Just a Regular Fool Today

April Fool's Day's closed.  Moose out front should have told ya.

Episode Transcript

(00:00):
Scott Vordiez. I come into thestudio this morning having heard an LSU fan
raving down the hall, not aboutthe outcome of last night's basketball game,
which fans, especially of the IowaHawkeyes, will know, was won by
Iowa in a rematch of last year'swomen's championship game in college basketball, they

(00:24):
met in the Elite eight for achance to go to Final Four, and
Iowa beats LSU this year by ascore of ninety four eighty seven. Caitlin
Clark is somewhere still draining three pointersagainst the LSU Tigers. But this fan
of LSU was not raving about anythingthat happened during the game. He said,

(00:47):
I took my LSU colors off whenat the start of the game,
the national anthem is playing and theIowah Hawk guy team is out there and
the LSU team is not. Nowhe doesn't apparently watch a lot of LSU
Lady Tiger basketball. The LSU teamis routinely in the locker room before the

(01:11):
game during the national anthem, hawguys were out there arm in arm standing
respecting our national anthem. LSU juststays in the locker room and they're not
certainly the only team that does it. Now. He was yelling down the
hall saying that the LSU team walkedoff the court during the national anthem like

(01:34):
it started and they just walked offthe court. That's not accurate. They
stay in the locker room all Wegot to do some last second tweaks.
Yeah it worked. What Kaylin Clarkhad what a million points last night?
Yeah, apparently they were in there. The LSU team was in there saying,

(01:56):
all right, here's what we're gonnado. It's a crazy game plan.
We're gonna let Caitlin Clark score atwill, but we're going to ask
everyone to really clamp down on theother members of the Iowah Hawkeye team.
We think that will be our pathto victory. I don't know what they
were talking about, but it didn'twork. But LSU didn't walk off the

(02:16):
court. That's why. Before theStevie Wonder music began there and I said,
I just heard someone yelling about something. I gotta verify something. I'm
gonna yell at about it too.I would rather have the players out there
standing for the national anthem, butif for some reason you can't bring yourself

(02:38):
to do that, then stay inthe locker room so we don't have to
see you out there kneeling, sittingdown, you know whatever. So that's
what happened last night and this latestbasketball game. A little curious as to
exactly Still, I've never exactly knownwhat the disrespecting of the national anthem has

(03:06):
to do with anything you see goingon in this country. And I'll say
this, since players started kneeling forthe national anthem before these sporting events,
has anything changed? Has anything beenmade better? Got a woman here in
Omaha, nineteen years old who wasfound in a parking lot near an apartment

(03:29):
complex in just north of downtown sixteenthand Yates Streets, just north of sixteenth
and Coming and police found her.She was beat up about four o'clock in
the morning yesterday, and initially policesaid they were looking for five juveniles in

(03:49):
relation to the assault of this woman. Now police say they're looking for an
adult suspect. No word on whetherthey're still looking for we're ever looking for
any juveniles. Now. Police didsay this that this woman, who had
a cut over her eye and abloody nose after being physically assaulted, told
the police pretty much nothing as theywere taking her to the hospital with serious

(04:13):
injuries. They note in the storyhere from k e TV News Watch seven
that she was extremely uncooperative and unwillingto give information to officers about whoever it
was that beat her up. Sothe LSU players decide to stay in the
locker room during the national anthem becausethey don't like cops. Here Omaha police

(04:38):
helping a young woman based on hername. I'm going to say a young
woman of color without exactly knowing whatI'm talking about. How can you tell
it because the name sounds Hispanic,So he's here are the police who were
helping a young woman. If it'simportant to the LSU players whether or not

(04:58):
this is a person of color ornot, I'm going to go out on
this limb and say, a youngwoman of color and say, it looks
like you've been beat up pretty bad. I don't know if you're familiar with
what we do here with the policedepartment, but we love tracking down guys
that beat up women and making thempay for it. That doesn't mean we're

(05:19):
gonna go beat this guy up,though. We'll be looking to see if
he gives us a reason to butno, we'll bring him into custody and
you can testify against him and haveyour day in court as well as he'll
have his day in court, andthen they can send him to prison.
Where As I understand it, guysin prison love getting fellow inmates who beat

(05:42):
up women. He'd be dealt with. So how about what you let us
do that? That's what we do. And she's decided no, because there
are too many people in this countrythat say, if the police come and
talk to you, don't talk tothe police. We want a guy who's
out there, or several guys outthere abusing women to continue to be out

(06:06):
on the streets abusing women. Andthen you've got this from the Omaha Public
Schools. The first line of thestory here from WWT six News says keeping
students and staff safe in school hasbecome a major topic lately within Omaha Public

(06:27):
schools lately. I don't know ifyou've been paying attention, but ops finally
just decided, you know what,students who assault staff members. We should
do something about that. I'll tellyou what they're thinking about doing next.
One more note about women's college basketball. Scott Vorhees here with you, by

(06:48):
the way on News Radio eleven tenKfab. There's a columnist here who says
that women's college basketball is still secondclass citizens in the March Madness game because
of what happened in a tournament game. It was NC State and Texas women's

(07:10):
college basketball, and I don't knowwho figured this out, but they eventually
looked at it and said, youknow, this isn't exactly right here.
What wasn't right is that the threepoint line on the court drawn out there
on the basketball court was shorter onone end than it was on the other

(07:33):
end. Not by a lot,but you know, by a step about
six inches. You know. Soif you're Caitlin Clark and your news used
to being there at the top ofthe key and knocking down a three and
you're routinely bouncing it off the backof the rim, going wow, that
shot felt pure. The reason whyis because you're about six inches closer.

