May 7, 2024 • 44 mins
Hooray for May, sort of!
A bittersweet month for Tori as she would have been celebrating her 18th wedding anniversary this month.
She remembers all the DIY gifts she made through the years, and through the tears.
Meanwhile, the mother of five contemplates her Mother’s Day plans and the guilt she can’t quite shake!
Plus, a conversation about massage parlors begs the question, will Tori ever find her happy ending?
See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.
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Episode Transcript
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Speaker 1 (00:08):
Misspelling with Tory spelling an iHeartRadio podcast.
Speaker 2 (00:15):
It's May, you guys, it's a huge month for me.
Well it was a huge month. It's still a huge month.
So anyway, let me jump right in. I would always
tell Dean that he didn't plan on this, but when
we got together and decided to get married May seventh,
(00:38):
we eloped, planned a whole wedding by ourselves on a
private highland in Fiji. Oh it was so good. You know.
We didn't think long term. We were just like in
the moment. So then all of a sudden we got pregnant.
You know. I had a baby a year later ish,
so Mother's Day became a thing, and then my birthday.
(01:01):
So I would always be like, hey, buddy, sorry, you're screwed.
You got three Tory days to deal with, essentially in May,
and then there's May Day and synco to my own
things like that. But so anyway, this never really was
something I thought about, because it's just, you know, wheels
(01:22):
in motion, you go along. We were married eighteen years
until no joke. Two days ago one of my best friends,
Bill Gunkle. Bill said to me, oh, he's an organizer.
He likes a good cleanup of his calendar. He said, oh,
I just realized I'm able to remove May seventh, your
wedding anniversary from my calendar, and that that kind of
(01:46):
hit me and I was like, oh, wow, yeah, I mean,
obviously I felled for divorce. Obviously we're getting a divorce,
but I hadn't thought about that, and I was like, wow,
that maya like May seventh is just going to be
another day from now on. And that made me kind
(02:07):
of think about a lot of things. And I was
that girl that took a lot of pride in anniversaries
like our wedding anniversary was you know me, I'm if
you don't know me, welcome to me. I'm a di wire.
I'm a crafter to the core. All my kids came
(02:28):
out of you to row crafting because I made them.
And yeah, so I would always make something for Dean
on our wedding anniversary because you know, I mean, obviously,
you know, anyone can buy someone something allegedly, but if
you can, that's very nice. But I feel like I
(02:48):
always say homemade equals love and it you know, whether
that's in the past, the present, or the future. I
still maintain that and I'm more of a traditional girl. Yeah,
I know, shot right, with a lot of modern values.
So I'm kind of like fifty to fifty no pun intended,
like I'm half fifty's housewife and half like futuristic like barbaralla,
(03:14):
and I would always go to there's a traditional list
so you can like google this traditional wedding anniversary presence
and then a modern one, which I don't know when
that all separated, Like when did someone say, hey, we're
going to throw in like a new wedding anniversary. This
is the modern one, Like what's wrong with the traditional one?
Like well, if a name broke, well I fix it.
(03:37):
But anyway, it gave me options, So that was always
good because some years I was like, ooh, I can
craft something with that, and some years I was like,
not so great on the traditional, let me check the modern.
But every year I would make him something and super proud,
and I'm talking like one year it was leather, so
(03:57):
I made him like a leather cuff and had it
stamped in like our anniversary ran the back and just
like a really cool thing. One year. I know this
because I just found it in storage recently, you know
my storage woes. That's a good one and so storage
wars my storage woes. Rthan add that to the list
(04:19):
for something to make in the future. Cool. I found
a bench that I made him and no joke. I well,
my friend Chris came over and helped me. I have
to give a credit where credit is due. But I
went to the lumberyard. And I don't know why I
had to say it like that, because woman can go
to the lumberyard too and be like, I'm at the lumberyard.
(04:42):
But I went to the lumberyard and got really cool
pieces of wood. Sorry, and made the bench. Took a
stencil and wrote on it, I want to grow old
with you or something. Look, I'm conveniently like blocking it
out because it hurts, but it doesn't hurt. I done inside,
(05:05):
but it fine. I have feelings. Anyone jump out?
Speaker 3 (05:11):
How big was the bench? Like? Could one person sit
on it or multiple?
Speaker 2 (05:16):
Or it was supposed to be a bench for two.
And the inspiration behind it was, you know, you see
those cute old couple sitting on a bench and oh
my god, I'm tearing up. I do have feelings. Look
at that chickxus. The intention was that all these beautiful
(05:44):
babies we had created together they would go on to
have families of their own. And I am always and
will remain always excited to grow our family because you
know what, at the end of the day, he and
I and our kids were a family unit. He's the father.
(06:04):
You know, whether we're married and together or not, you know,
we're all in this together. And excited to be a
grandmother and a great grandmother and yeah, and watching our
family grow and grow and grow. I mean, we got
five kids, so I better have a lot of fun.
Speaker 3 (06:23):
A big bench.
Speaker 2 (06:25):
No, the benching for them. M the bench isn't for them.
The bench was for he and I to sit on
it together. Like those photos you see of like old
couples still holding hands. We used to send pictures to
each other with like old couples you would see and
like still holding hands, and it's like wow, And we did.
(06:49):
We always held hands. That was like a thing, except
except in like the last year or two. I guess,
I guess. Yeah, that was one of the one of
the signs there were fifty million. But yeah, like you
would see those couples in their eighties, like still walking
down the street holding hands. I mean they just otherwise
(07:09):
would fall down. They had to support each other. They
couldn't walk straight without each other. But nonetheless, I bought
into the love story and I was like, oh my gosh,
that's so cute. Like we'd see, you know, pictures of
couples like at the beach and just like doing things
and just still, you know, in it.
Speaker 3 (07:30):
So you made the bench? Was that like with hammer
and nails or was it glued together.
Speaker 2 (07:36):
Or I screwed it in? I had nails. It was
stable as fuck, like that impressive. We'll till it wasn't
it broke?
Speaker 3 (07:47):
What other things did you make besides the match for
your anniversaries?
Speaker 2 (07:53):
Oh my god, I made there's a specific name for it,
when you make a tray that you put your like
jewelry or men put their their watch. I made him
a Valet tray. And I got a tray and I
went round this took a while, and found pennies from
(08:13):
the year he was born nineteen sixty six, the year
I was born nineteen seventy three, and the year we
were married two thousand and six. And I got those
pennies and I glued them and mod podge the shit
out of that. Oh god, I'm a good mod podger.
I had to get back into that. That was my
(08:36):
strong suit. And I made this tray that was just
very functional, like it was all blacked and shit. He
appreciated all the gifts I made him, but yeah, that
was a good one. Leather cuff. If you tell me
one of the traditional ones, I can tell you what
I made.
Speaker 3 (08:55):
Him, paper metal, gold, silver.
Speaker 2 (09:02):
No, I'm blanket, I've got nothing.
Speaker 3 (09:04):
Oh m.
Speaker 2 (09:06):
The brass cockering was really good that year. That's really
I hammered it. Oh my god, I'm so talented. Welded
it well. Wow, going back to the bench, it says
grow old with me dot dot dot. Yeah. On the
(09:27):
legs were our wedding date, and then on the other
leg was are the current date. And we put it
in each house. We moved a lot, a lot because
I was always chasing the dream. Like you know, it
wasn't us, it wasn't the relationship. It was the house.
(09:49):
Oh that reminds me of a horror film. It's not
the house, it's your son. Ooh, insidious one. Fuck yeah,
I nailed it, still got it, thank you. So that
resonated like every horror film. It wasn't the house, it
(10:09):
was never the house. So I kept moving and kept moving,
and let's start where it all began. When we got married.
We were filming my series So Notorious, and Diana and
I got together while we were filming that, and anyway,
the set designer helped me create this amazing like iron
(10:33):
stand with a cute plaque that said McDermott Baby Farm
established two thousand and six. The day we got married,
I was a farm. I was like, pull pushing them out.
Mine's the push, ripping that zipper open, taking them out.
(10:55):
So we put that and moved that so many times
until I mean it was weathered and cracked and just
the demise of that. Yeah. But the bench, the bench
survived till it fell to pieces. It got rained on.
I didn't think of that that the rain would wear
on it. It rusted, it broke, you guys. That's I
(11:19):
guess what the heart of it is is that it broke.
And when it broke, I put too much emotional symbolism
and placement on. As Dean has told me in adamant objects.
