January 20, 2024 • 13 mins
OUTWEIGH: We are back for Part 2 in "Unfiltered Confidence: Navigating Self-Discovery Within Recovery," where Leanne interviews Suzanne, a living testament to the transformative journey of overcoming disordered eating and toxic shame.
In "Owning Your Worth in the Face of Haters," they delve into the post-recovery journey, exploring self-endorsement and the profound ability to own your journey and not veer from your vision, even when others don't understand (and even in the presence of "haters".)
Suzanne candidly shares her personal experiences, offering a firsthand account of how she learned to navigate the complex terrain of self-image and confidently embrace her own worth, even when others were actively speaking against her. It's a powerful conversation that unravels the intricacies of self-discovery beyond the physical, empowering you to cultivate unshakable confidence and freedom in your own life.
HOST: @leanneellington
To learn more about re-wiring your brain to heal from the all-or-nothing diet mentality for good....but WITHOUT restricting yourself, punishing your body, (and definitely WITHOUT ever having to use words like macros, low-carb, or calorie burn) check out Leanne's FREE Stressless Eating Webinar @ www.StresslessEating.com
See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.
Mark as Played
Transcript
Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
Speaker 1 (00:00):
I won't let my body out be outwait everything that
I'm made, don't won't spend my life trying to change.
I'm learning love who I am, I get, I'm strong,
I'm feel free. I know every part of me it
is beautiful and that will always out way if you
(00:24):
feel it, but you are She'll some love to the
d Why get there? Take you one day and did
you and die out way?
Speaker 2 (00:35):
Happy Saturday, outweigh We are back. I'm here with the
lovely and amazing Suzanne. And this is part two of
our series called Unfiltered Confidence, navigating self discovery within recovery,
and the keyword there being within. There's so much I
know for me that food and body conversation can be
all encompassing, all consuming, and I just wanted to show
(00:57):
you there's so much more within it, beyond it, on
the other side of it, and we're talking about the
specifics of that. So definitely go back and check out
part one where we talked about navigating life beyond the checklist.
If you get caught in the doing and performing and
pleasing and perfecting and you have no idea how to
even get back to being who you want to be
in the midst of that, that is a great conversation
(01:17):
starter for that. And today we're going to talk about
owning your worth in the face of haters, like knowing
who you are even when there's others that are outright
speaking out against you. So, by the way, if you
do want to hear Suzanne's testimony and powerful journey, we'll
link that in the show notes. But welcome back.
Speaker 3 (01:36):
It's great to be here with you again.
Speaker 2 (01:38):
So I know you have a lot to say about
this concept of knowing your worth even when they are haters.
So do you want to just kind of set the
tone for how this came out, because I think a
lot of us, if we've ever experienced this, it's not
one of those things that you plan out. It just
kind of happens. And so can you just share a
little bit about how that experience unfolded for you and
how you took ownership of your ability to influence what
you could even when things kind of felt out An.
Speaker 3 (02:01):
Sure, we were working together and there were some significant
challenges that I was facing with some folks that I
work with, and it took me by surprise, quite frankly,
that they were being as vocal as they were and
as harsh as they were, and it was really a
difficult moment in my life. And by moment, I mean
(02:23):
like a year. It was an ongoing challenge, and early
on in that challenge, I was doubting myself a lot.
I was doubting my abilities. I was losing confidence in
what I could do. But the piece that kept me
afloat was really knowing who I am, and when I
(02:48):
would have a new challenge thrown at me or a
new accusation whipped at me, I was able to take
a step back finally to say, you know what I know. Oh,
I'm not perfect Number one. I make mistakes, but I
also know that I own those mistakes. I'm pretty good
at self accountability. And if I've done something that has
(03:12):
hurt somebody else, I recognize it and I want to
make that right. I knew that fundamental truth about myself.
I also knew that I am good at building trust
in others. And I knew that I am far more
inclined to build a bridge than to build a wall
(03:34):
between people instead of against people. So knowing those truths
about myself helped me to sustain and keep my head
above water, to take a breath to be able to say, Okay,
I may not know everything, and I need some help
and some different tools to deal with the situations that
(03:54):
are being thrown at me. And it could have been
really easy to just go underwater and sink into a
world of despair and self shame and hatred. But I
think what kept me afloat throughout all of that is
I did know who I was, and I strongly believed
(04:14):
in my own worth and it was reinforced and I'm
strengthened through that process. I think about that phrase, you know,
the really hard things in life forge us to be stronger.
