August 16, 2022 • 28 mins
Welcome to the '5th Thing' with Amy & Kat!! Today’s quote is: “Be grateful for what you already have while you pursue your goals. If you aren’t grateful for what you already have, what makes you think you would be happy with more.” Amy & Kat break down the quote a little bit and then get into these topics: we make 122 different decisions today (they go over the top 10), tricks to be the most attractive person in the room (hint: you might want to start talking with your hands & wearing your hair wet!), giving up your phone for perfect sleep (18% of people would do this), and more!!
Thank you licensed therapist, Kat Defatta, for joining us with her wisdom. You can find her on Instagram: @Kat.Defatta + @YouNeedTherapyPodcast.
Best places to find more about Amy: RadioAmy.com + @RadioAmy
Please send emails for the '5th Thing' to 4ThingsWithAmyBrown@gmail.com!
See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.
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Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
Speaker 1 (00:04):
Happy Tuesday. Welcome to the Fifth Thing. I'm Amy and
I'm Cat and our quote for today comes from a
Google doc that I share with Mary for our new
Gratitude Journal that we're working on. It's our third version,
and Mary loves spreadsheets and organization, and because we want
to put a gratitude quote on every page of the journal,
(00:26):
we need over a hundred and thirty for a hundred
thirty entries plus, so you know, we're trying to be organized.
And I added one. Is that how I would say it?
I put one into the dock the other day as
why didn't I added one? Sound wrong? I added, I know,
but sometimes towards just sound weird to you. Cat, Yes, okay,
(00:48):
Well I added one the other day and I thought, oh,
I'm going to pull that as my quote for the
Fifth Thing, and it's from Roy T. Bennett and it's
be grateful for what you already have while you pursue
your goals. If you aren't grateful for what you already have,
what makes you think you would be happy with more?
Mm hmmm. Are you doing any goal setting for since
(01:09):
we're already halfway through or what? How do you set
out goals for yourself. So I guess it hadn't hit
me that we're halfway through the year. We're over I
don't have like a goal sheet, and I don't have
like a plan written out, but I always have like
working goals in my brain, I guess. But then there's
the separate goals like work goals and then like personal goals,
(01:32):
financial goals. I'm doing all that kind of stuff. Does
this quote resonate with you of being happy with you
where you currently are and having gratitude for it, so
that way when you get the other things that you're
maybe trying to attain, whether it's accomplishments or actual material things,
or you know, maybe big p Actually I had a
(01:53):
guy come to my house today and measure for blinds
because my house is no blinds. And he asked me
and Patrick how many kids we have and also called
him my fiance. And I was like, he was like,
what's your fiance's name? And Patrick was right there and
I was like, so he's not my fiance. And then
it just was like quiet and a little awkward. Why
(02:15):
would someone jump to the conclusion that he's your fiance?
Are you wearing a ring? No? I mean I had
rings but not on that finger, and they were all
like just like gold like bands. I think he thought
Patrick was living with me, but he was just over
helping me do stuff in my house, and so I
think he assumed he lives here. Therefore we have to
be married therefore. Anyway, it was kind of awkward, but
(02:40):
I was gonna say the quote. I think that you
can be grateful for what you have and also not
completely like happy with where you are, like if that
makes any sense at all. I think I've been in
places in my life where I have been grateful for
the things that I've had, but also like happy in
that sense, but also sad because I longed for something
(03:02):
else or something more. So I think there can be
some mixture there can It doesn't have to be so
all the way to black and white. And I guess
to the beginning of his quote says be grateful for
what you already have while you pursue your goals. It
doesn't say be happy that's what you already have, So
it's just questioning whether or not, Like why do you
think if you attain this, this, and this and check
these goal boxes that that will equal happiness? So yeah,
(03:25):
if you're struggling financially. You can be like, I'm grateful
I'm getting a paycheck this week, but also you don't
have to be happy, because you might like be struggling
and need more money and are working really hard and
feel like you can't keep your head above water. I'm
glad that you re said the quote. You know what
I am not happy with is my water bill. We've
been talking about it on the Bobby Bones Show, and
it is bonkers, isn't it. I saw that on your story.
(03:48):
Why how did that happen? Well, we don't know, and
we have checked for leaks and that's not an issue.
But other people have reached out and said that they've
just had similar issues with the meter being read wrong
and and other people are in disputes for over a
year with some of their water companies, trying to get
money back because they know that it's not accurate. And
so for me, it's just more I'm in a season
(04:11):
of adult ing and adulting hard, and that is focusing
on every bill that comes through. I'm trying to know
every detail, and I think we were just treading, like
trying to keep our head above water, and I didn't
have the time to focus on certain things. And when
I went back and started to look at bills over
(04:31):
the last two years, because I would say, we moved
into this house mid so that marks two years. And
there has been just multiple things in those last two years,
these last two years that have been significantly time consuming
for me. To where checking and with a microscope through bills,
especially when I have them on auto draft, just isn't
(04:53):
at the top of the list of my things that
I'm trying to do. And so now that I'm actually
doing that, my mind is blown and I'm mortified at
some of the bills that I've been paying rain and
that had no idea, right but obviously the six hundred
that was a red flag. We noticed that amount being
taken out. But that's what I thought. I asked the
water company. I'm like, y'all, don't y'all just auto draft
(05:15):
that like it's no big deal. You're like, hey, head's up.
You know you'all don't have a dollar amount when it swings.
The pendulum swings so big that maybe you alert the customer.
You just auto draft it like it's no big deal.
To me, that's bizarre. Yeah, they should be alerted so
they can like double check their work, because that's like
I mean, think about like if you don't have that
money in the bank and they just auto draft that
(05:37):
and you're like, wait, how did all my money just
go to my water? Yeah? No, it's crazy, especially since
my bill, my latest bill ever since I called and
had a few words came back with as I bet
that they're just like crediting you money now because they're like, oh,
we messed up, which they should. Well, I'm going to
(05:57):
get to the bottom of it. But the amount of
d m s and then some emails that I received
as well of people going through similar things. God be
with you because I know that making those phone calls
it's time out of your day. It's stressful. But I
will just make a reminder that some of the representatives
that you're talking to, they don't have control over everything,
and you just have to breathe and stay calm and
(06:20):
be kind. Did you stay calm? I stayed calm, and
I was kind and thoughtful. I really thought I was.
