April 10, 2025 • 38 mins
More 4chan Greentext Stories: https://www.youtube.com/playlist?list=PLTz_vyR-zjcAUlsnlv7VTqs3T3ZzCP7GZ
4chan is a hive of villainy, but greentext stories are sometimes worth braving the depths for... These 4chan greentext stories were hand-selected from every corner of the internet, and now they have arrived at your ears. Sometimes they go off the rails, but it's 4 chan. And its a green text story. So no surprises, really...
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4chan is a hive of villainy, but greentext stories are sometimes worth braving the depths for... These 4chan greentext stories were hand-selected from every corner of the internet, and now they have arrived at your ears. Sometimes they go off the rails, but it's 4 chan. And its a green text story. So no surprises, really...
YouTube: https://www.youtube.com/reddxy
Discord: https://discord.gg/Sju7YckUWu
PayPal: https://www.paypal.me/daytondoes
Patreon: http://patreon.com/daytondoes
Twitter: http://www.twitter.com/daytondoes
Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/ReddXD/
Teespring: https://teespring.com/stores/reddx
Mark as Played
Transcript
Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
Speaker 1 (00:00):
I know a lot of people dislike family guy, but
it's hard to hate. You know. It doesn't take itself
too seriously. It'll take us all aside and say, hey, guys,
domestic file, it's funny, hello friends, trace amounts of science.
Today we're getting into some four chan green texts, and
as always, I'm excited to do it. You know, it
(00:22):
always makes me feel nice deep down inside, and you
get a nice mix of like field stories and cringe
and you never know what you're gonna find. So thanks
for coming on me with the ride today. Let's go
ahead and get on into this thing. This anon asks
who will take control of Mars? Be me, be astronaut
(00:44):
chosen for historic Mars mission. Years of grueling training and
preparation lead to this day. I board the spaceship with
fellow astronaut Greg and a crew of highly skilled and
surprisingly stoic Chinese engineers. Greg, are you ready for this?
We're gonna make history. I ask. It's not history, jud
(01:05):
it's the future, brought to you by Elon Musk. Wait
what Elon? My stomach starts hurting. Nobody told me that
SpaceX was in charge. Nobody. I can ask more questions,
but the countdown starts. Look around to realize every other
crew member is Chinese. Wait, where's the diversity hire? I ask?
(01:27):
Greg shrugs, and the rocket takes off. Earth gets smaller
and smaller. Suddenly, the onboard screen flickers to life. It's Putin.
He starts speaking Chinese. Wait, Putin speaks Chinese. All the
Chinese people are locked in. Greg is unbothered. What is
he telling them? Then Elon Musk appears beside Putin, also
(01:51):
speaking fluent Chinese. Both do a synchronized salute popularized by
the nineteen forties German political party. The broadcast ends. I
turn to Greg, What the fuck is happening? Greg, Greg
turned towards me, smiles and says something in Chinese. I scream,
(02:11):
and at the same time, the ship accelerates in hyperlight mode.
Alarms blare. I rip off my seat belt and sprint
to the ship's corridor. I have to stop this. Chinese
engineers run after me, chanting something in Mandarin. The ship
starts rattling, lights flickering, and the Chinese chances stop. Everything
goes dark. Oh we lost power. Now we're just gonna
(02:34):
be an iceball floating through space, not like a literal
iceball because there's no water whatever. I wake up to
slow clapping. My arms and legs are chained to the wall.
Greg stands before me, smirking like a Marvel villain. Did
you really think you could stop the People's galactic revolution?
(02:55):
Chud g always wins, I scream. Greg peels off his
face Mission impossible style, revealing that he has been she
jen ping all along. I'm just gonna call him Winnie
the Pooh. Honestly, I don't want to say all that
all stop with. Those are syllables my mouth not used
(03:18):
to making. And but yes, how could this be? We've
been friends since childhood. President Winnie the Pooh turns around
and snaps his fingers. A dozen aliens march in, all
dressed in the Chinese Communist Party colors. Damn you, Greg?
How could you do it? Before I could finish? An
(03:38):
explosion rocks the ship and look out the window. The
Taiwanese space fighters are here. I gather all the power
I've attained from my years of pent up CrossFit. You'll
never win, Chud, You're only a man. Ge screams, truth
is Greg? Or should I say trader g? I reply?
(04:00):
The communist alias charged towards me. I was the diversity
higher all along. I overpowered the alien guards and only
four thousand years of Chinese cug food knowledge upon Shi.
He was never prepared to face an opponent like me.
Taiwanese soldiers cheered through the intercoms. I joined the Taiwanese
forces and begin to forge a defense plan for mars
(04:25):
Elon and Putin will surely come. Honestly, I like your
fan fike a lot opie hey Taiwan, Probably some rickyed
ass space fighters, though I wouldn't get on it personally,
but yes, indeed, good quality skits up posts. That's what
I like to see this. And On has hope in
(04:46):
his heart. He says, guys, guys, were the odds of
an introverted artist to find an aspy girlfriend who holds
the core beliefs that abortions outright evil with some extenuating circumstances.
Oh and she should also believe that what should shave
up buddy for a vasectomy like one would for a
(05:06):
used car, no worry of birth control. Because she doesn't
interact with low IQ brutes. It finds cheating just as
evil as abortion. I'm looking for a unicorn aren't tied. Jesus,
what's going on with you? Bro? It's completely possible to
find it. I find Yeah, women will put up with
(05:28):
a lot of shit, you know. Just let them know
what you're into and they'll probably be like, yeah, okay, whatever,
I'll match your vasectomy money, anything to not carry a
four chance seed inside of me. Anyway, Good luck with
the search. It will totally happen. Don't talk yourself out
of it quite yet. Here's one that has sam hide
(05:50):
and he's holding Is that a firearm of some sort? Shit?
Jesus Christ, why'd you give me this thing? I thought
it was airsoftuh, Non says, get drunk ast shit talking
to friend slash roommate about girlfriend, kind of complaining. Next morning,
wake up, girlfriend sends me screenshots of a conversation that
(06:11):
she had with my roommate. He literally tells her everything
I said to him the other night. While drunk calls
her pretty, tells her he's always had a thing for
her and that he wants to hit Is there even
a reason to associate with human beings anymore? No, is
the answer. I think you'll find that quite easily. Let
(06:32):
her go, dude, I think that's the only answer here
she meant for the streets. She is thy, for thy streets,
So be not worried what she must return from what
she came. Let her go back to her home, her
natural environment, and we keep it moving too. Anon goes
on the space mission Part two. I didn't know it
(06:56):
was coming. I'm happily surprised to see it. Okay, months
pass intense preparation for Elon and Putin's invasion. Communications with
Earth had been failing since we'd arrived, cutting us off completely.
Despite the strength of the Taiwanese forces, I knew it
wouldn't be enough to protect Mars's independence. She or Greg
(07:19):
as I once knew him, had fallen into a coma
after our fight, but memories of our friendship still lingered,
haunting me. Against all odds, the Taiwanese settlers made me
their leader language barrier. Be damned. That's right. I'm super
the main character. You guys. We built, trained, and hoped,
but something felt off. Reports then start coming in that
(07:42):
unidentified ships are entering the Mars orbit. I knew they
would come to zip. I bolted outside only to see
colossal Tesla motherships blocking out the sun. Yeah, they probably
built like shit too, ain't they holy? Look at all
(08:03):
this damage. Although my grandparents did buy one and they
seem to like it. I can't believe the batteries lasted
all the way to Mars. A giant Elon hologram appears
in the sky, his face smug as it always is,
his voice booming, Chod, you've meddled with forces you can't comprehend.
