Truth be told after having kiddos your sex life is put to the wayside for many parents, because they either don't have the time or are to exhausted! Krista & Corrina share struggles that they went through and great advice as well to spice up your love life!
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Episode Transcript
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Speaker 1 (00:01):
This is the Mad's Own Mom Squad podcast, a production
of iHeartRadio. Hard working real mamas having real conversations. Now
sit back, relax, and get ready to talk mom life
with Christa and her squad.
Speaker 2 (00:14):
All right, today, Miss Karina Kreid, we are not talking
about our children.
Speaker 3 (00:20):
We are talking about the men.
Speaker 2 (00:22):
In our lives that are in our lives that help
us to take care of their children. So that is
the fathers, yeah, or the heartners or your partner.
Speaker 3 (00:32):
So you know, let's be honest, sometimes we have.
Speaker 2 (00:37):
To put them in the backseat because we focus all
of our attention on our kids.
Speaker 4 (00:42):
Well how do you not?
Speaker 5 (00:43):
But I don't know how you balance all that, especially
when you first have a baby. Yeah, I mean you
basically have to be like sorry, partner, bye bye. Yeah,
because I've got a little human that needs literally one
hundred and ten percent of me.
Speaker 4 (00:54):
So it starts right from the beginning.
Speaker 5 (00:56):
Right when you have children, it changes your relationship completely everything.
Speaker 2 (01:00):
Yeah, So today I've today I would really like to
talk about, you know, ways that we can keep the
spark alive, especially when, like yourself, you've got three kids
under a very young age.
Speaker 3 (01:16):
I don't know why I'm repeating this. I just feel
like it needs to be emphasized.
Speaker 4 (01:20):
Repeat everything I say, just keep doing it.
Speaker 3 (01:22):
So I really want to talk about that. How do
we keep the.
Speaker 2 (01:25):
Spark in our marriage or in a relationship. I mean,
that's what is That's what we're here to talk about,
keeping the passion there.
Speaker 3 (01:32):
Oh my gosh, I hope you're not asking me how
do you keep the passion going in your marriage?
Speaker 5 (01:36):
Well, okay, this is this is like a this is
a loading topic.
Speaker 3 (01:42):
I'm like, I'm like, where do we begin.
Speaker 5 (01:45):
I think, I think the first thing that comes to
my mind, and then how about this, I'll share something
that I think was really beneficial, and then one thing
that I really screwed up on. Okay, okay, so right
away I think that we all need to have the
discussion and the word of just like peace in all
like give yourself peace. There is no taking care of
anyone keeping passion alive. There's none of that like set
(02:09):
the bar low, you know what I'm saying, Like, let's
not have that expectation. When the doctor says, well, in
like six weeks you can do a little dirty after
having body, I'm like, no, my nipples are cracked.
Speaker 4 (02:22):
The hold down, there is torn and no, no one's.
Speaker 5 (02:25):
Touching me for six years, that's what it feels like.
Speaker 2 (02:28):
I'm just gonna say that, No, you're not going to
be touching any of us until I feel okay with
my body to be touched. Right.
Speaker 5 (02:35):
And then you have the whole like postpartum thing where
after the baby even is kind of done with you
and you're moving to like maybe bottles or you're moving
to food, and you're not.
Speaker 4 (02:44):
As needed even there.
Speaker 5 (02:46):
It's like your body is so different that you need
to relearn that. So that's why I think we all
have to have peace with ourselves. Do not have expectations,
you know, at the bar has to be real low.
I'll tell you one thing that my husband and I
did prior to having kids that I really do think
help our passion and help our love stay strong.
Speaker 4 (03:04):
And this is a.
Speaker 5 (03:04):
Tip that I want to say a counselor gave us
because we were seeing a marriage counselor before you know,
before we got married.
Speaker 4 (03:15):
You know where you do that. Yeah, And it was
just a friend of ours. Actually it was a good friend.
Speaker 5 (03:19):
It wasn't anything affiliated with you know, a church or temple.
It was really just a friend who just said, hey,
can I just you know, as you grew up for this,
I'd love to And this is what she did and
we said, oh yeah, let's do this. So one of
the things that she taught us that I really admired,
and she had been married for like, oh she is
married and you know, sixty plus years or something ridiculous
(03:39):
like that, she had said, learn to fight.
Speaker 3 (03:43):
Ooh yeah, isn't that a good phrase? Learn to fight?
So tell us more.
Speaker 5 (03:48):
You're not not going to fight, absolutely, you're going to
fight more as you get married because all these things
come into it, right, Oh yeah, bills, children, passion, going throusers, stress, jobs, management,
and then you have another person you have to do
this with. She goes, you're going to fight now, whether
(04:11):
or not you want to try and keep it low
or however, you fight, but learn to do it.
Speaker 4 (04:16):
And that meant for us the.
Speaker 5 (04:19):
Biggest part of that learning to fight is that how
do you fight? So, like if you and I were
a couple, it would be christa, how do you fight?
And then and then reciprocate you.
Speaker 3 (04:32):
Ask me how do you fight? So I'll tell you.
Speaker 5 (04:35):
I'll be I'll be so I'll tell you how I fight.
I'm emotional. I like to yell, I like to slam
a door. I don't like to be physical, but like
with my surroundings a little bit.
Speaker 4 (04:46):
Like I want to be able to release.
Speaker 5 (04:49):
And I was taught at an early age at all
motions are okay, it's just making sure you do it
in a way that's not harmful.
Speaker 4 (04:58):
But I don't.
Speaker 5 (04:59):
I mean I look back at that, I'm like, I
don't know, I don't think that was totally you know,
like looking at like how we were raised, like we
were just allowed to kind of emode, I guess right,
And I like that that helped me. My husband could
not have come from a completely opposite background.
