April 7, 2025 • 36 mins
Dr. Wendy is breaking down, micro-mancing, loud looking, and offering her Wendy wisdom with her drive by makeshift relationship advice. It's all on KFIAM-640!
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Speaker 1 (00:00):
This is doctor Wendy Walsh and you're listening to KFI
AM six forty, the Doctor Wendy wallsh Show on demand
on the iHeartRadio app k I Am six forty. You
have Doctor Wendy Walsh with you. This is the Doctor
Wendy Waalsh Show. We are on the iHeartRadio app. Just
download the iHeartRadio app, search Doctor Wendy Walsh and hit
that little preset button because then you're always going to
get me, whether you get the show or not. Every
(00:22):
Sunday from seven to nine. Hey, everybody, good to see you.
I have been Okay, you can stop that part. Kayla.
Kayla was putting some of that under Instagram. I just
got back from a wedding in Mexico and I have
learned an important lesson. Do you remember last week we
talked about how Mexico has finally entered the top ten
(00:42):
list of the happiest countries in the world. America is
down to twenty four. Okay, Finland's still at the top.
Nobody threatening their happiness up there. And what I learned
I went to a place called Morelia. Morelia is one
of the oldest cities in Mexico. Rose not have you
been to Morelia. I've been all over every part of Mexico.
(01:03):
Oh you have. Okay, the buildings are like from the
fifteen hundred gorgeous. But they must have bought those Spaniards,
must have brought some like Germans or Swiss with them,
because it's really organized and it's a big city, a
million people and every stone building it was just so gorgeous.
Here's my advice to everybody, Raoul knows. Get out of
the border towns and get off the resorts and go
see the rest of Mexico, and you are going to
(01:25):
meet the happiest, kindest, most wonderful people. We had the
best time. Well, first of all, I was treated to
a as a guest at a beautiful wedding that was
beyond beyond beyond. Go on to my Instagram at Dr
Wendy Walsh at doctor Wendy Welsh. I made a little,
you know, a one minute story or something I posted
that's going to disappear if you don't go now and
(01:45):
look at it. That is sort of a recap of
the whole wedding. And yeah, you get to see me
dancing on a lot of tequila at the end. But
the thing I learned the most, you know, Raoul. They
didn't even serve wine with the dinner. They just had
at the table. They nominated a dude at the table,
one of the guests, and he wore an armband that
said Tequila Captain, and he held a bottle of tequila
(02:07):
and he just kept filling shot glasses for everyone all night.
So by the time we did start dancing, there was
a lot of Mexican jumping beans in all of us. Okay,
I was jumping up and down, and there's video of
that too if you want to go on my Instagram.
But but the thing I love the most was the
you know how a traditionally it was a full mass,
Catholic Mass. My Julio was so he could not believe me.
(02:31):
I knew when to sit, I knew when to kneel,
I knew when to bless myself. I went up, I
got the eu Christ. He's like, what are you doing?
I go, you married a Catholic girl. You didn't know that.
You you know, I may not act like that way
around you or in the world, but this is my
formative years, okay, and that is a priest up there.
I'm going to get me some bread all right. So,
(02:53):
but you know, at a traditional wedding, when you get to
the reception, they affter the dinner, the groom dances with
his mom, and then the bride dances with her dad.
But they did something I'd never seen before that was
so spectacular and beautiful to me. The groom danced for
a few minutes with his mom, and then the two
(03:14):
of them, holding hands, opened their arms to the rest
of his entire family, his siblings, his nieces, his nephews,
his dad, and they all hugged each other and they
all danced together as one family unit. And the same
thing happened with the bride. She danced with her dad
for a few minutes, the you know, prepared perfect steps thing,
and then they just opened their arms to the rest
(03:35):
of the family, and everybody was crying the tears, and
I realized why Mexico is on the list of one
of the ten happiest countries in the world. Research shows
that when you have multi generational families, you have social support,
you have your people, you have your tribe around you,
you're going to have more happiness. And one of the
(03:57):
big flaws with America is American capitalism needed to have
a mobile workforce, and so we ripped people away from
their villages and their tribes and their families and said,
you need the jobs. Are there, Go to Detroit. You're
going to go build cars there. Go there, You're going
to do that right. And we created this false idea
(04:19):
of individualism, that individualism was the most important thing, but
it's not. We are tribes at heart, and we are
meant to be with our people, right. And it was
just beautiful to see. I was so happy and honored
to get to be part of that amazing wedding. So
Alex and Kathy from Houston. Her family's from Morelia, so
(04:42):
that's why they are near there. And most of the
people at the wedding came from Mexico City. And it's
so funny because nobody's book English, but we all managed right.
And then there was a young girl at our table
who was I found out seventeen, and she was sitting
there clicking on her phone the whole time, and I
knew she was fixing pictures for Instagram and all that stuff,
so I knew she would know what to do. So
I said to her, I was trying to, like in
(05:03):
my broken Spanish, really broken or saying to Julio, can
you ask her? Can you please whatever? And she spoke
to me in perfect English. Right, She's like, oh, yeah,
I'll go take a picture your table, no problem. And
then I go, where are you from? She goes, Oh,
it's this place north of Los Angeles, you know where
Magic Mountain. It was like, oh, you're from Santa Clarina.
What are you doing here? I go, are there Mexicans
up there? She goes, not too many? Not too many? Anyway,
(05:27):
it was a treat and I'm just blessed. We just
got back this afternoon, so I still have to kill
in my veins, just saying I was dancing till wee
hours last night. The other thing I want to talk
about briefly, right, well, do I have a few more
minutes left? Is you know I am a news junkie.
I can't stop. I doom scroll. Julio's staying away from it.
He doesn't want to talk about politics. What's going on
(05:47):
with the stock market? Anith triffs? He doesn't care. He goes,
just wait, just wait, it's all going to pass. Just wait.
The midterms are common. Just I know, he's mister calm me.
I just read and read and read and read. And
while it was way or just as I was going
to the airport, I think I got a call from
a Wall Street Journal reporter asking me if I had
changed anything in my life because of the tariffs. And
(06:08):
I jokingly but it was the truth, said, well, I
did go on Amazon and emptyed my entire shopping cart out,
and she used the quote in the Wall Street Journal.
But basically, you know how you have Like some people
went in their spare time scroll Tinder, Julio scrolls, classic
Portia sites. There's something called bring a Trailer dot com.
I don't know what that is, but he's always there
looking at old cars. Better the old cars than women,
(06:31):
you know, why not? And I like to go into
Amazon and cruise around and shop and throw things in
my cart but not buy them. And then every once
in a while I go in and I examine my
cart and then I get rid of things. Oh I
really didn't want that thing, I just put it in there.
But when I heard about the terraffs, I just went
in there and bought everything that was in my cart
because I was like, oh, it's all made internationally. The
(06:52):
prices are going to go up. But you know, What
these tariffs are going to impact our interpersonal relationship are
romantic relationships. Because of the potential higher cost of goods
that are coming, We're going to see economic stress in couples.
We're going to see unemployment uncertainty. I know one couple
(07:14):
who she lost her job and they have to put
their house on the market. Right, So it's a it's
a it's a real thing that's going to impact people's relationships. Also,
more long distance relationships are going to happen because people
have to go where the jobs are. That mobility that
I was talking about. It's going to impact future plans.
If you were planning on buying a home this year,
(07:35):
you're maybe being a little careful. Maybe you were this
is the year you were going to have a baby,
and you're like, I don't know, can we afford for
one of us to stay home at this point and
take care of an infant. Maybe you were planning to retire,
and now you're because of the stock market dive, your
pension fund has taken a crash. Right, And then there's
also these kind of cultural and political strains. Right, you
(07:59):
might be in a real relationship with somebody who has
really different political views, and you know it didn't matter.
