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Speaker 1 (00:00):
Wake that answer up in the morning the Breakfast Club.
Speaker 2 (00:04):
Morning everybody, It's DJ Envy, Jess Hilaris Charlamage the guy.
Speaker 3 (00:08):
We are the Breakfast Club.
Speaker 2 (00:09):
You got a special guest in the building, a former
NFL tight and he played for the Giants at one time.
Ladies and gentlemen, Darren Waller, good morning, Good morning man.
Speaker 1 (00:17):
How are you feeling great? Man? Bussed to be here?
Speaker 3 (00:19):
Good good, good, happy to see you. Brother. For folks
that don't know, explain who is Darren Waller? Because you
got to You got a very interesting story.
Speaker 1 (00:27):
Man, Darren Waller. That's something that's something I'm still trying
to figure out. Man.
Speaker 3 (00:30):
Oh, I like that answer.
Speaker 1 (00:31):
Who I am? You know what I'm saying. I don't
got a concrete answer. I'm somebody that's like I'm a creator.
I'm uh, you know, I've been an athlete, but there's
a lot of things that I want to do, our
things I want to try and just continue to go
on this journey.
Speaker 2 (00:43):
Now you started off, how'd you get into the NFL?
For people that don't know, was it the usual way
that most athletes do so? For how did you get
into the NFL? Break down your story A little bit.
Speaker 1 (00:53):
Yeah, from the beginning, start playing FOOTBA when I was four.
My parents just kind of threw me in seeing what
I wanted to do, and it was just an natural
love for the game. But I wasn't really that highly
recruited out of high school. Wasn't that really known in college?
Got in trouble a lot.
Speaker 2 (01:08):
And what school did you go to?
Speaker 3 (01:09):
College?
Speaker 1 (01:09):
Georgia Tech from Atlanta, So snuck into the late rounds
of the draft six rounds. I had a lot of
character red flags at the time, and from there started
with Baltimore, then moved to the Raiders, where I spent
most of my career, and then spent the last year
with the Giants.
Speaker 3 (01:22):
Did you know you had character red flags?
Speaker 4 (01:25):
Like, you know, because self awareness is something a lot
of people don't develop till later when they start doing
internal work on themselves.
Speaker 3 (01:30):
But did you know you had character red flags that?
Did they tell you you had them?
Speaker 1 (01:33):
At the time, I didn't believe I did. I was
putting the blame on everybody else, and I was resentful
at everybody else and thinking it was other people's fault
that while I was doing the things I was doing,
they didn't understand why I needed to do drugs and
drink and shit like that. So at the time I
did not have that awareness.
Speaker 4 (01:48):
Now, yeah, I read that you went from drug addiction
to grocery store clerk to the NFL star.
Speaker 1 (01:55):
Yeah. So I went to rehab September twenty seventeen, and
after I got sober, when I got back home, I
moved in with my parents again, and I was like,
I gotta get a job, I get some structure to
kind of get my life back in order and do that.
I went to church. My parents worked at Sprouts, and
I just got a job there working grocery clerk, making
(02:15):
the aisles look nice, getting orders from the backstock in
the back. And I was there for probably like seven
months till I was like, all right, I kind of
got my p's and q's, going for these drug tests
and everything I could get a chance to be reinstated
into the league. So I started training again and things
just kind of went up from there.
Speaker 4 (02:29):
You said something that I want to expound on. You said,
you know, you didn't know, you didn't know what led
you to drugs. People didn't know what led you to drugs. Yeah, look,
what did lead what did you lead you to drugs, just.
Speaker 1 (02:41):
A lot of a lot of wounds from when I
was younger man, just like feeling like I wasn't enough,
feeling like I always had to overcompensate to please people
or to look tough or have this you know, tough
exterior as a man. Improved myself and it was a
lot of pressure, a lot of anxiety, and just wanted
to change the way I felt. I just wanted to
have some peace in my life. And I felt like
that those kind of things brought that piece, But it
was kind of a counterfeit at the time. You know,
(03:02):
it worked for a bit, but in the end, it
ends up turning on you, and all those problems you
think you're getting rid of by using are still there
when you wake up the next day, when you come
down from that high, like it's still waiting on you
to deal with. And I was just putting stuff under
the rug. But yeah, that's kind of why I kind
of got into that lifestyle. Yeah, you have.
Speaker 3 (03:19):
Nobody to talk to when you was younger, like your parents.
Speaker 1 (03:22):
I realized now how many people really wanted to help me,
really wanted to be there for me. But just I
don't know why I thought there was such huge walls
between me and everybody else in my life that it
was just so, you know, and as men like I
kind of grew up in that era where it was like,
you know, rub some dirt on it, don't We don't
really show your feelings, don't We don't cry, you know,
you picklves up by the bootstraps and keep it moving.
And I'm a product of that type of mindset not
(03:44):
really working.
Speaker 2 (03:44):
Now, what was what was so bad growing up as
a kid, Like what was the bruises that you discussed of?
Speaker 1 (03:49):
So the funny thing is it wasn't anything like external environment.
I grew up in a nice neighborhood that everything I
ever wanted from my family, But it was more so
like fitting in with the people around me, Like around
like people of my skin color was like I wouldn't
black enough, and around white people it was like, oh,
you're not really one of us, but you kind of
are one of us. And I was like one of
the only black kids that were in like the advanced
classes at my school, so I was like, I don't
(04:11):
feel black enough. I'm only black kids in these classes.
When I was on the team with the athletes and stuff,
I always felt like a nerd. So it was like
these environments where it was like, damn, I don't feel
like I fit in, or I can just show up
as myself in these environments, I always gott to put
this mask on or be somebody different.
Speaker 3 (04:25):
Because what you buy racial?
Speaker 2 (04:27):
That was gonna ask the same question.
Speaker 1 (04:28):
No, my dad's just really like skin. I think I
gotta do like an ancestor or something. I don't really know.
As far as I know, I'm just black.
Speaker 4 (04:34):
So you're black, yeah, Bally, So I wonder why they
thought you couldn't say nigga no more.
Speaker 2 (04:42):
So you know, I hear that story a lot, and
it's usually what I had to say, because you like
skin too. Nah, I'm good. So usually when you when
you leave your neighborhood growing up, you move into like
most like your parents might have moved into a white
neighborhood right with a better school education, but now you're
the only black family or very few of you that
in that situation. So I happened with my daughter as well,
(05:02):
because when she went to the school, she felt like
there was nobody there for her right. She felt like
all the all the white girls would get all of
the attention because it was white boys. She felt confused,
she felt not wanted, She was growing up with a
lot of problems. Did you have that same situation, the
same feeling.
Speaker 1 (05:16):
Yeah, that was that explains a lot of the environment
that I was growing up in. The first friends I made,
like my neighborhood growing up were white and you know,
a lot of dudes at my school and it was
just because they was outside playing ball, like riding bikes,
like just doing stuff I like to do, and uh,
you know, kind of getting you know, jokes made because
of those type of things. And was like, all right, damn,
like I gotta like find a way. And growing up
(05:37):
in the South, you know what I'm saying, football is
like religion down there. And I was like, Okay, I'm
good at this. This is going to get me the
acceptance that I've always wanted.
Speaker 2 (05:42):
And now I was gonna say that, do you still
have those feelings now fitting in and in those situations now?
Speaker 1 (05:48):
Well, I'm a lot more comfortable in my skin now.
I still have thoughts of like, all right, like I
need to be successful and attribute that to my worth
in some ways, but it's a lot less present in
my everyday thinking back then, It's.
Speaker 4 (06:00):
So interesting to hear you had this conversation because, like
you said, you're from Atlanta. You don't hear this about
black people in Atlanta. Black people in Atlanta. It's like
the total opposite.
Speaker 3 (06:09):
They grew around.
Speaker 4 (06:10):
They grew up around a bunch of black people, Black
affluent people, black people in positions of power, elected officials,
police officers, everything.
Speaker 2 (06:17):
So it's just like, wow, they're from Atlanta.
Speaker 3 (06:19):
Yeah.
Speaker 1 (06:19):
Well, I mean, I say, I'm from Acworth, Georgia. It's
thirty minutes outside of Atlanta. So people that's really from
Atlanta in the Inner City. I'm not from the Inner City,
but I'm from that area.
Speaker 3 (06:27):
Gotcha.
Speaker 2 (06:27):
Now, recently you decided to retire from the NFL. Yeah, now,
you know, you went thirty one, right, but everybody says
you you physically, that you are still a beast, that
you should not retire. But you know, one of the
you know, top tight ends in the league. What was
the decision to say, you know what, I'm no longer
want to do this.
Speaker 1 (06:46):
At the end of the day, I feel like you
got to evaluate your commitment level for the entire process.
You know, there's certain things where it's like I can
look at it and be like, yeah, the results of
what could be the yards, the you know, successful seasons,
like they would look great and they would feel great.
But as far as going through the whole process, putting
all the work in, going through the entire season, It's
like I gotta be willing to put forth that commitment
(07:06):
level for teammates, for the organization, and I don't feel
like I can be able to do that anymore. At
this point in my life. I feel like that passion
has kind of passed on. There's other things that I
want to spend my time doing.
Speaker 3 (07:15):
And you said you had a near death experience. I
read an article that said.