Speaker 2 (05:17):
Why did I imagine this is how your husband's going
to be.
Speaker 5 (05:20):
So like he was raised by like a judging, a lawyer,
Like you had to have evidence, like have time, Like
you don't raise your voice, you don't speak over each other,
you don't even eat with your mouth open, like that
was that was new for me.
Speaker 3 (05:32):
I was like, you just talk. I mean, it wasn't
like a feral animal.
Speaker 5 (05:36):
But we were definitely like Wisconsin, Harry, and you're like
blowing food all over them. So yeah, we had some
rocky patches in the beginning where I just wanted to
be mad and I wanted to yell a little bit.
I wanted to say this is you know, and I
used words like this is ridiculous.
Speaker 4 (05:52):
What do you think you know?
Speaker 5 (05:53):
Blah blah blah, and I don't. I think part of
that was a little immature.
Speaker 4 (05:57):
And I grew into that, you know, grew into.
Speaker 5 (06:00):
Doing that I should say, and I don't think. I
don't want to like make my parents look bad here.
They never told us to use like sharp words or
mean words, but like if you were mad, yeah, if
you yeah right. We didn't swear a whole lot. But
I think, you know, as I grew up, that probably
is where you know. I took it to so Patrick
and I had to sit down and he said, you know,
(06:20):
like he said to me, He's like, well, I don't
I don't like to fight loud, and I don't like
it when you say things that then you take back
because they really hurt me. So like if I say, well,
why don't you just move out if you don't like
the way I do this, Like if I say that
to him, you know, when people say stuff like that
and you're in the heat of it.
Speaker 3 (06:36):
Yes, you don't really mean it.
Speaker 2 (06:38):
You know, it's funny that you just brought that up
because I'm watching the show Dexter now on Netflix. Oh,
everybody loves it. That's exactly what Dexter's sister just said.
When he did you know, it's his relationship ended.
Speaker 3 (06:50):
And she's like, what are you stupid? She goes, I yell,
I'll tell you lies. I'll tell you to leave. I
don't mean it. I don't need to break up with you.
Speaker 2 (07:01):
Just because I said I want to break up with
you doesn't mean I want to break up with you.
It's because I'm mad, right, Okay, So that's so funny
because that's how I am.
Speaker 4 (07:08):
It's like I almost want to say everything.
Speaker 3 (07:10):
That I don't really mean to get out of my system.
We do it all the time.
Speaker 5 (07:14):
So I remember Patrick saying to me, He's like, well,
if you're really mad at me and you tell me
to go move out, I take that so seriously.
Speaker 4 (07:21):
Well on it. I think about it.
Speaker 5 (07:23):
I think, and then even if you come back and
you're like, oh, I'm sorry, and then I also I am
like I just want to get it out and yell,
and then like eight eight hours later, like after I
go for a walk or something, I'm like nothing, and
he's like I need to discuss this.
Speaker 3 (07:36):
I'm like, why it's over her?
Speaker 4 (07:38):
So we had to kind of I had to.
Speaker 5 (07:40):
Move in, he had to move out. Like we had
a ying and yang of ourselves. So I was like
very commutative, like, if I say things when I'm really
mad instead of taking it to heart, could you try
I'm gonna try not to, but if it slips, I
need you, I'm gonna try hard. That's my responsibility. I
need you to try hard to really not hear me
(08:01):
when I'm mad, and like let me, let me be mad,
and then let's circle back around and then I'll tell you, well, no,
I'm sorry. I don't want you to move out, but
it really you know. And then and then it's like
somehow I can come to my terms and he kind
of comes to his terms first, and then he kind
of gets like mad upset with me later.
Speaker 4 (08:18):
So it's almost like we're the opposite.
Speaker 3 (08:19):
Yeah, so we learned how to not do that. That's interesting.
Speaker 2 (08:22):
You and I are similar that way, Yeah, And I
always felt bad after doing that. And then and then
when I'm upset, I go quiet same, and I know
I can't do that because that's bad for communication.
Speaker 4 (08:35):
Absolutely.
Speaker 2 (08:36):
So I've again, I've learned a lot about my stuff, myself,
you know, and things I won't do, you know, my
next relationship.
Speaker 3 (08:44):
So yeah, because that doesn't get you anywhere.
Speaker 4 (08:47):
It doesn't.
Speaker 5 (08:47):
And that's a great awareness to it. Right, So that
was one thing that I thought was really really great.
And you know one thing I think you know, if
you're in any phase of a relationship, don't you think
that can keep passion up because you're not spending days
resenting mad.
Speaker 2 (09:02):
Well, and it's games, like stop with the games, like
it's right, it's just it's it's it's not good. And
and eventually, if it continues all the time, it's going
to escalate, and then it is going to it's going
to put a very big damper on your relationship. And
then you're going to have this resent I resent you
and is it worth it? No?
Speaker 3 (09:23):
And then you do not want to be touched by no?
Speaker 5 (09:25):
No, Then and then you're like mad, and you're so mad,
you know, it's like weeks of madness.
Speaker 3 (09:31):
So who's going to get dirty with that? Get out
of my head, Get.
Speaker 6 (09:34):
Out of my go sleep downair, go to the couch,
so you know, so you yeah, communication is key, so
you know, once you get back to you know, the
happiness because again being having kids and in a relationship
is going to go up and down.
Speaker 2 (09:51):
We learn as we go, so you know, now you're
just strictly busy. The one thing that I have learned,
which I think was was hurtful for you know, my marriage,
is the fact that Travis and I never had any
time to go out on dates.
Speaker 3 (10:12):
We just we didn't have the support.
Speaker 2 (10:13):
We didn't have family to help raise Gia, and you know,
we just didn't have friends around.