There was times where I had to put the phone
on you and be like, oh, you know, and then
I would get back on and be like okay, and
next time I think I might say can I talk
to your manager, because you know, sometimes you just gotta
(06:41):
go straight or like more to the top to see
because I still have more phone calls to make and
I will. But it feels good to kind of catch
a mistake like that and then get your money back
or feel empowered to know that you're in control and again,
being in that survival mode the last two years, maybe
I need little things like this to give me some
(07:02):
power and know that I can do adult things like
check my water bill and then try to you know,
dispute it and put gas in my car and all
those fun things. So I have some articles that I
pulled cat that I thought we could just go over,
and one of them was that we make a hundred
and twenty two different decisions each day ish. I mean,
(07:25):
obviously that's the average for people according to this poll
that was taken. The top everyday decisions that we struggle
with our what to watch on TV, this is my life,
what to eat, and what to wear? Those are the
(07:45):
top ones. But I mean they have a whole list
of things like meal planning for the week, which that
would be what to eat, but that's also at number two.
What to eat for breakfast? Lunch and dinner, what to
wear each day, whether you should go out with friends
or just stay in, whether or not to ask someone
out for you. In big p it's whether or not
you're gonna get married and have babies so that you're
blind guy is finally happy with your situation. What time
(08:08):
to go to bed, whether to work out or not,
whether to buy something or not. A few more that
made the list are what to order at a restaurant,
whether to cook dinner or order in, and whether or
not to hit the snooze one more time. And I
can go ahead and help you out with that one.
You've just got to stop snoozing a sap. Your life
will be better for it. Yeah. I actually have been
way better about getting up when my alarm goes off
(08:30):
and getting out of bed and get my day started.
So you pre pressure me into that and it is better.
It feels better. Are there any of these decisions that
I listed that you particularly struggle with? What did you
say the top three word? If what to eat, what
to wear? And want to watch on TV? Okay, yes
that one. Why is that so hard? There's way too
many options? Now, that's the issue. When I grew up,
(08:53):
it was like, there's four channels and you have to
watch something on those four channels, and now what there's
more channels than that, but you know what I mean?
And now I feel like there's too many options and
it's so overwhelming and I feel like if the show
isn't amazing, then like it's a waste of times. Then
I started different one and I just what well. I
was just in Austin this last weekend with my cousin
(09:15):
and she was asking me the same question. She said,
I need a list of shows that I have to watch,
and her and her husband they're just finishing up Sopranos.
They started with season one, episode one on HBO Max,
so they went way back what Sopranos is nineties to
early two thousands or something. So they're finishing that. And
(09:35):
since they're on HBO Max, I tried to give her
some recommendations over there, like The Way Down and Hacks.
Those are two two good HBO Max ones. Did you
not watch Hacks? You told me to watch that, didn't you.
It's really good. It's about a comedian. Oh yes, okay,
I need to write that down. When the woman that
back in the day, she was in designing women. Okay,
(09:57):
so I'm going to write that down. We're in the
middle of what in the second season of Only Murders
in the Building, and I love it. We're in the
middle of watching the second season of Only Murders in
the Building, and I love it. I love that too.
(10:20):
I saw that Steve Martin had said once he finishes,
this is going to be his last project. I guess
he may retire after the show finishes. And it's such
a good show. I really like it a lot. It's cute,
and I just imagine, like in my head, I don't
know how they are, but I just imagine, like Steve
Martin and Selena Gomez and what's the other guy's name,
Martin short, Yes, Martin short. I just imagine them being
(10:42):
like just like three best friends in real life shooting
that show, and like them being like little mentors to
Selena and I just I don't know. It may up
with that story in my head, and I hope that
they actually are friends. I'm sure that they are. It
made me think about how I didn't think I was
gonna like a show like that and then really did
enjoy it. And there's all kinds of things like we
maybe don't think we're going to enjoy that we've always avoided,
(11:06):
or maybe we didn't think we would like, so we
don't do it. And then it made me think about
things that I've always avoided that now I love like
fiction books. I hated fiction books occasionally, with the exception
as we've mentioned a million times, Hunger Games and a
few others that have snuck their way in. But I mean,
I'm forty one years old. You think I would have
read more fiction at this point, but I now can't
(11:29):
get enough. I'm obsessed with Emily Giffen. I'm not reading
this one. I'm listening to it and it's the one
and only and it is so good. Maybe because I'm
a Texas girl and it takes place to Texas and
it's talking about Texas football, but I'm into it. So question,
because you know, a couple of weeks ago, you gave
me some book recommendations. I started reading one book, but
(11:52):
I read about fifty pages on vacation and I haven't
read since. So the book that I recommended, The Seven Husbands,
you don't like it. No, I love it, I'd like
but but I'm getting to my question. When do you
read on airplanes, which I just spent four hours on
an airplane this weekend, so two hours there or two
(12:12):
hours back when I'm going to bed. I'm trying to
do that instead of watching TV. And when I watched
TV is when I'm well on my computer. I don't
even know why I have TVs in my house anymore.
I watched everything on my computer. I watch it when
I'm cooking, I watch it when I'm getting ready for work,
and I watch it when I'm working out, and I
kind of carry my I watch it when i'm folding laundry.
(12:33):
So this is my problem with doing that is I
don't see every detail. Like when I was with my
cousin this last weekend, they were all talking about Ozark.
My aunt was obsessed with it. She binged it. She
was heartbroken and this one particular scene that happened and
she said she couldn't handle it. She was very upset.
(12:53):
And I said, what I did not know that happened?
And it is It's a major part of the show.