Speaker 1 (07:18):
That, yeah, this past year it was weird. Man. I
was going we actually shot a video in my boy
a Rod and I was coming back to my condo
in Jersey and I felt a fever coming on. And
I had COVID two times before that, and I was like,
I feel like I'm just have COVID, got to sworted
out and just ug it. But I started to like
lose consciousness and like I was like fighting for my breath.
(07:40):
When I got back to my condo and I called
nine to one one and they finally made out what
I was trying to say, because I guess I wasn't
speaking clear enough and I was just fighting for my
breath to the paramat showed up. I think I kind
of like passed out before they got there, and they
woke me up and I had like an oxygen mask on.
They took me into the hospital. I was in there
for three days, couldn't go to the bathroom on my own,
couldn't stand up. I had like a viral infection my
(08:01):
lungs or something. So that was pretty wild. It made
me kind of thinking reflecting, be like, all right, like
what am I doing with my life? Am I really
doing what I want to do? And at that time,
I didn't feel like I was really doing that. I
feel like I was doing things because I feel like
I should be doing them.
Speaker 4 (08:14):
So it was a viral infection that called it. Yeah, wow,
that's interesting. So you clearly you didn't think football was
your purpose. Like it's hard to do anything if you
don't feel like this is your purpose. Yeah, you felt
like you had to go find your actual purpose.
Speaker 1 (08:26):
Yeah. I feel like in a way football did serve
a purpose. It did give me the ability to, you know,
find my voice, to share through like my pain and
my struggle to help other people through theirs. And it
also showed me that through hard work and patience and
just staying with a process, I can be excellent at
whatever I want to do. Because people were not checking
for me for a long period of time in football.
(08:47):
But you know, just by sticking with the process, I
was able to make a name for myself and be successful.
So I feel like I could carry those principles to
whatever I.
Speaker 3 (08:53):
Want to do.
Speaker 4 (08:54):
How do the people around you feel about your decision
to retire, because you know, the NFL is not easy
to get into, and not even just your fan but
the organization.
Speaker 3 (09:00):
I'm sure people are trying to stop.
Speaker 1 (09:02):
You from Yeah, yeah, I get it from yeah, people
with the team and you know, just just people that
love the game, like and respect the way that I play.
They're like, man, you can't retire, Like you can't do this.
But you know, the people that are close to me,
and you know, see what all that I've given to
the game, all that I've I've worked, and just like
fort everything I had, they they support me.
Speaker 2 (09:20):
Now I see you since retiring, you've been fiddling a
lot with music. Is that where you want to go next.
You want to be a musician and art this.
Speaker 1 (09:27):
Of Yeah, I feel like there's definitely a journey for
me there. You know, my great grandfather was a legendary
jazz musician, and I love music as a kid, playing piano,
being in a band, and I'm just kind of circling
back to those things I loved as a kid, and
you know, just really want to go that route. I
feel something like in a way, like spiritually pulling me
in that direction. And so you know, I don't have
any expectations with it for real, but I believe in
(09:50):
myself and the growth that I'm having as artists with
the stuff I'm gonna be putting out. So yeah, something
I want to definitely devote time to among a lot
of other things.
Speaker 4 (09:57):
I feel like you are looking for peace. Yeah, that's
what you're wanted. You want to do things that bring
you peace.
Speaker 1 (10:05):
Yeah.
Speaker 3 (10:05):
If it don't make you happy, you don't want to
do it.
Speaker 1 (10:07):
Yeah, man, Cause it's like, you know, it's like a
Jim Carrey quote out there. He was like, you know,
I wish people could get everything they ever wanted to. Realize,
it's not what's gonna give them that sense of fulfillment,
especially if you're doing things, you know, pertaining to somebody
else's dream of success. Because I was like, okay football,
Like damn I get I get this money, I have
this longevity, like I'm gonna be happy and be fulfilled.
(10:29):
And it's still like I make it happen, and it's
still kind of like I feel like it's still gotta
be more out there for me, you know. So it's
gotta be something that's authentically aligned with me. And that's
why I'm saying like I'm still trying to figure that out.
Speaker 3 (10:39):
Is that why you got the serenity tattoo?
Speaker 1 (10:41):
Yeah? Man, you know since got getting so over like
serenity prayers like a big tool as far as like
going through my day, you know, because there's a lot
of things that you got to accept things as they are.
Speaker 4 (10:52):
God grant me serenity to accept the things I cannot change,
courage to change things I can.
Speaker 3 (10:55):
And it wasn't know the difference.
Speaker 1 (10:56):
Yeah, you wear yourself out trying to change things as
you can. Man. So it's something that how to carry
everything I do.
Speaker 2 (11:01):
Now you talk about peace, So what gives Darren Waller
piece like what puts you in your happy place. If
it's not football anymore, I.
Speaker 1 (11:08):
Would say being in nature. Man. As a kid growing
up in Atlanta, it wasn't really no mountains around you,
like Kansaw Mountain and Stone Mountain, they really just like
hills though. But going out to a place like Vegas
and going to place like Utah, Colorado, like being in
nature like those things. Really, I feel like getting me
closer to God than anything else. Making music as well,
just being in the process of that, writing, creating, coming
(11:28):
up with ideas, being around my family more. I feel
like just with the grind that I've had through the game,
like I feel like I've missed out a lot, you know.
Like for the fourth I'll be going to my first
family function with all the extended family since before I
got sober, I was almost seven years ago. Because it's
always when I'm training or getting ready for training camp.
Speaker 4 (11:45):
So you ready for that though, because you know it's
gonna be a bunch of oh man, you why you retiring?
Speaker 3 (11:50):
What's up?
Speaker 1 (11:51):
Man? Yeah? Man? But still give me tickets. Yeah, there's
a lot of that, but but yeah, it's just like
getting people to see me as I am now, like
I'm football is always going to be a part of me.
It has been a major part. But there's more to
my story. I still got God willing sixty more years
to live, so there's more chapters to be told.
Speaker 4 (12:07):
I want you to go back to the nature park
because you know I write books. So in my new book,
which is called Get On As to Die Line, I
have a chapter called tree hug the Block, and it's
literally about how we need to get reconnected to nature
because I grew up in South Carolina. I'm from the South,
so I grew up running around on the dirt road,
running through the corn field, running through the woods, you know,
actually looking up at the sun, walking around barefoot. So
I was doing grounding and earthing because before I even
(12:30):
knew what that was. So talk about just that connection
to nature and how important that it is for your mental
and emotional world being.
Speaker 1 (12:36):
Yeah, man, for me, just being outside, being in nature
is something that it allows me to see like where
I stand, like in the grand scheme of things like
being around like mountains and things like that. It's like
I'm in awe of God's creation, realizing like I'm a
part of this world, like I have something to give.
But at the same time, like not taking myself so seriously.
But yeah, also being in nature. It's like, I feel
like that's what our ancestors did, That's what we all did.
(12:58):
Like and just being out there, just getting outside of yourself,
just being able to enjoy the beauty of the world
around you. I can affect your mindset and help you
live with more gratitude.
Speaker 3 (13:06):
Is that where you were when you decided to retire?
Speaker 1 (13:08):
Uh? Yeah, So the week before I made my decision,
we actually hit all the national parks in Utah for
five days. We just hopped in the rv US and
a couple of other homies and we just went for it.
And it's like, you know, we a lot of a
lot of folks saying, ain't really doing that, especially like
where we come from, people that look like us. You know,
we're just trying to do things that uh you know,
(13:29):
that's new. You know what I'm saying.
Speaker 3 (13:29):
Were you high or anything? Like I'm not a damn.
Speaker 4 (13:31):
I ain't mean drugs, but like, you know, weed and
nothing to do. Nah, I spoke I like smoking cigars,
but that's pretty much it now. So you just was like,
you know what, I think I'm gonna retire. You just
turned to your man and say I think I'm gonna retire.
Speaker 1 (13:43):
It wasn't like a decision that just hit me at
that moment. It was something else being uh, you know,
considered over that time. But as I was out there,
it was like, yeah, that was kind of the stamp.
You know, I feel like I've given this all I
I have to give. As far as me wanting to
play the game, I feel like the only thing that
I'll bring me back was wanted to impress other people.
Speaker 4 (14:00):
You've made a lot of, you know, real big life
choices lately. Right, you're tired from the NFL, and then
you got married last year at to Kelsey Plumpp star
Las Vegas Ace's point card.
Speaker 3 (14:11):
But then you filed for divorce a year later? Right?
What happened?
Speaker 1 (14:16):
Man? That's uh you talk about get honest or die lining.
You know, you kind of got to look at yourself
and realize, like, all right, like you know what role
am I playing? That all the relationships in my life
have always had the same patterns, and it kind of
plays into everything else I was mentioned earlier, like the
codependency aspect of like anytime I'm in a relationship, I
feel like I gotta you know, dance or do a
certain thing for to keep this person around, you know,
(14:39):
almost like a tying my self worth to the success
of a relationship. And you realize how much you lose
yourself and doing the things that you love and things
that take care of you on a daily basis, making
this person kind of like the center of your universe,
and how unhealthy that is for everybody involved, you know
what I'm saying. So realizing that, realizing the impact that
it was having on me, and you know, as far
(15:01):
as making decisions that were authentic for the life that
I wanted. These are things that I couldn't say one
hundred percent yes to. You have certain conversations and realize
there's so much life ahead of both of us, you know,
might as well just go ahead and live it and
move on with no type of hostility.