(07:58):
And they said, well, thisis just how it is being a women's
college athlete. Well, who doyou think they got, like, Oh,
we got some kids from the localpainting college to come out here and
we're just gonna let them paint upthe basketball court with here's where the lane
is, and here's where the freethrow line is, and here's where the

(08:20):
three point line is, and here'swhere half court is. We hope that
they get it close. I don'tknow who jacked this up. I don't
think it was intentional. I don'tthink they're gonna find the guy in there.
It's like, hey, the threepoint line was off on one side
of the court from the other.Oh. I didn't think girls could make
three pointers, so I just gotit as close as I could. What
do you want? Yeah, someonejacked it up. It's a weird mistake.

(08:46):
As I now defer to one ofthe great three point shooters I've ever
seen, Lucy Chapman here this morning. Lucy, if I gave you ten
shots and you could pick your spoton the arc, do you think you
could make it? Is that froma magazine or a clip? No,
I'm talking about from basketball shots intoa hoop from the three point line and

(09:11):
you want me to make one outof ten? Yeah? Do you think
you could make at least one outof ten? No? Really? No,
even if you went granny shot,No, Okay, I bet you
could. I bet you could ofthem, Scott, I'd said at least
one out of ten, Lucy justrains threes. Lucy was the one who

(09:35):
started the thing where after you makea three pointer, you have to run
down the court holding up three fingers. Everyone knows that you made three,
just in case they were confused.You know, this happens a lot.
I'm so glad that every basketball playerfrom the little kid level up to the
NBA, after they make a threepointer they have to go down the court

(09:56):
and hold up three fingers to thecrowd or you know, hey, if
you were looking at your phone,I made a three down here, I
did three of these. See myfingers one, two, three, that's
a three pointer. I did that. You held up the wrong three fingers?
Is that all you have? No? This is these are the These
are the three fingers they use whenthey hold them up. Well, you

(10:22):
you don't. You don't do likethis? Why I don't know. That's
not how they do it. It'sthese three it's your last thumb and pointer
finger down. It's kind of likethe okay sign, except less confused with
what people online have decided as asymbol for white supremacy. And you take
the other three fingers and you raisethem up. That's three. What if

(10:46):
I run down with one finger raisedon each hand. Uh, there are
some players who do that. Whatif I run down this hallway right now
with one finger on each hand asit run past your window, I'd say,
Jim Rose's office is up the stepsthere, sir, Right, I'm

(11:07):
not running anywhere. If you seeLucy Chapman running, run with her.
She's running from something. Yeah,and then I only have to run faster
than you. She's sporty, she'sgetting some exercise. Nope, there's a
bear coming. So I managed toweave into the last segment there, the

(11:30):
Iowa LSU game and then problems withcrime on the streets of Omaha. If
you missed it, it made sense, trust me, and we got to
this where Omaha Public Schools officials.The story from WWT six News. The

(11:52):
first line of the story says,keeping students and staff safe in school has
become a major topic late lee withinOmaha Public Schools. Yeah. Did you
know up until how long is lately? What timeframe is lately? You would
say, not more than three weeks? Yeah? Month or two month?

(12:13):
Yeah lately? Yeah, up untilthe last three weeks, there were never
any issues with any kind of violenceor threats or anything going on in your
Omaha public schools lately? Come onanyway, the recent examples they give is

(12:33):
about a month ago, ammunition wasfound at Benson High School. Right before
that, a fifteen year old studentwas stabbed just behind Benson High School.
Back in January, four Northwest HighSchool students were detained at gunpoint when it
was alleged that one of them mayhave brought a gun to school. And

(12:54):
yeah, these are some notable examples, but the examples you don't hear about
the fights that take place every singleday in just about every single high school,
middle school, and many elementary schoolsacross the area. It's not just
Omaha Public schools, but it wasOmaha Public schools that had about eight hundred
teachers over the span of two yearsflee that district because they are tired of

(13:18):
getting beat up and threatened with nothinghappening. And when I say nothing,
I shouldn't say nothing, because they'restill talking about what they would do here
in this story if a student assaultsa staff member, what would they do?
Well, it's not nothing. Instead, they still say that the student
should be transferred or expelled, evenif it's a first offense. Well,

(13:43):
they're not going to expel any ofthese kids. They never do that,
So they still talk about, well, if a student assaults a staff member,
by golly, we take immediate action. That student's going to be transferred.
Yeah where to another Omaha public school? And then he gets in a

(14:05):
fight there or she? What dothey do? Well, it seems like
you have a hard time respecting authority. Maybe you need a new school.
Yeah, I need some new teachersto beat on. With so many students
doing this, at what point dowe have to stop and say this is

(14:28):
not from Hollywood or from games orpeers, this is coming from home.
At what point do we have togo there years ago? Yeah, well
we're not. You're listening to thisline. Another proposed change for dealing with
a student who has assaulted a staffmember is trying to factor in that student's

(14:52):
quote development level unquote, it says. Another proposed change says that a student's
development level should be a factor inhow that student is disciplined. That could
cover so many things. God's namedoes that mean development level? Well?
Yeah, especially since we've taken apretty wide blanket and put it over you

(15:16):
know, well, this student hasa hard time paying attention in class,
well, there's a few reasons forthat. One. No one parent or
parents included, have ever told thisstudent. No, the student has learned
if I get in a fight withanyone in the school, including faculty,
I get the rest of the dayoff school, which sounds great to me,
or I get transferred to another school, which sounds fine. You know,

(15:39):
I'll just continue to do that.You know. One of the other
problems I see, and this isnot really related to the issue of threats
and fights in school, but theseschools have become an absolute joke with block
scheduling. How long was a classwhen you were in middle school or high

(16:02):
school? Forty minutes, forty fiveminutes, and now it's like an hour
and a half, And so theteachers they don't have an hour and a
half worth of stuff for you,And so it's all going to do this
for a little bit, and thenyou need to catch up on some work,
catch up on some work, oryou can sit there and play on
your phones, or you're gonna havedowntime. You got. Some students over