And I completely missed it, probably because I had my
computer in my laund room and then I went to
go do something and then I came back in thinking
I didn't really miss anything, and I did, so I'm
not the best at getting every detail of a show
(13:14):
that i'm watching. So that's how I watched TV, and
then I read books. I'm trying to do that now
before bed instead of watching something because I got my
special light bulb that I put in my lamp that's
an amber light, so my body is in the mode
of bedtime, and if I have my computer screen up,
that'll mess with my circadian rhythm or something. So, you know,
(13:36):
ever since I got my special light bulbs, cat I
read at night or if I take a bath, I've
been trying to take more baths, and I read when
I'm in there. I sit out, like if the kids
are swimming. Sometimes I sit outside and I watched them swim,
and I sit in a chair and read. When do
you read, well, I don't. That's my room. It's like
I really have a boyfriend. Well, yeah, but does that
mean I can't read well? I was just trying to
(13:57):
give you a reason why I don't know, because, like y'all,
I think that's probably part of it. Yeah, y'all are
always trying to do something together. It's still kind of
new ish, and it's exciting and You're like, uh, I
can only do something if you're doing it with me,
So I have to read this book together, line by line.
He's like, okay, do does Big Pe read? No? Well,
(14:21):
if he does read, he's never mentioned to me. I
don't think he is a reading kind of guy. I'm
recording in his room right now because I don't have
the internet and I don't see a book in sight.
Oh well, I do know that one thing that was
on this different decisions we make every day. It is
not what book to read problem? But you know what
did make it that I forgot to read was should
(14:43):
you have one more of something like a cookie or
a beer? Just one more glass of wine? I will say.
On Friday night, because I was with my cousin and
my aunt, which my cousin is sober and she has
been for years. But my aunt was having wine and
she has cancer is it's terminal, so we're trying to
spend time together and create. And I was like, well,
(15:04):
you know, she's having wine, I'm having wine. And I
had a little too much wine. I got a little
not I did not feel good. On Saturday morning when
I woke up, I was like, whoop, see I feel like,
when you're making those decisions, you don't think about them
very much. You're just like, sure, whatever, that's not the
one that you are sitting agonizing it over. It's like, obviously, yeah,
(15:26):
I have five tricks to be the most attractive person
in the room, and it has nothing to do with
how your face looks, or what your makeup is or
the clothes you're wearing or anything. So let me know
if you do any of this when you're at a party.
This is from a holistic life coach, and I saw
that it went viral because weird things go viral these days.
(15:48):
I guess some of them, Sure, what are they? I'm
gonna give three and see if any of them make it? Okay?
Is there something about posture? No, but I can see
how that equals confidence and confidences on They're like if
you're standing up tall, like you're exuding more confidence. I
was going to say, like posture and eye contact and
stuff like that, but I guess I'm on the wrong.
(16:08):
You just go, well, this one. I would be super
hot if I was a by her logic because it
says use your hands when you talk. It makes you
seem confident and more engaging and I would say. People
on Instagram dm me calling me out, saying, stop using
your hands so much? What's wrong with you? Why do
you use your hands so much when you talk? So
(16:29):
I must be using them wrong because nobody's like, wow,
why do you look so hot when you talk? You're
so attractive when you use your hands when you talk.
Another one is walk around with wet hair. She claims
that we tend to think that people are hotter when
their hair is wet. What and I was like, mine's okay.
I could see that logic while it's still kind of wet,
(16:51):
but when it starts to get to that, it's drying
on its own process. Mine does not do well. I
have very frizzy hair. I disagree with that. You don't
like wet hair well? Want I think when I have
wet hair, I guess it's really getting out of what
we actually look like. It's the experience of the person.
But like what, I don't look at people with wet
hair and like they're I don't know. Speak slowly, she said,
(17:15):
take lots of pauses when you talk. Rushing through your
words makes you seem insecure. Taking your time makes you
seem relaxed. You see what I did there? Yeah, Yeah,
you just got like way more attractive as you were talking.
(17:36):
Thank you, Smile like you mean it, and have warm
body language. When you're genuinely having a good time. People
are attracted to that. But it says here, Okay, smile
like you mean it. So what if you don't mean it,
but you're trying to smile like you mean it and
they're genuinely attracted when you're having a good time. But
if you're just trying to have a good time and
(17:56):
faking it, how is it genuine? Struggle on that one,
it's real. The last one is have sensual energy. The
last one is have sensual energy, which I feel like
(18:17):
I would bomb at that one for sure. She defines
that as being confident in yourself and letting your energy
flow in your body, like your sensual energy. Okay, this
is a weird article. I feel like she just picked
random things and just said that those are the things.
And also like, how do you just decide to have
sensual energy? I feel like that's maybe that's when you're
(18:41):
talking slow with your hands and your your wet hair.
Maybe you have to do all five at the same
time and you have the central energy right, you have
to do all of these things. And I feel like
the wet hair thing didn't the Kardashians, or at one
point Kim Kardashian, her hair looked wet. It probably wasn't wet,
(19:01):
and she worked on it for an hour to get
it that way, but it looked wet. Really, I don't know.
I feel I feel as though I have seen celebrities
with wet ish hair, but it's probably not really wet.
It's almost like, did you ever go through the phase
when you had the like crunchy curly hair You would
put the hair gel on it and it would like
(19:22):
look like crunchy, but it kind of looked like it
was what. Oh yeah, I found a picture of me
and my boyfriend in New York in about two thousand
and three, two thousand and four, somewhere in that timeframe,
and I had that exact look, and I was like, whoa,
this is not good. I do not know what he
(19:42):
saw in me. Maybe it was when I talked with
my hands. I was gonna say, maybe you talked really
slow back then. Yeah, in my hair, my crunchy hair,
he was able to get past that. Okay, would you
ever give up your cell phone in exchange for perfect sleep. No, no, no,
(20:03):
absolutely not which is I would consider it? Yeah, the
the I'm on my phone less and less and less,
like maybe you could email me or we could get
in touch. I am desperate for such really good sleep
right now that I would potentially consider it. Yeah, I
mean perfect sleep isn't that important to me? Good sleep
(20:25):
it's fine with me, So I don't need to like
have perfect sleep. So I don't want to give away
my cell phone. I use my phone all time. I
guess I do use it as my alarm and my noisemaker.
Do you sleep with a sound machine? Yeah, a fan,
I said with a fan. But I used to sleep
with a sound well when I need it, like when
I'm traveling stuff like that, I'll use app on my
(20:46):
phone for a sub machine. But I to me, it's
like you're giving up your phone, but you're giving up
literally so many things that your phone is now. That's true.
I would have to obviously reconfigure a lot of my life.