Speaker 4 (15:15):
You didn't think that like before marriage, like before you
proposed and before you got married, Like you didn't have
that conversation with yourself.
Speaker 1 (15:23):
Yeah, I like, I like to think that I did.
But there's certain situations like kind of like I said earlier,
where I didn't really have that self awareness that spreads
into other areas of my life. As well, where I'm like, okay,
I thought I was ready to have a commitment like
that and be involved, but really it's like there's a
part of me that's like okay, like the pursuit, the chase,
(15:44):
the building of it, seeing more appealing of than when things,
you know, get extremely difficult and the same patterns continue
to come out, and it's like, Bro, at the end
of the day, you got to heal Bro, or the
same things you're gonna continue to happen.
Speaker 4 (15:57):
That's all Will Smith say recently, he said, it's impossible
to me somebody else happy. Yeah, say, you have to
have happiness right, she has to have happiness right, and
then y'all come together exactly.
Speaker 3 (16:07):
You know, Is that that what it was? You think? Absolutely?
Speaker 1 (16:11):
Man. I feel like in a way there's there was
a reliance of me on the relationship to give me
something that of course I needed to come to the
table without that extra baggage and with that healing already
in place, and I didn't what.
Speaker 3 (16:24):
Was harder to do retire from the NFL to get
it the boss.
Speaker 1 (16:27):
I think both, man, both are difficult, because you know,
both are you know, a part of who I am.
Things that you know, meant a lot to me at
the time, and to have them both happening at the
same time, it's like, you know, a lot of emotions,
you got to process, a lot of talking, a lot
of writing, a lot of time being spent reflecting and
being by yourself, and uh, that's real life stuff, man,
Because I've had a lot of success, a lot of
(16:48):
great moments in my life, but these are This year
has been one that has really forced me to look
in the mirror and and dig deep into you know,
express myself in ways that are healthy and just really
get to you know what I'm saying, who is there
while at the core without all these things that I
try to reach for for you know, fulfillment or validation.
Speaker 4 (17:04):
And it was a mutual thing or like it was
you saying I want to leave or her sings you
want to leave it.
Speaker 1 (17:10):
There was conversations had to the end where it was mutual.
Speaker 2 (17:13):
Now you did a song called who Knew? Yeah Now
that was in dedication to the situation relationship.
Speaker 1 (17:20):
So yeah, So I had an idea as as we
were winding down and separating that I was like, okay,
like I keep finding myself in these positions, these same patterns,
And I have this idea of like if ever I
if the girl I was in relationship with, because like,
I mean, you can look at her and say, like
she's the public one that people can know that I
was with, but that that's the same pattern of a
(17:40):
lot of relationships that I've been in. It's like, if
they had to pen and would write me a song,
what would they say? And so it's like, you know,
you're taking a risk making a song like that. It's
very very vulnerable, very different than anything I've ever made before.
But you know, I tried to make make stuff that's
authentic to me where I'm at, and you just put
myself out there take risks.
Speaker 2 (17:57):
Did she had a song? What was her thoughts on
a song? Did you speak after?
Speaker 1 (18:01):
No? That was after you ain't really been no discussion.
Speaker 2 (18:04):
I don't speak at all that you don't communicat or
have conversations at all.
Speaker 4 (18:08):
It's no, it's I mean, you're saying this song, you
know why you want to run away? Why can't you
just stay?
Speaker 1 (18:13):
So?
Speaker 3 (18:14):
Was this something you was trying to keep together?
Speaker 1 (18:16):
So it's really the song is like her perspective, So
it's from the perspective of the woman that's been in
a relationship with me, So she's like, why do you
keep running? Like really speaking to me.
Speaker 4 (18:26):
I love this perspective, man, because men a lot of
times don't take accountability for our bullshit. Yeah, trying to
project and put it on the other person for you
to be like, no, it ain't you, it's me. Sometimes
a lot of dudes say that just when they really
want to be out here doing some bs.
Speaker 3 (18:43):
But you really knew you had to go do the
internal work.
Speaker 1 (18:46):
Yeah. Yeah, it's a lot of work on my behalf
for me to try to look at somebody else and
focus on them when there's plenty of stuff on my
side of the street that I got to clean up.
You know. Yeah, that's not what men do. That's not
the exam people that we're trying to set. So I'm
out here trying to do better just like everybody else's.
Speaker 3 (19:03):
Was it therapeutic to do that record?
Speaker 1 (19:05):
Yeah? Absolutely. It was definitely a good way to express
myself and to you know, have empathy not only for her,
but everybody I've been in a relationship with, and to
honor them as I go forward and try to change
my ways, change my thinking and heal myself.
Speaker 4 (19:20):
You think you'll be ready for a relationship, like the
more internal work you're doing, do you think you'll be
ready for a relationship in the future.
Speaker 1 (19:28):
I believe so, yeah, if that's what God has in
the cars for me. But it's definitely going to take
a lot more patience than I've had before and moving
slowly because a lot of times I feel like I
want to move fast, you know what I'm saying, Like
I'm an addict. I got that thinking. It's like, you know,
I want what I want now and I want things
to happen quickly. And those kinds of thought process got
to change, and I believe that they will and in
(19:48):
time whenever that is. But like I said, I got
a lot of things I want to figure out for
myself and it'll happen when it's supposed to.
Speaker 4 (19:56):
It's my last question about that. But what do you
say to people, especially a lot of guys who like, damn, Darren,
you fumbled Kelsey because they like they think beautiful, Yeah,
do you feel like you fumbled her?
Speaker 1 (20:08):
Not really? Man, In a lot of ways, I feel like, Man,
was that even really for me to pick up in
the first place? You know, as approaching a relationship and
wanting to speed through things and you know, make a
connection happen quickly. With some of the things I talked
about earlier, it's like you look at it and it's like, like,
was that even for me? So you can talk about
(20:29):
fumbling or whatever, that's not really anything that I try
to think about.
Speaker 4 (20:32):
I never thought about that in terms of relationships with people,
like if you have a like, if you have an addiction, right,
if you're you're an addict, right, you said you want
what you want and you want it now, So you
can kind of like trauma bond with a lot of
people and not even realizactly not even be aware of
that shit crazy damn.
Speaker 2 (20:52):
Now, I do want to ask about the NFL. I
do see sometimes players in the NFL that plays sports
get addicted to things easy, And I was going to
ask us that to take away the pain? Is that
to take away the feeling, the trauma, the hurt, the crowd,
the fan, is that why you feel like some of
that addiction came from.
Speaker 1 (21:10):
Yeah, so like mine started really early. But if you're
talking like in the general population of guys in the league, Yeah,
there's an insane amount of pressure on you on a
day and day out, you know, just to perform at
your job or somebody's gonna take your place. You know,
people are gonna talk crazy about you if you on
the internet, and so people just want that relief, you
know what I'm saying. Like, I never set out none
(21:31):
of these guys that sat out to be addicts or
to be people that abuse substances, but they're just like, man,
I just want to change the way that I feel,
give myself some sense of peace when I get home
because it's a stressful day, it's a stressful career, and
I just want some relief. So that's why I feel
like guys kind of get started down that path without
even having bad intentions, you know what I'm saying.
Speaker 2 (21:48):
Does the league try to help the players when they're
going through things, because I mean, it has to be difficult,
like you said, the pressure, I mean the pain to
you know, to play through it. Do they offer services
to help players or not too much or a lot?
Speaker 1 (22:01):
Yeah, they offer services like the teams will offer like
you know, like pain management, like you got massages, you
got needles, yea. But yeah they have they got team counselors,
like team clinicians that are available for guys. Some guys
use them, some guys don't. But there's a lot of
guys that are leaning more towards having therapists outside of
the building so they can kind of just like cut
(22:22):
that tie from having it with the team. Like even
when I went to rehab, like the league paid for it,
there was like a guy that was like a case
manager for me who was calling my phone, blowing my
phone up, just like seeing how I was doing what
I needed. So they definitely really helped me. And I
feel like whenever guys are like, well, it's like okay,
like I want to help myself, then they can take
advantage of the resources at hand.
Speaker 4 (22:42):
Is the reason they don't want to use a team
counselor because they don't trust them. Like I don't want
to share too much information with them because they might
take it back to.
Speaker 1 (22:47):
The Yeah they're there. There are a lot of there
are a lot of guys that that feel that way
of like, yeah, I don't know if this is going
to go back to the team, and the team says
like that that's not going to happen, but you know,
it's like you know, as men, it's like, especially in
this hypermasculine environment of football. It's like, if I show
any kind of weakness, other teams, people across from me
are gonna try to take advantage of that. I don't
(23:07):
feel safe to share that here. And you know that's
that's that's a legit emotion.
Speaker 4 (23:12):
What's been the most uh, what's been the most effective
healing tool for you?
Speaker 1 (23:17):
Man? It's hard to pick one. Man. I would say
I would say meditation played a huge role for me,
just because, you know, making that a daily part of
my routine, it kind of gives me like a space,
like a pause when it comes to moments where it's
time to make decisions in my day to day life.
(23:39):
A lot of times where I would make bad decisions,
it was kind of like I was just reacting to
things super fast, whereas meditation kind of gives you that
pause to allow you to be like, okay, like let
me take a deep breath, is just really what I
want to do, and like it gives you an opportunity
to evaluate your decisions more So, I feel like that's
something that definitely gave me a jump to to start
along with other things. But uh, that was probably one
(24:00):
of the first ones. Learning that it was just like wow,
like I really have a chance to sit here and
not just have the world just have me blowing about
in the wind and the storms that come on a
day to day, Like I can actually like stand firm
and make decisions I want to make.
