Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
Speaker 1 (00:00):
This is Gary and Shannon and you're listening to KFI
AM six forty, the Gary and Shannon Show on demand
on the iHeartRadio app. Welcome all to.
Speaker 2 (00:19):
This very special presentation of It's a KFI Wonderful Life,
produced and written by The Gary and Shannon Show. Today
we bring you one of the holiday season's most important hits,
a KFI radio production that does absolutely no justice to
a classic of American cinema. Yes, It's a KFI Wonderful Life.
Speaker 1 (00:42):
This is the tale of a typical American.
Speaker 2 (00:45):
Might be you, it might be me, but in this
case it's Gary trying not to do a bad imitation
of Jimmy Stewart. He dreams of glory, he lives in hope,
he loves and doubts, and only Providence puts final value
on his service to humanity. Before we begin our story today,
please be advised this production contains strobe lighting effects, sudden
(01:07):
loud noises, theatrical fog and hayes, scenes of violence, adult
and oppressive language, sexual situation, strong smells, and adult humor
and content.
Speaker 1 (01:14):
There will be no safe spaces. Now.
Speaker 2 (01:18):
It's a KFI Wonderful Life on KFI. This is the
story of Gary Bailey, citizen of Bedford Falls, or whatever
the equivalent of Bedford Falls would be in California, Gary Bailey,
who more than anything under the sun, wanted to be
(01:39):
a radio talk show host the wonderful, exciting world of
AM radio. But oddly enough, this story does not begin
in Bedford Falls. In fact, it doesn't begin anywhere in
this world. It begins in Heaven, where the Superintendent of
Angels has just summoned an apprentice angel named Clarence.
Speaker 1 (02:01):
But sir, I haven't gotten my glass of chardonnay yet.
Speaker 3 (02:05):
Yes I know.
Speaker 4 (02:06):
And while you have the IQ of a rabbit, there
is no man down on Earth who needs our help.
Speaker 1 (02:10):
Splendid is he sick?
Speaker 4 (02:12):
No worse, he's discouraged. At exactly ten forty five pm tonight,
Earth time, that man will be thinking seriously of throwing
away God's greatest gift.
Speaker 1 (02:19):
His SUV size drone, his pit diaper hit, his invite
to the Diddy Party. No, his incredible job with fantastic coworkers.
Speaker 4 (02:30):
No Clarence, his life. He's thinking about throwing away his.
Speaker 1 (02:33):
Life, Oh, dear, dear, his life.
Speaker 4 (02:36):
And hey, Clarence, yes, Joseph, if you play your cards
right and help Gary Bailey. You'll get your glass of
chardonnay and maybe even some angel wings. But before you go,
we should watch this TikTok about Gary's life. If you're
going to help a man needs to know something about him,
don't you seriously?
Speaker 1 (02:52):
I guess start here.
Speaker 4 (02:54):
This TikTok shows Gary Bailey's kid brother Harry, sliding on
a shovel in the snow.
Speaker 5 (02:58):
Come on, Harry, check it and slide on a shovel
in the snow, you lily liver.
Speaker 4 (03:03):
And watch Harry goes right through the eyes.
Speaker 6 (03:05):
Huh oh oh.
Speaker 4 (03:12):
Harry, Oh that was splash.
Speaker 3 (03:16):
Oh Harry, don't drown. I'm diving in after you.
Speaker 4 (03:20):
Gary saved Harry's life that day, but he caught a
bad cold which infected his left ear, costing him his
hearing in that ear in this TikTok. A few weeks later,
he returned to his internship on Old Man goers Morning Show.
Speaker 1 (03:33):
What is Old Man Gower drinking.
Speaker 4 (03:36):
Anything that he can get his hands on. He just
found out this His son died of influenza or covid
or typhus or something that sounds so timey.
Speaker 3 (03:46):
Turn it up.
Speaker 1 (03:47):
I think Old Man Gower is saying something to Gary Bailey.
Speaker 3 (03:50):
Where the hell is it?
Speaker 7 (03:51):
Gary, where's miss playing seven thirty newscast? He's already called twice.
You ass you were supposed to deliver this an hour ago.
More on newscasts, hair what I said newscast that top
story was very important? You good for nothing rapscallion. I'll
teach you to loaf, you lazy rat.
Speaker 5 (04:11):
Hiah, Mister Gower, you don't know what you're doing. You
put something wrong on the air. Just now listen. I
know you're unhappy the story you did about the hair
bands of the eighties.
Speaker 3 (04:21):
You said Brett Michaels was the lead singer of Motley Crue.
But it was poison. It was poison. I tell you
stop boxing my year old man.
Speaker 1 (04:29):
Please.
Speaker 3 (04:30):
Oh Gary, Gary, Gary.
Speaker 4 (04:35):
Well that was Gary Bailey when he worked on the
morning show. When he grew up, he wanted to go
to college, but there just wasn't enough money, so he
worked on podcasts called Building and Loan, a weekly look
at the community events around Bedford Falls. It was not
the most similating content.
Speaker 1 (04:49):
Let me write that down. A podcast called Building and Loan.
That's a stupid name for a podcast.
Speaker 4 (04:57):
Trust me. It follows the story. Gary Bailey's father worked
on the podcast with Gary's uncle Billy. They had a
high ideal low ratings. That Sunday that summer he was
going to show the Columbia School of Broadcasting, maybe maybe
getting a job Impressions of the World family. He wanted
to do a little traveling before he made the big
splash into the world of am radio.
Speaker 3 (05:20):
Boy Oh Boy, last night in the old Bailey boarding house.
Speaker 8 (05:24):
We're sure gonna miss you Gary.
Speaker 3 (05:26):
Hey, We're gonna miss you too. Pop Hey, you look tired?
You okay? You don't feel like you're gonna die really quickly,
are you?
Speaker 8 (05:33):
I had another tussle with old PD Potter today.
Speaker 3 (05:36):
Now, I thought when you put him on the donor
list for the podcast, he'd ease up, so did I.
I just can't understand someone like PD Potter. He can't
even begin to spend the money, all the money that
he has, and.
Speaker 8 (05:46):
That guy owns everything, just about everything in Bedford Falls
except for our building and loan podcast. That's why he
hates us.
Speaker 4 (05:56):
Clarence, are you sleeping what?
Speaker 9 (05:58):
No?
Speaker 1 (05:58):
I mean?
Speaker 3 (05:59):
Yes?
Speaker 1 (05:59):
Of course could be this up. Why am I watching
this guy talk to his dad?
Speaker 4 (06:02):
Well?
Speaker 3 (06:02):
Here's the gist.
Speaker 4 (06:03):
Gary's dad wanted him to basically be the program director
of the Building and Loan podcast when he got back
from broadcasting school. But Gary hated that idea. He wanted
to be the one on the air in AM radio.
Gary didn't want to deal with the nickel and dimes
of managing a podcast. Pete Potter was nothing but a
program director.
Speaker 1 (06:21):
M this is sounding very real. So this Gary Bailey
guy ever get some tail? I see him walking around
with a lot of dudes. Not that there's anything wrong
with that. I mean, it's twenty twenty four, after all,
It's not like a freaking cheesecake factory menu. These days,
anything goes well.
Speaker 4 (06:36):
Gary Bailey did meet a gal at a dance and
her name was Mary.
Speaker 3 (06:41):
Buffalo gals, won't you come out tonight? Come out tonight?
Come out tonight? Buffalo girls, won't you come out tonight?
And dad's by the lie of the moon. You know,
if it wasn't me talking, I'd say you were the
prettiest girl in town.
Speaker 1 (06:58):
So then like, don't you say it?
Speaker 3 (07:01):
I don't know, maybe I will. How old are you anyway?
Like eighteen eighteen?
Speaker 1 (07:09):
Is that too young or too old?
Speaker 3 (07:11):
No, No, it's just right. I'm legally it's acceptable. I'm
not ditty or anything. You see that old Rundown radio
station over there, the old Granville place. Whatever, I gotta
throw a rock.
Speaker 9 (07:27):
Whatever.
Speaker 3 (07:28):
Don't you know about deserted radio stations. You make a
wish and then you throw a rock.
Speaker 1 (07:33):
Whatever.
Speaker 3 (07:34):
Watch this here we go?
Speaker 1 (07:38):
Oh?
Speaker 3 (07:39):
Hey, Mary, you know what I wish for? No, well,
I wish for a whole hatful of things. Mary. I'm
shaking the dust of this crummy little town off my feet.
And then I'm gonna talk to the world. I'll study
the works of rich D's and Howard Stern and rush
Limbaugh and Waldorf and Stadler at broadcasting school, and then
I'm gonna talk about things, and I'm gonna tell stories.
I'nna tell stories about cold cases and drones and crazy
(08:02):
people on airplanes. Hey Mary, Mary, what is it you want?
You want the moon?
Speaker 5 (08:09):
Mary?
Speaker 1 (08:10):
I guess sure, whatever we like. What would I do
with it?
Speaker 3 (08:15):
Well, you'd swallow it, Mary, and it would dissolve like
an aspirin, and then moonlight would shoot out of your
fingertips and the ends of your hair. And do you
think I'm talking too much?
Speaker 9 (08:26):
I think you're high, Harry, Gary, Gary, Harry, it's your father?
Speaker 3 (08:34):
What wait? What what is it? Uncle Billy? Your father
he's had a stroke.
Speaker 1 (08:41):
What that sucks? That does suck?
Speaker 4 (08:47):
Yes, Clarence, that does suck.
Speaker 2 (08:50):
You're listening to the Gary and Shannon Show production of
It's a KFI Wonderful Life. We'll continue with today's presentation
after a short intermission, and when we return, Gary Bailey
will say, so our son.
Speaker 3 (09:03):
Walks in right in the middle of the old flick
and tickle.
Speaker 2 (09:08):
This is the Gary and Shannon Show on KFI AM
six forty. Listen live everywhere on the iHeartRadio app.
Speaker 6 (09:20):
You're listening to Gary and Shannon on demand from KFI
AM six forty.
Speaker 2 (09:33):
And now we continue with Act two of the Gary
and Shannon Show presentation of It's a KFI Wonderful Life.
