INTERVIEW: Good Mom Bad Choices Podcast Talk Uncensored Motherhood, Couples Retreat, Co-Parenting +More

The Breakfast Club Sits Down With Good Mom Bad Choices Podcast To Discuss Uncensored Motherhood, Couples Retreat, Co-Parenting. Listen For More! 

YouTube: https://www.youtube.com/@BreakfastClubPower1051FM

See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

Episode Transcript

Speaker 1 (00:00):
Wake that ass up in the morning.

Speaker 2 (00:02):
Breakfast Club Morning, Everybody is the j Envy, Jess Hilarious, Charlamagne,
the Gud We are the Breakfast Club Laurna Rosa filling
in for Jess. And we got some special guests joining
us today. Indeed, season two of their podcasts on the
Black Effect, Good Mom, Bad Choices Podcast we have Erica
Dickerson and Jamila Matp.

Speaker 1 (00:21):
Welcome, ladies, Thank you.

Speaker 3 (00:23):
How y'all feeling great but feeling really good? Yeah?

Speaker 4 (00:26):
I love the name of y'all podcasts, Good Mom's Bad Choices.

Speaker 5 (00:31):
What does that mean? Uh?

Speaker 6 (00:33):
You know, I think society has deemed women and moms
in a certain light, and historically we're not really allowed
to make bad choices. But really bad choices are relative,
you know, like smoking a blund is a good choice
for me, but for other people that.

Speaker 3 (00:46):
Might be a bad choice, you know.

Speaker 6 (00:48):
So I think it really kind of just flips the
narrative around what bad choices actually are and allows moms
in particular to give themselves grace and prioritize whatever the
fuck it is that they want to. Probably it's funny though,
because a lot of people really hated that name.

Speaker 3 (01:03):
All of our friends told us that was a bad idea.
That was a bad idea.

Speaker 7 (01:07):
I don't know, because I think bad choices and good
moms don't go together, and you assume that that means
something terrible. But I mean, I'm sure we've all made
some choices that some other person told you were bad,
but they were actually fun or good or exciting. And
sometimes you got to make your own choice. And I think,
you know, people put moms in a box. You can
only behave a certain way, you can only dress a
certain ways, like you give birth and suddenly you're fucking

(01:29):
Martha Stewart or something.

Speaker 3 (01:31):
But the truth is.

Speaker 7 (01:31):
Is you had a baby because you had sex, So
you know, there's just like the humanness of it.

Speaker 5 (01:37):
That's what I thought it was. I thought you saying
the bad choice is the baby daddy.

Speaker 7 (01:41):
No, okay, that's relative. That wasn't why we made the name.
But did we make some choices that could have been better? Yes,
But you learn from those choices and then you find
a second baby daddy that.

Speaker 1 (01:57):
I'm still looking for a baby daddy.

Speaker 3 (02:00):
First of all, husband is true? Start there? Yeah, well man, wait,
you don't know.

Speaker 4 (02:05):
Start somewhere, you find a man, you don't know what
she wants, right, No, I don't.

Speaker 3 (02:10):
Know how to keep him exactly. I don't mind him.
What was that going?

Speaker 8 (02:16):
You may even, oh you said second baby. Sometimes people
find a second baby daddy. I don't know you guys personally,
and I'm new to watching and listening to your podcast,
So forgive me, or are you guys on the journey
of finding the second baby daddy?

Speaker 3 (02:28):
Are you still with the first baby daddy? Like we're
y'all ing on jury? One is engaged? Okay, I just
got engaged last week. Okay, so I.

Speaker 7 (02:35):
Have found my second babe, my husband.

Speaker 3 (02:39):
Yeah, thank you, Jeff. And I think that's another thing.

Speaker 7 (02:41):
It's like women, there's like the stigma that you have
to say with your baby daddy or you're you're deemed
unworthy or unmarriable after your single mom, and it's just
not true.

Speaker 3 (02:51):
It's not real.

Speaker 7 (02:52):
And like sometimes you gotta you gotta do better the
second time, and sometimes you gotta leave the first one
for your happiness and for your peace.

Speaker 3 (02:58):
And that's okay.

Speaker 5 (02:59):
Can you walk us through the end aagement? How long?

Speaker 4 (03:00):
How long were you dating the guy and all of
that type of stuff. I want to make Laura feel
bad about not having a little bit Jesus made me feel.

Speaker 3 (03:07):
Let me tell you something, this is a hopeful story.
Get back on you. Let's focus on you.

Speaker 8 (03:11):
So tell us about the engagement and how it happened.
Because I saw that trending last week on I think
it was Twitter. There was a girl that was like,
and for all the guys that keep saying, just because
you have a kid, nobody's gonna want you my stepdaddy
DMS is lined up.

Speaker 7 (03:22):
Maybe And you know that was a big fear of ours.
I think that was how we like kind of formed
our podcast too. It's like, as black women, it's so
like the stereotype of being a single black mom is
it's crazy, you know, like and nobody, no woman wants that,
to be a single mom, but particularly for black women,
there's this heavy burden of like, oh my god.

Speaker 3 (03:41):
And the truth is is like you learn, you get
better when you're a mother, You take you get dating
gets taken more. Seriously.

Speaker 7 (03:48):
I don't have time to play, I don't have time
for bs. You know, I know what I need and
what I want. So yeah, I met my man four
years ago. We dated for three years. He's from New York.
I imported him to La because La men are not
so great.

Speaker 3 (04:01):
But yeah, we did.

Speaker 7 (04:02):
We dated for three years, we lived together for two
and you know we've been engaged two weeks, so you know,
we did a little.

Speaker 3 (04:07):
I did the adult thing.

Speaker 5 (04:09):
Congratulations, man, congratulation.

Speaker 3 (04:13):
Just hope, lady, you keep looking at me because you're
in mat what everybody I contactould nba me? What about you?

Speaker 6 (04:23):
I have a partner, and so you know, we're still
we're not anywhere near where she's at. But it's been
a journey, you know, as a single mom. I think that,
like you said, there's a lot of shame. I remember
when I first when I when I me and my
child's father broke up. I remember I joined Tender and
I always tell our listeners like new moms that are
trying to get out there, I'm like, dating apps is
the ship when you first like become single.

Speaker 3 (04:43):
Like for me, I really needed the.

Speaker 6 (04:45):
Confidence boost because I felt so disconnected from my sexuality.
I felt so disconnected from just my value in so
many ways, and unfortunately, not fortunate, unfortunately, unfortunately I really did.

Speaker 3 (04:57):
I needed that confidence, but it was to be like,
oh that's wipe right, Okay, Okay.

Speaker 6 (05:02):
But I think that for me in this in this period,
in this time, and in my journey of being a
single mom, I've learned through the people that I've dated,
which you know, things haven't worked out, but I've evolved
so much and been able to I think manifest this
person that I'm with now who accepts me holistically. Because

(05:23):
one thing that we were told and we've been told
a lot because of our show and the content of
our show, we talk about sex very candidly. We talk
about our dating experience is very candidly. We talk about
our bad choices very candidly. And you're not going to
find a man like that. No man's going to marry
that you were You like your titties.

Speaker 3 (05:39):
Out like you weren't.

