Not Your Mother‘s Book Club
Smut, erotica, and romance, oh my! Whatever you call it, we got it. Welcome to the book club you didn‘t ask for but secretly always wanted. Where we pick some of the most outrageous pieces of sexy literature out there and give you our unsolicited two cents.
Episodes
Running, Ripping, and Relentless Tonguing, oh my!
He’s a green viking and she’s Billie Eilish. This week K.L. Wyatt’s Stolen by the Orc Commander will have you pulling into the insemination station. Pacino could never. Coked out fingers and morse code fucking is the vibe and Gangrene is the password. Step aside Game of Thrones cause a new green mean fucking machine is here and ready to spear. Chase me down a corridor and call me J...
Rylan, Wolf, and Malachai, oh my!
It’s giving vampire diaries meets beauty and the beast meets little red riding hood meets Rylan meets Twilight meets The Last Airbender meets Perma-smirking meets Court of the Vampire Queen by Katee Robert meets ohhhh she’sssss the hisserrrrrrr! Bring back queen Katee and let them eat poop dicks. He wipes. Don’t worry.
P.S.: Mono is hot.
Beds, Knobs, and Broomsticks, oh my!
Knock my knocker and call me Susan. We’re off our hinges this week as we read Unhinged by Vera Valentine. Whoever sent us this suggestion…who hurt you? Freud says it’s your mother but let's be honest, you’ve defs thought about fuckin’ your door. Skinny doors and skinny penises unite ‘cause as one door closes another opens into your vaginal cavity. Knock me up with your knockers cause this door ...
Feral, Flaming, and Flourishing, oh my!
Here’s the deal. You suggest a book. We’re gonna read it…and forget who suggested it. This week on Mikayla’s Therapy Session Elle Kennedy is comin in hot with The Deal. Raise your voice and blow my whistle cause this soapy dick has one more brain cell left and Dharma’s gonna cry about it while swinging that bat dick. Murder on the dance floor. Kick rocks Meth Boy. xo
Orchard-ers, Shaved Foreheads, and Maiden veils, oh my!
It took us 30 minutes to come up with a title for this episode so you better freaking enjoy it. Please welcome back the infamous Lynsay Sands with her book Hunting for a Highlander. Great Scot! We got apples, blankets, and papers galore. Objects or children? Ask Gwenyth. Hymen? I barely know her. This is not our best work. Just listen to the episode.
Dogs, Drugs, and the DEA, oh my!
It’s season 4 smutzzzzz! Get ready for a wild season of shenanigans and Mikayla’s sex life in unbearable detail. Starting off strong with Tee O’Fallon’s Tough Justice. We judged a book by its cover and ended up in smut jail. Hot and heavy who? Wild animal who? K-9, more like 69. Strap on your dildo holster cause this season is gonna be a rough f*ck in your anal channel.
Birds, Eggnog, and 12-inch Tongues, oh my!
On the 12th day of Christmas my true love gave to me…Railed by the Krampus by Dalia Davies. Just kidding, he actually gave me a lot of birds for some reason. Join us on our candy cane adventure through the land of eggnog cocks, bleeding bears, and swimming swans and rabbits jumping and men cumming and partridges pearing and your parents getting divorced and grandma getting hit by a reinde...
Peencers, Lipsticks, and Cervixisez, oh my!
Let us spin you a tale on this hallows of all eves. What has 6 legs, 4 arms, peencers, and a bootyhole working overtime? Kayden. In a shocking tale of high cervixes and lighthouses with lights, learn what it means to be hog-tied in a space jungle continuum. Ensnared by Tiffany Roberts will have you screaming “GET YOUR PENIS OUT OF MY CERVIX”...or something along those lines. Happy Smut-o...
Baby, Child, and Offspring, oh my!
YOUR ASS IS GRASS YA BASTARD! Welcome to the finale of Season 3! If you’ve made it this far... What’s wrong with you? But also…we are THE BEST podcast ever soooo. You’re welcome. Erin and Dominic are back in this tale as old as time. Is their child still dead? Will there be more cuckolding? Is Mikayla still illiterate? Yes.
Because I, Because you, Because we, oh my!