But I am desperate for good sleep, Okay, I really
would like to have I would maybe sign up for
(21:07):
one if I could take the time. But you have
to go in someone's watching you sleep. That part is
kind of creepy to me. But this is from US
News and World Report, and they ask people if they
would give up their cell phone, and apparently eighteen percent
of us would, and then they shared some things that
we can do to improve our sleep. Some people say,
(21:27):
you just made need to straight up go get a
new mattress and that might be a big game changer
for you. Washing your sheets weekly, that should already be happening, right,
Do you wash weekly or what? I feel like it's
more normal to wash your sheets every two weeks, is it? Yeah?
But to be honest, I don't think that I'm that
consistent with that. I washed my sheets every Sunday or Monday. Okay,
(21:50):
maybe it's just me, but washing something like sheets is
such a task. Okay, here's what has helped me. And
I get that this is something this feels very adult.
But I have two sets of sheets, so that's not
something I've always had. But I can take the sheets
off and then make the bed and then I start
washing the other and I don't have to do it
all in what you know, It's not like I have
(22:11):
to wait for it to get out of the washer
and the dryer. I've already made my bed. I think
it's the whole process of like making the bed. Yeah,
well see, but I make my bed every morning. I
like having a made bed. I've started doing that just
because it looks nice and I'm trying to keep my
house nice. But I don't foresee it really lasting. Now. Yeah,
and you're in your new house. Yeah, that's so cute,
(22:34):
so cute. It says every three months, we need to
be washing our pillows. Now I never do that. I've
never washed a pillow. Just get new pillows eventually. Yeah. Here,
it says, shut off your phone and avoid screens for
at least thirty minutes. Four bed boom. That's when you
can read with your amber light. Listen to music. Say
that music helps them fall asleep. Try a white noise machine,
(22:55):
which is what I do. I have a noise app
on my phone. And then you could also meditate. Nine
of people swear by meditation, and guess what, it's free.
I have not ever been able to meditate, but I
will say it is on my goals. I have tried meditating,
but then I don't try long enough, like I give
(23:18):
up on it too soon, And so I think I
really just need to stick it out, and that is
on my goals for you know, let's say I'm not
going to make myself do it now like you want
to do it like every week, or like it wants
it wants like a daily practice, or like what do
you want and why do you want to meditate? Probably
a daily practice for my mental health? You looked at
(23:40):
me like that was a stupid question. I did not.
I'm like, listen, I don't know what I'm does for it.
I'll try anything. You know. When I hear other people
talk about meditation, and especially from people that were very
not anti meditation, and but it just wasn't a part
(24:01):
of their daily routine for a very long time, and
then they implemented it and they were able to stick
with it and then see the change and feel the change,
that's what gets me. I'm like, Okay, I believe these people.
I want that, and I I like more natural things.
I like using my own body to try to be
(24:21):
more in alignment with me and not you know, other
tools and unless I have to. I mean, also there's
sometimes where I know that I need certain medications for things,
and well, you want to use the resources that your
body produces on its own. That's I mean, that's fair.
I think that's yeah. Yeah, but I'm not. I just
didn't want anybody to feel shame if they have to
(24:41):
use other things. I just want to try all the
tools and tips and tricks and meditation, you know, like
I said, here, it's free, it's with your own body,
like you've got it. It's right there. But you have
to it's a practice and it's a skill and you
have to be able to tap into that. And I
can't quite get there yet. Honestly, some of that might
be my A D d S. So either I've got
(25:02):
to go, which I'm taking a break from neural feedback
right now, or back to the medication conversation. I might
have to be like, oh gosh, I really need to concentrate,
so back in my adderall days. I would probably have
to take an adderall in order to concentrate to meditate, right, Yeah,
So I don't know, but who knows. I want to
(25:23):
add meditation to my list of things. Are we gonna
do vision boards again? We did them in was Yeah.
We did the vision boards at the beginning of the year,
Meu and Stashira, and that's when we put the cat
on the vision board and we ended up getting the
cat that year. I need to go look at it
and see what else came true. I can think of
(25:43):
a couple of things that you put on your board,
m Delilah. Did I put acting? Did I put a halt?
Did I put a Christmas movie? Or was that Stashira?
Sashira thought put like modeling or something on her She
put modeling, acting and music. You check visions. Maybe, well,
I'm gonna have to think about what I want for
next year. I need to start planning that, you know,
(26:05):
what we should do, what we should do one of
those nights, But we should do it before, like the
new year, so we can start getting prepared rather than
like getting in the new year and then it's like, oh,
we gotta do this and then we start have to
start making goals and things for ourselves. We should do
them before. Yeah, no, absolutely, I'm down for that. That's
something Bobby has said on the Morning Show a lot
(26:25):
for him setting New Year's resolutions, but maybe trying to
start them in November December, so that way it's not
this you know, you're already it's just kind of part
of your life and then you roll into it. It's
not like, oh, day one, you have to do all
this stuff. So I'm down for that. I want to
have a clear vision for my goals. But to put
(26:49):
a bow on this episode, I am grateful from where
I am now, and I'm not like just thinking, oh
if I set this goal and get it and get it,
that that is going to cool happiness. I have gratitude
for where I am, and I will have gratitude for
where I'm going. Amen, full circle, full circle. Well, I know,
(27:09):
speaking of your new house, that you are doing some
moving today, so I know you've got to get back
over there and keep getting your house in order. But
I'm excited to come over maybe for chicken salsa or something. Yes,
that was my first meal that I cooked in there,
and I burned the rice. Don't ask me how. I
feel like that's one of those things that we shouldn't
be burning. It's like the easiest thing to make, but
(27:30):
also it's so hard. Oh yeah, no, rice is the
easiest but yet also the hardest thing to make. But yeah,
today we're doing wallpaper, which I already regret. Who's putting
up the wallpaper? Well, me and Patrick are like peel
and stick or actual okay, yeah, but even that, like
I'm not good with details and lines and all that,
so it's like really taking a lot of energy for
(27:51):
me to do this. But I've just been getting all
these visions about what i want to do and I
have to do them right now, and so I doing
it right now and I'm not being patient and it
looks good and you can come see it. Okay, Well,
I'm just gonna encourage you to have some patience because
you don't want to rush through it and you don't
want to stress yourself out. Thank you. You're welcome. You
don't have to take my advice because I know you're
probably not going to, but maybe somebody else needed to
(28:16):
hear that. Thank you. All right, Well Hopefuy'll have a
great day and we will see you on Thursday. Anny
f Downs is going to be my guest for this
Thursday's Four Things episode, and I always love my chat
with her. I think you're really going to enjoy it too,
So yeah, we'll be back on Thursday with that. Bye bye.
