May 21, 2024 • 24 mins
Amy & Kat share some habits/activities that we often think are relaxing, but they actually can have the opposite effect. Also, did you know complaining to your friends can actually make you happier? Yep. Amy talks about a study from Southwest University that looked into the effects of co-rumination. Kat opens up about some of her recent obsessions: Cozy Earth, laminating things, puzzles and more!
QUOTE: “Remember if you’re not speaking it, you’re storing it, and that gets heavy.” - Christina Isabel
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Email: 4ThingsWithAmyBrown@gmail.com
HOSTS:
Amy Brown // RadioAmy.com // @RadioAmy
Kat Defatta // @Kat.Defatta // @YouNeedTherapyPodcast // YouNeedTherapyPodcast.com
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Transcript
Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
Speaker 1 (00:04):
Happy Tuesday. Welcome to the Fifth Thing. I'm Amy and
I'm Kat and today's quote is from Christina Isabelle. Remember
if you're not speaking it, you're storing it, and that
gets heavy. Ooh so true. Did you just speak anything
that you're storing? Yeah, but I think I'm storing some things.
I just don't know quite what they are just yet.
But my hips are killing me. And whenever I have
(00:26):
like stuff going on, a lot of times it can
show up in my hips. Did you know the frog
pose like in yoga? Like after my frog pose? Yeah,
Like you're laying down flat on the ground like a
frog and your legs go out. People can google it
if you don't know what it is. But I was
unable to get into it. Like after my mom died,
I was in a yoga class and she wanted us
to get into frog pose and I was trying to
(00:47):
do it, and I couldn't do it, and it was
hurting so bad. And then finally I broke down crying
the middle of class. But then a few years later,
after I was feeling better, I plopped down into frog pose.
No problem, get a party, because that qu's this trick.
I'm gonna take frog. Well, that yoga instructor was there
was actually a shower that my friends were throwing from
me for the kids. You know, I didn't have a
(01:09):
baby shower, but because we were adopting friends and family through
a shower for the kids arriving they weren't here yet,
but just different gifts and things I might need for that.
And that particular yoga instructor was at the shower and
we were talking about that season and how I just
felt like it was in such a better place, and
just for giggles, I was like, well, let me see
if I can get into it now. And it was
(01:30):
such a happy day and things were looking up, like
the kids are almost here. Life was taking a turn,
and I popped right down into the frog posts. All
this to say, I store things in my hips, and
right now my hips are very very tight, and I
don't know, like if you were asking me right now,
I'd be like, I'm breezy, I'm cool, everything's good, life
is great. But there must be something going on which
(01:53):
I have decided now I'm gonna up and move and
sell my house and go somewhere new. And so maybe
there's some like underlying stress there that's bringing up like sadness,
all the things, like I realized how much stuff Ben
has here at the house that we did not think about,
and I had to call him and say, hey, there's
a lot of stuff here scattered about, come get it.
(02:16):
And he said, well, when do I need to have
it out by? And I was like, well, that sounds harsh.
I don't suppose I have a deadline, but I guess
just by the time I move that would be helpful,
because I don't want to move it to another location
and then you come pick it up. I don't know.
It felt well, it felt weird to have him say
when do I need to have it out by? Like
I'm supposed to give some deadline to get it out.
(02:37):
I was thinking about how if I was really unhealthy,
I'll do it for you. I could burn it.
Speaker 2 (02:43):
Oh oh oh, I think codependent.
Speaker 1 (02:46):
Okay, so that's two ways of become healthy. One would
be it's all it's all good, I'll pull it out,
I'll deliver it to you, because that's not healthy. And
then there's spiteful meme burn it, throw it out, toss it,
donate it. Was there anything you wanted to burn? No,
A lot of it with some of his military stuff
that I feel like he want, yeah, and a lot
(03:08):
of clothes and bags, some stuff from his childhood.
Speaker 2 (03:11):
Also interesting how much he doesn't even realize that he's
missing exactly.
Speaker 1 (03:16):
I'm like, are you sure you're gonna want some of this?
And when I started listing some of it off, he's like, oh, yeah, cool, yeah, ooh,
I want that. But it's like we didn't even know
you didn't have it. I mean, I know I would
feel the same way about some sentimental stuff, some of
his yearbooks, some of his stuff from the Air Force Academy.
For me, the purging has been relaxing, but also maybe
(03:36):
in what it's in preparation for has been the stressful part,
because I found this whole article too about relaxing activities
that may be making us more anxious. And maybe even
though I'm preparing to move and it feels really good,
I don't know where I'm.
Speaker 2 (03:49):
Going, and you also have so much work ahead of you.
That's what I think about.
Speaker 1 (03:53):
In moving.
Speaker 2 (03:54):
Getting rid of stuff is awesome, but then you also
have to put things back together.
Speaker 1 (03:58):
You have to furnish in your house, two main things
that have to take place for this I have to
sell my house and I have not done that, and
then I have to know where I'm moving. Like all
I know, and all that feels good is I have
peace about moving and I'm decluttering my life, so that
feels really good. But maybe it's like, oh, what if
my house doesn't sell, and oh what if it doesn't
(04:18):
get this amount? And then oh, where are we going
to go?
Speaker 2 (04:21):
I know where you could go your house? Well, no,
I don't think you'd have enough room at my house.
But there's so many houses for sale on my street.
Speaker 1 (04:29):
Yeah I can't. I've told you that I would love
for us to be neighbors. We talk about it makes
more sense for you to move closer to where I
am because of the school districts for when you and
Patrick have kids. If I move out that way, my
kids are nowhere near their school. Like my daughter right now,
she can drive, but I don't even let her get
on the highway.
Speaker 2 (04:47):
Well I didn't drive on the highway, so I went
to college, so I get it.
Speaker 1 (04:51):
How are you at the highway now? It depends on
the day. Okay, great, you're like, oh that can me
feel good here? So there are some things we do
that we may think like, oh, this is soothing, but
we really could be adding to our stress. And I'll
go over the lists from Huffington Post okay, and this
from therapists, and Kat, you're a therapist, so it makes
(05:12):
it official. I don't even know what's going to say. Okay, binge,
watching TV or shopping sometimes we feel like, oh this
feels good to me. We could turn to retail therapy.