Speaker 3 (10:19):
Where we lived to do that.
Speaker 2 (10:21):
So that, to me, I think is super important that
you do to help keep the passion in their life
is to go out on hot dates.
Speaker 4 (10:32):
But how do you do that if you don't have support?
That's what I'm curious.
Speaker 3 (10:35):
Well, that's what I'm saying.
Speaker 2 (10:36):
Like if I'm just saying, I think it's very important
that you do find a way to have these dates, like.
Speaker 5 (10:43):
Maybe when they like like I remember having Patrick take
off an hour work during the day. Yeah, you know,
like when one of our babies was sleeping or napping. Yeah,
you know, like because we didn't always have support either,
like you know, in some ways.
Speaker 4 (10:56):
Sure.
Speaker 5 (10:57):
Also, okay, so here's the funny thing about hot dates.
Did you find when you were super busy and you
had a young you know, you was younger. Now, did
you find that dinner was even fun?
Speaker 3 (11:08):
No?
Speaker 5 (11:08):
Okay, because that's the other thing was trying to figure out,
like we would get all ready for the state and
we go eat at a medium ocre place, right, and
it was like we were forcing ourselves to like this,
but we were so dead tired, and then it's just
like we just wanted to get home. But then it's like, oh,
let's have one more glass of wine because.
Speaker 4 (11:25):
We paid this baby setter.
Speaker 5 (11:28):
You know, like maybe dates, these hot dates should be
like a Sunday morning, Like hire a babysitter on a
Sunday morning and go for brunch, get some mimosas in,
you come back, tell the babysitter go take the kids.
Speaker 4 (11:41):
To the park.
Speaker 2 (11:42):
Yes, so then and then you have more energy to
have sex.
Speaker 5 (11:47):
So that's what I'm thinking, you know, and my my
husband and I, you know, to keep it alive, you know,
well they're not gonna get too yeah no, but like, yeah,
I mean it's kind of had to shift like eight
PM dinners for us is.
Speaker 3 (11:59):
Like, well, you're tired, tired, tired, and we look tired.
Speaker 5 (12:02):
And then I'm like, oh, do I do you really
want to look at this?
Speaker 2 (12:08):
Yeah?
Speaker 3 (12:08):
No, kidding, no, but I do.
Speaker 2 (12:10):
I think it's it's really it's really really important to
keep that passion alive.
Speaker 5 (12:16):
Making the effort you're saying, making effort to do it.
And it doesn't have to look perfect.
Speaker 2 (12:20):
No, And it could just be like little things like
still being able to, I don't know, leave a cute
little post it note in in you know your husband's briefcase.
Speaker 3 (12:31):
Flirt Yes, things that word enough flirt?
Speaker 4 (12:35):
Flirt?
Speaker 2 (12:36):
Yeah, yeah, give a little pat on the button, yes,
you know when you when you walk by.
Speaker 5 (12:41):
I actually so with Patrick, And I don't know if
you know, if people know what he looks like, the
pokey the Yogi guy, but like a lot of a
lot of women like him, but his you know, and
he you know, he's just so like I don't know,
he's just so traditional in the sense like he really
doesn't like to you know, you wouldn't he's just not
an to that. But I'm like, please do because you
(13:02):
were like I trust you with all my heart. I
have no fears of this, but like I just like
smile a little bit more because it kind of turns
me on.
Speaker 4 (13:10):
He's like, stop it. I'm like, what a woman thinks
you're cute?
Speaker 3 (13:14):
That will get you in bed.
Speaker 5 (13:15):
Yeah, I'm not saying, don't play around with this, but
you know what I'm saying, like be communative of what
kind of like.
Speaker 3 (13:21):
Little well, we all have our things that.
Speaker 4 (13:26):
That nice. Like woman at the grocery store, I love it.
Speaker 3 (13:29):
Nice. Okay, let's do this your mine. I love it.
Speaker 2 (13:31):
You married a model and my boyfriend was a model.
Speaker 3 (13:35):
I know it's not so fun.
Speaker 5 (13:36):
Yeah, so you know what I'm talking about, like, you know,
don't do too much.
Speaker 3 (13:42):
Is he's got a little.
Speaker 2 (13:43):
Bit patrick, He's very humble. Yeah, he doesn't like paying
attention and hot. Everyone thinks he's you know, dropped dead gorgeous.
Speaker 5 (13:51):
Right but you know, but but isn't that kind of
sexy me Like I'm taking you home? Yes, but man,
and I like you could smile a little bit.
Speaker 3 (14:02):
No, No, that's very sweet, but it's true.
Speaker 2 (14:05):
Like again, you know, I learned things that I wish
I could have taken back that I wish you know,
in my marriage, right, we were to have been able
to do for ourselves because I think that would have
really helped because all the focus was on uh work
and you know, raising a child.
Speaker 3 (14:24):
So I think that's really.
Speaker 2 (14:26):
Important that you do find time for each other, especially
you know, you need that.
Speaker 5 (14:32):
Yeah, And I think you know, you're in a great
example of where hard work was something that was just
drilled into you in the sense of like you grew
up with that hard work. Ye you were so you
know you had a great mother. Oh so then you
put those two in such a priority, right, Yeah, And
that is amazing and inspiring. But then it's like, where
(14:53):
do we lose that other part of us? We don't
talk enough about that, And I think that's what's interesting
about this conversation. Yeah, you know we're but then also
women are forced to do so much. We're supposed to
be these grandmothers and these hard workers, and you're one
of the hardest working, like related bosses I've ever met.
You are so so committed and I just love that
(15:14):
about you. But it is interesting to have this conversation
and look at stuff in retrospect.
Speaker 4 (15:19):
Right, So as we're if you are a.