Speaker 6 (05:41):
You don't like shirts like we literally, you don't like shirts.
She doesn't like shirts, you know, and her titty makes
an appearance. I was like, you can't make an appearance today. Okay,
the right to be likes to make an appearance. And
but there's a lot of there's a lot of narrative
around just being too confident in your body and to you, yeah,

(06:02):
being to you, you have to compartmentalize yourself to be
a wife, to be a high valued woman, which is
a conversation that I feel like it's always been part
and it's been on the internet for a long time,
But now women are pushing this narrative of being high
valued women, and I feel like that's very dangerous and
very violent against women, specifically when it's pushed by women,
and so.

Speaker 3 (06:24):
The goddess is to their job.

Speaker 6 (06:27):
So I just feel like we're in a time now
where women are realizing that their value is not linked
necessarily to how they dress. Their value isn't linked to
how they talk. It's linked to how deeply they've met themselves.
And you know, through this process, I've been able to
meet myself. And I mean we always talk about this.
We're continuously in works of progress, like I ain't healed,

(06:50):
Like I'm very vocal about like where I'm at, and
even with the women that we work with at our retreats,
because we now we know we do international retreats with women.
We've brought hundreds of women of the country to do
the work that we do, and it's really about that
is meeting yourself, empowering yourself, finding your tribe. Me and Mila,
we weren't friends when we started our podcast, Like I

(07:10):
saw her on the internet. I judged her because her
titties were out and we were both pregnant at the
same time, and I had subscribed to this narrative of
what motherhood was supposed to be, like like I couldn't
smoke weed anymore, even though like my baby daddy was
a rapper, Like I was going to be put together
and I wasn't gonna those parts of myself had to die.
And I saw her and she triggered the fuck out
of me. I was like, Wow, she can show up
as herself just as she is. Thankfully my hating didn't deter.

Speaker 3 (07:35):
Me from I'm going to say, what was the first interaction. No, Well,
my friend kept posting her and I was like, who
is this girl? You keep posting?

Speaker 6 (07:44):
Like none of my friends had kids, and so I
was desperate. I was like, you know what, I need
to meet her. She seems like she's cool, and so,
you know, my friend was like, we're going to a
bar tonight. You want to come and meet her, and
which is like so out of I would never just
go and try to Like now I would, but at
that time I would never go out of my way
to go meet a stranger friend at a bar.

Speaker 3 (08:03):
But I was desperate.

Speaker 6 (08:04):
I literally pumped in the car because I was my
daughter was three months old, and went in to find
Jamila because I knew only had like ninety minutes before
my mama started calling me and judging me for being
out too early after giving birth, and cornered her and.

Speaker 3 (08:17):
Was like, hey, I heard that you have a kid.

Speaker 6 (08:19):
My friend posted you on the internet and she was
like yeah, and she had also saw me on the internet,
made preconceived notions about me, my lifestyle and what I do.
And thankfully we pushed past that. We push past the judgment,
which I think a lot of times women we have
a hard time doing that. We judge each other so
much and we hold each other back. And so the
work that we do on the podcast, at the retreats

(08:40):
in our book is really about bringing women together and
understanding that we are so much stronger together.

Speaker 4 (08:46):
And yeah, you said a lot of shit, just not edited.
I want to talk about that.

Speaker 3 (08:51):
Let's do it.

Speaker 4 (08:51):
I never heard somebody refer to dating apps and said
that it gave them confidence.

Speaker 5 (08:56):
Could he found on that a little bit?

Speaker 4 (08:58):
Yeah?

Speaker 6 (08:58):
I mean I was, I felt so unattractive in my relationship.
I felt so undesirable in my relationship. I was I
was desperate for validation, and my partner was like, that's
not my job.

Speaker 3 (09:10):
And granted, maybe that's not his job.

Speaker 6 (09:12):
Holistic, but I felt like, Nick, I just pushed out
your baby, I'm feeling I need some help here. And
so when we broke up, I was really nervous to
get on a dating app a because like I was like,
oh my god, what if someone sees me on there?

Speaker 3 (09:25):
What if he sees me on there?

Speaker 6 (09:27):
But then it became kind of you know, dating app
is kind of like they'd gamified it, so you know,
you're swiping and like people are like wanting to match
with you. So I'm like, it's giving you confidence. Whether
it's a false sense of confidence, it's the beginning, it's
the path towards really believing it. And so for me,
dating apps really led me into really feeling like, Okay,

(09:48):
I am desirable. Oh I do deserve pleasure. Oh I
do deserve to be taken out. And so I think
a lot of women they don't know where to start.
And I'm not necessarily saying that's for everyone's path to start,
but for me. That was really healing for me, and
in the path of this dating app is really I
think we always say like two moms walked in a

(10:08):
bar and met each other, but really the story began
when I went on this dating app and I ended
up swiping on what I thought was a woman because
I was going both ways, and then I swiped and
it was she was pictured with her husband, and I
was like, why is this man in this picture? And
I kept swiping it was like and then I read
and was like, We're a couple looking to spoil someone special,

(10:30):
and I was like, huh, okay, well, this is something
I always kind of wanted to explore with my cheating
baby daddy but couldn't trust him, so maybe now is
the time, And so I did. And even in that
exploration with this couple, I felt excitement, but I also
felt shame because I'm a mom. So I was like
going and having threesomes with this married couple and then

(10:53):
going home and tucking my daughter into bed and being like,
what life am I living?

Speaker 3 (10:57):
Is this? Okay?

Speaker 6 (10:58):
Like I feel really good, I feel like like I
feel confident, I feel excited about what's happening, But am
I a good mom because of this. And so when
I shared this story with Jamila and this was like
maybe our second interaction, it really opened up the door
for her to feel comfortable sharing with me. And I
know it sounds silly like a three Soome brought you together,

(11:18):
but yeah, actually.

Speaker 8 (11:20):
In conversation or no, no, no, no, no, I.

Speaker 3 (11:25):
Was just when she said, I'm like, whoa hold on?
Where do we just go back?

Speaker 5 (11:27):
The dating ap thing?

Speaker 4 (11:28):
That's it seems like it's the new school way of
like putting on a nice dress, getting your head done
and going out to the club back and when your
man pissing you off, you go out to the club
just to get But.

Speaker 2 (11:38):
You said your man didn't give you something to the
dating app. So you all was still together.

Speaker 1 (11:41):
You weren't together, We weren't together. Oh, but you still
wanted him to give you that because you had just
had his baby.

Speaker 6 (11:46):
Yeah, I mean I had gained a lot of weight
and pregnancy, and so I just didn't recognize myself.

Speaker 3 (11:51):
I really needed my partner to empower me in the
end of the relationship before it ended. And yeah, no, no,
I wasn't on dating apps a while I was with him. Now, Clary, I.

Speaker 2 (12:00):
Always want to you know when you have situations like that,
and I'm sure you talk about it on the podcast, right,
but when your child gets to like fifteen sixteen and
they start clicking, is that a conversation you have beforehand?

Speaker 1 (12:10):
He'd like, I'm go'na let them find out on their own.

Speaker 3 (12:12):
My dad, you need to warn your child.

Speaker 7 (12:14):
So in two thousand and let me tell in twenty
twenty your mama had three.

