OUTWEIGH: What if the emotions you fear most are actually the gateway to your greatest freedom? In this final episode of our series, Chip and Leanne explore how to stop fearing emotions and start listening to them instead. They break down the connection between numbing and disconnection, why vulnerability is the key to healing, and how embracing your emotions can lead to real joy and fulfillment. With practical tools and mindset shifts, this episode will empower you to move from numbing to healing—so you can reclaim your peace, presence, and power.
Visit Chip's website at: ChipDodd.com
You can order your copy of Chip's book, The Voice of the Heart: A Call To Full Living HERE.
Listen to the Living With Heart Podcast HERE.
Leanne Ellington // StresslessEating.com // @leanneellington
To learn more about re-wiring your brain to heal from the all-or-nothing diet mentality for good....but WITHOUT restricting yourself, punishing your body, (and definitely WITHOUT ever having to use words like macros, low-carb, or calorie burn) check out Leanne's FREE Stressless Eating Webinar @ www.StresslessEating.com
See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.
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Transcript
Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
Speaker 1 (00:00):
I won't let my body out me outwait everything that
I'm made done, won't spend my life trying to change.
I'm learning love who I am, I get, I'm strong,
I feel free, I know everybody of me.
Speaker 2 (00:16):
It's beautiful.
Speaker 1 (00:19):
And then he'll always out way if you feel it,
but you.
Speaker 2 (00:26):
She'll some love to the food.
Speaker 1 (00:27):
By you have there say good day and did you
and die out?
Speaker 3 (00:35):
Hey hey Leenne here and I hope you enjoyed this
series with doctor Chip Dodd. Here on outweigh and if
you want to learn more about how I teach my
own clients to turn off the part of their brain
that's obsessed with food, obsessed with their weight, and rewire
their own brain for peace and freedom, then head on
over to Stressless eating dot com, where I've literally peeled
back the curtain and walked you through the exact strategy
(00:58):
I teach my clients to heal themselves from the all
or nothing diet mentality for good, but without restricting themselves,
punishing their bodies, and definitely without ever having to use
words like macros, low carb or calorie burn. It is
all over there for you to access over at stressless
seeding dot com. Happy Saturday out Way, we are back
(01:20):
for our fourth and final episode of this mini series,
here with doctor Chip Dodd.
Speaker 2 (01:25):
Hello again, Aileen.
Speaker 4 (01:26):
I've really enjoyed getting to do this with you.
Speaker 3 (01:28):
Thank you, absolutely, it has been amazing. What has been
just coming out over these microphones. I feel like it's
just been ordained in something like spontaneous.
Speaker 4 (01:38):
Yeah.
Speaker 3 (01:38):
These are the kinds of conversations that you can only
plan to a certain extent. So I'm so grateful that
you're here. The series is called Why We Numb The
Real Root of Coping Mechanisms. But if you've been tuning in,
obviously we're talking about things like addiction and coping mechanisms,
but the real why, behind the what, what's causing this?
How to take back power from your heart so that
your brain stops hijacking you and that brain heart kind
(02:01):
of dance that's going on. Why we numb and how
we are avoiding pain and seeking discomfort, And we talked
about that from an experiential level and a human level,
a logic and reason level. But also we've every single
week hit on the neuroscience. If you're like me and
you want to get a little geeky and learn about the.
Speaker 2 (02:17):
Why behind the what.
Speaker 3 (02:18):
And then last week we really started transitioning into the
healing side of this. What do we do now that
we have all this information, we have this awareness of
what our problems are and what they aren't, how do
we actually go take use the tools that we have
or go get access to tools to start moving forward.
Speaker 2 (02:32):
And so today we're going to talk about.
Speaker 3 (02:34):
Something that might feel a little bit scary to a
lot of people, which is the idea of feeling our
feels and having the courage to feel what we're feeling
and allow those feelings to be there. How to healthily
process emotions, how to recognize them, how to stop numbing them,
all of those things, but transforming our relationship with emotions.
So let's just dive in by talking about first of all,
(02:54):
there is this kind of not for everyone, but for
a lot of people, a stigma, a fear of feelings.
Speaker 4 (02:59):
Right.
Speaker 3 (03:00):
I know, I've had my own kind of insecurities of
like am I over emotional?
Speaker 2 (03:05):
Do I feel things too much?
