April 1, 2024 • 40 mins
The headlines are true. Tori has filed for divorce after 18 years. This is how it happened, when it happened, and why it happened.
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Speaker 1 (00:08):
Misspelling with Tori Spelling and iHeartRadio podcast. Who it's public?
I don't know what feels more like a punch in
the stomach that it's like out there and it's final,
or that I have to call him right now. Oh shit,
(00:29):
he's at work. He's at work, you guys, this sucks.
He it's tea. I know you're working. Can you call me.
It's important. Everything's fine, the kids are fine, but call
me please. Bye. Shit, he's going to read this online.
(00:50):
So I just filed for divorce. Ooh, I gotta say
that again. Hear that for myself. I just filed for divorce. Whoa,
I said the words that I've said, like in my
head for like sixteen years wild fifteen it was Yeah. Anyway,
(01:20):
I just got word from my lawyer that it's public.
There's this weird thing that I didn't know about before
that you have to be careful with your ex, like
it's he said, she said, who filed first?
Speaker 2 (01:38):
So I.
Speaker 1 (01:43):
Had to file and go through the process, and then
once it was accepted and publicly posted, then I'm allowed
to like call and fill in my ex. So I
just called Dean. He's working and I have to tell
him and I'm super nervous because I don't like confrontation.
And yeah, I probably that stopped me from a really
(02:10):
long time wanting to do this and hurting him and
protecting him and protecting the kids and my daughter, My
daughter who's fifteen, is very much like you know, people
already talk about us at school, like they know you
and they know the family, and they read the press
(02:35):
and now you're doing a podcast. And I was like, well,
can't be worse than the shit they read out there, like,
oh my god, they read they think we live in
an RV. Like I was like Stella with a step up,
Like she literally had someone come up to her at
school and be like, oh are you in the school
district or where does your RV parked? Like you live
(02:56):
in an RV with your mom? Right, She was like,
that was summer vacation. We rented that like every other
family and drove up the coast and camped and they
were like, oh, we thought you were homeless. So she
was shamed, but she was like, imagine what it's going
to be like at school when you file for divorce.
(03:18):
I mean teens to know how to manipulate it. But
I was like, yeah, it's gonna suck, but yeah, anyway,
it's more the norm than isn't. So I was like,
you know, but your dad and I co parents.
Speaker 2 (03:37):
And.
Speaker 1 (03:40):
Anyway, I should go back to where this began, but
it began eighteen years ago, so it's hard to know
where to go back when telling this story. So Deane
and I've been married eighteen years. We have five beautiful,
amazing children together, Liam, Stella, Hattie, Finn, and Bo. They're seventeen, fifteen, twelve, eleven,
(04:04):
and seven and the lights of my life. And yeah,
so I used to have this thing. And this is
nothing towards Dean. I just at some point I think
I I believed in like the fairy tale, like I
(04:24):
grew up. I mean, my father was the biggest produced
television producer, so I grew up knowing there's a beginning, middle,
and end, and the two main characters always start stop
and there's a happy ending and an end credit. So
(04:45):
that's what I always assume would be. And you know,
I think when we're young. It's different now, but I
grew up in like the eighties and on TV in
the nineties, and I feel like we then were conditioned
to be like we want the prince, like the night whatever,
(05:08):
someone in white on a horse coming in swooping us up.
We wanted the fairy tale. I even wanted the white
picket fence. I still want that now, I just want
it black. But it's but I want to well, I
want of funds. But I yeah, I wanted the whole dream.
But my thing was always like, even from a young age,
(05:31):
I was like, oh, I want to be the perfect
wife and mom and housewife and cook. And I was
never taught how to clean, so that's not gonna happen.
But uh, or cook but I taught myself. Or bake
but I taught myself. But okay, but cleaning I won't
(05:52):
do so anyway. But I wanted to be that woman.
But then I was like, but I also want to
like run an empire. So that's a meeting of the mind.
So I'm really stubborn and I'm really driven. And I
always say I'm a Philly, you can't break. I know
philly means I'm young, and I'm not young. But I
(06:15):
can still call myself a girl. I can still call
myself misspelling because I can do whatever I want to do.
Because we can redefine words the way they make sense
to us and how we want to proceed with them.
So anyway, Diana and I had this fairy tale romance
even though we both were married when we met. Not
(06:39):
fairytale right there, like, but we had other partners that
we cheated on and then left and then we got
together and people were like, oh, I give it six months.
And we always say like, hey, it made it eighteen years.
It shouldn't have made it eighteen years like it was.
(07:01):
And I think he would say the same thing. If
he and I had a real heart to heart. I think, yeah,
it would have been over a lot sooner. But I think,
you know, we started well. We had like pairings. We
had two sets of kids, like we had Liam and
Stella fifteen months apart, and I think we had Liam
(07:23):
and Stella for a while and then I was like, oh,
you know what, things were okay, but they weren't great.
And I have a friend who reminded me recently that
he said, do you remember what you've been telling me
the whole time? And I said what, And you said,
I need the extra help with hands. When they are
(07:44):
old enough to undo their own car seats, I'll leave him.
And I was like, what, When did I say that?
After Bo? And he's like no, After Liam and Stella,
then you got pregnant with Hattie, and then ten months
later you pregnant with Finn. And then you told me
when they can unbuckle and buckle their own car seat,
(08:07):
I'll leave him, and I didn't. And then came Bo.
And then with Bo, I was like, oh when he no,
I just should have left after Bo. But if I
had left sooner, there'd be no Bo. And I love Bo.
Speaker 3 (08:21):
How are the kids doing? They've been on the journey
with you, shall we call it, and now this is
a whole new chapter that they're going to go with you,
and I was wondering, how are they faring through what's
happened so far.
Speaker 1 (08:43):
All the children have different personalities, different needs, and I
feel like with my kids, they all have very distinct personalities.
Stella was always the one since she was four years old.
If she would hear us argue and then like it
wasn't loud and we try to keep it separate and
(09:03):
it wasn't bad back then, she would hysterically start crying
and she would run in and she'd say, their little voice,
are you going to get a divorce, and it's just
like hit me hard, like Hi, I'm okay, how are
(09:24):
you okay? I hate to do this to you while
you're in the middle of you're going to work and
everything they've done. It it's like one it's just the formality.
It's like a one sheet you check off and next
you'll have to sign it. You have a lawyer. Wait,
(09:47):
it's going to be spun. What way that I had
enough of you? What? What do you mean? I mean,
in all honesty, after this whole journey. I if it's
about that, like who files first, the other person's wrong
if they I feel like I deserve to file first,
then well, I mean you basically put it all out
(10:08):
there with daily mail, like you said, everything that you've
done to me over the years. So I think it
would make perfect sense that it's followed up that I
would file because those are things I would never have
divulged to anybody, and you did, so I don't know.