Speaker 5 (15:22):
Younger woman, right, we want to think about, like what
what are some things that we, like you said you
would change and do. So a lot of it is
just making that decision to take time, not over complicating it.
Speaker 4 (15:36):
Reaching out to the community.
Speaker 5 (15:37):
If there's a community email who baby sits around here?
Speaker 3 (15:40):
This is where you know.
Speaker 4 (15:41):
I am like you know, like I do.
Speaker 5 (15:44):
I'm with you like I'm I wish in the earlier
stages of my firstborn had I made more time with.
Speaker 3 (15:53):
Patrick. I think I just bypassed it.
Speaker 5 (15:55):
But again maybe not, maybe in retrospect it wasn't the
right time.
Speaker 2 (15:59):
But and especially if you if you you know, you
get married and you have children right away, then you
know it.
Speaker 1 (16:08):
You know.
Speaker 2 (16:09):
For for some you didn't have enough time. You didn't
have enough time for each other to celebrate, you know,
so you know your your marriage. But if you get
into having children run away, you know, then that that
dynamic change.
Speaker 4 (16:23):
Okay, can I just tell you one thing?
Speaker 5 (16:24):
Yes, okay, this is a little inappropriate and I think
my husband's gonna kill me.
Speaker 4 (16:27):
Okay, but you know how we like to have a
little fun on the show.
Speaker 5 (16:30):
Yes, okay, So about like five to six years into
a relationship, after about two babies, and so we have
three just so people.
Speaker 4 (16:38):
See our timeline here.
Speaker 2 (16:39):
You know.
Speaker 4 (16:40):
It was one of those things. It was like having
a little time to be children.
Speaker 5 (16:43):
Sure, yeah, I'll just call them the We just could
not find time, and I just was like, I'm so tired.
I don't have much time. I was like, and so
I said to him, what time? Kind of jokingly but
not really. It's just like, could we just do this
(17:06):
so fast that like like I could just be in
bed in like five minutes and like whatever.
Speaker 4 (17:12):
And he's like really, He's like, you'd want that?
Speaker 3 (17:16):
Did you say the so fast?
Speaker 4 (17:18):
I said so fast?
Speaker 3 (17:18):
So you're saying I just want to I just want
to quickie.
Speaker 5 (17:21):
Say, like like you know, pretend you're a single man,
I'm a secretary and we only have like the bathroom
and like a five minute break.
Speaker 4 (17:27):
I don't know, let's get let's get saying. He's like really,
and we had this like long conversation.
Speaker 5 (17:33):
He's like, why not, like you wanted you know this
and that, and like.
Speaker 3 (17:36):
I do sometime, you know I do.
Speaker 5 (17:38):
Yeah, I said, honestly, like seventy five percent of the time,
I'm a mom of two only you know, and like
and then now I'm a mom of three.
Speaker 4 (17:46):
We're you know, we both work and we're tired. Like,
I don't know, speed this stuff up.
Speaker 5 (17:52):
You get my you know, you get yours, I get mine,
and then and.
Speaker 4 (17:55):
Then when we have the time, we can do all
the fun.
Speaker 3 (17:58):
But sometimes you just want to get a good you
know what.
Speaker 4 (18:00):
And I feel like his.
Speaker 5 (18:02):
Brain was like blown. He was like really, and I'm like, yeah,
that's just so hard to believe. And he goes, I
don't know, he's like, I'm so glad you said that,
and I and so that's actually really helped.
Speaker 2 (18:14):
Well, he might have thought it was he might have
felt like you would have thought that was disrespectful exactly,
not to spend the time.
Speaker 4 (18:20):
So I think that was it.
Speaker 5 (18:21):
That that's so communicating, you know, like maybe you just
want one good one once a month that lasts an
hour or a couple real quick, Like honestly, I got it.
I got to get to my Netflix. White Lotus just
came out, yeah and three, I ain't got time for this,
but I do want some of this and you do, yeah, yeah,
five minutes, like five minutes like in and out, come on.
Speaker 3 (18:43):
I guess it's funny. No one intended a minute, a minute. Whatever.
Speaker 2 (18:47):
I know.
Speaker 4 (18:48):
Yeah, I think communication is good.
Speaker 3 (18:49):
It's good a lot of time. It's super important. But
it's very true. We all feel that way.
Speaker 4 (18:54):
Is I think communicating yeh.
Speaker 3 (18:55):
Communicating is so important.
Speaker 2 (18:57):
So the basis of this topic is really just find
the time to again focus on your relationship because you
know what we have. We've all been there where we
forget how important you forget.
Speaker 4 (19:12):
So this is your gentle reminder.
Speaker 5 (19:14):
Put your number one, your little morono.
Speaker 4 (19:19):
Yeah, we're on your shoulders.
Speaker 5 (19:21):
Yes, make the time, reach out to the community and
say hey, and then maybe like shift it instead of
a date night dinner, let's do date night.
Speaker 4 (19:32):
Brunch with some moments.
Speaker 5 (19:35):
Yeah, and your energies up, and then be really commutative
of what really gets you.
Speaker 3 (19:39):
Use that shower together. Use it's there for a reason.
Speaker 5 (19:44):
Although some women now use their shower time is like
get off me, that kind of moment, but you know once.
Speaker 2 (19:50):
In a while, yeah, yeah, yeah, exactly, Well I love it. Well,
keep the passion going, and uh yeah, I can't wait
to all about passion.
Speaker 3 (20:00):
I can't wait to get home to.
Speaker 5 (20:04):
This is the.
Speaker 1 (20:04):
Mattton Mom Squad podcast, a production of iHeartRadio.
