May 14, 2024 • 31 mins
A listener named Val sent us a great email full of amazing quotes that guided Amy's chat with Kat for this episode. Val divided them into 2 categories: serious & funny...we appreciate both (they're all listed below) and in addition to the quotes Kat played a round of "Make It Or Break It" with Amy (to see what she's down with when it comes to dating!)
SERIOUS:
- The tighter we cling to an identity, the harder it becomes to grow beyond it.
- I have already lost touch with a couple of people I used to be
- You will find that it is necessary to let things go; simply for the reason that they are heavy.
- Buy less, choose well.
- We all eat lies when our hearts are hungry
- Just because you don't look like somebody who you think is attractive doesn't mean you aren't attractive. Flowers are pretty, but so are Christmas lights and they look nothing alike.
- Everyone you meet always asks if you have a career, are married or own a house as if life was some kind of grocery list. But no one ever asks if you are happy.
FUNNY:
- I've moved past having a depressive episode. I am actually having a depressive series. Season 8 available now.
- I'm not a licensed interior designer but I just figured out you can make a room look 30% bigger if you put away the 14 loads of laundry on the floor.
- Neighbor said hi again...I'm just gonna move.
- Lucky for me, I don't have enough friends for an intervention
- I don't understand your specific kind of crazy, but I do admire your total commitment to it.
- My room is not dirty. I just have everything on display...like a museum.
- Some of you youths are going to be really disappointed when you discover that turning
- 30 just means that you still have all the same weird interests but you can't turn your head all the way to the left anymore.
- Hey, sorry for being so anxious earlier, I had no idea that everything would be fine.
- I keep telling people that a vanilla soy latte is technically a three bean soup, but nobody understands. They just nod and smile like I'M the crazy one.
- I found out why I'm still single. Apparently, you have to go outside and let people see you.
Call us: 877-207-2077
Email: 4ThingsWithAmyBrown@gmail.com
HOSTS:
Amy Brown // RadioAmy.com // @RadioAmy
Kat Defatta // @Kat.Defatta // @YouNeedTherapyPodcast // YouNeedTherapyPodcast.com
See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.
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Transcript
Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
Speaker 1 (00:04):
Happy Tuesday. Welcome to the fifth Thing. I'm Amy and
I'm Kat. And today's quote, well, there's lots of them.
It's kind of a fun little segment. We're going to
do courtesy for our friend Val who's a listener in California.
But you know how we like to sign off on
an email like your friend, because we're all friends here.
And I also love the way she signed off her
email with hope you have a story worthy week, your
(00:27):
friend from California, Val, And I was like, oh, story
worthy week?
Speaker 2 (00:32):
Yes, sweet.
Speaker 1 (00:32):
We often say have the day you need to have.
Our friend Ali Fallon just put out a book called
Write Your Story. We all have a story. I feel
like that ties in nicely to that. But she sent
a lot of quotes, and she started off the email
like this' sup Amy Cat. Below is a list of
random quotes. They were gathered over the years from social media, Pinterest, books,
(00:56):
and podcasts. Honestly, some might have come from either your podcasts.
I apologize in advance for the fact that I did
not keep in mind who said these things, so no
credit can be given. There's a lot. I hope it's
not overwhelming anyway, Just thought i'd share Also, I didn't
realize until I typed these up how dark some of
my quotes are. I went through and I picked some
(01:17):
fun ones for us to do, but she had them
broken into categories. The first category was serious and the
second category was funny, and so I thought these will
be good for us.
Speaker 2 (01:26):
I kind of like the dark ones too, though I
don't know.
Speaker 1 (01:28):
How many of the dark I actually like, pulled pulled,
because again, she did have a lot in there, and
I just have I'm gonna go serious, funny, serious, funny.
I think that's a good plan. Okay, serious. The tighter
we cling to an identity, the harder it becomes to
grow beyond it. I feel like that is very true
in who we are as a mom, or who we
(01:49):
are at work, or who were like wherever we're pouring everything.
If our entire identity is wrapped up in that. The
minute our kids turned eighteen and they move out or
we have to change jobs for whatever reason, it's like
we don't know what to do with ourselves.
Speaker 2 (02:01):
What do I do next?
Speaker 1 (02:03):
On to the funny, I've moved past having a depressive episode.
I'm actually having a depressive series. Season eight available.
Speaker 2 (02:10):
Now, that's why I wasn't know where that was going.
That's funny.
Speaker 1 (02:14):
It's kind of dark, but funny.
Speaker 2 (02:16):
All right.
Speaker 1 (02:16):
Serious, I have already lost touch with a couple of
people I used to be, which I love that. And
it kind of goes to the first serious quote of
like you don't cling to yourself so much. It's like
this beautiful thing of you're not supposed to be that
same person that you wore back then, and wow, you
get to know this new version of you and you know,
(02:40):
lose touch with the others. Funny. I'm not a licensed
interior designer, but I just figured out you can make
a room look thirty percent bigger if you put away
the fourteen loads of laundry on the floor.
Speaker 2 (02:54):
Wait, do you fold it as soon as it's done.
Speaker 1 (02:56):
I love laundry and I like to be that way.
It is not always that way because of my identity
at work and as a mom, like other things take control.
I don't get wrapped up in my identity as a laundress.
Speaker 3 (03:09):
Okay, I will say I cleaned my bedroom a couple
weeks ago, and when I say cleaned, I met I
folded the clean clothes that were on the floor, and
Patrick walked in and was like, oh my gosh, this.
Speaker 2 (03:20):
Room looks like a completely new room.
Speaker 3 (03:21):
What did you do? And I was like, I just
folded my clothes. That's all I did. I don't like
doing it.
Speaker 1 (03:27):
Laundry is one of my all time favorite things to
do around the house. Like, if I have a task,
I'll choose to do that and ignore some of the
other things. Wiping down the counters.
Speaker 2 (03:37):
I'll do that.
Speaker 1 (03:38):
Yeah, all day long. I'm obsessed laundry.
Speaker 2 (03:42):
I love.
Speaker 1 (03:42):
I love buying new detergent, I love trying new things.
Speaker 2 (03:45):
I love you do love detergent.
Speaker 3 (03:48):
I just feel like it's never done, so why even start.
Speaker 1 (03:51):
Yeah, well, when you add kids kids to the mix,
it's definitely never done. Okay, I think we're a funny now.
A neighbor said, Hi again, I'm just gonna move.
Speaker 2 (04:07):
That's me.
Speaker 3 (04:08):
That's me and I live in an alley and I don't
really have neighbors. But if somebody's like going to their
car at the same time as I am, I'm like, oh,
I got it, I forgot something inside the house.
Speaker 2 (04:15):
Gonna go.
Speaker 1 (04:16):
Okay, we're going too serious now, buy less choose well,
which I think is such a simple quote and completely
represents who I am now, and I've lost touch with
the person that used to just buy things. Although I
did go to Costco on Sunday and bought a little here,
a little there. But they are necessities, right, yeah, Costco.
You need everything you're supposed to do there. But I've
(04:37):
been throwing away things in my dumpster, will making throw
away piles, donate piles, and keep piles, so having to
assess like what am I going to keep? And it's
really difficult when it's something I've had for twenty plus
years and you're looking at it and you're like, okay,
do I keep this or toss it? And with a
(04:57):
big dumpster outside, it definitely makes it easy to toss it,
which I think is good because I've held on to things,
especially you know, ending a marriage last year. It's like
there's certain things like okay, this needs to go, I
will say. There are portraits. Look behind you. There are
two portraits leaning up against the wall, and one is
of Bin and I's hands on our wedding day, so
(05:20):
it's just our wedding rings, and then another one is
us laughing and looking at each other. We were probably
like twenty five years old there and I didn't know
what to do because we're not married anymore. Those are
special things, but what do I do? Keep them in
the attic if we get remarried? Do I just have
these photos? But I thought for my kids, they may
(05:42):
want to have it. I sort of had it in
the throw in the dump pile and Stevenson walked by
and he was like, is this in the dumpster pile?
And I just said, don't know yet. What do you think.
He's like, Oh, it looks so cute. Y'all are in love,
And I was like, yeah, I.
Speaker 3 (05:56):
Guess it's kind of similar to what you were deciding
to do with your wedding ring too.
Speaker 2 (06:00):
Is this for my kids?
Speaker 1 (06:02):
But also, a marriage is different than a breakup.
Speaker 3 (06:04):
But I am the type of person who's going to
throw everything out or keep everything. And my mom told
me when I went through a breakup one time, she
was like, you don't have to get rid of everything,
just put it away so it doesn't bother you. And
so it's something where you see it, it like triggers sadness.
I wouldn't want it to be within reach, continue to
go torture yourself by looking at it.
Speaker 2 (06:23):
But if it's something your kids would want you could
hide or.
Speaker 1 (06:26):
Just see like it is a part of my life,
Like I don't know that person anymore.
Speaker 2 (06:30):
I've lost touch.
Speaker 1 (06:31):
I've lost touch with that person. However, I don't regret
any of that. So yeah, it's it's not like you
want to go burn it all. It's a weird thing.