Speaker 3 (03:06):
Too deeply? And I had to recognize like, no, that's
just who I am. I'm just a feeling person. But
that being said, there is a lot of that kind
of self talk about our feelings and then shame about
our feelings. So how do we stop fearing those feelings
and start listening to them in stead?
Speaker 4 (03:20):
And there's so much you know, almost all of us
carry inside in front of the genuine feelings and the
courage that we're born with actually believe or not, but
we have toxic shame, which means we have contempt and
judgment towards ourselves as weak for having feelings. Okay, like
(03:41):
then that feelings in and of themselves are a weakness,
not a strength. And then secondly we're afraid to let
them out do We get afraid of the judgment, so
we make up all kinds of stories about what's going
to happen if I have feelings, what people are going
to do to me, what they're going to think of me.
Then the two core essential needs that a human being
(04:01):
has won't be met. I need to belong and the
need to matter. But we've decided quote quote a long
time ago, I only belong to matter when I perform
a certain way, so my presence isn't as important, not enough.
So ultimately we have to take the risk of pushing
through the fear, using it, and then pushing through this
(04:23):
veil of shame and telling the truth and courage means
full hearted participation, and believe it or not, when you
were born, you were probably came out of the womb
with more courage than you'll ever express the rest of
your life because you didn't know not to. The toxic
shame wasn't there, the healthy shame wise, the healthy shame
(04:46):
is sure, I'm dependent. Of course I'm going to be
risking making mistakes. I know I don't have all the answers.
Of course I need you. What's the big problem you
need me to? What are we doing here? It's like
the normal natural inborn experience. What we need is just
boundaries around that, like I don't like that. I need
you to hear me say I don't like that and
respond to me. And in other words, it's okay to
(05:07):
have a self, it's okay to be yourself. And so
you literally come out of the womb full hearted. You're
all in like I feel I need, I desire along
I hope. So the thing easily end is that once
we find our feelings, which it takes courage, like Okay,
this could hurt, but I'm dying without it. Look, if
(05:28):
you don't feel. If you suppressed feel, you don't connect.
If you don't connect, you're isolated. If you're isolated, you
are removed from life. If you're removed from life, you're
not living. If you're not living well, you're going to
find addiction to continue. But every day is aspiraling down
towards not wanting to live anymore. I mean, once we
(05:49):
foreclose on our hearts, we try to leave ourselves behind.
There's no place to go to be away from how
I may ultimately except the numbt anesthetize it, deny and
own and on. So basically, recovery is so much about
returning to the self, and it is scary because we
have lots of experiences that tell us why not to
(06:12):
do it. But it's almost like, you know, hitting bottom
really means I'm sick and tired of not living. It
doesn't have to be under a bridge. It can just
be waking up one day and go, Okay, that's enough,
and so what do I do? And that's what we're
going to ask for help, which is a healthy shame
experience that we'll toxically shame ourselves for right. But then
at that point it's about feeding your feelings. Of course,
(06:35):
you know, telling the truth about them. But look, if
I have fear, I have a need of help from danger.
If I have sadness, I have a need for comfort
in it. If I have loneliness, have a need for
connection to someone someplace somewhere right, and either I address it,
address it like vulnerably, like admission. Here I am I,
(06:58):
and I actually choose to be with people I've watched
who can do it themselves, so I might just get received.
So courage is taking the risk of returning to how
we're made again. And yes it's scared. Yes it's scary,
but every feeling has a corresponding need to need, and
each feeling has the need of a certain territory, and
(07:19):
then the admission of desiring something that I don't believe
will happen or left behind. So it all comes back
to saying, look, I'm scared of this, and at the
same time, here I am. Great movie, it's an old movie. Now,
I'm telling you Goodwill Hunting is one of the greatest
stories that over. I'm telling you it's fabulous. It's a
(07:40):
story of returning to courage, how terrifying it is, and
how the terror in Will Hunting was anxiety when Shane said, man, listen,
it's not your fault, and he kept coming close and
it's like, stop it, Shane, don't fool me. Don't do
this to me if you're lying. In fact, don't do
this to me at all, because you're getting close to
me being me and it'll kill me. And instead it
(08:04):
awakened it. Right. So this is what we're terrified of
the end. We're so scared that if we have feelings
it'll kill us. But here's what happens, and it is
so precious and yet so tragic that this is what
we've been running from. If you have feedings, two things
will happen. They really will. If you have feedings. Number one,
(08:26):
you're gonna have them. I mean you're actually gonna have them,
like your sadness will probably have tears or there'll be
just a heavy admission for a little while. Yes, And
so one you're gonna have feelings, and then you're gonna
also have memories. Or if you have memories, you're gonna
have feelings. So that's how calm. We run from feelings
(08:47):
because our memories have told us it's not a good
thing to do or it's unsafe. So When we return
to feedings, we're returning to how come we left them behind.