Speaker 4 (24:14):
I'm trying to figure out like when you made these decisions,
whether it was the retired from the NFL or get
a divorced, had you already started your healing journey? And
that's when when you started I guess peeling back those
legs when you realize, you know what, I need to
move on from these things, or was it before get
rid of those things didn't start your healing journey?
Speaker 1 (24:32):
The healing journey was kind of going all along and
you kind of realize, like getting sober from drugs and
alcohol was really just the beginning of that journey. But
in ways I thought that that was like the completion
because it was like those were my problems, like, oh,
you's got to you drinks too much, a lot of drugs,
Like okay, I changed that, but like there's still like
this feeling of uneasiness and like things that I'm reaching
(24:53):
for to make me feel better, And so that journey
is always going on has always been going on the
last seven years, and just knew unfoldings of that new
things that I learned from like oh wow, from my childhood,
Like that's why I am the way that I am.
That's why I seek worth out of relationships or from
pleasing other people. Like it's connecting all those dots now
(25:13):
and it's like, Okay, it's starting to make sense. And
now it's like, all right, I actually have the courage
now to make decisions for me and knowing that I'm
trying to be a better man in the process of making.
Speaker 4 (25:22):
Them, so you have that feeling of self worth that
you've been looking for.
Speaker 1 (25:26):
Now, Yeah, it's growing, man, I can honestly say it's growing.
And whereas before it was like nonexistent, this is like,
you know, I'm one of the best players in my
position in the league and still you know, trying to
find that. Like there was a vivid memory I had
of like a two hundred yard game in twenty twenty
and the Wednesday practice after that, I'm lining up for
routes on air. I ain't you know, defense out there,
(25:47):
and I'm like, all right, like, don't drop this past
in my mind when really like I just did something
like only five other people in my position I ever
done in the history of the League. Right, So it's
a it's a it's been a lifelong thing, man, and
I can find they say it's starting to grow. And
sometimes it takes making courageous decisions and standing up on
something that a lot of people may not agree with.
(26:08):
But that's the way.
Speaker 3 (26:09):
What about your foundation did Darren Waller Foundation?
Speaker 1 (26:13):
Yeah, man, that's the decision that, like I talked about
the League giving me opportunity to go to treatment for free,
and it's like, through getting sober, I kind of realized,
like my world is a lot better, a lot more
full when it's just bigger than me. I'm doing a
lot of being able to do things for other people.
And so through my foundation, we are able to get people'
scholtshops to go to treatment for thirty days and also
(26:33):
have like sober living opportunities, just opportunities to get back
on their feet. And we've sent like sixty people through
thirty day stays and that numbers continuing to go up,
continuing to build resources in the Vegas community, just you know,
trying to give people opportunity because I mean I didn't
know that I'd be able to have the impact that
I've been able to have in my life back when
(26:54):
I was, you know, kind of stuck in that hole.
And you know, all you gotta do is impact one person,
because through me being impacted a lot of other people
will be able to be helped. So it's just like
giving that person a chance.
Speaker 3 (27:05):
So you still live in Vegas?
Speaker 1 (27:06):
Yeahs is that hard me?
Speaker 4 (27:08):
And that your ex wife plays there like you probably
got to see posters and stuff in.
Speaker 3 (27:12):
Her all the time.
Speaker 1 (27:14):
No, I mean it's not Uh, it's not anything of
wishing any type of ill will or any type of resentment.
Like I want her to be great. I want her
to be happy. I want her to be at peace
and feel fulfilled in her life, just like anybody else,
you know. And I have a lot of great connections
in Vegas. People that I've met and foreign friendships with
that are there for me. That community has been there
for me, and I've done a lot in that community.
(27:35):
So I feel like that's somewhere I want to be
for a little while. Do you love yourself? I do
love myself?
Speaker 3 (27:40):
Okay, Like I mean, like, did you just get to
that place that you've.
Speaker 1 (27:45):
Oh, yeah, it's it's it's relatively new for sure. It's
taking like struggles and seeing myself like really as I am,
with all the all the good, all the bad, like
whatever you want to call it. But it's like I
can look at myself now and it's like there is
no more of woice inside of me that wants to
beat me down. It's one that wants to build me
up and encourage myself because it's like, yeah, maybe walking
(28:07):
paths now that a lot of people they look like
at me like I'm crazy, like my life is falling
apart in a way, but it's it's it's funny and ironic.
How when it looks like things are falling apart from me,
it feels like things are coming together. So that's all
you can ask for it.
Speaker 4 (28:20):
The only reason I asked that is because you know,
your first, last, and best love is self love. So
it's like until you get that self love, you can't
love anything else.
Speaker 1 (28:26):
Or anybody else.
Speaker 4 (28:27):
That's a fact, football wife nothing. So that's why that's
why I asked that question.
Speaker 3 (28:34):
What did you think?
Speaker 4 (28:34):
And I knew I said it was gonna be the
last question about when you saw her statement about it
I'm devastated. I walked through fire for that man. But
now I see it's time to go. And she said
one day I'm gonna share my story. Today is not
that day. You know, what did you think of that
whole statement?
Speaker 1 (28:48):
I feel like she has she has every right to
express herself in whichever way that she chooses, because, like
I said, I know I was never perfect, and you
know some of the reasons that motivated me to they
caused harm, They hurt, you know what I'm saying. So
I respects whatever way she wants to express herself. You know,
I'm out here trying to improve and by no means
(29:09):
claiming to be a victim in any way, you know.
So I'm all good with it.
Speaker 3 (29:13):
Absolutely all right.
Speaker 4 (29:14):
Well, Darren Waller, ladies, and do you believe there's a
script that owners and refs are a part of the
outcome of games, because that's been a thing that we've
been hearing. And you're retired now. I don't know if
you're planning to go back, but feel free to spill
any secrets that you know. Is there a script?
Speaker 2 (29:30):
Keep in mind he's a Cowboys fan.
Speaker 4 (29:31):
Just want to I don't believe in the script. But
I believe if there was a script, Cowboys would have
been the Super Bowl champions at least te or four
times over the last.
Speaker 1 (29:38):
Yeah, the Cowboys are way too talented to not have
won one yet.
Speaker 3 (29:41):
Money and make too much money forget the talent.
Speaker 4 (29:44):
I'm just saying, if there was a script, you don't
think Jerry Jones are paid to win the Super Bowl.
Speaker 1 (29:47):
I don't know, man, I don't know if any scripts.
If I had a script, man, I would have had
one that had me at least win one playoff game
in my career. But yeah, no, I don't know if
any scripts.
Speaker 2 (29:58):
And now, out of the three teams you played for,
the even Raiders and Giants, which which was the best
organization for you?
Speaker 1 (30:04):
Man? In a way, they all were, To be honest,
the Ravens taught me. Being with the Ravens taught me
a lot of hard lessons, really forced me to grow
up in a lot of ways. And you know that
last year being there on the practice squad, it gave
me the tools and the work ethic to be able
to sustain the level of success that I did once
I got it. So I'm grateful for that. But the
(30:24):
Raiders had all the great memories man, like the great seasons,
just like the guys that form relationships with coaches that
I had that was that was the fun ride. But
I mean I had a blast with the Giants this
last year too, man, like all the coaches and the
guys in that locker room. Man, I had a great time.
And my decision to retire had nothing to do with
(30:46):
my time there. You know. We Uh, I had a
great time with them and wish them nothing but the best.
But if you had to, if I had to pick one,
it probably be the Raiders for show. I mean, that's
where my career took off, my life change. I was
able to do things for my family, for the community
through just having a chance that they gave me.
Speaker 3 (31:01):
So you know, you're completely done with football, like you just.
Speaker 1 (31:04):
Yeah, really, yeah, thousand percent.
Speaker 3 (31:06):
Wow, You're not gonna miss nothing about the game?
Speaker 1 (31:10):
Oh No, that that the game is always going to
be something I hold in high regard and love. And
I'll miss that locker room environment, you know what I'm saying,
being in there with those guys and just cutting up, man,
just uh and walking through the struggles together because it's like,
you know, you might go out there and get your
ass whooped on Sunday. But those moments where you're there
in there picking guys up in the locker room and
standing from when a lot of people may be pointing
(31:31):
fingers and doing that, but as men you kind of
lock arms and walk through lock like those are Those
are cool moments, man. Those are moments that a lot
of people don't get to experience. So I'll definitely miss those.
I'll miss playing. You know, you get a rush from
making a big play, making a difference in the game,
but you know, I can get that feeling in a
lot of other ways now and just ready to move on.
Speaker 4 (31:49):
We'll see when the season starts. We'll see when you're
sitting at home watching on Sunday, if you get.
Speaker 1 (31:53):
That itch, yeah, we'll see.
Speaker 4 (31:55):
That's what I don't believe a person's truly retired soil
they can watch it and be like, Okay, I'm good
for sure.
Speaker 2 (32:00):
All right, Well it's Darren Waller.
Speaker 3 (32:01):
It's the Breakfast Cloak.
Speaker 2 (32:02):
Good morning, thank you.
Speaker 1 (32:03):
Wake that ass up in the morning for Breakfast Club.
