Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
Speaker 1 (00:00):
We just played Debora Mark's part two of her series
on suicide, and if you missed it, you must hear
it on the podcast. We'll get posted after four o'clock
on the iHeart app John Corbelt's show on demand. And
I only knew the headline of the story when you
told me a couple of weeks ago, and I didn't
hear this segment until now when we played it on
(00:23):
the air, and that was overwhelming. You almost had me
tearing up here about how you found your mother dead
committed suicide. And I'm assuming she took some pills she did.
Speaker 2 (00:35):
My mom was diabetic, and a very what they call
brittle diabetic.
Speaker 3 (00:41):
So my mom had a chronic illness.
Speaker 2 (00:44):
And I don't know if you know much about diabetes,
but hers was always out of control, so she was
always not feeling well. So she was on lots of
different pills, and she also had antidepressants because I think
she was depressed because her illness prevented her from doing
a lot of things, and my brother and I actually
(01:05):
took her car keys away.
Speaker 3 (01:06):
I don't know if it was.
Speaker 2 (01:08):
Six months before she died by suicide, I'm not sure,
but because she also had neuropathy, so she couldn't feel
her feet, and so she got into a couple of
minor car accidents and so we thought, Okay, she's either
going to hurt herself or somebody else. So that I
think contributed to her depression. Now again I'm piecing all
this together. I think her marriage was ending. I think
(01:31):
that's what happened.
Speaker 1 (01:32):
There was a second marriage.
Speaker 3 (01:33):
That was the second marriage. Again, this is me playing.
Speaker 2 (01:35):
Detective, but I'm pretty sure I have the story right.
But yes, so my mom did overdose on antidepressants and
sleeping pills.
Speaker 1 (01:49):
The way you told the story and you get in
such a conversational way, and with the production that you
put together, I mean, I just felt like I was
in the room with you. I felt like I was
running down the hall, that I was standing there when
you were giving your mom the chest compressions and the
mouth to mouth. I mean, to talk about it like
that and then to play it back that had that
(02:13):
make you feel because imagine you hadn't done that.
Speaker 2 (02:15):
No I haven't, but I have to. And Steve Gregory says, oh,
you don't have to do this, you don't have to
do this. But honestly, Steve Gregory is a magician. He
it was his idea. He didn't want me to sound
like a news anchor. He didn't want me to sound
like a voiceover person. He wanted me to be conversational,
so he set it up that way. He gave me
(02:36):
a list of questions.
Speaker 3 (02:37):
He had me.
Speaker 2 (02:38):
Drink some wine and go home and be by myself
and record myself answering these questions that he wrote.
Speaker 3 (02:46):
So I think that was really effective listening to it.
Speaker 2 (02:52):
I it's it's painful. It's painful. I feel sorry for myself.
I mean, I don't want to be a victim, but
sometimes I do feel, to be perfectly honest with you,
sorry for myself that I had to go.
Speaker 3 (03:08):
Through that and hearing it making.
Speaker 2 (03:10):
Me relive it is hard. But I'm hoping that this
will help other people. The whole reason I did this,
honestly was I thought, Wow, First of all, I'm turning
the same age.
Speaker 3 (03:23):
That my mom was when she killed herself.
Speaker 2 (03:25):
I mean, it was twenty two years ago, so that
in itself has been kind of hard for me to
wrap my head around. And then I thought, I've carried
this secret around for so long, and it's been such
a burden. There has to be other people out there
that feel the same way that I do. I didn't
want to just do another suicide story, although it's a
very important topic, but I wanted to do something about
(03:46):
the people left behind, not people that feel guilty, because
I don't feel guilty. I don't feel that there was
anything I could have done, so I don't feel that.
But I was angry for a very long time.
Speaker 1 (03:58):
Because angry at her, Angry.
Speaker 2 (04:00):
At her, and angry that the rest of my life
I have to explain. It's not like somebody dies of cancer, right,
that's awful, there's nothing you can do about it. But
to have to say to people, yeah, my mom she
killed herself, and then to feel I just I felt embarrassed, honestly.
I mean that's truly how I felt.
Speaker 1 (04:19):
And did you ever suspect that she might do something drastic? No?
Speaker 3 (04:24):
I did not. Nope.
Speaker 2 (04:27):
When I woke up that morning and checked my email
and I saw that suicide note, I couldn't believe it.
