August 5, 2024 • 38 mins
Dr. Wendy is talking Doug Emhoff's previous affair on Vice President Kamala Harris. How couples benefit society. The drama surrounding Simone Biles Marriage and how to slooowww down when you see THESE yellow flags. It's all on KFIAM-640!
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Episode Transcript
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Speaker 1 (00:00):
This is Doctor Wendy Walsh and you're listening to kf
I Am six forty, the Doctor Wendy Walsh Show on
demand on the iHeartRadio app kf I Am six forty.
You have Doctor Wendy Walsh with you. This is the
Doctor Wendy Walsh Show. I want you to sit back
and enjoy life because I've got your relationship news. I've
got your love life in my hands. Coming up, our
(00:25):
VP's hobby is an admitted cheater. The Internet does not
like Simone Biles's husband. And why do we organize ourselves
as couples? Let's talk about it. If you're new to
my show, I have a PhD in clinical psychology, I'm
a psychology professor, not a therapist, and I've written three
books on relationships because I'm obsessed with the science of love.
(00:49):
Little role call here, Raoul. How you doing tonight?
Speaker 2 (00:52):
Awesome? How are you?
Speaker 1 (00:54):
What do you think about the Vice president's husband having
had an affair years I.
Speaker 2 (00:57):
Ever knew that he did that. I'm I'm waiting to
hear this story because I honestly never heard that.
Speaker 1 (01:03):
Okay, well he just admitted it yesterday because he's some
tabloid broke it. Of course, once the tabloids break it,
then you got to come forward and tell the story.
Mark ronor how you doing lovely to be back with you? Nice,
to be nice to have you back again? And producer Kayla,
is the internet still attacking you about men's beards?
Speaker 3 (01:22):
Unfortunately? Yes, some have had a beard since birth.
Speaker 1 (01:25):
Jose who just tuned in Kayla did a post that said,
if a man asks a woman to not wear makeup
on a second date, you know, so you could see
her real face, then she has the right to say, okay,
then shave your beard, come clean, shave and let me
see that face and all those chins and the men.
God so mad a producer Kayla saying a beard is natural.
(01:46):
Makeup is not natural. I don't care. Sky's an ugly face.
So anyway, this is all hypothetical, right, or did somebody
ask you not to wear makeup on a date?
Speaker 3 (01:57):
Literally? All hypothetical? Okay, it was a segment first the
other show I produced a seamlessly chanteyn Ron ninety two three,
And okayause.
Speaker 1 (02:04):
Men have no right to tell women what to wear
not to wear exactly. I remember the days when I
was young and guys would be like, I don't like
your hair curly, make sure you wear it straight, or
I like you in strappy shoes, or I like you
in the eugh what are we just there to be
your little object for your eyes?
Speaker 3 (02:23):
It's the audacity for me, you know, I don't think
women say that to men. Show up in this shirt,
don't wear it like. I don't think women do that.
But I don't know.
Speaker 1 (02:30):
Maybe I'm more free crazy right anyway, So let us
talk about Doug m Hoff's previous affair, because Raoul's on
the edge of his seat and wants to know the detail.
Vice President Kamala Harris's husband, Doug m Hoff acknowledged yesterday
through a statement he made to CNN that he had
(02:51):
had an affair during his first marriage. Now he only
talks about this because a British tabloid. What is it
about those Brits and those investigative tabloids? They published a
story and his quote says, during my marriage, Kirsten and
I went through some tough times on account of my actions,
(03:13):
I took responsibility and in the years since we worked
through things as a family and have come out stronger
on the other side. Now, before I give you more
details about what the tabloid said happened. Let me say this,
his ex wife is a hugely successful film producer, and
(03:33):
what she is doing right now for Doug and Kamala
and even her kids is I mean, she should run
for president. She has the best diplomatic skills out there.
She is saying, Hey, you know, Kamala is a stepmother
to my kids. We are a blended family. We are happy,
and she's supporting everybody. And she has good reason to
(03:55):
be a little tift off at her ex husband. Supposedly,
this affair he had was with one of his young
daughter's teachers, and it was the discovery of this affair
that resulted in the end of his first marriage. Now
(04:18):
here's the other rumor that this woman got pregnant and
did not have the baby. This woman is not answering
the phone. The media are handling her, so we don't
know anything about her. Now, before you think I am
sitting here high on my horse judging, I will tell
you that I have had affairs in the past when
(04:38):
I was young. In relationships, in fact, evolutionary psychologists would
say that extra pair bonding is a very common thing
couplehood in some ways is a social construct. We need
couplehood in order to have a well running society. But
(05:02):
in many ways we have a system of perceived monogamy.
Now hang on there before you do your talk back
and send me all your rage about you've been monogamous. Great,
good for you. Probably about fifty percent of people are
able to stay monogamous in their relationships for however many
(05:25):
decades it may be. But lots of other people have
extra pair bonds along the way. Now, why does it hurt?
It hurts because evolutionary psychologists would say, we have an
inherited trait called sexual jealousy. And why do we have
(05:45):
this inherited trait because it protects our reproductive Four. If
your partner cheats with somebody else, you could end up
raising their spawn, right, and so we have sealed fertility.
Women can bring home another guy's sperm. Guy doesn't even know,
and all of a sudden he's giving his time, talents,
(06:06):
and treasure to another guy's genes. So sexual jealousy is
particularly pronounced in men with women. Historically, evolutionary psychologists would
say they worry about men stepping out because they worry
about resources leaving the household, right, so I know a
lot of you hear a lot about polyamory, and yeah,
(06:27):
that New York Times bestseller Sex at Don We had
the author on our show this idea that we're bonabos,
banabos or bonobos. How do I say it? Kayla banobos, banabos, bonobos, banobos, banobosos,
Uh not Champagne. So this writer basically thinks that we're
(06:50):
like bonobos and we have all kinds of polyamorous relationships,
and we're not like chimpanzees who have aggression and all
that kind of stuff. We're actually we share the same
amount of DNA as both primate species, and we have
the widest range of sexual behavior of any primate out there.
And here's the other thing about human behavior. We can
(07:12):
change our behavior because we have thoughts and we have
a brain. For instance, did you know what two things
are most likely to influence whether a man is going
to be monogamous or not? Kyle'd you know what those
two things are?
Speaker 3 (07:28):
Is it about the woman or the man? About the man?
The size and mantles.
Speaker 1 (07:33):
No, very good, youth, You've been.
Speaker 3 (07:35):
Listening for a long time.
Speaker 1 (07:37):
Yeah, just the smaller the scrotum, the lower the testosterone,
but also there's two psychological things. Oh, I don't know
those men monogamous. One is high intelligence. The more intelligent
a man is, the more he can consider the consequences
like I don't want to go there, divorce court is
way too expensive. And the other is religiosity. You think
(08:00):
of God as a big cop in this guy, then
you know you're gonna mind your p's and q's and
follow the rules, right, so I want Even though there's
a lot of talk in our culture about all this
consensual non monogamy that is a learned behavior, what is
inherited is sexual jealousy. And that's why when we hear
(08:20):
about the VP husband who had an affair not on her,
on his previous wife, were like, ugh, shocked the pain.
I'm sure his wife went through a lot of pain
if she had small kids and it was with the kids. Teacher,
ouch ouch ouch.
Speaker 4 (08:35):
Right.
Speaker 1 (08:37):
But it's also condinatural, and it happens a lot. I know.
