April 8, 2024 • 27 mins
Flying potatoes and pigs in a blanket are not stories from a farm, it's just a Friday night at Tori's house.
Here is how one loaded baked potato led to a series of events that culminated in this divorce filing.
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Speaker 1 (00:08):
Misspelling with Tori Spelling and iHeartRadio podcast.
Speaker 2 (00:15):
I this guttural scream came out of me, and I
was like, it wasn't even like a scream, like like
sexy scream, like running in a horror film. It was
beast like. It wasn't pretty at all. I would love
to have seen what my face looked like. I'm sure
it was all contorted.
Speaker 3 (00:32):
And I was like, fuck, cute, wow.
Speaker 2 (00:38):
And I took my most prized possession. In that moment.
Speaker 3 (00:43):
My baked potato was loaded to perfection.
Speaker 2 (00:46):
And I smashed it on the ground. I've never seen
a baked potato fly like that. Let me just say.
It was to wall potato. It was on the floor,
it was on the oven, it was it was everywhere.
And I was like, noe to oneself. Later tonight, on
your ambien, you will come out here and you will
(01:07):
lick this all up and eat it properly. Anyway back
to the story. And then I I was like, oh shit,
that was too far. Look what I just did. I'm dude,
eat the kitchen. Oh. So I then went and locked
(01:29):
myself in our bedroom. Our bedroom, me and the kids,
Christina and I didn't sleep together for like three years,
different bedrooms.
Speaker 3 (01:38):
Yeah, his choice.
Speaker 2 (01:42):
Like he gave an interview saying he stopped sleeping in
the bed because of a pig. That is not true.
There was a pig in the bed. But the pig
was in the bed. In two thousand and seventeen, when
I was pregnant, we had a baby pig. And that
(02:03):
baby pig they told me that it needs to be
in a bed. I was just following orders that it
was used to snuggling and it needed that for a
few nights. But then when it peed between us in
the bed, he was like, the pig's leaving the bed,
and I was like understood, and that was it. That
was the only night the pig was in the bed.
(02:24):
And anyway, yeah, that pig. Jenny took that pig when
I lived on her farm for many years. But anyway,
I never had like the animals and kids didn't come
between us and the bed.
Speaker 3 (02:41):
He would always say, it's because I slept with.
Speaker 2 (02:42):
The TV on. But it's like I think I had
the TV on for distraction, like to distract from my life,
like I would just zone out and be entertained, which
is what my dad said. That's what he always wanted
to do. Like people have hard days, hard work, hard lives,
hard relationships, and it's all individual and when they get home,
(03:07):
they just kind of want to zone out and be
entertained and taken out of their world escape, isn't so
that's what I was just creating for myself because guess what.
It's funny he's no longer in my bed, no longer
in the marriage. Oh that's right, I filed for divorce. Okay,
I'm getting used to this. I don't even sleep with
the TV on anymore? Isn't that ironic?
Speaker 3 (03:31):
Just curious?
Speaker 1 (03:32):
When your dad passed, how did that impact you? I mean,
how did that affect your life moving forward? Emotionally from
a business standpoint? I mean, you're saying you use TV
to distract yourself, and you're referencing your dad, So wondering
(03:55):
if he was sort of in the back of your
mind during this moment or any moments consciously, or now
as you have just filed for divorce.
Speaker 2 (04:15):
That's a really good question. I think I'm so used
to repressing feelings. I used to tell Dean this all
the time, Like once in a blue moon, if I
would cry about something, I'd be like, I'm so sorry,
and he'd be like, wait, why are you sorry. I
was like, because crying is a sign of weakness, and
he was like, who told you that? I was like
I had to think about it. Was like, no one
(04:36):
told me that. It's just I've always been this way,
like you don't cry. And I was like, oh, that's
so weird. That is weird. Yeah, I still don't cry.
Speaker 1 (04:47):
But do you think that came from your dad?
Speaker 2 (04:50):
Yeah? I never saw my parents. Really, My parents never
argued in front of us. They never yeah, talked about
anything emotional. We you know, just talked about family stuff,
talked about my dad's work, and I was all on board,
(05:12):
like to talk about casting and doing but it's really
all we talked about. Like he never like asked about
like relationships or if I liked a boy or I
remember one time at the dinner table, my uncle Danny
came into town and he's like I was in only
twenties and he's like, so he's like, when are you
(05:33):
gonna get married? You know, when you're gonna have kids?
Speaker 3 (05:37):
And my dad's like, don't ask her that. We don't
talk about that.
Speaker 2 (05:41):
And I always thought, wait, why, Okay, yep, we don't
talk about that. It was just like normal. But I
don't know why, Like why didn't we talk about that?
Why didn't he want to talk about my happiness and
like what would happen to me? And personally, I don't know.
