March 26, 2024 • 16 mins
“What you don't know can be your greatest asset if you let it. If you are thinking, I have an idea, and I want to start, but I don't know how it's supposed to be done, that’s your gift. If you don’t know how it’s supposed to be done, that will ensure that you will do it differently. Real innovation only happens when you do it differently than everyone else has been doing it. Don't let it intimidate you because it’s really your greatest gift.” That is today’s quote from Sara Blakely (founder of Spanx) and Kat shares how ignorance has been great for her career path as well.
Amy & Kat also go over the “Worst Self-Help Advice You Can Receive” and share little thoughts after each thing on the list:
- Never give up
- If you want it done right, do it yourself
- Find your purpose
- No pain, no gain
- Good things come to those who wait
- Time heals all wounds
Side note: Amy has a weird rash on her chest…and she doesn’t know what is causing it. Anyone else have something just pop up on their chest randomly throughout the day? Like it’s there and then it’s gone and then it’s back again??
HOSTS:
Amy Brown // RadioAmy.com // @RadioAmy
Kat Defatta // @Kat.Defatta // @YouNeedTherapyPodcast // YouNeedTherapyPodcast.com
Call us: 877-207-2077
Email: 4ThingsWithAmyBrown@gmail.com
See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.
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Transcript
Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
Speaker 1 (00:00):
Are you interested in connecting with your loved ones? Do
you think that you have heightened intuition and don't know
how to connect with it or express it. Are you
interested in expanding your consciousness and opening up to new
layers of your potential, defining your meaning? Do you have
burning questions about who you are, why you're here, and
(00:22):
what you're meant to do? Well, guess what You're in
the right place. My name is Amanda Riguar Green. I'm
a psychic medium, a spiritual intuitive, a numerologist, and host
of the Soul Sessions podcast. We invite you to get curious.
I'm hosting a live event in Austin, Texas, and I
would love for you to come. Come meet your tribe,
connect with your people, raise and shift your vibration, ask
(00:45):
your questions, get live mediumshift readings, join us. Tickets are
on sale Soulpathology dot com, forward Slash tickets. It'll be
a night to remember. May seventh, Austin, Texas.
Speaker 2 (01:04):
Happy Tuesday. Welcome to the Fifth Thing. I'm Amy and
I'm Kat And today's quote is from Sarah Blakely.
Speaker 3 (01:10):
Do you know how that is? Should? I? Well, she
invented spanks. Oh I don't know her well.
Speaker 2 (01:16):
She used to sell fax machine store to door and
then she had the idea for spanks and she drew
it up in her mind and went and got the patent,
took it to different posary factories and was trying to
get them to do it, and they're like no, Like
she was trying to get the control top that are
in panty hose but with like no feet, like take
the feet part out, and.
Speaker 3 (01:37):
People like, yeah, I know, we're going to do that.
Speaker 2 (01:38):
And finally she found a place that did, and it's like, well,
didn't they make the right decision. It's pretty sure she's
a billionaire now or something. She certainly has expanded beyond
that and has all kinds of clothes now. But I
saw this quote posted on Instagram and I really liked it.
Speaker 3 (01:51):
So here you go.
Speaker 2 (01:52):
What you don't know can be your greatest asset if
you let it.
Speaker 3 (01:56):
If you are.
Speaker 2 (01:56):
Thinking, I have an idea and I want to start,
but I don't know how it's supposed to be done,
that's your gift. If you don't know how it's supposed
to be done, that will ensure that you will do
it differently. Real innovation only happens when you do it
differently than everyone else has been doing it, don't let
it intimidate you, because it's really your greatest gift.
Speaker 4 (02:16):
Oh I love that because it gives a little bit
of permission to do it in a way that makes
sense for you versus the right way.
Speaker 2 (02:24):
I really like it too, And honestly, I love her story.
I think you would like her entire story. And Guy
raz did such a good job with her on his
podcast How I Built This, So definitely listen to that.
And I don't know that I follow her on Instagram,
but I guess she must pop up and my suggested
and I always feel like very encouraged after I see
her stuff, So maybe I should be really old.
Speaker 3 (02:44):
Is she still own the company? I believe so? Oh wow.
Speaker 2 (02:48):
I don't know how it's all divvied up, but I
think so yeah. I mean, I'm sure she probably could
have sold it like a lot. Maybe maybe she's still
a part of it in a way I'm not sure. Well,
let me ask you, is that a way that you
think you do things differently as a therapist, especially like
a young one.