I can go over the thing I found. I googled
it this last weekend. I was trying to figure out
and Oprah had this whole article toss it or keep it?
And I can share with you some of the key
things that I use to decide. So when it comes
to keeping it, if it's sentimental gold like cling to it.
(06:55):
But it doesn't mean you have to keep every special
card that someone gave you, like the one that captures
that person's spirit the best. Although I have card boxes
and I did not dump those, like I have lots
of shoe boxes full of cards and I'm keeping them. Ooh,
and I found a card from my mom that actually
was like a side of her I don't really recall.
(07:16):
I think I have painted this narrative that my mom
was often not emotionally available, because that was ninety percent
of the time. I think before I found this card,
I would have said ninety nine percent, but after I
read it, I thought, wow, Okay, this is a perfect
example of how I built this narrative that my mom
was never really that emotionally available. And it was a
card that she sent me when I was doing my
(07:37):
freshman year at a junior college, trying to get into
Texas A and M. And she sent me a whole
care package and the card was really thoughtful and sweet
and kind of long and even a little bit funny.
And I found it in my garage of all places, Like,
I don't even know how it got in the mix,
but I do think I was meant to find it
this last weekend, and I do think I was meant
to recognize, oh wow, it was as emotionally unavailable as
(08:03):
I have recently recalled, like in a lot of my
therapy and things like, I think I did have some
emotional neglect. However, it was cool to find an example
of my mom being really there for me. And I
sort of rewrote history, which I think we can often do.
I don't know, do you see that as a therapist? Yeah,
you rewrite a story that you have in your head.
(08:23):
You have new information, and I feel like I gave
her a raw into the deal. She's like, well, I
think I was meant to find out those too. Yeah, exactly,
I wasn't totally shut off all the time.
Speaker 2 (08:34):
Do you keep every card people give you?
Speaker 1 (08:37):
Not every single one, but I have a lot and
they didn't make it in the dumpster.
Speaker 2 (08:43):
I keep a card if there's a note somebody wrote
in it.
Speaker 3 (08:45):
But if it's just like a Hallmark card and it
says love Nana, I don't need every single one of
those that my nana has sent correct.
Speaker 1 (08:51):
So if Nana sent you one that was more special,
captured her spirit, then that's the card that you keep.
According to oprah dot com, we.
Speaker 3 (08:58):
When I kept the last birthday card in mid mom's
mom my mema sent me.
Speaker 1 (09:01):
I still have that card. Perfect example. Another thing for
you keep it if it fits your life today. Your
possessions should support who you are right now, not the
person you were five years ago or five pounds ago. Like, well,
five pounds isn't that much to get over to the clothes.
Speaker 2 (09:18):
I'm like maybe if yeah, I'm hold fluctuation.
Speaker 1 (09:21):
Yeah, like we'll hold on to that. But that's the
identity thing of like you don't have to cling to it,
which to that point, maybe I do need to get
rid of those photos, but if I keep them in
the attic, I think it will be fine. You can
also keep it if you think it's gorgeous, even if
no one else does. If it's something that makes you smile,
keep it, keep it if you would buy it again.
If this is something I'd definitely buy again, hold on
(09:43):
to it. And then the fifth thing under keep it
if is if you can find a place for it,
and you want to find a place for it, Because
if you're willing to find somewhere to put it, then
it's worth keeping and creating space.
Speaker 3 (09:54):
For I think another thing that goes into that is, yeah,
the space part. I I would probably have kept a
lot more stuff when I moved if I had somewhere
to put it. But then you don't want too much
space because like my mom keeps our baby teeth.
Speaker 1 (10:08):
Oh my mom kept mine. Whenever she passed away. I
found all my baby teeth in her underwearge war.
Speaker 3 (10:15):
My mom has like the pamphlet that gives directions to
the first iron she has ever owned. I don't know
if she's the iron, but she has she's everything because
she has a whole room to put it in, which
is gonna be I think here I'll play devil's advocate.
She doesn't need her baby teeth. I don't want my
baby teeth when she passes away. But you know how
much fun I'm gonna have going through all the stuff
(10:35):
that she kept, like every art project, every painting we
made at school, or I don't know, mother's Day card
we made when we were younger. She's gonna have all
that stuff, and that is really fun to go through.
Speaker 1 (10:48):
Yeah, I think it'll be special.
Speaker 2 (10:50):
She can't give away the baby teeth.
Speaker 1 (10:51):
I throw out a lot of my kids' artwork just
two days ago.
Speaker 2 (10:55):
So not every red's gonna like it, though maybe they
won't care.
Speaker 1 (10:57):
Yeah. So, speaking of throwing things out, this is the
toss it. If toss it if you have twice as
many what you need, take inventory of your duplicate items.
If you own enough spatulas and coffee mugs to supply
a small diner, it's time to shed a few and
toss it. Could also mean donate it if it's a
gift you don't love, like say you were giving it,
(11:18):
you feel bad, but you're like holding on to it
it's okay to part ways toss it if it's not
worth repairing, Like the cost it's going to go into
getting it fixed is just not worth it. Toss it
if your gut says lose it. Which that's the thing.
I don't know when my gut is right or when
my gut is wrong, because sometimes my guts like toss it,
and then I'm walking to the dumpster with it, and
I'd be like throwing it in and be like, oh,
(11:40):
maybe I should hold on to it.
Speaker 2 (11:41):
Yeah, that's a dangerous one.
Speaker 3 (11:42):
I feel like I've tossed things because I'm like, oh,
just get rid of it, and then.
Speaker 2 (11:45):
I regret it.
Speaker 1 (11:47):
This is gonna sound weird, Okay. I don't even know
if I want to say it. This is gonna sound weird. Okay,
I don't even know if I want to say it.
Oh who cares. So I got a letter from a
(12:07):
boyfriend in high college that was really really special to me,
and speaking of rewriting history, I feel like I kind
of know what it said, but I remember just being
so blown away by it and shocked, and my mom
was there to witness the whole thing. But it was
really special and it made me feel special. But I
do wonder, all these years later if I'm remembering it correctly.
(12:30):
And it's not like I think about it all the
time by any means. But when I got married, I
went through all my ex boyfriend stuff and I threw
it all in the trash and now I have no
reference to it, which really it doesn't matter, but I
think maybe in this new time of me being single
and wondering who I once was, right, I don't know
(12:50):
that twenty year old version of me. He broke up
with me that boyfriend, and quite frankly, I would have
broken up with.
Speaker 2 (12:56):
Me too, I was not.
Speaker 1 (12:58):
But I wait the letter for I wish I could
go back and read the letter was we were an
on and off again situation and he was proclaiming his
love for me.
Speaker 2 (13:10):
Oh so he wanted to be with you.
Speaker 1 (13:12):
Right, and we ended up getting back together, but then
we broke up again. But like, what was it in
that letter where he thought I was so amazing? That's
why this seems like crazy because I don't really care
about this, but just I'm sharing with you.
Speaker 2 (13:24):
What what did that person see in you? Yes? Yeah?
Speaker 1 (13:27):
And like what was different? And then what caused the breakup?
I mean, I think when you go through any relationship changes,
you kind of think back on your relationship patterns, how
you are, who you were. That's the only thing. It's
not like I'm wanting anything from this person in any way,
shape or form. They have their own life, their own family.
I think I can't even go back and reference that
(13:48):
letter because my gut told me at the time, you're
about to be married forever. Why do you ever need
this letter. I don't need the letter for any other reason.
But does does that make sense?
Speaker 3 (13:57):
Yeah, I'm it's making me think of I don't know
when I did this. I don't know if I want
to say this either. What I'm going to It was
sometime last year. I got dumped by an ex boyfriend
years ago. We broke up, and then we took time apart,
and then we met and we, like randomly, had both
written a letter to read to each other, and he
tried to give me his letter, but I was like,
I don't want.
Speaker 2 (14:16):
Your breakup letter.
Speaker 3 (14:17):
If it was a letter professing love, I would have
liked it, but don't give me your breakup letter. But
I was going back and looking through I think I
was cleaning out space for my computer and I found
my letter and I read my letter, and I was like,
you were not okay in the things that I was saying.
And I had a lot of compassion for myself because
(14:39):
I saw how like wrapped up, I was not seeing
reality and I would never say the things that I
and do the things that I was doing then, and
even the way I was speaking didn't even seem like me.
But I thought, did he email me the letter? Is
there an any way for me? I wanted the letter
that he sent me because I wanted to know what
he said to me, because I think I blacked out
(14:59):
during that or I blocked it out because I knew
he was breaking up with me, that I didn't really
listen to any of the other stuff. It probably would
have just been crap anyway, But I wish I had that,
not that I again, I don't know what I would
do with it, but it was a part of.
Speaker 1 (15:13):
My life and something to just look back on and see. So, yeah,
but I don't have it because I throw it away.
But that's okay. I wasn't meant to keep it. And
then the final thing under tossing things is if you
don't know what it is like unidentified plastic objects. You
can even hold set things aside, like put it in
a bucket for thirty days, and after thirty days, if
you still can't figure out what it goes to or
(15:35):
where it belongs, then just go ahead and get.