At some point it just was getting wobbly, it was
getting shaky, and I was like the bench and we'd
(11:42):
moved in. He's like, oh, the bench is a little wobbly.
I was like, oh, we got to fix it. We
got to fix it, and we never fixed it, so
eventually it broke. Oh I kept it though, I kept
the wood pieces, of course I did, saying I'm going
to put it back together, and then sat in the
garage in pieces for a few years, like my marriage basically,
(12:10):
and then I found in storage.
Speaker 3 (12:13):
So and what did you do with it?
Speaker 2 (12:16):
Uh? Duh? I took a picture of it to show
to you, guys. I don't know.
Speaker 1 (12:21):
No, I mean, did you do you still have it?
Did you throw the pieces away? Is it sitting in
that last storage lockery still at.
Speaker 2 (12:28):
I have no storagelockers, so I'm done that you've.
Speaker 3 (12:31):
Had one left?
Speaker 2 (12:32):
Nope?
Speaker 3 (12:33):
Congratulations, thank you?
Speaker 2 (12:44):
Oh my god, my heart just sink. I'm panic now.
I don't know where it is. I feel like you, guys,
I need to burn it. No, no, don't burn it.
Can you not do that?
Speaker 3 (12:57):
I don't know. I think the metaphor is better now
without burning it.
Speaker 2 (13:01):
Oh, it's metatorical.
Speaker 1 (13:05):
Here's what I think you should do if you can
find it, is take a little piece of that wood
and put it in like a box picture frame, and
just as a keepsake, you know, a piece a piece
of the bench.
Speaker 3 (13:18):
I don't think you need to burn it. You know,
you guys are on good terms.
Speaker 2 (13:24):
No, no, no, I didn't mean, uh, I don't know
why I'm gonna cry. I didn't mean burn it like
bad for him. I mean burning it as a symbolism
of letting go right past and moving on at the
future is not what you do.
Speaker 3 (13:41):
I think you can totally do that.
Speaker 1 (13:42):
What matters is if the symbolism means something to you, right,
It's like, if that to you means moving on, letting
it go, then it will would probably be a good
thing for.
Speaker 2 (13:54):
You to do. Well, I'm not going to grow old
with him.
Speaker 1 (13:58):
So well you you know what you kind of are
just not as a married couple. You know, you're still
you're still tied by five amazing children. So it's just
a different kind of growing up.
Speaker 2 (14:13):
I don't like regular ties. Can we double not it?
Speaker 3 (14:15):
You will find somebody, Oh my god, you.
Speaker 2 (14:18):
Guys every week this is not going to be about me, like,
oh no, poor me, I'm alone and single. Oh, or
it can be. I mean, I don't know. Can we
go back to it for a second, Yeah, can we
look up what would have been? Just tell me what
it would have been. I'll tell you what I'd make.
Speaker 3 (14:36):
Hit year would this have been?
Speaker 2 (14:38):
This would be eighteen? Correct, eighteen. I always say we
were married eighteen years, but technically I'm not divorced yet,
so it's not final. So true, I wasn't lying. Parcelain porcelain.
Oh good teeth. Here you go, buddy, I'm gonna make
(15:03):
a necklace out of them. How woud his girlfriend feel
about that? If you ever loved me, you won't wear
my porcelain teeth around your neck? Five of them for
the five beautiful kids we made. How can you say
no to that? Sorry, Lily, you know I love you. Okay,
(15:29):
we had a vow renewal at four years in. I mean,
granted it was we did it on our reality show
Torri and Dean Home Sweet Hollywood. But that's crazy now.
I call it the bowel removal. By the way, unpacking.
(15:53):
Speaking of unpacking from storage, my daughter Stella brings in
a box. This just happened yesterday and she goes, of course,
she's sassy, God, she's so clever, and she goes, I
(16:14):
unpacked this box, and I was like, oh, this is
not coming into the house. So she led with that,
which crushed my soul. I was like, that's an antique.
What do you mean. I got that at a flea market.
That's very chic. And anyway, I digress, and she goes
and then I opened it. You guys, the thing she
(16:36):
found in this box, I can't make this shit up.
First of all, oh my god, it was like a
paperback flip through book of nine oh two one oh,
like a small one from the nineties.
Speaker 1 (16:51):
Uh.
Speaker 2 (16:51):
It was an intact fully wrapped bubblegum pack of our
cards and bubblegum, which she asked if they could like
do some like challenge and eat it, and I was
like nope. And I was like, I have to get
new teeth. I don't want you guys to as well.
That's that's gonna be hard. Two of them. Wonder how
(17:13):
much I could sell those for.
Speaker 3 (17:16):
That's definitely a collector's I.
Speaker 2 (17:18):
Know, like a polaroid photo from a photo shoot. Nino
two and o still intact a bag of teeth.
Speaker 1 (17:30):
No, we have made a bag of teeth, real teeth,
a bag of teeth.
Speaker 2 (17:36):
So it's like, oh sentimental Nino two and o oh,
look at that picture. Oh my god, you look so
great anyhow, and then the bag of teeth and she
was like, mom, what are these? And I was like, oh,
those are my wisdom teeth and she goes, that's disgusting.
(17:57):
Can I throw these away? I was like absolutely not.
And she goes, what are you gonna do with them?
When'd you get your wisdom teeth out? And I was like,
uh sixteen. She goes, that's disgusting. Yeah, root and all
all four perfectly intact. Might I add, oh, correction, those
(18:18):
I will send to Dean because mine are all shaved
to nubs because I'm getting finnars owed to my creepy past. Okay,
I'm gonna go on. This is my twenties from my
first TV movie I did in Canada. This is when
like they had smoke shops, but like La, it wasn't
a thing. And I got like the coolest Oh my god,
(18:42):
it's a cube and it's metal and it's like a
one hit. Back then we'd say pot. Now it's like
weed and it was a cube and I was like, Aha,
I'm gonna come back to LA and invent this because
no one has it in the States. Another thing I
put on my checklist of inventions. But she was like mom,
(19:03):
and I was like, whoa, it was the nineties, Like yeah,
mom had like a little bit of a stoner phase,
Like sorry, there was that, and what else. There was
a couple more creepy things that I was just like, yeah, oh,
I know what. It was a G string. It was clean.
(19:25):
I did a smell test. It was clean. You guys.
I went, it's a little musty. It's been there for years.
But I was like, oh my god, this is back
when it was super cool, Like this is so old
school but vs. Victoria's Secret PS. When I was young,
Victoria's Secret was super popular and then for decades it
(19:46):
was like like you couldn't wear it. It was like
not cool, and now it's totally cool with the kids again.
So my initials on brand, but it had a BS
on it, and I was like, oh, that's okay you
and I saved it, and so I was in there.
But anyway, collectively like nine two one zero, like old
school bubblegum teeth that had been ripped out, basically a
(20:12):
weed pen from the nineties and an old pair of
underwear creeped out. My kid, not gonna lie, not surprised,
and she wanted to dispose of all this and I
was like, nope, nope, we want to take a picture
of this content. I don't know what I'll do with
(20:33):
it all, but anyway, anyway, yes, and then there's Mother's Day.
This is my first single girl Mother's Day? What does
that mean? Like, I don't even know what that means?
(20:55):
And Stella, bless her heart, she was like, Mom, what
do you want to do for Mother's And I was like,
whatever you guys want. She's like, no, Mom, seriously, every
year you always say whatever we want, Like what do
you want? Take everybody out of the picture? What do
you like to do for fun? And I had no answer,
(21:18):
you guys? And that was that was startling because I
couldn't remember what I used to like to do for me.
I couldn't even think of it. I was like and
I kept saying, we wi we like sushi, and she's like, Mom,
you she was like, do you want to go get
(21:42):
a massage? And I was like no, no, no, no, it's
about you guys. She's like, no, Mom, it's not like
you do this every year like you plan and it's
about everybody else, Like what do you want? And I
couldn't remember what I like to do because it's been
so long that I've thought about doing something for me.
(22:06):
Ruth Anne, you knew me before I was married and
had kids. Do you remember what I used to like
to do?
Speaker 1 (22:13):
You really did get a lot of joy out of
all of your DIY things that you made and cooking.
I can remember you having. Did you say cooking fun
baking and cooking?
Speaker 2 (22:26):
Did you say hooking?
Speaker 3 (22:27):
No, I say cooking.
Speaker 2 (22:29):
Oh my god, you guys, I think I've gone deaf.