I assume that'll come later. I don't. I think it's
just yeah, it's just like a one sheet where you
(10:33):
literally like check like divorce and like irreconcilable differences. Yeah, okay,
I love you, Okay, y ugh, wait, that's it. Oh
my god, never felt more alone in a room full
(10:59):
of friends to a podcast. Fuck, I've never feel more
alone in fifty years.
Speaker 3 (11:09):
Sorry, you are not alone.
Speaker 1 (11:13):
Oh my god, you guys sounding some movie.
Speaker 4 (11:18):
You are so loved by so many stop tryal s
mushy stuff, same mean stuff. It fires me up. I
like to be treated nice.
Speaker 1 (11:30):
He was like, great, good, great, Yeah, I have a lawyer.
I was gonna do this, but cool. Yeah, it saves
me five hundred dollars. Like, I don't feel worth loving.
That's the truth. Not something that's just in you. It's
not something I wanted or created, or that starts when
(11:52):
you're young.
Speaker 3 (11:52):
You know, well, it's something you learn.
Speaker 1 (11:57):
It's learned behavior.
Speaker 2 (11:58):
Not feeling worth it it is, and now you have
to work on unlearning that and learning how to accept
being loved.
Speaker 1 (12:11):
That's not easy to do. It's like it's like the
first part of the show is like one story, and
(12:32):
then you come back from intermission you're like told it's
something completely different and you have to adjust. I don't
know if I can. I don't know. I mean, I
know you can change at any point in your Lifely, yeah,
everyone always says that but like it's a harder task
then we realize, especially if you don't believe it, Like
(12:53):
people can tell you and tell you and tell you
and should should, should, But if you don't believe it
in your soul, in your core, Like, I don't know
how you change.
Speaker 3 (13:02):
That by doing what you just did?
Speaker 1 (13:08):
What did I do? I have the short term memory
of a ant.
Speaker 3 (13:12):
You're actually moving ahead now I'm with your divorce and
it's a huge step.
Speaker 1 (13:19):
I know I just played dumb, so I can help
you do the work and say it I'm not dumb.
That's been the hardest challenging thing in my life, having
to play dumb. It's just so crazy to have to
like fill that void of like it semi blends back
(13:43):
with Donna because it's like and now we can look
back at Donna and be like Donna, Donna wasn't dumb,
but she like played it she was. They would always say,
and this is so like for anyone young listening, they'll
be like, we don't know who that is. For anyone
my age and old or listening, you'll know who this is.
But they'd be like, oh, you're still like your Judy Holiday,
(14:05):
which like was an iconic like movie star, like Black
and White film was literally like funny like she was
before Lucy. But she was like, you know, the pretty
ditsy blonde and that's like what you're conditioned to be, Like,
oh you're blonde, you're funny, you giggle like, oh you
(14:28):
play this role and they compartmentalize you in life. Yeah.
I was all like blonde hair, big eyes, giggles, like
funny timing, great body, show my stomach and scene and
that's what I was carved down in life to be.
(14:51):
I screwed up. Like one time I was like I
said something to someone. I was like, well, when you're
like conditioned your whole life to be viewed as a
sex symbol, my friend was like, ew, did you just
call yourself a sex symbol? And I was like, oh
my god, and I got so shamed. I was like no, no, no, no, no,
I don't even like myself.
Speaker 3 (15:08):
What do you mean.
Speaker 1 (15:09):
I would never like give myself a compliment like that.
And I was like I was taking myself out of it.
I was saying how I was viewed, and he's like,
but really, like were you view that way? I was
like maybe not. I mean I don't know. I think
I think on some level, like it was like young
hop blonde, like.
Speaker 2 (15:30):
I don't know.
Speaker 3 (15:31):
Well, here you are now, Oh.
Speaker 1 (15:33):
We're talking about me playing dumb when I'm not dumb.
Speaker 3 (15:37):
Well, I think we really are talking about you. And
now that you are deflecting, yeah, well you are deflecting.
But you also just filed for divorce from your husband
of eighteen or eighteen years, something you've been thinking about
for many, many years.
Speaker 1 (15:57):
Right, And he always threatened, he would, oh, always threaten.
I get so scared. But I also hate change. That's
a lie. I grew up thinking I hate change, but
like things change in my life day by day, and
nice roll with it, like everything just happens.
Speaker 3 (16:22):
I think you thrive on it. You thrive on the chaos.
Speaker 1 (16:26):
I thrive on chaos. Everyone would say that's not a
good thing. Now, yeah, it gives me energy, It gives me,
makes me feel like not dead inside. My lawyer says,
I just got a call from TMZ. I didn't speak
to them, but they have the divorce. Violet, here goes
(16:48):
the neighborhood. I've told I've told Deana, so it's not
talking out of school. But we had this very quick
passionate we had this very quick passionate falling in love period,
which it was. Yeah, it was the honeymoon period that
(17:10):
everyone talks about, but what is that six months ours
was four and it was intense, and I was like, wow,
he sees me. I felt like my whole life I
only showed people pieces of me because I was always
(17:32):
being told who I was and could be, even from birth,
like you know, born into a family where I had
to uphold a certain being and you know, my house,
(17:53):
like I was like the way I was raised was
completely different than the way I raised my kids. And
I'm not even talking esthetically. I'm not talking about the
fact that I grew up in a ten thousand square
foot house and then moved to a fifty six thousand
square foot house irrelevant. I'm just kiddinking. I'm talking about
(18:14):
like it was never a conversation, like you were quiet,
and no one ever said this to me, No one
said like you can be seen and not heard. But
like it was that feeling that I got, like while
it was a family, it was a public family, and
you learned very quickly, like you know, four or five
(18:37):
years old, I got it. I got it that all
eyes were on us and everyone was watching and listening
to how we behaved and how what we said and
how we represented this iconic Hollywood family. When I say week,
because I have a brother who is an amazing podcast
(19:01):
called Oldish with my bff Brian Austin Green and Sharna
on iHeart, and yeah, he was like less willing to conform.
I always was in the mindset like of representing your family.
So yeah, I don't know I was. I just got
(19:25):
it from an early age. I would I was fascinated
with the world summer vacation. I didn't want to hang
with my friends. I wanted to go to work with
my dad. I would literally hide under his desk and
take notes and like that was my world from jump,
you know, I used to like walk around My mom
had every script that my dad ever did, the initial
(19:51):
one because there were over what two hundred, like it
couldn't be every single one, but if it was a series,
it was the pilot script. If it was a movie
of the movie, obviously leather Bound and in his office
wall to wall, and every Saturday, I would spin around
like wonder Woman, and I'd be like wonder Woman and
(20:12):
I'd land on a script and I would pull that
script out and I would read it. Obviously, this is
when I could read, so it was like eight nine.