Speaker 2 (15:37):
Rid of it.
Speaker 1 (15:38):
And I will say I took plastic bins around my house.
You'll turn around inside you we're in the podcast room,
but also there's attic doors in here. But I would
take these big plastic bins either into the attic or
into every room at the house, and I would open
up doors and I would just start filling up the
plastic bins. And then I would take the plastic bin
to the dump and dump it and then come back
with an empty bin, and so it was more manageable.
Speaker 3 (15:57):
You know what happens when I do that, though, is
I throw out all of these random chords that I
don't know what they belong to, and then I'm always
in need of the cord that I threw out.
Speaker 1 (16:05):
Well, then create a cord basket or box to where
you always know where it is and just keep them.
But then eventually, like there's some cords that are just
they need to go. You definitely did not need them.
We still have more quotes from our girl Vough that
one we went into the toss it or keep it
because of the buy less, choose well, and that is
my season of life. I'm purging. I haven't been shopping
(16:27):
much this year. The only time I shop is if
I bring money in from selling something, and that's felt
really good, and it does force you to choose well,
like if I'm buying something I wanted to be something
that I'm going to keep for a while, buy less,
choose well. And I will tell you when I move
into this next season of my life, which will include
(16:49):
a new house, a new space, new energy. I don't
want to just collect anymore. I want to minimize and
I want to keep what's important. But if you go
out and you look in the dumpster and you see
all the things, and you also see everything that's being donated,
I don't want to ever be that again. But also
I have grace because we're talking you know, years, years
(17:10):
and years and years and years. Some of this stuff
is even from my childhood, because I collected it from
my mom's house when she passed away, or my dad's
stuff when he passed away, so it's not just mine
and we're going back decades. But when you look in
the dumpster, it's like, eh, like we have too much.
I don't ever want to have this much stuff again. Right,
let's do a funny quote. Lucky for me, I don't
(17:32):
have enough friends for an intervention.
Speaker 2 (17:35):
That's sad.
Speaker 1 (17:37):
Back to serious. We all eat lies when our hearts
are hungry. It sounds like good.
Speaker 3 (17:44):
Oh that fits so well, but I like that we
all eat lies.
Speaker 1 (17:49):
When our hearts are hungry. All right, Back to funny.
I don't understand your specific kind of crazy, but I
do admire your total commitment to it. Did you say
that to a client?
Speaker 3 (18:02):
I would say it in different words of like, I
admire your commitment to this insanity.
Speaker 2 (18:08):
Yeah. Back to serious.
Speaker 1 (18:10):
Just because you don't look like somebody you think is
attractive doesn't mean you aren't attractive. Flowers are pretty, but
so are Christmas lights, and they look nothing alike.
Speaker 2 (18:19):
That's so good.
Speaker 3 (18:20):
I was thinking that was going to go somewhere else where,
Like people have different kinds of favorite flowers, and some
people like colored Christmas lights and people like the white ones.
Speaker 2 (18:28):
And so just because you don't like it doesn't mean
somebody else will.
Speaker 1 (18:31):
My room is not dirty. I just have everything on
display like a museum.
Speaker 2 (18:37):
That's me and my clothes.
Speaker 1 (18:40):
Everyone you meet always asks if you have a career
or married, own a house, as if life was some
kind of grocery list, But no one ever asks if
you are happy.
Speaker 2 (18:48):
I get what they're saying.
Speaker 3 (18:50):
I don't really agree with that, because I don't think
necessarily people walk up to you and say do you
own a house?
Speaker 1 (18:58):
Or they're probably like, well where are you? What do
you think for a living?
Speaker 2 (19:01):
Oh? Do you do?
Speaker 1 (19:02):
They say? Do you rent her own? Oh?
Speaker 2 (19:05):
Do you rent this?
Speaker 3 (19:07):
But I also think people can ask if you're happy
in different ways. It might be kind of strange and
off putting in somebody who's like, hey, my name's Kethern,
are you happy? It's kind of weird, But if you
ask other questions, you can still be getting at that
same idea without being so direct. The ways you would
ask that are different than asking do you have a career.
Speaker 2 (19:26):
No, I agree with you.
Speaker 1 (19:27):
Some of you youths are going to be really disappointed
when you discovered that turning thirty just means that you
still have all the same weird interests. But you can't
turn your head all the way to the left anymore.
Speaker 3 (19:39):
Hi got kind of sidetracked. Did you watch New Girl
some I don't think. Oh, but you said youths. I
just thought of Schmidt.
Speaker 2 (19:45):
You don't get it. It's fine, it's funny, though.
Speaker 1 (19:46):
I just Smitch say youths.
Speaker 2 (19:48):
Yeah, the youths, the youths.
Speaker 1 (19:50):
Stasher has really been into New Girls, so I think
I watched bits and pieces of it with her. I
started watching Sugar on Apple.
Speaker 2 (19:57):
Never heard of that.
Speaker 1 (19:59):
It's really good. Give it a try. If you're looking
for a show, give it a try.
Speaker 2 (20:02):
Is it funny?
Speaker 1 (20:03):
No, not at all?
Speaker 3 (20:04):
Okay, because we went back I remember we were watching
a million little things. I'm rewatching it.
Speaker 1 (20:08):
Wow, you're going back to that.
Speaker 3 (20:10):
I didn't ever watch the last season, and apparently the
finale is insane, and so I'm rewatching it.
Speaker 2 (20:15):
And Patrick's never seen it.
Speaker 3 (20:16):
But you'd be surprised how much you forget because I'm like, oh,
I didn't know that happened.
Speaker 1 (20:21):
Hey, sorry for being so anxious earlier. I had no
idea that everything would be fine.
Speaker 2 (20:25):
I love that one, me too.
Speaker 1 (20:26):
I keep telling people that vanilla soy latte is technically
a three bean soup, but nobody understands. They just nod
and smile like I'm the crazy one.
Speaker 2 (20:35):
Wait, I don't get it.
Speaker 1 (20:36):
Vanella soy late vanilla bean, soy bean coffee bean.
Speaker 2 (20:40):
Oh it's three bean soup.
Speaker 3 (20:42):
Yeah, okay, that's like a joke for like a smart person.
Speaker 1 (20:48):
And then finally I found out why I'm still single.
Apparently have to go outside and let people see you.
Speaker 2 (20:55):
Do you relate to that?
Speaker 1 (20:57):
Oh, you mean like I have to go out and
go somewhere and meet people and do things. H But
I am perfectly fine here with me and my dumpster.
I have so much to keep me busy, like so much.
I have the dumpster for three more days.
Speaker 2 (21:11):
Okay, but you have to get rid of the dumpster,
and then what are you going to feel?
Speaker 1 (21:14):
Well, that'll be on Thursday. Okay, we'll cross. Stay in
the present, cross that bridge when we get there. So Val,
thank you so much for sending us those quotes. I
feel like led to some unexpected conversation that we didn't
know we were going to have. Kay, I know you
said you have a game. I know you said you
(21:41):
have a game.
Speaker 3 (21:42):
Yeah, it actually fits with the last quote you read,
because I think I've talked to you about it because
Patrick and I play this game on our second date,
and it was my secret back pocket weapon when I
was dating. If the conversation was kind of not so
exciting or I didn't know not to say, I'd be like, hey,
you want to play this game and it's called make
it or break it?
Speaker 2 (22:00):
You called it something else?
Speaker 1 (22:02):
Go, no, go.
Speaker 2 (22:03):
Some people call it red light or red flag or
deal break or I don't know, something like that.
Speaker 3 (22:08):
I call it make or break it. Basically, I want
to play this with you so we can get a
little bit of a taste of what you're like looking
for out there, you know, if anybody's listening.
Speaker 1 (22:17):
And let somebody want organized?
Speaker 2 (22:19):
Okay, wait, we'll get we'll get there.
Speaker 1 (22:21):
Okay, because organized because now I'm organized.
Speaker 2 (22:25):
Yeah, they have to meet you where you are.
Speaker 3 (22:27):
But basically the rules are if you have this perfect person,
so everything that you would want in a person, including
organization for amy, but there's this one thing, and the
question is make it or break it? Does this one
thing ruin the relationship and you won't date them? Or
can you look past it?
Speaker 2 (22:43):
Got it?
Speaker 3 (22:44):
So you can do this with serious things and also
funny things. So I think you can learn a lot
about a person, but also just have a good time.
So I'm going to read something to you. You can
if you have any you can throw them back. But
I'm gonna start. So some classic ones, perfect, very organized.
But he sings everything everything. Yeah, like but.
Speaker 2 (23:06):
He sings everything but.
Speaker 1 (23:08):
All the time.
Speaker 2 (23:09):
Hey, Amy, how you do?
Speaker 1 (23:11):
That's not gonna work?
Speaker 2 (23:12):
What if you had a good boy?
Speaker 1 (23:13):
No, because it's going to be like out in public
and he's gonna be singing of friends.
Speaker 2 (23:19):
Why do you love the dinner?
Speaker 3 (23:22):
I feel like eventually you'd get used to it. No, okay, okay,
make it or break it. He can never leave the
city of Nashville. Perfect guy, but he personally can never
leave Nashville, and we can't travel together.