When we return to memories, we're going to be returning
to the feelings we suppressed or attempted to escape from.
And what's amazing is once we've become dedicated to not
feeling is crazy as it sounds, it's a loyalty to
(09:11):
toxic shame. It's a loyalty to our own self hate.
And then it's tragically, it's a loyalty to the very
people if they had a chance to repeat, probably wouldn't
do it that way, we hope. But it's a loyalty
towards the very people that taught us to harm ourselves.
As they were harming themselves. They couldn't tolerate feelings, so
(09:33):
they taught us to keep them comfortable. That's the family
of origin issue. Usually, So feelings won't kill you, they'll
bring you to life, but it starts with just having them.
Yes you'll have feelings, and yes you'll have memories, and
believe it or not, after the grief, there is a RESTful,
tiredness that feels good after the loneliness spoken and somebody
(09:57):
actually says, hey, I get it, and all of a sudden.
You have a day of just sort of sharing, and
afterwards you leave, You're like, I need to call you back,
say you're laughing at me, and they say, no, I'm
not laughing. Maybe I just did, like, no, I'm not laughing.
Are you crazy? I get it, absolutely, So we will
distrust it. But what we're distrusting is that we're just
(10:18):
trusting the healing. We're just trusting I just received what
I'm made to have, So we distrust that this could
be real.
Speaker 3 (10:26):
Yeah, and it feels scary in a way to think
about the concept of healing, But honestly, when you think
about what's scarier, not healing is scarier.
Speaker 4 (10:33):
It is you know, and it's because and that we can.
Speaker 3 (10:36):
Right absolutely, it's the devil that we know. You mentioned
this idea of loneliness or the isolation side of it
and the hiding, and we talked about avoidance a lot
back in episode two. But the loneliness and the isolation part.
I can't believe we even skipped over that, because that's
(10:56):
a big part when we are in the throes of
what feels like an addiction, the coping mechanism, the toxic
shame that that you know then exacerbates everything else that
the tendencies to then avoid and hide, and that secrecy
almost it feels like a dirty little secret. Yes, so
in terms of obviously we know the answer is coming
back to the heart of who you are and dealing
(11:17):
safe to be needed and be in need, I should say,
but kind of weave that in for us too, about
the hiding and.
Speaker 4 (11:23):
Yeah, it's like it's like the once we have rejected feelings,
you don't trust them to be the truth of our experience.
We literally spend our lives devising ways to avoid feeling
while still getting our needs met. So we're getting farther
and farther away from being able to connect, even if
(11:45):
we look like we're the most connected person in the world.
Even you can be avoiding while being the life of
the party, yep, and leave after the party and have
never felt so alone in your life. Janis Joplin is
so famous one of the greatest blues rock say years
of all times, I mean poured out herself with expression. Afterwards,
(12:06):
she said, I've never been more alone in my life
than after leaving the stage with twenty five thousand fans
adoring fans, and then she went straight into promiscuity, Heroine
all the drug use because she couldn't tolerate being in need.
She could perform to get her needs met, but couldn't
tolerate being with herself and asking somebody to be with
(12:26):
her without her having to avoid distract and so on.
But what happens, It says cursed, which means isolated, not condemned,
but cursed is the person who trust in their own flesh,
their own devising ways to numb myself, who depend upon
their own will power, their own strength, whose heart is
(12:49):
removed from God. And it's not about religion. It's about
we're made to find fulfillment and relationship by being connected
to the universe and connected to others, trusting that the
universe as in God, and people as in specific people
want our good. And that's how we end up relinquishing
our control to giving over to say you want my good, Well,
(13:13):
I'm made for that good and I want to receive
that good. Also I become somebody who wants to do good.
You can't do good unless you have a self to
do it with, and you cannot give what you do
not have. So the first thing we have to do
is be needy to find out we can come back
to life, and the people of us, those of us
who have come closest to losing our lives, have the
(13:35):
most to give to life because there are more people
who are running from life than there are people who
are living in life.
Speaker 2 (13:42):
It's so true, isn't it. Yeah? Wow, so so powerful.
