January 3, 2024 • 23 mins
Hey y'all! Jess is back to fixing mess! Today, one person moved too fast and the other just didn't say enough. Let's just say speed was the theme of this episode. Tap in!
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Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
Speaker 1 (00:00):
Welcome to Can't Flee Reckless, the production of iHeart Radio
and the Black Effects.
Speaker 2 (00:15):
Shit be back on the air. Happy New Year, everybody.
Speaker 1 (00:18):
We're back with yet another Can't Fully Reckless episode with
your girl just hilarious.
Speaker 2 (00:22):
What do I do?
Speaker 1 (00:23):
I'd be fixing thats same as I did last year.
I'm gonna do the same shit this year. We're just
gonna keep on getting bigger and better, keep on growing
the podcast audience.
Speaker 2 (00:32):
As I came in.
Speaker 1 (00:33):
Number five, the Great Brother Charlemagne to God, let me
know that our podcast came in number five, y'all. We
in top motherfucking five. That's nice, that's amazing, and we're
gonna jump straight into it. We got a voice note
for the top of the year, y'all know I love those.
But we also got some paragraphs.
Speaker 3 (00:50):
Y'all.
Speaker 1 (00:51):
People know these people voices and they ain't trying to
get caught. All right, let's jump straight into it.
Speaker 4 (00:56):
Hey, us, I just want to say, like, I'm a
huge fan of yours. You know, I've been watching for years,
and you know I love you. I love your your work,
I love all that you're doing. I just wanted to
get get that out the way. But I really need advice, Like,
oh my god, So I've been basically I've been dating
(01:17):
this guy for the last how long has it been?
Four months? And we kind of moved pretty quickly because
I noticed that, you know, like he's a really good person.
I just came out of a not just but earlier
this year, you know, I came out of a toxic
(01:38):
relationship with my daughter's die, and when I met him,
it was like a breath of fresh air. So things
kind of moved quickly to the point where I invited
him to move in with me.
Speaker 5 (01:54):
Okay, girl, That's where the problem started, because I noticed
that he has a lot of issues.
Speaker 4 (02:08):
He has issues with ed, like he can't stay.
Speaker 6 (02:13):
Up, and.
Speaker 4 (02:16):
He didn't tell me that at first, so I had
to find out. I had to find that out on
my own, Like, this is not something that he disclosed
to me. He claims that he didn't know about it
and that he thought it was just every once in
a while. I also realize that he's a little bit
so like not saying that he's dumb, but like he
(02:39):
doesn't stimulate me mentally. I will say, the good about
him is that he's a really good.
Speaker 2 (02:45):
Person, like genuinely a.
Speaker 4 (02:48):
Good person at heart. I just feel like I'm not
four hundred percent happy, But at the same time, like
I'm trying to reason with myself, Like, you know, nobody's perfect.
You know, like if you find somebody who is willing
to fight for you and willing to work things out
with you, then stick with them. But he is, like
(03:10):
he's willing to break things out, and you know, we
talk about things and you know, but I'm just not
satisfied in the bedroom. And on top of not being
satisfied in the bedroom, he's also like he also calls
himself an entrepreneur, but he's not bringing in enough money
to the point where for the last three months that
(03:31):
he's been by the last month that he's been living
with me, he didn't have his affiant and I was
a problem. So I have kids. He's good with my kids,
you know, like he's a good, good, genuinely good person.
But I'm just trying to I don't know, like I
guess I'm asked. My question is I'm sorry, I know
(03:52):
this is kind of long. I was trying to give
you all the details, but my question is, like, is
it worth staying in this relationship? Like the ed problem
he told me that he you know, goes to the
doctor and try to see what's.
Speaker 2 (04:05):
Going on with it.
Speaker 4 (04:07):
And you know, he he did say that he would
get a real job, like a regular job whatever, not
just doing uber. So you know, these are things I
guess that can be worked on, but I just don't
have the patience and I don't want to settle, So
I just I guess I need your here and put
on What would you do or do you think that
(04:29):
these are things that you know that I can I
should be more patient with?
Speaker 1 (04:37):
Well, I appreciate you first of all for even having
the balls, you know, well, having the hearts. Sorry, trying
to get better with how I talk, trying to get
more professional, you know, thank you for even sharing because
this is in a lot of cases a very prideful
(04:59):
thing like people don't like to especially women, especially us.
You know, we don't like to put all of our
business out there on front street. Because this does seems
like a big It seemed like a big mistake that
you made.
Speaker 2 (05:11):
Mistake.
Speaker 1 (05:11):
Won I'm not saying the relationship is a mistake. Let
me be very careful. I'm saying the mistake was moving
him in too quick. Now I do understand you said
you had just got out of a really toxic relationship
with your ex. I believe you said your kid's dad
your ex, and you were a bit vulnerable. I'm gonna
(05:32):
go ahead and say you were vulnerable, maybe even a
bit gullible, you know, because who doesn't want love even,
you know, especially after a bad relationship or not a
bad relationship, but you know, just a relationship that didn't work.