Wake that answer up in the morning the Breakfast Club.
Speaker 2 (00:04):
Morning everybody, It's DJ Envy, Jess Hilaris Charlamage the guy.
Speaker 3 (00:08):
We are the Breakfast Club.
Speaker 2 (00:09):
You got a special guest in the building, a former
NFL tight and he played for the Giants at one time.
Ladies and gentlemen, Darren Waller, good morning, Good morning man.
Speaker 1 (00:17):
How are you feeling great? Man? Bussed to be here?
Speaker 3 (00:19):
Good good, good, happy to see you. Brother. For folks
that don't know, explain who is Darren Waller? Because you
got to You got a very interesting story.
Speaker 1 (00:27):
Man, Darren Waller. That's something that's something I'm still trying
to figure out. Man.
Speaker 3 (00:30):
Oh, I like that answer.
Speaker 1 (00:31):
Who I am? You know what I'm saying. I don't
got a concrete answer. I'm somebody that's like I'm a creator.
I'm uh, you know, I've been an athlete, but there's
a lot of things that I want to do, our
things I want to try and just continue to go
on this journey.
Speaker 2 (00:43):
Now you started off, how'd you get into the NFL?
For people that don't know, was it the usual way
that most athletes do so? For how did you get
into the NFL? Break down your story A little bit.
Speaker 1 (00:53):
Yeah, from the beginning, start playing FOOTBA when I was four.
My parents just kind of threw me in seeing what
I wanted to do, and it was just an natural
love for the game. But I wasn't really that highly
recruited out of high school. Wasn't that really known in college?
Got in trouble a lot.
Speaker 2 (01:08):
And what school did you go to?
Speaker 3 (01:09):
College?
Speaker 1 (01:09):
Georgia Tech from Atlanta, So snuck into the late rounds
of the draft six rounds. I had a lot of
character red flags at the time, and from there started
with Baltimore, then moved to the Raiders, where I spent
most of my career, and then spent the last year
with the Giants.
Speaker 3 (01:22):
Did you know you had character red flags?
Speaker 4 (01:25):
Like, you know, because self awareness is something a lot
of people don't develop till later when they start doing
internal work on themselves.
Speaker 3 (01:30):
But did you know you had character red flags that?
Did they tell you you had them?
Speaker 1 (01:33):
At the time, I didn't believe I did. I was
putting the blame on everybody else, and I was resentful
at everybody else and thinking it was other people's fault
that while I was doing the things I was doing,
they didn't understand why I needed to do drugs and
drink and shit like that. So at the time I
did not have that awareness.
Speaker 4 (01:48):
Now, yeah, I read that you went from drug addiction
to grocery store clerk to the NFL star.
Speaker 1 (01:55):
Yeah. So I went to rehab September twenty seventeen, and
after I got sober, when I got back home, I
moved in with my parents again, and I was like,
I gotta get a job, I get some structure to
kind of get my life back in order and do that.
I went to church. My parents worked at Sprouts, and
I just got a job there working grocery clerk, making
(02:15):
the aisles look nice, getting orders from the backstock in
the back. And I was there for probably like seven
months till I was like, all right, I kind of
got my p's and q's, going for these drug tests
and everything I could get a chance to be reinstated
into the league. So I started training again and things
just kind of went up from there.
Speaker 4 (02:29):
You said something that I want to expound on. You said,
you know, you didn't know, you didn't know what led
you to drugs. People didn't know what led you to drugs. Yeah, look,
what did lead what did you lead you to drugs, just.
Speaker 1 (02:41):
A lot of a lot of wounds from when I
was younger man, just like feeling like I wasn't enough,
feeling like I always had to overcompensate to please people
or to look tough or have this you know, tough
exterior as a man. Improved myself and it was a
lot of pressure, a lot of anxiety, and just wanted
to change the way I felt. I just wanted to
have some peace in my life. And I felt like
that those kind of things brought that piece, But it
was kind of a counterfeit at the time. You know,
(03:02):
it worked for a bit, but in the end, it
ends up turning on you, and all those problems you
think you're getting rid of by using are still there
when you wake up the next day, when you come
down from that high, like it's still waiting on you
to deal with. And I was just putting stuff under
the rug. But yeah, that's kind of why I kind
of got into that lifestyle. Yeah, you have.
Speaker 3 (03:19):
Nobody to talk to when you was younger, like your parents.
Speaker 1 (03:22):
I realized now how many people really wanted to help me,
really wanted to be there for me. But just I
don't know why I thought there was such huge walls
between me and everybody else in my life that it
was just so, you know, and as men like I
kind of grew up in that era where it was like,
you know, rub some dirt on it, don't We don't
really show your feelings, don't We don't cry, you know,
you picklves up by the bootstraps and keep it moving.
And I'm a product of that type of mindset not
(03:44):
really working.
Speaker 2 (03:44):
Now, what was what was so bad growing up as
a kid, Like what was the bruises that you discussed of?
Speaker 1 (03:49):
So the funny thing is it wasn't anything like external environment.
I grew up in a nice neighborhood that everything I
ever wanted from my family, But it was more so
like fitting in with the people around me, Like around
like people of my skin color was like I wouldn't
black enough, and around white people it was like, oh,
you're not really one of us, but you kind of
are one of us. And I was like one of
the only black kids that were in like the advanced
classes at my school, so I was like, I don't
(04:11):
feel black enough. I'm only black kids in these classes.
When I was on the team with the athletes and stuff,
I always felt like a nerd. So it was like
these environments where it was like, damn, I don't feel
like I fit in, or I can just show up
as myself in these environments, I always gott to put
this mask on or be somebody different.
Speaker 3 (04:25):
Because what you buy racial?
Speaker 2 (04:27):
That was gonna ask the same question.
Speaker 1 (04:28):
No, my dad's just really like skin. I think I
gotta do like an ancestor or something. I don't really know.
As far as I know, I'm just black.
Speaker 4 (04:34):
So you're black, yeah, Bally, So I wonder why they
thought you couldn't say nigga no more.
Speaker 2 (04:42):
So you know, I hear that story a lot, and
it's usually what I had to say, because you like
skin too. Nah, I'm good. So usually when you when
you leave your neighborhood growing up, you move into like
most like your parents might have moved into a white
neighborhood right with a better school education, but now you're
the only black family or very few of you that
in that situation. So I happened with my daughter as well,
(05:02):
because when she went to the school, she felt like
there was nobody there for her right. She felt like
all the all the white girls would get all of
the attention because it was white boys. She felt confused,
she felt not wanted, She was growing up with a
lot of problems. Did you have that same situation, the
same feeling.
Speaker 1 (05:16):
Yeah, that was that explains a lot of the environment
that I was growing up in. The first friends I made,
like my neighborhood growing up were white and you know,
a lot of dudes at my school and it was
just because they was outside playing ball, like riding bikes,
like just doing stuff I like to do, and uh,
you know, kind of getting you know, jokes made because
of those type of things. And was like, all right, damn,
like I gotta like find a way. And growing up
(05:37):
in the South, you know what I'm saying, football is
like religion down there. And I was like, Okay, I'm
good at this. This is going to get me the
acceptance that I've always wanted.
Speaker 2 (05:42):
And now I was gonna say that, do you still
have those feelings now fitting in and in those situations now?
Speaker 1 (05:48):
Well, I'm a lot more comfortable in my skin now.
I still have thoughts of like, all right, like I
need to be successful and attribute that to my worth
in some ways, but it's a lot less present in
my everyday thinking back then, It's.
Speaker 4 (06:00):
So interesting to hear you had this conversation because, like
you said, you're from Atlanta. You don't hear this about
black people in Atlanta. Black people in Atlanta. It's like
the total opposite.
Speaker 3 (06:09):
They grew around.
Speaker 4 (06:10):
They grew up around a bunch of black people, Black
affluent people, black people in positions of power, elected officials,
police officers, everything.
Speaker 2 (06:17):
So it's just like, wow, they're from Atlanta.
Speaker 3 (06:19):
Yeah.
Speaker 1 (06:19):
Well, I mean, I say, I'm from Acworth, Georgia. It's
thirty minutes outside of Atlanta. So people that's really from
Atlanta in the Inner City. I'm not from the Inner City,
but I'm from that area.
Speaker 3 (06:27):
Gotcha.
Speaker 2 (06:27):
Now, recently you decided to retire from the NFL. Yeah, now,
you know, you went thirty one, right, but everybody says
you you physically, that you are still a beast, that
you should not retire. But you know, one of the
you know, top tight ends in the league. What was
the decision to say, you know what, I'm no longer
want to do this.
Speaker 1 (06:46):
At the end of the day, I feel like you
got to evaluate your commitment level for the entire process.
You know, there's certain things where it's like I can
look at it and be like, yeah, the results of
what could be the yards, the you know, successful seasons,
like they would look great and they would feel great.
But as far as going through the whole process, putting
all the work in, going through the entire season, It's
like I gotta be willing to put forth that commitment
(07:06):
level for teammates, for the organization, and I don't feel
like I can be able to do that anymore. At
this point in my life. I feel like that passion
has kind of passed on. There's other things that I
want to spend my time doing.
Speaker 3 (07:15):
And you said you had a near death experience. I
read an article that said.