Speaker 3 (03:05):
You think I'm young, I do.
Speaker 2 (03:07):
I think you're very young too to own your own practice.
You have therapists that work like under your umbrella, and
you were way ahead of things. I feel like you
kind of just you know, got after it.
Speaker 4 (03:18):
I met with another therapist recently who's looking to go
out on her own eventually, and she wanted to just
kind of pick my brain and she was asking about
my story and how I did things, and I told her,
I was like, I don't know if this is going
to be helpful for you, but I kind of got
to where I am because I didn't know where I
was going, Like I didn't have a five year plan,
(03:41):
and I didn't have a business plan. Things just kind
of I got an idea and I would go with it.
And the reason I ended up bringing people into my
practice wasn't because I wanted a group practice. It was
because I met people who were looking to do something
similar and they needed some help and guidance and I
was like, oh, oh, I like you like it just
(04:02):
developed that way. The podcast started as like an accident.
I was just kind of wanted to do something for fun,
and then I kept doing it. I quit my job
to start my practice. I told her, I said, if
I would have known how hard it was going to be,
I wouldn't have done it, and I'm very thankful I
just went out on a whim and what I didn't
know was so helpful because I think I would have
(04:22):
been really scared and I felt really excited.
Speaker 2 (04:25):
Boom, you're Sarah, likely your spanks, I'm going to be
a billionaire. Well, I mean, yeah, we're laughing at that,
but like, obviously success is determined by a dollar number
like that, because every profession is different. And I think
that what you just shared is going to be encouraging
to so many people that might be wanting to take
a leap of faith, but it's not necessarily like a
(04:48):
SPANX type idea. Yeah.
Speaker 4 (04:50):
Well, and there's a billion ways to be a therapist
and have a practice and run a practice, So if
I were to go around and try to model directly
after somebody el else, it might not work for the
same goals that I have. And I think with business,
a lot of times you think money, money, money, but
obviously most therapists don't go into being theroistic get rich,
(05:12):
So the business aspect has always been secondary to me,
which I'm sure some people are like, that's dumb, but
to me it's not.
Speaker 2 (05:21):
Yeah, and your ignorance about what that looked like was
a gift.
Speaker 4 (05:24):
My ignorance of how I think financially fruitful my practice
could be is a blessing because then I it's like,
oh this, I could be making this amount of money.
If I don't know that, then I don't really care,
and so I can keep doing what I want to
do with the goals and the values in the forefront.
Speaker 3 (05:41):
Which you need therapy your podcast.
Speaker 2 (05:43):
Just put out some fun merch and you do that
just as like a fun thing because that's something you
enjoy doing.
Speaker 3 (05:49):
Yeah, and I love that.
Speaker 2 (05:50):
One of the sweatshirts says have the day you need
to have you need to circle.
Speaker 3 (05:55):
Yeah.
Speaker 4 (05:56):
I was telling Patrick about that because he asked you,
was like, did people buys of your merch today when
I put it up? And I was like yeah, And
I was like, but remember, we're not making.
Speaker 3 (06:04):
Anybody off of this.
Speaker 4 (06:06):
This is just like a fun part of the process
and a way I get to interact with listeners too,
when I like send them the package because I'm doing
it myself, I can write a little note in there.
I design them and got them made on my own.
I didn't have I tried to have somebody to do
it. It was too difficult, And so yeah, if I knew
how fruitful selling merch could be, I probably maybe would
(06:28):
be doing it differently.
Speaker 3 (06:30):
But right now, I like the way that I'm doing it.
Speaker 2 (06:32):
I think that that's encouraging two people. And I like
that that's the advice that you gave that girl to
ask you. And I think Sarah's advice is great too,
which leads me into this list of the worst self
help advice you can receive. There's a lot of advice
circling us at all times, speaking of because social media,
it's everywhere everyone. I'm sure that's annoying as a therapist,
(06:53):
because you pull up social media, it's like everybody thinks
there's a therapist. I mean, honestly, that's why I love
having you here on the fit thing. It's because when
we do take questions from listeners, we go over emails
or we've got the voicemail. I was like, I am
not equipped to answer some of these things at all,
So bringing you in for that was like the original
idea behind having you here. But also it's just fun
(07:13):
to have you as a friend and a co host
and to bounce things off of. But then also, if
something series comes up, I'm like, hey, we good, I
got a licensed therapist here. She'd all kinds of letters
after her name. So don't sue me because I know
I'm not an expert at all, and I don't want
to say the wrong thing, but.
