February 17, 2023 • 45 mins
Kelly and Chip talk to former porn star turned podcaster, Candice Horbacz (known as Eva Lovia in the porn industry) to learn more about what really goes on within the porn industry. The conversation highlights the life lessons present anywhere/everywhere when we open our eyes and minds and pay attention. Candice speaks to her experience with setting boundaries, owning one's own power, letting go of shame around sexuality and the importance of listening to yourself and being in tune with your own body. She also gives her perspective on the impact of porn in relationships. The conversation is one that truly represents the common connections between all humans on this journey of life.
Podcast: Chatting With Candice
Website: chattingwithCandice.com
Follow Velvet's Edge on Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/velvetsedge/
See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.
Mark as Played
Transcript
Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
Speaker 1 (00:00):
Okay, I'm really excited for this interview. We have Candice
for back here. You're we were just talking before and
I felt like you were really a girl after my
own heart, Like you're just living in this life so curious.
Do you feel that on a daily basis? I think
so too. And I was looking at your podcast and
your little bio and like the about me and about
the podcast, and I was like, we are kindred spirits.
(00:22):
It's just a couple of curious women, um who understand
the messiness and complexity of people and of life and
like kind of removing shame from that and replacing it
with that curiosity. So I was really excited to come
on today. Well, part of your story that's so fascinating.
You just kind of touched on this, but you were
(00:43):
a former horn Star and so like as far as
like messiness goes or just human journeys like that, to me,
I'm like, Okay, this is fascinating. Like I've never had
the opportunity to really dig into this topic. And Chip
and I we um. Each month we have either a
theme or word that you were doing words and so
this month's word is expansion and I was like, this
(01:05):
is the perfect guest for this word, because I think that,
you know, as we go through life, it's like the
things that we don't know about are really scary a
lot of times. And so that's part of what I
enjoy about this podcast is getting to talk to people
who I wouldn't necessarily meet in any other capacity, um,
but whose stories I can just learn from and they've
really helped me to just have some more mind expansion,
(01:27):
you know. So I want to start, I'm like, how
do how does one wake up in the morning and go,
you know, what I want to do with my life
as to be a porn star? Like, how does that happen?
What does that look like? Can you talk us through
that part of your life. So there's this quote by
he's a rabbi and I believe also a doctor, Mark Gaffney,
and he says that sex is a journey and not
(01:48):
in action. And I love that quote so much because
I think you can look back at maybe your earliest
experience with sexuality, whether it was just a vague thought
that kind of passed by, or like your first experience,
whatever that was, and then compare it to where you
currently are, and you can't help see the evolution of that.
So for me, I mean, and everyone else's is like living,
(02:11):
breathing thing that's constantly evolving or expanding, if we're going
to go off the word. So from a young age,
for probably a multitude of reasons, I was really fascinated
with female sexuality and like the empowerment that can come
from totally owning, unapologetically and obviously at a young age,
(02:31):
that's such a big concept that you don't fully understand
the power of it or how you are necessarily going
to achieve um like stepping into that, you know, inner goddess,
if you will. But I knew when I saw women
like Tara Patrick or Pamela Anderson, I was like, those
women have something and whatever it is, whatever they've kind
of figured out, I want to figure it out. So
(02:54):
I just naturally kind of gravitated towards that. And then
as I was getting older and older, I just I mean,
Craigslist was huge back in the day, and I would
see ads for joining the industry there I'm like, no,
that's too scared, you can't do that. It would be there,
like this little voice in my head, but I would
never kind of pull the trigger on it. So I
started working at Hooters and through that was doing like
(03:17):
centerfold bikini modeling like hot rods and motorcycle bikes that
kind of thing, and through that the industry is very blended,
so there's more money the more you take off, so
people like photographers will try to find someone that they
think would do well and kind of pitch them other
magazines or shoots, um or things of that nature. So
I just had a connection that way. I started um
(03:41):
webcam modeling, so I didn't show anything. It was just
kind of like very deetavanties like t Z but hiding everything,
and I was like, maybe this is going to be
my outlet. It was not. Um there are a lot
of demanding customers if you want to say, on the
other end, and I just am not a very agreeable
person like I just it's not in my nature. Um So,
(04:02):
it's like I don't want this to be the interface.
I want there to be a little bit more quality
control as to what my experience is going to be.
And there's no filter when you just like click go
live on a chatting site. UM So, I found a
website that I had come across and I thought everything
was real, like it was back when we had the
illusion that reality was reality and it wasn't scripted. So
(04:23):
it was these blonde bombshells in Miami in this gorgeous mansion,
and I was like, oh, this is basically like the
Playboy mansion, but Miami. I want to go do that.
So I reached out to them and I was like,
do I audition? How do I? How do can I
be a part of this? This looks like this has
my name all over it? Like, no, never audition. If
(04:45):
someone's asking you to audition, go the other way. That's
not a thing. Um, So please send us your I
D and a couple of photos and we'll go from there.
I got approved and they flew me to Miami and
the rest of history. So okay, wait, so you go
to Miami and you're walking into this like mansion, so
(05:06):
how it then like that's I'm just like what so
like to lift the veil a little bit. It's not
as real as everyone hopes and things that it is.
So you first go to the studio and there's like
an hour worth of compliance and paperwork that you have
to do. You're tested beforehand for you know, a host
of STDs to make sure everyone safe then you go
(05:28):
to hair and makeup. In wardrobe, you meet whoever you're
working with that day, and then you go to location.
So there's different locations per shoot. Like this UM website
is called we Live Live Together, so they tend to
have like more set locations. But yeah, like gorgeous house
in in Miami. You go, you shoot, It's it's not real.
I hate to break that to everybody, but yeah, you
(05:49):
show up and there's very much like a quote script
for for how the scene is to go down. So
it happens every single day. Like every shoot, you're getting tested, know,
so you get tested once every two weeks. Okay, And
are you so like that was obviously one specific production company,
Like you signed up to go do this one shoot
(06:11):
with this company and then are you like in contract
with them or do you then like work with them
for two weeks? Like you said, like how does it go? So? Um,
my case was unique because I had never been in
the industry before, so they like to kind of take
advantage of that, Like if you're not kind of deluded
out there, they know that they can kind of capitalize
on it. So I shot a few scenes during that trip.
(06:34):
Those scenes ended up kind of like skyrocketing to like
the most popular ones on the website, so then they
brought me back and then it was kind of an
ongoing relationship from there. UM. I would say throughout my
time in the industry, which is about like five ish
years in the mainstream industry, UM, I had like three
three or four different contracts, which is kind of unheard
(06:56):
of because most contracts kind of went away and like
the early two thousands, UM. But for me, that was
always like a goal of mine. I liked the stability
that it provided. I liked the sense of control that
it provided, and like predictability, so that was kind of
important for me. But there was definitely there were moments
where I was freelancing, but from the majority of my
career I was under contract and and and those contracts
(07:16):
is it like you're it's already spelled out, like this
is how many scenes you're going to do in the
time frame of the contract, so you're not being overworked
just because you're signed. For sure, Yeah, there's a minimum
and then you can always add additional if you want,
but you have the right to say yes or no
to that, and then you list your boundaries like these
are the scenes I'm willing to shoot. These are the
ones I'm not. These are how I'm pricing them out.
(07:38):
That kind of thing. I love that. What do you
love about that? I mean, I just love how structured
it is because it's I mean, it's true, it's you know,
to me, the whole thing about adult entertainment is like
the people that are so judgmental of it are probably
the ones that are driving most of the revenue. You know.
It's like it is the oldest job of time, and
(08:00):
and um, you know, I think it's really beautiful that
people can can own their bodies and and do with
it what they want and if someone is willing to
pay for you, like you should be able to profit
off of it and not have to worry about judgment.
And you know, it's like it's very well known that
it drives the porn industry, drives technology advancement, like the VCRs,
(08:20):
DVD streaming, like all of it is because of the
demand for pornography. Um, and I look, I do think
there are people that get into trouble with it, and
you have to like mind your p's and ques and
and have a healthy relationship with it. But it's like,
you know, anyone who looks down on someone that like
owns their body and and um and and is able
(08:42):
to profit healthfully from it. Like I have a problem
with that, you know. It's I love that you had
the courage to do that and the wherewithal to be
like this is this is what's exciting to me, and
I'm curious about it, And it's why is that any
different than dentistry? You know, like don't want to work
in someone's mouth? You know, that's a question to me. Well,
(09:04):
let's talk about that a little bit, because you mentioned
earlier like the panel at Anderson Vibe, you know, like
just how you looked at her and you thought she
is someone who is owning her sexuality and you saw
the power behind that. Did you feel that like when
you first started filming, were you feeling powerful or were
you feeling scared shitless? Scared shitless? Yeah, yeah, that's a
muscle that you have to work. And just because you're
(09:26):
having sex on camera does not mean that you all
of a sudden channeled your inner goddess and that you
are this sexy bombshell Like that is not the transition.
So it's more at least for me, um, like the
life cycle of that was because of I guess the
extreme exposure, like it was so unique, you know. I
mean you're kind of like literally getting thrown into the
(09:47):
deep end of sexual sexuality. It's like, okay, well I
can kind of learn what I like, what I don't like,
And because you're in the setting where you are expected
to perform, it's like, okay, I can. I'm not embarrassed
to tap into certain things like maybe you're nervous if
you're with a partner because am I moaning too loud?
Am I trying too hard? What is he going to
(10:08):
think about this outfit and how I'm moving whatever it is?
But you're like, no, that's literally my job, so I
can kind of experiment with how that makes me feel
and try to find like my authentic sexual expression that way.
