May 28, 2024 • 48 mins
“The truth is, sometimes you need to get where no one can stop you before you even tell people where you are going. It’s a lot like chess. You build your strategy in silence, move your pieces in silence and the only time you talk is when you say ‘check mate.’”
—Vivian Tu (@your.richbff)
Amy & Kat chat about:
- today’s quote (above) - business ideas & 401k's
- top dating red flags
- love bombing
- where are Amy’s ex-boyfriends now??
- first kisses
- first dates (notably how Big P didn’t pay when he took Kat out for the first time)
- Hinge’s new ghosting policy
- more 4 Things LIVE podcasts in the fall
- social media breaks
- Stachira going to camp & Stevenson wanting to create/edit videos for Youtube
Call us: 877-207-2077
Email: 4ThingsWithAmyBrown@gmail.com
HOSTS:
Amy Brown // RadioAmy.com // @RadioAmy
Kat Defatta // @Kat.Defatta // @YouNeedTherapyPodcast // YouNeedTherapyPodcast.com
See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.
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Transcript
Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
Speaker 1 (00:04):
Happy Tuesday. Welcome to the Fifth Thing.
Speaker 2 (00:06):
I'm Amy and I'm Kat And today's quote is from Vivian.
She's at your dot rich bff on Instagram.
Speaker 1 (00:13):
Do you follow her? I've never heard of her. Okay,
she's your.
Speaker 2 (00:16):
Wall Street girly girl that gives you all the financial advice.
Like she quit her a Wall Street job and now
she just has a career that was built on social media,
but writing books and all kinds of things. She's clearly
a very smart, awesome person. But this is one of
her quotes, and I want to see how you feel
about it, how you operate.
Speaker 1 (00:34):
She said.
Speaker 2 (00:34):
The truth is sometimes you need to get where no
one can stop you before you even tell people where
you are going.
Speaker 1 (00:40):
It's a lot like chess.
Speaker 2 (00:41):
You build your strategy in silence, move your pieces in silence,
and the only time you talk is when you say checkmate.
And I know what this is from too, because she
did this whole thing. And she was talking about the
founder of Spanks, Sarah, and she was talking about some
of her business strategies and how she didn't tell the
whole world. She didn't tell family and friends. She didn't
(01:02):
want inputs. She wanted to kind of build what she
was doing and not have outside things, and so she
had it established and then she's like, well, bam, here
it is. And I'm like, golly, I tell people all
my early ideas so much so that they could just
take them, and then I also then feel like a
loser when I don't follow through on them.
Speaker 3 (01:20):
You have disclosed many business ideas on here. But I
couldn't do that. I could never do that. Not that
I even need confirmation about things, but I just get
so excited. I want to tell everybody what I'm doing.
I just told Channon something downstairs that I'm about to do.
Speaker 1 (01:33):
Oh what are you doing?
Speaker 3 (01:34):
Tell us, well, I'm just hiring somebody else for what
at three courts Therapy I practice? Okay, yeah, it's not
like a big business idea. That just was like nobody, really,
why do I tell all the people listening right now
that's happening.
Speaker 1 (01:47):
I just get excited.
Speaker 2 (01:48):
Well that is exciting, and I guess, yeah, that's not
anything that could really change drastically, or Shannon's not going
to be like, oh, I have this input on who
you're hiring.
Speaker 1 (01:57):
And how you should do it and what you need
to do.
Speaker 2 (01:59):
I mean, it's just like, Hey, you're You've brought people
on your team before, so I'm sure it's pretty textbook.
Speaker 1 (02:03):
Yeah.
Speaker 3 (02:04):
I guess she's not gonna be like, oh, I'm gonna
steal her. But isn't there a nice balance? Do we
have to do everything by ourselves? Yeah?
Speaker 2 (02:10):
No, I don't really want to do anything in silence.
But you should follow Vivian. She has great advice. Okay,
you just may not agree with her strategy in that
part of this, but I feel like she's definitely a
good follow, especially since I'm trying to learn more about
investing this year.
Speaker 1 (02:24):
It's one of my things.
Speaker 2 (02:26):
I don't have a handle on it for sure, But
she simplifies things and it's not just Wall Street type investing.
She talks to you about four A one K. She
talks to you about how to save money when you're
booking a hotel or a flight.
Speaker 1 (02:40):
She has all different tips and tricks.
Speaker 2 (02:42):
But I love that she always says, I'm your Wall
Street girlier you save you money.
Speaker 1 (02:46):
Do you know what a four A one K is? Yes?
I have one? Okay, yeah, do you have one?
Speaker 3 (02:51):
Yeah? I do have one, but I didn't know what
one was until maybe two years ago. I don't really
totally understand it, but I more so understand that two
years ago.
Speaker 1 (02:58):
But I feel like there's.
Speaker 3 (03:00):
More women popping up like her, and thankfully, because I
feel like most of the money stuff has been targeted
towards men and women have just been told like, oh,
we're not gonna get it, so like why try? So
in my head, I was like, oh, I don't need
to know what a four O one K is until,
like I get married. But then I was thirty four
and I wasn't married, so I need to figure it out.
Speaker 2 (03:18):
So you entered your marriage with a four O one
K because I duly got one because of Ben while
we were married, but it was years ago because I
had an employer that offered it. It's been clear channel,
which now is iHeart. And Ben said, if they're offering it,
you need to go to HR and you need to
sign up for a four oh one K. And I
was like, blah, blah blah, I don't want. I don't
want to think about this, but he he definitely helped
(03:40):
me get it, and I'm.
Speaker 1 (03:41):
Sure I'll do it. I don't know what it is,
but I'll do it. I'm so glad he did.
Speaker 2 (03:44):
Now I get it, and now I have it, and
now I have a full understanding at least that it
comes out of my paycheck every month and gets put away.
And there are times that my company will match it.
There's times that they don't offer that. But I feel
like current me is taking care of future me, and
my ex husband.
Speaker 1 (04:01):
Is the reason. So I'm very thankful you would have
figured it out. Probably yeah, probably during the divorce. During
the divorce, if I would have never gotten what, I've
been like, oh shoot, I have no investments.
Speaker 2 (04:13):
But it's never too late because then I could put
it off for another year, and then I'd be a
year behind and I put it off another So if
you are later in life starting some of these things,
it's okay. The best time to plant a tree is well,
twenty years ago.
Speaker 1 (04:29):
Is it a quote? Yes, it's a Chinese proverb. That's helpful.
The second best time to plant a tree is now. Okay, great,
get it? Yeah, I got it. Okay. I was like,
where are you going with this? This feel very good?
I know cool.
Speaker 2 (04:43):
Well, dang, I didn't do it twenty years ago. So
I have the top dating red flags for anyone that's
been dating like mege Morgan on The Bobby Bone Show
just got a boyfriend. She met him on Hinge. Made
me think of you a big p because y'all got
married off.
Speaker 1 (04:58):
And I have given.
Speaker 2 (05:00):
Her a little bit of a hard time because he's
new to the relationship and was traveling a lot early on.
But because of his job, which I can understand I
was married to someone in the military, they would leave.
I'm not saying that that's what his job is, but
Binn's job was different trips and training exercises, deployments, whatnot,
where he couldn't communicate and whatever this guy does, Morgan
(05:21):
wouldn't communicate with him for like two weeks, and I thought, okay,
well that could be legit or he has another family
across the country and he's living a double life because
you met him on Hinge and we don't know him.
Speaker 1 (05:35):
Did you ever watch The Tender Swindler? Yes, okay, I
mean it happens. It happens. I listened to the podcast.
Something was wrong.
Speaker 2 (05:43):
Oh yeah, there's crazy stories. So I just probably have
my guard up a little bit. But now I'm letting
that go because they're official their boyfriend and girlfriend, and
I don't now that they've established that I don't want
to be the party booper, but a little of me
is still cautious because of the three months they've been together.
Speaker 3 (06:03):
Ish, that's a stretch. Is that boyfriend girlfriend or just
have like they started dating? No, three months ago?
Speaker 2 (06:08):
Boyfriend girlfriend is in the last couple of weeks, Ok,
three maybe, but then of these let's say it's seven weeks,
he's gone half of.
Speaker 1 (06:16):
Them and there's no communication.
Speaker 2 (06:18):
Right, But at this point, back in my day of
dating before marriage, well, I was almost engaged at this
point to bend and we barely spent time together. You
knew him, all right, because it's a little different. I
knew I've known him since I was nine years old. Yeah,
but then we didn't ever date until mid twenties. So yes,
I feel like I knew his family, I knew his history,
(06:40):
whereas Morgan doesn't. But one of the red flags that
we were talking about on the show is he.
Speaker 1 (06:45):
Is so thoughtful. Yikes, red flag. Just kidding.
Speaker 2 (06:54):
We want someone that's thoughtful, but he's above and beyond
extra thoughtful. That could maybe fall into the category of
like love bombing too much. Yeah, yeah, love bombing. But
Morgan has said it's very consistent. Again, they're still early on,
but consistency is important. And she's like, I, to this
date haven't seen anything other than what he was.
Speaker 1 (07:16):
He's already shown me.
Speaker 2 (07:18):
But he does a lot of things like date too ish,
maybe not, I'm getting it confused, but like just to
give you an idea, like she went over to his
house to he cooked and watched a movie or something
on the second date, maybe the third, but early on,
and he had a list on the fridge of fifteen
things that like your face, that she would enjoy doing,
(07:39):
or that she had mentioned in some of their conversations,
and it's a list that they could check them off.
And then she had mentioned our favorite flower is the sunflower,
or she's and she's from Kansas, which that flower is
their state flower state flower. So he brought her sunflowers,
and then he sent her this other gift basket that
was about being sunshine because you know, like a friend
(08:01):
or someone in her life had said, you know, you're
like my sunshine. Yeah, there's a lot of things early
on that he's like boing boing, boing boing.
Speaker 1 (08:10):
But I talked to her.
Speaker 2 (08:11):
This is all on air stuff that she has shared,
So I'm not saying anything she hasn't shared, but even
in private, her and I talk a lot and she's like,
he's so great.
Speaker 1 (08:20):
So then I feel weird. But I don't know if I'm.
Speaker 2 (08:22):
Just protective and have lived a little bit more life,
although Morgan's not that much younger than me, but you.
Speaker 3 (08:29):
Know, well, if she's having fun, then let her enjoy it.
I think nobody could see my face. But the list
on the fridge on a second date is kind of odd.
I mean, depending on how long they were talking before
they even met. However, a lot of times you don't
know they're love bombing you until you know they're love
bombing you, so you can't really prevent it from happening.
(08:51):
And it can feel good until it doesn't. So maybe
it won't be and maybe it will. But she's having
a good time.
Speaker 2 (08:56):
So because I feel like sometimes it can be obvious
because it's like this extravagant trip on date two and
all these things that require if it's someone that has
a lot of money.
Speaker 1 (09:05):
But that's not everybody. But I'm just trying to think
of examples that.
Speaker 2 (09:08):
I see publicly or I've seen on shows like Tinder,
Swindler or you know, podcasts that I've listened to. Sometimes
there are like very very extravagant things where it's like hindsight,
it's like, oh, duh, that's obvious, but like a sweet
little note on the fridge with a list of fifteen
things and then the flowers and the anyway, enough about
Morgan's thing.
Speaker 1 (09:28):
This is the list. But love bombing is right here.
Speaker 2 (09:30):
First red flag when someone praises you or showers you
with gifts early on and then turns well psycho. The
Cleveland Clinic defines it as a form of psychological and
emotional abuse.
Speaker 1 (09:43):
It's also something that cult leaders do. Yeah, because it works,
and then you're in it. And then how do you know?
Speaker 2 (09:49):
Like this stuff is, how can you decipher if someone
is being sweet and thoughtful and kind and love bombing?
Speaker 1 (09:54):
I guess you just have to be patient.
Speaker 3 (09:56):
Well, again, like you said, sometimes it's super obvious. But
our brains do this thing where we we look for
confirming evidence for what we want to find. So if
we want to find that this isn't love bombing, we're
going to convince ourselves that it's not. If we want
to find that it is, we're going to convince ourselves
that it is so. My thing is sometimes you don't
know until you're out of that relationship, and then you
can see all those things. And sometimes you could have
(10:18):
known earlier but you didn't want to.
Speaker 1 (10:21):
So it just depends on where you are and who
you are.
Speaker 3 (10:23):
What was big P like early on really normal, But
I've been love bomb before and I can admit that, like,
I liked it.
Speaker 1 (10:32):
To me, it was like, oh, this person is exact
to me. I didn't want it to stop. It was awesome.
Speaker 3 (10:37):
We could have kept going forever, except then he turned
to be like this horrible, mean person.
Speaker 1 (10:41):
Oh you mean like well psycho psycho.
Speaker 3 (10:43):
Yes, but Patrick was super and I don't say this
in a bad way. The things that we did were average.
We went to drinks and we had a good conversation.