Speaker 3 (07:31):
Lord knows I have.
Speaker 2 (07:33):
But we'll just go over the worst self help advice
you can receive. Okay, we'll start with this one. You
should never give up. And that's one of those things
where it's like m things can have an expiration date,
you can be done with something.
Speaker 3 (07:47):
I always tell people that you're allowed to change your
mind whenever you want. I like that, right.
Speaker 2 (07:51):
The next one, If you want it done right, do
it yourself.
Speaker 3 (07:55):
Oh how do you feel about that?
Speaker 4 (07:57):
If you want it done the way you would do it,
do it yourself. But it doesn't necessarily mean that's the
only right way.
Speaker 2 (08:04):
I feel like micromanage some things sometimes, and I need
to not because who knows if I'm squashing some new
innovative way or better way to do something because I'm
trying to control the situation.
Speaker 4 (08:18):
Yeah, that message is allowing people to maintain the control
they want, And sometimes the best thing is for.
Speaker 3 (08:25):
People to like go of that.
Speaker 2 (08:27):
And that's the thing, Like I don't feel like I'm
some control freak, but I guess in my mind, I
there are certain instances in a work space where I
can be a little micromanagy, and also even at home,
like with how the laundry's done, I like it to
be done a certain way, and like with my kids,
like how are they going to really learn how to
do it right? If I always step in and like
Thatt the but butet, you know, we'll go like if
(08:48):
I just do it, it'll just get done faster, and
then they're missing out on an opportunity to do it,
which who knows if their way was really even bad,
But I just like it precise.
Speaker 3 (08:59):
It turns out I was gonna say, how, what do
you mean the right way?
Speaker 4 (09:03):
Because the way they might fold their towels can be different, which.
Speaker 3 (09:07):
Has a fold.
Speaker 2 (09:07):
It's like how much the church are we're putting in
and which the church and auction are we doing?
Speaker 3 (09:11):
Sometimes that you're.
Speaker 4 (09:11):
Trying to avoid any like missteps or inconveniences, or that's
what I hear in that as I am trying to
avoid those avoidable mistakes, and sometimes those just need to happen.
Speaker 2 (09:24):
Yeah, and they're okay, right, and like loading the dishwasher
stuff that really just doesn't matter.
Speaker 3 (09:29):
Like you said, you're not a control freak.
Speaker 2 (09:32):
I really don't think I can. Is this something I
need to work?
Speaker 3 (09:35):
I'm scared to load the dishwasher at your house?
Speaker 2 (09:37):
Okay, another one? Find your purpose.
Speaker 3 (09:40):
Now.
Speaker 2 (09:40):
It's not that this advice is unhelpful, but saying find
your purpose is like telling someone be happy, create a
billion dollar company.
Speaker 3 (09:49):
And it's like, well, great, but how who wrote Eat,
Prey Love Elizabeth Gilbert.
Speaker 4 (09:54):
Have you heard her Super Soul Sunday talk from years ago?
Speaker 2 (09:57):
No.
Speaker 4 (09:58):
She told a story about how she used to go
around talking and doing like huge motivational talks about finding
your purpose, and one day somebody emailed her after one
of her talks and said, I've never felt worse than
I felt after I listened to your talk. And she said,
it sounds great and dandy, and it sounds like it
worked for you, but it's really hard to go live
(10:21):
your passion and your purpose when.
Speaker 3 (10:22):
You don't know what that is.
Speaker 4 (10:24):
And Elizabeth was talking about how she was like, I
felt so bad, but it also led me to realize
that there are people that have this one specific purpose
and passion and they follow that and she calls us
the jackhammers. And then she said, there's this other type
of human that she calls the hummingbird. And she was like,
they go over here and they do something, and then
they go over here and they do something.
Speaker 3 (10:45):
They do a little thing over there. She's like, going,
they cross.
Speaker 4 (10:47):
Pollinate, and without these hummingbirds, we would not have much
of what it is that we need today because the
jackhammers are just head down, one direction, moving forward. And
it was I think a really nice way for people
who probably think, like, I don't know what my purpose is. Well,
maybe it's because you don't have just one and you're
(11:09):
supposed to be here for a little bit and you're
supposed to let yourself go here for a little bit.
Speaker 2 (11:13):
Yeah. I mean I think it's bouncing around and figuring
out what gives you the most energy, and then that
can sort of equal where your passion is. And it
might mean that you keep trying your things till you
find that one, or you keep trying all these things
until you're like, oh, look at all these.