I've had kids screaming in my ear for a long time.
Speaker 3 (22:36):
Yeah, I remember you having a really good time hooking
some boulevard about three o'clock in the morning. Those were
good times.
Speaker 2 (22:46):
What do you mean, no, no cooking? I used to
hook rugs.
Speaker 1 (22:52):
Oh sorry, I'm not as crafty as you are. No.
Speaker 2 (22:56):
Jen taught me that, Like I can do a lot
of DIY. Jenny taught me. We would sit in her
house and she taught me how to hook a rug.
We went to she took me to Michael's for the
first time. But yeah, I remember I was so big
and dicopoge mm hm. Would you loved it?
Speaker 3 (23:16):
And it was nice because it was stuff you did
with your kids.
Speaker 2 (23:20):
So stop bringing them into this.
Speaker 3 (23:22):
Why they's supposed to be sort of for both of you.
It's the kids celebrating their mom.
Speaker 2 (23:29):
No, okay, interesting, there's two schools of thought. There's some
moms that literally are like, you know what, I'm in
this twenty four to seven every day. It's always about you, guys.
So this is my one day and I want the
day off. Lorraine, what type of mom? They're both like,
(23:51):
it's fair, both types of moms like do you want
to do what the kids want to do and spend
the day with them, or do you want, like, I'd
love to have some peace and quiet and do something
for me.
Speaker 4 (24:03):
I want to be this spaw mom, but I I'll
never be this spaw mom because of my guilt that
I have no idea why I have. But yes, every
day for them, even when it's Mother's Day.
Speaker 2 (24:13):
Unfortunately fair and my sentiment is exactly I want to
be that spa mom, which you guys, you know what.
The spot doesn't work for me. I just everyone's like,
go get a massage. Speaking of guilt, I can't get
(24:33):
a massage because I'm so worried the entire time like, oh,
they're working on me, they're doing something for me. What
about them? So I engage and ask about their lives
and then you guys know, like, it's not even about me.
I'm just this human like energy wise. People end up
(24:56):
just like about that sounded dirty about their lives, and
I embrace it and I end up giving them advice
and being like, oh my gosh. And then what happened?
And I've had one missus say oh my god, I've
been doing this for so long, and she as she's crying,
(25:19):
and she goes, that's a part. She brought up something
very emotional that she had repressed, and she said, I'm
so sorry. I have to take a moment. I am
embarrassed telling you this. And I promptly sat up and
hugged her and said don't oh my god, don't worry.
It's safe with me, and like, but I'm that human
(25:39):
that I'm just like, oh my gosh, it's so quiet.
And then I've had friends be like no, no, no,
you can't do that. So when you start a massage,
you don't you say thank you. You're gracious, and you're like, Okay,
I've had a hard week. I'm just going to be quiet,
and I'm like, okay, well I can't say that and
don't engage. You know, you're paying them, you're here, like
(26:02):
they're here and they want to do this, and don't engage.
So then when I don't engage and don't talk to them,
I sit in my head for like an hour being like,
oh my god, is she okay? Or and I don't
like men touching me during a paid massage, so I yeah,
(26:24):
I'm just like, oh god, I feel so bad. And
then I start to like go weird places like oh
my god, I feel so bad, like at least it's me,
Like imagine like men she has to deal with and
they're hairy and gross and like that type of human.
Like yeah, I go all kinds of crazy places. But
(26:45):
I sit there for an hour, just like tense, and
then afterwards like are you relaxed, And I'm like absolutely,
but I'm not anyway, Spa da mom.
Speaker 3 (26:59):
Anybody gives you a guest certificate for a massage, feel
free to pass it my way. I can relax during
a massage, really yeah. I not feel the urge to
talk or think about the massage therapist.
Speaker 2 (27:13):
Okay, wait, have you my friend? And I just had
this combo the other day about happy endings. Oh god,
oh too much for this podcast. Sorry my bad. No
one ever. We were talking about happy endings and it
(27:33):
was like, wow, this is a male and I were
talking about this, so I was curious, how do men
feel about it? And he was saying like not as
jam like could never even would not be okay with it.
But you know, clearly, you know, there's a lot of
(27:54):
my male friends are like, oh, yeah, that's a thing.
And I'm like, oh, that's so weird. And then he
posts the question to me, does this ever happen these
happy ending places with a woman? Like do they ever
give happy endings to a female or is it just males?
(28:15):
And I was like, I don't know, I don't know.
Speaker 3 (28:18):
Definitely not at Burke Williams.
Speaker 2 (28:20):
Burke Williams. Oh you go to fancy places now.
Speaker 3 (28:24):
Burke Williams was like, in the nineties.
Speaker 2 (28:26):
You pretended to work out at Crunch? Cool, right, yep? No.
I remember that I had a boyfriend then and he
loved Burke Williams. So we would like go to Crunch
and he'd work out and I'd like pretend to.
Speaker 5 (28:43):
Do the zoom book class or whatever boot camp, and
it would be so embarrassing because they have like glass
like glass so like everybody.
Speaker 2 (28:56):
Can see correct. And at Crunch in La it's on
Sunset Boulevard and they would always I'm not even kidding,
it would be like thirty people in there, and they'd
have on their headset and they'd be calling to you
to encourage you. They'd always call me out and I'd
be like, what is happening. They'd be like Toy, and
(29:20):
I'd be like, first of all, you know, I hate
my name said like toy, but then like I don't know.
It was yeah, it was late nineties.
Speaker 3 (29:31):
Out to say you've got the steps.
Speaker 2 (29:33):
For on or duh, yeah, you know I don't work out.
I don't do that shit. And I was probably gossip
being and like talking to my friend. I've been that
way since like high school anyway, chatty Kathy. But yeah,
I'd be like it'd be like Toy. I'm like, uh
huh it was like and they'd be like okay, oh Toy, No,
(30:00):
I'll be over in a second. I'd be like so shamed.
I literally one time it was this boot camp class
and the instructor had called me out three times and
I literally waited till she was like helping somebody else
in the corner, and I slipped out and slip out
a fucking ran I was like. And then from the
(30:24):
back she was like, you finally got it right. I
was like, bye, But I liked the little holes in
the wall, like the little places that are like in
a strip.
Speaker 3 (30:37):
Mall where you will get a happy ending.
Speaker 2 (30:41):
No, I don't want a happy ending, like if I
feel guilt with them, just like massaging my arm and leg.
Imagine the guilt I would feel if they were like
trying to like stroke my lady parts. Do you stroke
lady parts? If they were too oh my god, jggle
it just a little bit, not a little bit, a
(31:04):
lot and you gotta go fast. But whole other story, Yeah,
I would never be comfortable. But on rare occasion they
would go near your like butt and like almost too
close to the thighs. Have you ever had that happen?
And I'm like Rosen, I was like oooh, But then
(31:25):
You're like, I don't want to make them feel bad.
Perhaps this they're getting knots out of muscles, and so
I don't want to freeze up. So I'd be like Relax, relax,
They're doing nothing wrong. This is part of the job. Okay,
but I was like, whoa kind of close? That's kind
of close anyway. I am curious if a female has
(31:47):
ever gotten happy ending.
Speaker 3 (31:50):
All right, this Mother's Day and then your birthday?
Speaker 2 (31:54):
Oh god, okay, so there's Mother's Day. Ella, of course,
leader of the pack. She was like, mom, what do
you want to do? I had nothing. I couldn't remember
what I like, which leads me back to what do
I like to do? I must have had hobbies before kids,
(32:15):
Like in my twenties, what did I like to do
besides shop and drink? What did I like to do?
And rescue dogs? What did I like to do?
Speaker 3 (32:25):
I was going to say rescue dogs?
Speaker 1 (32:27):
I remember you making jewelry. I can think it always
goes back to you being like super crafty and having
an amazing artistic imagination and plugging into that that made
you really happy.
Speaker 2 (32:39):
Someone's like, you should get into pickleball. I love to
eat pickles. Pickles are a huge We do pickle tastings
in my house, like every two weeks, I'm not kidding,
a new kind of pickle comes out. We're on it,
and all my kids fall a suit. So if anyone
wants to send me anything, I would like pickles.
Speaker 3 (32:58):
That's a great idea.
Speaker 2 (33:02):
I should aim higher and caviar. Okay, anyway, what am
I gonna do? Here's what I told her. I said,
we used to love but it's still a wee thing.