We could get lost in a Netflix series when we're stressed.
But that's just a way for us to avoid emotions,
which can lead to even more stress. Doing these things
(05:32):
for a moment of escape and indulgence is one thing,
but turning to them as a coping mechanism isn't helpful
long term. I've been decluttering for weeks now, am I
avoiding something?
Speaker 2 (05:43):
Well?
Speaker 1 (05:43):
What's different than buying things?
Speaker 2 (05:45):
That true?
Speaker 1 (05:46):
Telling yourself to stop thinking bad thoughts? Now, in theory,
it's like, oh, well, this should be good. I don't
want to think negative thoughts. But when you try to
force yourself to not think about something, you may end
up thinking of it more tensely. Instead, try imagining those
negative thoughts as boxes on a conveyor belt. You can
(06:07):
open the box if you want to, but if not,
you just let it pass on by. But there they
are and they loop around. I love that metaphor.
Speaker 2 (06:16):
My supervisor when I first started as an intern, told me.
She said, imagine these thoughts are leaves that you're picking up,
and then you're placing them in to a river.
Speaker 1 (06:26):
And you're watching them pass by. It's how we envisioned it.
Speaker 2 (06:29):
We also worked at a place with like lots of water,
so we could actually go and do that.
Speaker 1 (06:34):
Acting things out is really powerful, but our imaginations are
just as powerful too, Like a log maybe going by,
like it's still there, but you just see it. I'm
noticing it. I don't have to grab onto it. Nope,
I don't have to cling to it. It can feel
so good sometimes when you let go of the log
saying yes to additional tasks as a distraction. Taking on
(06:55):
more tasks when you don't have the time or emotional
bandwidth for them may briefly distract you from being stressed,
but it can also leave you more stressed, anxious, and
even resentful. Oh yeah, I feel that one. Asking lots
of people for their opinions, Some of us tend to
ask others for advice when we're facing a challenge, and
all of that feedback can end up complicating things. Outside
(07:19):
opinions can distract you from what you're feeling, so try
to focus on your own thoughts and feelings instead, or
if you pick one or two trusted people to hear
from what you think, like going out to outsource and
getting lots of different people's opinions might help you, but
it ends up overwhelming you. I feel like not every time.
Speaker 2 (07:36):
A lot of times when we're doing that, when we're
going out and we're asking person after person after person
the same thing, we are looking for a certain answer
and we just aren't getting it. I'm looking for somebody
to tell me something that they're not telling me. Somebody
continue to keep asking somebody else until I finally am like,
oh see they agree or okay, thank you, I'll do that.
Speaker 1 (07:53):
The final stress trap as they've been calling them, because
these are things like a cycle. Something you get trapped
in the You think isn't that stressful, but it is.
Is Ignoring stress or trying to pretend it's not there.
Avoidance never works. Yeah, my family, we grew up sweeping
things under the drug It's like, oh, nothing to see there,
(08:14):
just sweep it under, and I can say for a
fact that doesn't work. He explains that pushing through stress
like it isn't there just makes everything worse. So he
recommends taking a break when you feel stressed and doing
something relaxing, but don't do any of the things I
just mentioned.
Speaker 2 (08:28):
Wait, what's your number one thing that you do when
you are just about to we'll freak.
Speaker 1 (08:33):
Out if I have no other way to do anything
else breath work, because that's something I can do immediately
right wherever I am. If I'm able to put on
shoes and get out to the trail for a hike
with nature by water or something like that, because I
live close to something like that. That's really what I
prefer to do and always resets me. But that's not
(08:54):
always possible, so breath work would have to be my
immediate go to.
Speaker 2 (08:58):
What about you stand in my freezer or I ice
roll my face just like the change of atmosphere. I
get really hot when I get stressed, so that also
just like feels good. But then I still am a puzzler,
So if I'm really stressed, I go to a puzzle
and I cannot think about things when I'm doing a puzzle.
Speaker 1 (09:16):
I'm so focused on the shapes. Yeah, puzzle stuff was
really really good for me when I had a lot
going on. Puzzles bird watching stuff.
Speaker 2 (09:24):
Like that, you seem like you've moved on from the
bird watching. No.
Speaker 1 (09:28):
I still do it occasionally, but I need to put
some new seed out so I can get some new visitors.
I got new bird houses like a couple weeks ago,
and they're so cute.
Speaker 2 (09:37):
Well, maybe you don't do that until you move, because
what if somebody loves your house?
Speaker 1 (09:42):
But then they're like, there's all these birds here. I
went and watched an owl live cam. Two outlets. Do
you know what outlets are? Is that a female baby owl?
A little outlet? Where is this live feed? It's in
Austin at the Lady Bird Johnson Wildflow. Okay, so now
you're watching online birds you're not even watching in perch.
(10:03):
So there was a mama awl I think her name's
like Athena or something like that, and in April she
gave birth. Well, the owlts hatched. I don't know when
she laid the eggs, but they hatched in April, and
right now they're starting to prepare to take flight, but
they may not actually fly away off on their own
until August. But I mean that means all summer they're
(10:23):
going to be preparing to fly and I'm watching them.
They have a live cam sort of like that giraffe.
Remember when the giraffe was born? Did you watch that?
Speaker 2 (10:33):
I did not watch that, But I'm going to switch
gets for a second. Did not watch animals on a life?
Was the giraffe here? No?
Speaker 1 (10:40):
I can't remember where it was being live stream from.
Outlets are at Austin. You could, you know, the Worldwide Web,
They could be anywhere.
Speaker 2 (10:47):
Okay, Well, I went to the zoo and so all
real animals and at the Nashville Zoo, one of the
tigers had cubs, so cute. The mom and the cubs
were in the little area and somebody asked where the
dad was and they're like, oh, the dad can't be
in here with them. And the person that asked was like, oh,
because the dad will eat the cubs, and they said no,
(11:10):
because the mom will attack the dad. Because the mom
becomes very protective, which makes me think in the wild,
what happens do they all eat each other?
Speaker 1 (11:22):
I don't know. Maybe she just like takes them away
and it's like that's a boundary, a firm boundary. You're
not allowed over here. But what's interesting is on this
owl camp they did have a warning. It said, like
I'm paraphrasing, but I did see when I was scrolling
to watch. Hey, just so you know, wildlife behavior we
(11:44):
have no control over, so refrain from sending us an
email about disturbing things. You may see, like somebody wild.