The Bailey family is learning to deal with the loss
of their father, Pop's Bailey, and to add insult to injury,
the donors to the Building and Loan podcast tried to
(09:54):
cancel the podcast after Pop's Bailey stroked out.
Speaker 9 (09:58):
P D. Potter was the one who t the hardest.
Peter Bailey was not a podcast man. He wasn't interested
in money. Ideals without common sense can ruin a town.
What do we get a discontented, lazy rabble instead of
a thrifty working class. Our mayors will wear yoga pants,
Our unhoused will sleep in tents along.
Speaker 1 (10:18):
The river banks.
Speaker 9 (10:19):
You want be able to find a good, strong, classic
straw from mine.
Speaker 3 (10:21):
I'll wait a minute, Potter. This rabble you're talking about,
they do most of the working and the pang and
living and dying in this community. Is it too much
to have him live and work and die with some
fun podcast personalities and a few good stories rattling around
in their empty heads. Well, my father didn't think so.
People were human beings to him, But to you, a warped,
frustrated old program director their capital. Well, my book, Potter,
(10:43):
my father died a much richer man than you'll ever be.
Speaker 9 (10:46):
I'm not talking about your old man, geared.
Speaker 3 (10:48):
Now you're talking about you can't get your fingers on
the building alone podcast and it galls you. That's what
you're talking about. Well, this town needs this measily one horse,
one microphone institution, if only to have someplace where someone
can listen to more stimulating talk about community events without
crawling to you, Bin and Bailey.
Speaker 9 (11:05):
You want this podcast to continue, you sell it, you.
Speaker 3 (11:08):
Run, But I want to be on the air. I'm
going to be a big city talk show host. You
old coot, you want it, you got it?
Speaker 9 (11:13):
Schmuck.
Speaker 1 (11:15):
Wait, let me guess Gary didn't become a talk show host.
Can we cut to the part where he's gonna swan
dive off the bridge? John Cobalt show is going to
start soon?
Speaker 3 (11:22):
Well, you're right.
Speaker 4 (11:23):
Gary gave his college money to his brother Harry, and
that little number. Gary had his eyes on Mary. She
went to college too. Harry got married, but not to
that Mary. Mary didn't get married like Harry did, and
Gary's mom said he should call on Mary to get
married just like Harry.
Speaker 1 (11:41):
Isn't there a run on the building and loan, Yes, Clarence,
But since no one knows what a run on the
bank is or was, it's hard to replicate it for radio.
Speaker 4 (11:50):
We'll just say ominously, there was a run on the bank.
Speaker 1 (11:54):
Ooh, that sounds bad. I feel like a glass of
Chardonay would make this all go a bit smoother.
Speaker 4 (11:59):
Hold your horses. But the run on the bank in
this case was an uprising of the podcast listeners, exactly
one hundred of them. They demanded their donations back, saying
the quality of the podcast had gone down since Bailey left.
They would have got any of the Building and Loan
podcast cash reserves.
Speaker 3 (12:17):
Uncle Billy, what's going on? There's got to be one
hundred people out there. It's a run, Gary, a run.
Speaker 10 (12:23):
That's when a fractional reserve banking system, several customers would
draw cash from deposit accounts. We have a financial institution
at the same time, because they believe that the financial
institution is or might become insolving. Imagine if that was
(12:43):
happening to a podcast.
Speaker 1 (12:45):
I guess we do learn something every day. What happened, Joseph?
Did they lose the Building and Loan side note? Where
are we on that chardonay?
Speaker 4 (12:53):
No clarance, but you'll get the chardonnay when you help
Gary Bailey. No, they didn't lose the building at Loan Podcast.
You see Gary student in front of the crowd and
did what he does best. He told stories. The crowd
of donors was enraptured by Gary stories and stopped worrying
about their donations. One of the stories was the one
that Gary probably should have kept himself.
Speaker 3 (13:13):
Now. Now listen up is this thing on? Hey my name,
my name's Gary Bailey, new host of the Building and
Loan podcast. And well, if you're here to make demands
that you get your donations back, well, well that reminds
me of a story. So one time the missus and
I were up to some of the old married people
things and our son walks in right in the middle
(13:33):
of the old flick and teckle.
Speaker 5 (13:35):
Well, I mean, needless to say, I was a little embarrassed,
But well, do you know what happened next?
Speaker 1 (13:43):
The wife is so lucky Joseph, isn't she? So they're
able to keep that dumb Building and Loan podcast. Huh Yes, Clarence.
Speaker 4 (13:50):
His storytelling was so enthralling that people stopped clamoring for
their money. They just sat and listened to what amounted
to a live podcast. He was asked if Gary had
reached his of being on an actual radio station.
Speaker 1 (14:02):
Wait, why are you showing me the old Glanville property,
the Rundown radio station.
Speaker 4 (14:06):
That's where Gary and Mary ended up living. And then
about two years later, old Man Potter asked to see
Gary in his office.
Speaker 9 (14:12):
Sit down, Sit down, Gary Cigar no maybe maybe.
Speaker 3 (14:17):
No, no, no, no thanks. Why did you want to
see me first?
Speaker 9 (14:20):
I wanted to congratulate you on your little podcast, Building
a Loan. Although the name doesn't make sense, it's been
trending as one of the more popular podcasts on the
iHeartRadio app for three months now, and the very Gary
stories and weekly news nuggets are well cute little segments.
Speaker 3 (14:35):
Well thanks Potter.
Speaker 9 (14:37):
Now, if I may let me paint a picture for you.
Gary Bailey has been slaving away at that silly little
podcast for years, making a measly forty five dollars a week,
and the only person who hates that little Building a
Loan podcast more than.
Speaker 1 (14:49):
Me is you.
Speaker 9 (14:50):
Isn't that right? Gary Bailey?
Speaker 6 (14:52):
See?
Speaker 9 (14:52):
Gary, you're intelligent. I'd like to offer you a job
program director at KPTR, the radio station in the basement
of my bank. I'll start you with twenty thousand dollars
a year.
Speaker 3 (15:03):
Twenty thousand? Are you sure? I mean it's just me
twenty gram?
Speaker 9 (15:06):
Well are you interested?
Speaker 3 (15:08):
What about the Building and Loan podcast?
Speaker 9 (15:09):
Damn it, man, I'm offering you the world. Are you
gonna take it?
Speaker 6 (15:13):
Well?
Speaker 3 (15:14):
No, the answer is no. It would be no different
if you offered me a million dollars to stay around
this town and be a stooge to you. Now leave
me alone.
Speaker 4 (15:23):
Well, the storytelling business was not good, and Gary struggled
to make ends meet, but Mary blessed him with a
few beautiful kids.
Speaker 1 (15:29):
Isn't this about the time the war started? Did Gary
go to war?
Speaker 4 (15:32):
No, this story doesn't take place during any war, but
for story purposes. Oh yes, remember the bad year and
his bone spurs. Gary couldn't go to war, but his
brother Harry did, and Harry was a hero. He was
awarded the Medal of Honor for shooting down a Kamakazi
that was targeting a troop transport. Harry Bailey saved the
lives of well over one thousand men.
Speaker 3 (15:50):
Hey, look at that front page article on my kid
brother Bailey received the Congressional Medal of Honor for downing
fifteen enemy planes on this day before Christmas. I sure
hope Uncle Billy makes it to Potter's Bank to drop
off the eight thousand dollars worth of commercials. That's what
I call shoehorning in a plot point.
Speaker 6 (16:09):
Hey, ho, look.
Speaker 10 (16:10):
At this front page article on my nephew, Harry reading.
Speaker 3 (16:15):
Bailey received the.
Speaker 10 (16:21):
Bailey received the Congressional Medal of Honor for downing fifteen
enemy planes.
Speaker 3 (16:29):
How you like that?
Speaker 10 (16:30):
PoTA can't keep them Bailly boys down.
Speaker 1 (16:32):
Are you here to gloat?
Speaker 9 (16:34):
Or are you here to drop off the commercials and
production piece. It's said to be worth about, oh, eight
thousand dollars.
Speaker 10 (16:40):
A little bit about Potta. But here's the thumb drive
with the commercials. Wait where did I put the commercials?
The eight thousand dollars plot point? Oh no, I can't
find the commercials.
Speaker 1 (16:52):
Why that sucks?
Speaker 4 (16:54):
Yes, Clarence, that does suck. Uncle Billy left the eight
thousand dollars worth of commercials on the thumb drive in
an envelope that was inside the newspaper that he gave
to Pete Potter.
Speaker 1 (17:03):
That really sucks.
Speaker 4 (17:04):
Yes, Clarence, that does really suck.
Speaker 3 (17:08):
Uncle Billy. The account execut is here, and that's not
our money to lose. Those commercials belong to the advertising agency.
This is going to bankrupt us, and then and scandal
in jail. Well, I'm not going to jail for you,
you old coot. Hello, yeah, Mary, No, No, I'm not
(17:31):
mad at you.
Speaker 7 (17:32):
Yeah.
Speaker 3 (17:32):
Another red letter day for old Gary Bailey is there
someone playing the piano behind. God, those kids are loud.
I should have tied this thing in a knot instead
of putting more babies up there. What Zuzu? What's wrong
with Zuzu?
Speaker 7 (17:44):
Well?
Speaker 5 (17:45):
Who let her walk home without a jacket on? What's
the matter with me? What's the matter with you?
Speaker 3 (17:52):
Sorry? No, it was Uncle Billy. He lost the eight
thousand dollars commercial campaign and I I'm gonna have to
go ask Potter, I guess for a loan.
Speaker 2 (18:04):
You're listening to the Gary and Shannon Show production of
It's a KFI Wonderful Life. We'll continue with today's presentation
after a short intermission, and when we return, Clarence will say, wait.
Speaker 1 (18:17):
Is it a bar Gary went into? Is that a
gay bar in Philadelphia?
Speaker 2 (18:21):
This is the Gary and Shannon Show on KFI AM
six forty, live everywhere on the iHeartRadio app.
Speaker 6 (18:32):
You're listening to Gary and Shannon on demand from KFI
AM six forty.
