April 10, 2024 • 22 mins
Hey y'all , wassup? Jess is focusing on one very relatable mess. All the couples with newborn babies need to tap in!
If you want Jess to fix your mess, DM her on Instagram: @carefullyrecklesspodcast
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Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
Speaker 1 (00:00):
Welcome to Can't Fully Reckless, the production of iHeart Radio
and the Black Effect.
Speaker 2 (00:15):
Oh shit we on a air.
Speaker 1 (00:17):
Welcome back to yet another carefully reckless episode with your
girl Jessilarious.
Speaker 2 (00:20):
And what I be doing.
Speaker 1 (00:21):
I'll be fixing mess not only here on the Carefully
Reckless podcast on the Black Effect Network under our Heart,
I be doing that shit on Breakfast Club each and
every Thursday. Well it alternates between Wednesdays and Thursdays or whatever,
but that's what I'll be doing, y'all. So We're gonna
jump straight into it. And I'm so excited. Guess what
your guess why? I guess why?
Speaker 2 (00:41):
Yes? Why? Because we have a fucking voice memo. Thank you.
So we're just gonna jump straight into it. Here we go.
Speaker 3 (00:47):
What's so, jes, I don't think I ever ever heard
a guy come on here, but maybe I'll be the first.
Speaker 4 (00:54):
Please bear with me. I do have my son in
the car.
Speaker 2 (00:57):
Okay, you not with You're not the first.
Speaker 3 (00:59):
Out with my significant other for probably a little bit
over three years.
Speaker 4 (01:04):
We just had our second child a week ago, and
I would.
Speaker 3 (01:09):
Say within these last three years I have been having
issues with you know, her not wanting to grow and
just you know, help me push you know forth in
my business, you know, and and and just help help me.
Just just be that that woman for me that they
can sense. So when we had our first child, I
(01:34):
you know, gave her the option to go to work
or stay home, and she is not to stay home.
And and and that's how I like it.
Speaker 4 (01:43):
Man. I feel like, you know, any I feel like.
Speaker 3 (01:46):
Own black men shouldn't have their significant other, uh stay
home and.
Speaker 4 (01:51):
And take care of the household while we're out doing
the farmwork. And my Max was just trying to build
and grow my business.
Speaker 3 (01:59):
And you just make sure that my family never have
to go to work. And I would say, one of
the things that really gauzes me is we're avery almost home, buddy,
is that she does.
Speaker 4 (02:13):
Not put forth any effort to show that she values
he has been while I'm not here going to work
for difficult people, if you know what I mean. It's
just as a black man working out in an American
assistance of all in general.
Speaker 3 (02:27):
But I'm sacrificing that so she ain't got to deal
with it.
Speaker 4 (02:30):
And I don't wh I keep my boys on, you know,
so while.
Speaker 3 (02:34):
I'm putting forth, you know, my hardest work, working overtime
every day, putting network on Saturdays, and then coming home
and working the extra you know, three to four hours
on my own personal business that I've.
Speaker 4 (02:47):
Been working on for the last you know, four years
or so.
Speaker 3 (02:52):
I need her to ask me step up and hold
it down at the house, and she has.
Speaker 4 (02:58):
Not been doing that.
Speaker 3 (02:59):
Like literally for the last three years some of my relationships,
she has literally not done anything.
Speaker 4 (03:07):
And I said rules, like, hey, if.
Speaker 3 (03:09):
You're gonna be in stay at home mom, you went
to homeschool like kids, let's start working on the curriculum
for them, you know, because I don't agree with the
public school system. I feel like young black men should
be taught differently. And it's just like she doesn't do anything. Man,
it just bothers me, and it kind of kills my
sex drive with her, because like when I come home
(03:30):
every single day of the week and I'm so pissed
off because not only I'm dealing with these white folks
at work, I got to come home to a dirty house,
food not being cooked, you know a lot of the
times I'm cooking, and just she's just not holding her
up her end of the day. If I know, no
means I am not going to break up with her.
Speaker 4 (03:51):
I cannot destroy my family like that. You know. I
got two boys that needs me and the two playing household.
It's just that's extremely important to me because I didn't
have that and it affected me a lot.
Speaker 3 (04:02):
But when you're dealing with somebody who don't respect growth
and developing themselves as a you know, person in general,
it really bothers me.
Speaker 4 (04:13):
And You've got a lot of people who are just
okay with just.
Speaker 3 (04:16):
Going to work and and just looking forward to the weekend,
and I'm not. And I'm like, I'm.
Speaker 4 (04:22):
Grinding, and I need my partner to know, like, hey.
Speaker 3 (04:25):
I need you to grind with me one quickst album.
With my business, you know, I'm probably projected to make
an extra thirty to fifty thousand dollars in my small
business this year.
Speaker 4 (04:39):
But I'm doing everything by myself.
Speaker 3 (04:41):
Like I have to answer all the emails, I have
to talk to.
Speaker 4 (04:44):
The people that I hired to work for me to.
Speaker 3 (04:47):
Do some software stuff and engineering type stuff. I gotta
do all that. And it would really suit me to
have her hands as emails, have her contact, or even
have her do.
Speaker 4 (04:59):
Some social media stuff for me. But it's literally like
she doesn't really value it.
Speaker 3 (05:05):
And like, sexually, I love it if I love having
sex with her, but for me to boost my energy
with her, it's just like I need some type of
intellect between us to be formed, because like, it just
doesn't really drive me to want to be so romantic
when I have somebody who don't even care about growth.
Speaker 4 (05:25):
And I would say we are.
Speaker 3 (05:27):
In therapy right now, but I don't really see therapy
working when I have already communicated.
