This week Dr. Jaz continues to interview Krista when it comes to writing her self-help book for young ladies who have suffered trauma in their lives. In today's segment Dr. Jaz talks to Krista about "Grace" and what that means to her. Krista explains how giving herself "Grace" has helped heal her past and how it has empowered her future self!
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Speaker 1 (00:01):
This is the Mad Town Mom Squad podcast, a production
of iHeartRadio. Hard working real mamas having real conversations. Now
sit back, relax, and get ready to talk mom life
with Christa and her squad.
Speaker 2 (00:14):
Welcome to another episode of the Mad Town Mom Squad.
It is me Doctor Jazz here, and we're here with
the amazing Christa, author extraordinary and radio hosts and queen
of communication. Oh my god, how you doing today, Krista?
Speaker 3 (00:29):
Oh gosh, I don't know. After that, it's a lot better.
You're sweet, I'm good. I'm good.
Speaker 4 (00:35):
You know we're making the money. We're hustling, Yes, doing
our podcast today, so which is always fun.
Speaker 2 (00:42):
Yeah, how about you.
Speaker 4 (00:43):
I'm just delivering babies and well making things happen. Yes.
Speaker 2 (00:47):
I love my job of being able to see new
life come into the world when the babies are being born,
whether it's a vaginal delivery or c section, I'm there
with the blanket to receive the babies and if they
need help them and it's really a blessing my clinical
work that I get to still do.
Speaker 3 (01:05):
Yeah.
Speaker 4 (01:05):
Yeah, I had a sea section, so I remember I
was like, oh, there goes my baby.
Speaker 2 (01:09):
Yeah yeah, yeah, I had one vaginal delivery and three
sea sections. I've had three of them.
Speaker 4 (01:16):
If you could do it all over again, would you
do just do all sea sections?
Speaker 2 (01:22):
I had a I had different experience for both. I
loved the vaginal of I had no pain medicine, and
I was very It was my first one, so this
sixteen years ago, and I was like, I just want
to feel the rawness of how it feels to be
a woman. And when I was doing it, I was
screaming and just like it was a whole, big a lot.
(01:43):
But I at the end of the day, I loved
having just that experience. But I do say the sea
sections were kind of like, oh, I didn't have to
go through all of that, you know, hard labor. So
you know, both of them were beautiful experiences. And so
today I wanted to talk a little bit about you
(02:03):
talk about we're out here making this money, doing it,
living our best lives. Talk about giving yourself grace along
that journey.
Speaker 4 (02:12):
That's such an important word.
Speaker 2 (02:14):
Yes, especially as moms, giving ourself grace is very very important.
And for those of you who don't know, you should
know by now. But miss Christa is writing a book
and this is one of her chapter topics. So can
I interview you about grace? Yes, giving yourself grace? Okay,
(02:37):
let's just jump right into it because this is a
very very important topic in your own words before I
ask you about any specific stories in your own words?
What does it mean the word grace to give yourself grace?
What does that even mean?
Speaker 3 (02:56):
Time?
Speaker 4 (03:00):
Allowing yourself that that gift to yourself, Give yourself the
time however long you need to heal from what you
just went through.
Speaker 2 (03:11):
Yeah, yes, I love that.
Speaker 4 (03:15):
I can't tell you how many people would say that
to me when I went through my divorce. How many
times did I say that to now my friends who
that have since gone through a divorce. I'm like, just
give yourself grace, you know, Yeah, there any situation, Yeah,
but yeah for those Yeah, it's important.
Speaker 2 (03:34):
Now you say it's important, Why is it so important?
What would happen if people who are going through whether
it's a divorce or healing from something that happens to them.
What goes wrong if you don't give yourself.
Speaker 4 (03:47):
Grace because you're then denying your truth, if you do
not allow yourself to step out of what just occurred
and to heal and to think about what just happened.
Most likely, I think for a lot of people, you're
gonna continue with those same patterns. You're gonna continue with
(04:08):
that same pain that's going to just sit inside of
you and you're just gonna walk through life not being
released from that. So to give yourself grace is really
to give yourself that time that you need to work
on yourself, especially if you know, if you, you know,
for the moms out there, if you if you know,
I get it, if you, if you had the beautiful family,
(04:30):
you know, you had your husband, you had, you had life,
and then it's just ripped right, you know, underneath you.
I mean it is You've got to take time, you know,
for yourself. It took me three years to work on myself.
Speaker 2 (04:46):
That's a lot of beautiful.
Speaker 4 (04:48):
Grace, you know what. And I wanted to and I
learned a lot. And I'm not the same person that
I used to be.
Speaker 3 (04:55):
You know.
Speaker 4 (04:56):
I took things that I learned, things that I wish
I didn't do. I I learned the pros and cons.
