HUMPDAY HELPER- Dr. Shannon Chavez Qureshi

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Episode Transcript

Speaker 1 (00:00):
All right, guys, we are you know, often here at
Kiss FM talking about relationships and the struggle that relationships, romance,
the intimacy and the romance department can be. And we thought,
why not tear down that wall and have a conversation
here and let you text in to four one or
two seven. Any questions you may have for some experts
today is do we have any music for this? Okay,

(00:24):
so we've got Dr Shannon Qureshi on the line with
us now. Dr Shannon Qureshi is a naturally recognized expert
therapist and educator specializing in all things sexuality. Based in
Beverly Hills, She works with individuals and couples of all
genders and orientations to address sexual concerns and build sexual
awareness through therapy, coaching, and education. This is what we

(00:46):
all need. Dr Shannon, thank you for coming on. How
are you hi? Doing well? Thanks for having me? What
is they're probably several? What is one of the most
common things you hear when people come to you as
a couple? Most common is uneven sex drive? So uneven
desire and find to figure out how to navigate that?

(01:07):
And what do you tell him to that? What do
you say to that. Well, first, I normalize that it's common.
We're not necessarily going to have the same desire for sex,
but we have to talk about it. I think often
with couples, they don't know how to have the conversation.
So we start with normalizing it, talking about it, and
then creating suggestions that are easy for couples to start.

(01:28):
You know, the most couples have had this issue for
a while, so you have to start slow and start
building that that drive back and motivation for connection. Okay,
so let's get to one here. This is from Kayla
in Panorama City. You can text right now Dr Shannon
text into four one or two seven therapist educators specializing
in all things sexuality. So kayleb in Panorama City says,

(01:50):
any advice on how to get over your boyfriend's sexual past.
Right before we started dating, he took hookups way more
casually than I ever have, and it's been really messing
with my head. He said. As soon as he met me,
he knew he wanted a serious relationship and was overall that.
But I'm having a hard time. What do you say
to that? Dr Shannon. Yes, we call that retroactive jealousy.

(02:13):
It's common because we fantasize about our partner's past. So
I would ask yourself, what are the things that I'm
telling myself? Is it that we had a better experience
with someone else? I often see it a good thing
when partners were able to talk about their past. So
I would actually say, that's a good sign of intimacy
and trust in your current relationship. So not to get

(02:33):
so fixated on the past. Focus on what's happening in
your current relationship and what are some of those strengths,
and to focus on how, um, you're kind of moving
past that and you're in a new relationship. Very good advice.
Did you find that people have different feelings about intimacy
depending on the day of the week asking for a friend? Absolutely,

(02:56):
intimacy changes daily. So intimacy is also many facet It's
not just sex, it's communication, it's emotional connection and for
some people given spiritual and deeper connections. So it does change,
and we have to kind of go with the flow
of that and not get too attached to how things were.
So he since she's saying Tuesday, don't worry, okay, um
from the eight one eight, I'm needing advice on how

(03:19):
to handle my boyfriend's phone obsession. He never gets off
his phone. He wakes up and he's on all day
until he goes to bed. If we have sex, he
puts it down and as soon as it's over, he's
back on it. Yanks, All right, what do you say,
Dr Shannon? Not on common? I mean everyone has a
little bit of a phone of session. But I think
it's a habit, and we have to talk about habits

(03:40):
and boundaries, especially with connection time. So often we may
feel we want our partners not to use their phone
as much, but we don't actually know how to say it.
So I would, you know, open up the conversation around it.
And boundaries can be something like this, when we're connecting
or we're being sexual. When we're off the phone, I
feel more present with you. So we have of a
better time to talk about some of the advantages rather

(04:03):
than shaming them or making them feel bad about that habit.
Because let's face it, a lot of people have this habit.
It's not uncommon. Put it in a drawer, put right like,
put it away the phone, so it's not even you
can't even have it in your eyesight, right in your eyeline.
Set it outside of the room. You know, even getting
out of the out of the space that way, it's
not tempting to kind of reach over and just get

(04:25):
right back into it, especially when you're connecting. I mean,
you should be relaxed and really focusing that attention on
each other. Dr Shannon Shaw is QURESHI here any other
questions here from the team from the staff. But I
love the idea of like not shaming your partner for it,
but actually bringing out the positive that you do enjoy
when they're not on their phone. So I do like

(04:47):
that aspect of it exactly. It kind of reduces reactivity.
And remember that conversations are about coming to a common understanding,
So you don't want to fight or argue or create conflict.
You're trying to get to a good solution, So start
with a really slow, soft opening. That way, you're not
creating defensiveness. So many good tips. Well, we'll have you back,

(05:08):
Dr Shannon, thanks for coming on, Thank you, thanks for
having me. Okay, bye, this is great. Thank you for
all of the there's so many great questions coming in. Yeah,
I'll have to have her back. Dr Shannon East than
any questions for Dr Shannon next time. Oh man, where
do I begin. Uh? I got to talk to my
wife first before I bring it up on a Yeah,

(05:30):
you should console your wife before you bring it up
on air. To Dr Shannon, oh my god, we're back
in a minute to pay a bill.