Speaker 3 (13:46):
Well, no pressure, But if you were to put a
wrapper around what you want people to know from all
four episodes of the series.
Speaker 2 (13:52):
What would it be?
Speaker 4 (13:53):
Gosh, there's so many things. Let's go with this that
I think that when Jesus said to the disciples experiencing, like,
how can anybody do this? And then Jesus literally took
a child and said, hey, come here, come here, and
the child stood by his knee. In my picture anyway,
and it's Matthew eighteen two and three, and it said,
(14:16):
unless you change and become like one of these, which
is to have faith like this. And the faith is
not a systematic theology. The faith is being in need
and having feelings. I'm hoping for something and I was
born to picture something I haven't found yet. Okay, you
can't change yourself, Jesus said, unless you change, it becomes
(14:36):
you can't change yourself you can shift your habits, you
can't change yourself. You have to admit your need to
be connected, and then you return to becoming. You're back
on the road of being yourself. So I would hope
that feel your feelings, be able to tell the truth
about them and believe it or not. Hand yourself over
to a process, Give it to God, give it to
(14:58):
the process, and the process as itself heals us. There's
a river. We put our raft in. The river takes
us to where we're made to go. We just got
to be willing to take the risks that we can
find out how to swim and we won't drown.
Speaker 3 (15:11):
Feel your feelings, feel the feeling. I'm curious, so so powerful, Yeah,
so simple yet you know, simple, not easy, but so powerful.
Speaker 4 (15:19):
And again, if you're easy, the whole wheeler would do
it right.
Speaker 3 (15:21):
Exactly and so different from what the world is telling
us about addiction and coping mechanisms. Is that work harder, resist,
white knuckle will power control, And it's like no, it's
the opposite. Surrender, feel, release, humble yourself like a child.
You know, don't be afraid to say I know nothing,
I know nothing about nothing.
Speaker 2 (15:41):
You know, God, Universe, what do you have for me? Yeah,
and again I'm in need.
Speaker 4 (15:45):
Well the last thing if you have time, but like
just let's just touch based on food for just to say, yeah,
we have to eat, We're made to eat, We're going
to eat. Okay. What's amazing is when you find yourself
and actually say I care about me and I want
to live life fully. It's not about perfection, it's about practice.
(16:08):
But when I finally face I really want something, I
just want something. Then guess what if I really want
something versus have to do something? If I really want
something versus should? You see, we're created God created is
to reject should should should? Should should? When I want something,
you know what, I'm willing to kind of like practice
(16:30):
being in pain for something, and then that becomes being
good at delaying like immediate reception. And then all of
a sudden I found like, hey, that workout, that waiting,
that delay, that eating certain things left me better. And
then all of a sudden, what we find out is
that to want to becomes a lifestyle. It becomes a
(16:52):
sense of get to, not have to, And once you
get to because you want to, you're free to keep
doing it. So we're gonna eat.
Speaker 1 (17:00):
Yeah.
Speaker 4 (17:01):
So there is a process. Uh, we call it self love,
we call it delagrad, we call all kinds of things.
But feeling your feelings and finding that man, you were
made right, and you've got a yes within you that's
waiting to be addressed, and you say yes to how
you're made it, you end up you wind up wanting
to do good for yourself absolutely.
Speaker 3 (17:22):
And freedom, like what I just to stack on what
you just said because it's so so powerful. Freedom is
giving your yourself the ability to make these choices that
serve you, rather than constantly feeling like choices being taken away. Yes,
or life is just happening to you.
Speaker 2 (17:35):
You know it.
Speaker 3 (17:36):
You take back power from it. But it starts, it
starts at your heart. And and like you said, it
doesn't have to be a deep, dark rock bottom, but
you do have to get to that place where you're like, no,
I'm no longer living to live, I'm no longer willing
to live in this, in this howl, or live as
a you know, a victim to my circumstances or a
victim to the way that my brain has kind of
been taking over me.
Speaker 4 (17:56):
Yeah, and that doesn't become will power becomes who will
help me yes, and ask you for it, and then
actually taking a risk of daring to question if that
will really work.
Speaker 3 (18:05):
Contend, fight yes, fight for your freedom absolutely, rather than
argue for your failure your lamentations. So wilse it well,
thank you so much for being here. And guys, there's
a bunch of free resources over at Chipdodd dot com,
including his amazing Gift of Feelings and the eight Core
Feelings and Their Purposes, which he goes into depth about
(18:27):
in the Voice of the Heart.