But it's something I wanted to do. We haven't been
in a while because our lives have been chaos. I
wanted to go down to Little Tokyo and walk around,
(33:22):
and that's where I have often gotten a lot of
my inspiration. And I love the fashion district. And you
know what, I love revolving sushi down there. It's called Cora.
It's just so fun. Anyway, so do that.
Speaker 3 (33:39):
That sounds like a great thing to do for Mother's Day.
Speaker 2 (33:42):
So I love Oh you guys, I love dim sum.
Speaker 1 (33:45):
Oh well well there you just come up with some
great ideas. Great great mother's day.
Speaker 2 (33:53):
This podcast multi purpose. Okay, my birthday quickly, let's talk
about my birthday. You guys, you know I love green,
and green is the color. I'm a Taurus. I'm Tori.
I'm a Taurus. I love sushi. Oh we just see exactly.
(34:14):
I don't know what I love I'll find out I'm
learning about myself. Who knew me? Anyway? Yeah, so emerald
is my birthstone, which is not the reason I like green.
I just love green like Green's always been my jam.
Obviously I wear a lot of green. So anyway, So
(34:37):
what do you want to do for your birthday this year?
Having it be your first birthday as a single woman? Okay,
so the last two years, this is a fact, I
have been sick on my birthday. I had bronchitis on
my forty ninth birthday. Literally stayed in bed. They brought
the cake into me. I was like, one eye open,
(35:00):
which one works better with my botox? None? Okay? They
brought the cake in. I was like so sick. Okay,
got it? Missed my birthday. My fiftieth birthday, ruth An
was there. My mother threw a lovely she knows caviars
(35:21):
like Big Sam. Sorry when you grew up like I did,
like I was born eating caviar silver spoon. Oh, but
we got member, we got pearlized spoons. I still have
it me too, one of my purses. Remember to take
that out before I sell it, the purse, not the spoon. Mom.
(35:42):
I would never do that. I love that. But yeah,
so they had one in Paris. They opened up a
caviar restaurant bar here and lovely twenty person beautiful table
all my besties and you guys. Ironically was this massive,
(36:03):
big potato you guys, I'll send you a picture, you guys,
topped with the most heaping spoonful of caviar you've ever seen.
My other one of my other friends jokes, he was like,
oh my god, I don't even eat caviar or potatoes,
(36:25):
but when I'm being served a thousand dollars potato, I'm
going deep. WHOA. I don't know where I was going
with that one. Do you remember that?
Speaker 5 (36:34):
I do?
Speaker 2 (36:35):
And Hansen's my mom, Aw, this was so cute. So
Hansen's has been like my family since I was born.
My mom always every birthday Hanson's cake. She got individualized
Hanson's cakes for everybody to take home as the party
gets Hey, ruth Anne, what happened to your Hanson's cake?
Speaker 1 (36:55):
My Hanson's cake ran into a few things somehow, I'm
not quite sure or how it ended up on my glasses.
Speaker 3 (37:03):
In my purse.
Speaker 2 (37:04):
Well, it ran into a few things, including your fingers
and hands. I heard all about this on the ride home.
I don't today just make you blush.
Speaker 3 (37:12):
I don't think so, just hot.
Speaker 2 (37:17):
Hot flash anyway. Yeah, but my point was it was
just my big birthday. Wearing green. Of course looked amazing,
but I was sick. It was right after we had
the mold poisoning and I was so sick. I was
on antibiotics. I may I drank through it, but I
(37:41):
literally I was so sick during that birthday. So fingers
crossed and put it out there my fifty first birthday,
I'm going to be well and I'm going to have
a bomb ass birthday. What are we doing? Nothing planned?
I know Everyone's like, what do you want to do?
And I'm like, I'm me, I don't know. I hate surprises.
(38:04):
You guys all know that. You know what. That's old me.
I don't hate surprises. Surprise me away. Oh god, I
don't know, but that's that's me. I'm more focused. And
Memorial Day week and I'm like, three day weekend, what
do I do for the kids. Oh, it's pool season.
Speaker 3 (38:21):
Like, I don't know, We'll come up with something really
fun for your birthday.
Speaker 2 (38:27):
Kids can be so manipulative, as you know. I always
started to see the way that for my kids. I
was like, Hey, so maybe my birthday or you know,
one night that week, I'm gonna go out with friends
and I'll have like a friend night and like go
and do adult things and you know, go have drinks
and go, you know, like ad night out. And Stella
(38:50):
was like, you're not going to spend your birthday with us?
And I was like oh oh, And I was like
I tried to like justify it as moms do you think?
And You're like, well, it's a school night, so why
don't I go out that night and have like my
fun night out with my friends? And then I was like, baby,
it's all fun with you guys. And then that weekend
(39:12):
we'll have a weekend where we're all together. And she's like, okay,
if that's what you want, I was like, oh, that's
what I want. Like crap, this sucks, Like what are
we supposed to do? Like, okay on my birthday? You know,
this is my next chapter, Like I'm like doing me. Now,
(39:35):
what am I supposed to do? Like go out with
my five kids at six o'clock early bird special Chili's cool.
You guys will all be on the swipe the pad like, oh,
plant versus zombies, Like, no one will look at me.
I'll sit there sipping on my sake soke wishful thinking
Chili's ough. Great, I'll have to have the Sharennkes. They
(39:56):
don't even have a pinot Grisia. Fuck my life anyway.
Speaker 3 (40:00):
I have the perfect solution.
Speaker 1 (40:04):
Yes, go to one of those places in those minimals
and get yourself a happy ending for your birthday.
Speaker 2 (40:11):
Ew no, thank you, No, I don't want that. How
do you guys feel? Sorry, I'm my tangent. How do
you guys feel about the new terminology body count?
Speaker 3 (40:25):
I don't know what that is? Wait, what's that?
Speaker 2 (40:32):
I heard this from the teens. Ps. All my teens
are super like not into this, Like they're very like
Donna Martin's good for them happy. But there's a thing
that the teens that aren't virgins say like, oh yeah,
(40:54):
my body count. Literally I heard body count. It was
like serial killer. I was like, how many bodies have
you been? I don't know how many people had you killed?
What the hell? And Stella was like, no, mom, you
know what that means? Like you're so uncool, like everyone
says it. It's how many people you've slept with, it's
your body count, oh dow. Yeah, we used to just
(41:17):
keep a list, like on paper.
Speaker 3 (41:20):
I don't even want what we did.
Speaker 1 (41:23):
I don't know whatever happened to that list, which is
a little frightening.
Speaker 2 (41:27):
So I was that girl that was like a numbers girl,
and I was like, I lose my virginity till I
was over eighteen. And it's like getting my earspurs, like
I'm not you know, didn't do it till I was eighteen,
not going to do it till I'm forty. So I cried,
you guys, I bawled my eyes out when I went
(41:49):
over one hand, and I'm talking about the number five
when I had slept with more than five people. I
cried so hard and was like internally beating myself up
like I am a whore, Oh my god. And I
wasn't young. It was spread out through the years, like
well into my way into my twenties five, and I
(42:10):
was like, oh my god, I have had another hand.
And I was so sad. Now granted, you know men,
you know, it's like another notch for my belt. Wait,
what do they say? Now? I'm sure that's not cool anymore.
Like whatever, like men can sleep. They want to like
up the number like hundreds, you know, and you're like ooh.
(42:33):
Like girls, I feel like we are just like oh no,
we want the number low. But I hear that's not
the new generation then, you know, because women are empowered.
They're like, well you know that's and they're like proud
of their body count. I'm like, uh uh, I can't
invest in that, Like why was I talking about this anyway?
(42:55):
I don't want a happy ending? What else? What else
can I do for my birthday? I do you guys?
Speaker 5 (43:00):
You know what?
Speaker 2 (43:00):
You know what the truth is. I do want a
happy ending, and it doesn't involve sex. It doesn't involve
anything physical. I want my happy ending. I'm not like,
here's the thing about me. I feel like I never
am jaded and there's always that like light inside of me. Yeah,
Jenny calls me Paulianna. She's like, Okay, this positivity, but
(43:22):
it's a fact, like I can find hope in anything
and I never get discouraged. And I call it. You
know a lot of people, I feel like people put
your fire out. And Dean said something that actually resonated
in an article. He said he saw my light dim
that final fight we had before we split up and
(43:43):
separate it, and I was like, I had to think
about that one. I was like, wow, he did. Yeah,
it flickered, it dimmed a little, but it's not going
out like It's like, I feel like my flame is
burning brighter than ever inside, and so yeah, I do
(44:05):
deserve that happy ending. I'm getting there and I'm hopeful
and I'm going to make it happen. Light it up, bitch,
Misspelling with Tory spelling an iHeartRadio podcast.