And while it was a difficult experience that I would
not want to have to go through again, it did
(04:35):
help me to strengthen my own concept of self worth
in a way that I don't know that it would
have grown as strong if I hadn't gone through something
so hard.
Speaker 2 (04:46):
Oh my gosh. And so, by the way, if you
are curious, a couple of series ago, Amy and I
did a series called Do You Know Your True Value
and Worth? And we literally walked you through each of
these five ingredients that Susanne is talking about. When she said, Hey,
like I knew what my val and worth was and
it's not a coincidence that you know you were going
through well, I don't believe it was a coincidence that
you were going through this stuff with the work, when
(05:08):
we were going through creating your value, creating your worth,
creating self endorsement, and the fact that you were able
to stand in the knowingness of who you were because
you identified it, you created it, and you were able
to stand in it. And so for anybody who's listening
and you're like, I have no idea what that would
even look like, walk like, talk like, sound like, go
back and check out our series Do you know your
true value and worth? Because Amy and I walked you
(05:30):
through the five ingredients of that. But when it came
to this idea of self endorsement, because we just talked
about self worth and knowing your value and worth outside
of the health haters, right right, what did it look
like for you to remind yourself of who you were
in the midst because you were hearing all of these
things about you and I love how you also mentioned, Hey,
(05:51):
I took full responsibility. I wasn't perfect. I took ownership
for who I was and wasn't being, and all of that,
but independent of that, no matter how were the you feel,
no matter how you know how high your self esteem is,
this stuff hurts, right, and so part of it is
like feeling the hurt, feeling the suck, and being emotionally
available to ourselves when that happens, but then also being
(06:12):
able to endorse us when somebody is like chopping us
at the knees or whatever they say. Right, so, right,
that looked like for you to be emotionally available to
yourself in those moments that you were like literally being
hated on, right, but then also the self endorsement that
kind of countered that for yourself.
Speaker 3 (06:30):
Well, part of it was allowing myself to feel what
was what was coming up, you know, when somebody is
mean to you, or or you're perceiving that they're being
mean to you, allowing yourself to cry and feel sad
and feel like betrayal is a really hard thing to
go through. And I felt betrayed by some of the
(06:51):
folks that were really not being kind to me, and
allowing myself the time to process that. That was one
of the gifts that I am glad I gave myself
was to not just brush it off and say this
doesn't matter. It did matter. It hurt and allowing myself
to feel the hurt was really an important part of
(07:12):
healing from that hurt. To be able to offer myself
forgiveness in saying I didn't do everything perfectly, but I'm
a human, I'm not going to do everything perfectly was
also one of the keys for me in getting past
this and being able to let it go. It was
(07:33):
also about playing a long game for me in saying
I know who I am and people may be saying
unkind things about me or being unkind directly to me,
but in the long run, those who know me know
me and they know who I They could hear something
(07:55):
from somebody who's saying something unkind, but if they truly
know me, they know that that's not who I am
at my core. There may have been one or two
instances of behavior that were out of character for me,
but who I am is who I am, and I
know that those who were the closest to me know that.
(08:15):
So I connected to those that knew me best that
could hold a mirror up to me to show me
who they know me to be. When I was struggling
to remind myself of that too.
Speaker 2 (08:26):
And I love how you mentioned because I think a
lot of people confuse self worth and self esteem with
just like, oh, I don't care, it doesn't bother me,
brush it off. And then we brush it off, and
what happens is we push it down, we deflect. Sometimes
we end up numbing out. Actually a lot of times
we end up numbing out, and then it cascades into
other things. And I love how you mentioned, like, no,
(08:47):
it hurt. I felt that I became emotionally available to
myself in those moments, and I do. I know a
lot of we're trying to get off of the topic
of just the food and body stuff, but I also
want to remind people that are listening that this is
all interconnected as well, because these are the kinds of
things that would normally put us on a tailspin if
we do struggle, and we like I know, for me,
when I was eating my feelings or processing some sort
(09:08):
of void or filling a void with food or netflix
or whatever it is. We all have our own stuff,
but these are the kinds of things that I wasn't
even thinking about that were responsible and we think like, oh,
my food problem is a food problem. My body problem
is a body issue, but no, we realize, like no,
all of these other components that are affecting our lives
and influencing who are being in other roles of our lives.