Speaker 3 (12:18):
So I'm just letting you know in case you read
about that twenty three, because you know.

Speaker 2 (12:25):
What this day and age, they'll pull it right up,
like we know your mama, We know your mama did
this eate like before where it was off on the internet,
like I don't know, nothing going on with my mom
and my grandmama, like you just don't know.

Speaker 1 (12:34):
I think it's a decent age our kids will know.

Speaker 7 (12:37):
But I think that's been not that everybody. Are your
kids need to know your whole sex catalog? However, I
think it's detrimental, Like there is a there is a
misconception that parents, fathers included, are these perfect superhero people,
and to our kids, we are. But I think most
importantly when our kids get of age and start exploring
our catalog. First of all, I hope you have a

(12:58):
lot of time, babe. There are three hundred episodes. But
I want my daughter to remember, like, my mom is
exactly who the fuck she says she is. There's no
gray area. She knows my titties be out. She knows
so I am. She loves me, she respects me because
I'm a great mother to her. So what I do
sexually as an adult is never gonna sway how she
feels about me as an adult. I'm a parent. I

(13:20):
am an adult, and I can indulge, and I'm that's
my right. So my birthright, pleasure is my birthright, and
it's medicine, and I don't like that is not a
narrative that I intend on keeping, that we intend on
keeping from our daughters. So I think like the transparency
a is like has been medicine for us in our
friendship and for community because other women are like, Damn,
I needed to know other women are smoking a blunt

(13:40):
and I'm not a terrible person. Oh, I needed to
know other women are out here dating and I'm not
a terrible person.

Speaker 3 (13:44):
No, you deserve to live, and so do our kids.

Speaker 7 (13:47):
And I hope that we're setting that example and that
our catalog is so much more than just you know,
the fifty probably sex stories that are in there, but
that there's a you know, there's a deep understanding of
who we truly are.

Speaker 5 (13:58):
What is the titties out? Think y'all keep telling me,
and I'm trying to make our contact. But she don't
have her titties.

Speaker 3 (14:06):
In today? They are in today? I what is it?

Speaker 5 (14:08):
What does she mean, like you walking around shirtless or something?

Speaker 3 (14:10):
Yeah?

Speaker 5 (14:10):
I do, like like in public?

Speaker 3 (14:14):
Yeah, I mean where I can.

Speaker 7 (14:16):
I'm like in my house, in her house if we're
in and we're on vacation.

Speaker 3 (14:20):
We travel a lot.

Speaker 7 (14:21):
My family, my friends know my titties be out because
it's usually house that I live in or I paid
for her. My friends are my friends, and so I've
created a community who are who are.

Speaker 3 (14:30):
Okay with that?

Speaker 7 (14:31):
Because I'm comfortable in my skin and that's how I
feel comfortable.

Speaker 5 (14:34):
Do you have a traumatic experience with a shirt?

Speaker 7 (14:37):
A turtleneck when I was in fourth grade really overcame
my neck.

Speaker 2 (14:42):
I want to go back to the to the bad choices.
We were talking about the bad choices, right, so all
the bad choices are parenting choices Are they men choices
or all of.

Speaker 1 (14:50):
The above, right, Because I always say I have six kids.

Speaker 2 (14:52):
I always say the first two are like the guinea pigs, right,
because you got to learn what to do what not
to do, and then the next four you kind of get.

Speaker 1 (14:58):
So what are the bad choices?

Speaker 7 (15:00):
I mean, there's definitely some bad choices, And I think,
like you said, the first two are guinea pigs, Like
everything's trial and error and hopefully you learn.

Speaker 3 (15:07):
And I think that is the thing in bad tries.
I mean, apparently you guys six of.

Speaker 7 (15:11):
Them from zero to six, it got better.

Speaker 3 (15:14):
And that's the thing.

Speaker 7 (15:15):
We're ever evolving and you know, and like you trip,
you fall down, you get the fuck back up. That
that is life and we don't talk about that enough.
We only show the result. And like the bad choices
sometimes are bad, actually really bad, and then you can,
you know, re hopefully they lead to better choice realine, like, Okay,
that was fucked up.

Speaker 3 (15:33):
I did too much.

Speaker 7 (15:33):
This way it's a constant sway of balance and that
is how you get better by acknowledging what you've done
and being able to have conversations and reflect upon it.
But if you don't have friends that you could be
honest with and be like, bitch, I had this three summe.
I probably shouldn't have left last night. You know she
can't be like girl, get it together because we're so
afraid to be judged. But if you can say the thing,
then you can you can be better from it.

Speaker 8 (15:55):
Erica question for you. I know, and only because you
mentioned this earlier. I know what you're kid's dad. With Freddy,
it's a little bit different for you too, because he's
an artist, Like people know Freddy Gibbs. Right, How do
you deal with the judgment because yours is like probably
fifty times more because your relationship and everything that happened
out of it was so public.

Speaker 3 (16:13):
Like is that harder for you? Is it harder to
talk about? Is it?

Speaker 5 (16:16):
Like?

Speaker 3 (16:16):
How does it?

Speaker 6 (16:17):
No, it's not hard for me to talk about. I
mean early on in the show it was. I mean
when we started the podcast, I was relatively like maybe
five months out of our breakup.

Speaker 8 (16:27):
WHOA, you were mentally okay enough? Your breakup was pretty No,
I was not okay, which is okay no, wait, so
back it up then talk me through that. So you're
five months out of you were engaged. You you are
just welcome your baby. Then you find out there's another
woman the other baby. Then you decide to go get
on a public platform instead of podcast. What was your

(16:47):
thinking around that? And like, mentally, outside of just talking
to her, what else did you do to be able
to get through that that's wrong?

Speaker 6 (16:52):
You know, I didn't have a lot of thought. Honestly,
people ask us why we started the show. It was
really I just needed someone to talk to, and I
started listening to the podcasts, actually really murder Mystery podcasts,
and then I started looking up podcasts and the you know,
single mom podcasts, black podcasts. At the time, there were
really none like this. The space has changed and evolved

(17:12):
so much. But before that it was like white moms
drinking wine, calling her kids' assholes, and like nerdy white
guys like and murder Mystery shit, which is why I
was there, And so you know, I felt like, Wow,
this space is wide open. I wonder if, like my
friend that I just met, because I didn't know Jamila
really at all, would want to sit and like, let's

(17:33):
just talk about being single moms. And then as we
started talking and just being vulnerable, things just started pouring out.

Speaker 3 (17:40):
She told me the story, and I and yeah, oh
about there.

Speaker 7 (17:44):
And I immediately was intrigued because I we had hung out,
but it was very surface and I was like, oh,
this bitch is kind of spicy.

Speaker 3 (17:49):
Okay, I kind of like her.

Speaker 7 (17:50):
I was like, okay, I can kind of get with this,
because at first it was very like, how are you
liking motherhood?

Speaker 3 (17:54):
It's great? I love it, yeah, you know, and not
being real.

Speaker 7 (17:57):
And when she said that, it immediately made me feel
close to her, and I asked her at that moment,
I said, okay, I did the podcast. I don't even
know what the fuck that is, like a radio show.
I was like, but are you going to tell the
story about your couple? And because that's the only way
I could do it on or off, I don't really
have a great area.