Speaker 3 (04:34):
In fact, I remember calling my dad.
Speaker 2 (04:36):
Who I think is probably listening right now and may
not appreciate this, but I called my dad and I said, Dad,
I think my mom killed herself and my parents were divorced, and.
Speaker 3 (04:46):
He said, no, what are you talking about.
Speaker 2 (04:48):
No, I said, oh yeah, I think I got what
you would call a suicide note.
Speaker 3 (04:53):
And my dad said, no, there's no way.
Speaker 2 (04:55):
But then as I'm driving to my mom's house, my
dad was calling all these local hospitals and of course,
you know, he thought.
Speaker 3 (05:02):
Maybe she's in the hospital. No, she was not. She
was in her bed.
Speaker 2 (05:07):
And I don't think my mom ever thought about that
I would be the one to find her.
Speaker 3 (05:13):
I don't think she did. But I was the one.
Speaker 1 (05:16):
You were the only one who got a note.
Speaker 2 (05:19):
No, my mom's best friend at the time said something
I'm paraphrasing, but I'm not thirty anymore and I don't
even know what that means, but please forgive me. And
then my mom's brother, who is also listening, he got
one and said, please take care of my kids and
make sure nothing happens.
Speaker 3 (05:38):
To my dogs. Now you know where I get my
love for dogs. But that's what she said, And.
Speaker 2 (05:45):
We didn't know until, I mean, after everything started unraveling, we.
Speaker 1 (05:51):
We talked about the notes and did you think about
it every day since or did you put it out
of your mind? Largely.
Speaker 2 (05:58):
I play put it out of my mind until, as
I said in the piece, when I went When I
go to a doctor, you know they always ask and
uh and I.
Speaker 3 (06:07):
Our standard reply.
Speaker 2 (06:09):
In the family was always complications of diabetes, because my
mom was diabetic and that did affect her life, but
that's not what killed her.
Speaker 3 (06:18):
So when I'm faced with those questions, I think about it.
I only told my kids a few years ago.
Speaker 1 (06:24):
Uh so, I because they were really small when she died.
Speaker 2 (06:28):
My son was five, my daughter was two. My son
was starting kindergarten. Two weeks later, my daughter was starting preschool.
You know, I was so excited.
Speaker 1 (06:36):
As a parent. You didn't have time, really a lot.
You've got to snap right into a.
Speaker 3 (06:40):
Life, which was very hard. But I did. I did grieve,
but I had incredible.
Speaker 2 (06:46):
Friends who I know are all listening now, who rallied.
They did they they they made me eat, They helped
me take my they took my kids, they bathed my kids.
I remember promising my daughter this pink knight for whatever reason,
and my friend Jennifer went out and took my daughter
and got that pink nightgown to kind of keep things
(07:06):
normal for my kids.
Speaker 3 (07:09):
But it was it was. It was tough.
Speaker 1 (07:12):
Yeah, that's I was going to say. I could imagine,
but I can't imagine. I never had anything like that.
Speaker 3 (07:18):
And I hope you never do.
Speaker 1 (07:20):
Yeah, it just seems overwhelming. Well, he did put together
a great report.
Speaker 3 (07:24):
There, and I want to again, I want to.
Speaker 2 (07:26):
I want to thank Steve Gregory because he was the
producer director Jacob Gonzalez.
Speaker 3 (07:32):
He's editing and putting together the long form.
Speaker 2 (07:34):
And then thank you because I remember talking to Steve
Gregory and we did this on Wake Up Call Amy
King's show, and which was appropriate for her show and
Steve and I thought, no, it's not appropriate for John.
But I said, well I should I should say something
to John because I don't.
Speaker 3 (07:50):
I don't want him to feel bad. At least I
should tell him what happened.
Speaker 2 (07:53):
And you said, oh my god, of course you have
to have it on my show. And I appreciate that
because I know that this really isn't It isn't.
Speaker 3 (08:02):
A John Cobelt type of story.
Speaker 2 (08:05):
And and I know you do it.
Speaker 3 (08:08):
I don't mean it that way, but you always have
my back.
Speaker 2 (08:11):
You are the main person here at KFI who I
can trust implicitly and who always has my back, and
thank you, thank you, thank you.
