March 10, 2025 • 43 mins
Monday (pt 1 of 2): On today’s Late Riser’s Podcast, Ike Turner tells how tough Chuck Norris is.. - Mad Max is fed up with reserved parking spaces.. - The Grumpy Old Man tells why he hates Doctors.. - Marvin Webster is confused by the programming on the Cartoon Network.. - Marci reflects on the year she was John Boy’s pick for Employee of the Year.. - Gary Busey makes a diary entry about the time he was abducted by aliens.. - and Hoyt and Delbert walk into a bar…
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Episode Transcript
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Speaker 1 (00:00):
You have more than everybody. The Big Show is right
here on the radio. Shaves me praised, You're lifted.
Speaker 2 (00:08):
The two fine lads, two boys dedicated to put smile
on your face and a song in your heart as
long as you're buying their bloody grill and sauce, John
Boy and Billy on the Big show face and begorah.
Speaker 1 (00:58):
Dog no no, but out them. It is Monday.
Speaker 3 (01:04):
It's all right.
Speaker 1 (01:05):
Got to start somewhere, just work.
Speaker 4 (01:10):
I want to start on a Friday.
Speaker 1 (01:11):
We started, Oh man, we do old guy here in
March the tenth, twenty twenty five. All right, National Marry
O Day. What Yon boys? Childhood buddy Mario? How got
we do we do? Use it to honor him? No, yeah, yeah,
(01:33):
it was Mario honors Mario from the popular Nintendo game. Say,
I named Mario Mario back when we was in high
school with the old Cornfield and Marvin to Maverick, I said,
he they get back on the paved road there, Marrio
end ready. I wasn't gonna call him Richard Petty. It
(01:54):
was either back then, you know, it was it a
Richard Petty or Mario andready when going by the driver
or something. Yeah, Mary National Pack your lunch Day. It's
National napping Day. We'll do that right after lunch in
this National Blueberry popover Day. Like a pop tart.
Speaker 5 (02:16):
No, it's like a it's like a muffin on it's
like a over inflated pie muffin. No, No popovers are
they're they're they're like muffins, but the tops are like
really huge because they put them in a certain kind
of pan and it bubbles up out of that.
Speaker 6 (02:32):
So they're the ones that, Yeah, it just looked like
a cauliflowerhead muffin. You know what I'm saying. It's just like,
really okay, it's like a muffin.
Speaker 1 (02:39):
Remember that muffin you you buy, like the top of
the muffin to you. And they were just cutting the
tops off the muffins and that was a TV set.
And then they get the stump that was left trying
to give it to the soup kitchen and the homeless
people didn't want it. We're at the top of this muffin.
You think homeless, you give us bottom muffins. I saw
(03:01):
that on Seinfeld. It was a Seinfeld episode based on
all their experiences. All right, well, thank you, so a
blueberry pop overday. Listen, here's a second mounfin to do
here this Monday morning.
Speaker 4 (03:15):
I'll go get something tread to.
Speaker 1 (03:17):
Oh you ain't leaving. We got three dates in history.
We'll get you ready to you at the winning beginning.
We're awake, Big shows on the radio. Good morning, Big
shows on the radio. Get the first prize pack out
LS Tractor Prize pack. It includes hats, stainless steel, this
elated tumbler in the key chain. Go to LS tractorusa
dot com find you local dealer and lettle Rock customers
(03:40):
startlow stable loop. All right, jumping on in there with
our three dates in history where we'll get our categories.
Y'all listen up, it's a plan. March tenth, eighteen sixty two,
the first paper money was issued in the US. The
first bills were five dollar bill featuring Alexander Hamilton, ten
dollars bill with the likeness of Abraham Lincoln, and a
(04:02):
twenty dollars liberty bill. I'd love to have one of
those now right. I hope you're worth more than twenty bucks.
So Abe is on a five dollar bill, George is
on the one dollar bill. Who's on a ten Hamilton?
Speaker 7 (04:16):
Yeah?
Speaker 1 (04:16):
No, Hamilton was on a was on a five. Put
him on a ten now, okay, and my nineteen ninety
one number in each corner. That'll just tell you how
much it's worth. You don't have to go back to crack,
so I know. Nineteen ninety one, Easy Rider, Peter Fonda
led five thousand motorcycles through Daytona Beach, Florida celebrate bike week.
(04:41):
How about that? Yeah? And then Peter find it turned
it over to the Big Show the next year, nineteen
ninety two, they go Easy Ride. Remember I trailered my
motorcycle down there because it was hot. Yes, I knew
Rayford didn't give you any crap at all. That's by Wait. Then,
(05:03):
finally in O two, Revendra Nathan Holder of Calcutta, India
got a call to come in for an interview for
a government job he had applied for thirty four years earlier. Wow,
we're getting around two of the fifty two year old
grandfather said he was too old for the state job,
but glad to know his application was finally considered. Alright,
(05:27):
let's see in that category for application. All right, that'll
work one eight hundred, Big Shaw, you told free line,
come on play out burst next Good Monday Morning, make
(06:04):
shows on the radio. Feature track for the big show.
Bid box Heart, you got the seeing eye dog search
what words seeing eye doll?
Speaker 8 (06:15):
They're right out Outburst.
Speaker 3 (06:21):
Let's play Outburst.
Speaker 4 (06:22):
It's the game that anyone can win.
Speaker 1 (06:26):
John Boy and Billy to give the prizes from the
big prize being Let's go he contested number one.
Speaker 8 (06:35):
This should really be a lot of fun when you're
playing Outburst.
Speaker 1 (06:40):
Have a hurry up and guest time you love the
best time you love a big shots. Say hey a
Chuck from Hawkinsville, Georgia, we have a shot. Good morning,
(07:01):
jug Good morning this morning. Hey man, we are making
it on through on Monday. Junk, glad you're in here
with us. You you ready, yes, sir, let's go do it.
Then give us three ways to pay for things ready
to go cash or credit card. Give us three things
(07:25):
you will see at bike week ready to go bike,
beer and band. There another be that man over none
that I vibe.
Speaker 9 (07:40):
I was trying to keep it family O.
Speaker 1 (07:42):
Real good Chuck, and for the win. Three things for
which you need to complete an application ready.
Speaker 4 (07:51):
To go, job, credit card and bank loan.
Speaker 3 (07:55):
And there is.
Speaker 1 (07:58):
A pride of Hoggins, Well get the prize, black jock.
You hang over Jackie, my man, thank you. Wire Lets
jump out, catch you up on your you Maybe what
went on round you over the weekend. It will get
(08:21):
back to laughing on the other side.
Speaker 3 (08:22):
When I.
Speaker 1 (09:00):
Oh, no, I was just practicing his karate moves. Yes,
speaking of that under Chuck Norris is eighty five years
old today. No, you know we gotta celebrate. Yes, it
is time to axe eike.
Speaker 10 (09:21):
Yo, what Patrick? Hurry up getting at John wry still
got to sock off. Take a picture that we put
it on the website. You take that when you have
something to show and tell?
Speaker 3 (09:33):
Yo?
Speaker 10 (09:34):
What's up?
Speaker 4 (09:35):
I mean, jump on you when you're hurt.
Speaker 2 (09:38):
Welcome to ex Ike place to golf on the far
one one. You need all your uh uh what you
call cinemoniaco relationships.
Speaker 4 (09:46):
Dig this ike.
Speaker 2 (09:49):
My girlfriend and I are fighting again. The reason going
to the movies. She likes all this computer generated crap
and I'm more of an old school action guy. She's
all about Will Smith and George Clooney and other guys
who haven't done a real stunt in their lives. One
of my favorites is Chuck Norris. He's one of my heroes,
(10:12):
and she calls him an old man and all washed up.
I know you're the man to go to for the
answer with this problem. What am I gonna do? Sign
put down in Pensacola? Did I put down? That is
the problem with young people today, no sense of movie
badass history.
Speaker 4 (10:31):
They think all.
Speaker 2 (10:31):
These Hollywood Willie boys is pig iron tough. But if
it won't for that computer fied stand ins, they wouldn't
have no career, no way. The only tough guy in
the movies today is that transporter guy, and he's a
damn foreigner. They should teach a course in school about
guys like Rudy Ray Moore and Fred Hammer Williamson, Billy
(10:53):
Jack and hell yeah, Chuck Norris. Now, now I didn't
know a whole lot about your boy. Chuck looked up
some interesting facts on a computer or on that what's
you called Wikipedia? And you're right, man, that Chuck Norris
is all man and a yard wide. You need to
school that fool on that. Let it preach on it.