Shut up inner dialogue! This title may be misleading but…we don’t care. Deal with it. Have you ever been a misogynist and dreamt of ordering a woman online? Well…this episode is for you ‘cause women are meant to be mothers, ‘cause cows are meant to be cows, and ‘cause men are meant to be cowboys that ride off into the sunset shirtless while naming their child Bug. Save a book. Ride a cowb...
Papa, Pa, and Pops, oh my!
It’s the last DP episode of Season 2 and guess what smuts…your unanimous decision unanimated our pussies. Good job Jamie! We are two very proud mistresses. When we say YES, you say DADDY. YES! DADDY! YES! DADDY!
Wings, Claws, and Tats, oh my!
Watch your cholesterol! This man-se-ses is about to brine all up in here. King Henry is literally alive for 800 years and stalking a reincarnated witch in Stalked by the Boogie Man by Siggy Shade. Will you be pickled or blasted in a sea of cum? Bonus points if you can guess how his penis is “sparkles different”. And by bonus points we mean high cholesterol. Allie-------noooooo!
Ogres, Coaches, and Shame Wizards, oh my!
With a book cover like that…we were NOT prepared. We opened Pandora's box and our vaginas are not okay. Praise and thanks to our lord and savior, Tessa Bailey. She is really doing the lord’s work this week as we read Happenstance. Obsession, Confession, Possession, Aggression, Depression, Suspension. I don’t know…we no longer have any blood in our brains. You always know the book is good w...
In the name of the cowboy, the daddy, and the holy priest, oh my!
Can I walk you out? Will you accept this rose? Can I steal you for a second? Is she here for the right reasons or is he just a cowboy who can write letters. Guess who? It’s Chris Harrison and he had the audacity to write a “book”. Take a moment…say your goodbyes as we read The Perfect Letter by Chris Harrison. Will this sex scene steal your time or give you a shot of...
Fish Food, Shark Men, and Stolen Identities, oh my!
Da Da…Da Da…Da Da Da Da DA DA DA DA DA!!! Shark Week came early this year, folks! Chum at the ready as we read Does It Hurt by H.D. Carlton. Will this book have you breaching the surface or capsizing and sinking? Those choices mean nothing but you should be used to this by now. Water Bound who? What is it called when a man releases on your back while using you as bait? Read the t...
How, Dare, You, oh my!
Ever wondered what it would be like to be with a man that folds your clothes? Well get ready cause he’s defs gonna be sniffing your neck and braiding your hair. As Avril Lavigne once said, “She was meek and he was flaccid.” Welcome to 50 Shades of FUCKED UP! Edward would never! It took us three seasons to get here but we finally whipped out the infamous novel by E. L. James, 50 Shades of Grey, and we will ne...
Croissants, Eclairs, and Cannolis, oh my!
No whisk, no weward this week as we wead Her Pastry Shifters by Mia Harlan. Will her stiff peaks get your rolling pins rolling or will this be a salmonella food fight to the death. Ever wanted to be fucked by a pastry? Yes? Well, that’s fucked. Prepare for your jelly doughnut handjob cause this is an erection you can’t argue with.
Kidnapping, Lesbians, and Escorts, oh my!
We Googled “sexiest lesbian erotica” and The Night Off by Meghan O’Brien came up so that’s what we’re reading. Get ready for the most engorged, plump, erect, slick and sliding, nasty horny slut sex that you’ve ever had the pleasure of bucking your probing puckered juices on. We are going to pump and stroke you with our penetrative wiggling thrusts of dirty dripping whoreness. Unicorn.
Dead, dripping, and …disingenuous, oh my!
Ha Ha Heinous. The shit hit the vent this week as we read Going Public by Hudson Lin. Get ready to be mansplained gay sex by a woman. A-N-A-L S-E-X-uh. Pungent sex and wrinkly holes here we come.
This episode is brought to you by Essence of C0ck N.2. A new NYMBC fragrance. Available in stores nowhere.
Never The Same, Totally Unique, and Completely Not Ever Been Done Before, oh my! -Lady Gaga
Get ready to get a heart boner cause this week we’re reading Delta of Venus by the infamous Anaïs Nin. Shit ‘bout to get classy up in here smutz! Get your cock-tails and phallic shaped cigars ready cause this episode is steeped in (whisper) literature realness. Cue cinematic piano montage music.
(Gin martinis with an orange twist required f...
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