Speaker 2 (18:47):
And now we continue with Act three of the Gary
and Shannon Show presentation of It's a KFI Wonderful Life.
Gary Bailey's befuddled old Uncle Billy has gone and lost
very valuable commercials. The loss could drown their podcast operation
in debt and kill Gary's dream of being a real
(19:08):
life AM radio talk show host. So Gary hat in
hand has to go to P. D. Potter to ask
for a loan.
Speaker 9 (19:17):
Oh, Gary Bailey, you're short eight thousand dollars and you've come.
Speaker 3 (19:21):
To me for a loan. Yeah, I'll pay any sort
of bonus you want if you still want the publishing
rights to the building and Loan podcast.
Speaker 9 (19:28):
Do you say the advertising campaign pieces were lost? Have
you called the police?
Speaker 3 (19:33):
No, I haven't done that yet. My brother Harry's coming
home from the war tomorrow.
Speaker 9 (19:37):
Well, if I loan you money, what sort of collateral
would I have? Security?
Speaker 3 (19:41):
Well, I've got some life insurance fifteen thousand dollars policy
my equity and it's about five hundred dollars.
Speaker 9 (19:48):
Can you want eight thousand? You once called me a
warped frustrated old PD. Well, what are you but a
warped frustrated young man crawling on your hands and knees
for help? Why don't you go to the riff if
you love so well?
Speaker 3 (20:01):
For help? Please, mister Potter, I'm begging.
Speaker 9 (20:03):
Five hundred dollars. I'm calling the district attorney. You know something. Gary,
You're worth more dead than alive. Now get out of here,
Get out.
Speaker 4 (20:11):
And remember, Clarence, all that time Potter had the lost
commercials on a thumb drive in his desk. Stower. That sucks, yes, Clarence,
that does suck.
Speaker 1 (20:22):
Wait is that a bar? Gary just walked into a
gay bar in Philadelphia?
Speaker 4 (20:26):
Not exactly, but it is a bar. He tried to
crawl into a bottle to make his problems disappear. You see,
he's praying into his pine glass. God, dear father in heaven,
I need you.
Speaker 3 (20:41):
I am not a prey man, but if you can
hear me, please show me the way I am at
the end of my rope. Show me the way God.
Speaker 10 (20:53):
What's the mad I missed a Bailey? You didn't get
too much?
Speaker 3 (20:58):
Please?
Speaker 10 (20:59):
You don't so good? Look like a mihela lift for
you on an uber, mister Bailey.
Speaker 5 (21:07):
Leave me alone, Bruno, just leave me alone.
Speaker 3 (21:12):
Well.
Speaker 4 (21:13):
Gary left Martini's Cafe five minutes ago.
Speaker 1 (21:15):
Clarence, Oh, sounds like I'm five minutes closer to maybe
a glass of Shardenay.
Speaker 4 (21:23):
Oh, you still have some work to do. He's at
the river now, on the bridge, looking at the water.
Are you ready, Clarence, Ready as a lever, be very well, Clarence.
You you save, you, save Gary Bailey, and you'll get
your wings.
Speaker 1 (21:38):
Whoa, whoa, whoa, back it up, Heyl guy, you said chardonnay.
Speaker 4 (21:42):
I said, if you play your cards right, you'll get
your shardinay.
Speaker 1 (21:45):
Fine deal, Gary, Gary Bailey, get away from that bridge?
Speaker 3 (21:51):
Can you hear me?
Speaker 9 (21:52):
Gary?
Speaker 3 (21:53):
Gary? Baby Potter's right? Maybe I am worth more dead
than alive. Maybe if I just let myself go into
the dark, frigid waters below, everybody will be better if
I'm not around.
Speaker 9 (22:07):
He Can you hear me?
Speaker 7 (22:08):
Hope?
Speaker 3 (22:08):
I can't swim?
Speaker 9 (22:09):
Yeah, I hear you.
Speaker 4 (22:11):
I'm coming in, Yes, sir. Superintendent Angel Joseph straight Side
here with an update on Angel second Class Clarence. Odd Body, Sir.
Operation Bail Bailey is underway. Odd Body was in the
river and has pulled out the subject Bailey, Yes, sir, No, sir, actually,
(22:32):
along with the Angel Wings award, this one was asking
for shardoney, sir, Yes, sir, got it. I will update
it's necessary.
Speaker 3 (22:41):
Hey man, oh sorry, lady? Are you all right?
Speaker 4 (22:45):
Yeah?
Speaker 1 (22:45):
I'm fine.
Speaker 3 (22:46):
How did you manage to fall off that bridge?
Speaker 9 (22:48):
Oh?
Speaker 1 (22:48):
I didn't fall. I jumped in. I jumped in to
save Europe.
Speaker 3 (22:51):
You you jumped in to save my immy.
Speaker 1 (22:55):
It worked, didn't it. You didn't go through with it?
Did you go through with what? Suicide? Gary? Suicide?
Speaker 3 (23:01):
Wait a minute, how do you know my name?
Speaker 1 (23:03):
I know all about you?
Speaker 3 (23:04):
Gary? Who are you supposed to be? Anyway?
Speaker 1 (23:07):
Clarence odd Body? As two?
Speaker 3 (23:10):
Odd body is? What does as two mean?
Speaker 1 (23:14):
Angel? Second class?
Speaker 3 (23:16):
An angel? How did you you know? How did you
become an angel?
Speaker 1 (23:22):
I don't really want to get into it. I mean
it's messy. Let's just say I thought there's no way
the Niners could lose two Super Bowls. I go to
or three, but low and hold.
Speaker 3 (23:32):
I go to Vegas.
Speaker 1 (23:33):
I watched the Niners go three and out twice after
the interception, and despite leading by a field goal, they
give the Homes almost two minutes to tie the game.
Then overtime. Of course, the Chiefs win on the final
play of the game. Let's just say that was a
banner day for old Clarence odd Body in old Sin City.
Speaker 3 (23:48):
Wow, that was a lot.
Speaker 1 (23:49):
Yeah, I'm sorry.
Speaker 3 (23:50):
But wait, why did you want to save me.
Speaker 1 (23:53):
Because I'm your guardian angel?
Speaker 3 (23:56):
Seriously? If you're an angel, then wear your wings.
Speaker 1 (23:58):
I haven't got the angel, dumbass, hence the angels second class. Plus,
I get a Chardonay before I get the wings. And
you can help me get my shardona and my wings
by letting me help you.
Speaker 3 (24:10):
Wow. Okay, so you got eight thousand dollars because someone
just told me I'm worth more dead than alive.
Speaker 1 (24:15):
Okay, First, we can't talk like that anymore. Joseph will
never give me my chardonnay or my wings if you
keep saying s like that. Second, if you just don't
realize what you've done for the people in your life.
If it hadn't been for you yet, if I.
Speaker 3 (24:28):
Hadn't been for me, everybody'd be better off. My wife,
my kids, my friends.
Speaker 1 (24:32):
This is not going to be easy.
Speaker 3 (24:34):
They'd all be better off if I hadn't been born.
Speaker 1 (24:36):
What did you say?
Speaker 3 (24:37):
I said, I wish I'd never been born.
Speaker 1 (24:39):
Gary, That's awesome, awesome, Why the idea you just gave me,
And just like that you got your wish. You've never
been born, never been born exactly, no worries, no debts,
no lost advertising campaigns. You simply don't exist. Whatever I
can do strange things, Gary, and I can show you
things the way it would be if you hadn't been born.
Speaker 3 (25:00):
Wait a minute, say something else in that ear, that
bad ear, the old the one old man Gower gave
me back when I was an intern on the Morning Show.
Speaker 1 (25:07):
You don't have a bad ear anymore. Gary. I don't
think you're getting this. You're not the Gary Bailey you
think you are. You're a nobody.
Speaker 3 (25:15):
What is happening? Hey, Angel, you want to go get
a drink? We can go as soon as our clothes
are dry. Wait a minute, our clothes are dry. We
are just in the river. Now, our clothes are dry.
Speaker 1 (25:27):
Now you're getting it.
Speaker 3 (25:29):
Say let's go over to Martini's cafe and see if
Bruno can hook us up with some liquids.
Speaker 8 (25:35):
Well, what it'll be, fellis.
Speaker 3 (25:37):
Where's the boss. Where's Bruno Martini? I'm the boss around here.
Speaker 4 (25:41):
What it'll be, wise guy?
Speaker 3 (25:42):
Okay, double bourbon rocks.
Speaker 1 (25:45):
You know what I'll want. I'll take a Chardonay and
if you have it. The twenty seven Charnay point rouge
from Peter Michael and Snoba County almost perfection in a
Chardenay subtle sense of minerality huge perfume of exotic flowers.
Speaker 8 (25:57):
Wait a minute, let me stop you there, Low, We
don't serve sissy drinks here, lady.
Speaker 3 (26:03):
Hey, she's an old lady. What did you just say,
she's an angel? Well, you just give her the same
as me, double bourbon.
Speaker 9 (26:09):
Now.
Speaker 3 (26:10):
I don't understand why this place is so different, Clarence
Bruno usually has a lot of wine to choose from.
Speaker 1 (26:14):
Oh, this whole town is different than you. Remember, you're
getting your wish. It's as if you've never been born. Gary, Well,
at least someone got a glass of shardonay. What where
did you hear the cash register? Every time a bell rings,
an angel gets a glass of chardonay.
Speaker 3 (26:31):
What did you say, Clarence, let's hick snay on the
angel a octa.
Speaker 1 (26:36):
They don't believe in angels around here.
Speaker 3 (26:38):
Oh sure they do. But oh, hey, look in the corner, Clarence.
It's mister Gower, the old morning show host.
Speaker 5 (26:44):
Hey, mister Gower's it's me, Gary Bailey, your old intern.
Speaker 3 (26:48):
Hey, could you blind me a drink? Muster get out
of here, run mean, wait, bart time, that's mister Gower,
the host of Mister Gower in the Mornings.
Speaker 8 (26:57):
That old could get him out of here. You too,
take a silly little angel friend with you.
Speaker 3 (27:02):
Hey, fine, fine, we're leaving. We're leaving. Hey, Clarence, where
did mister Gower go?