Never got to ask.
Speaker 4 (06:02):
I have a question, Torry, and if you don't want
to answer it, totally, yes, Lorrain in the front row. Okay,
so you talk about how you had a fairy tale
in your head? Yeah, what was Dean's? Do you think
he had a fairy tale in his head? He was
marrying the daughter of a Hollywood mogul. Do you think
he had a vision of what that was going to
(06:23):
look like? Was there a lifestyle he was expecting to list?
Speaker 2 (06:30):
That's interesting because I don't know the answer to that,
because what I know is that, you know, he was
a working actor. He had this great life in Toronto.
He supported his wife and son. They owned houses. Like
I was like, oh, okay, you know it's this guy's
(06:53):
you know, he's done a lot. I always felt like,
I don't know, I always felt ashamed that maybe on
some level, like by hooking up with me, he well,
you know, they would start like, oh, mister Tory spelling Yeah,
(07:17):
and I guess I've always held onto that, and sometimes
when we fought, like that would come up and I
just felt really sad because I didn't know the answer
to that. I'll never know I was living it. It's
just like on some level, Yeah, I guess he's just
always attached to me.
Speaker 1 (07:33):
Sorry, So finish the story about the Instagram post and
what sort of put the wheels in motion for you
guys to officially separate.
Speaker 2 (07:47):
Ah. He was fired up and he came. We have
an out We had an outdoor. The Primary, very sweet
had an outdoor entrance, so he was like banging on
the door. I locked, which the Primaries off the kitchen,
(08:11):
so exited the kitchen went into my bedroom. Anyway, he
came around the side because I hadn't thought about that
and I hadn't locked those doors. So he came in
and he was very very upset, and he said I
wanted divorce.
Speaker 3 (08:29):
This is over.
Speaker 2 (08:30):
And I said, okay, great, Okay. I mean he's threatening
that a million times. I don't think I've ever threatened that,
like ever, and there were times where I desperately wanted it,
but like, I would never throw that in someone's face
if I didn't actually mean it and so anyway, because
(08:51):
words like I don't know, people forget feelings, but you'd
always remember words.
Speaker 1 (08:57):
And so when he threatened it and you said fine,
were you at the point where you were ready or.
Speaker 3 (09:07):
Was this to you just another fight where that was thrown?
Speaker 2 (09:10):
Ugh, that was another fight. It's just another Friday night. Yeah,
sure did, because I didn't have the balls sleave, like,
you know, why do you have to have balls sleave? Anyway,
all of a sudden it was on Instagram, and it
(09:31):
was one of those like weird when you know, two
celebrities kind of a publicist crafts a joint statement and
you asked for privacy and you both posted, but he
was the only one posting it, but it read as
if it was coming from both of us, which I
was like, whoa. My daughter found it first and said, mom,
(10:01):
dad just posted on social media. That's you guys are
getting a divorce. And I said what And then I
looked at it and it was I'm not kidding you, guys.
(10:21):
I felt like this giant rock had been lifted off
my chest. I could breathe deeply, and I was like.
Speaker 5 (10:33):
Oh my god, he said it.
Speaker 2 (10:37):
He said it, So now I'm free, like everything has
started and this I couldn't do it, and he did it,
and now I can move on.
Speaker 3 (10:49):
He's put it out there, let's go.
Speaker 2 (10:51):
Yes, I needed this, you know, like I couldn't do
it myself, so I thought, you know, And then.
Speaker 3 (11:01):
A beat after that, Estella started.
Speaker 2 (11:04):
Crying and she said, no, mom, you're acting like this
is a good thing. And I was like, no, no, no,
but I'm just saying and she's like, do you know
how embarrassing my friends have to read this? And then
I was like, oh my god, I felt so shamed again.
And I was like, oh, oh no, I didn't think
(11:26):
of it that way. I was just like I'm free, yeah, okay,
and he's and she was like he needs to take
this down and I was like yeah, yeah, okay, yep.
So you know, he was in his bedroom, we were
in ours. I called him, he wouldn't pick up. I
(11:46):
texted him, he wouldn't pick up. Stella texted him and
he was like he was still you know, at that point,
he was in the height of his addiction, so he
wasn't understanding and clearly what she was asking and what
was happening to everyone around him at that moment. So
(12:06):
he was like, you don't understand. It's been a long
time coming. You know, Mom and I are going to
co parent everything. And she's like, she literally said, Dad,
you're not understanding. It's not about that. You guys can
get a divorce, you should, but you just put it
out there publicly before we've dealt with it, Like that
(12:30):
shouldn't be the case anyway, you know, you know what happens,
like as soon as it's out there, one person takes
one screenshot and it doesn't matter if you delete it.