Because I know it couldn't have been all bad because
you were there, and that was a long term relationship
that you had gotten out of. I think you didn't
give yourself enough time to heal. I think you guys
(05:55):
should have just continue to date, because dating is how
you get to know someone, and it doesn't matter how
long that takes. You have to get to know someone
before just moving them in and then it's not just you,
it's you and your kids. Now again, I am not
calling your relationship a mistake. You just made the mistake,
(06:18):
in my opinion, of moving him in. Because what made
you move him in after four months, well, after three
months of dealing with him?
Speaker 2 (06:26):
No, after one month?
Speaker 1 (06:27):
Right, because you said y'all been dealing with each other,
y'all been together you know, y'all been dealing with each
other for four months and he's been living living with
you for three months, So one month and you moved
him in. Now I'm repeating this back to you because
most of the time, when I repeat somebody's mess back
to them, they easily can see it. They easily can
(06:52):
see the mistake that they made before I even give
the advice. Sometimes you just got to hear your shit back,
you know what I mean, And that's what makes all
the difference. You know, when you hear it out loud,
when you hear it coming from somebody else, and it's
kind of easier to judge it or even give advice
if it was someone else going through it. But it's you,
So me repeating it back to you should make you
be like, oh shit, yeah, this is crazy, but we've
(07:14):
all done it.
Speaker 2 (07:15):
Well.
Speaker 1 (07:16):
I ain't done that part, but I've definitely moved too quickly,
you know, fast and rapid with a guy that I
barely even knew. If you love me, you'll listen to
this commercial and then we'll be right back. Okay, So
let's get into the eden. When he moves in, you
notice that sex is a problem because he can't keep
(07:37):
it up. Now, you said that is something that you
had to find out. No, man, Well, I'm not gonna
say no man, but a lot of men ain't gonna
let you know that they can't get it up. You
understand what I'm saying, because a lot of men don't
even have the answer to why they can't get it up.
You know, it could be a medical issue, it could
be something going on there, It could be a disconnect,
it could be something mentally. And he has to get
(07:59):
those answers himself. He has to go to a doctor,
he has to go to a therapist. Something he has
to do to take care of himself. Like he said,
he didn't even know. He probably didn't know he had
the problem, but he probably thought that it was because
of the person. You know, a lot of men don't
really know, and instead of going to find out if
it's something medical or not, they just assume may maybe
(08:23):
it's the last bitch. Maybe maybe it's this woman that's
just not getting me up.
Speaker 2 (08:26):
Maybe you know.
Speaker 1 (08:27):
So I don't I can't say that I blame him
for not telling you because he probably didn't even know why.
You know, he didn't know that it would happen with you,
you know. Now that's still no excuse for him not
going to get checked out. Yes, that can be worked on,
all right, that's a big thing. Not being sexually satisfied
(08:49):
in the bedroom does play a big part in a relationship. Okay,
moving on. You said he calls himself an entrepreneur?
Speaker 2 (08:57):
What does he do?
Speaker 1 (08:58):
Not even being nosy, It's just things that I want
to know so I can help you better. Is it
something that does he have a business that you do
believe in that you do believe with some investing or
some hard work, or some more patience or some more building,
the right resources can flourish and take care of him
(09:22):
and you, you know, and or his half. You know
what I'm saying. Is it something that can be a
very lucrative business? Is it something you know or is
he or is it something along the lines of Oh,
I'm just gonna be a rapper, you know, and hoping
my music kick off, which can also happen these days.
You hear this shit that's coming out now, shit, you
ain't even got to know how to rap to become
(09:43):
a rapper, so, you know, so not judging if he is,
if it is something that way I'm just saying, because
you can't really shit on somebody's dreams unless you do
honestly see it for what it is. And it ain't
gonna work, you know, because a lot of people need
somebody real. You know, you don't need nobody that's gonna
shit on you, but you need somebody that's gonna keep
it real with you.
Speaker 2 (10:01):
Look, baby, no, no, no, no, no.
Speaker 1 (10:03):
This bakery that you're trying to open the market right now,
it ain't the time for that. So what we need
to do is get a fucking job until you can
fund your business idea, until you can get your business
off the ground. Because I got kids, and if you
with me, that mean we got kids, because you live.
Speaker 2 (10:19):
Here with us. Now we're in a relationship.
Speaker 1 (10:22):
This is secure. This is something that we have to
move forward. Bills are today your entrepreneurship and ain't kicking
off the way that you thought it would or the
way that it should be right now, you know, how
long has he been an entrepreneur?
Speaker 2 (10:34):
Does he give.
Speaker 1 (10:35):
Real effort into trying to be an entrepreneur whatever it is,
you know what I'm saying. Do you see him actually
working toward a goal? You know, does he have ambition.
You said, he is a genuinely good person. He's good
with your kids. That's a plus. A lot of men
who don't have kids don't typically do well in situations
with children, you know, and households with children, because they
(10:57):
don't have the experience.
Speaker 2 (11:00):
It's not most men.
Speaker 1 (11:01):
I'm not putting a percentage on the men, but that's
just from experience and what I know. So he seems
to have a great deal of patience because he don't
even have no kids and you got kids. Okay, you
did say he drives Uber. Now I know Uber can
get you some money. You know, I got a bunch
of little cousins that do it. I know a lot
of people that do Uber. You know, you hit them
(11:23):
peak times and you get get on that road at
a certain time, and you.