Speaker 2 (00:15):
It's May, you guys, it's a huge month for me.
Well it was a huge month. It's still a huge month.
So anyway, let me jump right in. I would always
tell Dean that he didn't plan on this, but when
we got together and decided to get married May seventh,
(00:38):
we eloped, planned a whole wedding by ourselves on a
private highland in Fiji. Oh it was so good. You know.
We didn't think long term. We were just like in
the moment. So then all of a sudden we got pregnant.
You know. I had a baby a year later ish,
so Mother's Day became a thing, and then my birthday.
(01:01):
So I would always be like, hey, buddy, sorry, you're screwed.
You got three Tory days to deal with, essentially in May,
and then there's May Day and synco to my own
things like that. But so anyway, this never really was
something I thought about, because it's just, you know, wheels
(01:22):
in motion, you go along. We were married eighteen years
until no joke. Two days ago one of my best friends,
Bill Gunkle. Bill said to me, oh, he's an organizer.
He likes a good cleanup of his calendar. He said, oh,
I just realized I'm able to remove May seventh, your
wedding anniversary from my calendar, and that that kind of
(01:46):
hit me and I was like, oh, wow, yeah, I mean,
obviously I felled for divorce. Obviously we're getting a divorce,
but I hadn't thought about that, and I was like, wow,
that maya like May seventh is just going to be
another day from now on. And that made me kind
(02:07):
of think about a lot of things. And I was
that girl that took a lot of pride in anniversaries
like our wedding anniversary was you know me, I'm if
you don't know me, welcome to me. I'm a di wire.
I'm a crafter to the core. All my kids came
(02:28):
out of you to row crafting because I made them.
And yeah, so I would always make something for Dean
on our wedding anniversary because you know, I mean, obviously,
you know, anyone can buy someone something allegedly, but if
you can, that's very nice. But I feel like I
(02:48):
always say homemade equals love and it you know, whether
that's in the past, the present, or the future. I
still maintain that and I'm more of a traditional girl. Yeah,
I know, shot right, with a lot of modern values.
So I'm kind of like fifty to fifty no pun intended,
like I'm half fifty's housewife and half like futuristic like barbaralla,
(03:14):
and I would always go to there's a traditional list
so you can like google this traditional wedding anniversary presence
and then a modern one, which I don't know when
that all separated, Like when did someone say, hey, we're
going to throw in like a new wedding anniversary. This
is the modern one, Like what's wrong with the traditional one?
Like well, if a name broke, well I fix it.
(03:37):
But anyway, it gave me options, So that was always
good because some years I was like, ooh, I can
craft something with that, and some years I was like,
not so great on the traditional, let me check the modern.
But every year I would make him something and super proud,
and I'm talking like one year it was leather, so
(03:57):
I made him like a leather cuff and had it
stamped in like our anniversary ran the back and just
like a really cool thing. One year. I know this
because I just found it in storage recently, you know
my storage woes. That's a good one and so storage
wars my storage woes. Rthan add that to the list
(04:19):
for something to make in the future. Cool. I found
a bench that I made him and no joke. I well,
my friend Chris came over and helped me. I have
to give a credit where credit is due. But I
went to the lumberyard. And I don't know why I
had to say it like that, because woman can go
to the lumberyard too and be like, I'm at the lumberyard.
(04:42):
But I went to the lumberyard and got really cool
pieces of wood. Sorry, and made the bench. Took a
stencil and wrote on it, I want to grow old
with you or something. Look, I'm conveniently like blocking it
out because it hurts, but it doesn't hurt. I done inside,
(05:05):
but it fine. I have feelings. Anyone jump out?
Speaker 3 (05:11):
How big was the bench? Like? Could one person sit
on it or multiple?
Speaker 2 (05:16):
Or it was supposed to be a bench for two.
And the inspiration behind it was, you know, you see
those cute old couple sitting on a bench and oh
my god, I'm tearing up. I do have feelings. Look
at that chickxus. The intention was that all these beautiful
(05:44):
babies we had created together they would go on to
have families of their own. And I am always and
will remain always excited to grow our family because you
know what, at the end of the day, he and
I and our kids were a family unit. He's the father.
(06:04):
You know, whether we're married and together or not, you know,
we're all in this together. And excited to be a
grandmother and a great grandmother and yeah, and watching our
family grow and grow and grow. I mean, we got
five kids, so I better have a lot of fun.
Speaker 3 (06:23):
A big bench.
Speaker 2 (06:25):
No, the benching for them. M the bench isn't for them.
The bench was for he and I to sit on
it together. Like those photos you see of like old
couples still holding hands. We used to send pictures to
each other with like old couples you would see and
like still holding hands, and it's like wow, And we did.
(06:49):
We always held hands. That was like a thing, except
except in like the last year or two. I guess,
I guess. Yeah, that was one of the one of
the signs there were fifty million. But yeah, like you
would see those couples in their eighties, like still walking
down the street holding hands. I mean they just otherwise
(07:09):
would fall down. They had to support each other. They
couldn't walk straight without each other. But nonetheless, I bought
into the love story and I was like, oh my gosh,
that's so cute. Like we'd see, you know, pictures of
couples like at the beach and just like doing things
and just still, you know, in it.
Speaker 3 (07:30):
So you made the bench? Was that like with hammer
and nails or was it glued together.
Speaker 2 (07:36):
Or I screwed it in? I had nails. It was
stable as fuck, like that impressive. We'll till it wasn't
it broke?
Speaker 3 (07:47):
What other things did you make besides the match for
your anniversaries?
Speaker 2 (07:53):
Oh my god, I made there's a specific name for it,
when you make a tray that you put your like
jewelry or men put their their watch. I made him
a Valet tray. And I got a tray and I
went round this took a while, and found pennies from
(08:13):
the year he was born nineteen sixty six, the year
I was born nineteen seventy three, and the year we
were married two thousand and six. And I got those
pennies and I glued them and mod podge the shit
out of that. Oh god, I'm a good mod podger.
I had to get back into that. That was my
(08:36):
strong suit. And I made this tray that was just
very functional, like it was all blacked and shit. He
appreciated all the gifts I made him, but yeah, that
was a good one. Leather cuff. If you tell me
one of the traditional ones, I can tell you what
I made.
Speaker 3 (08:55):
Him, paper metal, gold, silver.
Speaker 2 (09:02):
No, I'm blanket, I've got nothing.
Speaker 3 (09:04):
Oh m.
Speaker 2 (09:06):
The brass cockering was really good that year. That's really
I hammered it. Oh my god, I'm so talented. Welded
it well. Wow, going back to the bench, it says
grow old with me dot dot dot. Yeah. On the
(09:27):
legs were our wedding date, and then on the other
leg was are the current date. And we put it
in each house. We moved a lot, a lot because
I was always chasing the dream. Like you know, it
wasn't us, it wasn't the relationship. It was the house.
(09:49):
Oh that reminds me of a horror film. It's not
the house, it's your son. Ooh, insidious one. Fuck yeah,
I nailed it, still got it, thank you. So that
resonated like every horror film. It wasn't the house, it
(10:09):
was never the house. So I kept moving and kept moving,
and let's start where it all began. When we got married.
We were filming my series So Notorious, and Diana and
I got together while we were filming that, and anyway,
the set designer helped me create this amazing like iron
(10:33):
stand with a cute plaque that said McDermott Baby Farm
established two thousand and six. The day we got married,
I was a farm. I was like, pull pushing them out.
Mine's the push, ripping that zipper open, taking them out.
(10:55):
So we put that and moved that so many times
until I mean it was weathered and cracked and just
the demise of that. Yeah. But the bench, the bench
survived till it fell to pieces. It got rained on.
I didn't think of that that the rain would wear
on it. It rusted, it broke, you guys. That's I
(11:19):
guess what the heart of it is is that it broke.
And when it broke, I put too much emotional symbolism
and placement on. As Dean has told me in adamant objects.
At some point it just was getting wobbly, it was
getting shaky, and I was like the bench and we'd
(11:42):
moved in. He's like, oh, the bench is a little wobbly.