Speaker 9 (27:06):
Oh?
Speaker 1 (27:07):
He doesn't remember you. Gary. The twelve years you spent
on the Mister Gower Show don't exist. You weren't there
to correct him when he said that about Motley Crue
instead of poison. He has no idea who you are.
Speaker 3 (27:19):
You mean he doesn't remember me? Are you some sort
of hypnotist?
Speaker 7 (27:22):
No?
Speaker 1 (27:23):
Gary, remember you've never been born. It's actually quite an
amazing gift to see the world as if you had
never been born.
Speaker 3 (27:30):
Oh wait, jusus bell.
Speaker 5 (27:31):
I bought a bell for my girl to put on
the Christmas tree, and it's right here in my pocket.
Speaker 3 (27:35):
And Clarence, where's the bell. You're a witch, You're not
an angel. I'm going home and I'm going home to
my family. I'm going home alone. Stay away from me.
You can't let him go alone, Clarence. You must follow
Gary Bailey.
Speaker 1 (27:48):
You know, Joseph, I could follow a lot faster with
a bit of shartenay in my mouth, Clarence bubbles. At
least I'm dying here.
Speaker 4 (27:56):
Get after him.
Speaker 6 (27:57):
Fine.
Speaker 1 (27:58):
Oh, look he's on me Street now looking at his
town as if he had never been born. The Building
and Loan Podcast studio is now a vape shop. This
is getting hard to watch. If only I had a
little any bit of wine clearance.
Speaker 4 (28:15):
Enough with the wine.
Speaker 1 (28:15):
Fine.
Speaker 2 (28:18):
You're listening to the Gary and Shannon Show production of
It's a Wonderful KFI Life. We'll continue with today's presentation
after a short intermission, and when we return, Mary will say.
Speaker 11 (28:30):
The Bradley Cooper's Eyes exhibit will open like tomorrow morning.
Speaker 2 (28:35):
This is the Gary and Shannon Show on KFI AM
six forty, live everywhere on the iHeartRadio app.
Speaker 6 (28:47):
You're listening to Gary and Shannon on demand from KFI
AM six forty.
Speaker 2 (29:00):
And now the conclusion to the Gary and Shannon Show
presentation of It's a KFI Wonderful Life. Gary Bailey's been
granted a very dark wish. His guardian Angel Clarence, has
followed Gary Bailey, or has allowed Gary Bailey to see
what the world would be like if he had never
(29:21):
been born. Mister Gower lost his morning show, Bruno never
opened Martini's Cafe, No Mary, no kids. But that's not all.
Speaker 3 (29:31):
My own mother didn't know me, Clarence, my own mother.
What did you do? If only my brother Harry was here,
he'd have to remember me.
Speaker 1 (29:39):
I don't think you're grasping this, Gary, You're not dead,
You've never existed. So your brother Harry fell through the
ice and drowned when he was nine years old. No,
Gary Bailey, no rescue.
Speaker 3 (29:50):
No, that's a lie. He got the Congressional Medal of Honor.
He saved the lives of all those men on that
troop transported the mysterious war that doesn't actually fit into
the timeline.
Speaker 1 (29:59):
No on that transport died. Strange isn't it how one
man's life can touch so many other lives. Harry wasn't
there to save them because you weren't.
Speaker 3 (30:10):
There to save Harry.
Speaker 1 (30:11):
Don't you see you really did have a wonderful life.
Wouldn't it be a shame to just throw it away?
Speaker 3 (30:19):
Clarence? Please tell me where my wife is. I'm not
supposed to, please, Clarence.
Speaker 1 (30:24):
You're not gonna like it.
Speaker 3 (30:26):
I will choke it out of you if I have to.
Where is my wife?
Speaker 1 (30:30):
She's at the library about to lock up for the night.
She just finished up the Bradley Cooper Film Fest. Wait wait, Gary,
come back. Don't go to the library. There's got to
be an easier way to get that chardonnay. Oh in
the wings, Mary, Mary, Hey.
Speaker 11 (30:47):
Sorry, Like the library is closed, the Bradley Cooper's Eyes
exhibit will open like tomorrow morning.
Speaker 3 (30:53):
Mary. It's me, It's Gary. Don't you know me?
Speaker 9 (30:56):
You know?
Speaker 3 (30:58):
Oh geez, don't do this to me, Mary, Me, Gary,
let me go boomer? Oh god, what is that my eyes?
What did you just do?
Speaker 9 (31:08):
Like pepper springs?
Speaker 3 (31:09):
Oh my gosh, that hurts. My nose is running.
Speaker 4 (31:13):
Clarence, you know you weren't supposed to let him see Mary.
Speaker 1 (31:16):
Oh, I am sorry. I thought it would end like
a holiday rom com.
Speaker 4 (31:20):
Now everyone in this town is after him a mom
a posse. They thought he was trying to hurt Mary.
Speaker 1 (31:26):
Well, that sucks. So you're saying, I'm probably not gonna
get my wine or my wings.
Speaker 4 (31:32):
Here's your one last chance. Get back to the bridge
by the river. I think Gary has seen just about enough.
Speaker 3 (31:37):
Clarence, Clarence, where are you? I need you?
Speaker 1 (31:41):
I'm here, Gary, Clarence.
Speaker 5 (31:43):
You got to get me back and get me back
to my wife and kids. I don't care what happens.
I want to live again.
Speaker 1 (31:48):
Finally I can get my wine.
Speaker 3 (31:49):
I want to live again. Please please, oh God, please
please let me live again. Please? Hey? Gary?
Speaker 9 (31:59):
Hey?
Speaker 3 (31:59):
Is that you Gary Bailey?
Speaker 7 (32:01):
Right?
Speaker 3 (32:01):
What are you doing out here on this bridge railing?
Get your ass down from there before you fall and
hurt yourself. Wait, officer Bert, you can see me, you
know me? Of course? I know you, Bubo and looking
all over town for you. Now you sure you're okay? Huh?
By the way, what are you doing out here in
the middle of the night on Christmas Eve? All right,
here's the deal. You get in the back of my
squad car and I'll give your ride back to Marry
(32:24):
and the kid. Oh man, got it, Babo, Yes, and
the kids Zuzu's bell. It's in my pocket, Oh Bert,
there it is in my pocket. Can we turn on
the siren for the right home?
Speaker 5 (32:35):
Bert, Merry Christmas, Burt, and Merry Christmas, Bedford Falls, Merry Christmas,
little radio station in the basement of building, and loan,
Merry Christmas.
Speaker 3 (32:43):
Potter you be Oh, merry Christmas. I'm home, Mary.
Speaker 9 (32:48):
Where are you?
Speaker 7 (32:49):
Mary?
Speaker 1 (32:50):
Right here?
Speaker 11 (32:51):
But Gary, these dudes have some stuff for you like
that guy. He says you owe him eight thousand dollars.
And that guy says he arrest warrant for you.
Speaker 3 (33:01):
I know, I know. Isn't it great? I'm alive. I'm alive,
may Or. You have no idea what happened to me?
Speaker 1 (33:07):
Dub.
Speaker 11 (33:08):
But they're on their way here.
Speaker 3 (33:09):
Who's on their way? The police, the FBI, the FCC,
the New Jersey Drones. I just don't care.
Speaker 9 (33:15):
Well like Uncle Billy.
Speaker 11 (33:17):
Why don't you tell him?
Speaker 10 (33:19):
Look, Gary, a whole laundry basket full of money.
Speaker 9 (33:23):
Mary did it, she did it.
Speaker 3 (33:25):
I don't understand what money.
Speaker 10 (33:27):
So Mary made a TikTok for the donors of building
a Loan podcasts and they all venmoed and paypaled you
and the money's gonna cover everything, the lost advertising campaign.
Speaker 3 (33:39):
Oh look, Vince Bruno and mister Gower and mother and Harry.
So great to see a little brother, even if you
don't have a speaking part.
Speaker 10 (33:48):
A toast, A toast to my nephew, Gary Bailey, the
richest man in town.
Speaker 3 (33:55):
Daddy, Daddy, Oh zuozu, yes doozu, Dear.
Speaker 1 (34:00):
My Christmas Bell. You didn't forget, did you?
Speaker 3 (34:03):
I sure didn't here it is here's your bell.
Speaker 11 (34:07):
So like someone left this bottle of wine on the
table for you. Gary, there's like a cart attached.
Speaker 3 (34:13):
Well, it's a bottle of Chardonnay twenty seventeen point rouge
Snow mc county. Wait a minute, that's the one that
Clarence ordered.
Speaker 11 (34:20):
What does the card say?
Speaker 3 (34:21):
Dear Gary Bailey, remember no man is a failure who
has friends? Thanks for the wine and thanks for the wings.
Love Clarence.
Speaker 1 (34:31):
Who's Clarence?
Speaker 3 (34:32):
Oh, just an old friend of mine.
Speaker 11 (34:36):
Daddy TikTok says, every time the bell rings, an angel
gets its wine and its wings.
Speaker 3 (34:42):
That's right, Zuzu, that's right, and a girl Clarence, Happy Landings,
Merry Christmas.
Speaker 2 (34:51):
You've been listening to the Gary and Shannon Show production
of It's a KFI Wonderful Life. This holiday season, let
us remember that every individual's life is significant, no matter
how ordinary it may seem. Gary Bailey's journey should remind
us that in moments of despair, it's the love and
support of friends and family that can illuminate our darkest times,
(35:13):
proving that each life, with all its struggles and joys,
is indeed wonderful. This is the Gary and Shannon Show
on KFI AM six forty live everywhere on the iHeartRadio app.
Speaker 1 (35:30):
Oh my God, is everyone traumatized by Deborah? I'm traumatized
by Deborah. Yah?
Speaker 9 (35:39):
So good?
Speaker 3 (35:40):
All right, guess what's next?
Speaker 1 (35:43):
The Big Hour I can't take it.
Speaker 3 (35:47):
Gary and Shannon will continue right after this. You've been
listening to The Gary and Shannon Show. You can always
hear us live on KFI AM six forty nine am
to one pm every Monday through Friday, and any time
on demand on the iHeartRadio app.