(08:27):
Mars is mine. Taiwanese panic ensues. Before we can react,
another fleet appears in orbit. Putin's personal spacecraft, the Soviet Bear,
and his outdated space guns are now looming over us. Yeah,
he bought those from America. Most belongs to Russia, Putin declared,
(08:52):
and to the shareholders, Elon added, oh hell no. The
Tesla bots then descend onto the planet. I rally the
Taiwanese forces onto our fighter ships for counterattack. As we ascend,
dodging enemy space beams, a giant mause Dong mecha joins
on my side. Have oh good, He's killed millions before
(09:24):
he'll know what to do. He Shijingping's face appears on
my ship. Ui, gee, what are you doing here? I asked,
in a panic. I was wrong, Chud Elon and Putin
can never replace friendship. Call me Greg, oh my god,
social credit score plus a thousand Jinkanji Youngkanji. And with
(09:55):
that the Meccha Mausee Dong charged into battle with the Soviet.
It's Chinese cannons blazing. Fueled by the power of friendship,
I whip out my Linux notebook and begin hacking into
the mainframes of Elon's system, deleting his Microsoft Edge and
with it, his entire OS. Wow, that's pretty good hacking,
(10:19):
hacker man, He's the most powerful hacker of all time.
No medshcoin investments. The Elon Graham screams as it dissipates
into the stratosphere. I turned my ship towards Putin ship
to see Greg's mech battered, broken, malfunctioning. Chinesium can only
(10:40):
take you so far, she I lamented, furious and ready
to avenge my friend. I bored Putin ship fighting through
malnourished Russian personnel, most of whom had no idea why
they were even here. And then there he was Putin himself.
Should because of you, all my plends are gone. The
(11:02):
flight was supposed to last for three days. We engage
in a brutal fistfight are blows, shaking the ship itself.
As I begin to lose, I have a flashback Greg
and I promising each other to one day unite the
world and live, laugh, love What a larp. I snap
(11:24):
out of it and deliver the strongest punch known to
the galaxy, deleting him from the Milky Way, And with
that the last of our enemies retreat, leaving my Taiwanese
forces in shambles but victorious. Nonetheless, Wait, Greg, I rush
off to the ship to find his mech, but it's gone,
(11:44):
nowhere to be seen. No one had seen the mech,
nor Greg. His coma bed empty. Taiwanese mars stood free
and independent. The chip factories hummed at full production, and
under one flag, the Taiwanese flag. Httlers thrived. For now?
What what does that mean? For now? Is that part
(12:05):
three we have to take up Part three? I might
take a look, but I'd like to let it come
to me organically as well. So let's just keep moving
on through. We'll throw some stuff in the middle, and
maybe we'll have a nice surprise in there, huh, or
massive disappointment, But you know those are feelings too. It's
fine moving on here's a poll post about California seceding
(12:28):
from the Union. California Secession Bell initiative to makes data
country is cleared to gather signatures. Yeah, nothing ever happened.
I don't think that's going to happen at all. But uh,
it is a funny thought, especially because, as a non says,
be in the midst of uncontrollable wildfires, vote to secede
(12:51):
from the country that supplies your water because of butt
hurt over an election. Lamo police, let it happen. It
would be so fucking funny. It would be interesting, I'll
say that much. A super hellish cyberpunk utopia run by
tech oligarchs. It's just around the corner, sending a modern
(13:12):
day General Sherman to take it back, ready to start
it on fire and march to the coastline. What the fuck?
Everything's already on fire. The California government beat us to
it for once, for once, when bureaucracy's not involved. You'd
be surprised how easy it is to start a fire. Personally,
(13:34):
I blame the eucalyptus trees. I think this was Australia's
plan all along. Then they're just going to come in
and buy the burnt up real estate for pennies on
the dollar. Except it's probably not Australia that's actually going
to do that. It's black Rock invested in the future
of Americans back. We truly do live in a hell,
(13:55):
but at least we got our fortead posts. Ha. Let's
keep it rolling, this anon says them. Feelings hurt, Bros.
Don't do this to me. Be me today. Have to
go to the job at night and I work in
the morning, spend all day playing games, Almost time to
go to work, take a shower, eat cologne, usual stuff,
(14:17):
look at mirror and somewhat feel like I'm a six
out of ten guy. Go to the bus stop listening
to my usual doomer songs as usual. Oh yeah, is
that what you usually do? Suddenly an eight out of
ten girl appears. She says hi and goes for a hug.
I say that I don't know her. She says that
(14:38):
she knows that and hugs me. Says that I'm worthy,
that I deserve good stuff, that I'm gonna make it.
I thank her and say the same for her. She
leaves as I look at her, contemplate my existence as
I drift into nothingness. After minutes passes, I regain consciousness
(14:58):
on the verge of crying. She left. Could have asked
for her number or whatever. She could have been a
future girlfriend, friend or whatever. Maybe she just needed some
small talk to get my attention. Maybe she liked me
and found me interesting. I'm faded to be like this.
I think it's better that you don't find out what
(15:18):
was going to happen. The truth is that you're not
ready for all that you are only going to make
each other worse. Use this interaction as fuel to drive
you further onwards and upwards in your life. But don't
fucking dwell on it. It was a nice thing that happened.
She could probably tell that you were in need, you know,
And those words are good things to say. I say
(15:41):
something similar at the end of every video. But that
doesn't mean we need to have a relationship together. Let
it be a passing brush, and sometimes that's completely fine.
The feelings are only hurting because you're holding on to
them for nothing. Let it go. Maybe you see her again,
who knows. Probably she's going to taking a different route home, actually,
(16:03):
but whatever, Let's keep rolling on to the next post.
This op's addressing hospital anons, and he says, any anons
work in a hospital. Yes, I like my paycheck to
come with the side of MRSA. Thank you. No. I
volunteered to the hospital for like less than a month,
I think, and then they made me go like this,
(16:26):
these sick wards and I'm like, dude, I can't do this.
Maybe slight hypochondria. I just can't do this anyway. OP
works in one and he says, be me hospital cleaner,
infection control delivery boy. Yeah, that all seems okay till
someone coughs in her mouth. I just clean shit up
(16:50):
and deliver food and make coffee. Dementia patients cry for
rescue and sweet release when I walk in to a
three sixty and GTFO every time, would you like a coffee? Sir? Well,
it all goes back to nineteen sixty three when I
was at the stop listening immediately spend half the day smoking,
(17:13):
checking out nurses, and making tradesmen bucks. Guy in the
next bed dies see a dozen stiffs by this point,
So yeah, I don't really care. Heartless dot png human
suffering has become meaningless. Literally, dot me have the staff
for Karen's and the other half are based Mainland Europeans
who truly don't give a shit. Coworkers are afraid of
(17:36):
cleaning the morgue, but I'm one with the corpses, soundproof, ward,
peaceful af I mean, I do enjoy a good bit
of quiet, but at a certain point it becomes eerie. Anyway,
ohpie says, I have to clean the chapel toilets and
they're locked. It's Mohammed the islam enjoyer. Again. He is
(17:59):
cleaning his feet for the tenth prayer of the day
and getting paid for it. Big brain, tbh. Takes twenty
minutes whatever I'm getting paid to stand right there, take
out the medical waste and serve coffee to Neanderthals, finish
and go home. And I made about two hundred quick
for the day. I live in a dingy one room flat,
(18:21):
get wasted and chain smoke most nights. My face when
my kidney's hurt, my face when I wake up, vomit
and start all over again. Such as life any similar experiences.