Speaker 3 (20:08):
Here Every episode of Matton Mom Squad. Podcasts available on
the
Speaker 1 (20:11):
iHeartRadio app, Apple Music, or wherever you listen to your
favorite podcasts.
This is the Mad's Own Mom Squad podcast, a production
of iHeartRadio. Hard working real mamas having real conversations. Now
sit back, relax, and get ready to talk mom life
with Christa and her squad.
Speaker 2 (00:14):
All right, today, Miss Karina Kreid, we are not talking
about our children.
Speaker 3 (00:20):
We are talking about the men.
Speaker 2 (00:22):
In our lives that are in our lives that help
us to take care of their children. So that is
the fathers, yeah, or the heartners or your partner.
Speaker 3 (00:32):
So you know, let's be honest, sometimes we have.
Speaker 2 (00:37):
To put them in the backseat because we focus all
of our attention on our kids.
Speaker 4 (00:42):
Well how do you not?
Speaker 5 (00:43):
But I don't know how you balance all that, especially
when you first have a baby. Yeah, I mean you
basically have to be like sorry, partner, bye bye. Yeah,
because I've got a little human that needs literally one
hundred and ten percent of me.
Speaker 4 (00:54):
So it starts right from the beginning.
Speaker 5 (00:56):
Right when you have children, it changes your relationship completely everything.
Speaker 2 (01:00):
Yeah, So today I've today I would really like to
talk about, you know, ways that we can keep the
spark alive, especially when, like yourself, you've got three kids
under a very young age.
Speaker 3 (01:16):
I don't know why I'm repeating this. I just feel
like it needs to be emphasized.
Speaker 4 (01:20):
Repeat everything I say, just keep doing it.
Speaker 3 (01:22):
So I really want to talk about that. How do
we keep the.
Speaker 2 (01:25):
Spark in our marriage or in a relationship. I mean,
that's what is That's what we're here to talk about,
keeping the passion there.
Speaker 3 (01:32):
Oh my gosh, I hope you're not asking me how
do you keep the passion going in your marriage?
Speaker 5 (01:36):
Well, okay, this is this is like a this is
a loading topic.
Speaker 3 (01:42):
I'm like, I'm like, where do we begin.
Speaker 5 (01:45):
I think, I think the first thing that comes to
my mind, and then how about this, I'll share something
that I think was really beneficial, and then one thing
that I really screwed up on. Okay, okay, so right
away I think that we all need to have the
discussion and the word of just like peace in all
like give yourself peace. There is no taking care of
anyone keeping passion alive. There's none of that like set
(02:09):
the bar low, you know what I'm saying, Like, let's
not have that expectation. When the doctor says, well, in
like six weeks you can do a little dirty after
having body, I'm like, no, my nipples are cracked.
Speaker 4 (02:22):
The hold down, there is torn and no, no one's.
Speaker 5 (02:25):
Touching me for six years, that's what it feels like.
Speaker 2 (02:28):
I'm just gonna say that, No, you're not going to
be touching any of us until I feel okay with
my body to be touched. Right.
Speaker 5 (02:35):
And then you have the whole like postpartum thing where
after the baby even is kind of done with you
and you're moving to like maybe bottles or you're moving
to food, and you're not.
Speaker 4 (02:44):
As needed even there.
Speaker 5 (02:46):
It's like your body is so different that you need
to relearn that. So that's why I think we all
have to have peace with ourselves. Do not have expectations,
you know, at the bar has to be real low.
I'll tell you one thing that my husband and I
did prior to having kids that I really do think
help our passion and help our love stay strong.
Speaker 4 (03:04):
And this is a.
Speaker 5 (03:04):
Tip that I want to say a counselor gave us
because we were seeing a marriage counselor before you know,
before we got married.
Speaker 4 (03:15):
You know where you do that. Yeah, And it was
just a friend of ours. Actually it was a good friend.
Speaker 5 (03:19):
It wasn't anything affiliated with you know, a church or temple.
It was really just a friend who just said, hey,
can I just you know, as you grew up for this,
I'd love to And this is what she did and
we said, oh yeah, let's do this. So one of
the things that she taught us that I really admired,
and she had been married for like, oh she is
married and you know, sixty plus years or something ridiculous
(03:39):
like that, she had said, learn to fight.
Speaker 3 (03:43):
Ooh yeah, isn't that a good phrase? Learn to fight?
So tell us more.
Speaker 5 (03:48):
You're not not going to fight, absolutely, you're going to
fight more as you get married because all these things
come into it, right, Oh yeah, bills, children, passion, going throusers, stress, jobs, management,
and then you have another person you have to do
this with. She goes, you're going to fight now, whether
(04:11):
or not you want to try and keep it low
or however, you fight, but learn to do it.
Speaker 4 (04:16):
And that meant for us the.
Speaker 5 (04:19):
Biggest part of that learning to fight is that how
do you fight? So, like if you and I were
a couple, it would be christa, how do you fight?
And then and then reciprocate you.
Speaker 3 (04:32):
Ask me how do you fight? So I'll tell you.
Speaker 5 (04:35):
I'll be I'll be so I'll tell you how I fight.
I'm emotional. I like to yell, I like to slam
a door. I don't like to be physical, but like
with my surroundings a little bit.
Speaker 4 (04:46):
Like I want to be able to release.
Speaker 5 (04:49):
And I was taught at an early age at all
motions are okay, it's just making sure you do it
in a way that's not harmful.
Speaker 4 (04:58):
But I don't.
Speaker 5 (04:59):
I mean I look back at that, I'm like, I
don't know, I don't think that was totally you know,
like looking at like how we were raised, like we
were just allowed to kind of emode, I guess right,
And I like that that helped me. My husband could
not have come from a completely opposite background.
Speaker 2 (05:17):
Why did I imagine this is how your husband's going
to be.
