April 16, 2024 • 26 mins
Talking about your feelings is important, but there’s an anger management hack you need to try because new research shows that it can help alleviate feelings of anger and hostility. Amy & Kat share this hack + the most common friendship icks + documentaries they recently watched (Quiet on Set: The Dark Side of Kids TV & Blackfish) + how to make texts unread!
Today's quote: “Creativity is allowing yourself to make mistakes. Art is knowing which ones to keep.” — Scott Adams
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Email: 4ThingsWithAmyBrown@gmail.com
HOSTS:
Amy Brown // RadioAmy.com // @RadioAmy
Kat Defatta // @Kat.Defatta // @YouNeedTherapyPodcast // YouNeedTherapyPodcast.com
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Transcript
Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
Speaker 1 (00:04):
Happy Tuesday. Welcome to the Fifth Thing.
Speaker 2 (00:06):
I'm Amy and I'm Kat And today's quote is from
Scott Adams. Creativity is allowing yourself to make mistakes. Art
is knowing which ones to keep, like it's an art.
Speaker 3 (00:18):
Oh okay.
Speaker 2 (00:19):
Every time I hear the word art, I think of
Say by the Bell, which you are younger than me, so,
I don't know if you remember Lisa Turtle un Saved
by the Bell and they're talking about art and she's.
Speaker 1 (00:28):
Like, is art art? What is art? Are we art?
Speaker 2 (00:33):
She was trying to be all deep and introspective about art,
and I feel like you were just trying to process
what Scott was saying about art and mistakes.
Speaker 3 (00:43):
I'm not too young for Save by the Bell. I
watched it every morning, like eating breakfast before school.
Speaker 1 (00:47):
Do you know what episode I'm talking about?
Speaker 3 (00:49):
No, I will say I watched that and a age
I probably couldn't like comprehend what was going on.
Speaker 1 (00:54):
So you didn't understand art.
Speaker 3 (00:56):
No, I definitely didn't know what art was. But do you.
Speaker 2 (00:58):
Remember Jesse when she's taking the pills and she's like,
I'm so excited, I'm so I'm so so scared.
Speaker 3 (01:11):
And speaking of that if you watch say, by the
Bell now, you might have a lot of different feelings
than you had when you were watching it the first time.
Speaker 1 (01:19):
Why do you say that?
Speaker 3 (01:20):
Just from a perspective of being a woman in the
world and how they're portrayed and how the guys are portrayed,
it's just very like, Ooh, we thought this is normal,
but it's a little problematic.
Speaker 2 (01:30):
Okay, I bet you're right. I'd probably pick up on
some cringe moments. That makes me think of the documentary
on Max The Dark Side.
Speaker 1 (01:37):
Of Kids TV.
Speaker 3 (01:39):
I haven't watched it, Okay.
Speaker 1 (01:40):
It's really really interesting.
Speaker 2 (01:42):
So it's about Nickelodeon and particularly focusing on an executive there.
But then also, how were they not doing background checks
or paying attention to people. I mean, I guess they
didn't know that some of these men were pedophiles, but
they're literally working on the sets of children's shows. It's
TV set with a bunch of kids everywhere, and two
(02:04):
pedophiles were caught, which just makes you wonder if two
were caught, how many others were lingering amongst them that nobody.
Speaker 1 (02:13):
Knew about or people haven't spoken up about.
Speaker 3 (02:16):
Wait, they were working or they just were hanging out
around there.
Speaker 2 (02:20):
They were employed working there what So that's one part
of the dark side. The other is some of the
content that they were putting out that they were having
these kids do that.
Speaker 1 (02:31):
Yeah, when you're a kid watching it and.
Speaker 2 (02:33):
It's funny, but as adults now watching it back, it's
like these innu windows and hidden messages of having these
kids doing these very sexualized things. And it was produced, directed, written,
like predominantly by men that kind of probably behind the
scenes are like, haha, we're going to have this guy,
one of the pedophile guys, Like he had a character
(02:54):
on one of the shows that was like mister Pickle,
and he would walk around with all these pickles and
one time one of the kids was like, they would
have them like eating the pickle.
Speaker 1 (03:04):
I don't know, it's just weird, you know what a
pickle looks like.
Speaker 3 (03:07):
I didn't watch this documentary because I saw so much
of it on Instagram. But even you're telling me things
that I didn't see. But part of me is I
didn't want to watch it because I'm like, oh, like,
I want to preserve my mind. I don't want to
know all of this.
Speaker 1 (03:22):
Right, it'll really make anybody think twice.
Speaker 2 (03:24):
If their kid were to come to them, you know,
one day and be like, Oh, I really want to
go be on Disney or Nickelodeon or be on one
of these kids shows. Don't want to be a kid
famous whatever. If a parent watches that, they're probably like,
you know what, I think we're good. Like, I'm probably
not going to do it because Drake and Josh it's
one of the storylines there, and in case people want
(03:44):
to watch it, I'm not going to give away all
the details, although it has been very public and is
in the news, but it's so sad how things were
being reported and happening.
Speaker 1 (03:55):
Even Drake and Josh.
Speaker 2 (03:56):
Aside, that's just one case, there were other reports of
women speaking up and trying to say things because they
were not being treated fairly, and one woman sacrificed everything.
In fact, it ruined her career. She's like, but then
nothing really happened, so she's like, here I was. I
felt like I was putting it all out there, knowing
(04:16):
that maybe my career was going to be gone, but
it was going to be worth it. And then come
to find out, business as usual, and not only that,
even more success followed for that particular man, and then
she's left without work and then knowing that now this
is just going to happen to more and more people.
Speaker 1 (04:34):
So her sacrifice literally did nothing.
Speaker 3 (04:37):
Which is why I feel like so many people, it's
one of the layers of why it's so hard to
call something out or say something or tell the truth,
because there's the fear of, well, one, what if nothing happens,
But two nothing happens, and I get punished for being
the truth teller, and then I become the scapegoat, like
I'm the one that's the problem when I was on
(05:00):
to do the right thing.
Speaker 2 (05:01):
And then it just goes to show too sometimes how
you can get so used to a toxic environment and
then not see how toxic it is. So yes, everything
you just said totally valid, people may not want.
Speaker 1 (05:11):
To speak up.
Speaker 2 (05:12):
But then there's also the part of it, when you're
in the thick of it, you can't see how bad
it is because it's just been the norm to where
it would take a lot of separation and then to
really get on the outside to then look back in
and be like, whoa wait a second, that was not okay.
But until you have that separation, it's almost like you
can't see it because I felt that watching it, thinking well,
(05:34):
what in the world were these people doing and why
were they allowing that and what.
Speaker 1 (05:38):
But I also can understand.
Speaker 2 (05:39):
Being in the thick of it and it just being like, well,
this is just how it is around here, and not
knowing that there's anything to really speak up about when
obviously there is.
