, said she's got diarrhea
of the mouth. She just spitsout everything that goes through her head.
This behavior makes family gatherings difficult.However, this past fourth she and my

(07:43):
uncle were not there and it wasa welcome relief to hold conversations without the
fear of it being hijacked. Anyway, thank you all for the daily laughs.
It is truly appreciated. All right. That's from Leah in Savage.
As we as you read that,I did just like think of someone in
my head who chats a lot anddefinitely is probably not intelligent and probably what
you're like describing when you talk aboutthese people, and I would agree with

(08:07):
it. Now that I'm thinking moreabout it because I said Andrew talks a
lot, but he knows how tolisten to. You know, there's people
who talk a lot and just don'teven listen. No, that's true.
And I've run into that where youtry to contribute to the conversation and they
either interrupt you as if you werenever speaking at all, or they don't

(08:28):
respond in any way, And soyou'll say something like yeah, I met
Joe Mauer and we played chess together, and they keep going as if they
didn't even hear you say, andyou're and then you sit there inside your
head going, why the fuck amI even trying to join this conversation.
They're not even listening to what Isay. Yeah, interrupters are the worst.
They are. I'm always I alwaysthink too, like they're always married

(08:52):
and they have like a thousand kids, and I'm like, how how did
someone decide like, yep, thisis the life for me? I don't
know. I think about that alot all, you know, because that's
true because I'm alone probably where I'malways like, how dore you married?
And I'm not because that's the truth. I dated a woman years ago and

(09:13):
she was not smart and she everytime. And she was so sweet though.
That's the thing. She was sosweet, but every time you would
say something about you, it wouldremind her of something similar about her.
So if I said, yeah,I met Joe Mauer and we played chess
together, she'd be like, yeah, I like Joe Mauer. You know
what. I used to watch himall the time. I got a Joe
Mauer jersey. I got him,I met him, and it's like,

(09:35):
bitch, I was talking about me, but you had to make it about
you. But then she got married, yeah, to a smart, successful
person and they live in a milliondollar house on a lake. And I
always go, how did you dothat? How did you get somebody to
like you enough? And a decentguy? Yeah? Yeah, all right.
Now here's one that goes the otherway, about somebody who is chatty

(09:58):
but very intelligent. And this isfrom Alexis. And I know Alexis sort
of personally. I've actually been toher house before, because when I used
to do my podcast, I wouldgo to people's homes and do the podcast
from their home, and she andher husband wereun so shout out, Alexis.
I want to send you guys anemail regarding being chatty and if it
means you are smart versus dumb.My late husband was one of the smartest

(10:22):
humans I know. He was inmensa eagle scout, accepted into MIT,
but got a full ride to theU of M, so he stayed in
Minnesota. In four years, hegot two bachelor's degrees actuarial, math and
Japanese. So he was pretty goodwith his noggin. But he would never
stop talking. Talked in his sleep. He would talk over everybody else speaking
if he had a thought that pertainedto the topic that was trained out of

(10:43):
him. After a few years ofmarriage, he talked in movies, etc.
It drove me fucking insane. I'dchalk it up to have an ADHD
and a thousand thoughts per second.When he was fighting cancer, the first
time, I jokingly told him mywish had cancer of the throat, So
you'd shut the fuck up, mygod, which is funny. I love
humor like that. I love humorlike that. Q pindrop and shocked Pikachu

(11:07):
face, then hysterical laughter. Andafter that he was a little more conscious
of the chatty. But now becausehe's passed away, sure, I would
give anything to hear his voice.It's been a year since he passed in
my house and life are incredibly quiet. In the opposite direction, one of
my sisters is dumber than a bagof hair who never shuts up and who
is so who's to say what thecorrelation is. I would love staff Rider

(11:28):
sticker if you're still slanging them babiesout. New crew of people are just
awesome and I listen to podcast everyday during work All the Best and dart
Lick Alexis and Alexis, We willsend you a staff Rider sticker. Yeah,
that's like what I said yesterday thatit's the ADHD that makes them talk
a lot. So the slightly neurodivergentpeople who are super chatty doesn't mean that

(11:48):
they're not smart. They just haveADHD. Well. I think that's true.
And I think some people that arevery intelligent are a little bit awkward
because I think there may be acorrelation between somewhat awkward word yeah maybe yeah,
and really smart because your brain isworking on being like very smart,
but not necessarily very socially lubricated.Yeah, social lubricating. Andrew, one