He texted me that he enjoyed our first day. Something
that I thought was really thoughtful was he doesn't like
know a lot about restaurants and cool spots, and he
like researched. The three restaurants just just happened to be
three of my favorite restaurants. For our second or third date,
(11:05):
he offered to pick me up. He just was consistent
in his communication. I never want I never wondered if
he liked me or if he didn't. But he didn't
like pay the first date. What, Yeah, he didn't. We
talked about this all the time. He went to pay,
but like, obviously I'm gonna offer, but I didn't really want.
Speaker 1 (11:22):
To pay for it. So I was like, we could
split it, and he was like are you sure? And
I was like, yeah, no. I wanted him to say
He's like, no, you don't have to.
Speaker 3 (11:29):
I got it, but he was like okay.
Speaker 1 (11:34):
He was like, he paid for his and I pay
for mine. He's not like I paid for his.
Speaker 3 (11:37):
But he was like, well, I didn't know if you
were one of those people that just like wanted to
pay for your own and I didn't want to offend you.
Speaker 1 (11:43):
And I was like, well you did. Wait, why do
I not remember this about it?
Speaker 3 (11:48):
I probably didn't say anything because at first I was like,
oh whatever. I didn't know if anything was gonna happen
from it, and I also didn't know for sure at
that point how much he really wanted to see me again.
But yeah, I said, oh, I can split it. He
said are you sure? I said yeah, and he said okay, sweet.
Speaker 2 (12:06):
Okay, no to self guys, the three of you men
that are listening when you're out on a date and
a girl is like, oh, but I mean to Patrick's point,
big p, there are some women that when they're saying it,
they actually mean and Kat, you, as a therapist, should
know what you say, say what you mean, say what
you mean, what you say, or whatever the saying is
about meaning things.
Speaker 3 (12:27):
Yeah, I set them up for that, but I just
I didn't expect that anyway.
Speaker 1 (12:31):
Things were very normal.
Speaker 3 (12:32):
I guess I can't think of one thing that I
was like, he loved bombing me?
Speaker 1 (12:37):
So on date two? Did he pay for the whole bill? Yeah?
Two and three he paid for He learned his lesson.
Speaker 2 (12:42):
Okay, other red flags that pop up saying I love
you too soon? Other red flags that pop up saying
I love you too soon? If they say it a
month in or so, that could be a little bit
(13:05):
normal ish. But if it's on the first or second.
Speaker 1 (13:07):
Date, watch out. Wait, who says I love you on
the first date? I know somebody who did?
Speaker 3 (13:12):
Who Tish Cyrus and her now husband, Okay, you know somebody?
Speaker 1 (13:18):
You mean? You talk about it?
Speaker 3 (13:21):
She talked about it on a podcast and it's been
an articles that her and the guy.
Speaker 1 (13:25):
Whoever she's the guy from prison Break. On the first
date they said I love you. I'm pretty sure, but.
Speaker 2 (13:30):
Then didn't he also date her other daughter or so
there's all kinds of dysfunction there, But I don't know
they're married now. Yeah, I mean there are those people
that who was it Krystal Horton's best friend married her
husband's brother.
Speaker 1 (13:44):
Do you follow Crysto on Instagram?
Speaker 2 (13:46):
Okay, So I was watching a story posted the other
day about that, and I guess the day that her
husband's brother met her best friend, he went to the
brother and said, I'm going to marry that girl one
day and they got married. And so I guess there
are times where you just kind of have that feeling.
But here's the thing, I think it just works out.
There are probably times that it is said and it
(14:08):
never works out. Because I remember this guy in college.
His name was Zach, and we used to go to Breakaway.
It was this thing at Texas A and I'm on
Tuesday nights. It was like church, like imagine a big
youth group in an arena and it was awesome. So
every Tuesday I was like, you're gonna break away? You
want a breakway and this guy walks in. He's got
his like Nike bag on his shoulder, probably just came
from the gym. And I remember looking at him and
(14:32):
then looking over at my friend and I was like,
I'm gonna marry that guy.
Speaker 1 (14:36):
I didn't even know him at all.
Speaker 2 (14:39):
The crazy part is I actually did become friends with him,
and I did get to know him. I don't even
remember exactly how if we ended up having a class together,
because Texas A and him is a big campus. But
I remember saying that, and let's just say it had
worked out. Like i'd have that story, I'd be like,
we didn't even know each other and I saw him
walking a breakaway and I was like, I'm going to
(15:00):
marry that guy. But I think I was like, Okay,
he's a guy, he's obviously a Christian, and he's cute.
Speaker 1 (15:10):
I'm gonna marry that guy. He must be awesome. And
we did hang out. I remember there was a hang
out like date hangout or like us friends.
Speaker 2 (15:18):
We hung out ish and then there was a New
Year's Eve, which I don't know if we were out
of college yet or maybe had just graduated. He lived
in the Dallas Ish area or outside of it. And
I know that I road tripped to Dallas to his parents' place,
and we went to a New Year's Eve party together ish.
But the crazy part is, right now, my brain cannot
(15:40):
remember if we actually, like at midnight kiss or anything.
I don't think so I know, right how do I
not know? And it's not because of too much alcoholics.
I couldn't tell you if I imagined my.
Speaker 1 (15:52):
Did you go on that trip or not? I did?
I did. I did go on the trip.
Speaker 2 (15:58):
I did go on the trip because I know when
I got back to his house, he came into my
room before he went to bed because I had a
different I was staying in a guest room. I remember
him like rubbing my shoulders or whatever, because I think
I was sort of like does he like me?
Speaker 1 (16:10):
Or does he not? And then he left he came
in to rub your shoulders. This sounds weird.
Speaker 2 (16:17):
I think he came into like sacod night and like
maybe I was like, oh my, I do remember him
rubbing my shoulders, But then I remember him leaving and
not kissing you. I know we didn't kiss at the house.
What I'm saying is when it counted down to midnight.
I don't know if we I know we were by
(16:38):
each other, and I don't know if it's like happy
New Year and like a but nothing like crazy yeah,
or if it was like just.
Speaker 1 (16:43):
Happy New yeark awkwards? What do we do?
Speaker 2 (16:46):
I don't know because I think of how many New
Year's Eves I've had a lot since then.
Speaker 1 (16:52):
But yeah, but I feel like I would.
Speaker 2 (16:54):
I know, I feel just let's just wait, wait till
you get to your forties. Okay, you feel like you're
gonna remember a lot of things and then you don't,
and then you don't.
Speaker 1 (17:03):
Or you're life. Do I remember this correctly? But you
remember him rubbing your shoulders? It's the weird. I definitely
remember that.
Speaker 2 (17:09):
So that happened because during that I remember thinking, is
this weird?
Speaker 1 (17:16):
Does he like me? Or does he not? So after
that trip, where were you like?
Speaker 2 (17:21):
I don't I think once we got to know each other,
it just wasn't gonna work what I had thought when
I saw him the two years before at breakaway, where
I was like, I'm going to marry that person. Our
personalities didn't go well, Like maybe I wasn't for him,
but also he just wasn't for me.
Speaker 1 (17:38):
But great. I wonder where he is now? No idea?
What was your first kiss? Do you remember your first
kiss ever?
Speaker 2 (17:44):
Because I was I think seventh grade ish and I
know is at my friend's Kinsey's house, and it was
Sheef that was my boyfriend, and he came over with
our other friend Tom and they rollerbladed over to her
house and we were in her driveway and we can
so I do remember that.
Speaker 3 (18:02):
Wait, your first kiss was in somebody's driveway, that is
a fact.
Speaker 2 (18:06):
In the daylight, No, in the nighttime, but like seven pm,
did you know what was going to happen?
Speaker 1 (18:11):
Eight pm? Maybe you know the time? I just I
didn't know.
Speaker 3 (18:15):
It was like daylight or whatever, like the way you
said to see you rollerbladed over and then he kissed me,
and then like were you were you waiting?
Speaker 1 (18:20):
Were you like, oh, he's going to kiss me today?
Speaker 2 (18:22):
I think that Kinsey thought y'all need to kiss because
she had he was your boyfriend, he was my boyfriend,
and she was like, y'all should kiss. I'm like, okay,
seventh grade is so young, going into eighth grade. That's
why I was thinking maybe eight o'clock because summer, the
sun goes down later.
Speaker 1 (18:39):
I was just trying to give you exact times.
Speaker 2 (18:40):
These are little details, at least I think I remember,
because our brain is weird. Who knows how many times
I've relived this memory. It could have been it's changed. Yeah,
it could have been a little light out.
Speaker 1 (18:52):
So what happened after the kiss? Thank you?
Speaker 2 (18:55):
Kinsey and Tom were there and we were like okay,
and then they rollerblade at home.
Speaker 1 (19:00):
I was like, all right, that was awesome.
Speaker 3 (19:02):
Did you stay like boyfriend girlfriend for a while or
were you like, okay, we did that, we can break
up now.
Speaker 2 (19:06):
I don't know how long we went out. I do
remember I bought him Safari cologne. Safari Oh in junior high.
It is a cologne that was very popular. I shouldn't
have been spending money on that, but I remember that's
a gift I gave him. Safari was nice. Was that
your first boyfriend? No, My first boyfriend was like in
the fourth grade.
Speaker 1 (19:25):
Oh wow.
Speaker 2 (19:25):
But I don't know why our group of friends was
like this. I don't know that they were real boyfriends, right.
Speaker 3 (19:30):
Well, you don't when you have a boyfriend that that age,
you like, don't talk to them right exactly?
Speaker 1 (19:35):
We talked on the phone or Am. Did you talk
at school? This is before Am. Remember I'm older than you. Yeah,
so fourth grade, fifth grade.
Speaker 2 (19:43):
Yeah, you you were boyfriend and girlfriend, but you didn't
talk at school, but you would talk on the phone.
And we definitely weren't kissing or doing anything like that
obviously till seventh grade. But I went out with Adam
and I went out.
Speaker 1 (19:53):
With you, like traded boyfriends every exactly.
Speaker 2 (19:56):
Yeah, David oh Mar, which that's the boyfriend that I
had in elementary school that then later as an adult
when I was in college and I was flying to
London for the first time to visit Django, my high
school friend that was.
Speaker 1 (20:10):
In college over there.
Speaker 2 (20:12):
I got to the airport and I get to the
ticket counter at Delta, and Omar was working the ticket
counter and he's like, oh.
Speaker 1 (20:20):
You're going to England whatever.
Speaker 2 (20:22):
I was like, yeah, my first time, never gone overseas
and I had a seat in the back.
Speaker 1 (20:26):
Of the plane.
Speaker 2 (20:27):
Gosh, was this before nine eleven, I believe, so I
had to have been like things. I mean, there were
still paper tickets, I just know well, and Omar worked
for the airport, so he still could have come over
and seen me.
Speaker 1 (20:40):
But yeah, this was before nine to eleven.
Speaker 2 (20:43):
He came over, came up to my gate and handed
me a ticket and said, hey, I moved to you
a little bit closer. You were sitting pretty far back
and it wasn't registering with me what that meant. And
then they start boarding the different groups and I'm like, oh, well,
I'll be that time for me to board. And I
get on They're like, oh, welcome this Moffett Champagne, Mimosa
(21:06):
orange juice. And I was in first class all my
way to England for the first time, and then on
the way home I was in coach.
Speaker 1 (21:14):
It was very suppressing. Wait did you like but that's
all because of my elementary school boyfriend? Send him a
letter or how do you think him? I don't know.
I did you never did? No, thank you, thank you,
thank you. But it just think you wonder where are
these boyfriends now? What in the.
Speaker 3 (21:30):
World follow any of them on Facebook or anything? Shay,
maybe I don't know.
Speaker 1 (21:35):
Good question.
Speaker 2 (21:35):
I haven't looked on Facebook in a little bit. But
tell me about your first kiss. Well, my first kiss
wasn't exciting. It was on spring break in high school, but.
Speaker 1 (21:43):
Like an out of town spring break.
Speaker 3 (21:45):
Yeah, it was like a guy I will never see again. WHOA, Yeah,
it wasn't like that. I wish it was a cool story.
But my first boyfriend was in fifth grade. He was
in like the same class as me from like second
to fifth grade, and then finally in fifth grade, he
asked me out. But this isn't aim times, and so
we would reserve time to speak to each other after
(22:06):
school online. But somebody told him that I was only
dating him to get an Easter present because we started
being boyfriend girlfriend on Easter. So he broke up with me,
and then he found out that somebody just said that.
I think somebody was like jealous or mad.
Speaker 1 (22:21):
I don't know. This was fifth grade.
Speaker 3 (22:23):
So he called me one night and said, hey, Catherine,
can you get on AOL so we can talk?
Speaker 1 (22:29):
And then what he called me so I could get online.
Speaker 3 (22:33):
And then he said he ended up sending me an
email and oh, I wish.
Speaker 1 (22:37):
I still had it.
Speaker 3 (22:38):
But he basically said, all I want in life is
to go to heaven and for you to go back
out with me again.
Speaker 1 (22:44):
And I said nope, and I've regret and that's he said.
That's what the email said.