(09:31):
It's absolutely one thousand percent interconnected. But when we think
about the typical healing process that comes along side, you know,
healing from body dysmorphia and food shame and all of
those things, a lot of times the approach is a
very food centric approach and doesn't take account for stuff
like this that we're talking about. So I really love
that you impressed upon that, but also you gathered the
(09:53):
tools in your toolbox to know who you were stand
in your own self endorsement, but then also be vulnerable
to say to your friends, be like, hey, I know
who I am, but also can you remind me what
you see in me? And maybe it wasn't even that over.
Maybe you just surround yourself with people and the knowingness
of who you are, and that know who you are,
because I think a lot of times too we forget
(10:15):
that who we surround ourselves with is a reflection of
where we are in our lives. So I know in
moments in my life that I didn't value myself that
I didn't find myself worthy. I was hanging around with
people that also didn't know my value and worth, and
I was receiving breadcrumbs in friendships and relationships all that.
So that could be another topic of a podcast episode
in itself. That's surrounding ourselves with people that see us
(10:38):
and know the truth of who we are. But again,
the point of this long winded ramble that I just
rambled is that it is so all interconnected and these
are the things that matter.
Speaker 1 (10:48):
Right.
Speaker 2 (10:48):
People might wonder, like, what does it have to do
with food when we're talking about people hating on me
at work, and it's like, this is what it has
to do. It's all interconnected. It's all interwoven. So thanks
for taking us on a backseat journey of your experiences.
If you were to just give one little thought or
leave listeners with one invitation when it comes to owning
their worth in the face of haters and knowing their
(11:12):
own worth even when it's like flat out in their
face speaking the opposite, what's one thing that you would
just want to leave our listeners with.
Speaker 3 (11:19):
I would say one of the tools that really helped
me during that time is the journaling prompts that you
had provided to me as part of my daily ritual.
I was committed to expressing gratitude on a regular basis,
but also committed to identifying things about myself that I
was proud of on a daily basis. Things that I
(11:42):
was proud of from my past, things that I was
proud of in that moment, and things that I was
proud of who I was going to be in the future.
And that helped to remind me who I am, and
that even in the face of people being uncoded, kind
or hating or disgruntleder or however you want to describe them,
(12:05):
that's about them and not about you. I'd heard that
so many times in my life. That was probably the
time that I finally learned what that really meant for me.
That the things that somebody is saying or doing about
you is not about you. It's about them. And if
you know who you are, you can stand firm in
(12:26):
the face of that and come out on the other
side still being who you know yourself to be.
Speaker 2 (12:31):
So so powerful, and sometimes we have to experience it
to get it. We can hear things till we're blue
in the face, but we don't actually get it until
it smacks us in the face and we are kind
of forced to reconcile it on our own. So thank
you so much for sharing that. And if you're curious
about that journal prompt interestingly enough, not next week, but
the week after, we're going to be talking about a
specific journal prop that I do teach my clients, So
(12:52):
thank you for seeding that for the future for them,
because we're going to open that Pandora's box in a
couple of weeks. So if you're curious, stay tuned. It's
so thank you so much for being here, thank you
for being just so open and vulnerable. We're excited to
have you back next week. And also in the meantime,
if you are curious about how to heal your own
relationship with food, relationship with your body by taking this
(13:13):
more self image approach and really this long term withstanding
rewire your brain approach to all of this that includes
all the nitty gritty things that we're talking about. Because
life isn't simple and raises and butterflies all the time.
Head on over to stresslesseding dot com and check out
the free stressless Eding webinar, and you can follow me
on socials over at Leanne Ellington And this is us
(13:34):
signing out for right now, but we will be back
next Saturday with another episode of Outweigh where we are
going to be talking about self compassion beyond the reflection.
