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Speaker 1 (00:00):
Wake that ass up in the morning. The Breakfast Club Morning.
Speaker 2 (00:05):
Everybody's theej Envy, Jess, Hilary Charlamine, the guy. We are
the Breakfast Club. We got a special guest in the building.
Come on now, we have Sarah Jake Roberts.
Speaker 1 (00:13):
Welcome. How are you feeling.
Speaker 3 (00:15):
I feel good. I'm a little tired, but I'm glad
to be here.
Speaker 1 (00:18):
Okay, you always dressed it in nice.
Speaker 3 (00:21):
You gotta starts, I do, okay.
Speaker 4 (00:23):
Jason Bowling, Yeah, we've been working together for almost ten years.
Speaker 5 (00:26):
Okay, I thought you was just praying and putting it
together yourself. But the new book, Power Moves ignite your
confidence and become a force.
Speaker 1 (00:36):
Where did the inspiration for the book come from?
Speaker 3 (00:38):
It really started about five years ago.
Speaker 4 (00:40):
Whenever I had finished speaking, people would always tell me like,
that was so powerful, You're so powerful. But I didn't
really feel powerful, like I'd be in the fight of
my life up there. And I started just asking God, like,
what does it mean to truly be powerful? And I
feel like God just revealed to me that it has
so much to do with obedience and authenticity, but not
only that, that power is a flow and so what
(01:01):
makes me powerful when I'm preaching is different than what
makes me powerful as a mother. So I started digging
into the fluidity of power and this notion that power
moves and embracing that from season to season really started
resonating with me.
Speaker 1 (01:14):
I saw you preaching yesterday and you said something to
the extent of.
Speaker 5 (01:18):
Being in control is not power. Control is not power. Yeah,
what does that mean?
Speaker 4 (01:23):
Okay, So whenever we lose our sense of safety, I
think our initial response is to try and control as
much as we can after that, instead of really surrendering
to whatever the moment is trying to teach us and
discovering the power, the wisdom, the lessons, and that we
control it. And as a result of that, we end
up closing ourselves out, not just from whatever God's trying
to teach us in the moment, but sometimes dynamic relationships
(01:46):
that can be helpful to us. And so balancing this
idea of vulnerability and openness so that power can flow
through us I think should be the goal of anyone
who really wants to affect change in the world.
Speaker 2 (01:58):
I do have a ques this is going to say stupid,
but I just want people to understand, you know where
you came from and how you got into faith. I
know you were here last time. So for people that
said it, so for people that don't know that, they
automatically assume that your dad was in it into religion,
that's what got you into it. But you had a
(02:19):
different start with you. So let's talk about that a
little bit first. How did you start and how did
you get to where you're at now? And the fact
that you had your first child at fourteen and let's
let's break that all down.
Speaker 3 (02:29):
And he's in the studio.
Speaker 4 (02:36):
Don't give him that much gas.
Speaker 3 (02:38):
That's a child over there.
Speaker 4 (02:41):
Yeah, So my dad has been in ministry my whole
life and growing up when I was growing up in church,
like we were at church every single day of the week,
and you either found a spot, you were in the choir,
you were dancing, you were doing something, or you were
like me and you were sitting in the corner somewhere.
And I can remember my siblings telling me, like, you
gonna go to hell, like you can shot, you can't clap,
(03:01):
like you gonna go to hell. And I was like,
you might be right, because what I'm listening to on
the radio, like what's resonating with me, it doesn't align
with what's being preached, and so I never really felt
like I had a sense of belonging within faith. And
then when my father's ministry kind of took off, I
didn't know where I fit within the dynamic of our
family at all. And so I tried to find myself
(03:24):
at thirteen year old, trying to find herself is gonna
be open to anything, and so I got pregnant at thirteen.
I had my son at fourteen, which just further confirmed
to me, like, you not wanted the good girls. And
so I spent probably ten years of my life just
being like, all right, faith isn't for me, you guys,
not for me. I'm gonna figure out what's happening outside.
And I got to this space after this traumatic experience
(03:47):
in my first marriage where I almost got arrested and
I was defending the right to keep my kids, and
I was like, I have tried literally everything, I might
as well just try faith. And I wasn't trying to
build platform. I was trying to build myself. And I
started blogging about all of my experiences, and it turns
out that there were like other women who felt maybe
(04:08):
forgotten by church, felt like because they didn't.
Speaker 2 (04:10):
Did you feel that way, like, especially because your dad
was in ministry, did you feel like his church forgot
about you, especially that being your dad.
Speaker 4 (04:17):
And it's hard, like knowing what I know now, it's
hard to say because I felt so much shame from
having a teen pregnancy that I'm sure that there were
people who were like still loving on me, but I
couldn't cut through the idea of like during purity culture,
the height of purity culture, you didn't got pregnant like this.
It just doesn't align. And I don't know, because even
my father is surprised that my life has turned in
(04:39):
this direction. So I'm not sure if anyone thought that
I was going to be the girl talking about Jesus.
But I tried it for myself and I started sharing
it with like these other misfits, and it turns out
there were a lot of us, like back Row churchgoers
who were there because we had to be but didn't
fit in. And I was able to give them a
voice and a language through trying to find my own
(05:00):
voice in language, and it's resonated with them.
Speaker 1 (05:02):
What level of ratchet were you on a scale? It like, well, well.
Speaker 4 (05:09):
At the end of the day. The day's got to end.
I don't know, I don't I don't even know how
to answer that question. But I mean I was not
I was not outside, like I was not trying to
be the good girl at all. Like I embraced this
idea of like you can just do your own thing
and try anything. So I mean I did quite a
(05:31):
few things.
Speaker 5 (05:31):
It's interesting to hear you say the bishop was surprised
to see how things turned out, because I'm sure him
and you know the first lady was praying over you
and asking God to turn you around.
Speaker 4 (05:42):
Makes sense, yeah, But I mean I have always been
very strong willed. I've always been my own person, and
so I think that they were praying. But just like
we praying, we like, I don't know if youre gonna
answer this prayer. We'll see how it happens. I don't
think that they were for sure knowing that things were
absolutely going to turn around. Even if they did turn around,
I don't think anyone anticipates, like, oh, she's going to
be in ministry, because that's not necessarily a turn around,
(06:04):
like maybe she'll figure out who God is, but this
fact that she's also going to be a ministry in
helping others.
Speaker 3 (06:09):
That was a wild card. Nobody's all coming.
Speaker 2 (06:12):
I do have a question, and this is something that
we talk about a lot of pearing. Me and my
wife been arguing about this, well now arguing by having
a conversation about this. I feel sometimes when, especially when
people play with the church right, and I'll tell you
why I say play with the church, they come off
like a very church holier than that.
Speaker 1 (06:27):
Right.
Speaker 2 (06:27):
So when they speak a lot of people actually believe
it and listen because they feel like they study, they
go through it, they read the Bible, et cetera, et cetera,
et cetera. But also you realize that person is not
a good person. So where do you cross the lines
of somebody I would say, taking on an assignment doing
something positive. I think you spoke about it earlier, somebody
giving a message opposed to who they are as a person.