Speaker 3 (11:27):
Things I do give me energy?
Speaker 2 (11:29):
Yeah, and that helped me feel good and will equal
your passion or passions which will ultimately hopefully lead to happiness.
Speaker 3 (11:37):
What about no pain, no gain.
Speaker 4 (11:41):
That sounds like something somebody said to me in high school,
like at a soccer game or somebody.
Speaker 2 (11:44):
I used to have a shirt with that on it
from like I don't know, youth group or something that
was your good things come to those who wait.
Speaker 3 (11:54):
Sometimes they do, but sometimes yeah, I.
Speaker 2 (11:56):
Was like, wait, I feel like that is good advice
because I think sometimes you need the time and you
have to wait and practice patients, I guess it doesn't
mean that good things are going to have.
Speaker 3 (12:05):
I might set somebody up like disappointment.
Speaker 2 (12:08):
I feel like there was a quote I saw the
other day that was like, you have some meme about
like good things or things always work out for me
or something like that.
Speaker 3 (12:18):
Oh, and it's like, but they do.
Speaker 2 (12:20):
Don't for everybody. Yeah, it's not always the case. And
then time heals all wounds, And I feel like that
is such a cliche thing that is often said, which again,
if you're patient, maybe the wounds will start to heal.
But I think what we want to look for is
operating from a space of scars, not wounds.
Speaker 3 (12:42):
So yes, the wound will hopefully get healed.
Speaker 2 (12:46):
Brandy Wilson was on my podcast last year and she
talked about that. That's when I was like, Oh, I
love this statement so much, and I love looking at
life that way and different hurts and pains and wounds
because we can keep that wound open and who knows,
then it's at risk for infection and all these other
things if you look at it that way, to continue
that metaphor, and it just can get really icky and gross,
(13:08):
or we can put in the work to start to
heal it, but it doesn't.
Speaker 3 (13:11):
Mean that we're not reminded of it.
Speaker 2 (13:12):
We can't look at it and see that it was there,
that it's impacted us in all types of ways, good
and bad. But it's a scar and it just may
not bother us as much because it's not open at all.
Speaker 4 (13:25):
It might be healed, but it's not disappeared, like forget
about it.
Speaker 3 (13:32):
Yeah.
Speaker 4 (13:32):
I think the time heals allwhims sends a message that
give it time and this will go away when it
might not ever go away.
Speaker 3 (13:39):
Right.
Speaker 2 (13:40):
It also makes me think of Megan Divine's journal cover
for her grief journal, and it's a girl with a
backpack and wounds or grief or whatever it is that
you're carrying around. It just may be how it's sitting
on your back, or it may feel heavier some days
than other, but the backpack's always there, and just how
do you want to carey? Speaking of flunds, I'm about
(14:04):
to itch my chest off right now, Like I have
this rash on my chest and it flares up and
then it goes away.
Speaker 3 (14:12):
Have I told you about it?
Speaker 4 (14:12):
Yes?
Speaker 3 (14:13):
Yeah, but sometimes it's.
Speaker 2 (14:14):
Not like it was not there when you first got
here today.
Speaker 3 (14:17):
No, But does this happen around your period? I don't know.
Speaker 2 (14:20):
Okay, I say that, but I feel like I'm always
on my period. But also whenever you first got to
my house, it wasn't there. And then I ate some cookies.
I'm starting to think I'm allergic to something.
Speaker 3 (14:32):
Oh I don't know.
Speaker 2 (14:34):
I might need to do one of those elimination things
or start to really journal. When my chest starts to
itch and flare up. What have I just eaten? And?
Speaker 3 (14:41):
Man, are you stressed? I don't feel stressed right now?
Speaker 2 (14:44):
Okay, I feel like I was enjoying that cookie, having
a good time. Oh my gosh, what if you're allergic
to peanut butter or could be gluten. I'm trying to
think what else is in a cookie because I the
I ate the chocolate chip cookie and the peanut butter
cookie and whatever that's been amendment was I liked that one.
Maybe I'm allergic to sentimon like right now, honestly, it
feels like ten mosquitoes just came and bit my chest.
(15:07):
Oh and it's like I can't even barely concentrate. That's
why I keep looking at you and I'm like, and
I'm poking my chest with my fingernaids up your shirt.
I did, yes, And I'm like trying to just get
some relief. Like I'm gonna have to go downstairs when
we get done and I'll put anti itch cream all
over my chest. And that's what I have to do
like every other day.