Speaker 1 (07:18):
That, yeah, this past year it was weird. Man. I
was going we actually shot a video in my boy
a Rod and I was coming back to my condo
in Jersey and I felt a fever coming on. And
I had COVID two times before that, and I was like,
I feel like I'm just have COVID, got to sworted
out and just ug it. But I started to like
lose consciousness and like I was like fighting for my breath.
(07:40):
When I got back to my condo and I called
nine to one one and they finally made out what
I was trying to say, because I guess I wasn't
speaking clear enough and I was just fighting for my
breath to the paramat showed up. I think I kind
of like passed out before they got there, and they
woke me up and I had like an oxygen mask on.
They took me into the hospital. I was in there
for three days, couldn't go to the bathroom on my own,
couldn't stand up. I had like a viral infection my
(08:01):
lungs or something. So that was pretty wild. It made
me kind of thinking reflecting, be like, all right, like
what am I doing with my life? Am I really
doing what I want to do? And at that time,
I didn't feel like I was really doing that. I
feel like I was doing things because I feel like
I should be doing them.
Speaker 4 (08:14):
So it was a viral infection that called it. Yeah, wow,
that's interesting. So you clearly you didn't think football was
your purpose. Like it's hard to do anything if you
don't feel like this is your purpose. Yeah, you felt
like you had to go find your actual purpose.
Speaker 1 (08:26):
Yeah. I feel like in a way football did serve
a purpose. It did give me the ability to, you know,
find my voice, to share through like my pain and
my struggle to help other people through theirs. And it
also showed me that through hard work and patience and
just staying with a process, I can be excellent at
whatever I want to do. Because people were not checking
for me for a long period of time in football.
(08:47):
But you know, just by sticking with the process, I
was able to make a name for myself and be successful.
So I feel like I could carry those principles to
whatever I.
Speaker 3 (08:53):
Want to do.
Speaker 4 (08:54):
How do the people around you feel about your decision
to retire, because you know, the NFL is not easy
to get into, and not even just your fan but
the organization.
Speaker 3 (09:00):
I'm sure people are trying to stop.
Speaker 1 (09:02):
You from Yeah, yeah, I get it from yeah, people
with the team and you know, just just people that
love the game, like and respect the way that I play.
They're like, man, you can't retire, Like you can't do this.
But you know, the people that are close to me,
and you know, see what all that I've given to
the game, all that I've I've worked, and just like
fort everything I had, they they support me.
Speaker 2 (09:20):
Now I see you since retiring, you've been fiddling a
lot with music. Is that where you want to go next.
You want to be a musician and art this.
Speaker 1 (09:27):
Of Yeah, I feel like there's definitely a journey for
me there. You know, my great grandfather was a legendary
jazz musician, and I love music as a kid, playing piano,
being in a band, and I'm just kind of circling
back to those things I loved as a kid, and
you know, just really want to go that route. I
feel something like in a way, like spiritually pulling me
in that direction. And so you know, I don't have
any expectations with it for real, but I believe in
(09:50):
myself and the growth that I'm having as artists with
the stuff I'm gonna be putting out. So yeah, something
I want to definitely devote time to among a lot
of other things.
Speaker 4 (09:57):
I feel like you are looking for peace. Yeah, that's
what you're wanted. You want to do things that bring
you peace.
Speaker 1 (10:05):
Yeah.
Speaker 3 (10:05):
If it don't make you happy, you don't want to
do it.
Speaker 1 (10:07):
Yeah, man, Cause it's like, you know, it's like a
Jim Carrey quote out there. He was like, you know,
I wish people could get everything they ever wanted to. Realize,
it's not what's gonna give them that sense of fulfillment,
especially if you're doing things, you know, pertaining to somebody
else's dream of success. Because I was like, okay football,
Like damn I get I get this money, I have
this longevity, like I'm gonna be happy and be fulfilled.
(10:29):
And it's still like I make it happen, and it's
still kind of like I feel like it's still gotta
be more out there for me, you know. So it's
gotta be something that's authentically aligned with me. And that's
why I'm saying like I'm still trying to figure that out.
Speaker 3 (10:39):
Is that why you got the serenity tattoo?
Speaker 1 (10:41):
Yeah? Man, you know since got getting so over like
serenity prayers like a big tool as far as like
going through my day, you know, because there's a lot
of things that you got to accept things as they are.
Speaker 4 (10:52):
God grant me serenity to accept the things I cannot change,
courage to change things I can.
Speaker 3 (10:55):
And it wasn't know the difference.
Speaker 1 (10:56):
Yeah, you wear yourself out trying to change things as
you can. Man. So it's something that how to carry
everything I do.
Speaker 2 (11:01):
Now you talk about peace, So what gives Darren Waller
piece like what puts you in your happy place. If
it's not football anymore, I.
Speaker 1 (11:08):
Would say being in nature. Man. As a kid growing
up in Atlanta, it wasn't really no mountains around you,
like Kansaw Mountain and Stone Mountain, they really just like
hills though. But going out to a place like Vegas
and going to place like Utah, Colorado, like being in
nature like those things. Really, I feel like getting me
closer to God than anything else. Making music as well,
just being in the process of that, writing, creating, coming
(11:28):
up with ideas, being around my family more. I feel
like just with the grind that I've had through the game,
like I feel like I've missed out a lot, you know.
Like for the fourth I'll be going to my first
family function with all the extended family since before I
got sober, I was almost seven years ago. Because it's
always when I'm training or getting ready for training camp.
Speaker 4 (11:45):
So you ready for that though, because you know it's
gonna be a bunch of oh man, you why you retiring?
Speaker 3 (11:50):
What's up?
Speaker 1 (11:51):
Man? Yeah? Man? But still give me tickets. Yeah, there's
a lot of that, but but yeah, it's just like
getting people to see me as I am now, like
I'm football is always going to be a part of me.
It has been a major part. But there's more to
my story. I still got God willing sixty more years
to live, so there's more chapters to be told.
Speaker 4 (12:07):
I want you to go back to the nature park
because you know I write books. So in my new book,
which is called Get On As to Die Line, I
have a chapter called tree hug the Block, and it's
literally about how we need to get reconnected to nature
because I grew up in South Carolina. I'm from the South,
so I grew up running around on the dirt road,
running through the corn field, running through the woods, you know,
actually looking up at the sun, walking around barefoot. So
I was doing grounding and earthing because before I even
(12:30):
knew what that was. So talk about just that connection
to nature and how important that it is for your mental
and emotional world being.
Speaker 1 (12:36):
Yeah, man, for me, just being outside, being in nature
is something that it allows me to see like where
I stand, like in the grand scheme of things like
being around like mountains and things like that. It's like
I'm in awe of God's creation, realizing like I'm a
part of this world, like I have something to give.
But at the same time, like not taking myself so seriously.
But yeah, also being in nature. It's like, I feel
like that's what our ancestors did, That's what we all did.
(12:58):
Like and just being out there, just getting outside of yourself,
just being able to enjoy the beauty of the world
around you. I can affect your mindset and help you
live with more gratitude.
Speaker 3 (13:06):
Is that where you were when you decided to retire?
Speaker 1 (13:08):
Uh? Yeah, So the week before I made my decision,
we actually hit all the national parks in Utah for
five days. We just hopped in the rv US and
a couple of other homies and we just went for it.
And it's like, you know, we a lot of a
lot of folks saying, ain't really doing that, especially like
where we come from, people that look like us. You know,
we're just trying to do things that uh you know,
(13:29):
that's new. You know what I'm saying.
Speaker 3 (13:29):
Were you high or anything? Like I'm not a damn.
Speaker 4 (13:31):
I ain't mean drugs, but like, you know, weed and
nothing to do. Nah, I spoke I like smoking cigars,
but that's pretty much it now. So you just was like,
you know what, I think I'm gonna retire. You just
turned to your man and say I think I'm gonna retire.
Speaker 1 (13:43):
It wasn't like a decision that just hit me at
that moment. It was something else being uh, you know,
considered over that time. But as I was out there,
it was like, yeah, that was kind of the stamp.
You know, I feel like I've given this all I
I have to give. As far as me wanting to
play the game, I feel like the only thing that
I'll bring me back was wanted to impress other people.
Speaker 4 (14:00):
You've made a lot of, you know, real big life
choices lately. Right, you're tired from the NFL, and then
you got married last year at to Kelsey Plumpp star
Las Vegas Ace's point card.
Speaker 3 (14:11):
But then you filed for divorce a year later? Right?
What happened?
Speaker 1 (14:16):
Man? That's uh you talk about get honest or die lining.
You know, you kind of got to look at yourself
and realize, like, all right, like you know what role
am I playing? That all the relationships in my life
have always had the same patterns, and it kind of
plays into everything else I was mentioned earlier, like the
codependency aspect of like anytime I'm in a relationship, I
feel like I gotta you know, dance or do a
certain thing for to keep this person around, you know,
(14:39):
almost like a tying my self worth to the success
of a relationship. And you realize how much you lose
yourself and doing the things that you love and things
that take care of you on a daily basis, making
this person kind of like the center of your universe,
and how unhealthy that is for everybody involved, you know
what I'm saying. So realizing that, realizing the impact that
it was having on me, and you know, as far
(15:01):
as making decisions that were authentic for the life that
I wanted. These are things that I couldn't say one
hundred percent yes to. You have certain conversations and realize
there's so much life ahead of both of us, you know,
might as well just go ahead and live it and
move on with no type of hostility.