It's permanent. So no, but he did delete it at
eleven am on Saturday morning. That was a rough night
(12:53):
with the kids. Yeah, he deleted it, but it was
out there everywhere, every where. And what made it worse
is I didn't comment, like so it was like I
hadn't It's like I didn't exist, you know, like I
had my story, the kids had their story. He needed help,
(13:19):
But yeah, I had to just.
Speaker 6 (13:21):
Watch the stories trickle out of what was happening, and
then people following and saying he took it down, you know,
obviously prompted by spelling, like and he's taken it down now,
So what's going on?
Speaker 2 (13:37):
Are they not going a divorce?
Speaker 3 (13:38):
Was it a fight?
Speaker 2 (13:39):
And I was just like, oh, please, let us get
a divorce. If it was up to me, he wouldn't
have taken it down, but it hurt the kids, so
they wanted it down.
Speaker 5 (13:48):
But yeah, so.
Speaker 1 (13:59):
What happened next that next day? Like when did he
move out?
Speaker 2 (14:07):
We took it down on Saturday. Sunday was Father's Day.
I pulled it together enough to make.
Speaker 3 (14:16):
A charcouterie board.
Speaker 2 (14:20):
It was a really good one too. We all had that.
We played a game of clue with Dean. We did
what we usually did, which is the same thing we
did growing up in my house. We didn't talk about emotions,
just went on as if nothing happened. Everyone pretend nothing happened.
Here we go, put her on a happy face. Yeah,
(14:47):
and then, you know, at the same time, we were
dealing with mold in our house and we had to
get out of that house anyway.
Speaker 3 (14:55):
So we left. We left.
Speaker 2 (15:00):
The kids and I left and we never went back.
That was on June eighteen nineteen, that Monday morning. Yeah,
we never went back. He stayed take care of the
animals until he finished moving out of that house, and
then he I helped find a rehab for him to
(15:26):
go to, and he went and he was there one month,
oh yeah, one or two months, and then he went
to sober living. Anyway, he's been sober since June twenty
(15:53):
twenty three, and I'm very proud of him. And we've
been down this road before, no one really publicly now
was like a few times. And I hope for him
and for the kids that it sticks. I really do.
Speaker 1 (16:15):
Given how much time has passed between that fateful night
when he posted the Instagram post and now, I think
a lot of people thought this is never going to happen.
They're not actually going to get divorced.
Speaker 2 (16:32):
And people have been writing our story and the outcome
of our marriage since we got married. They literally were like,
it won't last six months. Then I had something to prove,
you know, go big or get home, screw you. I'll
make it last eighteen painful years. I like even numbers.
(16:58):
I'm glad it ended on an eight. Yeah, so.
Speaker 3 (17:05):
Yeah, they had.
Speaker 2 (17:06):
I mean you could pull up fifty million tabloids that say,
like Tori Spelling, d McDermott divorcing, and this was like
two years, three years into our marriage. They've been writing
those stories since then.
Speaker 3 (17:21):
And it's just like.
Speaker 2 (17:24):
Life imitating art, Like I don't know, maybe finally took
a page and listened, like, shit, if everyone thinks we
should get divorced, maybe we should, they were correct.
Speaker 1 (17:36):
Curious, now that he's sober, like through this process, have
you reconsidered I mean, obviously you filed for divorce today,
so you didn't. But curious if along these months you
rethought the decision when you saw he was doing so well.
Speaker 2 (17:58):
I mean, I honestly had spent time taking care of
the kids and focusing on them, and they weren't ready
to see their dad. And I went to see him
once when he was in rehab and we were with
therapists and it got painful and argumentative.
Speaker 3 (18:22):
It was a lot.
Speaker 2 (18:23):
It was a lot, and I didn't feel like he
was doing well, like there was still a lot of
anger and aggression, and so I didn't go back. And
I know that hurt him a lot. He felt like
we abandoned him when he was going through that process.
(18:43):
But I had to do what was right for the kids,
and I, you know, we just had to get through
and do what was right for them at the time.
And you know, I do.
Speaker 3 (18:59):
He says, like, oh, I felt like you guys.
Speaker 2 (19:01):
Didn't check in on my progress and didn't and I
was like, you know what I was told by so
many people that have been with addicts, and that sometimes
you go into a place for nine months and you're
not allowed to contact your spouse or your family and
you just have to do your work. And so it
wasn't that I wasn't checking in. I was letting you
(19:24):
do what you need to do. And I wasn't consciously like, oh,
I'm not going to do this like I just I
was in the moment, going with five kids and their
emotions which were all over the place, while you know,
simultaneously being put all over the press that I was
(19:48):
homeless and like living in an RV, and just it
was like there was such other Matt. You know, we
had an airbnb like next door to a drug who
knew that until the morning when they're like, uh, you
need to vacate And the police showed up in the
swat and like there's an armed guy next door, and
it's like.