Speaker 3 (15:26):
Can you see is it really red?
Speaker 2 (15:28):
Oh?
Speaker 4 (15:28):
Yeah, it's yes, there is a rash on it. I'm
telling you sorry, I just pulled my shirt to video.
Speaker 2 (15:36):
Yeah. Where can people find you?
Speaker 3 (15:37):
On Instagram? At Kat dot Defada and at You Need
Therapy podcast.
Speaker 2 (15:41):
And I am at Radio Amy. You can also call
and leave us a voicemail eight seven seven two O
seven two o seven seven and cat you Need Therapy
podcast dot com yep okay have the day you need
to have.
Speaker 3 (15:53):
Bye Bye,
Are you interested in connecting with your loved ones? Do
you think that you have heightened intuition and don't know
how to connect with it or express it. Are you
interested in expanding your consciousness and opening up to new
layers of your potential, defining your meaning? Do you have
burning questions about who you are, why you're here, and
(00:22):
what you're meant to do? Well, guess what You're in
the right place. My name is Amanda Riguar Green. I'm
a psychic medium, a spiritual intuitive, a numerologist, and host
of the Soul Sessions podcast. We invite you to get curious.
I'm hosting a live event in Austin, Texas, and I
would love for you to come. Come meet your tribe,
connect with your people, raise and shift your vibration, ask
(00:45):
your questions, get live mediumshift readings, join us. Tickets are
on sale Soulpathology dot com, forward Slash tickets. It'll be
a night to remember. May seventh, Austin, Texas.
Speaker 2 (01:04):
Happy Tuesday. Welcome to the Fifth Thing. I'm Amy and
I'm Kat And today's quote is from Sarah Blakely.
Speaker 3 (01:10):
Do you know how that is? Should? I? Well, she
invented spanks. Oh I don't know her well.
Speaker 2 (01:16):
She used to sell fax machine store to door and
then she had the idea for spanks and she drew
it up in her mind and went and got the patent,
took it to different posary factories and was trying to
get them to do it, and they're like no, Like
she was trying to get the control top that are
in panty hose but with like no feet, like take
the feet part out, and.
Speaker 3 (01:37):
People like, yeah, I know, we're going to do that.
Speaker 2 (01:38):
And finally she found a place that did, and it's like, well,
didn't they make the right decision. It's pretty sure she's
a billionaire now or something. She certainly has expanded beyond
that and has all kinds of clothes now. But I
saw this quote posted on Instagram and I really liked it.
Speaker 3 (01:51):
So here you go.
Speaker 2 (01:52):
What you don't know can be your greatest asset if
you let it.
Speaker 3 (01:56):
If you are.
Speaker 2 (01:56):
Thinking, I have an idea and I want to start,
but I don't know how it's supposed to be done,
that's your gift. If you don't know how it's supposed
to be done, that will ensure that you will do
it differently. Real innovation only happens when you do it
differently than everyone else has been doing it, don't let
it intimidate you, because it's really your greatest gift.
Speaker 4 (02:16):
Oh I love that because it gives a little bit
of permission to do it in a way that makes
sense for you versus the right way.
Speaker 2 (02:24):
I really like it too, And honestly, I love her story.
I think you would like her entire story. And Guy
raz did such a good job with her on his
podcast How I Built This, So definitely listen to that.
And I don't know that I follow her on Instagram,
but I guess she must pop up and my suggested
and I always feel like very encouraged after I see
her stuff, So maybe I should be really old.
Speaker 3 (02:44):
Is she still own the company? I believe so? Oh wow.
Speaker 2 (02:48):
I don't know how it's all divvied up, but I
think so yeah. I mean, I'm sure she probably could
have sold it like a lot. Maybe maybe she's still
a part of it in a way I'm not sure. Well,
let me ask you, is that a way that you
think you do things differently as a therapist, especially like
a young one.
Speaker 3 (03:05):
You think I'm young, I do.
Speaker 2 (03:07):
I think you're very young too to own your own practice.
You have therapists that work like under your umbrella, and
you were way ahead of things. I feel like you
kind of just you know, got after it.
Speaker 4 (03:18):
I met with another therapist recently who's looking to go
out on her own eventually, and she wanted to just
kind of pick my brain and she was asking about
my story and how I did things, and I told her,
I was like, I don't know if this is going
to be helpful for you, but I kind of got
to where I am because I didn't know where I
was going, Like I didn't have a five year plan,
(03:41):
and I didn't have a business plan. Things just kind
of I got an idea and I would go with it.