Speaker 1 (08:19):
For sharing that you're listening to John Cobelts on demand
from KFI a M six forty
We just played Debora Mark's part two of her series
on suicide, and if you missed it, you must hear
it on the podcast. We'll get posted after four o'clock
on the iHeart app John Corbelt's show on demand. And
I only knew the headline of the story when you
told me a couple of weeks ago, and I didn't
hear this segment until now when we played it on
(00:23):
the air, and that was overwhelming. You almost had me
tearing up here about how you found your mother dead
committed suicide. And I'm assuming she took some pills she did.
Speaker 2 (00:35):
My mom was diabetic, and a very what they call
brittle diabetic.
Speaker 3 (00:41):
So my mom had a chronic illness.
Speaker 2 (00:44):
And I don't know if you know much about diabetes,
but hers was always out of control, so she was
always not feeling well. So she was on lots of
different pills, and she also had antidepressants because I think
she was depressed because her illness prevented her from doing
a lot of things, and my brother and I actually
(01:05):
took her car keys away.
Speaker 3 (01:06):
I don't know if it was.
Speaker 2 (01:08):
Six months before she died by suicide, I'm not sure,
but because she also had neuropathy, so she couldn't feel
her feet, and so she got into a couple of
minor car accidents and so we thought, Okay, she's either
going to hurt herself or somebody else. So that I
think contributed to her depression. Now again I'm piecing all
this together. I think her marriage was ending. I think
(01:31):
that's what happened.
Speaker 1 (01:32):
There was a second marriage.
Speaker 3 (01:33):
That was the second marriage. Again, this is me playing.
Speaker 2 (01:35):
Detective, but I'm pretty sure I have the story right.
But yes, so my mom did overdose on antidepressants and
sleeping pills.
Speaker 1 (01:49):
The way you told the story and you get in
such a conversational way, and with the production that you
put together, I mean, I just felt like I was
in the room with you. I felt like I was
running down the hall, that I was standing there when
you were giving your mom the chest compressions and the
mouth to mouth. I mean, to talk about it like
that and then to play it back that had that
(02:13):
make you feel because imagine you hadn't done that.
Speaker 2 (02:15):
No I haven't, but I have to. And Steve Gregory says, oh,
you don't have to do this, you don't have to
do this. But honestly, Steve Gregory is a magician. He
it was his idea. He didn't want me to sound
like a news anchor. He didn't want me to sound
like a voiceover person. He wanted me to be conversational,
so he set it up that way. He gave me
(02:36):
a list of questions.
Speaker 3 (02:37):
He had me.
Speaker 2 (02:38):
Drink some wine and go home and be by myself
and record myself answering these questions that he wrote.
Speaker 3 (02:46):
So I think that was really effective listening to it.
Speaker 2 (02:52):
I it's it's painful. It's painful. I feel sorry for myself.
I mean, I don't want to be a victim, but
sometimes I do feel, to be perfectly honest with you,
sorry for myself that I had to go.
Speaker 3 (03:08):
Through that and hearing it making.
Speaker 2 (03:10):
Me relive it is hard. But I'm hoping that this
will help other people. The whole reason I did this,
honestly was I thought, Wow, First of all, I'm turning
the same age.
Speaker 3 (03:23):
That my mom was when she killed herself.
Speaker 2 (03:25):
I mean, it was twenty two years ago, so that
in itself has been kind of hard for me to
wrap my head around. And then I thought, I've carried
this secret around for so long, and it's been such
a burden. There has to be other people out there
that feel the same way that I do. I didn't
want to just do another suicide story, although it's a
very important topic, but I wanted to do something about
(03:46):
the people left behind, not people that feel guilty, because
I don't feel guilty. I don't feel that there was
anything I could have done, so I don't feel that.
But I was angry for a very long time.
Speaker 1 (03:58):
Because angry at her, Angry.
Speaker 2 (04:00):
At her, and angry that the rest of my life
I have to explain. It's not like somebody dies of cancer, right,
that's awful, there's nothing you can do about it. But
to have to say to people, yeah, my mom she
killed herself, and then to feel I just I felt embarrassed, honestly.
I mean that's truly how I felt.
Speaker 1 (04:19):
And did you ever suspect that she might do something drastic? No?
Speaker 3 (04:24):
I did not. Nope.
Speaker 2 (04:27):
When I woke up that morning and checked my email
and I saw that suicide note, I couldn't believe it.