So it's a ton of trial in their but I
think through like competence and repetition is when you get
that confidence. So it's like the more you do it,
(10:29):
the more aware of what you want because you feel
like it translated in your real life, like it made
your like your sex life outside of work, um, more
adventurous and better for sure. Yeah, and again it's you
weren't having that. You were dealing with all the like
the embarrassment and stress at work, and then you were
(10:49):
able to come home and like have this really healthy
outlook on what you actually really liked and enjoyed and
felt like you were good at. Exactly. Yeah, and again
it's like some things that like maybe andis was nervous
to do in bed. Then I was like I just
turned on Eva, and I was like, she's not she's excited.
It's like your flash of fears. Like well, So that
(11:11):
was a question for me though, because as a woman
like I just turned forty, I keep saying I'm holding
onto forty. I think I'm actually almost closer to forty one.
But um, when I turned forty, I think there's this
like moment in a woman's life where you're really starting
to kind of embrace your own sexuality and and lean
into receiving more and like what I like. I don't
(11:31):
know if that's true for every woman, but for me,
it took me a little bit longer to not be
so focused on my partner. But some of that is
because I think it's really hard to get out of
your head during sex, so I can't imagine doing it
in front of people, Like you just said you were
learning those things about yourself. Why old people are watching?
Like how many people are on set with you guys
(11:53):
when you're filming. I would say the smallest set I've
ever been on is probably three people, and that's when
of those kinds of gonzo handicap kind of things. And
then the biggest set was probably in like the fifties. Really,
so I've been on some really big sets, um like
tons of extras, tons of crews, stunt pete coordinators, all
(12:16):
sorts of things, um, but for me coord yea. So
we did um we did a Kill Bill parody and
I got to be Lucy Lou, which was my dream
because I adore her, and um, we had the original
stunt coordinators for Power Rangers on set with like the
full um wires and the crane and like you got
(12:40):
to go up in the air and do flips. It
was amazing. That was what um it was. It was
Killed Bill triple X. Okay, because I remember there. I
used to live in Los Angeles and there was a
gay porn theater. I don't know if it's still open,
and I remember they had a party called Drill Bill
and that I thought was really funny. I've maybe an
(13:05):
inappropriate question, but that's what I'm here for. Um, Like
are they doing like getting like granular and putting like
makeup on your vagina and stuff like I need a
touch up? Like only I did a Star Wars parody
and I was painted blue like one of those I
forget they're called um with like the weird horns in
the back. So that's I think that's the only time
(13:25):
a vagina has ever had makeup on it, so otherwise
it's just normal. Yeah, Well that kind of leads to
like what is the preparation? Like all of this is
so vulnerable to me, Like I just think of like
I was saying earlier, like you're as a woman, I
think when you're like or maybe this is men too,
but I think men are just a little more driven
(13:47):
by the physical. But we have to get out of
our heads. And I'm thinking about being in a bedroom
with one person, so like if fifty people are watching me,
I'm like, how do I just like drop down into
my body and enjoy the moment? Like what is that like?
And how are you preparing for that? So some people
and I'm definitely in that category like I am in
(14:08):
my zone. If I have an audience, I'm never more
turned on. Like I love that voyeuristic element, so that
is just what gets me going. I know for most
people it's quite the opposite, but for me, that's kind
of my thing. So that's never really bothered me as
far as like prep goes um, like psychological prep. I
(14:30):
think the hardest I've ever done is when I was
leaving the industry in like two thousand and sixteen. I
left with a pretty big showcase and I did like
my first ever DP scene and that was like the
most intense thing I've ever done. I've always been like
a very vanilla, just pretty performer, not really extreme when
into Kinks or anything like that. Um, but that was
(14:50):
something I wanted to try, and I was like, I'm
gonna do this and then I'm going to go do
my own thing. So um that was terrifying because it's like,
how do you know I'm ever done that in my
personal life? Nor did I want to because the logistics
of it, like I don't want to get hurt. I don't.
It's just there's too much going on. So it's like,
if I'm going to do this, this is my opportunity,
(15:10):
so um yeah, I just kind of had to breathe
through it in the bathroom, like Okay, you've got this,
and if you need to stop, you can stop, and
just like knowing at the end of the day, I
was kind of in control of that and it was
it was awesome. I had a great time. I wouldn't
wouldn't do it again in like my real life, like
that's off the table, but I'm glad that I did.
What if you had gotten into that situation and been like,
(15:32):
oh I hate this, Like is there a is there
a scenario where you say okay stop and the whole
production stops or do you have to follow through it
once you'll start? Oh? No, And then that's a huge misconception,
like at the end of the day, like it's your
body and it's something very vulnerable and it's yours. So
like whether or not there's a contract doesn't matter. No
law is going to ever hold that up. So if
(15:53):
anyone's listening, like you are not bound by anything, you
can always say no. Yeah. I would imagine there's power
in at like that's I'm seeing seeing like that being
maybe where the power starts to set in of like
this is my body. I'm in control of what I'm
doing and if you know that, But unfortunately, there's like
a lot of young women specifically that don't, and then
(16:15):
they do feel like, well, I said I would do this,
or maybe they want to take the scene a different way,
and if I don't, I'm going to disappoint people. Um
women tend to be a little bit more agreeable and
like not want that confrontation. So that's an unfortunate reality
within the industry. So, UM, I think a lot of
it comes down to temperament. So like, are you someone
(16:36):
who's comfortable saying no and really setting solid safe boundaries
for yourself or is that difficult because if you're entering
into an industry like that, where like ship happens in
every industry, right, people are vulnerable in every industry. I
just think the people get so ruffled up about porn
is because the potential of it to go extremely wrong
(16:57):
is just more there than it is if you're working
as a waitress or a bartender. Um, So before you
get into something knowing that, I think it's really important
that you, like you practice safe, healthy boundaries and get
really really getting comfortable with that before you kind of
put yourself in a position where you can be more vulnerable.
(17:21):
I've a question, could you, um, sort of paint the
picture of what it like the industry looks like on
the inside and on a set, like, is it like,
is it all men are there are a lot of
women around, does it feel like a safe space? So
that is where I think the hang up is you
get a female makeup artist most of the time, Like
(17:41):
sometimes you'll get some guys, but most of the time
it's female. Um, you might have a female on set
if she's working with you, and there's maybe a handful
of female directors. Other than that, it is like male
male male, so usually you are significantly outnumbered. There's no
intimacy coach, which to me is crazy because I realized
that standard practice mainstream film is they'll have an intimacy
(18:02):
coach there to make sure, um, everyone is comfortable again,
boundaries safe, They run through everything to make sure everyone's
like consciously consenting to everything. Um, they're there. Something does happen,
but there's not one where you are literally actually having sex.
So why is that not a thing that makes no
sense to h Yeah, that's crazy. Sorry, I'm still thinking
(18:26):
about that. One. Um, So as far as like, like
are you attracted to your partners in these films? So
I think that my idea of attraction has evolved since
I was in the industry. It used to be very superficial, right,
like I'm either attracted or I'm not. But when I
was working, I had a guess list of male performers
I would work with, and for me on that scene,
(18:49):
like the most important thing was that I felt safe
and that they were being respectful and professional, and um,
I could trust that they didn't go out clubbing that
night and maybe slept with someone on protected you know,
like these things really important to me. So I like
I found that I was attracted to like their character,
like how at least their character on set, like how
they showed up and kind of like their energy on
(19:11):
set and just appreciating that versus like, Oh, he's super
hot and I can't wait to do this scene. Right,
It's like, what would happen are like, are you picking
the partner or is that something that's like the production
company picks and you agree to, Like what is that process?
Like most of the time, for most performers, they'll just
(19:31):
send you who you're working with. Sometimes the night before. Again,
you can always say no, but the problem is, um
people don't like hearing no, so sometimes you feel like
you can't really say it because you might be seen
as difficult or you might not get recast. So there
definitely can be some trouble that happens because of that.
But typically girls will have like a no list, So
(19:53):
so long as the person isn't on the no list,
then kind of anything as seen as fair game. I
had a yes list, so unless they were already pre
screened and on that list, they couldn't be on there.
So then it kind of saved the hassle of like
issue're going to approve him or not? Oh yeah, yeah,
and you said earlier it's like scripted. I was on
a reality TV show, and so I'm always kind of
explaining to people because it's not like scripted where they
(20:15):
hand you a script and say, Kelly say this, but
it's like, hey, we need you to hit these beats,
and this conversation is about that, like you need to
go in there and you'll need to touch on this.
And so however we get there is kind of on
our own, but we have to hit those beats, Like
what does the script look like for a porn filming.
So for the big parodies, there's actually script, there's actually lines,
(20:37):
and they do like you kind of stick to them.
For more of the reality or gonzo things, it's more
of like you're going to be doing the dishes and
all of a sudden, like your neighbors gonna walk in
and you know, and then it goes from there. And
then they'll usually kind of have um like a vision
board where you have like positions you have to hit,
like we want you to do this for three minutes,
(20:57):
and this for three minutes. And it's and a lot
more scripted than it used to be. Wait, how do
you know what you're doing for three minutes? Like is
there a clock somewhere that you're watching? It's usually the
men that are in charge, thank god, and they are
true professionals, like they've got it down to a science.
So I just have them like move me whenever it
was time for something else. Yeah, that sounds so stressful.
(21:20):
Like do you actually enjoy the sex ever? Sometimes? Yeah? Yeah,
for sure sometimes? And are people actually having orgasms ever? Yeah?
Sometimes for surely. Yeah. I mean it's definitely not It's
not anyone's priority, right, like no one gives a show,
Like the guy behind the cameras like, we have we
have to be out of location by five pm, so
(21:42):
let's get this done. Bonus. It's a good bonus for sure.
When it does happen, that's like a good day at work.
Some positions, like let's be honest, like we've all seen
porn in some positions, it is impossible, like maybe it
looks amazing for the viewer, but it's just not happening right. Well,
(22:04):
I think that's like one of the biggest things I
always are, you know, in conversations with my girlfriends about porn.
