MADISON PREWETT-TROUTT: Season 24 finalist on The Bachelor, Madi Prewett, knows the love everybody wants!

Episode Transcript
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Speaker 1 (00:00):
Added Caryl Lone. She's a queen and talking, so she's
getting really.

Speaker 2 (00:16):
Not afraid to feel the episode, so just let it flow.

Speaker 1 (00:20):
No one can do we quiet. Cary Lone is sounding
care loud.

Speaker 3 (00:27):
I'm so happy to be here with Madison Trout. You
met your book? I do do you do that? It
was planned? Really have to? Are you only wearing pink
on this book tour? I'm trying to wear pink. I
was told by my team that that's the way to go,
so that we match and everything's in cohesion. But I
also I am just in my pink era. I think it's
perfect for like the Barbie movie and the Aras tour

(00:50):
and everything else that's going on right now. Yes, so
it all worked out. So you're how are we sounding? Okay?
This is good. We're testing with the mic.

Speaker 2 (00:57):
This's called get real, you know, go ahead and test
test tests and turning side profile. Got the camera rigged
just right. Maddie, do you go Maddie or Madison or either?

Speaker 3 (01:07):
Okay? I feel like I introduced myself as Madison, but
everyone calls me Maddie. Okay.

Speaker 2 (01:12):
So I was reading your book and I was thinking
to myself, like, man, you would think I wouldn't know
how to sit in a chair. I was reading your
book and I was like, man, this is so my
life on some level.

Speaker 3 (01:24):
I was so.

Speaker 2 (01:26):
Boy crazy my entire life, and you've had a big life,
like and I feel like I loved how you were
kind of explaining it like a game. Like originally you
got rejected when you were sixteen years old, and that
started you on this whole journey of does he love me?

Speaker 3 (01:42):
Does he not? And then it was kind of.

Speaker 2 (01:44):
Like the cycle of seeing if people would fall in
love with you.

Speaker 3 (01:47):
But it's not like you're trying to do it on purpose.

Speaker 2 (01:50):
You just were looking for that love and that validation
through another human. And I feel like I did the
same thing, and then I never could give the love
back because I was so scared they would reject me
totally totally.

Speaker 3 (02:00):
That was like my entire everything until probably a year
and a half ago, And I like think back to
that sixteen year old version of myself and I'm like,
I wish I could just go up to you and
be like, there's so much more than what you're looking
for and what you're trying to settle for. But I
also am super grateful for the journey that's led me

(02:20):
here because I've just learned so much about life, about love,
about myself, about my faith, about my identity along the way,
and I'm so grateful for that. And even starting I
started writing this book single, and so I was single
and miserable and bitter and angry, and I was like,
everyone else is in relationships, everyone else is getting married.
Literally my best friend at the time I had just

(02:41):
started dating someone, and I just started feeling so left behind,
left out and again just boy crazy wanting to be
with someone. And that's where I just really felt so
just like got so convicted of like I am looking
for the right thing just in all the wrong places,
and I just I got to stop being so thirsty
for love and so thirsty for attention. And so I

(03:03):
really wrote from that place, and I talk all about
that in the book, Like I have a whole chapter
on being a pick me girl.

Speaker 2 (03:08):
I love that actually taking the PI yes, like the
pick me I thought that was really awesome, And tell
me about that.

Speaker 3 (03:16):
What is a pick me girl? Yeah? So I really
wanted to take like all the different like culture's approach,
you know, the trends, the songs. I wanted to take
a lot of those things and kind of add you know,
my testimony to those things and the truth that I
found in Christ through all of that. And so it's
it's really cool. Like I have each chapter, like one's

(03:36):
titled the pick Me Girl, One's titled he Loves Me,
he Loves Me Not you know, I have one on
drive it before you buy it.

Speaker 2 (03:42):
I have all kind more marriage, which I think is
such a great point. I oh my god. And you
even talk about pornography.

Speaker 3 (03:50):
And yeah, yeah, we get real, we get real.

Speaker 2 (03:52):
We get real, which I relate to you there too,
because I found my grandfather's playboys when I was like
eight years old, and I just was upset with looking
at them. I've never seen anything like it in my life,
and I was.

Speaker 3 (04:03):
Like, am I addicted to porn? Yeah?

Speaker 2 (04:05):
And then like anytime I could go to like a
TV where there's like options to watch porn, I would
want to see it just because like, how can you not?

Speaker 3 (04:11):
It's like watching it.

Speaker 2 (04:12):
It's like you know, watching a car accident, but opposite,
you know, just you can't stop watching.

Speaker 3 (04:16):
Yeah. I love that you, Like, you really hit.

Speaker 2 (04:18):
Some core issues in this book, and I love like
with the pick me girl, you actually took it all
the way as far as.

Speaker 3 (04:25):
You can to the Bachelor. I mean that's as like
pick me as you can. I'm like I was in
the most pick me environment you could be in, because
it's true, Like I how do you not have that
feeling when you're on a show like that? You know
you got picked? I want to be picked. I want
to be ish. So what it was a pilot picked
to ish you? You were picked? And then what happened
at the end. So I walked away the day before

(04:49):
the proposal and just did not feel like, you know,
our values and our convictions aligned, and just didn't feel
like he was the person that I was going to
be able to build life of faith and purpose with.
And so I walked away from the relationship. And then
you were the final one, right, there's two of us, Okay, okay.
And then he ended up getting engaged to the other girl,

(05:10):
and then they broke off the original girl, and then
for the show, No, then we got back together, y'all
got back together. We went into the finale together, and
then after the finale that's when I broke up where
we broke up again, and then he got back together
with another girl. It was very complicated, very it was
very complicated, and it was you know, a pressure cooker environment,

(05:31):
such high intense emotions, and truly look at that time,
and I am grateful for all that I learned, Like,
I think it definitely tested my faith. I think it
tested my identity. Like where am I looking to and
turning to for my value and validation? Am I trying
to find it in a rose? Am I trying to
find it in you know, being picked by this person?

(05:51):
And just trying to remind myself and the girls around me, like, hey,
our worth is not in this person choosing us, Like
our worth and value is in some things, so much
greater than a rose, than a show, than likes then
compliments like it's so much greater than that, and you know,
reminding myself like if you don't get this state, if
you don't get this rose, like this rejection just leads

(06:12):
to you know, God's redirection to something better and having
that piece and knowing that I don't want to allow
other people who maybe don't even know who they are,
to determine who I am and my worth and value
and just continuing to get to that place of like okay, Maddie,
this is who you are, this is what you believe,
this is what you value, like, don't leave it in
the hands of other people like you. Stand firm to

(06:34):
who you are and what you hold is valuable. And
so I tried to remind myself of that I was
not perfect by any means, you know, And there's definitely moments,
you know that I would go back and probably try
and challenge myself and encourage myself a little differently. But
I'm super grateful for all that it taught me and
what I learned along the way in that process.

Speaker 2 (06:53):
Do you think that people actually, well you being the
people like you?

Speaker 3 (06:58):
Is you? Is it like real or is it honestly?

Speaker 2 (07:01):
Is it like just this like the pressure of this
one person, because how can that many women love one guy?

Speaker 3 (07:08):
Honestly when you're so in the environment. I am the
most practical, logical person ever, and I was in that environment,
and you just get you get swept up, you get
caught up in it, and you know, you're all focused
on this one person, and you all want to be
picked and chosen by this one person, And it can
get really easy in the midst of that to lose

(07:30):
yourself and to compromise and to you know, change yourself
to be liked or picked. And that's why I had
to continue to remind myself, Mattie, this is who you are,
this is who you are, this is who you are,
because it's so easy in that environment to lose yourself
and in a lot of different environments for anyone listening, like,
I've seen that even the pressures that I felt throughout
high school, throughout college, you know, even after graduating, of

(07:53):
wanting to fit in, wanting to be picked, wanting to
be chosen, whether it be by a guy or a
friend group or whatever it may be. And so yeah,
I definitely it was. It was a lot, and I
would say, like the feelings were were real. Like I
I definitely am not someone who can like fake it,
Like I just can't do that people can. People know

(08:13):
when I'm not being real, They're like, I can see
it on your face. I'm not good at hiding it.
So it definitely was real for me. But I think
as soon as you know, I made that decision of
just like this isn't going to work, and we knew
that that was the best decision to make. Yeah, I
had such peace about that, did you.