Speaker 3 (22:50):
All I want to do in life is to go
to heaven and for you to go back out with
me again, and I rejected him.
Speaker 1 (22:55):
And he's married with multiple kids and has a great job. Wow.
But I follow all these people.
Speaker 3 (23:01):
Because I guess my generation was Facebook friends with everybody.
Speaker 2 (23:05):
Okay, I just looked up Omar, Adam and Shay and
they all have the cutest little kids.
Speaker 1 (23:11):
They're all on Facebook.
Speaker 2 (23:11):
And yes, I just haven't connected looked anywhere on Facebook
in quite some time, but yes, they've got relationships, got
cute kiddos. Oh great, Now I'm going to go down
this whole rabbit hole memory late. I got to get
on Facebook later anyway, because I'm going to be on
Facebook marketplace looking for some stuff and maybe selling some stuff.
I know, I'm not really shopping shopping, but I'm going
(23:33):
to be moving and there's just some different pieces I
either need to sell or get because of the way
the houses has got to fit, the whatnot. We'll talk
more about that later when it happens happens. I'm so
not done with the red flag. We're gonna get back
to that saying I love you too soon. We already
did that talking to an X. I think if they
can have a healthy relationship with an X. I don't
(23:54):
know that's a crazy red flag. But if they're talking
to them every day, that's weird.
Speaker 3 (23:57):
Communicating about like children or something like that is different
than they're still BFF and hanging out.
Speaker 1 (24:03):
Let's say there's no kids, what would they need to
talk about? They're just friends now. I think it depends.
Speaker 2 (24:10):
It depends double texting when they send a follow up
text before you've even replied to the first one. It's
not always a red flag, but it could be a
sign that they're obsessed with you.
Speaker 3 (24:20):
Okay, but I send like seventeen texts in a row.
Speaker 2 (24:25):
And then I don't know that this is a red flag.
It says watching true crime if they love true crime shows,
but does not mean they're going to kill you. A
psychologist recently said that being overly obsessed with it could
be a sign of unresolved trauma and that they might
still be working through some issues. So that's why people
are watching it, googling it, talking about it.
Speaker 1 (24:45):
I don't know, could be.
Speaker 3 (24:46):
But also, like obsessed is different than like I like
true crime. Right, he listens to crime junkie. Sorry, I'm
merging up with him.
Speaker 2 (24:55):
I saw kind of on a related note, it takes
us an average of three points evan partners to find
the right one.
Speaker 1 (25:03):
Three point seven you go through.
Speaker 2 (25:05):
I mean that's taking the average, like a real partner, Yeah,
like to find the one, Like some people may take
dating one or two people and then others that might
date five or six. So that's how they get three
point seven. I think, yeah, that'd be the average of that.
I saw that HIN is going to start penalizing daters
for ghosting on the al. How I saw that HIN
(25:37):
is going to start penalizing daters for ghosting on the al.
How they're adding this thing called your turn limits. It's
like a feature and they hope that it will help
stop the ghosting and maybe even at burnout, which I
think I might be might yeah, because I just don't
log on enough, and then they're not going to let
(25:58):
you get Like say I could log on and if
I don't go in for weeks and weeks, then there
might be multiple multiple messages.
Speaker 1 (26:04):
Well, there's going to be a.
Speaker 2 (26:04):
Cap Like if you have eight messages that are sent
to you and you haven't done anything with those, then
you're not gonna be able to get more than those
eight until you start to clean out the other eight
like either start responding to them or ex them out.
Speaker 3 (26:18):
You can't just let them pile up. That's smart. It's
going to encourage people to be on it more often.
Speaker 2 (26:23):
And then yeah, I don't know how it keeps the
burnout because then you're on it more.
Speaker 3 (26:27):
But then you're not being exhausted by all these people
who just leave the conversation in the middle of it
or like you and then don't ever answer.
Speaker 1 (26:34):
It's like, well, I like my profile. If you're not
even going to answer when I reach out, Okay, that's
what it helps with the people that are that's the burnout.
The burnout. That's it. That's it. That's it.
Speaker 2 (26:42):
Which if you are burnt out on anything for that matter.
I have twelve steps for self care. There's like quick
little things. If it feels wrong, don't do it.
Speaker 1 (26:52):
Wait, that's one of the tips.
Speaker 2 (26:54):
It's one of the twelve steps for self care. Because
you know it feels wrong, don't do it. Say exactly
what you mean. For example, if you want to pay
for half your meal, then offer to pay.
Speaker 1 (27:06):
If you don't that, don't offer. So it's my fault.
Speaker 2 (27:09):
Now, Yes, I'm a team big p here don't be
a people pleaser. Trust your instincts, never speak bad about yourself,
never give up on your dreams. Don't be afraid to
say no, don't be afraid to say yes. Be kind
to yourself, let go of what you can't control, stay
away from drama and negativity.
Speaker 1 (27:28):
And the last one love. Wait, that's it. I don't know.
Speaker 2 (27:35):
It's just one that I came across, and it makes
you think of this other Instagram thing that I saw.
Let me pull it up real quick because I think
that you'll think, like, what the heck?
Speaker 1 (27:43):
Who made this list?
Speaker 2 (27:45):
And it's just something that popped up in my reels,
like suggested, but it got my attention, and I think
it's like mood lines was the account or something. It's
like a list of go to things you can do
based on what you have feeling. So if you feel
like you hate everyone, eat, if you feel like everyone
hates you, sleep, if you feel like you hate yourself, shower.
(28:07):
If you feel overwhelmed by your thoughts, write them down.
If you feel stuck in the past, plan for the future.
If you feel anxious about the future, focus on the present.
If you feel restless, take a long walk. If you
feel like giving up remember a time that you actually succeeded.
Speaker 1 (28:27):
So there you go.
Speaker 3 (28:28):
I just have imagining myself sitting with a client who's
processing the fact that they don't like themselves, and I
tell them, which is.
Speaker 2 (28:35):
The shower, When is the last time you took a shaft?
Have you cleaned yourself lately? Because that might help. I
recommend you get soap and you wash off the hate, wash.
Speaker 1 (28:50):
Scrub, exfoliate.
Speaker 2 (28:52):
You know, my cousin Amanda, sometimes she'll tell me to
exfoliate with Epsen saw and it'll I don't know, I
don't even feel like pair of raising stuff that she says,
because it does sound like woo woo, but she says
that there's power in that, like really exfoliating stuff off
the skin. Water is a conduit, like letting the water
fall on you and watching it go down the dream.
Speaker 1 (29:13):
There can be some symbolism in that.
Speaker 3 (29:15):
And at the same time, I just hate when we
simplify things like that.
Speaker 1 (29:19):
I know, well, I'm just wondering, like who made these up?
Were they like okay, cool? Yeah, I feel like everybody
hates you? Then eat? And then what about if you
feel like you hate everyone? Okay? Sleep? And they probably
got so many likes and views.
Speaker 2 (29:33):
Oh yeah, and it was popping up in my suggestion,
So you've got anything fun over there on the you
need therapy do? I wonder if your reels pop up
on other people's as like a suggested, and then they're
somewhere on their podcast talking about mental health tips from
at unimarity.
Speaker 1 (29:53):
This dumb person, you would never post.
Speaker 2 (29:57):
Feeling sad today, although I will say if I'm feeling
a little less, then and I take a shower, especially
a full blown do everything shower, like wash, hair, exfoliate, wash, phase,
like maybe put a hair mask in all the things.
I you know, they call that a girl shower. That, yes,
(30:17):
I called it a do everything. I have seen people
post about it. I feel like, yeah, a girl shower,
the full thing.
Speaker 3 (30:24):
But that's different than I hate myself. Okay, I'll just
take a shower and then I'll love myself.
Speaker 2 (30:29):
That's self care, right, But I do emerge feeling better,
feeling better. Sometimes shoo, I just paint my nails and
I feel better.
Speaker 3 (30:37):
Yea, What is it about that? What is an act
taking care of yourself? It's like a kind act towards yourself.
So I think if a better way to phrase those
things that they said is if you are struggling with
loving yourself, do one thing, one kind thing for yourself
in that moment. Doesn't mean you are going to all
of a sudden love yourself, but that's working towards a
more loving relationship. But to make it so simple, that's
(31:00):
kind of stuff that really grinds my gears when people
simplify these like bigger concepts, because it's simplified concept like
that is going to spread and catch people's attention more
than Sometimes it could help and sometimes it couldn't. Or
it might help you feel a little better, but it
might not change everything. You know, that's not as salacious.
As you hate yourself, all you have to do is
(31:21):
take one shower.
Speaker 2 (31:22):
You didn't think these twelve steps of self care were
really profound.
Speaker 3 (31:26):
The last one that was just simply love, Oh, really
changed my life.
Speaker 1 (31:31):
Don't be afraid to say no the next one.
Speaker 2 (31:33):
Don't don't be afraid to say yes, wow, wow, I'll
handy that.
Speaker 1 (31:39):
You can post it on You Need Therapy? I was like,
are you handing me? I don't want that?
Speaker 2 (31:45):
Say what do you guys think? At You Need Therapy podcast?
Is the actual handle if people want to go. But yeah,
do you have anything?
Speaker 3 (31:52):
No, because my social media person quit and I told
myself I would do it myself.
Speaker 1 (31:57):
And guess what I have not done. You have not
hosted much. I've hosted a couple of times, but it's
I just dread it.
Speaker 3 (32:04):
And I told myself that it would save money and
I had the time to do it. But when I
have the time, I just don't want to do it,
so I have to figure out what I'm going to do.
Speaker 2 (32:13):
Well, I haven't heard you say you know, I should
be posting on there, which I like that. I like
that you were like, yeah, I told myself I wanted
to do that and it could save me money. Because
shooting is a thing. You don't shoot on yourself. Don't
shoot on yourself. Yeah, no more shoulting. It's because it's
a form of shame. But I don't really feel shame
for not doing it. I'm just like, I guess it
doesn't feel important to me right now.
Speaker 1 (32:35):
Maybe it will next week. Hopefully. It's so healthy of you.
Speaker 2 (32:38):
But the shooting thing is real because I think a
lot of times it's like, oh I should wake up
at this time, or I should be doing this, or
I should be doing that. And of course there are
times where there's there's absolutes where yes, you should be
taking care of your children or something like that, you know,
But then there's other things where we use the word
should and it messes with our brain.
Speaker 3 (32:59):
I think most of the time we can remove the
word should and put I want to or I need
to exactly, which is that's not shame based.
Speaker 2 (33:06):
Right Our brain can take that. It's not playing games
with our brain.
Speaker 1 (33:10):
We do that. It's more of this like, hey, yeah,
I would like to wake up earlier. I'm going to
work on that.
Speaker 2 (33:15):
I would like to stop pressing snooze. I'm going to
work on that. I would like to post on you
need therapy. Yeah, I don't know if I want to
right now.
Speaker 1 (33:24):
I feel like you were good.
Speaker 2 (33:25):
Like I realized you weren't saying the word should, and
I'm like, good for you, that's what I'm saying. I
recognize you weren't like, uh, I know, I lost my
social media girl and I know I should be posting,
but did it?
Speaker 1 (33:35):
But you're like, yeah, you know what.
Speaker 3 (33:37):
I think.
Speaker 1 (33:37):
I'm in the grieving process. She was so good. She
was so good.
Speaker 2 (33:41):
I tried to hire her once she shouldn't accept me,
but I think the workload was going to be too much. Yeah,
I probably overwhelmed, which that was me not really knowing
exactly what I need to be done. So I just
started throwing everything at the wall, which can sound intimidating,
and I needed to narrow it down.
Speaker 1 (34:00):
So still haven't done anything since then. Since then, But
you're also not saying I should either. Do you want
to know? I say I should. I say I should.
I should be doing this?
Speaker 2 (34:09):
I should, but I'm gonna stop shutting myself about that. Yeah,
my niece is about to be here. She gets here
the first week of June, and she's gonna be my
intern for eight weeks.
Speaker 1 (34:18):
Is she gonna do your social media?
Speaker 2 (34:20):
She doesn't help with socials, She's gonna help with some
podcast stuff. She's a business strategy major University of Colorado,
Boulder shout out, and she has to have an internship.
So she's going to be here for eight weeks, which
is awesome. She's gonna be here during the transition of moving.
Oh interesting, guess what You're gonna be an intern that
(34:42):
helps me move. But that's what interns do. What they
do a lot of different things. But no, really, if
there's anything that I need to order for the new
house and I can work with my sister on it,
Adeline'll kind of be the liaison of picking some stuff out.
Speaker 1 (34:59):
I bet she's really good at social media.
Speaker 2 (35:01):
That her age, right, Yeah, she seems to be really
great at it and like her TikTok.
Speaker 1 (35:06):
So it's like natural for them to be good at
that stuff. Yes, it's effortless, gosh.
Speaker 2 (35:11):
And I'm like, so I should I should be effortless,
but I'm not going to should that. I would like
to be effortless, and I am going to.