You know, opposites a tract. You guys got along just
fine for a while. But now it's reached a crescendo
because there are some real world things happening that are
impacting people's lives. If I can say anything, it's that, yes,
what happens at the top will have ripple effects that
(08:21):
will come into all of our lives. We must all
remember that we are all in this together. I've said
this before, I'm going to say it again. There's a
reason why this administration won. There's a huge chunk of
America who we haven't listened to, who have needs, important
needs and a voice. And we have to be open
(08:42):
to hearing each other, understanding each other. And I do
believe this too will pass. And before we go, producer, Kayla,
did you see Corey Booker stand there and I go
to the bathroom for twenty five hours?
Speaker 2 (08:54):
I did?
Speaker 1 (08:55):
Okay, Like, how do you do that? And he didn't
have a diaper on.
Speaker 2 (08:57):
Not our heroes wear capes.
Speaker 1 (08:59):
Okay, if you don't know what IM talking about, you
can google it. But he did a filibuster and that
he had to beat the record of I can never
say his name, I always say Storm, but it's Strom
Thermon right, who did a twenty four hour filibuster against
civil rights. So Senator Corey Booker did the opposite. He
(09:21):
had fifteen binders. It was a real speech. He wasn't
stumbling around you to see clips. He streamed it live
for millions of people on TikTok. But I was mostly
interested because you know, I'm a professor of health psychology
and it is not good to not drink fluid for
twenty four hours. But he he literally dehydrated himself before
he began, and he fasted for two days. So he's like, uh,
(09:45):
he's a very fit man to be able to do that.
That is amazing. Anyway, kudos to Senator Corey Booker for
getting through that one. Hey, when we come back, there's
a new kind of romancing. It's called micromancing. Uh huh.
It's a way to get somebody into you, not in
a big way, in a little way. And there's some
interesting things you can do to micromance. When we come back,
(10:06):
you're listening to the Doctor Wendywall Show on KFI Am
six forty live everywhere on the iHeartRadio app.
Speaker 3 (10:12):
You're listening to Doctor Wendy Walsh on demand from KFI
am six forty.
Speaker 1 (10:18):
I am six forty. You have doctor Wendy Walsh with you.
This is the Doctor Wendy Wall Show. All right, micromancing?
Can we talk about what this is? Do you know
what micromancing is? Producer Kayla, I don't. Okay, So it's
like romancing. But you know those gen xyz s or
(10:38):
whatever they always have think they get this new language
for stuff, and they think that there's a new way
to court somebody, right, so they try to change things around.
It's actually the old stuff done a different way almost
every single time. Right, So let's talk about what grand
romancing is, not micro romance. Grand romancing, of course, are
(11:03):
those big, huge gestures. It tend to happen in heterosexual
relationships where a male would try to woo a female
and he would do that by buying her a dozen roses,
of getting a fancy bottle of champagne, taking her out
(11:25):
for a cruise in a sports car, of course, nice dinners,
maybe a three or four or five course dinner. That's
called romancing. And that's the old fashioned thing. We have
a problem now, we now have a surging supply of
women who can bama on flowers. They can take care
of those needs themselves because they're economically independent. So how
(11:50):
is a guy going to show a woman that he's needed. Remember,
a relationship is an exchange of care, right that care
can take many forms. It can be financial care, sexual care,
instrumental care when someone's sick. It can be intellectual stimulation.
Care could be childcare, It can be domestic responsibility care.
Taking care of each other is what an interpersonal relationship
(12:14):
is about. So if there are more women in America
in the workforce right now, there are more women in
the workforce than men. There are more college educated women
than men in the workforce. There's a lot of talk
about men feeling less than like their entire masculine identity
(12:34):
is linked to how much money they can make, and
they're just not making what their fathers and grandfathers made
in comparison to what the women are doing. Right, So
what can guys do? They can show women how they
can make their life better. I'm going to tell you
a story. So I was a single mom for twenty years.
(12:55):
I was a everything, a nurturer, caregiver, provide everything. I
had one hundred percent custody, zero dollars child support. And
I had two people living in my house, my kids,
who did not very much around the house. Okay, I'm
a bad single mother, and I'll tell you why I'm
a bad single mother, rather because I was so exhausted
(13:17):
from working, rather than me taking the time to insist
that they do their chores or pick up. No, we
can't watch TV until we clean up, clean up everybody everywhere.
That's the party's song. I didn't have the patience for that.
I was exhausted. I want to get into bed. It
was like a book bath bed. Let's go. I'll tidy
it up so I could do things faster and more efficiently.
As a result, they kind of have two lazy kids,
(13:38):
all right. They're not now that they're young adults and
out on their own and it's their own space, they're
keeping it nice and neat and tidy. But they shir
didn't in my house, so they didn't bring any income
and they didn't do any chores. Now, I have a
husband who pays his share of life fifty percent of
his life, and he does a ton of domestic stuff.
(14:00):
Dishes are his favorite, folding, laundry, you know, I always
try to help, but he tells me I'm doing it wrong.
So as a result, I sit back after dinner with
my glass of wine and watch them do the dishes.
So what are these micromances? They're small ways of romancing
a woman and letting her know that you can be
(14:20):
valuable in her life. It's a new dating trend. It's
called micromancing, and it reflects today's culture of young singles,
where many women are simply making more money than their
male peers, and maybe they're exhausted. So it might include
things like just thoughtfully making a playlist for somebody, or
just remembering their coffee order and pinging them on the
(14:42):
way over. Hey, I'm stopping the scar Starbucks, going to
get you that latte you like right, offering to walk
their dog right now. I will say that if the
old fashioned kind of grand romancing involved sacrifice, usually sacrifice
of money, you have to show that you're sacrificing.
Speaker 2 (15:00):
Bit.
Speaker 1 (15:00):
If you're micromancing right, things might not cost as much
money as those old fashioned romantic gestures. But maybe it's
something like driving really far to meet her for a date,
not meeting halfway. Going no, no, no, I'll meet at
the little beast show by your apartment. I'll get there. No,
I don't mind driving, right, That shows the sacrifice. Maybe
(15:23):
offering to hand wash her car on a sunny Sunday afternoon.
Can I come over. I'd love to wash a car
for you.
Speaker 4 (15:29):
Right.
Speaker 1 (15:30):
So many men out there are finding really smart ways
to show their value to women that they're courting, and
I do want to say that some of this is
on women. Women have to understand that micromancing is romancing,
that micromancing is a way of showing their value, of
showing sacrifice, of showing that they care.
Speaker 4 (15:53):
Right.
Speaker 1 (15:55):
And so if you're stuck in the dark ages and
think like if a dude shows up with some inexpensive
roses from Trader Joe's. They're good quality roses, Okay, they
do last good five six days, but they're Trader Joe's,
so they're twenty bucks, right, and you think that's romance
compared to the guy who's going to figure out what
(16:16):
you need? Can I run a few errands where he?
Can I do your car? Can I? I mean? Which
really feels more authentic? Right now? One of the things
when I talked about micromancing earlier, somebody asked me, well,
isn't that lower the bar? Doesn't that lower the bar
on love? No, Because if you sacrifice your time, your labor,
(16:39):
your talents, I think that's an even bigger indicator of
how a man can be a great partner in the future.
And again I got to say it's on women. They
have to understand that this is what men are doing.
They're doing what they can, so forget about the old
trappings of love.
Speaker 2 (16:59):
Producer.
Speaker 1 (17:00):
Okay, if you can, you think of the nicest thing
a guy ever did for you that didn't cost any money,
but you were really I had a guy once come
over and just hook up a dryer hose because I
didn't even know how to hook up that gas hose.
I thought that was really cool. Another guy asked if
he could borrow my car so he could upgrade the stereo,
like he had a friend who did car stereos, and
(17:20):
he puts some better speaker in it or something.
Speaker 2 (17:23):
I love that those are both of me. I remember
a man not counting that he flew to La but
he did cook me breakfast and clean my entire kitchen
and grocery shop for me.