It's like one of the biggest things. And I think
are that women complain about about porn. And I'm sure
you've heard this a million times, but like it's definitely
feels more geared to like what a man would want,
because we're like, okay, who would I don't want to
get pounded. Like the sex is not really like geared
(22:26):
to maybe what would get a woman off all the time.
It's more like and then guys are watching that coming
home being like hey, babe, like let's go I want
to like you know whatever that would be called jack rabbit,
you and it's like that doesn't feel good to us,
So like what are you? What do you say about
all of that? As far as like maybe some of
(22:46):
the frustrations from people about porn in that capacity, I
totally understand the frustration. I think when it comes to porn,
it's important to remember that men are like they represent
over of the consumers, So of course it's going to
be made for the male gays. If you if you
watch hetero porn or if you're watching gay porn, it's
shot almost identical like it's so it's not about misogyny
(23:10):
or defiling the woman because it's shot just as um
kind of invasive on on the gay end as well,
Like they're very similar shots, and that's just because of
what tends to turn on a typical male brain. So
it's not there's nothing negative really happening, it's just what
they realized what sells UM. As far as the actual
motions go, you have to think if you were having
sex how you typically would and this again goes like
(23:32):
straight or gay. You're not going to see as much
as you would need to see for the consumer to
understand what's really happening. It's going to look more like
a showtime film, and then again that's not going to
really attract dollars or eyeballs, so it kind of has
to be shot at those like Jack Rabbit really like
intense in and out, like thrusting things so that they
(23:54):
can see everything. Um, So it's not because it feels good.
I'm sure it doesn't even like feel great for the
male warmer, but it's just for visuals. So I think
it's important to remember it's entertainment and it's not an
instruction manual. But at the same time, if you see
a position, you're like, that looks really fun. It's kind
of like if you had a commissuture book and you
wanted to try something. So I think you should always
(24:15):
be open to it and like remain curious and playful,
and if your partner brings something to you, like not
to discourage them or shame them or make them feel embarrassed,
but like let them and the next time it's your turn,
you know what I mean, Like kind of like that
back and forth. I love that though it's it's just entertainment,
it's not like a rule book or a guide book necessarily,
And so then you can look at some of the
things and let's try that and see if it's fun,
(24:37):
but it's not necessarily like this is how you have sex,
and if you're not sex that way, then like what's
wrong with you? Or this is boring or something like that. Yeah.
I think it's like the fast and the furious is
not how you should drive it either, exactly. But we
had proper drivers, said, and I think we haven't had
proper sex. Said, So that's where the confusion happened. Yeah,
(25:01):
that's so true. Okay, Well, so there's so many stigmas
around porn in general, and I think the conversation is
so divisive. It's like it's poor and bad for relationships.
Is it good for relationships? Is it good for our brains?
Is it bad for our brains? Like, no one really
seems to have a, you know, a definitive answer. Where
do you stand on all of that? I think it's
that old adage that the difference between a toxic and
(25:22):
a tonic is the dosage, And I think that that's
true for most things. Is food a problem for some people? Absolutely?
Is food a problem for most people? Know? Is pooring
a problem for some people? Absolutely? Is poor and a
problem for most people. Know? So it depends on the
user and how you're using it and how much of
(25:43):
it you're using. So it's like anything else. I mean,
if you look at Instagram, I think it was last
year they released the files because they were trying to
create a sister platform for like teenagers for like thirteen
and under. Ended up getting disapproved because of the studies
that came out and we're showing the mental well being
(26:04):
of young girls and it was catastrophic as far as
thoughts of depression, thoughts of suicide, eating disorders, confidence, um.
All of these things were tanking in young girls. So like, no,
we can't do this, But we don't see anyone getting
riled up or asking if Instagram is moral or not.
It's just we still have this shame that's residual around sexuality.
(26:26):
So that's why it just gets so easily inflamed when
you bring it up in a conversation. But to be fair,
you would have to compare it to other modalities. So
again you'd have to compare it to social media compared
to alcohol, tobacco, um. At the end of the day,
it's kind of the responsibility of the user to make
sure that they're consuming something within a healthy level, So
is it healthy for relationships? That absolutely can be. It
(26:49):
can be the best way to spice things up, to
break you out of your routine, to provide you with
some new ways to connect with your partner. And it
doesn't involve bringing someone else into the bedroom, right Like,
it kind of can spark your creativity in that way. Now,
if you have someone that's over indulging in it and
they're taking care of all of their needs and they're
(27:09):
never connecting with you sexually, I can see how you
can see the porn is the problem. But the porn
is not the problem. That's kind of the the symptom
that's showing up. The problem is the connections. You have
to ask why is my partner avoiding connection with me?
Have I done something to maybe the show that I'm
not interested? Is he not interested in me for some
(27:31):
other reason? Is he had? Right? Like, you have to
sit down with them and see like what's really happening
at the bottom of everything, and not blame the symptom
for the issue. Otherwise something else is going to replace
the porn and you're not going to fix the problem.
That That makes so much sense to me because when
I look back at my relationships, like if porn has
ever been an issue or a case of an argument
(27:52):
for us, It wasn't the porn that bothered me. It
was the secrecy. So it was like actually a block
of intimacy that was happening versus like, oh, you want
to look at another woman naked, like, that's not that
wasn't the thing that was setting me off? Does that make?
And how? And then I would ask, and I would
ask a lot of listeners because I know I've fallen
into this category. It's like, how many times have you
(28:13):
offered a safe space where they could trust you to
come to you with that information? Because I know that
there were times where my partner would come to me
and there would he's like, I'm not going to do
it because I know how she's going to react. So
I also didn't give him like he didn't trust that
he could confide in me. So it could goes both ways.
So if you want that vulnerability and that honesty, you
(28:34):
can't punish them when they do come to you with
with what's going on. Yeah, we had a dominatrix on
a couple of months ago, and she was talking about
that because some of her clients, I asked, like do
their partners at home know about you or not know
about you? And with the ones who came to her
and they didn't know, it was because they didn't feel safe,
(28:54):
And I was saying, like that would be a really
like it's it's like the fear starts driving us all, like,
well what does it mean if you know? And I
think we can get in our own heads and like
either go to our own sense of self worth gets
challenged or whatever that is. So it is something that
like we have to really work through within ourselves and
with our partners. I don't know, it's really interesting. Well,
(29:16):
speaking of partners, you are married and you you guys
were together throughout your your career in porn, and so
how did that work? Um? It was it was really
tough to navigate, and we didn't have anyone to ask.
We didn't never knew anyone that was in the industry
(29:36):
that was married or entering it um together. Like usually
people would meet on set and then that's how their
relationship would be established. So kind of entering that without
a clue was super difficult and it demanded a ton
of again trust on both ends to be able to
have really difficult conversations, um allow him to express what
(29:58):
he was going through, because honestly, he probably went through
more than I did. It's weird. I feel like our
society and our friends and just who we kind of
like found ourselves surrounding ourselves with judged him more than
they judged me. And the narrative was like, you let
her do this, and he's like, I didn't let her
(30:18):
do anything, Like she is has full agency to make
her own decisions. UM. So that concept always always gets
me a little bit like flustered, because it's almost like
I'm not a full person with the capability of making
my own decisions. But um, it was a conversation for
over over two years before I actually did my first
(30:38):
boy girl scene, and like, what does this look like?
And he essentially got to the point where he was like,
I don't want to give you an ultimatum. I don't
want there to be resentment down the road. If this
is something you really feel like you need to go experience,
then go experience it. And I'm going to try to
be here for you. On the other side, I can't
promise you because I don't know how I'm going to
respond to this, but I'm going to try, and for me,
(31:02):
I just kind of had this maybe the naive confidence
that we would figure it out. So I never really
felt like it was a real risk to the relationship
even though it was. It wasn't easy. Um, And thank
god I'm married to the man that I am, because
he's like the most zen and self aware person that
just really truly leads into discomfort on a level I've
(31:22):
never seen. So obviously we we made it. It worked out,
but it certainly isn't for the faint of heart, right.
And now you guys have two boys, and so I'm curious,
like I mean, specifically with young boys, like how are
you going to have those conversations and like what do
you what do you feel like navigating that will look
like with them? So we have no clue how it's
(31:46):
going to happen. It's really important that we're the first
people to kind of introduce that idea to them, like
this is kind of mom's past. I don't want someone
to like just put an iPhone in his face and
him be taken it back and have no clue because
that's not there to him or to them. Um. But
it's it's introducing our values and principles at age appropriate points.
(32:08):
So for example, my three year old, he's already super
curious about his body, so he's asking like what is this?
What is this? And we give him the accurate terms
or like this is your penis, these are your testicles,
and he's like, oh, what what do what do they do?
And we just answer like, there's no shame around your body.
So that's like where we're introducing this foundation right now
(32:28):
at this age. It's like there's no shame. You're allowed
to ask questions, You're allowed to like explore, you know,
and be like what is what's the purpose of that? Um,
he like walks around the house naked half the time,
or like swims naked. There's no shame around the naked body. UM.
And obviously we give him like rules that you can't
go to target naked, but that's not okay, Like this
(32:50):
is your safe container and you can you can be
there be like that here. UM. As far as like
how do you treat people or do you treat people
all like a bully? Are you unkind? Are you intentionally
trying to cause pain by showing someone something that you
know maybe they're not supposed to see? There is material
(33:10):
that are that is for adults only, that this falls
in that category. He shouldn't be showing you. He shouldn't
be watching it himself. Healthy boundaries. You're allowed to say, no,
I'm not going to look at your phone. That's not
for me. I was a whole person before I had children.