Speaker 4 (11:16):
Now check it out. Chuck Noise is a bad mother truck.
How bad?
Speaker 2 (11:21):
Well, when Chuck Noise goes swimming, he doesn't get wet.
The water gets Chuck Norse. Did you know Chuck Norris
once visited the Virgin Islands. Now they're just known as
the island. That's what I talk about. Ain't no sense
going there now. If you can see Chuck Norrise, he
(11:44):
can see you. If you can't see Chuck Norse, you
are seconds away from death.
Speaker 4 (11:51):
Chuck Noise doesn't churn butter.
Speaker 2 (11:53):
He roundhouse kicks the cow and the butt comes straight out.
Speaker 1 (12:00):
Made a little cartoon in my mind. It made me nail.
Speaker 2 (12:03):
Chuck Norris doesn't hunt. Huntings suggest the probability of failure.
Chuck Norris goes killing. When the Boogeyman goes to sleep
at night, he checks the closet for Chuck Norris. When
Chuck Norris does push ups, he doesn't push himself up,
He pushes the earth away. Chuck Norris has been to Mars.
(12:29):
That's why there's no signs of life. Take that astro nerd.
Somebody wants made a statue Chuck Norris out of toilet paper,
but it wouldn't take crap from anyone.
Speaker 4 (12:44):
Chuck Norris is one eighth Cherokee. That's interesting fact.
Speaker 2 (12:47):
You've got got something in common, but it's not his ancestry.
He actually ate an indie. Chuck Norris's chief export is pain.
The fine print on the last page of the Guinness
Book of World Records says that all world records are
held by Chuck Norris. The people listed in the book
(13:08):
are just the closest anyone else has ever gotten. When
you open up a cannon will pass, Chuck Norse jumps out.
The Great Wall of China was originally built to keep
Chuck Norris out.
Speaker 4 (13:21):
It failed miserably.
Speaker 2 (13:24):
Chuck Norris is what Willis was talking about. Chuck Norris
wants shut down a Japanese zero by pointing his finger
at it and saying bang. Chuck Norse sleeps with a
night light, not because Chuck Norris is afraid of the dark.
Speaker 4 (13:46):
The dark is afraid of Chuck Norris. There's no such
thing as tornados.
Speaker 2 (13:52):
Chuck Norris just hates trailer parks. Chuck Norris isn't lactose intolerant.
He just doesn't take any electosis crafts. And the most
impressive fact, Chuck Norris beats rocks paper an sayssors every
(14:14):
damn time.
Speaker 8 (14:17):
Damn him.
Speaker 4 (14:18):
Now that's a man.
Speaker 2 (14:20):
School ats yaggy your's on neck and like uh, General
Saddler says, if it's on the Internet, it's.
Speaker 4 (14:26):
Gotta be true.
Speaker 2 (14:30):
So what I'm saying is the Good Lord made the
crack of your butt.
Speaker 4 (14:33):
So Chuck Norrison will have someplace to put in for
this is ike peace out, Uh, Chuck Norris tough.
Speaker 1 (14:44):
If you want a mailed axit, John Boyd believe p
Obock seventy six sixty three Charlotte n C. Two eight
two four one.
Speaker 4 (14:51):
He wouldn't be pissedl them on about no damn tone.
Speaker 3 (14:53):
I'll tell you that.
Speaker 1 (14:55):
Wo good morning. This make Shawn ALRADYO. I'd ready for
(15:25):
drivetime players lezac.
Speaker 2 (15:28):
Yes.
Speaker 9 (15:28):
Welcome to John Boy and Billy Playhouse today's episode The Honeymoon.
As our story opens, newlyweds Martin and Penny Feesley are
getting ready for their first night of their honeymoon.
Speaker 1 (15:42):
If you want my pology and you think I'm suck sy,
come on, baby, be my old honey. Your flight to
Heaven is ready for takeoff.
Speaker 5 (15:51):
Bank bank boom. I just hope it's not going to
be a short flight.
Speaker 1 (15:58):
Benny. Tonight you are flying for class. But before we air,
quote get down to business. It's time to lay some ground.
Speaker 6 (16:06):
Rule, have some ground rule.
Speaker 1 (16:08):
Yes, here, try these.
Speaker 6 (16:10):
On, but these are your pains.
Speaker 1 (16:12):
That's right, Martin.
Speaker 6 (16:14):
You know I can't wear your pans.
Speaker 1 (16:16):
That's right. And don't you ever forget it. I wear
the pants in this family.
Speaker 6 (16:22):
Well, what in the world are you talking about it?
Speaker 1 (16:25):
Penny? I am the bread winner, the rule maker, and
the king of the castle. Now that I have had
my say, you may pleasure your king.
Speaker 5 (16:36):
Hold on, Hold on just one second there, your majesty,
how about you do me a favor and try these
all your pennies?
Speaker 1 (16:45):
Are you seriously? They're tiny? I can never get into
your pennies.
Speaker 6 (16:49):
And that's how it's going to be until your attitude changes.
Speaker 1 (16:52):
Bang bang boom.
Speaker 9 (17:00):
We hope you've enjoyed John Boy and Billy Playhouse.
Speaker 6 (17:03):
Now Bounty, you're coin.
Speaker 9 (17:06):
Tune in again next time when we'll hear the skeezy
old hotel manager watching through the peepholes say.
Speaker 1 (17:12):
Hey, big man, let me hold a dollar. Great, This
makes show on the radio. John Bop Ben and Tanner.
Speaker 4 (17:21):
Fellers ran to Jackie and you listening?
Speaker 5 (17:24):
Hi?
Speaker 2 (17:25):
How you are listening to toe of the funniest guys
on the radio and my fraternity brothers at the Raccoon Lodge,
John Boy and Philly on the Big Show.
Speaker 4 (17:35):
Are they funny?
Speaker 1 (17:37):
Are they funny?
Speaker 4 (17:39):
Oh?
Speaker 1 (17:41):
Hell, good morning. It's a big sewan the radio for you. Monday,
(18:21):
March tenth. You having a birthday today, Happy birthday. He
thought of James Brown. Man all he was already born,
because there was nineteen seventy nine. He took the stage
at the Grand Old in Nashville. James Brown at the
Grand Old Opry of this date in nineteen seventy nine.
Speaker 6 (18:45):
I bet there was a little bit of confusion.
Speaker 9 (18:49):
Well, he sang country songs and then Papa's got a
brand new bag.
Speaker 1 (18:54):
You gotta say, James never quit pushing that musical envelope.
Jacked up. And now for.
Speaker 11 (19:01):
The American Accordion Association, Mister James Brown, Big, I would bigod.
Speaker 3 (19:23):
I low that I wouldn't.
Speaker 7 (19:27):
So good so good.
Speaker 4 (19:30):
I got here you so.
Speaker 8 (19:34):
Good, so good. I got here you, Soca Soca, I
got here you.
Speaker 1 (19:59):
Good morning. I got to be showing the radio coming up.
We played John boyd Jebony for an assortment of swag
from World Lawn, Moors and makers Man World Long. I
told you about the new one we got out at
the farm. Man, this thing is awesome. They're the makers
World Lawn Like lawn, that's one word, World lawn mowers,
(20:22):
that's another word. Shut up, makers of the best value
zero turned mowers on the market. We are proud to
tell our listeners that's y'all about this, featuring a three
year unlimited hours warning. Kawasaki Engines, cool engines, right down, man,
heavy duty steal decks, And I like, as we were talking, man,
(20:47):
that seat is nicey like float across the field like
a trucker seat. That man, you got it. Mowin Landscaping's
best kept secret, that would be World Lawn. Just look
for them at the Big Show dot com. Hang on
playing four to ten minutes. Let's get this Good morning,
Big Show Mad Mags here on the Max. How's it going.
Speaker 7 (21:10):
Well, let's see, I'm sixty years old, I'm straight, I'm white,
I'm Southern. I'm a small businessman doing his best to
make payroll every month. I got to prostate the size
of a Candilog Little my cholesterol's higher than my credits
corps and P Diddy and Colin Kaepernick are getting ready
to buy my favorite football team. You think it's God
(21:35):
and the ball. That ain't bad enough. My truck got
tore up the other day in the Walmart parking lot.