Speaker 3 (05:49):
I think everybody can relate to that. We've all been
in situations where hindsight is twenty twenty and get out
of it and you're like, what was I doing or
how did I think that? And how did I get
my mind to believe that that was okay? And part
of it's that's your norm. Part of it's not knowing,
but part of it is just the biases we have
by being inside of something like everybody else is okay
(06:11):
with it. So I guess there's not a problem, which
I think I'm relate to the game here. But have
you watched Blackfish?
Speaker 1 (06:17):
No, I've never even heard of it.
Speaker 3 (06:18):
Really, Oh my gosh, Okay, so did you hear about
the Sea World situation where one of the orcas killed
Trainer back in the day, So it's about that. I
will say it was really sad but it was also
very interesting and it gave tons of backstory on how
(06:39):
that happened and how that didn't need to happen, and
how there were so many things that were kept secret
or behind the scenes or people were told lies to
believe one thing. And a lot of the trainers, like
the actual trainers that worked there when that happened, they
were all a part of this documentary talking about how
all this stuff came out that they had no idea about.
(07:02):
The things that they were taught were lies, like how
long dolphins or not dolphins? Orcas? Are they killer whales? Yeah?
Speaker 1 (07:09):
Like shamou Yes.
Speaker 2 (07:11):
Yes.
Speaker 3 (07:11):
They were like these experts in telling the people that
would come to Sea World like about these animals and
the facts that they were taught and trained were lies
and they didn't even know it, and they didn't realize
how much danger they were in because they were lied to.
So it was just very interesting that it made me
think of what you're talking about, because when they were
in it, they were like, oh, these are the friendliest
(07:33):
creatures ever. They had never heard anybody. They lived to
be this long and dah da da da da, when
the reality is like, no, they are killer whales. They
will kill you. They've tried to attack you before, They've
killed multiple trainers. You just don't know about it yet
because we're hiding it from the public, and these animals
that are supposed to live one hundred years old are
living to be twenty five to thirty years old because
(07:55):
you're keeping them in captivity and hurting them and abusing them.
Speaker 2 (08:00):
Obviously, I'm thinking the height of SeaWorld because I would
go a lot as a kid. So nineties ish, but
so there wasn't the Internet and social media to spread
information of things like news was more contained. Now we
get probably too much uge in my opinion, because we're
receiving it from all over the world and we can't
handle it. But yeah, it was way easier to contain
(08:23):
things like that, because I feel like it's easy for
someone to watch that too and be like, well, what,
you're a trainer, why are you just believing what they
tell you? And it's like, well, if you're going to
a job and you're getting on the job training and
then this is what they're telling you, then of course
like oh okay, wow, this is really cool. Look what
we get to be a part of. And then at
some point too I think in some of these circumstances
for the Dark Side of Kids TV and then this
(08:45):
show what's it called Blackfish, there's also denial that can happen,
and that can happen in any relationship, a romantic relationship,
you know, at your office job that's not like Kids
TV or at something like SeaWorld. Can just be different
levels of denial. There can be denial in friendships and
ways that we just kind of power through and operate.
(09:07):
And then, like you said, hindsight is twenty twenty and
you're like, whoa, It's like you take the blinders off
and you can see it so clearly.
Speaker 3 (09:15):
Do you have any good news?
Speaker 2 (09:16):
I was trying to figure out a way to transition.
You want to know my thought process on that will
just give people some behind the scenes Like in my mind,
I was thinking, right now, this would transition well into
denial in relationships the office, even friendships. And then I
have this article about friendship IX. Oh, like you know
(09:37):
how you can have an ICK in a dating relationship
or a romantic type relationship, but there's IX in friendships,
and so in my mind I was thinking, Okay, as
you were talking, I was thinking I'll go this is
like a little insider baseball here. My brain was thinking, Okay,
I'm gonna go from denial at the workplace to denial
in romantic relationships to even denial in friendships, and like
(09:58):
there can be certain friendship like X and that was
gonna be my transition. And then I was like, God,
now I feel really bad for Shamou and all the
other Orcas out there, and even any kid that participated
in TV, like Amanda Binds What a Mess.
Speaker 1 (10:14):
Her show was part of that documentary.
Speaker 2 (10:16):
She was not a part of it, but her show
was a part of that because of the main guy
behind it. And it makes you wonder about her and
her mental health and what has happened with her because
I don't know if you follow a Manda Bines, but
she's the most precious, adorable, bubbly, outgoing thing. And I'm
sure she still is really precious. But you can tell
some things, you know. I think once you start to
(10:38):
tattoo your face and it's just.
Speaker 1 (10:39):
Like a different thing.
Speaker 2 (10:40):
Like even Jelly Roll will tell you that he's like, yeah, yeah,
I tattooed my face. That was the next level thing.
But I feel for Amanda Binds. And then I thought, well,
how do I transition into friendship? Is like, it just
can't do it. I can't do it.
Speaker 1 (10:52):
But here we are. We did it.
Speaker 2 (10:54):
He found a way. So this is from Yahoo and
it went through the most common friendship X. And I'll
just run through the list and you tell me if
it's something that bothers you. So this is from Yahoo
(11:17):
and it went through the most common friendship X and
I'll just run through the list and you tell me
if it's something that bothers you.
Speaker 1 (11:25):
Being late I.
Speaker 3 (11:26):
Feel like this is just going to be people X.
Speaker 1 (11:29):
Like in general, Okay, sure it can be people X.
Speaker 3 (11:32):
For the sake of the article. Being late. It depends.
Speaker 2 (11:36):
Okay, being rude, but yeah, talking about themselves too much.
Speaker 3 (11:42):
That one is dependent. Oh. I have two things to say.
One the being rude. I get secondhand embarrassment when somebody
that I'm with is rude to somebody. Not if they're
rude to me, I will just say, like, you're being rude.
But if somebody's being rude to somebody else, like if
we're at a restaurant or somewhere, or I don't believe
even if they're being rude to like their mom, I
(12:02):
get like uncomfortable. So I hate that, but that's my
own stuff.
Speaker 2 (12:06):
What was the next one that you said talking about
themselves too much? Which I have an example of self awareness.
I feel like when you and I first started talking today,
I had to download a few things, so I was like, oh,
I got to exhale, this is happening, This is happening,
and so I unloaded it on you, and then all
of a sudden, we were just going to start recording,
and I'm like, well, wait a second. It feels weird
because I've just dominated this time, giving you this download
(12:28):
for me, and there was an update I wanted from you,
and I wanted you to be able to share that
and talk so that it felt more equal.
Speaker 1 (12:37):
But not just to make it feel equal.
Speaker 2 (12:38):
I genuinely wanted to hear from you, and I wanted
to make sure that we had space for that, because
otherwise I just come in like a bulldozer and dominate
and then we record and I'm like gotta go bye,
and I don't want that.
Speaker 3 (12:50):
I think there definitely are people in your life that
you probably know and that I've known that dominate every
conversation and make everything of them and don't take time
to ask other people how they're doing at the same time.