Speaker 2 (18:28):
So I can't recommend that book enough.
Speaker 3 (18:29):
Also, he's got an amazing podcast, You definitely need to
check that out, the Living with Heart Podcasts. You can
find it anywhere podcasts or stream And we are just
so grateful that you came here on this series.
Speaker 1 (18:40):
Thank you so much.
Speaker 4 (18:41):
Thanks man, God bless absolutely right. Bye bye
I won't let my body out me outwait everything that
I'm made done, won't spend my life trying to change.
I'm learning love who I am, I get, I'm strong,
I feel free, I know everybody of me.
Speaker 2 (00:16):
It's beautiful.
Speaker 1 (00:19):
And then he'll always out way if you feel it,
but you.
Speaker 2 (00:26):
She'll some love to the food.
Speaker 1 (00:27):
By you have there say good day and did you
and die out?
Speaker 3 (00:35):
Hey hey Leenne here and I hope you enjoyed this
series with doctor Chip Dodd. Here on outweigh and if
you want to learn more about how I teach my
own clients to turn off the part of their brain
that's obsessed with food, obsessed with their weight, and rewire
their own brain for peace and freedom, then head on
over to Stressless eating dot com, where I've literally peeled
back the curtain and walked you through the exact strategy
(00:58):
I teach my clients to heal themselves from the all
or nothing diet mentality for good, but without restricting themselves,
punishing their bodies, and definitely without ever having to use
words like macros, low carb or calorie burn. It is
all over there for you to access over at stressless
seeding dot com. Happy Saturday out Way, we are back
(01:20):
for our fourth and final episode of this mini series,
here with doctor Chip Dodd.
Speaker 2 (01:25):
Hello again, Aileen.
Speaker 4 (01:26):
I've really enjoyed getting to do this with you.
Speaker 3 (01:28):
Thank you, absolutely, it has been amazing. What has been
just coming out over these microphones. I feel like it's
just been ordained in something like spontaneous.
Speaker 4 (01:38):
Yeah.
Speaker 3 (01:38):
These are the kinds of conversations that you can only
plan to a certain extent. So I'm so grateful that
you're here. The series is called Why We Numb The
Real Root of Coping Mechanisms. But if you've been tuning in,
obviously we're talking about things like addiction and coping mechanisms,
but the real why, behind the what, what's causing this?
How to take back power from your heart so that
your brain stops hijacking you and that brain heart kind
(02:01):
of dance that's going on. Why we numb and how
we are avoiding pain and seeking discomfort, And we talked
about that from an experiential level and a human level,
a logic and reason level. But also we've every single
week hit on the neuroscience. If you're like me and
you want to get a little geeky and learn about the.
Speaker 2 (02:17):
Why behind the what.
Speaker 3 (02:18):
And then last week we really started transitioning into the
healing side of this. What do we do now that
we have all this information, we have this awareness of
what our problems are and what they aren't, how do
we actually go take use the tools that we have
or go get access to tools to start moving forward.
Speaker 2 (02:32):
And so today we're going to talk about.
Speaker 3 (02:34):
Something that might feel a little bit scary to a
lot of people, which is the idea of feeling our
feels and having the courage to feel what we're feeling
and allow those feelings to be there. How to healthily
process emotions, how to recognize them, how to stop numbing them,
all of those things, but transforming our relationship with emotions.
So let's just dive in by talking about first of all,
(02:54):
there is this kind of not for everyone, but for
a lot of people, a stigma, a fear of feelings.
Speaker 4 (02:59):
Right.
Speaker 3 (03:00):
I know, I've had my own kind of insecurities of
like am I over emotional?
Speaker 2 (03:05):
Do I feel things too much?
Speaker 3 (03:06):
Too deeply? And I had to recognize like, no, that's
just who I am. I'm just a feeling person. But
that being said, there is a lot of that kind
of self talk about our feelings and then shame about
our feelings. So how do we stop fearing those feelings
and start listening to them in stead?
Speaker 4 (03:20):
And there's so much you know, almost all of us
carry inside in front of the genuine feelings and the
courage that we're born with actually believe or not, but
we have toxic shame, which means we have contempt and
judgment towards ourselves as weak for having feelings. Okay, like
(03:41):
then that feelings in and of themselves are a weakness,
not a strength. And then secondly we're afraid to let
them out do We get afraid of the judgment, so
we make up all kinds of stories about what's going
to happen if I have feelings, what people are going
to do to me, what they're going to think of me.
