May 8, 2025 • 10 mins
In this episode of #FeelingsMatter, hosts Heather Hampton, Michelle Stinson Ross, and Tina Schweiger explore the emotion of smugness - that irritating feeling of being excessively pleased with oneself or offensively self-satisfied. The conversation delves into different perspectives on smugness, its relationship to contempt, and how this emotion can serve as an important signal in relationships. The hosts discuss the importance of approaching all emotions non-judgmentally while acknowledging that certain emotions, like smugness, may warrant closer examination.
Episode Highlights:
This episode of the #FeelingsMatter Podcast was recorded and produced at MSR Studios in Saint Paul, MN.Copyright 2025, all rights reserved. No reproduction, excerpting, or other use without written permission.
This episode is sponsored by
FeelWise - bridging the gap between reflection and resilience, offering practical tools to help people overcome obstacles, embrace change, and grow stronger emotionally. https://www.feel-wise.com/
Don’t miss a moment of the conversation, subscribe to the show on your favorite podcasting platform
Podcast theme music by Dubush Miaw from Pixabay
This episode of the #FeelingsMatter Podcast was recorded and produced at MSR Studios in Saint Paul, MN. No reproduction, excerpting, or other use without written permission.
This episode is sponsored by
FeelWise - bridging the gap between reflection and resilience, offering practical tools to help people overcome obstacles, embrace change, and grow stronger emotionally. https://www.feel-wise.com/
Don’t miss a moment of the conversation, subscribe to the show on your favorite podcasting platform
Episode Highlights:
- Heather describes smugness as having an element of arrogance and "demeaning another person," placing it in the category of contempt, which therapists identify as particularly damaging to relationships
- Michelle offers an alternative perspective, suggesting that smugness can sometimes be an indicator of having endured abuse or being repeatedly dismissed, serving as a red flag that something deeper needs attention
- The hosts agree that smugness functions as an "orange flag" emotion - positioned between a yellow caution and a red warning - signaling that attention is needed before the feeling potentially evolves into more destructive contempt
- Tina points out how quickly we can judge our own emotions, reminding listeners of the importance of approaching all feelings with a non-judgmental attitude first
- The hosts recommend mindfulness techniques for processing smugness, particularly "noticing who or what you're judging," as a way to unpack and understand what's beneath this potentially problematic emotion
This episode of the #FeelingsMatter Podcast was recorded and produced at MSR Studios in Saint Paul, MN.Copyright 2025, all rights reserved. No reproduction, excerpting, or other use without written permission.
This episode is sponsored by
FeelWise - bridging the gap between reflection and resilience, offering practical tools to help people overcome obstacles, embrace change, and grow stronger emotionally. https://www.feel-wise.com/
Don’t miss a moment of the conversation, subscribe to the show on your favorite podcasting platform
Podcast theme music by Dubush Miaw from Pixabay
This episode of the #FeelingsMatter Podcast was recorded and produced at MSR Studios in Saint Paul, MN. No reproduction, excerpting, or other use without written permission.
This episode is sponsored by
FeelWise - bridging the gap between reflection and resilience, offering practical tools to help people overcome obstacles, embrace change, and grow stronger emotionally. https://www.feel-wise.com/
Don’t miss a moment of the conversation, subscribe to the show on your favorite podcasting platform
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Transcript
Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
Speaker 1 (00:03):
Do you have trouble talking about your feelings. You're not alone.
It's a topic that can make even.
Speaker 2 (00:09):
The most powerful people somewhat squeamish.
Speaker 1 (00:15):
You're listening to Feelings Matter, where our mission is to
demystify everything about emotions so that we can all get
more comfortable in talking about them. Joining Heather, Tina and
Michelle as we unpack a new angle on emotions and
the psychology of human nature.
Speaker 3 (00:36):
Feelings Matter. Welcome to Feelings Matter.
Speaker 4 (00:47):
I'm Michelle Stinson Ross, and I'm Teena Schweiger and I'm
Heather Hampton.
Speaker 3 (00:54):
Let's take a moment to discuss the feeling of smug
Ooo smugments.
Speaker 5 (01:04):
All right, We'll start with the definition of smug. So
smug is the sensation of feeling irritatingly pleased with yourself,
feeling of sensibly self complacent or self satisfied, and honestly,
with the our current administration. I've definitely had some the
(01:27):
smug I told you so moments. If you're curious about
whether smug is the right emotion, use a couple of
questions you could ask yourself. So first is, do you
feel an exaggerated sense of self satisfaction or superiority compared
to others. Are you frequently displaying an attitude of condescension
(01:49):
or looking down on others? Do you find yourself frequently
boasting or bragging about your achievements, possessions, or qualities. So smugness, Yeah,
we all love a good I told you so a moment, right,
and it feels good. But smugness is an emotion that
(02:11):
I would not say that I desire to experience on
a on a regular basis for me because it's in
the category of contempt. There there's an arrogance around the
sensation of smugness. It's not just I was right and
you were wrong. It's a sense of demeaning another person
(02:34):
around that feeling of smugness about like your sense of
being right, and that's that feels very selfish. It doesn't
feel compassionate to me. Or are you judging your emotion?