I was a sexual person before children. After children, I'm
still a sexual person, and that's my right to express
(33:33):
that how I want. Um, you know, it's a it's
a super complex thing. And think also it's super critical
that he has that relationship with his father and then
they have that you know, sacred masculine space where they're
allowed to talk about me to their dad, and it's
truly express how they might not want me to hear
and see or whatever, and then then to kind of
(33:54):
have that between them and work it out there as well.
So it's we'll will tell you when it happens. I
have no idea. I just know I loved them to death,
and I hope that they don't feel shame around me
or their body or their own bodies, and that they
are able to kind of set their own healthy boundaries
when someone is acting out of line, do you ever,
(34:17):
I'm assuming are they in school yet? I guess you
said he's three, right, he goes to like a pre
k Okay, So what like, what's your relationship with other moms?
Do they know this about you? When I find out?
Are they like? What like? Do like are you getting
judged all the time? So my close friends that have
kids already knew, so we you know, we're friends before children.
(34:39):
But as far as the school moms, I don't think
anyone knows yet. I know it's a matter of time,
and I have I have no idea that uncertainty really
is something that I struggle with a lot because I'm
getting more involved with school and we have these chat
groups going on, and like when am I going to
get kicked out of the chat group? Like I'm just
where I go to text, So when they're like, you're
(35:00):
blocked from this right in this group chat? Yeah. I
was just wondering if people like women specifically would feel
threatened around you, like if that would be heightened for you.
I think probably unfortunately, And again you know it has
nothing to do with me, and that's easy to say,
but it's still going to suck. Um. I guess where
(35:20):
I get more emotional and like hope that it doesn't
go a potential dark route is where they tell, you know,
their kids that they can't play with mine, right suck. Yeah, well,
I would imagine a lot of that would probably come
from their insecurities around their husband's being attracted to you are,
and like, yeah, I mean, look, I'm I don't I
(35:42):
don't know your your past, but like, you're obviously incredibly
intelligent and well spoken, and I would hope that that
is what they receive and they can see past that,
because let's face it, there are people like on paper
that you know, seem perfect because they their job are
they're supposed to do, but they're fucking terrible people and
(36:03):
they stay in the chat group because you know, it's like,
you know, I just would have hope that the people
that you're around and that your friends are, that your
kids are friends with, like are just better people than that.
You know, it's you're you. You are defying any sort
of stereotypes that I would have had um And you know,
(36:24):
I think that that's that's why it's important that we like,
I don't like to walk through life with judgment. I
do think that like society forces judgment on people, and
we have to make choices to like what we want
to believe in, how we want to conduct ourselves as
human beings. And it's important to have conversations with people
that are stepping outside of the comfort zone and doing
(36:46):
things that are making themselves curious and discovering what's going
to make you a whole person, because it makes it
really real and it you know, it's I don't know,
I'm just like I'm thrilled by this conversation because I
think that's like you break the mold, like and it's like,
I love that you have a podcast and you're out
there like sharing your knowledge with the world, and um
(37:07):
so anybody who fuck anyone who kicks you out of
the well, I have a question kind of in line
with that, but maybe a little bit. It's just more
about the stigma. Like I think when people look at
people who do porn, they're like, what happened to them
as a child? Like, what is the do you hear
(37:28):
that a lot? Is that true? Is that true for
part of your story? Like we don't know much about
your back story. But so to tie together, they've done
studies where they've kind of compared control groups and then
people that were in some sort of sex work, and like,
there's essentially no difference. The only differences were that the
people that were in some form of sex work had
(37:49):
more more sexual partners obviously, um, increased risk for STDs obviously,
and more self confidence. So again it goes through like
the moreks THO, sure you have, the more confidence you
can get you can gain in whatever you know trade
that you're in. But um, as far as did you
come from abuse or are you a drug user, are
(38:10):
you experiencing homelessness, whatever those things are, there's no difference
between the control group and the sex workers. UM. For me,
I did have an abusive household growing up. I didn't
have a dad for the majority of my childhood. So
people are like, ha ha ha of course, but you
know that's also fifty not the abuse part, but like
(38:32):
having no dad in the home. That's about fifty percent
unfortunately of most people. UM, So it's not like fift
of people are in porn or intos work. Yeah. So
that's just how the chips kind of falled for me
or fell for me. UM. I think also, I mean
that you can't deny that not having a dad would
(38:53):
kind of create some kind of subconscious message of trying
to get some kind of male validation or right. Yeah,
I don't deny that whatsoever, But I mean you could
look at anything are The reason that we are who
we are is a constellation of events. So to kind
of pinpoint one thing doesn't really make sense. It's like
(39:13):
you're almost intentionally trying to connect dots to serve whatever
narrative that you want. So I can't say indefinitely it
was because my dad left when I was little. No,
it's it's a host of things. And also I've really
like done a lot of thought exercises and I joked
with my husband, um, where there was this movie on Netflix?
It was, um, what was it? It was like the
(39:35):
girl there's two version to life stories that she was
living out and it was essentially, no matter what, you
end up where you're supposed to be and was it
everything everywhere all at once? No, it was wan. It
was this like little blonde girl and she was kind
of trying to become a cartoonista. But essentially the point
(39:55):
was like, no matter what, your life is going to
kind of fall into place. And for me it was
no matter what I was going to end up naked
on camera, like that was part of my journey. Yeah,
I just I just know that in my bones, the
only things that would have changed are maybe like certain
structures of business deals or maybe like timings of certain things, um,
(40:17):
not nothing like really consequential. Yeah. Well, I think that's
what's so interesting and that to me, that is what
the word expansion really kind of invites people to question,
is like, like we all have these journeys and like
you said, it's mapped out, and it maybe like yours
looks like being naked on camera, Well, my might have
looked like something completely different, but it's a similar type
(40:38):
of like seeking or you know, chasing the things from
our childhood that we're trying to close out or whatever
it is. But it's part of our journey. And I
think it's so interesting that we get so judgey of
other people's journeys to that, Like, as long as you're
to me looking at this like growth process of how
do I evolve? How do I get to my next thing? Um,
(41:00):
it's all really important and it's not my place to say, well, Candice,
you should not have done porn to get there, Like,
if that's what gets you to get closer to you, great,
you know, like it doesn't matter. Does that make sense? No,
it totally doesn't. By looking at someone else's mess, you're
not focusing on your own. So we must do that
as a distraction, right right. Um, well, let's talk a
(41:23):
little bit about your podcast. It's called Chatting with Candice.
I love your description. I'm just gonna read it really fast.
It says, I believe that life is messy and that's okay,
that thinking for yourself is rare but necessary, and that
we should always be expanding our curiosity. This podcast aims
to have conversations that are thought provoking and challenge you
to become a critical thinker. To talk a little bit
about the podcast. What kind of guests can people look
(41:44):
to find on your podcast? I have everything from porn
stars to neuroscientists to best selling authors, um, to mathematicians
to people that are in politics. I mean it goes everywhere.
I recently had UM someone on and we did we
talked about psychedelics. I would say a lot of the
upcoming guests are really getting into like the divine feminine
(42:08):
and kind of like sexual expression and um, like more
in in that female energy, find your goddess kind of category. UM,
I've had relationship experts on so it's really whatever. I'm
kind of like digging into it at that moment, like
whatever is like really sparking my curiosity, and I'll get
a whole bunch of people and then switch topics or
(42:30):
maybe find someone new and then kind of, you know,
go on the topic based off of an individual. So
it totally depends. Yeah, I was listening earlier. I cannot
remember the doctor's name, Laura sort of the p maybe,
but she was talking about different kind of sex research
that's happening right now and it was fascinating and I
can't remember her name, so it's not oh, um, Dr Prouse. Yes, yeah, Yeah,
(42:54):
that was a great episode. Um, it's pretty I feel
like it's pretty in line with a lot of the
stuff we talk about on here, and it's just the
same thing we're saying. It's just expanding people's minds and
staying curious in life and like what is life here
to show us? What are the lessons? So you guys
go check that out. It's called Chatting with Candice. I
will um put the description in this podcast. I want
(43:16):
to ask you one more question, what is a way
in your life right now? That you feel like you
are expanding. So I'm heavily focusing on the podcast, and
that's kind of the evolution when I made the decision
to share like I'm Candice, I'm not Eva, you know,
with my fans and with the public. That was a
(43:37):
huge step for me and no one had really done
that before. UM, So I guess the purpose of that
was to kind of like drive home Candice is the
real person and Eva exists on set and I'm like
so much more than what you can google, and just
trying to kind of showcase that. UM, my husband and
(43:58):
I focus every year on doing something new that kind
of challenges us and brings us together a little bit
more in a new, unique way. So this year we're
doing this thing called Fit for Service and it's with
Aubrey Marcus and um like his whole career. So we
have like three summits this year and there's like weekly
coaching calls and it's just really focusing on the relationship
(44:21):
and for us, UM, just like intimacy, Like how can
we get radical intimacy because obviously you're with someone for
over a decade, you think this is it. We have
reached this, you know, the top of the mountain and
it's like, no, there's always deeper you can go into
relationship and there's always more intimacy to be found. It's like,
how can we do that? And especially after having, you know,
a second kid and that baby is still very young,
(44:44):
re establishing that connection. So that's kind of the theme
of this year and expanding through that way my love.
Oh yeah, and being a mom too. I'm sure that
adding the second child is always a journey of expansion. Yes, well, Canadas,
Thank so much for being here. I love talking to you.
This is fascinating to me. Um tell the listeners where
(45:05):
else they can find you. Yeah, thank you for having me.
This is amazing. I really appreciate it. Um. So you
can follow me on um any of my socials you
go to Chatting with Candas dot Com has all of
my Candice socials and the podcast, and then if you
want to follow me on Twitter, you can find me
at fall in Louivia. You actually have to type it
in because I'm shadow band under the old regime and
(45:26):
no one will remove it. So yeah, you actually have
to type out the whole thing to find me there. Okay,
well we'll put all of that in the description of
the podcast. Like I said, and again, thank you so
much for being here. Thank you
Okay, I'm really excited for this interview. We have Candice
for back here. You're we were just talking before and
I felt like you were really a girl after my
own heart, Like you're just living in this life so curious.
