Dear Nina: Conversations About Friendship

Episode #95: Oversharing, overtalking, undertalking, undersharing, small talk, deep talks, mismatches in vulnerability, and the art of listening---these are the tricky friendship topics we are dealing with today. I'm joined by Micaela Blei, a GrandSLAM-winning storyteller and former founding Director of Education at The Moth.

Topics we covered:

• There is no right or wrong in how much to talk or how much to...

Episode #94: Everyone runs into bumps in their friendships. Trust me, I have a decade's worth of writing material from readers and listeners to prove that point. But when are friendship issues getting to the point where addressing them with a therapist is highly recommended? I'm joined by award-winning psychotherapist, Roxanne Francis, who responded brilliantly and graciously to the five areas of friendship dilemmas I hea...

Episode #93: A quick conversation about the subtle hurts that can make friendship difficult. It's the small slights I cover on Dear Nina in general, not the giant betrayals.

Why? The big "stuff" is much more black and white, and we don't need much conversation around whether to stay friends.

Today I also have a big instagram tip if you're looking to change your Instagram handle. I changed mine to @dearninafri...

Episode #92: For anyone who has been hurt by a friend--or a group of friends--recently or in the past, this 14-minute episode is for you. It's a solo episode that came from my reaction to a TikTok video I saw by a woman who was left out of a group trip years ago and has decided she will never trust anyone with her friendship again. 

Other titles I considered: (and all relate to this 14-minute episode!)

• Not All Women Are Vici...

Episode #91: Dr. Lisa Damour's latest book, The Emotional Lives of Teenagers , is out in paperback. On this episode we revisit the best nuggets of my previous conversation with Dr. Lisa, focusing on teen and tween friend groups and all of the anxiety that goes along with parenting a teen who is dealing with not being in a group. We cover teens not liking their place in a group, wishing they had a group, wishing they had a smal...

Episode #90: Many of us say we would be there for our friends in an emergency, but that's often theory until it's tested. Not everyone can rise to the occasion. And crisis is a time when the friends you want around you and the ones you may need to leave behind (even for just a while) becomes very clear.

Kelly Lang, co-author with her husband, Mike, of The Miracle Child: Traumatic Brain Injury and Me is a brain i...

Episode #89: Do you ever feel like you or someone you know is just not “good at” friendship? It's never too late to address negative patterns in our friendships or any relationship. Today's guest, author Christie Tate, author of B.F.F.: A Memoir of Friendship Lost and Found, set out to break decades of unhealthy cycles in her friendships. Do you think you "suck at friendship" as Christie thought before she start...

Episode #88: Managing differences of opinion with friends can get tricky. An obvious area is politics, but smaller differences also get between friends, like parenting decisions.

Examples: parents who give their kids a phone and social media years before the other friend; public vs. private school; where you live; how you vacation---those are not as divisive as politics, but it's an ongoing difference in your choices...

Episode #87: Shows like The Golden Girls and Grace & Frankie are beloved by so many, but also treated as a fantasy. What if platonic life partnerships didn't have to be merely a dream? What if you didn't have to wait until retirement age to consider centering your life around friendship?

Today's guest, Rhaina Cohen, author of The Other Significant Others: Reimagining Life with Friendship at the Center, profiles pl...

Episode #86: Making friends and deepening existing friendships starts with some basic truths.

• "Every friendship starts with an act of bravery. And every friendship goes to the next level because of someone's act of bravery. "
• "Do not wait for the other person to make the first move. It's always your turn."

These are just two of many wise and thoughtful quotes about making friends and deepening fr...

Episode #85: "The more the merrier" is a common expression for good reason. Most of us don't want to be considered exclusive. We want others to feel welcomed and comfortable around us. But there are times when the more the merrier is not the case-- when the group dynamics for a particular event won't work if everyone comes along.

In episode 85, I have a tough conversation with Danielle Bayard Jackson, an incredib...

Episode #84:  Debra Arbit and I tell our real-life friendship story, which is a great example of going from barely acquaintances to close friends in our 40s. Well, when we met Debra was still in her 30s, but I was in my 40s. We share the emails and texts that move us from office-mates to friends. 

Debra and I don't agree on everything, but we do agree that inviting people into your home is one way to significantly mo...

Episode #83: Have you ever befriended your ex's ex? Today's episode focuses on the potential friendship that comes from a shared hurt and a shared healing. I was intrigued when Lara Starr emailed me about her "sister exes." Lara has written extensively in her Substack, It's Kind of a Long Story, about the friendships that came from bonding with the women who were emotionally hurt by the same man.

...

Episode #82: The friendships formed during difficult, even dark, periods of our lives create a lasting impact unlike any other bond. These friendships "in the trenches" can come in many forms---a health crisis, a traumatic experience, or even experiencing an especially intense work environment with a harsh boss and terrible hours.

This week's guest, Jenny Leon, talks about some of the "in the trenches&q...

Episode #81: Have you ever held back sharing good news because you sensed a friend wasn't truly celebrating with you? Do you have friends who show up in bad times, but are slow to show support in good times? This episode is for you! I share some thoughts on identifying the friends who want to hear your good news, how to develop more friendships like that, and how to be that kind of friend to others. 

Then, my guest, C...

Episode #80: "Neediness" has come up in plenty of episodes, but this is the first one dedicated to that loaded word. The episode was inspired by a letter from a listener--author, Sally Vardaman, who found herself reacting to my mom's story in episode #72 about her decision to end a friendship over what she called, "neediness." Sally's letter was so reflective and insightful that I asked her to come on ...

Episode #79: Bri McKoy is a cookbook author and military wife who has moved seven times in 12 years. She went from burning everything in the kitchen to learning to cook as a way to create community. Have you ever wondered how to make good friends in a new city? Bri has repeatedly accomplished this task with some towns proving harder than others. 

Bri's husband, Jeremy, has been deployed four times since they were mar...

Episode #78: You feel good potential friendship chemistry with someone, but then what to do next?  This is an episode about pursuing a new friend. (We also get into some texting etiquette.)

• How do you pursue the friendship in a way that lets the other person know you're interested, but doesn't scare them off?
•  And if you're someone who already has a full social life, how do you make time for a new friend...

Episode #77: If there's one thing we need these days, it's some joy and laughter. It's dark times. And while today's story of a heartbreak from a friendship breakup isn't exactly what we think of as funny on its own, I am thrilled to tell you that there is a fantastic comedian out there who has made humor and art out of a painful friendship breakup he had in college.

Gabe Mollica's one-man sho...