Happy Tuesday. Welcome to the Fifth Thing. I'm Amy and
I'm Cat and our quote for today comes from a
Google doc that I share with Mary for our new
Gratitude Journal that we're working on. It's our third version,
and Mary loves spreadsheets and organization, and because we want
to put a gratitude quote on every page of the journal,
(00:26):
we need over a hundred and thirty for a hundred
thirty entries plus, so you know, we're trying to be organized.
And I added one. Is that how I would say it?
I put one into the dock the other day as
why didn't I added one? Sound wrong? I added, I know,
but sometimes towards just sound weird to you. Cat, Yes, okay,
(00:48):
Well I added one the other day and I thought, oh,
I'm going to pull that as my quote for the
Fifth Thing, and it's from Roy T. Bennett and it's
be grateful for what you already have while you pursue
your goals. If you aren't grateful for what you already have,
what makes you think you would be happy with more?
Mm hmmm. Are you doing any goal setting for since
(01:09):
we're already halfway through or what? How do you set
out goals for yourself. So I guess it hadn't hit
me that we're halfway through the year. We're over I
don't have like a goal sheet, and I don't have
like a plan written out, but I always have like
working goals in my brain, I guess. But then there's
the separate goals like work goals and then like personal goals,
(01:32):
financial goals. I'm doing all that kind of stuff. Does
this quote resonate with you of being happy with you
where you currently are and having gratitude for it, so
that way when you get the other things that you're
maybe trying to attain, whether it's accomplishments or actual material things,
or you know, maybe big p Actually I had a
(01:53):
guy come to my house today and measure for blinds
because my house is no blinds. And he asked me
and Patrick how many kids we have and also called
him my fiance. And I was like, he was like,
what's your fiance's name? And Patrick was right there and
I was like, so he's not my fiance. And then
it just was like quiet and a little awkward. Why
(02:15):
would someone jump to the conclusion that he's your fiance?
Are you wearing a ring? No? I mean I had
rings but not on that finger, and they were all
like just like gold like bands. I think he thought
Patrick was living with me, but he was just over
helping me do stuff in my house, and so I
think he assumed he lives here. Therefore we have to
be married therefore. Anyway, it was kind of awkward, but
(02:40):
I was gonna say the quote. I think that you
can be grateful for what you have and also not
completely like happy with where you are, like if that
makes any sense at all. I think I've been in
places in my life where I have been grateful for
the things that I've had, but also like happy in
that sense, but also sad because I longed for something
(03:02):
else or something more. So I think there can be
some mixture there can It doesn't have to be so
all the way to black and white. And I guess
to the beginning of his quote says be grateful for
what you already have while you pursue your goals. It
doesn't say be happy that's what you already have, So
it's just questioning whether or not, Like why do you
think if you attain this, this, and this and check
these goal boxes that that will equal happiness? So yeah,
(03:25):
if you're struggling financially. You can be like, I'm grateful
I'm getting a paycheck this week, but also you don't
have to be happy, because you might like be struggling
and need more money and are working really hard and
feel like you can't keep your head above water. I'm
glad that you re said the quote. You know what
I am not happy with is my water bill. We've
been talking about it on the Bobby Bones Show, and
it is bonkers, isn't it. I saw that on your story.
(03:48):
Why how did that happen? Well, we don't know, and
we have checked for leaks and that's not an issue.
But other people have reached out and said that they've
just had similar issues with the meter being read wrong
and and other people are in disputes for over a
year with some of their water companies, trying to get
money back because they know that it's not accurate. And
so for me, it's just more I'm in a season
(04:11):
of adult ing and adulting hard, and that is focusing
on every bill that comes through. I'm trying to know
every detail, and I think we were just treading, like
trying to keep our head above water, and I didn't
have the time to focus on certain things. And when
I went back and started to look at bills over
(04:31):
the last two years, because I would say, we moved
into this house mid so that marks two years. And
there has been just multiple things in those last two years,
these last two years that have been significantly time consuming
for me. To where checking and with a microscope through bills,
especially when I have them on auto draft, just isn't
(04:53):
at the top of the list of my things that
I'm trying to do. And so now that I'm actually
doing that, my mind is blown and I'm mortified at
some of the bills that I've been paying rain and
that had no idea, right but obviously the six hundred
that was a red flag. We noticed that amount being
taken out. But that's what I thought. I asked the
water company. I'm like, y'all, don't y'all just auto draft
(05:15):
that like it's no big deal. You're like, hey, head's up.
You know you'all don't have a dollar amount when it swings.
The pendulum swings so big that maybe you alert the customer.
You just auto draft it like it's no big deal.
To me, that's bizarre. Yeah, they should be alerted so
they can like double check their work, because that's like
I mean, think about like if you don't have that
money in the bank and they just auto draft that
(05:37):
and you're like, wait, how did all my money just
go to my water? Yeah? No, it's crazy, especially since
my bill, my latest bill ever since I called and
had a few words came back with as I bet
that they're just like crediting you money now because they're like, oh,
we messed up, which they should. Well, I'm going to
(05:57):
get to the bottom of it. But the amount of
d m s and then some emails that I received
as well of people going through similar things. God be
with you because I know that making those phone calls
it's time out of your day. It's stressful. But I
will just make a reminder that some of the representatives
that you're talking to, they don't have control over everything,
and you just have to breathe and stay calm and
(06:20):
be kind. Did you stay calm? I stayed calm, and
I was kind and thoughtful. I really thought I was.