Do you feel that on a daily basis? I think
so too. And I was looking at your podcast and
your little bio and like the about me and about
the podcast, and I was like, we are kindred spirits.
(00:22):
It's just a couple of curious women, um who understand
the messiness and complexity of people and of life and
like kind of removing shame from that and replacing it
with that curiosity. So I was really excited to come
on today. Well, part of your story that's so fascinating.
You just kind of touched on this, but you were
(00:43):
a former horn Star and so like as far as
like messiness goes or just human journeys like that, to me,
I'm like, Okay, this is fascinating. Like I've never had
the opportunity to really dig into this topic. And Chip
and I we um. Each month we have either a
theme or word that you were doing words and so
this month's word is expansion and I was like, this
(01:05):
is the perfect guest for this word, because I think that,
you know, as we go through life, it's like the
things that we don't know about are really scary a
lot of times. And so that's part of what I
enjoy about this podcast is getting to talk to people
who I wouldn't necessarily meet in any other capacity, um,
but whose stories I can just learn from and they've
really helped me to just have some more mind expansion,
(01:27):
you know. So I want to start, I'm like, how
do how does one wake up in the morning and go,
you know, what I want to do with my life
as to be a porn star? Like, how does that happen?
What does that look like? Can you talk us through
that part of your life. So there's this quote by
he's a rabbi and I believe also a doctor, Mark Gaffney,
and he says that sex is a journey and not
(01:48):
in action. And I love that quote so much because
I think you can look back at maybe your earliest
experience with sexuality, whether it was just a vague thought
that kind of passed by, or like your first experience,
whatever that was, and then compare it to where you
currently are, and you can't help see the evolution of that.
So for me, I mean, and everyone else's is like living,
(02:11):
breathing thing that's constantly evolving or expanding, if we're going
to go off the word. So from a young age,
for probably a multitude of reasons, I was really fascinated
with female sexuality and like the empowerment that can come
from totally owning, unapologetically and obviously at a young age,
(02:31):
that's such a big concept that you don't fully understand
the power of it or how you are necessarily going
to achieve um like stepping into that, you know, inner goddess,
if you will. But I knew when I saw women
like Tara Patrick or Pamela Anderson, I was like, those
women have something and whatever it is, whatever they've kind
of figured out, I want to figure it out. So
(02:54):
I just naturally kind of gravitated towards that. And then
as I was getting older and older, I just I mean,
Craigslist was huge back in the day, and I would
see ads for joining the industry there I'm like, no,
that's too scared, you can't do that. It would be there,
like this little voice in my head, but I would
never kind of pull the trigger on it. So I
started working at Hooters and through that was doing like
(03:17):
centerfold bikini modeling like hot rods and motorcycle bikes that
kind of thing, and through that the industry is very blended,
so there's more money the more you take off, so
people like photographers will try to find someone that they
think would do well and kind of pitch them other
magazines or shoots, um or things of that nature. So
I just had a connection that way. I started um
(03:41):
webcam modeling, so I didn't show anything. It was just
kind of like very deetavanties like t Z but hiding everything,
and I was like, maybe this is going to be
my outlet. It was not. Um there are a lot
of demanding customers if you want to say, on the
other end, and I just am not a very agreeable
person like I just it's not in my nature. Um So,
(04:02):
it's like I don't want this to be the interface.
I want there to be a little bit more quality
control as to what my experience is going to be.
And there's no filter when you just like click go
live on a chatting site. UM So, I found a
website that I had come across and I thought everything
was real, like it was back when we had the
illusion that reality was reality and it wasn't scripted. So
(04:23):
it was these blonde bombshells in Miami in this gorgeous mansion,
and I was like, oh, this is basically like the
Playboy mansion, but Miami. I want to go do that.
So I reached out to them and I was like,
do I audition? How do I? How do can I
be a part of this? This looks like this has
my name all over it? Like, no, never audition. If
(04:45):
someone's asking you to audition, go the other way. That's
not a thing. Um, So please send us your I
D and a couple of photos and we'll go from there.
I got approved and they flew me to Miami and
the rest of history. So okay, wait, so you go
to Miami and you're walking into this like mansion, so
(05:06):
how it then like that's I'm just like what so
like to lift the veil a little bit. It's not
as real as everyone hopes and things that it is.
So you first go to the studio and there's like
an hour worth of compliance and paperwork that you have
to do. You're tested beforehand for you know, a host
of STDs to make sure everyone safe then you go
(05:28):
to hair and makeup. In wardrobe, you meet whoever you're
working with that day, and then you go to location.
So there's different locations per shoot. Like this UM website
is called we Live Live Together, so they tend to
have like more set locations. But yeah, like gorgeous house
in in Miami. You go, you shoot, It's it's not real.
I hate to break that to everybody, but yeah, you
(05:49):
show up and there's very much like a quote script
for for how the scene is to go down. So
it happens every single day. Like every shoot, you're getting tested, know,
so you get tested once every two weeks. Okay, And
are you so like that was obviously one specific production company,
Like you signed up to go do this one shoot
(06:11):
with this company and then are you like in contract
with them or do you then like work with them
for two weeks? Like you said, like how does it go? So? Um,
my case was unique because I had never been in
the industry before, so they like to kind of take
advantage of that, Like if you're not kind of deluded
out there, they know that they can kind of capitalize
on it. So I shot a few scenes during that trip.
(06:34):
Those scenes ended up kind of like skyrocketing to like
the most popular ones on the website, so then they
brought me back and then it was kind of an
ongoing relationship from there. UM. I would say throughout my
time in the industry, which is about like five ish
years in the mainstream industry, UM, I had like three
three or four different contracts, which is kind of unheard
(06:56):
of because most contracts kind of went away and like
the early two thousands, UM. But for me, that was
always like a goal of mine. I liked the stability
that it provided. I liked the sense of control that
it provided, and like predictability, so that was kind of
important for me. But there was definitely there were moments
where I was freelancing, but from the majority of my
career I was under contract and and and those contracts
(07:16):
is it like you're it's already spelled out, like this
is how many scenes you're going to do in the
time frame of the contract, so you're not being overworked
just because you're signed. For sure, Yeah, there's a minimum
and then you can always add additional if you want,
but you have the right to say yes or no
to that, and then you list your boundaries like these
are the scenes I'm willing to shoot. These are the
ones I'm not. These are how I'm pricing them out.
(07:38):
That kind of thing. I love that. What do you
love about that? I mean, I just love how structured
it is because it's I mean, it's true, it's you know,
to me, the whole thing about adult entertainment is like
the people that are so judgmental of it are probably
the ones that are driving most of the revenue. You know.
It's like it is the oldest job of time, and
(08:00):
and um, you know, I think it's really beautiful that
people can can own their bodies and and do with
it what they want and if someone is willing to
pay for you, like you should be able to profit
off of it and not have to worry about judgment.
And you know, it's like it's very well known that
it drives the porn industry, drives technology advancement, like the VCRs,
(08:20):
DVD streaming, like all of it is because of the
demand for pornography. Um, and I look, I do think
there are people that get into trouble with it, and
you have to like mind your p's and ques and
and have a healthy relationship with it. But it's like,
you know, anyone who looks down on someone that like
owns their body and and um and and is able
(08:42):
to profit healthfully from it. Like I have a problem
with that, you know. It's I love that you had
the courage to do that and the wherewithal to be
like this is this is what's exciting to me, and
I'm curious about it, And it's why is that any
different than dentistry? You know, like don't want to work
in someone's mouth? You know, that's a question to me. Well,
(09:04):
let's talk about that a little bit, because you mentioned
earlier like the panel at Anderson Vibe, you know, like
just how you looked at her and you thought she
is someone who is owning her sexuality and you saw
the power behind that. Did you feel that like when
you first started filming, were you feeling powerful or were
you feeling scared shitless? Scared shitless? Yeah, yeah, that's a
muscle that you have to work. And just because you're
(09:26):
having sex on camera does not mean that you all
of a sudden channeled your inner goddess and that you
are this sexy bombshell Like that is not the transition.
So it's more at least for me, um, like the
life cycle of that was because of I guess the
extreme exposure, like it was so unique, you know. I
mean you're kind of like literally getting thrown into the
(09:47):
deep end of sexual sexuality. It's like, okay, well I
can kind of learn what I like, what I don't like,
And because you're in the setting where you are expected
to perform, it's like, okay, I can. I'm not embarrassed
to tap into certain things like maybe you're nervous if
you're with a partner because am I moaning too loud?
Am I trying too hard? What is he going to
(10:08):
think about this outfit and how I'm moving whatever it is?
But you're like, no, that's literally my job, so I
can kind of experiment with how that makes me feel
and try to find like my authentic sexual expression that way.
So it's a ton of trial in their but I
think through like competence and repetition is when you get
that confidence. So it's like the more you do it,
(10:29):
the more aware of what you want because you feel
like it translated in your real life, like it made
your like your sex life outside of work, um, more
adventurous and better for sure. Yeah, and again it's you
weren't having that. You were dealing with all the like
the embarrassment and stress at work, and then you were
(10:49):
able to come home and like have this really healthy
outlook on what you actually really liked and enjoyed and
felt like you were good at. Exactly. Yeah, and again
it's like some things that like maybe andis was nervous
to do in bed. Then I was like I just
turned on Eva, and I was like, she's not she's excited.
It's like your flash of fears. Like well, So that
(11:11):
was a question for me though, because as a woman
like I just turned forty, I keep saying I'm holding
onto forty. I think I'm actually almost closer to forty one.