Speaker 4 (05:32):
Her like, hey, look, look if I need you.
Speaker 3 (05:35):
Like it's tough out here, man, and I need you
to you know, I need you to pick up that
second half.
Speaker 4 (05:42):
Of me while I'm at work.
Speaker 3 (05:44):
And I do understand what got kids and she's a
stay at home mom, but imagine if she had to
go to work, and it'd be a lot different.
Speaker 4 (05:51):
My question to you is like how do I how do.
Speaker 3 (05:55):
I get her to understand the value that she brings
to me as for one being at being at home
taking care of kids, having a freedom not to go
to work, and didn't deal with the bullshit.
Speaker 4 (06:09):
I deal with, you know, It's like, how do I
get that through her? Because like I have already maxed
out of my life. I bought my second house when
I was twenty nine years old. I make good money,
you know, I got my family.
Speaker 3 (06:23):
You know, it's just the thing that's lacking is that
that woman. Man Like, I need her to pick up
and be that rock for me.
Speaker 4 (06:30):
Man Like. I literally, I literally do so much to
the points where it's like.
Speaker 3 (06:37):
Me to the point where I'm like, man Like, a
lot of men go through this kind of shit and
they end up getting aside piece or something like that,
Hey we home, but let's go in to eat.
Speaker 4 (06:47):
They end up getting aside chicken. I ain't trying to
do that, man like.
Speaker 3 (06:50):
I like, I like my girls, So just just help
me out.
Speaker 4 (06:54):
Man.
Speaker 3 (06:54):
But I like what you're doing in the breakfast club.
And keep up the good work. You're doing great. Your
reading is getting a lot better too, by.
Speaker 2 (07:03):
The way, a whole lot thanks.
Speaker 1 (07:05):
First of all, you know what, I'm gonna come back
to that, all right, I'm gonna come back to that.
Hold up, Hold up, I know the shit getting good.
But listen to just a couple seconds of a commercial.
If you love me, you'll listen. But no, I just
couldn't get past your baby in the back. You know,
even though I have I'm pregnant right now already. That
just gave me baby fever again. Babies, just give me
(07:27):
baby fever period, pregnant or not, honey, I just oh
my god, I love this baby. It's like, Nigga, I'm hungry.
You want to be talking talking to the stranger about
my mom. Nigga, come on home, get me out this car.
Speaker 2 (07:38):
All right? Anyway, all right, let's get to that. And
then secondly, thank you so much.
Speaker 1 (07:43):
I appreciate you and and the fact that you complimented
my reading or whatever, which is why I'm glad that
you sent them the voice. No, nigga, ha ha, so
I would have to read just shit because that was long.
But let's jump into it. So obviously, either you two
are from totally different walks of life, you know, y'all,
y'all are bought up different differently. You know, you care
(08:05):
about things that at twenty nine, like you said, you
was already buying your second property. You know what I'm saying,
as opposed to the average twenty nine year old ain't
thinking about that, you get what I'm saying, Or just
another twenty nine year old, you know, could be thinking
about what she gonna wake up and post on social
media tomorrow. You know, it's just it's different walks of
(08:25):
life that different paths, different mindsets, different thinking. Okay, now,
you let this go on for three years. You told
me three years. I'm just quoting you three That's what
Also like when y'all send voice notes in because I
can challenge what you said.
Speaker 2 (08:38):
Three years.
Speaker 1 (08:40):
You let this go on. Okay, Now, I know you
said you've talked to her and everything. I'm gonna just
give you a couple things that it could be if
it ain't the different worlds.
Speaker 2 (08:50):
Okay, she just had a baby. That baby sounds fairly young.
Speaker 1 (08:54):
I think you said he's a couple months or no,
you should she just had a baby a week ago
something like that.
Speaker 2 (08:59):
I know you just said that.
Speaker 1 (08:59):
You y'all have a newborn, of course, a small infant child.
Have you ever thought about maybe she is having post
traumatic stress disorder? Have you thought about like, maybe she
is miserable in her own right, Maybe she wants to
do something else so badly with her life. Maybe she
doesn't want to be a stay at home mom just
(09:20):
because that's the mold that you want her to fit.
Speaker 2 (09:22):
Me, because that's what you see for her.
Speaker 1 (09:24):
Have you ever thought that maybe she had dreams but
she put them aside to have your two babies.
Speaker 2 (09:30):
You get what I'm saying.
Speaker 1 (09:31):
Have you thought about the fact that what's running through
her mind when you are out there and those two
babies are that she's not getting proper sleep.
Speaker 2 (09:39):
Have you thought about that?
Speaker 4 (09:40):
Now?
Speaker 1 (09:40):
These are not excuses, these are facts, and this could
very well be what's going on with her.
Speaker 2 (09:45):
I just want to tell you don't.
Speaker 1 (09:47):
And I know you're not discrediting her, and I know
that you feel that you have given her grace, But
have you you got to think about that? Have you
given her grace all right until you are able to
have a baby and then have another one and then
you want me to cook and clean and still you
know now, listen, it's been done. I'm not sitting here
telling you that it is not possible, because baby, it
(10:08):
is possible.
Speaker 2 (10:09):
It's possible. Black women do it every day.
Speaker 1 (10:11):
White women do it every day, Hispanic women do All
other women do it every day. I'm not here to
narrow it down to race, but I'm just saying women
do it every day. Okay, so it is not impossible,
but everybody is different. Their mindsets are different. Okay, everybody
is not strong after birth mentally.
Speaker 2 (10:33):
You get what I'm saying.
Speaker 1 (10:34):
And then you say you bought up the thing of Okay,
we can do therapy, but I feel like me talking
to her should be enough, should be mm hmm. Because
you're in the house, you have a bias opinion. You
know you're in it. Maybe y'all do need a professional. Okay,
I understand.