And then I'd ask my dad if he could play
the male lead, and I obviously would play the female
lead because I didn't think outside the box then, and
(20:34):
we would read through it and I'd be like, I'm
gonna make these one day and like make like not
just like, oh, I'm gonna star in these. I'm like,
I'm gonna star, I'm gonna write, I'm gonna produce, I'm
gonna direct, I'm gonna own this motherfucker's shit. What's a
motherfucker shit? I don't know what that is, but I'm
gonna own it.
Speaker 3 (20:57):
Well, you are your father's daughter. Yeah, the end of
the day.
Speaker 1 (21:02):
Anyway, we had this fast and furious romance. I saw
red flags. Everyone talks about red flags, like I like
saying that. I just like I like to make dresses
out of red flags and then proceed. So, yeah, there
were definitely red flags. And he had anger issues and
(21:24):
that started when we were dating, like four months in
and I just remember like I could show him me
and it wasn't like the cute like giggly like this
is what people want me to be. I was able
to be like the loud and like the body type
of like toy and like I could have like you know,
(21:50):
I could have a foul mouth. I could I'm not
you know, just Donna Martin like the perfect good girl,
like I could have some bad girl in me, and
it was okay, and and he like all those sides,
and he saw how smart I was and accepted me.
And I said, from the beginning, it's gonna be a lot.
It's I've been told it's an emasculating road. And he
(22:16):
was like, I can handle it, and I was like,
can you though, like it's not going to be easy,
Like I can't. I don't think he knew how big
it would be, how how big the life I was
given and live is. It's yeah. I think he was like,
(22:40):
oh yeah, things come and go, But with me, it
never came and went like it was. I from the
moment we met, I was in the moment I was born.
I was in the press, you know, and it hasn't
there hasn't been a reprieve from it. So it's like
you kind of have to be used to like jumping
on board in that world and just getting through it
and owning it, and I thought he was on board
(23:03):
with that, but I was also all very focused on him,
and I think a lot of parents out there can relate,
like I noticed a shift in our relationship literally the
day I found out I was pregnant, And the shift
came from within, because all of a sudden, it wasn't.
(23:26):
It was never about me, like I have kept myself
small since I was young, to not outshine anyone in
my family, and then not outshine anyone in my cast,
and then not shine outshine any boyfriend I had, or
outshine any husband like so I would just self sabotage
(23:46):
and keep myself small and wouldn't keep building myself up
where I knew I could be, And anytime it would
start to get big or real, I would find a
way to plummet it and start back over again, like
I'm doing now, but this time I'm not backing down.
I'm just going all the way to the top. Well,
you guys all heard that, right, hold me accountable. But yeah,
(24:12):
as soon as it wasn't, you know all about him,
And I don't think he intentionally did this. All the
focus changed to the baby growing in my belly and
instantly I changed, and I was like, Oh, this is
what it's like to really take control and step up
(24:34):
and be accountable for someone that you don't even know yet.
And everything we came about Liam, who was in my belly,
and you know, I was never the adventure girl, but
when I met Dean, we made Oh my god, we
made a list on the back of barf bags in
the plane on the way back from Ottawa where we
were filming the TV movie where we hooked up, coming
(24:57):
back to our mary, you know, our spouses. We rode
on barf bags what things we were going to do,
like a bucket list in our relationship. And for me,
it was like doing things that I was always scared
and fearful, Like I got that from my dad. My
dad was scared of everything, and I just took that
(25:18):
on thinking they were my fears. And now I'm like, wait,
someone else's fears, Like maybe it wasn't my fears, Like
maybe I do want to jump out of airplane. Now I'm
just kidding psych Uh, I don't know. But it was
things like that, like we're gonna go here, We're gonna
(25:39):
I think I said, I'd like ride a marathon. I
don't even know how to ride a bike. But I
the thing is, I tried, and I wanted something different
and I wanted to please him. And then when I
got pregnant, we got pregnant right away. So we got
married in May, and we started trying right away. We
(26:02):
didn't get pregnant right away, and my dad passed in June,
and then days later, the beginning of July, found out
I was pregnant. No, it was right like a month
after my dad passed. Basically I conceived like right after
my dad passed, and so I took that as like, oh,
(26:27):
it's a sign, this is supposed to be and this
is how it was planned to happen. But honestly, our
relationship was never the same after we started having kids,
like and we always said we won't be those parents
that change. We'll make sure we make our relationship with
priority and the two of us and we have date nights,
(26:51):
and just everything went out the window. I became completely
focused on the kids and kind of left him in
a way. And I get it. It doesn't excuse his
behavior and everything he did and how he handled things.
And I'm not minimizing his part in this and how
(27:12):
his lack of sobriety did affect me and the kids
for years and years and years, and I'm really happy
that he's sober now. But our relationship definitely changed, like
to the point where I felt like I was just
in this alone with the kids, like and he was
(27:33):
there and he was an extra set of hands and
he put the car seat in because I know how
to do it, and you know, things like that. But emotionally,
like I was like Taggert, like I was the parent
and it was a lot of responsibility while also you know,
(27:55):
rebuilding a career, which I did. You know, we became
a family brand. I went from like you know, Hollywood
rich girl like starlet, like starlett that's as bad as
my calling myself a sex symbol. Sorry, h anyway, to
(28:18):
like cool mom, like look at her, she does it
all Meanwhile, like behind the scenes, it was all falling apart.
And I literally sometimes I went back and reread one
of my books once and I was like wow, Like
sometimes I think I created the character of Dean, like
(28:41):
all those Prince charmings I wanted when I was young,
Like I created this character that he had a lot
of those qualities. But you know, we did our reality show,
and it was like the first one was like fun fun,
So any like bad stuff that would happen or fights
or anything, they would edit, and you know, women everywhere
(29:04):
I would hear them be like I wish I had
a Dean, and I was like, you only knew, if
you only knew?
Speaker 3 (29:11):
Yeah, you guys did go into therapy right to try
to work through the issues.
Speaker 1 (29:19):
Yeah, I mean we we saw a therapist that I
had been seeing since like my twenties. She was actually,
this is horrific that I did this. I was scared
to confront and tell my first husband that I was
leaving him for my co star. So I broke the
(29:41):
news to him in my therapist's office. So not cool.
So anytime Dean and I would go into therapy, he's like,
are you gonna leave me like you did Charlie in
the therapy session. I'm like no, He's like, well you
did it once. I was like, fair, fair, no, I'm
not going to So I never did.
