April 17, 2025 • 24 mins
Amy & Kat are answering a question from a listener who’s considering a breast augmentation. She’s navigating that familiar tension of wanting to feel more confident in her body…while also wanting to accept it as it is. Kat (who happens to be a therapist specializing in body image) offers insight on how to explore the why behind a choice like this, the difference between need vs. want, and where body-based decisions can lead emotionally. Amy shares her own experience and they also touch on topics like: breast implant illness, the long-term reality of having implants, and what it looks like to make a confident, informed decision.
Email: heythere@feelingthingspodcast.com
Call and leave a voicemail: 877-207-2077
HOSTS:
Amy Brown // RadioAmy.com // @RadioAmy
Kat Van Buren // @KatVanburen
See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.
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Transcript
Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
Speaker 1 (00:02):
Good. All right, break it down.
Speaker 2 (00:05):
If you ever have feelings that you just fons home,
Amy and Cat gotcha covin locking No brother, Ladies and folks,
do you just.
Speaker 1 (00:14):
Follow Anna spirit where it's all us phone over real
stuff to the chill stuff and the m but Swayne.
Speaker 2 (00:21):
Sometimes the best thing you can do it just stop
you feel things. This is Feeling Things with Amy and Kat. Hi, guys,
and welcome to Couch Talks, which is the special bonus
Thursday episode of Feeling Things with Amy and Kat. And
this is episode where we answer your listener questions so
(00:41):
you can send them to us. Hey, they're at Feeling
Things podcast dot com. And quick disclaimer before we get
into the question today. We have a good question today.
Speaker 1 (00:52):
Also, am I allowed to say her name? Do you
know it doesn't say not too?
Speaker 2 (00:56):
We might keep it anonymous. Dang.
Speaker 1 (00:58):
We promise we'll get better at this and some people
we'll put in all caps keep anonymous. Yeah, but I
don't see that anywhere here, so we'll call here.
Speaker 2 (01:05):
You can do her initial maybe, okay. First thing disclaimer,
Although I am a therapist and Amy goes to therapy, Uh,
this is not a replacement a lot. We're a substitute
for actual therapy. But we do hope that the conversations
we have on here can help y'all wherever you are
in whatever you're doing, even if you're not struggling with
(01:25):
the exact topic that we talk about. And the second
disclaimer is, if you want to be anonymous, let us know.
If we don't know, we'll err on the side of
caution because I do want people to feel safe to
send in their questions. And if you're worried about your
identity being disclosed and that's keeping you from reaching out,
we will keep it anonymous and we can change information too.
Speaker 1 (01:46):
Yeah, and I want to shout out our sweatshirts before
I read the email.
Speaker 2 (01:49):
Because they're mental health minded.
Speaker 1 (01:51):
They're both mental health minded, and we didn't plan this.
Speaker 2 (01:53):
So what you're saying your emotions are valid.
Speaker 1 (01:57):
Love that and mine says you deserve to be well.
Look at us like and subscribe.
Speaker 2 (02:04):
This is not our merch, but no cute.
Speaker 1 (02:08):
See people they say things and they put it on
a sweatshirt or a screen saver or a mug or
a button. We can do we did on Tuesday's episode,
which on Tuesday, we wrapped up our eight core emotions.
So if you miss that, go back.
Speaker 2 (02:23):
That's Nextay, we haven't done that yet. Shut up. So
we're recording on Monday. This is hard, This is learning curve,
and this is inside baseball and not what they call.
Speaker 1 (02:36):
It out Welcome to behind the scenes. Yeah you're right.
Speaker 2 (02:39):
Yeah, it's hard to. It's really hard to. I get
messed up when I'm editing the videos. I'm like, when
is this coming out? We record on Monday the episode.
Speaker 1 (02:47):
For the following Tuesday, not next, not the next day,
but the whole that's what I mean.
Speaker 2 (02:53):
Eight days later. Yeah, you're right, And then the Couch
Talks for just three days later. So we recorded today
an episode that you guys have not heard yet.
Speaker 1 (03:03):
Wow, so buckle up because next Tuesday we wrap up
our eight core emotions.
Speaker 2 (03:08):
Get excited.
Speaker 1 (03:09):
So what I meant to say was yeah, okay, So
last Tuesday, two days ago, we hit get your Emotions No.
Five and six, which are guilt and shame.
Speaker 2 (03:23):
Oh yeah, is that it's so hard?
Speaker 1 (03:26):
Yes? And then next Tuesday we are covering fear and glad.
And the reason why I am excited about that episode
is like, we're we did that one first, Like gets
some Monday so Kat and I are here. If we're
doing inside baseball, let's just do inside baseball. And we
went and changed into our different sweatshirts because we want
to wear something different because on YouTube and we have
(03:49):
social clips and stuff like that, and so welcome to
what people do. Because if Kat and I we can't
record it in real time, like we have jobs like
this is our side job.
Speaker 2 (04:00):
Well, it's also the we can't record it in real
time because we wouldn't have time to edit and we
care make the all the social media stuff. Right.
Speaker 1 (04:08):
So I'm still sweating from the last episode, which we
again just recorded. But we talked about fear, and I
finally dug in a little bit more to the fear
I have around my boyfriend. I thought it was just
a fear I had going into dating him, but I've
realized in therapy that it's a fear that's probably gonna
be ongoing for a little bit. So he's gonna have
(04:30):
to bear with me.
Speaker 2 (04:31):
And it's not bad.
Speaker 1 (04:32):
It gets not bad wisdom, it's not bad. I don't
need to be scared of this fear. I need to
be thankful for the awareness that he's giving me. It
doesn't make me weak. It makes me aware, amen, So
he should be lucky. Consider himself lucky that.
Speaker 2 (04:48):
You have feelings that a person you awareness.
Speaker 1 (04:50):
I have awareness. Not everybody does, well, I know, but
similar to what you've said before in the past is
like the more awareness you have, the more you realize,
like you don't know what the heck is going on really.
Speaker 2 (04:59):
But they call it the booby trap of therapy because
once you have awareness, you either have to do something
or like it's kind of like why there's no point, Yeah,
you can't like unknow this stuff.