Speaker 6 (18:10):
And she was like, okay, a couple of white couple,
black and white, oh, black woman, black and white husband.

Speaker 5 (18:17):
Oh doctor umwa would be. I was like, this white
man got three queens.

Speaker 8 (18:27):
His wife is beautiful, yes, but like putting that into
perspective for you, of that, I guess being like a
liberating experience. And you start this podcast, you have this friend,
now this homegirl who can support you in a different
way because she was your first mom friend. You said, right,
how did you guys talk through even you talking to
your daughter eventually about like what you went through and
your decision to put on a podcast.

Speaker 6 (18:46):
Well, to go back to your original question, I think
that I didn't really give a fuck because he didn't
really consider me at all. Right, So I didn't really
have a lot of consideration for him.

Speaker 3 (18:58):
Although I did protect I did protect him a lot.

Speaker 6 (19:01):
I didn't share so much until like maybe like a
year in like because I wasn't it wasn't confirmed even
for a while, even when I was recording the show,
whether you know, this was his child or not. And
you know, as I started to share more, I felt
empowered because a lot of women were writing in and
telling me me too.

Speaker 3 (19:21):
Yeah. And so when you have that support, you feel
more brave, you know.

Speaker 6 (19:24):
And I feel like that's why our show has been
so successful, is because we've been really brave and sharing
our testimony and sharing our truth, and with that becomes
the community with that comes to support. And so I
felt very supportive, and luckily we haven't. People always ask
because like if you've gotten a lot of backlash, on
your show, not really like, we have a very supportive
community of men and women, and so, you know, obviously

(19:45):
me and my child's father a relationship has evolved over
the years.

Speaker 3 (19:47):
We're cool, we're coold parents, you know. But there was
a lot of hurt.

Speaker 6 (19:50):
There was a lot of anger, there was a lot
of confusion, and I really needed a place to heal.
And honestly, behind the mic was healing. Sharing stories and
talking is a major form of medicine. Yes, And even
when I step away from the mic for too long,
I kind of miss it. I'd be like, damn, I
got some shit to say. Gotta get this off, you know,

(20:10):
And so I'm sorry. What was the second question?

Speaker 3 (20:13):
I think just having her as a support system.

Speaker 8 (20:14):
I don't have a kid, but I've been through the
whole my person having a baby with another person, and
I decided to stay after and it was really tough
because you don't have people that really understand it. So
you as a friend. My question was, what was that
support system? Like just having another mom that'sa yo. I
got to and we publicly doing this together, Like what
was that?

Speaker 3 (20:31):
Like?

Speaker 6 (20:32):
Yeah, I mean we were kind of in similar spaces.
We met each other like I always say, like God
just it was God's timing. We met each other at
very crucial moments in our motherhood. She was just she
had just broken up with her child's father. I had
just broken up with mine, and it was like bitch,
we outside. So like the first two three years of
our show was really about like our just all the things,

(20:53):
all the journeys, and like rediscovering ourselves as these new women,
as these new as mothers, but mostly Erica Andrew Mila,
like who are we outside of just that? And then
how do we come back to motherhood and be able
to nourish our children and be good moms? So I
think just being honest, really saying the thing, and even
in our friendship, like our friendship has gone through trials

(21:14):
and tribulations as well, and we've been vocal about that
on our podcast as well, and just saying the thing
has been I think really important because specifically women were
really quick to cut off women if they irritate us,
or they say the wrong thing, or.

Speaker 3 (21:28):
They're doing too much, you know, and.

Speaker 6 (21:31):
That's just not that's just this has been honestly like
the best relationship I've had. It's also been one of
the most challenging relationships I've had because we always talk
about our our friendship as platonic. We're in a platonic marriage.
Our our kids, you know, travel together, they go to
camp together. We share bank accounts. Like I've made more
money than with her than anyone in my entire life,
you know, and.

Speaker 3 (21:52):
Their bank accounts is real.

Speaker 8 (21:54):
We're married, Yeah, I mean even in this still I
know business business partners who do they have a business account,
but like they keep Google.

Speaker 3 (22:01):
We have separate accounts, but most of our accounts be together. Yeah.
We do a lot of things.

Speaker 6 (22:05):
And I think we realized when we started to just
be honest and tap into ourselves, we were the most
successful we had ever been, Like all of the honest Yeah,
all of our businesses.

Speaker 3 (22:14):
Have are all three of them are very successful.

Speaker 6 (22:17):
And I think a lot of that is a testimony
to us being honest with one another and sharing. And
and also I think when you start tapping into your
pleasure and when I say pleasure, because I think pleasure
also gets a bad rap. People always associate pleasure with sex. Yeah,
but pleasure is a full spectrum of emotions. It's everything,
it's grief, it's shame, it's love, it's it's all the things.

(22:39):
There's a journey that you go on and there's a
healing that happens that opens you up and expands you,
and you become a better mom, you become a better
business woman, you become a better wife, you become a
better girlfriend. Like all these things start to unlock in yourself.
And I think for us it became just like.

Speaker 3 (22:54):
This ritual weekly doing that.

Speaker 6 (22:56):
And so yeah, mean, Jamila is my best friend, she's
my sister, she's my platonic wife, although I don't know
if I'm supposed to give up that title now that
you're going to be a real life never.

Speaker 4 (23:07):
Very What is the sexilogist in tantric practitioner, Because that's
what y'all are too, That's what y'all, that's what your
retreats are.

Speaker 7 (23:13):
About, right, I mean somewhat Yeah, Tantra is about like
starting the dialogue with your body, using pleasure as medicine.
Like she said, I think a lot of times people
think pleasure is just like sex. You're just solely in
the bedroom, you lock the door, you turn the lights off,
you don't talk about it. But there's pleasure in all things, right,
Like you probably I saw you a little snuggy on
this morning.

Speaker 3 (23:33):
But you you know, like sometimes there's those things that
just like lighting a candle, setting the vibe, eating a.

Speaker 7 (23:39):
Good meal, and like I think sometimes we reserve those
intimate pleasures for like you know, we just put everything
in a box. And so it's just like it's a
it's a practice of spiritual like technology that is like
a practice of being in tune with your pleasure and
not like removing not removing the divinity from intimacy and
from sex, you know, because it's very it's given to

(23:59):
us by God. And I think it's just about teaching
and practicing other people to do that too.

Speaker 5 (24:04):
That's what that's the definition of tantru.

Speaker 3 (24:06):
The definition of tantra is weaving sound and light.

Speaker 8 (24:10):
It's like how you play good We'll see that's going
back to sex, say, like how you play a good
playlist and like you set the move, but that's going.

Speaker 7 (24:16):
Back to well, it's like sound and light with form, right,
So it's like it's it's literally like compounding all the
all the things, all the things that bringing pleasure and
weaving them together and understanding like the whole the totality
of it. One thing is not just here. Sex and
pleasure not just here. This is not just here. It's
all in. It's all blurry, it's all watercolors.

Speaker 4 (24:35):
When you said that, I envisioned like a candle lid,
Like you're smoking a blunt and the smoke is going,
but then like some music might be playing, like all
of that light like a.

Speaker 7 (24:44):
Far too yeah, like whenever it's gonna like interact with
all your senses, your taste, your sound, like like you
said to sound bath.