Speaker 3 (30:03):
But.
Speaker 1 (30:07):
It was it was hard the therapy sessions. I like
wanted to get deep and we started therapy. I mean
after Stella was born and she's we have five kids,
you know, she's fifteen. Now, so yeah, did it.
Speaker 3 (30:24):
Help at all? Do you think?
Speaker 1 (30:27):
No? No, because we were talking about two different things.
You know, we would go in there and I'm really
good at taking blame so that someone can start to
feel like they can open up, and you know, yeah,
so I would say like, you know, I do this
(30:49):
and I do that, hoping he would be like, oh,
and I do this, and instead, you know, it was
more focused on like, uh yeah, the dog shit all
over the house, like she's just too much, the animals,
she has a hoarder, like she's messy. And I was like, yep, yep, yep,
that's me. And I'm like, wait, wait, wait, I always
(31:10):
say to him, we actually he and I had this
conversation semi recently and I was like, when we met
in Ottawa, you met me, you came into my hotel
room where we were filming. I had my two dogs
with me, and what was one of the first things
(31:32):
you saw? And He's like, you had your suitcases open
and there were clothes and shoes covering the entire room
and you had to make space so we could walk
through to get to the bed to f sex. I'm
like yes, and he's like, and there was dog shit
in the on top of the clothes in your suitcase.
(31:52):
I'm like, correct, that was me and the first night
you met me, So what about me is surprising? Now
married to me years later with kids, then I'm messy
and that the dog shit everywhere and I don't pick
it up. I'm just kidding. I eventually pick it up.
Speaker 4 (32:14):
Uh.
Speaker 1 (32:18):
Anyway, Yeah, he would talk about stuff like that, and
you know, a therapist will go in the direction you
start talking, and that's where our entire hour would go to.
Actually it's never an hour. They tell you have an
hour session. It's really fifty minutes. And it's really frustrating
because the whole time I'm looking at the clock and
I'm like, ooh, I know I have forty minutes left. Oh,
(32:40):
I know I have twenty minutes left. What do I
talk about now he's still talking about dog shit. We're
fucked and this is three hundred dollars, Like, oh, who
cares about the dog shit? Like I would always say,
what does it matter? I mean, it does matter. I
get it, Listen, I get that's a problem, but it
(33:03):
clearly wasn't our biggest problem.
Speaker 3 (33:16):
You talk about the red flags, but what were the red.
Speaker 1 (33:19):
Lit, I would say, his temper, which often was fueled
by alcohol. So when he would drink, it was hard
(33:43):
because I knew that at some point it would turn,
and I knew, you know, it was all always different,
like it could be two drinks, it could be five,
six drinks, and then I would just see it turn.
I'm like, here we go. And then that became my
dance on the eggshells. And it was like no matter
(34:06):
what I said, it wasn't right, and I would have
to in my head be like okay, quick, quick, quick
on your toes. Like it was like it was like
a fight, like you know, a mental fight, like okay, uh,
I think he might like aim here, and if he
aims here, like with what he says, I'm going to
respond this way and that'll take him down. And it
(34:30):
got to the point where nothing would make sense and
it just I would just notice stop talking, like and
that usually you know, just space and stop talking. And
it was just it was hard.
Speaker 3 (34:46):
Until the final fight, right where he went on Instagram
and announced that you guys were separating and that's sort
of the final blow for you, and that put everything
in motion.
Speaker 1 (35:01):
The Instagram posts. So I'm the type that I will
take a lot and you can say whatever you want
to me. I remain calm. I process it. I think
about what I'm going to say before I say it.
I'm not a reactive person. Lots of years of training.
(35:29):
I know the therapy words to say. I feel oh man,
But yeah, that last night, we had just been at
Jenny's house all day. We were doing a BFF photo
shoot and Dean was so helpful, like he was so great,
(35:49):
and Jenna and Dean haven't always gotten along, and I
just remember that day. She was like, he was really
great and he helped and styled and carried and did
everything for us that whole day because we didn't have
(36:11):
the budget to like hire people and we had to
do the whole photo shoot ourselves and video shoot just
me and Jen. And he was great. And when I
got home, she texted me and she said Dean was
really great today. And I was like, Oh, that's going
to mean a lot to him for me to go
(36:31):
in and say, Jen gave you a compliment. She would
laugh at this, but I did, and he was like, really, Oh,
that's that is great. Months later, when I reminded him
of this, he doesn't remember that part. But I'm like, okay, yeah,
you got a compliment from someone that doesn't give compliments freely,
(36:53):
like that's a big step. And he was like, thank you, Okay,
that feels really good. It was nice helping you guys today.
And then but he had been drinking at this point.
It was in the evening, and then we started to
discuss something else and I could tell like, ooh, he's
fired up and it's not going to go well. And
in my head I'm like, stop talking, walk away, because
(37:17):
otherwise this is going to escalate. But once in a
blue moon, I don't just walk away and I don't
just shut up. I come back. And I always say
it's the tourus in me, like stubborn, like the tourists,
like we'll make peace with everyone and super patient and
(37:37):
we'll be like I'm sorry, it's me, it's not you.
And then like you push us, you push us, you
push us, and then we just snap. But me snapping
isn't even like bad, Like imagine me snapping, like it's
not crazy. But yeah, that's all it took. And so
(37:59):
but I'll never forget the night because sorry, I'm a foodie,
so I associate everything with food. Okay, it's not a
bad thing. And we just ordered Wendy's and I'm not
gonna lie. I'm a big baked potato fan, loaded baked potato.
My mom taught me how to make him. I make
(38:19):
them for everybody AnyWho. So I had just gotten my
baked potato from Wendy's and I was super psyched about
it because I had a long work day and I
was like, ooh, and I made it to perfection. I
was like, m this is a baked potato my mom
would be proud of. And just as I had made it,
(38:43):
he came into the kitchen because it was a conversation.
We had started fighting, and I walked away, still passive
aggressively saying things because I'm passive aggressive trying to work
on that, and he's like, what did you say? Did
you say? And I was like, hm, uh huh, proceed
(39:06):
I said this and yeah. So it just like escalated
and he came in screaming, and he he made a
remark that I don't want to discuss, but it's not
even a terrible remark. It's just it was a dig
at something he knew would really be hurtful to hear,
(39:26):
and I think it was just in the moment he
made that dig, and it's really nothing, but it's something
that I took personal. And when he said that, fine,
I'll say what he said. He said to go back
to dog shit because he loves talking about dog shit
(39:48):
and animal shit and feeces, feces. Uh, he said, Uh,
I'm so sick of this. I've been picking up Tory
spelling shit for eighteen years hers and I've fucking lost it.