Speaker 1 (17:34):
That's see, women need to understand that that's not a
sign of weakness or quote unquote feminine man. My husband
Julio likes to call himself a feminine man. I don't
know why we ascribe the words masculine and feminine to
various roles or behaviors. So, women, I'm really talking to
you because the guys out there, the nice guys out there,
(17:57):
are trying to woo you. They might not have the
money that some of those quote unquote alpha males have
that you're all, there's this small group of guys at
the top that all the women are vying for, and
the rest of the guys are suck. Many of them
could be such good partners. Not all, you still got
to audition them in some way, but many of them
(18:18):
could be such good partners. I just think it's important
that women open their mind and open up their hearts
to understand that giving is giving and trying to impress
a woman is a really big thing. So when we
come back, there's another trend in dating that's happening a
lot lately. It's called loud looking, and I want to
(18:38):
speak again directly to women, and specifically women who are
looking to have a long term commitment in a heterosexual relationship.
Speaker 2 (18:47):
Heyle is that you?
Speaker 1 (18:48):
By the way, are you looking to have a long term,
committed relationship.
Speaker 2 (18:51):
In a heteros Yes, yes, yes.
Speaker 1 (18:53):
And so I'm going to teach you how to loud look.
Do you know what loud looking is? I will learn today.
It's gonna be very loud. And then after that I'm
going to be taking your calls if you have a
relationship question. Not the next segment, but a segment after that.
I'm just throwing out the number now so you can
write it down. It's one eight hundred and five two
zero one five three four. That's one eight hundred five
(19:13):
two zero one KFI. But first let's talk about laud looking.
Right now, you're listening to the Doctor Wendy Walls Show
on KFI AM six forty live everywhere on the iHeartRadio app.
Speaker 3 (19:25):
You're listening to Doctor Wendy Walsh on demand from KFI
AM six forty.
Speaker 1 (19:32):
KFI AM six forty, you have doctor Wendy Walsh with you.
This is the Doctor Wendy Walls Show. I'd like to
welcome my TikTok audience. I'm on TikTok Live now. If
you'd like to come in the studio and see what
we're doing here. Come on on to TikTok as long
as TikTok's around. Looks like TikTok's going to be around
for a really, really long time. They were a big
sponsor of President Trump's golf tournament in Florida this week.
(19:54):
So and also, he now has forty one million followers
on TikTok, so why would he make TikTok go away?
And this week he announced that he has extended the
deadline about when he wants them to have to sell
out to an American company. So I think we're good. TikTok.
We're around. So just come on to TikTok at doctor
(20:14):
Wendy Walsh and you can come on into the studio
with us.
Speaker 2 (20:17):
All right.
Speaker 1 (20:17):
I've been talking a lot about the rise of women
economically and how that has impacted our love lives at
our dating lives. I mentioned that there are more women
in the American workforce than men. For the last twenty years,
we've seen a huge feminization of college campuses. For every
woman that graduates from for every man that graduates from college,
(20:39):
there are two or three women I happen to teach
on a college campus cal State Channel Islands Go Dolphins,
where we have almost seventy percent female on our campus.
So it's very obvious to and it's been this way
consistently for the last decade. So women are surging ahead
in some ways. But yet many women have this I
(21:00):
call it patriarchy swimming in their brains. They have this
Cinderella complex in their brains, which is, I want to
marry somebody who makes more money than me or has
more education than me. And as we know, that's a
dwindling number of men, and within that group, those that
want to make a commitment are even smaller. Because look,
(21:24):
if I was a dude and I had so much
access to so many potential female partners, I would ride
that wave of free sex too. But there are guys
out there that they might not be in those women's eyelines,
and I think they need to open up a little bit.
So what's happened is we've seen this trend where many
women have fallen into these undefined relationships often called situationships.
(21:50):
Situationships it's where you meet, you date, you have fun,
you get to know each other, but you never have
the conversation about what are are we are you my boyfriend,
are we really? It's funny because at the wedding this weekend,
I had a conversation with a young woman who had
been with her boyfriend for a year and they met
on bumble. She lives in Mexico City. She's a successful
(22:13):
career woman in her early thirties, and she said there
is a cultural tradition there. Though even though they were
in a relationship where they were having sex, so it
was kind of a situationship, it is still expected in
her culture. She said that a man should say to
a woman, will you be my girlfriend? Right, So she
said that whenever she got drunk, she would say to him,
(22:36):
when are you gonna ask me? When are you gonna
ask me? She kept saying that to him, and eventually
he did a few months into their relationship. And so
it reminded me a little bit of this new trend
called loud looking, and it is a reaction to the
fact that too many women are ending up in situationships
(22:59):
because they're too afraid to have that conversation. They're attached
to the guy, they're having sex, they like him, and
many of them fear abandonments, so they think if they say, well,
what are we and are we actually a couple that
he's just gonna go running?
Speaker 4 (23:14):
Right?
Speaker 1 (23:15):
And I was actually listening to a Beyonce song this
week when I was on the StairMaster, Oh producer Kla
which song was it? Where she was basically saying it
wasn't surfboard, it was fun, fun something. Anyway, she was
basicaying all those other women, I don't even care about
them tonight because I'm going to be the one for you.
(23:35):
And she was basically kind of implying like he's gonna
suddenly pick her because she's so good a bed basically,
And I was like, this is not a good message.
I love you, Bie, but that's not a good message. Okay,
you don't just be the best in bed because men
don't fall in love through sex. They fall in love
through trust, and they generally don't trust a woman who
gives them sex too easily, just saying so, now there
(23:57):
are a group of women who are on with situationships
and they have decided to practice a new trend on
the dating apps called loud looking. You know what loud
looking is. It's basically before you even have to have
the conversation about what are we is stating very clearly
in your profile about what you want. I have been
(24:18):
saying this for years. The problem with the dating apps
or many problems, but one of them is that it
puts people who are looking for a short term relationship
in the same mating pool as those looking for a
long term relationship. Sadly, the best way to get a
short term relationship is to pretend you're looking for long
term relationships. So you gotta do some period of analyzing
(24:40):
and checking people out and trying to decide. Right, So,
what is loud looking? Loud looking is when a woman
is in her fertility window, if she knows she wants
to get married, if she knows she wants to have kids.
And that's not everybody, And that's okay. Look, you might
have just come out of a long, awful, sexless relationship
(25:02):
and you just want to get your groove on on
those apps. Go for it. No moral judgment here. But
if you are a woman who wants to get married
and wants to have kids, the new trend is putting
it right out there in their profile. Right. But here's
the problem. That means saying I'm looking to get married
and saying it on first dates. Oh, isn't there too
(25:24):
much pressure. Doesn't that put a lot of pressure on? Yeah?
Didn't you know that dating is a high stakes game?
It really is, and so yeah, you just want to
put it out there. So here's the thing I want
you all to be ready for. You're going to have
to grow some alligator skin and a backbone because a
lot of good looking lotharios are going to run away
(25:48):
and you should do the touchdown cheer when that happens. Okay,
Because when you're honest in your dating profile, when you're
honest on a first date or second date about clearly
what you want, that means all the players, the f boys,
the commitment phobes, they are going to high tail it.
And that sometimes doesn't feel good. But you can't value
(26:09):
yourself based on whether someone likes you or not. You
want to have the backbone inside to like yourself first, right,
And then it's okay because there is going to be
the guy, the good, monogamous, moral guy who's gonna Thank goodness,
that's what I'm looking for right.
Speaker 4 (26:33):
Now.
Speaker 1 (26:34):
I talk about being fearlessly honest in your profile and
say it really loud, but your behavior has to back
up your words. And I'm gonna tell you know, my
books and everything I do is filled with my own mistakes.
I've learned all these things besides text from textbooks, but
also experientially. I remember being young and loud looking, and
(26:56):
then this one guy I remember saying to him on
this first date, you know, I am looking to get married,
to have a full time, committed relationship. And then I
had sex with him that night. That was so dumb
because my behavior did not back up my words.
Speaker 4 (27:13):
Right.
Speaker 1 (27:14):
You can't suddenly decide to hook up with a guy
on a first date. You cash in all your cards,
you throw in your hand, it's over. That advertises that
you're looking for short term relationships. Right, Good, healthy, long
term secure relationships take time to build. Slow love, slow
(27:37):
it down right. It's the best way to make sure
that your dreams come true after your loud looking intentions.