Then the two core essential needs that a human being
(04:01):
has won't be met. I need to belong and the
need to matter. But we've decided quote quote a long
time ago, I only belong to matter when I perform
a certain way, so my presence isn't as important, not enough.
So ultimately we have to take the risk of pushing
through the fear, using it, and then pushing through this
(04:23):
veil of shame and telling the truth and courage means
full hearted participation, and believe it or not, when you
were born, you were probably came out of the womb
with more courage than you'll ever express the rest of
your life because you didn't know not to. The toxic
shame wasn't there, the healthy shame wise, the healthy shame
(04:46):
is sure, I'm dependent. Of course I'm going to be
risking making mistakes. I know I don't have all the answers.
Of course I need you. What's the big problem you
need me to? What are we doing here? It's like
the normal natural inborn experience. What we need is just
boundaries around that, like I don't like that. I need
you to hear me say I don't like that and
respond to me. And in other words, it's okay to
(05:07):
have a self, it's okay to be yourself. And so
you literally come out of the womb full hearted. You're
all in like I feel I need, I desire along
I hope. So the thing easily end is that once
we find our feelings, which it takes courage, like Okay,
this could hurt, but I'm dying without it. Look, if
(05:28):
you don't feel. If you suppressed feel, you don't connect.
If you don't connect, you're isolated. If you're isolated, you
are removed from life. If you're removed from life, you're
not living. If you're not living well, you're going to
find addiction to continue. But every day is aspiraling down
towards not wanting to live anymore. I mean, once we
(05:49):
foreclose on our hearts, we try to leave ourselves behind.
There's no place to go to be away from how
I may ultimately except the numbt anesthetize it, deny and
own and on. So basically, recovery is so much about
returning to the self, and it is scary because we
have lots of experiences that tell us why not to
(06:12):
do it. But it's almost like, you know, hitting bottom
really means I'm sick and tired of not living. It
doesn't have to be under a bridge. It can just
be waking up one day and go, Okay, that's enough,
and so what do I do? And that's what we're
going to ask for help, which is a healthy shame
experience that we'll toxically shame ourselves for right. But then
at that point it's about feeding your feelings. Of course,
(06:35):
you know, telling the truth about them. But look, if
I have fear, I have a need of help from danger.
If I have sadness, I have a need for comfort
in it. If I have loneliness, have a need for
connection to someone someplace somewhere right, and either I address it,
address it like vulnerably, like admission. Here I am I,
(06:58):
and I actually choose to be with people I've watched
who can do it themselves, so I might just get received.
So courage is taking the risk of returning to how
we're made again. And yes it's scared. Yes it's scary,
but every feeling has a corresponding need to need, and
each feeling has the need of a certain territory, and
(07:19):
then the admission of desiring something that I don't believe
will happen or left behind. So it all comes back
to saying, look, I'm scared of this, and at the
same time, here I am. Great movie, it's an old movie. Now,
I'm telling you Goodwill Hunting is one of the greatest
stories that over. I'm telling you it's fabulous. It's a
(07:40):
story of returning to courage, how terrifying it is, and
how the terror in Will Hunting was anxiety when Shane said, man, listen,
it's not your fault, and he kept coming close and
it's like, stop it, Shane, don't fool me. Don't do
this to me if you're lying. In fact, don't do
this to me at all, because you're getting close to
me being me and it'll kill me. And instead it
(08:04):
awakened it. Right. So this is what we're terrified of
the end. We're so scared that if we have feelings
it'll kill us. But here's what happens, and it is
so precious and yet so tragic that this is what
we've been running from. If you have feedings, two things
will happen. They really will. If you have feedings. Number one,
(08:26):
you're gonna have them. I mean you're actually gonna have them,
like your sadness will probably have tears or there'll be
just a heavy admission for a little while. Yes, And
so one you're gonna have feelings, and then you're gonna
also have memories. Or if you have memories, you're gonna
have feelings. So that's how calm. We run from feelings
(08:47):
because our memories have told us it's not a good
thing to do or it's unsafe. So When we return
to feedings, we're returning to how come we left them behind.
When we return to memories, we're going to be returning
to the feelings we suppressed or attempted to escape from.
And what's amazing is once we've become dedicated to not
feeling is crazy as it sounds, it's a loyalty to
(09:11):
toxic shame. It's a loyalty to our own self hate.