(16:26):
here have figured out a portal theycan use their school laptops to watch movies
on which they do every single day, or some students just say, oh,
all right, time to fight,and so they're not engaged for forty
five minutes of a stretch in differentclasses throughout the day. Now a student
who is thinking, I'm thinking aboutacting out in this class, but class

(16:49):
is going to be over in aboutsix minutes. Now just wait it out.
Maybe I can walk it off duringpassing period and go to the next
class. Now we've got these teachersin there who can't fill an hour and
a half full of instructional time inmany instances, and it just becomes a
joke. And a lot of theseteachers are burnt out because they're tired of

(17:11):
fighting either the same students or thesame type of student who's just been transferred
and transferred and transferred around, untilfinally you get a cocktail of four bad
kids who have all been transferred tothe same school at the same time.
And that's how a portal to hellhas opened. And the teachers say,
all right, I'm leaving Omaha PublicSchools. And then the school board says,

(17:33):
hey, we should talk about thistwo years later, and it says,
well, the board wants to settlethese concerns before the end of the
school year. Meanwhile, you gotteachers going. I still got about two
months here in this school year.What are you going to do to help
me today? This is something thatyou can help me out today. What

(17:55):
are we going to do about thiskid today? Well, we're gonna meat
for a few more months and getback to you and maybe there'll be a
change next school year. Spoiler alert, there won't be. And then you've
got these inmates. This is trulyan example of the inmates trying to run

(18:18):
the asylum. And I'll have itfor you after a Fox News update next.
Scott Bohees here, you're going Newsradio eleven ten kfab. It's been
one week since you looked at me? No, wait, that's the start
to a bare Naked Ladies song.How long ago was it when we went
down to Beatrice? When I saywe, Lucy stayed home and I went

(18:40):
down there and broadcast live from thetotal eclipse of the sun. There's your
eighties movie reference for this segment ofthe radio program. You got that one?
Yeah, that would be Happy gilmoreNo, but we'll have occasion to
play a clip from Happy Gilmour justafter ten o'clock this morning. Oh is

(19:00):
golf starting? No, it's sadly, where we note the passing of people
of note just after ten o'clock onthis program is usually where we do that,
and one of the stars of thatfilm has passed. Bob Barker died
a long time ago. Wasn't BobBarker, Not Adam Sandler, and not

(19:22):
shoot A McGavin, but someone whoquite notable in that film. No,
I was referencing Little Shop of Horrorson that one. Never saw it.
What Lucy's you see grease? I'llsee Little Shop and will be even one
is a fantastic musical and that andthe other one is grease and the other

(19:45):
one's grease. No, it wasthe solar eclipse that was well here,
When did I make the Eclipse Sunglassessong twenty seventeen is when we went down
to be actress watch the total eclipseof the sun and just to refresh everyone's
memories. One of my favorite songswe've ever done in the history of this

(20:08):
program was a short one. Itwas Eclipse Sunglasses leading up to that celestial
event. When you wake up inthe morning and the light is hud your
hands, the first thing you dowhen you get about a bit. It's
had that street to run in andyou get down to Beatrice and don't get

(20:30):
yourself some eclipse sunglasses. Yeah,damn, here we are seven years later.
We've got another total totality solar eclipsecoming up here, and this one

(20:55):
is not coming back to Beatrice orthis area. Instead, it's going to
be an east coast thing and it'scoming up on Monday. Well, not
everyone has the opportunity to see thetotal eclipse of the sun, Lucy.
Why not because the man decided theyneeded to be locked in prison without a

(21:21):
window seat. Inmates in New Yorkare suing the New York State Corrections Department.
So if they're not in a positionthat they would normally be able to
see the solar eclipse, they say, we should be able to see it,
and they're suing on what grounds?Do you think you can sue the

(21:45):
State Corrections Department to see a solareclipse? National emergency. I don't know
that it's an emergency, right,No, they're saying that this is against
their constitutional rights when it comes tothe freedom of religion. Well, that's

(22:11):
new, but they do have alot of time on their hands. The
plaintiffs are six men with varying religiousbackgrounds, specifically incarcerated at the Woodburn Correctional
Facility in Woodburn, New York.You've got a Baptist, a Muslim,
and a Seven Day and Ventist whowalk into a prison, as well as

(22:34):
two practitioners of Santaia. I ain'tgot no crystal ball. There's your nineties
music reference for this segment of theradio program. Got that one happy and
a million dollars, But I spendit. You're not even trying. Come
on, sublime, Santa Ria,anything, no, nothing? And an

(22:57):
atheist is in this loss? Whatan atheist? There's no religion in that,
Oh yes there is. For themilitaristic atheist, there is no religion
more important than the religion of militantatheism, which I've separated from those who
are at this point in their walkwith faith, which right now has them

(23:18):
somewhere around the starting line. Maybethey've walked backwards into the starting line,
but whatever. We're all at differentareas in our paths, in our walk
with faith. And because right nowyou're in this path where you consider yourself
a atheist or agnostic, doesn't meanyou won't find yourself at a different spot
on the path later in life.That's how things go. But then you've

(23:44):
got those who aren't even on thatpath. They're sitting up on the hill
mocking that path in a militant formof atheism, which they absolutely take as
a religion anyway. A Baptist,a Muslim, a Seventh day Adventist,
two practitioners of Santaia, and anatheist. Well that's a full house,

(24:06):
and they're all suing right now tosay that you're violating our constitutional right to
practice our faith. Here's what thelawsuit says, quote a solar eclipse is
a rare natural phenomenon. We'll timeout here in the quote, Lucy is
a conspiracy theorist. Do you seethis as a natural phenomenon or do you