Speaker 3 (20:08):
What that with a hostage?
Speaker 2 (20:09):
We're like cool, Yeah, I thought it was a little
too quiet over there. Glad I didn't ever go over
and knock on the door for sugar. Don't know what
I would have gotten, but it's yeah, like our lives
didn't stop. My life never stops. There's always something. So
(20:33):
I had to just focus and oh, have I reconsidered.
I'm not gonna lie. There's moments where I'm like, should
I have stayed? What? What are the long term ramifications
on the children of staying in a marriage where they
(20:57):
have a family, they're in the same house, it's all intact,
you move fluidly, but there's so much unhappiness and so
much anger. At what point is it worth it to
have to have them go through that process where they're
separated and they go see different parents And I don't know,
(21:23):
Like I didn't know the answer to that till I
was in it. And and there's still times where I'm like, oh,
you know, because we do now have like family dinners
with Dean and his girlfriend. I didn't mean to say
it like that. It's just it's it's I would like
her a lot. I like Lily a lot. It's not that,
(21:45):
it's just, you know, it's different, right, It's just you know, Sorry.
I laugh when I get nervous. I make jokes when
I'm nervous. So I don't know how to process it.
Dean is a very good looking man that has never changed.
I think it just there was so much resentment built
up that I couldn't go back to that, which goes
(22:09):
to my theory. Now, I don't know if I believe
that everyone should end up with the person they have
kids with. I just don't know if it's ultimately possible.
I think while that is, you're human to create and
(22:29):
it comes out of love. Obviously you have to have
so much love to create and keep creating the family.
But it breaks a relationship. And I'm amazed when people
like now now that I'm hey, guys, I'm getting divorce.
Uh see, every time it gets easier and people are like,
(22:51):
I've been married fifty years, of kids, grandkids, I'm like, wow, Like,
I don't know how I think ye, I don't know.
It's my belief. Now we have like two soulmates or
two partners that we're supposed to have, one for that
chapter and one for our chapter where it becomes about us.
It's funny it goes from about us to about others
(23:14):
to back to being about us again. And yeah, like
any partner I have now, I'm sure I'll look at
them if they've had kids and be like, wow, I
couldn't have had kids with you, Like it would have
just like ruined what we have. It's challenging.
Speaker 1 (23:43):
So what are you thinking about for this next chapter?
I mean, the divorce is just happening now, but you
must have given some thought to will you date again?
Could you ever see yourself getting married again?
Speaker 2 (23:59):
Oh? Love? Planning a wedding? Jayla? Did it? How many times?
Four times? There you go? Sure?
Speaker 3 (24:14):
Elizabeth Taylor?
Speaker 2 (24:15):
How many times? Eight? Sure? Why not?
Speaker 1 (24:22):
That's not your priority right now?
Speaker 2 (24:26):
Should I make it my priority?
Speaker 1 (24:28):
I don't think so much.
Speaker 3 (24:30):
You know what? I hate you?
Speaker 2 (24:32):
Sorry you say this all the time. I'm talking to
Ruthan right now. Be with yourself. Be happy with yourself.
I don't want to be with myself. I don't know.
And people are like, wait, this is a lot. You
should be happy with yourself alone. I haven't been alone,
(24:54):
like I like, honestly, like I still don't poople, like
bo still stands there and stares and talks to me
like while I'm pooping, Like it's just like I don't know.
I haven't pooped peede alone in eighteen years. Yeah, vers
it was dean and it was kids. Like, I don't know.
(25:20):
I think I functioned better with people. Is that codependent?
Speaker 3 (25:27):
Yes? Cool?
Speaker 2 (25:28):
Redefine it. Oh, and I have one friend he's a
recovering attitude, so he too, I said, like it's me.
But because my husband is ex husband, wait, I can
call him my ex husband now a strange let's fun
say strange husband. I still say babe. I always called
(25:48):
him babe. Like I say babe in front of his girlfriend,
and I'm like, what am I supposed to call him dean?
Like I have not called him dean in eighteen years,
Like it's so weird. I guess when I get a
boyfriend or someone else that I call babe, I guess
I'll stop calling him babe. I hope it's going to
(26:10):
be amicable. We're co parenting very well right now, like yeah,
you know, like the kids are seeing him again and
they're happy with his progress and the work he's done
on himself, and they're proud of him, and we like
(26:34):
his girlfriend, and we all co parent together and live
in the dream. I don't know.
Speaker 3 (26:43):
Yeah, you hope it works out like that.
Speaker 2 (26:44):
You always hope that. I don't know. I don't know
what's going to happen now, because now it's kind of
out of our hands and it's going to be with
lawyers and courts, and I think they're not quite always
used to things not getting messy with celebrities, So I
don't know. I don't think either of us wanted to
(27:07):
get messy. Life's messy. I don't know, probably
Misspelling with Tori Spelling and iHeartRadio podcast.