Speaker 1 (35:19):
Work on that. Okay, that's healthy. That's healthy because you
want to, not because you have to. You're like, I
don't know, I kind of feel like I have to.
I feel like I have to.
Speaker 2 (35:28):
But yeah, I'm in the space of I want certain
things to be a little more effortless and that would
be fun and it would be relaxing. And then also
I want to quit everything and move to a small
town and never be on social or in front of
a microphone.
Speaker 3 (35:44):
Again, is that weird? Well, the black and white is
a little bit concerning. But I have days where I
wish that I worked at a post office.
Speaker 1 (35:51):
That's what I mean. Yeah, it's just days. I would
say the majority.
Speaker 2 (35:55):
I absolutely love what I get to do and I
love the connection. I think it be more fulfilling for
me podcast wise in the fall when we actually and
this is really going to happen, hit up some more
cities to do a podcast tour like we've done in
which toll And we did in Nashville, and I was
during a season where I was like, oh, I should
(36:16):
be doing these live shows and it really wasn't the
right season, and I was forcing it.
Speaker 1 (36:20):
I think we've talked about this.
Speaker 2 (36:21):
Then last March and we did the two live shows
in Nashville technically downtown Franklin, so cute Franklin Theater. It
was awesome, but for me, that was a little premature
for things I had going on. And then you kind
of feel like you're on this hamster wheel and you're like, well, let's.
Speaker 1 (36:37):
Keep the momentum going. We got to go, go, go.
Speaker 2 (36:40):
And then thankfully I had people around me that encouraged
a pause and that supported a pause, and we're like,
you don't have to go anywhere, and why force this?
But I felt like, well, I had posted on social
and asked people what cities do you want us to
come to? And then I felt like I'd been talking
about it so again I should follow through or it's
(37:00):
going to be a failure. And it's like, wait, what,
you can change your mind. Yeah, I'm just making up
these deadlines for myself. We're in a good place, and
I do think that in the fall this will be happening.
Speaker 1 (37:11):
At least it should be happening. You want it to
be happening. No, it should Okay, it is time.
Speaker 2 (37:17):
No, it'll be happening. And here are my exact point
about this. But I think it's that I feel like
when I connect with people and get to see the
listeners face to face, it fills my cup up and
gives more connection and purpose and meaning to what we're doing,
just like with you, like sitting down with clients every
day and seeing their face. But it'd be sort of like, yeah,
(37:40):
if it was all zoom or all your therapy was
just you offering this therapy out there and there was
no interaction.
Speaker 1 (37:46):
I couldn't do that.
Speaker 3 (37:47):
Yeah.
Speaker 2 (37:47):
Yeah, So I think that everyone has different things. I
didn't mean to make it so drastic, black and white sounding,
but it's definitely just a few of those days, Like
of the three hundred and sixty five, there's a sprinkle
a few that are like I'm gonna move to a
small town and never open up the Internet again.
Speaker 1 (38:07):
Of what I mean, it would be kind of nice
off the grid.
Speaker 2 (38:11):
But I think we also just have to be intentional
about taking those times within the three hundred and sixty five.
Like on your calendar, you know what times of the
month are you maybe not logging onto your phone.
Speaker 3 (38:23):
I have a question, do you feel like you are
allowed to take social media breaks because of the nature.
Speaker 1 (38:30):
Of your job.
Speaker 2 (38:31):
Yes, and I have gotten better at that, So what
does that look like in recent years? For sure, over
Christmas break there was a season where I was not
doing that because we were doing different things, you know,
to fundraise during that time, and so I felt like, oh,
I need to be on here and doing this and that.
And then now not that I don't have certain things
that I'm caring about or passionate about, I just have
(38:53):
more boundaries with it. I feel like I'm able to
set more boundaries, and there's days I don't get on.
I know at Christmas there was a whole week I
didn't get on, so I try to carve out those times.
Speaker 1 (39:07):
What about you?
Speaker 3 (39:08):
I feel like I can take one. I don't feel
like my job stops me from doing that. I did
delete TikTok off of my phone, but the other day
I was, what are you going to tell people what
you replace it with? I'm not going to out you.
You can talk about it yourself if you want to know.
Speaker 1 (39:19):
I don't want to admit that. Okay, I will out,
but that's called transfer a. Yeah, it wasn't.
Speaker 3 (39:26):
It wasn't helpful, but I noticed that, like, there's no
reason that I need to have TikTok. I don't really
enjoy it that much, and so that was easy. The
last time I actually took a social media break was
actually when I was doing a little experiment and I
just unfollowed everybody on my account, so my news feed
was like nothing, so I didn't feel pressure. But the
experiment was to see, well, if I wasn't seeing what
(39:49):
other people were posting, and I wasn't seeing all everybody
else's content, but would I be posting myself what I
care to post stuff? Would I feel pressure to post
certain things? What I feel bad about? What I posting
her feel better? And it was pretty cool. But then
the aftermath is some of my friends sometimes like two
years later, I'm like, oh, I'm still not following you,
(40:10):
and then you have to follow them and they're like,
did you unfollow me?
Speaker 1 (40:12):
And then I have to explain.
Speaker 3 (40:13):
Yeah, but it was like three years ago and it
wasn't anything personal.
Speaker 2 (40:17):
So I don't recommend that a reset is good though, yeah,
and it's good to maybe go through and do a well.
Speaker 3 (40:24):
Also, you see, like the things that you're following, You're like,
why am I following this?
Speaker 1 (40:29):
I feel like sometimes I've accidentally hit the follow button,
or maybe what I think happens is people change their handle.
I've done that.
Speaker 3 (40:36):
You follow one thing and then that person changes the
handle to something else, Like three Chords Therapy used to
be my old Instagram, my personal one. So everybody from
college or high school or whatever post college that thought
they were following me is now following through courd Therapy.
Speaker 1 (40:53):
So I'm part of the problem.
Speaker 2 (40:54):
I wanted to go through and use my cat's handle
for something else because she'd already built a following. That's well, yeah,
that's but I can't remember the log in and I'm like,
oh my gosh, and I'm like, if they were following
my cat, then they'll want to follow this other thing
that I'm gonna build, and it already has a little
bit of following, so I didn't want to, you know,
just start with zero. Yeah, we could at least start
(41:14):
in the thousands. And I can't remember how to log
into the cat account.
Speaker 1 (41:19):
You have to know.
Speaker 2 (41:20):
No, we've tried, don't even know, can't figure it out.
Interesting don't know if it was like my daughter's old
phone number that was associated or email. And she was like, Mom,
I think I can figure it out. But she worked
on it, and then she hasn't yet because then I'm like,
I don't want her on socials trying to figure that out.
Which last summer I think it was I was having
to share help me with my socials. But then that
(41:42):
did not last long at all because I didn't like
her being on social media, even though it was a
job for her and she was helping me and it
was fun to work with her in that way. I thought, Oh,
I don't like that she's sitting here on the phone
doing this whole social media thing. While I do think
it's been a fit for her to learn that interaction
I think with her just age, it's good to know
(42:04):
how to interact with people online. But then I felt
bad that I was limiting her social media but then
contributing to her being on social media.
Speaker 3 (42:13):
She's seventeen right now, she is, so what's the age
that parents are generally like, what is it like in
high school?
Speaker 1 (42:19):
Does everybody have?
Speaker 3 (42:20):
Oh?
Speaker 2 (42:20):
Yeah, everybody has social media? But she doesn't unless she
sneaks it, which I know she has.
Speaker 1 (42:25):
But she has a smartphone. We've caught her. She even
doesn't have like the app, but she's you know, no,
but she's taught me she's sneaky.
Speaker 3 (42:33):
She taught me that you can change the picture of
what the app looks like on your home screen, so
it might look like Amazon, but it's Instagram.
Speaker 1 (42:41):
She taught me that. Well, so there's that little trick.
Speaker 2 (42:44):
And then there's also you can just log in from
your browser, so instead of having the app on the phone.
So like, if I were to grab her phone like
I can't do it any given moment and search for
the app Snapchat and see that it's not downloaded or installed,
then I'll be like, oh cool, she's not on Snapchat.
But then you go down to the browser and you
type in Snapchat and then it's like her user.
Speaker 1 (43:07):
Name bops up and she's online.
Speaker 2 (43:09):
So there's ways that she has gotten around it, which
whatever typical teenager things happen. Ben and I, her dad,
we have punished accordingly and went not But that's just
been one of the challenges and my son hasn't been
a thing for him. He's in sixth grade until recently.
He came home and said, I don't have any social media.
(43:33):
He said, I don't have Instagram, I don't have Snapchat,
I don't have TikTok, I don't have YouTube. And I said, well,
to be fair, you watch YouTube because I don't have
my own YouTube.
Speaker 1 (43:41):
Why do you need your own YouTube. A lot of
kids have their own YouTube.
Speaker 2 (43:44):
They post, they post videos, which I think can be
kind of cool because you're learning how to make videos,
edit and upload.
Speaker 1 (43:50):
That's a skill.
Speaker 2 (43:51):
I can get behind you wanting to post YouTube and
make your account private so your friends can just follow.
I just think with kids sometimes at being public, you
have to be careful. But he started rattling off all
the things he doesn't have, and I said.
Speaker 1 (44:07):
Yeah, you don't have any of that.
Speaker 2 (44:08):
I'm very aware, but tell me more, how does that
make you feel? But it was like grade they have it, all,
all of them because Stevenson does it. But that's the
first time he expressed feeling left out. But then I
just sort of didn't harp on it too much. I
heard him out and sort of explained to him the
roles in our house and how we're going to do it.
Speaker 1 (44:30):
And then it hasn't really come up since does he
have a smartphone? He does, He got one for Christmas
this year, entering sixth grade. It's when did you get
a cell phone in nineteen ninety nine as a flip
Where where were you?
Speaker 3 (44:45):
Like?
Speaker 1 (44:45):
Were you in?
Speaker 2 (44:46):
I was a senior in high school, Okay, like right
before graduation.
Speaker 1 (44:50):
Because that's when you could get one.
Speaker 2 (44:52):
Probably, yeah, going into college. I don't even know that
it flipped yet. I just remember I had this big
rectangle one and then we had a flip and I
know I had a Nokia that was all the rage.
Speaker 1 (45:04):
But Stashira told me that she wants to now get
a flip phone. Well, let's get her one.
Speaker 2 (45:09):
So her generation some of them are they're they're all
obsessed with it and all in or they're over it
and they're like, oh, yes, we want all this, Like
she still she doesn't want to get rid of her
smartphone forever, but she would like the option.
Speaker 3 (45:24):
It's like I want this vintage accessory because you still
want your all your other stuff. But then you're like, oh,
look I have this like slide whatever did you have
that phone that it slid and had a keyboard underneath it?
Speaker 2 (45:36):
Yeah?
Speaker 1 (45:36):
What was that called? I can't remember. Mine was lime green.
It matched my car.
Speaker 2 (45:40):
It just makes you think of all the things that
we could have bought back in the day, like the
first iPod that came out, the first iPhone and just
bought an extra one, but they were so expensive at
the time. You keep it in the box and you
don't touch it. You could sell it for so much
money now. And then I'm like, well, what is that now?
What is that now that we need to buy?
Speaker 1 (45:56):
Like, is it like the the new Apple Goggle things
virtual reality stuff?
Speaker 3 (46:01):
Oh? No, thing that is crazy to me. I don't
think I'm gonna I say that now. But I also
I remember when iPads came out. I was in college
and I remember my friend telling me about iPads and
I said, what would you need an iPad for?
Speaker 1 (46:14):
What? Don't you just rather have a computer and look
where they are now.
Speaker 3 (46:18):
I didn't understand the concept of it, and now I
guess I don't understand the concept of the glasses where
you're typing in the air.
Speaker 2 (46:25):
I know, but I feel like those are the things
like you may have to it's an investment. You buy
it now, but to keep it in the box and
don't do anything and then fifteen twenty years from now
could sell it for a lot of money. I don't know.
Speaker 1 (46:37):
That's the type of investing.
Speaker 2 (46:38):
That Vivian once you rich bff our Wall Street Girly
girl wants us to do.
Speaker 1 (46:43):
Cat Where can people find.
Speaker 3 (46:45):
You at you eat therapy podcasts and at cat dot
defada on Instagram?
Speaker 2 (46:49):
Are you updating at cat dot defada on Instagram?
Speaker 1 (46:52):
I don't think so.
Speaker 3 (46:54):
Not right now.
Speaker 1 (46:55):
You're not posting things. Oh, I thought you meant like,
am I changing the name? No? No, no, I just
mean updating.
Speaker 3 (47:01):
Actually today just posted my wedding video. Oh I have
to watch that, so I'm updating that. I'm not updating
my name on that.
Speaker 2 (47:09):
When you sent out to our group text all the
girls that were in your wedding party, you were like,
these are the photos. If you're going to share them,
download the original no screenshots.
Speaker 3 (47:20):
That's because my photographer told me those rules, and if
I were I would get it, because I'm sure she
gives people photos and then they put like weird filters
on them and she's like, that's not my work, you know, No,
I get it.