Doesn't mean it's writer that it works for society. In fact,
when we come back, let's talk more specifically about how
couples and couplehood benefits society. Why have we decided to
organize ourselves around couplehood. Let's talk about it when we
(08:58):
come back. You are listening to the Doctor Wendy wallsh
Show on KFI AM six forty. We're live everywhere on
the iHeartRadio app.
Speaker 4 (09:07):
You're listening to Doctor Wendy Walsh on demand from KFI
AM six forty.
Speaker 1 (09:14):
KFI AM six forty, you have Doctor Andy Walsh with you.
This is the Doctor Wendy Walls Show. Okay, for you
love birds out there who are high on the best
drug we have, which is love. I hate to burst
your bubble, but it's a biological, psychological, social convergence of
(09:38):
events that cause this drug called love. In fact, the
brain centers that get activated when we are feeling in
love are the same brain centers that get activated when
you're on a really good drug. Right. And so we
have this idea and movies have enforced the idea. We
(10:00):
have enforced that you're going to find your soul mate,
that it's all about finding this one person that will
complete you and then life will be easy and you
will live happily ever after.
Speaker 3 (10:16):
Uh.
Speaker 1 (10:17):
Actually, where human beings were put on the planet to reproduce,
and along the way we're going to go through some
series of having ecstasy and great love and then pain
and competing for better mates or expelling bad mats. And
it's a treacherous business for everybody. So when you think
(10:38):
your life is strange because you've had a divorce or
been cheated on or had an affair, your life is normal.
This is how humans relate across the lifespan. Now do
I believe that we should just throw in the towel
anytime things get hard, expel a mate and get a
(10:58):
new one. We have to, just like when we take
in a new mate, look at our pros and cons,
look at the benefits, do a cost benefit analysis of
staying or leaving, and we do that on a regular basis. Now,
even though humans are not necessarily wired to be monogamous,
(11:20):
not all humans, about fifty percent of us are actually
pretty monogamous. Doesn't mean for life. This is the important thing.
What's most normal for humans is kind of serial monogamy.
But a good fifty percent also may have multiple pair bonds,
and they may be open about that, saying I have
an open relationship or I'm polyamorous. Okay, fine, good luck
(11:42):
finding the people who participate with you and if they
will and if they're doing it for the right reasons. Godspeed, enjoy.
But you know, one of the reasons why I am
not a big fan of the normalizing of open relationships
and polyamories because too many people who have trauma in
their early lives and don't have clear boundaries get pulled
(12:04):
into it by a partner who wants multiple partners, and
I don't like that. I always want to protect people's
hearts and protect their eggs and their bloodstream. However, our
society has organized us around monogamy, around couplehood, and I'm
not gonna lie. It's a real thing. You probably know
(12:25):
I've been a single mother. Yeah, I guess still a
single mother until next weekend. Oh my god, I'm getting
married next weekend, okay. And what I noticed as a
single mother is that I was excluded from a lot
of social events and social invitations. I had a village
of other single moms, or even other moms whose husbands
(12:49):
worked a lot, but I felt so lonely on Sundays
because everybody would go back to their guys and I
wouldn't get invited to anything. Right, And so I know
that since I've had my boyfriend now for four years,
that we get different imitations. I feel how we also
(13:11):
bring in both of our social worlds together, so immediately
our contact base is huger. So let's talk about other
benefits of society organizing itself around couplehood. Well, the biggest
one I think for many people is just economic stability
and the ability to grow economically. Let's face it, two
(13:33):
incomes is better than one. It literally doubles your household
financial income, and you're purchasing power. Couples share their resources,
so everything is half. If you only have to have
one living room, one bedroom, one bathroom, it's half, right,
And there's so much research to show that long term
(13:54):
committed couples actually accumulate more wealth. So economic is a
big one, But right behind it, or maybe side by side,
is the social and emotional support. That's the kind of
stuff I was talking about. Well, partners provide each other
emotional support and that reduces stress, and that's one of
(14:15):
the reasons why if your relationship is healthy, people in
long term committed relationships have overall better mental health. And
I mentioned earlier social life. Being in a couple creates
social integration. You see, two people have a much wider
and stronger social network than just one person. Right, So
(14:37):
this is good for society because it contributes to cohesion
in the community and it gives lots of support systems. Also,
the other benefit to having couples in society is that
you end up getting healthier kids. So until we have
free childcare in every workplace, if we had kibbutz free
(15:00):
day care and everything else, but until then, couplehood and
marriage is still the best nest that we have for kids.
The research is astounding. I mean, I'm a single parent
and I'm telling you I lived it. I understand the
stress of having to be a provider, protector, nurturer and everything,
(15:21):
and so worse mental health with single parents, more high
risk behavior of their kids. So providing that stable environment
where two people allocate all their resources into raising those
kids builds a healthy support structure. I didn't even mention
(15:41):
physical health. There's so much research to show that long
term married people have lower rates of all chronic diseases.
I don't remember, but a few years ago we had
a cardiologist on and he was saying that he's literally
never ever known anybody to have a heart attack if
they were in love. And that's sweet. You felt the
(16:02):
hormones the neuro hormones associated with love or very protective
on your heart. But yeah, better physical health also just
things like you know, you got a wife around checking
him for moles and you're keeping each other in check.
I should say health habits are highly contagious within couples.
So if you do marry somebody with poor health habits,
(16:24):
you know, couch potato, eating too much ice cream, before
you know it, you're going to gain weight because it's
really hard to eat differently and move differently living in
the same house with somebody. Also, there's research to show
that couples are more involved in the community, more civic engagement.
They volunteer more, they contribute their time and resources to
(16:44):
the schools and the teams, coaching softball, etc. Also, what
couples do for a society is pass on the morals,
pass on the values, right, so they serve as role
models for the community. And that's why we get upset
when we hear like a Doug em Hoff once had
(17:06):
an affair, because we're like, no, no, no, you might
be our first husband. You have to be perfect. We
like to put people give you all these purity tests.
When we're all human. Everything is just human experience right.
But I think the biggest benefit, and I don't know
if this is for society or for the individual, The
(17:27):
biggest benefit of couplehood is collaborative thinking. Having two brains
to solve problems, life just gets easier. I have to say.
You know, as I mentioned, I was a single mom
for like eighteen years, and when I met my sweet Julio,
(17:48):
the fact that he could finish my sentences when I
wasn't lost for a word because I was forgetting the
name of that actor in the movie, or come up
with ways to solve problems, so well for me. Turn
around and stuff is done, and I'm like, wait, I
was gonna he goes ah, I saw it needed to
be done and did it right. That is one hundred
percent the biggest benefit, this collaborative thinking. So we know
(18:15):
couplehood is good for our mental health, it's good for
our physical health, it's certainly good for our bank account.
It's really good for our kids. But we have to
be careful not to judge, because we're all still human beings,
and when needs aren't being met, you know, people will say, well,
I don't know, I don't know how I had that affair.
It just happened. You know what, things don't just happen
(18:38):
if they remain if your needs remain unconscious. And that's
why I'm a big proponent of course of psychotherapy, so
that we can become aware of our needs and find
healthy ways to get our needs met. Okay, when we
come back, the internet is a twitter about Simone Bile's marriage.
(18:59):
I'm gonna give you a timeline, break it down, tell
you what the Internet is saying, tell you how she's responding.
When we come back, you are listening to the Doctor
Wendy Walsh Show on KFI AM six forty. We're live
everywhere on the iHeartRadio app.
Speaker 4 (19:13):
You're listening to Doctor Wendy Walsh on demand from KFI
AM six forty.