Speaker 6 (24:51):
Yeah, and you know we're actually doing our first couple's
retreat in June, which is.

Speaker 5 (24:57):
June fourteen and Coasta Rica.

Speaker 8 (24:59):
Yes, I have a person, you meet the people there.
You got to have a person to go to that, right, Yeah,
this one.

Speaker 6 (25:03):
But I should like a matchmaking situation, singles.

Speaker 3 (25:11):
You might have. You know what.

Speaker 6 (25:13):
I encourage people that are just starting to date to
come to tap into these type of experiences as well,
because it really helps set the foundation for the rest
of your relationship. Like don't wait till you have some
ship going on your relationship, be like, let we need
to go on a retreat.

Speaker 8 (25:25):
But how do you know, Because what I was about
to say is if you got a couple of things
going on? How you know which one like.

Speaker 3 (25:34):
You want to Yeah, I'm a leaning you always know.

Speaker 8 (25:37):
No, you might have like one and a good one
and a possible right, but it's like then you lean
in the wrong way too much, and then that messes
up and you don't want to for.

Speaker 3 (25:44):
Four days, and now you can't talk to the other one.
Would how do you know what you want to go?

Speaker 5 (25:51):
Like?

Speaker 3 (25:51):
How am I bringing you to this couple's retreat?

Speaker 8 (25:53):
It's going to isolate just me and you for these
days and cut off my conversation to any and every
couple to No, that's not what I'm saying.

Speaker 3 (26:02):
I'm asking for women who are dating.

Speaker 1 (26:03):
Multiple If I'm the possible, I'm super upset.

Speaker 6 (26:08):
I don't know who is number one on the roster.
That's who you bring. You don't know that's who your
I don't even have.

Speaker 7 (26:14):
A There is never a fucking solid tie.

Speaker 3 (26:19):
I've had many rosters. There's never a solid tie.

Speaker 7 (26:21):
It's always someone you want to spend more time with
and the other one's just available.

Speaker 3 (26:25):
Have you guys ever had someone come this is your
first couple of retreat? Are you doing another one? This
is our first one?

Speaker 8 (26:29):
Okay, I was going to say, but if somebody shows
up with the person they're not supposed to be there with,
how do you guys handle that?

Speaker 3 (26:34):
Like, I'm gonna tell you, I don't know. I don't.
We haven't.

Speaker 8 (26:40):
Haven't you get the vibe through like the different things
that you're doing throughout the weekend.

Speaker 3 (26:45):
I don't think y'all should mesh Well, well, first of all,
for me, I'm not going to do that.

Speaker 6 (26:50):
I'm going to allow them to self discover and through
the practices they're going to it's going to be crystal
clear and the twister clear.

Speaker 8 (26:57):
You know.

Speaker 6 (26:58):
But hopefully, you know, hopefully that's not the case, you know,
And and I know you don't have a partner right now.
But we do have women's retreats.

Speaker 3 (27:04):
Actually zero.

Speaker 1 (27:09):
Ry Retreat and we.

Speaker 6 (27:11):
Actually just release our dates for the summertime and we're
actually doing a giveaway and we want we're giving away
a free spot. So if anyone listening is interested in
coming to women's retreat in Costa Rica, it's the Reset
and Vibe Retreat. This is really about really resetting your vibe,
resetting your nervous system, tapping in meeting a group of
like minded women.

Speaker 3 (27:28):
Manifesting the man of your dream.

Speaker 6 (27:31):
It's playful, it's jamilus, titties will be out.

Speaker 3 (27:36):
There's there is a lot of nudity at the retreats.
Women are like, is it resert, No, we take over
the property.

Speaker 6 (27:42):
They take over property, and people women are just like
want to be confident in their bodies.

Speaker 3 (27:45):
Some women have literally never even walked around their house naked,
you know.

Speaker 6 (27:49):
So this is a safe space for you to like
explore all the facets of you. You don't have to
do that. It's not a requirement. This is not a
newdist retreat. I want to be clear, but this is
a place for you to show up. However it is
that you want to whoever you are when you're here
in New York or wherever the hell, or when you're
with your homegirl that you've known since you were twelve
and she's still holding you to this archaic version of yourself.
When you come to the retreat, you can be whoever

(28:11):
the fuck you want to be. You can rebrand yourself.
You can be the loudest girl in the room. Maybe
you're the quietest one at work, you know. And this
is a place where I have seen such incredible, incredible
transformations from the women from the literally from the beginning
when they walk on property to the end and then
it keeps going. And not only that, the women stay connected.

(28:31):
So you know, when the work that we do, we
get so many questions of like I don't have any
female friends, I don't trust women, you know, I don't
fuck with women like that. Well you need to, you know,
I don't think that's really an option now, like we
really need each other. And so I'm excited because we
are giving away a spot to our retreat.

Speaker 3 (28:49):
So if you're.

Speaker 6 (28:49):
Listening and you're interested, join our Patreon and all the
details are in our patreon of how to enter the giveaway.
And it's an all expense pay trip minus the flight,
but everything there. Once you arrive, everything's handled for you.
And that's the thing too, is like as women, we're
such a doers. We want to like plan every little
thing when you arrive.

Speaker 3 (29:11):
Me and Mela. Me and Mela take care of everything.

Speaker 5 (29:13):
So do you subscribe to the patreon.

Speaker 6 (29:15):
You go to patreon dot com slash Good Mom's Bad
Choices and then you will see all the details there
And once you just subscribe to Patreon, you get access
to our Discord Community, which is really like that is
like the most like.

Speaker 7 (29:28):
Rich intimate tribe. There's a lot of moms and women.
There's men there too, but you know, it's a lot
of honest talking. And so it's like Tender for Friends.

Speaker 4 (29:38):
The Reset plus Vibe and Coast Reka. That's February first
through the six Yeah.

Speaker 3 (29:42):
But that's done, that's sold out. Yeah, this is in
the summertime.

Speaker 6 (29:47):
So this is July thirty first through August fifth, So
it's the summertime.

Speaker 3 (29:51):
Get the babysitter, you have time, stop making excuses. Come
by yourself.

Speaker 6 (29:56):
Ninety percent of the women actually, like ninety eight percent
of the women come alone to our retreats, and I
recommend it. Like I said, like when you go on
trips with friends, sometimes you feel like you got to
take care of bitches. You feel like you can't be
You're like this new version you're trying to be and
not friends like that.

Speaker 3 (30:12):
Some people that's crazy.

Speaker 1 (30:13):
They usually taking care of you. That's why you don't
understand it.

Speaker 3 (30:15):
First of all, they all do.

Speaker 6 (30:19):
People You're always like not you, but like women are
always asking for permission, like do you want to go?

Speaker 3 (30:23):
Do you want what do you you don't want.

Speaker 7 (30:24):
To don't want to wait, you want shots.

Speaker 4 (30:29):
That's what you're friends to be asking you, saying all
the time, over and over and over.

Speaker 8 (30:34):
You made a good point earlier about the mom friend
her being your first mom friend. I have a friend
who is the only one out of our friend group
that has a kid, and I remember she was going
through a point where she was trying to figure out
mom friends. She has them now, and I used to
be like, why you want to have other friends, like
we are friends? What can you talk about them that
discovery journey? And like why that's important? Because I think
she did need that none that I'm older. But then

(30:55):
I was like, girl, who don't people you've.