Speaker 1 (47:30):
I wasn't trying to be like a Pride. The pictures
turned out really really good, really good.
Speaker 3 (47:33):
Yeah.
Speaker 1 (47:33):
Yeah, y'all's wedding was amazing.
Speaker 2 (47:35):
So if you need a wedding and spell then go
check out Cat's wedding video at cat dot Defada and
I am at Radio Amy on Instagram. I post there. Yeah, okay,
all right, have the day you need to ask. Bye
bye
Happy Tuesday. Welcome to the Fifth Thing.
Speaker 2 (00:06):
I'm Amy and I'm Kat And today's quote is from Vivian.
She's at your dot rich bff on Instagram.
Speaker 1 (00:13):
Do you follow her? I've never heard of her. Okay,
she's your.
Speaker 2 (00:16):
Wall Street girly girl that gives you all the financial advice.
Like she quit her a Wall Street job and now
she just has a career that was built on social media,
but writing books and all kinds of things. She's clearly
a very smart, awesome person. But this is one of
her quotes, and I want to see how you feel
about it, how you operate.
Speaker 1 (00:34):
She said.
Speaker 2 (00:34):
The truth is sometimes you need to get where no
one can stop you before you even tell people where
you are going.
Speaker 1 (00:40):
It's a lot like chess.
Speaker 2 (00:41):
You build your strategy in silence, move your pieces in silence,
and the only time you talk is when you say checkmate.
And I know what this is from too, because she
did this whole thing. And she was talking about the
founder of Spanks, Sarah, and she was talking about some
of her business strategies and how she didn't tell the
whole world. She didn't tell family and friends. She didn't
(01:02):
want inputs. She wanted to kind of build what she
was doing and not have outside things, and so she
had it established and then she's like, well, bam, here
it is. And I'm like, golly, I tell people all
my early ideas so much so that they could just
take them, and then I also then feel like a
loser when I don't follow through on them.
Speaker 3 (01:20):
You have disclosed many business ideas on here. But I
couldn't do that. I could never do that. Not that
I even need confirmation about things, but I just get
so excited. I want to tell everybody what I'm doing.
I just told Channon something downstairs that I'm about to do.
Speaker 1 (01:33):
Oh what are you doing?
Speaker 3 (01:34):
Tell us, well, I'm just hiring somebody else for what
at three courts Therapy I practice? Okay, yeah, it's not
like a big business idea. That just was like nobody, really,
why do I tell all the people listening right now
that's happening.
Speaker 1 (01:47):
I just get excited.
Speaker 2 (01:48):
Well that is exciting, and I guess, yeah, that's not
anything that could really change drastically, or Shannon's not going
to be like, oh, I have this input on who
you're hiring.
Speaker 1 (01:57):
And how you should do it and what you need
to do.
Speaker 2 (01:59):
I mean, it's just like, Hey, you're You've brought people
on your team before, so I'm sure it's pretty textbook.
Speaker 1 (02:03):
Yeah.
Speaker 3 (02:04):
I guess she's not gonna be like, oh, I'm gonna
steal her. But isn't there a nice balance? Do we
have to do everything by ourselves? Yeah?
Speaker 2 (02:10):
No, I don't really want to do anything in silence.
But you should follow Vivian. She has great advice. Okay,
you just may not agree with her strategy in that
part of this, but I feel like she's definitely a
good follow, especially since I'm trying to learn more about
investing this year.
Speaker 1 (02:24):
It's one of my things.
Speaker 2 (02:26):
I don't have a handle on it for sure, But
she simplifies things and it's not just Wall Street type investing.
She talks to you about four A one K. She
talks to you about how to save money when you're
booking a hotel or a flight.
Speaker 1 (02:40):
She has all different tips and tricks.
Speaker 2 (02:42):
But I love that she always says, I'm your Wall
Street girlier you save you money.
Speaker 1 (02:46):
Do you know what a four A one K is? Yes?
I have one? Okay, yeah, do you have one?
Speaker 3 (02:51):
Yeah? I do have one, but I didn't know what
one was until maybe two years ago. I don't really
totally understand it, but I more so understand that two
years ago.
Speaker 1 (02:58):
But I feel like there's.
Speaker 3 (03:00):
More women popping up like her, and thankfully, because I
feel like most of the money stuff has been targeted
towards men and women have just been told like, oh,
we're not gonna get it, so like why try? So
in my head, I was like, oh, I don't need
to know what a four O one K is until,
like I get married. But then I was thirty four
and I wasn't married, so I need to figure it out.
Speaker 2 (03:18):
So you entered your marriage with a four O one
K because I duly got one because of Ben while
we were married, but it was years ago because I
had an employer that offered it. It's been clear channel,
which now is iHeart. And Ben said, if they're offering it,
you need to go to HR and you need to
sign up for a four oh one K. And I
was like, blah, blah blah, I don't want. I don't
want to think about this, but he he definitely helped
(03:40):
me get it, and I'm.
Speaker 1 (03:41):
Sure I'll do it. I don't know what it is,
but I'll do it. I'm so glad he did.
Speaker 2 (03:44):
Now I get it, and now I have it, and
now I have a full understanding at least that it
comes out of my paycheck every month and gets put away.
And there are times that my company will match it.
There's times that they don't offer that. But I feel
like current me is taking care of future me, and
my ex husband.
Speaker 1 (04:01):
Is the reason. So I'm very thankful you would have
figured it out. Probably yeah, probably during the divorce. During
the divorce, if I would have never gotten what, I've
been like, oh shoot, I have no investments.
Speaker 2 (04:13):
But it's never too late because then I could put
it off for another year, and then I'd be a
year behind and I put it off another So if
you are later in life starting some of these things,
it's okay. The best time to plant a tree is well,
twenty years ago.
Speaker 1 (04:29):
Is it a quote? Yes, it's a Chinese proverb. That's helpful.
The second best time to plant a tree is now. Okay, great,
get it? Yeah, I got it. Okay. I was like,
where are you going with this? This feel very good?
I know cool.
Speaker 2 (04:43):
Well, dang, I didn't do it twenty years ago. So
I have the top dating red flags for anyone that's
been dating like mege Morgan on The Bobby Bone Show
just got a boyfriend. She met him on Hinge. Made
me think of you a big p because y'all got
married off.
Speaker 1 (04:58):
And I have given.
Speaker 2 (05:00):
Her a little bit of a hard time because he's
new to the relationship and was traveling a lot early on.
But because of his job, which I can understand I
was married to someone in the military, they would leave.
I'm not saying that that's what his job is, but
Binn's job was different trips and training exercises, deployments, whatnot,
where he couldn't communicate and whatever this guy does, Morgan
(05:21):
wouldn't communicate with him for like two weeks, and I thought, okay,
well that could be legit or he has another family
across the country and he's living a double life because
you met him on Hinge and we don't know him.
Speaker 1 (05:35):
Did you ever watch The Tender Swindler? Yes, okay, I
mean it happens. It happens. I listened to the podcast.
Something was wrong.
Speaker 2 (05:43):
Oh yeah, there's crazy stories. So I just probably have
my guard up a little bit. But now I'm letting
that go because they're official their boyfriend and girlfriend, and
I don't now that they've established that I don't want
to be the party booper, but a little of me
is still cautious because of the three months they've been together.
Speaker 3 (06:03):
Ish, that's a stretch. Is that boyfriend girlfriend or just
have like they started dating? No, three months ago?
Speaker 2 (06:08):
Boyfriend girlfriend is in the last couple of weeks, Ok,
three maybe, but then of these let's say it's seven weeks,
he's gone half of.
Speaker 1 (06:16):
Them and there's no communication.
Speaker 2 (06:18):
Right, But at this point, back in my day of
dating before marriage, well, I was almost engaged at this
point to bend and we barely spent time together. You
knew him, all right, because it's a little different. I
knew I've known him since I was nine years old. Yeah,
but then we didn't ever date until mid twenties. So yes,
I feel like I knew his family, I knew his history,
(06:40):
whereas Morgan doesn't. But one of the red flags that
we were talking about on the show is he.
Speaker 1 (06:45):
Is so thoughtful. Yikes, red flag. Just kidding.
Speaker 2 (06:54):
We want someone that's thoughtful, but he's above and beyond
extra thoughtful. That could maybe fall into the category of
like love bombing too much. Yeah, yeah, love bombing. But
Morgan has said it's very consistent. Again, they're still early on,
but consistency is important. And she's like, I, to this
date haven't seen anything other than what he was.
Speaker 1 (07:16):
He's already shown me.
Speaker 2 (07:18):
But he does a lot of things like date too ish,
maybe not, I'm getting it confused, but like just to
give you an idea, like she went over to his
house to he cooked and watched a movie or something
on the second date, maybe the third, but early on,
and he had a list on the fridge of fifteen
things that like your face, that she would enjoy doing,
(07:39):
or that she had mentioned in some of their conversations,
and it's a list that they could check them off.
And then she had mentioned our favorite flower is the sunflower,
or she's and she's from Kansas, which that flower is
their state flower state flower. So he brought her sunflowers,
and then he sent her this other gift basket that
was about being sunshine because you know, like a friend
(08:01):
or someone in her life had said, you know, you're
like my sunshine. Yeah, there's a lot of things early
on that he's like boing boing, boing boing.
Speaker 1 (08:10):
But I talked to her.
Speaker 2 (08:11):
This is all on air stuff that she has shared,
So I'm not saying anything she hasn't shared, but even
in private, her and I talk a lot and she's like,
he's so great.
Speaker 1 (08:20):
So then I feel weird. But I don't know if I'm.
Speaker 2 (08:22):
Just protective and have lived a little bit more life,
although Morgan's not that much younger than me, but you.
Speaker 3 (08:29):
Know, well, if she's having fun, then let her enjoy it.
I think nobody could see my face. But the list
on the fridge on a second date is kind of odd.
I mean, depending on how long they were talking before
they even met. However, a lot of times you don't
know they're love bombing you until you know they're love
bombing you, so you can't really prevent it from happening.
(08:51):
And it can feel good until it doesn't. So maybe
it won't be and maybe it will. But she's having
a good time.
Speaker 2 (08:56):
So because I feel like sometimes it can be obvious
because it's like this extravagant trip on date two and
all these things that require if it's someone that has
a lot of money.
Speaker 1 (09:05):
But that's not everybody. But I'm just trying to think
of examples that.
Speaker 2 (09:08):
I see publicly or I've seen on shows like Tinder,
Swindler or you know, podcasts that I've listened to. Sometimes
there are like very very extravagant things where it's like hindsight,
it's like, oh, duh, that's obvious, but like a sweet
little note on the fridge with a list of fifteen
things and then the flowers and the anyway, enough about
Morgan's thing.
Speaker 1 (09:28):
This is the list. But love bombing is right here.
Speaker 2 (09:30):
First red flag when someone praises you or showers you
with gifts early on and then turns well psycho. The
Cleveland Clinic defines it as a form of psychological and
emotional abuse.
Speaker 1 (09:43):
It's also something that cult leaders do. Yeah, because it works,
and then you're in it. And then how do you know?
Speaker 2 (09:49):
Like this stuff is, how can you decipher if someone
is being sweet and thoughtful and kind and love bombing?
Speaker 1 (09:54):
I guess you just have to be patient.
Speaker 3 (09:56):
Well, again, like you said, sometimes it's super obvious. But
our brains do this thing where we we look for
confirming evidence for what we want to find. So if
we want to find that this isn't love bombing, we're
going to convince ourselves that it's not. If we want
to find that it is, we're going to convince ourselves
that it is so. My thing is sometimes you don't
know until you're out of that relationship, and then you
can see all those things. And sometimes you could have
(10:18):
known earlier but you didn't want to.
Speaker 1 (10:21):
So it just depends on where you are and who
you are.
Speaker 3 (10:23):
What was big P like early on really normal, But
I've been love bomb before and I can admit that, like,
I liked it.
Speaker 1 (10:32):
To me, it was like, oh, this person is exact
to me. I didn't want it to stop. It was awesome.
Speaker 3 (10:37):
We could have kept going forever, except then he turned
to be like this horrible, mean person.
Speaker 1 (10:41):
Oh you mean like well psycho psycho.
Speaker 3 (10:43):
Yes, but Patrick was super and I don't say this
in a bad way. The things that we did were average.
We went to drinks and we had a good conversation.
He texted me that he enjoyed our first day. Something
that I thought was really thoughtful was he doesn't like
know a lot about restaurants and cool spots, and he
like researched. The three restaurants just just happened to be
three of my favorite restaurants. For our second or third date,
(11:05):
he offered to pick me up. He just was consistent
in his communication. I never want I never wondered if
he liked me or if he didn't. But he didn't
like pay the first date. What, Yeah, he didn't. We
talked about this all the time. He went to pay,
but like, obviously I'm gonna offer, but I didn't really want.
Speaker 1 (11:22):
To pay for it. So I was like, we could
split it, and he was like are you sure? And
I was like, yeah, no. I wanted him to say
He's like, no, you don't have to.
