Jamie Weiland: Keeping Scott's Memory Alive | Ep. 460 - Appetite for Distortion

Episode Transcript
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(00:00):
I'm Jamie Wiland, and this isAppetite for Distortion. Before I start my
chat with Brando, I'd really liketo take a moment to dedicate this conversation
to Scott's amazing fans that have continuedto love and remember him and the incredible
music that he created. I consistentlyreceived the most beautiful messages of you sharing

(00:24):
what his music meant to you,how it got you through battling addiction,
losing a loved one, needing tofeel empowered, falling in love, figure
out what you want to do withyour life, finding success and joy.
His songs I have had such apowerful influence on so many people in so
many ways for so many years,and I am beyond honored to hear those

(00:47):
stories. And I realize that yousharing these things with me helps you keep
him alive. But I also wantyou to know that sharing these stories helps
me keep him alive too. Youknow. Yes, is Appetite for Distortion.

(01:32):
Welcome to the podcast Appetite for Distortion, Episode number four hundred and sixty.
My name is Brando. Welcome tothe podcast. Ms Jamie Wiland.
How are you? I am good? Thank you for having me. I'm
excited to get into it, talkabout some stuff. You seem like,
I'm just looking at you if you'rewatching on our YouTube channel. Getting into

(01:53):
it, getting your hands dirty seemslike a common theme for you, being
an artist and all the painting behindyou and all the uh the the Is
there an official name for like thosepainters drawers, There is there for your
equipment? Flat files? Yeah,the flat files. Yeah, those are

(02:13):
cool. They're I don't know,probably fifty or sixty years old. They
were a gift from a friend.They came from a local college that was
clearing out of the library and Iwas lucky enough to get one. But
yeah, they're cool and they're veryfunctional, and they make my studio look
legit. Yeah, same thing here. I try to have legit. I
don't know if you can see overmy left shoulder. I told you so.

(02:37):
Yeah. This is a good weekfor me to do interviews because my
wife and my son took a vacationwithout me. They're in the Upper or
Peninsula of Michigan, which is fine. I we just went to London.
I need a vacation from that vacation. I don't I'm bind being alone.
But she got me for Father's Day. I don't know if you've ever seen
them. If you're on any ofthe social media, there's always these ads

(03:00):
that come up to put your lovedone or your animal in a like a
Renaissance kind of looking painting. Sothere's like one year old's head on like
Napoleon's body, and my cats aswell. I'm gonna say, I see
some cats in uniforms and I loveI know. So that's that's my studio
looking professional. Uh so I'm inForest Hill's, Queens, New York.

(03:22):
Would you mind if I ask whereyour your studio is unless it's a secret
location. I'm in Los Angeles,okay, what I talked to So I
keep saying that I talked to somany people from l A obviously doing Guns
of Roses themed podcast. I've neverbeen. It'll happen, I know,

(03:43):
I know it took me long enough. I'm glad that my wife's a traveler,
as you can tell, so wewill go there. But I've just
been consumed with my work and Inever really traveled, you know, only
traveling for work for for so manyyears. So anyway, enough about me,
I want to learn about you.In the come to LA. I
give you the breakdown of like whereyou need to have breakfast, lunch,

(04:08):
and dinner, the beaches you needto go to that nobody else knows about.
Like I'm I'm very much an LAgirl in the way that I kind
of know all the secret cool stuff. Okay, so yeah, you know,
let me that's a good transition becauseactually one of my I'm the oldest
of four, so one of mybrothers had lived in LA in a couple

(04:28):
of years. For a couple ofyears. He just moved back, maybe
Michael back, but still he talksabout the just the way the maybe not
like a culture shock for him,but just a different way of life.
And that's coming from New York toLa. You you're from Canton, Ohio,
right, Yeah, the home ofthe Football Hall of Fame. Football

(04:48):
Hall of Fame. I've never goneto the football Hall of Fame because I
don't care about football. I hearit's really cool. Yeah, I've never
I've been to the Baseball Hall Hallof Fame. That's all. It's the
only one that really I care aboutit. I would much rather go to
the Baseball Hall of Fame. Yeah, Cooper's down New York. Ye,
So yeah, let's kind of goback to Canton to the Little Jamie.

(05:12):
Did you ever foresee do you alwaysknow that as I'm teaching my one year
old now how to hold a crayonright and try to he's more interested in
eating it and putting it maybe backin the box, and doing anything with
it. When did you realize youwanted to be an artist and to pain
and to draw and take photos?How young the photography. I was in

(05:36):
the sixth grade and my dad wasan amateur photographer, and I was just
really enamored of his cameras and hislenses, and I just felt that I
needed to be taking photographs. Andmy dad gave me my first camera,

(05:56):
which had been his first camera,which was a Minolta from the sixties.
The light meter didn't work, andI had no idea what I was doing.
So he hands me this camera andI'm like, Dad, the light
meter doesn't work. And he handsme a stenopad and a pen and he
says, right down every exposure andthe ISO of your film, and when
you get your film back from beingprocessed, just kind of you know,

(06:20):
cross reference what work what didn't work, which was an incredible gift for him
to give me because to this day, I basically don't use light meters.
I can if I know my ISO. When I was shooting on film,
we're now shooting digitally of course fortwenty years. I can look at light
and I know what is supposed towork. I'm not relying on a device

(06:44):
to tell me. So thanks Dad. You know that's something that you said
right away that I think about often. You know somebody who takes a million
photos of their cat, my catsand baby and in just so easy with
filters and to make it look good. I mean, how do you feel
that somebody who started when you hadto go through, you know, the

(07:08):
process to being a photographer and notjust literally have it all handed to you
in your hand. It's literal,the actual word of the US literal.
It's handed to you. It.I have to say, it annoys me
a little bit because right yeah,I processed all my own film. I
printed everything in a dark room byhand. And you know, there the

(07:32):
trend of photographers that legitimately know thecraft, I feel is kind of falling
to the wayside because the kids thatare coming in that just really know how
to use photoshop. And I've shotwith these photographers as a model, and
I've worked with them, and it'sjust kind of like, shoot everything,
just shoot everything, don't light anythingproperly, don't frame it properly, and

(07:58):
then afterward and photoshop you make itlook pretty that degree of First of all,
I feel like it's laziness. Onthe other hand, I also feel
like really understanding photoshop and how touse that tool is a whole other art
forum. True, but I don'tknow. My son is. He's a

(08:20):
film major, and I am onhim all the time about learning how to
properly light everything, and I makehim shoot stills. He's got to shoot
stills. I feel like the bestdirector should also know how to take a
still photo. So I don't know. I'm rambling. No, You're answering
the question exactly how I hoped youwould answer, because that's how I feel.

(08:45):
Even I've taken nothing of your level. But you know, photography classes
in middle school. But even asa you know, learning journalism and as
an undergrad and knowing the camera,you know, I had to learned the
other side how to frame things andhow to you know, white balance and
all of that, and seeing howeasy that is to do today, where

(09:05):
you can just swipe and it makesit lighter. Uh just but it's a
completely new Like you said, talentto no photoshop, because yes, well
I can frame things and I canmake it just like this comparison, like
with TikTok, Like I look atthe dumbest things, but they're edited so

(09:26):
well. It's so they're so welland I'm like, I'm jealous. I'm
like, and the content is stupid, but I really like your editing skills.
I don't know, there's a talentin there. I don't know if
that's the best analogy, but that'sthe one I got. No, it
is a good analogy. There areyou know, the art, art changes
and it shifts and it evolves.And being able to create a really cool

(09:52):
edited TikTok video as a gift thatI certainly don't have there are. I
mean, and what we consider artwhat we consider craft are two different things.
Like maybe editing TikTok videos is moreof a craft as opposed to an
art because you're not really creating somethingfrom here. It's very cerebral. Does

(10:18):
that make sense. I feel likeif I'm doing a painting, it's coming
from here, and I feel likeediting a TikTok video is you know what's
going to look good, you havethe machinery to do it, the tools
to do it. It feels morelike a craft as opposed to an artistry.
And I think that that line isreally misconstrued for a lot of people,

(10:39):
because a lot of people will tellme, oh, I'm an artist,
and then I look at what theydo and I'm like, no,
you're crafting. I feel the sameway. The word artists is so overused
nowadays. Artists used to be here. I don't mean to name them as
because I'm a nature Turtles guy,but actual Rafa l and Michelangelo Leonardo da

(11:01):
Vinci. I mean those are artists, not mister beast like you know.
But then also, I don't wantto come across as arrogant because I doubt
myself as an artist every single day. It's a huge heard. Every single
day. I have to remind myselfthat I am creating something from here and

(11:24):
people seem to like it. Somepeople hate it, but that's okay.
You can't make everybody happy, soI don't. I don't necessarily want to
say that one is better than theother. When I'm comparing them, they're
just different. Yeah, so II completely understand what you're saying, and