Speaker 1 (05:13):
So some of the stuff we got into I was
like sweating while we were talking. And then also it's
like an hour and a half long episodes. We did
have the debate when we quote recording of like should
we make that two episodes or make it two parts
or whatever, because we did get an email from someone
speaking of our emails that was like, hey, I'm loving everything,
but just some advice or I get feedback that I
have would be could you keep the episodes about forty
(05:35):
five minutes? And yes, I would say that our goal
is to make forty five minutes to an hour. That
is our goal. But we were diving into some stuff
that just also needed some background information and then we're
just kind of talking and our goal was literally forty
five minutes or an hour, and next thing you know,
we're sweating and it's been an hour and a half.
Speaker 2 (05:54):
Stomach is growling.
Speaker 1 (05:55):
Cat's like I'm hungry, and I'm like, I need change
my dampon.
Speaker 2 (06:03):
So let's make this one under forty five.
Speaker 1 (06:05):
Now, this is couch Talks are quick. Yeah, and that's
the thing. Just know that Tuesday maybe a little bit longer,
and you can divide it up, like listen to a
little bit here, listen to a little bit there. Just
don't forget to go back to us.
Speaker 2 (06:16):
It's like audio book.
Speaker 1 (06:17):
Yeah, yeah, you hop on join us when you can,
and then couch Talks, you know, on Thursdays, it'll just
be we'll read the email, we'll share our thoughts, and
then you move on. So today's email is from m
She said, congrats, ladies. I am happy for you both
and look forward to what y'all will produce. Longtime listener,
(06:38):
just finish y'all's first episode. Now for my couch Talks question,
I'm considering getting a mini breast augmentation implants that just
give me a bit more than what I'm currently working
with thoughts. I'm currently a small a and I'm thirty one.
I'm torn because as much as i want the confidence
boost fitting clothes better, not feeling like I'm a team
(07:00):
nature because I'm small chested, I want to be able
to accept my body and feel confident in my own
skin without needing a procedure. It's an internal struggle. I've
done a lot of research on the topic. Total disclaimer.
If I decide on surgery, it'll be from my own
thoughts and decisions. My husband is supportive no matter what
I want to do. If you don't want to discuss
(07:21):
this topic, I understand. Thank you for reading, and best
wishes to y'all. Xoxo. M. Well, we shall discuss this topic.
And I totally get the pull between wanting to feel
more confident, but then you know, wanting to accept yourself
as you are. We all deal with that, and it
(07:42):
feels like there's one answer, and of course we're going
to address this because Kat is not only a therapist,
but she's a therapist that specializes in body image. We
didn't play.
Speaker 2 (07:54):
It's just like, not the most fun thing to specialize in.
So I like that we're bringing that in. Do you
have any thoughts or do you want me to go
into share some things.
Speaker 1 (08:03):
I think that a lot of people, while it might
not be a boob job for them, or let's be professional,
a breast augmentation, While it might not be that for them,
it could be botox. Like we've been talking a lot
about that lately, because we both stopped botox, paused it,
stopped it. I don't know. I'm trying to be free
(08:23):
about it, free spirited, go with the flow. Am I
going to ever get it again? I don't know.
Speaker 2 (08:30):
You could.
Speaker 1 (08:30):
Only time will.
Speaker 2 (08:31):
Tell, only face fitness will tell.
Speaker 1 (08:35):
Face goitness, I mean my face fitness. I'll tell you
what that is a whole other thing. But I am
enjoying it. It's very relaxing. But my wrinkles are getting
more obvious by the day because I had been freezing
them for quite some time. So I'm enjoying the expressions.
And I don't know what's going to happen with it.
But people might be dealing with it with botox, it
(08:55):
might be other things are trying to navigate or do.
Like it could be a hair fing that you're considering
where you're like, do I really want to do this,
or am I trying to do it because of X
y Z or you know, our skin? Like I just
wish I could accept my pale skin as it is.
It's a constant struggle with my self tanner and my
(09:16):
Irish skin, and your little Italian face needs to stop
at me because you're so tan.
Speaker 2 (09:22):
Well I'm laughing because I was with my niece who's
eight this weekend and I was like giving her a
hug and I touched her face and I said, you
have the softest skin. I want your skin. She's eight,
and she goes, yeah, you have rough skin.
Speaker 1 (09:37):
And I was like, first of all, kids are brutal.
Speaker 2 (09:40):
I'm working on it. Second of all, wasn't expecting that
when I gave you a compliment. And that's okay. I
don't think she meant it that way.
Speaker 1 (09:47):
No, she didn't. That's just like kids are that. Like
my daughter came up and like felt my arms. She
made this lotion stuff she was really excited about, with
like shade butter and essential oils and she's like, oh,
so she puts them on her fing and then put
it on my arm. And then when she's putting on
my arm, she's like squeezing it and she's like, oh
so squishy, And I was like, egay, her arm's like
(10:10):
hard as a rock. I'm like, okay, cool. Cool. Well,
so maybe it could be you know, your arms.
Speaker 2 (10:15):
Yeah, your legs. It could be anything.
Speaker 1 (10:17):
Oh I lasered off my eyebrows, my micro bladed brows,
and I'm having to draw them on every day. There's
lots of things we do, Like am I going to
get a microbladed again? I don't know. Would it make
my life easier?
Speaker 2 (10:28):
Heck yeah?
Speaker 1 (10:29):
Because do you know how long it takes me to
put these on? Like ten minutes? Yeah?
Speaker 2 (10:34):
And what if you mess up?
Speaker 1 (10:35):
Then it's I have to start over. So there, that's
my point. People might be like, eh, well, I'm not
gonna get a boob job, but you might have other
things that you're like considering, and the wisdom Cat's gonna
give because she's a specialist.
Speaker 2 (10:48):
I'm glad you brought all of the different things up
because the first thought that pops in my head when
I hear somebody talking about something like that is the
root of all that is very similar, Like the could
be very similar the hay or the eyebrows, the botox,
the whatever it is, the breast augmentation, the skin treatment,
the I don't know, I wore colored contacts in high school.
(11:11):
I wear purple contacts in high school. We can talk
about that later, We could dig into that whole thing,
but they can be coming from the same root. And
the thing that you really want to pay attention to
is is there something that I'm chasing that is going
to lead me to something else? If I really need
to know the why behind the what, because this might
(11:34):
not answer that why, and this might just be leading
me to another thing, kind of like pulling up weeds.
