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August 5, 2024 17 mins
A couple decided that An Owl should be a Ring Bearer.  The Owl flew off with the Rings.
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Episode Transcript

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Speaker 1 (00:00):
One o seven nine KBPI and your show time for
stupid stories. Stop?

Speaker 2 (00:06):
Yeah, all stop, Yeah you are stupid stories.

Speaker 1 (00:10):
But you buy Hurricane Debbie.

Speaker 2 (00:13):
Oh, it's flooding some parts of Florida.

Speaker 1 (00:16):
Got it right in the arm pit. Yeah, right in
the big Bend as they call it.

Speaker 2 (00:21):
Dude, Flora's Flora can handle some water. Let me tell
you they built it down there, all right, So let's
get to them. There's some pretty funny stories out there.
Thirty two hundred year old Egyptian tablet. You know what
they discovered this just a couple of weeks ago. You
do what it shows? What's that attendance and work absence

(00:42):
is basically work? So those that it actually gave you
reasons ancient Egyptian reasons for skipping work. Oh crazy, So
this is thirty two one hundred years ago. Egyptians had
this mapped out. I guess this reason was skip work
included embombing a brother, okay, brewing beer or stung by

(01:10):
a scorpion. Oh wow, those were reasons to miss work
thirty two hundred years ago in Egypt. That's pretty funny.
Embombing a brother, brewing beer, or stung by a scorpion.
Those are all things you had to contend with back
thirty two hundred years ago in Egypt. All right, look,

(01:32):
look Bob can't come into work today. Why well he's
browing beer. Well, hell yeah, Bob, all right, good? What
about stunned by his scoopbot stumbed by a scorpion? Well,
he better be in here by Wednesday.

Speaker 1 (01:44):
Go ahead, take it, take a day off. No one's
gonna care until thirty two hundred years later.

Speaker 2 (01:51):
Right. If you wear high heeled I guess shoes out ladies,
now apparently that's well, that's a sign you're officially old.

Speaker 1 (02:03):
High heels.

Speaker 2 (02:03):
Uh huh oh damn, that's sad.

Speaker 1 (02:08):
What are strippers wearing?

Speaker 2 (02:11):
Nothing? Yeah? Man, if you wear high heels, yeah, apparently
gen Z says, high heels, that's a sign that year old.
But you got man, man, the times legs brow and
like high heels of your point, it looks good? But

(02:33):
whatever you use those those stupid flats. All right, new survey?
What percent of parents are delighted delighted when their adult
children decide to move back home?

Speaker 1 (02:49):
Delighted? M. I don't know if that's.

Speaker 2 (02:52):
Ever the term delighted. That is the term that's right
here in front of me.

Speaker 1 (02:56):
I gotta go. I gotta go with a really small
number or delighted. Well.

Speaker 2 (03:01):
According to this new Reason study, eighty five percent of
pearance are delighted when they're adupe children moved back home.
It says right here at eighty I'm like, really, parents.

Speaker 1 (03:19):
Would be yeah?

Speaker 2 (03:22):
Can you imagine that?

Speaker 1 (03:23):
They tell me all the time, don't think you're moving
back here?

Speaker 2 (03:26):
I will when you're gone seven to eleven. Apparently's gonna
have punkin spice slurpees this fall. Really hey yy yay, Hey,
I'm down for that?

Speaker 1 (03:40):
Are you really?

Speaker 2 (03:41):
Oh yeah, punkin spice slurpy, Sign me up.

Speaker 1 (03:44):
I understand it with warm drinks, but a cold cold.

Speaker 2 (03:48):
Drink, a slurpee, a pumpkin spice Slurpey, I'm down, Okay delicious.
Thirty nine year old woman says she was devastated. Devastated
one of her daughter's passport application was rejected. Why because the
girl's name was Khalisi, Yes, the Game of Thrones character.
They rejected it because they thought the name was trademarked,

(04:11):
but they since apologized for the mistake.

Speaker 1 (04:13):
It's not, and so what if it is?

Speaker 2 (04:16):
Right?

Speaker 1 (04:17):
Hey, I don't I don't think anybody is confusing that
kid for the real Khalisi by any means.

Speaker 2 (04:22):
Yeah, I mean, have you seen this kid? She's like five?
I know, I thought it was weird too. In Arizona,
police officer who was recently recognized by mad for his
efforts to curb drunk driving has been arrested for stories
for drunk driving. Bamn, uh, this is crazy. Listen to this.

(04:48):
A man felt a sharp pain recently. What eating his
Taco Bell meal turned out? Well, he just beten somebody's
nose ring.

Speaker 1 (05:01):
Oh no, man, you medine.

Speaker 2 (05:05):
The chicken taco and get a nose ring? Like, come on,
Taco Bell. Look, I understand you gotta do with a
lot of weed, you know, when you're when you're a consumer,
a customer Taco Bell because everyone the employees will hire
as a kite. However, nose rings and your chicken tacos
uncalled for. It's just too much.