I don't know what your rampant alcoholism has to do
with working in a hospital. I think that is one
(18:43):
of the things that has helped to numb you, because yeah,
at a certain point, you probably feel like you can't
connect with these people who a lot of them will
just inevitably die. You've taken the house MD approach to
working in a hospital, and it seemed to work out
all right for him, So good luck. I'm glad you
(19:05):
like your your job, I think, and I even really
sure if he likes it. He just says, yeah, these
are things that I do, and to that, I say,
keep doing it. When I was working the desk job,
I skated off all the time. I'm like, yeah, okay,
the thing's finished, but I'm not gonna turn it in
for an hour. I need like an hour for the
(19:25):
job and an hour for me. You know, I get
it one, I get it. Anyway, let's go ahead and
get into another post. On the train to London, I
really need to fart. It's starting to hurt a bit.
It's starting to hurt a lot. Train shakes a little.
I want to get up to go to the bathroom
(19:46):
before I fucking burst, but I don't get the chance.
My sphincter can no longer take the strain manage to
discreetly nudge my cheeks apart and it come out slowly
but silently. I passed gas for a solid sixty seconds.
(20:08):
Oh no, oh god, the fucking smell. Oh brother, this
guy stacks you should have taken like some beanos and
some pepto bismol or something. Surely you saw this coming.
I mean it's not true. Sometimes the streak cabab will
get you felt really good going in. And now now
(20:31):
I've changed my opinion. People are all looking around at
each other. It is really fucking bad. Enemy spotted jpeg.
A foreign smell impacts my nostrils. The dude opposite me
is staring me right in the eyes. He fucking knows,
and he ripped one of his own. All right, then
(20:53):
its own, so now I guess its own. It's out.
I spread my cheeks a little wider, just as much
as I dare, and I push clearly and loudly poop myself,
staring into the eyes of a complete stranger. What's your commutement? Like?
(21:17):
B I mean crappy, not as crappy. That's hard to beat,
I'll tell you that. Is this the kind of fun
that you guys have on public transport? Why didn't nobody
tell me I'm gonna get on the bus right now? Okay,
next post? All right. This post has more of a
(21:39):
classic vibe to it, which we like around here sometimes.
A winter of twenty eleven long ago. Grandpa had passed
four months ago, left me his World War II stuff
in a rusty box, sleeping soundly, and then I hear
crash downstairs. Someone had broken in my window. Firearms. Fuck
(22:02):
fuk check Papa box a loaded luger tucked in next
to an SS cap and the luger is loaded. So
I slap the hat on and run downstairs, stark naked.
I spot the fucker going through my entertainment center. I
aim and scream the first German words that pop into
my head. Penser come flogging, shot in Frata fire dot
(22:26):
ex until out of rounds. He bolted for the window,
literally screaming and crying something about the tiny mustache man
people supposing to be extinct. I definitely hit him a
few times, since there was blood on the carpet. I
call the cops. The guy gets arrested. They asked about
the tiny mustache man stuff. I tell the story and
(22:47):
the cops love it. Naked national socialist becomes a neighborhood story.
And that was how my dead socialist grandpa encouraged me
to fire a gun for the first time and saved
my place ten out of fucking ten. I'd give it
a solid like eight out of ten. Like, honestly, are
(23:08):
we even sure the PlayStation is worth saving? Because remember
everyone no games. Let's move on to our next post.
It's fine be nineteen bought ancestry DNA test for my mother, father,
and I. It turns out that my father isn't my
(23:29):
real dad. I show him the results, and since he's
old af he doesn't get it. I was his only child.
Since he's refusing to understand, I am forced to explain
it to him. He immediately leaves my mom and tells
me he's going off on a hunting trip to get
his mind off these things. Find out weeks later that
(23:49):
he shot himself out there. Jesus, dude, my god. Now
you two can have fun with your ancestry DNA test
at home Amazon affiliate link in the description. All sorts
of wacky hijinks might ensue. We're not legally responsible for
(24:10):
any of this. Seriously, though that I hope that's fake. Dude.
If not, what a horrible bit your mother is you got? Anyway,
Let's find another post. To get a mind off events
be me hvac student solid work session and I'm the
(24:32):
only guy with PC knowledge ten PCs, but only five
got the program. Get idea to help the clueless teacher.
I torrent the thing and install it. Shit PC, but
yeah it works. Exam's week the NPCs I study with
don't even know how to create a new project and
end up screwing up the settings. Teacher calls me to
(24:52):
fix the mess so he can continue doing the test. Okay,
registry edit dot exc get setting to default, and I'm
i first happy. I get a nineteen out of twenty
mark and he says that I don't even have to
take the exam. My face is pickrail. Yeah that is
pretty cool, two thumbs up. A little bit of software
knowledge goes a long way, That's what I know. And
(25:15):
then also on top of that, it's it's sort of
a good deed. Now all ten computers have solid works
in perpetuity. That seems like a pretty good deal for
just giving a kid of nineteen out of twenty on
the test, although kind of fucked up. I wasn't twenty
out of twenty? What's up with that? Who cares? Moving on,
here's a post about the camera Lucida. Was that Latin
(25:39):
or something? There's an ancient lust drawing technique for realistic art.
Look inside. It's just ye old tracing. That's pretty cool,
though I enjoy a bit of tracing. It's a good
practice for, you know, the actual drawing part, which will
come at some point, but not quite yet, because this
is infinitely easier. The next post Lison got cut by
(26:03):
the same guy twice. Damn be me twenty eight male
girlfriend I dated since high school was stolen from me
eight years ago. Tried dating a few more times. After
all those relationships failed, I give up on dating and
end up finding a friend with benefits and we've been
hooking up for about the past five years. Friend with
benefits ends up befriending the same guy who stole my
(26:26):
girlfriend eight years ago. Ever since she befriended him, she's
been interacting with me less and less. We used to
hook up every other week. Now we haven't done it
in two months. We used to have daily conversations. Now
I'll be lucky to get a few one to two
word replies from her. It's safe to assume it's because
of him. I want to flee to the furthest state
(26:47):
possible from this guy to start fresh. But unfortunately I
have a child from one of the previously failed relationships
I mentioned anchoring me down. I mean, it's good to
want to have a relationship with your kid and stuff
like that, but also you can't give up your own life.
I think we can get the best of both worlds here.
I want you to go find that guy and challenge
(27:10):
him to a good old fashioned duel. It's time and
either you'll win and get the harem that you always
dreamed of, or you'll just be put out of your misery.