There was times where I had to put the phone
on you and be like, oh, you know, and then
I would get back on and be like okay, and
next time I think I might say can I talk
to your manager, because you know, sometimes you just gotta
(06:41):
go straight or like more to the top to see
because I still have more phone calls to make and
I will. But it feels good to kind of catch
a mistake like that and then get your money back
or feel empowered to know that you're in control and again,
being in that survival mode the last two years, maybe
I need little things like this to give me some
(07:02):
power and know that I can do adult things like
check my water bill and then try to you know,
dispute it and put gas in my car and all
those fun things. So I have some articles that I
pulled cat that I thought we could just go over,
and one of them was that we make a hundred
and twenty two different decisions each day ish. I mean,
(07:25):
obviously that's the average for people according to this poll
that was taken. The top everyday decisions that we struggle
with our what to watch on TV, this is my life,
what to eat, and what to wear? Those are the
(07:45):
top ones. But I mean they have a whole list
of things like meal planning for the week, which that
would be what to eat, but that's also at number two.
What to eat for breakfast? Lunch and dinner, what to
wear each day, whether you should go out with friends
or just stay in, whether or not to ask someone
out for you. In big p it's whether or not
you're gonna get married and have babies so that you're
blind guy is finally happy with your situation. What time
(08:08):
to go to bed, whether to work out or not,
whether to buy something or not. A few more that
made the list are what to order at a restaurant,
whether to cook dinner or order in, and whether or
not to hit the snooze one more time. And I
can go ahead and help you out with that one.
You've just got to stop snoozing a sap. Your life
will be better for it. Yeah. I actually have been
way better about getting up when my alarm goes off
(08:30):
and getting out of bed and get my day started.
So you pre pressure me into that and it is better.
It feels better. Are there any of these decisions that
I listed that you particularly struggle with? What did you
say the top three word? If what to eat, what
to wear? And want to watch on TV? Okay, yes
that one. Why is that so hard? There's way too
many options? Now, that's the issue. When I grew up,
(08:53):
it was like, there's four channels and you have to
watch something on those four channels, and now what there's
more channels than that, but you know what I mean?
And now I feel like there's too many options and
it's so overwhelming and I feel like if the show
isn't amazing, then like it's a waste of times. Then
I started different one and I just what well. I
was just in Austin this last weekend with my cousin
(09:15):
and she was asking me the same question. She said,
I need a list of shows that I have to watch,
and her and her husband they're just finishing up Sopranos.
They started with season one, episode one on HBO Max,
so they went way back what Sopranos is nineties to
early two thousands or something. So they're finishing that. And
(09:35):
since they're on HBO Max, I tried to give her
some recommendations over there, like The Way Down and Hacks.
Those are two two good HBO Max ones. Did you
not watch Hacks? You told me to watch that, didn't you.
It's really good. It's about a comedian. Oh yes, okay,
I need to write that down. When the woman that
back in the day, she was in designing women. Okay,
(09:57):
so I'm going to write that down. We're in the
middle of what in the second season of Only Murders
in the Building, and I love it. We're in the
middle of watching the second season of Only Murders in
the Building, and I love it. I love that too.
(10:20):
I saw that Steve Martin had said once he finishes,
this is going to be his last project. I guess
he may retire after the show finishes. And it's such
a good show. I really like it a lot. It's cute,
and I just imagine, like in my head, I don't
know how they are, but I just imagine, like Steve
Martin and Selena Gomez and what's the other guy's name,
Martin short, Yes, Martin short. I just imagine them being
(10:42):
like just like three best friends in real life shooting
that show, and like them being like little mentors to
Selena and I just I don't know. It may up
with that story in my head, and I hope that
they actually are friends. I'm sure that they are. It
made me think about how I didn't think I was
gonna like a show like that and then really did
enjoy it. And there's all kinds of things like we
maybe don't think we're going to enjoy that we've always avoided,
(11:06):
or maybe we didn't think we would like, so we
don't do it. And then it made me think about
things that I've always avoided that now I love like
fiction books. I hated fiction books occasionally, with the exception
as we've mentioned a million times, Hunger Games and a
few others that have snuck their way in. But I mean,
I'm forty one years old. You think I would have
read more fiction at this point, but I now can't
(11:29):
get enough. I'm obsessed with Emily Giffen. I'm not reading
this one. I'm listening to it and it's the one
and only and it is so good. Maybe because I'm
a Texas girl and it takes place to Texas and
it's talking about Texas football, but I'm into it. So question,
because you know, a couple of weeks ago, you gave
me some book recommendations. I started reading one book, but
(11:52):
I read about fifty pages on vacation and I haven't
read since. So the book that I recommended, The Seven Husbands,
you don't like it. No, I love it, I'd like
but but I'm getting to my question. When do you
read on airplanes, which I just spent four hours on
an airplane this weekend, so two hours there or two
(12:12):
hours back when I'm going to bed. I'm trying to
do that instead of watching TV. And when I watched
TV is when I'm well on my computer. I don't
even know why I have TVs in my house anymore.
I watched everything on my computer. I watch it when
I'm cooking, I watch it when I'm getting ready for work,
and I watch it when I'm working out, and I
kind of carry my I watch it when i'm folding laundry.
(12:33):
So this is my problem with doing that is I
don't see every detail. Like when I was with my
cousin this last weekend, they were all talking about Ozark.
My aunt was obsessed with it. She binged it. She
was heartbroken and this one particular scene that happened and
she said she couldn't handle it. She was very upset.
(12:53):
And I said, what I did not know that happened?
And it is It's a major part of the show.
And I completely missed it, probably because I had my
computer in my laund room and then I went to
go do something and then I came back in thinking
I didn't really miss anything, and I did, so I'm
not the best at getting every detail of a show
(13:14):
that i'm watching. So that's how I watched TV, and
then I read books. I'm trying to do that now
before bed instead of watching something because I got my
special light bulb that I put in my lamp that's
an amber light, so my body is in the mode
of bedtime, and if I have my computer screen up,
that'll mess with my circadian rhythm or something. So, you know,
(13:36):
ever since I got my special light bulbs, cat I
read at night or if I take a bath, I've
been trying to take more baths, and I read when
I'm in there. I sit out, like if the kids
are swimming. Sometimes I sit outside and I watched them swim,
and I sit in a chair and read. When do
you read, well, I don't. That's my room. It's like
I really have a boyfriend. Well, yeah, but does that
mean I can't read well? I was just trying to
(13:57):
give you a reason why I don't know, because, like y'all,
I think that's probably part of it. Yeah, y'all are
always trying to do something together. It's still kind of
new ish, and it's exciting and You're like, uh, I
can only do something if you're doing it with me,
So I have to read this book together, line by line.