In a normal friendship, that's gonna be come and go.
That doesn't bother me unless it's just an all the
time thing.
Speaker 2 (13:10):
Okay, regularly canceling plants, I'm okay with that.
Speaker 1 (13:14):
Was no big deal. I'm good, I'm good, cool, cool.
It's an art.
Speaker 3 (13:21):
It's an art.
Speaker 1 (13:24):
What is art? Is art?
Speaker 2 (13:26):
Art? Are we art constantly putting you down? Do people
put up with that? Well?
Speaker 3 (13:32):
Yes, I'm sure. Okay. I've had friends and relationships where
it feels like somebody's constantly like you're the butt of
the joke, you know, and it's like constantly picking at
you and I don't know in different circumstances for different reasons.
But that bothers me, Like when you're constantly making fun
of me or constantly picking at me or using me
(13:53):
as the punching bag. I can't do that, Okay.
Speaker 2 (13:56):
I just thought of a way where that could be Also,
the putting down could be equivalent to making you feel
less than or there you feel judged in a way.
So maybe you're not like the butt of a joke
and they're you know, directly saying you're stupid. But in
the way they respond to something that you've done. There's judgment,
(14:18):
which then in turn could make you feel stupid.
Speaker 3 (14:21):
Oh yes, I had friends at some point that would
constantly like bring up things about my past that I
have since work through and rewrote the story on. And
that was really hard for me. It's like they're constantly
like reminding me about things I did in like high school,
and I'm like, oh my gosh, that was twenty years ago.
We've have to move on, and that got really old.
(14:43):
I didn't know where that came from for them, but
I couldn't do that. It's like, treat me like the
person I am now.
Speaker 2 (14:49):
Ooh and I like that you said too, like you
had done the work to rewrite that story and you're
looking to move on from it. Yeah, and that your
friends should let you do that. The next one bragging,
It depends.
Speaker 3 (15:02):
I feel like sometimes they can bragnant stuff. But what's
interesting bragging and being proud of yourself.
Speaker 1 (15:09):
Yeah, that's true.
Speaker 2 (15:09):
I think it's just as long as they have a
healthy presentation of whatever it is they're trying to share.
But I guess it just be an ick if it's
a friend that's just constantly bragging about they have this,
they have that they have this, or.
Speaker 3 (15:20):
If it's like a one upper like a Penelope from SNL.
Did you ever watch those videos?
Speaker 2 (15:25):
Yes, that's a good example Penelope' in SNL. Trying to
flirt with your partner is another friendship ick.
Speaker 3 (15:34):
These are just like reasons to not be friends with,
like signs of bad friend Like I feel like aggs
are things like people are like uh an ick is
like when my boyfriend sits crisscross apple sauce, or like
ac is when my boyfriend holds an umbrella, Like not
not going to break up with them over that. You're
just like, oh, what was that? That feels weird? Those
(15:54):
aren't my ex I've just heard them. But these feel
like reasons to not be friends with somebody. Like I'm
not gonna break up with Patrick because he holds an umbrella,
you know, But if somebody just means me all the time,
I just don't see why why I would continue that.
Speaker 2 (16:08):
Yeah, Like a long, long, long long time ago, back
when I was dating in my twenties, I went out
with this one guy and I was actually kind of
excited that he asked me out, but I had never
seen him with shorts on, and we went out on
one day and he wore jeans.
Speaker 1 (16:21):
It was gray.
Speaker 2 (16:21):
It was like cool cool, So then he asked me
out again. I could have wait to go, but we
went to the lake and like Canute or something, so
he had shorts on and I looked down and I said,
oh my gosh, he shaves his legs.
Speaker 1 (16:34):
And I had a good time.
Speaker 2 (16:35):
But then he asked me out again and I said no,
because in my young twenties I couldn't understand why him,
as a normal person, not a swimmer, not a cyclist,
why else would you shave your legs. And he said
that he just liked smooth legs, and I could not
get over it.
Speaker 1 (16:53):
He also wore a white belt.
Speaker 2 (16:55):
Which is throwing me as well, but that to me
is an ick right from my younger dating days, those
are x but now maybe it's because dating has been
quite difficult as I'm forty three. But it's fine if
you want to wear a white belt or shave your
legs like I'll probably like it is it is rough
(17:15):
out there, like there are slim thickens, So white.
Speaker 1 (17:21):
Belt, no problem, shave your legs, no problem.
Speaker 3 (17:24):
Yeah, those could be really funny sometimes when I've seen
them on social media and when we've talked about them
with like friends and stuff. What I do think is
that it creates like reasons to not give somebody a
chance who if you got to know them, Like I
don't know if the white belt would matter, you know,
but if you just were like, ooh it he wears
a white belt. They're just reasons that I feel like
(17:46):
I wouldn't want somebody to judge me like that. I
don't know why. This is probably my head. But one
of my friends went on a date with somebody, and
I guess she went to his house before after and
he had a sequin pillow and she was like, I
can't because there's a sequin pillow. And I was like, okay,
but we don't know the story behind the sequin.
Speaker 2 (18:09):
Was it one of those sequin pillows where you rub
your hand over it and it's like a different message
where it's like.
Speaker 1 (18:13):
A unicorn, and then you go the other direction and
it's like Hi.
Speaker 3 (18:20):
Maybe it was like a self soothing tool for him
and he needed to tom with anxiety. Like I don't know,
but I was like, you can't not go up if
you don't like him, don't go out with him again.
But you if it's just because of the pillow, give
him one more shot.
Speaker 2 (18:32):
Well, I'm not proud of myself, by the way, for
not going out with the guy again because the shaved
legs and the white belt was my young twenties. Another
friendship ich is slow replies, I feel like either I'm
texting you back within the first thirty seconds that you
texted me, or it might be a few days.
Speaker 1 (18:51):
This's just is what it is.
Speaker 3 (18:53):
I have so many times feel like I've messaged you hello,
like are you there? But at the same time I
do that if I don't answer somebody right away, I
will forget to answer for you. And that's just the
way my brain works. I wish that I still maybe
it's the thing that I don't know about. There needs
to be a Marcu's unread for text messages.
Speaker 1 (19:12):
Wait, what do you mean, Like, you know how.
Speaker 3 (19:14):
On an email you can open it?
Speaker 2 (19:16):
You cannore that unread? You can't, Yeah, you can't. Yeah,
it's one of the new updates. You can keep it
as a dot. Really, I don't know, because I don't
know because I haven't tried it. But I do recall
that being a part of one of the updates. I
could be wrong, but you're also talking to the person
that has four hundred and ninety one unread text messages,
Like that's my red bubble right now, and that is
(19:39):
another thing I'm not proud of at all. But it
also doesn't bother me, so no part of me is like, oh,
I have to get that down to zero, and I
feel speaking of feeling judged, I feel like the people
that keep it at zero. It's like you think you're better,
and it's like, yes, in a way, you are because
you're staying on top of your communication. So I'll give
(20:01):
you that, but don't make me feel bad about it,
because I'm not wired that way.
