@DrWendyWalsh (12/03) Hour 1

Dr. Wendy is sharing incredible love stories of people who had to overcome obstacles in finding love.

Episode Transcript

(00:00):
You're listening to KFI AM six fortyon demand, so I'm PFI A and
six forty. We're live everywhere onthe iHeartRadio app. I know you've been
waiting for this. I've been talkingabout this for a couple of weeks.
This is my Doctor Wendy after DarkSpecial, and we're calling it Worthy of
Love because I fully believe that everysingle human on the planet is worthy of

(00:26):
love. There are many people whofind it difficult to find partners sometimes because
they're lacking relationship skills and a lotof that, and they have a faulty
model for love and a lot ofthat is taught in their home, in
their family of origin. Other peoplemay have different abilities, As one of
my upcoming guests tells me, notto use the word disabilities. Different abilities.

(00:53):
Maybe those different abilities may be physicalor maybe mental, maybe they're not
neurotypical, if you will, ormaybe there's something that they've done or experienced
in their past that causes some stigma. And oh, don't we love to
shame people? Don't we love totell somebody that they're not good enough,

(01:18):
that we're better than them. It'ssomething that humans do and it's very,
very cruel. On this show,you are going to meet a number of
people who have had difficulty finding matesbut have succeeded. They've succeeded because they
had self esteem and self worth,they believed in love, they believed in

(01:41):
themselves. Before we get going,I want to remind you I have a
PhD in clinical psychology. I'm apsychology professor at cal State Channel Islands.
I've written three books on relationships becausethe science of love is my passion,
and my dissertation was done on attachmenttheory. I'm not a therapist, although
I'm a veteran of participating in therapyfor good eighteen years, and I just

(02:05):
love to report on all the variousaspects of interpersonal relationships and human bonding.
And I want to tell you howI got the idea for this special.
It came from the guests who I'mabout to introduce. I got a call
from someone wanting to connect me witha woman who they said is so dynamic

(02:27):
and she has this great idea fora matchmaking service and she was going to
help all these people who are differentor might be stigmatized in some way find
mates. When I got her onthe phone, I was so impressed with
her poise, her ability to describethe problem, and the fact that she's

(02:47):
getting at it and solving this problem. Her matchmaking service is called Loveworthy and
believe it or not, it's thefirst and only all inclusive matchmaking service.
It specializes in matching adults with eachother. They may be people who experienced
incarceration. They may be people whoworked in the adult film industry. They

(03:13):
may be people that are LGBTQIA plus, or people who practice ethical non monogamy.
This Loveworthy matchmaking service is body positiveand it is all inclusive. They
promised to work with everyone from allbackgrounds, all ages who are seeking traditional
or non traditional relationships. They believeeveryone is worthy of love. I would

(03:39):
like to welcome the founder, EveMarlowe. Hi, Eve, Hello,
thank you so much for having me. It's such a pleasure to meet you
in person. After that dynamic phoneconversation we had earlier. Absolutely, so
let's start with your experience that gaveyou the idea to create this kind of
matchmaking service. I can believe you, see this is the business of radio.

(04:01):
They can't see you that such abeautiful, attractive woman would ever have
a difficult time finding a mate,Why was it tough for you? So
I am actually a retired adult filmstar, and that I mean, dating
is already hard, right, Sofor the average person, dating is already
difficult for a lot of people,But then you add this layer of being

(04:26):
an adult film star where you goto a restaurant and you might get recognized
by the staff. It puts alot of pressure on the people that you're
dating, and a lot of peoplearen't comfortable with it. I was having
a tough time on the dating appswhen I would tell people I wanted to
be open and honest about my job, and when I told them, they

(04:46):
automatically went to hooking up with me. So I gonna go one of two
ways, right, like, oh, that's cool, can we meet tonight?
Or uh, thank you very much, ma'am moving along one hundred percent.
And it was really hard to convincethese people that I was ready for
a long term, committed partnership whilestill being an adult film star. They

(05:11):
couldn't because at the time you werestill working in the industry. I was,
and so I went to a matchmakerbecause I thought, Okay, this
online dating thing is not working,and I don't know where to find people.
So I went to a matchmaker.It's an old school matchmaker, the
match in person. So you tellthem what you're looking for and then they
have a vast network of people andthen they set you up on a date