When the weed like never ends, you're just like trailing
it and there's just another thing to do. And the
other thing you really got to pay attention to is
is this going to affect negatively some quality of your life?
So what am I risking? Is this going to affect
(12:07):
negatively some quality of your life? So what am I risking?
The risk benefit with some of this stuff? Can I
afford this? Is this going to keep me from being
able to pay certain bills in my life? Is it
going to stress me out in other ways? Is is
going to solve one problem and then whack them all
another one pops up, and I think that can happen
(12:29):
a lot. I know for myself. Part of the Botox
thing is I was getting really frustrated with paying for it.
I liked what I looked like with it. I actually,
if I'm honest, liked the botox better than not the botox.
But I was getting really frustrated when I was paying
for it, and then I had to sit down. I'm like,
why am I so frustrated by paying for this? If
(12:50):
it's something that is important to me and that I
can afford, and that is helping me in whatever way,
whether it's.
Speaker 1 (12:56):
Pepience or not, it should feel more fun to be like, oh,
it just my boatox. Since nah, it's like you're buying
a new set of tires and you're like this, that's
what it felt like, because you need tires or if
you have to, like if you're refrigerator breaks to get in,
it's like you need it and you use it every
day and it's awesome, Like you love your refrigerator, it
keeps your food cold, Like you don't want to spend money.
(13:18):
That's so boatoks started to feel like that, yeah.
Speaker 2 (13:21):
That, yes, it felt like when I was in college
and I had to buy my own toilet paper, like
I don't want to spend my money on toilet paper.
Toilet paper, I didn't need the boatox I didn't need.
And so I had to sit with myself and ask, Okay,
what is leading me to this? Am I okay without it?
And what does it bring up when I don't have it?
And I had a conversation with Hannah Ellis, who is
(13:42):
an esthetician who we're going to have on soon. I
promise to talk about face taping. Yeah, And I had
a conversation with her maybe a year ago on you
Need Therapy, and we were talking about face taping actually,
and we were talking about botox and all of that
in the obsession with looking young, and we're kind of
laughing about it. But we got to this route of
(14:05):
we're avoiding feeling like we're aging, like we're avoiding getting older.
And something that I will admit to is, yes, I'm
grateful that I get to age, and I get that
that's a gift and all of that. And it is
really scary realizing that you're older than you ever thought
you would be. I never imagine myself looking thirty five,
you know.
Speaker 1 (14:25):
Yeah, and wait, till you're forty four, because that's right.
Speaker 2 (14:29):
You don't imagine yourself with those ages. Those seem so
far away. So I think when I was looking at
getting I'm like, wait, yes, I like what it looks like,
but I feel like I'm avoiding looking my age. And
I actually don't mind looking my age. It just is
really scary and I need to sit with what that
brings up for me. So that's part of getting to
(14:50):
the root. Like, if I keep doing that, there's gonna
be something else I'm gonna have to add to avoid aging.
Speaker 1 (14:55):
Yeah, and I will say in the same vein of
if you do decide to move forward with this surgery,
making sure you go to a doctor where you can
be very transparent that like, this is what I'm here
for now. I don't have any interest in anything else,
because sometimes they may be like, well, hey, while you're
under we're having a two for one special where you know,
(15:18):
you know, I can take a little from here or
do this that you know, and then they start drawing
on you. I'm rewatching Sex and the City because it's
on Netflix. I think I've mentioned it before, But for me,
it's just a show I can have on in the background,
and Samantha went to a plastic surgeon for something and
he ended up drawing red all over her face, like
(15:41):
all over her face, her body, like we could do this,
this and this, and she walked out of their feeling
like so low and just love with herself. And while
you don't want to think that a doctor would actually
do that, this is their business and let's hope that
most of them wouldn't. But you could be in a
position where they bring up something else that you didn't
(16:01):
notice before, and suddenly now you're insecure about it and
you're like, well, I am going to be under since
I'm undering a season, might as well, and it's two
for one, so or whatever. The specialists, which I would
avoid a plastic surgeon that has any specials like that,
But you want to go to somebody that you feel
comfortable with, so I would get recommendations from friends. I
(16:22):
would interview multiple doctors or have multiple consultations. That way
you can compare and you can make an educated decision.
Speaker 2 (16:31):
And even doing the consultation, that's something you haven't done
it yet, So if you're interested in it, part of
like trying this on, it's a very permanent thing. So
I get this is it's going to feel different than
getting banks. Right, Your your banks are going to grow out,
your boobs are not going to well.
Speaker 1 (16:50):
I guess if you decide your bangs, you can grow
them out. But if you don't want the boobs anymore,
you have to have surgery again.
Speaker 2 (16:55):
Right, So it might be helpful for you to like
try on what it feels like to go do it
by going to these consultations and really note what did
I feel like when I was going there, What did
I feel like when I was there? What did I
feel like when I was leaving? Like like act as
if and see if that feels good to you versus
this being more of an elusive thing, and then you
don't have to go through with it, or you could
(17:17):
be like, actually I felt really good and that felt
exciting to me, and I felt really safe there.
Speaker 1 (17:23):
You never know, yeah, and they'll let you like touch
and feel them, and there's lots of advancements that have
been made. But then you'll see on the flip side too,
there's a movement happening of people that are having the
explant surgery and they are removing theirs and breast augmentation
what's it called. I plan on bringing this part up,
but I do think you should be aware of it.
(17:43):
But what's illness? Oh yeah, is a thing like I
know people that have had it, and I'll admit I
have breast implants and I got them in my early twenties.
I'm forty four now, but I was very young. It
was like one of the first decisions I made as
an adult. And I don't know that I would have
made that today, but I made it then and I
(18:05):
was very flat chested and I didn't go huge or anything.
Most people probably wouldn't suspect. But I talked about it
early on.
Speaker 2 (18:14):
I just don't talk.