(11:46):
you're you're saying it much better thanI would, So I appreciate that.
Uh, people know like because that'skind of the way that I look at
radio and this podcast and all thatis shaping the same thing, is trying
to find that balance, excuse me, between being an artist and what's craft.
But people know my mike because I'ma rock and roll guy, So

(12:07):
somehow it's led me to do this, this rock gene or podcast. What
about you? What did you photophotograph? When did it start with music?
With you? When did it start? When did you kind of maybe
go that route? Well, startingwith the music, I really was just
photographing, you know, actors doingtheir headshots, doing some kind of editorial

(12:30):
type of stuff. I shot alot of kids, and then I got
a call from Scott's management because Iknew a girl that worked there, and
she said, we need a photographeron the set of his music video for
his Christmas album for two days,and I immediately said yes, And then

(12:54):
that night went to bed going,oh my god, what should I agree
to do? Oh God, Ican't do this. I don't know what
I'm doing. But this little boystold me to just go ahead and jump
and do it, and I did, and that's how we met, and
it profoundly changed my life and thewhole path of my life. But after

(13:16):
that, a lot of musicians startedcoming to me to photograph them, but
I was still transmissioning from shooting families. So the people are like, what
do you shoot. I'm like childrenand rock stars. It's both ends of
the spectrum, right, and they'reall crazy. So it's yeah, who

(13:37):
was hard? You know, It'slike the phrase herding cats who more difficult?
Children are rock stars more in thesame, rock star kind of the
same. It depends, you know. I'm a mom. I love kids.
I used to teach art to kids, like I love children, but

(13:58):
they're a lot. You're like,I have a one year old. I
know I'm learning that, you know, they say, and I'm sure you'll
agree, is like the girl quickly, which they do. I mean in
the one year. I look backat pictures from a few months ago,
I'm like, oh my god,like he was a nugget and now he's

(14:18):
like becoming like a little boy.It's it's it's a it's crazy. So
yeah, but he's can only hecan stand, but he hasn't. He's
not walking yet, but he's crawlingeverything, climbing up on the couch,
trying to grab everything in sight.So yeah, it's it's funny because I
need to at some point get acamera behind me, uh so I can

(14:41):
have like a baby cam while I'mdoing these episodes, because sometimes there are
episodes whre I'm holding them. It'sI love that. Sometimes it works,
sometimes it doesn't. It's it's partof the show. Uh, just to
show that all the toys behind himand how close he tries to like get
the pulling out all my wires.It's great, it's fantastic. So yeah,
he's getting there. But I lovehim. I wouldn't change him.

(15:03):
I wouldn't change anything to the world. Best thing that's ever happened to me,
and that kind of maybe there's anothertransition there that kind of came out
of trauma in a way, ifyou go back to it, because I
know you mentioned Scott, and ofcourse let me just say I'm so sorry
for your loss before we go anywhereelse. Thank you. It's still a

(15:28):
lot. It's still a lot,and life has moved on. I've moved
I don't know. I can't sayI've moved on, because you don't move
on. Things just change. Butit's always there. It's always there,
and I feel like it's there ina really peaceful and beautiful way now.

(15:52):
But it was terrifying to me fora long time in many ways, like
how everything happened and how visible itwas to the world, and what people
thought, people's misunderstandings, and thatwill never like, I'm not going to
sit down and explain to everybody whatwas going on in his life or my

(16:15):
life and clarify everything, because alot of it is just nobody's business,
and a lot of it is notsomething that could be understood. But I
do like conversations like this where Ifeel like I can clarify some things because
a lot of these misunderstandings are deeplytroubling to me, and I do want

(16:38):
to clarify a lot of things.But then there is also stuff that I'm
like, I will never talk about. I just won't. He would be
mad at me if I did.I mean, I could I understand.
I know people say that for you. And while we spoke a little bit
off the air about it, inmost of my listeners know but I was

(17:00):
a little surprised where it was acouple episodes ago where people who had been
listening to me but didn't know mystory. So yeah, this is just
because there's a lot of crazy parallelsbecause whenever we talk about Scott, or
we talk about Chris Cornell, orChester and Bennington, my mind immediately goes

(17:21):
to my dad. And it's kindof crazy, you know, having grown
up listening to these all these rockstars and now thinking about my dad,
who passed away in twenty thirteen.So it was thank you, and it's
what do you say? You know, it's kind of it's because I say

(17:41):
from depression, but we all knowwhat that means. I'm just trying to
say it and as to normalize it, I guess in a way. And
actually on the sixth, so yeah, just like six days ago, it
was the eleventh anniversary of it.And I'll admit this because it's with me

(18:02):
every day. Like you said,it never goes away. He's the you
know, or my brother is thebackgrounds to my phone. So that's been
like that for you know, elevenyears. But it took my order my
brothers to remind me because I knewhe was around now, but it's one
of those dates. It goes inand out because you're living with it every
day. And what I think about, you know, in addition to my

(18:26):
dad, you know, just thethe obvious. People might ask, you
know, whether it's the why orhe was that sad or over medicated.
I mean, who's a dentist relativelysuccessful, but you find out he was
in debt after partially why which isunfortunately a common problem. I know you've
spoken about, you know, Scottand his affairs, so it's a dentist

(18:52):
to rock star. So when I'vehad these conversations with Dave Navarro, still
one of the best, you know, conversations I've ever had, because he's
just said, like what you knowthat the people will look at because he
spoke about specifically Scott in Chester.He's like losing all these people so close
to each other, but it's likethey had everything, how can they do

(19:15):
this? Well, it's not aboutthat, it's about deeply rooted trauma.
So I think about with that andknowing that I'm a child of and I
have family surviving of somebody like that, and I'm not a public figure.
I just think I read the comments, what people say whether again it was
Scott or anybody, and people assumingthings about their lives and I'm like,

(19:38):
holy shit, if I was apublic figure, I would freak out.
I would freak out. I hadone person who left. I may have
said this before, because, asI mentioned, my dad was a dentist,
you know, on Yelp and allthat stuff. Somebody left a comment
how can I review a dead guy? And that like, I'm like,

(19:59):
are you what kind of person saysthat that's so weird? Uh? And
just to again, that's one commentthat's stuck with me all these years later.
So I can't imagine what you seeand read on a on a daily
basis in addition to your grief.So that's like, it just it breaks
my heart, it really does.Sorry, I just needed I don't know
if there's a question in there,but icon of just needed to just express

(20:23):
that this is where I'm coming from. It's not just saying I'm sorry.
People need to realize that these arehuman beings. Yeah yeah, and and
really, when you when you extractthe fame from it, it really is
just another human being who has beenthrough some shit and doesn't know how to

(20:45):
handle it and make some choices thatend up ending their lives. Yeah,
and it's tragic. It doesn't likefame to me, doesn't mean anything.
It's just this career purl part ofsomeone's existence. But the actual soul in
the mind of people is still fragile. It's so fragile, and it can

(21:11):
easily be wounded, and it caneasily go off on these really tragic paths
and it hurts everyone around them,and it leaves everyone so sad and they
don't want that, they don't wantto hurt anyone, but they don't know
how to not. Does that makesense? It does because and again this

(21:32):
is why the reason why I'll mentionagain continue to mention my experience because it's
going to be a common I thinkpeople are going to relate to it if
they have had this issue in theirlife. Is that you know, my
dad was a great, great dad, Like I never doubted how much he
loved me, but he had angerissues, depression issues. They just made

(21:56):
it very difficult to be around.You know. It's one of my great
regrets of just how short my phonecalls would be with him at the end
because he would just be carrying thisweight of just like I, depression and
I'm like, I was, well, I never I don't want to over
exaggerate it and make it seem likeI made an attempt, but I was

(22:17):
pretty I was like, Sue,I didn't want to be here, you
know, I'm like, I'm sadenough as it is. I can't.
I don't want my dad to knowhow sad I am ironically, so it's
but again, I'm not nobody doesn't. I would have to know the story
outside of my family, you know. Yeah, but within that there's family

(22:38):
issues. You know. I don'ttalk to one side of my family because
of it, and I tried tofix that. It's it's but again getting
these things off. When you're talkingto uh Daughtry and you called me from
popa Roach a couple episodes ago abouttheir their loss and how they they find

(23:00):
healing through music, I mean,what have you? Is it through the
painting? Is through you being anartist? That? Because this is crazy.
This podcast is how I've additioned tomy therapy and everything has helped me,
you know, So what do youdo to kind of I don't know,
get through it again. We're nevergoing to get over it, but

(23:22):
the kind of be okay with everythingand find an outlet to express yourself,
a healthy outlet. Definitely the painting. And you know, it's funny because
I had just started painting right beforeScott died, right before he died,
and he was so supportive of it, like every little sketch thing that I

(23:44):
did, and it kind of cameout of nowhere. I don't know if
I told you the story, I'lljust digress really quickly. I wasn't I'd
always wanted to be a painter.And have you ever done the Proost questionnaire?
It was a question It's always inthe back of Vanity Fair. They
always do it with a celebrity.It's like these twenty basic questions that kind
of define who you are as aperson. And somewhere I have Scott and