This is Gary and Shannon and you're listening to KFI
AM six forty, the Gary and Shannon Show on demand
on the iHeartRadio app. Welcome all to.
Speaker 2 (00:19):
This very special presentation of It's a KFI Wonderful Life,
produced and written by The Gary and Shannon Show. Today
we bring you one of the holiday season's most important hits,
a KFI radio production that does absolutely no justice to
a classic of American cinema. Yes, It's a KFI Wonderful Life.
Speaker 1 (00:42):
This is the tale of a typical American.
Speaker 2 (00:45):
Might be you, it might be me, but in this
case it's Gary trying not to do a bad imitation
of Jimmy Stewart. He dreams of glory, he lives in hope,
he loves and doubts, and only Providence puts final value
on his service to humanity. Before we begin our story today,
please be advised this production contains strobe lighting effects, sudden
(01:07):
loud noises, theatrical fog and hayes, scenes of violence, adult
and oppressive language, sexual situation, strong smells, and adult humor
and content.
Speaker 1 (01:14):
There will be no safe spaces. Now.
Speaker 2 (01:18):
It's a KFI Wonderful Life on KFI. This is the
story of Gary Bailey, citizen of Bedford Falls, or whatever
the equivalent of Bedford Falls would be in California, Gary Bailey,
who more than anything under the sun, wanted to be
(01:39):
a radio talk show host the wonderful, exciting world of
AM radio. But oddly enough, this story does not begin
in Bedford Falls. In fact, it doesn't begin anywhere in
this world. It begins in Heaven, where the Superintendent of
Angels has just summoned an apprentice angel named Clarence.
Speaker 1 (02:01):
But sir, I haven't gotten my glass of chardonnay yet.
Speaker 3 (02:05):
Yes I know.
Speaker 4 (02:06):
And while you have the IQ of a rabbit, there
is no man down on Earth who needs our help.
Speaker 1 (02:10):
Splendid is he sick?
Speaker 4 (02:12):
No worse, he's discouraged. At exactly ten forty five pm tonight,
Earth time, that man will be thinking seriously of throwing
away God's greatest gift.
Speaker 1 (02:19):
His SUV size drone, his pit diaper hit, his invite
to the Diddy Party. No, his incredible job with fantastic coworkers.
Speaker 4 (02:30):
No Clarence, his life. He's thinking about throwing away his.
Speaker 1 (02:33):
Life, Oh, dear, dear, his life.
Speaker 4 (02:36):
And hey, Clarence, yes, Joseph, if you play your cards
right and help Gary Bailey. You'll get your glass of
chardonnay and maybe even some angel wings. But before you go,
we should watch this TikTok about Gary's life. If you're
going to help a man needs to know something about him,
don't you seriously?
Speaker 1 (02:52):
I guess start here.
Speaker 4 (02:54):
This TikTok shows Gary Bailey's kid brother Harry, sliding on
a shovel in the snow.
Speaker 5 (02:58):
Come on, Harry, check it and slide on a shovel
in the snow, you lily liver.
Speaker 4 (03:03):
And watch Harry goes right through the eyes.
Speaker 6 (03:05):
Huh oh oh.
Speaker 4 (03:12):
Harry, Oh that was splash.
Speaker 3 (03:16):
Oh Harry, don't drown. I'm diving in after you.
Speaker 4 (03:20):
Gary saved Harry's life that day, but he caught a
bad cold which infected his left ear, costing him his
hearing in that ear in this TikTok. A few weeks later,
he returned to his internship on Old Man goers Morning Show.
Speaker 1 (03:33):
What is Old Man Gower drinking.
Speaker 4 (03:36):
Anything that he can get his hands on. He just
found out this His son died of influenza or covid
or typhus or something that sounds so timey.
Speaker 3 (03:46):
Turn it up.
Speaker 1 (03:47):
I think Old Man Gower is saying something to Gary Bailey.
Speaker 3 (03:50):
Where the hell is it?
Speaker 7 (03:51):
Gary, where's miss playing seven thirty newscast? He's already called twice.
You ass you were supposed to deliver this an hour ago.
More on newscasts, hair what I said newscast that top
story was very important? You good for nothing rapscallion. I'll
teach you to loaf, you lazy rat.
Speaker 5 (04:11):
Hiah, Mister Gower, you don't know what you're doing. You
put something wrong on the air. Just now listen. I
know you're unhappy the story you did about the hair
bands of the eighties.
Speaker 3 (04:21):
You said Brett Michaels was the lead singer of Motley Crue.
But it was poison. It was poison. I tell you
stop boxing my year old man.
Speaker 1 (04:29):
Please.
Speaker 3 (04:30):
Oh Gary, Gary, Gary.
Speaker 4 (04:35):
Well that was Gary Bailey when he worked on the
morning show. When he grew up, he wanted to go
to college, but there just wasn't enough money, so he
worked on podcasts called Building and Loan, a weekly look
at the community events around Bedford Falls. It was not
the most similating content.
Speaker 1 (04:49):
Let me write that down. A podcast called Building and Loan.
That's a stupid name for a podcast.
Speaker 4 (04:57):
Trust me. It follows the story. Gary Bailey's father worked
on the podcast with Gary's uncle Billy. They had a
high ideal low ratings. That Sunday that summer he was
going to show the Columbia School of Broadcasting, maybe maybe
getting a job Impressions of the World family. He wanted
to do a little traveling before he made the big
splash into the world of am radio.
Speaker 3 (05:20):
Boy Oh Boy, last night in the old Bailey boarding house.
Speaker 8 (05:24):
We're sure gonna miss you Gary.
Speaker 3 (05:26):
Hey, We're gonna miss you too. Pop Hey, you look tired?
You okay? You don't feel like you're gonna die really quickly,
are you?
Speaker 8 (05:33):
I had another tussle with old PD Potter today.
Speaker 3 (05:36):
Now, I thought when you put him on the donor
list for the podcast, he'd ease up, so did I.
I just can't understand someone like PD Potter. He can't
even begin to spend the money, all the money that
he has, and.
Speaker 8 (05:46):
That guy owns everything, just about everything in Bedford Falls
except for our building and loan podcast. That's why he
hates us.
Speaker 4 (05:56):
Clarence, are you sleeping what?
Speaker 9 (05:58):
No?
Speaker 1 (05:58):
I mean?
Speaker 3 (05:59):
Yes?
Speaker 1 (05:59):
Of course could be this up. Why am I watching
this guy talk to his dad?
Speaker 4 (06:02):
Well?
Speaker 3 (06:02):
Here's the gist.
Speaker 4 (06:03):
Gary's dad wanted him to basically be the program director
of the Building and Loan podcast when he got back
from broadcasting school. But Gary hated that idea. He wanted
to be the one on the air in AM radio.
Gary didn't want to deal with the nickel and dimes
of managing a podcast. Pete Potter was nothing but a
program director.
Speaker 1 (06:21):
M this is sounding very real. So this Gary Bailey
guy ever get some tail? I see him walking around
with a lot of dudes. Not that there's anything wrong
with that. I mean, it's twenty twenty four, after all,
It's not like a freaking cheesecake factory menu. These days,
anything goes well.
Speaker 4 (06:36):
Gary Bailey did meet a gal at a dance and
her name was Mary.
Speaker 3 (06:41):
Buffalo gals, won't you come out tonight? Come out tonight?
Come out tonight? Buffalo girls, won't you come out tonight?
And dad's by the lie of the moon. You know,
if it wasn't me talking, I'd say you were the
prettiest girl in town.
Speaker 1 (06:58):
So then like, don't you say it?
Speaker 3 (07:01):
I don't know, maybe I will. How old are you anyway?
Like eighteen eighteen?
Speaker 1 (07:09):
Is that too young or too old?
Speaker 3 (07:11):
No, No, it's just right. I'm legally it's acceptable. I'm
not ditty or anything. You see that old Rundown radio
station over there, the old Granville place. Whatever, I gotta
throw a rock.
Speaker 9 (07:27):
Whatever.
Speaker 3 (07:28):
Don't you know about deserted radio stations. You make a
wish and then you throw a rock.
Speaker 1 (07:33):
Whatever.
Speaker 3 (07:34):
Watch this here we go?
Speaker 1 (07:38):
Oh?
Speaker 3 (07:39):
Hey, Mary, you know what I wish for? No, well,
I wish for a whole hatful of things. Mary. I'm
shaking the dust of this crummy little town off my feet.
And then I'm gonna talk to the world. I'll study
the works of rich D's and Howard Stern and rush
Limbaugh and Waldorf and Stadler at broadcasting school, and then
I'm gonna talk about things, and I'm gonna tell stories.
I'nna tell stories about cold cases and drones and crazy
(08:02):
people on airplanes. Hey Mary, Mary, what is it you want?
You want the moon?
Speaker 5 (08:09):
Mary?
Speaker 1 (08:10):
I guess sure, whatever we like. What would I do
with it?
Speaker 3 (08:15):
Well, you'd swallow it, Mary, and it would dissolve like
an aspirin, and then moonlight would shoot out of your
fingertips and the ends of your hair. And do you
think I'm talking too much?
Speaker 9 (08:26):
I think you're high, Harry, Gary, Gary, Harry, it's your father?
Speaker 3 (08:34):
What wait? What what is it? Uncle Billy? Your father
he's had a stroke.
Speaker 1 (08:41):
What that sucks? That does suck?
Speaker 4 (08:47):
Yes, Clarence, that does suck.
Speaker 2 (08:50):
You're listening to the Gary and Shannon Show production of
It's a KFI Wonderful Life. We'll continue with today's presentation
after a short intermission, and when we return, Gary Bailey
will say, so our son.
Speaker 3 (09:03):
Walks in right in the middle of the old flick
and tickle.
Speaker 2 (09:08):
This is the Gary and Shannon Show on KFI AM
six forty. Listen live everywhere on the iHeartRadio app.
Speaker 6 (09:20):
You're listening to Gary and Shannon on demand from KFI
AM six forty.
Speaker 2 (09:33):
And now we continue with Act two of the Gary
and Shannon Show presentation of It's a KFI Wonderful Life.