Speaker 1 (18:15):
About it often because it's not something that really comes
up in my twenties, like on the Bobby Bone Show,
like I would talk about it, like, yeah, it's a
decision that I made. My parents were supportive. My mom
had them, my dad's wife at the time had them,
so in my world it was like, oh, this is
what you do, I guess, and I don't know. I
(18:36):
felt insecure. My boyfriend at the time was supportive, although
by the time I ended up having it, he'd already
broken up with me. And I'm like, what it was.
I think he actually did call to check on me
on surgery day and he said something like, how's my
favorite patient? Yeah, and he'd already started dating somebody else,
and I'm like, your favorite patient is fine.
Speaker 2 (18:56):
Also, don't call me if you're dating somebody else.
Speaker 1 (18:58):
Well, they were newly dating and we had just broken
up with me, but he did call to check on me.
But that's a whole nother thing, a lot of emotions there,
but I'm over that. I just I think that I
was young at the time. I didn't have these questions
ask myself. I didn't have these tools, so I don't
know what forty four year old me would do, but
I have thought about xplant. So maybe you talk to
(19:20):
multiple people who will unpack experienced later. Well, maybe just
explant for whatever reason, just because they were like, ah,
this just isn't mean anymore, or something's off with my body,
like I don't feel right, and what if it is
the breast and plant illness situation. And then because people
do talk about once they've had them removed, whatever symptoms
(19:42):
they had go away.
Speaker 2 (19:44):
Yeah, So that's I think part of too looking at
the risks were, yeah, and there's not a right or wrong.
No answer here, there's no I'm not team do it
or team don't do it. I'm team make sure that
this is actually realistically when I'm my most vulnerable self
with myself and maybe my partner or my therapist. If
(20:05):
I'm talking about the why behind what this is, does
this really meet that? That would be good indication.
Speaker 1 (20:12):
If I and you're at an age like you're you're
thirty one, you say you have a husband, I don't
know if you have kids. But then there's you know,
when you become a mom, when you're breastfeeding, like how
do you want? Like there's just things to consider that
maybe it's not for you now, but you get to
do it later. Wisdom and knowledge is everything, and even
(20:32):
writing us, asking us, talking to your friends, talking to
your friend's parents. I mean, my mom had hers done
in like the seventies, like who knows what?
Speaker 2 (20:43):
Did she have them her until she till she died?
Speaker 1 (20:46):
She never because they say too, this is another thing
that you should update them every ten years, update them?
Speaker 2 (20:52):
Is there a better word for that?
Speaker 1 (20:54):
Change them out?
Speaker 2 (20:55):
Which upgrade should well?
Speaker 1 (21:00):
Well, so here's the thing. So I did that around
the ten year mark because I was terrified because I
was like, well, this is what you're supposed to do.
But I know when I originally got mine, I was
saline because silicone was out. So this is early two
thousands and they're like, oh, yeah, no, no, no, we
don't do silicone. Everyone's doing saline. So I did saline.
Fast forward a little over ten years when I got
(21:22):
it done. I think I got it done probably around
the twelve year mark, and they're like, oh, saline's out,
Silicon's back in, Like we have an improvement, and so
there's always things changing.
Speaker 2 (21:32):
Yeah, get the new mout.
Speaker 1 (21:34):
I might be coming up on another ten year mark,
so maybe I just get them out so it is
every ten years, every ten years ish, like you don't
have to buy by that. My mom did it. I'm
telling you. She got them in in like nineteen sixty nine.
And how we went to the moon in sixty nine.
Yeah we did, if you believe we went to the moon.
But that's a whole other that's a whole another podcast.
(21:56):
But that's a good point though, because she had them
in because then it's like this expense that you have
to like be able to keep up with, and do
you want to go to a male doctor. Do you
want to go to a female doctor? My first time
I went to a female doctor, and then my second
time I went to a male.
Speaker 2 (22:12):
Did do you like one better than the other.
Speaker 1 (22:14):
I think I prefer the female.
Speaker 2 (22:15):
Yeah.
Speaker 1 (22:16):
And then one time I thought I was having like
my one of them had exploded or something, because it
was having these terrible pains in my chest, and so
I booked an appointment to get an exam to see
because I was like so terrified that it had like
ruptured and his anxiety, so I went to him. I
went and got a heart like, oh my god. Test
(22:38):
at the hospital.
Speaker 2 (22:39):
You're like, my sad exploded and they're like, you have anxiety.
Well he didn't.
Speaker 1 (22:43):
He didn't know for sure, but he's like, I can
tell you that nothing's wrong with your implan. Like he
felt around and did whatever he needed to do and
he's like you're good. So then I was like, okay, Well,
so then I go to the hospital and I have
these heart tests done, which I really feel like nobody
gave me a menu with prices. Oh no, because then
when I got my bill, I was like, well shoot,
because it ended up being anxiety and I felt like
I paid a ton of money. Yeah, I'm like, where
(23:05):
was the menu?
Speaker 2 (23:06):
There's no price tag on making sure you're not done.
Speaker 1 (23:09):
But there's I still would have like made different choices
with the menu because I would have been like, well,
maybe I should go see a psychologist first. Menu like
a menu.
Speaker 2 (23:18):
Yeah, so there you go.
Speaker 1 (23:20):
Good luck with that.
Speaker 2 (23:22):
Well, I'm glad you added the tenure. I'm sure if
you're looking at getting these you know that. But that
would impact me. Is part of the botox thing? Why
am I doing this every three months? Oh my gosh.
If it botox was once every ten years, I might
feel different.
Speaker 1 (23:34):
And a doctor may have updated information on that. That's
just what I was told at one point. And obviously
when I went back in for the tenure, they're like,
oh yeah, for sure, Yeah you need you know, because
I'm like, this is also a business. Oh yeah, So
could they be like, yep, actually you've changed it to
every five years. You know, I don't know who do
we trust around here?
Speaker 2 (23:52):
Ourselves?
Speaker 1 (23:53):
Yeah, And that's the thing too. Listen to yourself, listen
to your gut and ask yourself those questions of like
it's at the root of this and getting it is okay? Again.
I love that you said too. There's no right or
wrong answer. There's no judgment here at all whatsoever.
Speaker 2 (24:08):
To make sure they keep us, yeah, keep us posted. Yeah,
we love motoates.