I'd learned what I want to, you know, bring into
my next relationships. I realized my surroundings of people that
aren't good for me so you know, you got to
let those people go, so you know, don't rush it
(05:17):
and don't blame yourself. Do you know how many times
that we blame ourself for everything? You know? Wow, it
takes two people, most of you know, we know that
for a lot. Friendships two people, relationships two people.
Speaker 3 (05:33):
Wow.
Speaker 2 (05:33):
No, that's that's powerful, a powerful perspective on grace.
Speaker 3 (05:38):
Yeah.
Speaker 2 (05:39):
Yeah, friendships and relationships require two people. So you can't blame.
Speaker 3 (05:45):
Yourself, no, but we always do, right, yes, okay, okay, No,
I'm the piece of you know what, and I'm the one.
Speaker 2 (05:52):
Yeah right, Yeah.
Speaker 3 (05:54):
You can be mean to yourself, that's for sure.
Speaker 1 (05:56):
Yeah.
Speaker 2 (05:56):
Yeah, And so tell me it's so beautiful. I love
how you've been three years that it took you on
this grace journey. A lot of people say, okay, for
the next month, for the next twelve months, I'm going
to give myself grace. Wow, three years of allowing yourself
time to heal grace. I love that. Can you share
(06:16):
a little bit about what specifically that looked like for
you giving yourself grace? Give me more examples and like
what that look like?
Speaker 4 (06:27):
You know, just I mean during that time, I just
you know, especially going through a divorce.
Speaker 3 (06:31):
I really just had to.
Speaker 4 (06:34):
I mean, you're already going through a process of if
you're going to if you're in that process of you know.
Speaker 3 (06:40):
What the family is in heartbreak.
Speaker 4 (06:43):
And having to make that decision Number one is the
hardest decision that you'll ever make, is to make that decision.
But it's the best decision that you can do. So
it's learning to live with that Number one, that you
know what are family is going to not be together anymore.
Speaker 3 (06:59):
So you got to live with that.
Speaker 4 (07:00):
You got to learn to forgive yourself for that, and
then you got to learn then, now I have this
new life, I got to relearn who I am because
right now that's all you know.
Speaker 3 (07:12):
Your identity was with this other person. Now it's you.
Speaker 4 (07:15):
Yes, you know you're most likely going to move from
one home to a different home. You're most likely going
to downsize, You're you know you're gonna have to learn
what co parenting is. You got to be there now
emotionally for your child to make sure they stay strong
while you stay strong. Yes, and so there's that time, right,
(07:35):
and then there's just other things too. Though. That went
on through my life professionally, and then you know.
Speaker 3 (07:44):
Personally with you know.
Speaker 4 (07:46):
Trauma that that was during that time was when I
needed to take a time away from work and to
finally seek that edmr. So it's like everything like just
happened within those three years. I was like, damn. I
was like, this is probably the these last three years
is probably the hardest things that I've ever been through
outside of the death of my parents.
Speaker 2 (08:07):
That's pretty profound to say.
Speaker 3 (08:09):
Right, but for me to work on me, it was
these three years.
Speaker 1 (08:14):
Wow.
Speaker 2 (08:15):
Have you ever worked on you that intentionally? Never in
your life?
Speaker 4 (08:19):
No?
Speaker 2 (08:21):
Okay, because I always put myself last. Okay, I know
that I can be guilty of that as well, putting
everybody first. And I bet you some of our listeners
can relate to that as well, always putting yourself last,
but giving yourself grace is in and of itself like
putting you first. Wow. That's good. And my last question
(08:46):
for people who are navigating divorce, healing after abuse or
trauma or something traumatic that happened in their life, whatever
it may be for them, if they're listening right now
or they are literally reading the pages of your book,
I want you to somebody on a sofa right now
or cuddled up reading your book in pain because of
(09:07):
something that has happened to them. I just want you
to imagine like they're literally hearing your voice in their
head right now, because they're literally reading the pages right
at this moment. What would you say to them about
giving themselves grace on their journey? What final words would
you say related to that?
Speaker 4 (09:23):
To you?
Speaker 3 (09:24):
You're not alone.
Speaker 4 (09:26):
Believe me, you are not alone, and your feelings are justified,
and there's always someone out there that can identify with you.
It never feels shameful for things that you've done. We
all regret, believe me, we all regret things that we've
done in our life.
Speaker 3 (09:45):
I mean, no one's perfect. M I love that, but.
Speaker 4 (09:53):
Just know that you can have a very happy new life,
you know what I mean. Sometimes we think there's like, no,
that's it, I'm done.
Speaker 3 (10:03):
I had I was given.
Speaker 4 (10:04):
My chance, and I blew it. Like right, we take
it upon ourselves. No, I blew it.
Speaker 3 (10:09):
That's when I say, well, you know it takes.
Speaker 4 (10:11):
Two but oh no, there's a whole other world waiting
for you, right, you can create all.