Speaker 4 (40:04):
M
Misspelling with Tori Spelling and iHeartRadio podcast. Who it's public?
I don't know what feels more like a punch in
the stomach that it's like out there and it's final,
or that I have to call him right now. Oh shit,
(00:29):
he's at work. He's at work, you guys, this sucks.
He it's tea. I know you're working. Can you call me.
It's important. Everything's fine, the kids are fine, but call
me please. Bye. Shit, he's going to read this online.
(00:50):
So I just filed for divorce. Ooh, I gotta say
that again. Hear that for myself. I just filed for divorce. Whoa,
I said the words that I've said, like in my
head for like sixteen years wild fifteen it was Yeah. Anyway,
(01:20):
I just got word from my lawyer that it's public.
There's this weird thing that I didn't know about before
that you have to be careful with your ex, like
it's he said, she said, who filed first?
Speaker 2 (01:38):
So I.
Speaker 1 (01:43):
Had to file and go through the process, and then
once it was accepted and publicly posted, then I'm allowed
to like call and fill in my ex. So I
just called Dean. He's working and I have to tell
him and I'm super nervous because I don't like confrontation.
And yeah, I probably that stopped me from a really
(02:10):
long time wanting to do this and hurting him and
protecting him and protecting the kids and my daughter, My
daughter who's fifteen, is very much like you know, people
already talk about us at school, like they know you
and they know the family, and they read the press
(02:35):
and now you're doing a podcast. And I was like, well,
can't be worse than the shit they read out there, like,
oh my god, they read they think we live in
an RV. Like I was like Stella with a step up,
Like she literally had someone come up to her at
school and be like, oh are you in the school
district or where does your RV parked? Like you live
(02:56):
in an RV with your mom? Right, She was like,
that was summer vacation. We rented that like every other
family and drove up the coast and camped and they
were like, oh, we thought you were homeless. So she
was shamed, but she was like, imagine what it's going
to be like at school when you file for divorce.
(03:18):
I mean teens to know how to manipulate it. But
I was like, yeah, it's gonna suck, but yeah, anyway,
it's more the norm than isn't. So I was like,
you know, but your dad and I co parents.
Speaker 2 (03:37):
And.
Speaker 1 (03:40):
Anyway, I should go back to where this began, but
it began eighteen years ago, so it's hard to know
where to go back when telling this story. So Deane
and I've been married eighteen years. We have five beautiful,
amazing children together, Liam, Stella, Hattie, Finn, and Bo. They're seventeen, fifteen, twelve, eleven,
(04:04):
and seven and the lights of my life. And yeah,
so I used to have this thing. And this is
nothing towards Dean. I just at some point I think
I I believed in like the fairy tale, like I
(04:24):
grew up. I mean, my father was the biggest produced
television producer, so I grew up knowing there's a beginning, middle,
and end, and the two main characters always start stop
and there's a happy ending and an end credit. So
(04:45):
that's what I always assume would be. And you know,
I think when we're young. It's different now, but I
grew up in like the eighties and on TV in
the nineties, and I feel like we then were conditioned
to be like we want the prince, like the night whatever,
(05:08):
someone in white on a horse coming in swooping us up.
We wanted the fairy tale. I even wanted the white
picket fence. I still want that now, I just want
it black. But it's but I want to well, I
want of funds. But I yeah, I wanted the whole dream.
But my thing was always like, even from a young age,
(05:31):
I was like, oh, I want to be the perfect
wife and mom and housewife and cook. And I was
never taught how to clean, so that's not gonna happen.
But uh, or cook but I taught myself. Or bake
but I taught myself. But okay, but cleaning I won't
(05:52):
do so anyway. But I wanted to be that woman.
But then I was like, but I also want to
like run an empire. So that's a meeting of the mind.
So I'm really stubborn and I'm really driven. And I
always say I'm a Philly, you can't break. I know
philly means I'm young, and I'm not young. But I
(06:15):
can still call myself a girl. I can still call
myself misspelling because I can do whatever I want to do.
Because we can redefine words the way they make sense
to us and how we want to proceed with them.
So anyway, Diana and I had this fairy tale romance
even though we both were married when we met. Not
(06:39):
fairytale right there, like, but we had other partners that
we cheated on and then left and then we got
together and people were like, oh, I give it six months.
And we always say like, hey, it made it eighteen years.
It shouldn't have made it eighteen years like it was.
(07:01):
And I think he would say the same thing. If
he and I had a real heart to heart. I think, yeah,
it would have been over a lot sooner. But I think,
you know, we started well. We had like pairings. We
had two sets of kids, like we had Liam and
Stella fifteen months apart, and I think we had Liam
(07:23):
and Stella for a while and then I was like, oh,
you know what, things were okay, but they weren't great.
And I have a friend who reminded me recently that
he said, do you remember what you've been telling me
the whole time? And I said what, And you said,
I need the extra help with hands. When they are
(07:44):
old enough to undo their own car seats, I'll leave him.
And I was like, what, When did I say that?
After Bo? And he's like no, After Liam and Stella,
then you got pregnant with Hattie, and then ten months
later you pregnant with Finn. And then you told me
when they can unbuckle and buckle their own car seat,
(08:07):
I'll leave him, and I didn't. And then came Bo.
And then with Bo, I was like, oh when he no,
I just should have left after Bo. But if I
had left sooner, there'd be no Bo. And I love Bo.
Speaker 3 (08:21):
How are the kids doing? They've been on the journey
with you, shall we call it, and now this is
a whole new chapter that they're going to go with you,
and I was wondering, how are they faring through what's
happened so far.
Speaker 1 (08:43):
All the children have different personalities, different needs, and I
feel like with my kids, they all have very distinct personalities.
Stella was always the one since she was four years old.
If she would hear us argue and then like it
wasn't loud and we try to keep it separate and
(09:03):
it wasn't bad back then, she would hysterically start crying
and she would run in and she'd say, their little voice,
are you going to get a divorce, and it's just
like hit me hard, like Hi, I'm okay, how are
(09:24):
you okay? I hate to do this to you while
you're in the middle of you're going to work and
everything they've done. It it's like one it's just the formality.
It's like a one sheet you check off and next
you'll have to sign it. You have a lawyer. Wait,
(09:47):
it's going to be spun. What way that I had
enough of you? What? What do you mean? I mean,
in all honesty, after this whole journey. I if it's
about that, like who files first, the other person's wrong
if they I feel like I deserve to file first,
then well, I mean you basically put it all out
(10:08):
there with daily mail, like you said, everything that you've
done to me over the years. So I think it
would make perfect sense that it's followed up that I
would file because those are things I would never have
divulged to anybody, and you did, so I don't know.