Animals be wild, but they're contained and we're filming them,
so you know, whenever it's stressing, you just don't watch
it exactly. They're like, don't send us mean emails, like,
we can't control this behavior unless they're at the zoo
(12:06):
that these animals do well, this is the wildlife center.
But I guess they're going to release the owls when
they are ready, because sometimes at the center, the owls
that are there, well maybe not even sometimes it might
be all of them. They're there because they're injured, yeah,
or they're trying to rehabilitate them. So I would say,
my bird stuff is still there. It just you know,
also gotten a little weirder. It sounds, it just shows
(12:29):
up differently. But you've been obsessed with puzzles and laminating
things and cozy earth sheets. Yeah wait, do you have
a laminitor? You've been obsessed with puzzles and laminating things
(12:53):
and cozy earth sheets. Yeah wait, do you have a laminitor? No?
But I used to laminate things. And when I was
cleaning out some of my stuff from college, I was
laminating everything.
Speaker 2 (13:05):
Yeah guess what it probably preserved really well it. Did
you want me to laminate that letter you found from
your mom a couple weeks.
Speaker 1 (13:10):
Ago, Yeah, the card? Yeah? Yeah, I would love to.
It makes me feel so professional, like I'd be happy to.
I'm happy to limit anything. It makes me feel professional.
Speaker 2 (13:20):
It makes me feel I don't know, like handing somebody
a piece of paper versus a laminated piece of paper
and it comes out and it's warm.
Speaker 1 (13:27):
What papers are you handing? Work? Sheets? From work? I
like clients. Could they write on it with like a
dry race Oh? I didn't think about that. A clipboard?
Oh my gosh.
Speaker 2 (13:36):
I did not think about that, because as a child
it was the coolest thing ever. I have a really
cool dry race board in my office. But the coolest
thing ever as a kid in elementary school is when
you got to go write on the projector. They don't
even use projectors anymore, probably because they have iPads and stuff.
But when you got to go use the EXPO markers
on the projector not even the dry race board, that
(14:00):
was the coolest. But that's like the same thing like
writing on the lamination sheet and then you can clean
it off and let's do it again.
Speaker 1 (14:08):
Yeah, you just got another obsession. And then your Cozy
Earth sheets, like I saw like you had a family
text talking about it and that your sister was like
I woke up to like thirty six texts about this.
Oh my god, I know. I finally got mine too.
They're really good.
Speaker 2 (14:22):
And Patrick had the audacity to be like they're just sheets.
They're not just sheets. These are different sheets. But the
pajamas and the sheets together. He doesn't know this, but
he got some Cozy Earth stuff coming for his birthday.
Speaker 1 (14:36):
Oh nice, and so he's about to know what's up.
Their pajamas are so I know, comfortable, Kat and I
want to get sponsored by a few things would be
Cozy Earth and poetry for neanderthals Well. Cozy Earth is
a sponsor of you Need Therapy. We have a code.
Oh you need you got thirty five percent off baller. Okay,
I guess I think I might be doing something with
(14:58):
them soon, but I don't have any details at this point.
But in the meantime, you need oh yeah, you need, yeah,
take thirty five percent off. It's good. I mean they're
price the sheets. I have one. I'll to wash them.
Maybe everybody on the network is doing something with them.
Maybe not. I don't you know who.
Speaker 2 (15:15):
I saw put an ad out for Cozy Earth.
Speaker 1 (15:17):
Mel Robins, Yeah, I saw it too, And then I
was reading in her comments and some people were hating
on it, and I thought her little video was so cute,
but people are like, ugh, I hate when people sell things.
It's like now I can't follow her anymore, and it's
like she has to make a living somehow. How do
you think we make money? Their podcasts are free? Is
so much free content that she puts out there all
(15:38):
the time, or that anybody online, If a company is
willing to say, hey, this is probably something you may
talk about anyway. You want to try it out and
see if you would And if you try it and
you really like it, why wouldn't I want to talk
about it? Right?
Speaker 2 (15:53):
That's such an interesting concept of I have taken in
a lot of mel Robin's content. I've never paid for
her for any of it, so she has to make
a living somehow, and I think that's a lot of
creational Yeah, like they have to make a living. It's
one thing when people are promoting just anything. But I'm guys,
cozy Earth, there's.
Speaker 1 (16:10):
I get it.
Speaker 2 (16:11):
I didn't get it, and now I get it.
Speaker 1 (16:13):
Yeah, Kat, I didn't even know I was gonna bring
up her obsessions, but when we brought up birds and
the puzzles started the conversation, which then went to birds,
then went to well, I know you're obsessed with laminating
things right now too, and Cozy Earth. So I was thinking,
those are your top things you're obsessed with right now?
And big P and big and big P. Those are
if we're to stick with the theme of the four
Things podcast as the bonus episodes of the Fifth Things,
(16:35):
So what are five things you're obsessed with right now?
It'd be puzzles, laminating, Cozy Earth, big P, and what else?
Speaker 2 (16:42):
A million little things? Okay, now I don't want to
use that as my fifth thing me.
Speaker 1 (16:48):
Yeah, that's all I was gonna say. I just couldn't
think of how.
Speaker 2 (16:50):
To say it and not be weird, but also I
do have to say this, and I feel like I'm
like plugging Cozy Earth. But as I am, they come
in a travel like tote bag, which is at first
you're just like, oh, they come in a tote bag,
but their point is to take that you should be
able to take them on vacations and stuff with you.
And I feel like that would have made such a
difference for me as a kid. I guess I could
(17:11):
have packed sheets in my suitcase, sure, but as a
kid when I would travel anywhere, I don't know if
you experienced this too, You're kind of looking at me
a little crazy. I was so weird out by sleeping
on other people's sheets that I would always bring my
own blanket and wrap myself up in a little burrito
and sleep like that and hotel bed And now I
could just be like, oh, I brought my own sheets.
Speaker 1 (17:32):
Yeah, no, I don't think that's crazy at all. I
think I'm looking at you like, oh, I haven't endorsed
it yet, but now I'm thinking. And we're pre taping
this like a week ahead. You're hearing this on a Tuesday,
and Cat and I normally record on Mondays and Cat
and I are trying to respect weekends and holidays. Now,
high five for us. Haven't we even so good at that?