(24:29):
think the government in cloud seating andpoison chemtrails is creating a solar eclipse?
No, I don't think that they'vebeen able to move the moon or sun
yet, Okay, but they're workingon it. I didn't say that a
solar eclipse is a rare natural phenomenonwith great religious significance to many. Yes,

(24:55):
the Santurians down there shaking chicken bloodon you know, bones and stuff
like that. They love the sun, so they say that something like this,
which was last visible in the USin twenty seventeen. Off I would
have kept reading the news story.It would have told me last scene in

(25:15):
the US in twenty seventeen and won'tbe seen in America again until two thousand
and forty four. We got towait another Now remember twenty years until we
see full solar eclipse. Well,now I want to go see this one.
I really loved the last one.That was a riot, and it

(25:41):
almost was. I don't think you'regoing to have the celebratory atmosphere that you
had with this last one. Maybenot in this prison. But let's go
back to the last one. We'redown there in Beatrice. Many people have
been camping for days. I gotthere super early in the morning, had
some breakfast in the diner and aroundBeatrice that was not set up to accommodate

(26:06):
this many people, but they weredoing their best to scramble up all the
eggs. And then we went outto that field where in like eight hours
from that moment, for a coupleof minutes, there's going to be a
total eclipse of the sun visible.At the best spot to see it was
going to be at Homestead National Parkin Beatrice. The problem was is that

(26:33):
it was cloudy and rainy all morning. Now, the forecast said that it
might break up by the afternoon,but no one knew, and some people
decided, I can't handle it.I'm I think I can make to Oklahoma.
And they've just got in the caror the camp or whatever they're pulling
out of there. Meanwhile everyone else, including Bill Ny the science guy,

(26:56):
are all sitting there waiting, hangingout, hoping for a miracle. And
it got to that moment just afterone o'clock when there was supposed to be
totality and you could kind of seebehind the clouds the almost total eclipse happening.

(27:18):
But then in that moment of totality, the clouds broke and for that
minute or so of I don't rememberhow many seconds of totality we were supposed
to have, but the clouds brokeand we got the most perfect image of
it, and that crowd there inBeatrice went bat shy, Nola crazy because

(27:45):
we're sitting there all morning thinking we'regonna come all the way down here.
There's like one porta potty on theproperty and a billion people no food,
and we're gonna come all the waydown here to see the thing. We're
not even gonna be able to see. I want my money back. And
then the clouds broke and we sawit. And I've never I mean,

(28:07):
I've been to Husker football games whereninety thousand fans were jumping up and down
all excited. I don't know thatI've seen people as happy and satisfied about
anything as I did that crowd andBeatrice that day. Because they were going
to be able to leave in afew minutes to go to the bathroom.

(28:27):
That was the worst part. Waslike, okay, now it's all time
for everyone to go. I don'tknow if you're familiar with how many roads
get out of Beatrice back to anykind of main highway. I'm actually still
stuck in traffic seven years later fromthat moment. Beatrice is not quite two

(28:51):
hours from here. Took me fiveand a half hours to get home.
And you're like, but what aboutthe aforementioned people who had to use the
restroom. At some point people stoppedhaving shame. It's like, well,
we're already not moving. I'm justgoing to get out in the side of
the road and just wave with people. How are we doing to see.
I just here hosing down the sideof the road. You gotta go,

(29:15):
you gotta go. What are yougonna do? Oh? Sure? Fine
for the men. Women were doingit too. It was it was like
the closest I've ever been to cavemanmentality. Well, lots of moon's coming
out there. It was lord ofthe flies. You thought the moon was
in the sky. They're all overthe highway. Yeah, it jumped up

(29:38):
a notch, it got crag fora while down there, but it was
great. So yeah, religious experience, sure, I mean, I don't
know. It's pretty special, andthere are certainly people that want to go
see this thing. But now we'vegot these inmates suing the New York State
Corrections Department because they're saying, look, there are some people who, by

(30:06):
virtue of the schedule of the day, are going to be in their cells
at that time. Now other peoplemight be able to be in the yard
or I guess you got some peoplewho've got a nice, nice window seat
there in their prison. I mean, it's New York. You got some
that have a nice view of theoutside. And then you got some who've
been given a you know, oh, a convenient bed sheet and cameras that

(30:29):
were turned off and guards that lookthe other way. Well, they got
a chance to not hang themselves.I mean, it's New York. Anything
can happen in those prisons. Butthese people are suing the state saying,
if you don't let us see thecelestial event of the total eclipse of the
Sun, then we can't be Baptists, Muslims, Santurians. And then the

(30:52):
atheist is like, well, maytwo, what's your complaint? Well,
because I just love trying to gumup the works, that's why. And
they say, we've already asked permission, but we were denied by officials.
Yeah, you know, just openup the prisons and let everyone out.

(31:15):
All right, guys, the totaleclipse of the sun coming, now,
go out and take a look atit. But then you get right back
here in your cell, you scamps. What time is the clips on Monday?
Are we going to be on theradio when it's happening. It's right
after the cicadas emerge? Yeah,cicada, Yes, right, we got
the one hundred and forty four yearcicadas or whatever we're on right now.

(31:40):
We got a total eclipse, wegot a presidential election, and one of
the stars of Happy Gilmour has passedaway. Generally, just after ten o'clock
in the morning is the time whenwe take the opportunity generally to note someone
of note who has padded pat whohas passed away, and we note their
passing. When someonet of note notablypasses away, it is noted here in

(32:07):
this time slot. And Lucy,I'm going to say this name, and
if you don't know who this is, I might just fold into a ball
and weep uncontrollably for days. Ohwell, I suppose there's one way to
get a day off. Joe Flahertyhas died. Crazy Legs. Crazy Legs.