Speaker 2 (10:49):
Brother.
Speaker 1 (10:50):
I just want to say congratulations on you being that
strong black man for your family. All right, you're building
an empire and you wanting to take care of your
family because it's not. There are many brothers like you,
but we need more. You get what I'm saying. I
do understand. I understand, But I also need you to
understand the other side of it as well, and that's
her side. You come home to a dirty house, you
(11:11):
feel yo, she could very well be depressed as fuck.
Speaker 2 (11:14):
Right now.
Speaker 1 (11:15):
You know the baby's crying, and then you know sometimes
you got to come home and cook. Let's compromise, okay, baby,
piece of day can be Thursdays and Fridays. You don't
gotta cook Monday through Friday. I'll give you that check
in with her how.
Speaker 2 (11:28):
Is you today?
Speaker 4 (11:29):
Baby?
Speaker 2 (11:29):
Why is the house dirty?
Speaker 1 (11:30):
Is it something that I you know, it's something that
was bothering you today? How's your mental? How do you
how are you feeling? Come here and sit down. Let
the baby cry for a second. Let there is nothing
wrong with a baby crying. They strengthening them lungs. I'm
telling you all right, So nothing wrong with a baby
crying for a little minute. Y'all go sit in the
room somewhere. What happened? Why is the house dirty? Furthermore,
(11:51):
before we get to the house being dirty, listen, how's
your mental? How are you feeling? Let me come inside
of your world before I just come home and be
angry with you and not want to give you no
sex or I don't feel like I'm sexually attracted to
you because you know, I feel like you're lazy. Let
me figure out why I feel like you're lazy. Let's
(12:14):
figure out why you are changing or whatever you said.
It's been three years, sir, Why haven't y'all gotten therapy?
If this shit has not changed you like you said
you mentioned therapy, y'all don't need that because you ain't
the therapist here, you know, because you have a biased opinion,
and you're already kind of frustrated.
Speaker 2 (12:33):
You're already frustrated with it.
Speaker 1 (12:35):
So if she's frustrated and you're frustrated, that's all it's
gonna be is just boom knocking heads, knocking heads, you
know what I'm saying, Instead of knocking the boots, y'all
need to get back to y'all. Y'all sexual spice. Y'all
need to be able to put them babies down. She
needs a schedule, she needs a schedule, she needs to
prioritize certain things.
Speaker 2 (12:54):
But you have to get through to her mental first.
Speaker 1 (12:57):
Make sure she's mentally okay and not just being lazy,
because we can always mistake what we think somebody is
going through for some shit that they're actually really going through.
You get me, I hope you getting me all right now.
I absolutely applaud you for putting me in your business
because you did not you absolutely did not have to
do this.
Speaker 2 (13:17):
But I'm happy.
Speaker 1 (13:18):
And no, you're not the first man to come on
and actually ask for my advice on an issue.
Speaker 2 (13:24):
And thank you for being so open and vulnerable.
Speaker 1 (13:26):
You know, most of our black men do not feel comfortable,
you know, And because you came to me with the situation.
I know that you would be down for therapy. I
know you got to get inside your woman's brain. Babe,
you have to we hurt just like y'all hurt. You
are a black man. You are a black man, which means, yeah,
it is a lot harder for you in this world,
(13:46):
whatever industry you in, whatever workforce you and than other races.
Speaker 2 (13:50):
Of course, you get me. You get what I'm saying.
Speaker 1 (13:52):
But at the same time, it's hard for us too,
all right, to be the bore of the house.
Speaker 2 (13:59):
You know, we bear everything. You get what I'm saying.
Speaker 1 (14:03):
If you love me, you'll listen to this commercial and
then we'll be right back. That beautiful woman of yours
probably don't feel beautiful no more. You understand what I'm saying,
So you have to meet her on those levels, and
you already working hard.
Speaker 2 (14:19):
You are. I'm applauding both of you.
Speaker 1 (14:22):
I want it to be that communication where y'all take
I don't even want to call it the ego and pride,
take all the hardness away, take the defense away. Try
not to offend her so much, give her grace in
the conversation. Babe, Look what's wrong we need to see
a professional.
Speaker 2 (14:42):
Let's do it. You know, maybe you should take.
Speaker 1 (14:45):
And I don't know how your finances are set up,
set up, maybe you should take maybe one week or
even four days off of work, three four days off
work and live in her world and see watch her
everyday pattern. I'm not gonna say, put cameras in the house,
because what the fuck. You ain't spying on your girl.
I don't know if you said your wife or your girl.
You're not spying on her. You want to have a
day in the life of her. First, You're not home
(15:08):
with them babies all day, not all day, all right,
you got to come home and cook dinner. Compromise that compromise,
you know, until she gets on the schedule. Then you
said you also have a small business that allows you
to make maybe thirty to fifty thousand dollars extra. I
applaud you for that too, black man. Yes, I do, Yes,
I do. But listen to me. Maybe she does need
something to do, you know, maybe that can give her
(15:30):
some motivation. All right, Shit, if I feel like I'm working,
I'm doing something. Maybe if and then pay her a
little something, go get her and you know, so she
go get her nails, and I told done feel good
while she's mommying all day, you know, while she's wifing
all day. These are wifely duties. You understand that shit
ain't easy. And I'm not a wife yet, but I
(15:52):
know plenty, I know many. I'm a daughter of one. Listen,
I know, I know what it takes. You know, I'm
not a man, but I'm a daughter of a man
who was married to my mom for decades, all right,
three uh over three?
Speaker 2 (16:09):
So I know that's not hard.