For like a month? Because for a couple of years,
we were always working on a Saturday or on Sunday
(17:54):
right to get together like we.
Speaker 2 (17:55):
Would well, and it's fine to do that to an extent,
but then it felt like anytime we were hanging out
on the weekend.
Speaker 1 (18:00):
Was to work exactly, and so we set a boundary
around that, and I feel like we've been really good
at it. But I was trying to think of the
timeline of this and when it airs, who knows. I
was just thinking in my head. I was like, there
literally might be a commercial today, either on The Bobby
Bone Show or here or somewhere on the network where
I'm like so cozier. This whole episode is a commercial.
(18:20):
But what I've recorded so far, I do know. I
guess I totally forgot. I did this record so many things,
especially for the Bobby Bone Show, but I had gotten
the spot and it was read to be like an endorsement,
and I'm like, but I haven't gotten my sheets yet
or my pajamas, so I don't know yet. What they're like.
So what I had recorded I ended up voicing. So
(18:41):
the little behind the scenes is you can hear a
person's voice for something, but if they're not saying I
have personally used this or whatever, then it may just
be that you're lending your voice to the spot. If
you're doing an endorsement, it's like, I use this, it
is amazing da. So I couldn't do it as an
(19:02):
endorsement yet, even though it was sort of written out
as an endorsement, So I had to change it and
that it would be awesome and it was mostly a
spot for traveling. Oh really the sheets, yes, because it
said it came with a cute little bag. But since
I cut that because that was weeks ago. Again, like
I said, I real time just remembered that I already
did that. I got the sheets in and they're amazing,
(19:22):
and I'm like, oh, I hope this works out and
we get a partnership, and now I think it may
be huh, well, we'll find out. But the point is
we could end this break now and it could roll
into me talking about Kozo, and listeners would be like,
what the heck? Because listeners they pick up on everything
and they're smart. Yeah, and they would be.
Speaker 2 (19:41):
Like, well, also they would pick up on the fact
they listened to Cozy Earth for forty five minutes.
Speaker 1 (19:46):
Yeah, which we just did. It is good stuff though,
But Poetry for Neanderthals were available that, yeah, how do
we find somebody that works for them? Well, I know
that they're the same company that makes Throw Throw Burrito
and the Bobby Bone shows doing stuff with them too,
So maybe we'd be in the mix. Because that is
such a fun game, such fun game, such fun game.
Speaker 2 (20:08):
We could host game night with game and live stream.
Speaker 1 (20:14):
Live streams two syllables, because is that one word two words?
It is live stream live. I think we could live
space stream. So the thing with poetry for Neanderthals is
you can only use one syllable words to describe something. Also,
get bonked on the head with a blow up bat.
It fun. It's so fun, it make me laugh. You
(20:35):
could say it's I just like talking that way. I
don't know why. So switch gears here for a second.
When it comes to ranting with friends about something, do
you feel like the negativity starts to pile on and
it can be a little bit toxic, or that it
can actually make you happier.
Speaker 2 (20:54):
Both if we're talking about it for hours, then it's
probably not helping. But it's releasing stuff, which didn't we
start with talking about releasing things. Yeah, it allows me
to release the negative energy from my body and feel validated.
Speaker 1 (21:08):
Okay, well, I just saw something on the Daily Mail
about It was this whole study that was done and
it said they agree with me, right, complaining with your
friends can actually make you happier. Researchers from Southwest University
looked into the effects of co rumination excessively discussing negative issues,
and they found that the more we co ruminate, the
(21:31):
happier we are, but obsessively whining has a negative effect.
So what's life satisfaction? I think it's just that if
you want to like gather your girlfriends and like let
some stuff out, blah blah blah. But if it's like
your overall theme, like too much and you're just whining,
it's something that you need to vent about. That's a
great way to put it. Like, if you were just
living in victim mentality, then that's gonna be black. But
(21:52):
if you've just got a little co rumination party going
on with your friends and it's a trusted, safe space
where you can just let some stuff out. Then everybody
can walk away from that like feeling better.
Speaker 2 (22:01):
Yeah, is that different than co miserating, because I sometimes
think that's positive too. Sounds like the same kind of thing.
We're all sitting in like the crap of the same thing,
but we're not harping on it for hours. I think
that's the difference.
Speaker 1 (22:13):
Eventually, somebody's gonna Okay, let's nuch, let's play. We need
to go take a walk down by the water and
let's stand the freezer lease going by, which another thing
I do from the freezer. I don't go stand in it.
I do like to roll my face, but that's just
because I don't know that I've ever done it to
like make myself feel better. But I do like getting
ice cubes out of the freezer and going outside and
(22:35):
throwing them on like the driveway or the back patio
or something that like feels really good. And then you
introduce me to that arg ball.
Speaker 2 (22:43):
Oh yes, we just recently popped another one in my office.
There's a one that I found a client had it.
It's not the arc ball. It's a cube. It's a
gel cube. I'm gonna find it and then I'll tell
people about it when I find it, because this isn't
that helpful. You know how the arg ball has like
the mushy stuff inside of it sometimes when you have
a lot of energy, and sometimes when my clients have
a lot of energy, they rip it and they smush
(23:05):
it so much that it pops and then the.
Speaker 1 (23:07):
Stuff itzes out.
Speaker 2 (23:08):
There's a gel ball that there's no popping involved in it,
and you can still like squeeze it. It's not as
like bouncy, But I think that might be my next
move because I can't get that goo all over my
new office couch.
Speaker 1 (23:20):
Yeah, that probably is a better thing when you've got
a lot of different people using it. Do you disinfect it?
Speaker 2 (23:25):
Yes, I also have furniture disinfectant.
Speaker 1 (23:27):
You're like, yeah, I laminate it every time I eliminated
my stress ball, and I reliminate after every client. Okay,
I have plastic on my couch. Where can people find you.
Speaker 2 (23:37):
On Instagram at Kat dot Defada and at Unique Therapy Podcasts.