Speaker 2 (08:30):
Feel pressure, like citing that you were not going to
have sex, like you know, like that wasn't that a
thing that you make clear?

Speaker 3 (08:39):
Yeah, like to not go into the fantasy suites? Yeah, yeah, Yeah,
I definitely had voices around me with opinions, but I
would say that, you know, for me, I already knew
what I was going to do before I even got
on the show.

Speaker 2 (08:53):
Like, I think you talk about that in the book, Yeah,
setting ahead of time, Like, yes, what is it like predeciding?

Speaker 3 (08:58):
Yes? I think that is such ah practice for anything
in life, you know. I think so often we find
ourselves in moments of pressure and temptation and we just
let our feelings lead us, or we let you know,
our circumstance or environment lead us, and then you know,
it leads down this road of like resentment and regret
and we're like how did I get here? Versus? If
we actually took the time to ask ourselves the really

(09:20):
hard questions and decide before the heat and pressure of
the moment, then we can really live a life based
off of our values and our convictions rather than like
our feelings that are always changing. Because I know, for me,
like I've been in moments where my feelings were telling
me one thing one moment and then something completely different
another moment, and I'm like, well, which is true? And
so I've had to go back to like, well, what
do I value? And then let me set up like,

(09:42):
you know, disciplines and practices and decisions based off of that.
And so I had already decided before the show, like
I'm no matter what if I were to make it
that far, like, because of what I value, I'm not
going to go into the fantasy suites. I'm going to
you know, express me waiting until marriage and my stance
on purity. So I'd already predecided that, but you know,

(10:02):
you still get in the moment and there's still temptation. Yeah,
there's still pressure. But yeah, it was just a lot
of prayer and then just yeah, going for it and
being like, well, this is what I value. I don't
know what's gonna, you know, come of this or how
you're gonna take it, or other people are gonna take it,
but this is this is who I am. I love that.

Speaker 2 (10:21):
I think that is so great, and I love that
you are taking a stand for God. Like I feel
like I have always been spiritual and I've always believed
in God and the higher thing. But like recently, I'm
just realizing you it is so important to just talk
about God all the time, include Him in your life,
share and when you're going through something stressful instead of
like just trying to work it all out as you're human,

(10:42):
really lean on God. And I feel like you do
so many practices like that. Like I literally your whole
book is like a how to the love everybody wants,
but it's really like it's already yours. But okay, so
you talk about there's several cycles that you do, like
the shame cycle, which I thought that was so great,
and the purpose of rejection, So talk to me about
that a little bit.

Speaker 3 (11:02):
Yeah, So I talk about in the book, like the
purpose of rejection, that sometimes we need to like realize
that we got to thank God for the closed doors
and the nose and the rejections just as much as
we thank him for the yeses and the open doors,
because I think it's a lot easier to be like, yes,
I got what I wanted, I got what I asked for,
Thank you God, But we forget to thank Him for

(11:23):
even the you know, unanswered prayers the way we wanted them.
To be answered, or the closed doors or even the rejections,
because I look back at my life and I'm like,
praise God, you know, I'm like, praise God that that
didn't work out the way I wanted it to or
the way I thought it should, or you know, he
didn't answer the prayer according to how I wanted it
to be answered because he saw the bigger picture. And

(11:43):
I've seen, you know, when you take your rejection to God,
he really can use it as redirection for something so
much better and also as protection. I think I've seen
in my life, like sometimes rejection came in the form
of God protecting me for something that I was about
to settle for. And there were many times that I
was like, no, God, bless this. I want this, like

(12:05):
this is what I'm going after. And I look back
now and I'm like, oh, my goodness, Like that could
have been really, really bad had I settled for that,
and I don't know who I'd be today. I don't
know where i'd be today had you know, God answered
that prayer. And so I've even seen you know, rejection,
you know, be something as amazing as just protecting you
for something that I think in our human nature sometimes

(12:26):
we want to settle for and so I've seen rejection
as a blessing. Of course, it never feels good in
the moment. No one, no one loves rejection, you know.
I remember one of the first times I felt it
was sixteen years old and I got cheated on and
I found out in front of It was a very
traumatic moment. It's like the biggest, like high school drama moment.
You can imagine, I'm sitting at the lunch table with

(12:48):
like my entire grade and you know, someone walks up
and tells me that my boyfriend had cheated on me,
you know, with another girl. And of course I had
to play it cool, like, oh, well, his loss, you
know that stinks for him. But you know, ran to
the bathroom and cried for hours, and it was so
it was so horrible, Like I just remember in that moment,
questioning everything about myself. What's wrong with me? And what's

(13:10):
wrong with me? Why did you choose someone else enough?

Speaker 2 (13:13):
Exactly too, Like reasons people settled, there's a lot, there's
a long list of it, like what what's.

Speaker 3 (13:18):
Wrong with me? Why am I not worthy? Am I
not good enough? What I wanted to change? What are
some of those things that people Why people settle, Yeah,
I mean I would say one is they, you know,
feel unworthy of something better. I think for some people
it's like, oh, I'm just going to settle for this
relationship because maybe this is just as good as it's
going to get, or maybe I don't deserve better than this,
maybe because of my past, or because of my upbringing,
or because of you know, the decisions I've made up

(13:40):
until this point, Like this is just this is what
I deserve, you know. I think for for some people,
they fear that nothing better would come, and so they're like, oh, well,
you know, this is just all it's ever going to be.
This is probably how it is for everyone. I think
there's so many different reasons. Or we're just tired of waiting.
I think for some people it's just like hey, I'm
tired of waiting and this is just like this is
a what I'm gonna do, Like ready now, yeah, I'm

(14:02):
ready now. Everyone else is you know, in relationships, and
you feel that pressure of just culture and your environment,
and it's like, Okay, I'm just gonna settle because it's
a thing to do and I don't want to fall
behind and I don't want to be the only one
and I'm running out of time or whatever it may
be probably not worth more, Yeah, exactly. So I think
there's a lot of different, you know, things that can
fall under that category. But yeah, my biggest thing is

(14:24):
if I could just like send one message to like
all my girls, it's like, don't settle. Please, if you
have any check in your heart or any feeling of
just like lack of peace about a relationship or about someone, like,
lean into that, lean into that hesitation, lean into you know,
that that questioning. Don't run from it or act like

(14:44):
it's not there. Like, lean into that, because most of
the time, our gut, you know, feeling is right. I
would say, like all the time, we almost always know.
I mean, I don't know. I feel like every time
I either was like justifying, you know, being in the relationship,
like no, you don't understand, you don't know our relationship,
and it's like, but deep down I knew that it
wasn't wasn't good. And what's on the.

Speaker 2 (15:06):
Other side of settling because you obviously didn't settle. Now
you're married to this amazing guy Grant. Y'allre so cute,
like adorable, thank you, and I feel like made in Heaven.
I watched an instagram of y'all like doing a date night,
but it's probably like, wait, like Waco going.

Speaker 3 (15:20):
To like Waco. Yeah, hanting. Oh, it was so fun.
It was like a date deck like cards, and it
told us what to do. He's like, so not creative
when it comes to date So I finally was like,
there's a date deck. We're gonna open up a card
and it's gonna tell us what to do and then
we're gonna do it. And he's like Praise God. He's
like I don't have to come up with it, and
I'm like okay, So for anyone listening, there are date decks.
I can tell you what kind of dates to do.

(15:41):
It was so cute. It was like, yeah, go buy
you know, the little canvases and paints and find you know,
a scenic background and paint.

Speaker 2 (15:52):
So what is on the other side of settling? When
you found Grant and he told you he loved you,
like real fast, yeah, that you were like ready for
it because you're like, Okay, I have now done all
of my due diligence in my like I've done my
trial and error out there.