(05:33):
with high quality people who are compatiblewith you. And I thought, great,
this is exactly what I need,so I don't waste my time swiping
for hours anymore. And I wentto this matchmaker and I did a phone
interview with her. We were onfacetimes. She said that she loved my
looks, she loved my personality.She was super excited, and then she

(05:56):
asked me what I did for work, and I want wanted to be honest
with her because I want someone toaccept me for all of me and adult
work is a part of me andit's been a part of my life for
a long time and I want someonewho is okay with that. So I
was honest with her, and Itold her that I was in the adult

(06:19):
industry and she just said, ohno, I can't. I can't take
you on as a client. Shedidn't think that any of her members would
want to date me, and shealso just she said that if she took
on someone of my kind, thenyou're kind. Oh no, did she

(06:42):
say that this woman with three headsI can't manage your kind? I exactly
if she took on someone of mykind, then she would start to attract
more people like me, and she, god forbid, might become a matchmaker
for porn stars, because that wouldbe awful, right, Oh my goodness.
Yeah, So Eve, tell mewhat that experience felt like to you.

(07:05):
Emotionally, It was very difficult becauseit was not the first time I
had been rejected. So when yousign up to be in the adult industry
of any kind, you start toexperience rejection of all kinds. Sometimes it's

(07:26):
from your parents. Luckily that wasn'tmy case. Shout out mom. Sometimes
it's you know, when you're applyingfor other jobs, a lot of people
won't hire you if you have doneadult work, and it's definitely you get
a ton of rejection from potential matchesand potential lovers. So I was just

(07:48):
getting turned down again and again andagain, and I felt like I was
getting dehumanized when everyone was turning towanting sex right after I told them my
career, and when she said thatshe couldn't help me. This was my
last resort. This was really likethe last, the last you know,

(08:09):
end that I could do. Ihad already tried it all. I tried
in person, I tried online dating. I was swiping for hours, I
was going on bad dates or noteven making it to the date, and
she was like my last hope.And when she told me that she couldn't
help me, I felt devastated,like like I wasn't worthy of love,
like no one would love me becauseof my choice and career. So we

(08:33):
have to go to break and whenwe come back, you're going to tell
us how this seed became the beginningof your new business, Loveworthy. You're
listening to The Doctor Wendywell Show andKFI AM six forty were live everywhere on
the iHeartRadio app. You're listening toKFI AM six forty on demand. Welcome
back to the Doctor Wendywell Show onKFI AM six forty live everywhere on the

(08:56):
iHeartRadio app. This is my veryspecial two hour Worthy of Love Show because
I believe everybody is worthy of love. My guest Eve Marlowe, founder of
love Worthy, which is an allinclusive matchmaking service. Eve also is a
retired actress from the adult film industry. Okay, Eve, So you went

(09:22):
to a matchmaker even she rejected youthe apps weren't working. How did this
become the seed of your new business? Well, first I cried a little
bit, and then I realized thatthere was a gap in the market,
that it was untapped and it neededsomeone to come into this business and fill

(09:43):
it. And we should say thatyou are a trained, licensed matchmaker.
You went to a school for this, I am. I did. I
went to an institute for matchmaking andI got my certification pretty much right after
I got rejected. I used thatto fuel my passion for finding other people

(10:03):
love who have difficulty just like Ido. So it's interesting that although you
yourself aren't focused on finding love foryourself at this time, you're now working
to help others. How did thatcome about? I'm always open to finding
love, but right now I amso focused on helping other people find love.

(10:24):
It's really fulfilling so much in meright now, and I just,
yeah, I love what I did. I know what Sigmund Freud would call
that, by the way he callsit sublimation. Sublimation is a defense mechanism
against psychic pain, where you takeyour own pain, you recognize that pain
in other people, you go tocare and help and heal them, and

(10:45):
at the same time, you healyourself. It's self consoling. Well,
that is exactly what's happening, exactly. That's one of the reasons why people,
by the way, who have beenthrough addiction treatment often become sponsors to
help others because it continues their ownhealing while they're they're helping others. So
tell me about your clients. Whatkind of people do you represent? What
kind of people? I said,like that matchmaker. No, No,

(11:07):
not at all. It's there's ahuge variety of people that we have in
our database. So we have awoman who owns a law firm, but
she's open minded and okay that Iwas an adult film actress, and that
she may be dating people in theadult industry. And then we have people

(11:30):
that are in the adult industry ofcourse looking for love. Sometimes we match
them up with other people in theadult industry, and sometimes we match them
up with people who are not soall. I just asked this question because
I know every listener is thinking itright now. When you have sex on
camera, is that very different thanhaving sex with someone you're in love with
it definitely is for me anyways.But I feel like it's more like a