(32:31):
Oh, people know that, theyare very impressed. What I don't.
I don't know that. Yeah.Second City he did a bit called
crazy Legs. Yeah. Well,I'm familiar with several of his bits on
SCTV, and one of one ofthe greats was when Count Floyd would come

(32:54):
out there And we had this inOmaha with Doctor Sanguinary, who would come
on TV late at night and showus a really bad horror film. This
was a spoof of shows like thatthat sometimes showed the horror movies, sometimes
they didn't. It was always introducedby Count Floyd, who'd come out of
the crypt for Monster Chiller horror Theater. Hi, everyone, Count Floyd here

(33:21):
reminding you to watch this Saturday nightat eleven o'clock water Monster Chilling Auto Theater.
We got a scanny one for youthis week. It's that three dimensional
semi classic Doctor Tongue's House of Cats. It's in three D, so you'll
have to send away for your specialglasses. Yeah. Of course, the

(33:42):
three D was just leaning into thescreen and then leaning away. John Candy
and Eugene Levy and Catherine O'Hara,Rick moranis Dave Thomas, what an incredible
Andrea Martin an incredible cast of characters. In the old SCTV episodes, they

(34:02):
would create the three D effect byleaning in and then lean back. But
Doctor Doctor Floyd would show several ofthese films, usually preceded by the name
Doctor Tongue. This was Doctor Tongue'sHouse of Cats. There was Doctor Tongue's

(34:22):
Evil Stewardesses on Parade, uh,Doctor Doctor Kung, Doctor Tongue's Evil International
House of Pancakes. Let's see.This one was Blood Sunky I can't speak
today, blood Sucking Monkeys from WestMifflin, Pennsylvania. Sometimes you get a

(34:47):
chance to see a bit of thefeature. Sometimes you wouldn't, but count
Floyd with Monster Chiller Horror Theater.That was Joe Flaherty. Okay, well,
I you can just stop the mills. I was wrong. It was
Harold Ramis was Crazy Legs. Well, I uh, I'm sorry. I

(35:07):
still don't know what the crazy Legsbit is from SCTV. But no,
Flaherty was on Freaks and Geeks.Yes, he was dead, the dad
on Freaks and Geeks. And youknow where his friends are today. I
don't. They're dead. Okay,I uh never watched that show. I
understand I should have watched that showand maybe I could still catch it,

(35:29):
but I have I have yet todo that one. Sticking with sc TV,
H, you'd also have Joe Flahertyand John Candy uh provide you movie
reviews with the Farm Film Report.My favorite choice, however, was David
Cronenberg Scanners. Yeah like that,Yeah, Louis del grand A character.

(35:49):
He blowed up, He blowed upreal good. Yeah. I like the
part where he went to shake andhe was shaking shaking, sha. He
was just to shaking and a shaken, and his veins started to help a
David and then he blowed up,blowed up real good. That's the farm
film report. But perhaps Joe Flahertyis best known as before he and Shooter

(36:12):
Might Might go to Red Lobster.Joe Flaherty was paid to follow around golfer
Happy Gilmore on the PGA tour andheckle him. Hey Gilmore, you suck.
Doc asked, why don't you shutthe hell up? I'd love to
punch that kind of face right now, but I can't, you know,

(36:32):
because I get in trouble. Ibet you got a lot of that.
And let's make a deal. It'sthe price is right, Happy, Sorry,
it happens. Let's play some golf. Let's play some golf. So
now Happy Gilmore is lining up hisshot, which of course he does from
a good five feet away. WHOAthe club one further than the ball,

(36:57):
So we follow around. You ain'tgetting off this beach. Jotas one of
the great catchphrases in one of themost easily fluently quoted movies of all time.
Joe Flaherty there as the heckler fromHappy Gilmore. Joe Flaherty has passed
away at the age of eighty two, and all of your all of the

(37:24):
comedians who other comedians say are theirfavorite comedians, are noting the passing of
this guy who served in the UnitedStates Air Force for four years, coming
out of Pittsburgh, Pennsylvania, andafter his stint in the Air Force,

(37:44):
he moved to Chicago and got inwith the Second City. Absolutely someone who
was on I think just about everysingle TV show and little bit roles in
all these great movies. I'm thinkingabout one of my favorites from the eighties,

(38:07):
One Crazy Summer. Here's the partof the show where Lucy says,
I never saw that movie, JohnCusack, I saw it, But John
Cusack to me Moore, I'm familiarwith it, but I don't think I
saw it. Joe Flaherty, let'ssee if I can find I don't think
there's any cursing in this scene.All right, hang on, Joe flairher

(38:27):
tea One Crazy Summer. He's akatsdad. Uh nope, Wow, everything's
on YouTube except for this scene.Joe Flaherty is the the boy scout leader

(38:50):
and he's teaching these kids what todo if these scouts come up on a
plane crash, which you know,when a plane crashes and there's bodies everywhere,
that's my voice is still a littlerough from last week. I can't
fully yell like he does. Andyou know, guts are coming out and
the eyes. You got to pushhim back in with a stick. You
know. He's teaching these boy scoutswhat they would do when they come up

(39:13):
on a plane crash and there's bodieseverywhere, and the boy Scouts have been
called out to deal with it,including pushing people's eyeballs back in with a
stick. That was Joe Flaherty fromOne Crazy Summer. Seriously, you never
saw that. Come on, allright, there we have a person of

(39:34):
note who notably passed away, whowe noted their passing notably here on news
Radio eleven ten KFAB. Next upon the program, I'll i'll harken back
to yesterday's radio show by actually seriouslydelving into a subject that did get brought

(39:57):
up on the show yesterday. Andwe've got a little bit more clarification on
this. I'll tell you about itnext. Scott Boyes, news Radio eleven
ten, eleven KFAB. Yesterday,this radio show was not news Radio eleven
ten kfab we for the second timein three years because April Fool's Day fell

(40:20):
upon a weekend last year, sowe did resurrect the NPR fab bit.
And I'll say a couple of thingsthat could not be more opposed to one
another about the nprfab bit. Firstof all, I hate April Fool's Day.