Speaker 3 (16:06):
I know what I'm looking for totally. What is not settling?
What does that feel like? I think when we do settle,
we immediately like set ourselves up for just confusion and
chaos and just a lack of peace. Like there's been
multiple times in my life where even if it was

(16:26):
just first season where I settled, you know, in relationships
for two three years, where I continued putting off what
I knew I needed to do because I feared not
being in a relationship again. I feared you know, all
my friends getting married to me being the only one
who didn't get married, And so I gave all these
excuses I justified, and I continue to stay in the relationship,

(16:46):
and what followed was a lack of peace, discontentment, just chaos,
just constant confusion, and it just led me to being
in not the best like headspace. And then now I
can say, you know, choosing to go and follow God's
way and trust like when it was of him and
when it was not, has led to now being in
a place of like there's just peace and there's joy

(17:09):
and there's freedom, and it's not perfect, Like it's definitely
not perfect. We definitely still have moments of disagreeing in
conflict and you know, questioning the other person. But I
would say, like for the most part, there's so much peace,
and God really is like the center and the foundation
of our marriage and our relationship. And it's so it's
so amazing when you know, like you can trust the

(17:30):
other person because you can trust like their faith and
their values and there's someone worth following. Like I knew
for me from the very beginning, Grant was someone worth following,
and so I knew he was going to be able
to lead me closer to you know, to God, closer
to my purpose. He would push me in you know,
even just like valuing myself and my identity, and so

(17:52):
I knew, like from the beginning, like you said, like
I knew from literally day one. Our first day, I
was like called my mom and I was like, I'm
gonna marry this man. And it was just the way
he like talked about the Lord. It was the way
he talked about God. Was the way he you know,
treated people like even our waiter, he just like treated
so well and asked questions and just made everyone around

(18:13):
him feel so loved. And the way he shared, you know,
his story is testimony. I was just blown away. I
was like, I've never met a man like this in
my life, Like I would follow you anywhere. So I
even to wake go Texas, which I cried about. By
the way, you were not excited. I was not excited,
But then I felt peace about it and I was like, okay,
Like he definitely didn't drag me there kicking and screaming.
I definitely found like peace before we said yes and committed,

(18:38):
but it was not my first choice. Where were y'all
living before? So we got married in Dallas and then
went on our honeymoon, got back from our honeymoon, and
then that was when we moved to Waco. Are you
you're a Texas girl? A Texas well, not born and raised.
I was born in Alabama? Okay, yeah, so I'm Alabama
girl and then I'm three years in Texas now with him?

Speaker 1 (18:59):
Uh?

Speaker 3 (18:59):
Well, I I lived with my roommate Jeanine for two years,
and then him and I met while I was living
with Janine, and then after we got married was when
we moved to Waco and lived together. So yeah, me
through a mutual friend on a podcast talking about actually
my you and him on the podcast. Okay time, So
we were. I was on a podcast with a mutual
friend of his and mine, and I, yeah, I had

(19:22):
not made the connection. I didn't even know he existed,
and so I was on this podcast. Podcast ended and
the guy that was interviewing me was like, are you single?
And I was like, yeah, but I'm not. I'm not
looking for anyone. This was like the one time in
my life where I was like, look, I'm not looking
like I'm busy. I'm overwhelmed, like I don't need another

(19:42):
I don't need anything else in my life right now.
The whole world has been weighing out on my level.

Speaker 2 (19:46):
Mind.

Speaker 3 (19:46):
It's a little much like I'm fine and uh. Anyways,
the podcast ended, he asked me that question. I was like, yeah,
but I mean I'm single, and he was like, well,
let me like there's someone that came to my mind.
I'm gonna think about it, I'm gonna pray about it,
and then if I feel good, like I'm gonna, you know,
like try and set you guys up. And I was
just like okay, like whatever, and like a month passed
by and then he was like, I really think you're
supposed to go on a date with this guy. But

(20:07):
he wouldn't tell me who. And then my roommate Jeanine
at the time, she knew him, like they were like
friends from just church, and so I pressured her. I
was like, who is it, because I knew she knew,
and I was like, and she's just I knew she
would tell me, and so I was like, you have
to tell me, And she finally told me, and so
I like looked him up and I was like, he's

(20:28):
really cute. He's played basketball, he loves Jesus was like
basketball and Jesus, Oh this is so good. Oh yeah,
I was like, this is a matchmate in heaven. Amazing,
And so I was like, sure, I'll go on a
date with them. And then that was it.

Speaker 2 (20:38):
Look immediately, literally immediately we were both equally in love
right away.

Speaker 3 (20:42):
Yeah, I would say I think he was a little
bit more he I mean, he lived a pretty private life,
so I would say like at first he was like,
let me figure this out, this public life for right.
So I would say like that took a little bit
of adjustment for him, but he knew at the beginning,
like he was like, I've never met a woman who
like was so sure of her faith and her identity

(21:03):
in Christ as you were, and so like, that's one
of my favorite compliments that he gives me about me.
But that's what he kind of felt from the beginning.
But me, from literally night one, I was like, no,
that's my husband. I was like, that's for sure him,
that's him. Was he intimidated with your past dating life
it being so public?

Speaker 2 (21:19):
I mean, or was he just so sure in his
faith and you're so sure in his faith that like
it was not an issue, because I mean that is
a little intimidating. And you got a ton of social
media followers. I mean, you've got a lot of people
after you, like looking.

Speaker 3 (21:29):
At you, weighing in, you know, big old public romance. Yeah.
I think he had never watched the show before, so
that was helpful. Has he ever watched it? He's never
watched the show, which I hadn't even watched the show
before I went on it, and so that was also
helpful for me. But I think for him, like he
just wanted to get to know Maddie, like off of
social media, Maddie, you know, off.

Speaker 2 (21:49):
Of TV, and he got to he found out about you,
not through my show or social which was such a
god thing.

Speaker 3 (21:55):
I think for the both of us to know, like,
you know, we're in this for like the purest reasons,
and it was through a mutual friend and not like
you saw something and so you like DMed me or
I don't know, it just it was the most like
God thing and so we both had peace, you know,
from the very beginning with that. And yeah, I mean

(22:15):
I would say like there was definitely a lot of
evaluating we both had to do, which was cool because
I mean I was literally writing this book as I
was dating him, and so I got to really speak
into this book of like what does it look like
to be in a relationship where you're evaluating the other person,
you're also evaluating altogether and trying to figure out like, Okay,
are you God's best for me? And then are we

(22:35):
God's best for each other? And so I really got
to speak from like a super authentic place, you know,
in writing this book and in figuring that out myself.

Speaker 2 (22:43):
I love that you put your vowels in there. Yeah
that was really sweet. Yeah, that was really great.

Speaker 3 (22:49):
Yeah, we decided we wanted to write our own vowels.
And it's so funny. We was engagement season and we
we were only engaged for three months. We had a
very short much time.

Speaker 2 (22:59):
You know.

Speaker 3 (23:00):
I was like, we're ready to go. People thought we
were psycho and I was like, sorry, like I'm just
ready to be married to him. And then when you're
pursuing purity, I'm like.

Speaker 2 (23:09):
Come on.

Speaker 3 (23:09):
I was like, I'm not trying to wait forever.

Speaker 2 (23:12):
And so we knew we were like, were you extra
nervous because like, I love that you're pursuing purity. I
think that's wonderful, and you have three steps for pursuing purity,
which I want to talk about.

Speaker 3 (23:20):
Was that nerve wracking because like, yeah, and Greg and
I have very different paths too, and so you know,
his his past is redeemed and and mine, you know,
was came in from a different angle, and so that
was something we were both super prayerful about. But no,
it was honestly just like so natural. I mean, we
prayed about it before and it was it was great.

(23:42):
Not trying to get all but no, it was great.
And I I mean, of course, like I think with anything, literally,
with anything within the context of a relationship, like you know,
the more comfortable you get with someone, the I guess,
like better the relationship is and feels and all the things,
and so I think, of course, like it takes time

(24:02):
and you know, just continuing to work at it, just
like you work at your communication and your conflict and
all the other things. But it's been Yeah, it's been
such a blessing.

Speaker 2 (24:10):
So so tell me the three steps are the three
tips you have for purity? And I love this that
you say, don't push the line as far as you
can away from purity, like try to stay as pure
as you can. Like that's such a good distinction instead
of like getting right to that line where like okay,
I'm not gonna cross this line.