I'm so happy that I'm able to help. These are
(27:30):
really big brain ideas that we're putting out here, aren't they?
Probably not? Who cares anyway? Next post, do you think
it's time for more poop posts? Because I think it's
time for more poop posts. We recently moved into my
NaN's house due to financial struggles. She just leaves unflushed logs,
often no paper on top. So what she doesn't even
(27:52):
wipe her ass? I can't say. Does she smell? I
guess is the proof test for that one? She gets
doodo on the actual TP roll down the side, so
the entire role is ruined. She crabs all over the seat,
the flush buttons, handrails, door knobs, Like, how do you
(28:16):
even shit on your hands? Is? She grabbing a log
out of her diaper. I don't ask about the process. Okay,
the process seems to be working for her, so I'm
just I'm just gonna let this happen. It's mostly fine. Probably.
I have seen her poop, not wash her hands, and
(28:36):
then immediately go into the fridge and pantry, just reaching
into the bag of Cheetos and Doritos. Oh, gotta find
the best one. Dick to the bottom. When she does
wash her hands, she leaves pooh all over the soap
and the sink. It's my house. I'll do what I want.
(29:00):
You listen to me, sonny boy. I will pooh where
I please. I've only got so many years left on
this earth, and I plan to speckle every piece of
soap in the house. Yeah, I guess, I guess you
can if you want. What are you gonna do? You
don't like it, move out? She poos in the shower
(29:25):
and just leaves it on the floor. Oh no, a
cornback rattlesnake in my shower. You can't just leave it, dude.
You poop in the shower and then you mash it
down with your foot into that drain thing, and then
you go wash your foot off in the toilet. You
got a waffle stump it or you gotta log toss it.
You pick the camp, okay, and you have to pick
(29:45):
because which one you pick tells me a lot about you. Anyway.
She also leaves pee from her room all the way
to the toilet, like a snail trail. Oh that ain't
snail trail. It's bad snail trail. Her entire house smells
like pee because of her dirty laundry basket. I mean,
(30:07):
it sounds like she's incontinent, and maybe somebody needs to
step up and like help her out. You're living in
her house due to your own financial struggles. Surely you're
not contributing all that much. You know, maybe it's time
to get involved. That's all I'm saying. It's weird for
you to stand idly by and twiddle your thumbs and
be like, yeah, she's pooping all over herself and I
(30:29):
just have to deal with that. It's like, no help
her to deal with that. That's what a legitimate human
being would do. All this moron does is hop on
fortune and be like ew, my grand peas all over herself.
Her house smells like pee. Isn't it so gross? I
think your attitude about it is the grossest thing of all.
(30:51):
Know your fucking roots and take care of your people.
Why is that so hard? Where is the empathy? I
ask you? Okay, I'm done getting mad. Gotta keep scrolling.
Here's a British anon that wants to tell us all
the fun fact fun fact Peter Griffin has punched two fascists.
There's him punching tiny mustache man and also orange man,
(31:14):
and then other and on from Germany comes in and
says fact, fun fact, Peter Griffin is not real. And
then Australia bro comes in and uh has a Peter
punching Lois picture as a reply. How's that for not real? Ah?
(31:36):
I know a lot of people dislike family guy, but
it's hard to hate. You know. It doesn't take itself
too seriously. It'll take us all aside and say, hey, guys,
domestic file, it's funny. Damn, that's kind of a jam. Dude.
I gotta be honest with you, that's real nice. I
don't know who those kids are. They seem nice though. Anyway,
(31:58):
Moving right along, half asleep and groggy, realize I haven't
texted my girlfriend in weeks. I panic that we're drifting apart,
worried that I'm gonna lose her. I wake up in
a frenzy. I remember that I don't have a girlfriend,
and I never did. Phew. What a relief that a
(32:19):
different kind of existential crisis sets in. But we'll worry
about that once it gets here. Anyway. Next post, here's
Nana with the question about media eighties nineties, two thousands
high school movie nerd wins by stealing the asshole's girlfriend
sees this as a win. Why is this so common?
(32:41):
The last thing I would wants a girl who has
put my bullies inside of her mouth? Fair, fair statement.
I think I'm broken. Our Hollywood writers just nerds who
got mind broken by bullies, and I don't think mind
(33:04):
broken was a widely used term in the eighties nineties
two thousands. Thank you for asking. Really, it's just a
way to demonstrate the nerd taking something of value from
the bully. You could, like, you know, have the nerds
see him and take his house or something like that.
But they try to make it more believable. Does it work? No?
(33:25):
Not really. You've pointed out one massive flaw in that
plan that I hadn't considered at all. You put some
thought into this, anon, Yeah, I'm officially on your side.
I agree with you. It's dumb and terrible. Anyway, next post,
All right, here's another one that's legitimately deranged. A non sense.
(33:48):
This sounds a lot like a troll, but trust me,
I'm not so. Basically, seven months ago, my toilets stopped working.
I started crapping in the shower and stomping it down
the drain. He's a lawful stopper, see, but it was exhausting,
and I found out that I could just leave the
poo under running water and let it dissolve. Oh is
(34:10):
there a word for that yet? Personally, I vote for
the name mad scientists. I think that's a really good thing,
Like you're dissolving something away. But brownie bath could also
work the drain drizzler. You could go a lot of ways.
I'd never considered doing that before. Sort of big brain
(34:32):
plays or maybe not. Maybe we're gonna find out why
it's not why you should never do this anyway, I hope,
he says. My neighbors started complaining about the shit smell.
I held it in for two days before crapping into
a Tupperware container. Eh, oh, you live like this? Are
(34:55):
you kidding me? Oh? I realized that this was the solution.
What noing on the solution was getting the toilet fixed?
Why are you? Why are you choosing these things? So
(35:18):
I ordered tupperware in bulk. Anyways, I noticed my toilet
started getting more water in it whenever the people above
me flushed. I tried to move the pooh water into
the bathtub using two liter soda bottles, but that clogged,
and same thing happened to the sink. I finally had
(35:39):
a panic attack and bought a cocking gun off Amazon
and sealed the door shut. Yeah, that'll solve it. If
I can't see it, then it basically doesn't exist. The
security deposits gone. Anyways, God will sort this one out.
(36:03):
Oh delightful. My bathroom was making waterfall and swamp noises
and I was scared, so I blocked it off with
all the shit containers. The smell was unbearable and the
carpet got damp outside of the door, but it was Okay,
(36:24):
was it two weeks ago? I heard a really loud
cracking slash, crashing noise and running water. I'm pretty sure
the floor caved in. I'm terrified of anyone finding out,
and I'm considering just ending it all. Can anyone help?
Another no incomes in and says, holy shit, you are dumb,
(36:45):
like legitimately really dumb. For reals, these are the actions
of an insane person. Part of me really hopes that
it's fake, but the part of me that believes that
entropy will re take the universe sooner rather than later.
And I mean, there's some interesting characters on four Chan.
(37:06):
Anything's possible. We know that by now. Anyway, it should
be a nice, beefy episode. I hope you guys enjoy
sign up on the Patreon of YouTube memberships if you'd
like to support the channel further. I really do appreciate it.