Speaker 2 (23:35):
You could go without him.
Speaker 1 (23:37):
No, it's gonna work. Okay, God, these are extreme. This
isn't like he shaves his legs.
Speaker 2 (23:43):
Oh make it RecA. He shaves his legs.
Speaker 1 (23:45):
That wouldn't bother me now. But I did stop dating
a guy in my twenties because he shaved his legs.
Speaker 2 (23:50):
Okay.
Speaker 1 (23:50):
Well I don't know who that person is. Okay, I'm
not her anymore. Well this speaks to that. Now I
don't have time to be that picky.
Speaker 2 (23:57):
We'll see, we'll see. Make it or break it?
Speaker 1 (24:00):
He only wears red and he's perfect and every other
every other way.
Speaker 3 (24:03):
But only wears red. So you go to a wedding,
he's wearing a red suit. Sure, Okay, pants and shirts, socks, shoes, okay, yeah,
ok thing uniform. Uh, make your brick it. Every time
somebody sneezes, he barks like a dog, and.
Speaker 1 (24:22):
He's perfect because sneezes are not always happening.
Speaker 2 (24:26):
Okay, I can handle it.
Speaker 1 (24:27):
You sneeze, No, like you know you just said he barks.
It doesn't mean I mean like barks like a dog. Okay,
sneeze a true I can handle that. That's fine. Gotta
be like a fun little party trick.
Speaker 2 (24:44):
Okay, this is one of my favorite ones. Make it
or break it.
Speaker 3 (24:49):
Every time you go somewhere new, he has to lick
the door frame from the bottom to the top. Once
you've been that place to that place, he doesn't have
to do it again. But like if you go to
a new restaurant you guys have never been, he has
to lick the door from the bottom of the top.
He goes to a friend's house that you guys have
never been to. If you go to a new store,
but once you've been in that store or in that restaurant,
(25:10):
he doesn't have to do it again, so it's a
safe place. But every new place you go, he has
to lick the door from from the bottom to stop.
Speaker 1 (25:16):
That's really weird.
Speaker 2 (25:19):
Would you end a relationship over that?
Speaker 1 (25:22):
I guess if it's a disorder, I can't hold it
against him.
Speaker 2 (25:26):
So the disorder is just his personality.
Speaker 1 (25:28):
No, it would be a disorder if he had to
do that, that would be.
Speaker 2 (25:32):
Yeah, I guess the form of OCD. Yeah, so make it.
Speaker 1 (25:35):
I guess it's fine because eventually we we Oh my god.
Speaker 3 (25:41):
Because and what if you're traveling, you go on vacation,
every single.
Speaker 1 (25:44):
Place you go into I'm consuming. Huh. What if we
go to a lot of places that don't have doors?
Speaker 2 (25:50):
That would be a nice little if we.
Speaker 1 (25:51):
Board an airplane, so every time he gets on an
air airplane, new door.
Speaker 2 (25:54):
Excuse me, ma'am m, I have to lick this before
I can What.
Speaker 1 (25:56):
About the bathroom door in the airplane?
Speaker 2 (25:58):
Yeah, no, you could get special accommodations.
Speaker 3 (26:01):
Maybe you could board early. So no, go okay, make
it to break it. He can't eat food in public.
He can eat food from public, but you have to
eat it.
Speaker 2 (26:11):
In the house.
Speaker 3 (26:11):
They he'll go out to eat, but he won't eat.
That's fine, okay, make it to break it. He sleeps
under the bed, like all the way under under the bed.
Speaker 1 (26:21):
Okay, that's like.
Speaker 2 (26:23):
You guys could cut perfect in every way. You guys
cut all D D D. And then it's like.
Speaker 1 (26:28):
Gotta go, Yeah, I gotta go. Okay, that's fine.
Speaker 3 (26:30):
I told that to a person and he said I
would just get a bunk bed and then we would
always be under the bed.
Speaker 2 (26:35):
I thought was smart.
Speaker 1 (26:36):
Yeah, that's next level.
Speaker 3 (26:38):
How about he has seventeen snakes. No, it's no, go
don't they're in a cage.
Speaker 1 (26:44):
I don't care.
Speaker 2 (26:44):
Perfect person if he has snakes.
Speaker 1 (26:47):
That's not my perfect person. If he has snakes, seventeen
of them, Okay, where do they live in a cage?
In our home?
Speaker 2 (26:54):
In his home?
Speaker 1 (26:56):
But he's perfect. So we're going to get married.
Speaker 2 (26:58):
Yeah, in your home.
Speaker 3 (26:59):
No, make or break it, perfect guy, But to be
with them, you have to cut off one of your legs.
Speaker 1 (27:05):
Oh wow, I guess so some people get by fine? Yeah,
I mean I know that there's challenges for sure. I'm
not saying it's like, oh, does that even sensitive?
Speaker 2 (27:15):
No, it's not. I give my rationale. Okay, it's not insensitive.
Speaker 3 (27:21):
It's not insensitive because you would be giving something up
that you are used to having.
Speaker 2 (27:25):
Okay, So is it worth it the trade off? Worth it?
Speaker 3 (27:28):
One of my friends said no, because sports and stuff
are so important to her to play and be active.
I said, hmm, you actually, there are a lot of technology.
You could probably still play a lot of the same sports.
Speaker 1 (27:40):
Absolutely, because I can get a prosthetic.
Speaker 3 (27:42):
Yeah, okay, worth it to me? All right, Patrick, I
would chop off my leg for you. He's not even
listening in this clip. Okay, make it or break it.
He hates your best friend?
Speaker 1 (27:55):
Ooh, that's gonna be really hard interesting?
Speaker 3 (27:58):
Or what about he hates your sister specifically because your
sister's like your best friend. That's a problem, because what's
up with you? She's great? That's weird. My god, I
love that answer. Make it her break it. Your sister hates.
Speaker 1 (28:09):
Him, then she's picking up on something I'm blinded by.
So I'm probably gonna listen to her. Really, Yeah, you've
told me things about guys before. Where I've been like, oh,
I didn't really see that, but okay, I get it now.
Speaker 3 (28:23):
And if you still didn't care about that thing, you
could still date them.
Speaker 2 (28:27):
M okay.
Speaker 1 (28:28):
But I'm pretty sure there's people you would be like,
if you ended up dating that person, you would be annoyed.
Speaker 3 (28:32):
I would be yes, one hundred percent, Yeah, it would
cause it's another thing where what is worth it this
person that could be the love of your life or
your friend.
Speaker 1 (28:43):
Right, which I think if ultimately I was like, kat,
this is the love of my life, you'd be like, Okay, I.
Speaker 2 (28:47):
Gotta get over it.
Speaker 1 (28:48):
I'll figure it out.
Speaker 2 (28:49):
Yeah.
Speaker 1 (28:49):
But also I think because I value our friendship and
your insight into my life, I would step back and
be like, is there something I'm missing here, because clearly
my people are saying something that I'm not.
Speaker 2 (29:02):
Make it or break it.
Speaker 3 (29:02):
He speaks in a Super Mario voice, which is it's
me Mario.
Speaker 2 (29:10):
Now record you don't have Super Mario.
Speaker 1 (29:12):
No, I okay, ding ding, I get it now.
Speaker 2 (29:17):
It's kind of cute. Yeah, I don't hate it. Okay again, it's.
Speaker 1 (29:21):
Kind of like fun. Y'all could always be or I
could always be Mario and Luigi for Halloween.
Speaker 2 (29:26):
But what if you guys are like making out and
he's like, oh that was fun.
Speaker 1 (29:30):
Why would just be like I have one role during
making out? No talking?
Speaker 3 (29:41):
Okay, one more Okay. There's a hand protruding from his forehead.
Speaker 1 (29:45):
No, I don't think so, but I'm sure that happens somewhere.
Speaker 3 (29:52):
Is it?
Speaker 2 (29:53):
You're trying to be too nice? There's a difference.
Speaker 3 (29:55):
What if he got cosmetic surgery to get something that
looks like a hand protruding from his forehead. That's different
than like he had this growth.
Speaker 1 (30:03):
Right, you know people do that. They have horns and planted.
Speaker 2 (30:06):
Yeah, he plants a horn. That's a better one.
Speaker 1 (30:08):
There was a guy we were talking about him on
the Bobby Bone Show recently. He had his penis removed
because he was transitioning or no, it's part of his
He asks what to do and takes things away from
his body like he adds and takes away, so like
he has a doctor. It's like a type of thing.
I don't know. I think he went to jail because
he was maybe getting other people to do it too,
(30:30):
sort of like in occult like behavior. Oh my gosh,
he was maybe the one surgically Yeah, I don't always
pay attention to the crazy stories that we talk about,
but I have two more.
Speaker 2 (30:40):
They just came to me.
Speaker 3 (30:41):
One he has the lizard tongue, like he cut sliced
his tongue so it looks.
Speaker 2 (30:44):
Like a lizard.
Speaker 1 (30:45):
I can't. That's not no perfect person, perfect person that
decided to make themselves look like a lizard. Just the tongue.