Is that an emotion judgment? Absolutely is an emotion judgment.
Speaker 4 (02:52):
If you felt that way, what data would you get
about the situation?
Speaker 5 (02:59):
I think that it would depend on the circumstances. If
I was in a situation where I was feeling smugness
around someone that I cared about and had a close
relationship with I think that would be a different sort
of notification than feeling smug over what some stupid person
(03:20):
did on the internet. I think, like laughing at someone's idiocy,
it's Darwinism and effect. But if I'm experienced smugness in
a personal relationship, to me, that's a sign that maybe
there's communication breakdowns, maybe there's something that hasn't been expressed,
Because anytime you feel good about someone you're caring about,
(03:43):
feeling bad is something that I think needs to have
a look at.
Speaker 3 (03:48):
Yeah, that's that contempt category.
Speaker 5 (03:52):
Christ and contempt is one of the main signifiers that
therapists will say in relationship and marriages. Once contempt seeps
into a relationship, it's very difficult to recover from.
Speaker 3 (04:06):
Yes, well, that's a really good one to pay attention
to if you feel it.
Speaker 1 (04:12):
Feelings matter is brought to you by feel Wise.
Speaker 6 (04:16):
Most people can identify three emotions sad, mad, and glad,
but there are over one hundred and fifty six ways
to truly express how you feel.
Speaker 3 (04:29):
Feel.
Speaker 5 (04:29):
Wise tools help.
Speaker 6 (04:30):
You build your emotional vocabulary and transform understanding into action.
Discover the language of emotions on the fuel wise website
at Bitley slash feel wise, that b it t dot
l y slash f e E l WI s E
(04:53):
feel wise. Turn emotional awareness into your superpower.
Speaker 4 (05:00):
If your relationship is like the Leopard date my Face
sub reddit.
Speaker 3 (05:04):
Then get lead to.
Speaker 2 (05:08):
I love it, Tina that you called out the immediate
judgment about feeling this way again. When we started this season,
I wanted to remind people that you really do need
to approach all of your emotions with a little bit
of non judgmental attitude. It's okay, I feel this way,
(05:28):
and it's neither good nor bad to feel this way,
but now I need to understand why I'm feeling this way,
and certainly smug could be one of those things.
Speaker 3 (05:39):
And I want to call out the fact.
Speaker 2 (05:42):
That mod could also actually be an indicator that you've
been suffering some abuse, because.
Speaker 3 (05:52):
I've been in.
Speaker 2 (05:53):
Situations where I feel like I've been beat down. I've
been told over and over that you're me sing this
up or blah blah blah blah blah, and then it
finally goes right, the abuser has to admit that it
went right, and I feel smug about it.
Speaker 3 (06:09):
I'm like, see this isn't me.
Speaker 5 (06:12):
I'm like.
Speaker 3 (06:14):
Smug could also be an indicator that if.
Speaker 2 (06:17):
You haven't been paying attention to it, if you've just
been trying to live your way through it, that you
might need to pay attention to that. Because if you're
feeling smug to somebody in particular, and it's because of
a pattern of behavior that somehow got disrupted, that maybe
(06:38):
you need to unpack that a little bit and go,
wait a second, what is going on here? Is there
something that I'm purposefully not seeing, something that I am
trying to ignore in order to possibly save this relationship.
Speaker 3 (06:54):
Well, that's really insightful, Michelle.
Speaker 4 (06:56):
I feel a little embarrassed now, like i'd cut Heather off.
Speaker 3 (07:02):
Back to my embarrassment, I'm like, oh crap. She was
in the middle of saying something, and I was like,
you're judging your emotions.
Speaker 5 (07:09):
Just sorry, No, I appreciate you saying that. And but
you were absolutely right in that moment for me to
acknowledge what was going on for me and to give
me a chance to reposition my thoughts as they were
(07:30):
coming out in a way that made a little bit
more sense. You were absolutely right. That's what we're here for,
is to remind each other and support each other in
talking about these emotions and expressing them, et cetera. Yeah,
I think for me, the end is that magia is
an orange flag emotion. Maybe we'll say, like it's let's
(07:53):
pay attention to this because there's probably self underneath this
that needs a more intense look.
Speaker 3 (07:59):
Thank you. Next time, I'll be more graceful about it.
Speaker 2 (08:03):
I like it that you characterize it as an orange flag.