I was like, oh, we got to fix it. We
got to fix it, and we never fixed it, so
eventually it broke. Oh I kept it though, I kept
the wood pieces, of course I did, saying I'm going
to put it back together, and then sat in the
garage in pieces for a few years, like my marriage basically,
(12:10):
and then I found in storage.
Speaker 3 (12:13):
So and what did you do with it?
Speaker 2 (12:16):
Uh? Duh? I took a picture of it to show
to you, guys. I don't know.
Speaker 1 (12:21):
No, I mean, did you do you still have it?
Did you throw the pieces away? Is it sitting in
that last storage lockery still at.
Speaker 2 (12:28):
I have no storagelockers, so I'm done that you've.
Speaker 3 (12:31):
Had one left?
Speaker 2 (12:32):
Nope?
Speaker 3 (12:33):
Congratulations, thank you?
Speaker 2 (12:44):
Oh my god, my heart just sink. I'm panic now.
I don't know where it is. I feel like you, guys,
I need to burn it. No, no, don't burn it.
Can you not do that?
Speaker 3 (12:57):
I don't know. I think the metaphor is better now
without burning it.
Speaker 2 (13:01):
Oh, it's metatorical.
Speaker 1 (13:05):
Here's what I think you should do if you can
find it, is take a little piece of that wood
and put it in like a box picture frame, and
just as a keepsake, you know, a piece a piece
of the bench.
Speaker 3 (13:18):
I don't think you need to burn it. You know,
you guys are on good terms.
Speaker 2 (13:24):
No, no, no, I didn't mean, uh, I don't know
why I'm gonna cry. I didn't mean burn it like
bad for him. I mean burning it as a symbolism
of letting go right past and moving on at the
future is not what you do.
Speaker 3 (13:41):
I think you can totally do that.
Speaker 1 (13:42):
What matters is if the symbolism means something to you, right,
It's like, if that to you means moving on, letting
it go, then it will would probably be a good
thing for.
Speaker 2 (13:54):
You to do. Well, I'm not going to grow old
with him.
Speaker 1 (13:58):
So well you you know what you kind of are
just not as a married couple. You know, you're still
you're still tied by five amazing children. So it's just
a different kind of growing up.
Speaker 2 (14:13):
I don't like regular ties. Can we double not it?
Speaker 3 (14:15):
You will find somebody, Oh my god, you.
Speaker 2 (14:18):
Guys every week this is not going to be about me, like,
oh no, poor me, I'm alone and single. Oh, or
it can be. I mean, I don't know. Can we
go back to it for a second, Yeah, can we
look up what would have been? Just tell me what
it would have been. I'll tell you what I'd make.
Speaker 3 (14:36):
Hit year would this have been?
Speaker 2 (14:38):
This would be eighteen? Correct, eighteen. I always say we
were married eighteen years, but technically I'm not divorced yet,
so it's not final. So true, I wasn't lying. Parcelain porcelain.
Oh good teeth. Here you go, buddy, I'm gonna make
(15:03):
a necklace out of them. How woud his girlfriend feel
about that? If you ever loved me, you won't wear
my porcelain teeth around your neck? Five of them for
the five beautiful kids we made. How can you say
no to that? Sorry, Lily, you know I love you. Okay,
(15:29):
we had a vow renewal at four years in. I mean,
granted it was we did it on our reality show
Torri and Dean Home Sweet Hollywood. But that's crazy now.
I call it the bowel removal. By the way, unpacking.
(15:53):
Speaking of unpacking from storage, my daughter Stella brings in
a box. This just happened yesterday and she goes, of course,
she's sassy, God, she's so clever, and she goes, I
(16:14):
unpacked this box, and I was like, oh, this is
not coming into the house. So she led with that,
which crushed my soul. I was like, that's an antique.
What do you mean. I got that at a flea market.
That's very chic. And anyway, I digress, and she goes
and then I opened it. You guys, the thing she
(16:36):
found in this box, I can't make this shit up.
First of all, oh my god, it was like a
paperback flip through book of nine oh two one oh,
like a small one from the nineties.
Speaker 1 (16:51):
Uh.
Speaker 2 (16:51):
It was an intact fully wrapped bubblegum pack of our
cards and bubblegum, which she asked if they could like
do some like challenge and eat it, and I was
like nope. And I was like, I have to get
new teeth. I don't want you guys to as well.
That's that's gonna be hard. Two of them. Wonder how
(17:13):
much I could sell those for.
Speaker 3 (17:16):
That's definitely a collector's I.
Speaker 2 (17:18):
Know, like a polaroid photo from a photo shoot. Nino
two and o still intact a bag of teeth.
Speaker 1 (17:30):
No, we have made a bag of teeth, real teeth,
a bag of teeth.
Speaker 2 (17:36):
So it's like, oh sentimental Nino two and o oh,
look at that picture. Oh my god, you look so
great anyhow, and then the bag of teeth and she
was like, mom, what are these? And I was like, oh,
those are my wisdom teeth and she goes, that's disgusting.
(17:57):
Can I throw these away? I was like absolutely not.
And she goes, what are you gonna do with them?
When'd you get your wisdom teeth out? And I was like,
uh sixteen. She goes, that's disgusting. Yeah, root and all
all four perfectly intact. Might I add, oh, correction, those
(18:18):
I will send to Dean because mine are all shaved
to nubs because I'm getting finnars owed to my creepy past. Okay,
I'm gonna go on. This is my twenties from my
first TV movie I did in Canada. This is when
like they had smoke shops, but like La, it wasn't
a thing. And I got like the coolest Oh my god,
(18:42):
it's a cube and it's metal and it's like a
one hit. Back then we'd say pot. Now it's like
weed and it was a cube and I was like, Aha,
I'm gonna come back to LA and invent this because
no one has it in the States. Another thing I
put on my checklist of inventions. But she was like mom,
(19:03):
and I was like, whoa, it was the nineties, Like yeah,
mom had like a little bit of a stoner phase,
Like sorry, there was that, and what else. There was
a couple more creepy things that I was just like, yeah, oh,
I know what. It was a G string. It was clean.
(19:25):
I did a smell test. It was clean. You guys.
I went, it's a little musty. It's been there for years.
But I was like, oh my god, this is back
when it was super cool, Like this is so old
school but vs. Victoria's Secret PS. When I was young,
Victoria's Secret was super popular and then for decades it
(19:46):
was like like you couldn't wear it. It was like
not cool, and now it's totally cool with the kids again.
So my initials on brand, but it had a BS
on it, and I was like, oh, that's okay you
and I saved it, and so I was in there.
But anyway, collectively like nine two one zero, like old
school bubblegum teeth that had been ripped out, basically a
(20:12):
weed pen from the nineties and an old pair of
underwear creeped out. My kid, not gonna lie, not surprised,
and she wanted to dispose of all this and I
was like, nope, nope, we want to take a picture
of this content. I don't know what I'll do with
(20:33):
it all, but anyway, anyway, yes, and then there's Mother's Day.
This is my first single girl Mother's Day? What does
that mean? Like, I don't even know what that means?
(20:55):
And Stella, bless her heart, she was like, Mom, what
do you want to do for Mother's And I was like,
whatever you guys want. She's like, no, Mom, seriously, every
year you always say whatever we want, Like what do
you want? Take everybody out of the picture? What do
you like to do for fun? And I had no answer,
(21:18):
you guys? And that was that was startling because I
couldn't remember what I used to like to do for me.
I couldn't even think of it. I was like and
I kept saying, we wi we like sushi, and she's like, Mom,
you she was like, do you want to go get
(21:42):
a massage? And I was like no, no, no, no, it's
about you guys. She's like, no, Mom, it's not like
you do this every year like you plan and it's
about everybody else, Like what do you want? And I
couldn't remember what I like to do because it's been
so long that I've thought about doing something for me.
(22:06):
Ruth Anne, you knew me before I was married and
had kids. Do you remember what I used to like
to do?
Speaker 1 (22:13):
You really did get a lot of joy out of
all of your DIY things that you made and cooking.
I can remember you having. Did you say cooking fun
baking and cooking?
Speaker 2 (22:26):
Did you say hooking?
Speaker 3 (22:27):
No, I say cooking.
Speaker 2 (22:29):
Oh my god, you guys, I think I've gone deaf.
I've had kids screaming in my ear for a long time.
Speaker 3 (22:36):
Yeah, I remember you having a really good time hooking
some boulevard about three o'clock in the morning. Those were
good times.