Speaker 2 (11:26):
Put in that work. You can make some money.
Speaker 1 (11:29):
But I understand it's not enough for you. Okay, And
then you know, you see him conflicted because now I
understand I've been in your place before, I've been in
your shoes. I'm not going to sit here and just
act like I haven't. You know, you're conflicted right now
because you're not happy in the bed. You're not happy
with him financially, because you feel like you just move
(11:53):
this guy in and while you do like him, while
you do love him, you know, maybe even love him,
you feel like you made a mistake. That's just what
it is, and you just try and not to say it,
try not to look at it that way. The good
part is, y'are only four months in, Okay. I like
when you said nobody's perfect. No, nobody's perfect. And yes,
(12:15):
if you do find somebody that genuinely loves you and
genuinely is a good person, because it's hard to find
those people these days, then you do stick with it. However,
you do not settle. You just don't settle. Where was
he living before? Is there any chance that he could
go back there and you guys could start over? You
know what I'm saying, because what I don't want you
to do is settle, keep him in your house. And
(12:40):
you're unhappy, and you just praying on patience, praying that
one day at the work, and then you're slowly but
surely getting miserable, and then you're starting to dislike him,
and now you're starting to hate him, and then you're
starting to resent him because that's not fair to him.
Either it's not fair to you, and it's not fair
to your kids because the longer he's there, he's building
a bond with them. Okay, but mommy's not happy. He
(13:05):
wasn't even around long enough for them to meet him
and live with him.
Speaker 6 (13:10):
Right.
Speaker 1 (13:11):
I'm just telling you from mom to mom, I've done this,
I've been in this before. Okay, I'm not judging you, says,
I'm just telling you, baby. So even with that being said,
you really don't see a future here. You're trying to
see a future here. Okay, I would say, don't give
(13:35):
up on it one hundred per but sit down and
have a real conversation with him. Sit down and have
a real conversation with him, because it ain't all on him.
It's not you invited.
Speaker 2 (13:45):
Him to move with you.
Speaker 1 (13:46):
Those were your words, that that was an action that
no man in his place could refuse or would refuse.
Speaker 2 (13:54):
Shit.
Speaker 1 (13:54):
You know, now, if you ask him, I bet he
in love like a mother. You know what I'm saying.
He got a partner that's helping him, that's understanding a situation.
Speaker 4 (14:05):
You.
Speaker 1 (14:05):
Of course, you have beautiful children that he's created this
beautiful bond with, you know, probably making him want some
kids of his own, you know what I'm saying. And
you seem like just this a phenomenal woman. You do
deserve more, but you just made a mistake moving too fast,
moving too quick. It's okay to still heal because I
(14:26):
bet you still do things like compare him to your
ex in some ways when you weren't even happy in
that relationship.
Speaker 2 (14:32):
Because I've done it before.
Speaker 1 (14:33):
You know, we just start comparing and we'll try to
find the good and the last relationship as it compares
to what you're what's happening now, what you're going through now,
because I bet you said it to yourself.
Speaker 2 (14:47):
I mean the nigga was toxic.
Speaker 1 (14:48):
The last nigga was toxic, but I mean he could
get it up and he was getting money, but you
still wasn't happy. Okay, hold up, hold up, I know
this shit getting good, But listen to just a couple
seconds of a I'm marshal. If you love me, you'll listen.
Nobody has it all off top.
Speaker 2 (15:07):
Okay.
Speaker 1 (15:08):
I'm letting you know that from experience. I'm not saying
it won't get there, because it can. You can have
it all. You can have whatever you want. Manifest you
can You can.
Speaker 2 (15:19):
It's real.
Speaker 1 (15:20):
You can have whatever you want. When you meet your partner.
Know he ain't God always be at the top, But
y'all can build together and make it there together. If
you already there, shit, build him up and he can
be up there with you. If you meet a man
that's already there and you ain't there, shit, and he
believes in you and he loves you and he wants you,
he gonna build you up and you're gonna make it there.
Speaker 2 (15:43):
Okay, you understand me.
Speaker 1 (15:45):
So I think it needs to be a real, genuine conversation.
And I know you probably don't want to hurt his
feelings because he is a good person. He is a
good man at heart, and there's nothing wrong with that.
There's nothing wrong with being honest and being open. That
will probably make you our relationship stronger. Tell him be honest. Listen,
I made a mistake. I was just getting out of
(16:06):
a relationship. I love you, I really really want this
to work. And if it's going to work, I need
you to understand and be open minded enough to not
take what I'm about to say as insults. I'm not
happy in the bedroom. That plays the big part in
our relationship, in any relationship, Okay, but I do suggest
(16:28):
that you go see something, Go see a doctor, go
see go see if there's something you can do about it.
You know, because as painful as it is for me,
I know it's uncomfortable for you. I know it's painful
for you to not be able to get it up. Shit,
you want a nut just as bad as I want
a nut. You know what I'm saying.
Speaker 2 (16:46):
Death is not one sided. It's both sided. Girl.