And the reason I ended up bringing people into my
practice wasn't because I wanted a group practice. It was
because I met people who were looking to do something
similar and they needed some help and guidance and I
was like, oh, oh, I like you like it just
(04:02):
developed that way. The podcast started as like an accident.
I was just kind of wanted to do something for fun,
and then I kept doing it. I quit my job
to start my practice. I told her, I said, if
I would have known how hard it was going to be,
I wouldn't have done it, and I'm very thankful I
just went out on a whim and what I didn't
know was so helpful because I think I would have
(04:22):
been really scared and I felt really excited.
Speaker 2 (04:25):
Boom, you're Sarah, likely your spanks, I'm going to be
a billionaire. Well, I mean, yeah, we're laughing at that,
but like, obviously success is determined by a dollar number
like that, because every profession is different. And I think
that what you just shared is going to be encouraging
to so many people that might be wanting to take
a leap of faith, but it's not necessarily like a
(04:48):
SPANX type idea. Yeah.
Speaker 4 (04:50):
Well, and there's a billion ways to be a therapist
and have a practice and run a practice, So if
I were to go around and try to model directly
after somebody el else, it might not work for the
same goals that I have. And I think with business,
a lot of times you think money, money, money, but
obviously most therapists don't go into being theroistic get rich,
(05:12):
So the business aspect has always been secondary to me,
which I'm sure some people are like, that's dumb, but
to me it's not.
Speaker 2 (05:21):
Yeah, and your ignorance about what that looked like was
a gift.
Speaker 4 (05:24):
My ignorance of how I think financially fruitful my practice
could be is a blessing because then I it's like,
oh this, I could be making this amount of money.
If I don't know that, then I don't really care,
and so I can keep doing what I want to
do with the goals and the values in the forefront.
Speaker 3 (05:41):
Which you need therapy your podcast.
Speaker 2 (05:43):
Just put out some fun merch and you do that
just as like a fun thing because that's something you
enjoy doing.
Speaker 3 (05:49):
Yeah, and I love that.
Speaker 2 (05:50):
One of the sweatshirts says have the day you need
to have you need to circle.
Speaker 3 (05:55):
Yeah.
Speaker 4 (05:56):
I was telling Patrick about that because he asked you,
was like, did people buys of your merch today when
I put it up? And I was like yeah, And
I was like, but remember, we're not making.
Speaker 3 (06:04):
Anybody off of this.
Speaker 4 (06:06):
This is just like a fun part of the process
and a way I get to interact with listeners too,
when I like send them the package because I'm doing
it myself, I can write a little note in there.
I design them and got them made on my own.
I didn't have I tried to have somebody to do
it. It was too difficult, And so yeah, if I knew
how fruitful selling merch could be, I probably maybe would
(06:28):
be doing it differently.
Speaker 3 (06:30):
But right now, I like the way that I'm doing it.
Speaker 2 (06:32):
I think that that's encouraging two people. And I like
that that's the advice that you gave that girl to
ask you. And I think Sarah's advice is great too,
which leads me into this list of the worst self
help advice you can receive. There's a lot of advice
circling us at all times, speaking of because social media,
it's everywhere everyone. I'm sure that's annoying as a therapist,
(06:53):
because you pull up social media, it's like everybody thinks
there's a therapist. I mean, honestly, that's why I love
having you here on the fit thing. It's because when
we do take questions from listeners, we go over emails
or we've got the voicemail. I was like, I am
not equipped to answer some of these things at all,
So bringing you in for that was like the original
idea behind having you here. But also it's just fun
(07:13):
to have you as a friend and a co host
and to bounce things off of. But then also, if
something series comes up, I'm like, hey, we good, I
got a licensed therapist here. She'd all kinds of letters
after her name. So don't sue me because I know
I'm not an expert at all, and I don't want
to say the wrong thing, but.
Speaker 3 (07:31):
Lord knows I have.
Speaker 2 (07:33):
But we'll just go over the worst self help advice
you can receive. Okay, we'll start with this one. You
should never give up. And that's one of those things
where it's like m things can have an expiration date,
you can be done with something.
Speaker 3 (07:47):
I always tell people that you're allowed to change your
mind whenever you want. I like that, right.
Speaker 2 (07:51):
The next one, If you want it done right, do
it yourself.
Speaker 3 (07:55):
Oh how do you feel about that?
Speaker 4 (07:57):
If you want it done the way you would do it,
do it yourself. But it doesn't necessarily mean that's the
only right way.