Speaker 3 (10:18):
The way you want.
Speaker 4 (10:20):
Yes, yeah, we got to get out of our mindset
that way, we do.
Speaker 3 (10:25):
That a lot to ourselves.
Speaker 4 (10:26):
Yeah, we listen to depressing songs for gosh things.
Speaker 3 (10:29):
I'm the worst at it.
Speaker 2 (10:33):
To stop listening to songs.
Speaker 3 (10:35):
You gotta stop.
Speaker 4 (10:36):
Sitting down in the middle of your kitchen looking up
at the sky cry. Get rid of the alcohol, get
rid of the things that numb your pain.
Speaker 3 (10:47):
That's what we do. Not going to help it. Believe me,
it's not going to help it.
Speaker 2 (10:52):
Wow. And and and that is giving yourself grace in
time to hear Wow. Anything else to add about the
topic of grace, Giving yourself grace that I didn't ask about.
Speaker 3 (11:11):
No, but always be willing to give someone else grace.
Speaker 4 (11:18):
You know, even when I talk about my divorce, my
ex husband Travis is one of my dearest friends. Yeah,
and we will continue, and I wish more and I
wish that upon more families you know that go through
through that. Yeah, that's what I would hope.
Speaker 2 (11:39):
No, that's actually powerful because if you give yourself grace,
but you're holding on to bitterness and anger for someone else,
that's going to impact.
Speaker 3 (11:49):
You and your child.
Speaker 2 (11:53):
So yeah, so as you give yourself grace, remember to
give others grace.
Speaker 3 (12:00):
M Because again, no one's perfect. We all fuck up.
Speaker 2 (12:08):
Okay, Oh that's so, that's that's all. That's all good.
But give yourself grace even after that. Okay ooh, okay,
this is gonna be good. Now you have successfully completed
chapter five. Yay. Yeah, And now I'm gonna tell you
(12:35):
so this is a good, good lesson in books. And
I'm gonna read you your chapter. Before I read you
your chapter, We're gonna do a a quick quick tip
about as far as where you want the books to go?
Do you want this your vision and for any other
readers who are writing books, is your vision for this
amazing book about healing? Is your vision for it to
(12:56):
be able to be used in like a schools settings
for schools for like girls or not girls, just guys
and girls in like school settings, like high school settings, Oh,
things like that.
Speaker 4 (13:13):
Yes, I mean I would love to you know, through
schools and then you know, I'd love to you know,
help women then and seminars.
Speaker 3 (13:22):
Because you know I'm talking.
Speaker 4 (13:23):
This book is all it is all about, you know,
childhood trauma, but maneuvering into a journey of becoming a
woman in adulthood and living life, you know, and learning
how to succeed and be happy with all that crap.
Speaker 3 (13:41):
In the middle of it. It can happen.
Speaker 2 (13:43):
I love that. Okay, No, that's just gonna help me
that that that will help me as I read you
back your check. Okay question no, no, no, no, it's helpful
for me because it depends on your audience. If it's
like strictly adult audience versus you want to get in schools,
we all f up. We might say no, it's okay,
(14:08):
but I just want to know because in the book,
like if you want to get in schools and stuff like,
there's certain even for me, Like I'm very am a
faith filled person and I talk a lot about that
personally my personal journey. But when you're going into schools,
if you title your book this is how the Lord
saved Me, You're not going to get to get into
(14:31):
school because you can't do that. But if I'm partnering
with like churches or other things, I can title a
book like that. So you have to be strategic. Yeah,
you know what places you're going to move in. So
then if you're if you want your book to have
an audience where you high schools can buy one hundred
copies of your book and you come in as a
keynote speaker and sign it for all the kids. We're
(14:52):
more careful with, like you know, any graphic sexual scenes
or how much swearing is in there versus if is
for like just a pure adult recovery audience. And you know,
like that's all I want to talk to in your book.
It's actually impactful to swear a couple of times or
do things like that. So that's why I was just.
Speaker 4 (15:14):
Your audience from teen Girls exactly exactly.
Speaker 2 (15:19):
So for this book, we're gonna say you all up.
So we're not going to say that, but that's just
a good lesson from like, you know, strategic planning for
your book. All right, So I'm gonna read you back
your chapter. We're gonna knock it out, and we're just
gonna give the audience a sneak peek of what it
means to have grace, to give yourself grace. And this
(15:42):
is chapter five, all right, dear reader, thank you for
taking the time to make it this far in the book.
The fact that you've made it this far again shows
that you are committed to your healing journey, and I
am so proud of you on your healing journey. From
any traumatic event that has happened to you. On your
(16:06):
healing journey, it is so important to do one simple thing,
and that is to give yourself grace. In my own definition,
giving yourself grace means time. Allowing yourself time as a
(16:27):
gift that you can give yourself however long you need
to heal is okay, but that's what it means to
give yourself grace. I can't tell you how many people
reached out to me after I went through my divorce
to tell me this exact thing, to give myself grace
(16:49):
and time, And I can't say how much that became
true in my life. If you don't give yourself grace,
you're denying your truth of what just happen to you.
