Hallmark Snark

Well, Hallmark went full meta with Harmony Home and its Sugarplum series. Honestly, we’re rooting for this to become a real franchise and need that rule book published immediately. Hallmark needed to decide if it wanted this to be funny or heartfelt. And while the sugarplum whimsy was delightfully fun, even gin cookies couldn’t make this family believable. We still wish this could have been our gay movie of the year. We hope they t...

Our "minisode" isn’t so mini this week as we tackle seven movies for Thanksgiving! We’re ranking Debbie Macomber's Joyful Mrs. Miracle, A '90s Christmas, Deck the Walls, Believe in Christmas, Holiday Touchdown: A Chiefs Love Story, The Finnish Line, and The Christmas Quest in our scientifically snarky tier system. From “annoyingly good” to “snoozefest,” we’re here to break down which movies were worth the holiday marathon. Brace yo...

While this was one of the most disappointing treasure hunts we’ve been on, the stunning Icelandic landscapes and views almost made up for it. We’d suggest renaming this movie to "Maybe the Real Treasure Is the Friends and Family We Met Along the Way." While it tried to nod to Indiana Jones and The Da Vinci Code, there’s a reason those movies don’t include a baking montage. The pacing felt as uneven as the terrain they crossed. On t...

Back with another minisode, where we’re ranking this weekend’s holiday movies— Christmas on Call, Three Wiser Men and a Boy, To Have and to Holiday—in our scientifically snarky tier system. From “annoyingly good” to “snoozefest,” we’re here to break down which movies are worth your time, which are just watchable, and which are only good for the snark. Brace yourself for some fast and festive judgment. Ready, set, snark!

Check out o...

Well shucks. We were annoyed…by how good this was. Can a sequel be better than the original? The Godfather taught us it’s possible, and while this isn’t The Godfather, it’s one of those rare moments where a sequel delivers. Join us as we indulge in a steady diet of sparks—not often found in such abundance in our Countdown to Christmas reviews. We may do a little bit of fan-girl/boy-ing over Paul Campbell and Kimberley Sustad, but d...

Back with another minisode, where we’re ranking this weekend’s holiday movies— Christmas with the Singhs, Jingle Bell Run, Confessions of a Christmas Letter—in our scientifically snarky tier system. From “annoyingly good” to “snoozefest,” we’re here to break down which movies are worth your time, which are just watchable, and which are only good for the snark. Brace yourself for some fast and festive judgment. Ready, set, snark!

Ch...

Join us for Episode 1...

We veered off the Hallmark path and straight into Netflix territory for Hot Frosty. Why? For you, for us, for snowmen everywhere. With Lacey Chabert in the mix, it’s basically Hallmark-adjacent. The logic? Utterly absurd—and we couldn’t look away. A snowman, born today years old, can read and talk (but doesn't know all the words). It’s giving Kate & Leopold meets The Knight Before Christmas with a dash of Sabrina the Teenage Wi...

Back with another minisode, where we’re ranking this weekend’s holiday movies—Trivia at St. Nick's, Santa Tell Me, Tis the Season to be Irish—in our scientifically snarky tier system. From “annoyingly good” to “snoozefest,” we’re here to break down which movies are worth your time, which are just watchable, and which are only good for the snark. Brace yourself for some fast and festive judgment. Ready, set, snark!

Check out our lat...

Celeste is giving knock-off CCB vibes, with enough desperation and hyperfixation to make men scatter on sight. And then there's Max, a football coach with all the focus of a puppy—"What's that? A random reindeer fact? Naval historical fiction?" While she wasn’t a character we could root for, we had to agree with her on buffet etiquette. This love may not be built to last, but hey, at least she got her new telescope. We were all in ...

Back with another minisode, where we’re ranking this weekend’s holiday movies—A Carol for Two, Our Holiday Story, and Holiday Mismatch—in our scientifically snarky tier system. From “annoyingly good” to “snoozefest,” we’re here to break down which movies are worth your time, which are just watchable, and which are only good for the snark. Brace yourself for some fast and festive judgment. Ready, set, snark!

Check out our latest ran...

Welcome to Someplace, Vermont, where straight people find every way to avoid talking about who they are or how they feel, and where $25 apparently saves 10 children—what a deal! This is a story of “when you know, you know,” except… when you don’t, you still do? We had a lot of questions with this one, like, is the daughter trying to kill off her boyfriend by not telling anyone he has a fatal nut allergy? This might be the longest l...

Back with another minisode, where we’re ranking this weekend’s holiday movies—Operation Nutcracker, The Christmas Charade, and The 5-Year Christmas Party—in our scientifically snarky tiered ranking system. From “annoyingly good” to “snoozefest,” we’re here to break down which movies are worth your time, which are just watchable, and which are only good for the snark. Brace yourself for some fast and festive judgment. Ready, set, sn...

One of the most snarkable movies we’ve seen in a long time, featuring a top-five snarkable moment—a five-story, one-handed rope slide (rope burn, anyone?) into a Christmas inflatable. So many twists in this one our necks hurt (her parents were also FBI agents??). Tara learned she wouldn’t make it as a spy due to her inability to pocket text—guess she’ll have to stick to her Hallmark job as a librarian. And glad to know if we ever n...

It’s the debut of our snark-filled minisode! This week, we’re putting three holiday contenders—'Twas the Date Before Christmas, Holiday Crashers, and Scouting for Christmas—through the ultimate ranking test. From “annoyingly good” to “snoozefest,” we’re dishing out the verdicts on what’s worth watching, what’s just watchable, and what’s only good for a snark-fest. Brace yourself for some fast and festive judgment. Ready, set, snark...

If you’ve ever wondered what Wedding Crashers would look like dipped in Christmas glitter and wrapped in a Hallmark bow, look no further. While Toni and Justin are two bland bananas, Justin’s hair definitely deserves its own IMDb page. We’re still not sure how he managed to get past all the lying—or maybe he’s just really into F1 and doula role-playing. The real question is: what kind of credit card debt does Bri have...

Ever thought, this science exhibit needs more Christmas? If so, and you're in Kansas, you must check out this hub-of-the-community planetarium featuring reindeer rockets, 90s clip art, and shopping mall NASA. Nothing says Kansas like curling.

Join us for Episode 2 of our snarky adventure into watching, discussing, and judging Hallmark Christmas movies. 

Check out our latest rankings at HallmarkSnark.com ...