Speaker 1 (16:49):
I know he's feeling it. If you're feeling it, you
know how you think he feeling. If you feeling that way,
you know what I'm saying. And then move on to
the finances and be serious and your ground.
Speaker 2 (17:00):
Don't be rude.
Speaker 1 (17:01):
No man wants you to talk down because he probably
already feel less than because he can't provide. You understand
what I'm saying. But again, this was your invitation. So
you just keep that shit a hundred with him too.
And you do that and tell him this entrepreneur thing
that you're doing.
Speaker 2 (17:17):
Now, I don't call it a thing. Lord, shit, he
won't be like, what the fuck?
Speaker 1 (17:20):
Okay, Now, don't minimize it like that, you say, I
understand you are an entrepreneur. But I need for you
to get a job until you able to get this
business off the ground and up and running. You know
what I'm saying. But it can't happen here. You can
still come past and see the kids. You can still
come over. But I think I made the mistake of
moving too fast and inviting you to move in. And
(17:43):
I appreciate what you do for me. I appreciate how
you stimulate me mentally. Actually, damn you said, he don't Okay, Okay, Yeah,
this conversation needs to happen because I don't want you
to start resenting him, because that's not fair. It's not
fair to you, him, more the kids. So he needs
to go, He needs to move out, and there needs
(18:04):
to be a distance created. And just in that part,
in that aspect of it. Now, is he the type
to blow up on your ass? Is he the type
that we that would even understand? That's why I'm saying,
ask him to be open minded if he isn't already,
you know, because some men won't be able to take that,
but some men are.
Speaker 2 (18:22):
Some men are able to take.
Speaker 1 (18:24):
The hard, cold truth. Because at times, I know it's cliche,
but the truth does hurt. But it also matters to
tell the truth because if you lie, both of y'all
gonna be unhappy. It ain't gonna it ain't gonna work
out at the end, because you're gonna blow up one
day and you're gonna say some things that I damn
sure know you're gonna regret. Have the conversation while still early.
(18:45):
Four months is not that long. Okay, Please do that
for yourself, your sanity, and your baby's too, you know,
And do that for him too, just for the sake
of breaking a heart, and for the sake of breaking
your own heart, you know, because you know you're not happy.
Check back in with me. Let me know, girl, Okay,
moving on. I lost my fiance about a month ago.
(19:08):
Shit wasn't doing the best for months, she would say.
I wasn't making her happy, wasn't a great father at times,
rarely having sex. Long story short of female message me
sending me picks. I sent one back next morning, fiance
seening it. Damn We split shortly after that after the picture. Okay,
(19:29):
this girl is my life. We got a daughter and
she's there for my other kids. How do I get
her back? First of all, nigga, you ain't even let
me know shit. You just you leaving some shit out.
There's some other shit that you do, bene did ain't nobody?
Speaker 2 (19:42):
Uh uh? Your fiance ain't gonna.
Speaker 1 (19:44):
Leave you just because she's seeing a bitch sent a
picture to your phone. You've been doing something else, and
I ain't even gonna take your shit until you open
up all the way up and let me know what
you did. I ain't playing with you. I am not playing.
This is crazy. You gonna send me this little bit
of shit. I'm gonna read it again. I lost my
fiance about a month ago. Shit wasn't doing the best
(20:06):
for months, she would say. I wasn't making that happy,
wasn't a great father at times, rarely having sex. Long
story short, How the fuck are you gonna say? Long
story short? And the story already fucking short? Long story short.
A female message me sending me picks. I sent one
back next morning, fiance seeing it. We split shortly after that.
This girl is my life, got a daughter and shed
(20:27):
there for my other kids. How do I get her back?
You tell a motherfucking truth about everything, So help you God,
because ain't nobody sitting here believe I ain't believing this shit.
I'm not believing it.
Speaker 2 (20:38):
Now.
Speaker 1 (20:38):
You can come back and you can send me take
your time, take your time, open up to me and
tell me what happened, because you ain't gonna get her
back like this shit. This is probably how you lost them,
all short and shit and nonchalant, like you don't give
a damn. You don't really want her back, and this
is crazy. You sent me this same message May twenty fourth,
(20:59):
sending me the same shit December eighteenth. All right, so
that was like what six months ago? Yeah, this was
seven months ago, and then you came back and sent
it again. So you still want to obviously, but the
dates then changed. I know the dates changed. You sent
you copying and paste and sent the same shit. So
you ain't got a back yet, and you ain't going
(21:20):
to with this nonsense. Try again. I better open up
my DM for Carefully Reckless and see a longer message. Shit,
send a voice note, talk to me, because this ain't
gonna get you nowhere with me, I say, she don't
take your ass back because you lying about something and
you hiding some shit, and yeah, I ain't playing with
you niggas. In twenty twenty four, I ain't playing with you.
(21:41):
Women in twenty twenty four, I ain't doing it. Get
your shit together, And just like that, we've come to
the end of yet another carefully reckless episode with your
girl Jesselarius. I ain't playing with y'all, niggas, I ain't
playing with you, and then my deepest paying voice peace,
Catch you next week.
Speaker 3 (22:04):
Taking Class.
Speaker 6 (22:42):
And Can't.