Speaker 2 (22:46):
What do you mean, no, no cooking? I used to
hook rugs.
Speaker 1 (22:52):
Oh sorry, I'm not as crafty as you are. No.
Speaker 2 (22:56):
Jen taught me that, Like I can do a lot
of DIY. Jenny taught me. We would sit in her
house and she taught me how to hook a rug.
We went to she took me to Michael's for the
first time. But yeah, I remember I was so big
and dicopoge mm hm. Would you loved it?
Speaker 3 (23:16):
And it was nice because it was stuff you did
with your kids.
Speaker 2 (23:20):
So stop bringing them into this.
Speaker 3 (23:22):
Why they's supposed to be sort of for both of you.
It's the kids celebrating their mom.
Speaker 2 (23:29):
No, okay, interesting, there's two schools of thought. There's some
moms that literally are like, you know what, I'm in
this twenty four to seven every day. It's always about you, guys.
So this is my one day and I want the
day off. Lorraine, what type of mom? They're both like,
(23:51):
it's fair, both types of moms like do you want
to do what the kids want to do and spend
the day with them, or do you want, like, I'd
love to have some peace and quiet and do something
for me.
Speaker 4 (24:03):
I want to be this spaw mom, but I I'll
never be this spaw mom because of my guilt that
I have no idea why I have. But yes, every
day for them, even when it's Mother's Day.
Speaker 2 (24:13):
Unfortunately fair and my sentiment is exactly I want to
be that spa mom, which you guys, you know what.
The spot doesn't work for me. I just everyone's like,
go get a massage. Speaking of guilt, I can't get
(24:33):
a massage because I'm so worried the entire time like, oh,
they're working on me, they're doing something for me. What
about them? So I engage and ask about their lives
and then you guys know, like, it's not even about me.
I'm just this human like energy wise. People end up
(24:56):
just like about that sounded dirty about their lives, and
I embrace it and I end up giving them advice
and being like, oh my gosh. And then what happened?
And I've had one missus say oh my god, I've
been doing this for so long, and she as she's crying,
(25:19):
and she goes, that's a part. She brought up something
very emotional that she had repressed, and she said, I'm
so sorry. I have to take a moment. I am
embarrassed telling you this. And I promptly sat up and
hugged her and said don't oh my god, don't worry.
It's safe with me, and like, but I'm that human
(25:39):
that I'm just like, oh my gosh, it's so quiet.
And then I've had friends be like no, no, no,
you can't do that. So when you start a massage,
you don't you say thank you. You're gracious, and you're like, Okay,
I've had a hard week. I'm just going to be quiet,
and I'm like, okay, well I can't say that and
don't engage. You know, you're paying them, you're here, like
(26:02):
they're here and they want to do this, and don't engage.
So then when I don't engage and don't talk to them,
I sit in my head for like an hour being like,
oh my god, is she okay? Or and I don't
like men touching me during a paid massage, so I yeah,
(26:24):
I'm just like, oh god, I feel so bad. And
then I start to like go weird places like oh
my god, I feel so bad, like at least it's me,
Like imagine like men she has to deal with and
they're hairy and gross and like that type of human.
Like yeah, I go all kinds of crazy places. But
(26:45):
I sit there for an hour, just like tense, and
then afterwards like are you relaxed, And I'm like absolutely,
but I'm not anyway, Spa da mom.
Speaker 3 (26:59):
Anybody gives you a guest certificate for a massage, feel
free to pass it my way. I can relax during
a massage, really yeah. I not feel the urge to
talk or think about the massage therapist.
Speaker 2 (27:13):
Okay, wait, have you my friend? And I just had
this combo the other day about happy endings. Oh god,
oh too much for this podcast. Sorry my bad. No
one ever. We were talking about happy endings and it
(27:33):
was like, wow, this is a male and I were
talking about this, so I was curious, how do men
feel about it? And he was saying like not as
jam like could never even would not be okay with it.
But you know, clearly, you know, there's a lot of
(27:54):
my male friends are like, oh, yeah, that's a thing.
And I'm like, oh, that's so weird. And then he
posts the question to me, does this ever happen these
happy ending places with a woman? Like do they ever
give happy endings to a female or is it just males?
(28:15):
And I was like, I don't know, I don't know.
Speaker 3 (28:18):
Definitely not at Burke Williams.
Speaker 2 (28:20):
Burke Williams. Oh you go to fancy places now.
Speaker 3 (28:24):
Burke Williams was like, in the nineties.
Speaker 2 (28:26):
You pretended to work out at Crunch? Cool, right, yep? No.
I remember that I had a boyfriend then and he
loved Burke Williams. So we would like go to Crunch
and he'd work out and I'd like pretend to.
Speaker 5 (28:43):
Do the zoom book class or whatever boot camp, and
it would be so embarrassing because they have like glass
like glass so like everybody.
Speaker 2 (28:56):
Can see correct. And at Crunch in La it's on
Sunset Boulevard and they would always I'm not even kidding,
it would be like thirty people in there, and they'd
have on their headset and they'd be calling to you
to encourage you. They'd always call me out and I'd
be like, what is happening. They'd be like Toy, and
(29:20):
I'd be like, first of all, you know, I hate
my name said like toy, but then like I don't know.
It was yeah, it was late nineties.
Speaker 3 (29:31):
Out to say you've got the steps.
Speaker 2 (29:33):
For on or duh, yeah, you know I don't work out.
I don't do that shit. And I was probably gossip
being and like talking to my friend. I've been that
way since like high school anyway, chatty Kathy. But yeah,
I'd be like it'd be like Toy. I'm like, uh
huh it was like and they'd be like okay, oh Toy, No,
(30:00):
I'll be over in a second. I'd be like so shamed.
I literally one time it was this boot camp class
and the instructor had called me out three times and
I literally waited till she was like helping somebody else
in the corner, and I slipped out and slip out
a fucking ran I was like. And then from the
(30:24):
back she was like, you finally got it right. I
was like, bye, But I liked the little holes in
the wall, like the little places that are like in
a strip.
Speaker 3 (30:37):
Mall where you will get a happy ending.
Speaker 2 (30:41):
No, I don't want a happy ending, like if I
feel guilt with them, just like massaging my arm and leg.
Imagine the guilt I would feel if they were like
trying to like stroke my lady parts. Do you stroke
lady parts? If they were too oh my god, jggle
it just a little bit, not a little bit, a
(31:04):
lot and you gotta go fast. But whole other story, Yeah,
I would never be comfortable. But on rare occasion they
would go near your like butt and like almost too
close to the thighs. Have you ever had that happen?
And I'm like Rosen, I was like oooh, But then
(31:25):
You're like, I don't want to make them feel bad.
Perhaps this they're getting knots out of muscles, and so
I don't want to freeze up. So I'd be like Relax, relax,
They're doing nothing wrong. This is part of the job. Okay,
but I was like, whoa kind of close? That's kind
of close anyway. I am curious if a female has
(31:47):
ever gotten happy ending.
Speaker 3 (31:50):
All right, this Mother's Day and then your birthday?
Speaker 2 (31:54):
Oh god, okay, so there's Mother's Day. Ella, of course,
leader of the pack. She was like, mom, what do
you want to do? I had nothing. I couldn't remember
what I like, which leads me back to what do
I like to do? I must have had hobbies before kids,
(32:15):
Like in my twenties, what did I like to do
besides shop and drink? What did I like to do?
And rescue dogs? What did I like to do?
Speaker 3 (32:25):
I was going to say rescue dogs?
Speaker 1 (32:27):
I remember you making jewelry. I can think it always
goes back to you being like super crafty and having
an amazing artistic imagination and plugging into that that made
you really happy.
Speaker 2 (32:39):
Someone's like, you should get into pickleball. I love to
eat pickles. Pickles are a huge We do pickle tastings
in my house, like every two weeks, I'm not kidding,
a new kind of pickle comes out. We're on it,
and all my kids fall a suit. So if anyone
wants to send me anything, I would like pickles.
Speaker 3 (32:58):
That's a great idea.
Speaker 2 (33:02):
I should aim higher and caviar. Okay, anyway, what am
I gonna do? Here's what I told her. I said,
we used to love but it's still a wee thing.
But it's something I wanted to do. We haven't been
in a while because our lives have been chaos. I
wanted to go down to Little Tokyo and walk around,
(33:22):
and that's where I have often gotten a lot of
my inspiration. And I love the fashion district. And you
know what, I love revolving sushi down there. It's called Cora.