But um, when I turned forty, I think there's this
like moment in a woman's life where you're really starting
to kind of embrace your own sexuality and and lean
into receiving more and like what I like. I don't
(11:31):
know if that's true for every woman, but for me,
it took me a little bit longer to not be
so focused on my partner. But some of that is
because I think it's really hard to get out of
your head during sex, so I can't imagine doing it
in front of people, Like you just said you were
learning those things about yourself. Why old people are watching?
Like how many people are on set with you guys
(11:53):
when you're filming. I would say the smallest set I've
ever been on is probably three people, and that's when
of those kinds of gonzo handicap kind of things. And
then the biggest set was probably in like the fifties. Really,
so I've been on some really big sets, um like
tons of extras, tons of crews, stunt pete coordinators, all
(12:16):
sorts of things, um, but for me coord yea. So
we did um we did a Kill Bill parody and
I got to be Lucy Lou, which was my dream
because I adore her, and um, we had the original
stunt coordinators for Power Rangers on set with like the
full um wires and the crane and like you got
(12:40):
to go up in the air and do flips. It
was amazing. That was what um it was. It was
Killed Bill triple X. Okay, because I remember there. I
used to live in Los Angeles and there was a
gay porn theater. I don't know if it's still open,
and I remember they had a party called Drill Bill
and that I thought was really funny. I've maybe an
(13:05):
inappropriate question, but that's what I'm here for. Um, Like
are they doing like getting like granular and putting like
makeup on your vagina and stuff like I need a
touch up? Like only I did a Star Wars parody
and I was painted blue like one of those I
forget they're called um with like the weird horns in
the back. So that's I think that's the only time
(13:25):
a vagina has ever had makeup on it, so otherwise
it's just normal. Yeah, Well that kind of leads to
like what is the preparation? Like all of this is
so vulnerable to me, Like I just think of like
I was saying earlier, like you're as a woman, I
think when you're like or maybe this is men too,
but I think men are just a little more driven
(13:47):
by the physical. But we have to get out of
our heads. And I'm thinking about being in a bedroom
with one person, so like if fifty people are watching me,
I'm like, how do I just like drop down into
my body and enjoy the moment? Like what is that like?
And how are you preparing for that? So some people
and I'm definitely in that category like I am in
(14:08):
my zone. If I have an audience, I'm never more
turned on. Like I love that voyeuristic element, so that
is just what gets me going. I know for most
people it's quite the opposite, but for me, that's kind
of my thing. So that's never really bothered me as
far as like prep goes um, like psychological prep. I
(14:30):
think the hardest I've ever done is when I was
leaving the industry in like two thousand and sixteen. I
left with a pretty big showcase and I did like
my first ever DP scene and that was like the
most intense thing I've ever done. I've always been like
a very vanilla, just pretty performer, not really extreme when
into Kinks or anything like that. Um, but that was
(14:50):
something I wanted to try, and I was like, I'm
gonna do this and then I'm going to go do
my own thing. So um that was terrifying because it's like,
how do you know I'm ever done that in my
personal life? Nor did I want to because the logistics
of it, like I don't want to get hurt. I don't.
It's just there's too much going on. So it's like,
if I'm going to do this, this is my opportunity,
(15:10):
so um yeah, I just kind of had to breathe
through it in the bathroom, like Okay, you've got this,
and if you need to stop, you can stop, and
just like knowing at the end of the day, I
was kind of in control of that and it was
it was awesome. I had a great time. I wouldn't
wouldn't do it again in like my real life, like
that's off the table, but I'm glad that I did.
What if you had gotten into that situation and been like,
(15:32):
oh I hate this, Like is there a is there
a scenario where you say okay stop and the whole
production stops or do you have to follow through it
once you'll start? Oh? No, And then that's a huge misconception,
like at the end of the day, like it's your
body and it's something very vulnerable and it's yours. So
like whether or not there's a contract doesn't matter. No
law is going to ever hold that up. So if
(15:53):
anyone's listening, like you are not bound by anything, you
can always say no. Yeah. I would imagine there's power
in at like that's I'm seeing seeing like that being
maybe where the power starts to set in of like
this is my body. I'm in control of what I'm
doing and if you know that, But unfortunately, there's like
a lot of young women specifically that don't, and then
(16:15):
they do feel like, well, I said I would do this,
or maybe they want to take the scene a different way,
and if I don't, I'm going to disappoint people. Um
women tend to be a little bit more agreeable and
like not want that confrontation. So that's an unfortunate reality
within the industry. So, UM, I think a lot of
it comes down to temperament. So like, are you someone
(16:36):
who's comfortable saying no and really setting solid safe boundaries
for yourself or is that difficult because if you're entering
into an industry like that, where like ship happens in
every industry, right, people are vulnerable in every industry. I
just think the people get so ruffled up about porn
is because the potential of it to go extremely wrong
(16:57):
is just more there than it is if you're working
as a waitress or a bartender. Um, So before you
get into something knowing that, I think it's really important
that you, like you practice safe, healthy boundaries and get
really really getting comfortable with that before you kind of
put yourself in a position where you can be more vulnerable.
(17:21):
I've a question, could you, um, sort of paint the
picture of what it like the industry looks like on
the inside and on a set, like, is it like,
is it all men are there are a lot of
women around, does it feel like a safe space? So
that is where I think the hang up is you
get a female makeup artist most of the time, Like
(17:41):
sometimes you'll get some guys, but most of the time
it's female. Um, you might have a female on set
if she's working with you, and there's maybe a handful
of female directors. Other than that, it is like male
male male, so usually you are significantly outnumbered. There's no
intimacy coach, which to me is crazy because I realized
that standard practice mainstream film is they'll have an intimacy
(18:02):
coach there to make sure, um, everyone is comfortable again,
boundaries safe, They run through everything to make sure everyone's
like consciously consenting to everything. Um, they're there. Something does happen,
but there's not one where you are literally actually having sex.
So why is that not a thing that makes no
sense to h Yeah, that's crazy. Sorry, I'm still thinking
(18:26):
about that. One. Um, So as far as like, like
are you attracted to your partners in these films? So
I think that my idea of attraction has evolved since
I was in the industry. It used to be very superficial, right,
like I'm either attracted or I'm not. But when I
was working, I had a guess list of male performers
I would work with, and for me on that scene,
(18:49):
like the most important thing was that I felt safe
and that they were being respectful and professional, and um,
I could trust that they didn't go out clubbing that
night and maybe slept with someone on protected you know,
like these things really important to me. So I like
I found that I was attracted to like their character,
like how at least their character on set, like how
they showed up and kind of like their energy on
(19:11):
set and just appreciating that versus like, Oh, he's super
hot and I can't wait to do this scene. Right,
It's like, what would happen are like, are you picking
the partner or is that something that's like the production
company picks and you agree to, Like what is that process?
Like most of the time, for most performers, they'll just
(19:31):
send you who you're working with. Sometimes the night before. Again,
you can always say no, but the problem is, um
people don't like hearing no, so sometimes you feel like
you can't really say it because you might be seen
as difficult or you might not get recast. So there
definitely can be some trouble that happens because of that.
But typically girls will have like a no list, So
(19:53):
so long as the person isn't on the no list,
then kind of anything as seen as fair game. I
had a yes list, so unless they were already pre
screened and on that list, they couldn't be on there.
So then it kind of saved the hassle of like
issue're going to approve him or not? Oh yeah, yeah,
and you said earlier it's like scripted. I was on
a reality TV show, and so I'm always kind of
explaining to people because it's not like scripted where they
(20:15):
hand you a script and say, Kelly say this, but
it's like, hey, we need you to hit these beats,
and this conversation is about that, like you need to
go in there and you'll need to touch on this.
And so however we get there is kind of on
our own, but we have to hit those beats, Like
what does the script look like for a porn filming.
So for the big parodies, there's actually script, there's actually lines,
(20:37):
and they do like you kind of stick to them.
For more of the reality or gonzo things, it's more
of like you're going to be doing the dishes and
all of a sudden, like your neighbors gonna walk in
and you know, and then it goes from there. And
then they'll usually kind of have um like a vision
board where you have like positions you have to hit,
like we want you to do this for three minutes,
(20:57):
and this for three minutes. And it's and a lot
more scripted than it used to be. Wait, how do
you know what you're doing for three minutes? Like is
there a clock somewhere that you're watching? It's usually the
men that are in charge, thank god, and they are
true professionals, like they've got it down to a science.
So I just have them like move me whenever it
was time for something else. Yeah, that sounds so stressful.
(21:20):
Like do you actually enjoy the sex ever? Sometimes? Yeah? Yeah,
for sure sometimes? And are people actually having orgasms ever? Yeah?
Sometimes for surely. Yeah. I mean it's definitely not It's
not anyone's priority, right, like no one gives a show,
Like the guy behind the cameras like, we have we
have to be out of location by five pm, so
(21:42):
let's get this done. Bonus. It's a good bonus for sure.
When it does happen, that's like a good day at work.
Some positions, like let's be honest, like we've all seen
porn in some positions, it is impossible, like maybe it
looks amazing for the viewer, but it's just not happening right. Well,
(22:04):
I think that's like one of the biggest things I
always are, you know, in conversations with my girlfriends about porn.
It's like one of the biggest things. And I think
are that women complain about about porn. And I'm sure
you've heard this a million times, but like it's definitely
feels more geared to like what a man would want,
because we're like, okay, who would I don't want to
get pounded. Like the sex is not really like geared
(22:26):
to maybe what would get a woman off all the time.