It's that transition between yellow caution and red.
Speaker 5 (08:10):
This is seriously wrong.
Speaker 2 (08:14):
In my head when I think about smug, I do
think of it as like a precursor to that contempt,
right that if I'm feeling smug, there is a possibility
that this could turn into contempt, and if we are wise,
we'll pay attention to it.
Speaker 3 (08:31):
Now before it becomes something worse. You like that that
it's an orange flag for you, Heather.
Speaker 4 (08:36):
One of the mindfulness techniques that goes with that contempt
category is noticing who are what you're judging, which is
a really good way to start unpacking and processing that emotion. Gosh,
what am I judging? Who am I judging? Why am
I judging that? What gives me the don't give me
the right edge?
Speaker 3 (08:57):
Yeah?
Speaker 2 (08:59):
Yeah, I think It's interesting that through the course of
the conversation, like Heather's like an internalized I told you
so smug, and she wants to be really cautious about
becoming smug, whereas for me, experiencing smug was finally an aha,
(09:19):
wait a second, there's more going on here than I'm
actually paying attention to. That emotion arose out of something
far worse that I was experiencing.
Speaker 3 (09:31):
For me, it almost sounds.
Speaker 2 (09:32):
Like two sides of the same coin. They're opposite but
yet very closely related.
Speaker 4 (09:38):
Yeah, I think I went right to the relationship side
of it before. I feel like I felt that way
before in relationships of the past.
Speaker 3 (09:47):
That does us for this episode.
Speaker 2 (09:50):
Thank you very much, ladies for unpacking some feelings with
me today, and I wish everybody a great day and
I hope that you found something helpful in this conversation.
Speaker 5 (10:02):
Bost
Do you have trouble talking about your feelings. You're not alone.
It's a topic that can make even.
Speaker 2 (00:09):
The most powerful people somewhat squeamish.
Speaker 1 (00:15):
You're listening to Feelings Matter, where our mission is to
demystify everything about emotions so that we can all get
more comfortable in talking about them. Joining Heather, Tina and
Michelle as we unpack a new angle on emotions and
the psychology of human nature.
Speaker 3 (00:36):
Feelings Matter. Welcome to Feelings Matter.
Speaker 4 (00:47):
I'm Michelle Stinson Ross, and I'm Teena Schweiger and I'm
Heather Hampton.
Speaker 3 (00:54):
Let's take a moment to discuss the feeling of smug
Ooo smugments.
Speaker 5 (01:04):
All right, We'll start with the definition of smug. So
smug is the sensation of feeling irritatingly pleased with yourself,
feeling of sensibly self complacent or self satisfied, and honestly,
with the our current administration. I've definitely had some the
(01:27):
smug I told you so moments. If you're curious about
whether smug is the right emotion, use a couple of
questions you could ask yourself. So first is, do you
feel an exaggerated sense of self satisfaction or superiority compared
to others. Are you frequently displaying an attitude of condescension
(01:49):
or looking down on others? Do you find yourself frequently
boasting or bragging about your achievements, possessions, or qualities. So smugness, Yeah,
we all love a good I told you so a moment, right,
and it feels good. But smugness is an emotion that
(02:11):
I would not say that I desire to experience on
a on a regular basis for me because it's in
the category of contempt. There there's an arrogance around the
sensation of smugness. It's not just I was right and
you were wrong. It's a sense of demeaning another person
(02:34):
around that feeling of smugness about like your sense of
being right, and that's that feels very selfish. It doesn't
feel compassionate to me. Or are you judging your emotion?
Is that an emotion judgment? Absolutely is an emotion judgment.
Speaker 4 (02:52):
If you felt that way, what data would you get
about the situation?
Speaker 5 (02:59):
I think that it would depend on the circumstances. If
I was in a situation where I was feeling smugness
around someone that I cared about and had a close
relationship with I think that would be a different sort
of notification than feeling smug over what some stupid person
(03:20):
did on the internet. I think, like laughing at someone's idiocy,
it's Darwinism and effect. But if I'm experienced smugness in
a personal relationship, to me, that's a sign that maybe
there's communication breakdowns, maybe there's something that hasn't been expressed,
Because anytime you feel good about someone you're caring about,
(03:43):
feeling bad is something that I think needs to have
a look at.
Speaker 3 (03:48):
Yeah, that's that contempt category.
Speaker 5 (03:52):
Christ and contempt is one of the main signifiers that
therapists will say in relationship and marriages. Once contempt seeps
into a relationship, it's very difficult to recover from.
Speaker 3 (04:06):
Yes, well, that's a really good one to pay attention
to if you feel it.
Speaker 1 (04:12):
Feelings matter is brought to you by feel Wise.
Speaker 6 (04:16):
Most people can identify three emotions sad, mad, and glad,
but there are over one hundred and fifty six ways
to truly express how you feel.
