ESSAY Magazine (An International Journal of Sexaholics Anonymous)

Dear ESSAY,

Greetings from India. I am Iris from India–grateful, recovering, and blessed lustaholic and sexaholic. My SA journey and sobriety began on May 25, 2021, one day at a time(ODaAT). I heard about ESSAY and its garden of recovery at the beginning of my SA journey. I was approached to be a part of ESSAY’s garden, and I blossomed through sharing 3–4 articles. ESSAY has been one of my very strong recovery tools. I am never suf...

One of SA’s 18 committees that helps to carry the message and serve the fellowship is the Support for Institutions and Professionals Committee (SIP). Formerly, it was called the Hospitals and Institutions Committee. Our mission is still the same, to inform institutions and professionals as to how SA can help restore and maintain their clients’ mental, emotional, and spiritual health. This committee’...

I broke up with my last girlfriend when I came to the program, after a two-year relationship. The reason was my shocking admission to the truth about myself—that I used her, trying to find a sense of self-worth at her expense, satisfy lust, and not feel lonely. This realization was painful, but honest and therefore healing. I saw that I had always had this kind of unhealthy attitude towards my partners. As long as I remained the s...

Time being single and sober has allowed her to hear Higher Power’s will for her. 

I have been sober for several years now, and have taken my first steps toward recovery. By “recovery,” I don’t just mean working the Steps, but that I am literally “recovering.” I’m talking about healing and restoration.

This allows me to better discern the voice of my “lower self,” but also my “higher self.” My lower self wants to take things from th...

He discovered that being single allowed him to devote his whole life to God.

I was not put in this program by a spouse. I put myself here of my own volition. I don’t have to get found out or exposed because I have the opportunity to expose and find out about myself here in safety and connection with others, united in fellowship all across the world. I may not ever marry. It is possible that I could live a neo-monastic life in spiri...

God’s love and will in her life are all she needs, and anything else is extra.

I grew up with an urge to be a grandmother; I just loved the idea of having a family and children. I would name my daughter after the girl who sits on the last bench in my class. I was in first grade, and I looked at my crush and thought, “If we had a daughter, I would name her after my classmate who’s at the top of our class.” Cute, right? I chuckle bec...

By repairing the past, through working the program, he found the freedom of being single.

Throughout my lust addiction, romantic relationships became a golden calf to me. I thought an attractive, emotionally compatible girlfriend would fulfill and complete me.  Having a girlfriend became a persistent fantasy, but every time a woman would say yes to my proposition for a date, I would run from the relationship as soon as it took off....

She came to accept Higher Power’s plan for her.

I had to learn to love myself, not in the way a conceited person does, but as a precious child of God. I had to learn to enjoy my own company and to remember I am a precious child of God. Not a perfect one, but a work in progress with my Higher Power molding me to His will. I am not in charge of my life; my Higher Power is in charge. I have to accept that Higher Power knows what is be...

Surrendering Lust helped him to surrender the shame that came with it.

Yesterday, I started the day in the usual way with prayers and readings—I thank God for that. I then went to do some errands.  About mid-morning, there was a lust hit. I knew the danger, and I acted swiftly. I averted my eyes, got out of the situation, surrendered the look, and prayed. I acknowledged my powerlessness. The lust look is a weakness—it always has be...

This tool helps him to release the past.

There are moments in life when the past will not let go. I’ve started the path of recovery, made amends where I could, committed to change, and yet — the memories remain. The images return. The shame lingers. While I’ve begun to move forward on the outside, my mind is still caught in the painful echoes of what I’ve done. This is where the Prayer of Divine Remembrance comes in. 

“God, grant m...

This period of being single has given him time to work a rigorous program.

For most of my life, I’ve been looking for someone to connect with me and make me whole. I felt “inadequate, unworthy, alone, and afraid” (SA 203), always comparing my insides to the outsides of others. I was terrified of people seeing me for fear that they’d reject me—which was why I never learned to date. It felt too risky. 

I began acting out when I was 1...

Sobriety has helped him deal with the highs and lows of being single.

I am single. I am not always happy, joyous, and free. It can be lonely. Divorce is painful. I don’t feel happy, joyous, and free.

Today, I am 18 months sober—miraculous proof that God can do for me what I couldn’t do for myself. I have also been depressed for about a month. I have been officially single for about half the time I’ve been sober. My wife moved out t...

Learning how to surrender and open up to healthy activities affirmed that he belonged.

My name is Ryan, and I am a child of my Higher Power. As a former SA sponsor once

humorously suggested, “You qualify to be in the program, you are one of us!”

I came to SA in 2017, but after a while, it became clear that I needed to leave the Program. I needed to find a genuine and authentic spirituality—a relationship with a merciful and loving ...

Having had a spiritual experience has allowed her to accept the plans God has for her personal life. 

Sitting in the counselor’s office in early 2020, I voiced my biggest fear: that one day my sexual behavior would destroy a marriage.

Fetish-oriented fantasy, masturbation, literature, and pornography had been a part of my life for as long as I could remember, for no apparent external reason. I managed to curb the habit during a one...

Hearing others share from their weakness helped him realize he was not alone.

Hi, I’m Justin, I’m a grateful recovering sexaholic.  I came to SA in 2019 when a priest friend introduced me to the Fellowship. I had just started a new job and it was summertime. He invited me to a meeting, gave me the SA White Book, and encouraged me to attend. At that first meeting, I heard other men share openly about their struggles—not just with ma...

Surrendering her life to God through the steps

I am single in SA. And I am content. How is that possible?

It is possible because I feel content each day as I surrender to my Higher Power’s care. I don’t look into the future about what that means. My focus is on today.

Each day, I decide to turn my will and my life over to the care of God as I understand Him (Step Three). I ask for the knowledge of His will for me and the power to c...