Speaker 1 (05:26):
But I would say Taco Bell probably is the place
that if you're gonna get a nose ring in your food,
Taco Bell is the place that's gonna do it.

Speaker 2 (05:34):
Facial piercings per you know, incident much higher Taco Bell
than they are in any other fast food scenario. Guarantee
you're not gonna find that sort of stuff at Chick
fil a, right, that's for sure. I don't even know
what they hire a person with a nose piercing Yeah, no,
chick Fi. They're saying prayers before they're you know, they're

(05:54):
they're shifts, not a taco bell. They're smoking weed. And
I'm unfortunately loosening up nose rings or trying to talk
over there. Can you imagine though, just what is it? Oh?
Hell no, it's a nose ring, because you knows where
that's been. All Right, you want something to gross in that.

Speaker 1 (06:20):
Nose ring in your taco.

Speaker 2 (06:21):
Here's something even nastier. Listen to this. There's so much
gay in the story. So Vietnamese doctors removed a live, live,
two foot long eel from a man's abdomen. After that
eel chuned through this man's intestines. Oh tell me that's

(06:48):
not alien, right, firstyle the chest count just eel a
through this dudes in testines?

Speaker 1 (06:53):
Right?

Speaker 2 (06:55):
The man had intentionally insertain the eel on the back side. Dude,
what what? What? What's going on? It's a you'll have
massive ugly teeth man, Like, what too much gay? Man?

(07:19):
It's just too much gay? You can't that's a two
and a half of Live Oh dad, man, just what
are you gonna do with? Like wow? But anyway, yeah,
a little alien said them. And you know that, uh,
promo video for a new product called Friend. It blew

(07:40):
up on social media this weekend. Did you see it?

Speaker 1 (07:42):
I did? Yeah.

Speaker 2 (07:44):
Now it's a virtual Listen to this, y'all. It's a
virtual companion that you wear like a necklace. Now, the
pendant has a built in microphone. Anyone does it listens
to everything you say and responds the things that well,
it has a thought on or if it basically acts

(08:07):
like a virtual friend. People are mostly right now saying
it's like a weird dystopian kind of like, you know,
it's just odd, right, you got this little thing that
just talks to you, and it's a computer, but it,
you know, it does weird things. It's like a lot
of people are comparing it to the Tamagatchi.

Speaker 1 (08:27):
Oh okay, here are those you were.

Speaker 2 (08:29):
Around your necklace. It's considered Tomagatchu, but with a soul.
It's always listening and it throws out comments, you know
when it went to so it it actively tries to
talk to you a little bit. Okay, So it says
it can't totally replace real friends yet because okay, okay,

(08:51):
so this says right now, it doesn't. It doesn't talk
to you. It only responds to you. So you have
to ask it something first, I guess to engage. Oh okay,
the it's weird. The ad shows a woman eating and
watching the show on her phone, when the message pots
up saying, okay, so this is weird because this in

(09:14):
this instance, the machine, the whatever, the tamagatchi. But with
the sole thing it initiated the conversation. It said this
show is completely underrated. Then ask her if her falafel
is any good. So it's actively pursuing a conversation in

(09:35):
the ad with the person that's wearing it, and apparently
it can it can die. The website says you can
die your friend and all of their memories are attached
to a physical device, so if you lose it or
damage your friend, there is no recovery. Planet dies.

Speaker 1 (09:54):
Oh okay.

Speaker 2 (09:55):
You can't pre order these things for ninety nine dollars
at Friends. They ship early next year. The current version
only works the iPhones. They're expanding it to Android in
months to come. People were people are now making fun
of it, but somebody asking them. Somebody asked them if

(10:19):
if you wear it while having you know, I'll get
it on with your significant other, if that counts as
a threesome? And the creator said, maybe it may ask
questions about it. So I guess it. Kid, Really, you know,
go to whatever custom lifestyle you're into. It just kind
of fits that deal what it'd be weird.

Speaker 1 (10:39):
I can tell that you're having an aerobic workout right now.

Speaker 2 (10:42):
Right, you two look like you're having fun. It's got
a camera on it knows what you're doing as a
camera as well. Yeah, that's what I'm saying. How long
before they sell that stuff, they sell that data? Can
you imagine everything that's seen in your life?

Speaker 1 (10:56):
Oh?

Speaker 2 (10:56):
Sure, you imagine somebody wants that. You know, you could
take a you know, just people on a macro level
like that and just say, okay, from eleven to one
thirty in the afternoon, what are most Americans or what
is this demographic do?

Speaker 1 (11:12):
Right?

Speaker 2 (11:12):
And then then try to optimize and monetize it.

Speaker 1 (11:15):
Yeah, I mean for ninety nine dollars that seems like
quite a bargain.

Speaker 2 (11:20):
Just to have a weird friend around your neck. Yeah,
that's so odd though.