Speaker 1 (24:13):
So hey there at Feeling Things podcast dot com. It's
how y'all can email us and you can also call
two O seven you so so sad said that because
I'm trying to remember the number eight seven seven two
oh seven two O seven seven and leave us a
voice smail. And we are at Feeling Things on all
the socials, YouTube whatnot, and Kat is at Kat van
(24:35):
Buren and I am at Radio Amy, and we hope
that you are having today. You need to have bye
bye
Good. All right, break it down.
Speaker 2 (00:05):
If you ever have feelings that you just fons home,
Amy and Cat gotcha covin locking No brother, Ladies and folks,
do you just.
Speaker 1 (00:14):
Follow Anna spirit where it's all us phone over real
stuff to the chill stuff and the m but Swayne.
Speaker 2 (00:21):
Sometimes the best thing you can do it just stop
you feel things. This is Feeling Things with Amy and Kat. Hi, guys,
and welcome to Couch Talks, which is the special bonus
Thursday episode of Feeling Things with Amy and Kat. And
this is episode where we answer your listener questions so
(00:41):
you can send them to us. Hey, they're at Feeling
Things podcast dot com. And quick disclaimer before we get
into the question today. We have a good question today.
Speaker 1 (00:52):
Also, am I allowed to say her name? Do you
know it doesn't say not too?
Speaker 2 (00:56):
We might keep it anonymous. Dang.
Speaker 1 (00:58):
We promise we'll get better at this and some people
we'll put in all caps keep anonymous. Yeah, but I
don't see that anywhere here, so we'll call here.
Speaker 2 (01:05):
You can do her initial maybe, okay. First thing disclaimer,
Although I am a therapist and Amy goes to therapy, Uh,
this is not a replacement a lot. We're a substitute
for actual therapy. But we do hope that the conversations
we have on here can help y'all wherever you are
in whatever you're doing, even if you're not struggling with
(01:25):
the exact topic that we talk about. And the second
disclaimer is, if you want to be anonymous, let us know.
If we don't know, we'll err on the side of
caution because I do want people to feel safe to
send in their questions. And if you're worried about your
identity being disclosed and that's keeping you from reaching out,
we will keep it anonymous and we can change information too.
Speaker 1 (01:46):
Yeah, and I want to shout out our sweatshirts before
I read the email.
Speaker 2 (01:49):
Because they're mental health minded.
Speaker 1 (01:51):
They're both mental health minded, and we didn't plan this.
Speaker 2 (01:53):
So what you're saying your emotions are valid.
Speaker 1 (01:57):
Love that and mine says you deserve to be well.
Look at us like and subscribe.
Speaker 2 (02:04):
This is not our merch, but no cute.
Speaker 1 (02:08):
See people they say things and they put it on
a sweatshirt or a screen saver or a mug or
a button. We can do we did on Tuesday's episode,
which on Tuesday, we wrapped up our eight core emotions.
So if you miss that, go back.
Speaker 2 (02:23):
That's Nextay, we haven't done that yet. Shut up. So
we're recording on Monday. This is hard, This is learning curve,
and this is inside baseball and not what they call.
Speaker 1 (02:36):
It out Welcome to behind the scenes. Yeah you're right.
Speaker 2 (02:39):
Yeah, it's hard to. It's really hard to. I get
messed up when I'm editing the videos. I'm like, when
is this coming out? We record on Monday the episode.
Speaker 1 (02:47):
For the following Tuesday, not next, not the next day,
but the whole that's what I mean.
Speaker 2 (02:53):
Eight days later. Yeah, you're right, And then the Couch
Talks for just three days later. So we recorded today
an episode that you guys have not heard yet.
Speaker 1 (03:03):
Wow, so buckle up because next Tuesday we wrap up
our eight core emotions.
Speaker 2 (03:08):
Get excited.
Speaker 1 (03:09):
So what I meant to say was yeah, okay, So
last Tuesday, two days ago, we hit get your Emotions No.
Five and six, which are guilt and shame.
Speaker 2 (03:23):
Oh yeah, is that it's so hard?
Speaker 1 (03:26):
Yes? And then next Tuesday we are covering fear and glad.
And the reason why I am excited about that episode
is like, we're we did that one first, Like gets
some Monday so Kat and I are here. If we're
doing inside baseball, let's just do inside baseball. And we
went and changed into our different sweatshirts because we want
to wear something different because on YouTube and we have
(03:49):
social clips and stuff like that, and so welcome to
what people do. Because if Kat and I we can't
record it in real time, like we have jobs like
this is our side job.
Speaker 2 (04:00):
Well, it's also the we can't record it in real
time because we wouldn't have time to edit and we
care make the all the social media stuff. Right.
Speaker 1 (04:08):
So I'm still sweating from the last episode, which we
again just recorded. But we talked about fear, and I
finally dug in a little bit more to the fear
I have around my boyfriend. I thought it was just
a fear I had going into dating him, but I've
realized in therapy that it's a fear that's probably gonna
be ongoing for a little bit. So he's gonna have
(04:30):
to bear with me.
Speaker 2 (04:31):
And it's not bad.
Speaker 1 (04:32):
It gets not bad wisdom, it's not bad. I don't
need to be scared of this fear. I need to
be thankful for the awareness that he's giving me. It
doesn't make me weak. It makes me aware, amen, So
he should be lucky. Consider himself lucky that.
Speaker 2 (04:48):
You have feelings that a person you awareness.
Speaker 1 (04:50):
I have awareness. Not everybody does, well, I know, but
similar to what you've said before in the past is
like the more awareness you have, the more you realize,
like you don't know what the heck is going on really.
Speaker 2 (04:59):
But they call it the booby trap of therapy because
once you have awareness, you either have to do something
or like it's kind of like why there's no point, Yeah,
you can't like unknow this stuff.
Speaker 1 (05:13):
So some of the stuff we got into I was
like sweating while we were talking. And then also it's
like an hour and a half long episodes. We did
have the debate when we quote recording of like should
we make that two episodes or make it two parts
or whatever, because we did get an email from someone
speaking of our emails that was like, hey, I'm loving everything,
but just some advice or I get feedback that I
have would be could you keep the episodes about forty
(05:35):
five minutes? And yes, I would say that our goal
is to make forty five minutes to an hour. That
is our goal. But we were diving into some stuff
that just also needed some background information and then we're
just kind of talking and our goal was literally forty
five minutes or an hour, and next thing you know,
we're sweating and it's been an hour and a half.