Speaker 1 (23:08):
Fully Reckless is a production of iHeartRadio and The Black Effect.
For more podcasts from iHeartRadio, visit the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts,
or wherever you listen to your favorite shows.
Welcome to Can't Flee Reckless, the production of iHeart Radio
and the Black Effects.
Speaker 2 (00:15):
Shit be back on the air. Happy New Year, everybody.
Speaker 1 (00:18):
We're back with yet another Can't Fully Reckless episode with
your girl just hilarious.
Speaker 2 (00:22):
What do I do?
Speaker 1 (00:23):
I'd be fixing thats same as I did last year.
I'm gonna do the same shit this year. We're just
gonna keep on getting bigger and better, keep on growing
the podcast audience.
Speaker 2 (00:32):
As I came in.
Speaker 1 (00:33):
Number five, the Great Brother Charlemagne to God, let me
know that our podcast came in number five, y'all. We
in top motherfucking five. That's nice, that's amazing, and we're
gonna jump straight into it. We got a voice note
for the top of the year, y'all know I love those.
But we also got some paragraphs.
Speaker 3 (00:50):
Y'all.
Speaker 1 (00:51):
People know these people voices and they ain't trying to
get caught. All right, let's jump straight into it.
Speaker 4 (00:56):
Hey, us, I just want to say, like, I'm a
huge fan of yours. You know, I've been watching for years,
and you know I love you. I love your your work,
I love all that you're doing. I just wanted to
get get that out the way. But I really need advice, Like,
oh my god, So I've been basically I've been dating
(01:17):
this guy for the last how long has it been?
Four months? And we kind of moved pretty quickly because
I noticed that, you know, like he's a really good person.
I just came out of a not just but earlier
this year, you know, I came out of a toxic
(01:38):
relationship with my daughter's die, and when I met him,
it was like a breath of fresh air. So things
kind of moved quickly to the point where I invited
him to move in with me.
Speaker 5 (01:54):
Okay, girl, That's where the problem started, because I noticed
that he has a lot of issues.
Speaker 4 (02:08):
He has issues with ed, like he can't stay.
Speaker 6 (02:13):
Up, and.
Speaker 4 (02:16):
He didn't tell me that at first, so I had
to find out. I had to find that out on
my own, Like, this is not something that he disclosed
to me. He claims that he didn't know about it
and that he thought it was just every once in
a while. I also realize that he's a little bit
so like not saying that he's dumb, but like he
(02:39):
doesn't stimulate me mentally. I will say, the good about
him is that he's a really good.
Speaker 2 (02:45):
Person, like genuinely a.
Speaker 4 (02:48):
Good person at heart. I just feel like I'm not
four hundred percent happy, But at the same time, like
I'm trying to reason with myself, Like, you know, nobody's perfect.
You know, like if you find somebody who is willing
to fight for you and willing to work things out
with you, then stick with them. But he is, like
(03:10):
he's willing to break things out, and you know, we
talk about things and you know, but I'm just not
satisfied in the bedroom. And on top of not being
satisfied in the bedroom, he's also like he also calls
himself an entrepreneur, but he's not bringing in enough money
to the point where for the last three months that
(03:31):
he's been by the last month that he's been living
with me, he didn't have his affiant and I was
a problem. So I have kids. He's good with my kids,
you know, like he's a good, good, genuinely good person.
But I'm just trying to I don't know, like I
guess I'm asked. My question is I'm sorry, I know
(03:52):
this is kind of long. I was trying to give
you all the details, but my question is, like, is
it worth staying in this relationship? Like the ed problem
he told me that he you know, goes to the
doctor and try to see what's.
Speaker 2 (04:05):
Going on with it.
Speaker 4 (04:07):
And you know, he he did say that he would
get a real job, like a regular job whatever, not
just doing uber. So you know, these are things I
guess that can be worked on, but I just don't
have the patience and I don't want to settle, So
I just I guess I need your here and put
on What would you do or do you think that
(04:29):
these are things that you know that I can I
should be more patient with?
Speaker 1 (04:37):
Well, I appreciate you first of all for even having
the balls, you know, well, having the hearts. Sorry, trying
to get better with how I talk, trying to get
more professional, you know, thank you for even sharing because
this is in a lot of cases a very prideful
(04:59):
thing like people don't like to especially women, especially us.
You know, we don't like to put all of our
business out there on front street. Because this does seems
like a big It seemed like a big mistake that
you made.
Speaker 2 (05:11):
Mistake.
Speaker 1 (05:11):
Won I'm not saying the relationship is a mistake. Let
me be very careful. I'm saying the mistake was moving
him in too quick. Now I do understand you said
you had just got out of a really toxic relationship
with your ex. I believe you said your kid's dad
your ex, and you were a bit vulnerable. I'm gonna
(05:32):
go ahead and say you were vulnerable, maybe even a
bit gullible, you know, because who doesn't want love even,
you know, especially after a bad relationship or not a
bad relationship, but you know, just a relationship that didn't work.