Speaker 1 (11:23):
Took take an offset it with selling selling data. Yeah,
just with a camera at all. It reminds me so
much of two thousand and one of space at to
see what happening? Right, but it doesn't all around your neck?
Is it really working your best interest exactly?

Speaker 2 (11:39):
If it's If it's got a microphone and a camera,
it's seen everything you do everywhere you go, and it's AI,
so it basically asks you questions about what you're doing.
So it interprets everything that you're doing. So it's developing
its personality based on what it's seen you do and

(12:00):
listening to your conversations. So that to me, that's crazy
intimate and at the same time crazy scary. Just think
about the conversations you don't want anybody else to know
you have with your tightest of friends. It's gonna be
around there. It's not like I turn it off, So
that seems that seems creepy. You know, you got an

(12:23):
AI friend that knows It's like you imagine if your
dog could talk, right, Yeah, that would be funny for
a minute until you realize your dog knows all your secrets.
He knows what you did this morning. You know, it's like, oh, oh, anyway, crazy,
all right, So let's talk about weddings. I don't know

(12:45):
why wedding ceremonies have become more and more just over
the top, Like you know, it's like the gender reveal parties,
more and more over the top.

Speaker 1 (12:53):
Gotta have a gimmick.

Speaker 2 (12:54):
Yeah, yeah, Well, usually when it comes to unreliable ring bears,
you think kids, right, or puppies or you know, it
would be awesome having like a pet penguin bring down
a ring How cool would that be? But an owl,
as far as birds go, horrible choice, Like a penguin
would be awesome. Everybody would remember that. And guess what

(13:15):
the penguin won't do. It won't fly away, right, Get
you a pard who won't fly away, or at least
not very far. This couple had a wedding last month.
For some reason, they decided it would be cool to
have an owl be the ring bear. Yeah, an owl,

(13:36):
and you imagine this is a stupid story. So things
did not go as planed. The owl when they let
it off from the back of the you know this
field wherever supposed to fly to the front present the rings. Yeah, yeah, no,
it presented its wings and kept on flying. It was like,
I'm outy, bitch, So it takes off and it's gone

(13:57):
with the rings. It refused to come back to the
guy who was calm the owl. Oh seven hours later.
Seven hours later, it flew up and pursed itself on
a windowsill of whatever this hotel was. The owl's professional

(14:21):
handler kept trying to lure him down with a piece
of chicken, but it wasn't happen. Eventually they gave up
and they went on with the ceremony without the rings. Ooh,
Finally the next day they did capture the owl, and wow.

Speaker 1 (14:42):
It's a sign with the rings. This couple wasn't meant
to be.

Speaker 2 (14:46):
But it wasn't until the next day. You imagine, oh, well,
you know the whole time, and that night he's just
getting it from his wife. She's like, I told you
not to use the owls. I told you owls are stupid.
Now where rings at? How much is that gonna call?
That ruined the whole thing? And then next day, damn
bird comes back with the ring.

Speaker 1 (15:06):
You think that was the guy's idea?

Speaker 2 (15:08):
No, I think it was the girl's idea, idea.

Speaker 1 (15:12):
Yeah, we got to have an owl.

Speaker 2 (15:15):
Oh that's what I'm saying. The girls just tearing him up.
Why didn't you get up? Why do you get somebody
knows how to handle the owl? Oh, man, I been
as white regardless he tore his That thirty four y
old man named Joshua McGregor. He was just sent to
five years in prison after he lost it last year
while working at McDonald's. Now, he was overwhelmed at how

(15:38):
busy McDonald's got. Apparently it was one of his first shifts.
So this is the mindset of people nowadays, I guess.
So he decided, if this is too busy for me,
So he lit a piece of cardboard on fire. And
here's the best part. Filmed himself lighting the cardboard on

(16:00):
fire and throwing it in the dumpster that is full
of flammable material and grease and everything right behind the
McDonald's restaurant. So the whole thing goes up in flames.
People in the drive through started fleeing. The whole restaurant
had to shut down way. Fire trucks had to come
out and you know, hose down the back half of

(16:22):
the restaurant and the dumpster. Joshua, Yeah, he did it intensely.
I said he filmed himself. He just pleaded guilty austin charges.
Thankfully nobody was hurt. But yeah, five years in prison
for trying to get out of his shift, You idiot.

Speaker 1 (16:39):
Fire never helps any situation, whether it's wasps or wild
animals or wanting to get out of work. Fire is
not the answer. Look, this is when fire is the answer.
Here's the only time fire is the answer. When you're
looking for making s'mores. When you want to make somemores,
a fire is a good way to do it.

Speaker 2 (16:58):
Outside of that, probably not have the answer to get
you off your shift. Just saying, not a good reason
to check out of work early day. Hey, I gotta go,
and I'm gonna let just place on fire so we
all can go. Yeah, probably not the best of excuses.
Just saying, idiot, who thinks that? Man? What who thinks

(17:19):
are putting an ol in a wedding is a ring bearer?
People are just stupid. Man as a whole, we are
getting dumber by the day. Man,
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