(40:44):
If for some reason I want todo a bit on the radio rooted
in satire sarcasm, I'm going todo it on like October twenty first,
or someday when you're not already expectingit. But that said, the the
fun and frivolity of April Fool's Daydoes afford the opportunity to be even more

(41:05):
silly than normal on this program.And a couple of years ago, when
we did the first NPR themed radioshow, it was a lot of fun.
And I mean for two years afterthat, people are still referencing that
show. Some people loved it,some people hated it. But I keep

(41:27):
getting references to that show. EitherI hope you do it again or please
don't do it again. By theway, if you tell us please stop
doing something on the show, chancesare it will happen even more. I
don't know what it is. I'mjust perpetually a four year old in that

(41:49):
regard, But I don't like doingthe bit again just to do it again.
That's why I was joking yesterday sayingI think everyone agree that a sequel
is always better than the original,tongue in cheek and saying, look,
we're doing this again. I don'tfeel like I'm breaking a lot of new

(42:10):
ground here if you heard the showtwo years ago, but it is kind
of fun. The problem, though, with yesterday's show was I was having
a really hard time navigating the subjectmatter like I was fine to the point
of saying because I think. Oneof the big joke themes on yesterday's April

(42:32):
Fool Show was for the host ofthe NPR theme program to point out that
apparently some Christians acted like they didn'tknow Sunday, March thirty first was the
Transgender Day of Visibility, and theyacted like everyone should just assume that we
all know it's Easter, you know. So that's the bit that I'm fine

(42:53):
with that, but it's a twohour radio show and I can't just drop
ten seconds and then and move on. We had to keep talking about that
theme, and I found myself doingso getting more dangerously close to mocking Easter
and Christianity, which I was notcomfortable doing. And so I'd get I'd

(43:17):
start moving down that road and thenI'd be like, no, just get
out of here, to move backdo something else. And so I was
pulling my punches at odds with theshow from that respect, because even in
character, I didn't want to mockEaster. So I wasn't having a lot
of fun with that part of it. My favorite thing about the NPR Fab

(43:43):
Bit is just opening up the phonelines and just randomly putting callers on the
air who, in many instances didn'tknow they were on the radio, even
though I told them that's fun andwe should look for opportunities to do that
more often. Oh I'll call scarNo, don't call now. No one
will answer your phone. Now answeryour call now. But there was one

(44:07):
thing that came up during yesterday's showthat the host of the April Fools Day
Bit NPR show, which if youthink, oh, no, I missed
it, okay, it's on theVintage Vorheas podcast link on the Scott Varheas
page at kfab dot com. JaneClub was brilliant as always as the head

(44:27):
of the Nebraska Republican Party. Forthose who don't know, she's the head
of the State Democrat Party and shereally enjoys being the head of the State
Republican Party, which she's done eachof the nprfab bits. I gave her
a couple of ideas on things togo off on. A lot of that
was from her adult brain, andI appreciate her doing that. So that's

(44:51):
all up there on the Vintage Vorheaspodcast link either on the Scott Vorheas page
at kfab dot com or the dropdownmenu under on our homepage at kfab dot
com. So one thing I didn'tmention was yesterday, and this was not
in April fools, was the firstday that you need to show an ID
to vote in the state of Nebraska. Now we've talked about this a little

(45:15):
bit. I'm having a hard timereconciling this is reality sincere Scott Voorhe's on
kfab saying this, I'm having ahard time reconciling how in Nebraska we give
drivers' licenses to illegal immigrants Because thelegislature decided over the governor's veto a couple

(45:39):
of years ago that if we're goingto have people in this state illegally,
we at least ought to teach themhow to drive and give them some license
that shows that they are driving legallyin Nebraska, even if they're here in
this country illegally, which now hasa certain gray area to it, because

(46:00):
the Biden administration is just letting peopleinto the country illegally left and right.
And it's not that you're in thecountry illegally. You're here in an undocumented
fashion, technically waiting for your dateto hear your plea of amnesty, which
is coming up in just a shortseven years, no big deals, So
just park it here in America forlike seven years and then come back to

(46:20):
this court room in Texas and we'llhear your amnesty plea on a date when
no one's going to be there.So in the meantime, you're here in
America, you're waiting for that courthearing, and you got to drive,
right, So isn't it better toteach people how to drive and give them
a license to show any law enforcementthat you've passed some sort of drivers test

(46:44):
and you are you have a licenseto drive. Well, as that is
the case in Nebraska and now you'vegot to show an ID to go vote.
I don't know what's keeping those whoare in the country legally have a
state issued ID. I don't knowwhat's keeping them from voting in Nebraska.

(47:07):
I've been having conversations with the countyelection commissioner who referred me and said,
look, you got to take upthis conversation with the Nebraska Secretary of State's
office. And yesterday I got thisresponse from the Nebraska Secretary of State's office

(47:30):
says illegal immigrants are not eligible toget a driver's license. It says is
noted on the DMV website. Allindividuals applying for any type of driver's license,
permit, or identification card must attestto the following statement I am a

(47:51):
citizen of the United States, orI am not a citizen of the United
States, but do have lawful statusand agree to provide value a documentary documentary
evidence of such as outlined in StateStatute sixty Dash four eight four Dash zero
four. All right again, parsingof words. You're not in this country

(48:14):
illegally. You're undocumented waiting your amnestycourt hearing, which is coming up in
seven years. So you've got somestatus. You can get a driver's license
under that By the way, noone is checking to see one difference between
one or the other. So that'sa parsing of terms. So you can

(48:39):
still say, well, I'm nota citizen of the United States, but
i do have lawful status, Sonow you get a driver's license. Even
in that second example where you're nota citizen but you've got some sort of
status, you can get the driver'slicense. What's stopping them from voting?
The Nebrass Secretary of State's offices.As far as individuals who are not citizens