Speaker 1 (16:11):
And I know that it sucks like hell for a
man to feel like he cannot provide for his family.
So that's where your mindset is, and I love that
for you, But I want you to give her the
grace in the conversation to make her feel safe enough
to tell you, baby, I don't feel I don't know,
I don't know what it is. Maybe she don't even
know how to communicate that. You know, because you always
(16:33):
come home on ten. You know, I'm not saying you're
trying to knock her head off. Don't get don't get
that mixed up the listeners either.
Speaker 2 (16:39):
I'm not saying that.
Speaker 1 (16:41):
He's coming home violently verbally attacking her and shit, no, no,
no, no no, but she's very fragile. She just had another baby.
She's very fragile. Treated that way all right. I'm not
saying coddle her and make excuses and all of that,
but you still have to understand we're very fragile. You
want we give birth and PTSD. I think that's it.
(17:04):
That is very real. That is very real. I just
saw a video the other day of a woman screaming
to the top of her lungs at her baby in
her baby's face.
Speaker 2 (17:14):
I hate you, I hate you. The baby was crying.
Speaker 1 (17:16):
What was the husband doing recording his wife doing that
shit instead of removing the baby, removing the fucking baby
from the room. And then when he posted it, he
captioned it, my wife has pt AS the I mean,
she has post traumatic disorder. She has she's not she's
not been well. So why the fuck are you recording
or posting or putting on the internet embarrassing her? Probably
(17:38):
not enough, fucking right, mind. She was a home mom
as well, a stay at home mom as well. I
totally agree that you don't even want your kids to
be in school? Is she the one to teach them?
A curriculum? This is what we got also understand, all right?
Is she the one to do that? Or would you
recommend that you guys get what like a nanny tutor
or something, somebody to help her, somebody to be there
(17:59):
with her. That she had friends? Does she have somebody
that she can talk to? She just probably needs to
open up to somebody. She probably feels suffocated.
Speaker 2 (18:08):
You understand what I'm saying. How old is she?
Speaker 1 (18:11):
Like, give me a little bit more feedback on it.
Like I said, I'm not beating you up. I'm not
beating you down.
Speaker 2 (18:17):
Brother. I actually really do love that you came to
me with this story. All right. This is the first
time I've actually gotten a story like this. It's very
relatable and it's very real.
Speaker 1 (18:26):
I just want you to understand, like I understand that
you need her, but she needs you too. You understand
what I'm saying. She needs you and the babies need y'all.
So y'all got to make sure y'all straight for these babies.
You know, I know you don't want to leave her.
I can tell you love her, I can tell you
hold her to a higher standard. I can tell no,
you don't need no motherfucking side piece honey, because before
(18:49):
you know it, you're gonna have to take care of.
Speaker 2 (18:50):
That one too.
Speaker 1 (18:50):
Don't play with it, all right, because what you're doing
for your wife, the side piece gonna look up and
then you know, or your girl, main girl sidepiece gonna
look up like, oh sure we can take care of me.
Speaker 2 (18:59):
No, bitch, keep it moving.
Speaker 1 (19:00):
He got two children and he got he got a
home to fix right now. So no side pieces ain't
never the way to go unless you motherfucking leave her.
And you ain't trying to do that because you told
me so. I want you to take into consideration that
we need y'all to we do. And I know it
feels like you're fighting the world, that you got a
lot going on already. I know what it feels like.
(19:22):
I know, I know, I know, ugh, But you can
be her rock. Look that's what partners do. You need
me to hold this motherfucking house down. I need you
to lift me up and get to the get get
to what's wrong with me.
Speaker 2 (19:37):
You gotta live in her world too, boo.
Speaker 1 (19:39):
Like I said, take them two days off, you can
probably take one day off and see what the fuck
she go through, all right?
Speaker 2 (19:44):
You know now, if she is just lazy.
Speaker 3 (19:46):
Uh.
Speaker 2 (19:48):
You know, sometimes you gotta make a motherfucker get.
Speaker 1 (19:51):
A job, you know, Yeah, get on out there and
get on out there. I don't know if y'all have
active parents or you know, family support. All right, take
them babies to my I mean, pay her a couple
of dollars or whatever.
Speaker 2 (20:01):
You know what I'm saying.
Speaker 1 (20:03):
You go get a job and see what it is.
See how it is out here. That's if she is lazy.
But you don't know. We don't know, So look, figure
it out. Try your best to figure it out. I
know you tie it, but she probably is too, all right.
I love you, shit, I love her too, shuit. Make
sure you check back in with me. I'm glad that
you send me this story. And just like that, that
(20:23):
took up the whole episode. But that was a good
goddamn story, y'all.
Speaker 4 (20:27):
All right?
Speaker 2 (20:27):
Good, and I'm gonna keep on working on my reading
for this brother.
Speaker 1 (20:31):
Make sure you get your tickets if you have not yet,
for the second annual Black Effect Podcast Festival, where I
will be fixing mess on stage live again. Like I
said before, I will be pulling people, unprompted, unprovoked, out
of the audience. To fix your mess on the spot.
That's how I do it best. Get your tickets if
you have not yet. VIP is sold out, and you
can also pitch your podcast first Come, first serve. It
(20:53):
will be a table there or a vendor or something.
It'll be something where y'all can pitch your podcast or whatever.
Last year the line was wrapped around a goddamn venue
and this year we expect for it to sell out
just like last year. Y'all will also be hosted by
my sister Pretty v A, my brother b Dot. Make
sure you get your tickets and stay tuned each and
every Wednesday for Carefully Reckless podcast and then my deepest
(21:16):
pan boys.
Speaker 2 (22:29):
Can't.