(24:08):
I were on tour and I waslike, let's do the Proust questionnaire because
it's really a great way to understandsomeone. And in mind, one of
the things I said that I ultimatelywanted in my life was to be a
painter. And a couple months beforehe died, I had gone to Trader
Joe's and I came home. Iwas unpacking the groceries and we were folding

(24:32):
up the bags and the kitchen counter, and I said, do you ever
look at paper and see an image? And he looked at me like I
was completely crazy, and I was, I hang on one second, and
I ran upstairs and I found alittle thing to paint the brush, and
I came down. I'm like,look, there's like a soldier's space in
this bag. Again, he's lookingat me like I'm crazy, and so

(24:53):
I just sketched it out really quickand he's like, baby, that's I'm
like, isn't it. I don'tknow where that came from. And it
just ignited something. I mean,I could not stop painting. And then
when he died, my painting turnedto painting him because when I would look
into the paper or the canvas,all I could see was him, and

(25:18):
bringing him to life on paper andon canvas was so helpful and cathartic for
me. And it also, likeI said, it brought him to life
a little bit, like especially whenI would get the eyes dialed in and
I would kind of talk to himwhile I was painting him, and when
he'd be fun, I'm sorry whenhe would be done, when he would

(25:44):
be done, I would look athim, I'd be like there you are,
there you are. And then ofcourse I took a lot of shit
for selling those paintings because people werelike, you're monopolizing on his image and
the one finger salute. You know, I think you can't tell people how

(26:07):
to grieve and monopolizing. I'm surethat a painting, what you a car?
I mean, I don't understand.I don't, I don't know.
I don't agree with that. Idon't agree with people who say that this
first and foremost, but to tellpeople how to grieve also, I think
is what a mistake, and that'shappened within my family, where you know,

(26:32):
are you crying enough for some people, or you don't seem sad,
but you're inside you're just trying tohold it together, like you're inside you're
dying, you're dying, but outsideyou're keeping it. So it's I think
it's just such a a cross ofa boundary, really, And that's just

(26:55):
the culture wherein it's not just inthis situation of just telling people how to
live their life, especially when itsurrounds a death, like you didn't love
him or care about him. Imean, it's it's just it's it's insanity
to me. You know if youwant to. I don't know, you're
supposed to just send like a Tshirt cannon just with all these paintings.

(27:21):
I don't know. I just it'sjust it bothers me. See, I
get like flustered because it bothers mewhen the certain people say things like that.
And this was a this was acomment that just happened because I I've
just been posting. The last coupleof days have been in Velvet Revolver show
anniversaries, and I'm just sharing photosof these shows from two thousand and four,

(27:41):
two thousand and five, and aword that comes up, and it
bothers me every time. But Idon't I don't try to really yell at
people online until they become like nastyand rude. It's trying to it's just
trying to change the perspective of theword perception. I guess maybe junkie.
The word junkie. I hate thatword. It's so dismissive to who they

(28:03):
are as a person. It tookme a long time. It took me
to become an alcoholic, to reallytruly truly believe in alcoholism. I'm like,
why don't you just stop? Well, I couldn't just stop until my
therapist yelled at me, and youknow, and I wanted to better my
life finally. So it's that's aword. That's I'm sure I want to

(28:25):
navigate this to more towards the positivebecause it's so much negativebout that we can
just yell. We can yell atthese people for being nasty online, but
we're here to kind of paint apicture of what Scott was really like,
even with these demons. Yeah,yeah, he was. He was the
most beautiful you and I ever knownother than my son. So like,

(28:49):
let's let's let's backtrack just a littlebit to that first day when you met
him on set. And this iscoming from a Jew. I love that
Christmas album. It is so good. I mean, it just showcases what
are brilliant talents and voice because howmany people try to do a Christmas album

(29:11):
like too to name, and alot of them were embarrassing. Oh but
some of them are so good.I love Christmas. I'm an atheist,
but I love Christmas so much.So the Christmas music it starts December first,
but like I mean, Weezer's Christmasalbum okay, awesome. I love

(29:33):
when I love when rock stars kindof step out of their thing because they
just are people that love Christmas.And that's how Scout was. Scott just
loved Christmas and he loved singing Christmassongs, and he didn't care what anybody
thought about it. He was like, I'm going to make a Christmas album
and he did and it was great. So really whatever, I go to
my friend's George and Julia out onthe East Coast or the east side of

(29:56):
Long Island, it's always Scott WildChristmas while they're putting the tree up.
And since well, I guess technicallyI'm agnostic, but I was raised a
Jew and I'm a bitter Jew aboutChristmas because well, now with my kid,
well we're going to have to celebrateboth. I'm like, oh now
I'm gonna have to tell this Santais real, Like, oh my god,
what I guess I have to.But I'm listening to this end of

(30:18):
my stupid story, listening to hisChristmas album because my friends will get me
an ornaments and since I jew oneyear, it's like a little Manoa ornament
one. It's a it's a littlebagel with locks ornament. It's fun,
it's good times. See good memories. Sorry you were the zoom cut out
your audio there? Oh, Isaid, do you put up a tree?

(30:41):
Yeah, so my wife puts upa tree. But I made sure
not only to get a minora,a dinosaur mana. That's awesome. Yeah,
my first my son's dad is Jewish, okay, so yeah, growing
up it was but he's very he'skind of agnostic Jewish like you. But

(31:03):
yeah, it was always like howdo we maneuver these holidays? Like do
we just do both? And thenI'm like, this kid's going to get
so many gifts, it's ridiculous.I know, well, I don't know
he'll learn if I really want toteach him. It's like Anic is really
just to compete with Christmas. Imean, we have Russias Shana and Yan
Kapoor. They are more popular,but still that Manoa sourus will be used

(31:26):
by him, dinas fairmanora and I'mgonna have to probably get so the go
back a little bit when you firstmet, and I think this is important.
So my mom tells me the storyand when she first met my dad
and a friend of theirs said,oh, he's had issues, but he's

(31:48):
okay. Now, okay, okay, and he's okay, he's fine.
But he had been in like therapybefore, like from when he was like
nineteen. I don't think they metuntil their early twenties. So you,
I mean, that's just one friendtelling another friend something. You obviously know
who Scott Wiland is and all thestories. I mean, how do you
even approach that? How does thateven happen? Is it like no,

(32:12):
no, Scott, you're not gettingthis, or like wow, he's really
handsome, Like I got to talkto this guy. How does a how
does that happen? Because he's ahandsome guy, you're a beautiful woman.
That must be a problem for bothof you growing up all these years,
always be it on. I don'tknow, I don't know what that's,
what that's like. Well, Iwill tell you that the day I met

(32:35):
him, the first day of hisshoot, I was so nervous. I
was so nervous. And because soyou know, I graduated from high school
in nineteen ninety six and in themid nineteries, in mid nineties in Ohio,
you were either a Pearl jam EddieBedder girl or you were an STP.
Scott Wyland girl. Clearly I wasa Scott Wyland girl. So it

(33:01):
was meeting one of my idols,but it was also a job and I
had to be focused and get mywork done. And the first day he
basically wouldn't look at me, andI would catch him every once in a
while kind of sort of looking atme, and if I made eye contact
with him, he would just kindof like dart his glance elsewhere. That

(33:22):
sounds like me trying to avoid somebodyI like, but I could feel him
looking at me. And then thatnight when we left, his car was
parked next to mine and I wasloading all my gear into the back of
my car, and I said,have a good night, and I remember

(33:44):
he had like his trench coat onwith a you know, the caller turned
up and he just kind of wentI was like, all right. And
then the next day we were ata different location and all my gear was
set up outside and Scott kept comingout to smoke cigarettes. And later he
told me he's like, I justwanted to come out and hang out with

(34:07):
you, because all I could thinkwas, I mean, I know this
guy's a smoker, but dear God, does he smoke a lot? Like
who smokes as much? And thestory which I'm sure any interview of me,
it's you know, how we kindof broke the silence was that he
was standing in front of a fireplaceand I was photographing him. He was

(34:27):
wearing a starched tuxedo shirt and hewas a little paunchee and as I was
photographing him, I was going,I can totally retouch this. I'm really
good at photoshop. But then Iwas tired and a little annoyed by certain
other people on the set, andI was just like, you know what,
I don't want to touch this,and so I said, you know

(34:51):
what, I need you to justlike suck it in a little bit.
And the look on his face becauseno one spoke to him like that,
oh, mister Wiland, mister Wiland, we need you here, we need
you here. And I was justlike, dude, you got to suck
it in. I don't have timefor this. And he racked up and
then yeah, and then we werejust hanging out outside with me and my

(35:15):
gear and him chain smoking a lotand really slowing down the production of the
shot by the way, because hewas outside talking to me and smoking so
much. And then at the wrapthat night, he was parked across the
street from me, and so againI'm loading my gear and except this time
he came over and he said,thank you so much for everything, Like