Speaker 1 (19:19):
KFI AM six forty, you have Doctor Wendy Walsh with you.
This is the Doctor Wendy Walsh Show. Can we talk
about Simone Bile's marriage? I mean, the whole internet is
why not us two? Well, you don't know where I'm
going at the end, But if you've been living under
a rock, you might not know that Simone Biles has
(19:41):
completely cemented her legacy as one of the greatest gymnasts
of all time. After she took home the gold medal
in women's vault final on Saturday. This is the third
gold medal she took home for the twenty twenty four
Paris Olympics. Ah, She's already now has a total of
ten Olympic medals, seven of them are goals now. Reminder,
(20:05):
in twenty twenty one, during the Tokyo Olympics, no audience,
no family allowed there, she suffered a case of the Twisty's,
meaning she lost connection between her body and her mind
and where she was going and ended up dropping out
of those Olympics. She was attacked terribly. She has overcome
so much trauma in her life. She'd not only been
(20:26):
in foster care as a small child, but also was
a victim of sexual assault by team doctor Larry Nasser,
who's now serving time in But while she took time off,
she got married. Now, I don't want to tell you
she married only her second boyfriend. Her first boyfriend was
(20:47):
her trainer and this is only her second one. So
here's how the story goes, according to you can google
it all they both say it on podcasts, etc. Is
that she was right after breaking up with her boyfriend,
she was swiping on a dating app called Raya. I
call it the Pretty People Dating App Raya, and she
(21:09):
sees Jonathan Owens. He's a football player. He was doing
some kind of training camp or whatever in Texas. She
was in Texas. She matched with him, but then he
you know, a million women probably match with high testosterone,
good looking NFL players, So he didn't get back to
her right away. He just went and took a shower
(21:30):
or whatever. Meanwhile, she did her girlfriend to girlfriend research.
She went online and found his Instagram, so she just
sent him a DM on Instagram. All right, now, do
you know how many rules she's broken? Right now? I'm
just going to say, and the story you're going to
hear is what I call anecdotal evidence, meaning one example
(21:51):
of it working doesn't mean it's going to work for.
Speaker 3 (21:53):
The rest of us.
Speaker 1 (21:54):
We're not supposed to be chasing the boys. Okay, we're
not supposed to be chasing them. We're supposed to be
issuing a little invitation and watching them chase us, which
is probably what happened when he saw her in the DMS.
Here's the crazy thing. He told people he'd never heard
of her before, But then the internet went all crazy
and did some research and found out he actually dated
(22:14):
some famous gymnasts back in twenty nineteen. So if he
didn't know who she was at the top of the heap,
then he was living under rock. Okay. So they got
together in March of twenty twenty, right before shut down
with the pandemic, so they had all the time totally.
This is like Julio and I right. I mean, well,
not much later, but sometimes during the pandemic. So point being,
(22:37):
they had time where they weren't working and they could
really really bond. Right. By the way, who is he?
His name is Jonathan Owens. He is now a safety
for the Chicago Bears. I don't know anything about football, Rowl,
do you know about football? I've ever heard of that sport?
Of course, troller you there? Okay, So what is a
(22:58):
safety is like a security guard? They keep safety for
the team.
Speaker 2 (23:01):
What they do, Yeah, he's basically like yeah, I mean
he's just making sure the ball doesn't get away. I
mean he's trying to stop the guy running. He's just
doing anything he can to stop.
Speaker 1 (23:11):
Is it like, no, does he stand at the entrance
to the stadium and he keeps a player safe? He
keeps his hands away. It's a pretty important role, very
important role. It is important. Yeh okay, Well, when he
got hired there finally because he bounced around a whole
bunch of teams, the sports reporter said that mister Simone
(23:31):
Biles finally got a contract. Anyway, he h on. Here's
the big thing you should know is that they got
married in April of twenty twenty three in a very
small legal ceremony happens all the time, and then they
did this big go on Instagram. You won't believe the
beautiful pictures on his instagram. Jonathan Owens on Simon's so
(23:54):
in Bay of twenty twenty three, they had it to
die for wedding. And I just want to say, there's
so I'm getting married in a little bit this weekend,
right soon, I'm getting married. And I looked at her
wedding and the first thing I said to myself is,
oh my goodness, she must have spent a million dollars
on flowers. I've never seen so many flowers because I
(24:15):
know how expensive it is. And then I saw her
on a herder on a podcast where someone said, what
was the most expensive thing in your wedding? And she
said the flowers. I'm like, yeah, I could see I
could see that, So go online and look at the pictures.
Are just just beautiful. So they get married in May. Now,
in December, Jonathan Owens goes on a podcast it's called
(24:38):
the Pivot Podcast I don't know's I think, where guys
talk about sports whatever, and this is where he starts
his little story about how he didn't know her before,
he didn't know anything about gymnastics. They just met on
a dating app, and then he basically suggested that she
chased him and he was the catch. In fact, the
(24:59):
interviewer even says, so are you saying you're the catch?
And he says, I always say men are the catch.
Now I want to pause here for a moment. We
women hold the eggs. You chase eggs. Sperm chases eggs,
not the reverse. However, Owens may have this impression because
(25:19):
he happens to be a high testosterone, high status mate,
a dude with sexual prowess, with good looking genes, and
also a good paycheck supposedly with the NFL. I'm sure
our paycheck's much bigger now though. Anyway, so he's but
maybe because he makes less than his wife he's trying
to make himself feel better, or maybe he's come up
(25:40):
in a world where he's been a spoiled athlete and
the girls have been chasing him all the time, and
he does feel like the catch, you know what. He
also said on another podcast that when he met her,
he'd only been in the NFL three years and he
wasn't really you know, like stable there yet, and so
he wasn't ready for marriage, saying that after you got married,
(26:01):
it's like saying, you know, I might get more famous
and get a better mate. I shouldn't settle anyway. The
internet is so mad at him, and now they're super
mad at him because after she won her Olympic gold yesterday,
there's a picture on his Instagram. Go look it up
of him and her. She's hugging him and he's wearing
(26:22):
her gold medal around his neck. People are saying he's
stealing the spotlight from his wife. In fact, well, he
did write something nice, okay. The post under it says,
witnessing history every time you step on the mat. Congrats
baby on becoming the most decorated American gymnast and Olympic history.
Speaker 3 (26:44):
Just wow.
Speaker 1 (26:45):
Eight of them, so thankful I was there to see it,
all right, most decorated, but he's the one in the
decoration wearing the medal. So the internet attack. They're all saying,
take her medal off. And somebody on TikTok said, after
all the take her metal off. Was it you, mister
(27:05):
Simone Biles who was flying through the air yesterday? Was
it you who spun like a top thirty times in
the air and landed without stumbling? No? All right, so
Simone is not liking this, okay, even if she did
chase him down, even if she does make more money.
Women know a man has to feel like a king.
It's just a female mating strategy. Make him feel like
(27:28):
a star, make him feel like big man on campus.
That's what we do. I mean, smart women don't compete
with Smart women love their person and in fact, no
matter what gender you are, we want our mate to
feel that they are valuable. So of course she's not
(27:49):
liking that. Everybody's saying this. She want. If you want
a king, ladies, then you better act like a queen.