Speaker 2 (08:04):
I feel like micromanage some things sometimes, and I need
to not because who knows if I'm squashing some new
innovative way or better way to do something because I'm
trying to control the situation.
Speaker 4 (08:18):
Yeah, that message is allowing people to maintain the control
they want, And sometimes the best thing is for.
Speaker 3 (08:25):
People to like go of that.
Speaker 2 (08:27):
And that's the thing, Like I don't feel like I'm
some control freak, but I guess in my mind, I
there are certain instances in a work space where I
can be a little micromanagy, and also even at home,
like with how the laundry's done, I like it to
be done a certain way, and like with my kids,
like how are they going to really learn how to
do it right? If I always step in and like
Thatt the but butet, you know, we'll go like if
(08:48):
I just do it, it'll just get done faster, and
then they're missing out on an opportunity to do it,
which who knows if their way was really even bad,
But I just like it precise.
Speaker 3 (08:59):
It turns out I was gonna say, how, what do
you mean the right way?
Speaker 4 (09:03):
Because the way they might fold their towels can be different, which.
Speaker 3 (09:07):
Has a fold.
Speaker 2 (09:07):
It's like how much the church are we're putting in
and which the church and auction are we doing?
Speaker 3 (09:11):
Sometimes that you're.
Speaker 4 (09:11):
Trying to avoid any like missteps or inconveniences, or that's
what I hear in that as I am trying to
avoid those avoidable mistakes, and sometimes those just need to happen.
Speaker 2 (09:24):
Yeah, and they're okay, right, and like loading the dishwasher
stuff that really just doesn't matter.
Speaker 3 (09:29):
Like you said, you're not a control freak.
Speaker 2 (09:32):
I really don't think I can. Is this something I
need to work?
Speaker 3 (09:35):
I'm scared to load the dishwasher at your house?
Speaker 2 (09:37):
Okay, another one? Find your purpose.
Speaker 3 (09:40):
Now.
Speaker 2 (09:40):
It's not that this advice is unhelpful, but saying find
your purpose is like telling someone be happy, create a
billion dollar company.
Speaker 3 (09:49):
And it's like, well, great, but how who wrote Eat,
Prey Love Elizabeth Gilbert.
Speaker 4 (09:54):
Have you heard her Super Soul Sunday talk from years ago?
Speaker 2 (09:57):
No.
Speaker 4 (09:58):
She told a story about how she used to go
around talking and doing like huge motivational talks about finding
your purpose, and one day somebody emailed her after one
of her talks and said, I've never felt worse than
I felt after I listened to your talk. And she said,
it sounds great and dandy, and it sounds like it
worked for you, but it's really hard to go live
(10:21):
your passion and your purpose when.
Speaker 3 (10:22):
You don't know what that is.
Speaker 4 (10:24):
And Elizabeth was talking about how she was like, I
felt so bad, but it also led me to realize
that there are people that have this one specific purpose
and passion and they follow that and she calls us
the jackhammers. And then she said, there's this other type
of human that she calls the hummingbird. And she was like,
they go over here and they do something, and then
they go over here and they do something.
Speaker 3 (10:45):
They do a little thing over there. She's like, going,
they cross.
Speaker 4 (10:47):
Pollinate, and without these hummingbirds, we would not have much
of what it is that we need today because the
jackhammers are just head down, one direction, moving forward. And
it was I think a really nice way for people
who probably think, like, I don't know what my purpose is. Well,
maybe it's because you don't have just one and you're
(11:09):
supposed to be here for a little bit and you're
supposed to let yourself go here for a little bit.
Speaker 2 (11:13):
Yeah. I mean I think it's bouncing around and figuring
out what gives you the most energy, and then that
can sort of equal where your passion is. And it
might mean that you keep trying your things till you
find that one, or you keep trying all these things
until you're like, oh, look at all these.
Speaker 3 (11:27):
Things I do give me energy?
Speaker 2 (11:29):
Yeah, and that helped me feel good and will equal
your passion or passions which will ultimately hopefully lead to happiness.
Speaker 3 (11:37):
What about no pain, no gain.
Speaker 4 (11:41):
That sounds like something somebody said to me in high school,
like at a soccer game or somebody.
Speaker 2 (11:44):
I used to have a shirt with that on it
from like I don't know, youth group or something that
was your good things come to those who wait.
Speaker 3 (11:54):
Sometimes they do, but sometimes yeah, I.