Speaker 3 (04:34):
In fact, I remember calling my dad.
Speaker 2 (04:36):
Who I think is probably listening right now and may
not appreciate this, but I called my dad and I said, Dad,
I think my mom killed herself and my parents were divorced, and.
Speaker 3 (04:46):
He said, no, what are you talking about.
Speaker 2 (04:48):
No, I said, oh yeah, I think I got what
you would call a suicide note.
Speaker 3 (04:53):
And my dad said, no, there's no way.
Speaker 2 (04:55):
But then as I'm driving to my mom's house, my
dad was calling all these local hospitals and of course,
you know, he thought.
Speaker 3 (05:02):
Maybe she's in the hospital. No, she was not. She
was in her bed.
Speaker 2 (05:07):
And I don't think my mom ever thought about that
I would be the one to find her.
Speaker 3 (05:13):
I don't think she did. But I was the one.
Speaker 1 (05:16):
You were the only one who got a note.
Speaker 2 (05:19):
No, my mom's best friend at the time said something
I'm paraphrasing, but I'm not thirty anymore and I don't
even know what that means, but please forgive me. And
then my mom's brother, who is also listening, he got
one and said, please take care of my kids and
make sure nothing happens.
Speaker 3 (05:38):
To my dogs. Now you know where I get my
love for dogs. But that's what she said, And.
Speaker 2 (05:45):
We didn't know until, I mean, after everything started unraveling, we.
Speaker 1 (05:51):
We talked about the notes and did you think about
it every day since or did you put it out
of your mind? Largely.
Speaker 2 (05:58):
I play put it out of my mind until, as
I said in the piece, when I went When I
go to a doctor, you know they always ask and
uh and I.
Speaker 3 (06:07):
Our standard reply.
Speaker 2 (06:09):
In the family was always complications of diabetes, because my
mom was diabetic and that did affect her life, but
that's not what killed her.
Speaker 3 (06:18):
So when I'm faced with those questions, I think about it.
I only told my kids a few years ago.
Speaker 1 (06:24):
Uh so, I because they were really small when she died.
Speaker 2 (06:28):
My son was five, my daughter was two. My son
was starting kindergarten. Two weeks later, my daughter was starting preschool.
You know, I was so excited.
Speaker 1 (06:36):
As a parent. You didn't have time, really a lot.
You've got to snap right into a.
Speaker 3 (06:40):
Life, which was very hard. But I did. I did grieve,
but I had incredible.
Speaker 2 (06:46):
Friends who I know are all listening now, who rallied.
They did they they they made me eat, They helped
me take my they took my kids, they bathed my kids.
I remember promising my daughter this pink knight for whatever reason,
and my friend Jennifer went out and took my daughter
and got that pink nightgown to kind of keep things
(07:06):
normal for my kids.
Speaker 3 (07:09):
But it was it was. It was tough.
Speaker 1 (07:12):
Yeah, that's I was going to say. I could imagine,
but I can't imagine. I never had anything like that.
Speaker 3 (07:18):
And I hope you never do.
Speaker 1 (07:20):
Yeah, it just seems overwhelming. Well, he did put together
a great report.
Speaker 3 (07:24):
There, and I want to again, I want to.
Speaker 2 (07:26):
I want to thank Steve Gregory because he was the
producer director Jacob Gonzalez.
Speaker 3 (07:32):
He's editing and putting together the long form.
Speaker 2 (07:34):
And then thank you because I remember talking to Steve
Gregory and we did this on Wake Up Call Amy
King's show, and which was appropriate for her show and
Steve and I thought, no, it's not appropriate for John.
But I said, well I should I should say something
to John because I don't.
Speaker 3 (07:50):
I don't want him to feel bad. At least I
should tell him what happened.
Speaker 2 (07:53):
And you said, oh my god, of course you have
to have it on my show. And I appreciate that
because I know that this really isn't It isn't.
Speaker 3 (08:02):
A John Cobelt type of story.
Speaker 2 (08:05):
And and I know you do it.
Speaker 3 (08:08):
I don't mean it that way, but you always have
my back.
Speaker 2 (08:11):
You are the main person here at KFI who I
can trust implicitly and who always has my back, and
thank you, thank you, thank you.
Speaker 1 (08:19):
For sharing that you're listening to John Cobelts on demand
from KFI a M six forty
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