Speaker 2 (05:54):
Stomach is growling.
Speaker 1 (05:55):
Cat's like I'm hungry, and I'm like, I need change
my dampon.
Speaker 2 (06:03):
So let's make this one under forty five.
Speaker 1 (06:05):
Now, this is couch Talks are quick. Yeah, and that's
the thing. Just know that Tuesday maybe a little bit longer,
and you can divide it up, like listen to a
little bit here, listen to a little bit there. Just
don't forget to go back to us.
Speaker 2 (06:16):
It's like audio book.
Speaker 1 (06:17):
Yeah, yeah, you hop on join us when you can,
and then couch Talks, you know, on Thursdays, it'll just
be we'll read the email, we'll share our thoughts, and
then you move on. So today's email is from m
She said, congrats, ladies. I am happy for you both
and look forward to what y'all will produce. Longtime listener,
(06:38):
just finish y'all's first episode. Now for my couch Talks question,
I'm considering getting a mini breast augmentation implants that just
give me a bit more than what I'm currently working
with thoughts. I'm currently a small a and I'm thirty one.
I'm torn because as much as i want the confidence
boost fitting clothes better, not feeling like I'm a team
(07:00):
nature because I'm small chested, I want to be able
to accept my body and feel confident in my own
skin without needing a procedure. It's an internal struggle. I've
done a lot of research on the topic. Total disclaimer.
If I decide on surgery, it'll be from my own
thoughts and decisions. My husband is supportive no matter what
I want to do. If you don't want to discuss
(07:21):
this topic, I understand. Thank you for reading, and best
wishes to y'all. Xoxo. M. Well, we shall discuss this topic.
And I totally get the pull between wanting to feel
more confident, but then you know, wanting to accept yourself
as you are. We all deal with that, and it
(07:42):
feels like there's one answer, and of course we're going
to address this because Kat is not only a therapist,
but she's a therapist that specializes in body image. We
didn't play.
Speaker 2 (07:54):
It's just like, not the most fun thing to specialize in.
So I like that we're bringing that in. Do you
have any thoughts or do you want me to go
into share some things.
Speaker 1 (08:03):
I think that a lot of people, while it might
not be a boob job for them, or let's be professional,
a breast augmentation, While it might not be that for them,
it could be botox. Like we've been talking a lot
about that lately, because we both stopped botox, paused it,
stopped it. I don't know. I'm trying to be free
(08:23):
about it, free spirited, go with the flow. Am I
going to ever get it again? I don't know.
Speaker 2 (08:30):
You could.
Speaker 1 (08:30):
Only time will.
Speaker 2 (08:31):
Tell, only face fitness will tell.
Speaker 1 (08:35):
Face goitness, I mean my face fitness. I'll tell you
what that is a whole other thing. But I am
enjoying it. It's very relaxing. But my wrinkles are getting
more obvious by the day because I had been freezing
them for quite some time. So I'm enjoying the expressions.
And I don't know what's going to happen with it.
But people might be dealing with it with botox, it
(08:55):
might be other things are trying to navigate or do.
Like it could be a hair fing that you're considering
where you're like, do I really want to do this,
or am I trying to do it because of X
y Z or you know, our skin? Like I just
wish I could accept my pale skin as it is.
It's a constant struggle with my self tanner and my
(09:16):
Irish skin, and your little Italian face needs to stop
at me because you're so tan.
Speaker 2 (09:22):
Well I'm laughing because I was with my niece who's
eight this weekend and I was like giving her a
hug and I touched her face and I said, you
have the softest skin. I want your skin. She's eight,
and she goes, yeah, you have rough skin.
Speaker 1 (09:37):
And I was like, first of all, kids are brutal.
Speaker 2 (09:40):
I'm working on it. Second of all, wasn't expecting that
when I gave you a compliment. And that's okay. I
don't think she meant it that way.
Speaker 1 (09:47):
No, she didn't. That's just like kids are that. Like
my daughter came up and like felt my arms. She
made this lotion stuff she was really excited about, with
like shade butter and essential oils and she's like, oh,
so she puts them on her fing and then put
it on my arm. And then when she's putting on
my arm, she's like squeezing it and she's like, oh
so squishy, And I was like, egay, her arm's like
(10:10):
hard as a rock. I'm like, okay, cool. Cool. Well,
so maybe it could be you know, your arms.
Speaker 2 (10:15):
Yeah, your legs. It could be anything.
Speaker 1 (10:17):
Oh I lasered off my eyebrows, my micro bladed brows,
and I'm having to draw them on every day. There's
lots of things we do, Like am I going to
get a microbladed again? I don't know. Would it make
my life easier?
Speaker 2 (10:28):
Heck yeah?
Speaker 1 (10:29):
Because do you know how long it takes me to
put these on? Like ten minutes? Yeah?
Speaker 2 (10:34):
And what if you mess up?
Speaker 1 (10:35):
Then it's I have to start over. So there, that's
my point. People might be like, eh, well, I'm not
gonna get a boob job, but you might have other
things that you're like considering, and the wisdom Cat's gonna
give because she's a specialist.
Speaker 2 (10:48):
I'm glad you brought all of the different things up
because the first thought that pops in my head when
I hear somebody talking about something like that is the
root of all that is very similar, Like the could
be very similar the hay or the eyebrows, the botox,
the whatever it is, the breast augmentation, the skin treatment,
the I don't know, I wore colored contacts in high school.
(11:11):
I wear purple contacts in high school. We can talk
about that later, We could dig into that whole thing,
but they can be coming from the same root. And
the thing that you really want to pay attention to
is is there something that I'm chasing that is going
to lead me to something else? If I really need
to know the why behind the what, because this might
(11:34):
not answer that why, and this might just be leading
me to another thing, kind of like pulling up weeds.
When the weed like never ends, you're just like trailing
it and there's just another thing to do. And the
other thing you really got to pay attention to is
is this going to affect negatively some quality of your life?
So what am I risking? Is this going to affect
(12:07):
negatively some quality of your life? So what am I risking?