(35:37):
it's been really great working with you. And we always said like we had
a hug, and in that hugwe both knew like it was like a
magnetic force, like our hearts connected. It's I don't even know how to
describe it, but it was magic. And yeah, so that's how it

(35:59):
started. It. Well, that'svery sweet and I appreciate you sharing that.
And now I feel like it suckingmy little punch, but you can't
see the lower half of me.Thank god. That's that's brilliant. So
you know, I've we all know, like again this story I wish because

(36:22):
we can hold on to those moments. And I'm so happy when you when
it is an anniversary, you posta photo of just the most loving memories
because it's just how ill I thinkhow to tell people who loved him as
fans or loved him as a wifewants to remember. It's the same thing
with like with my dad, Idon't remember the bad I mean I do,

(36:45):
but that's not what I that's notwhat I take with me like at
all, that's not that's not whatI take with me. It's just part
of it. But you know Ican trace back is but my perception and
is going to be different than mybrothers who were younger because I moved away
to college, and you want totalk about maybe like the last five years

(37:07):
of his life just being more stressed, more depressed, just being a little
bit different, and whether they're stillliving at home. So my I only
had like on the phone or mediawhen I would come home from from college
or wherever I was living at thetime to see a difference, and you
know, maybe I could pinpoint itto you know, he had a motorcycle

(37:30):
accident where his foot basically fell off, and was like, yeah, he
uh, you know, he hada little bit of a midlife crisis.
I guess, well, I meanhe's always been wanting to kind of be
like a bad boy rock star dentistif you could be one. But he
had uh he loved his sports spikesand my mom being none of that,

(37:52):
you can't you can't have those.Well, he hid them at her friend's
house and one time he got toand I just having to meet some friends
at Jones Beach, and went togo drive away, and like the sand
got caught in the dirt and likehis foot got caught. He told me,
like it was hanging on by likea thread. And the fact that

(38:13):
they were able to reattach it itis I don't know miracle modern science,
but I know that was a majorthat was one of the major factors of
just like a turning in his personality. Scott. You know, as we
discussed off air, whatever you're comfortabletalking about, where did you notice the
change? Because there always have therehad been issues before with him, and

(38:35):
you know when his past, you'remeeting him later on in life, But
when did you notice a change?Because you read interviews about with him about
you you brought out the best inhim, he would say, she sees
me for who I am. Soit's kind of like if he got that.
You know, I always say,if my dad or if anybody who

(38:57):
unfortunately isn't around enough, kind ofalmost need that one person, that one
thing to hold on to. Andit's frustrating when like it was right there,
you didn't see it. You shouldhave held on to it. That
could have helped you. That's howI feel. Anyway, now I'm going
off in a tangent. But wasthere a moment for you like you're like,

(39:17):
Okay, maybe this isn't man.I don't want to say, this
is not what I signed up for, but like, okay, something's wrong
here, help is needed. Whatdo I do? I'm actually I don't
want to put words in your mouth, but I wanted it kind of change
for you from that that wonderful firstyou know day. Yeah, it was

(39:38):
pretty early, pretty early. Iwas. I remember bringing at his house
one night and he I was goingthrough a divorce when I met him,
and the divorce wasn't final that hehad assumed it was okay, and I

(40:00):
told him that it wasn't, andall of a sudden, this whole other
person came out and he was veryjealous and paranoid and suspicious. And I
remember texting a friend of mine thatnight and saying, this beautiful love that
I have maybe isn't real because something'swrong, and I'm really like Scott did

(40:29):
not come with a handbook. Ihad no idea what I had gotten into,
but I knew I was in lovewith him, and so every every
situation, every hurdle that would comeup, I would just deal with it,
and one thing that I had saidto him very early on, because

(40:52):
I had worked in production, doingproduction for photographers, and I hated working
with people in the record industry becausethey all just seemed like, like,
hell, these people even sleep atnight, they're all fucking liars, Like
I just want nothing to do withthe record industry. And I had said
to him from the get go,not going to be involved in your business

(41:13):
at all. I won't do it. And then I realized how mistreated he
was by his management, how peoplewere stealing from him, they were lying
to him, and I was fiercelyprotective of him, and it became abundantly
clear that I was the only personthat was actually going to protect him.
And as hard as it was forme, because I was going through so

(41:37):
much in my own life and tryingto maneuver for my own things and be
a mom and everything else, Icouldn't leave him alone to deal with any
of that, and I couldn't standto see him being fucked over basically by
pretty much everybody in his life.Of course, there are exceptions, there

(42:00):
are other people that were in hisrealm, and eventually we got business managers
and proper managers that really did careabout him. But none of that would
have happened if I hadn't been like, fire this person, fire that person,
because he would have just never doneit because he was like he was

(42:21):
just so giving and so trusting.But then on the flip side, he
was incredibly paranoid, and I hadto be very careful, like if his
and it all came down to hismedication. It was his medication, and
as you know, he was bipolar, and if his meds weren't right,

(42:43):
he was an entirely different person.And the paranoia was heartbreaking. His mom
and I still talk about it,but I remember at the time we would
talk about how how fucking sad itwas that he was living in this world
where thought people were out to gethim, and it was really hard to

(43:04):
watch. But then it was reallyhard to when it would turn on me.
I remember there was a morning Iwas driving him to an AA meeting
actually, and I went like thisin the car and he goes, who
are you signaling? Like what areyou talking about? It's like you're signaling
someone. I'm like, no,my face just pitched. And on that

(43:29):
same trip that morning, he thoughthe was seeing the same license plates on
cars, and he thought we werebeing followed and so with this person,
and we're out in public and hethinks that people are chasing him, that
I'm a secret spy and there's noone to help me. There was no

(43:50):
one to help me. And youknow, people, I'm sorry, I'm
probably jumping ahead. But people cansay whatever the fuck they want about things
that I did or didn't do.But the truth was I did pretty much
all the heavy lifting myself with him. I was alone with him, trying
to keep him safe and keep himcalm, and get him to the right

(44:14):
doctors, and get him on stage, get him to rehearsals, all like.
It was just me. I wasthe gatekeeper for everything, and that
was really, really fucking hard.So when we talk about the comments that
people make about me, about Scott, about our marriage, I basically want
to tell everybody to go fuck offbecause they weren't there, they didn't know,

(44:39):
and to judge and comment on itis just so low and ignorant.
It's just ignorance. And that's whyI was going to say this earlier when
you were saying about you know,that horrible comment on YELP about your father
and the horrible things that people havesaid about Scott, that you use of

(45:00):
junkie, all of that. Ihonestly stopped looking at all of this years
ago. I just stopped looking.I don't I don't read any of the
comments. I don't read the articlesabout him. I don't even look because
it's so upsetting to me that ignoranceand that negativity and that judgment. I

(45:28):
just it makes me sick. Itgives me anxiety, it depresses me.
So I just don't look. Ijust don't look. You know, if
it wasn't for this podcast, Iwould be off social media now. It's
because it has gotten like that.Uh, it's what's what's the point.
What's the point. Obviously there aregood things, but you as you mentioned,

(45:50):
I don't need we don't need tobacktrack over that. But what I
will say, it's Wow, It'slike this is almost like a therapy for
both of us because it's almost soundslike my mom and maybe I should call
her after this and apologize, butit sounds like, you know, she
was really the only one helping mydad where I didn't think where I thought
she could have maybe done more orget frustrated he didn't do this, He

(46:13):
didn't do that, but she Iknow she did a lot. Uh you
know. I found out after mydad was a dentist could prescribe medication,
he would prescribe it to himself.He would put medication underneath my grandma's name
and my mom's name because he hadarthritis and that was a big cloud over

(46:35):
him, being like how do yoube a dentist with arthritis? You know,
So it's it is scary and whenyou have those people who because he
was like that too. Where hewas when you say Scott was very trusting,
but paranoid. He thought people Idon't believe to that extent, you
know with the license places, licenseplates, but he always thought people were

(47:00):
out to get him. You justthought he was you know, I'm not
a good dad, I'm not thiswhere he again, he was a great
dad, but very trusting. Wherepeople would take advantage of him, you
would think, oh, dentist,you make all this money. No,
people would sue him for no reason. He would let people pay him later

(47:22):
or installments and they wouldn't pay him, you know, because he was trusting.
So it's just again these parallels thatI see that it's not just my
dad and Scott. It's this isa human you know issue and how we
look at things and treat other people. I do want to mention because I've
had I don't know your relationship withDoug Greon his songwriting partner and wild about

(47:49):
spammate, but I had posted somethingrecently just transcribing this was a few years
ago. I did an interview withhim and it was the first one he
did after Scott's passing, and hetalked about and he was honest, you
know about his addiction, you know, Doug's own addiction and everything about Scott's
psychosis from prescription meds, so thatlines up with it. And he said

(48:12):
something that which is I think it'sso important and I make sure to include
this into the written quote that Ihave so if you don't listen to the
episode, that there's a prescription medicationepidemic in this country right now of epic
proportions. I mean, he saidthis in twenty eighteen, but it's still
true. This is just one storyand a big ocean of other stories about
prescription meds medication abuse that ended withpeople dying. So I'm assuming you agree

(48:38):
with that because it's not all thehard drugs it's people get over the counter,
it's or prescribed by doctors and abuseit. It's a scary, scary
world out there. And I willsay though, at the same time,
without my medication, my sixty milligramsof Symbalta, I'm angrier, shorter,

(49:01):
fuse sadder, So I need it. I mean there, So there's a
whole You got to figure out whatworks for you and didn't have a good
doctor that cares about you. Yes, yeah, that was another thing with
sky Is. I very quickly tookhim from the doctors that he would see,

(49:22):
and I started taking him to mydoctors because I knew them and I
trusted them. He at one pointhad this guy that would Scott was on
so much stuff. He was onhis bipolar meds, he was on Benzo's,
he was just so much no opiates, no opiates. He had been
off opiates for eleven years when Imet him, and he was absolutely clean

(49:45):
as far as heroin goes. AbsolutelyAnd he had this guy that would come
to his house, who I guessat some point had run a rehab.
And what this guy would do wastake the medications from his wealthy clients,
basically other rock stars, and hewould I don't even know how this worked.