Speaker 1 (20:04):
It's not my fault.
Speaker 2 (20:05):
I'm not wired to have anxiety about the red bubble
right It.
Speaker 3 (20:09):
Doesn't bother you, and that's okay. I was gonna say
if this could be me being Penelope, but I have
less text messages than you, so it doesn't work that way.
But I was going to say before you said that,
I have seventy two unread text messages and I think
forty of those are not from today, So I don't
know that the marketing unread would help me either, also,
I have eight thousand unread emails, which you're right. People
(20:33):
are like, I don't understand how you can like look
at that. That's just bothering me, And I'm like, I
don't understand how it bothers you. I'm not judging you
for being bothered by it, but just let me. Let
me live my life and spend my time doing things
other than opening those eight houses of emails that over
(20:53):
two thirds are junk.
Speaker 2 (20:55):
Well yeah, true, true, And a lot of my text
messages are because I've signed up to get ten percent
off the company is sending me text messages. So it's
not like I'm a completely horrible person that's just ignoring
people's texts. But you know how, if you like swipe
to the left, it'll give you a red box where
you can delete it or silence it or whatever. Well,
if you swipe your finger to the right on the text,
(21:17):
it gives you the blue dot again. So that's how
you do it in case anybody else didn't know that.
But Kat, I think that update was definitely last year,
not one hundred percent. But it's okay. I am not
bragging that I know that. I'm just letting you know.
Speaker 3 (21:33):
Okay, we'll see if it makes a difference. It probably won't.
I'm blaming it on that. While it's not gonna help
me at all, I learned something. Thank you so much.
Speaker 1 (21:41):
You're welcome.
Speaker 2 (21:43):
Demanding a lot of your attention is a next one,
which I feel like, yeah, that can just be a
little bit exhausting. It makes me think of an energy
vampire friend which sometimes, Hey, self awareness is great because
I realize sometimes when I'm being an energy vampire. But
(22:03):
then I'm like, well, there's something I can do about it.
It just is what it is right now. I'm sorry,
and I'll try to alter my energy and shift it
and I'll mistay.
Speaker 3 (22:11):
But the people that do that are never acknowledging.
Speaker 2 (22:14):
It, okay, They're just like completely oblivious to the fact
that they are demanding a lot of your attention and
sucking your energy and then bad table manners.
Speaker 3 (22:25):
I don't know if that I would not be friends
with somebody for that. I just sometimes it might be
like grossed out.
Speaker 2 (22:29):
Yeah, I'm trying to think if I've ever had a
friend where I've been like hell, But there you go.
Those are the most common friendship x. According to Yahoo,
there was ten of them and you're right. I think
they pretty much are just about and they're like people nicks.
Speaker 3 (22:47):
Things people don't like about people. That it should be
the name of the article, but I guess it's not
as catchy.
Speaker 2 (22:52):
I'll close with an anger management hack, and it's write
it down and shred it. So a study found that
writing about your feelings can help, which we know that,
and I feel like we've learned that from our friend
Ali fallon how therapeutic writing can be. But if you
write them all down and shred it, it works even better,
(23:13):
So they say, I would say burning helps too. I've
written things down and then thrown it at my fireplace,
and that feels good too. I don't know the psychology
behind all of that, cat do you.
Speaker 3 (23:24):
I think it's just the act of getting rid of
something and getting it out of your body. But I
will do a lot while we write something down on
paper and we'll rip it up ourselves. When you say
shred it, I don't know if you mean like a
paper shredder, which I do have in my office now,
but we will rip them up and sometimes, if it's available,
burn them. That like physical experience of getting rid of
(23:45):
it just feels good.
Speaker 1 (23:46):
Yeah, I think that that's it.
Speaker 2 (23:48):
It's like helps you process it in a different way
of like I am done with this, I am burning it,
I'm ripping it. I mean, maybe you have a paper
shudder from office Max. I'm sure that sounds really cool too,
like getting rid of this, getting rid of this, getting
rid of this. Okay, kat Well, I feel like we
have some show recommendations in there between the Dark Side
(24:11):
of Kids TV and Blackfish, and you learned how to
put your text messages on unread, And I think our
goal for next time is maybe let's get down to
zero just to make some people happy that we're cringing
listening to us.
Speaker 1 (24:26):
I kind of want to. I just need to sometimes
I get the clear slate.
Speaker 2 (24:30):
It doesn't bother me, but I like to have a
clear slate every once in a while. Obviously I go
to zero at times, or it wouldn't be a four
ninety two.
Speaker 1 (24:37):
But here's the thing.
Speaker 2 (24:38):
When I get it down to zero, I'm like, Okay,
now that I'm here, this feels good, and I'm probably gonna
stay here for a while and then bam, next thing
you know, we're back at it again. But those discount
deals that'll get you every time, Like I go to
a website and they're like, enter your email to get
a discount code. I'm like, okay, fine, I'll enter my email,
and then after you do that, another pop up. Okay, now,
(24:58):
if you really want the discount, sign up for text messages.
I'm like, oh, okay, fine, here's my phone number. Although
my friend called me from high school today to tell
me that he thinks that I got hacked somewhere or
something because he got an email from me that was like, hey,
look at these pictures and it had a link, and
he's like, I almost clicked it because I thought, oh,
Amy dug up some old high school photos or something,
(25:20):
and he was like, well, why would Amy be sending
me a link via email to look at pictures like
when we.
Speaker 1 (25:25):
Would typically text.
Speaker 2 (25:27):
So he never clicked on it, and then he realized
it was a scam. So if you happen to get
an email from me kat saying look at my pictures, don't.
Speaker 3 (25:36):
Don't open it. I've actually gotten an email like that
from an old client, Like every six months I would
get one like I found these photos of you online
and I'm like, I don't think he did. This is
can't be right, But I wonder what you clicked on
to send that out to people.
Speaker 2 (25:50):
Who knows probably all these different things I'm signing up for,
but I can't. I'm a sucker for ten percent, fifteen percent,
twenty percent off.
Speaker 3 (25:58):
You know you could just download Honey on your browser.
Speaker 1 (26:01):
Yeah, I've used tunny before, but then you don't have to.
Speaker 3 (26:03):
Sign up because it will just give you the code.
Speaker 2 (26:05):
Okay, I need to do that again because I think
when I got a new computer, it wasn't on my
new browser, so I need to add it. So many
things to learn on this episode.
Speaker 1 (26:13):
I don't know.
Speaker 2 (26:14):
Maybe some people are gonna be like, oh, yeah, I
need to get rid of that friend because they're always late,
they're rude, they talk about themselves all the time. They
regularly cancer plans. They're putting you down all the time,
they brag, they try to flirt with a partner. There's
a little replying. They demand a lot of my attention,
and they have bad table managers manners.
Speaker 1 (26:29):
So I'm gonna end this friendship. We're just like, You're
welcome solving people's problems left and right. You're welcome.