And then it's tragically, it's a loyalty to the very
people if they had a chance to repeat, probably wouldn't
do it that way, we hope. But it's a loyalty
towards the very people that taught us to harm ourselves.
As they were harming themselves. They couldn't tolerate feelings, so
(09:33):
they taught us to keep them comfortable. That's the family
of origin issue. Usually, So feelings won't kill you, they'll
bring you to life, but it starts with just having them.
Yes you'll have feelings, and yes you'll have memories, and
believe it or not, after the grief, there is a RESTful,
tiredness that feels good after the loneliness spoken and somebody
(09:57):
actually says, hey, I get it, and all of a sudden.
You have a day of just sort of sharing, and
afterwards you leave, You're like, I need to call you back,
say you're laughing at me, and they say, no, I'm
not laughing. Maybe I just did, like, no, I'm not laughing.
Are you crazy? I get it, absolutely, So we will
distrust it. But what we're distrusting is that we're just
(10:18):
trusting the healing. We're just trusting I just received what
I'm made to have, So we distrust that this could
be real.
Speaker 3 (10:26):
Yeah, and it feels scary in a way to think
about the concept of healing, But honestly, when you think
about what's scarier, not healing is scarier.
Speaker 4 (10:33):
It is you know, and it's because and that we can.
Speaker 3 (10:36):
Right absolutely, it's the devil that we know. You mentioned
this idea of loneliness or the isolation side of it
and the hiding, and we talked about avoidance a lot
back in episode two. But the loneliness and the isolation part.
I can't believe we even skipped over that, because that's
(10:56):
a big part when we are in the throes of
what feels like an addiction, the coping mechanism, the toxic
shame that that you know then exacerbates everything else that
the tendencies to then avoid and hide, and that secrecy
almost it feels like a dirty little secret. Yes, so
in terms of obviously we know the answer is coming
back to the heart of who you are and dealing
(11:17):
safe to be needed and be in need, I should say,
but kind of weave that in for us too, about
the hiding and.
Speaker 4 (11:23):
Yeah, it's like it's like the once we have rejected feelings,
you don't trust them to be the truth of our experience.
We literally spend our lives devising ways to avoid feeling
while still getting our needs met. So we're getting farther
and farther away from being able to connect, even if
(11:45):
we look like we're the most connected person in the world.
Even you can be avoiding while being the life of
the party, yep, and leave after the party and have
never felt so alone in your life. Janis Joplin is
so famous one of the greatest blues rock say years
of all times, I mean poured out herself with expression. Afterwards,
(12:06):
she said, I've never been more alone in my life
than after leaving the stage with twenty five thousand fans
adoring fans, and then she went straight into promiscuity, Heroine
all the drug use because she couldn't tolerate being in need.
She could perform to get her needs met, but couldn't
tolerate being with herself and asking somebody to be with
(12:26):
her without her having to avoid distract and so on.
But what happens, It says cursed, which means isolated, not condemned,
but cursed is the person who trust in their own flesh,
their own devising ways to numb myself, who depend upon
their own will power, their own strength, whose heart is
(12:49):
removed from God. And it's not about religion. It's about
we're made to find fulfillment and relationship by being connected
to the universe and connected to others, trusting that the
universe as in God, and people as in specific people
want our good. And that's how we end up relinquishing
our control to giving over to say you want my good, Well,
(13:13):
I'm made for that good and I want to receive
that good. Also I become somebody who wants to do good.
You can't do good unless you have a self to
do it with, and you cannot give what you do
not have. So the first thing we have to do
is be needy to find out we can come back
to life, and the people of us, those of us
who have come closest to losing our lives, have the
(13:35):
most to give to life because there are more people
who are running from life than there are people who
are living in life.
Speaker 2 (13:42):
It's so true, isn't it. Yeah? Wow, so so powerful.
Speaker 3 (13:46):
Well, no pressure, But if you were to put a
wrapper around what you want people to know from all
four episodes of the series.
Speaker 2 (13:52):
What would it be?