What just happened to you was life changing, and you
need to give your sign yourself time to think about that.
(17:10):
If you don't give yourself grace and the time you
need to heal and process all of that, you're gonna
continue with the same patterns and pain throughout your life,
and you're gonna just walk through life with it not
being released, and that's going to cause you problems and
you will never truly heal. Grace means giving yourself time
(17:34):
to heal and to work on you. This is especially
important for moms going through a divorce like my situation.
If you had a partner or a husband and the
life you've built is ripped from under you, you have
to take time and grace to heal. Regarding my personal
(17:59):
sins story, it took me three years to heal in
the process of my divorce, and over that time, I
gave myself grace to just pause and reflect on what happened.
I also learned so much during that time. I learned
about myself. I learned about what I wanted to bring
(18:22):
into the next relationship, and I didn't rush it. I
also learned not to blame myself. That's something that I
want all of you readers to know. Don't blame yourself.
Friendships and relationships require two people, so you can't blame yourself,
and giving yourself grace is reminding yourself of that. Also,
(18:47):
as you give yourself grace for me, I had to
remind myself that I needed to live with the decision
that I made for us personally. It was one of
the hardest decisions to make to go through with the divorce,
but it was the best thing for our family. I
had to take time to process that and forgive myself.
But after you start to build that new life, you
(19:10):
have to learn to relearn who you are, and that's
what I had to do the three years that I
spent and I'm still spending giving myself grace. I am
relearning who I am and reminding myself that my identity,
even though it's no longer with that other person, I
am still someone who is worthy over my time. What
(19:34):
given myself grace looked like was being gentle with myself
as I learned how to co parent and stay strong
for my kid. A lot of things were also happening
during those three years that tried to knock me down,
such as issues with work, issues with different abusive situations
that happened in my life all around that same time
(19:56):
as I was getting a divorce. However, now more than ever,
I knew that I needed to give myself grace and
time to heal and just process all that was going on.
Those three years were honestly the hardest three years of
my life outside of the death of my parents, and
(20:17):
I had to acknowledge that and give myself grace as
I navigated through that and for me. That was powerful
because all my life I had always put other people first,
but now it was time to put myself first. And
that is grace. In closing, if you are listening to
(20:40):
this book, or you are reading the pages of each
chapter and you are feeling down, or you are feeling
distraught because of whatever situation you're going through, I want
you to know from my heart that you are not alone.
Your feelings are justified. There's always someone who can relate
(21:03):
to you. I also want you to never feel ashamed
about what you've done. No one is perfect. Just know
that you can still have a happy new life. Sometimes
we think we blew our chance, but remember there is
a whole other world outside waiting for you, and you
can create it. Give yourself grace. Stop listening to those
(21:27):
depressing songs. Get rid of the alcohol that numbs your pain.
It's not gonna help. Nothing can replace taking the time
to heal and give yourself grace. Also, something really important
that I want to share is that as you are
on the journey to give in yourself grace, always be
(21:48):
willing to give someone else grace as well. My ex
husband is actually now one of my dearest friends and
I actually wish that situation on more families because holding
on to bitterness and anger, that's gonna impact you. So
as you are on your journey of giving your self grace,
(22:09):
make sure you're giving grace to others as well. We
all f up, but you need to remember to give
your self grace. Yeah, yeah, Chris, your book is so
good like this. So I'm just I just want to
say I'm so proud of you. And I know I
(22:29):
say it all the time, but I really am proud
of you. You went through a lot and this is
really good. It's blessing me just to hear all these chapters.
I'm so proud of you.
Speaker 4 (22:37):
I can't believe we didn't Yes, wow, Okay, so now
and then.
Speaker 2 (22:42):
We're close you, we're almost done. You got just a
couple more chapters. Sneak peak. Chapter six is learning to
let go okay, don't let it own you, and then
knowing you aren't alone. I've got you. That's gonna be
like a love letter to your readers to close out
the book. And yes, so for everybody listening, this is
a heavy, heavy chapter, but we want to just send
(23:05):
you love and whoever's listening out there, whatever, situation you're
going through. Take a moment to just pause. You are
doing a good job. You are an amazing mama, you
are amazing business owner. You're amazing individual, just human in life.
Don't be tough on yourself.
Speaker 4 (23:22):
Just give you so great Oh right, gosh, I'm off.
Speaker 2 (23:26):
All right. Well that's the wrap. We got it.
Speaker 3 (23:28):
Just in there.
Speaker 2 (23:29):
That was good, all right, Proud of you. I love you. Bye.
Speaker 1 (23:32):
This is the Matton Mom Squad podcast, a production of iHeartRadio.