Speaker 3 (24:28):
Try to like stay as pure as possible. It's like
a great mind shift. Yeah, I think I realize like
purity in my life with my experience has just been
such a gift and it is given so much more
than like it's taken away, I guess, quote unquote, I
think for a lot of people it's like, oh, like,
well I don't wanna, I don't want to give this up,
like this is fun or this is you know, I

(24:49):
have to have this in my relationship. And for me,
I just I saw that purity in my life brought
such peace and joy and freedom and confidence, and it
just brought even more clarity to the relationship. I was
really able to distinguish, are you the person that I
want to do life with forever? And it's fully based
on your character and your convictions and you know the

(25:11):
vision we have set for our life and how we
want to be purposeful and on mission with our life.
And I was really thankful that there was, you know,
not anything that was really like clouding that judgment. We
were able to have such clarity and making those decisions
and invaluating our relationship. It's definitely not easy. Purity is
not pursuing purity for anybody, Like it's it's not easy,

(25:32):
but I can testify that it's so worth it. Even
if you know that hasn't always been your story, but
you make a decision, you know, today, for it to
be your story from this point forward, because it's something
you even pursue in marriage. You know, from what you
look at to what you listen to to you know
who you allow in your circle and in your life,
Like it takes on all different forms, but yeah, I

(25:56):
talk about, you know, different ways that I've found that
purity has really helped, you know, me in my life
and protected me, and how God has given me peace
in pursuing that purity and you know one is just
like in prayer, like I just always covered it in prayer.
I was like, I can't do this with all you God,
I really need you. You know, my feelings and my

(26:16):
desires are strong, but I just trust that you know
you're you're even stronger. And so really like leaning on
God and then doing it, like pursuing purity in community
and with people was really really huge for I mean
for me in all seasons of my life. Like I
think for me, you alluded to this early on, but
I stumbled across pornography when I was like thirteen, and

(26:38):
I carried such shame for so many years too. Yeah
I think I was like nine, Yeah, I didn't even
know what I had found. Right, You're like, what even
is this? Because you're you're still developing and so your
mind and your body is like what's happening? And I
think you know, for me, like those years that I
kind of kept that like a secret, it was just

(26:58):
eating at me and I carried so much shame. And
then I found in college, you know, a friend and
someone that I trusted their relationship with God, and I
trusted that they loved and cared for me, and I
confess that, and I just said, hey, you know, this
was something that I struggled with when I was thirteen
to like fifteen, and you know, I've carried so much
shame since then, and I don't want to walk in that.

(27:19):
I want to walk in freedom. And they just like
they cared for me. They ended up sharing with me
that it was a struggle they struggled with two which
I felt like I was the only one in the world.

Speaker 2 (27:27):
Which isn't that how we all feel when we keep it?
Like secrets keep you sick. Yeah, it's like when you
have this like secret, you think you're the only one
right who's going through it, But as soon as you
share it.

Speaker 3 (27:37):
You're like, oh, like literally, you're like, oh, you struggle
this too. I'm not the only one who's had these struggles.
And secret's a bad person.

Speaker 2 (27:47):
I just need help, Yeah, you know, exactly, get through
and some guidance totally, and God, you get in there.

Speaker 3 (27:53):
And in confessing that to a friend, like and surrounding
myself with you know, people that I could confess to
and that could hold me accountable, there was just such
freedom in that and accountability in that, Like even those
same people that would hold me accountable, like hey, I
know you're going on a date tonight, like you know what,
what's the plan, what's the layout, what's the what are
you doing tonight? And like would text me and check

(28:14):
up on me, and you know, I told them I
made it a rule that like when I get home
from a date, you know, ask me everything that we
did and like what our night consisted of, and I
have to tell you. And that just like held me
to such accountability to where like I would be thinking
about that of course, like okay, I want to honor God.
But then too it's like, oh well if I cross
the line, like I got to confess it and tell

(28:35):
us to my friend, and so like that sort of
accountability helped us so much of confession. Yes, I mean,
and the Bible talks about it, like in James chapter five,
I think it's verse sixteen. It talks about like there
is healing and there is freedom when you confess to someone,
like truly, there is healing that happens when you literally
just say, hey, I'm bringing this secret to light, like

(28:56):
I'm just like I'm telling this to you and then
they pray over you like there's such healing in that
and so yeah, and then I would just say, like
the last one is just like know like your why
and like predecide before the moment. I love that predecide
like know why. Like for me, it wasn't enough for
me to just say like, oh, I just should save

(29:17):
myself for marriage because that's just like the rule or
like that's just like what I should do. For me,
I wanted to know the why because I knew that
if I lost the like my why, I would lose
my way, like it would mess me up every time
if I was just trying to follow this rule, like
I wanted it to be something so much deeper. Yeah,
I wanted there to be like a true conviction behind it.
And so for me, like getting to that point of

(29:37):
being like okay, I really really like for me, what
it comes down to is like I want to live
in such a way where I honor God with every
decision that I make and in knowing that right now,
like my my body, my heart, my soul, my spirit
is fully God's. And then one day when I get
married and I say yes to someone forever, then it's
gonna be like fully theirs and still fully gods, but

(29:59):
now I'm becoming one with another person. And so when
that became my why, it was like so much more
like umph behind you know, that decision, rather than just like, oh,
I just should do this. And so I predecided outside
of the moment of like, Okay, this is my why,
this is my value, this is what I'm gonna do,
so that when I, you know, would find myself in
moments of temptation and it got late and we were

(30:19):
in the car, we're sitting on a couch or whatever
it may be, I would have to remind myself of
that in those moments.

Speaker 2 (30:25):
And I think people don't realize this too, is when
you are intimate with someone, all of that personal with
the wiring of that person is transferred. Yeah, like you
really do like connect and take on that other person's
energy and such an intimate way that it is transferred
into your being. You know, you have to be very

(30:46):
I didn't know all that when I was younger, but
like now I'm just like.

Speaker 3 (30:50):
You really get a lot of baggage growing up. This
world is so hard to navigate. And that's why, like
I love that you wrote this book. I love that
you are like speaking this message loud all over the place.
I love that you're being.

Speaker 2 (31:07):
A beacon because I feel like in this world, especially
and I've been an entertainment industry now for so many years,
people who have a platform a lot of times don't
speak up about God, you know, because it's just not
really in our culture all the time. And there's so
many forces that are trying to take people down, that

(31:28):
are stealing our joy, that are stealing people's souls, and
people get lost in it all because you don't even
know how to navigate, because we're not.

Speaker 3 (31:34):
Taught how to protect ourselves. You're not like this book
that you lay out.

Speaker 2 (31:37):
You're giving step by steps of how to keep your
heart protected and safe with God so then you can
actually have joy and have a happy, fulfilling life and
not be broken hearted all the time because the.

Speaker 3 (31:47):
World will break your heart. So I love and take
advantage of you because it's just this world.

Speaker 2 (31:52):
That we live in, which is so traumatic. Yeah, but
I love that you are just like with a megaphone yelling,
like saying all this outline, and you're being this beacon
because we need it more than ever.

Speaker 3 (32:04):
Thank you, And and I think it's you know, a
lot of it is like I've just fallen a lot
of times, and I'm like, I've learned a lot and
you're sharing I've failed, you know, along the ways. I'm
definitely no relationship expert by anything.

Speaker 2 (32:17):
Sharing what you've learned and you really, I feel like
after reading your book and like seeing your journey, like
you really know what's good and what's true and you
know that that's God and that's really all there is
to it. And I feel like I'm finally at that
place like I've always known God is what's good and
what's true, but I've just tried to do my human
existence so hard on my own for so many times,

(32:38):
and i feel like I've finally fallen so many times
and been in the mud so hard. Like this last
three years, I feel like I was actually in like
cement and finally coming out of it, I'm like, Okay,
I think I just got to start saying loud and
proud that it's all about God like and just talking
about that. But it's kind of like nerve wracking when
you start talking about that. Do you ever feel that, I.

Speaker 3 (32:58):
Mean, it's definitely I would not say like the world
we're living in Like you're alluding to, it's not popular
and it's not what you know most people are doing,
and so there's definitely going to be backlash and hate
and you know, a lot of opinions around it. And
for me, it just comes down to it's like I
don't know, Like I just know what matters most, and
I just I've found like the Gospel and God's love

(33:20):
for me and just the hope and the peace that's
found in Jesus to be the greatest love of all time,
And like that was my heart behind this book. Is
like I've searched in people, places, things status, all the
things for love and for completion and for fulfillment and
for satisfaction, and it's like those things satisfy for a

(33:40):
moment and then leave me even more empty than before.
And I've just found with the Lord like I am always, always,
always satisfied and content and there is a peace and
a joy that surpasses knowledge and understanding that comes with
just following Him and trusting in Him. And it is
the greatest decision I have ever made, and it is
a love is available to every single one of us,

(34:01):
but it's up to us to receive it and accept
it because I've been around, like, you know, people who
have the biggest following, you know, and the most money
and just every single thing I think most people think
that they want, and yet there's still going to bed
at night saying like is there more? Like? Is there

(34:21):
more than this? And then I've just I've also seen
people who like don't really have much of what the
world would call, you know, a lot, and they have Jesus,
and yet they have everything, and they have joy, they
have peace, they have contentment, and so I've just seen
in my own life it's like, it's not it's not
found in a relationship status, it's not found in a job,
it's not found in a following, it's not found in

(34:44):
anything of this world. But it's found and a love
so much greater and in a faith in God. And
that has truly been the love that like has transformed
everything for me. I totally agree with you.