So I guess we could surgically sew it back together.
Speaker 2 (30:55):
Okay, make it or break it. He's of a different faith.
Speaker 1 (31:00):
That's difficult for me.
Speaker 2 (31:01):
That's okay, Yeah, you can say break it.
Speaker 1 (31:04):
Yeah, probably break it to be.
Speaker 2 (31:06):
Ended on a serious one.
Speaker 1 (31:07):
Yeah, what'd you do that for?
Speaker 2 (31:09):
Makeer brigg as a horn?
Speaker 1 (31:12):
Nope, okay, we'll end on the way. Val ended her
email again because it was so good. Hope everybody listening
has a story worthy week.
Speaker 2 (31:23):
Kat.
Speaker 1 (31:23):
Where can people find.
Speaker 3 (31:24):
You on Instagram at cat dot defaudit and at Uni
Therapy podcast.
Speaker 1 (31:28):
And I am at Radio Amy. We'll see you on
Thursday for four things. Saturday will be out weigh, and
then Cat and I'll be back next Tuesday for the
fifth thing. Bye.
Happy Tuesday. Welcome to the fifth Thing. I'm Amy and
I'm Kat. And today's quote, well, there's lots of them.
It's kind of a fun little segment. We're going to
do courtesy for our friend Val who's a listener in California.
But you know how we like to sign off on
an email like your friend, because we're all friends here.
And I also love the way she signed off her
email with hope you have a story worthy week, your
(00:27):
friend from California, Val, And I was like, oh, story
worthy week?
Speaker 2 (00:32):
Yes, sweet.
Speaker 1 (00:32):
We often say have the day you need to have.
Our friend Ali Fallon just put out a book called
Write Your Story. We all have a story. I feel
like that ties in nicely to that. But she sent
a lot of quotes, and she started off the email
like this' sup Amy Cat. Below is a list of
random quotes. They were gathered over the years from social media, Pinterest, books,
(00:56):
and podcasts. Honestly, some might have come from either your podcasts.
I apologize in advance for the fact that I did
not keep in mind who said these things, so no
credit can be given. There's a lot. I hope it's
not overwhelming anyway, Just thought i'd share Also, I didn't
realize until I typed these up how dark some of
my quotes are. I went through and I picked some
(01:17):
fun ones for us to do, but she had them
broken into categories. The first category was serious and the
second category was funny, and so I thought these will
be good for us.
Speaker 2 (01:26):
I kind of like the dark ones too, though I
don't know.
Speaker 1 (01:28):
How many of the dark I actually like, pulled pulled,
because again, she did have a lot in there, and
I just have I'm gonna go serious, funny, serious, funny.
I think that's a good plan. Okay, serious. The tighter
we cling to an identity, the harder it becomes to
grow beyond it. I feel like that is very true
in who we are as a mom, or who we
(01:49):
are at work, or who were like wherever we're pouring everything.
If our entire identity is wrapped up in that. The
minute our kids turned eighteen and they move out or
we have to change jobs for whatever reason, it's like
we don't know what to do with ourselves.
Speaker 2 (02:01):
What do I do next?
Speaker 1 (02:03):
On to the funny, I've moved past having a depressive episode.
I'm actually having a depressive series. Season eight available.
Speaker 2 (02:10):
Now, that's why I wasn't know where that was going.
That's funny.
Speaker 1 (02:14):
It's kind of dark, but funny.
Speaker 2 (02:16):
All right.
Speaker 1 (02:16):
Serious, I have already lost touch with a couple of
people I used to be, which I love that. And
it kind of goes to the first serious quote of
like you don't cling to yourself so much. It's like
this beautiful thing of you're not supposed to be that
same person that you wore back then, and wow, you
get to know this new version of you and you know,
(02:40):
lose touch with the others. Funny. I'm not a licensed
interior designer, but I just figured out you can make
a room look thirty percent bigger if you put away
the fourteen loads of laundry on the floor.
Speaker 2 (02:54):
Wait, do you fold it as soon as it's done.
Speaker 1 (02:56):
I love laundry and I like to be that way.
It is not always that way because of my identity
at work and as a mom, like other things take control.
I don't get wrapped up in my identity as a laundress.
Speaker 3 (03:09):
Okay, I will say I cleaned my bedroom a couple
weeks ago, and when I say cleaned, I met I
folded the clean clothes that were on the floor, and
Patrick walked in and was like, oh my gosh, this.
Speaker 2 (03:20):
Room looks like a completely new room.
Speaker 3 (03:21):
What did you do? And I was like, I just
folded my clothes. That's all I did. I don't like
doing it.
Speaker 1 (03:27):
Laundry is one of my all time favorite things to
do around the house. Like, if I have a task,
I'll choose to do that and ignore some of the
other things. Wiping down the counters.
Speaker 2 (03:37):
I'll do that.
Speaker 1 (03:38):
Yeah, all day long. I'm obsessed laundry.
Speaker 2 (03:42):
I love.
Speaker 1 (03:42):
I love buying new detergent, I love trying new things.
Speaker 2 (03:45):
I love you do love detergent.
Speaker 3 (03:48):
I just feel like it's never done, so why even start.
Speaker 1 (03:51):
Yeah, well, when you add kids kids to the mix,
it's definitely never done. Okay, I think we're a funny now.
A neighbor said, Hi again, I'm just gonna move.
Speaker 2 (04:07):
That's me.
Speaker 3 (04:08):
That's me and I live in an alley and I don't
really have neighbors. But if somebody's like going to their
car at the same time as I am, I'm like, oh,
I got it, I forgot something inside the house.
Speaker 2 (04:15):
Gonna go.
Speaker 1 (04:16):
Okay, we're going too serious now, buy less choose well,
which I think is such a simple quote and completely
represents who I am now, and I've lost touch with
the person that used to just buy things. Although I
did go to Costco on Sunday and bought a little here,
a little there. But they are necessities, right, yeah, Costco.
You need everything you're supposed to do there. But I've
(04:37):
been throwing away things in my dumpster, will making throw
away piles, donate piles, and keep piles, so having to
assess like what am I going to keep? And it's
really difficult when it's something I've had for twenty plus
years and you're looking at it and you're like, okay,
do I keep this or toss it? And with a
(04:57):
big dumpster outside, it definitely makes it easy to toss it,
which I think is good because I've held on to things,
especially you know, ending a marriage last year. It's like
there's certain things like okay, this needs to go, I
will say. There are portraits. Look behind you. There are
two portraits leaning up against the wall, and one is
of Bin and I's hands on our wedding day, so
(05:20):
it's just our wedding rings, and then another one is
us laughing and looking at each other. We were probably
like twenty five years old there and I didn't know
what to do because we're not married anymore. Those are
special things, but what do I do? Keep them in
the attic if we get remarried? Do I just have
these photos? But I thought for my kids, they may
(05:42):
want to have it. I sort of had it in
the throw in the dump pile and Stevenson walked by
and he was like, is this in the dumpster pile?
And I just said, don't know yet. What do you think.
He's like, Oh, it looks so cute. Y'all are in love,
And I was like, yeah, I.
Speaker 3 (05:56):
Guess it's kind of similar to what you were deciding
to do with your wedding ring too.
Speaker 2 (06:00):
Is this for my kids?
Speaker 1 (06:02):
But also, a marriage is different than a breakup.
Speaker 3 (06:04):
But I am the type of person who's going to
throw everything out or keep everything. And my mom told
me when I went through a breakup one time, she
was like, you don't have to get rid of everything,
just put it away so it doesn't bother you. And
so it's something where you see it, it like triggers sadness.
I wouldn't want it to be within reach, continue to
go torture yourself by looking at it.
Speaker 2 (06:23):
But if it's something your kids would want you could
hide or.
Speaker 1 (06:26):
Just see like it is a part of my life,
Like I don't know that person anymore.
Speaker 2 (06:30):
I've lost touch.
Speaker 1 (06:31):
I've lost touch with that person. However, I don't regret
any of that. So yeah, it's it's not like you
want to go burn it all. It's a weird thing.
I can go over the thing I found. I googled
it this last weekend. I was trying to figure out
and Oprah had this whole article toss it or keep it?
And I can share with you some of the key
things that I use to decide. So when it comes
to keeping it, if it's sentimental gold like cling to it.
(06:55):
But it doesn't mean you have to keep every special
card that someone gave you, like the one that captures
that person's spirit the best. Although I have card boxes
and I did not dump those, like I have lots
of shoe boxes full of cards and I'm keeping them. Ooh,
and I found a card from my mom that actually
was like a side of her I don't really recall.
(07:16):
I think I have painted this narrative that my mom
was often not emotionally available, because that was ninety percent
of the time. I think before I found this card,
I would have said ninety nine percent, but after I
read it, I thought, wow, Okay, this is a perfect
example of how I built this narrative that my mom
was never really that emotionally available. And it was a
card that she sent me when I was doing my
(07:37):
freshman year at a junior college, trying to get into
Texas A and M. And she sent me a whole
care package and the card was really thoughtful and sweet
and kind of long and even a little bit funny.