(06:49):
Like can somebody give a message and be an fed
up person?
Speaker 3 (06:52):
Yeah?
Speaker 4 (06:52):
I mean a broken clock? It's right twice today, you
know what I mean? You don't even have to be
a Christian to say something that could be profound and deep.
But that doesn't change the fact that you have an
opportunity to be more fully integrated in your character. But
I think that the message is that resonate the most
are from people who are literally walking it out, living
it out, and so it does discredit the message sometimes
(07:13):
when you're telling me something that you don't live by.
But I think about it like this. So I'm a parent,
and now that my children are moving into adulthood, I
recognize that many of the things that we have told
them growing up, they're also realizing that I am figuring
it out with them as well. And I don't know
that it's a lot different in ministry, like this is
where the goal is. I think we all know where
the goal is, but I'm still working it out too.
(07:35):
I think where people get in trouble is that they're
not actually doing the work, Like I'm telling you that
this is the goal, and I'm doing the exact opposite
of it, which is why I've tried to be really
intentional about being authentic. Like I'm going through depression, I'm
going through an anxiety. This is what I'm learning in
the midst of that. Because it doesn't serve me for
me to come off as your God when we all
need the same one. So I try to really make
(07:55):
sure that I'm not on a pedestal.
Speaker 3 (07:58):
I try to kick the pedestal down.
Speaker 2 (08:00):
Like like you see a preacher. A preacher will be preaching, right,
and then he's cheating on his wife. Or preacher'll be
preaching and then he's hitting his wife, you know what
I mean. So it's kind of it's like a blurred line.
Speaker 4 (08:10):
Like that's not a blurred line though, that's I mean,
that's not like that's wrong, that's wickedness, you know what
I mean?
Speaker 2 (08:15):
Like that, how do you how do you you went
to the extreme just now, like cheating on his wife
or his wife. You see that a lot of time.
You see a preacher say I'm sorry, I chieved on
my wife. You see that in the church sometimes none
of my preachers, but you.
Speaker 1 (08:26):
Do see that.
Speaker 2 (08:27):
So when you see that, it's it's kind of difficult
to uphold a preacher. And you'll be like, is this
whole is bullshit? Or we just playing this game? Or
do you really feel that way and really made a mistake.
You understand what I'm saying.
Speaker 4 (08:38):
Well, I mean, I can't judge someone's heart and I
can't judge their experiences, So I'm a little hesitant to
really make a judgment on situations.
Speaker 2 (08:45):
I'm not saying anybody in particular.
Speaker 4 (08:47):
If you know people, I don't. I don't know anyone
either who's going through this, but I think people infer
a lot. But I will say this, like, preachers are human.
So if you are who you are, and you can
cheat on your wife, and a preacher can cheat on
his wife, like he's a man too, she's a woman too.
And so you guys are still going to have the
same areas of temptation that you need to overcome. I
(09:10):
think your response to that, like, what is my response?
How do I grow from here? How do I create boundaries?
Do I need to sit down? Do I need to heal?
Speaker 6 (09:18):
Like?
Speaker 4 (09:18):
I think how you handle your humanity in the face
of this divine call is what's most important. I am
careful that pastors don't have a license to do whatever
they want to because of the power they hold. I
think that you can be human, but all of us
need to be try and stretching, growing to be more
like Jesus or we are up here playing. I'm not
asking you to be perfect. I'm asking you to really
(09:40):
be on this walk for real.
Speaker 5 (09:42):
Who's this white past that you talking about and does
you listen to the breakfast Club?
Speaker 6 (09:50):
I want it because you're a mother of six and
you're busy, extremely busy with your podcast and then writing
a book and then traveling.
Speaker 2 (09:59):
How do you balance that?
Speaker 1 (10:00):
Like mother?
Speaker 6 (10:00):
And I know you said your children are growing into adulthood,
but how do you balance that?
Speaker 3 (10:05):
Well?
Speaker 4 (10:05):
Yeah, and I feel for you because you got a
lot going on. I think it's the message of this book.
I think it's really allowing myself to like flow in
a different definition of power based off of each of
those roles. Because as much as I want to bring
the same intensity to everything I do, if I do that,
I may end up damaging my children because I'm talking
to them like a business partner, and so really defining
(10:28):
for myself what does it mean to be powerful in
these specific roles and how much capacity do I have
to show up in that space? Asking for help, you know,
changing and modifying my life to really fit my priorities
has done a lot. And then also just making sure
my kids know, like I'm tired. So my daughter is eight.
She was devastated when I left yesterday. She was like,
(10:49):
please don't leave me. Literally, She's like, can you please
come home. And I'm like, I just need this one
week to get this book in as many hands as possible,
and their mommy will be home. But I'm packing to her, now,
you do this, well, I'm doing this, so she understands this.
Sometimes absence does not mean that I don't care, and
it's a balancing walk, especially I think if you have
(11:10):
mom guilt like I do sometimes. But I also want
her to see a woman walking in her purpose and
being excited about it and changing lives. So I share
testimonies with her too. I'm like, let's sit down and
read these comments from this weekend. Thank you for being
a part of this, so she feels a part of
it as well.
Speaker 6 (11:24):
Okay, because mama's son is twelve now, but I miss
like a lot of him, like a lot of him
being going from grade to grade, you know, because my mom,
Between my mom and his dad, that's who has I
was touring a lot before I actually got to do this,
and I just feel so guilty a lot sometimes, Like
and now I have this new baby and I'm like,
(11:45):
I'm bringing him up to Jersey with me, and he
wants to grow up in the house with the baby
instead of me.
Speaker 3 (11:50):
Being in Jersey with the new baby with.
Speaker 6 (11:53):
You know, and then him still being with my mother,
like and I don't want to repeat that.
Speaker 2 (11:58):
I don't want to do that again.
Speaker 4 (11:59):
So so I had my son at fourteen, and I
think one of the things that makes me feel most
guilty is that I know that I was growing up
while he was growing up, and so the way that
I'm able to be present even for my younger kids,
I know that he didn't have that.
Speaker 3 (12:14):
So I think, one, I don't know if you have to.
Speaker 4 (12:15):
Deal with this, but I had to really forgive myself
for what I didn't know when I was raising him.
Speaker 3 (12:21):
Yeah, you know, I just I didn't know.
Speaker 4 (12:24):
I did the best that I could, and to trust
that I still have opportunity. If you think about adult
children who were wounded from relationships that didn't go well
with their parents, there's still a little kid inside of
them that wants their parents to show up, that wants
to experience healing in that space. And so it reminds
me too that I'm never out of time, So I'm
constantly still reparenting him, even at twenty one years old.
Speaker 5 (12:47):
You know, in the clamp down chapter, you start by
saying if you're one of those people who know better
and instantly do better. I'm probably going to be the
friend who you roll your eyes at constantly.
Speaker 1 (12:56):
Why are you that friend?