Speaker 2 (34:57):
I feel like I got into the music business and
the music industry because I wanted to be validated. I
wanted people to love me. I wanted to become famous
because I just thought, oh my god, if I could
get famous, then people will think I'm wonderful in this
giant hole in my heart will be filled.

Speaker 3 (35:11):
And I grew up going to church. I mean, I
grew up knowing about God.

Speaker 2 (35:14):
I didn't have like I had great parents, but like
I was like, if I could just be seen by
the world, then I could be validated and loved and
I could be happy. And then I got into all
of this stuff, and then you realize there's such like
a fourth wall.

Speaker 3 (35:28):
Behind it all.

Speaker 2 (35:29):
And once you get behind the scenes of like what
it takes to actually make it in any kind of
entertainment industry or really any industry in general, there's so
much corruption. There's so many things that like you just
lose yourself doing and the same kind of thing. Seeing
so many celebrities, love so many celebrities, like so many
great people, but seeing so many people not happy, you know,

(35:51):
and it's like, Okay, you have money, you have success,
you have fame, but yet you're not happy. I don't
want that. I don't want what you have. I want happiness.
I want peace, I want joy, I want contentment. I
want to wake up and feel like I am actually
in my purpose, which is using my gift to help
other people feel like they have a purpose, which is

(36:14):
ultimately to wake up to God that we're all here
to love our life and to spread this love and
to help each other. I like, get to that love, yeah, yeah,
but you can't get it. I mean, you can enjoy
the other things in life, but that cannot be the
guiding light.

Speaker 3 (36:26):
Yeah. And that was what I realized, you know, that
moment where I felt, like, you know, convicted in my
heart of you're looking for the right thing and all
the wrong places of just like you're trying to find
this divinity in humanity. You're trying to find this you know, unconditional,
lasting love that meets every longing and desire of your
heart in another person. And that's just not possible because

(36:47):
you know that like silly, not silly, but that like
phrase that we've heard so many times of like we
have a God shaped hole in our heart. It is,
you know, it's really true. Only God can feel it,
only God can fell it because he's the one who
created it, and so he's the only one that can
satisfy it. And I've learned that through a lot of
ups and downs and failures and mistakes and unmet expectations.

(37:10):
But ultimately, you know, truly realizing like he is the
only love that will satisfy and I actually about this.

Speaker 2 (37:23):
Yeah, what what we're saying right about the God shape hole?

Speaker 3 (37:27):
Yeah, there's a god shaped hole in our hearts that
ultimately only he can feel. Yeah, it's like right there
on the tip of your tongue, I can feel. It
was a really a great point. It's going to be
really powerful. It's gonna be great. It's gonna be great.
How do you know when you have a red flag?
Because you talk about red flags? Yeah, so I have
Oh my gosh, I've hit this microphone five hundred times.
I mean, I'm given a great it's going on. It's

(37:50):
going on. We're being real, Okay, I mean it's called
get real. Yeah.

Speaker 2 (37:55):
Oh, and then I know what I gonna say, how
do you deal with the suffering of the world, Because
that is a very stressful thing for me. But yeah,
let's talk about red flax. I get overwhelmed by the
suffering of the world. So is that why you write
this book? So you're like, let me share good good
news with the sad world.

Speaker 3 (38:07):
Yeah, I mean I think that. Yeah. I mean again,
that's why it's like, if your hope is in this world,
like you're gonna constantly be let down and you're gonna
like whether your hope is ever in Jesus, like your
hope is going to continue to be let down if
it's at all in this world. And for me, knowing
that like my hope is in heaven and that this
world is not my home, but that I'm living for
something bigger than me and for something greater than anything

(38:29):
this world can give me gives me peace because this
world is suffering, and because this world is dark and
it feels like it's one thing after another, and it's like, oh,
my gosh, is this ever gonna get better? Is this
ever gonna end? And there's just so many moments where
I'm like, I'm so grateful that my hope is not
in a spouse, and my hope is not in a job,
and my hope is not even in myself, that my

(38:51):
hope is in something so much greater than all of that.
I get lost.

Speaker 2 (38:55):
And then let's not forget talk about red Flax, cause
I love that I get lost though in the innocent
being taken advantage of. Yeah, that's what like really takes
creation on my knees, like and like the kids and
all the stuff. I'm like, that's like real heavy, you know, yeah,
I mean it gets me every time. I'm like, how
is that going on?

Speaker 3 (39:14):
Like how is there so much evil?

Speaker 2 (39:15):
And I do believe so much in God, but I'm like,
how are all these innocent lives is constantly getting destroyed?

Speaker 3 (39:23):
Like how do you? How do you? How do you
process that?

Speaker 2 (39:25):
Because that like I can't even like sometimes think about
it because I literally like ruined my day and then
I'm not of any use to anything.

Speaker 3 (39:33):
But I'm like, how do you process that?

Speaker 2 (39:35):
Like the child trafficking and that one, I just can't
get over it, and like all that the children really.

Speaker 3 (39:41):
And that's like one of my biggest passions. I remember
in high school I wrote an entire like senior thesis
on human trafficking and actually the link to pornography because
the two actually are very much, I know together, and
just realizing like how big that industry is and how
corrupt it is, that how many people are involved that
you would be shocked by is so disheartening and frustrating

(40:06):
and discouraging and appalling, And I think for me, it's
like I can't there's so many things I can't understand,
like there's so much I can't make sense of. Like
one of my very closest people in my life, who
like loves God with all of her heart and has
the purest soul just like lost her twenty three year
old brother to a car accident. And I'm like, I

(40:27):
can't make sense of that, Like why, like why you know?
And I think there's just so much that I'm like,
I'll never understand on this side of eternity. And we
live in a broken, dark and sinful world now, and
it's just like that is the reality. That's It's been
that way since an entered end, which is like we
find out about in literally the third chapter of the Bible,

(40:49):
and since that moment, the world has been broken and
the world has been in desperate need of a perfect savior,
and it's just, yeah, it's there. There is no perfect answer.
But I think for me, it's like realizing I'm never
gonna understand, but I am just gonna turn to the
one who like is the only hope in it all,

(41:11):
and like I know that one day there will be
like I will be in a perfect heaven and like
that is when everything will be perfect and there will
be no sin and there will be no brokenness and
there will be no shame and there will be no
people getting taken advantage of. And I know, like that's
what I know, and it's like that's what I can
cling to, is like that side of hope and light

(41:33):
and truth and goodness because when I dwell on the
other and the darkness, because I'm very justice oriented and
it like keeps me up at night, I would say,
like trafficking and you know, children who are abusing neglected
like those are like my biggest things. I worked in
foster care and adoption and long time and I'm sad
so much. Yeah, and you don't want to turn a

(41:54):
blind eye to it, but it's so hard to see.
And that's where it's just like you help, how you
can help, Like we should all be one praying I
think for those who are like who don't have a
voice in a way, like who have been stripped of
their voice and who have been abused and taking advantage
of like being a voice for them and advocating for them,

(42:17):
praying for them and then helping them however we can,
whether that's donating, giving spreading awareness. I think that is
where we do have a rule. As you know, a
society as humans, as Christians like to step up and
to do what we can. And then just like prayer
is so powerful, honestly, Like I've just seen that change
so much in my life and in you know, circumstances

(42:41):
around me. Is just like the power of prayer, and
like even coming together with other people like and praying,
like just praying for justice again, you know, praying for
our nation to return under God again, praying for you know,
just our our government and people making big decisions and
people who have a lot of control and just all
those things, you know, And yeah, just the whole thing.