Here Every episode of Maton Mom Squad podcasts available on
the iHeartRadio app, Apple Music, or wherever you listen to
your favorite podcasts.
This is the Mad Town Mom Squad podcast, a production
of iHeartRadio. Hard working real mamas having real conversations. Now
sit back, relax, and get ready to talk mom life
with Christa and her squad.
Speaker 2 (00:14):
Welcome to another episode of the Mad Town Mom Squad.
It is me Doctor Jazz here, and we're here with
the amazing Christa, author extraordinary and radio hosts and queen
of communication. Oh my god, how you doing today, Krista?
Speaker 3 (00:29):
Oh gosh, I don't know. After that, it's a lot better.
You're sweet, I'm good. I'm good.
Speaker 4 (00:35):
You know we're making the money. We're hustling, Yes, doing
our podcast today, so which is always fun.
Speaker 2 (00:42):
Yeah, how about you.
Speaker 4 (00:43):
I'm just delivering babies and well making things happen. Yes.
Speaker 2 (00:47):
I love my job of being able to see new
life come into the world when the babies are being born,
whether it's a vaginal delivery or c section, I'm there
with the blanket to receive the babies and if they
need help them and it's really a blessing my clinical
work that I get to still do.
Speaker 3 (01:05):
Yeah.
Speaker 4 (01:05):
Yeah, I had a sea section, so I remember I
was like, oh, there goes my baby.
Speaker 2 (01:09):
Yeah yeah, yeah, I had one vaginal delivery and three
sea sections. I've had three of them.
Speaker 4 (01:16):
If you could do it all over again, would you
do just do all sea sections?
Speaker 2 (01:22):
I had a I had different experience for both. I
loved the vaginal of I had no pain medicine, and
I was very It was my first one, so this
sixteen years ago, and I was like, I just want
to feel the rawness of how it feels to be
a woman. And when I was doing it, I was
screaming and just like it was a whole, big a lot.
(01:43):
But I at the end of the day, I loved
having just that experience. But I do say the sea
sections were kind of like, oh, I didn't have to
go through all of that, you know, hard labor. So
you know, both of them were beautiful experiences. And so
today I wanted to talk a little bit about you
(02:03):
talk about we're out here making this money, doing it,
living our best lives. Talk about giving yourself grace along
that journey.
Speaker 4 (02:12):
That's such an important word.
Speaker 2 (02:14):
Yes, especially as moms, giving ourself grace is very very important.
And for those of you who don't know, you should
know by now. But miss Christa is writing a book
and this is one of her chapter topics. So can
I interview you about grace? Yes, giving yourself grace? Okay,
(02:37):
let's just jump right into it because this is a
very very important topic in your own words before I
ask you about any specific stories in your own words?
What does it mean the word grace to give yourself grace?
What does that even mean?
Speaker 3 (02:56):
Time?
Speaker 4 (03:00):
Allowing yourself that that gift to yourself, Give yourself the
time however long you need to heal from what you
just went through.
Speaker 2 (03:11):
Yeah, yes, I love that.
Speaker 4 (03:15):
I can't tell you how many people would say that
to me when I went through my divorce. How many
times did I say that to now my friends who
that have since gone through a divorce. I'm like, just
give yourself grace, you know, Yeah, there any situation, Yeah,
but yeah for those Yeah, it's important.
Speaker 2 (03:34):
Now you say it's important, Why is it so important?
What would happen if people who are going through whether
it's a divorce or healing from something that happens to them.
What goes wrong if you don't give yourself.
Speaker 4 (03:47):
Grace because you're then denying your truth, if you do
not allow yourself to step out of what just occurred
and to heal and to think about what just happened.
Most likely, I think for a lot of people, you're
gonna continue with those same patterns. You're gonna continue with
(04:08):
that same pain that's going to just sit inside of
you and you're just gonna walk through life not being
released from that. So to give yourself grace is really
to give yourself that time that you need to work
on yourself, especially if you know, if you, you know,
for the moms out there, if you if you know,
I get it, if you, if you had the beautiful family,
(04:30):
you know, you had your husband, you had, you had life,
and then it's just ripped right, you know, underneath you.
I mean it is You've got to take time, you know,
for yourself. It took me three years to work on myself.
Speaker 2 (04:46):
That's a lot of beautiful.
Speaker 4 (04:48):
Grace, you know what. And I wanted to and I
learned a lot. And I'm not the same person that
I used to be.
Speaker 3 (04:55):
You know.
Speaker 4 (04:56):
I took things that I learned, things that I wish
I didn't do. I I learned the pros and cons.
I'd learned what I want to, you know, bring into
my next relationships. I realized my surroundings of people that
aren't good for me so you know, you got to
let those people go, so you know, don't rush it
(05:17):
and don't blame yourself. Do you know how many times
that we blame ourself for everything? You know? Wow, it
takes two people, most of you know, we know that
for a lot. Friendships two people, relationships two people.