That's what I say, so she punched back. Simone posted
this in a comment to a fans TikTok video. She said,
crazy thing is I put my metal on every single
(28:11):
one of my family members and took pictures. So don't
ever make assumptions like you all are. So she used
the F word before the word miserable like a way
to describe miserable in a particularly miserable way, and then
she wrote leave us alone. So she also said on
one tweet that she is going to or maybe it
(28:33):
was on Instagram post she has just start blocking anybody
who says anything bad about her marriage. Who So what
about power women and masculine men and gender roles. I
think that we are in a time of life, a
(28:55):
time in history with lots of change, and yes, some
of these high testosterone men are going to learn that
their job is to hold their wife's coat sometimes right,
that we are there to support each other no matter
what your gender. So what the Internet is saying is
(29:15):
that he's trying to put her down publicly so that
he can feel better about himself. I don't know. I
think these are two. In order to be an athlete
and in order to compete at both their levels, you
have to have a little bit of narcissism. I mean,
did you see Noahlliles. I watched the whole What is
(29:37):
this series on Netflix? Kayla? Did you see the one
about the sprinters? Is it on Netflix? It's called Sprint?
Oh well, I watched this whole series in leading up
to Paris that showed the backgrounds of all the fastest runners,
and that no, alliles. He really likes himself. He's really
into himself. He thinks he's the coolest thing since sliced bread.
But you know, today he proved it. And what did
(29:59):
he say right to the camera as soon as he won?
I told you, he said, I told you check this out. Yeah,
you know, you got to see it. But he does
the tongue out thing, which what what is that? Why
hang your tongue out at the camera?
Speaker 3 (30:12):
He learned it from Miley Cyrus, I believe.
Speaker 1 (30:16):
Oh Julio said he learned it from Michael Jordan.
Speaker 3 (30:18):
Oh even, yeah, that's that's probably real. Yeah that's better.
That's better.
Speaker 1 (30:22):
Oh yeah, But anyway, he's uh, yeah, he's definitely you
have to in order to get at that level and
say I'm gonna take on the world, I'm gonna beat everybody,
you have to believe it. I mean, I think Donald
Trump believes his stuff, right. You have to believe you
have to you have to believe that you can do it,
that you can be that powerful. So how does that
impact your intimate relationships? So the question is do they
(30:46):
take their public personality I'm talking about Simone now and
Jonathan Owens into the private parts or do they have
real intimacy. I love that he said congrats baby and
becoming the most decorated baby we call each other baby,
because an intimate relationship is I'll take care of you,
(31:10):
you take care of me. Right. Anyway, if you want
to find I think we should all lay off these two.
They're a young couple. She's twenty seven, he's twenty nine.
She should bask in her glory. And if her a
glory includes an NFL player on her arm, and she
created that, go for it.
Speaker 4 (31:31):
Why not?
Speaker 1 (31:32):
Why not? She deserves it, She deserves all her happiness
and deserves us not to criticize anything. All right, if
you look in to find a healthy relationship, well, I'm
not saying this isn't I'm just saying, if you are
looking to find a healthy relationship, you've heard about red flags,
you've heard about green flags. What about yellow flags? Let's
(31:53):
talk about that when we come back. You are listening
to the Doctor Wendy Walls Show and I am six
forty We're live everywhere on the iHeartRadio app.
Speaker 4 (32:02):
You're listening to Doctor Wendy Walsh on demand from KFI
AM six forty am.
Speaker 1 (32:08):
I am so sporty. You have Doctor Wendy Walsh with you.
This is the Doctor Wendy Walsh Show. Well, I have
been preaching slow down for years and years and years.
I know how hard it is, especially if you're longing
for love, especially if your hormones are on fire. I
mentioned earlier in the show that love is the best
(32:30):
drug we have. It's also the one filled with the
most delusions. When we are becoming early attracted or feeling
lust towards somebody, it's like we have rose colored glasses on.
We can't see really who they are because we want
them to be that perfect person. Of course, if you
(32:52):
can just wait, you know. My third book was called
The Thirty Day Love Detox, and the title was based
on one study I found that showed that if you
have sex within thirty days of meeting somebody, you got
like a ninety two percent chance of being broken up
within one year. If you wait as long as ninety days. No,
(33:14):
it's a long but you can do it. Then you
have a one and four chance you'll be together a
year later. Why because during those ninety days, you're building
emotional intimacy, and emotional intimacy is the glue. Right. So
when you're first starting to date somebody, I mean the
internet is full of this. Well, red flags don't go
further or green flags looks like this is a good chance.
(33:38):
But now people are talking about yellow flags. Yellow flags
don't mean dump the person, and they don't mean go
forward fast. Yellow bluff flags, it does means slow down
a little bit, right, Okay, the first I'm going to
talk about four yellow flags. The first one is this
(34:03):
one verges on red flags to me. When someone describes
their exes as all crazy or nightmares, Now, they could
be somebody who's just unlucky in love, or maybe they
have a weird attachment style that they're attracted to crazy people.
You got to ask yourself, so why are you attracted
(34:25):
to me, dude or ma'am? So somebody who has a
healthy outlook. We all have bad relationships in our past.
When we describe those bad relationships, we might describe them
in ways like, you know, he or she, you know,
(34:46):
had trouble with conflict and we would get in these
fights and it seemed like nothing ever got resolved. And
I tried and we went to therapy. And you know,
that's a description, right, instead of my ex was christ Right.
It's like, oh, you're just going to put them in
a category and that's that. So if they say that,
ask them more questions, Like a simple question is what
(35:09):
do you think your piece in this was? See how
they react if they get too defensive. You know, here's
another big yellow flag. Your own inner circle doesn't approve.
All right, your own inner circle doesn't approve. That yellow
flag is kind of like slow down. You want to
get to the point where you can see what they see.
(35:30):
You want to understand where they're coming from. You want
to really spend time assessing and evaluating. Remember, waiting to
have sex is not manipulating somebody. It's about giving you
the space that you need to evaluate and assess. Here's
another big yellow flag. You're the one asking all the questions.
(35:51):
Oh my gosh, that's so weird. They're not even inquiring
about your life and who you are. You're the one
interviewing them. But they're not reciprocating it in any way.
You got to ask why. And the biggest yellow flag,
which I think really morphs into a red flag if
the behavior continues, is that your date is inconsistent, inconsistent
(36:13):
with their phone calls, inconsistent with their texts, inconsistent with
you know, they make a plan and then they don't
follow through or they cancel it the last minute. That
shows they're not able to make you a priority. Now,
with all these yellow flags that I've mentioned, there's room
to talk. You might say something with the inconsistent one
(36:36):
is I feel a little anxious when you don't text
me in a consistent way. Maybe you can tell me
what's the best way or best frequency or what works
best for you.
Speaker 4 (36:50):
Right.
Speaker 1 (36:51):
I remember early on in my relationship with Julio, he
got on a plane. He was away, and he got
on a plane and came to La and called me
from La where I'm in La? He's in La? What
should be wrong with that? The fact that he changed
locations without letting me know bothered me. It just felt
weird and inconsistent. So I said, listen, let's just have
one rule. I have to have luck. I don't have
(37:13):
to track her on you, but I just need to
know where you are. I need to sort of a locator,
and he goes, oh okay, I get shoot me a
text like I'm hopping on this plane, I'm going to here.
And so you just tell them what your needs are
and it'll be fine. But also ask your friends why
they don't approve, what's really going on? What are they seeing?