So we will talk to you then. Bye.
I won't let my body out be outwait everything that
I'm made, don't won't spend my life trying to change.
I'm learning love who I am, I get, I'm strong,
I'm feel free. I know every part of me it
is beautiful and that will always out way if you
(00:24):
feel it, but you are She'll some love to the
d Why get there? Take you one day and did
you and die out way?
Speaker 2 (00:35):
Happy Saturday, outweigh We are back. I'm here with the
lovely and amazing Suzanne. And this is part two of
our series called Unfiltered Confidence, navigating self discovery within recovery,
and the keyword there being within. There's so much I
know for me that food and body conversation can be
all encompassing, all consuming, and I just wanted to show
(00:57):
you there's so much more within it, beyond it, on
the other side of it, and we're talking about the
specifics of that. So definitely go back and check out
part one where we talked about navigating life beyond the checklist.
If you get caught in the doing and performing and
pleasing and perfecting and you have no idea how to
even get back to being who you want to be
in the midst of that, that is a great conversation
(01:17):
starter for that. And today we're going to talk about
owning your worth in the face of haters, like knowing
who you are even when there's others that are outright
speaking out against you. So, by the way, if you
do want to hear Suzanne's testimony and powerful journey, we'll
link that in the show notes. But welcome back.
Speaker 3 (01:36):
It's great to be here with you again.
Speaker 2 (01:38):
So I know you have a lot to say about
this concept of knowing your worth even when they are haters.
So do you want to just kind of set the
tone for how this came out, because I think a
lot of us, if we've ever experienced this, it's not
one of those things that you plan out. It just
kind of happens. And so can you just share a
little bit about how that experience unfolded for you and
how you took ownership of your ability to influence what
you could even when things kind of felt out An.
Speaker 3 (02:01):
Sure, we were working together and there were some significant
challenges that I was facing with some folks that I
work with, and it took me by surprise, quite frankly,
that they were being as vocal as they were and
as harsh as they were, and it was really a
difficult moment in my life. And by moment, I mean
(02:23):
like a year. It was an ongoing challenge, and early
on in that challenge, I was doubting myself a lot.
I was doubting my abilities. I was losing confidence in
what I could do. But the piece that kept me
afloat was really knowing who I am, and when I
(02:48):
would have a new challenge thrown at me or a
new accusation whipped at me, I was able to take
a step back finally to say, you know what I know. Oh,
I'm not perfect Number one. I make mistakes, but I
also know that I own those mistakes. I'm pretty good
at self accountability. And if I've done something that has
(03:12):
hurt somebody else, I recognize it and I want to
make that right. I knew that fundamental truth about myself.
I also knew that I am good at building trust
in others. And I knew that I am far more
inclined to build a bridge than to build a wall
(03:34):
between people instead of against people. So knowing those truths
about myself helped me to sustain and keep my head
above water, to take a breath to be able to say, Okay,
I may not know everything, and I need some help
and some different tools to deal with the situations that
(03:54):
are being thrown at me. And it could have been
really easy to just go underwater and sink into a
world of despair and self shame and hatred. But I
think what kept me afloat throughout all of that is
I did know who I was, and I strongly believed
(04:14):
in my own worth and it was reinforced and I'm
strengthened through that process. I think about that phrase, you know,
the really hard things in life forge us to be stronger.
And while it was a difficult experience that I would
not want to have to go through again, it did
(04:35):
help me to strengthen my own concept of self worth
in a way that I don't know that it would
have grown as strong if I hadn't gone through something
so hard.