The Bailey family is learning to deal with the loss
of their father, Pop's Bailey, and to add insult to injury,
the donors to the Building and Loan podcast tried to
(09:54):
cancel the podcast after Pop's Bailey stroked out.
Speaker 9 (09:58):
P D. Potter was the one who t the hardest.
Peter Bailey was not a podcast man. He wasn't interested
in money. Ideals without common sense can ruin a town.
What do we get a discontented, lazy rabble instead of
a thrifty working class. Our mayors will wear yoga pants,
Our unhoused will sleep in tents along.
Speaker 1 (10:18):
The river banks.
Speaker 9 (10:19):
You want be able to find a good, strong, classic
straw from mine.
Speaker 3 (10:21):
I'll wait a minute, Potter. This rabble you're talking about,
they do most of the working and the pang and
living and dying in this community. Is it too much
to have him live and work and die with some
fun podcast personalities and a few good stories rattling around
in their empty heads. Well, my father didn't think so.
People were human beings to him, But to you, a warped,
frustrated old program director their capital. Well, my book, Potter,
(10:43):
my father died a much richer man than you'll ever be.
Speaker 9 (10:46):
I'm not talking about your old man, geared.
Speaker 3 (10:48):
Now you're talking about you can't get your fingers on
the building alone podcast and it galls you. That's what
you're talking about. Well, this town needs this measily one horse,
one microphone institution, if only to have someplace where someone
can listen to more stimulating talk about community events without
crawling to you, Bin and Bailey.
Speaker 9 (11:05):
You want this podcast to continue, you sell it, you.
Speaker 3 (11:08):
Run, But I want to be on the air. I'm
going to be a big city talk show host. You
old coot, you want it, you got it?
Speaker 9 (11:13):
Schmuck.
Speaker 1 (11:15):
Wait, let me guess Gary didn't become a talk show host.
Can we cut to the part where he's gonna swan
dive off the bridge? John Cobalt show is going to
start soon?
Speaker 3 (11:22):
Well, you're right.
Speaker 4 (11:23):
Gary gave his college money to his brother Harry, and
that little number. Gary had his eyes on Mary. She
went to college too. Harry got married, but not to
that Mary. Mary didn't get married like Harry did, and
Gary's mom said he should call on Mary to get
married just like Harry.
Speaker 1 (11:41):
Isn't there a run on the building and loan, Yes, Clarence,
But since no one knows what a run on the
bank is or was, it's hard to replicate it for radio.
Speaker 4 (11:50):
We'll just say ominously, there was a run on the bank.
Speaker 1 (11:54):
Ooh, that sounds bad. I feel like a glass of
Chardonay would make this all go a bit smoother.
Speaker 4 (11:59):
Hold your horses. But the run on the bank in
this case was an uprising of the podcast listeners, exactly
one hundred of them. They demanded their donations back, saying
the quality of the podcast had gone down since Bailey left.
They would have got any of the Building and Loan
podcast cash reserves.
Speaker 3 (12:17):
Uncle Billy, what's going on? There's got to be one
hundred people out there. It's a run, Gary, a run.
Speaker 10 (12:23):
That's when a fractional reserve banking system, several customers would
draw cash from deposit accounts. We have a financial institution
at the same time, because they believe that the financial
institution is or might become insolving. Imagine if that was
(12:43):
happening to a podcast.
Speaker 1 (12:45):
I guess we do learn something every day. What happened, Joseph?
Did they lose the Building and Loan side note? Where
are we on that chardonay?
Speaker 4 (12:53):
No clarance, but you'll get the chardonnay when you help
Gary Bailey. No, they didn't lose the building at Loan Podcast.
You see Gary student in front of the crowd and
did what he does best. He told stories. The crowd
of donors was enraptured by Gary stories and stopped worrying
about their donations. One of the stories was the one
that Gary probably should have kept himself.
Speaker 3 (13:13):
Now. Now listen up is this thing on? Hey my name,
my name's Gary Bailey, new host of the Building and
Loan podcast. And well, if you're here to make demands
that you get your donations back, well, well that reminds
me of a story. So one time the missus and
I were up to some of the old married people
things and our son walks in right in the middle
(13:33):
of the old flick and teckle.
Speaker 5 (13:35):
Well, I mean, needless to say, I was a little embarrassed,
But well, do you know what happened next?
Speaker 1 (13:43):
The wife is so lucky Joseph, isn't she? So they're
able to keep that dumb Building and Loan podcast. Huh Yes, Clarence.
Speaker 4 (13:50):
His storytelling was so enthralling that people stopped clamoring for
their money. They just sat and listened to what amounted
to a live podcast. He was asked if Gary had
reached his of being on an actual radio station.
Speaker 1 (14:02):
Wait, why are you showing me the old Glanville property,
the Rundown radio station.
Speaker 4 (14:06):
That's where Gary and Mary ended up living. And then
about two years later, old Man Potter asked to see
Gary in his office.
Speaker 9 (14:12):
Sit down, Sit down, Gary Cigar no maybe maybe.
Speaker 3 (14:17):
No, no, no, no thanks. Why did you want to
see me first?
Speaker 9 (14:20):
I wanted to congratulate you on your little podcast, Building
a Loan. Although the name doesn't make sense, it's been
trending as one of the more popular podcasts on the
iHeartRadio app for three months now, and the very Gary
stories and weekly news nuggets are well cute little segments.
Speaker 3 (14:35):
Well thanks Potter.
Speaker 9 (14:37):
Now, if I may let me paint a picture for you.
Gary Bailey has been slaving away at that silly little
podcast for years, making a measly forty five dollars a week,
and the only person who hates that little Building a
Loan podcast more than.
Speaker 1 (14:49):
Me is you.
Speaker 9 (14:50):
Isn't that right? Gary Bailey?
Speaker 6 (14:52):
See?
Speaker 9 (14:52):
Gary, you're intelligent. I'd like to offer you a job
program director at KPTR, the radio station in the basement
of my bank. I'll start you with twenty thousand dollars
a year.
Speaker 3 (15:03):
Twenty thousand? Are you sure? I mean it's just me
twenty gram?
Speaker 9 (15:06):
Well are you interested?
Speaker 3 (15:08):
What about the Building and Loan podcast?
Speaker 9 (15:09):
Damn it, man, I'm offering you the world. Are you
gonna take it?
Speaker 6 (15:13):
Well?
Speaker 3 (15:14):
No, the answer is no. It would be no different
if you offered me a million dollars to stay around
this town and be a stooge to you. Now leave
me alone.
Speaker 4 (15:23):
Well, the storytelling business was not good, and Gary struggled
to make ends meet, but Mary blessed him with a
few beautiful kids.
Speaker 1 (15:29):
Isn't this about the time the war started? Did Gary
go to war?
Speaker 4 (15:32):
No, this story doesn't take place during any war, but
for story purposes. Oh yes, remember the bad year and
his bone spurs. Gary couldn't go to war, but his
brother Harry did, and Harry was a hero. He was
awarded the Medal of Honor for shooting down a Kamakazi
that was targeting a troop transport. Harry Bailey saved the
lives of well over one thousand men.
Speaker 3 (15:50):
Hey, look at that front page article on my kid
brother Bailey received the Congressional Medal of Honor for downing
fifteen enemy planes on this day before Christmas. I sure
hope Uncle Billy makes it to Potter's Bank to drop
off the eight thousand dollars worth of commercials. That's what
I call shoehorning in a plot point.
Speaker 6 (16:09):
Hey, ho, look.
Speaker 10 (16:10):
At this front page article on my nephew, Harry reading.
Speaker 3 (16:15):
Bailey received the.
Speaker 10 (16:21):
Bailey received the Congressional Medal of Honor for downing fifteen
enemy planes.
Speaker 3 (16:29):
How you like that?
Speaker 10 (16:30):
PoTA can't keep them Bailly boys down.
Speaker 1 (16:32):
Are you here to gloat?
Speaker 9 (16:34):
Or are you here to drop off the commercials and
production piece. It's said to be worth about, oh, eight
thousand dollars.
Speaker 10 (16:40):
A little bit about Potta. But here's the thumb drive
with the commercials. Wait where did I put the commercials?
The eight thousand dollars plot point? Oh no, I can't
find the commercials.
Speaker 1 (16:52):
Why that sucks?
Speaker 4 (16:54):
Yes, Clarence, that does suck. Uncle Billy left the eight
thousand dollars worth of commercials on the thumb drive in
an envelope that was inside the newspaper that he gave
to Pete Potter.
Speaker 1 (17:03):
That really sucks.
Speaker 4 (17:04):
Yes, Clarence, that does really suck.
Speaker 3 (17:08):
Uncle Billy. The account execut is here, and that's not
our money to lose. Those commercials belong to the advertising agency.
This is going to bankrupt us, and then and scandal
in jail. Well, I'm not going to jail for you,
you old coot. Hello, yeah, Mary, No, No, I'm not
(17:31):
mad at you.
Speaker 7 (17:32):
Yeah.
Speaker 3 (17:32):
Another red letter day for old Gary Bailey is there
someone playing the piano behind. God, those kids are loud.
I should have tied this thing in a knot instead
of putting more babies up there. What Zuzu? What's wrong
with Zuzu?
Speaker 7 (17:44):
Well?
Speaker 5 (17:45):
Who let her walk home without a jacket on? What's
the matter with me? What's the matter with you?
Speaker 3 (17:52):
Sorry? No, it was Uncle Billy. He lost the eight
thousand dollars commercial campaign and I I'm gonna have to
go ask Potter, I guess for a loan.
Speaker 2 (18:04):
You're listening to the Gary and Shannon Show production of
It's a KFI Wonderful Life. We'll continue with today's presentation
after a short intermission, and when we return, Clarence will say, wait.
Speaker 1 (18:17):
Is it a bar Gary went into? Is that a
gay bar in Philadelphia?
Speaker 2 (18:21):
This is the Gary and Shannon Show on KFI AM
six forty, live everywhere on the iHeartRadio app.
Speaker 6 (18:32):
You're listening to Gary and Shannon on demand from KFI
AM six forty.