I got hit by some no driving big girl backing
out of a parking space without looking. And it was
the employee of the month space. I see why they
didn't give her a safe driver of the month afore.
(21:57):
And then I had to deal with the insurance company.
Now there's a fun way to waste half a day.
Insurance man is a guy who wrinchs you an umbrella
and wants to take it back as who's that starts raiding.
It always takes two weeks to get you car fixed
because they got to order some special fender clip from
(22:18):
North Korea and they never want to give you a
loader car. My assurance guy put me in something called
the Chevrolet Spark. Looks like a Tupperware container with wheels
on it. There's a guy from Motor Tren put it
my big on. Now, if you're not familiar with this
automotive marble, the Chevy Spark is a fuel efficient five
(22:43):
seater with a whopping ninety eight horse power. I'll say
that again. Ninety eight horse power is basically a mobility
scooter with a windshe I beg, that's why it's got
a hot safety rating. You can't kill yourself by running
in something because it won't go that flat. But enough
(23:04):
about in the car. Let's talk about why the wreck happened.
And by that I mean the employee of the month
parking space. Come out here. Why does the employee of
the month have a spot right by the front door
in the first place. Shouldn't the employee of the month
be the first one in the parking lot in the morning.
(23:24):
Seems like they could get any space they want. If
you're such a goal getter, watch you go get a
spot further back and let a man in there that
wants to spend the money. And is it me or
all the stores starting to make up their own reserve
parking spaces lately? There's a high dollar grocery store near
(23:45):
my house and comes up with a new one. Ever
two weeks first they had handicapped Nothing wrong with that,
plus it's a law. So then they put in expectant
mother spaces. I reckon, it's hard to argue with that
one too. But then they came up with one called
parents with children. Now, is there any other kind. What's next?
(24:09):
Parents trapped in a loveless marriage, couples only staying together
till the kids are groomed. It's like somebody's whole sad
life story being played out right there in front of
the grocery shows there were five years You just move
over to the next base from fathers uncomfortably distant from
their sons to looks like the wife's gonna get the
(24:31):
house play. I notice they don't seem to have a
special space for me. How about a little over extended
small business owner parking or old fat white god that
pays estimated taxes so nor wrecking millennials can get free
healthy here, want somebody else's nickel parkins? Where's my bargain space?
(24:55):
And if you vege I found like a cranky old
god the waffle house, you try going from an F
one fifty to a Chevy Spark for two weeks. Bottom line,
when you're bugging up in a bargain lot, usual mirrors.
Leave the special reserve spaces for handic half people. Shut down,
(25:16):
shut up that quick running my line comboard. Y'all have
a nice day.
Speaker 1 (25:22):
If y'all try to do that. Okay, all right, all right,
let's play John Boydevitary. Let's jump right in here. This
common household machine wasn't invented to make its job easier.
It was originally created to protect the things you put
inside of it from getting damage.
Speaker 5 (25:39):
The only thing around my house is the wayback machine.
Speaker 1 (25:44):
You have one. I do what y'all got?
Speaker 3 (25:46):
One?
Speaker 1 (25:46):
Eight hundred Big Show you told free line across America.
We played John Boydevity next, Good Morning, and it's a
(26:21):
big show on the radio. Rolling to you, Monday, March tenth.
Today's feature track for the Big Show bit box hoo.
It call the seeing Eye Dogs. Search for keyword singing
Eye Dogs when you hit the big Box at the
Big Show dot com there right now, let's play Yes
(26:41):
live across America.
Speaker 9 (26:42):
It's John Boy, I believe, and now your host. His
great idea for an invention is an in home GPS
for old people. It doesn't tell him how to get anywhere,
It just reminds them why they're there.
Speaker 4 (26:56):
He's John Boy.
Speaker 1 (26:58):
Let that go, doesn't Is that Marty Wayne out of
saw Tillo, Mississippi on the line, Yes, sir, Marty, welcome
in here, buddy. How you doing today, man? I'm doing
(27:18):
a hounded without doing without. Yeah, well I don't know that. Yeah,
I've heard stories, you knows, Marty. I don't know what
(27:39):
I can do about that, but uh, you got the
first shot at this price pack. That might that might
be a good start for you. Huh. Let's do it
all right, Well, let's uh see what you got. Uh,
this common household machine wasn't invented to make its job easier.
It was originally created to protect the things you put
inside of it from getting damn imaged. So let's get
(28:02):
inside that head, Marty. What are you what are you
thinking about?
Speaker 7 (28:07):
What year it was when it was?
Speaker 1 (28:10):
I have no idea.
Speaker 4 (28:13):
Okay, probably I wouldn't say. It's probably one of the
old time of washing machines.
Speaker 1 (28:18):
Well of old timey washing machines. Hey, oh wait a minute,
wait a minute, hold it, uh, Marty, I did find
out the further review here eighteen eighty six was when
this machine was invented, So it was it was way back.
You know, Tater has a way back machine. I go
(28:40):
check it out for it. It might be I'm changed
my yeah, yeah, go ahead, go ahead, we'll get your
final answer.
Speaker 12 (28:49):
What you got spoke by an ice box?
Speaker 1 (28:52):
An icebox, right, yeah. I used to call the old
refrigerator the icebox. All right, icebox refrigerator. Let's see one
of those. You're still doing without their, Marty Wayne. But
(29:13):
we appreciate you, buddy. You have a great rest of
your day.
Speaker 7 (29:16):
Man, you jump all tell you what. Don't bite you
up when we ate, man.
Speaker 1 (29:23):
Don't bite your lip when you eat.
Speaker 9 (29:24):
Thank you very much, Mars, good work.
Speaker 1 (29:28):
As uh say hey to Lisa Easley, South Carolina. Good morning, Lisa,
good morning. Hello? All right, Lisa, you next up, Marty
Wayne did not get that right if you were listening
all about that. So what do you what? What are
you thinking? Hmm?
Speaker 5 (29:52):
Maybe dishwasher?
Speaker 1 (29:54):
Maybe dishwasher sounds like it might work.
Speaker 13 (29:57):
Let's see show us a dishwasher, Yes, mechanical dishwasher, not
the wife.
Speaker 2 (30:11):
Yes, I am the washer right there.
Speaker 1 (30:14):
So uh, first mechanical dishwasher in at eighteen eighty six,
Like we said, that was old Josephine Cochrane, a wealthy
socialite from Shelbyville, Illinois. She was worried about her dishes
and stuff getting chipped. Her precious chones, the maids that
bless her heart. Tough down there, hey, Lisa worked out
(30:37):
for you world lawn mower's big swag pack is coming
to you now easily.
Speaker 2 (30:45):
Oh what, thank you?
Speaker 3 (30:47):
All right?
Speaker 5 (30:48):
Oh and also I'm the second time collar, but the
first time I didn't get my moves.
Speaker 1 (30:53):
Take care of that. You that for Lisa?
Speaker 5 (30:57):
Thank you.
Speaker 1 (31:04):
All right. We got you news right now on the
other side of our time capsules for this Monday morning,
grumpy old man who got him grumped up?
Speaker 11 (31:14):
What about?
Speaker 2 (31:43):
This is the award winning John Boy and Billy Big Show,
the South's number one export.
Speaker 4 (32:00):
Y yeah, yeah, yeah, yeo, what's that? I know what's up?
Speaker 3 (32:04):
Y'all?
Speaker 2 (32:04):
Food in here trying to carry out. I'm trying to
do my business. Jack can go see you can find
that boy for me. He go there climbing around on
something like she the monkey bars or something.
Speaker 4 (32:15):
When I've come to ax the.
Speaker 2 (32:18):
Man with all the far one one, you need to
handle all them.
Speaker 4 (32:23):
What you're gonna call intro spessonal relationship.
Speaker 2 (32:27):
Now that that dick did the I that means I
need to get some four to one one on how
to get involved with a good looking woman. I wake
two jobs, which makes it seem next to impossible to
find time to look for a woman. Now when I
was in high school, it was easy for me. Now
a few years after, I'm having the hardest time trying
(32:47):
to hook up with a woman. Doesn't you have any
advice for me? Is how I can find someone? Is
there any hope for me? I'm sure, man, your expertise
can help out. He punched in the right button since
see Adam Way for the brother Adam. Although you don't
have the benefeatures of being a living legend of love
(33:08):
like I hear own self, women's ain't never too hard
to come back, even for.
Speaker 4 (33:14):
Dudes like you. And while it's never easy.
Speaker 2 (33:17):
To find that certain woman, it is certain you can
find an easy woman.