Speaker 4 (15:15):
You didn't think that like before marriage, like before you
proposed and before you got married, Like you didn't have
that conversation with yourself.
Speaker 1 (15:23):
Yeah, I like, I like to think that I did.
But there's certain situations like kind of like I said earlier,
where I didn't really have that self awareness that spreads
into other areas of my life. As well, where I'm like, okay,
I thought I was ready to have a commitment like
that and be involved, but really it's like there's a
part of me that's like okay, like the pursuit, the chase,
(15:44):
the building of it, seeing more appealing of than when things,
you know, get extremely difficult and the same patterns continue
to come out, and it's like, Bro, at the end
of the day, you got to heal Bro, or the
same things you're gonna continue to happen.
Speaker 4 (15:57):
That's all Will Smith say recently, he said, it's impossible
to me somebody else happy. Yeah, say, you have to
have happiness right, she has to have happiness right, and
then y'all come together exactly.
Speaker 3 (16:07):
You know, Is that that what it was? You think? Absolutely?
Speaker 1 (16:11):
Man. I feel like in a way there's there was
a reliance of me on the relationship to give me
something that of course I needed to come to the
table without that extra baggage and with that healing already
in place, and I didn't what.
Speaker 3 (16:24):
Was harder to do retire from the NFL to get
it the boss.
Speaker 1 (16:27):
I think both, man, both are difficult, because you know,
both are you know, a part of who I am.
Things that you know, meant a lot to me at
the time, and to have them both happening at the
same time, it's like, you know, a lot of emotions,
you got to process, a lot of talking, a lot
of writing, a lot of time being spent reflecting and
being by yourself, and uh, that's real life stuff, man,
Because I've had a lot of success, a lot of
(16:48):
great moments in my life, but these are This year
has been one that has really forced me to look
in the mirror and and dig deep into you know,
express myself in ways that are healthy and just really
get to you know what I'm saying, who is there
while at the core without all these things that I
try to reach for for you know, fulfillment or validation.
Speaker 4 (17:04):
And it was a mutual thing or like it was
you saying I want to leave or her sings you
want to leave it.
Speaker 1 (17:10):
There was conversations had to the end where it was mutual.
Speaker 2 (17:13):
Now you did a song called who Knew? Yeah Now
that was in dedication to the situation relationship.
Speaker 1 (17:20):
So yeah, So I had an idea as as we
were winding down and separating that I was like, okay,
like I keep finding myself in these positions, these same patterns,
And I have this idea of like if ever I
if the girl I was in relationship with, because like,
I mean, you can look at her and say, like
she's the public one that people can know that I
was with, but that that's the same pattern of a
(17:40):
lot of relationships that I've been in. It's like, if
they had to pen and would write me a song,
what would they say? And so it's like, you know,
you're taking a risk making a song like that. It's
very very vulnerable, very different than anything I've ever made before.
But you know, I tried to make make stuff that's
authentic to me where I'm at, and you just put
myself out there take risks.
Speaker 2 (17:57):
Did she had a song? What was her thoughts on
a song? Did you speak after?
Speaker 1 (18:01):
No? That was after you ain't really been no discussion.
Speaker 2 (18:04):
I don't speak at all that you don't communicat or
have conversations at all.
Speaker 4 (18:08):
It's no, it's I mean, you're saying this song, you
know why you want to run away? Why can't you
just stay?
Speaker 1 (18:13):
So?
Speaker 3 (18:14):
Was this something you was trying to keep together?
Speaker 1 (18:16):
So it's really the song is like her perspective, So
it's from the perspective of the woman that's been in
a relationship with me, So she's like, why do you
keep running? Like really speaking to me.
Speaker 4 (18:26):
I love this perspective, man, because men a lot of
times don't take accountability for our bullshit. Yeah, trying to
project and put it on the other person for you
to be like, no, it ain't you, it's me. Sometimes
a lot of dudes say that just when they really
want to be out here doing some bs.
Speaker 3 (18:43):
But you really knew you had to go do the
internal work.
Speaker 1 (18:46):
Yeah. Yeah, it's a lot of work on my behalf
for me to try to look at somebody else and
focus on them when there's plenty of stuff on my
side of the street that I got to clean up.
You know. Yeah, that's not what men do. That's not
the exam people that we're trying to set. So I'm
out here trying to do better just like everybody else's.
Speaker 3 (19:03):
Was it therapeutic to do that record?
Speaker 1 (19:05):
Yeah? Absolutely. It was definitely a good way to express
myself and to you know, have empathy not only for her,
but everybody I've been in a relationship with, and to
honor them as I go forward and try to change
my ways, change my thinking and heal myself.
Speaker 4 (19:20):
You think you'll be ready for a relationship, like the
more internal work you're doing, do you think you'll be
ready for a relationship in the future.
Speaker 1 (19:28):
I believe so, yeah, if that's what God has in
the cars for me. But it's definitely going to take
a lot more patience than I've had before and moving
slowly because a lot of times I feel like I
want to move fast, you know what I'm saying, Like
I'm an addict. I got that thinking. It's like, you know,
I want what I want now and I want things
to happen quickly. And those kinds of thought process got
to change, and I believe that they will and in
(19:48):
time whenever that is. But like I said, I got
a lot of things I want to figure out for
myself and it'll happen when it's supposed to.
Speaker 4 (19:56):
It's my last question about that. But what do you
say to people, especially a lot of guys who like, damn, Darren,
you fumbled Kelsey because they like they think beautiful, Yeah,
do you feel like you fumbled her?
Speaker 1 (20:08):
Not really? Man, In a lot of ways, I feel like, Man,
was that even really for me to pick up in
the first place? You know, as approaching a relationship and
wanting to speed through things and you know, make a
connection happen quickly. With some of the things I talked
about earlier, it's like you look at it and it's like, like,
was that even for me? So you can talk about
(20:29):
fumbling or whatever, that's not really anything that I try
to think about.
Speaker 4 (20:32):
I never thought about that in terms of relationships with people,
like if you have a like, if you have an addiction, right,
if you're you're an addict, right, you said you want
what you want and you want it now, So you
can kind of like trauma bond with a lot of
people and not even realizactly not even be aware of
that shit crazy damn.
Speaker 2 (20:52):
Now, I do want to ask about the NFL. I
do see sometimes players in the NFL that plays sports
get addicted to things easy, And I was going to
ask us that to take away the pain? Is that
to take away the feeling, the trauma, the hurt, the crowd,
the fan, is that why you feel like some of
that addiction came from.
Speaker 1 (21:10):
Yeah, so like mine started really early. But if you're
talking like in the general population of guys in the league, Yeah,
there's an insane amount of pressure on you on a
day and day out, you know, just to perform at
your job or somebody's gonna take your place. You know,
people are gonna talk crazy about you if you on
the internet, and so people just want that relief, you
know what I'm saying. Like, I never set out none
(21:31):
of these guys that sat out to be addicts or
to be people that abuse substances, but they're just like, man,
I just want to change the way that I feel,
give myself some sense of peace when I get home
because it's a stressful day, it's a stressful career, and
I just want some relief. So that's why I feel
like guys kind of get started down that path without
even having bad intentions, you know what I'm saying.
Speaker 2 (21:48):
Does the league try to help the players when they're
going through things, because I mean, it has to be difficult,
like you said, the pressure, I mean the pain to
you know, to play through it. Do they offer services
to help players or not too much or a lot?
Speaker 1 (22:01):
Yeah, they offer services like the teams will offer like
you know, like pain management, like you got massages, you
got needles, yea. But yeah they have they got team counselors,
like team clinicians that are available for guys. Some guys
use them, some guys don't. But there's a lot of
guys that are leaning more towards having therapists outside of
the building so they can kind of just like cut
(22:22):
that tie from having it with the team. Like even
when I went to rehab, like the league paid for it,
there was like a guy that was like a case
manager for me who was calling my phone, blowing my
phone up, just like seeing how I was doing what
I needed. So they definitely really helped me. And I
feel like whenever guys are like, well, it's like okay,
like I want to help myself, then they can take
advantage of the resources at hand.
Speaker 4 (22:42):
Is the reason they don't want to use a team
counselor because they don't trust them. Like I don't want
to share too much information with them because they might
take it back to.
Speaker 1 (22:47):
The Yeah they're there. There are a lot of there
are a lot of guys that that feel that way
of like, yeah, I don't know if this is going
to go back to the team, and the team says
like that that's not going to happen, but you know,
it's like you know, as men, it's like, especially in
this hypermasculine environment of football. It's like, if I show
any kind of weakness, other teams, people across from me
are gonna try to take advantage of that. I don't
(23:07):
feel safe to share that here. And you know that's
that's that's a legit emotion.
Speaker 4 (23:12):
What's been the most uh, what's been the most effective
healing tool for you?
Speaker 1 (23:17):
Man? It's hard to pick one. Man. I would say
I would say meditation played a huge role for me,
just because, you know, making that a daily part of
my routine, it kind of gives me like a space,
like a pause when it comes to moments where it's
time to make decisions in my day to day life.
(23:39):
A lot of times where I would make bad decisions,
it was kind of like I was just reacting to
things super fast, whereas meditation kind of gives you that
pause to allow you to be like, okay, like let
me take a deep breath, is just really what I
want to do, and like it gives you an opportunity
to evaluate your decisions more So, I feel like that's
something that definitely gave me a jump to to start
along with other things. But uh, that was probably one
(24:00):
of the first ones. Learning that it was just like wow,
like I really have a chance to sit here and
not just have the world just have me blowing about
in the wind and the storms that come on a
day to day, Like I can actually like stand firm
and make decisions I want to make.