(43:05):
Prayer has been the thing that I've climed to when
I don't have the answers well.

Speaker 2 (43:09):
And I love talking to people like you because I
can get just lost in my feelings and then I
sometimes can just live at the bottom of the drain
with them. But I love seeing you, like take your
platform do something with it. Like you're making a book
that's going to be helpful to people reading it to
give them courage to stand in.

Speaker 3 (43:25):
Their faith, to pursue their faith.

Speaker 2 (43:27):
Like you're doing something that is going to encourage people
to go towards God. You are going to be that
beacon of light. And I think that when you come
back down to it, it's.

Speaker 3 (43:36):
Like what can you do? You know, yeah, totally.

Speaker 2 (43:38):
How can you use your life, in your platform, in
your community and whatever influence you have wherever you live
to bring people to light?

Speaker 3 (43:46):
Yeah, and know that you're not alone. Like I think
all of our stories in a way are of course different,
but there is like a commonality in just like the
rustle within and just like bringing those like secrets and
the shame and all the differ diferent things that you
feel like confessing it and bringing it to light, Like,
don't let it fester in darkness, because I've just found
in my own life that's where things just multiply and

(44:07):
spread insecurity spreads lies like lies that I believe spread
and just shame spreads it. Shame spreads and secrecy. And
so just bringing those things to the light and inviting
people in. You know, no matter what your story is,
you know, whether it's a mistake that you made or
someone you know even taking advantage of you against your will,

(44:28):
But don't keep it dark and ye, yeah, like bring
it into the light and yeah, just know like you're
not alone in that and it's so sad to say
that it's way more common than I think any of
us would ever realize, Like even working with a lot
of young adults and college students, Like just the amount
of you know, young girls that I talk to that
you know, struggle with pornography or that have been taken

(44:50):
advantage of where you know, all these different things, Like
it's it's it's very common, and so it's it wrecks me.
And I'm pretty much in my prayer closet every morning,
clear a prayer closet. I reviewed this other amazing girl
named Harper Grace who actually loves you so much.

Speaker 2 (45:04):
She's a country artist and she's like super strong in
her faith and she has she's sang the national anthem
when she was eleven years old. It went viral for
the worst national anthem of all times. She was getting
like knives put in her mailbox, like w eight mail.
She ate every single meal at school alone in her locker,
in her in her in the bathroom stall, and she
could have easily like thrown on the towel, but instead

(45:26):
she like she went hard into her faith in God,
and she has a prayer closet. She forgave everyone and
now she has a single lot called Osa Can you
see Me Now? And it's all about like God, and
like she went on a tour where she's.

Speaker 3 (45:36):
Seeing the national anthem. That's amazing. It's just such a
redemption story.

Speaker 2 (45:39):
But she was telling me about her prayer closet and
how she goes in there all the time and writes
on her wall, what do you do in your prayer closet?

Speaker 3 (45:45):
Girl? And everything. No, truly, that's just like for me
every single morning, like where I'm filled up with God's
love to be able to have the love that I
need to give to those around me. Like I'm like,
I have nothing if I haven't first been filled up
by God, because if I try and go just out
on my own, then they're just getting Maddie. And nobody

(46:06):
needs that. I mean, you're pretty great, nobody needs that.
I'm like, let's get, let's give from God. And so
for me, it's just every morning like coming over God,
you know, opening up the Bible, praying scripture and truth
over myself, over over the world, over my marriage, over
my city, church and family, and so much more and

(46:27):
just like yeah, just communing, communing with God. I think
a lot of times we see like prayers weird and
we think that like our relationship with God is so
different than our relationship with other people, but it's like
weirdly very similar, you know, like it's I feel like
it would be weird if you know, we were friends,
but we never talked, right, And so for me, prayer

(46:47):
is like one of my favorite ways to connect with
God and just yeah, talking listening, praying truth is huge.
So yeah, we my husband also uses to prayer. Close it.
How do you feel God talk to you, you know,
through his word? I think through people, and then sometimes
just like things just being pressed on my heart. You know,
I think sometimes there's not you know, it's not this

(47:09):
like audible voice, but Maddie, you know written God written
in the clouds. Not that he can do that, but
I would just say that, you know, for me, it
is usually looks like yeah, just like feeling something light
on my heart. You know, when I say God speaks
to me, I really mean like he just like laid
it on my heart, like I just felt, you know,
whether I felt a peace to do something or I

(47:30):
felt you know, a word laid on my heart, or
he uses other people, you know, to to speak to me.

Speaker 2 (47:37):
So yeah, lots of different ways, and once you get
in the practice of like recognizing it, then you can
notice Okay, right, that's God. The more you spend time
with God, the more you'll know his voice, just like
the more you spend time with anybody, the more you'll
know them.

Speaker 3 (47:49):
You know. So the more time we spend together, the
more I'll know your humor and your you know the
things about you and how you speak and how you talk.
And so for me, it's like, Okay, I've gotta i
gotta spend that time with God. If I'm gonna. If
I'm saying I want to live for him and i want,
you know, to follow his piece and where he's leading
me and to know his voice, then it takes that
intentionality of like setting aside that time with him every

(48:09):
single morning and just like throughout the day too. But
I forgot to answer your question on red flags. Oh yeah,
let's hear about the red flax. Totally different topics. Yeah,
it's great prayer to red flags. I'm like, actually, you know,
they all go together. It's fine, they do. It all
is like clicks, it is.

Speaker 2 (48:26):
Red flags are huge, and I feel like it is
so easy to ignore them. Especially when you're dating so
super sexy or something or cool, or like you said,
you just think maybe you won't get someone else again,
or you're not worth it. There's a million reasons why
you're gonna want to ignore the red flags.

Speaker 3 (48:41):
Yeah, and the red flags that you tolerate or ignore
at the beginning end up laying the groundwork for the
relationship that you build. Oh, drop them, match, just like, hey,
let's be let's lean into the red flags, not run
from them. Let's say that again.

Speaker 2 (48:53):
The red flag that you tolerate in the beginning end
up laying the groundwork for the future of your relationship.

Speaker 3 (49:00):
It is so much so remembered that that one hit.

Speaker 2 (49:03):
Me right when you said it, and I really have
a memory of Goldfish, so that one was like strong.

Speaker 3 (49:06):
Yeah, but I really feel like if.

Speaker 2 (49:09):
You you can't ignore that, and it will.

Speaker 3 (49:13):
It's like who you marry and who who you spend
your life with them.

Speaker 2 (49:16):
But now I've been married almost ten years, literally determines
ninety percent of your happiness and I can say that
one hundred percent true.

Speaker 3 (49:22):
And my husband and I are great.

Speaker 2 (49:23):
We've continue to grow together for our whole journey, and
it's been wonderful.

Speaker 3 (49:27):
Yeah, but you are that person. Yeah. They shape your
becoming everything, They shape you and everything about you, your relationships.
We were not made to do life alone. We need
people around us. But the people we surround ourselves with
matter so much. And so yes, obviously romantic relationships, but
even even friendships, our environments matter so much. Can you

(49:47):
talk about this in the book too, like who you
surround yourself with? Yeah, that's huge. Yeah, okay, yeah, so
let's hear these red flags. So red flags. I have
a whole chapter called Love is Blind Red Flag Alert,
and we talk about like seven different red flags.

Speaker 2 (49:57):
We have a really cute Instagram post where you're popping
off the red flaglin.

Speaker 3 (50:02):
Yes, yes it was. That was actually really fun. I
was like I should do this more. I'm like taking
out like my anger, Like wow, I scream at a
pillow sometimes Yeah, Oh it's fine, we're fine, everything is great,
things great. Yeah. So I think for me, what I
realized was there were multiple times in my life where
I was ignoring red flags because I was justifying why
the relationship could work and trying to force.

Speaker 2 (50:24):
It and make it happen, which sounds crazy now that
you say it out loud because you've gotten to your
true love and you're married and you know, but in
the moment, you think you'll never get there, you think
it's not going to exist, you think it's not going
to happen totally, and you're just you're so caught up
in your feelings.