Speaker 4 (33:24):
It ain't rap thiggy bell let me preach on it. No, no,
Now you say you had.
Speaker 2 (33:32):
No trouble getting hook up when you was in high school, Dude,
nobody did well.
Speaker 4 (33:40):
With all them moms floating around all over the place.
Speaker 2 (33:42):
Then what you call Holmones and Sonny and Sherry Moones
and Testaverdian Moons Man, all that love stinking up there,
you get the hook up just sitting in detention.
Speaker 4 (33:54):
Aids me how I know?
Speaker 2 (33:57):
But nowadays you're so busy working two jobs you ain't
got time to look for a woman two jobs?
Speaker 4 (34:03):
What is you Jamaican?
Speaker 3 (34:06):
Brother?
Speaker 2 (34:07):
They ain't no sense of you doing everything you trying
to tell like, I ain't no women's working while you working?
Speaker 4 (34:16):
What you're doing?
Speaker 2 (34:16):
Man working in a church like one of them mona statue,
as with all them monkeys chating all over the place. Man,
these women everywhere, And by working two jobs, you should
be doubling your chances, my brother, not no, no, no no,
hopefully you is waking a night job now. See this
makes it a whole lot easier to work in some
hacky package on the bosses back.
Speaker 4 (34:40):
See some of the hottest.
Speaker 2 (34:42):
Most freakiest women's on the planet wakes at night.
Speaker 4 (34:45):
They like a race of wide lover huchi mama vampires.
Man is everywhere.
Speaker 2 (34:51):
This is especially true in warehouses, whole houses, and all
that pancake houses. And while it's true some is hot,
some is not. So getting busy at the doc or
not urinely in scient terrific terms, makes it a whole
lot easier to satisfy your animal urgence.
Speaker 4 (35:13):
If your hold don't win place, oh, show.
Speaker 2 (35:15):
You did, then if all else fails, my brother, you
get you a job in one of them high end
shoe store, you'll find plenty of five look on women
honing your skills as a player. And if them low
down skagger is give you that trifling attitude, at least
(35:36):
you'll be in the right place to offer them that
two for one foot in booty sale.
Speaker 14 (35:43):
This is.
Speaker 4 (35:46):
Peace out.
Speaker 1 (35:49):
If you would like to ask Hike, mail to ask Hike.
Speaker 9 (35:52):
Ain't no one Wood Rigen Center, Drive, Charlotte, North Carolina two.
Speaker 1 (35:54):
Eight two one seven.
Speaker 4 (35:56):
You're gonna make me get some of that DNA in.
Speaker 1 (36:00):
John Boy and Billy listened to the whip wing whim
of the woodwinds as it rolls a wound and a wound.
Speaker 12 (36:09):
And it comes out here Morning radio done right, Yeah.
Speaker 1 (36:39):
Martin, it's who big seawing. The radio professor frozen off
joins us for a session in about twenty minutes. Right now,
it's time for the grumpy old man.
Speaker 4 (36:58):
Whoop poopy.
Speaker 2 (37:01):
I'm old and I hate doctors. In my day, we
didn't have any Harvard trained Mayo clinic in turned malpractice
protected BMW driving, nurse chasing pill popping saw.
Speaker 4 (37:16):
Bones on every street corner.
Speaker 2 (37:18):
We had a crazy old Cajun medicine man named Lazy
Lefty Lebau.
Speaker 4 (37:24):
He wasn't really lazy.
Speaker 2 (37:25):
He just got into some bad moonshine and shoot his
own feet off. Now he can't get around with beans.
And his left hand was a big shiny hook. Your
folks told you he lost it to a gator, but
the truth was he just liked.
Speaker 4 (37:40):
How it looked.
Speaker 2 (37:43):
And when you got sick, your folks would take into
his smelly little cabin in the woods and they'd leave
you there. You knew you were in trouble when you
saw the magazines in his waiting room Man Love Monthly.
Speaker 4 (37:57):
And Boys Life.
Speaker 2 (38:00):
No matter what was wrong with you, he'd insist there
was trouble with.
Speaker 1 (38:02):
Your man pots.
Speaker 2 (38:05):
And before he latched ontia, he'd fumble with a rosin
bag like he was planting a bitch and no hitter,
And you didn't dare make a run for it because
you didn't want to end up getting hung up on
that hook and got it like a trout or singing
soprano and the Hillbilly boys choir.
Speaker 3 (38:25):
And when he.
Speaker 2 (38:26):
Told you the only thing that would cull you was
a good sweat, So he'd start a big fire in
a fireplace and make you dance around buck naked for
hours on in and if you got better, it was
a miracle. And if you didn't, you never told your
parents because you'd rather have died than make another office
visit to doctor pickle Twister. Indeed, Jimminy wigg pickle Tickle too.
(38:51):
Look at me, I'm a human hillbilly hand puppet with
powder all over my twigs at berries.
Speaker 4 (38:59):
We live in the Enlightenment, and we liked it that way.
Speaker 2 (39:03):
We loved it, and we didn't have no magic cure
all over the counter Tampa proof candy coated two zillion
milligram tablets.
Speaker 4 (39:14):
We didn't know what a pill was. We were so
pig ignorant.
Speaker 2 (39:18):
We blamed all of our ills on evil spirits and
the bad habits of famous people. You got a migraine headache,
you'd blame the devil himself, fulfilling your good with impure
thoughts about missus Culling Farmer, the hot young preacher's wife
that was wearing that low cut swimming costume you saw
(39:38):
her wearing. So you had purged those demons the only
way you knew how.
Speaker 1 (39:43):
With pain.
Speaker 2 (39:44):
You'd summoned the courage to spit in the face of
one of the smelly mcgauca twins and then stand there
and take it while they punched you in the skull
to your brains were goop it out of your ears,
and you were speaking gibberish.
Speaker 1 (39:56):
And when you.
Speaker 2 (39:56):
Finally screamed the name of the Lord of Mercy, you'd
be cured. You'd be a puddn't eaten vegetable from then on,
but you'd be evil spirit free forever. And if you'd
get the squirts, good blame Clark Gable for playing backdoor
blackjack with Danny Kaye and all the rest of that
(40:16):
stuff you read in those hollyweird confidential dime novels you
found in Gimpy Gordy humphreys outhouse. There weren't no cure,
but at least you had some of the curse while
you were trapped in the crapper with your guts and knots.
Great mumblety bubbly whifflewaffle. Look at me, I'm a big dopey,
brain dead bubber locked in the porter pooper with visions
(40:37):
a Humphrey po god playing pants pirates with Randolph Scott.
Speaker 4 (40:43):
It's a wonderful life.
Speaker 2 (40:44):
At last, I kicked the oxygen habit open up those
pearly gates. Here comes another dumb ass, and we liked it.
We loved it. Ah, Blippity Blue.
Speaker 1 (41:00):
I hate doctor you more than everybody. The Big Show
is on the radio. Still a lot more coming at you.
Speaker 8 (41:09):
Hey, hey listener, my name is Man only.
Speaker 1 (41:15):
I ain't a motivational speaker. I am thirty five years old.
Speaker 4 (41:21):
I am right divorced.
Speaker 14 (41:24):
And every morning I listen to Young Boy and Billy
on the Big Show when I wake up in a
ven man the river, go on and laugh and leave
the radio work.
Speaker 1 (42:12):
Your morning. That's a big show on a radio, y'all.
Moore's wonderful thing. Give him away a number one hundred
and thirty four. We got it up there. And sometimes
I forget to bring a wonderful thing from home. I
just have to look around the truck and find something.
I got a I got a one million dollar humpy
(42:33):
wheeler bill, I mean, not a bill to pay. And
I noticed took pictures of it. You've obviously used it
as a coaster. Yeah, I won't ring on it, but God,
and then one of those schools, John Boy Billy Breakfast
of Champion Trading Cards, Okay, and I think it's been
in spokes.
Speaker 6 (42:54):
I'm gonna try to buy a biscuit with that bill Man.
Speaker 1 (42:59):
Good time. I made to pass them on. We got
my wonderful thing. Can see that trumpet right there? That
(43:19):
inspired me?
Speaker 7 (43:20):
Right there.
Speaker 1 (43:24):
Played the trumpet.
Speaker 4 (43:27):
Oh dog, don't.
Speaker 7 (43:29):
Now.
Speaker 1 (43:30):
I'm made to go out to rouge and get my.