You know, we're trying to up the production quality and
put money back into the channel, So thank you so
much for all of your support thus far. You can
(37:29):
also check out my merch store over on fourth Wall
or my Amazon affiliate link if you buy Amazon things,
but overall, just you know, thanks for watching the video.
It's the most important thing, maybe shared around if you
know some other channers. Thank you so much for the
constant word of mouth. And I want to leave you
with some words friends. That is, of course, that you
are loved, You're worthy, you definitely definitely deserve it. And
(37:52):
I shalsee when the next one and so and too,
then bye bye be but up tell me but so
I know a lot of people dislike family guy, but
it's hard to hate. You know. It doesn't take itself
too seriously. It'll take us all aside and say, hey, guys,
domestic file, it's funny, hello friends, trace amounts of science.
Today we're getting into some four chan green texts, and
as always, I'm excited to do it. You know, it
(00:22):
always makes me feel nice deep down inside, and you
get a nice mix of like field stories and cringe
and you never know what you're gonna find. So thanks
for coming on me with the ride today. Let's go
ahead and get on into this thing. This anon asks
who will take control of Mars? Be me, be astronaut
(00:44):
chosen for historic Mars mission. Years of grueling training and
preparation lead to this day. I board the spaceship with
fellow astronaut Greg and a crew of highly skilled and
surprisingly stoic Chinese engineers. Greg, are you ready for this?
We're gonna make history. I ask. It's not history, jud
(01:05):
it's the future, brought to you by Elon Musk. Wait
what Elon? My stomach starts hurting. Nobody told me that
SpaceX was in charge. Nobody. I can ask more questions,
but the countdown starts. Look around to realize every other
crew member is Chinese. Wait, where's the diversity hire? I ask?
(01:27):
Greg shrugs, and the rocket takes off. Earth gets smaller
and smaller. Suddenly, the onboard screen flickers to life. It's Putin.
He starts speaking Chinese. Wait, Putin speaks Chinese. All the
Chinese people are locked in. Greg is unbothered. What is
he telling them? Then Elon Musk appears beside Putin, also
(01:51):
speaking fluent Chinese. Both do a synchronized salute popularized by
the nineteen forties German political party. The broadcast ends. I
turn to Greg, What the fuck is happening? Greg, Greg
turned towards me, smiles and says something in Chinese. I scream,
(02:11):
and at the same time, the ship accelerates in hyperlight mode.
Alarms blare. I rip off my seat belt and sprint
to the ship's corridor. I have to stop this. Chinese
engineers run after me, chanting something in Mandarin. The ship
starts rattling, lights flickering, and the Chinese chances stop. Everything
goes dark. Oh we lost power. Now we're just gonna
(02:34):
be an iceball floating through space, not like a literal
iceball because there's no water whatever. I wake up to
slow clapping. My arms and legs are chained to the wall.
Greg stands before me, smirking like a Marvel villain. Did
you really think you could stop the People's galactic revolution?
(02:55):
Chud g always wins, I scream. Greg peels off his
face Mission impossible style, revealing that he has been she
jen ping all along. I'm just gonna call him Winnie
the Pooh. Honestly, I don't want to say all that
all stop with. Those are syllables my mouth not used
(03:18):
to making. And but yes, how could this be? We've
been friends since childhood. President Winnie the Pooh turns around
and snaps his fingers. A dozen aliens march in, all
dressed in the Chinese Communist Party colors. Damn you, Greg?
How could you do it? Before I could finish? An
(03:38):
explosion rocks the ship and look out the window. The
Taiwanese space fighters are here. I gather all the power
I've attained from my years of pent up CrossFit. You'll
never win, Chud, You're only a man. Ge screams, truth
is Greg? Or should I say trader g? I reply?
(04:00):
The communist alias charged towards me. I was the diversity
higher all along. I overpowered the alien guards and only
four thousand years of Chinese cug food knowledge upon Shi.
He was never prepared to face an opponent like me.
Taiwanese soldiers cheered through the intercoms. I joined the Taiwanese
forces and begin to forge a defense plan for mars
(04:25):
Elon and Putin will surely come. Honestly, I like your
fan fike a lot opie hey Taiwan, Probably some rickyed
ass space fighters, though I wouldn't get on it personally,
but yes, indeed, good quality skits up posts. That's what
I like to see this. And On has hope in
(04:46):
his heart. He says, guys, guys, were the odds of
an introverted artist to find an aspy girlfriend who holds
the core beliefs that abortions outright evil with some extenuating circumstances.
Oh and she should also believe that what should shave
up buddy for a vasectomy like one would for a
(05:06):
used car, no worry of birth control. Because she doesn't
interact with low IQ brutes. It finds cheating just as
evil as abortion. I'm looking for a unicorn aren't tied. Jesus,
what's going on with you? Bro? It's completely possible to
find it. I find Yeah, women will put up with
(05:28):
a lot of shit, you know. Just let them know
what you're into and they'll probably be like, yeah, okay, whatever,
I'll match your vasectomy money, anything to not carry a
four chance seed inside of me. Anyway, Good luck with
the search. It will totally happen. Don't talk yourself out
of it quite yet. Here's one that has sam hide
(05:50):
and he's holding Is that a firearm of some sort? Shit?
Jesus Christ, why'd you give me this thing? I thought
it was airsoftuh, Non says, get drunk ast shit talking
to friend slash roommate about girlfriend, kind of complaining. Next morning,
wake up, girlfriend sends me screenshots of a conversation that
(06:11):
she had with my roommate. He literally tells her everything
I said to him the other night. While drunk calls
her pretty, tells her he's always had a thing for
her and that he wants to hit Is there even
a reason to associate with human beings anymore? No, is
the answer. I think you'll find that quite easily. Let
(06:32):
her go, dude, I think that's the only answer here
she meant for the streets. She is thy, for thy streets,
So be not worried what she must return from what
she came. Let her go back to her home, her
natural environment, and we keep it moving too. Anon goes
on the space mission Part two. I didn't know it
(06:56):
was coming. I'm happily surprised to see it. Okay, months
pass intense preparation for Elon and Putin's invasion. Communications with
Earth had been failing since we'd arrived, cutting us off completely.
Despite the strength of the Taiwanese forces, I knew it
wouldn't be enough to protect Mars's independence. She or Greg
(07:19):
as I once knew him, had fallen into a coma
after our fight, but memories of our friendship still lingered,
haunting me. Against all odds, the Taiwanese settlers made me
their leader language barrier. Be damned. That's right. I'm super
the main character. You guys. We built, trained, and hoped,
but something felt off. Reports then start coming in that
(07:42):
unidentified ships are entering the Mars orbit. I knew they
would come to zip. I bolted outside only to see
colossal Tesla motherships blocking out the sun. Yeah, they probably
built like shit too, ain't they holy? Look at all
(08:03):
this damage. Although my grandparents did buy one and they
seem to like it. I can't believe the batteries lasted
all the way to Mars. A giant Elon hologram appears
in the sky, his face smug as it always is,
his voice booming, Chod, you've meddled with forces you can't comprehend.