(11:54):
one day hookup, you know,like when you hook up with someone and
it's just like that one night flaing. That's kind kind of what a movie
is. It's like it's just afling when you're in love with someone.
That adds a whole different layer anddepth to the intimacy. Interesting. Well,
thanks for sharing that. Okay,So you also mentioned that your body

(12:15):
positive. I know that some peopleare stigmatized in our culture for having non
traditional body types. You represent peoplelike that as well as LGBTQ. Absolutely,
we are all inclusive, non judgmental, open minded, and we firmly
believe that everyone is worthy of loveand can find love, and we have

(12:37):
been proving that. Can you tellme a story of somebody you matched,
Yes, definitely. So. Wehad an adult film star and she felt
just very similarly to how I did, and she was kind of on her
last She wasn't feeling good about herselfher dating life, and she actually was

(13:00):
thinking about exiting the industry just sothat she could find love. The problem
is, even when you exit theindustry, even when you've retired, there
are still people who won't accept thatthat was your past. Oh even if
you don't love to judge people's pasttoo, yeah, present exactly exactly.
So I reassured her that there areopen minded individuals and she is capable of

(13:22):
being loved, and we set herup with someone who was not in the
industry and just open minded to it, and she ended up staying in the
industry and they have been together fora few months now. Isn't that wonderful?
So how can people contact you?And how can people be represented by
you as a matchmaker at Loveworthy?So our website is loveworthy dot us,

(13:46):
as is our Instagram and our Twitteris loveworthy underscore us loveworthy dot us,
loveworthy dot us. Yes, Ilove that, not us US. It's
all about us asks together, EveMarlowe, I wish you every success.
Thank you so much for giving methe idea for this show, and thank

(14:07):
you for the good work that youdo for so many people. Thank you
so much for having me. There'sanother group of people who are having often
great difficulty finding mates, sometimes becausethey're stigmatized, but more often because they're
not neurotypical and they're missing many socialskills and relationship skills. Next up,

(14:28):
I have a dating coach who onlyhelps. She's like the wing woman.
She helps people who are on theautism spectrum. Let's meet Mandy when we
come back. You're listening to theDoctor Wendy Wall Show on KFI AM six
forty. We're live everywhere on theiHeartRadio app. You're listening to KFI AM
six forty on demand. Welcome backto the Doctor Wendy Wall Show and KFI

(14:50):
AM six forty live everywhere on theiHeartRadio app. This is my very special
Worthy of Love episode because I believeeverybody is worthy of love. I know
that probably therapists see people all thetime who go into a therapist's office saying
I'm lonely. We know that chronicloneliness is epidemic in our country right now,

(15:16):
and so I thought I would inviteon a mental health professional who hears
these stories every single day and helpspeople, you know, bolster their self
esteem enough to find the love theydeserve. So I'd like to welcome doctor
Eva Ritfo, a Miami based psychiatristwith a clinical practice. Hello, doctor
Ritfou, how are you hi,Doctor Wendy Walls. It's a pleasure to

(15:39):
be with you. So do yousee are you seeing this epidemic of chronic
loneliness in our culture? Well,I'm sad to say absolutely yes, it's
very very common. It's common amongstall ages, it's common amongst everybody that
I see that people are having amuch harder time connecting than they did in
the past. And what kinds ofinterventions are you able to do? How

(16:03):
are you able to help people getout of the state. Well, I
am a psychiatrist, So if astate has progressed really to a depression where
they're not able to get out andtry to participate in the world, sometimes
people do need medication, but moreoften we use different forms of psychotherapy to
help them gather the tools to understandwhy they're having difficulty connecting and be who

(16:27):
might be an appropriate person to connectwith, and then how to hang in
there when relationships get difficult, becausein our you know, sort of fast
paced world, what I'm finding ispeople are also too quick to give up,
and sometimes they just need a littleencouragement because all relationships take work,
and so sometimes it might just beas simple as helping them problems solve with

(16:47):
the relationships they're in, you know, I often say relationships are far more
about skill than luck, and thatrelationship skills can be learned at any time
in the lifespan. So I'm gladyou're doing this work now. I agree,
and I agree, and I disagreebecause I think, you know,
relationships are also a lot about timing, and at certain times, in certain