Speaker 1 (23:40):
And I'm at Radio Amy And thanks for going behind
the scenes with us a little bit there on the
Go Cozy Earth because the Earth Talk and also my
poor memory, but also exciting things to come and for
cool partnerships and yeah, if you're hearing us endorse something,
you can trust that we have. It is good. We
(24:03):
we do use, we like we use, and we like
long time. It's long time one word to words. That's too.
I think it's two words. I just like saying that
you know, love you a long time time.
Speaker 2 (24:17):
Okay, bye bye
Happy Tuesday. Welcome to the Fifth Thing. I'm Amy and
I'm Kat and today's quote is from Christina Isabelle. Remember
if you're not speaking it, you're storing it, and that
gets heavy. Ooh so true. Did you just speak anything
that you're storing? Yeah, but I think I'm storing some things.
I just don't know quite what they are just yet.
But my hips are killing me. And whenever I have
(00:26):
like stuff going on, a lot of times it can
show up in my hips. Did you know the frog
pose like in yoga? Like after my frog pose? Yeah,
Like you're laying down flat on the ground like a
frog and your legs go out. People can google it
if you don't know what it is. But I was
unable to get into it. Like after my mom died,
I was in a yoga class and she wanted us
to get into frog pose and I was trying to
(00:47):
do it, and I couldn't do it, and it was
hurting so bad. And then finally I broke down crying
the middle of class. But then a few years later,
after I was feeling better, I plopped down into frog pose.
No problem, get a party, because that qu's this trick.
I'm gonna take frog. Well, that yoga instructor was there
was actually a shower that my friends were throwing from
me for the kids. You know, I didn't have a
(01:09):
baby shower, but because we were adopting friends and family through
a shower for the kids arriving they weren't here yet,
but just different gifts and things I might need for that.
And that particular yoga instructor was at the shower and
we were talking about that season and how I just
felt like it was in such a better place, and
just for giggles, I was like, well, let me see
if I can get into it now. And it was
(01:30):
such a happy day and things were looking up, like
the kids are almost here. Life was taking a turn,
and I popped right down into the frog posts. All
this to say, I store things in my hips, and
right now my hips are very very tight, and I
don't know, like if you were asking me right now,
I'd be like, I'm breezy, I'm cool, everything's good, life
is great. But there must be something going on which
(01:53):
I have decided now I'm gonna up and move and
sell my house and go somewhere new. And so maybe
there's some like underlying stress there that's bringing up like sadness,
all the things, like I realized how much stuff Ben
has here at the house that we did not think about,
and I had to call him and say, hey, there's
a lot of stuff here scattered about, come get it.
(02:16):
And he said, well, when do I need to have
it out by? And I was like, well, that sounds harsh.
I don't suppose I have a deadline, but I guess
just by the time I move that would be helpful,
because I don't want to move it to another location
and then you come pick it up. I don't know.
It felt well, it felt weird to have him say
when do I need to have it out by? Like
I'm supposed to give some deadline to get it out.
(02:37):
I was thinking about how if I was really unhealthy,
I'll do it for you. I could burn it.
Speaker 2 (02:43):
Oh oh oh, I think codependent.
Speaker 1 (02:46):
Okay, so that's two ways of become healthy. One would
be it's all it's all good, I'll pull it out,
I'll deliver it to you, because that's not healthy. And
then there's spiteful meme burn it, throw it out, toss it,
donate it. Was there anything you wanted to burn? No,
A lot of it with some of his military stuff
that I feel like he want, yeah, and a lot
(03:08):
of clothes and bags, some stuff from his childhood.
Speaker 2 (03:11):
Also interesting how much he doesn't even realize that he's
missing exactly.
Speaker 1 (03:16):
I'm like, are you sure you're gonna want some of this?
And when I started listing some of it off, he's like, oh, yeah, cool, yeah, ooh,
I want that. But it's like we didn't even know
you didn't have it. I mean, I know I would
feel the same way about some sentimental stuff, some of
his yearbooks, some of his stuff from the Air Force Academy.
For me, the purging has been relaxing, but also maybe
(03:36):
in what it's in preparation for has been the stressful part,
because I found this whole article too about relaxing activities
that may be making us more anxious. And maybe even
though I'm preparing to move and it feels really good,
I don't know where I'm.
Speaker 2 (03:49):
Going, and you also have so much work ahead of you.
That's what I think about.
Speaker 1 (03:53):
In moving.
Speaker 2 (03:54):
Getting rid of stuff is awesome, but then you also
have to put things back together.
Speaker 1 (03:58):
You have to furnish in your house, two main things
that have to take place for this I have to
sell my house and I have not done that, and
then I have to know where I'm moving. Like all
I know, and all that feels good is I have
peace about moving and I'm decluttering my life, so that
feels really good. But maybe it's like, oh, what if
my house doesn't sell, and oh what if it doesn't
(04:18):
get this amount? And then oh, where are we going
to go?
Speaker 2 (04:21):
I know where you could go your house? Well, no,
I don't think you'd have enough room at my house.
But there's so many houses for sale on my street.
Speaker 1 (04:29):
Yeah I can't. I've told you that I would love
for us to be neighbors. We talk about it makes
more sense for you to move closer to where I
am because of the school districts for when you and
Patrick have kids. If I move out that way, my
kids are nowhere near their school. Like my daughter right now,
she can drive, but I don't even let her get
on the highway.
Speaker 2 (04:47):
Well I didn't drive on the highway, so I went
to college, so I get it.
Speaker 1 (04:51):
How are you at the highway now? It depends on
the day. Okay, great, you're like, oh that can me
feel good here? So there are some things we do
that we may think like, oh, this is soothing, but
we really could be adding to our stress. And I'll
go over the lists from Huffington Post okay, and this
from therapists, and Kat, you're a therapist, so it makes
(05:12):
it official. I don't even know what's going to say. Okay, binge,
watching TV or shopping sometimes we feel like, oh this
feels good to me. We could turn to retail therapy.
We could get lost in a Netflix series when we're stressed.
But that's just a way for us to avoid emotions,
which can lead to even more stress. Doing these things
(05:32):
for a moment of escape and indulgence is one thing,
but turning to them as a coping mechanism isn't helpful
long term. I've been decluttering for weeks now, am I
avoiding something?
Speaker 2 (05:43):
Well?
Speaker 1 (05:43):
What's different than buying things?
Speaker 2 (05:45):
That true?