Speaker 4 (12:58):
Because things need to marinate from me, Like I don't
just activate things like you could tell me, like you
need to be vegan and I will. I'm gonna let
that marinate for a year or two before that actually activates,
because I don't do things just because someone says that
I should do them. It has to be real. I
have to have a conviction about it. But I will
marinate it so I can figure out, like how does
this revelation actually fit within the context of my life.
(13:20):
So in the back of the books, each book has
like something to marinate on, something to activate, and something
to pray on. Because I know everyone moves into change differently.
Speaker 5 (13:28):
I love the marinating before activating, but I feel like
that's probably how the majority of us moved. Is there
ever a time we shouldn't marinate before activating? Like the
spirit says, do it?
Speaker 1 (13:38):
We just go?
Speaker 4 (13:39):
I mean, to each his own. I think if you
feel I'm not into telling folks what they should do,
you know what I mean? Like, I think if you
feel like there's an a now on it. You should
do that, you should move in it now, And a
lot of times when we move in it now, we
learn the marination lessons afterwards, you know.
Speaker 3 (13:56):
But yeah, it's what.
Speaker 1 (13:58):
About the spirit though?
Speaker 5 (13:59):
So just spirit says move like the spirit always tells
you to be patient in marinate.
Speaker 3 (14:05):
I mean, I'm in relationship.
Speaker 1 (14:10):
On that.
Speaker 3 (14:10):
I didn't have a choice. I didn't have a choice.
Speaker 4 (14:15):
I didn't have a choy that, oh Lord, But yeah, no, no,
I had I was in the spirit and that I
had a mission to accomplish and I didn't want anything
to distract me. And my husband wasn't there and my
parents weren't there, so it wasn't like I was gonna
be able toss the microphone. I was the you know,
senior leadership person that was present in that room, and.
Speaker 3 (14:34):
So I had to take it off.
Speaker 4 (14:37):
I didn't love it, I didn't enjoy it, but I
stood up to it, and uh, I think it was
really interesting because I was going through something at that
time where I was wondering could I be in Dallas
a part of senior leadership, like with my past, with
the way that I preached, with the way that I'm
a little different than I guess traditional pastors. And I
really did feel like God was trying to tell me, like,
(14:58):
just be authentic, just trust yourself in that season of
my life. And so that Sunday, when I'm sitting there
with a wig cap on and then other women started
taking their wigs off on the altar, I was like,
you know what, I think this maybe God trying to
tell me You're gonna have to show up as your
full self in order to get this done. And I
know a lot of people made fun of it, but
(15:19):
there were so many people who were like, seeing you
stand there being courageous stepping into that moment helped me
so much to just embrace who I am. And so
I really feel like God took something that would have
been very embarrassing and at least allowed there to be
a buffer from the people who were moved by that moment.
Speaker 5 (15:36):
For me, I was like, that's why we rock with her.
You always wanting to be your true self at all times.
Speaker 4 (15:41):
Well, I mean, like, y'all know, this isn't my hair,
and like, no, it's not ideal, but it's not more
important than what I'm here for. So like I'm want
to take it off and we're going to move on
down the road. When I got back behind the platform
that I was like, oh lord, I have desecrated the body.
So I'm not there are bundles on the altar. I
have just create it this place. But yeah, it just
(16:02):
turns out it wasn't that way.
Speaker 5 (16:04):
I love about chapter sixteen to Know Your Harm. Oh yeah,
what is knowing your heart?
Speaker 3 (16:09):
Well?
Speaker 4 (16:09):
I talk about the oath that doctors take where they say,
you know that they'll do no harm, but they're also
recognizing that they're practicing and when we move in power.
Part of the reason why so many of us don't
move in power is that we're afraid that we won't
do it perfectly or that will make mistakes. But if
we can embrace the reality that I'm going to be
powerful and humble, I'm going to be wrong, I'm going
(16:30):
to have to apologize. I'm going to mess up. I
may say things too sharply. Then that doesn't make me
any less powerful. As a matter of fact, it makes
me more powerful because I recognize that my position of
power could disrupt my relationships sometimes, but I value these
relationships enough to learn how to be powerful in a
way that honors the spaces that I'm in Next time.
Speaker 2 (16:50):
What's your thought on the way that church is now? Right,
as a kid, you had to go to church every Sunday.
You had to be in the building, you had to
sit there, and if there was a baptism, you was
gonna be there all day. Now a lot of people
turn it on Sunday morning and it's a lot easiest.
What are your thoughts on people not actually attending the
institution of church.
Speaker 4 (17:09):
First of all, y'all not about to tie tripping me. No,
you don't, No, you don't be very clear.
Speaker 3 (17:18):
Let me see.
Speaker 4 (17:19):
I mean, I think that the world is changing, and
as the world changes, I think people are finding things
that are more convenient for them. And I do think
that you are able to have intimate encounters with God
from this comfort of your own home. And I think
it's powerful that that's the way that things are being spread.
I think it's like watching a football game at home,
Like you can get hype, you can be excited for
(17:40):
your team, but there is something about being in the
room with other people that makes you just take things
over the edge. I was surprised that in a world
where people are n'c coming to church that we have
forty thousand women at the woman Evolve conference, because I'm like,
I don't know that this is a thing that people
are going to really be into when they like virtual experiences,
but there is something that happens in healthy community and
(18:01):
connection that allows your faith to really be strengthened. I've
had people come into rooms and like they didn't really
want to be there, somebody drug them in there. They
were going through a depression. They don't even know why
they were there, but just being in the space, sitting
next to someone who was able to care for them
and just being surrounded by worship lifted their spirits when
they couldn't lift their own hands. And I don't think
that there's any substitute for that.
Speaker 1 (18:22):
Would you also keep it tight though one hour's.
Speaker 3 (18:26):
Let us think something I don't. Yeah, it's it's finished.
He said it.
Speaker 4 (18:31):
Everything everything he said has been said to me, and
so now we can go home and have brunch. Yeah.
I do think we have to honor people's time because
people do have options, and so being really intentional about
making sure people feel like I can go get out
and have the rest of my day is part of
what we should really lean into.
Speaker 5 (18:49):
Is the church whack? That's a question, was the question.
That's what I got smoked for. He said that he
thinks the church has become whack.
Speaker 7 (18:59):
I think it's it's a system now on God. It's
a system. Everything is a system, and systems work with
or without God. So I think the institution of church
is whack. I think how church is ran is whack.
I think the religious system and structure is whack. I
don't subscribe to it. Even though I grew up in it,
I benefited from it, but I learned that God is
(19:22):
not the church.
Speaker 4 (19:23):
I heard in context what he said made a lot
more sense, but I heard the sound bite was trash.
I think that everyone has a different experience of church,
and I think that there are some people who have
probably had an experience that has disheartened them in that way.
But I love the church. I mean, as much as
I went through my own church hurt and trauma, the
(19:45):
church was also really beautiful to me in times where
I didn't have anywhere to go and I could sit
in that presence and experience God. And sometimes to really
experience God in church, you have to look past the people.
Speaker 3 (19:57):
And maybe that's whack.