Because I know it couldn't have been all bad because
you were there, and that was a long term relationship
that you had gotten out of. I think you didn't
give yourself enough time to heal. I think you guys
(05:55):
should have just continue to date, because dating is how
you get to know someone, and it doesn't matter how
long that takes. You have to get to know someone
before just moving them in and then it's not just you,
it's you and your kids. Now again, I am not
calling your relationship a mistake. You just made the mistake,
(06:18):
in my opinion, of moving him in. Because what made
you move him in after four months, well, after three
months of dealing with him?
Speaker 2 (06:26):
No, after one month?
Speaker 1 (06:27):
Right, because you said y'all been dealing with each other,
y'all been together you know, y'all been dealing with each
other for four months and he's been living living with
you for three months, So one month and you moved
him in. Now I'm repeating this back to you because
most of the time, when I repeat somebody's mess back
to them, they easily can see it. They easily can
(06:52):
see the mistake that they made before I even give
the advice. Sometimes you just got to hear your shit back,
you know what I mean, And that's what makes all
the difference. You know, when you hear it out loud,
when you hear it coming from somebody else, and it's
kind of easier to judge it or even give advice
if it was someone else going through it. But it's you,
So me repeating it back to you should make you
be like, oh shit, yeah, this is crazy, but we've
(07:14):
all done it.
Speaker 2 (07:15):
Well.
Speaker 1 (07:16):
I ain't done that part, but I've definitely moved too quickly,
you know, fast and rapid with a guy that I
barely even knew. If you love me, you'll listen to
this commercial and then we'll be right back. Okay, So
let's get into the eden. When he moves in, you
notice that sex is a problem because he can't keep
(07:37):
it up. Now, you said that is something that you
had to find out. No, man, Well, I'm not gonna
say no man, but a lot of men ain't gonna
let you know that they can't get it up. You
understand what I'm saying, because a lot of men don't
even have the answer to why they can't get it up.
You know, it could be a medical issue, it could
be something going on there, It could be a disconnect,
it could be something mentally. And he has to get
(07:59):
those answers himself. He has to go to a doctor,
he has to go to a therapist. Something he has
to do to take care of himself. Like he said,
he didn't even know. He probably didn't know he had
the problem, but he probably thought that it was because
of the person. You know, a lot of men don't
really know, and instead of going to find out if
it's something medical or not, they just assume may maybe
(08:23):
it's the last bitch. Maybe maybe it's this woman that's
just not getting me up.
Speaker 2 (08:26):
Maybe you know.
Speaker 1 (08:27):
So I don't I can't say that I blame him
for not telling you because he probably didn't even know why.
You know, he didn't know that it would happen with you,
you know. Now that's still no excuse for him not
going to get checked out. Yes, that can be worked on,
all right, that's a big thing. Not being sexually satisfied
(08:49):
in the bedroom does play a big part in a relationship. Okay,
moving on. You said he calls himself an entrepreneur?
Speaker 2 (08:57):
What does he do?
Speaker 1 (08:58):
Not even being nosy, It's just things that I want
to know so I can help you better. Is it
something that does he have a business that you do
believe in that you do believe with some investing or
some hard work, or some more patience or some more building,
the right resources can flourish and take care of him
(09:22):
and you, you know, and or his half. You know
what I'm saying. Is it something that can be a
very lucrative business? Is it something you know or is
he or is it something along the lines of Oh,
I'm just gonna be a rapper, you know, and hoping
my music kick off, which can also happen these days.
You hear this shit that's coming out now, shit, you
ain't even got to know how to rap to become
(09:43):
a rapper, so, you know, so not judging if he is,
if it is something that way I'm just saying, because
you can't really shit on somebody's dreams unless you do
honestly see it for what it is. And it ain't
gonna work, you know, because a lot of people need
somebody real. You know, you don't need nobody that's gonna
shit on you, but you need somebody that's gonna keep
it real with you.
Speaker 2 (10:01):
Look, baby, no, no, no, no, no.
Speaker 1 (10:03):
This bakery that you're trying to open the market right now,
it ain't the time for that. So what we need
to do is get a fucking job until you can
fund your business idea, until you can get your business
off the ground. Because I got kids, and if you
with me, that mean we got kids, because you live.
Speaker 2 (10:19):
Here with us. Now we're in a relationship.
Speaker 1 (10:22):
This is secure. This is something that we have to
move forward. Bills are today your entrepreneurship and ain't kicking
off the way that you thought it would or the
way that it should be right now, you know, how
long has he been an entrepreneur?
Speaker 2 (10:34):
Does he give.
Speaker 1 (10:35):
Real effort into trying to be an entrepreneur whatever it is,
you know what I'm saying. Do you see him actually
working toward a goal? You know, does he have ambition.
You said, he is a genuinely good person. He's good
with your kids. That's a plus. A lot of men
who don't have kids don't typically do well in situations
with children, you know, and households with children, because they
(10:57):
don't have the experience.
Speaker 2 (11:00):
It's not most men.
Speaker 1 (11:01):
I'm not putting a percentage on the men, but that's
just from experience and what I know. So he seems
to have a great deal of patience because he don't
even have no kids and you got kids. Okay, you
did say he drives Uber. Now I know Uber can
get you some money. You know, I got a bunch
of little cousins that do it. I know a lot
of people that do Uber. You know, you hit them
(11:23):
peak times and you get get on that road at
a certain time, and you.