Speaker 3 (05:33):
Wow.
Speaker 2 (05:33):
No, that's that's powerful, a powerful perspective on grace.
Speaker 3 (05:38):
Yeah.
Speaker 2 (05:39):
Yeah, friendships and relationships require two people. So you can't blame.
Speaker 3 (05:45):
Yourself, no, but we always do, right, yes, okay, okay, No,
I'm the piece of you know what, and I'm the one.
Speaker 2 (05:52):
Yeah right, Yeah.
Speaker 3 (05:54):
You can be mean to yourself, that's for sure.
Speaker 1 (05:56):
Yeah.
Speaker 2 (05:56):
Yeah, And so tell me it's so beautiful. I love
how you've been three years that it took you on
this grace journey. A lot of people say, okay, for
the next month, for the next twelve months, I'm going
to give myself grace. Wow, three years of allowing yourself
time to heal grace. I love that. Can you share
(06:16):
a little bit about what specifically that looked like for
you giving yourself grace? Give me more examples and like
what that look like?
Speaker 4 (06:27):
You know, just I mean during that time, I just
you know, especially going through a divorce.
Speaker 3 (06:31):
I really just had to.
Speaker 4 (06:34):
I mean, you're already going through a process of if
you're going to if you're in that process of you know.
Speaker 3 (06:40):
What the family is in heartbreak.
Speaker 4 (06:43):
And having to make that decision Number one is the
hardest decision that you'll ever make, is to make that decision.
But it's the best decision that you can do. So
it's learning to live with that Number one, that you
know what are family is going to not be together anymore.
Speaker 3 (06:59):
So you got to live with that.
Speaker 4 (07:00):
You got to learn to forgive yourself for that, and
then you got to learn then, now I have this
new life, I got to relearn who I am because
right now that's all you know.
Speaker 3 (07:12):
Your identity was with this other person. Now it's you.
Speaker 4 (07:15):
Yes, you know you're most likely going to move from
one home to a different home. You're most likely going
to downsize, You're you know you're gonna have to learn
what co parenting is. You got to be there now
emotionally for your child to make sure they stay strong
while you stay strong. Yes, and so there's that time, right,
(07:35):
and then there's just other things too. Though. That went
on through my life professionally, and then you know.
Speaker 3 (07:44):
Personally with you know.
Speaker 4 (07:46):
Trauma that that was during that time was when I
needed to take a time away from work and to
finally seek that edmr. So it's like everything like just
happened within those three years. I was like, damn. I
was like, this is probably the these last three years
is probably the hardest things that I've ever been through
outside of the death of my parents.
Speaker 2 (08:07):
That's pretty profound to say.
Speaker 3 (08:09):
Right, but for me to work on me, it was
these three years.
Speaker 1 (08:14):
Wow.
Speaker 2 (08:15):
Have you ever worked on you that intentionally? Never in
your life?
Speaker 4 (08:19):
No?
Speaker 2 (08:21):
Okay, because I always put myself last. Okay, I know
that I can be guilty of that as well, putting
everybody first. And I bet you some of our listeners
can relate to that as well, always putting yourself last,
but giving yourself grace is in and of itself like
putting you first. Wow. That's good. And my last question
(08:46):
for people who are navigating divorce, healing after abuse or
trauma or something traumatic that happened in their life, whatever
it may be for them, if they're listening right now
or they are literally reading the pages of your book,
I want you to somebody on a sofa right now
or cuddled up reading your book in pain because of
(09:07):
something that has happened to them. I just want you
to imagine like they're literally hearing your voice in their
head right now, because they're literally reading the pages right
at this moment. What would you say to them about
giving themselves grace on their journey? What final words would
you say related to that?
Speaker 4 (09:23):
To you?
Speaker 3 (09:24):
You're not alone.
Speaker 4 (09:26):
Believe me, you are not alone, and your feelings are justified,
and there's always someone out there that can identify with you.
It never feels shameful for things that you've done. We
all regret, believe me, we all regret things that we've
done in our life.
Speaker 3 (09:45):
I mean, no one's perfect. M I love that, but.
Speaker 4 (09:53):
Just know that you can have a very happy new life,
you know what I mean. Sometimes we think there's like, no,
that's it, I'm done.
Speaker 3 (10:03):
I had I was given.
Speaker 4 (10:04):
My chance, and I blew it. Like right, we take
it upon ourselves. No, I blew it.
Speaker 3 (10:09):
That's when I say, well, you know it takes.
Speaker 4 (10:11):
Two but oh no, there's a whole other world waiting
for you, right, you can create all.
Speaker 3 (10:18):
The way you want.
Speaker 4 (10:20):
Yes, yeah, we got to get out of our mindset
that way, we do.