(08:27):
Mars is mine. Taiwanese panic ensues. Before we can react,
another fleet appears in orbit. Putin's personal spacecraft, the Soviet Bear,
and his outdated space guns are now looming over us. Yeah,
he bought those from America. Most belongs to Russia, Putin declared,
(08:52):
and to the shareholders, Elon added, oh hell no. The
Tesla bots then descend onto the planet. I rally the
Taiwanese forces onto our fighter ships for counterattack. As we ascend,
dodging enemy space beams, a giant mause Dong mecha joins
on my side. Have oh good, He's killed millions before
(09:24):
he'll know what to do. He Shijingping's face appears on
my ship. Ui, gee, what are you doing here? I asked,
in a panic. I was wrong, Chud Elon and Putin
can never replace friendship. Call me Greg, oh my god,
social credit score plus a thousand Jinkanji Youngkanji. And with
(09:55):
that the Meccha Mausee Dong charged into battle with the Soviet.
It's Chinese cannons blazing. Fueled by the power of friendship,
I whip out my Linux notebook and begin hacking into
the mainframes of Elon's system, deleting his Microsoft Edge and
with it, his entire OS. Wow, that's pretty good hacking,
(10:19):
hacker man, He's the most powerful hacker of all time.
No medshcoin investments. The Elon Graham screams as it dissipates
into the stratosphere. I turned my ship towards Putin ship
to see Greg's mech battered, broken, malfunctioning. Chinesium can only
(10:40):
take you so far, she I lamented, furious and ready
to avenge my friend. I bored Putin ship fighting through
malnourished Russian personnel, most of whom had no idea why
they were even here. And then there he was Putin himself.
Should because of you, all my plends are gone. The
(11:02):
flight was supposed to last for three days. We engage
in a brutal fistfight are blows, shaking the ship itself.
As I begin to lose, I have a flashback Greg
and I promising each other to one day unite the
world and live, laugh, love What a larp. I snap
(11:24):
out of it and deliver the strongest punch known to
the galaxy, deleting him from the Milky Way, And with
that the last of our enemies retreat, leaving my Taiwanese
forces in shambles but victorious. Nonetheless, Wait, Greg, I rush
off to the ship to find his mech, but it's gone,
(11:44):
nowhere to be seen. No one had seen the mech,
nor Greg. His coma bed empty. Taiwanese mars stood free
and independent. The chip factories hummed at full production, and
under one flag, the Taiwanese flag. Httlers thrived. For now?
What what does that mean? For now? Is that part
(12:05):
three we have to take up Part three? I might
take a look, but I'd like to let it come
to me organically as well. So let's just keep moving
on through. We'll throw some stuff in the middle, and
maybe we'll have a nice surprise in there, huh, or
massive disappointment, But you know those are feelings too. It's
fine moving on here's a poll post about California seceding
(12:28):
from the Union. California Secession Bell initiative to makes data
country is cleared to gather signatures. Yeah, nothing ever happened.
I don't think that's going to happen at all. But uh,
it is a funny thought, especially because, as a non says,
be in the midst of uncontrollable wildfires, vote to secede
(12:51):
from the country that supplies your water because of butt
hurt over an election. Lamo police, let it happen. It
would be so fucking funny. It would be interesting, I'll
say that much. A super hellish cyberpunk utopia run by
tech oligarchs. It's just around the corner, sending a modern
(13:12):
day General Sherman to take it back, ready to start
it on fire and march to the coastline. What the fuck?
Everything's already on fire. The California government beat us to
it for once, for once, when bureaucracy's not involved. You'd
be surprised how easy it is to start a fire. Personally,
(13:34):
I blame the eucalyptus trees. I think this was Australia's
plan all along. Then they're just going to come in
and buy the burnt up real estate for pennies on
the dollar. Except it's probably not Australia that's actually going
to do that. It's black Rock invested in the future
of Americans back. We truly do live in a hell,
(13:55):
but at least we got our fortead posts. Ha. Let's
keep it rolling, this anon says them. Feelings hurt, Bros.
Don't do this to me. Be me today. Have to
go to the job at night and I work in
the morning, spend all day playing games, Almost time to
go to work, take a shower, eat cologne, usual stuff,
(14:17):
look at mirror and somewhat feel like I'm a six
out of ten guy. Go to the bus stop listening
to my usual doomer songs as usual. Oh yeah, is
that what you usually do? Suddenly an eight out of
ten girl appears. She says hi and goes for a hug.
I say that I don't know her. She says that
(14:38):
she knows that and hugs me. Says that I'm worthy,
that I deserve good stuff, that I'm gonna make it.
I thank her and say the same for her. She
leaves as I look at her, contemplate my existence as
I drift into nothingness. After minutes passes, I regain consciousness
(14:58):
on the verge of crying. She left. Could have asked
for her number or whatever. She could have been a
future girlfriend, friend or whatever. Maybe she just needed some
small talk to get my attention. Maybe she liked me
and found me interesting. I'm faded to be like this.
I think it's better that you don't find out what
(15:18):
was going to happen. The truth is that you're not
ready for all that you are only going to make
each other worse. Use this interaction as fuel to drive
you further onwards and upwards in your life. But don't
fucking dwell on it. It was a nice thing that happened.
She could probably tell that you were in need, you know,
And those words are good things to say. I say
(15:41):
something similar at the end of every video. But that
doesn't mean we need to have a relationship together. Let
it be a passing brush, and sometimes that's completely fine.
The feelings are only hurting because you're holding on to
them for nothing. Let it go. Maybe you see her again,
who knows. Probably she's going to taking a different route home, actually,
(16:03):
but whatever, Let's keep rolling on to the next post.
This op's addressing hospital anons, and he says, any anons
work in a hospital. Yes, I like my paycheck to
come with the side of MRSA. Thank you. No. I
volunteered to the hospital for like less than a month,
I think, and then they made me go like this,
(16:26):
these sick wards and I'm like, dude, I can't do this.
Maybe slight hypochondria. I just can't do this anyway. OP
works in one and he says, be me hospital cleaner,
infection control delivery boy. Yeah, that all seems okay till
someone coughs in her mouth. I just clean shit up
(16:50):
and deliver food and make coffee. Dementia patients cry for
rescue and sweet release when I walk in to a
three sixty and GTFO every time, would you like a coffee? Sir? Well,
it all goes back to nineteen sixty three when I
was at the stop listening immediately spend half the day smoking,
(17:13):
checking out nurses, and making tradesmen bucks. Guy in the
next bed dies see a dozen stiffs by this point,
So yeah, I don't really care. Heartless dot png human
suffering has become meaningless. Literally, dot me have the staff
for Karen's and the other half are based Mainland Europeans
who truly don't give a shit. Coworkers are afraid of
(17:36):
cleaning the morgue, but I'm one with the corpses, soundproof, ward,
peaceful af I mean, I do enjoy a good bit
of quiet, but at a certain point it becomes eerie. Anyway,
ohpie says, I have to clean the chapel toilets and
they're locked. It's Mohammed the islam enjoyer. Again. He is
(17:59):
cleaning his feet for the tenth prayer of the day
and getting paid for it. Big brain, tbh. Takes twenty
minutes whatever I'm getting paid to stand right there, take
out the medical waste and serve coffee to Neanderthals, finish
and go home. And I made about two hundred quick
for the day. I live in a dingy one room flat,
(18:21):
get wasted and chain smoke most nights. My face when
my kidney's hurt, my face when I wake up, vomit
and start all over again. Such as life any similar experiences.