(50:12):
This guy would like take some ofthe meds that like Scott had or
his, you know, similar people, and he would give it to the
people in the rehab that couldn't affordthe medication. But then for medications that
Scott couldn't get prescriptions for, hewould get the prescriptions. He would bring
them to his house. The wholething was just disgusting and weird. And

(50:35):
he had another doctor what we callrock Dock, who will just prescribe anything.
And the rock Dock I fired immediately. And then I remember being at
Scott's house one night and the guythat would had the rehab that would do
all the switcheroos with the medication,he came in and I I got up

(50:58):
and I said to Scott. Iwas like, stay right here, and
I told that guy you need toleave. You're going to walk out that
front door right now, and ifyou come back again, I'm calling the
police. I'm reporting you get thefuck out of here and stay away from
him. Don't ever come around himagain. I don't know. It's sad

(51:22):
and disturbing that these drugs are outthere and are just not placed properly.
In the right hands, and peopleare so over medicated and they feel like
shit. They feel like shit,so then they're taking more medication to feel

(51:42):
better. And this pill has thisside effect, so then they're taking that
to handle that side effect, andyou know the process just goes on and
on and on. But Scott hadan actual backpack of medication, a backpack
of pills, and I couldn't evenkeep track of everything he was taking.
Now I feel like I've totally likegone off topic. No, we're I

(52:05):
mean, as far as I'm concerned, we're on topic because you know that
that helps me bring up another point. Where So it wasn't just like got
the sixty milligrams of well Symbalta.It's deloxatine. That's uh, the generic
brand. But I didn't want togo on meds right away with my therapist.
When I started with her, whatI like, well over a decade

(52:27):
ago, and I said no,no, it's we can fix this.
And she gave me three months andshe's like, I can keep taking your
money, but you're never going toget anywhere. So that was the whole
medication journey. And I've been onthis version for a bit. I mean,
there are crazy moments where I'm trying. It might have been lecxipro,
and I remember I remember this portionof it. I was at a subway

(52:51):
subway sandwiches, the beginning of theline, getting my sandwich. I don't
remember anything in between, and justpaying like it's like my brain shorted out
out, like I'm just what happened. So it's it's amazing what it's amazing,
for lack of a better word,that I don't have the vocabulary for
of what medication could do with you, do to you, both good and

(53:12):
bad. But I have said toher, well, because I do have
bad days still, and I kindof fluctuate. It's hard, you know,
when you see those commercials which areso what a scam for all these
medications commercials, like oh, I'mgonna go to a doctor, I'm going
to tell them what I saw onTV. But all these little add ons,
I don't want to start going onthat. I don't want to start

(53:34):
this path that I don't know whereit's going to end. If I'm okay
right now, even though I havebad days, I'm gonna leave it like
that, because you do hear thosehorror stories of just you're chasing the dragon
in a way. I know theyuse that's used for heroin, but in
any sort of addiction. So yeah, it's you are on path because I
can again, I can relate itto myself, relate it to my family,

(53:57):
and I'm sure many people could relateit to their who didn't have a
rock star in their family. Youknow, it goes back to what I
said earlier. I didn't Scott's mentalillness had nothing to do with the fact
that he was a rock star.It was just a chemical imbalance in his
brain. So the other let meask that then, because that's how I

(54:17):
always feel with you know, it'sa chemical imbalance that I have. But
I feel that some of my depressioncomes from I know, you can't tell
what now because I'm sitting down,but I have what's called demoelinating peripheral neuropathy.
It's basically the nerve version of MS. So I walk with a limp,
I have a cane of leg braces. I started using a wheelchair to

(54:38):
go to concerts and that's what Iused in London. You know, had
it. It's a mutation in thegene that's happened since when I was like
ten so I'm like, oh,that's always been a part of my depression.
Well, that's a part of it. I've learned because of what my
I guess on my dad's side ofthe families that they have a history of
mental illness. So I I wonderfor him, was there did he ever

(55:02):
talk to you about is it morethan just this chemical balance? Was it
certain things in his life where Ihad, you know, whether it be
parent issues or my self loathing,like I could always say, this is
why you know I am I'm unhappy. Did he ever say to you like,

(55:22):
this is why I'm medicated? Oris it was just the Hey,
I have a chemical I'm bipolar,This is just like being diabetic, This
is just a medication I have totake, or was it something tangible?
I think he had just been onmedication for so long that he didn't know

(55:47):
how to not be on medication oreven what it was doing for him.
And let me also just interject withthe fact that I am not an anti
meda vccationian person. I absolutely thinkthat we all might need certain things that
are not herbs or CBD. Youknow. I mean, I've dealt with

(56:13):
horrible anxiety and depression since he diedlike really bad, and I've been on
meds on and off trying to maneuverall of it. So I'm not saying
that all meds are bad and they'reterrible and we should all be free and
clear of them, because that's definitelynot the case. But in his case,
I do think he was done alot of stuff that he did not

(56:35):
need to be And I do rememberat one point he I don't really understand
how this worked, because there wouldbe times he would stop taking his medications
and I could tell because the paranoiakicked in his face would look like a
different person. He would have adifferent look in his eye, and I

(56:59):
could didn't reach him. I couldn'treach him. He couldn't see me.
Does that make sense? He wasjust this whole other. It was like
he was possessed by some kind ofvapid demon. I don't know. It
was just this blankness that would comeover him and all of the light and

(57:22):
the beauty would be gone. BecauseScott was He was sunshine, and he
was brilliant, and he was kindness, and he was love, and he
was hilarious and he was brilliant.And when things was switched with the meds.
He was a monster and he wouldn'teven remember it after, you know,

(57:42):
I would tell him the things thathad happened, and he had zebra
recollection. So what you're talking aboutat subway when you went from here to
there and you're like, I don'teven like you blacked out, that would
happen to him too. So Ido get that, and it's terrifying.
It's terrifying. But if you're drivinga car and it happens, you know,

(58:06):
and it gets it's scary. Myuh, you know, I'm not
giving names here, but what aremy my brothers. We're all medicated obviously,
but he had a doctor that ormedicated him and he was driving and
I had like a freak out,like it could have went so bad.
So it's like doctors. It's scarybecause I'm lucky that i've you know,

(58:30):
my therapist is as caring as andshe sends me to the right people.
But there are ones that will belike why am I on this? Uh?
And and something gets more because it'sactually what happened with my dad.
My mom still tell us the story. I'm like, you've told me.
I don't need to keep hearing it. They're sitting at the kitchen table,
and I know what you mean bylike the vapidness, because he would be

(58:52):
like, it's like you're not present, like it's almost glassy eyed. And
he was eating like an ice creamchocolate ice cream cone, and he fell
asleep while eating it and he waslike basically finished. He woke up and
he's like, who ate my icecream cone? Who ate it? Like
really angry, like it's on yourface, you know. So it's it's

(59:15):
sad, but it's scary. Andagain, these these are moments that where
I want to make a because Iwant to keep you here forever, but
I want to make an important pivotto My dad was awesome, Like he
had these moments, but he wasawesome. He was my biggest supporter in
radio, listening to me since thefirst time I cracked a mic in college.
I can only imagine what he wouldthink now, you know, he

(59:37):
would have been the best grandfather.You know. I talk about him to
keep his memory alive for my owntherapy so my son doesn't go through what
I went through, you know.And I say that because look, I
don't have any plans that's that wouldbe sick. But I mean the fact
that I'm sure he didn't when hewas forty, and then he because life

(01:00:00):
when he was thirty fifty nine.So it's just all these thoughts go through
your head. So it's like it'sI I'm letting you know. I I
don't want to sound corny. Ifeel your pain because but it's like,
it sucks that this shit happens tous with people that we love. And
again, on your side of it, there's the the press that focuses on