Speaker 5 (05:20):
So like he was raised by like a judging, a lawyer,
Like you had to have evidence, like have time, Like
you don't raise your voice, you don't speak over each other,
you don't even eat with your mouth open, like that
was that was new for me.
Speaker 3 (05:32):
I was like, you just talk. I mean, it wasn't
like a feral animal.
Speaker 5 (05:36):
But we were definitely like Wisconsin, Harry, and you're like
blowing food all over them. So yeah, we had some
rocky patches in the beginning where I just wanted to
be mad and I wanted to yell a little bit.
I wanted to say this is you know, and I
used words like this is ridiculous.
Speaker 4 (05:52):
What do you think you know?
Speaker 5 (05:53):
Blah blah blah, and I don't. I think part of
that was a little immature.
Speaker 4 (05:57):
And I grew into that, you know, grew into.
Speaker 5 (06:00):
Doing that I should say, and I don't think. I
don't want to like make my parents look bad here.
They never told us to use like sharp words or
mean words, but like if you were mad, yeah, if
you yeah right. We didn't swear a whole lot. But
I think, you know, as I grew up, that probably
is where you know. I took it to so Patrick
and I had to sit down and he said, you know,
(06:20):
like he said to me, He's like, well, I don't
I don't like to fight loud, and I don't like
it when you say things that then you take back
because they really hurt me. So like if I say, well,
why don't you just move out if you don't like
the way I do this, Like if I say that
to him, you know, when people say stuff like that
and you're in the heat of it.
Speaker 3 (06:36):
Yes, you don't really mean it.
Speaker 2 (06:38):
You know, it's funny that you just brought that up
because I'm watching the show Dexter now on Netflix. Oh,
everybody loves it. That's exactly what Dexter's sister just said.
When he did you know, it's his relationship ended.
Speaker 3 (06:50):
And she's like, what are you stupid? She goes, I yell,
I'll tell you lies. I'll tell you to leave. I
don't mean it. I don't need to break up with you.
Speaker 2 (07:01):
Just because I said I want to break up with
you doesn't mean I want to break up with you.
It's because I'm mad, right, Okay, So that's so funny
because that's how I am.
Speaker 4 (07:08):
It's like I almost want to say everything.
Speaker 3 (07:10):
That I don't really mean to get out of my system.
We do it all the time.
Speaker 5 (07:14):
So I remember Patrick saying to me, He's like, well,
if you're really mad at me and you tell me
to go move out, I take that so seriously.
Speaker 4 (07:21):
Well on it. I think about it.
Speaker 5 (07:23):
I think, and then even if you come back and
you're like, oh, I'm sorry, and then I also I am
like I just want to get it out and yell,
and then like eight eight hours later, like after I
go for a walk or something, I'm like nothing, and
he's like I need to discuss this.
Speaker 3 (07:36):
I'm like, why it's over her?
Speaker 4 (07:38):
So we had to kind of I had to.
Speaker 5 (07:40):
Move in, he had to move out. Like we had
a ying and yang of ourselves. So I was like
very commutative, like, if I say things when I'm really
mad instead of taking it to heart, could you try
I'm gonna try not to, but if it slips, I
need you, I'm gonna try hard. That's my responsibility. I
need you to try hard to really not hear me
(08:01):
when I'm mad, and like let me, let me be mad,
and then let's circle back around and then I'll tell you, well, no,
I'm sorry. I don't want you to move out, but
it really you know. And then and then it's like
somehow I can come to my terms and he kind
of comes to his terms first, and then he kind
of gets like mad upset with me later.
Speaker 4 (08:18):
So it's almost like we're the opposite.
Speaker 3 (08:19):
Yeah, so we learned how to not do that. That's interesting.
Speaker 2 (08:22):
You and I are similar that way, Yeah, And I
always felt bad after doing that. And then and then
when I'm upset, I go quiet same, and I know
I can't do that because that's bad for communication.
Speaker 4 (08:35):
Absolutely.
Speaker 2 (08:36):
So I've again, I've learned a lot about my stuff, myself,
you know, and things I won't do, you know, my
next relationship.
Speaker 3 (08:44):
So yeah, because that doesn't get you anywhere.
Speaker 4 (08:47):
It doesn't.
Speaker 5 (08:47):
And that's a great awareness to it. Right, So that
was one thing that I thought was really really great.
And you know one thing I think you know, if
you're in any phase of a relationship, don't you think
that can keep passion up because you're not spending days
resenting mad.
Speaker 2 (09:02):
Well, and it's games, like stop with the games, like
it's right, it's just it's it's it's not good. And
and eventually, if it continues all the time, it's going
to escalate, and then it is going to it's going
to put a very big damper on your relationship. And
then you're going to have this resent I resent you
and is it worth it? No?
Speaker 3 (09:23):
And then you do not want to be touched by no?
Speaker 5 (09:25):
No, Then and then you're like mad, and you're so mad,
you know, it's like weeks of madness.
Speaker 3 (09:31):
So who's going to get dirty with that? Get out
of my head, Get.
Speaker 6 (09:34):
Out of my go sleep downair, go to the couch,
so you know, so you yeah, communication is key, so
you know, once you get back to you know, the
happiness because again being having kids and in a relationship
is going to go up and down.
Speaker 2 (09:51):
We learn as we go, so you know, now you're
just strictly busy. The one thing that I have learned,
which I think was was hurtful for you know, my marriage,
is the fact that Travis and I never had any
time to go out on dates.
Speaker 3 (10:12):
We just we didn't have the support.
Speaker 2 (10:13):
We didn't have family to help raise Gia, and you know,
we just didn't have friends around.
Speaker 3 (10:19):
Where we lived to do that.