Speaker 2 (04:46):
Oh my gosh. And so, by the way, if you
are curious, a couple of series ago, Amy and I
did a series called Do You Know Your True Value
and Worth? And we literally walked you through each of
these five ingredients that Susanne is talking about. When she said, Hey,
like I knew what my val and worth was and
it's not a coincidence that you know you were going
through well, I don't believe it was a coincidence that
you were going through this stuff with the work, when
(05:08):
we were going through creating your value, creating your worth,
creating self endorsement, and the fact that you were able
to stand in the knowingness of who you were because
you identified it, you created it, and you were able
to stand in it. And so for anybody who's listening
and you're like, I have no idea what that would
even look like, walk like, talk like, sound like, go
back and check out our series Do you know your
true value and worth? Because Amy and I walked you
(05:30):
through the five ingredients of that. But when it came
to this idea of self endorsement, because we just talked
about self worth and knowing your value and worth outside
of the health haters, right right, what did it look
like for you to remind yourself of who you were
in the midst because you were hearing all of these
things about you and I love how you also mentioned, Hey,
(05:51):
I took full responsibility. I wasn't perfect. I took ownership
for who I was and wasn't being, and all of that,
but independent of that, no matter how were the you feel,
no matter how you know how high your self esteem is,
this stuff hurts, right, and so part of it is
like feeling the hurt, feeling the suck, and being emotionally
available to ourselves when that happens, but then also being
(06:12):
able to endorse us when somebody is like chopping us
at the knees or whatever they say. Right, so, right,
that looked like for you to be emotionally available to
yourself in those moments that you were like literally being
hated on, right, but then also the self endorsement that
kind of countered that for yourself.
Speaker 3 (06:30):
Well, part of it was allowing myself to feel what
was what was coming up, you know, when somebody is
mean to you, or or you're perceiving that they're being
mean to you, allowing yourself to cry and feel sad
and feel like betrayal is a really hard thing to
go through. And I felt betrayed by some of the
(06:51):
folks that were really not being kind to me, and
allowing myself the time to process that. That was one
of the gifts that I am glad I gave myself
was to not just brush it off and say this
doesn't matter. It did matter. It hurt and allowing myself
to feel the hurt was really an important part of
(07:12):
healing from that hurt. To be able to offer myself
forgiveness in saying I didn't do everything perfectly, but I'm
a human, I'm not going to do everything perfectly was
also one of the keys for me in getting past
this and being able to let it go. It was
(07:33):
also about playing a long game for me in saying
I know who I am and people may be saying
unkind things about me or being unkind directly to me,
but in the long run, those who know me know
me and they know who I They could hear something
(07:55):
from somebody who's saying something unkind, but if they truly
know me, they know that that's not who I am
at my core. There may have been one or two
instances of behavior that were out of character for me,
but who I am is who I am, and I
know that those who were the closest to me know that.
(08:15):
So I connected to those that knew me best that
could hold a mirror up to me to show me
who they know me to be. When I was struggling
to remind myself of that too.
Speaker 2 (08:26):
And I love how you mentioned because I think a
lot of people confuse self worth and self esteem with
just like, oh, I don't care, it doesn't bother me,
brush it off. And then we brush it off, and
what happens is we push it down, we deflect. Sometimes
we end up numbing out. Actually a lot of times
we end up numbing out, and then it cascades into
other things. And I love how you mentioned, like, no,
(08:47):
it hurt. I felt that I became emotionally available to
myself in those moments, and I do. I know a
lot of we're trying to get off of the topic
of just the food and body stuff, but I also
want to remind people that are listening that this is
all interconnected as well, because these are the kinds of
things that would normally put us on a tailspin if
we do struggle, and we like I know, for me,
when I was eating my feelings or processing some sort
(09:08):
of void or filling a void with food or netflix
or whatever it is. We all have our own stuff,
but these are the kinds of things that I wasn't
even thinking about that were responsible and we think like, oh,
my food problem is a food problem. My body problem
is a body issue, but no, we realize, like no,
all of these other components that are affecting our lives
and influencing who are being in other roles of our lives.
(09:31):
It's absolutely one thousand percent interconnected. But when we think
about the typical healing process that comes along side, you know,
healing from body dysmorphia and food shame and all of
those things, a lot of times the approach is a
very food centric approach and doesn't take account for stuff
like this that we're talking about. So I really love
that you impressed upon that, but also you gathered the
(09:53):
tools in your toolbox to know who you were stand
in your own self endorsement, but then also be vulnerable
to say to your friends, be like, hey, I know
who I am, but also can you remind me what
you see in me? And maybe it wasn't even that over.