(12:11):
of our regular staff writers, says, you were talking about people who talk
a lot. I want to chimein. I got a coworker who can
talk your ear off for an houror longer if you don't step in at
some point say well, I gotto get back to work or I got
to get going. While I personally, in comparison, I'm super quiet,
my input to a lot of conversationswith him and others seems to be right
or oh yeah, or I getthat, and it makes me wonder how

(12:35):
I got to be a manager intraining and even married for that matter,
because I think I'm pretty boring quiet, yet others must not see me that
same way. I don't know.I don't know either. I will tell
you this one. Carson is extremelyquiet, but he's got a million friends,
So either they love him for thehuman that he is, or he
must be chatty and interesting around hisfriends, because around me and Susan,

(12:58):
we got a pull conversation out ofhim. Yeah. I've always wondered that
with like people who are quiet inlike real life, you know, but
then they have a million friends,because like we all know people like that
in high school or even middle schoolor whatever. Super quiet people that have
a billion friends, and they're justlike, how what do you guys talk?
About. What do you talk about? Yeah, that's what I always

(13:18):
wonder. But I've always been superchatty, friendly, talkative person. Are
that way? You have the giftyet? But like, what does Carson
talk about with his friends? Iwould love to be a fly on the
wall. I don't know. Yeah, or do they all just sit around
and stare at each other? Maybethey're all quiet? I don't know.
Dave Jenny Bailey, Bailey, youunlocked a new fear. I heard your
story about the spider and your lufa, and I have been checking religiously,

(13:39):
saying, gotta did I miss this? No, you were here when I
had a spider in my lufa andI was like scrubbing my body with it
before I found found it, andit was like trapped in the lufa,
and so I had to like usetweezers to like get it out of the
lufa. I look at it everysingle time I use it now, and
I have to give it a threesixty. Yeah. Well, this woman

(14:01):
goes on to say, today Ifound an earwig in my loop. What
is an ear wig? Yeah,you'll know what it is, Okay,
Well, I mean it's got warmlike features. But I classified as a
bug have I never seen one ofthese in real life. I don't know.
Is it got the stripes on it? Kind of yeah, it's got
like creepy little like pincers on thisbutt. Well those might be on the

(14:22):
head. I'm not sure. Isthat the butt of the head. It's
the butt, okay, but yeah, Well, she goes on to say
I have died. I wanted tosay thank you, Bailey for unlocking a
new fear and saving me from washingmyself with an ear wig. Well,
hey, you're welcome. I'm sorrythat that happened to you, but I'm
glad you found it. I lovethe variety of shit we get in on

(14:43):
the Minnesota good I seriously love,love, love. I love this part
of the show better than the actualshow itself. If we could do nothing
but the Minnesota Goodbye and read emailsall morning, I would rather do that
in the show. That's called justdoing a podcast, Dave, that's just
that you can do that. Youunderstand that you could. You would probably
not saying that this is what Idon't want to do it alone. I
was going to say, you couldleave morning radio and just do a podcast,

(15:05):
which you've done podcasts before. Ihave, Yeah, and there's a
new one that I've got in theworks, and it's called KATIWB Hits and
Missus. And I think if yougo to Dave ryanshow dot com, there's
a link to the preview episode onthere. Oh I think so, because
I did a little teaser for itthe other day just to kind of hold
a place for it. But it'scalled KWB Hits and Missus and it's some

(15:26):
of the dark moments, the bigthings we did over the years, the
things that failed, and inspired bythe infamous Last Chance Summer Dance. But
also it's got some other things inthere too, So that is something.
Do you see it on there?Where Am I looking? On? Da
Ryan? On my podcast? Thereyet? Okay? Okay. We talk

(15:48):
about Molly's birthday on the show yesterday, and Molly was on the show.
It's Bailey's friend. When she turnedthirteen. She had a birthday and she
was expecting a lot of people andmom and dad had food, cake and
ice cream and things, and nobodyshowed up. Bailey showed up and she
actually said that she had a decenttime. Thanks to Bailey for showing up.

(16:10):
I heard from another woman yesterday whosaid that she also turned twelve or
thirteen. Literally nobody showed up forher birthday, and she said it was
just it was awful. It wasjust so sad. It still bothers her
to this day. Well here's anotherone, and this one turns out with
a little bit happier ending. Iheard Molly's birthday story reminded me I had
a similar experience. The year wasnineteen ninety nine, my twelfth birthday,

(16:33):
my golden birthday. I was convincedthis was going to be the best birthday
yet. Before that year, thekids in my family would celebrate either at
Circus, pizza rip, or ahotel pool. But for my golden birthday,
I wanted to go to Mall ofAmerica for glamour shots with a handful
of friends. I felt so grownup. The day of my party,
all of my friends canceled. Iwas devastated. My grandma saved the day.