So be real, be honest, just say it and stick
to your guns. Be it and understand some people are
going to disappear because of that. That's okay, because you're
(27:59):
worth it. You are worth it. Hey, when we come back,
I am going to be taking your calls and answering
your relationship questions. If you like to call, The number
is one eight hundred five two zero one KFI. That's
one eight hundred five two zero one five three four.
Give me a call and I'll weigh in on your
love life. You're listening to Doctor Wendy Walls Show on
(28:19):
KFI AM six forty. We're live everywhere on the iHeartRadio app.
Speaker 3 (28:23):
You're listening to Doctor Wendy Walsh on demand from KFI
AM six forty.
Speaker 1 (28:29):
KFI AM six forty. You a Doctor Wendy Walsh with you.
This is the Doctor Wendy Walls Show. Can somebody do
me a favor? Go onto my Instagram right now and
look at my live and see if there's any sound,
because my Instagram followers were watching and said there's no sound.
There's no sound. We can't hear you. It's funny. We're
in an audio audio studio and there's no sound. So
(28:52):
let me know and post a little comments so I
can see at doctor Wendy Walsh dot com is the Instagram.
Maybe we're just having a bad connection or something in
the sound. It's not going through anyway. This is the
time of the question. The time of the question, time
of the show where I take your social media questions
and also answer your phone calls, So if you'd like
to call the numbers one eight hundred five two zero
(29:13):
one five three four. That's one eight hundred five two
zero one kfive. We're gonna start by going to social media. Uh,
and here we go. Dear doctor Wendy. Oh, if you
want to send me a social media question, it's at
doctor Wendy Wols dot com. Just a dm on ig.
Dear doctor Wendy. Is it okay to ghost someone if
you're breaking up with them or is it best to
(29:35):
tell them straight up? My thirty five year old daughter
is doing this to someone she was dating because he
was dating other women. So it's interesting the way this
mother is asking this. She's saying her thirty five year
old daughter is breaking up with her boyfriend by ghosting him,
and then because he was dating other women. So it
(29:55):
sounds like she's doing it as punishment. And there's so
much research to show that the silent treatment is never
good punishment. It causes more problems in a relationship than
anything else. It is never okay to go somebody if
you've met them in the real world. Okay, that's my rule.
If you're just texted with somebody, okay, fine, you know
(30:16):
they're enough fish in the sea. Fine, fine, fine, But
if you have met somebody, or if this person actually
is your boyfriend, then yeah, you have to have the
straight up conversation. You have to talk to them about
why and hopefully that two of you can learn something
from it. So no ghosting is not okay? All right,
(30:38):
dear doctor Wendy, Oh, last night we hooked up for
the first time. Well it wasn't me and you just
saying last night we hooked up for the first time.
Oh oh oh oh. The anatomy was too small for
me and there was a lot of performance anxiety in
his end. We do see a future together. My question
is am I ever going to get over there?
Speaker 2 (31:00):
Okay?
Speaker 1 (31:00):
If we need to stop. If you are reducing any
human of any gender and their value to a body part,
then you're not being fair to anybody and you're not
being a good loving person. You say things like we
(31:21):
see a future together, what is that future based on?
I do want to let everybody know by the way,
that in a new relationship, people place a lot of
emphasis on the sexual chemistry. They say, like the sex
is about ninety percent of it. But once you're in
a long term committed relationship, the sex becomes ten percent
of it. And have you ever thought about what's going
to happen to you maybe when you're pregnant or postpartum
(31:45):
of you know, breastfeeding, and your sex drive goes down.
What if he judged you that way?
Speaker 4 (31:51):
Right?
Speaker 1 (31:51):
So I would say that you didn't do your job
to help reduce his performance anxiety. You probably made it worse.
I'm just guessing the unconn just knows all. Even if
you didn't remark on his anatomy, you had an opinion
about his anatomy, and I think that's really unfair. I'm sorry.
I really think that we have to look at people
(32:14):
as human beings, as whole people, but reducing them to
just a body part is not fair at all. Okay, Producer, Kayla,
do we have someone on the phone.
Speaker 2 (32:25):
We have Ashley with a question.
Speaker 1 (32:26):
Ashley, Hi, Ashley, it's doctor Wendy.
Speaker 5 (32:30):
Hi, doctor Wendy. So my question is, I've been taking
a guy for a year and he travels your work
and it's like often and so I rarely get to
hang out with him. But I feel like I'm initiating
most of it. You know, I do understand he's working inside,
you know, but he does make time sometimes here and there.
(32:52):
But I just I don't want to waste my time.
Speaker 1 (32:55):
I just want to know. Yeah, first of all, the
sometimes word is the word that bothers me. There, Ashley,
he makes time sometimes, and I'm initiating. I think you
know what I'm going to say, Ashley. If you're not
hearing her side of the conversation, by the way, and
you're looking at me on Instagram right now, you can
(33:15):
download the iHeartRadio app and listen to both sides of
the conversation. So, Ashley, you've been dating him a year.
He travels a lot for work. You find you know
he's busy, but you're finding that you're doing all the
initiating and he tries to make time. You know what, Ashley,
You deserve to be courted, You deserve to be loved.
You need a guy to be making all the effort
(33:36):
to see you and spend time with you. Do not
put up with less, because when you put up with
less than you are lowering the bar on yourself. I
want you to value yourself more. I want you to
know that there's a guy out there who is going
to chase you, who's going to make the phone calls.
(33:57):
All right, Ugh, that breaks my heart? All right?
Speaker 2 (34:01):
Roll?
Speaker 1 (34:02):
Should I go to social or do we have somebody
else on the phone? By the way, the numbers one
eight hundred five to zero one KFI. That's one eight
hundred five to zero, one five three four.
Speaker 2 (34:11):
We have Henry with a question.
Speaker 1 (34:13):
Henry, Hi, Henry, it's doctor Wendy.
Speaker 4 (34:16):
Hi, doctor Wendy calling you from Denver tonight, where it's
cool but beautiful. I love out there for you as
well well.
Speaker 1 (34:24):
Starting to warm up here finally, Thank goodness. Okay, what's
your question? Henry?
Speaker 4 (34:28):
Henry from Denver, speaking of cool and beautiful. I'm seventy
years old, about to retire from my job. I've been
a widower for fourteen years and I've finally broken through that. Hey, honey,
I can we can flirt because I'm a married guy.
I'm safe. Oh yeah, you are. Well, we can be
(34:50):
you know whatever. Well, I've overcome all of that. I'm
comfortable with women.
Speaker 1 (34:54):
Yes, Oh good, you're comfortable with women now the most.
Speaker 4 (34:58):
Oh, I love women. Let's say, what's your question?
Speaker 1 (35:01):
What's your question? Uh?
Speaker 4 (35:04):
How do I where do I go to indulge in
opportunity to date women and my age say fifty or over.
Speaker 1 (35:14):
Well, let me tell you there are.
Speaker 4 (35:16):
A church guy or no.
Speaker 1 (35:17):
No, no, no, no, no, no no. You're going to go
on those apps, Henry. Everybody's on those apps because you
put in your real age and people are searching by
age group. If you want an app that's only for
people over fifty, it's called our Time dot com. Our Time.
But there's Match dot com, there's Bumble dot com, There's
and there are apps that you download onto your phone.
Put your pictures up, write a few little things about yourself,
(35:41):
and be honest and authentic. Don't try to to You
don't want somebody to show up on a date and
that you don't reflect what you actually are. Right, So
you just be honest, and I promise you there's somebody
out there for you. I my suggestion for you is
that in your profile you should say, uh, my wife
passed away fourteen years ago. It's take give me this
long to be ready. I'm about to retire and I've
(36:02):
got some time and money on my hands, and I'm
ready to meet a lady. You should just put that
and you'll be amazed at the wonderful women out there. Henry,
Thanks so much for calling, and good luck to you.
All right, we got to run to a break. When
you come back, give us a call. One eight hundred
five two zero one KFI. That's one eight hundred five
two zero one five three four four. You're listening to
the Doctor Wendywell Show on KFI AM six forty live
(36:26):
everywhere on the iHeartRadio app. You've been listening to Doctor
Wendy Waalce. You can always hear us live on KFI
AM six forty from seven to nine pm on Sunday
and anytime on demand on the iHeartRadio app.