I assume that'll come later. I don't. I think it's
just yeah, it's just like a one sheet where you
(10:33):
literally like check like divorce and like irreconcilable differences. Yeah, okay,
I love you, Okay, y ugh, wait, that's it. Oh
my god, never felt more alone in a room full
(10:59):
of friends to a podcast. Fuck, I've never feel more
alone in fifty years.
Speaker 3 (11:09):
Sorry, you are not alone.
Speaker 1 (11:13):
Oh my god, you guys sounding some movie.
Speaker 4 (11:18):
You are so loved by so many stop tryal s
mushy stuff, same mean stuff. It fires me up. I
like to be treated nice.
Speaker 1 (11:30):
He was like, great, good, great, Yeah, I have a lawyer.
I was gonna do this, but cool. Yeah, it saves
me five hundred dollars. Like, I don't feel worth loving.
That's the truth. Not something that's just in you. It's
not something I wanted or created, or that starts when
(11:52):
you're young.
Speaker 3 (11:52):
You know, well, it's something you learn.
Speaker 1 (11:57):
It's learned behavior.
Speaker 2 (11:58):
Not feeling worth it it is, and now you have
to work on unlearning that and learning how to accept
being loved.
Speaker 1 (12:11):
That's not easy to do. It's like it's like the
first part of the show is like one story, and
(12:32):
then you come back from intermission you're like told it's
something completely different and you have to adjust. I don't
know if I can. I don't know. I mean, I
know you can change at any point in your Lifely, yeah,
everyone always says that but like it's a harder task
then we realize, especially if you don't believe it, Like
(12:53):
people can tell you and tell you and tell you
and should should, should, But if you don't believe it
in your soul, in your core, Like, I don't know
how you change.
Speaker 3 (13:02):
That by doing what you just did?
Speaker 1 (13:08):
What did I do? I have the short term memory
of a ant.
Speaker 3 (13:12):
You're actually moving ahead now I'm with your divorce and
it's a huge step.
Speaker 1 (13:19):
I know I just played dumb, so I can help
you do the work and say it I'm not dumb.
That's been the hardest challenging thing in my life, having
to play dumb. It's just so crazy to have to
like fill that void of like it semi blends back
(13:43):
with Donna because it's like and now we can look
back at Donna and be like Donna, Donna wasn't dumb,
but she like played it she was. They would always say,
and this is so like for anyone young listening, they'll
be like, we don't know who that is. For anyone
my age and old or listening, you'll know who this is.
But they'd be like, oh, you're still like your Judy Holiday,
(14:05):
which like was an iconic like movie star, like Black
and White film was literally like funny like she was
before Lucy. But she was like, you know, the pretty
ditsy blonde and that's like what you're conditioned to be, Like,
oh you're blonde, you're funny, you giggle like, oh you
(14:28):
play this role and they compartmentalize you in life. Yeah.
I was all like blonde hair, big eyes, giggles, like
funny timing, great body, show my stomach and scene and
that's what I was carved down in life to be.
(14:51):
I screwed up. Like one time I was like I
said something to someone. I was like, well, when you're
like conditioned your whole life to be viewed as a
sex symbol, my friend was like, ew, did you just
call yourself a sex symbol? And I was like, oh
my god, and I got so shamed. I was like no, no, no, no, no,
I don't even like myself.
Speaker 3 (15:08):
What do you mean.
Speaker 1 (15:09):
I would never like give myself a compliment like that.
And I was like I was taking myself out of it.
I was saying how I was viewed, and he's like,
but really, like were you view that way? I was
like maybe not. I mean I don't know. I think
I think on some level, like it was like young
hop blonde, like.
Speaker 2 (15:30):
I don't know.
Speaker 3 (15:31):
Well, here you are now, Oh.
Speaker 1 (15:33):
We're talking about me playing dumb when I'm not dumb.
Speaker 3 (15:37):
Well, I think we really are talking about you. And
now that you are deflecting, yeah, well you are deflecting.
But you also just filed for divorce from your husband
of eighteen or eighteen years, something you've been thinking about
for many, many years.
Speaker 1 (15:57):
Right, And he always threatened, he would, oh, always threaten.
I get so scared. But I also hate change. That's
a lie. I grew up thinking I hate change, but
like things change in my life day by day, and
nice roll with it, like everything just happens.
Speaker 3 (16:22):
I think you thrive on it. You thrive on the chaos.
Speaker 1 (16:26):
I thrive on chaos. Everyone would say that's not a
good thing. Now, yeah, it gives me energy, It gives me,
makes me feel like not dead inside. My lawyer says,
I just got a call from TMZ. I didn't speak
to them, but they have the divorce. Violet, here goes
(16:48):
the neighborhood. I've told I've told Deana, so it's not
talking out of school. But we had this very quick
passionate we had this very quick passionate falling in love period,
which it was. Yeah, it was the honeymoon period that
(17:10):
everyone talks about, but what is that six months ours
was four and it was intense, and I was like, wow,
he sees me. I felt like my whole life I
only showed people pieces of me because I was always
(17:32):
being told who I was and could be, even from birth,
like you know, born into a family where I had
to uphold a certain being and you know, my house,
(17:53):
like I was like the way I was raised was
completely different than the way I raised my kids. And
I'm not even talking esthetically. I'm not talking about the
fact that I grew up in a ten thousand square
foot house and then moved to a fifty six thousand
square foot house irrelevant. I'm just kiddinking. I'm talking about
(18:14):
like it was never a conversation, like you were quiet,
and no one ever said this to me, No one
said like you can be seen and not heard. But
like it was that feeling that I got, like while
it was a family, it was a public family, and
you learned very quickly, like you know, four or five
(18:37):
years old, I got it. I got it that all
eyes were on us and everyone was watching and listening
to how we behaved and how what we said and
how we represented this iconic Hollywood family. When I say week,
because I have a brother who is an amazing podcast
(19:01):
called Oldish with my bff Brian Austin Green and Sharna
on iHeart, and yeah, he was like less willing to conform.
I always was in the mindset like of representing your family.
So yeah, I don't know I was. I just got
(19:25):
it from an early age. I would I was fascinated
with the world summer vacation. I didn't want to hang
with my friends. I wanted to go to work with
my dad. I would literally hide under his desk and
take notes and like that was my world from jump,
you know, I used to like walk around My mom
had every script that my dad ever did, the initial
(19:51):
one because there were over what two hundred, like it
couldn't be every single one, but if it was a series,
it was the pilot script. If it was a movie
of the movie, obviously leather Bound and in his office
wall to wall, and every Saturday, I would spin around
like wonder Woman, and I'd be like wonder Woman and
(20:12):
I'd land on a script and I would pull that
script out and I would read it. Obviously, this is
when I could read, so it was like eight nine.