It's more like and then guys are watching that coming
home being like hey, babe, like let's go I want
to like you know whatever that would be called jack rabbit,
you and it's like that doesn't feel good to us,
So like what are you? What do you say about
all of that? As far as like maybe some of
(22:46):
the frustrations from people about porn in that capacity, I
totally understand the frustration. I think when it comes to porn,
it's important to remember that men are like they represent
over of the consumers, So of course it's going to
be made for the male gays. If you if you
watch hetero porn or if you're watching gay porn, it's
shot almost identical like it's so it's not about misogyny
(23:10):
or defiling the woman because it's shot just as um
kind of invasive on on the gay end as well,
Like they're very similar shots, and that's just because of
what tends to turn on a typical male brain. So
it's not there's nothing negative really happening, it's just what
they realized what sells UM. As far as the actual
motions go, you have to think if you were having
sex how you typically would and this again goes like
(23:32):
straight or gay. You're not going to see as much
as you would need to see for the consumer to
understand what's really happening. It's going to look more like
a showtime film, and then again that's not going to
really attract dollars or eyeballs, so it kind of has
to be shot at those like Jack Rabbit really like
intense in and out, like thrusting things so that they
(23:54):
can see everything. Um, So it's not because it feels good.
I'm sure it doesn't even like feel great for the
male warmer, but it's just for visuals. So I think
it's important to remember it's entertainment and it's not an
instruction manual. But at the same time, if you see
a position, you're like, that looks really fun. It's kind
of like if you had a commissuture book and you
wanted to try something. So I think you should always
(24:15):
be open to it and like remain curious and playful,
and if your partner brings something to you, like not
to discourage them or shame them or make them feel embarrassed,
but like let them and the next time it's your turn,
you know what I mean, Like kind of like that
back and forth. I love that though it's it's just entertainment,
it's not like a rule book or a guide book necessarily,
And so then you can look at some of the
things and let's try that and see if it's fun,
(24:37):
but it's not necessarily like this is how you have sex,
and if you're not sex that way, then like what's
wrong with you? Or this is boring or something like that. Yeah.
I think it's like the fast and the furious is
not how you should drive it either, exactly. But we
had proper drivers, said, and I think we haven't had
proper sex. Said, So that's where the confusion happened. Yeah,
(25:01):
that's so true. Okay, Well, so there's so many stigmas
around porn in general, and I think the conversation is
so divisive. It's like it's poor and bad for relationships.
Is it good for relationships? Is it good for our brains?
Is it bad for our brains? Like, no one really
seems to have a, you know, a definitive answer. Where
do you stand on all of that? I think it's
that old adage that the difference between a toxic and
(25:22):
a tonic is the dosage, And I think that that's
true for most things. Is food a problem for some people? Absolutely?
Is food a problem for most people? Know? Is pooring
a problem for some people? Absolutely? Is poor and a
problem for most people. Know? So it depends on the
user and how you're using it and how much of
(25:43):
it you're using. So it's like anything else. I mean,
if you look at Instagram, I think it was last
year they released the files because they were trying to
create a sister platform for like teenagers for like thirteen
and under. Ended up getting disapproved because of the studies
that came out and we're showing the mental well being
(26:04):
of young girls and it was catastrophic as far as
thoughts of depression, thoughts of suicide, eating disorders, confidence, um.
All of these things were tanking in young girls. So like, no,
we can't do this, But we don't see anyone getting
riled up or asking if Instagram is moral or not.
It's just we still have this shame that's residual around sexuality.
(26:26):
So that's why it just gets so easily inflamed when
you bring it up in a conversation. But to be fair,
you would have to compare it to other modalities. So
again you'd have to compare it to social media compared
to alcohol, tobacco, um. At the end of the day,
it's kind of the responsibility of the user to make
sure that they're consuming something within a healthy level, So
is it healthy for relationships? That absolutely can be. It
(26:49):
can be the best way to spice things up, to
break you out of your routine, to provide you with
some new ways to connect with your partner. And it
doesn't involve bringing someone else into the bedroom, right Like,
it kind of can spark your creativity in that way. Now,
if you have someone that's over indulging in it and
they're taking care of all of their needs and they're
(27:09):
never connecting with you sexually, I can see how you
can see the porn is the problem. But the porn
is not the problem. That's kind of the the symptom
that's showing up. The problem is the connections. You have
to ask why is my partner avoiding connection with me?
Have I done something to maybe the show that I'm
not interested? Is he not interested in me for some
(27:31):
other reason? Is he had? Right? Like, you have to
sit down with them and see like what's really happening
at the bottom of everything, and not blame the symptom
for the issue. Otherwise something else is going to replace
the porn and you're not going to fix the problem.
That That makes so much sense to me because when
I look back at my relationships, like if porn has
ever been an issue or a case of an argument
(27:52):
for us, It wasn't the porn that bothered me. It
was the secrecy. So it was like actually a block
of intimacy that was happening versus like, oh, you want
to look at another woman naked, like, that's not that
wasn't the thing that was setting me off? Does that make?
And how? And then I would ask, and I would
ask a lot of listeners because I know I've fallen
into this category. It's like, how many times have you
(28:13):
offered a safe space where they could trust you to
come to you with that information? Because I know that
there were times where my partner would come to me
and there would he's like, I'm not going to do
it because I know how she's going to react. So
I also didn't give him like he didn't trust that
he could confide in me. So it could goes both ways.
So if you want that vulnerability and that honesty, you
(28:34):
can't punish them when they do come to you with
with what's going on. Yeah, we had a dominatrix on
a couple of months ago, and she was talking about
that because some of her clients, I asked, like do
their partners at home know about you or not know
about you? And with the ones who came to her
and they didn't know, it was because they didn't feel safe,
(28:54):
And I was saying, like that would be a really
like it's it's like the fear starts driving us all, like,
well what does it mean if you know? And I
think we can get in our own heads and like
either go to our own sense of self worth gets
challenged or whatever that is. So it is something that
like we have to really work through within ourselves and
with our partners. I don't know, it's really interesting. Well,
(29:16):
speaking of partners, you are married and you you guys
were together throughout your your career in porn, and so
how did that work? Um? It was it was really
tough to navigate, and we didn't have anyone to ask.
We didn't never knew anyone that was in the industry
(29:36):
that was married or entering it um together. Like usually
people would meet on set and then that's how their
relationship would be established. So kind of entering that without
a clue was super difficult and it demanded a ton
of again trust on both ends to be able to
have really difficult conversations, um allow him to express what
(29:58):
he was going through, because honestly, he probably went through
more than I did. It's weird. I feel like our
society and our friends and just who we kind of
like found ourselves surrounding ourselves with judged him more than
they judged me. And the narrative was like, you let
her do this, and he's like, I didn't let her
(30:18):
do anything, Like she is has full agency to make
her own decisions. UM. So that concept always always gets
me a little bit like flustered, because it's almost like
I'm not a full person with the capability of making
my own decisions. But um, it was a conversation for
over over two years before I actually did my first
(30:38):
boy girl scene, and like, what does this look like?
And he essentially got to the point where he was like,
I don't want to give you an ultimatum. I don't
want there to be resentment down the road. If this
is something you really feel like you need to go experience,
then go experience it. And I'm going to try to
be here for you. On the other side, I can't
promise you because I don't know how I'm going to
respond to this, but I'm going to try, and for me,
(31:02):
I just kind of had this maybe the naive confidence
that we would figure it out. So I never really
felt like it was a real risk to the relationship
even though it was. It wasn't easy. Um, And thank
god I'm married to the man that I am, because
he's like the most zen and self aware person that
just really truly leads into discomfort on a level I've
(31:22):
never seen. So obviously we we made it. It worked out,
but it certainly isn't for the faint of heart, right.
And now you guys have two boys, and so I'm curious,
like I mean, specifically with young boys, like how are
you going to have those conversations and like what do
you what do you feel like navigating that will look
like with them? So we have no clue how it's
(31:46):
going to happen. It's really important that we're the first
people to kind of introduce that idea to them, like
this is kind of mom's past. I don't want someone
to like just put an iPhone in his face and
him be taken it back and have no clue because
that's not there to him or to them. Um. But
it's it's introducing our values and principles at age appropriate points.
(32:08):
So for example, my three year old, he's already super
curious about his body, so he's asking like what is this?
What is this? And we give him the accurate terms
or like this is your penis, these are your testicles,
and he's like, oh, what what do what do they do?
And we just answer like, there's no shame around your body.
So that's like where we're introducing this foundation right now
(32:28):
at this age. It's like there's no shame. You're allowed
to ask questions, You're allowed to like explore, you know,
and be like what is what's the purpose of that? Um,
he like walks around the house naked half the time,
or like swims naked. There's no shame around the naked body. UM.
And obviously we give him like rules that you can't
go to target naked, but that's not okay, Like this
(32:50):
is your safe container and you can you can be
there be like that here. UM. As far as like
how do you treat people or do you treat people
all like a bully? Are you unkind? Are you intentionally
trying to cause pain by showing someone something that you
know maybe they're not supposed to see? There is material
(33:10):
that are that is for adults only, that this falls
in that category. He shouldn't be showing you. He shouldn't
be watching it himself. Healthy boundaries. You're allowed to say, no,
I'm not going to look at your phone. That's not
for me. I was a whole person before I had children.
I was a sexual person before children. After children, I'm
still a sexual person, and that's my right to express
(33:33):
that how I want. Um, you know, it's a it's
a super complex thing. And think also it's super critical
that he has that relationship with his father and then
they have that you know, sacred masculine space where they're
allowed to talk about me to their dad, and it's
truly express how they might not want me to hear
and see or whatever, and then then to kind of
(33:54):
have that between them and work it out there as well.
So it's we'll will tell you when it happens. I
have no idea. I just know I loved them to death,
and I hope that they don't feel shame around me
or their body or their own bodies, and that they
are able to kind of set their own healthy boundaries
when someone is acting out of line, do you ever,
(34:17):
I'm assuming are they in school yet? I guess you
said he's three, right, he goes to like a pre
k Okay, So what like, what's your relationship with other moms?
Do they know this about you? When I find out?