They can help you assess because they don't have those
(37:35):
rose colored glasses on. Hey, when we come back, I'm
going to social media. I'm going to take your emails
and your social media questions and answer some of your
relationship questions. And we have some good ones tonight. You've
been listening to Doctor Wendy Wallace. You can always hear
us live on KFI AM six forty from seven to
nine pm on Sunday and anytime on demand on the
(37:55):
iHeartRadio app
This is Doctor Wendy Walsh and you're listening to kf
I Am six forty, the Doctor Wendy Walsh Show on
demand on the iHeartRadio app kf I Am six forty.
You have Doctor Wendy Walsh with you. This is the
Doctor Wendy Walsh Show. I want you to sit back
and enjoy life because I've got your relationship news. I've
got your love life in my hands. Coming up, our
(00:25):
VP's hobby is an admitted cheater. The Internet does not
like Simone Biles's husband. And why do we organize ourselves
as couples? Let's talk about it. If you're new to
my show, I have a PhD in clinical psychology, I'm
a psychology professor, not a therapist, and I've written three
books on relationships because I'm obsessed with the science of love.
(00:49):
Little role call here, Raoul. How you doing tonight?
Speaker 2 (00:52):
Awesome? How are you?
Speaker 1 (00:54):
What do you think about the Vice president's husband having
had an affair years I.
Speaker 2 (00:57):
Ever knew that he did that. I'm I'm waiting to
hear this story because I honestly never heard that.
Speaker 1 (01:03):
Okay, well he just admitted it yesterday because he's some
tabloid broke it. Of course, once the tabloids break it,
then you got to come forward and tell the story.
Mark ronor how you doing lovely to be back with you? Nice,
to be nice to have you back again? And producer Kayla,
is the internet still attacking you about men's beards?
Speaker 3 (01:22):
Unfortunately? Yes, some have had a beard since birth.
Speaker 1 (01:25):
Jose who just tuned in Kayla did a post that said,
if a man asks a woman to not wear makeup
on a second date, you know, so you could see
her real face, then she has the right to say, okay,
then shave your beard, come clean, shave and let me
see that face and all those chins and the men.
God so mad a producer Kayla saying a beard is natural.
(01:46):
Makeup is not natural. I don't care. Sky's an ugly face.
So anyway, this is all hypothetical, right, or did somebody
ask you not to wear makeup on a date?
Speaker 3 (01:57):
Literally? All hypothetical? Okay, it was a segment first the
other show I produced a seamlessly chanteyn Ron ninety two three,
And okayause.
Speaker 1 (02:04):
Men have no right to tell women what to wear
not to wear exactly. I remember the days when I
was young and guys would be like, I don't like
your hair curly, make sure you wear it straight, or
I like you in strappy shoes, or I like you
in the eugh what are we just there to be
your little object for your eyes?
Speaker 3 (02:23):
It's the audacity for me, you know, I don't think
women say that to men. Show up in this shirt,
don't wear it like. I don't think women do that.
But I don't know.
Speaker 1 (02:30):
Maybe I'm more free crazy right anyway, So let us
talk about Doug m Hoff's previous affair, because Raoul's on
the edge of his seat and wants to know the detail.
Vice President Kamala Harris's husband, Doug m Hoff acknowledged yesterday
through a statement he made to CNN that he had
(02:51):
had an affair during his first marriage. Now he only
talks about this because a British tabloid. What is it
about those Brits and those investigative tabloids? They published a
story and his quote says, during my marriage, Kirsten and
I went through some tough times on account of my actions,
(03:13):
I took responsibility and in the years since we worked
through things as a family and have come out stronger
on the other side. Now, before I give you more
details about what the tabloid said happened. Let me say this,
his ex wife is a hugely successful film producer, and
(03:33):
what she is doing right now for Doug and Kamala
and even her kids is I mean, she should run
for president. She has the best diplomatic skills out there.
She is saying, Hey, you know, Kamala is a stepmother
to my kids. We are a blended family. We are happy,
and she's supporting everybody. And she has good reason to
(03:55):
be a little tift off at her ex husband. Supposedly,
this affair he had was with one of his young
daughter's teachers, and it was the discovery of this affair
that resulted in the end of his first marriage. Now
(04:18):
here's the other rumor that this woman got pregnant and
did not have the baby. This woman is not answering
the phone. The media are handling her, so we don't
know anything about her. Now, before you think I am
sitting here high on my horse judging, I will tell
you that I have had affairs in the past when
(04:38):
I was young. In relationships, in fact, evolutionary psychologists would
say that extra pair bonding is a very common thing
couplehood in some ways is a social construct. We need
couplehood in order to have a well running society. But
(05:02):
in many ways we have a system of perceived monogamy.
Now hang on there before you do your talk back
and send me all your rage about you've been monogamous. Great,
good for you. Probably about fifty percent of people are
able to stay monogamous in their relationships for however many
(05:25):
decades it may be. But lots of other people have
extra pair bonds along the way. Now, why does it hurt?
It hurts because evolutionary psychologists would say, we have an
inherited trait called sexual jealousy. And why do we have
(05:45):
this inherited trait because it protects our reproductive Four. If
your partner cheats with somebody else, you could end up
raising their spawn, right, and so we have sealed fertility.
Women can bring home another guy's sperm. Guy doesn't even know,
and all of a sudden he's giving his time, talents,
(06:06):
and treasure to another guy's genes. So sexual jealousy is
particularly pronounced in men with women. Historically, evolutionary psychologists would
say they worry about men stepping out because they worry
about resources leaving the household, right, so I know a
lot of you hear a lot about polyamory, and yeah,
(06:27):
that New York Times bestseller Sex at Don We had
the author on our show this idea that we're bonabos,
banabos or bonobos. How do I say it? Kayla banobos, banabos, bonobos, banobos, banobosos,
Uh not Champagne. So this writer basically thinks that we're
(06:50):
like bonobos and we have all kinds of polyamorous relationships,
and we're not like chimpanzees who have aggression and all
that kind of stuff. We're actually we share the same
amount of DNA as both primate species, and we have
the widest range of sexual behavior of any primate out there.
And here's the other thing about human behavior. We can
(07:12):
change our behavior because we have thoughts and we have
a brain. For instance, did you know what two things
are most likely to influence whether a man is going
to be monogamous or not? Kyle'd you know what those
two things are?
Speaker 3 (07:28):
Is it about the woman or the man? About the man?
The size and mantles.
Speaker 1 (07:33):
No, very good, youth, You've been.
Speaker 3 (07:35):
Listening for a long time.
Speaker 1 (07:37):
Yeah, just the smaller the scrotum, the lower the testosterone,
but also there's two psychological things. Oh, I don't know
those men monogamous. One is high intelligence. The more intelligent
a man is, the more he can consider the consequences
like I don't want to go there, divorce court is
way too expensive. And the other is religiosity. You think
(08:00):
of God as a big cop in this guy, then
you know you're gonna mind your p's and q's and
follow the rules, right, so I want Even though there's
a lot of talk in our culture about all this
consensual non monogamy that is a learned behavior, what is
inherited is sexual jealousy. And that's why when we hear
(08:20):
about the VP husband who had an affair not on her,
on his previous wife, were like, ugh, shocked the pain.
I'm sure his wife went through a lot of pain
if she had small kids and it was with the kids. Teacher,
ouch ouch ouch.
Speaker 4 (08:35):
Right.
Speaker 1 (08:37):
But it's also condinatural, and it happens a lot. I know.
Doesn't mean it's writer that it works for society. In fact,
when we come back, let's talk more specifically about how
couples and couplehood benefits society. Why have we decided to
organize ourselves around couplehood. Let's talk about it when we
(08:58):
come back. You are listening to the Doctor Wendy wallsh
Show on KFI AM six forty. We're live everywhere on
the iHeartRadio app.