He's like, okay, do does Big Pe read? No? Well,
(14:21):
if he does read, he's never mentioned to me. I
don't think he is a reading kind of guy. I'm
recording in his room right now because I don't have
the internet and I don't see a book in sight.
Oh well, I do know that one thing that was
on this different decisions we make every day. It is
not what book to read problem? But you know what
did make it that I forgot to read was should
(14:43):
you have one more of something like a cookie or
a beer? Just one more glass of wine? I will say.
On Friday night, because I was with my cousin and
my aunt, which my cousin is sober and she has
been for years. But my aunt was having wine and
she has cancer is it's terminal, so we're trying to
spend time together and create. And I was like, well,
(15:04):
you know, she's having wine, I'm having wine. And I
had a little too much wine. I got a little
not I did not feel good. On Saturday morning when
I woke up, I was like, whoop, see I feel like,
when you're making those decisions, you don't think about them
very much. You're just like, sure, whatever, that's not the
one that you are sitting agonizing it over. It's like, obviously, yeah,
(15:26):
I have five tricks to be the most attractive person
in the room, and it has nothing to do with
how your face looks, or what your makeup is or
the clothes you're wearing or anything. So let me know
if you do any of this when you're at a party.
This is from a holistic life coach, and I saw
that it went viral because weird things go viral these days.
(15:48):
I guess some of them, Sure, what are they? I'm
gonna give three and see if any of them make it? Okay?
Is there something about posture? No, but I can see
how that equals confidence and confidences on They're like if
you're standing up tall, like you're exuding more confidence. I
was going to say, like posture and eye contact and
stuff like that, but I guess I'm on the wrong.
(16:08):
You just go, well, this one. I would be super
hot if I was a by her logic because it
says use your hands when you talk. It makes you
seem confident and more engaging and I would say. People
on Instagram dm me calling me out, saying, stop using
your hands so much? What's wrong with you? Why do
you use your hands so much when you talk? So
(16:29):
I must be using them wrong because nobody's like, wow,
why do you look so hot when you talk? You're
so attractive when you use your hands when you talk.
Another one is walk around with wet hair. She claims
that we tend to think that people are hotter when
their hair is wet. What and I was like, mine's okay.
I could see that logic while it's still kind of wet,
(16:51):
but when it starts to get to that, it's drying
on its own process. Mine does not do well. I
have very frizzy hair. I disagree with that. You don't
like wet hair well? Want I think when I have
wet hair, I guess it's really getting out of what
we actually look like. It's the experience of the person.
But like what, I don't look at people with wet
hair and like they're I don't know. Speak slowly, she said,
(17:15):
take lots of pauses when you talk. Rushing through your
words makes you seem insecure. Taking your time makes you
seem relaxed. You see what I did there? Yeah, Yeah,
you just got like way more attractive as you were talking.
(17:36):
Thank you, Smile like you mean it, and have warm
body language. When you're genuinely having a good time. People
are attracted to that. But it says here, Okay, smile
like you mean it. So what if you don't mean it,
but you're trying to smile like you mean it and
they're genuinely attracted when you're having a good time. But
if you're just trying to have a good time and
(17:56):
faking it, how is it genuine? Struggle on that one,
it's real. The last one is have sensual energy. The
last one is have sensual energy, which I feel like
(18:17):
I would bomb at that one for sure. She defines
that as being confident in yourself and letting your energy
flow in your body, like your sensual energy. Okay, this
is a weird article. I feel like she just picked
random things and just said that those are the things.
And also like, how do you just decide to have
sensual energy? I feel like that's maybe that's when you're
(18:41):
talking slow with your hands and your your wet hair.
Maybe you have to do all five at the same
time and you have the central energy right, you have
to do all of these things. And I feel like
the wet hair thing didn't the Kardashians, or at one
point Kim Kardashian, her hair looked wet. It probably wasn't wet,
(19:01):
and she worked on it for an hour to get
it that way, but it looked wet. Really, I don't know.
I feel I feel as though I have seen celebrities
with wet ish hair, but it's probably not really wet.
It's almost like, did you ever go through the phase
when you had the like crunchy curly hair You would
put the hair gel on it and it would like
(19:22):
look like crunchy, but it kind of looked like it
was what. Oh yeah, I found a picture of me
and my boyfriend in New York in about two thousand
and three, two thousand and four, somewhere in that timeframe,
and I had that exact look, and I was like, whoa,
this is not good. I do not know what he
(19:42):
saw in me. Maybe it was when I talked with
my hands. I was gonna say, maybe you talked really
slow back then. Yeah, in my hair, my crunchy hair,
he was able to get past that. Okay, would you
ever give up your cell phone in exchange for perfect sleep. No, no, no,
(20:03):
absolutely not which is I would consider it? Yeah, the
the I'm on my phone less and less and less,
like maybe you could email me or we could get
in touch. I am desperate for such really good sleep
right now that I would potentially consider it. Yeah, I
mean perfect sleep isn't that important to me? Good sleep
(20:25):
it's fine with me, So I don't need to like
have perfect sleep. So I don't want to give away
my cell phone. I use my phone all time. I
guess I do use it as my alarm and my noisemaker.
Do you sleep with a sound machine? Yeah, a fan,
I said with a fan. But I used to sleep
with a sound well when I need it, like when
I'm traveling stuff like that, I'll use app on my
(20:46):
phone for a sub machine. But I to me, it's
like you're giving up your phone, but you're giving up
literally so many things that your phone is now. That's true.
I would have to obviously reconfigure a lot of my life.
But I am desperate for good sleep, Okay, I really
would like to have I would maybe sign up for
(21:07):
one if I could take the time. But you have
to go in someone's watching you sleep. That part is
kind of creepy to me. But this is from US
News and World Report, and they ask people if they
would give up their cell phone, and apparently eighteen percent
of us would, and then they shared some things that
we can do to improve our sleep. Some people say,
(21:27):
you just made need to straight up go get a
new mattress and that might be a big game changer
for you. Washing your sheets weekly, that should already be happening, right,
Do you wash weekly or what? I feel like it's
more normal to wash your sheets every two weeks, is it? Yeah?