I don't know what your rampant alcoholism has to do
with working in a hospital. I think that is one
(18:43):
of the things that has helped to numb you, because yeah,
at a certain point, you probably feel like you can't
connect with these people who a lot of them will
just inevitably die. You've taken the house MD approach to
working in a hospital, and it seemed to work out
all right for him, So good luck. I'm glad you
(19:05):
like your your job, I think, and I even really
sure if he likes it. He just says, yeah, these
are things that I do, and to that, I say,
keep doing it. When I was working the desk job,
I skated off all the time. I'm like, yeah, okay,
the thing's finished, but I'm not gonna turn it in
for an hour. I need like an hour for the
(19:25):
job and an hour for me. You know, I get
it one, I get it. Anyway, let's go ahead and
get into another post. On the train to London, I
really need to fart. It's starting to hurt a bit.
It's starting to hurt a lot. Train shakes a little.
I want to get up to go to the bathroom
(19:46):
before I fucking burst, but I don't get the chance.
My sphincter can no longer take the strain manage to
discreetly nudge my cheeks apart and it come out slowly
but silently. I passed gas for a solid sixty seconds.
(20:08):
Oh no, oh god, the fucking smell. Oh brother, this
guy stacks you should have taken like some beanos and
some pepto bismol or something. Surely you saw this coming.
I mean it's not true. Sometimes the streak cabab will
get you felt really good going in. And now now
(20:31):
I've changed my opinion. People are all looking around at
each other. It is really fucking bad. Enemy spotted jpeg.
A foreign smell impacts my nostrils. The dude opposite me
is staring me right in the eyes. He fucking knows,
and he ripped one of his own. All right, then
(20:53):
its own, so now I guess its own. It's out.
I spread my cheeks a little wider, just as much
as I dare, and I push clearly and loudly poop myself,
staring into the eyes of a complete stranger. What's your commutement? Like?
(21:17):
B I mean crappy, not as crappy. That's hard to beat,
I'll tell you that. Is this the kind of fun
that you guys have on public transport? Why didn't nobody
tell me I'm gonna get on the bus right now? Okay,
next post? All right. This post has more of a
(21:39):
classic vibe to it, which we like around here sometimes.
A winter of twenty eleven long ago. Grandpa had passed
four months ago, left me his World War II stuff
in a rusty box, sleeping soundly, and then I hear
crash downstairs. Someone had broken in my window. Firearms. Fuck
(22:02):
fuk check Papa box a loaded luger tucked in next
to an SS cap and the luger is loaded. So
I slap the hat on and run downstairs, stark naked.
I spot the fucker going through my entertainment center. I
aim and scream the first German words that pop into
my head. Penser come flogging, shot in Frata fire dot
(22:26):
ex until out of rounds. He bolted for the window,
literally screaming and crying something about the tiny mustache man
people supposing to be extinct. I definitely hit him a
few times, since there was blood on the carpet. I
call the cops. The guy gets arrested. They asked about
the tiny mustache man stuff. I tell the story and
(22:47):
the cops love it. Naked national socialist becomes a neighborhood story.
And that was how my dead socialist grandpa encouraged me
to fire a gun for the first time and saved
my place ten out of fucking ten. I'd give it
a solid like eight out of ten. Like, honestly, are
(23:08):
we even sure the PlayStation is worth saving? Because remember
everyone no games. Let's move on to our next post.
It's fine be nineteen bought ancestry DNA test for my mother, father,
and I. It turns out that my father isn't my
(23:29):
real dad. I show him the results, and since he's
old af he doesn't get it. I was his only child.
Since he's refusing to understand, I am forced to explain
it to him. He immediately leaves my mom and tells
me he's going off on a hunting trip to get
his mind off these things. Find out weeks later that
(23:49):
he shot himself out there. Jesus, dude, my god. Now
you two can have fun with your ancestry DNA test
at home Amazon affiliate link in the description. All sorts
of wacky hijinks might ensue. We're not legally responsible for
(24:10):
any of this. Seriously, though that I hope that's fake. Dude.
If not, what a horrible bit your mother is you got? Anyway,
Let's find another post. To get a mind off events
be me hvac student solid work session and I'm the
(24:32):
only guy with PC knowledge ten PCs, but only five
got the program. Get idea to help the clueless teacher.
I torrent the thing and install it. Shit PC, but
yeah it works. Exam's week the NPCs I study with
don't even know how to create a new project and
end up screwing up the settings. Teacher calls me to
(24:52):
fix the mess so he can continue doing the test. Okay,
registry edit dot exc get setting to default, and I'm
i first happy. I get a nineteen out of twenty
mark and he says that I don't even have to
take the exam. My face is pickrail. Yeah that is
pretty cool, two thumbs up. A little bit of software
knowledge goes a long way, That's what I know. And
(25:15):
then also on top of that, it's it's sort of
a good deed. Now all ten computers have solid works
in perpetuity. That seems like a pretty good deal for
just giving a kid of nineteen out of twenty on
the test, although kind of fucked up. I wasn't twenty
out of twenty? What's up with that? Who cares? Moving on,
here's a post about the camera Lucida. Was that Latin
(25:39):
or something? There's an ancient lust drawing technique for realistic art.
Look inside. It's just ye old tracing. That's pretty cool,
though I enjoy a bit of tracing. It's a good
practice for, you know, the actual drawing part, which will
come at some point, but not quite yet, because this
is infinitely easier. The next post Lison got cut by
(26:03):
the same guy twice. Damn be me twenty eight male
girlfriend I dated since high school was stolen from me
eight years ago. Tried dating a few more times. After
all those relationships failed, I give up on dating and
end up finding a friend with benefits and we've been
hooking up for about the past five years. Friend with
benefits ends up befriending the same guy who stole my
(26:26):
girlfriend eight years ago. Ever since she befriended him, she's
been interacting with me less and less. We used to
hook up every other week. Now we haven't done it
in two months. We used to have daily conversations. Now
I'll be lucky to get a few one to two
word replies from her. It's safe to assume it's because
of him. I want to flee to the furthest state
(26:47):
possible from this guy to start fresh. But unfortunately I
have a child from one of the previously failed relationships
I mentioned anchoring me down. I mean, it's good to
want to have a relationship with your kid and stuff
like that, but also you can't give up your own life.
I think we can get the best of both worlds here.
I want you to go find that guy and challenge
(27:10):
him to a good old fashioned duel. It's time and
either you'll win and get the harem that you always
dreamed of, or you'll just be put out of your misery.
I'm so happy that I'm able to help. These are
(27:30):
really big brain ideas that we're putting out here, aren't they?
Probably not? Who cares anyway? Next post, do you think
it's time for more poop posts? Because I think it's
time for more poop posts. We recently moved into my
NaN's house due to financial struggles. She just leaves unflushed logs,
often no paper on top. So what she doesn't even
(27:52):
wipe her ass? I can't say. Does she smell? I
guess is the proof test for that one? She gets
doodo on the actual TP roll down the side, so
the entire role is ruined. She crabs all over the seat,
the flush buttons, handrails, door knobs, Like, how do you
(28:16):
even shit on your hands? Is? She grabbing a log
out of her diaper. I don't ask about the process. Okay,
the process seems to be working for her, so I'm
just I'm just gonna let this happen. It's mostly fine. Probably.