Speaker 4 (43:31):
Hof No, I gotta work tomorrow, so I.
Speaker 1 (43:37):
Get caught up in the bumper music sometime. All right,
there we go, we get we ready, we ready. What
I have no idea I can tell. Don't do that,
do that
You have more than everybody. The Big Show is right
here on the radio. Shaves me praised, You're lifted.
Speaker 2 (00:08):
The two fine lads, two boys dedicated to put smile
on your face and a song in your heart as
long as you're buying their bloody grill and sauce, John
Boy and Billy on the Big show face and begorah.
Speaker 1 (00:58):
Dog no no, but out them. It is Monday.
Speaker 3 (01:04):
It's all right.
Speaker 1 (01:05):
Got to start somewhere, just work.
Speaker 4 (01:10):
I want to start on a Friday.
Speaker 1 (01:11):
We started, Oh man, we do old guy here in
March the tenth, twenty twenty five. All right, National Marry
O Day. What Yon boys? Childhood buddy Mario? How got
we do we do? Use it to honor him? No, yeah, yeah,
(01:33):
it was Mario honors Mario from the popular Nintendo game. Say,
I named Mario Mario back when we was in high
school with the old Cornfield and Marvin to Maverick, I said,
he they get back on the paved road there, Marrio
end ready. I wasn't gonna call him Richard Petty. It
(01:54):
was either back then, you know, it was it a
Richard Petty or Mario andready when going by the driver
or something. Yeah, Mary National Pack your lunch Day. It's
National napping Day. We'll do that right after lunch in
this National Blueberry popover Day. Like a pop tart.
Speaker 5 (02:16):
No, it's like a it's like a muffin on it's
like a over inflated pie muffin. No, No popovers are
they're they're they're like muffins, but the tops are like
really huge because they put them in a certain kind
of pan and it bubbles up out of that.
Speaker 6 (02:32):
So they're the ones that, Yeah, it just looked like
a cauliflowerhead muffin. You know what I'm saying. It's just like,
really okay, it's like a muffin.
Speaker 1 (02:39):
Remember that muffin you you buy, like the top of
the muffin to you. And they were just cutting the
tops off the muffins and that was a TV set.
And then they get the stump that was left trying
to give it to the soup kitchen and the homeless
people didn't want it. We're at the top of this muffin.
You think homeless, you give us bottom muffins. I saw
(03:01):
that on Seinfeld. It was a Seinfeld episode based on
all their experiences. All right, well, thank you, so a
blueberry pop overday. Listen, here's a second mounfin to do
here this Monday morning.
Speaker 4 (03:15):
I'll go get something tread to.
Speaker 1 (03:17):
Oh you ain't leaving. We got three dates in history.
We'll get you ready to you at the winning beginning.
We're awake, Big shows on the radio. Good morning, Big
shows on the radio. Get the first prize pack out
LS Tractor Prize pack. It includes hats, stainless steel, this
elated tumbler in the key chain. Go to LS tractorusa
dot com find you local dealer and lettle Rock customers
(03:40):
startlow stable loop. All right, jumping on in there with
our three dates in history where we'll get our categories.
Y'all listen up, it's a plan. March tenth, eighteen sixty two,
the first paper money was issued in the US. The
first bills were five dollar bill featuring Alexander Hamilton, ten
dollars bill with the likeness of Abraham Lincoln, and a
(04:02):
twenty dollars liberty bill. I'd love to have one of
those now right. I hope you're worth more than twenty bucks.
So Abe is on a five dollar bill, George is
on the one dollar bill. Who's on a ten Hamilton?
Speaker 7 (04:16):
Yeah?
Speaker 1 (04:16):
No, Hamilton was on a was on a five. Put
him on a ten now, okay, and my nineteen ninety
one number in each corner. That'll just tell you how
much it's worth. You don't have to go back to crack,
so I know. Nineteen ninety one, Easy Rider, Peter Fonda
led five thousand motorcycles through Daytona Beach, Florida celebrate bike week.
(04:41):
How about that? Yeah? And then Peter find it turned
it over to the Big Show the next year, nineteen
ninety two, they go Easy Ride. Remember I trailered my
motorcycle down there because it was hot. Yes, I knew
Rayford didn't give you any crap at all. That's by Wait. Then,
(05:03):
finally in O two, Revendra Nathan Holder of Calcutta, India
got a call to come in for an interview for
a government job he had applied for thirty four years earlier. Wow,
we're getting around two of the fifty two year old
grandfather said he was too old for the state job,
but glad to know his application was finally considered. Alright,
(05:27):
let's see in that category for application. All right, that'll
work one eight hundred, Big Shaw, you told free line,
come on play out burst next Good Monday Morning, make
(06:04):
shows on the radio. Feature track for the big show.
Bid box Heart, you got the seeing eye dog search
what words seeing eye doll?
Speaker 8 (06:15):
They're right out Outburst.
Speaker 3 (06:21):
Let's play Outburst.
Speaker 4 (06:22):
It's the game that anyone can win.
Speaker 1 (06:26):
John Boy and Billy to give the prizes from the
big prize being Let's go he contested number one.
Speaker 8 (06:35):
This should really be a lot of fun when you're
playing Outburst.
Speaker 1 (06:40):
Have a hurry up and guest time you love the
best time you love a big shots. Say hey a
Chuck from Hawkinsville, Georgia, we have a shot. Good morning,
(07:01):
jug Good morning this morning. Hey man, we are making
it on through on Monday. Junk, glad you're in here
with us. You you ready, yes, sir, let's go do it.
Then give us three ways to pay for things ready
to go cash or credit card. Give us three things
(07:25):
you will see at bike week ready to go bike,
beer and band. There another be that man over none
that I vibe.
Speaker 9 (07:40):
I was trying to keep it family O.
Speaker 1 (07:42):
Real good Chuck, and for the win. Three things for
which you need to complete an application ready.
Speaker 4 (07:51):
To go, job, credit card and bank loan.
Speaker 3 (07:55):
And there is.
Speaker 1 (07:58):
A pride of Hoggins, Well get the prize, black jock.
You hang over Jackie, my man, thank you. Wire Lets
jump out, catch you up on your you Maybe what
went on round you over the weekend. It will get
(08:21):
back to laughing on the other side.
Speaker 3 (08:22):
When I.
Speaker 1 (09:00):
Oh, no, I was just practicing his karate moves. Yes,
speaking of that under Chuck Norris is eighty five years
old today. No, you know we gotta celebrate. Yes, it
is time to axe eike.
Speaker 10 (09:21):
Yo, what Patrick? Hurry up getting at John wry still
got to sock off. Take a picture that we put
it on the website. You take that when you have
something to show and tell?
Speaker 3 (09:33):
Yo?
Speaker 10 (09:34):
What's up?
Speaker 4 (09:35):
I mean, jump on you when you're hurt.
Speaker 2 (09:38):
Welcome to ex Ike place to golf on the far
one one. You need all your uh uh what you
call cinemoniaco relationships.
Speaker 4 (09:46):
Dig this ike.
Speaker 2 (09:49):
My girlfriend and I are fighting again. The reason going
to the movies. She likes all this computer generated crap
and I'm more of an old school action guy. She's
all about Will Smith and George Clooney and other guys
who haven't done a real stunt in their lives. One
of my favorites is Chuck Norris. He's one of my heroes,
(10:12):
and she calls him an old man and all washed up.
I know you're the man to go to for the
answer with this problem. What am I gonna do? Sign
put down in Pensacola? Did I put down? That is
the problem with young people today, no sense of movie
badass history.
Speaker 4 (10:31):
They think all.
Speaker 2 (10:31):
These Hollywood Willie boys is pig iron tough. But if
it won't for that computer fied stand ins, they wouldn't
have no career, no way. The only tough guy in
the movies today is that transporter guy, and he's a
damn foreigner. They should teach a course in school about
guys like Rudy Ray Moore and Fred Hammer Williamson, Billy
(10:53):
Jack and hell yeah, Chuck Norris. Now, now I didn't
know a whole lot about your boy. Chuck looked up
some interesting facts on a computer or on that what's
you called Wikipedia? And you're right, man, that Chuck Norris
is all man and a yard wide. You need to
school that fool on that. Let it preach on it.
Speaker 4 (11:16):
Now check it out. Chuck Noise is a bad mother truck.
How bad?
Speaker 2 (11:21):
Well, when Chuck Noise goes swimming, he doesn't get wet.