Speaker 6 (30:57):
Gone through this incredible rite of passage that you can't
explain to anybody else, like you have this kind of
like you had to be there, you know. And I
think sometimes, of course, like the aunties matter when we
need the aunties all the time, But I think like
when moms find their mom friend, it creates a place

(31:17):
where there's like a very true understanding of where we're at,
what we're doing, what we're dealing with. You know, the
aunties only want to hear about you bitching about your
kids so long. They're like, girl, is she gonna come
around and.

Speaker 3 (31:27):
Talk about this baby? And oh my god.

Speaker 6 (31:30):
You know, so I feel like moms have a little
more tolerance for that.

Speaker 5 (31:36):
So moms can't be aunties break that down for me.

Speaker 3 (31:38):
No, no, no, they can.

Speaker 6 (31:39):
I was just saying that. I was just saying that
she was asking about the mom friends situation. So I'm
saying like that aunties matter. But like having a person
that's actually going through the same thing is it's.

Speaker 3 (31:50):
A different It's a different type of support. Yeah.

Speaker 4 (31:54):
You know, it's interesting because you know, I'm sure people
judge all just because of the content. That's what they do,
especially in the podcast space. If you two black women
and you're sexually liberated and you're talking about it, people judge.
But the reality is y'all are just having conversations out
loud that people have in private.

Speaker 5 (32:08):
All the damn time. Like mama got to have a life.

Speaker 8 (32:10):
Too, Yeah, after the baby is here. Yeah first, no,
I'm not talking about me. I'm talking about my friends
that I make sure you have a good time. That
he was trying to play me about earlier. Mama's want
shots too, I'm.

Speaker 7 (32:23):
Needs shots more than yeah shots, Actually I only have
three hours.

Speaker 3 (32:27):
Let's go. Oh yeah.

Speaker 6 (32:28):
There's no one more drunk than a mom without a
Friday night and Friday night without her.

Speaker 3 (32:32):
Kid paying for a babysitter. This shit counts.

Speaker 4 (32:36):
How do you think y'all are breaking the old stereotype
of pleasure deprived motherhood.

Speaker 3 (32:41):
I guess being.

Speaker 7 (32:42):
An example, you know, I think, like she said, like
we genuinely do give people permission. And it's because sometimes
you don't even I think women don't even realize that
it's an option to show up as yourself. When you
hear two people and you're like, oh, oh.

Speaker 3 (32:54):
They did that. Oh they're talking about it. That's crazy.
Oh she's talking about the three summer.

Speaker 7 (32:58):
She's also talking about putting her kid in you know,
like those are these are real shit.

Speaker 3 (33:03):
It's real shit.

Speaker 7 (33:03):
But I think sometimes we especially as black women, we
actually need to see it done. We need to see
just have the permission, or else we just automatically sweep
it as all one thing. It's all bad because we've
been told, we've been given a lot of rules, and
like unfortunately black women have the most, you know, we
have to fit into the square the most, a lot
of white women can fuck up. They could, you know,
overdose and then host the Grammys the next day and

(33:25):
everybody's fine. But black women we don't end from them,
and we don't get as much, you know, like leeway.
And so I think people women genuinely needed to see
us do the thing and hear about us doing the
thing to.

Speaker 3 (33:35):
Be like, oh, I could do that shit too.

Speaker 5 (33:37):
Absolutely.

Speaker 8 (33:37):
I read an Essence article on you guys, and you
talked about apologizing to your kid and how good that
has been and how freeing that is. And we always
had this conversation me with my mom, like I'd be like,
you need to learn how to apologize, but you guys
are doing it early. Why and how has it worked
in your relationship with your kid?

Speaker 3 (33:54):
Because I didn't get it.

Speaker 6 (33:56):
I didn't get no apologies, you know, and so and
I realized how I realized that as when as I was,
as I was evolving in motherhood. And I always tell
people I'm a ten year old mother, Like I only
know as much as I know above a ten year
old mother.

Speaker 3 (34:11):
You know, I'm new ish at this point, maybe a
little seasoned.

Speaker 6 (34:15):
Not quite, but I've seen the power of apologizing. I've
seen how much my daughter feels safe and talking to
me because her mom is willing to say, hey, I
kind of fucked up.

Speaker 3 (34:27):
I'm sorry about that.

Speaker 6 (34:28):
Hey I lost my temper. And I think a lot
of times we've pushed things under the rug, and like
all those things they that you don't forget them as kids,
you know they and then they show up in different
ways in your life where you now have a problem apologizing.
You can't acknowledge the things that you've done wrong, and
now it's holding you back.

Speaker 3 (34:45):
And so I just didn't I don't want that for her.
And so I think it's really.

Speaker 6 (34:48):
Important for parents overall to get used to that idea
not idea that that that thing and and do that,
and like why wouldn't you Why wouldn't you want to
apologize to your child if you know you fucked up.

Speaker 3 (35:01):
Yeah, And it feels good.

Speaker 6 (35:03):
It feels good to like reverse whatever it is that
you know didn't work for you, you know. I think
about like I had like a recent like parenting moment
with my daughter because she was getting bullied at school
and I was like, oh, no, so we're here because
I'm gonna beat.

Speaker 3 (35:18):
All these little bitches. Assess. I was like, Okay, you
can't do that. Don't do that, Erica.

Speaker 5 (35:23):
You can.

Speaker 6 (35:25):
Well now I'm on Breakfast Club talking about it. So shit,
it wasn't me. And you know, at first I was like,
all right, I'm just gonna like talk to the school
and have them deal with this because I don't know
what to do. And then I was like, no, I
have to have to face this head on. And so
you know, I was just you know, I sat with

(35:45):
her and talked to her. She had a really hard
time telling me because I think she's my daughter's going
to be ten and right now in her life, like her,
her social circle is very important to her. You know,
she's just building these friendships and like it feels like
her whole world, so stirring the pot feels like it's
it's not a big deal, it's fine, you know. And
so I was just empowering her to stand up for herself.

(36:08):
And after that moment, like us talking it through.

Speaker 3 (36:11):
I was like, damn, that was good.

Speaker 1 (36:12):
Yeah.

Speaker 3 (36:13):
Do you ever have those moments and.

Speaker 4 (36:15):
Oh yeah, apologizing to my she's sixteen, apologizing to her,
I can't eve remember to I apologize for and she said,
it's okay, this's your first time doing this, just meaning
your first time as a father, like you know, you
have a sixteen So I was like, oh, okay that
but it's true.

Speaker 7 (36:31):
Like I don't know, we're wringing it. You know, maybe
you're a professional over here.

Speaker 1 (36:38):
Mine goes from twenty three to three. So it's all
over again. It's all over.

Speaker 2 (36:42):
But you know, I got lucky with a lot like so,
I was an only child, so the bullying thing, I
had to deal with myself as a kid being bully.
But they got siblings now, so where you know, if
my ten year old, I got a eleven year old
that's going to go to the school and hold it
down where it's not daddy. I could push it, but like, yo,
go look out for your sister. But you know, some
of those things I have because we have those conversations.
But I think the best thing is, like you said, apologies, right,

(37:04):
My dad and my mom never apologized to me if
they were wrong. You ate it pause. But I think
with me, it's like, man, let me talk to you. You know,
Dad was a little upset, this was the reason why
this happened.