I have seen her poop, not wash her hands, and
(28:36):
then immediately go into the fridge and pantry, just reaching
into the bag of Cheetos and Doritos. Oh, gotta find
the best one. Dick to the bottom. When she does
wash her hands, she leaves pooh all over the soap
and the sink. It's my house. I'll do what I want.
(29:00):
You listen to me, sonny boy. I will pooh where
I please. I've only got so many years left on
this earth, and I plan to speckle every piece of
soap in the house. Yeah, I guess, I guess you
can if you want. What are you gonna do? You
don't like it, move out? She poos in the shower
(29:25):
and just leaves it on the floor. Oh no, a
cornback rattlesnake in my shower. You can't just leave it, dude.
You poop in the shower and then you mash it
down with your foot into that drain thing, and then
you go wash your foot off in the toilet. You
got a waffle stump it or you gotta log toss it.
You pick the camp, okay, and you have to pick
(29:45):
because which one you pick tells me a lot about you. Anyway.
She also leaves pee from her room all the way
to the toilet, like a snail trail. Oh that ain't
snail trail. It's bad snail trail. Her entire house smells
like pee because of her dirty laundry basket. I mean,
(30:07):
it sounds like she's incontinent, and maybe somebody needs to
step up and like help her out. You're living in
her house due to your own financial struggles. Surely you're
not contributing all that much. You know, maybe it's time
to get involved. That's all I'm saying. It's weird for
you to stand idly by and twiddle your thumbs and
be like, yeah, she's pooping all over herself and I
(30:29):
just have to deal with that. It's like, no help
her to deal with that. That's what a legitimate human
being would do. All this moron does is hop on
fortune and be like ew, my grand peas all over herself.
Her house smells like pee. Isn't it so gross? I
think your attitude about it is the grossest thing of all.
(30:51):
Know your fucking roots and take care of your people.
Why is that so hard? Where is the empathy? I
ask you? Okay, I'm done getting mad. Gotta keep scrolling.
Here's a British anon that wants to tell us all
the fun fact fun fact Peter Griffin has punched two fascists.
There's him punching tiny mustache man and also orange man,
(31:14):
and then other and on from Germany comes in and
says fact, fun fact, Peter Griffin is not real. And
then Australia bro comes in and uh has a Peter
punching Lois picture as a reply. How's that for not real? Ah?
(31:36):
I know a lot of people dislike family guy, but
it's hard to hate. You know. It doesn't take itself
too seriously. It'll take us all aside and say, hey, guys,
domestic file, it's funny. Damn, that's kind of a jam. Dude.
I gotta be honest with you, that's real nice. I
don't know who those kids are. They seem nice though. Anyway,
(31:58):
Moving right along, half asleep and groggy, realize I haven't
texted my girlfriend in weeks. I panic that we're drifting apart,
worried that I'm gonna lose her. I wake up in
a frenzy. I remember that I don't have a girlfriend,
and I never did. Phew. What a relief that a
(32:19):
different kind of existential crisis sets in. But we'll worry
about that once it gets here. Anyway. Next post, here's
Nana with the question about media eighties nineties, two thousands
high school movie nerd wins by stealing the asshole's girlfriend
sees this as a win. Why is this so common?
(32:41):
The last thing I would wants a girl who has
put my bullies inside of her mouth? Fair, fair statement.
I think I'm broken. Our Hollywood writers just nerds who
got mind broken by bullies, and I don't think mind
(33:04):
broken was a widely used term in the eighties nineties
two thousands. Thank you for asking. Really, it's just a
way to demonstrate the nerd taking something of value from
the bully. You could, like, you know, have the nerds
see him and take his house or something like that.
But they try to make it more believable. Does it work? No?
(33:25):
Not really. You've pointed out one massive flaw in that
plan that I hadn't considered at all. You put some
thought into this, anon, Yeah, I'm officially on your side.
I agree with you. It's dumb and terrible. Anyway, next post,
All right, here's another one that's legitimately deranged. A non sense.
(33:48):
This sounds a lot like a troll, but trust me,
I'm not so. Basically, seven months ago, my toilets stopped working.
I started crapping in the shower and stomping it down
the drain. He's a lawful stopper, see, but it was exhausting,
and I found out that I could just leave the
poo under running water and let it dissolve. Oh is
(34:10):
there a word for that yet? Personally, I vote for
the name mad scientists. I think that's a really good thing,
Like you're dissolving something away. But brownie bath could also
work the drain drizzler. You could go a lot of ways.
I'd never considered doing that before. Sort of big brain
(34:32):
plays or maybe not. Maybe we're gonna find out why
it's not why you should never do this anyway, I hope,
he says. My neighbors started complaining about the shit smell.
I held it in for two days before crapping into
a Tupperware container. Eh, oh, you live like this? Are
(34:55):
you kidding me? Oh? I realized that this was the solution.
What noing on the solution was getting the toilet fixed?
Why are you? Why are you choosing these things? So
(35:18):
I ordered tupperware in bulk. Anyways, I noticed my toilet
started getting more water in it whenever the people above
me flushed. I tried to move the pooh water into
the bathtub using two liter soda bottles, but that clogged,
and same thing happened to the sink. I finally had
(35:39):
a panic attack and bought a cocking gun off Amazon
and sealed the door shut. Yeah, that'll solve it. If
I can't see it, then it basically doesn't exist. The
security deposits gone. Anyways, God will sort this one out.
(36:03):
Oh delightful. My bathroom was making waterfall and swamp noises
and I was scared, so I blocked it off with
all the shit containers. The smell was unbearable and the
carpet got damp outside of the door, but it was Okay,
(36:24):
was it two weeks ago? I heard a really loud
cracking slash, crashing noise and running water. I'm pretty sure
the floor caved in. I'm terrified of anyone finding out,
and I'm considering just ending it all. Can anyone help?
Another no incomes in and says, holy shit, you are dumb,
(36:45):
like legitimately really dumb. For reals, these are the actions
of an insane person. Part of me really hopes that
it's fake, but the part of me that believes that
entropy will re take the universe sooner rather than later.
And I mean, there's some interesting characters on four Chan.
(37:06):
Anything's possible. We know that by now. Anyway, it should
be a nice, beefy episode. I hope you guys enjoy
sign up on the Patreon of YouTube memberships if you'd
like to support the channel further. I really do appreciate it.
You know, we're trying to up the production quality and
put money back into the channel, So thank you so
much for all of your support thus far. You can
(37:29):
also check out my merch store over on fourth Wall
or my Amazon affiliate link if you buy Amazon things,
but overall, just you know, thanks for watching the video.
It's the most important thing, maybe shared around if you
know some other channers. Thank you so much for the
constant word of mouth. And I want to leave you
with some words friends. That is, of course, that you
are loved, You're worthy, you definitely definitely deserve it. And
(37:52):
I shalsee when the next one and so and too,
then bye bye be but up tell me but so
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