(49:04):
of the United States but do havelawful status and receive a driver's license or
a state identification card, the DMVprohibits them from registering to vote at that
time. If a non citizen whogot a driver's license or state ID attempts
to register to vote elsewhere, theymust respond to the citizenship question on the

(49:30):
voter registration application and sign the oatha testing that they're a US citizen.
So my concern is that you've gota valid ID, you can show up
and try and vote whether or notyour I mean, the voter roles they
have there show that these are theregistered voters in this county. If you

(49:53):
try and vote in your name's noton there, or if you try and
vote and you show your ID andyou say, oh, I'm Irma Hasenfeffer
and I'm here to vote, butyour state ID says that you're Manuel Noriega,
then they're going to say, well, this doesn't match the ID we

(50:15):
have for the address that you provided. But in a lot of these instances,
what happens is that state poll workersays, I don't get paid enough
to deal with this. In manyinstances, I don't get paid anything to
deal with this. So here's whatwe're going to do. We're going to
give you a provisional ballot and letyou vote. And then it's up to

(50:36):
the local whether it's the election commissionersand the influence put on them by political
parties to say we have to countthe provisional ballots. I wonder if the
push will be like, all right, we're not encouraging people with no ability
to vote in Nebraska. We're notencouraging them to vote. But if we

(50:58):
think there are some pretty close racesand there are provisional ballots out there,
you better believe we're going to fighttooth and nail to make sure those provisional
ballots are counted because we think thatthe outcome will more be beneficial to the
Democrat in the race. Then provisionalprovisional ballots are simply a very obvious backup.

(51:22):
If you're going to fill out aprovisional ballot, then it should be
counted in the very beginning. Itshould be counted. If that's what it
is, it is a valid ballot, then it shouldn't be set off to
the side. So this is basicallyjust an insurance policy. I'm just saying,
these are how you see it.Yeah, these are the concerns I

(51:42):
have, And I'm glad I effectivelycommunicated my point because that's exactly the problem
I see here. So this goesagain. You know what they've always said
is we don't have a problem withpeople voting illegally in Nebraska. Well,
how do you know, Well,because we haven't arrested anyone of charge with
illegally voting. Well did you check. Well, we don't have to,
why because they're not voting illegally.How do you know, because we looked

(52:07):
and figured that they probably weren't.When someone shows up to vote, we
take them that their word. Ithink voter ID will help in terms of
the people who have shown up andsaid, yeah, I'm John Smith,
probably right there and uh yeah onone hundred and forty fourth Street, you

(52:29):
know. I mean, it'll helpin those instances to have that voter ID.
But the I'm very curious to seewhat pressure is put on who to
count which provisional ballots if we getsome tight races. Zonker's custom was inbox
this email from Tory sent to Scottat kfab dot com. Tory says,

(52:50):
my mother is usually working during yourprogram. She's a teacher and so therefore
she can't listen to it. Butshe had yesterday off as their school district
was observing the Easter holiday yesterday,and so she was listening to the program
in her car yesterday and was veryconfused talking with her daughter, saying,

(53:12):
who is Chuicy? I thought hername was Lucy. Does she really sleep
in the same bed with her teenagechildren? She couldn't, she says,
I got angry and turned off theprogram. Now here's the part of the
show where Lucy says she's glad shedoesn't have kids. Yeah. The name

(53:35):
switch for the NPR fab bit isto show that things are backwards. Lucy
Chapman becomes Chuicy Lapman. Scott Vorheesbecomes Vat Scorehees, and that's yeah,
I will admit, And maybe Ishouldn't admit this, but I'll go ahead

(53:55):
and admit. My favorite part ofthe bit on April Fool's Day that we've
done now twice is the people whodon't know that it's a joke, especially
if they call and get on theair. That is by far my favorite
thing, even though it involves meon the air, Like genuine listeners to

(54:21):
this radio station, people who genuinely, sincerely enjoy this radio show and are
upset thinking that somehow it's gone,and they call up here to express that
they like the show we do everyother day. But the character of that
one day a year has to basicallymock them when they call into the show

(54:45):
to say that they like the regularshow. It's a It shouldn't be a
guilty pleasure, but it is.But yes yesterday's show was a spoof.
I want to say one thing aboutyesterday's show that that started out, that
story started out that I gave aboutthe teens my kids sleeping in the bed,

(55:07):
that was actually partly true, becauseCharlie sleeps. Charlie's my little terrier
mix. He sleep is a dog. Well, yeah, you don't have
kids that are terrier mixed. Yes, Mostly he sleeps right next to my
head. His head sleeps, Andfor whatever reason I'd never ever heard this

(55:29):
before, sometime in the middle ofthe night, while he was sleeping,
he let out a scream or ahowl or something that terrified me. Jeez,
it terrified because I've never heard adog do that was like somebody sat
on him. And then he wokeup and he was fine. Well you'd
probably rolled over, but he wasfine. No, nobody touched him,

(55:52):
he was It was a howl orsomething. In the backwards day, Lucy
doesn't have kids. So the backwardsday is that Lucy has lots of kids.
Basically, she lives in a shoe. She has so many kids.
And that you said, I askedhow your weekend was, and you said,
oh, the kids were you know, one of the kids screamed right
in my face. I was sleeping. Which could be a cute story about
a little kid that jumped into bedwith you. We instead turned it into

(56:14):
Lucy and mister Lapman co sleep withtheir kids. So they can be closer
together well into the kid's teenage years. What a nightmare that'd be awful.
One quick story about teenagers. Sinceyou led me down that path, the
uh what's the group here? Healthcareexperts will put it under that umbrella,

(56:39):
are telling their parents, tell yourkids stop. Your kids have to stop
self diagnosing whatever it is their mentalhealth issue of the day might be,
or diagnosing what this might be basedon what other people who are on social