Speaker 2 (00:15):
I this guttural scream came out of me, and I
was like, it wasn't even like a scream, like like
sexy scream, like running in a horror film. It was
beast like. It wasn't pretty at all. I would love
to have seen what my face looked like. I'm sure
it was all contorted.
Speaker 3 (00:32):
And I was like, fuck, cute, wow.
Speaker 2 (00:38):
And I took my most prized possession. In that moment.
Speaker 3 (00:43):
My baked potato was loaded to perfection.
Speaker 2 (00:46):
And I smashed it on the ground. I've never seen
a baked potato fly like that. Let me just say.
It was to wall potato. It was on the floor,
it was on the oven, it was it was everywhere.
And I was like, noe to oneself. Later tonight, on
your ambien, you will come out here and you will
(01:07):
lick this all up and eat it properly. Anyway back
to the story. And then I I was like, oh shit,
that was too far. Look what I just did. I'm dude,
eat the kitchen. Oh. So I then went and locked
(01:29):
myself in our bedroom. Our bedroom, me and the kids,
Christina and I didn't sleep together for like three years,
different bedrooms.
Speaker 3 (01:38):
Yeah, his choice.
Speaker 2 (01:42):
Like he gave an interview saying he stopped sleeping in
the bed because of a pig. That is not true.
There was a pig in the bed. But the pig
was in the bed. In two thousand and seventeen, when
I was pregnant, we had a baby pig. And that
(02:03):
baby pig they told me that it needs to be
in a bed. I was just following orders that it
was used to snuggling and it needed that for a
few nights. But then when it peed between us in
the bed, he was like, the pig's leaving the bed,
and I was like understood, and that was it. That
was the only night the pig was in the bed.
(02:24):
And anyway, yeah, that pig. Jenny took that pig when
I lived on her farm for many years. But anyway,
I never had like the animals and kids didn't come
between us and the bed.
Speaker 3 (02:41):
He would always say, it's because I slept with.
Speaker 2 (02:42):
The TV on. But it's like I think I had
the TV on for distraction, like to distract from my life,
like I would just zone out and be entertained, which
is what my dad said. That's what he always wanted
to do. Like people have hard days, hard work, hard lives,
hard relationships, and it's all individual and when they get home,
(03:07):
they just kind of want to zone out and be
entertained and taken out of their world escape, isn't so
that's what I was just creating for myself because guess what.
It's funny he's no longer in my bed, no longer
in the marriage. Oh that's right, I filed for divorce. Okay,
I'm getting used to this. I don't even sleep with
the TV on anymore? Isn't that ironic?
Speaker 3 (03:31):
Just curious?
Speaker 1 (03:32):
When your dad passed, how did that impact you? I mean,
how did that affect your life moving forward? Emotionally from
a business standpoint? I mean, you're saying you use TV
to distract yourself, and you're referencing your dad, So wondering
(03:55):
if he was sort of in the back of your
mind during this moment or any moments consciously, or now
as you have just filed for divorce.
Speaker 2 (04:15):
That's a really good question. I think I'm so used
to repressing feelings. I used to tell Dean this all
the time, Like once in a blue moon, if I
would cry about something, I'd be like, I'm so sorry,
and he'd be like, wait, why are you sorry. I
was like, because crying is a sign of weakness, and
he was like, who told you that? I was like
I had to think about it. Was like, no one
(04:36):
told me that. It's just I've always been this way,
like you don't cry. And I was like, oh, that's
so weird. That is weird. Yeah, I still don't cry.
Speaker 1 (04:47):
But do you think that came from your dad?
Speaker 2 (04:50):
Yeah? I never saw my parents. Really, My parents never
argued in front of us. They never yeah, talked about
anything emotional. We you know, just talked about family stuff,
talked about my dad's work, and I was all on board,
(05:12):
like to talk about casting and doing but it's really
all we talked about. Like he never like asked about
like relationships or if I liked a boy or I
remember one time at the dinner table, my uncle Danny
came into town and he's like I was in only
twenties and he's like, so he's like, when are you
(05:33):
gonna get married? You know, when you're gonna have kids?
Speaker 3 (05:37):
And my dad's like, don't ask her that. We don't
talk about that.
Speaker 2 (05:41):
And I always thought, wait, why, Okay, yep, we don't
talk about that. It was just like normal. But I
don't know why, Like why didn't we talk about that?
Why didn't he want to talk about my happiness and
like what would happen to me? And personally, I don't know.
Never got to ask.