Speaker 3 (10:25):
That a lot to ourselves.
Speaker 4 (10:26):
Yeah, we listen to depressing songs for gosh things.
Speaker 3 (10:29):
I'm the worst at it.
Speaker 2 (10:33):
To stop listening to songs.
Speaker 3 (10:35):
You gotta stop.
Speaker 4 (10:36):
Sitting down in the middle of your kitchen looking up
at the sky cry. Get rid of the alcohol, get
rid of the things that numb your pain.
Speaker 3 (10:47):
That's what we do. Not going to help it. Believe me,
it's not going to help it.
Speaker 2 (10:52):
Wow. And and and that is giving yourself grace in
time to hear Wow. Anything else to add about the
topic of grace, Giving yourself grace that I didn't ask about.
Speaker 3 (11:11):
No, but always be willing to give someone else grace.
Speaker 4 (11:18):
You know, even when I talk about my divorce, my
ex husband Travis is one of my dearest friends. Yeah,
and we will continue, and I wish more and I
wish that upon more families you know that go through
through that. Yeah, that's what I would hope.
Speaker 2 (11:39):
No, that's actually powerful because if you give yourself grace,
but you're holding on to bitterness and anger for someone else,
that's going to impact.
Speaker 3 (11:49):
You and your child.
Speaker 2 (11:53):
So yeah, so as you give yourself grace, remember to
give others grace.
Speaker 3 (12:00):
M Because again, no one's perfect. We all fuck up.
Speaker 2 (12:08):
Okay, Oh that's so, that's that's all. That's all good.
But give yourself grace even after that. Okay ooh, okay,
this is gonna be good. Now you have successfully completed
chapter five. Yay. Yeah, And now I'm gonna tell you
(12:35):
so this is a good, good lesson in books. And
I'm gonna read you your chapter. Before I read you
your chapter, We're gonna do a a quick quick tip
about as far as where you want the books to go?
Do you want this your vision and for any other
readers who are writing books, is your vision for this
amazing book about healing? Is your vision for it to
(12:56):
be able to be used in like a schools settings
for schools for like girls or not girls, just guys
and girls in like school settings, like high school settings, Oh,
things like that.
Speaker 4 (13:13):
Yes, I mean I would love to you know, through
schools and then you know, I'd love to you know,
help women then and seminars.
Speaker 3 (13:22):
Because you know I'm talking.
Speaker 4 (13:23):
This book is all it is all about, you know,
childhood trauma, but maneuvering into a journey of becoming a
woman in adulthood and living life, you know, and learning
how to succeed and be happy with all that crap.
Speaker 3 (13:41):
In the middle of it. It can happen.
Speaker 2 (13:43):
I love that. Okay, No, that's just gonna help me
that that that will help me as I read you
back your check. Okay question no, no, no, no, it's helpful
for me because it depends on your audience. If it's
like strictly adult audience versus you want to get in schools,
we all f up. We might say no, it's okay,
(14:08):
but I just want to know because in the book,
like if you want to get in schools and stuff like,
there's certain even for me, Like I'm very am a
faith filled person and I talk a lot about that
personally my personal journey. But when you're going into schools,
if you title your book this is how the Lord
saved Me, You're not going to get to get into
(14:31):
school because you can't do that. But if I'm partnering
with like churches or other things, I can title a
book like that. So you have to be strategic. Yeah,
you know what places you're going to move in. So
then if you're if you want your book to have
an audience where you high schools can buy one hundred
copies of your book and you come in as a
keynote speaker and sign it for all the kids. We're
(14:52):
more careful with, like you know, any graphic sexual scenes
or how much swearing is in there versus if is
for like just a pure adult recovery audience. And you know,
like that's all I want to talk to in your book.
It's actually impactful to swear a couple of times or
do things like that. So that's why I was just.
Speaker 4 (15:14):
Your audience from teen Girls exactly exactly.
Speaker 2 (15:19):
So for this book, we're gonna say you all up.
So we're not going to say that, but that's just
a good lesson from like, you know, strategic planning for
your book. All right, So I'm gonna read you back
your chapter. We're gonna knock it out, and we're just
gonna give the audience a sneak peek of what it
means to have grace, to give yourself grace. And this
(15:42):
is chapter five, all right, dear reader, thank you for
taking the time to make it this far in the book.
The fact that you've made it this far again shows
that you are committed to your healing journey, and I
am so proud of you on your healing journey. From
any traumatic event that has happened to you. On your
(16:06):
healing journey, it is so important to do one simple thing,
and that is to give yourself grace. In my own definition,
giving yourself grace means time. Allowing yourself time as a
(16:27):
gift that you can give yourself however long you need
to heal is okay, but that's what it means to
give yourself grace. I can't tell you how many people
reached out to me after I went through my divorce
to tell me this exact thing, to give myself grace
(16:49):
and time, And I can't say how much that became
true in my life. If you don't give yourself grace,
you're denying your truth of what just happen to you.