This is doctor Wendy Walsh and you're listening to KFI
AM six forty, the Doctor Wendy wallsh Show on demand
on the iHeartRadio app k I Am six forty. You
have Doctor Wendy Walsh with you. This is the Doctor
Wendy Waalsh Show. We are on the iHeartRadio app. Just
download the iHeartRadio app, search Doctor Wendy Walsh and hit
that little preset button because then you're always going to
get me, whether you get the show or not. Every
(00:22):
Sunday from seven to nine. Hey, everybody, good to see you.
I have been Okay, you can stop that part. Kayla.
Kayla was putting some of that under Instagram. I just
got back from a wedding in Mexico and I have
learned an important lesson. Do you remember last week we
talked about how Mexico has finally entered the top ten
(00:42):
list of the happiest countries in the world. America is
down to twenty four. Okay, Finland's still at the top.
Nobody threatening their happiness up there. And what I learned
I went to a place called Morelia. Morelia is one
of the oldest cities in Mexico. Rose not have you
been to Morelia. I've been all over every part of Mexico.
(01:03):
Oh you have. Okay, the buildings are like from the
fifteen hundred gorgeous. But they must have bought those Spaniards,
must have brought some like Germans or Swiss with them,
because it's really organized and it's a big city, a
million people and every stone building it was just so gorgeous.
Here's my advice to everybody, Raoul knows. Get out of
the border towns and get off the resorts and go
see the rest of Mexico, and you are going to
(01:25):
meet the happiest, kindest, most wonderful people. We had the
best time. Well, first of all, I was treated to
a as a guest at a beautiful wedding that was
beyond beyond beyond. Go on to my Instagram at Dr
Wendy Walsh at doctor Wendy Welsh. I made a little,
you know, a one minute story or something I posted
that's going to disappear if you don't go now and
(01:45):
look at it. That is sort of a recap of
the whole wedding. And yeah, you get to see me
dancing on a lot of tequila at the end. But
the thing I learned the most, you know, Raoul. They
didn't even serve wine with the dinner. They just had
at the table. They nominated a dude at the table,
one of the guests, and he wore an armband that
said Tequila Captain, and he held a bottle of tequila
(02:07):
and he just kept filling shot glasses for everyone all night.
So by the time we did start dancing, there was
a lot of Mexican jumping beans in all of us. Okay,
I was jumping up and down, and there's video of
that too if you want to go on my Instagram.
But but the thing I love the most was the
you know how a traditionally it was a full mass,
Catholic Mass. My Julio was so he could not believe me.
(02:31):
I knew when to sit, I knew when to kneel,
I knew when to bless myself. I went up, I
got the eu Christ. He's like, what are you doing?
I go, you married a Catholic girl. You didn't know that.
You you know, I may not act like that way
around you or in the world, but this is my
formative years, okay, and that is a priest up there.
I'm going to get me some bread all right. So,
(02:53):
but you know, at a traditional wedding, when you get to
the reception, they affter the dinner, the groom dances with
his mom, and then the bride dances with her dad.
But they did something I'd never seen before that was
so spectacular and beautiful to me. The groom danced for
a few minutes with his mom, and then the two
(03:14):
of them, holding hands, opened their arms to the rest
of his entire family, his siblings, his nieces, his nephews,
his dad, and they all hugged each other and they
all danced together as one family unit. And the same
thing happened with the bride. She danced with her dad
for a few minutes, the you know, prepared perfect steps thing,
and then they just opened their arms to the rest
(03:35):
of the family, and everybody was crying the tears, and
I realized why Mexico is on the list of one
of the ten happiest countries in the world. Research shows
that when you have multi generational families, you have social support,
you have your people, you have your tribe around you,
you're going to have more happiness. And one of the
(03:57):
big flaws with America is American capitalism needed to have
a mobile workforce, and so we ripped people away from
their villages and their tribes and their families and said,
you need the jobs. Are there, Go to Detroit. You're
going to go build cars there. Go there, You're going
to do that right. And we created this false idea
(04:19):
of individualism, that individualism was the most important thing, but
it's not. We are tribes at heart, and we are
meant to be with our people, right. And it was
just beautiful to see. I was so happy and honored
to get to be part of that amazing wedding. So
Alex and Kathy from Houston. Her family's from Morelia, so
(04:42):
that's why they are near there. And most of the
people at the wedding came from Mexico City. And it's
so funny because nobody's book English, but we all managed right.
And then there was a young girl at our table
who was I found out seventeen, and she was sitting
there clicking on her phone the whole time, and I
knew she was fixing pictures for Instagram and all that stuff,
so I knew she would know what to do. So
I said to her, I was trying to, like in
(05:03):
my broken Spanish, really broken or saying to Julio, can
you ask her? Can you please whatever? And she spoke
to me in perfect English. Right, She's like, oh, yeah,
I'll go take a picture your table, no problem. And
then I go, where are you from? She goes, Oh,
it's this place north of Los Angeles, you know where
Magic Mountain. It was like, oh, you're from Santa Clarina.
What are you doing here? I go, are there Mexicans
up there? She goes, not too many? Not too many? Anyway,
(05:27):
it was a treat and I'm just blessed. We just
got back this afternoon, so I still have to kill
in my veins, just saying I was dancing till wee
hours last night. The other thing I want to talk
about briefly, right, well, do I have a few more
minutes left? Is you know I am a news junkie.
I can't stop. I doom scroll. Julio's staying away from it.
He doesn't want to talk about politics. What's going on
(05:47):
with the stock market? Anith triffs? He doesn't care. He goes,
just wait, just wait, it's all going to pass. Just wait.
The midterms are common. Just I know, he's mister calm me.
I just read and read and read and read. And
while it was way or just as I was going
to the airport, I think I got a call from
a Wall Street Journal reporter asking me if I had
changed anything in my life because of the tariffs. And
(06:08):
I jokingly but it was the truth, said, well, I
did go on Amazon and emptyed my entire shopping cart out,
and she used the quote in the Wall Street Journal.
But basically, you know how you have Like some people
went in their spare time scroll Tinder, Julio scrolls, classic
Portia sites. There's something called bring a Trailer dot com.
I don't know what that is, but he's always there
looking at old cars. Better the old cars than women,
(06:31):
you know, why not? And I like to go into
Amazon and cruise around and shop and throw things in
my cart but not buy them. And then every once
in a while I go in and I examine my
cart and then I get rid of things. Oh I
really didn't want that thing, I just put it in there.
But when I heard about the terraffs, I just went
in there and bought everything that was in my cart
because I was like, oh, it's all made internationally. The
(06:52):
prices are going to go up. But you know, What
these tariffs are going to impact our interpersonal relationship are
romantic relationships. Because of the potential higher cost of goods
that are coming, We're going to see economic stress in couples.
We're going to see unemployment uncertainty. I know one couple
(07:14):
who she lost her job and they have to put
their house on the market. Right, So it's a it's
a it's a real thing that's going to impact people's relationships. Also,
more long distance relationships are going to happen because people
have to go where the jobs are. That mobility that
I was talking about. It's going to impact future plans.
If you were planning on buying a home this year,
(07:35):
you're maybe being a little careful. Maybe you were this
is the year you were going to have a baby,
and you're like, I don't know, can we afford for
one of us to stay home at this point and
take care of an infant. Maybe you were planning to retire,
and now you're because of the stock market dive, your
pension fund has taken a crash. Right, And then there's
also these kind of cultural and political strains. Right, you
(07:59):
might be in a real relationship with somebody who has
really different political views, and you know it didn't matter.
You know, opposites a tract. You guys got along just
fine for a while. But now it's reached a crescendo
because there are some real world things happening that are
impacting people's lives. If I can say anything, it's that, yes,
what happens at the top will have ripple effects that
(08:21):
will come into all of our lives. We must all
remember that we are all in this together. I've said
this before, I'm going to say it again. There's a
reason why this administration won. There's a huge chunk of
America who we haven't listened to, who have needs, important
needs and a voice. And we have to be open
(08:42):
to hearing each other, understanding each other. And I do
believe this too will pass. And before we go, producer, Kayla,
did you see Corey Booker stand there and I go
to the bathroom for twenty five hours?
