Fostering Marriage

In this month's episode, we’re discussing how to recognize and navigate grief together in marriage because grief is such a big part of the fostering and even adoption journey. 

We have a very special guest with us, Dr. Melody Aguayo! 

Dr. Melody is a parenting coach with a huge heart for families and children. With many years under her belt, Melody's seen it all: from high-risk kids needing a guiding hand, to those neurotyp...

In part 2 of our “Identity outside of fostering” series, we cover traps to avoid and how our self-perception shapes how we communicate.

Introduction

Today, we’re getting into some deeper things concerning identity, and we want to shed some light on the traps or dangers of how we see ourselves to help all of us make better decisions in our lives and especially in our marriages. 

We’re approaching this from the perspectiv...

In this episode, we’re talking about finding an identity outside of being a foster parent. 

What is identity

• Identity is who you see yourself as
• Many people aren’t happy with who they see themselves as feel not good enough, not important/significant and can say things like “I’m just a mom or  __________”

Joel interviews MaryBeth (the main parent in our family)

1. How did not financially contributing anymore impa...

In this episode, we’re talking about recognizing and working through bad responses to each other as a result of stress and things that trigger you.

Stressors of fostering: 

1. The stressors that the main load bearer can have (episode 13)
2. Bulk of tasks (paperwork to organizing now chaotic schedules) to parenting (often a child - or children with trauma)
3. Stressors that the non-load bearer can have. 
4. There’s still a load they’re...

We’re talking about the pursuit of selflessness, doing hard things, pain, sacrificing, or in other words, costly love. 

Why are we talking about this? Because this is what we’ve all chosen by fostering, and it's not easy. It wears at everyone so we need perspective that helps us be strong and .......well, just keep perspective. We think this episode will accomplish that.

This episode isn’t a “5 keys to XXXX," or How-to episode,...

We're talking about splitting the mental load of being a foster parent, challenges and how to support each other.

Taking care of your mental and emotional health is so important when you’re pouring out a lot as a parent and facing different challenges and stressful situations day in and day out and you can quickly become like an engine running without oil.

Part of keeping your marriage first is helping each other mentally and emoti...

Today we’re picking up our series on setting healthy boundaries with family and friends. 

Setting boundaries can be one of the hardest things for people to do but one of the most important.

The difference between walls, boundaries and healthy boundaries

Why are healthy boundaries so important?

• Because your marriage is team #1
• Protecting your mental, physical, and emotional well-being by protecting against unhealthy or toxic opi...

In part 1 of our series on setting healthy boundaries, we’re talking about (cue dramatic music) setting healthy boundaries with family and friends. 

This can be one of the hardest things for people to do but one of the most important.

We cover:

• The difference between walls, boundaries and healthy boundaries
• Why boundaries are so important to your marriage
• Protecting your mental, physical, and emotional well-being by protecting ...

We pick up where we left off last month on developing a mindset that will best serve you in your marriage and when you’re fostering.

• Understanding how we think is vitally important because our behavior, decisions, reactions and emotions all come from it

Now let’s get back into some key mindset and character traits that have served us well. 

1. Kindness (or jocund :))

Definition - the quality of being friendly, genero...

When you’re doing hard things like fostering, developing a healthy mindset is everything.

We’re talking about developing a mindset that will best serve you in your marriage and when you’re fostering.

Understanding how we think is vitally important because our behavior, decisions, reactions and emotions all come from it

• Personality styles play a huge part in our mindset and our character

Some key mindset and character trai...

On this episode, we’re talking about when you feel like a failure as a foster parent and how to manage through that. 

• Foster marriages opened their heart and home to helping out children in need, had good intentions, perhaps a lot of expectations of how everything would go, and now reality is setting in and you’re not handling things well at all

Types of situations when foster parents often feel like a failure:

• ...

Deciding if you should foster is a life-changing decision for everyone involved. We give our best advice on how to communicate about it especially when you’re not on the same page.

Communicating about this can be a big struggle for couples

• Massive issue and perhaps it comes out of nowhere and catches 1 spouse off guard
• It's emotional
• It can trigger someone into fear/self-protection.

How the initiator of the conversations...

In this episode, we’re in part 2 of discussing the importance of understanding personality styles through the lens of DISC.

High S

(S) Stabilizing, Amiable, Democratic, Patient

Where they’re gifted:

Caring deeply for others

Steady and stable

Predictable

Friendly

Sympathetic and understanding

Great listeners

Patient

Very loyal

Weaknesses or how they contribute to conflict:

Becomes disabled by conflict

Hates change

Struggles saying "no"

Internaliz...

On this episode, we’re talking about the importance of understanding personality styles through the lens of DISC.

Why this is important

• It’s super important to have better communication
• It’s better for not taking things personally
• It’s important for understanding each other

DISC 101

We all send and receive information the way we prefer to send and receive it

Natural vs. adaptive styles

We all have D, I, S, and C but people t...

In this episode, we discuss being on the same page with your parenting in your Fostering Marriage.  

• We cover the importance of same-page parenting
• How to be unified instead of creating division
• How to make sure one spouse doesn’t feel left alone or left behind
• How to make better decisions together
• How to create consistency for the child
• Why being a predictable parent is so important for your kids

Parenting approac...

In this episode, we’re talking about supporting each other in the struggles of fostering in a wholistic perspective.

1. Physical

• Home life (chores, responsibilities, etc. )
• Foster duties such as insurance, appointments, etc. 
• The spouse who’s NOT taking on more task encouraging the other to take a break
• Keeping health and fitness a priority
• Keeping intimacy a priority

2. Spiritual

• Keeping relationship with God THE p...

It’s easy in fostering to lose focus on making your marriage the higher priority. Learn how to change that mindset and keep your marriage priority #1.

Introduction

Today we’re talking about making foster parenting fit your marriage, not the other way around. 

What holds couples back from keeping their marriage the higher priority:

• We place more importance on fostering than the marriage
• Seeking worth from fostering and...

In a Fostering Marriage, you’re faced with stressors, emotional struggles and hard decisions that can chip away at unity. Learn how to keep or create unity in the midst of challenges.

Introduction

If you listened to Episode 0, welcome back and we’re thrilled you’re here!

• If you didn’t listen to episode 0, go listen because we share a little about why we’re doing this show and who we are

In this episode, we’re ta...

Welcome to the Fostering Marriage podcast! We hope you’re having a fabulous day where you are!

This is your hosts, Joel and MaryBeth Fortner.

We’ve been married for over 12 years and for 3 years we’ve been on the fostering and adoption journey. 

We’re starting this show to specifically help couples who are also on this journey, no matter where they are. 

One of our top goals for this show is to help couples keep their marriag...