Speaker 2 (18:47):
And now we continue with Act three of the Gary
and Shannon Show presentation of It's a KFI Wonderful Life.
Gary Bailey's befuddled old Uncle Billy has gone and lost
very valuable commercials. The loss could drown their podcast operation
in debt and kill Gary's dream of being a real
(19:08):
life AM radio talk show host. So Gary hat in
hand has to go to P. D. Potter to ask
for a loan.
Speaker 9 (19:17):
Oh, Gary Bailey, you're short eight thousand dollars and you've come.
Speaker 3 (19:21):
To me for a loan. Yeah, I'll pay any sort
of bonus you want if you still want the publishing
rights to the building and Loan podcast.
Speaker 9 (19:28):
Do you say the advertising campaign pieces were lost? Have
you called the police?
Speaker 3 (19:33):
No, I haven't done that yet. My brother Harry's coming
home from the war tomorrow.
Speaker 9 (19:37):
Well, if I loan you money, what sort of collateral
would I have? Security?
Speaker 3 (19:41):
Well, I've got some life insurance fifteen thousand dollars policy
my equity and it's about five hundred dollars.
Speaker 9 (19:48):
Can you want eight thousand? You once called me a
warped frustrated old PD. Well, what are you but a
warped frustrated young man crawling on your hands and knees
for help? Why don't you go to the riff if
you love so well?
Speaker 3 (20:01):
For help? Please, mister Potter, I'm begging.
Speaker 9 (20:03):
Five hundred dollars. I'm calling the district attorney. You know something. Gary,
You're worth more dead than alive. Now get out of here,
Get out.
Speaker 4 (20:11):
And remember, Clarence, all that time Potter had the lost
commercials on a thumb drive in his desk. Stower. That sucks, yes, Clarence,
that does suck.
Speaker 1 (20:22):
Wait is that a bar? Gary just walked into a
gay bar in Philadelphia?
Speaker 4 (20:26):
Not exactly, but it is a bar. He tried to
crawl into a bottle to make his problems disappear. You see,
he's praying into his pine glass. God, dear father in heaven,
I need you.
Speaker 3 (20:41):
I am not a prey man, but if you can
hear me, please show me the way I am at
the end of my rope. Show me the way God.
Speaker 10 (20:53):
What's the mad I missed a Bailey? You didn't get
too much?
Speaker 3 (20:58):
Please?
Speaker 10 (20:59):
You don't so good? Look like a mihela lift for
you on an uber, mister Bailey.
Speaker 5 (21:07):
Leave me alone, Bruno, just leave me alone.
Speaker 3 (21:12):
Well.
Speaker 4 (21:13):
Gary left Martini's Cafe five minutes ago.
Speaker 1 (21:15):
Clarence, Oh, sounds like I'm five minutes closer to maybe
a glass of Shardenay.
Speaker 4 (21:23):
Oh, you still have some work to do. He's at
the river now, on the bridge, looking at the water.
Are you ready, Clarence, Ready as a lever, be very well, Clarence.
You you save, you, save Gary Bailey, and you'll get
your wings.
Speaker 1 (21:38):
Whoa, whoa, whoa, back it up, Heyl guy, you said chardonnay.
Speaker 4 (21:42):
I said, if you play your cards right, you'll get
your shardinay.
Speaker 1 (21:45):
Fine deal, Gary, Gary Bailey, get away from that bridge?
Speaker 3 (21:51):
Can you hear me?
Speaker 9 (21:52):
Gary?
Speaker 3 (21:53):
Gary? Baby Potter's right? Maybe I am worth more dead
than alive. Maybe if I just let myself go into
the dark, frigid waters below, everybody will be better if
I'm not around.
Speaker 9 (22:07):
He Can you hear me?
Speaker 7 (22:08):
Hope?
Speaker 3 (22:08):
I can't swim?
Speaker 9 (22:09):
Yeah, I hear you.
Speaker 4 (22:11):
I'm coming in, Yes, sir. Superintendent Angel Joseph straight Side
here with an update on Angel second Class Clarence. Odd Body, Sir.
Operation Bail Bailey is underway. Odd Body was in the
river and has pulled out the subject Bailey, Yes, sir, No, sir, actually,
(22:32):
along with the Angel Wings award, this one was asking
for shardoney, sir, Yes, sir, got it. I will update
it's necessary.
Speaker 3 (22:41):
Hey man, oh sorry, lady? Are you all right?
Speaker 4 (22:45):
Yeah?
Speaker 1 (22:45):
I'm fine.
Speaker 3 (22:46):
How did you manage to fall off that bridge?
Speaker 9 (22:48):
Oh?
Speaker 1 (22:48):
I didn't fall. I jumped in. I jumped in to
save Europe.
Speaker 3 (22:51):
You you jumped in to save my immy.
Speaker 1 (22:55):
It worked, didn't it. You didn't go through with it?
Did you go through with what? Suicide? Gary? Suicide?
Speaker 3 (23:01):
Wait a minute, how do you know my name?
Speaker 1 (23:03):
I know all about you?
Speaker 3 (23:04):
Gary? Who are you supposed to be? Anyway?
Speaker 1 (23:07):
Clarence odd Body? As two?
Speaker 3 (23:10):
Odd body is? What does as two mean?
Speaker 1 (23:14):
Angel? Second class?
Speaker 3 (23:16):
An angel? How did you you know? How did you
become an angel?
Speaker 1 (23:22):
I don't really want to get into it. I mean
it's messy. Let's just say I thought there's no way
the Niners could lose two Super Bowls. I go to
or three, but low and hold.
Speaker 3 (23:32):
I go to Vegas.
Speaker 1 (23:33):
I watched the Niners go three and out twice after
the interception, and despite leading by a field goal, they
give the Homes almost two minutes to tie the game.
Then overtime. Of course, the Chiefs win on the final
play of the game. Let's just say that was a
banner day for old Clarence odd Body in old Sin City.
Speaker 3 (23:48):
Wow, that was a lot.
Speaker 1 (23:49):
Yeah, I'm sorry.
Speaker 3 (23:50):
But wait, why did you want to save me.
Speaker 1 (23:53):
Because I'm your guardian angel?
Speaker 3 (23:56):
Seriously? If you're an angel, then wear your wings.
Speaker 1 (23:58):
I haven't got the angel, dumbass, hence the angels second class. Plus,
I get a Chardonay before I get the wings. And
you can help me get my shardona and my wings
by letting me help you.
Speaker 3 (24:10):
Wow. Okay, so you got eight thousand dollars because someone
just told me I'm worth more dead than alive.
Speaker 1 (24:15):
Okay, First, we can't talk like that anymore. Joseph will
never give me my chardonnay or my wings if you
keep saying s like that. Second, if you just don't
realize what you've done for the people in your life.
If it hadn't been for you yet, if I.
Speaker 3 (24:28):
Hadn't been for me, everybody'd be better off. My wife,
my kids, my friends.
Speaker 1 (24:32):
This is not going to be easy.
Speaker 3 (24:34):
They'd all be better off if I hadn't been born.
Speaker 1 (24:36):
What did you say?
Speaker 3 (24:37):
I said, I wish I'd never been born.
Speaker 1 (24:39):
Gary, That's awesome, awesome, Why the idea you just gave me,
And just like that you got your wish. You've never
been born, never been born exactly, no worries, no debts,
no lost advertising campaigns. You simply don't exist. Whatever I
can do strange things, Gary, and I can show you
things the way it would be if you hadn't been born.
Speaker 3 (25:00):
Wait a minute, say something else in that ear, that
bad ear, the old the one old man Gower gave
me back when I was an intern on the Morning Show.
Speaker 1 (25:07):
You don't have a bad ear anymore. Gary. I don't
think you're getting this. You're not the Gary Bailey you
think you are. You're a nobody.
Speaker 3 (25:15):
What is happening? Hey, Angel, you want to go get
a drink? We can go as soon as our clothes
are dry. Wait a minute, our clothes are dry. We
are just in the river. Now, our clothes are dry.
Speaker 1 (25:27):
Now you're getting it.
Speaker 3 (25:29):
Say let's go over to Martini's cafe and see if
Bruno can hook us up with some liquids.
Speaker 8 (25:35):
Well, what it'll be, fellis.
Speaker 3 (25:37):
Where's the boss. Where's Bruno Martini? I'm the boss around here.
Speaker 4 (25:41):
What it'll be, wise guy?
Speaker 3 (25:42):
Okay, double bourbon rocks.
Speaker 1 (25:45):
You know what I'll want. I'll take a Chardonay and
if you have it. The twenty seven Charnay point rouge
from Peter Michael and Snoba County almost perfection in a
Chardenay subtle sense of minerality huge perfume of exotic flowers.
Speaker 8 (25:57):
Wait a minute, let me stop you there, Low, We
don't serve sissy drinks here, lady.
Speaker 3 (26:03):
Hey, she's an old lady. What did you just say,
she's an angel? Well, you just give her the same
as me, double bourbon.
Speaker 9 (26:09):
Now.
Speaker 3 (26:10):
I don't understand why this place is so different, Clarence
Bruno usually has a lot of wine to choose from.
Speaker 1 (26:14):
Oh, this whole town is different than you. Remember, you're
getting your wish. It's as if you've never been born. Gary, Well,
at least someone got a glass of shardonay. What where
did you hear the cash register? Every time a bell rings,
an angel gets a glass of chardonay.
Speaker 3 (26:31):
What did you say, Clarence, let's hick snay on the
angel a octa.
Speaker 1 (26:36):
They don't believe in angels around here.
Speaker 3 (26:38):
Oh sure they do. But oh, hey, look in the corner, Clarence.
It's mister Gower, the old morning show host.
Speaker 5 (26:44):
Hey, mister Gower's it's me, Gary Bailey, your old intern.
Speaker 3 (26:48):
Hey, could you blind me a drink? Muster get out
of here, run mean, wait, bart time, that's mister Gower,
the host of Mister Gower in the Mornings.
Speaker 8 (26:57):
That old could get him out of here. You too,
take a silly little angel friend with you.
Speaker 3 (27:02):
Hey, fine, fine, we're leaving. We're leaving. Hey, Clarence, where
did mister Gower go?