And then I'd ask my dad if he could play
the male lead, and I obviously would play the female
lead because I didn't think outside the box then, and
(20:34):
we would read through it and I'd be like, I'm
gonna make these one day and like make like not
just like, oh, I'm gonna star in these. I'm like,
I'm gonna star, I'm gonna write, I'm gonna produce, I'm
gonna direct, I'm gonna own this motherfucker's shit. What's a
motherfucker shit? I don't know what that is, but I'm
gonna own it.
Speaker 3 (20:57):
Well, you are your father's daughter. Yeah, the end of
the day.
Speaker 1 (21:02):
Anyway, we had this fast and furious romance. I saw
red flags. Everyone talks about red flags, like I like
saying that. I just like I like to make dresses
out of red flags and then proceed. So, yeah, there
were definitely red flags. And he had anger issues and
(21:24):
that started when we were dating, like four months in
and I just remember like I could show him me
and it wasn't like the cute like giggly like this
is what people want me to be. I was able
to be like the loud and like the body type
of like toy and like I could have like you know,
(21:50):
I could have a foul mouth. I could I'm not
you know, just Donna Martin like the perfect good girl,
like I could have some bad girl in me, and
it was okay, and and he like all those sides,
and he saw how smart I was and accepted me.
And I said, from the beginning, it's gonna be a lot.
It's I've been told it's an emasculating road. And he
(22:16):
was like, I can handle it, and I was like,
can you though, like it's not going to be easy,
Like I can't. I don't think he knew how big
it would be, how how big the life I was
given and live is. It's yeah. I think he was like,
(22:40):
oh yeah, things come and go, But with me, it
never came and went like it was. I from the
moment we met, I was in the moment I was born.
I was in the press, you know, and it hasn't
there hasn't been a reprieve from it. So it's like
you kind of have to be used to like jumping
on board in that world and just getting through it
and owning it, and I thought he was on board
(23:03):
with that, but I was also all very focused on him,
and I think a lot of parents out there can relate,
like I noticed a shift in our relationship literally the
day I found out I was pregnant, And the shift
came from within, because all of a sudden, it wasn't.
(23:26):
It was never about me, like I have kept myself
small since I was young, to not outshine anyone in
my family, and then not outshine anyone in my cast,
and then not shine outshine any boyfriend I had, or
outshine any husband like so I would just self sabotage
(23:46):
and keep myself small and wouldn't keep building myself up
where I knew I could be, And anytime it would
start to get big or real, I would find a
way to plummet it and start back over again, like
I'm doing now, but this time I'm not backing down.
I'm just going all the way to the top. Well,
you guys all heard that, right, hold me accountable. But yeah,
(24:12):
as soon as it wasn't, you know all about him,
And I don't think he intentionally did this. All the
focus changed to the baby growing in my belly and
instantly I changed, and I was like, Oh, this is
what it's like to really take control and step up
(24:34):
and be accountable for someone that you don't even know yet.
And everything we came about Liam, who was in my belly,
and you know, I was never the adventure girl, but
when I met Dean, we made Oh my god, we
made a list on the back of barf bags in
the plane on the way back from Ottawa where we
were filming the TV movie where we hooked up, coming
(24:57):
back to our mary, you know, our spouses. We rode
on barf bags what things we were going to do,
like a bucket list in our relationship. And for me,
it was like doing things that I was always scared
and fearful, Like I got that from my dad. My
dad was scared of everything, and I just took that
(25:18):
on thinking they were my fears. And now I'm like, wait,
someone else's fears, Like maybe it wasn't my fears, Like
maybe I do want to jump out of airplane. Now I'm
just kidding psych Uh, I don't know. But it was
things like that, like we're gonna go here, We're gonna
(25:39):
I think I said, I'd like ride a marathon. I
don't even know how to ride a bike. But I
the thing is, I tried, and I wanted something different
and I wanted to please him. And then when I
got pregnant, we got pregnant right away. So we got
married in May, and we started trying right away. We
(26:02):
didn't get pregnant right away, and my dad passed in June,
and then days later, the beginning of July, found out
I was pregnant. No, it was right like a month
after my dad passed. Basically I conceived like right after
my dad passed, and so I took that as like, oh,
(26:27):
it's a sign, this is supposed to be and this
is how it was planned to happen. But honestly, our
relationship was never the same after we started having kids,
like and we always said we won't be those parents
that change. We'll make sure we make our relationship with
priority and the two of us and we have date nights,
(26:51):
and just everything went out the window. I became completely
focused on the kids and kind of left him in
a way. And I get it. It doesn't excuse his
behavior and everything he did and how he handled things.
And I'm not minimizing his part in this and how
(27:12):
his lack of sobriety did affect me and the kids
for years and years and years, and I'm really happy
that he's sober now. But our relationship definitely changed, like
to the point where I felt like I was just
in this alone with the kids, like and he was
(27:33):
there and he was an extra set of hands and
he put the car seat in because I know how
to do it, and you know, things like that. But emotionally,
like I was like Taggert, like I was the parent
and it was a lot of responsibility while also you know,
(27:55):
rebuilding a career, which I did. You know, we became
a family brand. I went from like you know, Hollywood
rich girl like starlet, like starlett that's as bad as
my calling myself a sex symbol. Sorry, h anyway, to
(28:18):
like cool mom, like look at her, she does it
all Meanwhile, like behind the scenes, it was all falling apart.
And I literally sometimes I went back and reread one
of my books once and I was like wow, Like
sometimes I think I created the character of Dean, like
(28:41):
all those Prince charmings I wanted when I was young,
Like I created this character that he had a lot
of those qualities. But you know, we did our reality show,
and it was like the first one was like fun fun,
So any like bad stuff that would happen or fights
or anything, they would edit, and you know, women everywhere
(29:04):
I would hear them be like I wish I had
a Dean, and I was like, you only knew, if
you only knew?
Speaker 3 (29:11):
Yeah, you guys did go into therapy right to try
to work through the issues.
Speaker 1 (29:19):
Yeah, I mean we we saw a therapist that I
had been seeing since like my twenties. She was actually,
this is horrific that I did this. I was scared
to confront and tell my first husband that I was
leaving him for my co star. So I broke the
(29:41):
news to him in my therapist's office. So not cool.
So anytime Dean and I would go into therapy, he's like,
are you gonna leave me like you did Charlie in
the therapy session. I'm like no, He's like, well you
did it once. I was like, fair, fair, no, I'm
not going to So I never did.
Speaker 3 (30:03):
But.