Speaker 1 (37:14):
And they respect you.

Speaker 2 (37:15):
And look at you a lot differently, and they're able
to be free, Like my kids have conversations with me
that I'm surprised that they tell me stuff.

Speaker 3 (37:21):
And I'm like, I.

Speaker 2 (37:24):
Would never tell my dad this, but they feel so comfortable,
And sometimes I got to take a step back and
be like, I have to understand, you know, which is
well and.

Speaker 3 (37:31):
It's a testament they were doing a great job.

Speaker 6 (37:33):
And you know, if your kids are talking to you
in that way, like it's a it's those little like
like confirmations along.

Speaker 3 (37:39):
The way, you're like, Okay, I'm not fucking up.

Speaker 6 (37:40):
They're safe, they feel safe. They feel safe, yeah, and
you know it feels good. Like I said, it feels
good to apologize to my daughter, and I've actually even
said to her, listen, I don't really know what I'm doing.

Speaker 3 (37:52):
It out.

Speaker 7 (37:53):
You know, we've only only we can only reference our parents,
our parents parenting, and ultimately, like they've they could use
some improvement. But if you don't have the space to
like reflect and be like, okay, well this could have
been better and then apply it, you know, without you
have to be able to question what has happened in
order to improve the systems. And you know, it's true,
sometimes I'm reacting in a way, I'm like, why the

(38:14):
fuck am I talking like this? I'm like, oh, that's
how I was talked to. But then I have to
pivot and shift and it takes work, you know, like
mothering a child while also mothering myself, parenting myself, reprogramming
myself is I'm sure we've all experienced it, like it's difficult,
but it's necessary for our kids to inherit different habits
and so when their parents hopefully that it were changing

(38:34):
generationally each time and getting better instead of just doing
the same shit over and over again.

Speaker 2 (38:39):
Yeah, I think that was the most difficult to not
do what my parents do right my kids as to
go out no why because I said so, because that's
what I've heard. But then you have to come back
and be like, well, let me explain.

Speaker 1 (38:49):
Why I think it's a bad idea. But as a kid,
you just.

Speaker 2 (38:52):
Took it because you was like, I'm not arguing with
my mother, pops. But now you got to come back like, well,
the reason I really don't want you to go is
because it's not a safe environment if you got to
think about it this time yet, And it's like, damn,
I'm really explaining myself to my three year old.

Speaker 1 (39:02):
But it is what it is.

Speaker 7 (39:04):
But now they feel respected as a human being because
our kids are human beings, you know, and that thing
we forget that as parents because we weren't always treated
that way.

Speaker 3 (39:12):
You're a child to stay in your place, correct.

Speaker 4 (39:13):
Yeah, y'all have a book too, A Good Mom's Guide
to Making Bad Choices, explain why they need a guid
to make bad choices?

Speaker 8 (39:21):
You know.

Speaker 7 (39:22):
I think when we were writing this, I realized, like
there are so many books about parenthood, like.

Speaker 3 (39:28):
How do you care for your baby? How do you
spottle the baby? What do you do?

Speaker 7 (39:31):
You know, like there's all these there's all these things
about how you care for a baby, and there's rarely
there's no books really about how the fuck do I
care for myself after this huge thing that's happened. My
body has changed, my life has changed. I'm, you know,
implementing a new human and I'm caring for something and
there's a lot of fear. There's a lot of anxiety
in that that nobody talks about, and even for us,
our book talks about like our journey in single parenting,

(39:52):
there's a lot of mom experiencing that, a lot of
mom's fighting it like trying to put a fucking square
in a circle, Like sometimes it just don't work, and
that's okay. And so I think this book is really
about the guide to finding yourself, whatever that is for you,
and being authentic in it, and also like, how do
you care for yourself in this process of parenting, because
there are no books about that.

Speaker 3 (40:12):
It's always about the child.

Speaker 7 (40:13):
And that's the thing about motherhood itself, like it has
to be self sacrificing, but it doesn't and it shouldn't be.
And that's really what the book is based in.

Speaker 2 (40:20):
I wanted to ask, you know, do you ever resent
your baby father's And the reason I ask is you know.

Speaker 1 (40:26):
She said, you know because if you really look back,
and I think Charlemagne can say the same thing.

Speaker 5 (40:31):
I never had a baby fathers.

Speaker 2 (40:32):
No, I don't know what you've had. I don't know
what you identify as. But you know, if our wives
ever leave the kids with us for a long time,
you realize I really don't have control.

Speaker 1 (40:42):
And as a father, right, your wife does.

Speaker 2 (40:44):
Everything for you and the fact that she has and
I always say the main thing that she has is patience, Right,
I don't have the patience, but do you ever resent
like he's not here, he's not here to help. I
don't know if he was there or not there. He's
not here to take to school, he's not there for
that time where I just need a break and just say,
you know what I mean, let me go walk around
the block one time.

Speaker 1 (41:02):
Do you ever resent that? And if you did, how
did y'all get over it?

Speaker 4 (41:06):
Uh?

Speaker 3 (41:06):
It's a work in progress.

Speaker 6 (41:08):
I think that, you know, early on, of course, there
was more resentfulness.

Speaker 3 (41:12):
I think there's acceptance too.

Speaker 6 (41:13):
You just have to kind of accept the person you
chose and this is this is it, you know, and
and then from there build the build the tribe.

Speaker 3 (41:22):
And that's really what I've done.

Speaker 6 (41:24):
I have an incredible support system that will show up
when he can't, you know. And granted both of us
are very busy careers. He's out of the country, out
of town a lot, and so ninety eight percent of
everything has fallen into my hands. So I would be
lying to say there's there's no resentment like or there
hasn't been resentment, But.

Speaker 3 (41:46):
I also just I also like have have to humanize
him as well.

Speaker 6 (41:50):
If I'm going to give grace to the women that
I that I serve and give grace to myself. Then
I also have to understand where he's at, what happened, like,
where what wasn't what needs were not meant in your childhood?
What things are you battling with that you're not confronting
and avoiding, you know. And so that doesn't always come
because sometimes I want to curse him out, but then

(42:12):
I have to kind of bring it back and say, Okay, well,
this work doesn't just apply to this.

Speaker 3 (42:17):
I have to be able to apply it to both.
And it does my daughter.

Speaker 6 (42:21):
No, it doesn't do my daughter any any benefit by
you know, me, you know, bad talking him, especially in
front of her.

Speaker 3 (42:30):
I try my best to for her to feel like
we are still the family. You know. We pray, we
pray for her dad.

Speaker 6 (42:37):
We talk about her dad like I ask it, I
ask even like you know, he had another child and
the reason we broke up was because he got another
woman pregnant. And you know, I never in a million
years thought that I would be able to be like
in the presence of that child ever. And I know
there's a lot of women listening that have maybe experienced
this or maybe going through this.

Speaker 3 (42:56):
Hard drop because I know what a feeling. Yeah, and
it was I literally I just there was no way.