(16:59):
She invited my cousin and my cousin'sfriend and we went to the Science
Museum instead. It ended up beinga great birthday. We even listened to
Katie WB on the way home.I think that's so sweet and it almost
makes me cry a little bit.That Grandma saved the day. Yeah,
because Grandma looked at twelve year oldgranddaughter and said, ah, let's get
some kids and we'll go to thescience museum, right versus sorry, buddy,

(17:21):
Well, better luck next year.Yeah, let's turn on the TV.
Right. Yeah. I've been alifelong listener, but it wasn't until
this year that I have been ableto listen to the Morning Show for more
than just my commute. Thank youfor all the entertainment. Have a great
day and a great weekend. Kelseywants a staff writer sticker, and we
will send one over. Shout outto Brie, who is secretary. Brie
and she sends out the staff writerstickers another one. Hello Dave, Jenny

(17:48):
Bailey vant. I had to writein because I heard you talking about hiding
food, mostly Jenny, from theirpartner. I hide food too, mostly
chunk food, from my partner becausehe has no self control, no willpower.
If I buy a bag chips,he'll eat the whole bag in one
sitting, same with any candy.We sometimes keeps chocolate in the freezer so
it's easier to not eat the wholething and it lasts longer. But whenever

(18:08):
he buys any junk food. Heeats it quickly, so it's hard for
me to keep anything snacky. WhatI do is I either will hide them
in my trunk, depending on theweather or now. We live in Miami,
so it's very hot shout out peoplewho listen in Miami. Or I'll
hide them in one of my backpacksin a closet. We don't go through
each other's things or anything. Hejust doesn't use my bag, so I'm

(18:30):
not worried about him finding it.Occasionally, I will buy candy and just
store it. He will ask me, do you have anything hidden away?
I'm kind of in a snacky mood, so I do share with him,
but he doesn't know where they are. And usually when I share, I
make sure we are in agreement thatif he eats it, it's not my
fault because he asked. We talkedabout Jenny hiding food from Andrew. That
is funny. We don't hide foodin my house, so I don't understand

(18:52):
it, but I guess you haveself control. I don't know. I'm
guilty of it too. Let's seeI there's another one here, and there
might be yes again, random totallydifferent topic. I'm behind on the podcast
and I just listened to the Maytwentieth episode where a listener asked if anybody

(19:18):
had a dream about a loved onethat left them feeling calm afterward like they
did. I lost my dad tenyears ago when I was twenty seven.
It was probably six months after hisdeath that I had this dream. I
was sitting on the couch with afriend's side by side, talking about how
much I missed my dad and howsad I was he wasn't there. From
behind my friend, my dad leanedforward. He looked around and waved his
arms as if saying, can younot see me? I'm right here,

(19:40):
I'm right here. His life easywithout my dad? No, but I
do feel much better and a senseof calm with him being gone. After
this dream, I think he knewexactly what I needed. I'm happy to
hear another person who's had a similardream to mine. Thanks for sharing,
Caitlin. My dad's been gone fortwenty something years and I dream about him

(20:02):
probably several times a week, really, and he's right there. And sometimes
it's not always like I feel likeI'm in trouble, like he caught me
doing something or he's mad because Ididn't mow the lawn or whatever. And
sometimes he's just there. And inmy dream I never questioned why he's there.
Yeah, you know, he's justthere. Yeah, Yeah, it's
coming to visit you. I guessyour dreams. I wish i'd dreamt more

(20:23):
about people I've loved. My dad. You want to dream about my dad?
Not about your dad, but maybeabout my grandpa? I would love
Do you ever dream about your grandpa? I have had dreams about my grandparents,
but it's usually just like not moments, but like a couple of days
after they've died versus years later.There is something comforting about that. Yeah,
I love that. That is goingto do it for the Minnesota Goodbye.

(20:45):
I love the randomness and anything randomthat you think of. Please send
it to us and we'd love toget it on. If you want to
do a Minnesota or a Minnesota Goodbyestaff writer sticker, just let us know,
put your address in there and wewill send it over to you or
actually, Bree, we'll send itover to you. Thank you for listening,
have a great weekend or whenever youlisten to the Minnesota Goodbye, And

(21:07):
our email, of course is RyanShow at KDWB dot com