Speaker 2 (08:54):
I did?
Speaker 1 (08:55):
Okay, Like, how do you do that? And he didn't
have a diaper on.
Speaker 2 (08:57):
Not our heroes wear capes.
Speaker 1 (08:59):
Okay, if you don't know what IM talking about, you
can google it. But he did a filibuster and that
he had to beat the record of I can never
say his name, I always say Storm, but it's Strom
Thermon right, who did a twenty four hour filibuster against
civil rights. So Senator Corey Booker did the opposite. He
(09:21):
had fifteen binders. It was a real speech. He wasn't
stumbling around you to see clips. He streamed it live
for millions of people on TikTok. But I was mostly
interested because you know, I'm a professor of health psychology
and it is not good to not drink fluid for
twenty four hours. But he he literally dehydrated himself before
he began, and he fasted for two days. So he's like, uh,
(09:45):
he's a very fit man to be able to do that.
That is amazing. Anyway, kudos to Senator Corey Booker for
getting through that one. Hey, when we come back, there's
a new kind of romancing. It's called micromancing. Uh huh.
It's a way to get somebody into you, not in
a big way, in a little way. And there's some
interesting things you can do to micromance. When we come back,
(10:06):
you're listening to the Doctor Wendywall Show on KFI Am
six forty live everywhere on the iHeartRadio app.
Speaker 3 (10:12):
You're listening to Doctor Wendy Walsh on demand from KFI
am six forty.
Speaker 1 (10:18):
I am six forty. You have doctor Wendy Walsh with you.
This is the Doctor Wendy Wall Show. All right, micromancing?
Can we talk about what this is? Do you know
what micromancing is? Producer Kayla, I don't. Okay, So it's
like romancing. But you know those gen xyz s or
(10:38):
whatever they always have think they get this new language
for stuff, and they think that there's a new way
to court somebody, right, so they try to change things around.
It's actually the old stuff done a different way almost
every single time. Right, So let's talk about what grand
romancing is, not micro romance. Grand romancing, of course, are
(11:03):
those big, huge gestures. It tend to happen in heterosexual
relationships where a male would try to woo a female
and he would do that by buying her a dozen roses,
of getting a fancy bottle of champagne, taking her out
(11:25):
for a cruise in a sports car, of course, nice dinners,
maybe a three or four or five course dinner. That's
called romancing. And that's the old fashioned thing. We have
a problem now, we now have a surging supply of
women who can bama on flowers. They can take care
of those needs themselves because they're economically independent. So how
(11:50):
is a guy going to show a woman that he's needed. Remember,
a relationship is an exchange of care, right that care
can take many forms. It can be financial care, sexual care,
instrumental care when someone's sick. It can be intellectual stimulation.
Care could be childcare, It can be domestic responsibility care.
Taking care of each other is what an interpersonal relationship
(12:14):
is about. So if there are more women in America
in the workforce right now, there are more women in
the workforce than men. There are more college educated women
than men in the workforce. There's a lot of talk
about men feeling less than like their entire masculine identity
(12:34):
is linked to how much money they can make, and
they're just not making what their fathers and grandfathers made
in comparison to what the women are doing. Right, So
what can guys do? They can show women how they
can make their life better. I'm going to tell you
a story. So I was a single mom for twenty years.
(12:55):
I was a everything, a nurturer, caregiver, provide everything. I
had one hundred percent custody, zero dollars child support. And
I had two people living in my house, my kids,
who did not very much around the house. Okay, I'm
a bad single mother, and I'll tell you why I'm
a bad single mother, rather because I was so exhausted
(13:17):
from working, rather than me taking the time to insist
that they do their chores or pick up. No, we
can't watch TV until we clean up, clean up everybody everywhere.
That's the party's song. I didn't have the patience for that.
I was exhausted. I want to get into bed. It
was like a book bath bed. Let's go. I'll tidy
it up so I could do things faster and more efficiently.
As a result, they kind of have two lazy kids,
(13:38):
all right. They're not now that they're young adults and
out on their own and it's their own space, they're
keeping it nice and neat and tidy. But they shir
didn't in my house, so they didn't bring any income
and they didn't do any chores. Now, I have a
husband who pays his share of life fifty percent of
his life, and he does a ton of domestic stuff.
(14:00):
Dishes are his favorite, folding, laundry, you know, I always
try to help, but he tells me I'm doing it wrong.
So as a result, I sit back after dinner with
my glass of wine and watch them do the dishes.
So what are these micromances? They're small ways of romancing
a woman and letting her know that you can be
(14:20):
valuable in her life. It's a new dating trend. It's
called micromancing, and it reflects today's culture of young singles,
where many women are simply making more money than their
male peers, and maybe they're exhausted. So it might include
things like just thoughtfully making a playlist for somebody, or
just remembering their coffee order and pinging them on the
(14:42):
way over. Hey, I'm stopping the scar Starbucks, going to
get you that latte you like right, offering to walk
their dog right now. I will say that if the
old fashioned kind of grand romancing involved sacrifice, usually sacrifice
of money, you have to show that you're sacrificing.
Speaker 2 (15:00):
Bit.
Speaker 1 (15:00):
If you're micromancing right, things might not cost as much
money as those old fashioned romantic gestures. But maybe it's
something like driving really far to meet her for a date,
not meeting halfway. Going no, no, no, I'll meet at
the little beast show by your apartment. I'll get there. No,
I don't mind driving, right, That shows the sacrifice. Maybe
(15:23):
offering to hand wash her car on a sunny Sunday afternoon.
Can I come over. I'd love to wash a car
for you.
Speaker 4 (15:29):
Right.
Speaker 1 (15:30):
So many men out there are finding really smart ways
to show their value to women that they're courting, and
I do want to say that some of this is
on women. Women have to understand that micromancing is romancing,
that micromancing is a way of showing their value, of
showing sacrifice, of showing that they care.
Speaker 4 (15:53):
Right.
Speaker 1 (15:55):
And so if you're stuck in the dark ages and
think like if a dude shows up with some inexpensive
roses from Trader Joe's. They're good quality roses, Okay, they
do last good five six days, but they're Trader Joe's,
so they're twenty bucks, right, and you think that's romance
compared to the guy who's going to figure out what
(16:16):
you need? Can I run a few errands where he?
Can I do your car? Can I? I mean? Which
really feels more authentic? Right now? One of the things
when I talked about micromancing earlier, somebody asked me, well,
isn't that lower the bar? Doesn't that lower the bar
on love? No, Because if you sacrifice your time, your labor,
(16:39):
your talents, I think that's an even bigger indicator of
how a man can be a great partner in the future.
And again I got to say it's on women. They
have to understand that this is what men are doing.
They're doing what they can, so forget about the old
trappings of love.
Speaker 2 (16:59):
Producer.
Speaker 1 (17:00):
Okay, if you can, you think of the nicest thing
a guy ever did for you that didn't cost any money,
but you were really I had a guy once come
over and just hook up a dryer hose because I
didn't even know how to hook up that gas hose.
I thought that was really cool. Another guy asked if
he could borrow my car so he could upgrade the stereo,
like he had a friend who did car stereos, and
(17:20):
he puts some better speaker in it or something.
Speaker 2 (17:23):
I love that those are both of me. I remember
a man not counting that he flew to La but
he did cook me breakfast and clean my entire kitchen
and grocery shop for me.
Speaker 1 (17:34):
That's see, women need to understand that that's not a
sign of weakness or quote unquote feminine man. My husband
Julio likes to call himself a feminine man. I don't
know why we ascribe the words masculine and feminine to
various roles or behaviors. So, women, I'm really talking to
you because the guys out there, the nice guys out there,
(17:57):
are trying to woo you. They might not have the
money that some of those quote unquote alpha males have
that you're all, there's this small group of guys at
the top that all the women are vying for, and
the rest of the guys are suck. Many of them
could be such good partners. Not all, you still got
to audition them in some way, but many of them
(18:18):
could be such good partners. I just think it's important
that women open their mind and open up their hearts
to understand that giving is giving and trying to impress
a woman is a really big thing. So when we
come back, there's another trend in dating that's happening a
lot lately. It's called loud looking, and I want to
(18:38):
speak again directly to women, and specifically women who are
looking to have a long term commitment in a heterosexual relationship.