Speaker 1 (22:29):
Fully Reckless is a production of iHeartRadio and The Black Effect.
For more podcasts from iHeartRadio, visit the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts,
or wherever you listen to your favorite shows.
Welcome to Can't Fully Reckless, the production of iHeart Radio
and the Black Effect.
Speaker 2 (00:15):
Oh shit we on a air.
Speaker 1 (00:17):
Welcome back to yet another carefully reckless episode with your
girl Jessilarious.
Speaker 2 (00:20):
And what I be doing.
Speaker 1 (00:21):
I'll be fixing mess not only here on the Carefully
Reckless podcast on the Black Effect Network under our Heart,
I be doing that shit on Breakfast Club each and
every Thursday. Well it alternates between Wednesdays and Thursdays or whatever,
but that's what I'll be doing, y'all. So We're gonna
jump straight into it. And I'm so excited. Guess what
your guess why? I guess why?
Speaker 2 (00:41):
Yes? Why? Because we have a fucking voice memo. Thank you.
So we're just gonna jump straight into it. Here we go.
Speaker 3 (00:47):
What's so, jes, I don't think I ever ever heard
a guy come on here, but maybe I'll be the first.
Speaker 4 (00:54):
Please bear with me. I do have my son in
the car.
Speaker 2 (00:57):
Okay, you not with You're not the first.
Speaker 3 (00:59):
Out with my significant other for probably a little bit
over three years.
Speaker 4 (01:04):
We just had our second child a week ago, and
I would.
Speaker 3 (01:09):
Say within these last three years I have been having
issues with you know, her not wanting to grow and
just you know, help me push you know forth in
my business, you know, and and and just help help me.
Just just be that that woman for me that they
can sense. So when we had our first child, I
(01:34):
you know, gave her the option to go to work
or stay home, and she is not to stay home.
And and and that's how I like it.
Speaker 4 (01:43):
Man. I feel like, you know, any I feel like.
Speaker 3 (01:46):
Own black men shouldn't have their significant other, uh stay
home and.
Speaker 4 (01:51):
And take care of the household while we're out doing
the farmwork. And my Max was just trying to build
and grow my business.
Speaker 3 (01:59):
And you just make sure that my family never have
to go to work. And I would say, one of
the things that really gauzes me is we're avery almost home, buddy,
is that she does.
Speaker 4 (02:13):
Not put forth any effort to show that she values
he has been while I'm not here going to work
for difficult people, if you know what I mean. It's
just as a black man working out in an American
assistance of all in general.
Speaker 3 (02:27):
But I'm sacrificing that so she ain't got to deal
with it.
Speaker 4 (02:30):
And I don't wh I keep my boys on, you know,
so while.
Speaker 3 (02:34):
I'm putting forth, you know, my hardest work, working overtime
every day, putting network on Saturdays, and then coming home
and working the extra you know, three to four hours
on my own personal business that I've.
Speaker 4 (02:47):
Been working on for the last you know, four years
or so.
Speaker 3 (02:52):
I need her to ask me step up and hold
it down at the house, and she has.
Speaker 4 (02:58):
Not been doing that.
Speaker 3 (02:59):
Like literally for the last three years some of my relationships,
she has literally not done anything.
Speaker 4 (03:07):
And I said rules, like, hey, if.
Speaker 3 (03:09):
You're gonna be in stay at home mom, you went
to homeschool like kids, let's start working on the curriculum
for them, you know, because I don't agree with the
public school system. I feel like young black men should
be taught differently. And it's just like she doesn't do anything. Man,
it just bothers me, and it kind of kills my
sex drive with her, because like when I come home
(03:30):
every single day of the week and I'm so pissed
off because not only I'm dealing with these white folks
at work, I got to come home to a dirty house,
food not being cooked, you know a lot of the
times I'm cooking, and just she's just not holding her
up her end of the day. If I know, no
means I am not going to break up with her.
Speaker 4 (03:51):
I cannot destroy my family like that. You know. I
got two boys that needs me and the two playing household.
It's just that's extremely important to me because I didn't
have that and it affected me a lot.
Speaker 3 (04:02):
But when you're dealing with somebody who don't respect growth
and developing themselves as a you know, person in general,
it really bothers me.
Speaker 4 (04:13):
And You've got a lot of people who are just
okay with just.
Speaker 3 (04:16):
Going to work and and just looking forward to the weekend,
and I'm not. And I'm like, I'm.
Speaker 4 (04:22):
Grinding, and I need my partner to know, like, hey.
Speaker 3 (04:25):
I need you to grind with me one quickst album.
With my business, you know, I'm probably projected to make
an extra thirty to fifty thousand dollars in my small
business this year.
Speaker 4 (04:39):
But I'm doing everything by myself.
Speaker 3 (04:41):
Like I have to answer all the emails, I have
to talk to.
Speaker 4 (04:44):
The people that I hired to work for me to.
Speaker 3 (04:47):
Do some software stuff and engineering type stuff. I gotta
do all that. And it would really suit me to
have her hands as emails, have her contact, or even
have her do.
Speaker 4 (04:59):
Some social media stuff for me. But it's literally like
she doesn't really value it.
Speaker 3 (05:05):
And like, sexually, I love it if I love having
sex with her, but for me to boost my energy
with her, it's just like I need some type of
intellect between us to be formed, because like, it just
doesn't really drive me to want to be so romantic
when I have somebody who don't even care about growth.
Speaker 4 (05:25):
And I would say we are.
Speaker 3 (05:27):
In therapy right now, but I don't really see therapy
working when I have already communicated.
Speaker 4 (05:32):
Her like, hey, look, look if I need you.
Speaker 3 (05:35):
Like it's tough out here, man, and I need you
to you know, I need you to pick up that
second half.