And I found it in my garage of all places, Like,
I don't even know how it got in the mix,
but I do think I was meant to find it
this last weekend, and I do think I was meant
to recognize, oh wow, it was as emotionally unavailable as
(08:03):
I have recently recalled, like in a lot of my
therapy and things like, I think I did have some
emotional neglect. However, it was cool to find an example
of my mom being really there for me. And I
sort of rewrote history, which I think we can often do.
I don't know, do you see that as a therapist? Yeah,
you rewrite a story that you have in your head.
(08:23):
You have new information, and I feel like I gave
her a raw into the deal. She's like, well, I
think I was meant to find out those too. Yeah, exactly,
I wasn't totally shut off all the time.
Speaker 2 (08:34):
Do you keep every card people give you?
Speaker 1 (08:37):
Not every single one, but I have a lot and
they didn't make it in the dumpster.
Speaker 2 (08:43):
I keep a card if there's a note somebody wrote
in it.
Speaker 3 (08:45):
But if it's just like a Hallmark card and it
says love Nana, I don't need every single one of
those that my nana has sent correct.
Speaker 1 (08:51):
So if Nana sent you one that was more special,
captured her spirit, then that's the card that you keep.
According to oprah dot com, we.
Speaker 3 (08:58):
When I kept the last birthday card in mid mom's
mom my mema sent me.
Speaker 1 (09:01):
I still have that card. Perfect example. Another thing for
you keep it if it fits your life today. Your
possessions should support who you are right now, not the
person you were five years ago or five pounds ago. Like, well,
five pounds isn't that much to get over to the clothes.
Speaker 2 (09:18):
I'm like maybe if yeah, I'm hold fluctuation.
Speaker 1 (09:21):
Yeah, like we'll hold on to that. But that's the
identity thing of like you don't have to cling to it,
which to that point, maybe I do need to get
rid of those photos, but if I keep them in
the attic, I think it will be fine. You can
also keep it if you think it's gorgeous, even if
no one else does. If it's something that makes you smile,
keep it, keep it if you would buy it again.
If this is something I'd definitely buy again, hold on
(09:43):
to it. And then the fifth thing under keep it
if is if you can find a place for it,
and you want to find a place for it, Because
if you're willing to find somewhere to put it, then
it's worth keeping and creating space.
Speaker 3 (09:54):
For I think another thing that goes into that is, yeah,
the space part. I I would probably have kept a
lot more stuff when I moved if I had somewhere
to put it. But then you don't want too much
space because like my mom keeps our baby teeth.
Speaker 1 (10:08):
Oh my mom kept mine. Whenever she passed away. I
found all my baby teeth in her underwearge war.
Speaker 3 (10:15):
My mom has like the pamphlet that gives directions to
the first iron she has ever owned. I don't know
if she's the iron, but she has she's everything because
she has a whole room to put it in, which
is gonna be I think here I'll play devil's advocate.
She doesn't need her baby teeth. I don't want my
baby teeth when she passes away. But you know how
much fun I'm gonna have going through all the stuff
(10:35):
that she kept, like every art project, every painting we
made at school, or I don't know, mother's Day card
we made when we were younger. She's gonna have all
that stuff, and that is really fun to go through.
Speaker 1 (10:48):
Yeah, I think it'll be special.
Speaker 2 (10:50):
She can't give away the baby teeth.
Speaker 1 (10:51):
I throw out a lot of my kids' artwork just
two days ago.
Speaker 2 (10:55):
So not every red's gonna like it, though maybe they
won't care.
Speaker 1 (10:57):
Yeah. So, speaking of throwing things out, this is the
toss it. If toss it if you have twice as
many what you need, take inventory of your duplicate items.
If you own enough spatulas and coffee mugs to supply
a small diner, it's time to shed a few and
toss it. Could also mean donate it if it's a
gift you don't love, like say you were giving it,
(11:18):
you feel bad, but you're like holding on to it
it's okay to part ways toss it if it's not
worth repairing, Like the cost it's going to go into
getting it fixed is just not worth it. Toss it
if your gut says lose it. Which that's the thing.
I don't know when my gut is right or when
my gut is wrong, because sometimes my guts like toss it,
and then I'm walking to the dumpster with it, and
I'd be like throwing it in and be like, oh,
(11:40):
maybe I should hold on to it.
Speaker 2 (11:41):
Yeah, that's a dangerous one.
Speaker 3 (11:42):
I feel like I've tossed things because I'm like, oh,
just get rid of it, and then.
Speaker 2 (11:45):
I regret it.
Speaker 1 (11:47):
This is gonna sound weird, Okay. I don't even know
if I want to say it. This is gonna sound weird. Okay,
I don't even know if I want to say it.
Oh who cares. So I got a letter from a
(12:07):
boyfriend in high college that was really really special to me,
and speaking of rewriting history, I feel like I kind
of know what it said, but I remember just being
so blown away by it and shocked, and my mom
was there to witness the whole thing. But it was
really special and it made me feel special. But I
do wonder, all these years later if I'm remembering it correctly.
(12:30):
And it's not like I think about it all the
time by any means. But when I got married, I
went through all my ex boyfriend stuff and I threw
it all in the trash and now I have no
reference to it, which really it doesn't matter, but I
think maybe in this new time of me being single
and wondering who I once was, right, I don't know
(12:50):
that twenty year old version of me. He broke up
with me that boyfriend, and quite frankly, I would have
broken up with.
Speaker 2 (12:56):
Me too, I was not.
Speaker 1 (12:58):
But I wait the letter for I wish I could
go back and read the letter was we were an
on and off again situation and he was proclaiming his
love for me.
Speaker 2 (13:10):
Oh so he wanted to be with you.
Speaker 1 (13:12):
Right, and we ended up getting back together, but then
we broke up again. But like, what was it in
that letter where he thought I was so amazing? That's
why this seems like crazy because I don't really care
about this, but just I'm sharing with you.
Speaker 2 (13:24):
What what did that person see in you? Yes? Yeah?
Speaker 1 (13:27):
And like what was different? And then what caused the breakup?
I mean, I think when you go through any relationship changes,
you kind of think back on your relationship patterns, how
you are, who you were. That's the only thing. It's
not like I'm wanting anything from this person in any way,
shape or form. They have their own life, their own family.
I think I can't even go back and reference that
(13:48):
letter because my gut told me at the time, you're
about to be married forever. Why do you ever need
this letter. I don't need the letter for any other reason.
But does does that make sense?
Speaker 3 (13:57):
Yeah, I'm it's making me think of I don't know
when I did this. I don't know if I want
to say this either. What I'm going to It was
sometime last year. I got dumped by an ex boyfriend
years ago. We broke up, and then we took time apart,
and then we met and we, like randomly, had both
written a letter to read to each other, and he
tried to give me his letter, but I was like,
I don't want.
Speaker 2 (14:16):
Your breakup letter.
Speaker 3 (14:17):
If it was a letter professing love, I would have
liked it, but don't give me your breakup letter. But
I was going back and looking through I think I
was cleaning out space for my computer and I found
my letter and I read my letter, and I was like,
you were not okay in the things that I was saying.
And I had a lot of compassion for myself because
(14:39):
I saw how like wrapped up, I was not seeing
reality and I would never say the things that I
and do the things that I was doing then, and
even the way I was speaking didn't even seem like me.
But I thought, did he email me the letter? Is
there an any way for me? I wanted the letter
that he sent me because I wanted to know what
he said to me, because I think I blacked out
(14:59):
during that or I blocked it out because I knew
he was breaking up with me, that I didn't really
listen to any of the other stuff. It probably would
have just been crap anyway, But I wish I had that,
not that I again, I don't know what I would
do with it, but it was a part of.
Speaker 1 (15:13):
My life and something to just look back on and see. So, yeah,
but I don't have it because I throw it away.
But that's okay. I wasn't meant to keep it. And
then the final thing under tossing things is if you
don't know what it is like unidentified plastic objects. You
can even hold set things aside, like put it in
a bucket for thirty days, and after thirty days, if
you still can't figure out what it goes to or
(15:35):
where it belongs, then just go ahead and get.
Speaker 2 (15:37):
Rid of it.
Speaker 1 (15:38):
And I will say I took plastic bins around my house.
You'll turn around inside you we're in the podcast room,
but also there's attic doors in here. But I would
take these big plastic bins either into the attic or
into every room at the house, and I would open
up doors and I would just start filling up the
plastic bins. And then I would take the plastic bin
to the dump and dump it and then come back
with an empty bin, and so it was more manageable.
Speaker 3 (15:57):
You know what happens when I do that, though, is
I throw out all of these random chords that I
don't know what they belong to, and then I'm always
in need of the cord that I threw out.
Speaker 1 (16:05):
Well, then create a cord basket or box to where
you always know where it is and just keep them.
But then eventually, like there's some cords that are just
they need to go. You definitely did not need them.