Speaker 4 (19:59):
Maybe it's not, because maybe it keeps our focus on
what you really matter.
Speaker 5 (20:03):
I love what you said too about know your harm.
You said, Deflecting from the way that you harm someone
and highlighting the way that they harm instead is a
sign of immaturity that keeps you from truly being helpful.
Speaker 1 (20:17):
Found on that well.
Speaker 4 (20:19):
A lot of times we will not embrace what we
did to someone because of what they've done to us,
and it keeps us from owning our stuff and growing
and so being able to say, even though my teacher
may not be perfect, like my teacher may have failed
in chemistry, but they get an A plus in this
history class, that means that I need to at least
be able to receive from them this opportunity to grow.
(20:40):
And I feel like in relationships that's hard, especially if
you're married, because when you're married, your person brings up
something and you like, oh, but last.
Speaker 3 (20:47):
Week you did X, Y and Z, But what did
you do today?
Speaker 7 (20:50):
You know?
Speaker 3 (20:51):
And how can you own that?
Speaker 4 (20:52):
And I think when we own our stuff, we give
other people permission to do it as well. Sometimes we
want to be the person who receives the apology, but
not the one who gives it but we have the
lead in humility and vulnerability.
Speaker 1 (21:03):
You said, that's how you into a rate word initially.
Speaker 3 (21:06):
Right where oh no.
Speaker 1 (21:08):
Yeah, everything, Yes, his stuff at him all the time.
Speaker 4 (21:12):
Well, I don't know if I was throwing his stuff
at him as much as I was maybe reciting it
in my own head. But I think I will say
that when I was single, after I went through my divorce,
I finally got my life together with me and my
two kids. You really could not tell me that I
was not misindependent out here. So I really went into
our relationship with a certain level of pride where I
(21:32):
was like, at the end of the day, I got
my stuff together. I finally love who I am and
embracing it. And so when I was in relationship with him,
and he would just ask me the simplest of questions,
we weren't even fighting.
Speaker 3 (21:42):
It would just be like, why'd you do that.
Speaker 4 (21:44):
I didn't like that because I'm not used to having
nobody questioned my decisions, and it was a simple, harmless question.
And so I think that I went into a defensive
one because I wanted to protect my healing. And when
you're in a marriage and you go into it trying
to protect yourself and make sure that you don't get
done the way that you were done in the past.
I don't know that it's fair for creating intimacy, and
(22:05):
so I had to do a lot of work of
receiving his perspective and finding it valuable so that I
could become better, and I have become better as a
result of it.
Speaker 1 (22:16):
What does power look like in a relationship?
Speaker 3 (22:19):
Those dynamics are always changing.
Speaker 4 (22:21):
I think, especially now that we see you know, hyper
masculinity is beginning to be interrogated. We're seeing women move
into positions where sometimes they're the breadwinners and men are
at home being more comfortable taking care of the family.
I think power in a relationship is recognizing the strengths
of what your person carries and how that strength builds
(22:43):
you in your area of weakness, without feeling like they
have to be strong or stronger in the same area
that you're strong. I think it's like this symbiotic relationship,
this flow where you're able to build a life together
because both of you bring something different to the table,
and to honor that, to really honor it is important.
Speaker 1 (23:02):
You said something else in the book.
Speaker 5 (23:03):
You said, when you are unable to connect the dots
between who you since you could become and who you
presently are. It doesn't just cause internal frustration. It renders
you powerless. And one of the examples you use is
you don't defend yourself when misunderstood. Yeah, and to me,
not feeling to need to explain yourself is power.
Speaker 4 (23:22):
Well, I think not explaining yourself and not defending yourself,
and I think it's different because you have a platform
and so you can't defend yourself twenty four to seven.
But when we're in intimate relationships with someone and they
have an expectation of who we are or this idea
of who we are, and we don't change that, we
allow them to believe it, we do end up powerless
(23:42):
because I'm not even bringing the full version of who
I am into this friendship, into this parent child dynamic,
and you end up robbing yourself of the ability to
really show up in your power and allow them to
believe something about you that's not true. And so it
is powerful to be like, you got me messed up,
Like that's not what I'm believe, that's not what I think.
And if we're going to walk this thing, I want
(24:03):
you to know who I am for real, so that
you can know what to expect from me.
Speaker 1 (24:06):
Okay, you're talking about intimate relationship.
Speaker 3 (24:08):
Yeah, yeah, it's hard. It's hard for me.
Speaker 2 (24:15):
You know, she has to go. I know she has
TV or something, but I know she has to go,
so damn.
Speaker 4 (24:21):
Yeah.
Speaker 2 (24:22):
He's doing is telling them the book. They're not going
to buy.
Speaker 6 (24:24):
If you ask all the questions about the book, making
her basically recite the.
Speaker 5 (24:28):
Book, you should pray to your bob looks like hers,
That's what you should now, Why my.
Speaker 3 (24:32):
Bob he can get here?
Speaker 6 (24:39):
Why like when she brought a wig off?
Speaker 1 (24:41):
Because I.
Speaker 3 (24:49):
Wouldn't the dressing world.
Speaker 6 (24:51):
Some questions them, so you forced me to see.
Speaker 1 (24:58):
Well, what message you hope people get from the Oh?
Speaker 4 (25:01):
The message that I am hoping people get from the
book is that power is a flow, and that power
that you have experienced in your past is still present
in your future. It just must it just might be
taking on a different form. So to be open to
how power is being redefined in your present. Prayer, Thank
(25:23):
you God for this opportunity, for this platform, Thank you
for using these voices at this stage in their life.
And I'd usually pray for the listeners, but God, I'm
going to pray for them that you would stir up
the gift of God that's on the inside of them,
that you would highlight the areas of their life where
you want them to experience more of your power and
(25:45):
to show them the power that you've placed inside of them.
I thank you God for giving them wisdom strategy not
just for their careers, but for their family, their emotional
health and wellness. And God, I pray that you would
continue to show them your life that they may lean
into it in Jesus' name.
Speaker 1 (26:02):
That's right.
Speaker 5 (26:02):
Make sure you go get Sarah Jke Roberts's new book,
Power Moves Ignite your Confidence to become a Force, and
subscribe to her podcast, The Woman of All Podcasts on
the Black Effect.
Speaker 1 (26:11):
iHeartRadio podcast Network. That's right. We appreciate you for.
Speaker 5 (26:14):
Coming, Miss Roberts, and you need to come more often
for people who think church is whack because you're the
person that I feel like is going to bridge the
gap between you know, church in this new generation. Yeah,
I really feel that way.
Speaker 3 (26:25):
Oh, so thank you.
Speaker 4 (26:26):
That's that's a tremendous honor a lot of responsibility. But
I'm committed to, you know, holding down my square.
Speaker 2 (26:32):
That's right, all right, Sarah Jakes Roberts.
Speaker 1 (26:35):
It's the Breakfast Club.
Speaker 2 (26:36):
Good morning, Wake that ass up in the morning.