Speaker 3 (11:29):
I got it, but he was like okay.
Speaker 1 (11:34):
He was like, he paid for his and I pay
for mine. He's not like I paid for his.
Speaker 3 (11:37):
But he was like, well, I didn't know if you
were one of those people that just like wanted to
pay for your own and I didn't want to offend you.
Speaker 1 (11:43):
And I was like, well you did. Wait, why do
I not remember this about it?
Speaker 3 (11:48):
I probably didn't say anything because at first I was like,
oh whatever. I didn't know if anything was gonna happen
from it, and I also didn't know for sure at
that point how much he really wanted to see me again.
But yeah, I said, oh, I can split it. He
said are you sure? I said yeah, and he said okay, sweet.
Speaker 2 (12:06):
Okay, no to self guys, the three of you men
that are listening when you're out on a date and
a girl is like, oh, but I mean to Patrick's point,
big p, there are some women that when they're saying it,
they actually mean and Kat, you, as a therapist, should
know what you say, say what you mean, say what
you mean, what you say, or whatever the saying is
about meaning things.
Speaker 3 (12:27):
Yeah, I set them up for that, but I just
I didn't expect that anyway.
Speaker 1 (12:31):
Things were very normal.
Speaker 3 (12:32):
I guess I can't think of one thing that I
was like, he loved bombing me?
Speaker 1 (12:37):
So on date two? Did he pay for the whole bill? Yeah?
Two and three he paid for He learned his lesson.
Speaker 2 (12:42):
Okay, other red flags that pop up saying I love
you too soon? Other red flags that pop up saying
I love you too soon? If they say it a
month in or so, that could be a little bit
(13:05):
normal ish. But if it's on the first or second.
Speaker 1 (13:07):
Date, watch out. Wait, who says I love you on
the first date? I know somebody who did?
Speaker 3 (13:12):
Who Tish Cyrus and her now husband, Okay, you know somebody?
Speaker 1 (13:18):
You mean? You talk about it?
Speaker 3 (13:21):
She talked about it on a podcast and it's been
an articles that her and the guy.
Speaker 1 (13:25):
Whoever she's the guy from prison Break. On the first
date they said I love you. I'm pretty sure, but.
Speaker 2 (13:30):
Then didn't he also date her other daughter or so
there's all kinds of dysfunction there, But I don't know
they're married now. Yeah, I mean there are those people
that who was it Krystal Horton's best friend married her
husband's brother.
Speaker 1 (13:44):
Do you follow Crysto on Instagram?
Speaker 2 (13:46):
Okay, So I was watching a story posted the other
day about that, and I guess the day that her
husband's brother met her best friend, he went to the
brother and said, I'm going to marry that girl one
day and they got married. And so I guess there
are times where you just kind of have that feeling.
But here's the thing, I think it just works out.
There are probably times that it is said and it
(14:08):
never works out. Because I remember this guy in college.
His name was Zach, and we used to go to Breakaway.
It was this thing at Texas A and I'm on
Tuesday nights. It was like church, like imagine a big
youth group in an arena and it was awesome. So
every Tuesday I was like, you're gonna break away? You
want a breakway and this guy walks in. He's got
his like Nike bag on his shoulder, probably just came
from the gym. And I remember looking at him and
(14:32):
then looking over at my friend and I was like,
I'm gonna marry that guy.
Speaker 1 (14:36):
I didn't even know him at all.
Speaker 2 (14:39):
The crazy part is I actually did become friends with him,
and I did get to know him. I don't even
remember exactly how if we ended up having a class together,
because Texas A and him is a big campus. But
I remember saying that, and let's just say it had
worked out. Like i'd have that story, I'd be like,
we didn't even know each other and I saw him
walking a breakaway and I was like, I'm going to
(15:00):
marry that guy. But I think I was like, Okay,
he's a guy, he's obviously a Christian, and he's cute.
Speaker 1 (15:10):
I'm gonna marry that guy. He must be awesome. And
we did hang out. I remember there was a hang
out like date hangout or like us friends.
Speaker 2 (15:18):
We hung out ish and then there was a New
Year's Eve, which I don't know if we were out
of college yet or maybe had just graduated. He lived
in the Dallas Ish area or outside of it. And
I know that I road tripped to Dallas to his parents' place,
and we went to a New Year's Eve party together ish.
But the crazy part is, right now, my brain cannot
(15:40):
remember if we actually, like at midnight kiss or anything.
I don't think so I know, right how do I
not know? And it's not because of too much alcoholics.
I couldn't tell you if I imagined my.
Speaker 1 (15:52):
Did you go on that trip or not? I did?
I did. I did go on the trip.
Speaker 2 (15:58):
I did go on the trip because I know when
I got back to his house, he came into my
room before he went to bed because I had a
different I was staying in a guest room. I remember
him like rubbing my shoulders or whatever, because I think
I was sort of like does he like me?
Speaker 1 (16:10):
Or does he not? And then he left he came
in to rub your shoulders. This sounds weird.
Speaker 2 (16:17):
I think he came into like sacod night and like
maybe I was like, oh my, I do remember him
rubbing my shoulders, But then I remember him leaving and
not kissing you. I know we didn't kiss at the house.
What I'm saying is when it counted down to midnight.
I don't know if we I know we were by
(16:38):
each other, and I don't know if it's like happy
New Year and like a but nothing like crazy yeah,
or if it was like just.
Speaker 1 (16:43):
Happy New yeark awkwards? What do we do?
Speaker 2 (16:46):
I don't know because I think of how many New
Year's Eves I've had a lot since then.
Speaker 1 (16:52):
But yeah, but I feel like I would.
Speaker 2 (16:54):
I know, I feel just let's just wait, wait till
you get to your forties. Okay, you feel like you're
gonna remember a lot of things and then you don't,
and then you don't.
Speaker 1 (17:03):
Or you're life. Do I remember this correctly? But you
remember him rubbing your shoulders? It's the weird. I definitely
remember that.
Speaker 2 (17:09):
So that happened because during that I remember thinking, is
this weird?
Speaker 1 (17:16):
Does he like me? Or does he not? So after
that trip, where were you like?
Speaker 2 (17:21):
I don't I think once we got to know each other,
it just wasn't gonna work what I had thought when
I saw him the two years before at breakaway, where
I was like, I'm going to marry that person. Our
personalities didn't go well, Like maybe I wasn't for him,
but also he just wasn't for me.
Speaker 1 (17:38):
But great. I wonder where he is now? No idea?
What was your first kiss? Do you remember your first
kiss ever?
Speaker 2 (17:44):
Because I was I think seventh grade ish and I
know is at my friend's Kinsey's house, and it was
Sheef that was my boyfriend, and he came over with
our other friend Tom and they rollerbladed over to her
house and we were in her driveway and we can
so I do remember that.
Speaker 3 (18:02):
Wait, your first kiss was in somebody's driveway, that is
a fact.
Speaker 2 (18:06):
In the daylight, No, in the nighttime, but like seven pm,
did you know what was going to happen?
Speaker 1 (18:11):
Eight pm? Maybe you know the time? I just I
didn't know.
Speaker 3 (18:15):
It was like daylight or whatever, like the way you
said to see you rollerbladed over and then he kissed me,
and then like were you were you waiting?
Speaker 1 (18:20):
Were you like, oh, he's going to kiss me today?
Speaker 2 (18:22):
I think that Kinsey thought y'all need to kiss because
she had he was your boyfriend, he was my boyfriend,
and she was like, y'all should kiss. I'm like, okay,
seventh grade is so young, going into eighth grade. That's
why I was thinking maybe eight o'clock because summer, the
sun goes down later.
Speaker 1 (18:39):
I was just trying to give you exact times.
Speaker 2 (18:40):
These are little details, at least I think I remember,
because our brain is weird. Who knows how many times
I've relived this memory. It could have been it's changed. Yeah,
it could have been a little light out.
Speaker 1 (18:52):
So what happened after the kiss? Thank you?
Speaker 2 (18:55):
Kinsey and Tom were there and we were like okay,
and then they rollerblade at home.
Speaker 1 (19:00):
I was like, all right, that was awesome.
Speaker 3 (19:02):
Did you stay like boyfriend girlfriend for a while or
were you like, okay, we did that, we can break
up now.
Speaker 2 (19:06):
I don't know how long we went out. I do
remember I bought him Safari cologne. Safari Oh in junior high.
It is a cologne that was very popular. I shouldn't
have been spending money on that, but I remember that's
a gift I gave him. Safari was nice. Was that
your first boyfriend? No, My first boyfriend was like in
the fourth grade.
Speaker 1 (19:25):
Oh wow.
Speaker 2 (19:25):
But I don't know why our group of friends was
like this. I don't know that they were real boyfriends, right.
Speaker 3 (19:30):
Well, you don't when you have a boyfriend that that age,
you like, don't talk to them right exactly?
Speaker 1 (19:35):
We talked on the phone or Am. Did you talk
at school? This is before Am. Remember I'm older than you. Yeah,
so fourth grade, fifth grade.
Speaker 2 (19:43):
Yeah, you you were boyfriend and girlfriend, but you didn't
talk at school, but you would talk on the phone.
And we definitely weren't kissing or doing anything like that
obviously till seventh grade. But I went out with Adam
and I went out.
Speaker 1 (19:53):
With you, like traded boyfriends every exactly.
Speaker 2 (19:56):
Yeah, David oh Mar, which that's the boyfriend that I
had in elementary school that then later as an adult
when I was in college and I was flying to
London for the first time to visit Django, my high
school friend that was.
Speaker 1 (20:10):
In college over there.
Speaker 2 (20:12):
I got to the airport and I get to the
ticket counter at Delta, and Omar was working the ticket
counter and he's like, oh.
Speaker 1 (20:20):
You're going to England whatever.
Speaker 2 (20:22):
I was like, yeah, my first time, never gone overseas
and I had a seat in the back.
Speaker 1 (20:26):
Of the plane.
Speaker 2 (20:27):
Gosh, was this before nine eleven, I believe, so I
had to have been like things. I mean, there were
still paper tickets, I just know well, and Omar worked
for the airport, so he still could have come over
and seen me.
Speaker 1 (20:40):
But yeah, this was before nine to eleven.
Speaker 2 (20:43):
He came over, came up to my gate and handed
me a ticket and said, hey, I moved to you
a little bit closer. You were sitting pretty far back
and it wasn't registering with me what that meant. And
then they start boarding the different groups and I'm like, oh, well,
I'll be that time for me to board. And I
get on They're like, oh, welcome this Moffett Champagne, Mimosa
(21:06):
orange juice. And I was in first class all my
way to England for the first time, and then on
the way home I was in coach.
Speaker 1 (21:14):
It was very suppressing. Wait did you like but that's
all because of my elementary school boyfriend? Send him a
letter or how do you think him? I don't know.
I did you never did? No, thank you, thank you,
thank you. But it just think you wonder where are
these boyfriends now? What in the.
Speaker 3 (21:30):
World follow any of them on Facebook or anything? Shay,
maybe I don't know.
Speaker 1 (21:35):
Good question.
Speaker 2 (21:35):
I haven't looked on Facebook in a little bit. But
tell me about your first kiss. Well, my first kiss
wasn't exciting. It was on spring break in high school, but.
Speaker 1 (21:43):
Like an out of town spring break.
Speaker 3 (21:45):
Yeah, it was like a guy I will never see again. WHOA, Yeah,
it wasn't like that. I wish it was a cool story.
But my first boyfriend was in fifth grade. He was
in like the same class as me from like second
to fifth grade, and then finally in fifth grade, he
asked me out. But this isn't aim times, and so
we would reserve time to speak to each other after
(22:06):
school online. But somebody told him that I was only
dating him to get an Easter present because we started
being boyfriend girlfriend on Easter. So he broke up with me,
and then he found out that somebody just said that.
I think somebody was like jealous or mad.
Speaker 1 (22:21):
I don't know. This was fifth grade.
Speaker 3 (22:23):
So he called me one night and said, hey, Catherine,
can you get on AOL so we can talk?
Speaker 1 (22:29):
And then what he called me so I could get online.
Speaker 3 (22:33):
And then he said he ended up sending me an
email and oh, I wish.
Speaker 1 (22:37):
I still had it.
Speaker 3 (22:38):
But he basically said, all I want in life is
to go to heaven and for you to go back
out with me again.
Speaker 1 (22:44):
And I said nope, and I've regret and that's he said.
That's what the email said.
Speaker 3 (22:50):
All I want to do in life is to go
to heaven and for you to go back out with
me again, and I rejected him.
Speaker 1 (22:55):
And he's married with multiple kids and has a great job. Wow.
But I follow all these people.
Speaker 3 (23:01):
Because I guess my generation was Facebook friends with everybody.
Speaker 2 (23:05):
Okay, I just looked up Omar, Adam and Shay and
they all have the cutest little kids.
Speaker 1 (23:11):
They're all on Facebook.