Speaker 4 (05:42):
Of me while I'm at work.
Speaker 3 (05:44):
And I do understand what got kids and she's a
stay at home mom, but imagine if she had to
go to work, and it'd be a lot different.
Speaker 4 (05:51):
My question to you is like how do I how do.
Speaker 3 (05:55):
I get her to understand the value that she brings
to me as for one being at being at home
taking care of kids, having a freedom not to go
to work, and didn't deal with the bullshit.
Speaker 4 (06:09):
I deal with, you know, It's like, how do I
get that through her? Because like I have already maxed
out of my life. I bought my second house when
I was twenty nine years old. I make good money,
you know, I got my family.
Speaker 3 (06:23):
You know, it's just the thing that's lacking is that
that woman. Man Like, I need her to pick up
and be that rock for me.
Speaker 4 (06:30):
Man Like. I literally, I literally do so much to
the points where it's like.
Speaker 3 (06:37):
Me to the point where I'm like, man Like, a
lot of men go through this kind of shit and
they end up getting aside piece or something like that,
Hey we home, but let's go in to eat.
Speaker 4 (06:47):
They end up getting aside chicken. I ain't trying to
do that, man like.
Speaker 3 (06:50):
I like, I like my girls, So just just help
me out.
Speaker 4 (06:54):
Man.
Speaker 3 (06:54):
But I like what you're doing in the breakfast club.
And keep up the good work. You're doing great. Your
reading is getting a lot better too, by.
Speaker 2 (07:03):
The way, a whole lot thanks.
Speaker 1 (07:05):
First of all, you know what, I'm gonna come back
to that, all right, I'm gonna come back to that.
Hold up, Hold up, I know the shit getting good.
But listen to just a couple seconds of a commercial.
If you love me, you'll listen. But no, I just
couldn't get past your baby in the back. You know,
even though I have I'm pregnant right now already. That
just gave me baby fever again. Babies, just give me
(07:27):
baby fever period, pregnant or not, honey, I just oh
my god, I love this baby. It's like, Nigga, I'm hungry.
You want to be talking talking to the stranger about
my mom. Nigga, come on home, get me out this car.
Speaker 2 (07:38):
All right? Anyway, all right, let's get to that. And
then secondly, thank you so much.
Speaker 1 (07:43):
I appreciate you and and the fact that you complimented
my reading or whatever, which is why I'm glad that
you sent them the voice. No, nigga, ha ha, so
I would have to read just shit because that was long.
But let's jump into it. So obviously, either you two
are from totally different walks of life, you know, y'all,
y'all are bought up different differently. You know, you care
(08:05):
about things that at twenty nine, like you said, you
was already buying your second property. You know what I'm saying,
as opposed to the average twenty nine year old ain't
thinking about that, you get what I'm saying, Or just
another twenty nine year old, you know, could be thinking
about what she gonna wake up and post on social
media tomorrow. You know, it's just it's different walks of
(08:25):
life that different paths, different mindsets, different thinking. Okay, now,
you let this go on for three years. You told
me three years. I'm just quoting you three That's what
Also like when y'all send voice notes in because I
can challenge what you said.
Speaker 2 (08:38):
Three years.
Speaker 1 (08:40):
You let this go on. Okay, Now, I know you
said you've talked to her and everything. I'm gonna just
give you a couple things that it could be if
it ain't the different worlds.
Speaker 2 (08:50):
Okay, she just had a baby. That baby sounds fairly young.
Speaker 1 (08:54):
I think you said he's a couple months or no,
you should she just had a baby a week ago
something like that.
Speaker 2 (08:59):
I know you just said that.
Speaker 1 (08:59):
You y'all have a newborn, of course, a small infant child.
Have you ever thought about maybe she is having post
traumatic stress disorder? Have you thought about like, maybe she
is miserable in her own right, Maybe she wants to
do something else so badly with her life. Maybe she
doesn't want to be a stay at home mom just
(09:20):
because that's the mold that you want her to fit.
Speaker 2 (09:22):
Me, because that's what you see for her.
Speaker 1 (09:24):
Have you ever thought that maybe she had dreams but
she put them aside to have your two babies.
Speaker 2 (09:30):
You get what I'm saying.
Speaker 1 (09:31):
Have you thought about the fact that what's running through
her mind when you are out there and those two
babies are that she's not getting proper sleep.
Speaker 2 (09:39):
Have you thought about that?
Speaker 4 (09:40):
Now?
Speaker 1 (09:40):
These are not excuses, these are facts, and this could
very well be what's going on with her.
Speaker 2 (09:45):
I just want to tell you don't.
Speaker 1 (09:47):
And I know you're not discrediting her, and I know
that you feel that you have given her grace, But
have you you got to think about that? Have you
given her grace all right until you are able to
have a baby and then have another one and then
you want me to cook and clean and still you
know now, listen, it's been done. I'm not sitting here
telling you that it is not possible, because baby, it
(10:08):
is possible.
Speaker 2 (10:09):
It's possible. Black women do it every day.
Speaker 1 (10:11):
White women do it every day, Hispanic women do All
other women do it every day. I'm not here to
narrow it down to race, but I'm just saying women
do it every day. Okay, so it is not impossible,
but everybody is different. Their mindsets are different. Okay, everybody
is not strong after birth mentally.
Speaker 2 (10:33):
You get what I'm saying.
Speaker 1 (10:34):
And then you say you bought up the thing of Okay,
we can do therapy, but I feel like me talking
to her should be enough, should be mm hmm. Because
you're in the house, you have a bias opinion. You
know you're in it. Maybe y'all do need a professional. Okay,
I understand.
