Myopia Movies

Welcome back to Myopia Movies, where we revisit the films of our youth and ask the important question:

Were these movies actually good… or were we just children?

And today—Oh boy.

In honor of the release of Super Mario Galaxy, today we are revisiting Super Mario Bros. from 1993.

A film that answers the question no one asked:

“What if a beloved Nintendo property… was filtered through cyberpunk dystopia, industrial sludge, and Goomba...

This week on Myopia Movies, we watch yet another Jurassic Park/World Movie! Who will attempt to act with this idiotic script? Is this the dumbest new dino yet? Was it worth it to save this family? Why do we keep doing this? Sigh......

Want to pick a movie we do an episode on and record a special commentary just for you? Purchase something from our wish list! 

We are riffers on Cineprov! Check us out!!

This week on Myopia Movies, we plug directly into the algorithmic void with one of the most expensive “what happened here?” movies in recent memory: The Electric State (2025).

This is the kind of film that looks incredible in still images—rusted robots, abandoned highways, that eerie retro-future aesthetic—and yet somehow feels completely hollow once it starts moving. It’s all vibes, no v...

This week on Myopia Movies, the gang continues its tour through the worst films of the previous year with 2025’s War of the Worlds—a baffling, screen-filled sci-fi mess that somehow turns an NSA analyst played by Ice Cube into humanity’s last hope. The panel digs into the movie’s strange obsession with surveillance tech, brand-name software, and produ...

This week on Myopia Movies, we kick off our annual dive into some of the worst movies of the previous year. And we are starting with a real doozy: the live-action 2025 remake of Snow White.

This is one of those films that somehow manages to miss why the original worked in the first place. The charm, the simplicity, the fairy-tale tone—gone. In their place: baffling creative decisions, tonal confusion, and a remake that feels strang...

This month we revisit Cruel Intentions, the film that asked, “What if Dangerous Liaisons… but everyone shops at Abercrombie?” Schemes! Staircases! Smirks that could cut glass! Where impossibly wealthy teenagers treat Manhattan like a chessboard and human emotions like a hobby. It’s seduction, manipulation, and dramatic journal entries, all set to the most aggressively 1999 soundtrack imaginable.

Want to pick a movie we do an epis...

This week on Myopia Movies, we sharpen the knife and head back to Woodsboro in honor of Scream 7 slashing into theaters. That’s right — we revisited Scream 2, the sequel to a horror classic we genuinely love… and enrolled ourselves in Sequel Class to figure out what went wrong. More meta? Yes. More bodies? Absolutely. Better than the original? Well… let’s just say the killer might not be the only thing chasing diminishing returns.

...

This week as we continue the erotic thrillers month, we get a little witchy.  We watched The Craft, the second best Neve Campbell and Skeet Ulrich of 1996, see the previous episode. 

Want to pick a movie we do an episode on and record a special commentary just for you? Purchase something from our wish list! https://www.amazon.com/hz/wishlist/ls/3FN64UXVJTOEH?ref_=wl_share

This week on Myopia Movies, we give you a peak behind the curtains as we try to explain how we do what we do on the podcast and the Cineprov live show. From a veteran, a young gun, and a newbie. 

Host: Nic 

Panel: Nur and Keiko. 

Want to pick a movie we do an episode on and record a special commentary just for you? Purchase something from our wish list! https://www.amazon.com/hz/wishlist/ls/3FN64UXVJTOEH?ref_=wl_share

This week on Myopia Movies, we dig something out of the trash! Not the episode, of course, but the movie! Listen to episode 58 Congo remastered nine years later! Man, we have been doing this too long. Watch CGI Gorillas for no good reason! 

Want to pick a movie we do an episode on and record a special commentary just for you? Purchase something from our wish list! https://www.amazon.com/hz/wishlist/ls/3FN64UXVJTOEH?ref_=wl_share

This week on Myopia Movies, we continue our Erotic Thrillers month with the spiciest 27 year old high schoolers you have ever seen! We watched Wild Things, one of the most paused VHS tapes in history. 

Want to pick a movie we do an episode on and record a special commentary just for you? Purchase something from our wish list! https://www.amazon.com/hz/wishlist/ls/3FN64UXVJTOEH?ref_=wl_share

This week we start a slew of Erotic Thrillers with the first name you think of when you think erotic and thriller, Jim Belushi. We watched Traces of Red! A trashy movie set in the swamps of Florida.

Want to pick a movie we do an episode on and record a special commentary just for you? Purchase something from our wish list! https://www.amazon.com/hz/wishlist/ls/3FN64UXVJTOEH?ref_=wl_share

Hey everybody, welcome back to Myopia Movies.

This week we’re tackling an action-silly Nicolas Cage classic: Con Air. And honestly—if you’ve never seen it before, I almost want to tell you to stop and watch it first… but our discussion is good enough that you’ll survive either way.

Fair warning: this episode got chaotic. So chaotic, in fact, that our newly married editor and panelist, Nur Chernnet, had to cut nearly 15 minutes of m...

This week on Myopia Movies, we learn a valuable cinematic lesson: you can be absolutely slovenly and still be the hero of a movie.

We watched Mitchell. Yes, that Joe Don Baker vehicle, where our rumpled, sweat-soaked protagonist somehow gets the girl… and then has her arrested for prostitution.

Chivalry is dead, folks. Our hero, ladies and gentlemen.

Want to pick a movie we do an epis...

Enjoy this early Christmas Present! This week on Myopia Movies, someone needs to save Christmas and we know just the corporate spokesman, know-what-I-mean? We watched Ernest Saves Christmas, Animal Control and Air Traffic Control in the same film?!?!?! Vern...

Host: Nic

Panel: Lauren and Jeremy

Directed by John R. Cherry III Starring: Jim Varney, Douglas Seale, Oliver Clark, Noelle Parker, ...

This week on Myopia Movies, we watched the classic story where an outsider falls in love with an indigenous person and tries to protect them and their land. Ok, not Pocahontas, no, not Ferngully. Ok, not original, but valuable property that somehow earned itself a land in Disney World and now has four sequels coming out, including one this weekend. We watched Avatar, where large cat people have intercourse with trees via their pony...

This week on Myopia Movies, we watch an entire town kick around a illiterate little person for 75 minutes. We watched Eight Crazy Nights, we tried to keep it festive, but Adam Sandler giving a TBI to the protagonist after the musical number about how great the mall is, was the best we could do. Happy Hanukah!

This week on Myopia Movies, we watch a millennial Christmas Classic, Jingle All The Way! Bathe in the 1990s nostalgia as we visit trampling people for toys, malls, and toy stores. Also, Phil Hartman's masterclass on seducing a woman away from Arnold. 

Host: Nic

Panel: Keiko, Nur, Candice, Matthew, and Jeremy

Directed by Brian Levant Starring Arnold Schwarzenegger, Sinbad, Phil Hartman, Rita W...