(01:00:22):
the negative and sees the negative.So let's make the pivots to the parts
that you loved. And so maybesome special moments that you had with him
that you'll you'll never forget, whetherit be at a show or something.
I don't know. That's that's ajoke because you said he's funny. You
know a funny moment that happened.Let's let's talk some positive stuff. If

(01:00:45):
we can't, sorry, I cansend you some videos of like he was
a goofball, Like he and myson one morning it was like I had
gotten a new iPhone and it hadlike the slow motion option on the camera,

(01:01:07):
and they went outside and they spentlike two hours taking slow motion videos
of themselves jumping off the wall inthe backyard, and they just thought that
was like the freaking funniest thing ever. He was a really great cook.
He loved to cook, and hewas really good at it. Did you
have a special meal, like especiallyspecialty dover soul with a lemon bar blanc

(01:01:31):
sauce the best? And I'm areally good cook, if I do say
so myself, but I can neverI can never create recreate his lemon be
blonde sauce. It was perfect.He was just he was just funny and
very wry, highly intelligent. Heknew more about American history and like World

(01:01:54):
War two than anybody other than maybemy dad and he and my dad.
So I would always have calls withmy dad on Sundays because my dad was
back in Ohio and I was herein California, and I figure were Sunday
in Ohio, I would go visitmy dad. So we would just have
these marathon phone conversations on Sunday andI would pass the phone off to Scot

(01:02:15):
and he and my dad would talkfor hours, for hours about airplanes and
different battles and generals and like,and I was always sorry, I don't
know what's happening right? Yeah,that's all right. You have dogs going
crazy? Yeah, I don't.I'm so sorry. If you need a

(01:02:37):
pause or are they pooping? Ipause for one second? Let me just
okay, okay, sorry, there'san alley behind me. He gets noisy.
Back there a couple of ally cats. Causes and problems Ali cats.
Now the alley cat lives on myfront porch oil rotten anyway. So I

(01:03:00):
would always show with Scott and like, you know, if the whole rock
star thing doesn't work out, youcan absolutely be an American history professor,
which he could have been, andhe talked about it. I. Oh,
he was just very, very lovingwhen he was on. There was

(01:03:23):
nothing like being around him, likehe was just the most singular person ever.
He was and it wasn't. Iwould tell him this, it't.
It wouldn't have mattered if he hadnever written a song in his life.
I was so connected to him,and he and I would talk about how

(01:03:46):
we always felt like we'd known eachother before. And he would ask me,
I remember the beginning of our relationship. You'd be like, are you
sure you didn't come on the tourbus. I was in Atlanta and I'm
like I was in high school,so I'm pretty sure. Also, if
I had met you before, Iwould have remembered I had a poster of
you on my wall. I thinkthat's so important, the fact that you

(01:04:11):
went out of your way to say, you know, if you've never written
a song, you know they wouldhave connected because I can I can only
imagine a lot of half these celebritieslike, oh, you're only with me
because of who I am, andoh really, yeah. Well there was
also from So when I was firstwith him, the shows he was doing

(01:04:32):
were for the Christmas album, soI really just saw him on stage in
a tuxedo, crooning, singing.They would throw in at the end,
you know, one or two STPsongs, but that was what I was
used to very small venues. WasScott in a tuxedo singing Christmas songs and
it made me a little nervous,but I was like okay with it.

(01:04:55):
And then we had come back toLA and there was a benefit that at
House of Blues that Velvet Revolver wasplaying, and that was the first time
I saw Scott on stage as arock star, and I remember standing in
the audience and listening to the girlsnext to me freaking out about how hot

(01:05:17):
he was, and I'm seeing himnot crooning in a tuxedo, but like
the full on, you know,Scott Weiland show, and I thought I
was going to hyperventilate. And Iremember thinking, I can't do this.
I can't do this. I cannotbe a rock star's girlfriend. I am

(01:05:38):
not cut out for this. Sowhen people would say to me, oh,
you just love being with you arock star, I'm like, I
actually don't. I actually prefer tojust be home with my boyfriend, who
was you know before it is myhusband, obviously my boyfriend, and just
like watching movies and talking about booksand cooking dinner and just being by it

(01:06:00):
and shut out from the whole world. It was very, very very hard
for me at the beginning to seehim on stage. It was really hard.
Yeah, that's true. That's agood point where where you said it
when you first met him, it'sa it's a different avenue, you know.
It's uh, he's Scott Wiland still, but not on that scale.

(01:06:23):
I was. I consider myself luckyenough just to have seen him twice with
Velvet Revolver, and it's like,that's it's true. Like, I can't
believe, it's unbelievable what a frontman, underrated front man that he was.
And it wasn't just the singing,he was just the presence of it.

(01:06:43):
So I had listened to a previousinterview did about like a year ago
about you know, when when certainartists are are mentioned, you know,
or celebrated, that Scott's name isalways brought up and you didn't mention any
names. But I still took awayfrom that being that's true. He was
never really celebrated and you hope that'sand it probably is though because of the

(01:07:09):
negative surrounding him, and I wantto break away from that stigma that doesn't
take away from who he is asa person. So what would you like
to see happen? I mean therock and roll Hall of Fames to joke
anyway Scott or no Scott, butI mean that's it's a Hall of Fame
voice. I mean, that's that'ssomething I think fans would love to see.

(01:07:30):
Do you have any like, whatis there anything that you're doing to
or would like to see happen asfar as what Scott's name going forward?
Because there were talks of unreleased musicfrom different places, so I don't.
I don't know if you have anythingany knowledge with an alien. I heard

(01:07:55):
that my computer. Okay by sonNo. I feel like he really does
not have the accolades and the respectand the recognition that he absolutely deserves.
I feel like when he died,everybody was kind of like, that's tragic,

(01:08:20):
But of course he overdosed, whichhe didn't fucking overdose, which I
try to get that point across.He didn't because he had drugs in his
system. The corner had to ruleit in overdose. But the truth is
Scott died because the main artery inhis left interrical was ninety five percent blocked.
That came from ten years of heroinuse that came from an entire adult

(01:08:45):
life of chain smoking. It washis heart stopped. Did he have trace
amounts of drugs in his system?He did. Did I know he was
using? No? I didn't becausehe lied to me because I had caught
in before and it would always bethis huge fight, and I would be
furious of him to, you know, to be doing this stuff, but

(01:09:09):
to also to lie to me aboutit. And I remember even talking to
the corner in Minnesota when when everythinghappened and saying like, how can he
lie to me about this again?And the corner was so kind and he
said, I think he just reallydidn't want to disappoint you. Yeah,
so, but yeah, I reallywant to clear up that was not an

(01:09:31):
overdose. It was not He wasnot using heroin. He did not overdose
on drugs. His heart stopped becausehis heart had been through so much abuse
because of prior drug use in hislife and smoking and heavy drinking. So
yeah, I think it's important.That is important for everyone to know and

(01:09:54):
to understand. And how easy anddismissive it could it is just to say
that like, oh, well,of course, and then of course it's
just this and no when you're tryingto get your life on track and do
the right thing, and no,that's important. That's why the distortion get
through, the distorted truth, youknow, the truth out there. That's

(01:10:15):
why I named it this. ButI think and I don't I'm uncomfortable bringing
up, but I think it's becausea lot of people saw that viral video
of him before with he was onstage and slowly putting on the jacket because
he was alarming. Okay, sowhat happened with that is another thing I'm
really happy you brought up. Sothat was another medication situation. He had

(01:10:38):
been put on a medication or bipolarand I saw it. He was very
slow and sluggish, like I wouldwatch him try to lace up his boots
and it was like he was inslow motion. And but he had been
on tour and there was nothing Icould do about it until I got him

(01:10:58):
back to LA. And once Igot him back to LA, I took
him to the doctor and the doctorimmediately looked at him as psychiatrist and he
was like, wow, yeah,we definitely like he was said, He's
like, we over medicated him.And once that medication was, you know,
cut back to the dose that itneeded to be, that went away.