Speaker 3 (50:36):
And that's why it's so important we just touched on this.
But to have people in your life. I've had so
many times, like relationships i'd be in where people would
have to come up to me and be like, Maddie,
I think you're blind to this, and so like, I
think your feelings are all wrapped up and your emotions
are all wrapped up in this that you're not seeing clearly,
and so I just want to call to your attention.
There's just some things I'm seeing that I don't think

(50:58):
is God's best for you. And I am so grateful
that I have not just like yes people in my life,
but people who are like, no, it's not it's not people,
it's not cute, it's not cute, it's not good. Yeah,
your mom is that she's one of the best gifts
on this planet. I love her.

Speaker 2 (51:15):
I love how she prayed for you to hate that
one boyfriend who was like terrible and then you woke
up and you just couldn't stand him.

Speaker 3 (51:20):
I was like, oh my gosh, mommy true tense prayers
and her prayers work. The amount of times that I
finally looked at her and I was like, you've prayed
a lot of people out of my life. You mind
praying one in? I wouldn't mind you to pray the
right one in. It's about time. Uh So she's literally
the best. Her prayers are powerful. Among's prayer. Nobody loves
like a mama. Oh she's yes, if you're lucky to

(51:42):
have a great mom, yeah, yeah, it's I am very
blessed that she has been truly like such a rock
star in my life of just wisdom and prayer, and
I'm grateful for that. But even like beyond family, like
having friends, having mentorship, having accountability, no people, Yeah, that'll
just like say the things that you don't always want
year but that you need to hear and not and

(52:02):
not doing it to hurt you, but to help you.
And I think sometimes that can be hard when it's
not what we want it to be. It's like, no,
you're just you know, you're just saying that because of this,
and you're just trying to hurt and it's like, no,
if they really love you and they want what's best
for you, they're gonna say things that might hurt you
in a moment but might save you for the long term.
And I'm like, I'm so grateful for the friends that
weren't afraid to like hurt my feelings and because they

(52:23):
like because they love me, and it ended up saving
me so much more in the long term. And so
for me having those friends that could see the blind
spots in my life, we're really really huge. But I
talk about, you know, seven different red flags. A few
of those one is like don't date potential. Don't date
someone for who they can be a big one because
I think so Octen, We're like.

Speaker 2 (52:45):
You're in Nashville, there's all these like potential artists, which
actually everyone don't date them. How Ever, like do not
date someone who you think is gonna be great?

Speaker 3 (52:58):
Well, and I think what's hard is like we I
think it's in the heart of we want we want
to see the best in people, right, Like you want
to see the best of them because you want it
to be the best person, or yeah, we want this
like fixer upper, Right, we want this like crazy like
Hollywood movie romance where the bad guy changes good for you. Right, Yes,
it never works out like that. It never, I want

(53:19):
to say, like two percent of the time if that
it actually works out like that. And it's like, don't
date a fantasy, date reality, Like who are they right now?
Don't date someone's potential? Look at their patterns, look at
their purpose? Who are they? Who are they from a
consistent day to day basis, What decisions are they making?
Who are they surrounding themselves with? Who they doing life with?
Are they a person of their word? Do they have

(53:41):
strong integrity? I mean so many things to covaluate, yes,
and like do your goals aligne right? And so I
think those are the things we should be evaluating, is
like patterns and purpose and do you have peace about
it over potential or even over like passion, you know,
I think sometimes our passion and chemistry and lust, you know,
can cloud our judgment because we're like you know you're

(54:02):
hot or you know you but it's like we don't
need someone who can.

Speaker 2 (54:06):
Just die to make out with people. That's like my
favorite thing. I would just like go to the bars
and I be like, oh my god, I just have to.

Speaker 3 (54:11):
Make out of you. You're so good looking. Oh my gosh,
but that and that is that's real. It's really and
truly a lot of us probably think we just don't
say so. Thank you for saying, oh I was a
makeout bandit.

Speaker 2 (54:22):
I really was like very I was very good about
keeping myself pure until I didn't and then I had
like a year and I was like oops.

Speaker 3 (54:28):
Well, and truly, I think that can keep us from
like God's best, because we can be so clouded by
like you're totally good loves and an infatuation.

Speaker 2 (54:37):
This one guy he like pulled up on his like
wake on his like paddle board with his little dog
in front, and he had just like buffalo tattoo, and
I'm like, did I dream you up? You know, like,
did I make you up in my mind?

Speaker 3 (54:47):
Am I a sleep right now?

Speaker 1 (54:49):
Yeah?

Speaker 3 (54:49):
Because you're perfect? And of course it wasn't. But yeah, man,
it's easy to fall for the lust and good. Well, listen,
when times are tough, I'll tell you, good looks are
not enough. You need something that. You need a enough
at all. You need a man that not just like
turns you on. You need a man that you can
lean on, Like you need someone that can truly be
there and that you trust, like who they are when

(55:10):
no one's around, You trust their relationship with God, you
trust their values, you trust you know who they are
with their people. I mean, yes, that's the kind of
person that you want that you have that you can
have a piece about knowing the only way you'll be
able to sustain a healthy relationship. So yeah, don't date potential. No,
don't date potential. And then I would say, like if
their behaviors don't follow their beliefs, like if they're not

(55:31):
following who they say that they are. I think sometimes
we're like, is this the person? Like God, show me,
reveal it to me. And he's like, uh, hello, just
look at their behave Just look at who they are,
Like what helps do you need? Literally like I basically
be a billboard for you, Like I don't need to
show you much. It's like sometimes truly like their behavior

(55:53):
is the answer to the question that you're asking, is like,
just look at who they are, look at their behaviors,
because their behavior will reveal what they truly value, like
they it will reveal what they truly value. And so
if you want to know who someone is, look at
what they value. Their behaviors will follow that. And if
they say they value you, they will treat you as
if they value you. You know, it's not going to
be like, oh, they will want treating you like crap

(56:14):
and they're like, no, but I I am. I grow
up in is you?

Speaker 2 (56:17):
Yeah?

Speaker 3 (56:17):
I just got to grow up Like it's just this
season or whatever the excuse may be, It's like, no,
if their patterns and their actions and their behaviors aren't
aligning with the words that they're saying, red fuck. Okay,
two little quick stories and then we'll wrap up.

Speaker 2 (56:30):
Okay, first off, on The Bachelor, when you went home
to your family, I will never forget this because I
was so I remembered I wanted to take a mental note.
I don't even remember exactly what it was, but I
was like, I want to do that with my family.
Y'all do this like plate special plate.

Speaker 3 (56:46):
I was like, that is so sweet, and what a sweet.

Speaker 2 (56:50):
Way to like explore your a person or your family
what they're What was it?

Speaker 3 (56:56):
I just remember it was like the sweetest moment. Yeah,
we've been doing it literally since I was a child.
I don't know whose idea it was my mom or
did my dad's. But yeah, we had this thing in
our family where like every time we would sit down
and have dinner together at the dinner table, one person
out of the five of us would have a different
plate than everyone else and that would be the special
plate and so and it didn't even have to be

(57:16):
like a crazy fancy plate, like sometimes it was literally
like a plastic plate that was a different color. Yeah,
but it was called the special plate. And if you
had the special plate, every single other person had to
go around the table and say one thing like affirming
about you or one special thing about you that they've
noticed maybe that week or just lately. And it was
so cool because and like sometimes it's funny, Like my
youngest sister, we still joke every now and then about this.

(57:39):
But when she was really little, every time she would
get it, she would just like always affirm my mom.
Even if it wasn't my mom. We're like Mary, it's
my special plate, and she was like affirming my mom.
But it was always the same answer. It was like
I love you because you love me, And that was
like always her answer. But it would just every single week,
it just gave us an opportunity to just speaks life

(58:00):
over each other and.

Speaker 2 (58:01):
Just like my farm and that person. Yes, yes, because
we forget what's special about ourselves sometimes totally.

Speaker 3 (58:07):
Yeah. So it's really cool and it's a cool thing
to even integrate into, like you know, a friend coming
over or someone you're dating coming over, or a husband,
you know, a spouse, whatever, because it's like then it
like puts them on the It's like, Okay, now you
have to go around and say special things about us,
and and it shows you if they're like really paying attention,
you know, to like the intentional things you know, that

(58:28):
about a person's personality or quality or faith or values
or whatever.

Speaker 2 (58:33):
And then one more story, which I have a daughter
who's four and so like, I'm so cute. I read
this part of your book and I was like, oh
my god, that would be so hard as a kid.
You had gotten a bike with like training wheels and
you're like super stoked about it, and it was pink
with like streamers, and I just got sunning one of those.
It's like pink with streamers, and she loves it. She's
on her little training wheels like cruise in the hood.