Speaker 1 (26:39):
The Breakfast Club
Wake that ass up in the morning. The Breakfast Club Morning.
Speaker 2 (00:05):
Everybody's theej Envy, Jess, Hilary Charlamine, the guy. We are
the Breakfast Club. We got a special guest in the building.
Come on now, we have Sarah Jake Roberts.
Speaker 1 (00:13):
Welcome. How are you feeling.
Speaker 3 (00:15):
I feel good. I'm a little tired, but I'm glad
to be here.
Speaker 1 (00:18):
Okay, you always dressed it in nice.
Speaker 3 (00:21):
You gotta starts, I do, okay.
Speaker 4 (00:23):
Jason Bowling, Yeah, we've been working together for almost ten years.
Speaker 5 (00:26):
Okay, I thought you was just praying and putting it
together yourself. But the new book, Power Moves ignite your
confidence and become a force.
Speaker 1 (00:36):
Where did the inspiration for the book come from?
Speaker 3 (00:38):
It really started about five years ago.
Speaker 4 (00:40):
Whenever I had finished speaking, people would always tell me like,
that was so powerful, You're so powerful. But I didn't
really feel powerful, like I'd be in the fight of
my life up there. And I started just asking God, like,
what does it mean to truly be powerful? And I
feel like God just revealed to me that it has
so much to do with obedience and authenticity, but not
only that, that power is a flow and so what
(01:01):
makes me powerful when I'm preaching is different than what
makes me powerful as a mother. So I started digging
into the fluidity of power and this notion that power
moves and embracing that from season to season really started
resonating with me.
Speaker 1 (01:14):
I saw you preaching yesterday and you said something to
the extent of.
Speaker 5 (01:18):
Being in control is not power. Control is not power. Yeah,
what does that mean?
Speaker 4 (01:23):
Okay, So whenever we lose our sense of safety, I
think our initial response is to try and control as
much as we can after that, instead of really surrendering
to whatever the moment is trying to teach us and
discovering the power, the wisdom, the lessons, and that we
control it. And as a result of that, we end
up closing ourselves out, not just from whatever God's trying
to teach us in the moment, but sometimes dynamic relationships
(01:46):
that can be helpful to us. And so balancing this
idea of vulnerability and openness so that power can flow
through us I think should be the goal of anyone
who really wants to affect change in the world.
Speaker 2 (01:58):
I do have a ques this is going to say stupid,
but I just want people to understand, you know where
you came from and how you got into faith. I
know you were here last time. So for people that
said it, so for people that don't know that, they
automatically assume that your dad was in it into religion,
that's what got you into it. But you had a
(02:19):
different start with you. So let's talk about that a
little bit first. How did you start and how did
you get to where you're at now? And the fact
that you had your first child at fourteen and let's
let's break that all down.
Speaker 3 (02:29):
And he's in the studio.
Speaker 4 (02:36):
Don't give him that much gas.
Speaker 3 (02:38):
That's a child over there.
Speaker 4 (02:41):
Yeah, So my dad has been in ministry my whole
life and growing up when I was growing up in church,
like we were at church every single day of the week,
and you either found a spot, you were in the choir,
you were dancing, you were doing something, or you were
like me and you were sitting in the corner somewhere.
And I can remember my siblings telling me, like, you
gonna go to hell, like you can shot, you can't clap,
(03:01):
like you gonna go to hell. And I was like,
you might be right, because what I'm listening to on
the radio, like what's resonating with me, it doesn't align
with what's being preached, and so I never really felt
like I had a sense of belonging within faith. And
then when my father's ministry kind of took off, I
didn't know where I fit within the dynamic of our
family at all. And so I tried to find myself
(03:24):
at thirteen year old, trying to find herself is gonna
be open to anything, and so I got pregnant at thirteen.
I had my son at fourteen, which just further confirmed
to me, like, you not wanted the good girls. And
so I spent probably ten years of my life just
being like, all right, faith isn't for me, you guys,
not for me. I'm gonna figure out what's happening outside.
And I got to this space after this traumatic experience
(03:47):
in my first marriage where I almost got arrested and
I was defending the right to keep my kids, and
I was like, I have tried literally everything, I might
as well just try faith. And I wasn't trying to
build platform. I was trying to build myself. And I
started blogging about all of my experiences, and it turns
out that there were like other women who felt maybe
(04:08):
forgotten by church, felt like because they didn't.
Speaker 2 (04:10):
Did you feel that way, like, especially because your dad
was in ministry, did you feel like his church forgot
about you, especially that being your dad.
Speaker 4 (04:17):
And it's hard, like knowing what I know now, it's
hard to say because I felt so much shame from
having a teen pregnancy that I'm sure that there were
people who were like still loving on me, but I
couldn't cut through the idea of like during purity culture,
the height of purity culture, you didn't got pregnant like this.
It just doesn't align. And I don't know, because even
my father is surprised that my life has turned in
(04:39):
this direction. So I'm not sure if anyone thought that
I was going to be the girl talking about Jesus.
But I tried it for myself and I started sharing
it with like these other misfits, and it turns out
there were a lot of us, like back Row churchgoers
who were there because we had to be but didn't
fit in. And I was able to give them a
voice and a language through trying to find my own
(05:00):
voice in language, and it's resonated with them.
Speaker 1 (05:02):
What level of ratchet were you on a scale? It like, well, well.
Speaker 4 (05:09):
At the end of the day. The day's got to end.
I don't know, I don't I don't even know how
to answer that question. But I mean I was not
I was not outside, like I was not trying to
be the good girl at all. Like I embraced this
idea of like you can just do your own thing
and try anything. So I mean I did quite a
(05:31):
few things.
Speaker 5 (05:31):
It's interesting to hear you say the bishop was surprised
to see how things turned out, because I'm sure him
and you know the first lady was praying over you
and asking God to turn you around.
Speaker 4 (05:42):
Makes sense, yeah, But I mean I have always been
very strong willed. I've always been my own person, and
so I think that they were praying. But just like
we praying, we like, I don't know if youre gonna
answer this prayer. We'll see how it happens. I don't
think that they were for sure knowing that things were
absolutely going to turn around. Even if they did turn around,
I don't think anyone anticipates, like, oh, she's going to
be in ministry, because that's not necessarily a turn around,
(06:04):
like maybe she'll figure out who God is, but this
fact that she's also going to be a ministry in
helping others.
Speaker 3 (06:09):
That was a wild card. Nobody's all coming.
Speaker 2 (06:12):
I do have a question, and this is something that
we talk about a lot of pearing. Me and my
wife been arguing about this, well now arguing by having
a conversation about this. I feel sometimes when, especially when
people play with the church right, and I'll tell you
why I say play with the church, they come off
like a very church holier than that.
Speaker 1 (06:27):
Right.
Speaker 2 (06:27):
So when they speak a lot of people actually believe
it and listen because they feel like they study, they
go through it, they read the Bible, et cetera, et cetera,
et cetera. But also you realize that person is not
a good person. So where do you cross the lines
of somebody I would say, taking on an assignment doing
something positive. I think you spoke about it earlier, somebody
giving a message opposed to who they are as a person.