(57:00):
media say, I have this andhere are my symptoms, and then someone
else sees it goes well, Ihave it too. Apparently there are a
lot of doctors who win a parentfinally brings a kid to them. The
kid will tell the doctor, don'tworry, doc, I've got this.
You see, I suffer from this, that and this, And then the

(57:23):
doctor's looking and go, who diagnosedyou? Oh I did. I saw
a video on TikTok, and youknow, it seemed like whatever they were
dealing with pretty close to what Ifelt like I was dealing with. And
so I have this too, andI don't know if you give me a
pill or if there's some sort ofmedical marijuana can you use. So the

(57:43):
doctors say more and more, especiallyyouth are showing up there and they say
I have this diagnosis and they'll say, well, there was an influencer who
basically showed me I did or here'smy favorite. They went online and took
a quiz and the quiz told themthis is what you have. Now.

(58:07):
Those can be very very dangerous.Back in nineteen ninety something, I'm on
the radio down in Kansas City wasI don't remember if I did this in
Kansas City or if I was stillin the college radio show in Carney,
but there was this is you know, prozac or one of the like antidepressants

(58:28):
was very big, and of coursebig issue was are we over medicating our
kids on prozac? And then weall figured that one out and that never
became an issue again. So Iwent onto the website to cause I heard
that there are people who could takea quiz on the prozac website and determined

(58:49):
whether or not they were a candidatefor prozac. So I just I took
it and answered with, you know, my honest feelings as to what they
were asking about my level of youknow, good mood, bad mood,
feelings on this, feeling on that, And I got to the end of
the quiz, and it said,you seem like you're doing pretty well,

(59:13):
but there's still a couple of questionshere, and maybe you should see a
doctor because prozac might be right foryou. And I thought, my gosh,
really do I need an anti depressant? And I said, wait a
second, So I went back andretook the quiz. This time I answered
as though the sun itself had morefh itself into a bag of skittles and

(59:37):
could not be happier, brighter,more sunshiny. Life is all skittles and
rainbows, and answered every single questionas though I was the happiest guy in
the planet. And I got downwith the test and the results came back,
and the results were it seemed likeyou're doing pretty well, but there's

(59:58):
a couple of things in there.I have some questions about maybe prozac could
be right for you. You shouldgo see a doctor and ask your doctor
about prozac. Well, in thesecond instance, I would agree, you
sound like you've had a breaker throughreality. I hadn't considered that. But
these kids are going on there,they're taking these quizzes, maybe not through
a specific drugs website, but thisquiz comes back and says, oh,

(01:00:24):
it sounds like you've got multiple personalitydisorder, borderline schizophrenia and transgenderism. Maybe
prozac could be right for you.And so they go to the doctor and
go, yeah, my phone saysthat I have this. The doctor says,
well, how about you let medo my job. This is the

(01:00:45):
current state of our teenagers of America. You are forgiven if you think you
know, I'd like to get away, I'd like to take a vacation.
I'd like to take a cruise.The passengers of this Norwegian Cruise Line ship
departed from the African island nation ofSautame, and they go and it's a

(01:01:12):
twenty one day cruise left from SouthAfrica on March twentieth, And as is
often the case, your cruise linerwill dock at various ports of call.
You have an opportunity to get offthe boat. Maybe go see some sights
here inland. Maybe it's a privateisland for the cruise line, any number
of things that get you off thatboat. These particular eight passengers come back

(01:01:39):
to where they thought it was theirtime to get back on the boat and
they see the boat sailing off withoutthem. As eight passengers left behind when
their Norwegian cruise ship departed from saidAfrican nation. Had then had to spend
a lot of time to try andscramble to meet back up with the ship

(01:02:02):
and rejoin their crews. How doyou do that? I I guess swim.
The group spent fifteen hours traveling throughsix countries in the hopes of getting
back on board the ship in Gambia, only to find out the ship was

(01:02:24):
unable to dock in Gambia due tothe low tide there, So then it
was on to Senegal, where theywere scheduled to dock today with the ship.
This is not easy for everyone,as the group includes elderly people,
a paraplegic, a pregnant woman,and a person with a heart condition who'd

(01:02:44):
reportedly become sick because his medication wasstill on board the cruise liner. Meanwhile,
going from nation to nation, they'renavigating paperwork payment issues. The Campbell
family says that they've put up morethan five thousand dollars in travel costs just
to get from country to country,and they put everyone else in their little

(01:03:07):
group of castaways. They put theirtravel costs on their credit cards because not
everyone had form of payment or theircredit cards weren't accepted or whatever. A
lot of times the credit card companywill say, looks like you're going through
a lot of African nations. Thislooks like perhaps your card has been stolen.

(01:03:27):
We're going to help you out byputting a hold on that card.
Cruise Line basically says, well,tough. You're responsible for returning to the
cruise ship by the all aboard time, and if you're not there, what
do you want us to do aboutit? We figured you just wanted to

(01:03:50):
stay there on the island nation ofSouth toomme. This is a my wife
and I went on our honeymoon,and we were supposed to like we got
off the this was the bus toget to Cape canaverl So we're driving on

(01:04:14):
a bus from Orlando to Cape Canaveraland the bus says, all right,
we're gonna stop for a few minutes. And we were like, we're hungry,
and there was a long line andthere was a little place to eat
a little further down the way,So we went down there and then we
got back to we were supposed toget on the bus, and it looked
to us for like a minute thatthe bus had left without us. Turns

(01:04:35):
out we were looking at the wrongplace. We were fine, but yeah,
that feeling of did our vacation justleave without us? Pay attention to
the time. The world does notrevolve around you, as you have to
navigate the world to get back onthe cruise ship, which they're supposed to

(01:04:55):
do today. Good By Mornings nineto eleven, our News Radio eleven ten KFAB