Speaker 2 (18:47):
Heyle is that you?
Speaker 1 (18:48):
By the way, are you looking to have a long term,
committed relationship.
Speaker 2 (18:51):
In a heteros Yes, yes, yes.
Speaker 1 (18:53):
And so I'm going to teach you how to loud look.
Do you know what loud looking is? I will learn today.
It's gonna be very loud. And then after that I'm
going to be taking your calls if you have a
relationship question. Not the next segment, but a segment after that.
I'm just throwing out the number now so you can
write it down. It's one eight hundred and five two
zero one five three four. That's one eight hundred five
(19:13):
two zero one KFI. But first let's talk about laud looking.
Right now, you're listening to the Doctor Wendy Walls Show
on KFI AM six forty live everywhere on the iHeartRadio app.
Speaker 3 (19:25):
You're listening to Doctor Wendy Walsh on demand from KFI
AM six forty.
Speaker 1 (19:32):
KFI AM six forty, you have doctor Wendy Walsh with you.
This is the Doctor Wendy Walls Show. I'd like to
welcome my TikTok audience. I'm on TikTok Live now. If
you'd like to come in the studio and see what
we're doing here. Come on on to TikTok as long
as TikTok's around. Looks like TikTok's going to be around
for a really, really long time. They were a big
sponsor of President Trump's golf tournament in Florida this week.
(19:54):
So and also, he now has forty one million followers
on TikTok, so why would he make TikTok go away?
And this week he announced that he has extended the
deadline about when he wants them to have to sell
out to an American company. So I think we're good. TikTok.
We're around. So just come on to TikTok at doctor
(20:14):
Wendy Walsh and you can come on into the studio
with us.
Speaker 2 (20:17):
All right.
Speaker 1 (20:17):
I've been talking a lot about the rise of women
economically and how that has impacted our love lives at
our dating lives. I mentioned that there are more women
in the American workforce than men. For the last twenty years,
we've seen a huge feminization of college campuses. For every
woman that graduates from for every man that graduates from college,
(20:39):
there are two or three women I happen to teach
on a college campus cal State Channel Islands Go Dolphins,
where we have almost seventy percent female on our campus.
So it's very obvious to and it's been this way
consistently for the last decade. So women are surging ahead
in some ways. But yet many women have this I
(21:00):
call it patriarchy swimming in their brains. They have this
Cinderella complex in their brains, which is, I want to
marry somebody who makes more money than me or has
more education than me. And as we know, that's a
dwindling number of men, and within that group, those that
want to make a commitment are even smaller. Because look,
(21:24):
if I was a dude and I had so much
access to so many potential female partners, I would ride
that wave of free sex too. But there are guys
out there that they might not be in those women's eyelines,
and I think they need to open up a little bit.
So what's happened is we've seen this trend where many
women have fallen into these undefined relationships often called situationships.
(21:50):
Situationships it's where you meet, you date, you have fun,
you get to know each other, but you never have
the conversation about what are are we are you my boyfriend,
are we really? It's funny because at the wedding this weekend,
I had a conversation with a young woman who had
been with her boyfriend for a year and they met
on bumble. She lives in Mexico City. She's a successful
(22:13):
career woman in her early thirties, and she said there
is a cultural tradition there. Though even though they were
in a relationship where they were having sex, so it
was kind of a situationship, it is still expected in
her culture. She said that a man should say to
a woman, will you be my girlfriend? Right, So she
said that whenever she got drunk, she would say to him,
(22:36):
when are you gonna ask me? When are you gonna
ask me? She kept saying that to him, and eventually
he did a few months into their relationship. And so
it reminded me a little bit of this new trend
called loud looking, and it is a reaction to the
fact that too many women are ending up in situationships
(22:59):
because they're too afraid to have that conversation. They're attached
to the guy, they're having sex, they like him, and
many of them fear abandonments, so they think if they say, well,
what are we and are we actually a couple that
he's just gonna go running?
Speaker 4 (23:14):
Right?
Speaker 1 (23:15):
And I was actually listening to a Beyonce song this
week when I was on the StairMaster, Oh producer Kla
which song was it? Where she was basically saying it
wasn't surfboard, it was fun, fun something. Anyway, she was
basicaying all those other women, I don't even care about
them tonight because I'm going to be the one for you.
(23:35):
And she was basically kind of implying like he's gonna
suddenly pick her because she's so good a bed basically,
And I was like, this is not a good message.
I love you, Bie, but that's not a good message. Okay,
you don't just be the best in bed because men
don't fall in love through sex. They fall in love
through trust, and they generally don't trust a woman who
gives them sex too easily, just saying so, now there
(23:57):
are a group of women who are on with situationships
and they have decided to practice a new trend on
the dating apps called loud looking. You know what loud
looking is. It's basically before you even have to have
the conversation about what are we is stating very clearly
in your profile about what you want. I have been
(24:18):
saying this for years. The problem with the dating apps
or many problems, but one of them is that it
puts people who are looking for a short term relationship
in the same mating pool as those looking for a
long term relationship. Sadly, the best way to get a
short term relationship is to pretend you're looking for long
term relationships. So you gotta do some period of analyzing
(24:40):
and checking people out and trying to decide. Right, So,
what is loud looking? Loud looking is when a woman
is in her fertility window, if she knows she wants
to get married, if she knows she wants to have kids.
And that's not everybody, And that's okay. Look, you might
have just come out of a long, awful, sexless relationship
(25:02):
and you just want to get your groove on on
those apps. Go for it. No moral judgment here. But
if you are a woman who wants to get married
and wants to have kids, the new trend is putting
it right out there in their profile. Right. But here's
the problem. That means saying I'm looking to get married
and saying it on first dates. Oh, isn't there too
(25:24):
much pressure. Doesn't that put a lot of pressure on? Yeah?
Didn't you know that dating is a high stakes game?
It really is, and so yeah, you just want to
put it out there. So here's the thing I want
you all to be ready for. You're going to have
to grow some alligator skin and a backbone because a
lot of good looking lotharios are going to run away
(25:48):
and you should do the touchdown cheer when that happens. Okay,
Because when you're honest in your dating profile, when you're
honest on a first date or second date about clearly
what you want, that means all the players, the f boys,
the commitment phobes, they are going to high tail it.
And that sometimes doesn't feel good. But you can't value
(26:09):
yourself based on whether someone likes you or not. You
want to have the backbone inside to like yourself first, right,
And then it's okay because there is going to be
the guy, the good, monogamous, moral guy who's gonna Thank goodness,
that's what I'm looking for right.
Speaker 4 (26:33):
Now.
Speaker 1 (26:34):
I talk about being fearlessly honest in your profile and
say it really loud, but your behavior has to back
up your words. And I'm gonna tell you know, my
books and everything I do is filled with my own mistakes.
I've learned all these things besides text from textbooks, but
also experientially. I remember being young and loud looking, and
(26:56):
then this one guy I remember saying to him on
this first date, you know, I am looking to get married,
to have a full time, committed relationship. And then I
had sex with him that night. That was so dumb
because my behavior did not back up my words.
Speaker 4 (27:13):
Right.
Speaker 1 (27:14):
You can't suddenly decide to hook up with a guy
on a first date. You cash in all your cards,
you throw in your hand, it's over. That advertises that
you're looking for short term relationships. Right, Good, healthy, long
term secure relationships take time to build. Slow love, slow
(27:37):
it down right. It's the best way to make sure
that your dreams come true after your loud looking intentions.
So be real, be honest, just say it and stick
to your guns. Be it and understand some people are
going to disappear because of that. That's okay, because you're
(27:59):
worth it. You are worth it. Hey, when we come back,
I am going to be taking your calls and answering
your relationship questions. If you like to call, The number
is one eight hundred five two zero one KFI. That's
one eight hundred five two zero one five three four.