Speaker 4 (13:53):
Gosh, there's so many things. Let's go with this that
I think that when Jesus said to the disciples experiencing, like,
how can anybody do this? And then Jesus literally took
a child and said, hey, come here, come here, and
the child stood by his knee. In my picture anyway,
and it's Matthew eighteen two and three, and it said,
(14:16):
unless you change and become like one of these, which
is to have faith like this. And the faith is
not a systematic theology. The faith is being in need
and having feelings. I'm hoping for something and I was
born to picture something I haven't found yet. Okay, you
can't change yourself, Jesus said, unless you change, it becomes
(14:36):
you can't change yourself you can shift your habits, you
can't change yourself. You have to admit your need to
be connected, and then you return to becoming. You're back
on the road of being yourself. So I would hope
that feel your feelings, be able to tell the truth
about them and believe it or not. Hand yourself over
to a process, Give it to God, give it to
(14:58):
the process, and the process as itself heals us. There's
a river. We put our raft in. The river takes
us to where we're made to go. We just got
to be willing to take the risks that we can
find out how to swim and we won't drown.
Speaker 3 (15:11):
Feel your feelings, feel the feeling. I'm curious, so so powerful, Yeah,
so simple yet you know, simple, not easy, but so powerful.
Speaker 4 (15:19):
And again, if you're easy, the whole wheeler would do
it right.
Speaker 3 (15:21):
Exactly and so different from what the world is telling
us about addiction and coping mechanisms. Is that work harder, resist,
white knuckle will power control, And it's like no, it's
the opposite. Surrender, feel, release, humble yourself like a child.
You know, don't be afraid to say I know nothing,
I know nothing about nothing.
Speaker 2 (15:41):
You know, God, Universe, what do you have for me? Yeah,
and again I'm in need.
Speaker 4 (15:45):
Well the last thing if you have time, but like
just let's just touch based on food for just to say, yeah,
we have to eat, We're made to eat, We're going
to eat. Okay. What's amazing is when you find yourself
and actually say I care about me and I want
to live life fully. It's not about perfection, it's about practice.
(16:08):
But when I finally face I really want something, I
just want something. Then guess what if I really want
something versus have to do something? If I really want
something versus should? You see, we're created God created is
to reject should should should? Should should? When I want something,
you know what, I'm willing to kind of like practice
(16:30):
being in pain for something, and then that becomes being
good at delaying like immediate reception. And then all of
a sudden I found like, hey, that workout, that waiting,
that delay, that eating certain things left me better. And
then all of a sudden, what we find out is
that to want to becomes a lifestyle. It becomes a
(16:52):
sense of get to, not have to, And once you
get to because you want to, you're free to keep
doing it. So we're gonna eat.
Speaker 1 (17:00):
Yeah.
Speaker 4 (17:01):
So there is a process. Uh, we call it self love,
we call it delagrad, we call all kinds of things.
But feeling your feelings and finding that man, you were
made right, and you've got a yes within you that's
waiting to be addressed, and you say yes to how
you're made it, you end up you wind up wanting
to do good for yourself absolutely.
Speaker 3 (17:22):
And freedom, like what I just to stack on what
you just said because it's so so powerful. Freedom is
giving your yourself the ability to make these choices that
serve you, rather than constantly feeling like choices being taken away. Yes,
or life is just happening to you.
Speaker 2 (17:35):
You know it.
Speaker 3 (17:36):
You take back power from it. But it starts, it
starts at your heart. And and like you said, it
doesn't have to be a deep, dark rock bottom, but
you do have to get to that place where you're like, no,
I'm no longer living to live, I'm no longer willing
to live in this, in this howl, or live as
a you know, a victim to my circumstances or a
victim to the way that my brain has kind of
been taking over me.
Speaker 4 (17:56):
Yeah, and that doesn't become will power becomes who will
help me yes, and ask you for it, and then
actually taking a risk of daring to question if that
will really work.
Speaker 3 (18:05):
Contend, fight yes, fight for your freedom absolutely, rather than
argue for your failure your lamentations. So wilse it well,
thank you so much for being here. And guys, there's
a bunch of free resources over at Chipdodd dot com,
including his amazing Gift of Feelings and the eight Core
Feelings and Their Purposes, which he goes into depth about
(18:27):
in the Voice of the Heart.
Speaker 2 (18:28):
So I can't recommend that book enough.
Speaker 3 (18:29):
Also, he's got an amazing podcast, You definitely need to
check that out, the Living with Heart Podcasts. You can
find it anywhere podcasts or stream And we are just
so grateful that you came here on this series.
Speaker 1 (18:40):
Thank you so much.
Speaker 4 (18:41):
Thanks man, God bless absolutely right. Bye bye
Feeling Things with Amy & Kat News
Host
Amy Brown
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