Speaker 9 (27:06):
Oh?
Speaker 1 (27:07):
He doesn't remember you. Gary. The twelve years you spent
on the Mister Gower Show don't exist. You weren't there
to correct him when he said that about Motley Crue
instead of poison. He has no idea who you are.
Speaker 3 (27:19):
You mean he doesn't remember me? Are you some sort
of hypnotist?
Speaker 7 (27:22):
No?
Speaker 1 (27:23):
Gary, remember you've never been born. It's actually quite an
amazing gift to see the world as if you had
never been born.
Speaker 3 (27:30):
Oh wait, jusus bell.
Speaker 5 (27:31):
I bought a bell for my girl to put on
the Christmas tree, and it's right here in my pocket.
Speaker 3 (27:35):
And Clarence, where's the bell. You're a witch, You're not
an angel. I'm going home and I'm going home to
my family. I'm going home alone. Stay away from me.
You can't let him go alone, Clarence. You must follow
Gary Bailey.
Speaker 1 (27:48):
You know, Joseph, I could follow a lot faster with
a bit of shartenay in my mouth, Clarence bubbles. At
least I'm dying here.
Speaker 4 (27:56):
Get after him.
Speaker 6 (27:57):
Fine.
Speaker 1 (27:58):
Oh, look he's on me Street now looking at his
town as if he had never been born. The Building
and Loan Podcast studio is now a vape shop. This
is getting hard to watch. If only I had a
little any bit of wine clearance.
Speaker 4 (28:15):
Enough with the wine.
Speaker 1 (28:15):
Fine.
Speaker 2 (28:18):
You're listening to the Gary and Shannon Show production of
It's a Wonderful KFI Life. We'll continue with today's presentation
after a short intermission, and when we return, Mary will say.
Speaker 11 (28:30):
The Bradley Cooper's Eyes exhibit will open like tomorrow morning.
Speaker 2 (28:35):
This is the Gary and Shannon Show on KFI AM
six forty, live everywhere on the iHeartRadio app.
Speaker 6 (28:47):
You're listening to Gary and Shannon on demand from KFI
AM six forty.
Speaker 2 (29:00):
And now the conclusion to the Gary and Shannon Show
presentation of It's a KFI Wonderful Life. Gary Bailey's been
granted a very dark wish. His guardian Angel Clarence, has
followed Gary Bailey, or has allowed Gary Bailey to see
what the world would be like if he had never
(29:21):
been born. Mister Gower lost his morning show, Bruno never
opened Martini's Cafe, No Mary, no kids. But that's not all.
Speaker 3 (29:31):
My own mother didn't know me, Clarence, my own mother.
What did you do? If only my brother Harry was here,
he'd have to remember me.
Speaker 1 (29:39):
I don't think you're grasping this, Gary, You're not dead,
You've never existed. So your brother Harry fell through the
ice and drowned when he was nine years old. No,
Gary Bailey, no rescue.
Speaker 3 (29:50):
No, that's a lie. He got the Congressional Medal of Honor.
He saved the lives of all those men on that
troop transported the mysterious war that doesn't actually fit into
the timeline.
Speaker 1 (29:59):
No on that transport died. Strange isn't it how one
man's life can touch so many other lives. Harry wasn't
there to save them because you weren't.
Speaker 3 (30:10):
There to save Harry.
Speaker 1 (30:11):
Don't you see you really did have a wonderful life.
Wouldn't it be a shame to just throw it away?
Speaker 3 (30:19):
Clarence? Please tell me where my wife is. I'm not
supposed to, please, Clarence.
Speaker 1 (30:24):
You're not gonna like it.
Speaker 3 (30:26):
I will choke it out of you if I have to.
Where is my wife?
Speaker 1 (30:30):
She's at the library about to lock up for the night.
She just finished up the Bradley Cooper Film Fest. Wait wait, Gary,
come back. Don't go to the library. There's got to
be an easier way to get that chardonnay. Oh in
the wings, Mary, Mary, Hey.
Speaker 11 (30:47):
Sorry, Like the library is closed, the Bradley Cooper's Eyes
exhibit will open like tomorrow morning.
Speaker 3 (30:53):
Mary. It's me, It's Gary. Don't you know me?
Speaker 9 (30:56):
You know?
Speaker 3 (30:58):
Oh geez, don't do this to me, Mary, Me, Gary,
let me go boomer? Oh god, what is that my eyes?
What did you just do?
Speaker 9 (31:08):
Like pepper springs?
Speaker 3 (31:09):
Oh my gosh, that hurts. My nose is running.
Speaker 4 (31:13):
Clarence, you know you weren't supposed to let him see Mary.
Speaker 1 (31:16):
Oh, I am sorry. I thought it would end like
a holiday rom com.
Speaker 4 (31:20):
Now everyone in this town is after him a mom
a posse. They thought he was trying to hurt Mary.
Speaker 1 (31:26):
Well, that sucks. So you're saying, I'm probably not gonna
get my wine or my wings.
Speaker 4 (31:32):
Here's your one last chance. Get back to the bridge
by the river. I think Gary has seen just about enough.
Speaker 3 (31:37):
Clarence, Clarence, where are you? I need you?
Speaker 1 (31:41):
I'm here, Gary, Clarence.
Speaker 5 (31:43):
You got to get me back and get me back
to my wife and kids. I don't care what happens.
I want to live again.
Speaker 1 (31:48):
Finally I can get my wine.
Speaker 3 (31:49):
I want to live again. Please please, oh God, please
please let me live again. Please? Hey? Gary?
Speaker 9 (31:59):
Hey?
Speaker 3 (31:59):
Is that you Gary Bailey?
Speaker 7 (32:01):
Right?
Speaker 3 (32:01):
What are you doing out here on this bridge railing?
Get your ass down from there before you fall and
hurt yourself. Wait, officer Bert, you can see me, you
know me? Of course? I know you, Bubo and looking
all over town for you. Now you sure you're okay? Huh?
By the way, what are you doing out here in
the middle of the night on Christmas Eve? All right,
here's the deal. You get in the back of my
squad car and I'll give your ride back to Marry
(32:24):
and the kid. Oh man, got it, Babo, Yes, and
the kids Zuzu's bell. It's in my pocket, Oh Bert,
there it is in my pocket. Can we turn on
the siren for the right home?
Speaker 5 (32:35):
Bert, Merry Christmas, Burt, and Merry Christmas, Bedford Falls, Merry Christmas,
little radio station in the basement of building, and loan,
Merry Christmas.
Speaker 3 (32:43):
Potter you be Oh, merry Christmas. I'm home, Mary.
Speaker 9 (32:48):
Where are you?
Speaker 7 (32:49):
Mary?
Speaker 1 (32:50):
Right here?
Speaker 11 (32:51):
But Gary, these dudes have some stuff for you like
that guy. He says you owe him eight thousand dollars.
And that guy says he arrest warrant for you.
Speaker 3 (33:01):
I know, I know. Isn't it great? I'm alive. I'm alive,
may Or. You have no idea what happened to me?
Speaker 1 (33:07):
Dub.
Speaker 11 (33:08):
But they're on their way here.
Speaker 3 (33:09):
Who's on their way? The police, the FBI, the FCC,
the New Jersey Drones. I just don't care.
Speaker 9 (33:15):
Well like Uncle Billy.
Speaker 11 (33:17):
Why don't you tell him?
Speaker 10 (33:19):
Look, Gary, a whole laundry basket full of money.
Speaker 9 (33:23):
Mary did it, she did it.
Speaker 3 (33:25):
I don't understand what money.
Speaker 10 (33:27):
So Mary made a TikTok for the donors of building
a Loan podcasts and they all venmoed and paypaled you
and the money's gonna cover everything, the lost advertising campaign.
Speaker 3 (33:39):
Oh look, Vince Bruno and mister Gower and mother and Harry.
So great to see a little brother, even if you
don't have a speaking part.
Speaker 10 (33:48):
A toast, A toast to my nephew, Gary Bailey, the
richest man in town.
Speaker 3 (33:55):
Daddy, Daddy, Oh zuozu, yes doozu, Dear.
Speaker 1 (34:00):
My Christmas Bell. You didn't forget, did you?
Speaker 3 (34:03):
I sure didn't here it is here's your bell.
Speaker 11 (34:07):
So like someone left this bottle of wine on the
table for you. Gary, there's like a cart attached.
Speaker 3 (34:13):
Well, it's a bottle of Chardonnay twenty seventeen point rouge
Snow mc county. Wait a minute, that's the one that
Clarence ordered.
Speaker 11 (34:20):
What does the card say?
Speaker 3 (34:21):
Dear Gary Bailey, remember no man is a failure who
has friends? Thanks for the wine and thanks for the wings.
Love Clarence.
Speaker 1 (34:31):
Who's Clarence?
Speaker 3 (34:32):
Oh, just an old friend of mine.
Speaker 11 (34:36):
Daddy TikTok says, every time the bell rings, an angel
gets its wine and its wings.
Speaker 3 (34:42):
That's right, Zuzu, that's right, and a girl Clarence, Happy Landings,
Merry Christmas.
Speaker 2 (34:51):
You've been listening to the Gary and Shannon Show production
of It's a KFI Wonderful Life. This holiday season, let
us remember that every individual's life is significant, no matter
how ordinary it may seem. Gary Bailey's journey should remind
us that in moments of despair, it's the love and
support of friends and family that can illuminate our darkest times,
(35:13):
proving that each life, with all its struggles and joys,
is indeed wonderful. This is the Gary and Shannon Show
on KFI AM six forty live everywhere on the iHeartRadio app.
Speaker 1 (35:30):
Oh my God, is everyone traumatized by Deborah? I'm traumatized
by Deborah. Yah?
Speaker 9 (35:39):
So good?
Speaker 3 (35:40):
All right, guess what's next?
Speaker 1 (35:43):
The Big Hour I can't take it.
Speaker 3 (35:47):
Gary and Shannon will continue right after this. You've been
listening to The Gary and Shannon Show. You can always
hear us live on KFI AM six forty nine am
to one pm every Monday through Friday, and any time
on demand on the iHeartRadio app.
Gary and Shannon News
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