(06:49):
Like can somebody give a message and be an fed
up person?
Speaker 3 (06:52):
Yeah?
Speaker 4 (06:52):
I mean a broken clock? It's right twice today, you
know what I mean? You don't even have to be
a Christian to say something that could be profound and deep.
But that doesn't change the fact that you have an
opportunity to be more fully integrated in your character. But
I think that the message is that resonate the most
are from people who are literally walking it out, living
it out, and so it does discredit the message sometimes
(07:13):
when you're telling me something that you don't live by.
But I think about it like this. So I'm a parent,
and now that my children are moving into adulthood, I
recognize that many of the things that we have told
them growing up, they're also realizing that I am figuring
it out with them as well. And I don't know
that it's a lot different in ministry, like this is
where the goal is. I think we all know where
the goal is, but I'm still working it out too.
(07:35):
I think where people get in trouble is that they're
not actually doing the work, Like I'm telling you that
this is the goal, and I'm doing the exact opposite
of it, which is why I've tried to be really
intentional about being authentic. Like I'm going through depression, I'm
going through an anxiety. This is what I'm learning in
the midst of that. Because it doesn't serve me for
me to come off as your God when we all
need the same one. So I try to really make
(07:55):
sure that I'm not on a pedestal.
Speaker 3 (07:58):
I try to kick the pedestal down.
Speaker 2 (08:00):
Like like you see a preacher. A preacher will be preaching, right,
and then he's cheating on his wife. Or preacher'll be
preaching and then he's hitting his wife, you know what
I mean. So it's kind of it's like a blurred line.
Speaker 4 (08:10):
Like that's not a blurred line though, that's I mean,
that's not like that's wrong, that's wickedness, you know what
I mean?
Speaker 2 (08:15):
Like that, how do you how do you you went
to the extreme just now, like cheating on his wife
or his wife. You see that a lot of time.
You see a preacher say I'm sorry, I chieved on
my wife. You see that in the church sometimes none
of my preachers, but you.
Speaker 1 (08:26):
Do see that.
Speaker 2 (08:27):
So when you see that, it's it's kind of difficult
to uphold a preacher. And you'll be like, is this
whole is bullshit? Or we just playing this game? Or
do you really feel that way and really made a mistake.
You understand what I'm saying.
Speaker 4 (08:38):
Well, I mean, I can't judge someone's heart and I
can't judge their experiences, So I'm a little hesitant to
really make a judgment on situations.
Speaker 2 (08:45):
I'm not saying anybody in particular.
Speaker 4 (08:47):
If you know people, I don't. I don't know anyone
either who's going through this, but I think people infer
a lot. But I will say this, like, preachers are human.
So if you are who you are, and you can
cheat on your wife, and a preacher can cheat on
his wife, like he's a man too, she's a woman too.
And so you guys are still going to have the
same areas of temptation that you need to overcome. I
(09:10):
think your response to that, like, what is my response?
How do I grow from here? How do I create boundaries?
Do I need to sit down? Do I need to heal?
Speaker 6 (09:18):
Like?
Speaker 4 (09:18):
I think how you handle your humanity in the face
of this divine call is what's most important. I am
careful that pastors don't have a license to do whatever
they want to because of the power they hold. I
think that you can be human, but all of us
need to be try and stretching, growing to be more
like Jesus or we are up here playing. I'm not
asking you to be perfect. I'm asking you to really
(09:40):
be on this walk for real.
Speaker 5 (09:42):
Who's this white past that you talking about and does
you listen to the breakfast Club?
Speaker 6 (09:50):
I want it because you're a mother of six and
you're busy, extremely busy with your podcast and then writing
a book and then traveling.
Speaker 2 (09:59):
How do you balance that?
Speaker 1 (10:00):
Like mother?
Speaker 6 (10:00):
And I know you said your children are growing into adulthood,
but how do you balance that?
Speaker 3 (10:05):
Well?
Speaker 4 (10:05):
Yeah, and I feel for you because you got a
lot going on. I think it's the message of this book.
I think it's really allowing myself to like flow in
a different definition of power based off of each of
those roles. Because as much as I want to bring
the same intensity to everything I do, if I do that,
I may end up damaging my children because I'm talking
to them like a business partner, and so really defining
(10:28):
for myself what does it mean to be powerful in
these specific roles and how much capacity do I have
to show up in that space? Asking for help, you know,
changing and modifying my life to really fit my priorities
has done a lot. And then also just making sure
my kids know, like I'm tired. So my daughter is eight.
She was devastated when I left yesterday. She was like,
(10:49):
please don't leave me. Literally, She's like, can you please
come home. And I'm like, I just need this one
week to get this book in as many hands as possible,
and their mommy will be home. But I'm packing to her, now,
you do this, well, I'm doing this, so she understands this.
Sometimes absence does not mean that I don't care, and
it's a balancing walk, especially I think if you have
(11:10):
mom guilt like I do sometimes. But I also want
her to see a woman walking in her purpose and
being excited about it and changing lives. So I share
testimonies with her too. I'm like, let's sit down and
read these comments from this weekend. Thank you for being
a part of this, so she feels a part of
it as well.
Speaker 6 (11:24):
Okay, because mama's son is twelve now, but I miss
like a lot of him, like a lot of him
being going from grade to grade, you know, because my mom,
Between my mom and his dad, that's who has I
was touring a lot before I actually got to do this,
and I just feel so guilty a lot sometimes, Like
and now I have this new baby and I'm like,
(11:45):
I'm bringing him up to Jersey with me, and he
wants to grow up in the house with the baby
instead of me.
Speaker 3 (11:50):
Being in Jersey with the new baby with.
Speaker 6 (11:53):
You know, and then him still being with my mother,
like and I don't want to repeat that.
Speaker 2 (11:58):
I don't want to do that again.
Speaker 4 (11:59):
So so I had my son at fourteen, and I
think one of the things that makes me feel most
guilty is that I know that I was growing up
while he was growing up, and so the way that
I'm able to be present even for my younger kids,
I know that he didn't have that.
Speaker 3 (12:14):
So I think, one, I don't know if you have to.
Speaker 4 (12:15):
Deal with this, but I had to really forgive myself
for what I didn't know when I was raising him.
Speaker 3 (12:21):
Yeah, you know, I just I didn't know.
Speaker 4 (12:24):
I did the best that I could, and to trust
that I still have opportunity. If you think about adult
children who were wounded from relationships that didn't go well
with their parents, there's still a little kid inside of
them that wants their parents to show up, that wants
to experience healing in that space. And so it reminds
me too that I'm never out of time, So I'm
constantly still reparenting him, even at twenty one years old.
Speaker 5 (12:47):
You know, in the clamp down chapter, you start by
saying if you're one of those people who know better
and instantly do better. I'm probably going to be the
friend who you roll your eyes at constantly.
Speaker 1 (12:56):
Why are you that friend?