(58:54):
It's really adorable. She just loves it. But your dad
was like, okay, you need to give that to your
younger sister. Yeah.

Speaker 3 (59:00):
I was devastating.

Speaker 2 (59:01):
That's hot, that's like a that's a huge testing moment
that your dad just like dropped on you.

Speaker 3 (59:06):
Yeah. I was devastated. I remember he like comes into
my room and he's like, because he made it a
moment for you, a moment and like that. I mean,
I think like my parents did such a good job
of like trying to find very like practical things to
like usher in you know God, yeah, and to teach
us life lessons and so like, you know, something as
silly as like something about a bike. You know, my

(59:28):
dad used that as an opportunity to like teach me
about something way more valuable. But yeah, he came in
and he just was like, hey, you know, you've had
this bike for a little bit. I know you love it,
but you know what do you think about giving it
to your younger sister? Think not? I think not. I
were a pault. I was like, I will give you
the dollhouse, I will give you my new tennis shoes,

(59:49):
but I'm not going to give you my bike. Like
I was so I was like, how dare you ask
that of me? And uh, I just remember like he was.
He was super sad that, like I didn't, you know,
agree at first, but I was like, I said, Okay,
I'm gonna think of it. You know, this is like
a big decision for me. It's probably like one of
the bigger decisions in your life at that point. Oh absolutely.
I was like, let me think about this. And you
know the next day, I had tears in my eyes

(01:00:10):
and I was like, Dad, Okay, I really thought hard
about it, and I just I trust you and I
love you, and so I know that she needs it
more than me, and so I'm gonna I'm gonna give you,
like I'm gonna give her the bike, and I like
brought him the little helmet. It was such a dramatic
moment and he's probably like fighting back, like laughing, but uh,
he just used that moment to be like, Maddie, I'm

(01:00:31):
so proud of you, and like he he gives her
the bike or whatever and to watch her and I'm
watching her get excited and I'm kind of sitting there
and I'm like, okay, so I did a good deed.
I was like, I did a good deed. I'm that's great,
like yeah, I'm fighting back tears. But then he leads
me out. He like takes me around the corner. He
grabs my hand and he's like, I want to show
you something, and he takes me around the corner and

(01:00:52):
he shows me this like bigger bike without training wheels,
super cool, like definitely more expensive than the other one.
And I've just felt like the most the coolest, most
important person on the planet that my dad would pick
out something like this for me and then he would
take time to think about me like that, And I
just remember hugging him so tight, and he just like
told me that moment. He was like, Maddie, I'm so
proud of you because you trade it in good enough

(01:01:13):
for something better, Like you didn't even know that better
was there, and I had no idea, but he like
showed me. He was like, sometimes God is gonna ask
things of you, like he's gonna ask you to lay
down something that you don't want to lay down because
it feels good in the moment, but you have to
trust that when he asked you to lay it down,
he's got something so much better for you. How old
are you probably like I don't know. I don't know

(01:01:35):
how old are you? Like young, you're like seven?

Speaker 2 (01:01:38):
That reminds me of that teddy bear thing, you know,
or God's like, yes, but I love my teddy bear
and its this tiny little teddy bear. But God's like,
give me the teddy bear and he's.

Speaker 3 (01:01:46):
Like a giant one one behind him and.

Speaker 2 (01:01:49):
Literally such a good lesson for life though, like there
there is something waiting for you that will bless you.

Speaker 3 (01:01:56):
You have to trust, and trusting is really hard, so hard.
And sometimes it's peace, like sometimes it's not in the
context of a person or a thing, it's just it's
inward peace. It's joy, it's you know what I mean.
And I think that's what I've seen is like sometimes
the better that awaits me is different than what I expected,
but it's greater than what I could.

Speaker 2 (01:02:15):
Have imagined, exactly because we get one idea of how
it should be, because we've pieced together what it could
be based on like our own life and what we've seen,
but we have no idea because history's writing itself every
single day, right, you know, so who knows what can happen.

Speaker 3 (01:02:27):
There's infinite potential.

Speaker 2 (01:02:29):
I think I realized that when I was in my
band and like the band abruptly ended, I thought my
life was over. And then all of a sudden I
got a call to go on the amazing race Yeah,
and I was like, oh my god, I would have never, ever, ever,
ever dreamed that up. And it was the greatest experience
of my life, one of them. But like, could never
plan for. I didn't even know that was an option.

Speaker 3 (01:02:46):
You know, that's so crazy. Yeah, you just ye walk
by faith and life will be well, life will be
full of surprises. But like, man, just the journey is
so it's so worth it when you choose to live
a life of faith and just be like, okay, trust
to God, Like don't know what's gonna come with this,
but I just trust that your ways are better than mine.
I love it.

Speaker 2 (01:03:06):
Okay, the love everybody wants, what the love everybody wants,
what you're looking for is already yours. So true, it's
right there in your heart with God. And you know what,
you give some amazing steps of how to Really I
love that you give steps.

Speaker 3 (01:03:21):
I love a step.

Speaker 2 (01:03:22):
I think steps and like t talk to actions that
you can like really apply to your life.

Speaker 3 (01:03:27):
You give such great appical advice. Thank you.

Speaker 2 (01:03:30):
It's really great, especially for young girls, like I feel anyone,
young anyone, but like, yes, girls like read this book
before you dive hard into the dating world or have
you're already in there, read it now, so.

Speaker 3 (01:03:40):
Yeah, like clean it up.

Speaker 2 (01:03:43):
But it's so great. I love what you're doing with
your life, with your platform. I admire you for that.
I am grateful for you for that. I'm so grateful
to see beacons of light in the world who are
like sharing God's message on a big platform. We need it,
we need your inspiration. So just thank you for following
God and sharing your journey with us.

Speaker 3 (01:04:02):
Thank you and thank you for you being a light.
And it's so cool to see like what guy can
do with a yes, like just us being like okay, God,
use me and just what that It looks different for
all of us, but just what he can do with
that is abundantly more than we could ever imagine. So
thank you for just having me and being awesome. I
feel like I just met a best friend and now
we're awake up girls for life.

Speaker 2 (01:04:23):
I know.

Speaker 3 (01:04:23):
I mean, like we're hard for you live, You're gonna
come hang and we're gonna find Joyna Gaines and we're
gonna hang out with her. I mean two five four
for life? Oh is that still the area?

Speaker 2 (01:04:31):
Come? I have no idea you're still now? Okay, okay,
I'll show you that. I'll take you all the Have
you been to Smallses?

Speaker 3 (01:04:38):
What is that? It's the best sandwich shop in the world.
Oh amazing. I'm trying to find good food there. So
you can definitely show me Smallses. I gotta know what
part of Tenning limit. We can talk about that later,
but like Smalles is my favorite. I have to go
every single time I go home.

Speaker 2 (01:04:50):
It's so good, amazing. Yes, I always leave with leave
your light. What do you want people to know? It's
wide open?

Speaker 3 (01:04:55):
Oh. We alluded to this a little bit in the podcast,
but I would just say Jesus is the only one
that can satisfy. Nothing in this world will give you
what you're looking for. Truly, Jesus is the only one.
And that's coming from someone who has been in seasons
of abundance and seasons of lack, and I've just found

(01:05:15):
Jesus is the only one.

Speaker 2 (01:05:17):
I gun seconds that with the abundance in the lack,
and I went looking for it in all the wrong places,
didn't find it.

Speaker 3 (01:05:24):
I'm having a coffe attack. Hey, it's okay. I hack
every single time before I go on a podcast. Something's
in my throat. Well, great news, we wrapped up Maddie.
You're riding everyone. Get her book. It comes out September nineteenth. Yes, okay, whoo,
you're awesome. Bye. I'm like literally have tears in my eyes.
I'm like so meaningful. You're crying. Yeah, this is where

(01:05:45):
the podcast I've ever Don't cry, don't cry, don't cry. Hey,
you cried too. I know or crier. I always cry.
I cry at least once or twice a day. It happened.

Speaker 2 (01:05:53):
I cried earlier today. I was like full blown snot crying,
and I had another podcast earlier.

Speaker 3 (01:05:58):
That's great. Okay Bye,

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Caroline Hobby

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