We still have more quotes from our girl Vough that
one we went into the toss it or keep it
because of the buy less, choose well, and that is
my season of life. I'm purging. I haven't been shopping
(16:27):
much this year. The only time I shop is if
I bring money in from selling something, and that's felt
really good, and it does force you to choose well,
like if I'm buying something I wanted to be something
that I'm going to keep for a while, buy less,
choose well. And I will tell you when I move
into this next season of my life, which will include
(16:49):
a new house, a new space, new energy. I don't
want to just collect anymore. I want to minimize and
I want to keep what's important. But if you go
out and you look in the dumpster and you see
all the things, and you also see everything that's being donated,
I don't want to ever be that again. But also
I have grace because we're talking you know, years, years
(17:10):
and years and years and years. Some of this stuff
is even from my childhood, because I collected it from
my mom's house when she passed away, or my dad's
stuff when he passed away, so it's not just mine
and we're going back decades. But when you look in
the dumpster, it's like, eh, like we have too much.
I don't ever want to have this much stuff again. Right,
let's do a funny quote. Lucky for me, I don't
(17:32):
have enough friends for an intervention.
Speaker 2 (17:35):
That's sad.
Speaker 1 (17:37):
Back to serious. We all eat lies when our hearts
are hungry. It sounds like good.
Speaker 3 (17:44):
Oh that fits so well, but I like that we
all eat lies.
Speaker 1 (17:49):
When our hearts are hungry. All right, Back to funny.
I don't understand your specific kind of crazy, but I
do admire your total commitment to it. Did you say
that to a client?
Speaker 3 (18:02):
I would say it in different words of like, I
admire your commitment to this insanity.
Speaker 2 (18:08):
Yeah. Back to serious.
Speaker 1 (18:10):
Just because you don't look like somebody you think is
attractive doesn't mean you aren't attractive. Flowers are pretty, but
so are Christmas lights, and they look nothing alike.
Speaker 2 (18:19):
That's so good.
Speaker 3 (18:20):
I was thinking that was going to go somewhere else where,
Like people have different kinds of favorite flowers, and some
people like colored Christmas lights and people like the white ones.
Speaker 2 (18:28):
And so just because you don't like it doesn't mean
somebody else will.
Speaker 1 (18:31):
My room is not dirty. I just have everything on
display like a museum.
Speaker 2 (18:37):
That's me and my clothes.
Speaker 1 (18:40):
Everyone you meet always asks if you have a career
or married, own a house, as if life was some
kind of grocery list, But no one ever asks if
you are happy.
Speaker 2 (18:48):
I get what they're saying.
Speaker 3 (18:50):
I don't really agree with that, because I don't think
necessarily people walk up to you and say do you
own a house?
Speaker 1 (18:58):
Or they're probably like, well where are you? What do
you think for a living?
Speaker 2 (19:01):
Oh? Do you do?
Speaker 1 (19:02):
They say? Do you rent her own? Oh?
Speaker 2 (19:05):
Do you rent this?
Speaker 3 (19:07):
But I also think people can ask if you're happy
in different ways. It might be kind of strange and
off putting in somebody who's like, hey, my name's Kethern,
are you happy? It's kind of weird, But if you
ask other questions, you can still be getting at that
same idea without being so direct. The ways you would
ask that are different than asking do you have a career.
Speaker 2 (19:26):
No, I agree with you.
Speaker 1 (19:27):
Some of you youths are going to be really disappointed
when you discovered that turning thirty just means that you
still have all the same weird interests. But you can't
turn your head all the way to the left anymore.
Speaker 3 (19:39):
Hi got kind of sidetracked. Did you watch New Girl
some I don't think. Oh, but you said youths. I
just thought of Schmidt.
Speaker 2 (19:45):
You don't get it. It's fine, it's funny, though.
Speaker 1 (19:46):
I just Smitch say youths.
Speaker 2 (19:48):
Yeah, the youths, the youths.
Speaker 1 (19:50):
Stasher has really been into New Girls, so I think
I watched bits and pieces of it with her. I
started watching Sugar on Apple.
Speaker 2 (19:57):
Never heard of that.
Speaker 1 (19:59):
It's really good. Give it a try. If you're looking
for a show, give it a try.
Speaker 2 (20:02):
Is it funny?
Speaker 1 (20:03):
No, not at all?
Speaker 3 (20:04):
Okay, because we went back I remember we were watching
a million little things. I'm rewatching it.
Speaker 1 (20:08):
Wow, you're going back to that.
Speaker 3 (20:10):
I didn't ever watch the last season, and apparently the
finale is insane, and so I'm rewatching it.
Speaker 2 (20:15):
And Patrick's never seen it.
Speaker 3 (20:16):
But you'd be surprised how much you forget because I'm like, oh,
I didn't know that happened.
Speaker 1 (20:21):
Hey, sorry for being so anxious earlier. I had no
idea that everything would be fine.
Speaker 2 (20:25):
I love that one, me too.
Speaker 1 (20:26):
I keep telling people that vanilla soy latte is technically
a three bean soup, but nobody understands. They just nod
and smile like I'm the crazy one.
Speaker 2 (20:35):
Wait, I don't get it.
Speaker 1 (20:36):
Vanella soy late vanilla bean, soy bean coffee bean.
Speaker 2 (20:40):
Oh it's three bean soup.
Speaker 3 (20:42):
Yeah, okay, that's like a joke for like a smart person.
Speaker 1 (20:48):
And then finally I found out why I'm still single.
Apparently have to go outside and let people see you.
Speaker 2 (20:55):
Do you relate to that?
Speaker 1 (20:57):
Oh, you mean like I have to go out and
go somewhere and meet people and do things. H But
I am perfectly fine here with me and my dumpster.
I have so much to keep me busy, like so much.
I have the dumpster for three more days.
Speaker 2 (21:11):
Okay, but you have to get rid of the dumpster,
and then what are you going to feel?
Speaker 1 (21:14):
Well, that'll be on Thursday. Okay, we'll cross. Stay in
the present, cross that bridge when we get there. So Val,
thank you so much for sending us those quotes. I
feel like led to some unexpected conversation that we didn't
know we were going to have. Kay, I know you
said you have a game. I know you said you
(21:41):
have a game.
Speaker 3 (21:42):
Yeah, it actually fits with the last quote you read,
because I think I've talked to you about it because
Patrick and I play this game on our second date,
and it was my secret back pocket weapon when I
was dating. If the conversation was kind of not so
exciting or I didn't know not to say, I'd be like, hey,
you want to play this game and it's called make
it or break it?
Speaker 2 (22:00):
You called it something else?
Speaker 1 (22:02):
Go, no, go.
Speaker 2 (22:03):
Some people call it red light or red flag or
deal break or I don't know, something like that.
Speaker 3 (22:08):
I call it make or break it. Basically, I want
to play this with you so we can get a
little bit of a taste of what you're like looking
for out there, you know, if anybody's listening.
Speaker 1 (22:17):
And let somebody want organized?
Speaker 2 (22:19):
Okay, wait, we'll get we'll get there.
Speaker 1 (22:21):
Okay, because organized because now I'm organized.
Speaker 2 (22:25):
Yeah, they have to meet you where you are.
Speaker 3 (22:27):
But basically the rules are if you have this perfect person,
so everything that you would want in a person, including
organization for amy, but there's this one thing, and the
question is make it or break it? Does this one
thing ruin the relationship and you won't date them? Or
can you look past it?
Speaker 2 (22:43):
Got it?
Speaker 3 (22:44):
So you can do this with serious things and also
funny things. So I think you can learn a lot
about a person, but also just have a good time.
So I'm going to read something to you. You can
if you have any you can throw them back. But
I'm gonna start. So some classic ones, perfect, very organized.
But he sings everything everything. Yeah, like but.
Speaker 2 (23:06):
He sings everything but.
Speaker 1 (23:08):
All the time.
Speaker 2 (23:09):
Hey, Amy, how you do?
Speaker 1 (23:11):
That's not gonna work?
Speaker 2 (23:12):
What if you had a good boy?
Speaker 1 (23:13):
No, because it's going to be like out in public
and he's gonna be singing of friends.
Speaker 2 (23:19):
Why do you love the dinner?
Speaker 3 (23:22):
I feel like eventually you'd get used to it. No, okay, okay,
make it or break it. He can never leave the
city of Nashville. Perfect guy, but he personally can never
leave Nashville, and we can't travel together.
Speaker 2 (23:35):
You could go without him.
Speaker 1 (23:37):
No, it's gonna work. Okay, God, these are extreme. This
isn't like he shaves his legs.
Speaker 2 (23:43):
Oh make it RecA. He shaves his legs.
Speaker 1 (23:45):
That wouldn't bother me now. But I did stop dating
a guy in my twenties because he shaved his legs.
Speaker 2 (23:50):
Okay.
Speaker 1 (23:50):
Well I don't know who that person is. Okay, I'm
not her anymore. Well this speaks to that. Now I
don't have time to be that picky.
Speaker 2 (23:57):
We'll see, we'll see. Make it or break it?
Speaker 1 (24:00):
He only wears red and he's perfect and every other
every other way.
Speaker 3 (24:03):
But only wears red. So you go to a wedding,
he's wearing a red suit. Sure, Okay, pants and shirts, socks, shoes, okay, yeah,
ok thing uniform. Uh, make your brick it. Every time
somebody sneezes, he barks like a dog, and.