Speaker 4 (12:58):
Because things need to marinate from me, Like I don't
just activate things like you could tell me, like you
need to be vegan and I will. I'm gonna let
that marinate for a year or two before that actually activates,
because I don't do things just because someone says that
I should do them. It has to be real. I
have to have a conviction about it. But I will
marinate it so I can figure out, like how does
this revelation actually fit within the context of my life.
(13:20):
So in the back of the books, each book has
like something to marinate on, something to activate, and something
to pray on. Because I know everyone moves into change differently.
Speaker 5 (13:28):
I love the marinating before activating, but I feel like
that's probably how the majority of us moved. Is there
ever a time we shouldn't marinate before activating? Like the
spirit says, do it?
Speaker 1 (13:38):
We just go?
Speaker 4 (13:39):
I mean, to each his own. I think if you
feel I'm not into telling folks what they should do,
you know what I mean? Like, I think if you
feel like there's an a now on it. You should
do that, you should move in it now, And a
lot of times when we move in it now, we
learn the marination lessons afterwards, you know.
Speaker 3 (13:56):
But yeah, it's what.
Speaker 1 (13:58):
About the spirit though?
Speaker 5 (13:59):
So just spirit says move like the spirit always tells
you to be patient in marinate.
Speaker 3 (14:05):
I mean, I'm in relationship.
Speaker 1 (14:10):
On that.
Speaker 3 (14:10):
I didn't have a choice. I didn't have a choice.
Speaker 4 (14:15):
I didn't have a choy that, oh Lord, But yeah, no, no,
I had I was in the spirit and that I
had a mission to accomplish and I didn't want anything
to distract me. And my husband wasn't there and my
parents weren't there, so it wasn't like I was gonna
be able toss the microphone. I was the you know,
senior leadership person that was present in that room, and.
Speaker 3 (14:34):
So I had to take it off.
Speaker 4 (14:37):
I didn't love it, I didn't enjoy it, but I
stood up to it, and uh, I think it was
really interesting because I was going through something at that
time where I was wondering could I be in Dallas
a part of senior leadership, like with my past, with
the way that I preached, with the way that I'm
a little different than I guess traditional pastors. And I
really did feel like God was trying to tell me, like,
(14:58):
just be authentic, just trust yourself in that season of
my life. And so that Sunday, when I'm sitting there
with a wig cap on and then other women started
taking their wigs off on the altar, I was like,
you know what, I think this maybe God trying to
tell me You're gonna have to show up as your
full self in order to get this done. And I
know a lot of people made fun of it, but
(15:19):
there were so many people who were like, seeing you
stand there being courageous stepping into that moment helped me
so much to just embrace who I am. And so
I really feel like God took something that would have
been very embarrassing and at least allowed there to be
a buffer from the people who were moved by that moment.
Speaker 5 (15:36):
For me, I was like, that's why we rock with her.
You always wanting to be your true self at all times.
Speaker 4 (15:41):
Well, I mean, like, y'all know, this isn't my hair,
and like, no, it's not ideal, but it's not more
important than what I'm here for. So like I'm want
to take it off and we're going to move on
down the road. When I got back behind the platform
that I was like, oh lord, I have desecrated the body.
So I'm not there are bundles on the altar. I
have just create it this place. But yeah, it just
(16:02):
turns out it wasn't that way.
Speaker 5 (16:04):
I love about chapter sixteen to Know Your Harm. Oh yeah,
what is knowing your heart?
Speaker 3 (16:09):
Well?
Speaker 4 (16:09):
I talk about the oath that doctors take where they say,
you know that they'll do no harm, but they're also
recognizing that they're practicing and when we move in power.
Part of the reason why so many of us don't
move in power is that we're afraid that we won't
do it perfectly or that will make mistakes. But if
we can embrace the reality that I'm going to be
powerful and humble, I'm going to be wrong, I'm going
(16:30):
to have to apologize. I'm going to mess up. I
may say things too sharply. Then that doesn't make me
any less powerful. As a matter of fact, it makes
me more powerful because I recognize that my position of
power could disrupt my relationships sometimes, but I value these
relationships enough to learn how to be powerful in a
way that honors the spaces that I'm in Next time.
Speaker 2 (16:50):
What's your thought on the way that church is now? Right,
as a kid, you had to go to church every Sunday.
You had to be in the building, you had to
sit there, and if there was a baptism, you was
gonna be there all day. Now a lot of people
turn it on Sunday morning and it's a lot easiest.
What are your thoughts on people not actually attending the
institution of church.
Speaker 4 (17:09):
First of all, y'all not about to tie tripping me. No,
you don't, No, you don't be very clear.
Speaker 3 (17:18):
Let me see.
Speaker 4 (17:19):
I mean, I think that the world is changing, and
as the world changes, I think people are finding things
that are more convenient for them. And I do think
that you are able to have intimate encounters with God
from this comfort of your own home. And I think
it's powerful that that's the way that things are being spread.
I think it's like watching a football game at home,
Like you can get hype, you can be excited for
(17:40):
your team, but there is something about being in the
room with other people that makes you just take things
over the edge. I was surprised that in a world
where people are n'c coming to church that we have
forty thousand women at the woman Evolve conference, because I'm like,
I don't know that this is a thing that people
are going to really be into when they like virtual experiences,
but there is something that happens in healthy community and
(18:01):
connection that allows your faith to really be strengthened. I've
had people come into rooms and like they didn't really
want to be there, somebody drug them in there. They
were going through a depression. They don't even know why
they were there, but just being in the space, sitting
next to someone who was able to care for them
and just being surrounded by worship lifted their spirits when
they couldn't lift their own hands. And I don't think
that there's any substitute for that.
Speaker 1 (18:22):
Would you also keep it tight though one hour's.
Speaker 3 (18:26):
Let us think something I don't. Yeah, it's it's finished.
He said it.
Speaker 4 (18:31):
Everything everything he said has been said to me, and
so now we can go home and have brunch. Yeah.
I do think we have to honor people's time because
people do have options, and so being really intentional about
making sure people feel like I can go get out
and have the rest of my day is part of
what we should really lean into.
Speaker 5 (18:49):
Is the church whack? That's a question, was the question.
That's what I got smoked for. He said that he
thinks the church has become whack.
Speaker 7 (18:59):
I think it's it's a system now on God. It's
a system. Everything is a system, and systems work with
or without God. So I think the institution of church
is whack. I think how church is ran is whack.
I think the religious system and structure is whack. I
don't subscribe to it. Even though I grew up in it,
I benefited from it, but I learned that God is
(19:22):
not the church.
Speaker 4 (19:23):
I heard in context what he said made a lot
more sense, but I heard the sound bite was trash.
I think that everyone has a different experience of church,
and I think that there are some people who have
probably had an experience that has disheartened them in that way.
But I love the church. I mean, as much as
I went through my own church hurt and trauma, the
(19:45):
church was also really beautiful to me in times where
I didn't have anywhere to go and I could sit
in that presence and experience God. And sometimes to really
experience God in church, you have to look past the people.
Speaker 3 (19:57):
And maybe that's whack.