(17:08):
geographical locations, it's much easier toget into relationship. And what I find
is that people get older, moreset in their ways, more set in
the circles that they go in.Then I think relationships do, in fact
become much harder to find. SoI think your skill set improves as you
get older, but the cards getstart to get stacked against you at a

(17:30):
certain point in your life, andso people need really a lot of support
and encouragement to get out there andtry, and to be willing to fail,
fall on their face and try again. I think I find that,
you know, particularly as people getolder, they just need a lot of
support. Some of them may havehad good skills, but they have used
them in a while, and theymay not be bumping into the right people

(17:51):
right because a mating marketplace changes whenwe live ramatically, Yes, when we
live in different places now, I'vealways been under the impression that people with
physical disabilities physical differences have a muchharder time finding mates. Is that true?
Well, I would respectfully disagree withyou, Wendy. We have a

(18:11):
project called the Bold Duty Project wherewe take women with disabilities, paired them
with photographers and create our shows.So I have a fairly large sample size
of women with we say, disabilitiesor even different abilities, as my daughter
Joy likes to say. And peoplewho have disabilities oftentimes were raised in a
more intimate family setting because they needhelp with many things daily living. They

(18:37):
are more used to being in relationship, asking for help, being around other
people, being patient and kind.And so what I find in the Bold
Duty Project is many, many,many, many of these women are really
happily married. And then when Igo out to dinner with my friends,
you know, or we all can'tconnect with anybody because we're all strong,
independent women and it's hard for usto let people into help. So I

(19:00):
think you really have to take eacheach example one by one, but to
recognize that there is always a giftin disability, which is that you are
asking someone for help, and thenthe person who's giving help feels good in
the process. And so you know, remember in Legally Blonde, when she
drops the thing and then she doesthe vendan snap, Yes, he could

(19:23):
pick it up for her, becausehelping is a very human characteristic and people
do feel good when they help.So I think, you know, we
want to watch our generalizations, bothin the positive and the negative. Each
person is very unique. But Ido see a lot of beautiful connections in
the women that I've worked with withdisabilities, beautiful marriages, beautiful long term

(19:47):
relations of beautiful relationships with families thatare more intimate and more involved than in
other families, as well as caretakers. You know, just having a caretaker
teaches you the skill of how toget along exactly. You know, I
say that some of us are justtoo independent, and we have dependency issues
that we don't trust love, wedon't trust being able to depend on others.

(20:08):
But if you've grown up your wholelife depending on others, it's a
natural progression to transfer that to aromantic relationship. Well said, Now you
mentioned your daughter Joy, and joyit is a daughter with different abilities,
having a daughter growing up that wayand being a parent. Now not a
psychiatrist, did you worry about herromantic future. Well, Joy has always

(20:36):
liked boys, and she has alwaysbeen very brave and very outgoing and very
active with her dating, starting ata younger age that than some and so
you know more, I worried aboutthe quality of men that she would attract,
because of course she's a very highquality woman. So that was really

(20:56):
my worry. And she certainly,I think, you know, like all
of us, in her younger days, I think she's made a few,
you know, too many compromises toreceive affection from a man. But I
think she's matured and has a beautifulstory to tell. Now how old is
Joy now? Oh, well,she's twenty nine. Sucks like I am,

(21:18):
just exactly so Joy. Joy hada beautiful, gorgeous, romantic wedding
last year, of which I washonored to attend as a guest. When
we come back, we will meetJoy and hear her love story. You're
listening to the Doctor Wendywall Show onKFI AM six forty. We're live everywhere

(21:42):
on the iHeartRadio app. You're listeningto KFI AM six forty on demand.
Come back Wendywell Show, I Amsix forty Live everywhere on the iHeartRadio app.
This is my special Worthy of Loveshow. I'm so excited, and
I promised you that you would meetdoctor Eva Ritfoe's amazing daughter, Joy Paloso.