(01:11:19):
And then there are other things toothat I've realized, Like Scott had
a thing where his ankle would giveout, and it happened a couple times
on stage, and people thought hewas drunk and stumbling. But then I
realized, because he had such severeliver issues, that he was probably hypocolemic,
which means you're potassium like your bodycan't absorb and keep potassium, and

(01:11:42):
it causes muscle failure, It causeslittle like periodic moments of paralysis. So
there was a time in an airportway to put him in wheelchair because he
couldn't walk. But it was alljust mismanagement of medication and health concerns,
and it was really hard to getall of that under control because he was

(01:12:05):
touring so much, and everyone youknow, was mad at me, like,
how could you let him out ontour? How could you let him
go on stage when he needed somuch help. We didn't have a choice.
He was so massively in debt.He had to go out and tour.
So it was all this damage controland me trying to protect him,

(01:12:28):
and the band trying to protect him, Tommy Black trying to protect him.
Everybody was and that toward the end, the whole crew, with a wild
of oles, was amazing, likethe best tour managers, the best management,
the best business managers, the bestbandmates. The loss of j Jeremy
Brown devastated him, devastated him,but that team that became and it's really

(01:12:53):
sad because I feel like that reallyincredible family and team that were supporting him,
and I was finally getting inmote theright doctors, and he was making
progress with not drinking so much.All of it was like moving along,
we were getting somewhere, and thenhe died like I don't know so,

(01:13:18):
And then there was the other Therewas the Corpus Christy video. That one,
Oh god, that was when hewas completely singing off pitch and everyone
thought he was on heroin again.Again it was medication. And what had
happened was his Indians had gotten wet, so he couldn't hear anything. He

(01:13:38):
couldn't hear the band, and everyoneimmediately just jumped to, oh, look,
Scott Ylin's on heroin again. Nope, that's not what was happening people,
not at all, And people wereso nasty. I got so much
hate meal it was unbelievable. Andwhen he died, I got a ton
of hate meal. People send memessages and say things like he probably died

(01:14:02):
to get away from you. Youstole all of his money. No,
actually, for a long time Iwas went paying for everything and he had
no money. But nobody ever wantsto recognize that. Whatever water under the
bridge, But it's just it isthat distortion of truth that people don't understand.

(01:14:27):
And I'm happy to try and clearthe air, and people are still
going to say shitty things. Iremember one of the guys that TMZ would
call me when around the time thatScott had died, he would call me
all the time, and he saidsomething to me once like, you know,
if you can at least give usa statement, maybe people won't hate

(01:14:50):
you so much? What like,who are these people? Like? What
a gross thing to say? Anymore? I don't look because I just don't
care. I can't. I'm notgoing to give energy to that group of
miserable humans and their lack of intelligenceand empathy. I just can't do it.

(01:15:15):
Yeah anymore, I'm I'm on thesame wavelength as us. I forget
the exact context, but somebody,you know, when I brought up my
dad, it was on Twitter,uh, you know, talking about mental
health and being like that's always yourexcuse that you know everything about mental health.
You just bring up like your yourdad's suicide card. I'm like,

(01:15:38):
what kind of suicide card? Whosays that? Or I telling you I've
heard it all and I'm not famous. I showed a picture of again,
as I mentioned, like, I'vejust started using a wheelchair in the places.
So when we went to England toLondon, you know, we were
I took a picture. We tookpictures everywhere but outside of Abbey Road Studio

(01:16:00):
and I'm in my wheelchair, I'mholding my son, my wife's you know,
leaning over over whatever, and wehad to get through. Everyone's just
taking pictures through the gate. Butthe gate was open, so I'm like,
it's kind of open. You seepeople there. I'm like, let's
just go in like five feet,let's take a picture. Who's any yellow
had a guy in a wheelchair anda baby, so I kind of I
wrote that as the caption. Abetter phrase version of that, this person.

(01:16:24):
This person wrote, I don't thinkyou respect people in wheelchairs. I
don't respect I am the guy inthe wheelchair. It's crazy, or or
somebody else said I use my kidfor clicks. I'm like, I used
to use him because he's cute.So again, I'm not famous and I'm
not getting any Uh well, Igot death threats when I defended Axel Rose

(01:16:47):
on his lawsuit. Then I wouldget death threats. But anyway, uh
no, that's that's it's sick becauseyou're grieving and these people who don't know
you are attacking you for things thatthey think that they're so convinced. They're
so convinced what they're saying is true, and it's just like, are you
how are you allowed to drive,or to vote, or to do any

(01:17:09):
of these things when you this isjust your sick mindset. So that's why
you know, I'm glad to notonly for us just to have this important
conversation, but just to get thesethings out. And I'm not pressuring you
for any of these answers. Youcould. I said, say whatever you
want to say, whatever you don'twant to say. I I have that
respect for people because it's it's sohard to be to be interviewed about this,

(01:17:33):
you know, and I might scump, Jamie, don't go off.
I have to. I have todo that. Sometimes. I'm like,
I guess I get I get hotreal quick. I don't know. I've
a Napoleon complex. I guess becauseI'm five six, but still no,
I guess. I hate when peoplesay stupid things. I'm just like,
what is wrong with you? Whatis wrong with you? So uh,

(01:17:56):
it's uh, well, I appreciateyou all. You clearing all that up,
because again, these are real things. It could happen to Scott Wiland
on stage. It can happen tomy dad eating an ice cream at the
kitchen table. It's just scary.And yes, my dad needed to be
medicated, but he wasn't on theright thing, or it wasn't seeing the
right therapist. You know what's crazyhim. He would used to tell his

(01:18:19):
therapist like, oh, I'm goingto kill myself one day, but you
know August the skies as a heartattack. And this therapist would laugh,
being like, oh, you're notgoing to do that. I like that.
Number one thing that therapists do isthey do that check in with you,
and it's the number one question,do you have thoughts of harming yourself
or other people? But didn't takethem seriously. And somebody who saw he

(01:18:42):
saw for a long time and obviouslybecause it happened, didn't take them seriously.
But I know if I said whatI have said anything like that to
my therapist, she's like, I'mgoing to send people to your house and
take you away if you I'm gonnado that if you don't stop talking about
this or don't stop doing this.So it's a doctors, you know,
I'm not trying to just there aregood doctors. There are bad doctors.

(01:19:03):
That's good medication, it's bad medication. It's like where do you even go
from here? So I live everyday now because again, this is a
cloak that I thought would I thoughtI would never get married, thought I
would never have a kid. ButI'm gonna here. I am, I
mean not now because they've abandoned mefor a week, but in a good

(01:19:25):
place of life, getting to speakto people like you. You know,
this is I have a radio job, but this is a passion project that
people love and you'll appreciate this.Let me just share a message I got.
This was on the interview that Idid with against Yakobe and Daughtry,
and so that was only for liketen minutes. So I spoke after a

(01:19:46):
bit, kind of just me talkingto the listener and just like, okay,
who cares about me? But youknow, I need to finish this.
This is not just a ten minuteconversation. Let me just finish this.
So this was a DM so I'llprotect the the guy's name, hey
man, just finishing up the episodefrom May thirty. First, thanks so
much for addressing mental health. I'man ordinary forty three year old dude who

(01:20:09):
loves guns and roses and loves mythirteen year old daughter more than anything.
Thanks for reminding me that she'll alwaysneed her daddy, much like you will
always remember your father. Sorry foryour lost brother. I can feel your
pain through the pod, but alsosee a strong, proud man who would
do anything for his son wheelchair ornot. Keep kicking ass and giving us
great content and interviews. We maybecome fans of yours for the personalities and

(01:20:30):
catch a pod name, but wecontinue to listen because you keep it real.
God bust your family and keep takingcare of that beautiful family. So
thanks man who. I got afew messages like that, and that's why
it was fate, Jamie that we'retalking now, because they left the curtain

(01:20:51):
a little bit because I can't alwayswell ask how I book interviews, sometimes
through my job, sometimes through email, social media. I messaged you on
social media like a long time ago. I forgot about it. I mean,
it happens, and you respond.You see, I'm sorry, You're

(01:21:11):
really sorry. I'm sorry. Inever saw it. Oh no, it's
fine, I didn't see it.My friend just took over my social media
because she knows I'm terrible at it. I'm awful. I'm the worst.
I don't check messages. I hateposting. It gives me anxiety. I
don't want to see people's comments metoo, and why do I have these
things? Anyways, took over everythingand she messaged you back before she even

(01:21:38):
talked to me about it, andI was like, I was like,
did you just sign me up foran interview? And she's like, yeah,
you need to do that, andI was like, okay, all
right. But then I looked.I looked at what you've been doing,
and I'm like, okay, yeah, that's cool. I want to do
that. I like him. Thankyou, I wanted I appreciate that.
Thank your friend first of all.But yeah, I didn't know. I

(01:21:59):
sometimes I do interviews request just ina I'm massive like okay, here's people
I could talk to and forget aboutit. So I didn't remember. But
then of course with now, withthe it's just the anniversary of I believe
Scott's passing and not too long agoand my dad's passing, and just to
be able to kind of bring ittogether and have this conversation because you know,

(01:22:24):
again, as you saw from thatlistener's comment, I heard from the
listener's comment. I talked about itoften and it's hard not to. It's
hard not to be myself when you'retalking about guns and roses. They're all
crazy. I mean, you know, let me just ask that, because
I always do. With six degreesof GNR bacon, that's what I call
it. I know there's the VelvetRevolver connection is the immediate. But are

(01:22:45):
you a guns and Roses fan?Have you ever gotten to see them in
concert? Any any gen R storiesconcert? My fondest guns n' roses memory
is hanging out next to my friendsabove ground swimming pool my summer before my
freshman year of high school and listeningto November Rain like on repeat on a