Speaker 4 (19:59):
Maybe it's not, because maybe it keeps our focus on
what you really matter.
Speaker 5 (20:03):
I love what you said too about know your harm.
You said, Deflecting from the way that you harm someone
and highlighting the way that they harm instead is a
sign of immaturity that keeps you from truly being helpful.
Speaker 1 (20:17):
Found on that well.
Speaker 4 (20:19):
A lot of times we will not embrace what we
did to someone because of what they've done to us,
and it keeps us from owning our stuff and growing
and so being able to say, even though my teacher
may not be perfect, like my teacher may have failed
in chemistry, but they get an A plus in this
history class, that means that I need to at least
be able to receive from them this opportunity to grow.
(20:40):
And I feel like in relationships that's hard, especially if
you're married, because when you're married, your person brings up
something and you like, oh, but last.
Speaker 3 (20:47):
Week you did X, Y and Z, But what did
you do today?
Speaker 7 (20:50):
You know?
Speaker 3 (20:51):
And how can you own that?
Speaker 4 (20:52):
And I think when we own our stuff, we give
other people permission to do it as well. Sometimes we
want to be the person who receives the apology, but
not the one who gives it but we have the
lead in humility and vulnerability.
Speaker 1 (21:03):
You said, that's how you into a rate word initially.
Speaker 3 (21:06):
Right where oh no.
Speaker 1 (21:08):
Yeah, everything, Yes, his stuff at him all the time.
Speaker 4 (21:12):
Well, I don't know if I was throwing his stuff
at him as much as I was maybe reciting it
in my own head. But I think I will say
that when I was single, after I went through my divorce,
I finally got my life together with me and my
two kids. You really could not tell me that I
was not misindependent out here. So I really went into
our relationship with a certain level of pride where I
(21:32):
was like, at the end of the day, I got
my stuff together. I finally love who I am and
embracing it. And so when I was in relationship with him,
and he would just ask me the simplest of questions,
we weren't even fighting.
Speaker 3 (21:42):
It would just be like, why'd you do that.
Speaker 4 (21:44):
I didn't like that because I'm not used to having
nobody questioned my decisions, and it was a simple, harmless question.
And so I think that I went into a defensive
one because I wanted to protect my healing. And when
you're in a marriage and you go into it trying
to protect yourself and make sure that you don't get
done the way that you were done in the past.
I don't know that it's fair for creating intimacy, and
(22:05):
so I had to do a lot of work of
receiving his perspective and finding it valuable so that I
could become better, and I have become better as a
result of it.
Speaker 1 (22:16):
What does power look like in a relationship?
Speaker 3 (22:19):
Those dynamics are always changing.
Speaker 4 (22:21):
I think, especially now that we see you know, hyper
masculinity is beginning to be interrogated. We're seeing women move
into positions where sometimes they're the breadwinners and men are
at home being more comfortable taking care of the family.
I think power in a relationship is recognizing the strengths
of what your person carries and how that strength builds
(22:43):
you in your area of weakness, without feeling like they
have to be strong or stronger in the same area
that you're strong. I think it's like this symbiotic relationship,
this flow where you're able to build a life together
because both of you bring something different to the table,
and to honor that, to really honor it is important.
Speaker 1 (23:02):
You said something else in the book.
Speaker 5 (23:03):
You said, when you are unable to connect the dots
between who you since you could become and who you
presently are. It doesn't just cause internal frustration. It renders
you powerless. And one of the examples you use is
you don't defend yourself when misunderstood. Yeah, and to me,
not feeling to need to explain yourself is power.
Speaker 4 (23:22):
Well, I think not explaining yourself and not defending yourself,
and I think it's different because you have a platform
and so you can't defend yourself twenty four to seven.
But when we're in intimate relationships with someone and they
have an expectation of who we are or this idea
of who we are, and we don't change that, we
allow them to believe it, we do end up powerless
(23:42):
because I'm not even bringing the full version of who
I am into this friendship, into this parent child dynamic,
and you end up robbing yourself of the ability to
really show up in your power and allow them to
believe something about you that's not true. And so it
is powerful to be like, you got me messed up,
Like that's not what I'm believe, that's not what I think.
And if we're going to walk this thing, I want
(24:03):
you to know who I am for real, so that
you can know what to expect from me.
Speaker 1 (24:06):
Okay, you're talking about intimate relationship.
Speaker 3 (24:08):
Yeah, yeah, it's hard. It's hard for me.
Speaker 2 (24:15):
You know, she has to go. I know she has
TV or something, but I know she has to go,
so damn.
Speaker 4 (24:21):
Yeah.
Speaker 2 (24:22):
He's doing is telling them the book. They're not going
to buy.
Speaker 6 (24:24):
If you ask all the questions about the book, making
her basically recite the.
Speaker 5 (24:28):
Book, you should pray to your bob looks like hers,
That's what you should now, Why my.
Speaker 3 (24:32):
Bob he can get here?
Speaker 6 (24:39):
Why like when she brought a wig off?
Speaker 1 (24:41):
Because I.
Speaker 3 (24:49):
Wouldn't the dressing world.
Speaker 6 (24:51):
Some questions them, so you forced me to see.
Speaker 1 (24:58):
Well, what message you hope people get from the Oh?
Speaker 4 (25:01):
The message that I am hoping people get from the
book is that power is a flow, and that power
that you have experienced in your past is still present
in your future. It just must it just might be
taking on a different form. So to be open to
how power is being redefined in your present. Prayer, Thank
(25:23):
you God for this opportunity, for this platform, Thank you
for using these voices at this stage in their life.
And I'd usually pray for the listeners, but God, I'm
going to pray for them that you would stir up
the gift of God that's on the inside of them,
that you would highlight the areas of their life where
you want them to experience more of your power and
(25:45):
to show them the power that you've placed inside of them.
I thank you God for giving them wisdom strategy not
just for their careers, but for their family, their emotional
health and wellness. And God, I pray that you would
continue to show them your life that they may lean
into it in Jesus' name.
Speaker 1 (26:02):
That's right.
Speaker 5 (26:02):
Make sure you go get Sarah Jke Roberts's new book,
Power Moves Ignite your Confidence to become a Force, and
subscribe to her podcast, The Woman of All Podcasts on
the Black Effect.
Speaker 1 (26:11):
iHeartRadio podcast Network. That's right. We appreciate you for.
Speaker 5 (26:14):
Coming, Miss Roberts, and you need to come more often
for people who think church is whack because you're the
person that I feel like is going to bridge the
gap between you know, church in this new generation. Yeah,
I really feel that way.
Speaker 3 (26:25):
Oh, so thank you.
Speaker 4 (26:26):
That's that's a tremendous honor a lot of responsibility. But
I'm committed to, you know, holding down my square.
Speaker 2 (26:32):
That's right, all right, Sarah Jakes Roberts.
Speaker 1 (26:35):
It's the Breakfast Club.
Speaker 2 (26:36):
Good morning, Wake that ass up in the morning.
Speaker 1 (26:39):
The Breakfast Club
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