Are they like? What like? Do like are you getting
judged all the time? So my close friends that have
kids already knew, so we you know, we're friends before children.
(34:39):
But as far as the school moms, I don't think
anyone knows yet. I know it's a matter of time,
and I have I have no idea that uncertainty really
is something that I struggle with a lot because I'm
getting more involved with school and we have these chat
groups going on, and like when am I going to
get kicked out of the chat group? Like I'm just
where I go to text, So when they're like, you're
(35:00):
blocked from this right in this group chat? Yeah. I
was just wondering if people like women specifically would feel
threatened around you, like if that would be heightened for you.
I think probably unfortunately, And again you know it has
nothing to do with me, and that's easy to say,
but it's still going to suck. Um. I guess where
(35:20):
I get more emotional and like hope that it doesn't
go a potential dark route is where they tell, you know,
their kids that they can't play with mine, right suck. Yeah, well,
I would imagine a lot of that would probably come
from their insecurities around their husband's being attracted to you are,
and like, yeah, I mean, look, I'm I don't I
(35:42):
don't know your your past, but like, you're obviously incredibly
intelligent and well spoken, and I would hope that that
is what they receive and they can see past that,
because let's face it, there are people like on paper
that you know, seem perfect because they their job are
they're supposed to do, but they're fucking terrible people and
(36:03):
they stay in the chat group because you know, it's like,
you know, I just would have hope that the people
that you're around and that your friends are, that your
kids are friends with, like are just better people than that.
You know, it's you're you. You are defying any sort
of stereotypes that I would have had um And you know,
(36:24):
I think that that's that's why it's important that we like,
I don't like to walk through life with judgment. I
do think that like society forces judgment on people, and
we have to make choices to like what we want
to believe in, how we want to conduct ourselves as
human beings. And it's important to have conversations with people
that are stepping outside of the comfort zone and doing
(36:46):
things that are making themselves curious and discovering what's going
to make you a whole person, because it makes it
really real and it you know, it's I don't know,
I'm just like I'm thrilled by this conversation because I
think that's like you break the mold, like and it's like,
I love that you have a podcast and you're out
there like sharing your knowledge with the world, and um
(37:07):
so anybody who fuck anyone who kicks you out of
the well, I have a question kind of in line
with that, but maybe a little bit. It's just more
about the stigma. Like I think when people look at
people who do porn, they're like, what happened to them
as a child? Like, what is the do you hear
(37:28):
that a lot? Is that true? Is that true for
part of your story? Like we don't know much about
your back story. But so to tie together, they've done
studies where they've kind of compared control groups and then
people that were in some sort of sex work, and like,
there's essentially no difference. The only differences were that the
people that were in some form of sex work had
(37:49):
more more sexual partners obviously, um, increased risk for STDs obviously,
and more self confidence. So again it goes through like
the moreks THO, sure you have, the more confidence you
can get you can gain in whatever you know trade
that you're in. But um, as far as did you
come from abuse or are you a drug user, are
(38:10):
you experiencing homelessness, whatever those things are, there's no difference
between the control group and the sex workers. UM. For me,
I did have an abusive household growing up. I didn't
have a dad for the majority of my childhood. So
people are like, ha ha ha of course, but you
know that's also fifty not the abuse part, but like
(38:32):
having no dad in the home. That's about fifty percent
unfortunately of most people. UM, So it's not like fift
of people are in porn or intos work. Yeah. So
that's just how the chips kind of falled for me
or fell for me. UM. I think also, I mean
that you can't deny that not having a dad would
(38:53):
kind of create some kind of subconscious message of trying
to get some kind of male validation or right. Yeah,
I don't deny that whatsoever, But I mean you could
look at anything are The reason that we are who
we are is a constellation of events. So to kind
of pinpoint one thing doesn't really make sense. It's like
(39:13):
you're almost intentionally trying to connect dots to serve whatever
narrative that you want. So I can't say indefinitely it
was because my dad left when I was little. No,
it's it's a host of things. And also I've really
like done a lot of thought exercises and I joked
with my husband, um, where there was this movie on Netflix?
It was, um, what was it? It was like the
(39:35):
girl there's two version to life stories that she was
living out and it was essentially, no matter what, you
end up where you're supposed to be and was it
everything everywhere all at once? No, it was wan. It
was this like little blonde girl and she was kind
of trying to become a cartoonista. But essentially the point
(39:55):
was like, no matter what, your life is going to
kind of fall into place. And for me it was
no matter what I was going to end up naked
on camera, like that was part of my journey. Yeah,
I just I just know that in my bones, the
only things that would have changed are maybe like certain
structures of business deals or maybe like timings of certain things, um,
(40:17):
not nothing like really consequential. Yeah. Well, I think that's
what's so interesting and that to me, that is what
the word expansion really kind of invites people to question,
is like, like we all have these journeys and like
you said, it's mapped out, and it maybe like yours
looks like being naked on camera, Well, my might have
looked like something completely different, but it's a similar type
(40:38):
of like seeking or you know, chasing the things from
our childhood that we're trying to close out or whatever
it is. But it's part of our journey. And I
think it's so interesting that we get so judgey of
other people's journeys to that, Like, as long as you're
to me looking at this like growth process of how
do I evolve? How do I get to my next thing? Um,
(41:00):
it's all really important and it's not my place to say, well, Candice,
you should not have done porn to get there, Like,
if that's what gets you to get closer to you, great,
you know, like it doesn't matter. Does that make sense? No,
it totally doesn't. By looking at someone else's mess, you're
not focusing on your own. So we must do that
as a distraction, right right. Um, well, let's talk a
(41:23):
little bit about your podcast. It's called Chatting with Candice.
I love your description. I'm just gonna read it really fast.
It says, I believe that life is messy and that's okay,
that thinking for yourself is rare but necessary, and that
we should always be expanding our curiosity. This podcast aims
to have conversations that are thought provoking and challenge you
to become a critical thinker. To talk a little bit
about the podcast. What kind of guests can people look
(41:44):
to find on your podcast? I have everything from porn
stars to neuroscientists to best selling authors, um, to mathematicians
to people that are in politics. I mean it goes everywhere.
I recently had UM someone on and we did we
talked about psychedelics. I would say a lot of the
upcoming guests are really getting into like the divine feminine
(42:08):
and kind of like sexual expression and um, like more
in in that female energy, find your goddess kind of category. UM,
I've had relationship experts on so it's really whatever. I'm
kind of like digging into it at that moment, like
whatever is like really sparking my curiosity, and I'll get
a whole bunch of people and then switch topics or
(42:30):
maybe find someone new and then kind of, you know,
go on the topic based off of an individual. So
it totally depends. Yeah, I was listening earlier. I cannot
remember the doctor's name, Laura sort of the p maybe,
but she was talking about different kind of sex research
that's happening right now and it was fascinating and I
can't remember her name, so it's not oh, um, Dr Prouse. Yes, yeah, Yeah,
(42:54):
that was a great episode. Um, it's pretty I feel
like it's pretty in line with a lot of the
stuff we talk about on here, and it's just the
same thing we're saying. It's just expanding people's minds and
staying curious in life and like what is life here
to show us? What are the lessons? So you guys
go check that out. It's called Chatting with Candice. I
will um put the description in this podcast. I want
(43:16):
to ask you one more question, what is a way
in your life right now? That you feel like you
are expanding. So I'm heavily focusing on the podcast, and
that's kind of the evolution when I made the decision
to share like I'm Candice, I'm not Eva, you know,
with my fans and with the public. That was a
(43:37):
huge step for me and no one had really done
that before. UM, So I guess the purpose of that
was to kind of like drive home Candice is the
real person and Eva exists on set and I'm like
so much more than what you can google, and just
trying to kind of showcase that. UM, my husband and
(43:58):
I focus every year on doing something new that kind
of challenges us and brings us together a little bit
more in a new, unique way. So this year we're
doing this thing called Fit for Service and it's with
Aubrey Marcus and um like his whole career. So we
have like three summits this year and there's like weekly
coaching calls and it's just really focusing on the relationship
(44:21):
and for us, UM, just like intimacy, Like how can
we get radical intimacy because obviously you're with someone for
over a decade, you think this is it. We have
reached this, you know, the top of the mountain and
it's like, no, there's always deeper you can go into
relationship and there's always more intimacy to be found. It's like,
how can we do that? And especially after having, you know,
a second kid and that baby is still very young,
(44:44):
re establishing that connection. So that's kind of the theme
of this year and expanding through that way my love.
Oh yeah, and being a mom too. I'm sure that
adding the second child is always a journey of expansion. Yes, well, Canadas,
Thank so much for being here. I love talking to you.
This is fascinating to me. Um tell the listeners where
(45:05):
else they can find you. Yeah, thank you for having me.
This is amazing. I really appreciate it. Um. So you
can follow me on um any of my socials you
go to Chatting with Candas dot Com has all of
my Candice socials and the podcast, and then if you
want to follow me on Twitter, you can find me
at fall in Louivia. You actually have to type it
in because I'm shadow band under the old regime and
(45:26):
no one will remove it. So yeah, you actually have
to type out the whole thing to find me there. Okay,
well we'll put all of that in the description of
the podcast. Like I said, and again, thank you so
much for being here. Thank you
Host
Kelly Henderson
Popular Podcasts
40s and Free Agents: NFL Draft Season
Daniel Jeremiah of Move the Sticks and Gregg Rosenthal of NFL Daily join forces to break down every team's needs this offseason.
Dateline NBC
Current and classic episodes, featuring compelling true-crime mysteries, powerful documentaries and in-depth investigations. Follow now to get the latest episodes of Dateline NBC completely free, or subscribe to Dateline Premium for ad-free listening and exclusive bonus content: DatelinePremium.com
The Bobby Bones Show
Listen to 'The Bobby Bones Show' by downloading the daily full replay.