Speaker 4 (09:07):
You're listening to Doctor Wendy Walsh on demand from KFI
AM six forty.
Speaker 1 (09:14):
KFI AM six forty, you have Doctor Andy Walsh with you.
This is the Doctor Wendy Walls Show. Okay, for you
love birds out there who are high on the best
drug we have, which is love. I hate to burst
your bubble, but it's a biological, psychological, social convergence of
(09:38):
events that cause this drug called love. In fact, the
brain centers that get activated when we are feeling in
love are the same brain centers that get activated when
you're on a really good drug. Right. And so we
have this idea and movies have enforced the idea. We
(10:00):
have enforced that you're going to find your soul mate,
that it's all about finding this one person that will
complete you and then life will be easy and you
will live happily ever after.
Speaker 3 (10:16):
Uh.
Speaker 1 (10:17):
Actually, where human beings were put on the planet to reproduce,
and along the way we're going to go through some
series of having ecstasy and great love and then pain
and competing for better mates or expelling bad mats. And
it's a treacherous business for everybody. So when you think
(10:38):
your life is strange because you've had a divorce or
been cheated on or had an affair, your life is normal.
This is how humans relate across the lifespan. Now do
I believe that we should just throw in the towel
anytime things get hard, expel a mate and get a
(10:58):
new one. We have to, just like when we take
in a new mate, look at our pros and cons,
look at the benefits, do a cost benefit analysis of
staying or leaving, and we do that on a regular basis. Now,
even though humans are not necessarily wired to be monogamous,
(11:20):
not all humans, about fifty percent of us are actually
pretty monogamous. Doesn't mean for life. This is the important thing.
What's most normal for humans is kind of serial monogamy.
But a good fifty percent also may have multiple pair bonds,
and they may be open about that, saying I have
an open relationship or I'm polyamorous. Okay, fine, good luck
(11:42):
finding the people who participate with you and if they
will and if they're doing it for the right reasons. Godspeed, enjoy.
But you know, one of the reasons why I am
not a big fan of the normalizing of open relationships
and polyamories because too many people who have trauma in
their early lives and don't have clear boundaries get pulled
(12:04):
into it by a partner who wants multiple partners, and
I don't like that. I always want to protect people's
hearts and protect their eggs and their bloodstream. However, our
society has organized us around monogamy, around couplehood, and I'm
not gonna lie. It's a real thing. You probably know
(12:25):
I've been a single mother. Yeah, I guess still a
single mother until next weekend. Oh my god, I'm getting
married next weekend, okay. And what I noticed as a
single mother is that I was excluded from a lot
of social events and social invitations. I had a village
of other single moms, or even other moms whose husbands
(12:49):
worked a lot, but I felt so lonely on Sundays
because everybody would go back to their guys and I
wouldn't get invited to anything. Right, And so I know
that since I've had my boyfriend now for four years,
that we get different imitations. I feel how we also
(13:11):
bring in both of our social worlds together, so immediately
our contact base is huger. So let's talk about other
benefits of society organizing itself around couplehood. Well, the biggest
one I think for many people is just economic stability
and the ability to grow economically. Let's face it, two
(13:33):
incomes is better than one. It literally doubles your household
financial income, and you're purchasing power. Couples share their resources,
so everything is half. If you only have to have
one living room, one bedroom, one bathroom, it's half, right,
And there's so much research to show that long term
(13:54):
committed couples actually accumulate more wealth. So economic is a
big one, But right behind it, or maybe side by side,
is the social and emotional support. That's the kind of
stuff I was talking about. Well, partners provide each other
emotional support and that reduces stress, and that's one of
(14:15):
the reasons why if your relationship is healthy, people in
long term committed relationships have overall better mental health. And
I mentioned earlier social life. Being in a couple creates
social integration. You see, two people have a much wider
and stronger social network than just one person. Right, So
(14:37):
this is good for society because it contributes to cohesion
in the community and it gives lots of support systems. Also,
the other benefit to having couples in society is that
you end up getting healthier kids. So until we have
free childcare in every workplace, if we had kibbutz free
(15:00):
day care and everything else, but until then, couplehood and
marriage is still the best nest that we have for kids.
The research is astounding. I mean, I'm a single parent
and I'm telling you I lived it. I understand the
stress of having to be a provider, protector, nurturer and everything,
(15:21):
and so worse mental health with single parents, more high
risk behavior of their kids. So providing that stable environment
where two people allocate all their resources into raising those
kids builds a healthy support structure. I didn't even mention
(15:41):
physical health. There's so much research to show that long
term married people have lower rates of all chronic diseases.
I don't remember, but a few years ago we had
a cardiologist on and he was saying that he's literally
never ever known anybody to have a heart attack if
they were in love. And that's sweet. You felt the
(16:02):
hormones the neuro hormones associated with love or very protective
on your heart. But yeah, better physical health also just
things like you know, you got a wife around checking
him for moles and you're keeping each other in check.
I should say health habits are highly contagious within couples.
So if you do marry somebody with poor health habits,
(16:24):
you know, couch potato, eating too much ice cream, before
you know it, you're going to gain weight because it's
really hard to eat differently and move differently living in
the same house with somebody. Also, there's research to show
that couples are more involved in the community, more civic engagement.
They volunteer more, they contribute their time and resources to
(16:44):
the schools and the teams, coaching softball, etc. Also, what
couples do for a society is pass on the morals,
pass on the values, right, so they serve as role
models for the community. And that's why we get upset
when we hear like a Doug em Hoff once had
(17:06):
an affair, because we're like, no, no, no, you might
be our first husband. You have to be perfect. We
like to put people give you all these purity tests.
When we're all human. Everything is just human experience right.
But I think the biggest benefit, and I don't know
if this is for society or for the individual, The
(17:27):
biggest benefit of couplehood is collaborative thinking. Having two brains
to solve problems, life just gets easier. I have to say.
You know, as I mentioned, I was a single mom
for like eighteen years, and when I met my sweet Julio,
(17:48):
the fact that he could finish my sentences when I
wasn't lost for a word because I was forgetting the
name of that actor in the movie, or come up
with ways to solve problems, so well for me. Turn
around and stuff is done, and I'm like, wait, I
was gonna he goes ah, I saw it needed to
be done and did it right. That is one hundred
percent the biggest benefit, this collaborative thinking. So we know
(18:15):
couplehood is good for our mental health, it's good for
our physical health, it's certainly good for our bank account.
It's really good for our kids. But we have to
be careful not to judge, because we're all still human beings,
and when needs aren't being met, you know, people will say, well,
I don't know, I don't know how I had that affair.
It just happened. You know what, things don't just happen
(18:38):
if they remain if your needs remain unconscious. And that's
why I'm a big proponent of course of psychotherapy, so
that we can become aware of our needs and find
healthy ways to get our needs met. Okay, when we
come back, the internet is a twitter about Simone Bile's marriage.
(18:59):
I'm gonna give you a timeline, break it down, tell
you what the Internet is saying, tell you how she's responding.
When we come back, you are listening to the Doctor
Wendy Walsh Show on KFI AM six forty. We're live
everywhere on the iHeartRadio app.
Speaker 4 (19:13):
You're listening to Doctor Wendy Walsh on demand from KFI
AM six forty.
Speaker 1 (19:19):
KFI AM six forty, you have Doctor Wendy Walsh with you.