Speaker 2 (23:11):
And yes, I just haven't connected looked anywhere on Facebook
in quite some time, but yes, they've got relationships, got
cute kiddos. Oh great, Now I'm going to go down
this whole rabbit hole memory late. I got to get
on Facebook later anyway, because I'm going to be on
Facebook marketplace looking for some stuff and maybe selling some stuff.
I know, I'm not really shopping shopping, but I'm going
(23:33):
to be moving and there's just some different pieces I
either need to sell or get because of the way
the houses has got to fit, the whatnot. We'll talk
more about that later when it happens happens. I'm so
not done with the red flag. We're gonna get back
to that saying I love you too soon. We already
did that talking to an X. I think if they
can have a healthy relationship with an X. I don't
(23:54):
know that's a crazy red flag. But if they're talking
to them every day, that's weird.
Speaker 3 (23:57):
Communicating about like children or something like that is different
than they're still BFF and hanging out.
Speaker 1 (24:03):
Let's say there's no kids, what would they need to
talk about? They're just friends now. I think it depends.
Speaker 2 (24:10):
It depends double texting when they send a follow up
text before you've even replied to the first one. It's
not always a red flag, but it could be a
sign that they're obsessed with you.
Speaker 3 (24:20):
Okay, but I send like seventeen texts in a row.
Speaker 2 (24:25):
And then I don't know that this is a red flag.
It says watching true crime if they love true crime shows,
but does not mean they're going to kill you. A
psychologist recently said that being overly obsessed with it could
be a sign of unresolved trauma and that they might
still be working through some issues. So that's why people
are watching it, googling it, talking about it.
Speaker 1 (24:45):
I don't know, could be.
Speaker 3 (24:46):
But also, like obsessed is different than like I like
true crime. Right, he listens to crime junkie. Sorry, I'm
merging up with him.
Speaker 2 (24:55):
I saw kind of on a related note, it takes
us an average of three points evan partners to find
the right one.
Speaker 1 (25:03):
Three point seven you go through.
Speaker 2 (25:05):
I mean that's taking the average, like a real partner, Yeah,
like to find the one, Like some people may take
dating one or two people and then others that might
date five or six. So that's how they get three
point seven. I think, yeah, that'd be the average of that.
I saw that HIN is going to start penalizing daters
for ghosting on the al. How I saw that HIN
(25:37):
is going to start penalizing daters for ghosting on the al.
How they're adding this thing called your turn limits. It's
like a feature and they hope that it will help
stop the ghosting and maybe even at burnout, which I
think I might be might yeah, because I just don't
log on enough, and then they're not going to let
(25:58):
you get Like say I could log on and if
I don't go in for weeks and weeks, then there
might be multiple multiple messages.
Speaker 1 (26:04):
Well, there's going to be a.
Speaker 2 (26:04):
Cap Like if you have eight messages that are sent
to you and you haven't done anything with those, then
you're not gonna be able to get more than those
eight until you start to clean out the other eight
like either start responding to them or ex them out.
Speaker 3 (26:18):
You can't just let them pile up. That's smart. It's
going to encourage people to be on it more often.
Speaker 2 (26:23):
And then yeah, I don't know how it keeps the
burnout because then you're on it more.
Speaker 3 (26:27):
But then you're not being exhausted by all these people
who just leave the conversation in the middle of it
or like you and then don't ever answer.
Speaker 1 (26:34):
It's like, well, I like my profile. If you're not
even going to answer when I reach out, Okay, that's
what it helps with the people that are that's the burnout.
The burnout. That's it. That's it. That's it.
Speaker 2 (26:42):
Which if you are burnt out on anything for that matter.
I have twelve steps for self care. There's like quick
little things. If it feels wrong, don't do it.
Speaker 1 (26:52):
Wait, that's one of the tips.
Speaker 2 (26:54):
It's one of the twelve steps for self care. Because
you know it feels wrong, don't do it. Say exactly
what you mean. For example, if you want to pay
for half your meal, then offer to pay.
Speaker 1 (27:06):
If you don't that, don't offer. So it's my fault.
Speaker 2 (27:09):
Now, Yes, I'm a team big p here don't be
a people pleaser. Trust your instincts, never speak bad about yourself,
never give up on your dreams. Don't be afraid to
say no, don't be afraid to say yes. Be kind
to yourself, let go of what you can't control, stay
away from drama and negativity.
Speaker 1 (27:28):
And the last one love. Wait, that's it. I don't know.
Speaker 2 (27:35):
It's just one that I came across, and it makes
you think of this other Instagram thing that I saw.
Let me pull it up real quick because I think
that you'll think, like, what the heck?
Speaker 1 (27:43):
Who made this list?
Speaker 2 (27:45):
And it's just something that popped up in my reels,
like suggested, but it got my attention, and I think
it's like mood lines was the account or something. It's
like a list of go to things you can do
based on what you have feeling. So if you feel
like you hate everyone, eat, if you feel like everyone
hates you, sleep, if you feel like you hate yourself, shower.
(28:07):
If you feel overwhelmed by your thoughts, write them down.
If you feel stuck in the past, plan for the future.
If you feel anxious about the future, focus on the present.
If you feel restless, take a long walk. If you
feel like giving up remember a time that you actually succeeded.
Speaker 1 (28:27):
So there you go.
Speaker 3 (28:28):
I just have imagining myself sitting with a client who's
processing the fact that they don't like themselves, and I
tell them, which is.
Speaker 2 (28:35):
The shower, When is the last time you took a shaft?
Have you cleaned yourself lately? Because that might help. I
recommend you get soap and you wash off the hate, wash.
Speaker 1 (28:50):
Scrub, exfoliate.
Speaker 2 (28:52):
You know, my cousin Amanda, sometimes she'll tell me to
exfoliate with Epsen saw and it'll I don't know, I
don't even feel like pair of raising stuff that she says,
because it does sound like woo woo, but she says
that there's power in that, like really exfoliating stuff off
the skin. Water is a conduit, like letting the water
fall on you and watching it go down the dream.
Speaker 1 (29:13):
There can be some symbolism in that.
Speaker 3 (29:15):
And at the same time, I just hate when we
simplify things like that.
Speaker 1 (29:19):
I know, well, I'm just wondering, like who made these up?
Were they like okay, cool? Yeah, I feel like everybody
hates you? Then eat? And then what about if you
feel like you hate everyone? Okay? Sleep? And they probably
got so many likes and views.
Speaker 2 (29:33):
Oh yeah, and it was popping up in my suggestion,
So you've got anything fun over there on the you
need therapy do? I wonder if your reels pop up
on other people's as like a suggested, and then they're
somewhere on their podcast talking about mental health tips from
at unimarity.
Speaker 1 (29:53):
This dumb person, you would never post.
Speaker 2 (29:57):
Feeling sad today, although I will say if I'm feeling
a little less, then and I take a shower, especially
a full blown do everything shower, like wash, hair, exfoliate, wash, phase,
like maybe put a hair mask in all the things.
I you know, they call that a girl shower. That, yes,
(30:17):
I called it a do everything. I have seen people
post about it. I feel like, yeah, a girl shower,
the full thing.
Speaker 3 (30:24):
But that's different than I hate myself. Okay, I'll just
take a shower and then I'll love myself.
Speaker 2 (30:29):
That's self care, right, But I do emerge feeling better,
feeling better. Sometimes shoo, I just paint my nails and
I feel better.
Speaker 3 (30:37):
Yea, What is it about that? What is an act
taking care of yourself? It's like a kind act towards yourself.
So I think if a better way to phrase those
things that they said is if you are struggling with
loving yourself, do one thing, one kind thing for yourself
in that moment. Doesn't mean you are going to all
of a sudden love yourself, but that's working towards a
more loving relationship. But to make it so simple, that's
(31:00):
kind of stuff that really grinds my gears when people
simplify these like bigger concepts, because it's simplified concept like
that is going to spread and catch people's attention more
than Sometimes it could help and sometimes it couldn't. Or
it might help you feel a little better, but it
might not change everything. You know, that's not as salacious.
As you hate yourself, all you have to do is
(31:21):
take one shower.
Speaker 2 (31:22):
You didn't think these twelve steps of self care were
really profound.
Speaker 3 (31:26):
The last one that was just simply love, Oh, really
changed my life.
Speaker 1 (31:31):
Don't be afraid to say no the next one.
Speaker 2 (31:33):
Don't don't be afraid to say yes, wow, wow, I'll
handy that.
Speaker 1 (31:39):
You can post it on You Need Therapy? I was like,
are you handing me? I don't want that?
Speaker 2 (31:45):
Say what do you guys think? At You Need Therapy podcast?
Is the actual handle if people want to go. But yeah,
do you have anything?
Speaker 3 (31:52):
No, because my social media person quit and I told
myself I would do it myself.
Speaker 1 (31:57):
And guess what I have not done. You have not
hosted much. I've hosted a couple of times, but it's
I just dread it.
Speaker 3 (32:04):
And I told myself that it would save money and
I had the time to do it. But when I
have the time, I just don't want to do it,
so I have to figure out what I'm going to do.
Speaker 2 (32:13):
Well, I haven't heard you say you know, I should
be posting on there, which I like that. I like
that you were like, yeah, I told myself I wanted
to do that and it could save me money. Because
shooting is a thing. You don't shoot on yourself. Don't
shoot on yourself. Yeah, no more shoulting. It's because it's
a form of shame. But I don't really feel shame
for not doing it. I'm just like, I guess it
doesn't feel important to me right now.
Speaker 1 (32:35):
Maybe it will next week. Hopefully. It's so healthy of you.
Speaker 2 (32:38):
But the shooting thing is real because I think a
lot of times it's like, oh I should wake up
at this time, or I should be doing this, or
I should be doing that. And of course there are
times where there's there's absolutes where yes, you should be
taking care of your children or something like that, you know,
But then there's other things where we use the word
should and it messes with our brain.
Speaker 3 (32:59):
I think most of the time we can remove the
word should and put I want to or I need
to exactly, which is that's not shame based.
Speaker 2 (33:06):
Right Our brain can take that. It's not playing games
with our brain.
Speaker 1 (33:10):
We do that. It's more of this like, hey, yeah,
I would like to wake up earlier. I'm going to
work on that.
Speaker 2 (33:15):
I would like to stop pressing snooze. I'm going to
work on that. I would like to post on you
need therapy. Yeah, I don't know if I want to
right now.
Speaker 1 (33:24):
I feel like you were good.
Speaker 2 (33:25):
Like I realized you weren't saying the word should, and
I'm like, good for you, that's what I'm saying. I
recognize you weren't like, uh, I know, I lost my
social media girl and I know I should be posting,
but did it?
Speaker 1 (33:35):
But you're like, yeah, you know what.
Speaker 3 (33:37):
I think.
Speaker 1 (33:37):
I'm in the grieving process. She was so good. She
was so good.
Speaker 2 (33:41):
I tried to hire her once she shouldn't accept me,
but I think the workload was going to be too much. Yeah,
I probably overwhelmed, which that was me not really knowing
exactly what I need to be done. So I just
started throwing everything at the wall, which can sound intimidating,
and I needed to narrow it down.
Speaker 1 (34:00):
So still haven't done anything since then. Since then, But
you're also not saying I should either. Do you want
to know? I say I should. I say I should.
I should be doing this?
Speaker 2 (34:09):
I should, but I'm gonna stop shutting myself about that. Yeah,
my niece is about to be here. She gets here
the first week of June, and she's gonna be my
intern for eight weeks.
Speaker 1 (34:18):
Is she gonna do your social media?
Speaker 2 (34:20):
She doesn't help with socials, She's gonna help with some
podcast stuff. She's a business strategy major University of Colorado,
Boulder shout out, and she has to have an internship.
So she's going to be here for eight weeks, which
is awesome. She's gonna be here during the transition of moving.
Oh interesting, guess what You're gonna be an intern that
(34:42):
helps me move. But that's what interns do. What they
do a lot of different things. But no, really, if
there's anything that I need to order for the new
house and I can work with my sister on it,
Adeline'll kind of be the liaison of picking some stuff out.
Speaker 1 (34:59):
I bet she's really good at social media.
Speaker 2 (35:01):
That her age, right, Yeah, she seems to be really
great at it and like her TikTok.
Speaker 1 (35:06):
So it's like natural for them to be good at
that stuff. Yes, it's effortless, gosh.
Speaker 2 (35:11):
And I'm like, so I should I should be effortless,
but I'm not going to should that. I would like
to be effortless, and I am going to.
Speaker 1 (35:19):
Work on that. Okay, that's healthy. That's healthy because you
want to, not because you have to. You're like, I
don't know, I kind of feel like I have to.
I feel like I have to.
Speaker 2 (35:28):
But yeah, I'm in the space of I want certain
things to be a little more effortless and that would
be fun and it would be relaxing. And then also
I want to quit everything and move to a small
town and never be on social or in front of
a microphone.
Speaker 3 (35:44):
Again, is that weird? Well, the black and white is
a little bit concerning. But I have days where I
wish that I worked at a post office.
Speaker 1 (35:51):
That's what I mean. Yeah, it's just days. I would
say the majority.