Speaker 3 (04:29):
Feel.
Speaker 5 (04:29):
Wise tools help.
Speaker 6 (04:30):
You build your emotional vocabulary and transform understanding into action.
Discover the language of emotions on the fuel wise website
at Bitley slash feel wise, that b it t dot
l y slash f e E l WI s E
(04:53):
feel wise. Turn emotional awareness into your superpower.
Speaker 4 (05:00):
If your relationship is like the Leopard date my Face
sub reddit.
Speaker 3 (05:04):
Then get lead to.
Speaker 2 (05:08):
I love it, Tina that you called out the immediate
judgment about feeling this way again. When we started this season,
I wanted to remind people that you really do need
to approach all of your emotions with a little bit
of non judgmental attitude. It's okay, I feel this way,
(05:28):
and it's neither good nor bad to feel this way,
but now I need to understand why I'm feeling this way,
and certainly smug could be one of those things.
Speaker 3 (05:39):
And I want to call out the fact.
Speaker 2 (05:42):
That mod could also actually be an indicator that you've
been suffering some abuse, because.
Speaker 3 (05:52):
I've been in.
Speaker 2 (05:53):
Situations where I feel like I've been beat down. I've
been told over and over that you're me sing this
up or blah blah blah blah blah, and then it
finally goes right, the abuser has to admit that it
went right, and I feel smug about it.
Speaker 3 (06:09):
I'm like, see this isn't me.
Speaker 5 (06:12):
I'm like.
Speaker 3 (06:14):
Smug could also be an indicator that if.
Speaker 2 (06:17):
You haven't been paying attention to it, if you've just
been trying to live your way through it, that you
might need to pay attention to that. Because if you're
feeling smug to somebody in particular, and it's because of
a pattern of behavior that somehow got disrupted, that maybe
(06:38):
you need to unpack that a little bit and go,
wait a second, what is going on here? Is there
something that I'm purposefully not seeing, something that I am
trying to ignore in order to possibly save this relationship.
Speaker 3 (06:54):
Well, that's really insightful, Michelle.
Speaker 4 (06:56):
I feel a little embarrassed now, like i'd cut Heather off.
Speaker 3 (07:02):
Back to my embarrassment, I'm like, oh crap. She was
in the middle of saying something, and I was like,
you're judging your emotions.
Speaker 5 (07:09):
Just sorry, No, I appreciate you saying that. And but
you were absolutely right in that moment for me to
acknowledge what was going on for me and to give
me a chance to reposition my thoughts as they were
(07:30):
coming out in a way that made a little bit
more sense. You were absolutely right. That's what we're here for,
is to remind each other and support each other in
talking about these emotions and expressing them, et cetera. Yeah,
I think for me, the end is that magia is
an orange flag emotion. Maybe we'll say, like it's let's
(07:53):
pay attention to this because there's probably self underneath this
that needs a more intense look.
Speaker 3 (07:59):
Thank you. Next time, I'll be more graceful about it.
Speaker 2 (08:03):
I like it that you characterize it as an orange flag.
It's that transition between yellow caution and red.
Speaker 5 (08:10):
This is seriously wrong.
Speaker 2 (08:14):
In my head when I think about smug, I do
think of it as like a precursor to that contempt,
right that if I'm feeling smug, there is a possibility
that this could turn into contempt, and if we are wise,
we'll pay attention to it.
Speaker 3 (08:31):
Now before it becomes something worse. You like that that
it's an orange flag for you, Heather.
Speaker 4 (08:36):
One of the mindfulness techniques that goes with that contempt
category is noticing who are what you're judging, which is
a really good way to start unpacking and processing that emotion. Gosh,
what am I judging? Who am I judging? Why am
I judging that? What gives me the don't give me
the right edge?
Speaker 3 (08:57):
Yeah?
Speaker 2 (08:59):
Yeah, I think It's interesting that through the course of
the conversation, like Heather's like an internalized I told you
so smug, and she wants to be really cautious about
becoming smug, whereas for me, experiencing smug was finally an aha,
(09:19):
wait a second, there's more going on here than I'm
actually paying attention to. That emotion arose out of something
far worse that I was experiencing.
Speaker 3 (09:31):
For me, it almost sounds.
Speaker 2 (09:32):
Like two sides of the same coin. They're opposite but
yet very closely related.
Speaker 4 (09:38):
Yeah, I think I went right to the relationship side
of it before. I feel like I felt that way
before in relationships of the past.
Speaker 3 (09:47):
That does us for this episode.
Speaker 2 (09:50):
Thank you very much, ladies for unpacking some feelings with
me today, and I wish everybody a great day and
I hope that you found something helpful in this conversation.
Speaker 5 (10:02):
Bost
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