This is the Doctor Wendy Walsh Show. Can we talk
about Simone Bile's marriage? I mean, the whole internet is
why not us two? Well, you don't know where I'm
going at the end, But if you've been living under
a rock, you might not know that Simone Biles has
(19:41):
completely cemented her legacy as one of the greatest gymnasts
of all time. After she took home the gold medal
in women's vault final on Saturday. This is the third
gold medal she took home for the twenty twenty four
Paris Olympics. Ah, She's already now has a total of
ten Olympic medals, seven of them are goals now. Reminder,
(20:05):
in twenty twenty one, during the Tokyo Olympics, no audience,
no family allowed there, she suffered a case of the Twisty's,
meaning she lost connection between her body and her mind
and where she was going and ended up dropping out
of those Olympics. She was attacked terribly. She has overcome
so much trauma in her life. She'd not only been
(20:26):
in foster care as a small child, but also was
a victim of sexual assault by team doctor Larry Nasser,
who's now serving time in But while she took time off,
she got married. Now, I don't want to tell you
she married only her second boyfriend. Her first boyfriend was
(20:47):
her trainer and this is only her second one. So
here's how the story goes, according to you can google
it all they both say it on podcasts, etc. Is
that she was right after breaking up with her boyfriend,
she was swiping on a dating app called Raya. I
call it the Pretty People Dating App Raya, and she
(21:09):
sees Jonathan Owens. He's a football player. He was doing
some kind of training camp or whatever in Texas. She
was in Texas. She matched with him, but then he
you know, a million women probably match with high testosterone,
good looking NFL players, So he didn't get back to
her right away. He just went and took a shower
(21:30):
or whatever. Meanwhile, she did her girlfriend to girlfriend research.
She went online and found his Instagram, so she just
sent him a DM on Instagram. All right, now, do
you know how many rules she's broken? Right now? I'm
just going to say, and the story you're going to
hear is what I call anecdotal evidence, meaning one example
(21:51):
of it working doesn't mean it's going to work for.
Speaker 3 (21:53):
The rest of us.
Speaker 1 (21:54):
We're not supposed to be chasing the boys. Okay, we're
not supposed to be chasing them. We're supposed to be
issuing a little invitation and watching them chase us, which
is probably what happened when he saw her in the DMS.
Here's the crazy thing. He told people he'd never heard
of her before, But then the internet went all crazy
and did some research and found out he actually dated
(22:14):
some famous gymnasts back in twenty nineteen. So if he
didn't know who she was at the top of the heap,
then he was living under rock. Okay. So they got
together in March of twenty twenty, right before shut down
with the pandemic, so they had all the time totally.
This is like Julio and I right. I mean, well,
not much later, but sometimes during the pandemic. So point being,
(22:37):
they had time where they weren't working and they could
really really bond. Right. By the way, who is he?
His name is Jonathan Owens. He is now a safety
for the Chicago Bears. I don't know anything about football, Rowl,
do you know about football? I've ever heard of that sport?
Of course, troller you there? Okay, So what is a
(22:58):
safety is like a security guard? They keep safety for
the team.
Speaker 2 (23:01):
What they do, Yeah, he's basically like yeah, I mean
he's just making sure the ball doesn't get away. I
mean he's trying to stop the guy running. He's just
doing anything he can to stop.
Speaker 1 (23:11):
Is it like, no, does he stand at the entrance
to the stadium and he keeps a player safe? He
keeps his hands away. It's a pretty important role, very
important role. It is important. Yeh okay, Well, when he
got hired there finally because he bounced around a whole
bunch of teams, the sports reporter said that mister Simone
(23:31):
Biles finally got a contract. Anyway, he h on. Here's
the big thing you should know is that they got
married in April of twenty twenty three in a very
small legal ceremony happens all the time, and then they
did this big go on Instagram. You won't believe the
beautiful pictures on his instagram. Jonathan Owens on Simon's so
(23:54):
in Bay of twenty twenty three, they had it to
die for wedding. And I just want to say, there's
so I'm getting married in a little bit this weekend,
right soon, I'm getting married. And I looked at her
wedding and the first thing I said to myself is,
oh my goodness, she must have spent a million dollars
on flowers. I've never seen so many flowers because I
(24:15):
know how expensive it is. And then I saw her
on a herder on a podcast where someone said, what
was the most expensive thing in your wedding? And she
said the flowers. I'm like, yeah, I could see I
could see that, So go online and look at the pictures.
Are just just beautiful. So they get married in May. Now,
in December, Jonathan Owens goes on a podcast it's called
(24:38):
the Pivot Podcast I don't know's I think, where guys
talk about sports whatever, and this is where he starts
his little story about how he didn't know her before,
he didn't know anything about gymnastics. They just met on
a dating app, and then he basically suggested that she
chased him and he was the catch. In fact, the
(24:59):
interviewer even says, so are you saying you're the catch?
And he says, I always say men are the catch.
Now I want to pause here for a moment. We
women hold the eggs. You chase eggs. Sperm chases eggs,
not the reverse. However, Owens may have this impression because
(25:19):
he happens to be a high testosterone, high status mate,
a dude with sexual prowess, with good looking genes, and
also a good paycheck supposedly with the NFL. I'm sure
our paycheck's much bigger now though. Anyway, so he's but
maybe because he makes less than his wife he's trying
to make himself feel better, or maybe he's come up
(25:40):
in a world where he's been a spoiled athlete and
the girls have been chasing him all the time, and
he does feel like the catch, you know what. He
also said on another podcast that when he met her,
he'd only been in the NFL three years and he
wasn't really you know, like stable there yet, and so
he wasn't ready for marriage, saying that after you got married,
(26:01):
it's like saying, you know, I might get more famous
and get a better mate. I shouldn't settle anyway. The
internet is so mad at him, and now they're super
mad at him because after she won her Olympic gold yesterday,
there's a picture on his Instagram. Go look it up
of him and her. She's hugging him and he's wearing
(26:22):
her gold medal around his neck. People are saying he's
stealing the spotlight from his wife. In fact, well, he
did write something nice, okay. The post under it says,
witnessing history every time you step on the mat. Congrats
baby on becoming the most decorated American gymnast and Olympic history.
Speaker 3 (26:44):
Just wow.
Speaker 1 (26:45):
Eight of them, so thankful I was there to see it,
all right, most decorated, but he's the one in the
decoration wearing the medal. So the internet attack. They're all saying,
take her medal off. And somebody on TikTok said, after
all the take her metal off. Was it you, mister
(27:05):
Simone Biles who was flying through the air yesterday? Was
it you who spun like a top thirty times in
the air and landed without stumbling? No? All right, so
Simone is not liking this, okay, even if she did
chase him down, even if she does make more money.
Women know a man has to feel like a king.
It's just a female mating strategy. Make him feel like
(27:28):
a star, make him feel like big man on campus.
That's what we do. I mean, smart women don't compete
with Smart women love their person and in fact, no
matter what gender you are, we want our mate to
feel that they are valuable. So of course she's not
(27:49):
liking that. Everybody's saying this. She want. If you want
a king, ladies, then you better act like a queen.