Speaker 1 (24:22):
He's perfect because sneezes are not always happening.
Speaker 2 (24:26):
Okay, I can handle it.
Speaker 1 (24:27):
You sneeze, No, like you know you just said he barks.
It doesn't mean I mean like barks like a dog. Okay,
sneeze a true I can handle that. That's fine. Gotta
be like a fun little party trick.
Speaker 2 (24:44):
Okay, this is one of my favorite ones. Make it
or break it.
Speaker 3 (24:49):
Every time you go somewhere new, he has to lick
the door frame from the bottom to the top. Once
you've been that place to that place, he doesn't have
to do it again. But like if you go to
a new restaurant you guys have never been, he has
to lick the door from the bottom of the top.
He goes to a friend's house that you guys have
never been to. If you go to a new store,
but once you've been in that store or in that restaurant,
(25:10):
he doesn't have to do it again, so it's a
safe place. But every new place you go, he has
to lick the door from from the bottom to stop.
Speaker 1 (25:16):
That's really weird.
Speaker 2 (25:19):
Would you end a relationship over that?
Speaker 1 (25:22):
I guess if it's a disorder, I can't hold it
against him.
Speaker 2 (25:26):
So the disorder is just his personality.
Speaker 1 (25:28):
No, it would be a disorder if he had to
do that, that would be.
Speaker 2 (25:32):
Yeah, I guess the form of OCD. Yeah, so make it.
Speaker 1 (25:35):
I guess it's fine because eventually we we Oh my god.
Speaker 3 (25:41):
Because and what if you're traveling, you go on vacation,
every single.
Speaker 1 (25:44):
Place you go into I'm consuming. Huh. What if we
go to a lot of places that don't have doors?
Speaker 2 (25:50):
That would be a nice little if we.
Speaker 1 (25:51):
Board an airplane, so every time he gets on an
air airplane, new door.
Speaker 2 (25:54):
Excuse me, ma'am m, I have to lick this before
I can What.
Speaker 1 (25:56):
About the bathroom door in the airplane?
Speaker 2 (25:58):
Yeah, no, you could get special accommodations.
Speaker 3 (26:01):
Maybe you could board early. So no, go okay, make
it to break it. He can't eat food in public.
He can eat food from public, but you have to
eat it.
Speaker 2 (26:11):
In the house.
Speaker 3 (26:11):
They he'll go out to eat, but he won't eat.
That's fine, okay, make it to break it. He sleeps
under the bed, like all the way under under the bed.
Speaker 1 (26:21):
Okay, that's like.
Speaker 2 (26:23):
You guys could cut perfect in every way. You guys
cut all D D D. And then it's like.
Speaker 1 (26:28):
Gotta go, Yeah, I gotta go. Okay, that's fine.
Speaker 3 (26:30):
I told that to a person and he said I
would just get a bunk bed and then we would
always be under the bed.
Speaker 2 (26:35):
I thought was smart.
Speaker 1 (26:36):
Yeah, that's next level.
Speaker 3 (26:38):
How about he has seventeen snakes. No, it's no, go
don't they're in a cage.
Speaker 1 (26:44):
I don't care.
Speaker 2 (26:44):
Perfect person if he has snakes.
Speaker 1 (26:47):
That's not my perfect person. If he has snakes, seventeen
of them, Okay, where do they live in a cage?
In our home?
Speaker 2 (26:54):
In his home?
Speaker 1 (26:56):
But he's perfect. So we're going to get married.
Speaker 2 (26:58):
Yeah, in your home.
Speaker 3 (26:59):
No, make or break it, perfect guy, But to be
with them, you have to cut off one of your legs.
Speaker 1 (27:05):
Oh wow, I guess so some people get by fine? Yeah,
I mean I know that there's challenges for sure. I'm
not saying it's like, oh, does that even sensitive?
Speaker 2 (27:15):
No, it's not. I give my rationale. Okay, it's not insensitive.
Speaker 3 (27:21):
It's not insensitive because you would be giving something up
that you are used to having.
Speaker 2 (27:25):
Okay, So is it worth it the trade off? Worth it?
Speaker 3 (27:28):
One of my friends said no, because sports and stuff
are so important to her to play and be active.
I said, hmm, you actually, there are a lot of technology.
You could probably still play a lot of the same sports.
Speaker 1 (27:40):
Absolutely, because I can get a prosthetic.
Speaker 3 (27:42):
Yeah, okay, worth it to me? All right, Patrick, I
would chop off my leg for you. He's not even
listening in this clip. Okay, make it or break it.
He hates your best friend?
Speaker 1 (27:55):
Ooh, that's gonna be really hard interesting?
Speaker 3 (27:58):
Or what about he hates your sister specifically because your
sister's like your best friend. That's a problem, because what's
up with you? She's great? That's weird. My god, I
love that answer. Make it her break it. Your sister hates.
Speaker 1 (28:09):
Him, then she's picking up on something I'm blinded by.
So I'm probably gonna listen to her. Really, Yeah, you've
told me things about guys before. Where I've been like, oh,
I didn't really see that, but okay, I get it now.
Speaker 3 (28:23):
And if you still didn't care about that thing, you
could still date them.
Speaker 2 (28:27):
M okay.
Speaker 1 (28:28):
But I'm pretty sure there's people you would be like,
if you ended up dating that person, you would be annoyed.
Speaker 3 (28:32):
I would be yes, one hundred percent, Yeah, it would
cause it's another thing where what is worth it this
person that could be the love of your life or
your friend.
Speaker 1 (28:43):
Right, which I think if ultimately I was like, kat,
this is the love of my life, you'd be like, Okay, I.
Speaker 2 (28:47):
Gotta get over it.
Speaker 1 (28:48):
I'll figure it out.
Speaker 2 (28:49):
Yeah.
Speaker 1 (28:49):
But also I think because I value our friendship and
your insight into my life, I would step back and
be like, is there something I'm missing here, because clearly
my people are saying something that I'm not.
Speaker 2 (29:02):
Make it or break it.
Speaker 3 (29:02):
He speaks in a Super Mario voice, which is it's
me Mario.
Speaker 2 (29:10):
Now record you don't have Super Mario.
Speaker 1 (29:12):
No, I okay, ding ding, I get it now.
Speaker 2 (29:17):
It's kind of cute. Yeah, I don't hate it. Okay again, it's.
Speaker 1 (29:21):
Kind of like fun. Y'all could always be or I
could always be Mario and Luigi for Halloween.
Speaker 2 (29:26):
But what if you guys are like making out and
he's like, oh that was fun.
Speaker 1 (29:30):
Why would just be like I have one role during
making out? No talking?
Speaker 3 (29:41):
Okay, one more Okay. There's a hand protruding from his forehead.
Speaker 1 (29:45):
No, I don't think so, but I'm sure that happens somewhere.
Speaker 3 (29:52):
Is it?
Speaker 2 (29:53):
You're trying to be too nice? There's a difference.
Speaker 3 (29:55):
What if he got cosmetic surgery to get something that
looks like a hand protruding from his forehead. That's different
than like he had this growth.
Speaker 1 (30:03):
Right, you know people do that. They have horns and planted.
Speaker 2 (30:06):
Yeah, he plants a horn. That's a better one.
Speaker 1 (30:08):
There was a guy we were talking about him on
the Bobby Bone Show recently. He had his penis removed
because he was transitioning or no, it's part of his
He asks what to do and takes things away from
his body like he adds and takes away, so like
he has a doctor. It's like a type of thing.
I don't know. I think he went to jail because
he was maybe getting other people to do it too,
(30:30):
sort of like in occult like behavior. Oh my gosh,
he was maybe the one surgically Yeah, I don't always
pay attention to the crazy stories that we talk about,
but I have two more.
Speaker 2 (30:40):
They just came to me.
Speaker 3 (30:41):
One he has the lizard tongue, like he cut sliced
his tongue so it looks.
Speaker 2 (30:44):
Like a lizard.
Speaker 1 (30:45):
I can't. That's not no perfect person, perfect person that
decided to make themselves look like a lizard. Just the tongue.
So I guess we could surgically sew it back together.
Speaker 2 (30:55):
Okay, make it or break it. He's of a different faith.
Speaker 1 (31:00):
That's difficult for me.
Speaker 2 (31:01):
That's okay, Yeah, you can say break it.
Speaker 1 (31:04):
Yeah, probably break it to be.
Speaker 2 (31:06):
Ended on a serious one.
Speaker 1 (31:07):
Yeah, what'd you do that for?
Speaker 2 (31:09):
Makeer brigg as a horn?
Speaker 1 (31:12):
Nope, okay, we'll end on the way. Val ended her
email again because it was so good. Hope everybody listening
has a story worthy week.
Speaker 2 (31:23):
Kat.
Speaker 1 (31:23):
Where can people find.
Speaker 3 (31:24):
You on Instagram at cat dot defaudit and at Uni
Therapy podcast.
Speaker 1 (31:28):
And I am at Radio Amy. We'll see you on
Thursday for four things. Saturday will be out weigh, and
then Cat and I'll be back next Tuesday for the
fifth thing. Bye.
4 Things with Amy Brown News
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