Speaker 2 (11:56):
Was like, wait, I feel like that is good advice
because I think sometimes you need the time and you
have to wait and practice patients, I guess it doesn't
mean that good things are going to have.
Speaker 3 (12:05):
I might set somebody up like disappointment.
Speaker 2 (12:08):
I feel like there was a quote I saw the
other day that was like, you have some meme about
like good things or things always work out for me
or something like that.
Speaker 3 (12:18):
Oh, and it's like, but they do.
Speaker 2 (12:20):
Don't for everybody. Yeah, it's not always the case. And
then time heals all wounds, And I feel like that
is such a cliche thing that is often said, which again,
if you're patient, maybe the wounds will start to heal.
But I think what we want to look for is
operating from a space of scars, not wounds.
Speaker 3 (12:42):
So yes, the wound will hopefully get healed.
Speaker 2 (12:46):
Brandy Wilson was on my podcast last year and she
talked about that. That's when I was like, Oh, I
love this statement so much, and I love looking at
life that way and different hurts and pains and wounds
because we can keep that wound open and who knows,
then it's at risk for infection and all these other
things if you look at it that way, to continue
that metaphor, and it just can get really icky and gross,
(13:08):
or we can put in the work to start to
heal it, but it doesn't.
Speaker 3 (13:11):
Mean that we're not reminded of it.
Speaker 2 (13:12):
We can't look at it and see that it was there,
that it's impacted us in all types of ways, good
and bad. But it's a scar and it just may
not bother us as much because it's not open at all.
Speaker 4 (13:25):
It might be healed, but it's not disappeared, like forget
about it.
Speaker 3 (13:32):
Yeah.
Speaker 4 (13:32):
I think the time heals allwhims sends a message that
give it time and this will go away when it
might not ever go away.
Speaker 3 (13:39):
Right.
Speaker 2 (13:40):
It also makes me think of Megan Divine's journal cover
for her grief journal, and it's a girl with a
backpack and wounds or grief or whatever it is that
you're carrying around. It just may be how it's sitting
on your back, or it may feel heavier some days
than other, but the backpack's always there, and just how
do you want to carey? Speaking of flunds, I'm about
(14:04):
to itch my chest off right now, Like I have
this rash on my chest and it flares up and
then it goes away.
Speaker 3 (14:12):
Have I told you about it?
Speaker 4 (14:12):
Yes?
Speaker 3 (14:13):
Yeah, but sometimes it's.
Speaker 2 (14:14):
Not like it was not there when you first got
here today.
Speaker 3 (14:17):
No, But does this happen around your period? I don't know.
Speaker 2 (14:20):
Okay, I say that, but I feel like I'm always
on my period. But also whenever you first got to
my house, it wasn't there. And then I ate some cookies.
I'm starting to think I'm allergic to something.
Speaker 3 (14:32):
Oh I don't know.
Speaker 2 (14:34):
I might need to do one of those elimination things
or start to really journal. When my chest starts to
itch and flare up. What have I just eaten? And?
Speaker 3 (14:41):
Man, are you stressed? I don't feel stressed right now?
Speaker 2 (14:44):
Okay, I feel like I was enjoying that cookie, having
a good time. Oh my gosh, what if you're allergic
to peanut butter or could be gluten. I'm trying to
think what else is in a cookie because I the
I ate the chocolate chip cookie and the peanut butter
cookie and whatever that's been amendment was I liked that one.
Maybe I'm allergic to sentimon like right now, honestly, it
feels like ten mosquitoes just came and bit my chest.
(15:07):
Oh and it's like I can't even barely concentrate. That's
why I keep looking at you and I'm like, and
I'm poking my chest with my fingernaids up your shirt.
I did, yes, And I'm like trying to just get
some relief. Like I'm gonna have to go downstairs when
we get done and I'll put anti itch cream all
over my chest. And that's what I have to do
like every other day.
Speaker 3 (15:26):
Can you see is it really red?
Speaker 2 (15:28):
Oh?
Speaker 4 (15:28):
Yeah, it's yes, there is a rash on it. I'm
telling you sorry, I just pulled my shirt to video.
Speaker 2 (15:36):
Yeah. Where can people find you?
Speaker 3 (15:37):
On Instagram? At Kat dot Defada and at You Need
Therapy podcast.
Speaker 2 (15:41):
And I am at Radio Amy. You can also call
and leave us a voicemail eight seven seven two O
seven two o seven seven and cat you Need Therapy
podcast dot com yep okay have the day you need
to have.
Speaker 3 (15:53):
Bye Bye,
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