Speaker 2 (10:21):
So that, to me, I think is super important that
you do to help keep the passion in their life
is to go out on hot dates.
Speaker 4 (10:32):
But how do you do that if you don't have support?
That's what I'm curious.
Speaker 3 (10:35):
Well, that's what I'm saying.
Speaker 2 (10:36):
Like if I'm just saying, I think it's very important
that you do find a way to have these dates, like.
Speaker 5 (10:43):
Maybe when they like like I remember having Patrick take
off an hour work during the day. Yeah, you know,
like when one of our babies was sleeping or napping. Yeah,
you know, like because we didn't always have support either,
like you know, in some ways.
Speaker 4 (10:56):
Sure.
Speaker 5 (10:57):
Also, okay, so here's the funny thing about hot dates.
Did you find when you were super busy and you
had a young you know, you was younger. Now, did
you find that dinner was even fun?
Speaker 3 (11:08):
No?
Speaker 5 (11:08):
Okay, because that's the other thing was trying to figure out,
like we would get all ready for the state and
we go eat at a medium ocre place, right, and
it was like we were forcing ourselves to like this,
but we were so dead tired, and then it's just
like we just wanted to get home. But then it's like, oh,
let's have one more glass of wine because.
Speaker 4 (11:25):
We paid this baby setter.
Speaker 5 (11:28):
You know, like maybe dates, these hot dates should be
like a Sunday morning, Like hire a babysitter on a
Sunday morning and go for brunch, get some mimosas in,
you come back, tell the babysitter go take the kids.
Speaker 4 (11:41):
To the park.
Speaker 2 (11:42):
Yes, so then and then you have more energy to
have sex.
Speaker 5 (11:47):
So that's what I'm thinking, you know, and my my
husband and I, you know, to keep it alive, you know,
well they're not gonna get too yeah no, but like, yeah,
I mean it's kind of had to shift like eight
PM dinners for us is.
Speaker 3 (11:59):
Like, well, you're tired, tired, tired, and we look tired.
Speaker 5 (12:02):
And then I'm like, oh, do I do you really
want to look at this?
Speaker 2 (12:08):
Yeah?
Speaker 3 (12:08):
No, kidding, no, but I do.
Speaker 2 (12:10):
I think it's it's really it's really really important to
keep that passion alive.
Speaker 5 (12:16):
Making the effort you're saying, making effort to do it.
And it doesn't have to look perfect.
Speaker 2 (12:20):
No, And it could just be like little things like
still being able to, I don't know, leave a cute
little post it note in in you know your husband's briefcase.
Speaker 3 (12:31):
Flirt Yes, things that word enough flirt?
Speaker 4 (12:35):
Flirt?
Speaker 2 (12:36):
Yeah, yeah, give a little pat on the button, yes,
you know when you when you walk by.
Speaker 5 (12:41):
I actually so with Patrick, And I don't know if
you know, if people know what he looks like, the
pokey the Yogi guy, but like a lot of a
lot of women like him, but his you know, and
he you know, he's just so like I don't know,
he's just so traditional in the sense like he really
doesn't like to you know, you wouldn't he's just not
an to that. But I'm like, please do because you
(13:02):
were like I trust you with all my heart. I
have no fears of this, but like I just like
smile a little bit more because it kind of turns
me on.
Speaker 4 (13:10):
He's like, stop it. I'm like, what a woman thinks
you're cute?
Speaker 3 (13:14):
That will get you in bed.
Speaker 5 (13:15):
Yeah, I'm not saying, don't play around with this, but
you know what I'm saying, like be communative of what
kind of like.
Speaker 3 (13:21):
Little well, we all have our things that.
Speaker 4 (13:26):
That nice. Like woman at the grocery store, I love it.
Speaker 3 (13:29):
Nice. Okay, let's do this your mine. I love it.
Speaker 2 (13:31):
You married a model and my boyfriend was a model.
Speaker 3 (13:35):
I know it's not so fun.
Speaker 5 (13:36):
Yeah, so you know what I'm talking about, like, you know,
don't do too much.
Speaker 3 (13:42):
Is he's got a little.
Speaker 2 (13:43):
Bit patrick, He's very humble. Yeah, he doesn't like paying
attention and hot. Everyone thinks he's you know, dropped dead gorgeous.
Speaker 5 (13:51):
Right but you know, but but isn't that kind of
sexy me Like I'm taking you home? Yes, but man,
and I like you could smile a little bit.
Speaker 3 (14:02):
No, No, that's very sweet, but it's true.
Speaker 2 (14:05):
Like again, you know, I learned things that I wish
I could have taken back that I wish you know,
in my marriage, right, we were to have been able
to do for ourselves because I think that would have
really helped because all the focus was on uh work
and you know, raising a child.
Speaker 3 (14:24):
So I think that's really.
Speaker 2 (14:26):
Important that you do find time for each other, especially
you know, you need that.
Speaker 5 (14:32):
Yeah, And I think you know, you're in a great
example of where hard work was something that was just
drilled into you in the sense of like you grew
up with that hard work. Ye you were so you
know you had a great mother. Oh so then you
put those two in such a priority, right, Yeah, And
that is amazing and inspiring. But then it's like, where
(14:53):
do we lose that other part of us? We don't
talk enough about that, And I think that's what's interesting
about this conversation. Yeah, you know we're but then also
women are forced to do so much. We're supposed to
be these grandmothers and these hard workers, and you're one
of the hardest working, like related bosses I've ever met.
You are so so committed and I just love that
(15:14):
about you. But it is interesting to have this conversation
and look at stuff in retrospect.
Speaker 4 (15:19):
Right, So as we're if you are a.
Speaker 5 (15:22):
Younger woman, right, we want to think about, like what
what are some things that we, like you said you
would change and do. So a lot of it is
just making that decision to take time, not over complicating it.