Maybe you just surround yourself with people and the knowingness
of who you are, and that know who you are,
because I think a lot of times too we forget
(10:15):
that who we surround ourselves with is a reflection of
where we are in our lives. So I know in
moments in my life that I didn't value myself that
I didn't find myself worthy. I was hanging around with
people that also didn't know my value and worth, and
I was receiving breadcrumbs in friendships and relationships all that.
So that could be another topic of a podcast episode
in itself. That's surrounding ourselves with people that see us
(10:38):
and know the truth of who we are. But again,
the point of this long winded ramble that I just
rambled is that it is so all interconnected and these
are the things that matter.
Speaker 1 (10:48):
Right.
Speaker 2 (10:48):
People might wonder, like, what does it have to do
with food when we're talking about people hating on me
at work, and it's like, this is what it has
to do. It's all interconnected. It's all interwoven. So thanks
for taking us on a backseat journey of your experiences.
If you were to just give one little thought or
leave listeners with one invitation when it comes to owning
their worth in the face of haters and knowing their
(11:12):
own worth even when it's like flat out in their
face speaking the opposite, what's one thing that you would
just want to leave our listeners with.
Speaker 3 (11:19):
I would say one of the tools that really helped
me during that time is the journaling prompts that you
had provided to me as part of my daily ritual.
I was committed to expressing gratitude on a regular basis,
but also committed to identifying things about myself that I
was proud of on a daily basis. Things that I
(11:42):
was proud of from my past, things that I was
proud of in that moment, and things that I was
proud of who I was going to be in the future.
And that helped to remind me who I am, and
that even in the face of people being uncoded, kind
or hating or disgruntleder or however you want to describe them,
(12:05):
that's about them and not about you. I'd heard that
so many times in my life. That was probably the
time that I finally learned what that really meant for me.
That the things that somebody is saying or doing about
you is not about you. It's about them. And if
you know who you are, you can stand firm in
(12:26):
the face of that and come out on the other
side still being who you know yourself to be.
Speaker 2 (12:31):
So so powerful, and sometimes we have to experience it
to get it. We can hear things till we're blue
in the face, but we don't actually get it until
it smacks us in the face and we are kind
of forced to reconcile it on our own. So thank
you so much for sharing that. And if you're curious
about that journal prompt interestingly enough, not next week, but
the week after, we're going to be talking about a
specific journal prop that I do teach my clients, So
(12:52):
thank you for seeding that for the future for them,
because we're going to open that Pandora's box in a
couple of weeks. So if you're curious, stay tuned. It's
so thank you so much for being here, thank you
for being just so open and vulnerable. We're excited to
have you back next week. And also in the meantime,
if you are curious about how to heal your own
relationship with food, relationship with your body by taking this
(13:13):
more self image approach and really this long term withstanding
rewire your brain approach to all of this that includes
all the nitty gritty things that we're talking about. Because
life isn't simple and raises and butterflies all the time.
Head on over to stresslesseding dot com and check out
the free stressless Eding webinar, and you can follow me
on socials over at Leanne Ellington And this is us
(13:34):
signing out for right now, but we will be back
next Saturday with another episode of Outweigh where we are
going to be talking about self compassion beyond the reflection.
So we will talk to you then. Bye.
Feeling Things with Amy & Kat News
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Amy Brown
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If you've ever wanted to know about champagne, satanism, the Stonewall Uprising, chaos theory, LSD, El Nino, true crime and Rosa Parks, then look no further. Josh and Chuck have you covered.
Dateline NBC
Current and classic episodes, featuring compelling true-crime mysteries, powerful documentaries and in-depth investigations. Follow now to get the latest episodes of Dateline NBC completely free, or subscribe to Dateline Premium for ad-free listening and exclusive bonus content: DatelinePremium.com
Las Culturistas with Matt Rogers and Bowen Yang
Ding dong! Join your culture consultants, Matt Rogers and Bowen Yang, on an unforgettable journey into the beating heart of CULTURE. Alongside sizzling special guests, they GET INTO the hottest pop-culture moments of the day and the formative cultural experiences that turned them into Culturistas. Produced by the Big Money Players Network and iHeartRadio.