The risk benefit with some of this stuff? Can I
afford this? Is this going to keep me from being
able to pay certain bills in my life? Is it
going to stress me out in other ways? Is is
going to solve one problem and then whack them all
another one pops up, and I think that can happen
(12:29):
a lot. I know for myself. Part of the Botox
thing is I was getting really frustrated with paying for it.
I liked what I looked like with it. I actually,
if I'm honest, liked the botox better than not the botox.
But I was getting really frustrated when I was paying
for it, and then I had to sit down. I'm like,
why am I so frustrated by paying for this? If
(12:50):
it's something that is important to me and that I
can afford, and that is helping me in whatever way,
whether it's.
Speaker 1 (12:56):
Pepience or not, it should feel more fun to be like, oh,
it just my boatox. Since nah, it's like you're buying
a new set of tires and you're like this, that's
what it felt like, because you need tires or if
you have to, like if you're refrigerator breaks to get in,
it's like you need it and you use it every
day and it's awesome, Like you love your refrigerator, it
keeps your food cold, Like you don't want to spend money.
(13:18):
That's so boatoks started to feel like that, yeah.
Speaker 2 (13:21):
That, yes, it felt like when I was in college
and I had to buy my own toilet paper, like
I don't want to spend my money on toilet paper.
Toilet paper, I didn't need the boatox I didn't need.
And so I had to sit with myself and ask, Okay,
what is leading me to this? Am I okay without it?
And what does it bring up when I don't have it?
And I had a conversation with Hannah Ellis, who is
(13:42):
an esthetician who we're going to have on soon. I
promise to talk about face taping. Yeah, And I had
a conversation with her maybe a year ago on you
Need Therapy, and we were talking about face taping actually,
and we were talking about botox and all of that
in the obsession with looking young, and we're kind of
laughing about it. But we got to this route of
(14:05):
we're avoiding feeling like we're aging, like we're avoiding getting older.
And something that I will admit to is, yes, I'm
grateful that I get to age, and I get that
that's a gift and all of that. And it is
really scary realizing that you're older than you ever thought
you would be. I never imagine myself looking thirty five,
you know.
Speaker 1 (14:25):
Yeah, and wait, till you're forty four, because that's right.
Speaker 2 (14:29):
You don't imagine yourself with those ages. Those seem so
far away. So I think when I was looking at
getting I'm like, wait, yes, I like what it looks like,
but I feel like I'm avoiding looking my age. And
I actually don't mind looking my age. It just is
really scary and I need to sit with what that
brings up for me. So that's part of getting to
(14:50):
the root. Like, if I keep doing that, there's gonna
be something else I'm gonna have to add to avoid aging.
Speaker 1 (14:55):
Yeah, and I will say in the same vein of
if you do decide to move forward with this surgery,
making sure you go to a doctor where you can
be very transparent that like, this is what I'm here
for now. I don't have any interest in anything else,
because sometimes they may be like, well, hey, while you're
under we're having a two for one special where you know,
(15:18):
you know, I can take a little from here or
do this that you know, and then they start drawing
on you. I'm rewatching Sex and the City because it's
on Netflix. I think I've mentioned it before, But for me,
it's just a show I can have on in the background,
and Samantha went to a plastic surgeon for something and
he ended up drawing red all over her face, like
(15:41):
all over her face, her body, like we could do this,
this and this, and she walked out of their feeling
like so low and just love with herself. And while
you don't want to think that a doctor would actually
do that, this is their business and let's hope that
most of them wouldn't. But you could be in a
position where they bring up something else that you didn't
(16:01):
notice before, and suddenly now you're insecure about it and
you're like, well, I am going to be under since
I'm undering a season, might as well, and it's two
for one, so or whatever. The specialists, which I would
avoid a plastic surgeon that has any specials like that,
But you want to go to somebody that you feel
comfortable with, so I would get recommendations from friends. I
(16:22):
would interview multiple doctors or have multiple consultations. That way
you can compare and you can make an educated decision.
Speaker 2 (16:31):
And even doing the consultation, that's something you haven't done
it yet, So if you're interested in it, part of
like trying this on, it's a very permanent thing. So
I get this is it's going to feel different than
getting banks. Right, Your your banks are going to grow out,
your boobs are not going to well.
Speaker 1 (16:50):
I guess if you decide your bangs, you can grow
them out. But if you don't want the boobs anymore,
you have to have surgery again.
Speaker 2 (16:55):
Right, So it might be helpful for you to like
try on what it feels like to go do it
by going to these consultations and really note what did
I feel like when I was going there, What did
I feel like when I was there? What did I
feel like when I was leaving? Like like act as
if and see if that feels good to you versus
this being more of an elusive thing, and then you
don't have to go through with it, or you could
(17:17):
be like, actually I felt really good and that felt
exciting to me, and I felt really safe there.
Speaker 1 (17:23):
You never know, yeah, and they'll let you like touch
and feel them, and there's lots of advancements that have
been made. But then you'll see on the flip side too,
there's a movement happening of people that are having the
explant surgery and they are removing theirs and breast augmentation
what's it called. I plan on bringing this part up,
but I do think you should be aware of it.
(17:43):
But what's illness? Oh yeah, is a thing like I
know people that have had it, and I'll admit I
have breast implants and I got them in my early twenties.
I'm forty four now, but I was very young. It
was like one of the first decisions I made as
an adult. And I don't know that I would have
made that today, but I made it then and I
(18:05):
was very flat chested and I didn't go huge or anything.
Most people probably wouldn't suspect. But I talked about it
early on.
Speaker 2 (18:14):
I just don't talk.
Speaker 1 (18:15):
About it often because it's not something that really comes
up in my twenties, like on the Bobby Bone Show,
like I would talk about it, like, yeah, it's a
decision that I made. My parents were supportive. My mom
had them, my dad's wife at the time had them,
so in my world it was like, oh, this is
what you do, I guess, and I don't know. I
(18:36):
felt insecure. My boyfriend at the time was supportive, although
by the time I ended up having it, he'd already
broken up with me. And I'm like, what it was.
I think he actually did call to check on me
on surgery day and he said something like, how's my
favorite patient? Yeah, and he'd already started dating somebody else,
and I'm like, your favorite patient is fine.