Speaker 6 (43:01):
I remember the first time he brought his son into
my house like unannounced, and I was.

Speaker 3 (43:05):
Like, oh, did you cry? How was the did you cry?

Speaker 8 (43:08):
Like?

Speaker 6 (43:08):
What would your I didn't even know how to cry.
I was frozen, you know, like I.

Speaker 3 (43:15):
You don't want to react to the baby.

Speaker 6 (43:18):
Yeah, and like as as women, like we are territorial
around this role of mother and like the space that
we share with this person, like this is what we
decided to do and this is an interruption and but
you know, but but now, like I have so much
love for that child. You know, I wouldn't be a
good mom who makes bad choices without that child. Like
thank you, baby mama for you know, breaking the family up,

(43:38):
because because no, truly, because I didn't know myself then
I was really like living for him. And and so
I think that like to answer your question is just
like about answer your question. It's just about like allowing
grace and knowing that yes, there are times when I
want to curse that man out, but also I love

(43:59):
him because he can be my daughter.

Speaker 4 (44:01):
You know what if the other child was a daughter
who looked just like the woman that he had Jesus the.

Speaker 3 (44:08):
Other well, it's a son and no, but.

Speaker 4 (44:11):
What if it was a daughter who looked just like
the woman who he had another baby with.

Speaker 3 (44:14):
I don't think that would have I don't.

Speaker 6 (44:16):
I mean, it's probably would. I mean again, like we've
probably been jarring at first, but you know, like I
think that I would have accepted that as well. All
of Freddy's kids just look just like him, you know.

Speaker 2 (44:27):
And you have to have those conversations with the other mothers, like, hey,
let's even though this is not the situation, but we
all have kids, let them be siblist together.

Speaker 3 (44:34):
I only have a rapport with one. And you know
it's not because I don't want to.

Speaker 6 (44:42):
It's like I could reach out, I guess, but that
just hasn't been my ministry yet.

Speaker 3 (44:50):
But there's no there's no hate, there's.

Speaker 6 (44:52):
No resentment, Like we're all moms trying to do the
best we can for our kids. And you know, she
made her choices and all of them have made their
choices because you know, my my baby dad eve been
busy with creating life since since our first one.

Speaker 2 (45:08):
But yeah, so and Jamilli, you resentment if there was
any or no I know.

Speaker 7 (45:15):
Like she said, acceptance. You know I knew who I
had a baby with. I'm accepting of that. And then honestly,
there's a level of that just sounds so crazy.

Speaker 1 (45:23):
I know how I had the baby with. So it
is what it is.

Speaker 3 (45:25):
I mean it is. I know you got to get
to that point, do you got RAI, but.

Speaker 1 (45:29):
You expect different.

Speaker 2 (45:30):
If you knew that that was gonna be the situation
would but it's a.

Speaker 3 (45:32):
Different got to raise the kid.

Speaker 5 (45:34):
If your aunt had a penis should be your uncle.

Speaker 7 (45:38):
But there's a there's a level of pride.

Speaker 3 (45:41):
I had to think about that. I think he's saying
it is what it is.

Speaker 8 (45:45):
I would say, talk about that level of pride in
that because the resentment can that can cause some woman
to stay and y'all chose to step away.

Speaker 7 (45:52):
Well, yeah, yeah, you could be resentful and you can
let that ship like fester, or you could walk away
and move on and accept the person you had a
baby with. And even in this chapter of my life,
I'm like, you know, do what you can. There's a
lot of drop offs at the grandma's house, which you know,
if my child is safe and fed, I'm happy y're around.
But I also find joy and like I am the

(46:12):
primary provider.

Speaker 3 (46:13):
Hey, you got to take the kid.

Speaker 7 (46:14):
I'm going to the breakfast club to my traveling you know,
like I you know, I have won so much in this,
Like I have evolved so much in this this relationship
with my friend and this brand and this business. Like
I have really discovered something that I wouldn't have been
able to discover had I stayed in that relationship.

Speaker 3 (46:30):
So I'm grateful.

Speaker 7 (46:31):
I'm grateful for the like the awareness of myself be
like this ain't gonna work. I can't see this forever.
I'm out and just honoring that and accepting him for
who he is and accepting that is not something that
I can't accept in my life in the romantic partnership and.

Speaker 3 (46:44):
Just letting it be.

Speaker 7 (46:46):
Because you know, karma's a bitch, and you have to
deal with that with your child when she gets of age.
Because we have kids who are very well aware, very intelligent.
We never disrespect our child's intelligence. So we're honest, you know,
age appropriate manner, and so I give you, know know,
I give you the love, and I know that you
are going to have to deal with that relationships as
she gets older and I you know, did luck.

Speaker 8 (47:05):
Did the baby daddy's ever come to you and apologize
for what? And he's kind of referencing like that flack
of like dang, I'm sorry, or put you.

Speaker 3 (47:13):
Through or denial denial, denial.

Speaker 6 (47:16):
If you ask them, they probably would would say they have.
But I mean, you know, most dads like I'm doing great,
Like you see her in two weeks. Our baby's daddy's
trying to link up a few times once and we
were like, what the hell are they?

Speaker 3 (47:29):
They're talking about gonna start podcast.

Speaker 4 (47:34):
Network and be a confident. I do have one last question.
How did you break up with that couple?

Speaker 5 (47:43):
That doctor? How did you like doctor ar?

Speaker 6 (47:48):
You know, it became a thing because I really I
realized I knew this begin to begin with.

Speaker 3 (47:56):
I don't really I'm not into white men. I'm just not, you.

Speaker 6 (47:59):
Know, I really I was trying because they were cool
and he was handsome, but I realized that over time
it just wasn't like I was more into his wife.

Speaker 3 (48:09):
Than I was to him. And I respect it too, because.

Speaker 1 (48:11):
I told you was trying to break up that happy well.

Speaker 6 (48:13):
No, I was not trying to break up the happy home.
But she did ask me like Erica, like where are
you at? Like you haven't been responding to the calls?

Speaker 3 (48:18):
Da da da da. And I was like, honestly, like
I'm more attracted to you.

Speaker 6 (48:20):
And she was like okay, thanks, and she cut it off,
and I was like respect, like respect, and and that's
why I really respected their dynamic.

Speaker 3 (48:28):
They showed me.

Speaker 6 (48:29):
I learned a lot from that relationship. I learned how
much they loved, like how expansive their love was for
one another. I felt honored to be able to come
into their relationship and and spend time with them and
then also peace out. But yeah, it was more so
it was just like and also like I wanted to eve.
It was just it was kind of like a f

(48:51):
I got what I needed out of it, and then
I was done with it, you know. But I but
I have a lot of love for them, and they're
a great couple.

Speaker 3 (48:58):
They're still together to this day.

Speaker 1 (49:00):
But we appreciate you all for joining.

Speaker 2 (49:01):
Make sure you describe Good Mom, Bad Choices podcast on
the Black Effect Network, Jamila mapping every Wednesday.

Speaker 5 (49:08):
Every Wednesday, they drop, so check them out.

Speaker 2 (49:09):
That's right, it's the breakfast Club, Good Morning, wake that
ass up in the morning.

Speaker 5 (49:14):
The Breakfast Club,