Speaker 2 (26:36):
Cat.
Speaker 1 (26:36):
Where can people find you.
Speaker 3 (26:37):
On Instagram at Kat dot Defada and at Uni Therapy podcast.
Speaker 2 (26:42):
And I am at Radio, Amy on Socials and I
will see you on Thursday for four Things.
Speaker 1 (26:47):
Spie Hei
Happy Tuesday. Welcome to the Fifth Thing.
Speaker 2 (00:06):
I'm Amy and I'm Kat And today's quote is from
Scott Adams. Creativity is allowing yourself to make mistakes. Art
is knowing which ones to keep, like it's an art.
Speaker 3 (00:18):
Oh okay.
Speaker 2 (00:19):
Every time I hear the word art, I think of
Say by the Bell, which you are younger than me, so,
I don't know if you remember Lisa Turtle un Saved
by the Bell and they're talking about art and she's.
Speaker 1 (00:28):
Like, is art art? What is art? Are we art?
Speaker 2 (00:33):
She was trying to be all deep and introspective about art,
and I feel like you were just trying to process
what Scott was saying about art and mistakes.
Speaker 3 (00:43):
I'm not too young for Save by the Bell. I
watched it every morning, like eating breakfast before school.
Speaker 1 (00:47):
Do you know what episode I'm talking about?
Speaker 3 (00:49):
No, I will say I watched that and a age
I probably couldn't like comprehend what was going on.
Speaker 1 (00:54):
So you didn't understand art.
Speaker 3 (00:56):
No, I definitely didn't know what art was. But do you.
Speaker 2 (00:58):
Remember Jesse when she's taking the pills and she's like,
I'm so excited, I'm so I'm so so scared.
Speaker 3 (01:11):
And speaking of that if you watch say, by the
Bell now, you might have a lot of different feelings
than you had when you were watching it the first time.
Speaker 1 (01:19):
Why do you say that?
Speaker 3 (01:20):
Just from a perspective of being a woman in the
world and how they're portrayed and how the guys are portrayed,
it's just very like, Ooh, we thought this is normal,
but it's a little problematic.
Speaker 2 (01:30):
Okay, I bet you're right. I'd probably pick up on
some cringe moments. That makes me think of the documentary
on Max The Dark Side.
Speaker 1 (01:37):
Of Kids TV.
Speaker 3 (01:39):
I haven't watched it, Okay.
Speaker 1 (01:40):
It's really really interesting.
Speaker 2 (01:42):
So it's about Nickelodeon and particularly focusing on an executive there.
But then also, how were they not doing background checks
or paying attention to people. I mean, I guess they
didn't know that some of these men were pedophiles, but
they're literally working on the sets of children's shows. It's
TV set with a bunch of kids everywhere, and two
(02:04):
pedophiles were caught, which just makes you wonder if two
were caught, how many others were lingering amongst them that nobody.
Speaker 1 (02:13):
Knew about or people haven't spoken up about.
Speaker 3 (02:16):
Wait, they were working or they just were hanging out
around there.
Speaker 2 (02:20):
They were employed working there what So that's one part
of the dark side. The other is some of the
content that they were putting out that they were having
these kids do that.
Speaker 1 (02:31):
Yeah, when you're a kid watching it and.
Speaker 2 (02:33):
It's funny, but as adults now watching it back, it's
like these innu windows and hidden messages of having these
kids doing these very sexualized things. And it was produced, directed, written,
like predominantly by men that kind of probably behind the
scenes are like, haha, we're going to have this guy,
one of the pedophile guys, Like he had a character
(02:54):
on one of the shows that was like mister Pickle,
and he would walk around with all these pickles and
one time one of the kids was like, they would
have them like eating the pickle.
Speaker 1 (03:04):
I don't know, it's just weird, you know what a
pickle looks like.
Speaker 3 (03:07):
I didn't watch this documentary because I saw so much
of it on Instagram. But even you're telling me things
that I didn't see. But part of me is I
didn't want to watch it because I'm like, oh, like,
I want to preserve my mind. I don't want to
know all of this.
Speaker 1 (03:22):
Right, it'll really make anybody think twice.
Speaker 2 (03:24):
If their kid were to come to them, you know,
one day and be like, Oh, I really want to
go be on Disney or Nickelodeon or be on one
of these kids shows. Don't want to be a kid
famous whatever. If a parent watches that, they're probably like,
you know what, I think we're good. Like, I'm probably
not going to do it because Drake and Josh it's
one of the storylines there, and in case people want
(03:44):
to watch it, I'm not going to give away all
the details, although it has been very public and is
in the news, but it's so sad how things were
being reported and happening.
Speaker 1 (03:55):
Even Drake and Josh.
Speaker 2 (03:56):
Aside, that's just one case, there were other reports of
women speaking up and trying to say things because they
were not being treated fairly, and one woman sacrificed everything.
In fact, it ruined her career. She's like, but then
nothing really happened, so she's like, here I was. I
felt like I was putting it all out there, knowing
(04:16):
that maybe my career was going to be gone, but
it was going to be worth it. And then come
to find out, business as usual, and not only that,
even more success followed for that particular man, and then
she's left without work and then knowing that now this
is just going to happen to more and more people.
Speaker 1 (04:34):
So her sacrifice literally did nothing.
Speaker 3 (04:37):
Which is why I feel like so many people, it's
one of the layers of why it's so hard to
call something out or say something or tell the truth,
because there's the fear of, well, one, what if nothing happens,
But two nothing happens, and I get punished for being
the truth teller, and then I become the scapegoat, like
I'm the one that's the problem when I was on
(05:00):
to do the right thing.
Speaker 2 (05:01):
And then it just goes to show too sometimes how
you can get so used to a toxic environment and
then not see how toxic it is. So yes, everything
you just said totally valid, people may not want.
Speaker 1 (05:11):
To speak up.
Speaker 2 (05:12):
But then there's also the part of it, when you're
in the thick of it, you can't see how bad
it is because it's just been the norm to where
it would take a lot of separation and then to
really get on the outside to then look back in
and be like, whoa wait a second, that was not okay.
But until you have that separation, it's almost like you
can't see it because I felt that watching it, thinking well,
(05:34):
what in the world were these people doing and why
were they allowing that and what.
Speaker 1 (05:38):
But I also can understand.
Speaker 2 (05:39):
Being in the thick of it and it just being like, well,
this is just how it is around here, and not
knowing that there's anything to really speak up about when
obviously there is.
Speaker 3 (05:49):
I think everybody can relate to that. We've all been
in situations where hindsight is twenty twenty and get out
of it and you're like, what was I doing or
how did I think that? And how did I get
my mind to believe that that was okay? And part
of it's that's your norm. Part of it's not knowing,
but part of it is just the biases we have
by being inside of something like everybody else is okay
(06:11):
with it. So I guess there's not a problem, which
I think I'm relate to the game here. But have
you watched Blackfish?