Speaker 4 (06:02):
I have a question, Torry, and if you don't want
to answer it, totally, yes, Lorrain in the front row. Okay,
so you talk about how you had a fairy tale
in your head? Yeah, what was Dean's? Do you think
he had a fairy tale in his head? He was
marrying the daughter of a Hollywood mogul. Do you think
he had a vision of what that was going to
(06:23):
look like? Was there a lifestyle he was expecting to list?
Speaker 2 (06:30):
That's interesting because I don't know the answer to that,
because what I know is that, you know, he was
a working actor. He had this great life in Toronto.
He supported his wife and son. They owned houses. Like
I was like, oh, okay, you know it's this guy's
(06:53):
you know, he's done a lot. I always felt like,
I don't know, I always felt ashamed that maybe on
some level, like by hooking up with me, he well,
you know, they would start like, oh, mister Tory spelling Yeah,
(07:17):
and I guess I've always held onto that, and sometimes
when we fought, like that would come up and I
just felt really sad because I didn't know the answer
to that. I'll never know I was living it. It's
just like on some level, Yeah, I guess he's just
always attached to me.
Speaker 1 (07:33):
Sorry, So finish the story about the Instagram post and
what sort of put the wheels in motion for you
guys to officially separate.
Speaker 2 (07:47):
Ah. He was fired up and he came. We have
an out We had an outdoor. The Primary, very sweet
had an outdoor entrance, so he was like banging on
the door. I locked, which the Primaries off the kitchen,
(08:11):
so exited the kitchen went into my bedroom. Anyway, he
came around the side because I hadn't thought about that
and I hadn't locked those doors. So he came in
and he was very very upset, and he said I
wanted divorce.
Speaker 3 (08:29):
This is over.
Speaker 2 (08:30):
And I said, okay, great, Okay. I mean he's threatening
that a million times. I don't think I've ever threatened that,
like ever, and there were times where I desperately wanted it,
but like, I would never throw that in someone's face
if I didn't actually mean it and so anyway, because
(08:51):
words like I don't know, people forget feelings, but you'd
always remember words.
Speaker 1 (08:57):
And so when he threatened it and you said fine,
were you at the point where you were ready or.
Speaker 3 (09:07):
Was this to you just another fight where that was thrown?
Speaker 2 (09:10):
Ugh, that was another fight. It's just another Friday night. Yeah,
sure did, because I didn't have the balls sleave, like,
you know, why do you have to have balls sleave? Anyway,
all of a sudden it was on Instagram, and it
(09:31):
was one of those like weird when you know, two
celebrities kind of a publicist crafts a joint statement and
you asked for privacy and you both posted, but he
was the only one posting it, but it read as
if it was coming from both of us, which I
was like, whoa. My daughter found it first and said, mom,
(10:01):
dad just posted on social media. That's you guys are
getting a divorce. And I said what And then I
looked at it and it was I'm not kidding you, guys.
(10:21):
I felt like this giant rock had been lifted off
my chest. I could breathe deeply, and I was like.
Speaker 5 (10:33):
Oh my god, he said it.
Speaker 2 (10:37):
He said it, So now I'm free, like everything has
started and this I couldn't do it, and he did it,
and now I can move on.
Speaker 3 (10:49):
He's put it out there, let's go.
Speaker 2 (10:51):
Yes, I needed this, you know, like I couldn't do
it myself, so I thought, you know, And then.
Speaker 3 (11:01):
A beat after that, Estella started.
Speaker 2 (11:04):
Crying and she said, no, mom, you're acting like this
is a good thing. And I was like, no, no, no,
but I'm just saying and she's like, do you know
how embarrassing my friends have to read this? And then
I was like, oh my god, I felt so shamed again.
And I was like, oh, oh no, I didn't think
(11:26):
of it that way. I was just like I'm free, yeah, okay,
and he's and she was like he needs to take
this down and I was like yeah, yeah, okay, yep.
So you know, he was in his bedroom, we were
in ours. I called him, he wouldn't pick up. I
(11:46):
texted him, he wouldn't pick up. Stella texted him and
he was like he was still you know, at that point,
he was in the height of his addiction, so he
wasn't understanding and clearly what she was asking and what
was happening to everyone around him at that moment. So
(12:06):
he was like, you don't understand. It's been a long
time coming. You know, Mom and I are going to
co parent everything. And she's like, she literally said, Dad,
you're not understanding. It's not about that. You guys can
get a divorce, you should, but you just put it
out there publicly before we've dealt with it, Like that
(12:30):
shouldn't be the case anyway, you know, you know what happens,
like as soon as it's out there, one person takes
one screenshot and it doesn't matter if you delete it.