But to be honest, I don't think that I'm that
consistent with that. I washed my sheets every Sunday or Monday. Okay,
(21:50):
maybe it's just me, but washing something like sheets is
such a task. Okay, here's what has helped me. And
I get that this is something this feels very adult.
But I have two sets of sheets, so that's not
something I've always had. But I can take the sheets
off and then make the bed and then I start
washing the other and I don't have to do it
all in what you know, It's not like I have
(22:11):
to wait for it to get out of the washer
and the dryer. I've already made my bed. I think
it's the whole process of like making the bed. Yeah,
well see, but I make my bed every morning. I
like having a made bed. I've started doing that just
because it looks nice and I'm trying to keep my
house nice. But I don't foresee it really lasting. Now. Yeah,
and you're in your new house. Yeah, that's so cute,
(22:34):
so cute. It says every three months, we need to
be washing our pillows. Now I never do that. I've
never washed a pillow. Just get new pillows eventually. Yeah. Here,
it says, shut off your phone and avoid screens for
at least thirty minutes. Four bed boom. That's when you
can read with your amber light. Listen to music. Say
that music helps them fall asleep. Try a white noise machine,
(22:55):
which is what I do. I have a noise app
on my phone. And then you could also meditate. Nine
of people swear by meditation, and guess what, it's free.
I have not ever been able to meditate, but I
will say it is on my goals. I have tried meditating,
but then I don't try long enough, like I give
(23:18):
up on it too soon, And so I think I
really just need to stick it out, and that is
on my goals for you know, let's say I'm not
going to make myself do it now like you want
to do it like every week, or like it wants
it wants like a daily practice, or like what do
you want and why do you want to meditate? Probably
a daily practice for my mental health? You looked at
(23:40):
me like that was a stupid question. I did not.
I'm like, listen, I don't know what I'm does for it.
I'll try anything. You know. When I hear other people
talk about meditation, and especially from people that were very
not anti meditation, and but it just wasn't a part
(24:01):
of their daily routine for a very long time, and
then they implemented it and they were able to stick
with it and then see the change and feel the change,
that's what gets me. I'm like, Okay, I believe these people.
I want that, and I I like more natural things.
I like using my own body to try to be
(24:21):
more in alignment with me and not you know, other
tools and unless I have to. I mean, also there's
sometimes where I know that I need certain medications for things,
and well, you want to use the resources that your
body produces on its own. That's I mean, that's fair.
I think that's yeah. Yeah, but I'm not. I just
didn't want anybody to feel shame if they have to
(24:41):
use other things. I just want to try all the
tools and tips and tricks and meditation, you know, like
I said, here, it's free, it's with your own body,
like you've got it. It's right there. But you have
to it's a practice and it's a skill and you
have to be able to tap into that. And I
can't quite get there yet. Honestly, some of that might
be my A D d S. So either I've got
(25:02):
to go, which I'm taking a break from neural feedback
right now, or back to the medication conversation. I might
have to be like, oh gosh, I really need to concentrate,
so back in my adderall days. I would probably have
to take an adderall in order to concentrate to meditate, right, Yeah,
So I don't know, but who knows. I want to
(25:23):
add meditation to my list of things. Are we gonna
do vision boards again? We did them in was Yeah.
We did the vision boards at the beginning of the year,
Meu and Stashira, and that's when we put the cat
on the vision board and we ended up getting the
cat that year. I need to go look at it
and see what else came true. I can think of
(25:43):
a couple of things that you put on your board,
m Delilah. Did I put acting? Did I put a halt?
Did I put a Christmas movie? Or was that Stashira?
Sashira thought put like modeling or something on her She
put modeling, acting and music. You check visions. Maybe, well,
I'm gonna have to think about what I want for
next year. I need to start planning that, you know,
(26:05):
what we should do, what we should do one of
those nights, But we should do it before, like the
new year, so we can start getting prepared rather than
like getting in the new year and then it's like, oh,
we gotta do this and then we start have to
start making goals and things for ourselves. We should do
them before. Yeah, no, absolutely, I'm down for that. That's
something Bobby has said on the Morning Show a lot
(26:25):
for him setting New Year's resolutions, but maybe trying to
start them in November December, so that way it's not
this you know, you're already it's just kind of part
of your life and then you roll into it. It's
not like, oh, day one, you have to do all
this stuff. So I'm down for that. I want to
have a clear vision for my goals. But to put
(26:49):
a bow on this episode, I am grateful from where
I am now, and I'm not like just thinking, oh
if I set this goal and get it and get it,
that that is going to cool happiness. I have gratitude
for where I am, and I will have gratitude for
where I'm going. Amen, full circle, full circle. Well, I know,
(27:09):
speaking of your new house, that you are doing some
moving today, so I know you've got to get back
over there and keep getting your house in order. But
I'm excited to come over maybe for chicken salsa or something. Yes,
that was my first meal that I cooked in there,
and I burned the rice. Don't ask me how. I
feel like that's one of those things that we shouldn't
be burning. It's like the easiest thing to make, but
(27:30):
also it's so hard. Oh yeah, no, rice is the
easiest but yet also the hardest thing to make. But yeah,
today we're doing wallpaper, which I already regret. Who's putting
up the wallpaper? Well, me and Patrick are like peel
and stick or actual okay, yeah, but even that, like
I'm not good with details and lines and all that,
so it's like really taking a lot of energy for
(27:51):
me to do this. But I've just been getting all
these visions about what i want to do and I
have to do them right now, and so I doing
it right now and I'm not being patient and it
looks good and you can come see it. Okay, Well,
I'm just gonna encourage you to have some patience because
you don't want to rush through it and you don't
want to stress yourself out. Thank you. You're welcome. You
don't have to take my advice because I know you're
probably not going to, but maybe somebody else needed to
(28:16):
hear that. Thank you. All right, Well Hopefuy'll have a
great day and we will see you on Thursday. Anny
f Downs is going to be my guest for this
Thursday's Four Things episode, and I always love my chat
with her. I think you're really going to enjoy it too,
So yeah, we'll be back on Thursday with that. Bye bye.
Feeling Things with Amy & Kat News
Host
Amy Brown
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