Give me a call and I'll weigh in on your
love life. You're listening to Doctor Wendy Walls Show on
(28:19):
KFI AM six forty. We're live everywhere on the iHeartRadio app.
Speaker 3 (28:23):
You're listening to Doctor Wendy Walsh on demand from KFI
AM six forty.
Speaker 1 (28:29):
KFI AM six forty. You a Doctor Wendy Walsh with you.
This is the Doctor Wendy Walls Show. Can somebody do
me a favor? Go onto my Instagram right now and
look at my live and see if there's any sound,
because my Instagram followers were watching and said there's no sound.
There's no sound. We can't hear you. It's funny. We're
in an audio audio studio and there's no sound. So
(28:52):
let me know and post a little comments so I
can see at doctor Wendy Walsh dot com is the Instagram.
Maybe we're just having a bad connection or something in
the sound. It's not going through anyway. This is the
time of the question. The time of the question, time
of the show where I take your social media questions
and also answer your phone calls, So if you'd like
to call the numbers one eight hundred five two zero
(29:13):
one five three four. That's one eight hundred five two
zero one kfive. We're gonna start by going to social media. Uh,
and here we go. Dear doctor Wendy. Oh, if you
want to send me a social media question, it's at
doctor Wendy Wols dot com. Just a dm on ig.
Dear doctor Wendy. Is it okay to ghost someone if
you're breaking up with them or is it best to
(29:35):
tell them straight up? My thirty five year old daughter
is doing this to someone she was dating because he
was dating other women. So it's interesting the way this
mother is asking this. She's saying her thirty five year
old daughter is breaking up with her boyfriend by ghosting him,
and then because he was dating other women. So it
(29:55):
sounds like she's doing it as punishment. And there's so
much research to show that the silent treatment is never
good punishment. It causes more problems in a relationship than
anything else. It is never okay to go somebody if
you've met them in the real world. Okay, that's my rule.
If you're just texted with somebody, okay, fine, you know
(30:16):
they're enough fish in the sea. Fine, fine, fine, But
if you have met somebody, or if this person actually
is your boyfriend, then yeah, you have to have the
straight up conversation. You have to talk to them about
why and hopefully that two of you can learn something
from it. So no ghosting is not okay? All right,
(30:38):
dear doctor Wendy, Oh, last night we hooked up for
the first time. Well it wasn't me and you just
saying last night we hooked up for the first time.
Oh oh oh oh. The anatomy was too small for
me and there was a lot of performance anxiety in
his end. We do see a future together. My question
is am I ever going to get over there?
Speaker 2 (31:00):
Okay?
Speaker 1 (31:00):
If we need to stop. If you are reducing any
human of any gender and their value to a body part,
then you're not being fair to anybody and you're not
being a good loving person. You say things like we
(31:21):
see a future together, what is that future based on?
I do want to let everybody know by the way,
that in a new relationship, people place a lot of
emphasis on the sexual chemistry. They say, like the sex
is about ninety percent of it. But once you're in
a long term committed relationship, the sex becomes ten percent
of it. And have you ever thought about what's going
to happen to you maybe when you're pregnant or postpartum
(31:45):
of you know, breastfeeding, and your sex drive goes down.
What if he judged you that way?
Speaker 4 (31:51):
Right?
Speaker 1 (31:51):
So I would say that you didn't do your job
to help reduce his performance anxiety. You probably made it worse.
I'm just guessing the unconn just knows all. Even if
you didn't remark on his anatomy, you had an opinion
about his anatomy, and I think that's really unfair. I'm sorry.
I really think that we have to look at people
(32:14):
as human beings, as whole people, but reducing them to
just a body part is not fair at all. Okay, Producer, Kayla,
do we have someone on the phone.
Speaker 2 (32:25):
We have Ashley with a question.
Speaker 1 (32:26):
Ashley, Hi, Ashley, it's doctor Wendy.
Speaker 5 (32:30):
Hi, doctor Wendy. So my question is, I've been taking
a guy for a year and he travels your work
and it's like often and so I rarely get to
hang out with him. But I feel like I'm initiating
most of it. You know, I do understand he's working inside,
you know, but he does make time sometimes here and there.
(32:52):
But I just I don't want to waste my time.
Speaker 1 (32:55):
I just want to know. Yeah, first of all, the
sometimes word is the word that bothers me. There, Ashley,
he makes time sometimes, and I'm initiating. I think you
know what I'm going to say, Ashley. If you're not
hearing her side of the conversation, by the way, and
you're looking at me on Instagram right now, you can
(33:15):
download the iHeartRadio app and listen to both sides of
the conversation. So, Ashley, you've been dating him a year.
He travels a lot for work. You find you know
he's busy, but you're finding that you're doing all the
initiating and he tries to make time. You know what, Ashley,
You deserve to be courted, You deserve to be loved.
You need a guy to be making all the effort
(33:36):
to see you and spend time with you. Do not
put up with less, because when you put up with
less than you are lowering the bar on yourself. I
want you to value yourself more. I want you to
know that there's a guy out there who is going
to chase you, who's going to make the phone calls.
(33:57):
All right, Ugh, that breaks my heart? All right?
Speaker 2 (34:01):
Roll?
Speaker 1 (34:02):
Should I go to social or do we have somebody
else on the phone? By the way, the numbers one
eight hundred five to zero one KFI. That's one eight
hundred five to zero, one five three four.
Speaker 2 (34:11):
We have Henry with a question.
Speaker 1 (34:13):
Henry, Hi, Henry, it's doctor Wendy.
Speaker 4 (34:16):
Hi, doctor Wendy calling you from Denver tonight, where it's
cool but beautiful. I love out there for you as
well well.
Speaker 1 (34:24):
Starting to warm up here finally, Thank goodness. Okay, what's
your question? Henry?
Speaker 4 (34:28):
Henry from Denver, speaking of cool and beautiful. I'm seventy
years old, about to retire from my job. I've been
a widower for fourteen years and I've finally broken through that. Hey, honey,
I can we can flirt because I'm a married guy.
I'm safe. Oh yeah, you are. Well, we can be
(34:50):
you know whatever. Well, I've overcome all of that. I'm
comfortable with women.
Speaker 1 (34:54):
Yes, Oh good, you're comfortable with women now the most.
Speaker 4 (34:58):
Oh, I love women. Let's say, what's your question?
Speaker 1 (35:01):
What's your question? Uh?
Speaker 4 (35:04):
How do I where do I go to indulge in
opportunity to date women and my age say fifty or over.
Speaker 1 (35:14):
Well, let me tell you there are.
Speaker 4 (35:16):
A church guy or no.
Speaker 1 (35:17):
No, no, no, no, no, no no. You're going to go
on those apps, Henry. Everybody's on those apps because you
put in your real age and people are searching by
age group. If you want an app that's only for
people over fifty, it's called our Time dot com. Our Time.
But there's Match dot com, there's Bumble dot com, There's
and there are apps that you download onto your phone.
Put your pictures up, write a few little things about yourself,
(35:41):
and be honest and authentic. Don't try to to You
don't want somebody to show up on a date and
that you don't reflect what you actually are. Right, So
you just be honest, and I promise you there's somebody
out there for you. I my suggestion for you is
that in your profile you should say, uh, my wife
passed away fourteen years ago. It's take give me this
long to be ready. I'm about to retire and I've
(36:02):
got some time and money on my hands, and I'm
ready to meet a lady. You should just put that
and you'll be amazed at the wonderful women out there. Henry,
Thanks so much for calling, and good luck to you.
All right, we got to run to a break. When
you come back, give us a call. One eight hundred
five two zero one KFI. That's one eight hundred five
two zero one five three four four. You're listening to
the Doctor Wendywell Show on KFI AM six forty live
(36:26):
everywhere on the iHeartRadio app. You've been listening to Doctor
Wendy Waalce. You can always hear us live on KFI
AM six forty from seven to nine pm on Sunday
and anytime on demand on the iHeartRadio app.
Dr. Wendy Walsh on Demand News
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