It's permanent. So no, but he did delete it at
eleven am on Saturday morning. That was a rough night
(12:53):
with the kids. Yeah, he deleted it, but it was
out there everywhere, every where. And what made it worse
is I didn't comment, like so it was like I
hadn't It's like I didn't exist, you know, like I
had my story, the kids had their story. He needed help,
(13:19):
But yeah, I had to just.
Speaker 6 (13:21):
Watch the stories trickle out of what was happening, and
then people following and saying he took it down, you know,
obviously prompted by spelling, like and he's taken it down now,
So what's going on?
Speaker 2 (13:37):
Are they not going a divorce?
Speaker 3 (13:38):
Was it a fight?
Speaker 2 (13:39):
And I was just like, oh, please, let us get
a divorce. If it was up to me, he wouldn't
have taken it down, but it hurt the kids, so
they wanted it down.
Speaker 5 (13:48):
But yeah, so.
Speaker 1 (13:59):
What happened next that next day? Like when did he
move out?
Speaker 2 (14:07):
We took it down on Saturday. Sunday was Father's Day.
I pulled it together enough to make.
Speaker 3 (14:16):
A charcouterie board.
Speaker 2 (14:20):
It was a really good one too. We all had that.
We played a game of clue with Dean. We did
what we usually did, which is the same thing we
did growing up in my house. We didn't talk about emotions,
just went on as if nothing happened. Everyone pretend nothing happened.
Here we go, put her on a happy face. Yeah,
(14:47):
and then, you know, at the same time, we were
dealing with mold in our house and we had to
get out of that house anyway.
Speaker 3 (14:55):
So we left. We left.
Speaker 2 (15:00):
The kids and I left and we never went back.
That was on June eighteen nineteen, that Monday morning. Yeah,
we never went back. He stayed take care of the
animals until he finished moving out of that house, and
then he I helped find a rehab for him to
(15:26):
go to, and he went and he was there one month,
oh yeah, one or two months, and then he went
to sober living. Anyway, he's been sober since June twenty
(15:53):
twenty three, and I'm very proud of him. And we've
been down this road before, no one really publicly now
was like a few times. And I hope for him
and for the kids that it sticks. I really do.
Speaker 1 (16:15):
Given how much time has passed between that fateful night
when he posted the Instagram post and now, I think
a lot of people thought this is never going to happen.
They're not actually going to get divorced.
Speaker 2 (16:32):
And people have been writing our story and the outcome
of our marriage since we got married. They literally were like,
it won't last six months. Then I had something to prove,
you know, go big or get home, screw you. I'll
make it last eighteen painful years. I like even numbers.
(16:58):
I'm glad it ended on an eight. Yeah, so.
Speaker 3 (17:05):
Yeah, they had.
Speaker 2 (17:06):
I mean you could pull up fifty million tabloids that say,
like Tori Spelling, d McDermott divorcing, and this was like
two years, three years into our marriage. They've been writing
those stories since then.
Speaker 3 (17:21):
And it's just like.
Speaker 2 (17:24):
Life imitating art, Like I don't know, maybe finally took
a page and listened, like, shit, if everyone thinks we
should get divorced, maybe we should, they were correct.
Speaker 1 (17:36):
Curious, now that he's sober, like through this process, have
you reconsidered I mean, obviously you filed for divorce today,
so you didn't. But curious if along these months you
rethought the decision when you saw he was doing so well.
Speaker 2 (17:58):
I mean, I honestly had spent time taking care of
the kids and focusing on them, and they weren't ready
to see their dad. And I went to see him
once when he was in rehab and we were with
therapists and it got painful and argumentative.
Speaker 3 (18:22):
It was a lot.
Speaker 2 (18:23):
It was a lot, and I didn't feel like he
was doing well, like there was still a lot of
anger and aggression, and so I didn't go back. And
I know that hurt him a lot. He felt like
we abandoned him when he was going through that process.
(18:43):
But I had to do what was right for the kids,
and I, you know, we just had to get through
and do what was right for them at the time.
And you know, I do.
Speaker 3 (18:59):
He says, like, oh, I felt like you guys.
Speaker 2 (19:01):
Didn't check in on my progress and didn't and I
was like, you know what I was told by so
many people that have been with addicts, and that sometimes
you go into a place for nine months and you're
not allowed to contact your spouse or your family and
you just have to do your work. And so it
wasn't that I wasn't checking in. I was letting you
(19:24):
do what you need to do. And I wasn't consciously like, oh,
I'm not going to do this like I just I
was in the moment, going with five kids and their
emotions which were all over the place, while you know,
simultaneously being put all over the press that I was
(19:48):
homeless and like living in an RV, and just it
was like there was such other Matt. You know, we
had an airbnb like next door to a drug who
knew that until the morning when they're like, uh, you
need to vacate And the police showed up in the
swat and like there's an armed guy next door, and
it's like.
Speaker 3 (20:08):
What that with a hostage?