Speaker 1 (06:17):
No, I've never even heard of it.
Speaker 3 (06:18):
Really, Oh my gosh, Okay, so did you hear about
the Sea World situation where one of the orcas killed
Trainer back in the day, So it's about that. I
will say it was really sad but it was also
very interesting and it gave tons of backstory on how
(06:39):
that happened and how that didn't need to happen, and
how there were so many things that were kept secret
or behind the scenes or people were told lies to
believe one thing. And a lot of the trainers, like
the actual trainers that worked there when that happened, they
were all a part of this documentary talking about how
all this stuff came out that they had no idea about.
(07:02):
The things that they were taught were lies, like how
long dolphins or not dolphins? Orcas? Are they killer whales? Yeah?
Speaker 1 (07:09):
Like shamou Yes.
Speaker 2 (07:11):
Yes.
Speaker 3 (07:11):
They were like these experts in telling the people that
would come to Sea World like about these animals and
the facts that they were taught and trained were lies
and they didn't even know it, and they didn't realize
how much danger they were in because they were lied to.
So it was just very interesting that it made me
think of what you're talking about, because when they were
in it, they were like, oh, these are the friendliest
(07:33):
creatures ever. They had never heard anybody. They lived to
be this long and dah da da da da, when
the reality is like, no, they are killer whales. They
will kill you. They've tried to attack you before, They've
killed multiple trainers. You just don't know about it yet
because we're hiding it from the public, and these animals
that are supposed to live one hundred years old are
living to be twenty five to thirty years old because
(07:55):
you're keeping them in captivity and hurting them and abusing them.
Speaker 2 (08:00):
Obviously, I'm thinking the height of SeaWorld because I would
go a lot as a kid. So nineties ish, but
so there wasn't the Internet and social media to spread
information of things like news was more contained. Now we
get probably too much uge in my opinion, because we're
receiving it from all over the world and we can't
handle it. But yeah, it was way easier to contain
(08:23):
things like that, because I feel like it's easy for
someone to watch that too and be like, well, what,
you're a trainer, why are you just believing what they
tell you? And it's like, well, if you're going to
a job and you're getting on the job training and
then this is what they're telling you, then of course
like oh okay, wow, this is really cool. Look what
we get to be a part of. And then at
some point too I think in some of these circumstances
for the Dark Side of Kids TV and then this
(08:45):
show what's it called Blackfish, there's also denial that can happen,
and that can happen in any relationship, a romantic relationship,
you know, at your office job that's not like Kids
TV or at something like SeaWorld. Can just be different
levels of denial. There can be denial in friendships and
ways that we just kind of power through and operate.
(09:07):
And then, like you said, hindsight is twenty twenty and
you're like, whoa, It's like you take the blinders off
and you can see it so clearly.
Speaker 3 (09:15):
Do you have any good news?
Speaker 2 (09:16):
I was trying to figure out a way to transition.
You want to know my thought process on that will
just give people some behind the scenes Like in my mind,
I was thinking, right now, this would transition well into
denial in relationships the office, even friendships. And then I
have this article about friendship IX. Oh, like you know
(09:37):
how you can have an ICK in a dating relationship
or a romantic type relationship, but there's IX in friendships,
and so in my mind I was thinking, Okay, as
you were talking, I was thinking I'll go this is
like a little insider baseball here. My brain was thinking, Okay,
I'm gonna go from denial at the workplace to denial
in romantic relationships to even denial in friendships, and like
(09:58):
there can be certain friendship like X and that was
gonna be my transition. And then I was like, God,
now I feel really bad for Shamou and all the
other Orcas out there, and even any kid that participated
in TV, like Amanda Binds What a Mess.
Speaker 1 (10:14):
Her show was part of that documentary.
Speaker 2 (10:16):
She was not a part of it, but her show
was a part of that because of the main guy
behind it. And it makes you wonder about her and
her mental health and what has happened with her because
I don't know if you follow a Manda Bines, but
she's the most precious, adorable, bubbly, outgoing thing. And I'm
sure she still is really precious. But you can tell
some things, you know. I think once you start to
(10:38):
tattoo your face and it's just.
Speaker 1 (10:39):
Like a different thing.
Speaker 2 (10:40):
Like even Jelly Roll will tell you that he's like, yeah, yeah,
I tattooed my face. That was the next level thing.
But I feel for Amanda Binds. And then I thought, well,
how do I transition into friendship? Is like, it just
can't do it. I can't do it.
Speaker 1 (10:52):
But here we are. We did it.
Speaker 2 (10:54):
He found a way. So this is from Yahoo and
it went through the most common friendship X. And I'll
just run through the list and you tell me if
it's something that bothers you. So this is from Yahoo
(11:17):
and it went through the most common friendship X and
I'll just run through the list and you tell me
if it's something that bothers you.
Speaker 1 (11:25):
Being late I.
Speaker 3 (11:26):
Feel like this is just going to be people X.
Speaker 1 (11:29):
Like in general, Okay, sure it can be people X.
Speaker 3 (11:32):
For the sake of the article. Being late. It depends.
Speaker 2 (11:36):
Okay, being rude, but yeah, talking about themselves too much.
Speaker 3 (11:42):
That one is dependent. Oh. I have two things to say.
One the being rude. I get secondhand embarrassment when somebody
that I'm with is rude to somebody. Not if they're
rude to me, I will just say, like, you're being rude.
But if somebody's being rude to somebody else, like if
we're at a restaurant or somewhere, or I don't believe
even if they're being rude to like their mom, I
(12:02):
get like uncomfortable. So I hate that, but that's my
own stuff.
Speaker 2 (12:06):
What was the next one that you said talking about
themselves too much? Which I have an example of self awareness.
I feel like when you and I first started talking today,
I had to download a few things, so I was like, oh,
I got to exhale, this is happening, This is happening,
and so I unloaded it on you, and then all
of a sudden, we were just going to start recording,
and I'm like, well, wait a second. It feels weird
because I've just dominated this time, giving you this download
(12:28):
for me, and there was an update I wanted from you,
and I wanted you to be able to share that
and talk so that it felt more equal.
Speaker 1 (12:37):
But not just to make it feel equal.
Speaker 2 (12:38):
I genuinely wanted to hear from you, and I wanted
to make sure that we had space for that, because
otherwise I just come in like a bulldozer and dominate
and then we record and I'm like gotta go bye,
and I don't want that.
Speaker 3 (12:50):
I think there definitely are people in your life that
you probably know and that I've known that dominate every
conversation and make everything of them and don't take time
to ask other people how they're doing at the same time.
In a normal friendship, that's gonna be come and go.
That doesn't bother me unless it's just an all the
time thing.
Speaker 2 (13:10):
Okay, regularly canceling plants, I'm okay with that.
Speaker 1 (13:14):
Was no big deal. I'm good, I'm good, cool, cool.
It's an art.
Speaker 3 (13:21):
It's an art.
Speaker 1 (13:24):
What is art? Is art?