What just happened to you was life changing, and you
need to give your sign yourself time to think about that.
(17:10):
If you don't give yourself grace and the time you
need to heal and process all of that, you're gonna
continue with the same patterns and pain throughout your life,
and you're gonna just walk through life with it not
being released, and that's going to cause you problems and
you will never truly heal. Grace means giving yourself time
(17:34):
to heal and to work on you. This is especially
important for moms going through a divorce like my situation.
If you had a partner or a husband and the
life you've built is ripped from under you, you have
to take time and grace to heal. Regarding my personal
(17:59):
sins story, it took me three years to heal in
the process of my divorce, and over that time, I
gave myself grace to just pause and reflect on what happened.
I also learned so much during that time. I learned
about myself. I learned about what I wanted to bring
(18:22):
into the next relationship, and I didn't rush it. I
also learned not to blame myself. That's something that I
want all of you readers to know. Don't blame yourself.
Friendships and relationships require two people, so you can't blame yourself,
and giving yourself grace is reminding yourself of that. Also,
(18:47):
as you give yourself grace for me, I had to
remind myself that I needed to live with the decision
that I made for us personally. It was one of
the hardest decisions to make to go through with the divorce,
but it was the best thing for our family. I
had to take time to process that and forgive myself.
But after you start to build that new life, you
(19:10):
have to learn to relearn who you are, and that's
what I had to do the three years that I
spent and I'm still spending giving myself grace. I am
relearning who I am and reminding myself that my identity,
even though it's no longer with that other person, I
am still someone who is worthy over my time. What
(19:34):
given myself grace looked like was being gentle with myself
as I learned how to co parent and stay strong
for my kid. A lot of things were also happening
during those three years that tried to knock me down,
such as issues with work, issues with different abusive situations
that happened in my life all around that same time
(19:56):
as I was getting a divorce. However, now more than ever,
I knew that I needed to give myself grace and
time to heal and just process all that was going on.
Those three years were honestly the hardest three years of
my life outside of the death of my parents, and
(20:17):
I had to acknowledge that and give myself grace as
I navigated through that and for me. That was powerful
because all my life I had always put other people first,
but now it was time to put myself first. And
that is grace. In closing, if you are listening to
(20:40):
this book, or you are reading the pages of each
chapter and you are feeling down, or you are feeling
distraught because of whatever situation you're going through, I want
you to know from my heart that you are not alone.
Your feelings are justified. There's always someone who can relate
(21:03):
to you. I also want you to never feel ashamed
about what you've done. No one is perfect. Just know
that you can still have a happy new life. Sometimes
we think we blew our chance, but remember there is
a whole other world outside waiting for you, and you
can create it. Give yourself grace. Stop listening to those
(21:27):
depressing songs. Get rid of the alcohol that numbs your pain.
It's not gonna help. Nothing can replace taking the time
to heal and give yourself grace. Also, something really important
that I want to share is that as you are
on the journey to give in yourself grace, always be
(21:48):
willing to give someone else grace as well. My ex
husband is actually now one of my dearest friends and
I actually wish that situation on more families because holding
on to bitterness and anger, that's gonna impact you. So
as you are on your journey of giving your self grace,
(22:09):
make sure you're giving grace to others as well. We
all f up, but you need to remember to give
your self grace. Yeah, yeah, Chris, your book is so
good like this. So I'm just I just want to
say I'm so proud of you. And I know I
(22:29):
say it all the time, but I really am proud
of you. You went through a lot and this is
really good. It's blessing me just to hear all these chapters.
I'm so proud of you.
Speaker 4 (22:37):
I can't believe we didn't Yes, wow, Okay, so now
and then.
Speaker 2 (22:42):
We're close you, we're almost done. You got just a
couple more chapters. Sneak peak. Chapter six is learning to
let go okay, don't let it own you, and then
knowing you aren't alone. I've got you. That's gonna be
like a love letter to your readers to close out
the book. And yes, so for everybody listening, this is
a heavy, heavy chapter, but we want to just send
(23:05):
you love and whoever's listening out there, whatever, situation you're
going through. Take a moment to just pause. You are
doing a good job. You are an amazing mama, you
are amazing business owner. You're amazing individual, just human in life.
Don't be tough on yourself.
Speaker 4 (23:22):
Just give you so great Oh right, gosh, I'm off.
Speaker 2 (23:26):
All right. Well that's the wrap. We got it.
Speaker 3 (23:28):
Just in there.
Speaker 2 (23:29):
That was good, all right, Proud of you. I love you. Bye.
Speaker 1 (23:32):
This is the Matton Mom Squad podcast, a production of iHeartRadio.
Here Every episode of Maton Mom Squad podcasts available on
the iHeartRadio app, Apple Music, or wherever you listen to
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