(22:06):
Did I say it right, Joy? Yes, you did. A
missus at the front, because Joy, I attended one of the most beautiful,
romantic, elegant weddings, probably indecades, and it was your wedding.
You were the bride. Oh thankyou, So Joy, tell us
a little bit about yourself and yourearly life and your as you liked as

(22:30):
you so well trained me to say, your different abilities. So I grew
up with a form ofsuriable palsy calledHemi Paris's, which means the left side
of my body is significantly weaker thanthe right. And because of that and

(22:52):
limb differences, I do feel likeI look a little different when I walk
and move, and a lot ofthings that I do are hard for me.
So I've become as It's funny.I was brave when I was younger,
but as I got older, Iguess from teasing and stuff I like,

(23:15):
was very shy and would sort ofturn into myself. And I had
some very bad boyfriends in high school, which turned me off from dating for
a while, and then I didthe Bold Beauty Project, which completely changed

(23:38):
my life, and I decided,then, okay, I am I am,
I am worthy of love and Iwant that love. So I put
myself online as I had like noone in school, and I pretty quickly

(24:00):
found my now husband. So beforewe talk about your love story with Vince,
let's talk a little bit about theearly years and your feelings around rejection
or being teased, and you mentionedbad boyfriends. To talk a little bit
about that struggle and what it feltlike to you, Well, I,

(24:22):
because of my different ability growing up, I always felt like I was a
burden and I was wrong and Ijust I didn't feel worthy of good love.
And I think part of that wasmy dad wasn't the nicest person,
so I sort of gravitated towards Iguess, the not the best guys because

(24:48):
I guess you kind of Oh yeah, daddy issues are real. Yeah,
exactly. So when my mom broughtmy mom brings me into all her projects
because I love her dearly. Butso when she had said, I have

(25:08):
this new photo shoot idea that you'regonna do, I was skeptical at first,
but she brought in. They hadRobert Zuckerman, who was a Hollywood
photographer until he himself got differently abled, and then he moved to Florida and

(25:30):
was doing charity work. Mom,being the mom there that she is,
asked him to do my shoot andwe refer to that day as a love
fest because he came. He broughta little assistant who was he had met

(25:52):
through through Make a Wish who wantedto be a photographer, so he was
mentoring the little boy. He broughtthe little boys, and he brought a
model for me to shoot so thathe could mentor me. And in the
photo shoot. I want to letall our listeners know if you'd like to
see Joy's beautiful photo from that BoldBeauty Project shoot. It is on the

(26:17):
KFI website on the doctor Wendy Walshpage. It is so gorgeous and glamorous
and doesn't try to hide your differentabilities. It almost tries to showcase it,
right, yeah, yeah, Andit was the first time I really
felt a beautiful person on the outside. I knew I was, you know,

(26:37):
beautiful on the inside, but Ihad never felt it on the outside.
And after that shoot, I did. And what's funny is I know
the exact date of that shoot becauseI had You can see my Halloween nails
in the photo. I was seampunkAriel and you can see the purple nails.

(26:59):
So you use this photo, thisone of this, this photo and
some others in your dating profile.Tell me about your love story with Vince.
What was that first date like?So we had We actually texted for
three weeks before we met for ourfirst date. We would we texted incessantly

(27:19):
from like the moment we woke upto like the moment we went to bed,
just all day, like we immediatelyclicked. And then when he came
over for our first date, Iactually had like a migraine that day and
I wasn't feeling well and he waslike, oh, I'll come and like,
you know, I'll cuddle and hangout with you, and I come

(27:41):
to find out what a dedicated guyhe is. He took like two buses
and walked a couple miles to comemeet me on camp. We took the
direction walking and I remember at thewedding he said to me when I showed
up at the first date, Iwas totally sweating. I didn't think she
would like it. Yeah, andthe rest is history. How long did

(28:06):
you go out before you planned andgot married? So we dated for three
years and he helped me through college, and then on my graduation trips he
proposed, and then I had originallyI'm very into numerology and numbers and dates,

(28:26):
so I'd originally wanted to get marriedon ten ten, twenty twenty.
But we all know how the worldwent. Yes, So after that,
I was like, Okay, thenext date I want to get married on
is ten twenty two, twenty two. And we made that happen, and
you were there, Wendy, Andwe are also going to make sure that

(28:48):
we put that beautiful wedding picture onthe KFI website with your permission, because
I want people to see, ofcourse, our beautiful ride and groom.
We have to go. If youcould, in one sentence, tell me
the best advice you have for asingle person with different abilities. What would
that advice be? Be brave andput yourself out there. I went online.
I just wrote to the most rawand real profile I could, and

(29:12):
here I am seven years later,seven and a half years later. Oh
joy, I'm so happy, happy, Thank you so much for being with
us today. You have inspired manyof our listeners. When we come back,
we're going to meet a trans manwho found a beautiful bride. You're
listening to The Doctor Wendy Wall Showon KFI AM six forty. We're live

(29:33):
everywhere on the iHeartRadio app, KFIAM six forty on demand