It's just so fun. Anyway, so do that.
Speaker 3 (33:39):
That sounds like a great thing to do for Mother's Day.
Speaker 2 (33:42):
So I love Oh you guys, I love dim sum.
Speaker 1 (33:45):
Oh well well there you just come up with some
great ideas. Great great mother's day.
Speaker 2 (33:53):
This podcast multi purpose. Okay, my birthday quickly, let's talk
about my birthday. You guys, you know I love green,
and green is the color. I'm a Taurus. I'm Tori.
I'm a Taurus. I love sushi. Oh we just see exactly.
(34:14):
I don't know what I love I'll find out I'm
learning about myself. Who knew me? Anyway? Yeah, so emerald
is my birthstone, which is not the reason I like green.
I just love green like Green's always been my jam.
Obviously I wear a lot of green. So anyway, So
(34:37):
what do you want to do for your birthday this year?
Having it be your first birthday as a single woman? Okay,
so the last two years, this is a fact, I
have been sick on my birthday. I had bronchitis on
my forty ninth birthday. Literally stayed in bed. They brought
the cake into me. I was like, one eye open,
(35:00):
which one works better with my botox? None? Okay? They
brought the cake in. I was like so sick. Okay,
got it? Missed my birthday. My fiftieth birthday, ruth An
was there. My mother threw a lovely she knows caviars
(35:21):
like Big Sam. Sorry when you grew up like I did,
like I was born eating caviar silver spoon. Oh, but
we got member, we got pearlized spoons. I still have
it me too, one of my purses. Remember to take
that out before I sell it, the purse, not the spoon. Mom.
(35:42):
I would never do that. I love that. But yeah,
so they had one in Paris. They opened up a
caviar restaurant bar here and lovely twenty person beautiful table
all my besties and you guys. Ironically was this massive,
(36:03):
big potato you guys, I'll send you a picture, you guys,
topped with the most heaping spoonful of caviar you've ever seen.
My other one of my other friends jokes, he was like,
oh my god, I don't even eat caviar or potatoes,
(36:25):
but when I'm being served a thousand dollars potato, I'm
going deep. WHOA. I don't know where I was going
with that one. Do you remember that?
Speaker 5 (36:34):
I do?
Speaker 2 (36:35):
And Hansen's my mom, Aw, this was so cute. So
Hansen's has been like my family since I was born.
My mom always every birthday Hanson's cake. She got individualized
Hanson's cakes for everybody to take home as the party
gets Hey, ruth Anne, what happened to your Hanson's cake?
Speaker 1 (36:55):
My Hanson's cake ran into a few things somehow, I'm
not quite sure or how it ended up on my glasses.
Speaker 3 (37:03):
In my purse.
Speaker 2 (37:04):
Well, it ran into a few things, including your fingers
and hands. I heard all about this on the ride home.
I don't today just make you blush.
Speaker 3 (37:12):
I don't think so, just hot.
Speaker 2 (37:17):
Hot flash anyway. Yeah, but my point was it was
just my big birthday. Wearing green. Of course looked amazing,
but I was sick. It was right after we had
the mold poisoning and I was so sick. I was
on antibiotics. I may I drank through it, but I
(37:41):
literally I was so sick during that birthday. So fingers
crossed and put it out there my fifty first birthday,
I'm going to be well and I'm going to have
a bomb ass birthday. What are we doing? Nothing planned?
I know Everyone's like, what do you want to do?
And I'm like, I'm me, I don't know. I hate surprises.
(38:04):
You guys all know that. You know what. That's old me.
I don't hate surprises. Surprise me away. Oh god, I
don't know, but that's that's me. I'm more focused. And
Memorial Day week and I'm like, three day weekend, what
do I do for the kids. Oh, it's pool season.
Speaker 3 (38:21):
Like, I don't know, We'll come up with something really
fun for your birthday.
Speaker 2 (38:27):
Kids can be so manipulative, as you know. I always
started to see the way that for my kids. I
was like, Hey, so maybe my birthday or you know,
one night that week, I'm gonna go out with friends
and I'll have like a friend night and like go
and do adult things and you know, go have drinks
and go, you know, like ad night out. And Stella
(38:50):
was like, you're not going to spend your birthday with us?
And I was like oh oh, And I was like
I tried to like justify it as moms do you think?
And You're like, well, it's a school night, so why
don't I go out that night and have like my
fun night out with my friends? And then I was like, baby,
it's all fun with you guys. And then that weekend
(39:12):
we'll have a weekend where we're all together. And she's like, okay,
if that's what you want, I was like, oh, that's
what I want. Like crap, this sucks, Like what are
we supposed to do? Like, okay on my birthday? You know,
this is my next chapter, Like I'm like doing me. Now,
(39:35):
what am I supposed to do? Like go out with
my five kids at six o'clock early bird special Chili's cool.
You guys will all be on the swipe the pad like, oh,
plant versus zombies, Like, no one will look at me.
I'll sit there sipping on my sake soke wishful thinking
Chili's ough. Great, I'll have to have the Sharennkes. They
(39:56):
don't even have a pinot Grisia. Fuck my life anyway.
Speaker 3 (40:00):
I have the perfect solution.
Speaker 1 (40:04):
Yes, go to one of those places in those minimals
and get yourself a happy ending for your birthday.
Speaker 2 (40:11):
Ew no, thank you, No, I don't want that. How
do you guys feel? Sorry, I'm my tangent. How do
you guys feel about the new terminology body count?
Speaker 3 (40:25):
I don't know what that is? Wait, what's that?
Speaker 2 (40:32):
I heard this from the teens. Ps. All my teens
are super like not into this, Like they're very like
Donna Martin's good for them happy. But there's a thing
that the teens that aren't virgins say like, oh yeah,
(40:54):
my body count. Literally I heard body count. It was
like serial killer. I was like, how many bodies have
you been? I don't know how many people had you killed?
What the hell? And Stella was like, no, mom, you
know what that means? Like you're so uncool, like everyone
says it. It's how many people you've slept with, it's
your body count, oh dow. Yeah, we used to just
(41:17):
keep a list, like on paper.
Speaker 3 (41:20):
I don't even want what we did.
Speaker 1 (41:23):
I don't know whatever happened to that list, which is
a little frightening.
Speaker 2 (41:27):
So I was that girl that was like a numbers girl,
and I was like, I lose my virginity till I
was over eighteen. And it's like getting my earspurs, like
I'm not you know, didn't do it till I was eighteen,
not going to do it till I'm forty. So I cried,
you guys, I bawled my eyes out when I went
(41:49):
over one hand, and I'm talking about the number five
when I had slept with more than five people. I
cried so hard and was like internally beating myself up
like I am a whore, Oh my god. And I
wasn't young. It was spread out through the years, like
well into my way into my twenties five, and I
(42:10):
was like, oh my god, I have had another hand.
And I was so sad. Now granted, you know men,
you know, it's like another notch for my belt. Wait,
what do they say? Now? I'm sure that's not cool anymore.
Like whatever, like men can sleep. They want to like
up the number like hundreds, you know, and you're like ooh.
(42:33):
Like girls, I feel like we are just like oh no,
we want the number low. But I hear that's not
the new generation then, you know, because women are empowered.
They're like, well you know that's and they're like proud
of their body count. I'm like, uh uh, I can't
invest in that, Like why was I talking about this anyway?
(42:55):
I don't want a happy ending? What else? What else
can I do for my birthday? I do you guys?
Speaker 5 (43:00):
You know what?
Speaker 2 (43:00):
You know what the truth is. I do want a
happy ending, and it doesn't involve sex. It doesn't involve
anything physical. I want my happy ending. I'm not like,
here's the thing about me. I feel like I never
am jaded and there's always that like light inside of me. Yeah,
Jenny calls me Paulianna. She's like, Okay, this positivity, but
(43:22):
it's a fact, like I can find hope in anything
and I never get discouraged. And I call it. You
know a lot of people, I feel like people put
your fire out. And Dean said something that actually resonated
in an article. He said he saw my light dim
that final fight we had before we split up and
(43:43):
separate it, and I was like, I had to think
about that one. I was like, wow, he did. Yeah,
it flickered, it dimmed a little, but it's not going
out like It's like, I feel like my flame is
burning brighter than ever inside, and so yeah, I do
(44:05):
deserve that happy ending. I'm getting there and I'm hopeful
and I'm going to make it happen. Light it up, bitch,
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