Speaker 2 (35:55):
I absolutely love what I get to do and I
love the connection. I think it be more fulfilling for
me podcast wise in the fall when we actually and
this is really going to happen, hit up some more
cities to do a podcast tour like we've done in
which toll And we did in Nashville, and I was
during a season where I was like, oh, I should
(36:16):
be doing these live shows and it really wasn't the
right season, and I was forcing it.
Speaker 1 (36:20):
I think we've talked about this.
Speaker 2 (36:21):
Then last March and we did the two live shows
in Nashville technically downtown Franklin, so cute Franklin Theater. It
was awesome, but for me, that was a little premature
for things I had going on. And then you kind
of feel like you're on this hamster wheel and you're like, well, let's.
Speaker 1 (36:37):
Keep the momentum going. We got to go, go, go.
Speaker 2 (36:40):
And then thankfully I had people around me that encouraged
a pause and that supported a pause, and we're like,
you don't have to go anywhere, and why force this?
But I felt like, well, I had posted on social
and asked people what cities do you want us to
come to? And then I felt like I'd been talking
about it so again I should follow through or it's
(37:00):
going to be a failure. And it's like, wait, what,
you can change your mind. Yeah, I'm just making up
these deadlines for myself. We're in a good place, and
I do think that in the fall this will be happening.
Speaker 1 (37:11):
At least it should be happening. You want it to
be happening. No, it should Okay, it is time.
Speaker 2 (37:17):
No, it'll be happening. And here are my exact point
about this. But I think it's that I feel like
when I connect with people and get to see the
listeners face to face, it fills my cup up and
gives more connection and purpose and meaning to what we're doing,
just like with you, like sitting down with clients every
day and seeing their face. But it'd be sort of like, yeah,
(37:40):
if it was all zoom or all your therapy was
just you offering this therapy out there and there was
no interaction.
Speaker 1 (37:46):
I couldn't do that.
Speaker 3 (37:47):
Yeah.
Speaker 2 (37:47):
Yeah, So I think that everyone has different things. I
didn't mean to make it so drastic, black and white sounding,
but it's definitely just a few of those days, Like
of the three hundred and sixty five, there's a sprinkle
a few that are like I'm gonna move to a
small town and never open up the Internet again.
Speaker 1 (38:07):
Of what I mean, it would be kind of nice
off the grid.
Speaker 2 (38:11):
But I think we also just have to be intentional
about taking those times within the three hundred and sixty five.
Like on your calendar, you know what times of the
month are you maybe not logging onto your phone.
Speaker 3 (38:23):
I have a question, do you feel like you are
allowed to take social media breaks because of the nature.
Speaker 1 (38:30):
Of your job.
Speaker 2 (38:31):
Yes, and I have gotten better at that, So what
does that look like in recent years? For sure, over
Christmas break there was a season where I was not
doing that because we were doing different things, you know,
to fundraise during that time, and so I felt like, oh,
I need to be on here and doing this and that.
And then now not that I don't have certain things
that I'm caring about or passionate about, I just have
(38:53):
more boundaries with it. I feel like I'm able to
set more boundaries, and there's days I don't get on.
I know at Christmas there was a whole week I
didn't get on, so I try to carve out those times.
Speaker 1 (39:07):
What about you?
Speaker 3 (39:08):
I feel like I can take one. I don't feel
like my job stops me from doing that. I did
delete TikTok off of my phone, but the other day
I was, what are you going to tell people what
you replace it with? I'm not going to out you.
You can talk about it yourself if you want to know.
Speaker 1 (39:19):
I don't want to admit that. Okay, I will out,
but that's called transfer a. Yeah, it wasn't.
Speaker 3 (39:26):
It wasn't helpful, but I noticed that, like, there's no
reason that I need to have TikTok. I don't really
enjoy it that much, and so that was easy. The
last time I actually took a social media break was
actually when I was doing a little experiment and I
just unfollowed everybody on my account, so my news feed
was like nothing, so I didn't feel pressure. But the
experiment was to see, well, if I wasn't seeing what
(39:49):
other people were posting, and I wasn't seeing all everybody
else's content, but would I be posting myself what I
care to post stuff? Would I feel pressure to post
certain things? What I feel bad about? What I posting
her feel better? And it was pretty cool. But then
the aftermath is some of my friends sometimes like two
years later, I'm like, oh, I'm still not following you,
(40:10):
and then you have to follow them and they're like,
did you unfollow me?
Speaker 1 (40:12):
And then I have to explain.
Speaker 3 (40:13):
Yeah, but it was like three years ago and it
wasn't anything personal.
Speaker 2 (40:17):
So I don't recommend that a reset is good though, yeah,
and it's good to maybe go through and do a well.
Speaker 3 (40:24):
Also, you see, like the things that you're following, You're like,
why am I following this?
Speaker 1 (40:29):
I feel like sometimes I've accidentally hit the follow button,
or maybe what I think happens is people change their handle.
I've done that.
Speaker 3 (40:36):
You follow one thing and then that person changes the
handle to something else, Like three Chords Therapy used to
be my old Instagram, my personal one. So everybody from
college or high school or whatever post college that thought
they were following me is now following through courd Therapy.
Speaker 1 (40:53):
So I'm part of the problem.
Speaker 2 (40:54):
I wanted to go through and use my cat's handle
for something else because she'd already built a following. That's well, yeah,
that's but I can't remember the log in and I'm like,
oh my gosh, and I'm like, if they were following
my cat, then they'll want to follow this other thing
that I'm gonna build, and it already has a little
bit of following, so I didn't want to, you know,
just start with zero. Yeah, we could at least start
(41:14):
in the thousands. And I can't remember how to log
into the cat account.
Speaker 1 (41:19):
You have to know.
Speaker 2 (41:20):
No, we've tried, don't even know, can't figure it out.
Interesting don't know if it was like my daughter's old
phone number that was associated or email. And she was like, Mom,
I think I can figure it out. But she worked
on it, and then she hasn't yet because then I'm like,
I don't want her on socials trying to figure that out.
Which last summer I think it was I was having
to share help me with my socials. But then that
(41:42):
did not last long at all because I didn't like
her being on social media, even though it was a
job for her and she was helping me and it
was fun to work with her in that way. I thought, Oh,
I don't like that she's sitting here on the phone
doing this whole social media thing. While I do think
it's been a fit for her to learn that interaction
I think with her just age, it's good to know
(42:04):
how to interact with people online. But then I felt
bad that I was limiting her social media but then
contributing to her being on social media.
Speaker 3 (42:13):
She's seventeen right now, she is, so what's the age
that parents are generally like, what is it like in
high school?
Speaker 1 (42:19):
Does everybody have?
Speaker 3 (42:20):
Oh?
Speaker 2 (42:20):
Yeah, everybody has social media? But she doesn't unless she
sneaks it, which I know she has.
Speaker 1 (42:25):
But she has a smartphone. We've caught her. She even
doesn't have like the app, but she's you know, no,
but she's taught me she's sneaky.
Speaker 3 (42:33):
She taught me that you can change the picture of
what the app looks like on your home screen, so
it might look like Amazon, but it's Instagram.
Speaker 1 (42:41):
She taught me that. Well, so there's that little trick.
Speaker 2 (42:44):
And then there's also you can just log in from
your browser, so instead of having the app on the phone.
So like, if I were to grab her phone like
I can't do it any given moment and search for
the app Snapchat and see that it's not downloaded or installed,
then I'll be like, oh cool, she's not on Snapchat.
But then you go down to the browser and you
type in Snapchat and then it's like her user.
Speaker 1 (43:07):
Name bops up and she's online.
Speaker 2 (43:09):
So there's ways that she has gotten around it, which
whatever typical teenager things happen. Ben and I, her dad,
we have punished accordingly and went not But that's just
been one of the challenges and my son hasn't been
a thing for him. He's in sixth grade until recently.
He came home and said, I don't have any social media.
(43:33):
He said, I don't have Instagram, I don't have Snapchat,
I don't have TikTok, I don't have YouTube. And I said, well,
to be fair, you watch YouTube because I don't have
my own YouTube.
Speaker 1 (43:41):
Why do you need your own YouTube. A lot of
kids have their own YouTube.
Speaker 2 (43:44):
They post, they post videos, which I think can be
kind of cool because you're learning how to make videos,
edit and upload.
Speaker 1 (43:50):
That's a skill.
Speaker 2 (43:51):
I can get behind you wanting to post YouTube and
make your account private so your friends can just follow.
I just think with kids sometimes at being public, you
have to be careful. But he started rattling off all
the things he doesn't have, and I said.
Speaker 1 (44:07):
Yeah, you don't have any of that.
Speaker 2 (44:08):
I'm very aware, but tell me more, how does that
make you feel? But it was like grade they have it, all,
all of them because Stevenson does it. But that's the
first time he expressed feeling left out. But then I
just sort of didn't harp on it too much. I
heard him out and sort of explained to him the
roles in our house and how we're going to do it.
Speaker 1 (44:30):
And then it hasn't really come up since does he
have a smartphone? He does, He got one for Christmas
this year, entering sixth grade. It's when did you get
a cell phone in nineteen ninety nine as a flip
Where where were you?
Speaker 3 (44:45):
Like?
Speaker 1 (44:45):
Were you in?
Speaker 2 (44:46):
I was a senior in high school, Okay, like right
before graduation.
Speaker 1 (44:50):
Because that's when you could get one.
Speaker 2 (44:52):
Probably, yeah, going into college. I don't even know that
it flipped yet. I just remember I had this big
rectangle one and then we had a flip and I
know I had a Nokia that was all the rage.
Speaker 1 (45:04):
But Stashira told me that she wants to now get
a flip phone. Well, let's get her one.
Speaker 2 (45:09):
So her generation some of them are they're they're all
obsessed with it and all in or they're over it
and they're like, oh, yes, we want all this, Like
she still she doesn't want to get rid of her
smartphone forever, but she would like the option.
Speaker 3 (45:24):
It's like I want this vintage accessory because you still
want your all your other stuff. But then you're like, oh,
look I have this like slide whatever did you have
that phone that it slid and had a keyboard underneath it?
Speaker 2 (45:36):
Yeah?
Speaker 1 (45:36):
What was that called? I can't remember. Mine was lime green.
It matched my car.
Speaker 2 (45:40):
It just makes you think of all the things that
we could have bought back in the day, like the
first iPod that came out, the first iPhone and just
bought an extra one, but they were so expensive at
the time. You keep it in the box and you
don't touch it. You could sell it for so much
money now. And then I'm like, well, what is that now?
What is that now that we need to buy?
Speaker 1 (45:56):
Like, is it like the the new Apple Goggle things
virtual reality stuff?
Speaker 3 (46:01):
Oh? No, thing that is crazy to me. I don't
think I'm gonna I say that now. But I also
I remember when iPads came out. I was in college
and I remember my friend telling me about iPads and
I said, what would you need an iPad for?
Speaker 1 (46:14):
What? Don't you just rather have a computer and look
where they are now.
Speaker 3 (46:18):
I didn't understand the concept of it, and now I
guess I don't understand the concept of the glasses where
you're typing in the air.
Speaker 2 (46:25):
I know, but I feel like those are the things
like you may have to it's an investment. You buy
it now, but to keep it in the box and
don't do anything and then fifteen twenty years from now
could sell it for a lot of money. I don't know.
Speaker 1 (46:37):
That's the type of investing.
Speaker 2 (46:38):
That Vivian once you rich bff our Wall Street Girly
girl wants us to do.
Speaker 1 (46:43):
Cat Where can people find.
Speaker 3 (46:45):
You at you eat therapy podcasts and at cat dot
defada on Instagram?
Speaker 2 (46:49):
Are you updating at cat dot defada on Instagram?
Speaker 1 (46:52):
I don't think so.
Speaker 3 (46:54):
Not right now.
Speaker 1 (46:55):
You're not posting things. Oh, I thought you meant like,
am I changing the name? No? No, no, I just
mean updating.
Speaker 3 (47:01):
Actually today just posted my wedding video. Oh I have
to watch that, so I'm updating that. I'm not updating
my name on that.
Speaker 2 (47:09):
When you sent out to our group text all the
girls that were in your wedding party, you were like,
these are the photos. If you're going to share them,
download the original no screenshots.
Speaker 3 (47:20):
That's because my photographer told me those rules, and if
I were I would get it, because I'm sure she
gives people photos and then they put like weird filters
on them and she's like, that's not my work, you know, No,
I get it.
Speaker 1 (47:30):
I wasn't trying to be like a Pride. The pictures
turned out really really good, really good.
Speaker 3 (47:33):
Yeah.
Speaker 1 (47:33):
Yeah, y'all's wedding was amazing.
Speaker 2 (47:35):
So if you need a wedding and spell then go
check out Cat's wedding video at cat dot Defada and
I am at Radio Amy on Instagram. I post there. Yeah, okay,
all right, have the day you need to ask. Bye
bye
Feeling Things with Amy & Kat News
Host
Amy Brown
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