Speaker 2 (20:09):
We're like cool, Yeah, I thought it was a little
too quiet over there. Glad I didn't ever go over
and knock on the door for sugar. Don't know what
I would have gotten, but it's yeah, like our lives
didn't stop. My life never stops. There's always something. So
(20:33):
I had to just focus and oh, have I reconsidered.
I'm not gonna lie. There's moments where I'm like, should
I have stayed? What? What are the long term ramifications
on the children of staying in a marriage where they
(20:57):
have a family, they're in the same house, it's all intact,
you move fluidly, but there's so much unhappiness and so
much anger. At what point is it worth it to
have to have them go through that process where they're
separated and they go see different parents And I don't know,
(21:23):
Like I didn't know the answer to that till I
was in it. And and there's still times where I'm like, oh,
you know, because we do now have like family dinners
with Dean and his girlfriend. I didn't mean to say
it like that. It's just it's it's I would like
her a lot. I like Lily a lot. It's not that,
(21:45):
it's just, you know, it's different, right, It's just you know, Sorry.
I laugh when I get nervous. I make jokes when
I'm nervous. So I don't know how to process it.
Dean is a very good looking man that has never changed.
I think it just there was so much resentment built
up that I couldn't go back to that, which goes
(22:09):
to my theory. Now, I don't know if I believe
that everyone should end up with the person they have
kids with. I just don't know if it's ultimately possible.
I think while that is, you're human to create and
(22:29):
it comes out of love. Obviously you have to have
so much love to create and keep creating the family.
But it breaks a relationship. And I'm amazed when people
like now now that I'm hey, guys, I'm getting divorce.
Uh see, every time it gets easier and people are like,
(22:51):
I've been married fifty years, of kids, grandkids, I'm like, wow, Like,
I don't know how I think ye, I don't know.
It's my belief. Now we have like two soulmates or
two partners that we're supposed to have, one for that
chapter and one for our chapter where it becomes about us.
It's funny it goes from about us to about others
(23:14):
to back to being about us again. And yeah, like
any partner I have now, I'm sure I'll look at
them if they've had kids and be like, wow, I
couldn't have had kids with you, Like it would have
just like ruined what we have. It's challenging.
Speaker 1 (23:43):
So what are you thinking about for this next chapter?
I mean, the divorce is just happening now, but you
must have given some thought to will you date again?
Could you ever see yourself getting married again?
Speaker 2 (23:59):
Oh? Love? Planning a wedding? Jayla? Did it? How many times?
Four times? There you go? Sure?
Speaker 3 (24:14):
Elizabeth Taylor?
Speaker 2 (24:15):
How many times? Eight? Sure? Why not?
Speaker 1 (24:22):
That's not your priority right now?
Speaker 2 (24:26):
Should I make it my priority?
Speaker 1 (24:28):
I don't think so much.
Speaker 3 (24:30):
You know what? I hate you?
Speaker 2 (24:32):
Sorry you say this all the time. I'm talking to
Ruthan right now. Be with yourself. Be happy with yourself.
I don't want to be with myself. I don't know.
And people are like, wait, this is a lot. You
should be happy with yourself alone. I haven't been alone,
(24:54):
like I like, honestly, like I still don't poople, like
bo still stands there and stares and talks to me
like while I'm pooping, Like it's just like I don't know.
I haven't pooped peede alone in eighteen years. Yeah, vers
it was dean and it was kids. Like, I don't know.
(25:20):
I think I functioned better with people. Is that codependent?
Speaker 3 (25:27):
Yes? Cool?
Speaker 2 (25:28):
Redefine it. Oh, and I have one friend he's a
recovering attitude, so he too, I said, like it's me.
But because my husband is ex husband, wait, I can
call him my ex husband now a strange let's fun
say strange husband. I still say babe. I always called
(25:48):
him babe. Like I say babe in front of his girlfriend,
and I'm like, what am I supposed to call him dean?
Like I have not called him dean in eighteen years,
Like it's so weird. I guess when I get a
boyfriend or someone else that I call babe, I guess
I'll stop calling him babe. I hope it's going to
(26:10):
be amicable. We're co parenting very well right now, like yeah,
you know, like the kids are seeing him again and
they're happy with his progress and the work he's done
on himself, and they're proud of him, and we like
(26:34):
his girlfriend, and we all co parent together and live
in the dream. I don't know.
Speaker 3 (26:43):
Yeah, you hope it works out like that.
Speaker 2 (26:44):
You always hope that. I don't know. I don't know
what's going to happen now, because now it's kind of
out of our hands and it's going to be with
lawyers and courts, and I think they're not quite always
used to things not getting messy with celebrities, So I
don't know. I don't think either of us wanted to
(27:07):
get messy. Life's messy. I don't know, probably
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