Speaker 2 (13:26):
Art? Are we art constantly putting you down? Do people
put up with that? Well?
Speaker 3 (13:32):
Yes, I'm sure. Okay. I've had friends and relationships where
it feels like somebody's constantly like you're the butt of
the joke, you know, and it's like constantly picking at
you and I don't know in different circumstances for different reasons.
But that bothers me, Like when you're constantly making fun
of me or constantly picking at me or using me
(13:53):
as the punching bag. I can't do that, Okay.
Speaker 2 (13:56):
I just thought of a way where that could be Also,
the putting down could be equivalent to making you feel
less than or there you feel judged in a way.
So maybe you're not like the butt of a joke
and they're you know, directly saying you're stupid. But in
the way they respond to something that you've done. There's judgment,
(14:18):
which then in turn could make you feel stupid.
Speaker 3 (14:21):
Oh yes, I had friends at some point that would
constantly like bring up things about my past that I
have since work through and rewrote the story on. And
that was really hard for me. It's like they're constantly
like reminding me about things I did in like high school,
and I'm like, oh my gosh, that was twenty years ago.
We've have to move on, and that got really old.
(14:43):
I didn't know where that came from for them, but
I couldn't do that. It's like, treat me like the
person I am now.
Speaker 2 (14:49):
Ooh and I like that you said too, like you
had done the work to rewrite that story and you're
looking to move on from it. Yeah, and that your
friends should let you do that. The next one bragging,
It depends.
Speaker 3 (15:02):
I feel like sometimes they can bragnant stuff. But what's
interesting bragging and being proud of yourself.
Speaker 1 (15:09):
Yeah, that's true.
Speaker 2 (15:09):
I think it's just as long as they have a
healthy presentation of whatever it is they're trying to share.
But I guess it just be an ick if it's
a friend that's just constantly bragging about they have this,
they have that they have this, or.
Speaker 3 (15:20):
If it's like a one upper like a Penelope from SNL.
Did you ever watch those videos?
Speaker 2 (15:25):
Yes, that's a good example Penelope' in SNL. Trying to
flirt with your partner is another friendship ick.
Speaker 3 (15:34):
These are just like reasons to not be friends with,
like signs of bad friend Like I feel like aggs
are things like people are like uh an ick is
like when my boyfriend sits crisscross apple sauce, or like
ac is when my boyfriend holds an umbrella, Like not
not going to break up with them over that. You're
just like, oh, what was that? That feels weird? Those
(15:54):
aren't my ex I've just heard them. But these feel
like reasons to not be friends with somebody. Like I'm
not gonna break up with Patrick because he holds an umbrella,
you know, But if somebody just means me all the time,
I just don't see why why I would continue that.
Speaker 2 (16:08):
Yeah, Like a long, long, long long time ago, back
when I was dating in my twenties, I went out
with this one guy and I was actually kind of
excited that he asked me out, but I had never
seen him with shorts on, and we went out on
one day and he wore jeans.
Speaker 1 (16:21):
It was gray.
Speaker 2 (16:21):
It was like cool cool, So then he asked me
out again. I could have wait to go, but we
went to the lake and like Canute or something, so
he had shorts on and I looked down and I said,
oh my gosh, he shaves his legs.
Speaker 1 (16:34):
And I had a good time.
Speaker 2 (16:35):
But then he asked me out again and I said no,
because in my young twenties I couldn't understand why him,
as a normal person, not a swimmer, not a cyclist,
why else would you shave your legs. And he said
that he just liked smooth legs, and I could not
get over it.
Speaker 1 (16:53):
He also wore a white belt.
Speaker 2 (16:55):
Which is throwing me as well, but that to me
is an ick right from my younger dating days, those
are x but now maybe it's because dating has been
quite difficult as I'm forty three. But it's fine if
you want to wear a white belt or shave your
legs like I'll probably like it is it is rough
(17:15):
out there, like there are slim thickens, So white.
Speaker 1 (17:21):
Belt, no problem, shave your legs, no problem.
Speaker 3 (17:24):
Yeah, those could be really funny sometimes when I've seen
them on social media and when we've talked about them
with like friends and stuff. What I do think is
that it creates like reasons to not give somebody a
chance who if you got to know them, Like I
don't know if the white belt would matter, you know,
but if you just were like, ooh it he wears
a white belt. They're just reasons that I feel like
(17:46):
I wouldn't want somebody to judge me like that. I
don't know why. This is probably my head. But one
of my friends went on a date with somebody, and
I guess she went to his house before after and
he had a sequin pillow and she was like, I
can't because there's a sequin pillow. And I was like, okay,
but we don't know the story behind the sequin.
Speaker 2 (18:09):
Was it one of those sequin pillows where you rub
your hand over it and it's like a different message
where it's like.
Speaker 1 (18:13):
A unicorn, and then you go the other direction and
it's like Hi.
Speaker 3 (18:20):
Maybe it was like a self soothing tool for him
and he needed to tom with anxiety. Like I don't know,
but I was like, you can't not go up if
you don't like him, don't go out with him again.
But you if it's just because of the pillow, give
him one more shot.
Speaker 2 (18:32):
Well, I'm not proud of myself, by the way, for
not going out with the guy again because the shaved
legs and the white belt was my young twenties. Another
friendship ich is slow replies, I feel like either I'm
texting you back within the first thirty seconds that you
texted me, or it might be a few days.
Speaker 1 (18:51):
This's just is what it is.
Speaker 3 (18:53):
I have so many times feel like I've messaged you hello,
like are you there? But at the same time I
do that if I don't answer somebody right away, I
will forget to answer for you. And that's just the
way my brain works. I wish that I still maybe
it's the thing that I don't know about. There needs
to be a Marcu's unread for text messages.
Speaker 1 (19:12):
Wait, what do you mean, Like, you know how.
Speaker 3 (19:14):
On an email you can open it?
Speaker 2 (19:16):
You cannore that unread? You can't, Yeah, you can't. Yeah,
it's one of the new updates. You can keep it
as a dot. Really, I don't know, because I don't
know because I haven't tried it. But I do recall
that being a part of one of the updates. I
could be wrong, but you're also talking to the person
that has four hundred and ninety one unread text messages,
Like that's my red bubble right now, and that is
(19:39):
another thing I'm not proud of at all. But it
also doesn't bother me, so no part of me is like, oh,
I have to get that down to zero, and I
feel speaking of feeling judged, I feel like the people
that keep it at zero. It's like you think you're better,
and it's like, yes, in a way, you are because
you're staying on top of your communication. So I'll give
(20:01):
you that, but don't make me feel bad about it,
because I'm not wired that way.
Speaker 1 (20:04):
It's not my fault.
Speaker 2 (20:05):
I'm not wired to have anxiety about the red bubble
right It.
Speaker 3 (20:09):
Doesn't bother you, and that's okay. I was gonna say
if this could be me being Penelope, but I have
less text messages than you, so it doesn't work that way.