Speaker 2 (11:26):
Put in that work. You can make some money.
Speaker 1 (11:29):
But I understand it's not enough for you. Okay, And
then you know, you see him conflicted because now I
understand I've been in your place before, I've been in
your shoes. I'm not going to sit here and just
act like I haven't. You know, you're conflicted right now
because you're not happy in the bed. You're not happy
with him financially, because you feel like you just move
(11:53):
this guy in and while you do like him, while
you do love him, you know, maybe even love him,
you feel like you made a mistake. That's just what
it is, and you just try and not to say it,
try not to look at it that way. The good
part is, y'are only four months in, Okay. I like
when you said nobody's perfect. No, nobody's perfect. And yes,
(12:15):
if you do find somebody that genuinely loves you and
genuinely is a good person, because it's hard to find
those people these days, then you do stick with it. However,
you do not settle. You just don't settle. Where was
he living before? Is there any chance that he could
go back there and you guys could start over? You
know what I'm saying, because what I don't want you
to do is settle, keep him in your house. And
(12:40):
you're unhappy, and you just praying on patience, praying that
one day at the work, and then you're slowly but
surely getting miserable, and then you're starting to dislike him,
and now you're starting to hate him, and then you're
starting to resent him because that's not fair to him.
Either it's not fair to you, and it's not fair
to your kids because the longer he's there, he's building
a bond with them. Okay, but mommy's not happy. He
(13:05):
wasn't even around long enough for them to meet him
and live with him.
Speaker 6 (13:10):
Right.
Speaker 1 (13:11):
I'm just telling you from mom to mom, I've done this,
I've been in this before. Okay, I'm not judging you, says,
I'm just telling you, baby. So even with that being said,
you really don't see a future here. You're trying to
see a future here. Okay, I would say, don't give
(13:35):
up on it one hundred per but sit down and
have a real conversation with him. Sit down and have
a real conversation with him, because it ain't all on him.
It's not you invited.
Speaker 2 (13:45):
Him to move with you.
Speaker 1 (13:46):
Those were your words, that that was an action that
no man in his place could refuse or would refuse.
Speaker 2 (13:54):
Shit.
Speaker 1 (13:54):
You know, now, if you ask him, I bet he
in love like a mother. You know what I'm saying.
He got a partner that's helping him, that's understanding a situation.
Speaker 4 (14:05):
You.
Speaker 1 (14:05):
Of course, you have beautiful children that he's created this
beautiful bond with, you know, probably making him want some
kids of his own, you know what I'm saying. And
you seem like just this a phenomenal woman. You do
deserve more, but you just made a mistake moving too fast,
moving too quick. It's okay to still heal because I
(14:26):
bet you still do things like compare him to your
ex in some ways when you weren't even happy in
that relationship.
Speaker 2 (14:32):
Because I've done it before.
Speaker 1 (14:33):
You know, we just start comparing and we'll try to
find the good and the last relationship as it compares
to what you're what's happening now, what you're going through now,
because I bet you said it to yourself.
Speaker 2 (14:47):
I mean the nigga was toxic.
Speaker 1 (14:48):
The last nigga was toxic, but I mean he could
get it up and he was getting money, but you
still wasn't happy. Okay, hold up, hold up, I know
this shit getting good, But listen to just a couple
seconds of a I'm marshal. If you love me, you'll listen.
Nobody has it all off top.
Speaker 2 (15:07):
Okay.
Speaker 1 (15:08):
I'm letting you know that from experience. I'm not saying
it won't get there, because it can. You can have
it all. You can have whatever you want. Manifest you
can You can.
Speaker 2 (15:19):
It's real.
Speaker 1 (15:20):
You can have whatever you want. When you meet your partner.
Know he ain't God always be at the top, But
y'all can build together and make it there together. If
you already there, shit, build him up and he can
be up there with you. If you meet a man
that's already there and you ain't there, shit, and he
believes in you and he loves you and he wants you,
he gonna build you up and you're gonna make it there.
Speaker 2 (15:43):
Okay, you understand me.
Speaker 1 (15:45):
So I think it needs to be a real, genuine conversation.
And I know you probably don't want to hurt his
feelings because he is a good person. He is a
good man at heart, and there's nothing wrong with that.
There's nothing wrong with being honest and being open. That
will probably make you our relationship stronger. Tell him be honest. Listen,
I made a mistake. I was just getting out of
(16:06):
a relationship. I love you, I really really want this
to work. And if it's going to work, I need
you to understand and be open minded enough to not
take what I'm about to say as insults. I'm not
happy in the bedroom. That plays the big part in
our relationship, in any relationship, Okay, but I do suggest
(16:28):
that you go see something, Go see a doctor, go
see go see if there's something you can do about it.
You know, because as painful as it is for me,
I know it's uncomfortable for you. I know it's painful
for you to not be able to get it up. Shit,
you want a nut just as bad as I want
a nut. You know what I'm saying.
Speaker 2 (16:46):
Death is not one sided. It's both sided. Girl.
Speaker 1 (16:49):
I know he's feeling it. If you're feeling it, you
know how you think he feeling. If you feeling that way,
you know what I'm saying. And then move on to
the finances and be serious and your ground.