That's what I say, so she punched back. Simone posted
this in a comment to a fans TikTok video. She said,
crazy thing is I put my metal on every single
(28:11):
one of my family members and took pictures. So don't
ever make assumptions like you all are. So she used
the F word before the word miserable like a way
to describe miserable in a particularly miserable way, and then
she wrote leave us alone. So she also said on
one tweet that she is going to or maybe it
(28:33):
was on Instagram post she has just start blocking anybody
who says anything bad about her marriage. Who So what
about power women and masculine men and gender roles. I
think that we are in a time of life, a
(28:55):
time in history with lots of change, and yes, some
of these high testosterone men are going to learn that
their job is to hold their wife's coat sometimes right,
that we are there to support each other no matter
what your gender. So what the Internet is saying is
(29:15):
that he's trying to put her down publicly so that
he can feel better about himself. I don't know. I
think these are two. In order to be an athlete
and in order to compete at both their levels, you
have to have a little bit of narcissism. I mean,
did you see Noahlliles. I watched the whole What is
(29:37):
this series on Netflix? Kayla? Did you see the one
about the sprinters? Is it on Netflix? It's called Sprint?
Oh well, I watched this whole series in leading up
to Paris that showed the backgrounds of all the fastest runners,
and that no, alliles. He really likes himself. He's really
into himself. He thinks he's the coolest thing since sliced bread.
But you know, today he proved it. And what did
(29:59):
he say right to the camera as soon as he won?
I told you, he said, I told you check this out. Yeah,
you know, you got to see it. But he does
the tongue out thing, which what what is that? Why
hang your tongue out at the camera?
Speaker 3 (30:12):
He learned it from Miley Cyrus, I believe.
Speaker 1 (30:16):
Oh Julio said he learned it from Michael Jordan.
Speaker 3 (30:18):
Oh even, yeah, that's that's probably real. Yeah that's better.
That's better.
Speaker 1 (30:22):
Oh yeah, But anyway, he's uh, yeah, he's definitely you
have to in order to get at that level and
say I'm gonna take on the world, I'm gonna beat everybody,
you have to believe it. I mean, I think Donald
Trump believes his stuff, right. You have to believe you
have to you have to believe that you can do it,
that you can be that powerful. So how does that
impact your intimate relationships? So the question is do they
(30:46):
take their public personality I'm talking about Simone now and
Jonathan Owens into the private parts or do they have
real intimacy. I love that he said congrats baby and
becoming the most decorated baby we call each other baby,
because an intimate relationship is I'll take care of you,
(31:10):
you take care of me. Right. Anyway, if you want
to find I think we should all lay off these two.
They're a young couple. She's twenty seven, he's twenty nine.
She should bask in her glory. And if her a
glory includes an NFL player on her arm, and she
created that, go for it.
Speaker 4 (31:31):
Why not?
Speaker 1 (31:32):
Why not? She deserves it, She deserves all her happiness
and deserves us not to criticize anything. All right, if
you look in to find a healthy relationship, well, I'm
not saying this isn't I'm just saying, if you are
looking to find a healthy relationship, you've heard about red flags,
you've heard about green flags. What about yellow flags? Let's
(31:53):
talk about that when we come back. You are listening
to the Doctor Wendy Walls Show and I am six
forty We're live everywhere on the iHeartRadio app.
Speaker 4 (32:02):
You're listening to Doctor Wendy Walsh on demand from KFI
AM six forty am.
Speaker 1 (32:08):
I am so sporty. You have Doctor Wendy Walsh with you.
This is the Doctor Wendy Walsh Show. Well, I have
been preaching slow down for years and years and years.
I know how hard it is, especially if you're longing
for love, especially if your hormones are on fire. I
mentioned earlier in the show that love is the best
(32:30):
drug we have. It's also the one filled with the
most delusions. When we are becoming early attracted or feeling
lust towards somebody, it's like we have rose colored glasses on.
We can't see really who they are because we want
them to be that perfect person. Of course, if you
(32:52):
can just wait, you know. My third book was called
The Thirty Day Love Detox, and the title was based
on one study I found that showed that if you
have sex within thirty days of meeting somebody, you got
like a ninety two percent chance of being broken up
within one year. If you wait as long as ninety days. No,
(33:14):
it's a long but you can do it. Then you
have a one and four chance you'll be together a
year later. Why because during those ninety days, you're building
emotional intimacy, and emotional intimacy is the glue. Right. So
when you're first starting to date somebody, I mean the
internet is full of this. Well, red flags don't go
further or green flags looks like this is a good chance.
(33:38):
But now people are talking about yellow flags. Yellow flags
don't mean dump the person, and they don't mean go
forward fast. Yellow bluff flags, it does means slow down
a little bit, right, Okay, the first I'm going to
talk about four yellow flags. The first one is this
(34:03):
one verges on red flags to me. When someone describes
their exes as all crazy or nightmares, Now, they could
be somebody who's just unlucky in love, or maybe they
have a weird attachment style that they're attracted to crazy people.
You got to ask yourself, so why are you attracted
(34:25):
to me, dude or ma'am? So somebody who has a
healthy outlook. We all have bad relationships in our past.
When we describe those bad relationships, we might describe them
in ways like, you know, he or she, you know,
(34:46):
had trouble with conflict and we would get in these
fights and it seemed like nothing ever got resolved. And
I tried and we went to therapy. And you know,
that's a description, right, instead of my ex was christ Right.
It's like, oh, you're just going to put them in
a category and that's that. So if they say that,
ask them more questions, Like a simple question is what
(35:09):
do you think your piece in this was? See how
they react if they get too defensive. You know, here's
another big yellow flag. Your own inner circle doesn't approve.
All right, your own inner circle doesn't approve. That yellow
flag is kind of like slow down. You want to
get to the point where you can see what they see.
(35:30):
You want to understand where they're coming from. You want
to really spend time assessing and evaluating. Remember, waiting to
have sex is not manipulating somebody. It's about giving you
the space that you need to evaluate and assess. Here's
another big yellow flag. You're the one asking all the questions.
(35:51):
Oh my gosh, that's so weird. They're not even inquiring
about your life and who you are. You're the one
interviewing them. But they're not reciprocating it in any way.
You got to ask why. And the biggest yellow flag,
which I think really morphs into a red flag if
the behavior continues, is that your date is inconsistent, inconsistent
(36:13):
with their phone calls, inconsistent with their texts, inconsistent with
you know, they make a plan and then they don't
follow through or they cancel it the last minute. That
shows they're not able to make you a priority. Now,
with all these yellow flags that I've mentioned, there's room
to talk. You might say something with the inconsistent one
(36:36):
is I feel a little anxious when you don't text
me in a consistent way. Maybe you can tell me
what's the best way or best frequency or what works
best for you.
Speaker 4 (36:50):
Right.
Speaker 1 (36:51):
I remember early on in my relationship with Julio, he
got on a plane. He was away, and he got
on a plane and came to La and called me
from La where I'm in La? He's in La? What
should be wrong with that? The fact that he changed
locations without letting me know bothered me. It just felt
weird and inconsistent. So I said, listen, let's just have
one rule. I have to have luck. I don't have
(37:13):
to track her on you, but I just need to
know where you are. I need to sort of a locator,
and he goes, oh okay, I get shoot me a
text like I'm hopping on this plane, I'm going to here.
And so you just tell them what your needs are
and it'll be fine. But also ask your friends why
they don't approve, what's really going on? What are they seeing?
They can help you assess because they don't have those
(37:35):
rose colored glasses on. Hey, when we come back, I'm
going to social media. I'm going to take your emails
and your social media questions and answer some of your
relationship questions. And we have some good ones tonight. You've
been listening to Doctor Wendy Wallace. You can always hear
us live on KFI AM six forty from seven to
nine pm on Sunday and anytime on demand on the
(37:55):
iHeartRadio app
Dr. Wendy Walsh on Demand News
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