Speaker 1 (05:46):
Telling yourself to stop thinking bad thoughts? Now, in theory,
it's like, oh, well, this should be good. I don't
want to think negative thoughts. But when you try to
force yourself to not think about something, you may end
up thinking of it more tensely. Instead, try imagining those
negative thoughts as boxes on a conveyor belt. You can
(06:07):
open the box if you want to, but if not,
you just let it pass on by. But there they
are and they loop around. I love that metaphor.
Speaker 2 (06:16):
My supervisor when I first started as an intern, told me.
She said, imagine these thoughts are leaves that you're picking up,
and then you're placing them in to a river.
Speaker 1 (06:26):
And you're watching them pass by. It's how we envisioned it.
Speaker 2 (06:29):
We also worked at a place with like lots of water,
so we could actually go and do that.
Speaker 1 (06:34):
Acting things out is really powerful, but our imaginations are
just as powerful too, Like a log maybe going by,
like it's still there, but you just see it. I'm
noticing it. I don't have to grab onto it. Nope,
I don't have to cling to it. It can feel
so good sometimes when you let go of the log
saying yes to additional tasks as a distraction. Taking on
(06:55):
more tasks when you don't have the time or emotional
bandwidth for them may briefly distract you from being stressed,
but it can also leave you more stressed, anxious, and
even resentful. Oh yeah, I feel that one. Asking lots
of people for their opinions, Some of us tend to
ask others for advice when we're facing a challenge, and
all of that feedback can end up complicating things. Outside
(07:19):
opinions can distract you from what you're feeling, so try
to focus on your own thoughts and feelings instead, or
if you pick one or two trusted people to hear
from what you think, like going out to outsource and
getting lots of different people's opinions might help you, but
it ends up overwhelming you. I feel like not every time.
Speaker 2 (07:36):
A lot of times when we're doing that, when we're
going out and we're asking person after person after person
the same thing, we are looking for a certain answer
and we just aren't getting it. I'm looking for somebody
to tell me something that they're not telling me. Somebody
continue to keep asking somebody else until I finally am like,
oh see they agree or okay, thank you, I'll do that.
Speaker 1 (07:53):
The final stress trap as they've been calling them, because
these are things like a cycle. Something you get trapped
in the You think isn't that stressful, but it is.
Is Ignoring stress or trying to pretend it's not there.
Avoidance never works. Yeah, my family, we grew up sweeping
things under the drug It's like, oh, nothing to see there,
(08:14):
just sweep it under, and I can say for a
fact that doesn't work. He explains that pushing through stress
like it isn't there just makes everything worse. So he
recommends taking a break when you feel stressed and doing
something relaxing, but don't do any of the things I
just mentioned.
Speaker 2 (08:28):
Wait, what's your number one thing that you do when
you are just about to we'll freak.
Speaker 1 (08:33):
Out if I have no other way to do anything
else breath work, because that's something I can do immediately
right wherever I am. If I'm able to put on
shoes and get out to the trail for a hike
with nature by water or something like that, because I
live close to something like that. That's really what I
prefer to do and always resets me. But that's not
(08:54):
always possible, so breath work would have to be my
immediate go to.
Speaker 2 (08:58):
What about you stand in my freezer or I ice
roll my face just like the change of atmosphere. I
get really hot when I get stressed, so that also
just like feels good. But then I still am a puzzler,
So if I'm really stressed, I go to a puzzle
and I cannot think about things when I'm doing a puzzle.
Speaker 1 (09:16):
I'm so focused on the shapes. Yeah, puzzle stuff was
really really good for me when I had a lot
going on. Puzzles bird watching stuff.
Speaker 2 (09:24):
Like that, you seem like you've moved on from the
bird watching. No.
Speaker 1 (09:28):
I still do it occasionally, but I need to put
some new seed out so I can get some new visitors.
I got new bird houses like a couple weeks ago,
and they're so cute.
Speaker 2 (09:37):
Well, maybe you don't do that until you move, because
what if somebody loves your house?
Speaker 1 (09:42):
But then they're like, there's all these birds here. I
went and watched an owl live cam. Two outlets. Do
you know what outlets are? Is that a female baby owl?
A little outlet? Where is this live feed? It's in
Austin at the Lady Bird Johnson Wildflow. Okay, so now
you're watching online birds you're not even watching in perch.
(10:03):
So there was a mama awl I think her name's
like Athena or something like that, and in April she
gave birth. Well, the owlts hatched. I don't know when
she laid the eggs, but they hatched in April, and
right now they're starting to prepare to take flight, but
they may not actually fly away off on their own
until August. But I mean that means all summer they're
(10:23):
going to be preparing to fly and I'm watching them.
They have a live cam sort of like that giraffe.
Remember when the giraffe was born? Did you watch that?
Speaker 2 (10:33):
I did not watch that, But I'm going to switch
gets for a second. Did not watch animals on a life?
Was the giraffe here? No?
Speaker 1 (10:40):
I can't remember where it was being live stream from.
Outlets are at Austin. You could, you know, the Worldwide Web,
They could be anywhere.
Speaker 2 (10:47):
Okay, Well, I went to the zoo and so all
real animals and at the Nashville Zoo, one of the
tigers had cubs, so cute. The mom and the cubs
were in the little area and somebody asked where the
dad was and they're like, oh, the dad can't be
in here with them. And the person that asked was like, oh,
because the dad will eat the cubs, and they said no,
(11:10):
because the mom will attack the dad. Because the mom
becomes very protective, which makes me think in the wild,
what happens do they all eat each other?
Speaker 1 (11:22):
I don't know. Maybe she just like takes them away
and it's like that's a boundary, a firm boundary. You're
not allowed over here. But what's interesting is on this
owl camp they did have a warning. It said, like
I'm paraphrasing, but I did see when I was scrolling
to watch. Hey, just so you know, wildlife behavior we
(11:44):
have no control over, so refrain from sending us an
email about disturbing things. You may see, like somebody wild.
Animals be wild, but they're contained and we're filming them,
so you know, whenever it's stressing, you just don't watch
it exactly. They're like, don't send us mean emails, like,
we can't control this behavior unless they're at the zoo
(12:06):
that these animals do well, this is the wildlife center.