Speaker 2 (10:49):
Brother.
Speaker 1 (10:50):
I just want to say congratulations on you being that
strong black man for your family. All right, you're building
an empire and you wanting to take care of your
family because it's not. There are many brothers like you,
but we need more. You get what I'm saying. I
do understand. I understand, But I also need you to
understand the other side of it as well, and that's
her side. You come home to a dirty house, you
(11:11):
feel yo, she could very well be depressed as fuck.
Speaker 2 (11:14):
Right now.
Speaker 1 (11:15):
You know the baby's crying, and then you know sometimes
you got to come home and cook. Let's compromise, okay, baby,
piece of day can be Thursdays and Fridays. You don't
gotta cook Monday through Friday. I'll give you that check
in with her how.
Speaker 2 (11:28):
Is you today?
Speaker 4 (11:29):
Baby?
Speaker 2 (11:29):
Why is the house dirty?
Speaker 1 (11:30):
Is it something that I you know, it's something that
was bothering you today? How's your mental? How do you
how are you feeling? Come here and sit down. Let
the baby cry for a second. Let there is nothing
wrong with a baby crying. They strengthening them lungs. I'm
telling you all right, So nothing wrong with a baby
crying for a little minute. Y'all go sit in the
room somewhere. What happened? Why is the house dirty? Furthermore,
(11:51):
before we get to the house being dirty, listen, how's
your mental? How are you feeling? Let me come inside
of your world before I just come home and be
angry with you and not want to give you no
sex or I don't feel like I'm sexually attracted to
you because you know, I feel like you're lazy. Let
me figure out why I feel like you're lazy. Let's
(12:14):
figure out why you are changing or whatever you said.
It's been three years, sir, Why haven't y'all gotten therapy?
If this shit has not changed you like you said
you mentioned therapy, y'all don't need that because you ain't
the therapist here, you know, because you have a biased opinion,
and you're already kind of frustrated.
Speaker 2 (12:33):
You're already frustrated with it.
Speaker 1 (12:35):
So if she's frustrated and you're frustrated, that's all it's
gonna be is just boom knocking heads, knocking heads, you
know what I'm saying, Instead of knocking the boots, y'all
need to get back to y'all. Y'all sexual spice. Y'all
need to be able to put them babies down. She
needs a schedule, she needs a schedule, she needs to
prioritize certain things.
Speaker 2 (12:54):
But you have to get through to her mental first.
Speaker 1 (12:57):
Make sure she's mentally okay and not just being lazy,
because we can always mistake what we think somebody is
going through for some shit that they're actually really going through.
You get me, I hope you getting me all right now.
I absolutely applaud you for putting me in your business
because you did not you absolutely did not have to
do this.
Speaker 2 (13:17):
But I'm happy.
Speaker 1 (13:18):
And no, you're not the first man to come on
and actually ask for my advice on an issue.
Speaker 2 (13:24):
And thank you for being so open and vulnerable.
Speaker 1 (13:26):
You know, most of our black men do not feel comfortable,
you know, And because you came to me with the situation.
I know that you would be down for therapy. I
know you got to get inside your woman's brain. Babe,
you have to we hurt just like y'all hurt. You
are a black man. You are a black man, which means, yeah,
it is a lot harder for you in this world,
(13:46):
whatever industry you in, whatever workforce you and than other races.
Speaker 2 (13:50):
Of course, you get me. You get what I'm saying.
Speaker 1 (13:52):
But at the same time, it's hard for us too,
all right, to be the bore of the house.
Speaker 2 (13:59):
You know, we bear everything. You get what I'm saying.
Speaker 1 (14:03):
If you love me, you'll listen to this commercial and
then we'll be right back. That beautiful woman of yours
probably don't feel beautiful no more. You understand what I'm saying,
So you have to meet her on those levels, and
you already working hard.
Speaker 2 (14:19):
You are. I'm applauding both of you.
Speaker 1 (14:22):
I want it to be that communication where y'all take
I don't even want to call it the ego and pride,
take all the hardness away, take the defense away. Try
not to offend her so much, give her grace in
the conversation. Babe, Look what's wrong we need to see
a professional.
Speaker 2 (14:42):
Let's do it. You know, maybe you should take.
Speaker 1 (14:45):
And I don't know how your finances are set up,
set up, maybe you should take maybe one week or
even four days off of work, three four days off
work and live in her world and see watch her
everyday pattern. I'm not gonna say, put cameras in the house,
because what the fuck. You ain't spying on your girl.
I don't know if you said your wife or your girl.
You're not spying on her. You want to have a
day in the life of her. First, You're not home
(15:08):
with them babies all day, not all day, all right,
you got to come home and cook dinner. Compromise that compromise,
you know, until she gets on the schedule. Then you
said you also have a small business that allows you
to make maybe thirty to fifty thousand dollars extra. I
applaud you for that too, black man. Yes, I do, Yes,
I do. But listen to me. Maybe she does need
something to do, you know, maybe that can give her
(15:30):
some motivation. All right, Shit, if I feel like I'm working,
I'm doing something. Maybe if and then pay her a
little something, go get her and you know, so she
go get her nails, and I told done feel good
while she's mommying all day, you know, while she's wifing
all day. These are wifely duties. You understand that shit
ain't easy. And I'm not a wife yet, but I
(15:52):
know plenty, I know many. I'm a daughter of one. Listen,
I know, I know what it takes. You know, I'm
not a man, but I'm a daughter of a man
who was married to my mom for decades, all right,
three uh over three?
Speaker 2 (16:09):
So I know that's not hard.
Speaker 1 (16:11):
And I know that it sucks like hell for a
man to feel like he cannot provide for his family.