Speaker 2 (17:00):
Don't be rude.
Speaker 1 (17:01):
No man wants you to talk down because he probably
already feel less than because he can't provide. You understand
what I'm saying. But again, this was your invitation. So
you just keep that shit a hundred with him too.
And you do that and tell him this entrepreneur thing
that you're doing.
Speaker 2 (17:17):
Now, I don't call it a thing. Lord, shit, he
won't be like, what the fuck?
Speaker 1 (17:20):
Okay, Now, don't minimize it like that, you say, I
understand you are an entrepreneur. But I need for you
to get a job until you able to get this
business off the ground and up and running. You know
what I'm saying. But it can't happen here. You can
still come past and see the kids. You can still
come over. But I think I made the mistake of
moving too fast and inviting you to move in. And
(17:43):
I appreciate what you do for me. I appreciate how
you stimulate me mentally. Actually, damn you said, he don't Okay, Okay, Yeah,
this conversation needs to happen because I don't want you
to start resenting him, because that's not fair. It's not
fair to you, him, more the kids. So he needs
to go, He needs to move out, and there needs
(18:04):
to be a distance created. And just in that part,
in that aspect of it. Now, is he the type
to blow up on your ass? Is he the type
that we that would even understand? That's why I'm saying,
ask him to be open minded if he isn't already,
you know, because some men won't be able to take that,
but some men are.
Speaker 2 (18:22):
Some men are able to take.
Speaker 1 (18:24):
The hard, cold truth. Because at times, I know it's cliche,
but the truth does hurt. But it also matters to
tell the truth because if you lie, both of y'all
gonna be unhappy. It ain't gonna it ain't gonna work
out at the end, because you're gonna blow up one
day and you're gonna say some things that I damn
sure know you're gonna regret. Have the conversation while still early.
(18:45):
Four months is not that long. Okay, Please do that
for yourself, your sanity, and your baby's too, you know,
And do that for him too, just for the sake
of breaking a heart, and for the sake of breaking
your own heart, you know, because you know you're not happy.
Check back in with me. Let me know, girl, Okay,
moving on. I lost my fiance about a month ago.
(19:08):
Shit wasn't doing the best for months, she would say.
I wasn't making her happy, wasn't a great father at times,
rarely having sex. Long story short of female message me
sending me picks. I sent one back next morning, fiance
seening it. Damn We split shortly after that after the picture. Okay,
(19:29):
this girl is my life. We got a daughter and
she's there for my other kids. How do I get
her back? First of all, nigga, you ain't even let
me know shit. You just you leaving some shit out.
There's some other shit that you do, bene did ain't nobody?
Speaker 2 (19:42):
Uh uh? Your fiance ain't gonna.
Speaker 1 (19:44):
Leave you just because she's seeing a bitch sent a
picture to your phone. You've been doing something else, and
I ain't even gonna take your shit until you open
up all the way up and let me know what
you did. I ain't playing with you. I am not playing.
This is crazy. You gonna send me this little bit
of shit. I'm gonna read it again. I lost my
fiance about a month ago. Shit wasn't doing the best
(20:06):
for months, she would say. I wasn't making that happy,
wasn't a great father at times, rarely having sex. Long
story short, How the fuck are you gonna say? Long
story short? And the story already fucking short? Long story short.
A female message me sending me picks. I sent one
back next morning, fiance seeing it. We split shortly after that.
This girl is my life, got a daughter and shed
(20:27):
there for my other kids. How do I get her back?
You tell a motherfucking truth about everything, So help you God,
because ain't nobody sitting here believe I ain't believing this shit.
I'm not believing it.
Speaker 2 (20:38):
Now.
Speaker 1 (20:38):
You can come back and you can send me take
your time, take your time, open up to me and
tell me what happened, because you ain't gonna get her
back like this shit. This is probably how you lost them,
all short and shit and nonchalant, like you don't give
a damn. You don't really want her back, and this
is crazy. You sent me this same message May twenty fourth,
(20:59):
sending me the same shit December eighteenth. All right, so
that was like what six months ago? Yeah, this was
seven months ago, and then you came back and sent
it again. So you still want to obviously, but the
dates then changed. I know the dates changed. You sent
you copying and paste and sent the same shit. So
you ain't got a back yet, and you ain't going
(21:20):
to with this nonsense. Try again. I better open up
my DM for Carefully Reckless and see a longer message. Shit,
send a voice note, talk to me, because this ain't
gonna get you nowhere with me, I say, she don't
take your ass back because you lying about something and
you hiding some shit, and yeah, I ain't playing with
you niggas. In twenty twenty four, I ain't playing with you.
(21:41):
Women in twenty twenty four, I ain't doing it. Get
your shit together, And just like that, we've come to
the end of yet another carefully reckless episode with your
girl Jesselarius. I ain't playing with y'all, niggas, I ain't
playing with you, and then my deepest paying voice peace,
Catch you next week.
Speaker 3 (22:04):
Taking Class.
Speaker 6 (22:42):
And Can't.
Speaker 1 (23:08):
Fully Reckless is a production of iHeartRadio and The Black Effect.
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