Speaker 1 (30:07):
It was it was hard the therapy sessions. I like
wanted to get deep and we started therapy. I mean
after Stella was born and she's we have five kids,
you know, she's fifteen. Now, so yeah, did it.
Speaker 3 (30:24):
Help at all? Do you think?
Speaker 1 (30:27):
No? No, because we were talking about two different things.
You know, we would go in there and I'm really
good at taking blame so that someone can start to
feel like they can open up, and you know, yeah,
so I would say like, you know, I do this
(30:49):
and I do that, hoping he would be like, oh,
and I do this, and instead, you know, it was
more focused on like, uh yeah, the dog shit all
over the house, like she's just too much, the animals,
she has a hoarder, like she's messy. And I was like, yep, yep, yep,
that's me. And I'm like, wait, wait, wait, I always
(31:10):
say to him, we actually he and I had this
conversation semi recently and I was like, when we met
in Ottawa, you met me, you came into my hotel
room where we were filming. I had my two dogs
with me, and what was one of the first things
(31:32):
you saw? And He's like, you had your suitcases open
and there were clothes and shoes covering the entire room
and you had to make space so we could walk
through to get to the bed to f sex. I'm
like yes, and he's like, and there was dog shit
in the on top of the clothes in your suitcase.
(31:52):
I'm like, correct, that was me and the first night
you met me, So what about me is surprising? Now
married to me years later with kids, then I'm messy
and that the dog shit everywhere and I don't pick
it up. I'm just kidding. I eventually pick it up.
Speaker 4 (32:14):
Uh.
Speaker 1 (32:18):
Anyway, Yeah, he would talk about stuff like that, and
you know, a therapist will go in the direction you
start talking, and that's where our entire hour would go to.
Actually it's never an hour. They tell you have an
hour session. It's really fifty minutes. And it's really frustrating
because the whole time I'm looking at the clock and
I'm like, ooh, I know I have forty minutes left. Oh,
(32:40):
I know I have twenty minutes left. What do I
talk about now he's still talking about dog shit. We're
fucked and this is three hundred dollars, Like, oh, who
cares about the dog shit? Like I would always say,
what does it matter? I mean, it does matter. I
get it, Listen, I get that's a problem, but it
(33:03):
clearly wasn't our biggest problem.
Speaker 3 (33:16):
You talk about the red flags, but what were the red.
Speaker 1 (33:19):
Lit, I would say, his temper, which often was fueled
by alcohol. So when he would drink, it was hard
(33:43):
because I knew that at some point it would turn,
and I knew, you know, it was all always different,
like it could be two drinks, it could be five,
six drinks, and then I would just see it turn.
I'm like, here we go. And then that became my
dance on the eggshells. And it was like no matter
(34:06):
what I said, it wasn't right, and I would have
to in my head be like okay, quick, quick, quick
on your toes. Like it was like it was like
a fight, like you know, a mental fight, like okay, uh,
I think he might like aim here, and if he
aims here, like with what he says, I'm going to
respond this way and that'll take him down. And it
(34:30):
got to the point where nothing would make sense and
it just I would just notice stop talking, like and
that usually you know, just space and stop talking. And
it was just it was hard.
Speaker 3 (34:46):
Until the final fight, right where he went on Instagram
and announced that you guys were separating and that's sort
of the final blow for you, and that put everything
in motion.
Speaker 1 (35:01):
The Instagram posts. So I'm the type that I will
take a lot and you can say whatever you want
to me. I remain calm. I process it. I think
about what I'm going to say before I say it.
I'm not a reactive person. Lots of years of training.
(35:29):
I know the therapy words to say. I feel oh man,
But yeah, that last night, we had just been at
Jenny's house all day. We were doing a BFF photo
shoot and Dean was so helpful, like he was so great,
(35:49):
and Jenna and Dean haven't always gotten along, and I
just remember that day. She was like, he was really
great and he helped and styled and carried and did
everything for us that whole day because we didn't have
(36:11):
the budget to like hire people and we had to
do the whole photo shoot ourselves and video shoot just
me and Jen. And he was great. And when I
got home, she texted me and she said Dean was
really great today. And I was like, Oh, that's going
to mean a lot to him for me to go
(36:31):
in and say, Jen gave you a compliment. She would
laugh at this, but I did, and he was like, really, Oh,
that's that is great. Months later, when I reminded him
of this, he doesn't remember that part. But I'm like, okay, yeah,
you got a compliment from someone that doesn't give compliments freely,
(36:53):
like that's a big step. And he was like, thank you, Okay,
that feels really good. It was nice helping you guys today.
And then but he had been drinking at this point.
It was in the evening, and then we started to
discuss something else and I could tell like, ooh, he's
fired up and it's not going to go well. And
in my head I'm like, stop talking, walk away, because
(37:17):
otherwise this is going to escalate. But once in a
blue moon, I don't just walk away and I don't
just shut up. I come back. And I always say
it's the tourus in me, like stubborn, like the tourists,
like we'll make peace with everyone and super patient and
(37:37):
we'll be like I'm sorry, it's me, it's not you.
And then like you push us, you push us, you
push us, and then we just snap. But me snapping
isn't even like bad, Like imagine me snapping, like it's
not crazy. But yeah, that's all it took. And so
(37:59):
but I'll never forget the night because sorry, I'm a foodie,
so I associate everything with food. Okay, it's not a
bad thing. And we just ordered Wendy's and I'm not
gonna lie. I'm a big baked potato fan, loaded baked potato.
My mom taught me how to make him. I make
(38:19):
them for everybody AnyWho. So I had just gotten my
baked potato from Wendy's and I was super psyched about
it because I had a long work day and I
was like, ooh, and I made it to perfection. I
was like, m this is a baked potato my mom
would be proud of. And just as I had made it,
(38:43):
he came into the kitchen because it was a conversation.
We had started fighting, and I walked away, still passive
aggressively saying things because I'm passive aggressive trying to work
on that, and he's like, what did you say? Did
you say? And I was like, hm, uh huh, proceed
(39:06):
I said this and yeah. So it just like escalated
and he came in screaming, and he he made a
remark that I don't want to discuss, but it's not
even a terrible remark. It's just it was a dig
at something he knew would really be hurtful to hear,
(39:26):
and I think it was just in the moment he
made that dig, and it's really nothing, but it's something
that I took personal. And when he said that, fine,
I'll say what he said. He said to go back
to dog shit because he loves talking about dog shit
(39:48):
and animal shit and feeces, feces. Uh, he said, Uh,
I'm so sick of this. I've been picking up Tory
spelling shit for eighteen years hers and I've fucking lost it.
Speaker 4 (40:04):
M
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