Speaker 2 (18:56):
Also, don't call me if you're dating somebody else.
Speaker 1 (18:58):
Well, they were newly dating and we had just broken
up with me, but he did call to check on me.
But that's a whole nother thing, a lot of emotions there,
but I'm over that. I just I think that I
was young at the time. I didn't have these questions
ask myself. I didn't have these tools, so I don't
know what forty four year old me would do, but
I have thought about xplant. So maybe you talk to
(19:20):
multiple people who will unpack experienced later. Well, maybe just
explant for whatever reason, just because they were like, ah,
this just isn't mean anymore, or something's off with my body,
like I don't feel right, and what if it is
the breast and plant illness situation. And then because people
do talk about once they've had them removed, whatever symptoms
(19:42):
they had go away.
Speaker 2 (19:44):
Yeah, So that's I think part of too looking at
the risks were, yeah, and there's not a right or wrong.
No answer here, there's no I'm not team do it
or team don't do it. I'm team make sure that
this is actually realistically when I'm my most vulnerable self
with myself and maybe my partner or my therapist. If
(20:05):
I'm talking about the why behind what this is, does
this really meet that? That would be good indication.
Speaker 1 (20:12):
If I and you're at an age like you're you're
thirty one, you say you have a husband, I don't
know if you have kids. But then there's you know,
when you become a mom, when you're breastfeeding, like how
do you want? Like there's just things to consider that
maybe it's not for you now, but you get to
do it later. Wisdom and knowledge is everything, and even
(20:32):
writing us, asking us, talking to your friends, talking to
your friend's parents. I mean, my mom had hers done
in like the seventies, like who knows what?
Speaker 2 (20:43):
Did she have them her until she till she died?
Speaker 1 (20:46):
She never because they say too, this is another thing
that you should update them every ten years, update them?
Speaker 2 (20:52):
Is there a better word for that?
Speaker 1 (20:54):
Change them out?
Speaker 2 (20:55):
Which upgrade should well?
Speaker 1 (21:00):
Well, so here's the thing. So I did that around
the ten year mark because I was terrified because I
was like, well, this is what you're supposed to do.
But I know when I originally got mine, I was
saline because silicone was out. So this is early two
thousands and they're like, oh, yeah, no, no, no, we
don't do silicone. Everyone's doing saline. So I did saline.
Fast forward a little over ten years when I got
(21:22):
it done. I think I got it done probably around
the twelve year mark, and they're like, oh, saline's out,
Silicon's back in, Like we have an improvement, and so
there's always things changing.
Speaker 2 (21:32):
Yeah, get the new mout.
Speaker 1 (21:34):
I might be coming up on another ten year mark,
so maybe I just get them out so it is
every ten years, every ten years ish, like you don't
have to buy by that. My mom did it. I'm
telling you. She got them in in like nineteen sixty nine.
And how we went to the moon in sixty nine.
Yeah we did, if you believe we went to the moon.
But that's a whole other that's a whole another podcast.
(21:56):
But that's a good point though, because she had them
in because then it's like this expense that you have
to like be able to keep up with, and do
you want to go to a male doctor. Do you
want to go to a female doctor? My first time
I went to a female doctor, and then my second
time I went to a male.
Speaker 2 (22:12):
Did do you like one better than the other.
Speaker 1 (22:14):
I think I prefer the female.
Speaker 2 (22:15):
Yeah.
Speaker 1 (22:16):
And then one time I thought I was having like
my one of them had exploded or something, because it
was having these terrible pains in my chest, and so
I booked an appointment to get an exam to see
because I was like so terrified that it had like
ruptured and his anxiety, so I went to him. I
went and got a heart like, oh my god. Test
(22:38):
at the hospital.
Speaker 2 (22:39):
You're like, my sad exploded and they're like, you have anxiety.
Well he didn't.
Speaker 1 (22:43):
He didn't know for sure, but he's like, I can
tell you that nothing's wrong with your implan. Like he
felt around and did whatever he needed to do and
he's like you're good. So then I was like, okay, Well,
so then I go to the hospital and I have
these heart tests done, which I really feel like nobody
gave me a menu with prices. Oh no, because then
when I got my bill, I was like, well shoot,
because it ended up being anxiety and I felt like
I paid a ton of money. Yeah, I'm like, where
(23:05):
was the menu?
Speaker 2 (23:06):
There's no price tag on making sure you're not done.
Speaker 1 (23:09):
But there's I still would have like made different choices
with the menu because I would have been like, well,
maybe I should go see a psychologist first. Menu like
a menu.
Speaker 2 (23:18):
Yeah, so there you go.
Speaker 1 (23:20):
Good luck with that.
Speaker 2 (23:22):
Well, I'm glad you added the tenure. I'm sure if
you're looking at getting these you know that. But that
would impact me. Is part of the botox thing? Why
am I doing this every three months? Oh my gosh.
If it botox was once every ten years, I might
feel different.
Speaker 1 (23:34):
And a doctor may have updated information on that. That's
just what I was told at one point. And obviously
when I went back in for the tenure, they're like,
oh yeah, for sure, Yeah you need you know, because
I'm like, this is also a business. Oh yeah, So
could they be like, yep, actually you've changed it to
every five years. You know, I don't know who do
we trust around here?
Speaker 2 (23:52):
Ourselves?
Speaker 1 (23:53):
Yeah, And that's the thing too. Listen to yourself, listen
to your gut and ask yourself those questions of like
it's at the root of this and getting it is okay? Again.
I love that you said too. There's no right or
wrong answer. There's no judgment here at all whatsoever.
Speaker 2 (24:08):
To make sure they keep us, yeah, keep us posted. Yeah,
we love motoates.
Speaker 1 (24:13):
So hey there at Feeling Things podcast dot com. It's
how y'all can email us and you can also call
two O seven you so so sad said that because
I'm trying to remember the number eight seven seven two
oh seven two O seven seven and leave us a
voice smail. And we are at Feeling Things on all
the socials, YouTube whatnot, and Kat is at Kat van
(24:35):
Buren and I am at Radio Amy, and we hope
that you are having today. You need to have bye
bye
Feeling Things with Amy & Kat News
Host
Amy Brown
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