Speaker 4 (15:36):
Reaching out to the community.
Speaker 5 (15:37):
If there's a community email who baby sits around here?
Speaker 3 (15:40):
This is where you know.
Speaker 4 (15:41):
I am like you know, like I do.
Speaker 5 (15:44):
I'm with you like I'm I wish in the earlier
stages of my firstborn had I made more time with.
Speaker 3 (15:53):
Patrick. I think I just bypassed it.
Speaker 5 (15:55):
But again maybe not, maybe in retrospect it wasn't the
right time.
Speaker 2 (15:59):
But and especially if you if you you know, you
get married and you have children right away, then you
know it.
Speaker 1 (16:08):
You know.
Speaker 2 (16:09):
For for some you didn't have enough time. You didn't
have enough time for each other to celebrate, you know,
so you know your your marriage. But if you get
into having children run away, you know, then that that
dynamic change.
Speaker 4 (16:23):
Okay, can I just tell you one thing?
Speaker 5 (16:24):
Yes, okay, this is a little inappropriate and I think
my husband's gonna kill me.
Speaker 4 (16:27):
Okay, but you know how we like to have a
little fun on the show.
Speaker 5 (16:30):
Yes, okay, So about like five to six years into
a relationship, after about two babies, and so we have
three just so people.
Speaker 4 (16:38):
See our timeline here.
Speaker 2 (16:39):
You know.
Speaker 4 (16:40):
It was one of those things. It was like having
a little time to be children.
Speaker 5 (16:43):
Sure, yeah, I'll just call them the We just could
not find time, and I just was like, I'm so tired.
I don't have much time. I was like, and so
I said to him, what time? Kind of jokingly but
not really. It's just like, could we just do this
(17:06):
so fast that like like I could just be in
bed in like five minutes and like whatever.
Speaker 4 (17:12):
And he's like really, He's like, you'd want that?
Speaker 3 (17:16):
Did you say the so fast?
Speaker 4 (17:18):
I said so fast?
Speaker 3 (17:18):
So you're saying I just want to I just want
to quickie.
Speaker 5 (17:21):
Say, like like you know, pretend you're a single man,
I'm a secretary and we only have like the bathroom
and like a five minute break.
Speaker 4 (17:27):
I don't know, let's get let's get saying. He's like really,
and we had this like long conversation.
Speaker 5 (17:33):
He's like, why not, like you wanted you know this
and that, and like.
Speaker 3 (17:36):
I do sometime, you know I do.
Speaker 5 (17:38):
Yeah, I said, honestly, like seventy five percent of the time,
I'm a mom of two only you know, and like
and then now I'm a mom of three.
Speaker 4 (17:46):
We're you know, we both work and we're tired. Like,
I don't know, speed this stuff up.
Speaker 5 (17:52):
You get my you know, you get yours, I get mine,
and then and.
Speaker 4 (17:55):
Then when we have the time, we can do all
the fun.
Speaker 3 (17:58):
But sometimes you just want to get a good you
know what.
Speaker 4 (18:00):
And I feel like his.
Speaker 5 (18:02):
Brain was like blown. He was like really, and I'm like, yeah,
that's just so hard to believe. And he goes, I
don't know, he's like, I'm so glad you said that,
and I and so that's actually really helped.
Speaker 2 (18:14):
Well, he might have thought it was he might have
felt like you would have thought that was disrespectful exactly,
not to spend the time.
Speaker 4 (18:20):
So I think that was it.
Speaker 5 (18:21):
That that's so communicating, you know, like maybe you just
want one good one once a month that lasts an
hour or a couple real quick, Like honestly, I got it.
I got to get to my Netflix. White Lotus just
came out, yeah and three, I ain't got time for this,
but I do want some of this and you do, yeah, yeah,
five minutes, like five minutes like in and out, come on.
Speaker 3 (18:43):
I guess it's funny. No one intended a minute, a minute. Whatever.
Speaker 2 (18:47):
I know.
Speaker 4 (18:48):
Yeah, I think communication is good.
Speaker 3 (18:49):
It's good a lot of time. It's super important. But
it's very true. We all feel that way.
Speaker 4 (18:54):
Is I think communicating yeh.
Speaker 3 (18:55):
Communicating is so important.
Speaker 2 (18:57):
So the basis of this topic is really just find
the time to again focus on your relationship because you
know what we have. We've all been there where we
forget how important you forget.
Speaker 4 (19:12):
So this is your gentle reminder.
Speaker 5 (19:14):
Put your number one, your little morono.
Speaker 4 (19:19):
Yeah, we're on your shoulders.
Speaker 5 (19:21):
Yes, make the time, reach out to the community and
say hey, and then maybe like shift it instead of
a date night dinner, let's do date night.
Speaker 4 (19:32):
Brunch with some moments.
Speaker 5 (19:35):
Yeah, and your energies up, and then be really commutative
of what really gets you.
Speaker 3 (19:39):
Use that shower together. Use it's there for a reason.
Speaker 5 (19:44):
Although some women now use their shower time is like
get off me, that kind of moment, but you know once.
Speaker 2 (19:50):
In a while, yeah, yeah, yeah, exactly, Well I love it. Well,
keep the passion going, and uh yeah, I can't wait
to all about passion.
Speaker 3 (20:00):
I can't wait to get home to.
Speaker 5 (20:04):
This is the.
Speaker 1 (20:04):
Mattton Mom Squad podcast, a production of iHeartRadio.
Speaker 3 (20:08):
Here Every episode of Matton Mom Squad. Podcasts available on
the
Speaker 1 (20:11):
iHeartRadio app, Apple Music, or wherever you listen to your
favorite podcasts.
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