So that's where your mindset is, and I love that
for you, But I want you to give her the
grace in the conversation to make her feel safe enough
to tell you, baby, I don't feel I don't know,
I don't know what it is. Maybe she don't even
know how to communicate that. You know, because you always
(16:33):
come home on ten. You know, I'm not saying you're
trying to knock her head off. Don't get don't get
that mixed up the listeners either.
Speaker 2 (16:39):
I'm not saying that.
Speaker 1 (16:41):
He's coming home violently verbally attacking her and shit, no, no,
no, no no, but she's very fragile. She just had another baby.
She's very fragile. Treated that way all right. I'm not
saying coddle her and make excuses and all of that,
but you still have to understand we're very fragile. You
want we give birth and PTSD. I think that's it.
(17:04):
That is very real. That is very real. I just
saw a video the other day of a woman screaming
to the top of her lungs at her baby in
her baby's face.
Speaker 2 (17:14):
I hate you, I hate you. The baby was crying.
Speaker 1 (17:16):
What was the husband doing recording his wife doing that
shit instead of removing the baby, removing the fucking baby
from the room. And then when he posted it, he
captioned it, my wife has pt AS the I mean,
she has post traumatic disorder. She has she's not she's
not been well. So why the fuck are you recording
or posting or putting on the internet embarrassing her? Probably
(17:38):
not enough, fucking right, mind. She was a home mom
as well, a stay at home mom as well. I
totally agree that you don't even want your kids to
be in school? Is she the one to teach them?
A curriculum? This is what we got also understand, all right?
Is she the one to do that? Or would you
recommend that you guys get what like a nanny tutor
or something, somebody to help her, somebody to be there
(17:59):
with her. That she had friends? Does she have somebody
that she can talk to? She just probably needs to
open up to somebody. She probably feels suffocated.
Speaker 2 (18:08):
You understand what I'm saying. How old is she?
Speaker 1 (18:11):
Like, give me a little bit more feedback on it.
Like I said, I'm not beating you up. I'm not
beating you down.
Speaker 2 (18:17):
Brother. I actually really do love that you came to
me with this story. All right. This is the first
time I've actually gotten a story like this. It's very
relatable and it's very real.
Speaker 1 (18:26):
I just want you to understand, like I understand that
you need her, but she needs you too. You understand
what I'm saying. She needs you and the babies need y'all.
So y'all got to make sure y'all straight for these babies.
You know, I know you don't want to leave her.
I can tell you love her, I can tell you
hold her to a higher standard. I can tell no,
you don't need no motherfucking side piece honey, because before
(18:49):
you know it, you're gonna have to take care of.
Speaker 2 (18:50):
That one too.
Speaker 1 (18:50):
Don't play with it, all right, because what you're doing
for your wife, the side piece gonna look up and
then you know, or your girl, main girl sidepiece gonna
look up like, oh sure we can take care of me.
Speaker 2 (18:59):
No, bitch, keep it moving.
Speaker 1 (19:00):
He got two children and he got he got a
home to fix right now. So no side pieces ain't
never the way to go unless you motherfucking leave her.
And you ain't trying to do that because you told
me so. I want you to take into consideration that
we need y'all to we do. And I know it
feels like you're fighting the world, that you got a
lot going on already. I know what it feels like.
(19:22):
I know, I know, I know, ugh, But you can
be her rock. Look that's what partners do. You need
me to hold this motherfucking house down. I need you
to lift me up and get to the get get
to what's wrong with me.
Speaker 2 (19:37):
You gotta live in her world too, boo.
Speaker 1 (19:39):
Like I said, take them two days off, you can
probably take one day off and see what the fuck
she go through, all right?
Speaker 2 (19:44):
You know now, if she is just lazy.
Speaker 3 (19:46):
Uh.
Speaker 2 (19:48):
You know, sometimes you gotta make a motherfucker get.
Speaker 1 (19:51):
A job, you know, Yeah, get on out there and
get on out there. I don't know if y'all have
active parents or you know, family support. All right, take
them babies to my I mean, pay her a couple
of dollars or whatever.
Speaker 2 (20:01):
You know what I'm saying.
Speaker 1 (20:03):
You go get a job and see what it is.
See how it is out here. That's if she is lazy.
But you don't know. We don't know, So look, figure
it out. Try your best to figure it out. I
know you tie it, but she probably is too, all right.
I love you, shit, I love her too, shuit. Make
sure you check back in with me. I'm glad that
you send me this story. And just like that, that
(20:23):
took up the whole episode. But that was a good
goddamn story, y'all.
Speaker 4 (20:27):
All right?
Speaker 2 (20:27):
Good, and I'm gonna keep on working on my reading
for this brother.
Speaker 1 (20:31):
Make sure you get your tickets if you have not yet,
for the second annual Black Effect Podcast Festival, where I
will be fixing mess on stage live again. Like I
said before, I will be pulling people, unprompted, unprovoked, out
of the audience. To fix your mess on the spot.
That's how I do it best. Get your tickets if
you have not yet. VIP is sold out, and you
can also pitch your podcast first Come, first serve. It
(20:53):
will be a table there or a vendor or something.
It'll be something where y'all can pitch your podcast or whatever.
Last year the line was wrapped around a goddamn venue
and this year we expect for it to sell out
just like last year. Y'all will also be hosted by
my sister Pretty v A, my brother b Dot. Make
sure you get your tickets and stay tuned each and
every Wednesday for Carefully Reckless podcast and then my deepest
(21:16):
pan boys.
Speaker 2 (22:29):
Can't.
Speaker 1 (22:29):
Fully Reckless is a production of iHeartRadio and The Black Effect.
For more podcasts from iHeartRadio, visit the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts,
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