But I guess they're going to release the owls when
they are ready, because sometimes at the center, the owls
that are there, well maybe not even sometimes it might
be all of them. They're there because they're injured, yeah,
or they're trying to rehabilitate them. So I would say,
my bird stuff is still there. It just you know,
also gotten a little weirder. It sounds, it just shows
(12:29):
up differently. But you've been obsessed with puzzles and laminating
things and cozy earth sheets. Yeah wait, do you have
a laminitor? You've been obsessed with puzzles and laminating things
(12:53):
and cozy earth sheets. Yeah wait, do you have a laminitor? No?
But I used to laminate things. And when I was
cleaning out some of my stuff from college, I was
laminating everything.
Speaker 2 (13:05):
Yeah guess what it probably preserved really well it. Did
you want me to laminate that letter you found from
your mom a couple weeks.
Speaker 1 (13:10):
Ago, Yeah, the card? Yeah? Yeah, I would love to.
It makes me feel so professional, like I'd be happy to.
I'm happy to limit anything. It makes me feel professional.
Speaker 2 (13:20):
It makes me feel I don't know, like handing somebody
a piece of paper versus a laminated piece of paper
and it comes out and it's warm.
Speaker 1 (13:27):
What papers are you handing? Work? Sheets? From work? I
like clients. Could they write on it with like a
dry race Oh? I didn't think about that. A clipboard?
Oh my gosh.
Speaker 2 (13:36):
I did not think about that, because as a child
it was the coolest thing ever. I have a really
cool dry race board in my office. But the coolest
thing ever as a kid in elementary school is when
you got to go write on the projector. They don't
even use projectors anymore, probably because they have iPads and stuff.
But when you got to go use the EXPO markers
on the projector not even the dry race board, that
(14:00):
was the coolest. But that's like the same thing like
writing on the lamination sheet and then you can clean
it off and let's do it again.
Speaker 1 (14:08):
Yeah, you just got another obsession. And then your Cozy
Earth sheets, like I saw like you had a family
text talking about it and that your sister was like
I woke up to like thirty six texts about this.
Oh my god, I know. I finally got mine too.
They're really good.
Speaker 2 (14:22):
And Patrick had the audacity to be like they're just sheets.
They're not just sheets. These are different sheets. But the
pajamas and the sheets together. He doesn't know this, but
he got some Cozy Earth stuff coming for his birthday.
Speaker 1 (14:36):
Oh nice, and so he's about to know what's up.
Their pajamas are so I know, comfortable, Kat and I
want to get sponsored by a few things would be
Cozy Earth and poetry for neanderthals Well. Cozy Earth is
a sponsor of you Need Therapy. We have a code.
Oh you need you got thirty five percent off baller. Okay,
I guess I think I might be doing something with
(14:58):
them soon, but I don't have any details at this point.
But in the meantime, you need oh yeah, you need, yeah,
take thirty five percent off. It's good. I mean they're
price the sheets. I have one. I'll to wash them.
Maybe everybody on the network is doing something with them.
Maybe not. I don't you know who.
Speaker 2 (15:15):
I saw put an ad out for Cozy Earth.
Speaker 1 (15:17):
Mel Robins, Yeah, I saw it too, And then I
was reading in her comments and some people were hating
on it, and I thought her little video was so cute,
but people are like, ugh, I hate when people sell things.
It's like now I can't follow her anymore, and it's
like she has to make a living somehow. How do
you think we make money? Their podcasts are free? Is
so much free content that she puts out there all
(15:38):
the time, or that anybody online, If a company is
willing to say, hey, this is probably something you may
talk about anyway. You want to try it out and
see if you would And if you try it and
you really like it, why wouldn't I want to talk
about it? Right?
Speaker 2 (15:53):
That's such an interesting concept of I have taken in
a lot of mel Robin's content. I've never paid for
her for any of it, so she has to make
a living somehow, and I think that's a lot of
creational Yeah, like they have to make a living. It's
one thing when people are promoting just anything. But I'm guys,
cozy Earth, there's.
Speaker 1 (16:10):
I get it.
Speaker 2 (16:11):
I didn't get it, and now I get it.
Speaker 1 (16:13):
Yeah, Kat, I didn't even know I was gonna bring
up her obsessions, but when we brought up birds and
the puzzles started the conversation, which then went to birds,
then went to well, I know you're obsessed with laminating
things right now too, and Cozy Earth. So I was thinking,
those are your top things you're obsessed with right now?
And big P and big and big P. Those are
if we're to stick with the theme of the four
Things podcast as the bonus episodes of the Fifth Things,
(16:35):
So what are five things you're obsessed with right now?
It'd be puzzles, laminating, Cozy Earth, big P, and what else?
Speaker 2 (16:42):
A million little things? Okay, now I don't want to
use that as my fifth thing me.
Speaker 1 (16:48):
Yeah, that's all I was gonna say. I just couldn't
think of how.
Speaker 2 (16:50):
To say it and not be weird, but also I
do have to say this, and I feel like I'm
like plugging Cozy Earth. But as I am, they come
in a travel like tote bag, which is at first
you're just like, oh, they come in a tote bag,
but their point is to take that you should be
able to take them on vacations and stuff with you.
And I feel like that would have made such a
difference for me as a kid. I guess I could
(17:11):
have packed sheets in my suitcase, sure, but as a
kid when I would travel anywhere, I don't know if
you experienced this too, You're kind of looking at me
a little crazy. I was so weird out by sleeping
on other people's sheets that I would always bring my
own blanket and wrap myself up in a little burrito
and sleep like that and hotel bed And now I
could just be like, oh, I brought my own sheets.
Speaker 1 (17:32):
Yeah, no, I don't think that's crazy at all. I
think I'm looking at you like, oh, I haven't endorsed
it yet, but now I'm thinking. And we're pre taping
this like a week ahead. You're hearing this on a Tuesday,
and Cat and I normally record on Mondays and Cat
and I are trying to respect weekends and holidays. Now,
high five for us. Haven't we even so good at that?
For like a month? Because for a couple of years,
we were always working on a Saturday or on Sunday
(17:54):
right to get together like we.
Speaker 2 (17:55):
Would well, and it's fine to do that to an extent,
but then it felt like anytime we were hanging out
on the weekend.