The water gets Chuck Norse. Did you know Chuck Norris
once visited the Virgin Islands. Now they're just known as
the island. That's what I talk about. Ain't no sense
going there now. If you can see Chuck Norrise, he
(11:44):
can see you. If you can't see Chuck Norse, you
are seconds away from death.
Speaker 4 (11:51):
Chuck Noise doesn't churn butter.
Speaker 2 (11:53):
He roundhouse kicks the cow and the butt comes straight out.
Speaker 1 (12:00):
Made a little cartoon in my mind. It made me nail.
Speaker 2 (12:03):
Chuck Norris doesn't hunt. Huntings suggest the probability of failure.
Chuck Norris goes killing. When the Boogeyman goes to sleep
at night, he checks the closet for Chuck Norris. When
Chuck Norris does push ups, he doesn't push himself up,
He pushes the earth away. Chuck Norris has been to Mars.
(12:29):
That's why there's no signs of life. Take that astro nerd.
Somebody wants made a statue Chuck Norris out of toilet paper,
but it wouldn't take crap from anyone.
Speaker 4 (12:44):
Chuck Norris is one eighth Cherokee. That's interesting fact.
Speaker 2 (12:47):
You've got got something in common, but it's not his ancestry.
He actually ate an indie. Chuck Norris's chief export is pain.
The fine print on the last page of the Guinness
Book of World Records says that all world records are
held by Chuck Norris. The people listed in the book
(13:08):
are just the closest anyone else has ever gotten. When
you open up a cannon will pass, Chuck Norse jumps out.
The Great Wall of China was originally built to keep
Chuck Norris out.
Speaker 4 (13:21):
It failed miserably.
Speaker 2 (13:24):
Chuck Norris is what Willis was talking about. Chuck Norris
wants shut down a Japanese zero by pointing his finger
at it and saying bang. Chuck Norse sleeps with a
night light, not because Chuck Norris is afraid of the dark.
Speaker 4 (13:46):
The dark is afraid of Chuck Norris. There's no such
thing as tornados.
Speaker 2 (13:52):
Chuck Norris just hates trailer parks. Chuck Norris isn't lactose intolerant.
He just doesn't take any electosis crafts. And the most
impressive fact, Chuck Norris beats rocks paper an sayssors every
(14:14):
damn time.
Speaker 8 (14:17):
Damn him.
Speaker 4 (14:18):
Now that's a man.
Speaker 2 (14:20):
School ats yaggy your's on neck and like uh, General
Saddler says, if it's on the Internet, it's.
Speaker 4 (14:26):
Gotta be true.
Speaker 2 (14:30):
So what I'm saying is the Good Lord made the
crack of your butt.
Speaker 4 (14:33):
So Chuck Norrison will have someplace to put in for
this is ike peace out, Uh, Chuck Norris tough.
Speaker 1 (14:44):
If you want a mailed axit, John Boyd believe p
Obock seventy six sixty three Charlotte n C. Two eight
two four one.
Speaker 4 (14:51):
He wouldn't be pissedl them on about no damn tone.
Speaker 3 (14:53):
I'll tell you that.
Speaker 1 (14:55):
Wo good morning. This make Shawn ALRADYO. I'd ready for
(15:25):
drivetime players lezac.
Speaker 2 (15:28):
Yes.
Speaker 9 (15:28):
Welcome to John Boy and Billy Playhouse today's episode The Honeymoon.
As our story opens, newlyweds Martin and Penny Feesley are
getting ready for their first night of their honeymoon.
Speaker 1 (15:42):
If you want my pology and you think I'm suck sy,
come on, baby, be my old honey. Your flight to
Heaven is ready for takeoff.
Speaker 5 (15:51):
Bank bank boom. I just hope it's not going to
be a short flight.
Speaker 1 (15:58):
Benny. Tonight you are flying for class. But before we air,
quote get down to business. It's time to lay some ground.
Speaker 6 (16:06):
Rule, have some ground rule.
Speaker 1 (16:08):
Yes, here, try these.
Speaker 6 (16:10):
On, but these are your pains.
Speaker 1 (16:12):
That's right, Martin.
Speaker 6 (16:14):
You know I can't wear your pans.
Speaker 1 (16:16):
That's right. And don't you ever forget it. I wear
the pants in this family.
Speaker 6 (16:22):
Well, what in the world are you talking about it?
Speaker 1 (16:25):
Penny? I am the bread winner, the rule maker, and
the king of the castle. Now that I have had
my say, you may pleasure your king.
Speaker 5 (16:36):
Hold on, Hold on just one second there, your majesty,
how about you do me a favor and try these
all your pennies?
Speaker 1 (16:45):
Are you seriously? They're tiny? I can never get into
your pennies.
Speaker 6 (16:49):
And that's how it's going to be until your attitude changes.
Speaker 1 (16:52):
Bang bang boom.
Speaker 9 (17:00):
We hope you've enjoyed John Boy and Billy Playhouse.
Speaker 6 (17:03):
Now Bounty, you're coin.
Speaker 9 (17:06):
Tune in again next time when we'll hear the skeezy
old hotel manager watching through the peepholes say.
Speaker 1 (17:12):
Hey, big man, let me hold a dollar. Great, This
makes show on the radio. John Bop Ben and Tanner.
Speaker 4 (17:21):
Fellers ran to Jackie and you listening?
Speaker 5 (17:24):
Hi?
Speaker 2 (17:25):
How you are listening to toe of the funniest guys
on the radio and my fraternity brothers at the Raccoon Lodge,
John Boy and Philly on the Big Show.
Speaker 4 (17:35):
Are they funny?
Speaker 1 (17:37):
Are they funny?
Speaker 4 (17:39):
Oh?
Speaker 1 (17:41):
Hell, good morning. It's a big sewan the radio for you. Monday,
(18:21):
March tenth. You having a birthday today, Happy birthday. He
thought of James Brown. Man all he was already born,
because there was nineteen seventy nine. He took the stage
at the Grand Old in Nashville. James Brown at the
Grand Old Opry of this date in nineteen seventy nine.
Speaker 6 (18:45):
I bet there was a little bit of confusion.
Speaker 9 (18:49):
Well, he sang country songs and then Papa's got a
brand new bag.
Speaker 1 (18:54):
You gotta say, James never quit pushing that musical envelope.
Jacked up. And now for.
Speaker 11 (19:01):
The American Accordion Association, Mister James Brown, Big, I would bigod.
Speaker 3 (19:23):
I low that I wouldn't.
Speaker 7 (19:27):
So good so good.
Speaker 4 (19:30):
I got here you so.
Speaker 8 (19:34):
Good, so good. I got here you, Soca Soca, I
got here you.
Speaker 1 (19:59):
Good morning. I got to be showing the radio coming up.
We played John boyd Jebony for an assortment of swag
from World Lawn, Moors and makers Man World Long. I
told you about the new one we got out at
the farm. Man, this thing is awesome. They're the makers
World Lawn Like lawn, that's one word, World lawn mowers,
(20:22):
that's another word. Shut up, makers of the best value
zero turned mowers on the market. We are proud to
tell our listeners that's y'all about this, featuring a three
year unlimited hours warning. Kawasaki Engines, cool engines, right down, man,
heavy duty steal decks, And I like, as we were talking, man,
(20:47):
that seat is nicey like float across the field like
a trucker seat. That man, you got it. Mowin Landscaping's
best kept secret, that would be World Lawn. Just look
for them at the Big Show dot com. Hang on
playing four to ten minutes. Let's get this Good morning,
Big Show Mad Mags here on the Max. How's it going.
Speaker 7 (21:10):
Well, let's see, I'm sixty years old, I'm straight, I'm white,
I'm Southern. I'm a small businessman doing his best to
make payroll every month. I got to prostate the size
of a Candilog Little my cholesterol's higher than my credits
corps and P Diddy and Colin Kaepernick are getting ready
to buy my favorite football team. You think it's God
(21:35):
and the ball. That ain't bad enough. My truck got
tore up the other day in the Walmart parking lot.
I got hit by some no driving big girl backing
out of a parking space without looking. And it was
the employee of the month space. I see why they
didn't give her a safe driver of the month afore.
(21:57):
And then I had to deal with the insurance company.
Now there's a fun way to waste half a day.
Insurance man is a guy who wrinchs you an umbrella
and wants to take it back as who's that starts raiding.