(01:23:09):
cassette tape and we'd have to likekeep hitting the button to rewind it.
But that it was like the summerof guns and roses with sun and in
my hair and baby oil on myskin and just trying to be blonde and
tan, which I had neither ofthose things, But yeah, I have.
Those are my fond guns and Rosesmemory. And as far as Velvet

(01:23:32):
Revolver goes, I love those guys. I love those guys. I mean
Dave and Dub and Matt. They'rejust like the sweetest and they were.
They and their wives were so amazingto me when Scott passed, like just
very kind, very supportive. I'mso grateful, Like they really they really

(01:23:56):
helped a lot just with their generosityof spirit and kindness. So I've had
Susan on a couple of times,Susan Holmes mcgagan, and she is awesome.
Yeah, she's awesome. I've onlymet her a couple of times,
but every time she's just she's wonderful. So did he ever mean this is
just you can not know this ornot. But did he ever talk about

(01:24:19):
Velvet, about you know, wantingto maybe being unhappy how it ended,
or he's moved on. There wasa lot of talk about getting VR back
together. He still was very optimisticthat STP was going to get back together
with him as a singer. Hewas very optimistic about it, and he

(01:24:41):
felt like, you know, atthat time, He's like, now isn't
the time, but I can seeit happening. But I will say this
because there are so many you know, Scott Weiland fan groups on Facebook and
there's a lot of like there shouldn'tbe an STP without Scott, and I
understand there passion and their you know, fondness for him. But I've always

(01:25:03):
said too that you know, theDalil brothers and Aerocrats, it's their project
too, and this is how theyare maneuvering life and paying for their kids
to go to college and their mortgages. And they're so talented and they were
seventy five percent of the band.So rock on guys, Like I'm happy

(01:25:24):
for that right on? Yeah,No, I feel the same way.
I know. It's always a conversationwith a lot of bands, some of
us have no original members. Butit's like with Alis in Chains, you
know that they're they're people too,and for them just to stop their lives.
And I think of STP. Imean they had Chester as a singer
for a while. I mean thoseguys have have lost people. Those I

(01:25:46):
mean that that demographic of rock Star, I mean have lost a lot of
friends there. So and anyway,Jamie, I really I can't thank you
enough for this conversation today. Iknow it was it was difficult, so
it was emotional, but I hopeI saw we got some laughs and that's
always important to have and please likeshare before we go, like what you're

(01:26:11):
doing. I know you're not Iknow you're on Instagram, but you're not
very social on there. But whatare you doing now? I need to
do my social media because I can'twell, I mean get your friend to
do it. So I yeah,what are you doing now? How are
you staying creative? What's what's goingon in your in your life right now
every single day? And I'm launchinga So I started working for a staging

(01:26:34):
company. So we af house goeson the market. We work with realtors
and we come in and we putall the furniture and the art and the
rugs and the lawn. We makeit. We make it really beautiful to
go on the market. And becauseI had been painting before, one of

(01:26:55):
the first houses I worked on,we needed a piece of art and I
just kind of threw and together andthe woman that owned the company essentially said
like, I need you making artfor me, like exclusively. So I
started just exclusively making art for astaging company. And now I'm launching my
own staging art company. So that'swhat I am painting my other, my

(01:27:17):
other you know, my se escapesand my landscapes and my portraits too.
But really I'm doing staging art andI love it. It's really fun.
That's cool. Yeah, your ownlittle niche right there. Yeah, it's
kind of like what I what Ihave my little pocket and I and it's
you can get out all your creativityand there's a demand for it, and

(01:27:39):
it's, uh, that's very cool. Yeah, Now, I really love
it. And I am very fortunatethat I my studio is my garage,
was my backyard essentially, So Ijust walk out the back door every morning
and come out here to the garageand I've got my dogs with me,
and I put my music on andI'm usually wearing anything this nice. I

(01:28:00):
am constantly wearing paint splattered, funkyclothes and I dress like a thirteen year
old boy. Nice, so doI. Yeah, and my neighbors probably
I'll think I'm crazy, But yeah, no, it's good. I'm happy.
I'm happy to hear that. Andyou deserve it. You deserve to
be in a place, you knowsomebody who's I don't need to rehash it.

(01:28:24):
I mean the fact that I'm ina good place, You're in a
good place. It shows that whilewe don't forget, we still have this
pain with us, we can liveour life and hopefully that becomes I don't
want to say an example, butit's there are people who need to like,
Okay, there's no hope for me, and that happens. I mean,

(01:28:45):
I had that feeling for so long, and it's crazy now that I
will literally see a commercial where it'sa daughter talking to her father at the
kitchen table and it's kind of settingthe scene like Lost the Mother, Like
Dada, you're thinking about suicide andhe's like, it's been really tough,

(01:29:06):
and I can't imagine what it wouldhave been like if I saw that commercial
because I didn't realize that it wastoo late. And the same thing with
you can learn from Scott's situation thatyou need the right people around you.
You need to. It's it's soimportant, from doctors, the friends,

(01:29:26):
the bandmates, and it's sad that, yeah, you finally seem to turn
the corner. But if there's anysort of silver lining in there, you
know, it's to avoid this happeningto anybody else, you know, from
a rock star to a dentist,you know, a human, a beautiful

(01:29:47):
soul that should still be here.Yeah, I will say this too.
I I had some newer friends cameover last night for dinner and one of
the guys asked me, He said, what was he like? Like would
I have liked him? And wouldhe have liked me? And I said,

(01:30:12):
well, let me preface this bytelling you the same thing I tell
everyone that comes into my house.He's here. He's here in some version,
his energy is always with me.And then I did answer his question,

(01:30:33):
like, you would have liked him, and he would have liked you,
I promise you. But it's it'salso you know, you have to
let them go, but you alsohave to keep them alive. And whatever
that is like for me, it'sI'd listened to his music a lot.
I couldn't for a long time.I would be in like a grocery store

(01:30:57):
or a restaurant and TP song wouldcome on and I would have to go
outside and stand in a parking lotand cry. I couldn't even hear his
voice. But now it's it's reallyshifted and I welcome it. And but
he's definitely he's with me, andI know that I'm going to see him

(01:31:18):
again, and you're going to seeyour dad again, you know. I
always like that. We bonded prettywell over baseball, and I kind of
watch the Yankees I'm like, Ican't and now you know, I embraced
it. I can't wait to takemy son to a game. So yeah,
this is a it's a common thingthat people you know that go through

(01:31:40):
that. There you got to findthat balance of your keeping them with you,
but you have to separate in orderto live your own life because it's
then you're just he might as wellbe gone with them, and we don't
want that. So I think it'simportant to just see how they show up
in your life, the little thingsthat remind you of them. Yeah,

(01:32:03):
and for you, you know nowthat you're a dad, thinking about the
ways that your dad parented you,and now you're going to take those great
things and you'll parent your son.You know. Does that make sense?
Yeah? I have more appreciation ofbecause you mentioned how Scott's silly was my

(01:32:24):
dad was silly, and sometimes becauseit's your dad, you're like, oh
Dad, stop it, And nowI am a nutcase around him, and
I know I'm going to be.I'm like, all right, now,
I get it. Now I getit. It's like you see your little
boy and you just want is thekiss's face? And man, that make
all these sounds. So I knowI'm going to be a weirdo like my
dad was, and I'll tell I'lljust tell them, hey, I an't

(01:32:46):
like it. And now I lostmy dad, so I don't make him
feel bad, and I won't dothat. But you know what I mean.
I mean, No, my sonis twenty years old and I still
want to go and I'm a totallyare complete goofballs together. It's we have
a lot of fun. Yeah,I'm glad to hear that. My youngest

(01:33:08):
brother who is not even is hethirty? God, him's terrible. No,
he's not even thirty. I stillcall him the baby, but he's
like, you have a baby now. I'm like, I can't help,
but I still you're still with thelittle twenty year old faces. Don't want
to squish it anyway. Now we'regetting off on a tangent. Uh,
Jamie. I hope to speak withyou again, to come on again.

(01:33:29):
You know, well, if thishas been really great, I really really
truly enjoyed talking to you. Likewiselike likewise, this was an important conversation
for me to have and I can'tthank you enough for your time because you
don't have to do this. Youknow, you're not selling anything you're just
hearing your own good nature, goodwill. So just thank you. I you
know, I appreciate any opportunity Ican to just let people know, you

(01:33:56):
know, how truly wonderful he was, and to clear up these misconceptions about
him and the distortions. Absolutely,absolutely, that's that's what we do here.
So that does it for this episodeof Appetite for Distortion. When will
you see the next one? Andthe words of Axel Rose concerning Chinese democracy?

(01:34:18):
I don't know as soon as theword, but you'll see it.
Thanks to the lame ass security,I'm going home.

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Jamie Weiland: Keeping Scott's Memory Alive | Ep. 460

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.css-14f5ked{margin:0;word-break:break-word;display:-webkit-box;-webkit-box-orient:vertical;box-orient:vertical;-webkit-line-clamp:2;overflow:hidden;}Jamie Weiland: Keeping Scott's Memory Alive | Ep. 460