Speaker 1 (18:00):
Was to work exactly, and so we set a boundary
around that, and I feel like we've been really good
at it. But I was trying to think of the
timeline of this and when it airs, who knows. I
was just thinking in my head. I was like, there
literally might be a commercial today, either on The Bobby
Bone Show or here or somewhere on the network where
I'm like so cozier. This whole episode is a commercial.
(18:20):
But what I've recorded so far, I do know. I
guess I totally forgot. I did this record so many things,
especially for the Bobby Bone Show, but I had gotten
the spot and it was read to be like an endorsement,
and I'm like, but I haven't gotten my sheets yet
or my pajamas, so I don't know yet. What they're like.
So what I had recorded I ended up voicing. So
(18:41):
the little behind the scenes is you can hear a
person's voice for something, but if they're not saying I
have personally used this or whatever, then it may just
be that you're lending your voice to the spot. If
you're doing an endorsement, it's like, I use this, it
is amazing da. So I couldn't do it as an
(19:02):
endorsement yet, even though it was sort of written out
as an endorsement, So I had to change it and
that it would be awesome and it was mostly a
spot for traveling. Oh really the sheets, yes, because it
said it came with a cute little bag. But since
I cut that because that was weeks ago. Again, like
I said, I real time just remembered that I already
did that. I got the sheets in and they're amazing,
(19:22):
and I'm like, oh, I hope this works out and
we get a partnership, and now I think it may
be huh, well, we'll find out. But the point is
we could end this break now and it could roll
into me talking about Kozo, and listeners would be like,
what the heck? Because listeners they pick up on everything
and they're smart. Yeah, and they would be.
Speaker 2 (19:41):
Like, well, also they would pick up on the fact
they listened to Cozy Earth for forty five minutes.
Speaker 1 (19:46):
Yeah, which we just did. It is good stuff though,
But Poetry for Neanderthals were available that, yeah, how do
we find somebody that works for them? Well, I know
that they're the same company that makes Throw Throw Burrito
and the Bobby Bone shows doing stuff with them too,
So maybe we'd be in the mix. Because that is
such a fun game, such fun game, such fun game.
Speaker 2 (20:08):
We could host game night with game and live stream.
Speaker 1 (20:14):
Live streams two syllables, because is that one word two words?
It is live stream live. I think we could live
space stream. So the thing with poetry for Neanderthals is
you can only use one syllable words to describe something. Also,
get bonked on the head with a blow up bat.
It fun. It's so fun, it make me laugh. You
(20:35):
could say it's I just like talking that way. I
don't know why. So switch gears here for a second.
When it comes to ranting with friends about something, do
you feel like the negativity starts to pile on and
it can be a little bit toxic, or that it
can actually make you happier.
Speaker 2 (20:54):
Both if we're talking about it for hours, then it's
probably not helping. But it's releasing stuff, which didn't we
start with talking about releasing things. Yeah, it allows me
to release the negative energy from my body and feel validated.
Speaker 1 (21:08):
Okay, well, I just saw something on the Daily Mail
about It was this whole study that was done and
it said they agree with me, right, complaining with your
friends can actually make you happier. Researchers from Southwest University
looked into the effects of co rumination excessively discussing negative issues,
and they found that the more we co ruminate, the
(21:31):
happier we are, but obsessively whining has a negative effect.
So what's life satisfaction? I think it's just that if
you want to like gather your girlfriends and like let
some stuff out, blah blah blah. But if it's like
your overall theme, like too much and you're just whining,
it's something that you need to vent about. That's a
great way to put it. Like, if you were just
living in victim mentality, then that's gonna be black. But
(21:52):
if you've just got a little co rumination party going
on with your friends and it's a trusted, safe space
where you can just let some stuff out. Then everybody
can walk away from that like feeling better.
Speaker 2 (22:01):
Yeah, is that different than co miserating, because I sometimes
think that's positive too. Sounds like the same kind of thing.
We're all sitting in like the crap of the same thing,
but we're not harping on it for hours. I think
that's the difference.
Speaker 1 (22:13):
Eventually, somebody's gonna Okay, let's nuch, let's play. We need
to go take a walk down by the water and
let's stand the freezer lease going by, which another thing
I do from the freezer. I don't go stand in it.
I do like to roll my face, but that's just
because I don't know that I've ever done it to
like make myself feel better. But I do like getting
ice cubes out of the freezer and going outside and
(22:35):
throwing them on like the driveway or the back patio
or something that like feels really good. And then you
introduce me to that arg ball.
Speaker 2 (22:43):
Oh yes, we just recently popped another one in my office.
There's a one that I found a client had it.
It's not the arc ball. It's a cube. It's a
gel cube. I'm gonna find it and then I'll tell
people about it when I find it, because this isn't
that helpful. You know how the arg ball has like
the mushy stuff inside of it sometimes when you have
a lot of energy, and sometimes when my clients have
a lot of energy, they rip it and they smush
(23:05):
it so much that it pops and then the.
Speaker 1 (23:07):
Stuff itzes out.
Speaker 2 (23:08):
There's a gel ball that there's no popping involved in it,
and you can still like squeeze it. It's not as
like bouncy, But I think that might be my next
move because I can't get that goo all over my
new office couch.
Speaker 1 (23:20):
Yeah, that probably is a better thing when you've got
a lot of different people using it. Do you disinfect it?
Speaker 2 (23:25):
Yes, I also have furniture disinfectant.
Speaker 1 (23:27):
You're like, yeah, I laminate it every time I eliminated
my stress ball, and I reliminate after every client. Okay,
I have plastic on my couch. Where can people find you.
Speaker 2 (23:37):
On Instagram at Kat dot Defada and at Unique Therapy Podcasts.
Speaker 1 (23:40):
And I'm at Radio Amy And thanks for going behind
the scenes with us a little bit there on the
Go Cozy Earth because the Earth Talk and also my
poor memory, but also exciting things to come and for
cool partnerships and yeah, if you're hearing us endorse something,
you can trust that we have. It is good. We
(24:03):
we do use, we like we use, and we like
long time. It's long time one word to words. That's too.
I think it's two words. I just like saying that
you know, love you a long time time.
Speaker 2 (24:17):
Okay, bye bye
Feeling Things with Amy & Kat News
Host
Amy Brown
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