But I was going to say before you said that,
I have seventy two unread text messages and I think
forty of those are not from today, So I don't
know that the marketing unread would help me either, also,
I have eight thousand unread emails, which you're right. People
(20:33):
are like, I don't understand how you can like look
at that. That's just bothering me, And I'm like, I
don't understand how it bothers you. I'm not judging you
for being bothered by it, but just let me. Let
me live my life and spend my time doing things
other than opening those eight houses of emails that over
(20:53):
two thirds are junk.
Speaker 2 (20:55):
Well yeah, true, true, And a lot of my text
messages are because I've signed up to get ten percent
off the company is sending me text messages. So it's
not like I'm a completely horrible person that's just ignoring
people's texts. But you know how, if you like swipe
to the left, it'll give you a red box where
you can delete it or silence it or whatever. Well,
if you swipe your finger to the right on the text,
(21:17):
it gives you the blue dot again. So that's how
you do it in case anybody else didn't know that.
But Kat, I think that update was definitely last year,
not one hundred percent. But it's okay. I am not
bragging that I know that. I'm just letting you know.
Speaker 3 (21:33):
Okay, we'll see if it makes a difference. It probably won't.
I'm blaming it on that. While it's not gonna help
me at all, I learned something. Thank you so much.
Speaker 1 (21:41):
You're welcome.
Speaker 2 (21:43):
Demanding a lot of your attention is a next one,
which I feel like, yeah, that can just be a
little bit exhausting. It makes me think of an energy
vampire friend which sometimes, Hey, self awareness is great because
I realize sometimes when I'm being an energy vampire. But
(22:03):
then I'm like, well, there's something I can do about it.
It just is what it is right now. I'm sorry,
and I'll try to alter my energy and shift it
and I'll mistay.
Speaker 3 (22:11):
But the people that do that are never acknowledging.
Speaker 2 (22:14):
It, okay, They're just like completely oblivious to the fact
that they are demanding a lot of your attention and
sucking your energy and then bad table manners.
Speaker 3 (22:25):
I don't know if that I would not be friends
with somebody for that. I just sometimes it might be
like grossed out.
Speaker 2 (22:29):
Yeah, I'm trying to think if I've ever had a
friend where I've been like hell, But there you go.
Those are the most common friendship x. According to Yahoo,
there was ten of them and you're right. I think
they pretty much are just about and they're like people nicks.
Speaker 3 (22:47):
Things people don't like about people. That it should be
the name of the article, but I guess it's not
as catchy.
Speaker 2 (22:52):
I'll close with an anger management hack, and it's write
it down and shred it. So a study found that
writing about your feelings can help, which we know that,
and I feel like we've learned that from our friend
Ali fallon how therapeutic writing can be. But if you
write them all down and shred it, it works even better,
(23:13):
So they say, I would say burning helps too. I've
written things down and then thrown it at my fireplace,
and that feels good too. I don't know the psychology
behind all of that, cat do you.
Speaker 3 (23:24):
I think it's just the act of getting rid of
something and getting it out of your body. But I
will do a lot while we write something down on
paper and we'll rip it up ourselves. When you say
shred it, I don't know if you mean like a
paper shredder, which I do have in my office now,
but we will rip them up and sometimes, if it's available,
burn them. That like physical experience of getting rid of
(23:45):
it just feels good.
Speaker 1 (23:46):
Yeah, I think that that's it.
Speaker 2 (23:48):
It's like helps you process it in a different way
of like I am done with this, I am burning it,
I'm ripping it. I mean, maybe you have a paper
shudder from office Max. I'm sure that sounds really cool too,
like getting rid of this, getting rid of this, getting
rid of this. Okay, kat Well, I feel like we
have some show recommendations in there between the Dark Side
(24:11):
of Kids TV and Blackfish, and you learned how to
put your text messages on unread, And I think our
goal for next time is maybe let's get down to
zero just to make some people happy that we're cringing
listening to us.
Speaker 1 (24:26):
I kind of want to. I just need to sometimes
I get the clear slate.
Speaker 2 (24:30):
It doesn't bother me, but I like to have a
clear slate every once in a while. Obviously I go
to zero at times, or it wouldn't be a four
ninety two.
Speaker 1 (24:37):
But here's the thing.
Speaker 2 (24:38):
When I get it down to zero, I'm like, Okay,
now that I'm here, this feels good, and I'm probably gonna
stay here for a while and then bam, next thing
you know, we're back at it again. But those discount
deals that'll get you every time, Like I go to
a website and they're like, enter your email to get
a discount code. I'm like, okay, fine, I'll enter my email,
and then after you do that, another pop up. Okay, now,
(24:58):
if you really want the discount, sign up for text messages.
I'm like, oh, okay, fine, here's my phone number. Although
my friend called me from high school today to tell
me that he thinks that I got hacked somewhere or
something because he got an email from me that was like, hey,
look at these pictures and it had a link, and
he's like, I almost clicked it because I thought, oh,
Amy dug up some old high school photos or something,
(25:20):
and he was like, well, why would Amy be sending
me a link via email to look at pictures like
when we.
Speaker 1 (25:25):
Would typically text.
Speaker 2 (25:27):
So he never clicked on it, and then he realized
it was a scam. So if you happen to get
an email from me kat saying look at my pictures, don't.
Speaker 3 (25:36):
Don't open it. I've actually gotten an email like that
from an old client, Like every six months I would
get one like I found these photos of you online
and I'm like, I don't think he did. This is
can't be right, But I wonder what you clicked on
to send that out to people.
Speaker 2 (25:50):
Who knows probably all these different things I'm signing up for,
but I can't. I'm a sucker for ten percent, fifteen percent,
twenty percent off.
Speaker 3 (25:58):
You know you could just download Honey on your browser.
Speaker 1 (26:01):
Yeah, I've used tunny before, but then you don't have to.
Speaker 3 (26:03):
Sign up because it will just give you the code.
Speaker 2 (26:05):
Okay, I need to do that again because I think
when I got a new computer, it wasn't on my
new browser, so I need to add it. So many
things to learn on this episode.
Speaker 1 (26:13):
I don't know.
Speaker 2 (26:14):
Maybe some people are gonna be like, oh, yeah, I
need to get rid of that friend because they're always late,
they're rude, they talk about themselves all the time. They
regularly cancer plans. They're putting you down all the time,
they brag, they try to flirt with a partner. There's
a little replying. They demand a lot of my attention,
and they have bad table managers manners.
Speaker 1 (26:29):
So I'm gonna end this friendship. We're just like, You're
welcome solving people's problems left and right. You're welcome.
Speaker 2 (26:36):
Cat.
Speaker 1 (26:36):
Where can people find you.
Speaker 3 (26:37):
On Instagram at Kat dot Defada and at Uni Therapy podcast.
Speaker 2 (26:42):
And I am at Radio, Amy on Socials and I
will see you on Thursday for four Things.
Speaker 1 (26:47):
Spie Hei
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