It always takes two weeks to get you car fixed
because they got to order some special fender clip from
(22:18):
North Korea and they never want to give you a
loader car. My assurance guy put me in something called
the Chevrolet Spark. Looks like a Tupperware container with wheels
on it. There's a guy from Motor Tren put it
my big on. Now, if you're not familiar with this
automotive marble, the Chevy Spark is a fuel efficient five
(22:43):
seater with a whopping ninety eight horse power. I'll say
that again. Ninety eight horse power is basically a mobility
scooter with a windshe I beg, that's why it's got
a hot safety rating. You can't kill yourself by running
in something because it won't go that flat. But enough
(23:04):
about in the car. Let's talk about why the wreck happened.
And by that I mean the employee of the month
parking space. Come out here. Why does the employee of
the month have a spot right by the front door
in the first place. Shouldn't the employee of the month
be the first one in the parking lot in the morning.
(23:24):
Seems like they could get any space they want. If
you're such a goal getter, watch you go get a
spot further back and let a man in there that
wants to spend the money. And is it me or
all the stores starting to make up their own reserve
parking spaces lately? There's a high dollar grocery store near
(23:45):
my house and comes up with a new one. Ever
two weeks first they had handicapped Nothing wrong with that,
plus it's a law. So then they put in expectant
mother spaces. I reckon, it's hard to argue with that
one too. But then they came up with one called
parents with children. Now, is there any other kind. What's next?
(24:09):
Parents trapped in a loveless marriage, couples only staying together
till the kids are groomed. It's like somebody's whole sad
life story being played out right there in front of
the grocery shows there were five years You just move
over to the next base from fathers uncomfortably distant from
their sons to looks like the wife's gonna get the
(24:31):
house play. I notice they don't seem to have a
special space for me. How about a little over extended
small business owner parking or old fat white god that
pays estimated taxes so nor wrecking millennials can get free
healthy here, want somebody else's nickel parkins? Where's my bargain space?
(24:55):
And if you vege I found like a cranky old
god the waffle house, you try going from an F
one fifty to a Chevy Spark for two weeks. Bottom line,
when you're bugging up in a bargain lot, usual mirrors.
Leave the special reserve spaces for handic half people. Shut down,
(25:16):
shut up that quick running my line comboard. Y'all have
a nice day.
Speaker 1 (25:22):
If y'all try to do that. Okay, all right, all right,
let's play John Boydevitary. Let's jump right in here. This
common household machine wasn't invented to make its job easier.
It was originally created to protect the things you put
inside of it from getting damage.
Speaker 5 (25:39):
The only thing around my house is the wayback machine.
Speaker 1 (25:44):
You have one. I do what y'all got?
Speaker 3 (25:46):
One?
Speaker 1 (25:46):
Eight hundred Big Show you told free line across America.
We played John Boydevity next, Good Morning, and it's a
(26:21):
big show on the radio. Rolling to you, Monday, March tenth.
Today's feature track for the Big Show bit box hoo.
It call the seeing Eye Dogs. Search for keyword singing
Eye Dogs when you hit the big Box at the
Big Show dot com there right now, let's play Yes
(26:41):
live across America.
Speaker 9 (26:42):
It's John Boy, I believe, and now your host. His
great idea for an invention is an in home GPS
for old people. It doesn't tell him how to get anywhere,
It just reminds them why they're there.
Speaker 4 (26:56):
He's John Boy.
Speaker 1 (26:58):
Let that go, doesn't Is that Marty Wayne out of
saw Tillo, Mississippi on the line, Yes, sir, Marty, welcome
in here, buddy. How you doing today, man? I'm doing
(27:18):
a hounded without doing without. Yeah, well I don't know that. Yeah,
I've heard stories, you knows, Marty. I don't know what
(27:39):
I can do about that, but uh, you got the
first shot at this price pack. That might that might
be a good start for you. Huh. Let's do it
all right, Well, let's uh see what you got. Uh,
this common household machine wasn't invented to make its job easier.
It was originally created to protect the things you put
inside of it from getting damn imaged. So let's get
(28:02):
inside that head, Marty. What are you what are you
thinking about?
Speaker 7 (28:07):
What year it was when it was?
Speaker 1 (28:10):
I have no idea.
Speaker 4 (28:13):
Okay, probably I wouldn't say. It's probably one of the
old time of washing machines.
Speaker 1 (28:18):
Well of old timey washing machines. Hey, oh wait a minute,
wait a minute, hold it, uh, Marty, I did find
out the further review here eighteen eighty six was when
this machine was invented, So it was it was way back.
You know, Tater has a way back machine. I go
(28:40):
check it out for it. It might be I'm changed
my yeah, yeah, go ahead, go ahead, we'll get your
final answer.
Speaker 12 (28:49):
What you got spoke by an ice box?
Speaker 1 (28:52):
An icebox, right, yeah. I used to call the old
refrigerator the icebox. All right, icebox refrigerator. Let's see one
of those. You're still doing without their, Marty Wayne. But
(29:13):
we appreciate you, buddy. You have a great rest of
your day.
Speaker 7 (29:16):
Man, you jump all tell you what. Don't bite you
up when we ate, man.
Speaker 1 (29:23):
Don't bite your lip when you eat.
Speaker 9 (29:24):
Thank you very much, Mars, good work.
Speaker 1 (29:28):
As uh say hey to Lisa Easley, South Carolina. Good morning, Lisa,
good morning. Hello? All right, Lisa, you next up, Marty
Wayne did not get that right if you were listening
all about that. So what do you what? What are
you thinking? Hmm?
Speaker 5 (29:52):
Maybe dishwasher?
Speaker 1 (29:54):
Maybe dishwasher sounds like it might work.
Speaker 13 (29:57):
Let's see show us a dishwasher, Yes, mechanical dishwasher, not
the wife.
Speaker 2 (30:11):
Yes, I am the washer right there.
Speaker 1 (30:14):
So uh, first mechanical dishwasher in at eighteen eighty six,
Like we said, that was old Josephine Cochrane, a wealthy
socialite from Shelbyville, Illinois. She was worried about her dishes
and stuff getting chipped. Her precious chones, the maids that
bless her heart. Tough down there, hey, Lisa worked out
(30:37):
for you world lawn mower's big swag pack is coming
to you now easily.
Speaker 2 (30:45):
Oh what, thank you?
Speaker 3 (30:47):
All right?
Speaker 5 (30:48):
Oh and also I'm the second time collar, but the
first time I didn't get my moves.
Speaker 1 (30:53):
Take care of that. You that for Lisa?
Speaker 5 (30:57):
Thank you.
Speaker 1 (31:04):
All right. We got you news right now on the
other side of our time capsules for this Monday morning,
grumpy old man who got him grumped up?
Speaker 11 (31:14):
What about?
Speaker 2 (31:43):
This is the award winning John Boy and Billy Big Show,
the South's number one export.
Speaker 4 (32:00):
Y yeah, yeah, yeah, yeo, what's that? I know what's up?
Speaker 3 (32:04):
Y'all?
Speaker 2 (32:04):
Food in here trying to carry out. I'm trying to
do my business. Jack can go see you can find
that boy for me. He go there climbing around on
something like she the monkey bars or something.
Speaker 4 (32:15):
When I've come to ax the.
Speaker 2 (32:18):
Man with all the far one one, you need to
handle all them.
Speaker 4 (32:23):
What you're gonna call intro spessonal relationship.
Speaker 2 (32:27):
Now that that dick did the I that means I
need to get some four to one one on how
to get involved with a good looking woman. I wake
two jobs, which makes it seem next to impossible to
find time to look for a woman. Now when I
was in high school, it was easy for me. Now
a few years after, I'm having the hardest time trying
(32:47):
to hook up with a woman. Doesn't you have any
advice for me? Is how I can find someone? Is
there any hope for me? I'm sure, man, your expertise
can help out. He punched in the right button since
see Adam Way for the brother Adam. Although you don't
have the benefeatures of being a living legend of love
(33:08):
like I hear own self, women's ain't never too hard
to come back, even for.
Speaker 4 (33:14):
Dudes like you. And while it's never easy.
Speaker 2 (33:17):
To find that certain woman, it is certain you can
find an easy woman.
Speaker 4 (33:24):
It ain't rap thiggy bell let me preach on it. No, no,
Now you say you had.
Speaker 2 (33:32):
No trouble getting hook up when you was in high school, Dude,
nobody did well.
Speaker 4 (33:40):
With all them moms floating around all over the place.