Speaker 4 (24:14):
I'm trying to figure out like when you made these decisions,
whether it was the retired from the NFL or get
a divorced, had you already started your healing journey? And
that's when when you started I guess peeling back those
legs when you realize, you know what, I need to
move on from these things, or was it before get
rid of those things didn't start your healing journey?
Speaker 1 (24:32):
The healing journey was kind of going all along and
you kind of realize, like getting sober from drugs and
alcohol was really just the beginning of that journey. But
in ways I thought that that was like the completion
because it was like those were my problems, like, oh,
you's got to you drinks too much, a lot of drugs,
Like okay, I changed that, but like there's still like
this feeling of uneasiness and like things that I'm reaching
(24:53):
for to make me feel better, And so that journey
is always going on has always been going on the
last seven years, and just knew unfoldings of that new
things that I learned from like oh wow, from my childhood,
Like that's why I am the way that I am.
That's why I seek worth out of relationships or from
pleasing other people. Like it's connecting all those dots now
(25:13):
and it's like, Okay, it's starting to make sense. And
now it's like, all right, I actually have the courage
now to make decisions for me and knowing that I'm
trying to be a better man in the process of making.
Speaker 4 (25:22):
Them, so you have that feeling of self worth that
you've been looking for.
Speaker 1 (25:26):
Now, Yeah, it's growing, man, I can honestly say it's growing.
And whereas before it was like nonexistent, this is like,
you know, I'm one of the best players in my
position in the league and still you know, trying to
find that. Like there was a vivid memory I had
of like a two hundred yard game in twenty twenty
and the Wednesday practice after that, I'm lining up for
routes on air. I ain't you know, defense out there,
(25:47):
and I'm like, all right, like, don't drop this past
in my mind when really like I just did something
like only five other people in my position I ever
done in the history of the League. Right, So it's
a it's a it's been a lifelong thing, man, and
I can find they say it's starting to grow. And
sometimes it takes making courageous decisions and standing up on
something that a lot of people may not agree with.
(26:08):
But that's the way.
Speaker 3 (26:09):
What about your foundation did Darren Waller Foundation?
Speaker 1 (26:13):
Yeah, man, that's the decision that, like I talked about
the League giving me opportunity to go to treatment for free,
and it's like, through getting sober, I kind of realized,
like my world is a lot better, a lot more
full when it's just bigger than me. I'm doing a
lot of being able to do things for other people.
And so through my foundation, we are able to get people'
scholtshops to go to treatment for thirty days and also
(26:33):
have like sober living opportunities, just opportunities to get back
on their feet. And we've sent like sixty people through
thirty day stays and that numbers continuing to go up,
continuing to build resources in the Vegas community, just you know,
trying to give people opportunity because I mean I didn't
know that I'd be able to have the impact that
I've been able to have in my life back when
(26:54):
I was, you know, kind of stuck in that hole.
And you know, all you gotta do is impact one person,
because through me being impacted a lot of other people
will be able to be helped. So it's just like
giving that person a chance.
Speaker 3 (27:05):
So you still live in Vegas?
Speaker 1 (27:06):
Yeahs is that hard me?
Speaker 4 (27:08):
And that your ex wife plays there like you probably
got to see posters and stuff in.
Speaker 3 (27:12):
Her all the time.
Speaker 1 (27:14):
No, I mean it's not Uh, it's not anything of
wishing any type of ill will or any type of resentment.
Like I want her to be great. I want her
to be happy. I want her to be at peace
and feel fulfilled in her life, just like anybody else,
you know. And I have a lot of great connections
in Vegas. People that I've met and foreign friendships with
that are there for me. That community has been there
for me, and I've done a lot in that community.
(27:35):
So I feel like that's somewhere I want to be
for a little while. Do you love yourself? I do
love myself?
Speaker 3 (27:40):
Okay, Like I mean, like, did you just get to
that place that you've.
Speaker 1 (27:45):
Oh, yeah, it's it's it's relatively new for sure. It's
taking like struggles and seeing myself like really as I am,
with all the all the good, all the bad, like
whatever you want to call it. But it's like I
can look at myself now and it's like there is
no more of woice inside of me that wants to
beat me down. It's one that wants to build me
up and encourage myself because it's like, yeah, maybe walking
(28:07):
paths now that a lot of people they look like
at me like I'm crazy, like my life is falling
apart in a way, but it's it's it's funny and ironic.
How when it looks like things are falling apart from me,
it feels like things are coming together. So that's all
you can ask for it.
Speaker 4 (28:20):
The only reason I asked that is because you know,
your first, last, and best love is self love. So
it's like until you get that self love, you can't
love anything else.
Speaker 1 (28:26):
Or anybody else.
Speaker 4 (28:27):
That's a fact, football wife nothing. So that's why that's
why I asked that question.
Speaker 3 (28:34):
What did you think?
Speaker 4 (28:34):
And I knew I said it was gonna be the
last question about when you saw her statement about it
I'm devastated. I walked through fire for that man. But
now I see it's time to go. And she said
one day I'm gonna share my story. Today is not
that day. You know, what did you think of that
whole statement?
Speaker 1 (28:48):
I feel like she has she has every right to
express herself in whichever way that she chooses, because, like
I said, I know I was never perfect, and you
know some of the reasons that motivated me to they
caused harm, They hurt, you know what I'm saying. So
I respects whatever way she wants to express herself. You know,
I'm out here trying to improve and by no means
(29:09):
claiming to be a victim in any way, you know.
So I'm all good with it.
Speaker 3 (29:13):
Absolutely all right.
Speaker 4 (29:14):
Well, Darren Waller, ladies, and do you believe there's a
script that owners and refs are a part of the
outcome of games, because that's been a thing that we've
been hearing. And you're retired now. I don't know if
you're planning to go back, but feel free to spill
any secrets that you know. Is there a script?
Speaker 2 (29:30):
Keep in mind he's a Cowboys fan.
Speaker 4 (29:31):
Just want to I don't believe in the script. But
I believe if there was a script, Cowboys would have
been the Super Bowl champions at least te or four
times over the last.
Speaker 1 (29:38):
Yeah, the Cowboys are way too talented to not have
won one yet.
Speaker 3 (29:41):
Money and make too much money forget the talent.
Speaker 4 (29:44):
I'm just saying, if there was a script, you don't
think Jerry Jones are paid to win the Super Bowl.
Speaker 1 (29:47):
I don't know, man, I don't know if any scripts.
If I had a script, man, I would have had
one that had me at least win one playoff game
in my career. But yeah, no, I don't know if
any scripts.
Speaker 2 (29:58):
And now, out of the three teams you played for,
the even Raiders and Giants, which which was the best
organization for you?
Speaker 1 (30:04):
Man? In a way, they all were, To be honest,
the Ravens taught me. Being with the Ravens taught me
a lot of hard lessons, really forced me to grow
up in a lot of ways. And you know that
last year being there on the practice squad, it gave
me the tools and the work ethic to be able
to sustain the level of success that I did once
I got it. So I'm grateful for that. But the
(30:24):
Raiders had all the great memories man, like the great seasons,
just like the guys that form relationships with coaches that
I had that was that was the fun ride. But
I mean I had a blast with the Giants this
last year too, man, like all the coaches and the
guys in that locker room. Man, I had a great time.
And my decision to retire had nothing to do with
(30:46):
my time there. You know. We Uh, I had a
great time with them and wish them nothing but the best.
But if you had to, if I had to pick one,
it probably be the Raiders for show. I mean, that's
where my career took off, my life change. I was
able to do things for my family, for the community
through just having a chance that they gave me.
Speaker 3 (31:01):
So you know, you're completely done with football, like you just.
Speaker 1 (31:04):
Yeah, really, yeah, thousand percent.
Speaker 3 (31:06):
Wow, You're not gonna miss nothing about the game?
Speaker 1 (31:10):
Oh No, that that the game is always going to
be something I hold in high regard and love. And
I'll miss that locker room environment, you know what I'm saying,
being in there with those guys and just cutting up, man,
just uh and walking through the struggles together because it's like,
you know, you might go out there and get your
ass whooped on Sunday. But those moments where you're there
in there picking guys up in the locker room and
standing from when a lot of people may be pointing
(31:31):
fingers and doing that, but as men you kind of
lock arms and walk through lock like those are Those
are cool moments, man. Those are moments that a lot
of people don't get to experience. So I'll definitely miss those.
I'll miss playing. You know, you get a rush from
making a big play, making a difference in the game,
but you know, I can get that feeling in a
lot of other ways now and just ready to move on.
Speaker 4 (31:49):
We'll see when the season starts. We'll see when you're
sitting at home watching on Sunday, if you get.
Speaker 1 (31:53):
That itch, yeah, we'll see.
Speaker 4 (31:55):
That's what I don't believe a person's truly retired soil
they can watch it and be like, Okay, I'm good
for sure.
Speaker 2 (32:00):
All right, Well it's Darren Waller.
Speaker 3 (32:01):
It's the Breakfast Cloak.
Speaker 2 (32:02):
Good morning, thank you.
Speaker 1 (32:03):
Wake that ass up in the morning for Breakfast Club.
The Breakfast Club News
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