Speaker 2 (33:42):
Then what you call Holmones and Sonny and Sherry Moones
and Testaverdian Moons Man, all that love stinking up there,
you get the hook up just sitting in detention.
Speaker 4 (33:54):
Aids me how I know?
Speaker 2 (33:57):
But nowadays you're so busy working two jobs you ain't
got time to look for a woman two jobs?
Speaker 4 (34:03):
What is you Jamaican?
Speaker 3 (34:06):
Brother?
Speaker 2 (34:07):
They ain't no sense of you doing everything you trying
to tell like, I ain't no women's working while you working?
Speaker 4 (34:16):
What you're doing?
Speaker 2 (34:16):
Man working in a church like one of them mona statue,
as with all them monkeys chating all over the place. Man,
these women everywhere, And by working two jobs, you should
be doubling your chances, my brother, not no, no, no no,
hopefully you is waking a night job now. See this
makes it a whole lot easier to work in some
hacky package on the bosses back.
Speaker 4 (34:40):
See some of the hottest.
Speaker 2 (34:42):
Most freakiest women's on the planet wakes at night.
Speaker 4 (34:45):
They like a race of wide lover huchi mama vampires.
Man is everywhere.
Speaker 2 (34:51):
This is especially true in warehouses, whole houses, and all
that pancake houses. And while it's true some is hot,
some is not. So getting busy at the doc or
not urinely in scient terrific terms, makes it a whole
lot easier to satisfy your animal urgence.
Speaker 4 (35:13):
If your hold don't win place, oh, show.
Speaker 2 (35:15):
You did, then if all else fails, my brother, you
get you a job in one of them high end
shoe store, you'll find plenty of five look on women
honing your skills as a player. And if them low
down skagger is give you that trifling attitude, at least
(35:36):
you'll be in the right place to offer them that
two for one foot in booty sale.
Speaker 14 (35:43):
This is.
Speaker 4 (35:46):
Peace out.
Speaker 1 (35:49):
If you would like to ask Hike, mail to ask Hike.
Speaker 9 (35:52):
Ain't no one Wood Rigen Center, Drive, Charlotte, North Carolina two.
Speaker 1 (35:54):
Eight two one seven.
Speaker 4 (35:56):
You're gonna make me get some of that DNA in.
Speaker 1 (36:00):
John Boy and Billy listened to the whip wing whim
of the woodwinds as it rolls a wound and a wound.
Speaker 12 (36:09):
And it comes out here Morning radio done right, Yeah.
Speaker 1 (36:39):
Martin, it's who big seawing. The radio professor frozen off
joins us for a session in about twenty minutes. Right now,
it's time for the grumpy old man.
Speaker 4 (36:58):
Whoop poopy.
Speaker 2 (37:01):
I'm old and I hate doctors. In my day, we
didn't have any Harvard trained Mayo clinic in turned malpractice
protected BMW driving, nurse chasing pill popping saw.
Speaker 4 (37:16):
Bones on every street corner.
Speaker 2 (37:18):
We had a crazy old Cajun medicine man named Lazy
Lefty Lebau.
Speaker 4 (37:24):
He wasn't really lazy.
Speaker 2 (37:25):
He just got into some bad moonshine and shoot his
own feet off. Now he can't get around with beans.
And his left hand was a big shiny hook. Your
folks told you he lost it to a gator, but
the truth was he just liked.
Speaker 4 (37:40):
How it looked.
Speaker 2 (37:43):
And when you got sick, your folks would take into
his smelly little cabin in the woods and they'd leave
you there. You knew you were in trouble when you
saw the magazines in his waiting room Man Love Monthly.
Speaker 4 (37:57):
And Boys Life.
Speaker 2 (38:00):
No matter what was wrong with you, he'd insist there
was trouble with.
Speaker 1 (38:02):
Your man pots.
Speaker 2 (38:05):
And before he latched ontia, he'd fumble with a rosin
bag like he was planting a bitch and no hitter,
And you didn't dare make a run for it because
you didn't want to end up getting hung up on
that hook and got it like a trout or singing
soprano and the Hillbilly boys choir.
Speaker 3 (38:25):
And when he.
Speaker 2 (38:26):
Told you the only thing that would cull you was
a good sweat, So he'd start a big fire in
a fireplace and make you dance around buck naked for
hours on in and if you got better, it was
a miracle. And if you didn't, you never told your
parents because you'd rather have died than make another office
visit to doctor pickle Twister. Indeed, Jimminy wigg pickle Tickle too.
(38:51):
Look at me, I'm a human hillbilly hand puppet with
powder all over my twigs at berries.
Speaker 4 (38:59):
We live in the Enlightenment, and we liked it that way.
Speaker 2 (39:03):
We loved it, and we didn't have no magic cure
all over the counter Tampa proof candy coated two zillion
milligram tablets.
Speaker 4 (39:14):
We didn't know what a pill was. We were so
pig ignorant.
Speaker 2 (39:18):
We blamed all of our ills on evil spirits and
the bad habits of famous people. You got a migraine headache,
you'd blame the devil himself, fulfilling your good with impure
thoughts about missus Culling Farmer, the hot young preacher's wife
that was wearing that low cut swimming costume you saw
(39:38):
her wearing. So you had purged those demons the only
way you knew how.
Speaker 1 (39:43):
With pain.
Speaker 2 (39:44):
You'd summoned the courage to spit in the face of
one of the smelly mcgauca twins and then stand there
and take it while they punched you in the skull
to your brains were goop it out of your ears,
and you were speaking gibberish.
Speaker 1 (39:56):
And when you.
Speaker 2 (39:56):
Finally screamed the name of the Lord of Mercy, you'd
be cured. You'd be a puddn't eaten vegetable from then on,
but you'd be evil spirit free forever. And if you'd
get the squirts, good blame Clark Gable for playing backdoor
blackjack with Danny Kaye and all the rest of that
(40:16):
stuff you read in those hollyweird confidential dime novels you
found in Gimpy Gordy humphreys outhouse. There weren't no cure,
but at least you had some of the curse while
you were trapped in the crapper with your guts and knots.
Great mumblety bubbly whifflewaffle. Look at me, I'm a big dopey,
brain dead bubber locked in the porter pooper with visions
(40:37):
a Humphrey po god playing pants pirates with Randolph Scott.
Speaker 4 (40:43):
It's a wonderful life.
Speaker 2 (40:44):
At last, I kicked the oxygen habit open up those
pearly gates. Here comes another dumb ass, and we liked it.
We loved it. Ah, Blippity Blue.
Speaker 1 (41:00):
I hate doctor you more than everybody. The Big Show
is on the radio. Still a lot more coming at you.
Speaker 8 (41:09):
Hey, hey listener, my name is Man only.
Speaker 1 (41:15):
I ain't a motivational speaker. I am thirty five years old.
Speaker 4 (41:21):
I am right divorced.
Speaker 14 (41:24):
And every morning I listen to Young Boy and Billy
on the Big Show when I wake up in a
ven man the river, go on and laugh and leave
the radio work.
Speaker 1 (42:12):
Your morning. That's a big show on a radio, y'all.
Moore's wonderful thing. Give him away a number one hundred
and thirty four. We got it up there. And sometimes
I forget to bring a wonderful thing from home. I
just have to look around the truck and find something.
I got a I got a one million dollar humpy
(42:33):
wheeler bill, I mean, not a bill to pay. And
I noticed took pictures of it. You've obviously used it
as a coaster. Yeah, I won't ring on it, but God,
and then one of those schools, John Boy Billy Breakfast
of Champion Trading Cards, Okay, and I think it's been
in spokes.
Speaker 6 (42:54):
I'm gonna try to buy a biscuit with that bill Man.
Speaker 1 (42:59):
Good time. I made to pass them on. We got
my wonderful thing. Can see that trumpet right there? That
(43:19):
inspired me?
Speaker 7 (43:20):
Right there.
Speaker 1 (43:24):
Played the trumpet.
Speaker 4 (43:27):
Oh dog, don't.
Speaker 7 (43:29):
Now.
Speaker 1 (43:30):
I'm made to go out to rouge and get my.
Speaker 4 (43:31):
Hof No, I gotta work tomorrow, so I.
Speaker 1 (43:37):
Get caught up in the bumper music sometime. All right,
there we go, we get we ready, we ready. What
I have no idea I can tell. Don't do that,
do that
Hosts And Creators
Billy James
Johnny "John Boy" Isley
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