April 25, 2024 • 53 mins
The hilarious Luenell joins Chelsea in-studio today to talk about lighting joints at an A-List dinner party, why it’s a family affair to play the Apollo, and the flesh-eating diseases that surely must live in airports. Then: A snooping husband finds something he doesn’t like when he looks through his wife’s phone. A stay-at-home-mom has never had an orgasm with her husband. And a girlfriend wants to sleep with her boyfriend… AND their roommate.
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Need some advice from Chelsea? Email us at DearChelseaPodcast@gmail.com
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Executive Producer Catherine Law
Edited & Engineered by Brad Dickert
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Transcript
Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
Speaker 1 (00:00):
Hi Catherine, Hi Chelsea. That's a good exciting day. What's today? Tuesday?
Speaker 2 (00:05):
Today is Tuesday Day.
Speaker 1 (00:06):
It's Tuesday.
Speaker 3 (00:07):
We're recording for our podcast that airs on Thursday. I
just got back from Vegas. I did a big promotional shoot.
I'm a big announcement coming at some point, and I
had a really fun day.
Speaker 1 (00:17):
I took Doug to Vegas yesterday. You know how I
feel about Vegas.
Speaker 2 (00:20):
He loves to fly private.
Speaker 3 (00:22):
He only flies privately because I don't think he's going
to get along well on a commercial airline, which means
that's going to be prohibitive to his travel schedule. I'm
already trying to think about my Orca. I'm going to
my Orca for the month of June, and I'm like,
how can I bring Doug? And then I thought, because
I can actually bring him, i'd rush off once.
Speaker 1 (00:39):
But it's too hot.
Speaker 2 (00:41):
Yeah, he's very furry, He's got a lot of lair.
Speaker 1 (00:43):
And I thought I could shave him, but that's so.
Speaker 4 (00:46):
I don't know that i'd shave.
Speaker 5 (00:47):
I follow the Girl with the Dogs on YouTube and
she is like a dog groomer, and she says, for
some dogs, it'll ruin their undercoat. It makes some kind
of like patchy. It's not good for them. So I
would doctor your groomer.
Speaker 1 (01:00):
Because he's so silky. It happened with Bernice because they're undercoat.
I shaved them too quickly.
Speaker 3 (01:06):
Yeah, I just wanted to get down to business and
see what was underneath their fur, you know what I mean,
because really what I'm after is that body.
Speaker 2 (01:12):
And they can be like spotty too. Chow's like we
had a chow would have spotted purple.
Speaker 3 (01:15):
And yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. So I don't think Doug
is going to go to my Erica. I just think
it's too hot.
Speaker 1 (01:20):
Too hot. Yeah.
Speaker 2 (01:22):
Well, I have a quick follow up from a caller.
Speaker 5 (01:26):
People, as we know, wrote in to Sarah, whose boyfriend
couldn't get it up and had lots of opinions last week.
So Sarah responded, she said, thanks so much for following up.
I loved listening to the suggestions from the Dear Chelsea community.
His medication was definitely a big factor that, combined with
his already shaky self confidence, was a recipe for disaster.
(01:46):
But I'm happy to report that after a trip to
the doctor, our sex life has really.
Speaker 1 (01:50):
Turned around amazing.
Speaker 2 (01:52):
In fact, I can hardly keep him off me. Now,
thanks for the advice, Sarah.
Speaker 1 (01:56):
So what did they do? Do we know?
Speaker 5 (01:57):
They went to the doctor, got it figured out. I
think they might have switched his medications. But it was
exactly what you called last week.
Speaker 3 (02:03):
Okay, great, great, Yeah, I love it. I love it everyone.
Now everyone's now they're getting happy penetration.
Speaker 2 (02:08):
Very thrilled that Sarah is getting laid.
Speaker 1 (02:11):
So I know it's good for the soul to have penetration. Truly.
I'm gonna get them later tonight.
Speaker 2 (02:16):
Oh that's exciting, I know.
Speaker 3 (02:18):
Okay, So we have a special guest on today. She
actually is in Vegas all the time, and she flew
in special to record this podcast today.
Speaker 1 (02:26):
She is a comedian. She is ridiculous, and her nails
are longer than Flow Jos. Is that a reference people
know anymore?
Speaker 4 (02:33):
Joe?
Speaker 3 (02:33):
Yeah?
Speaker 1 (02:34):
Yeah, I remember that's when the first nails came on
the scene was Flow Joe. Remember.
Speaker 4 (02:37):
Yeah.
Speaker 3 (02:38):
Anyway, her nails are as long as flow Jo's and
she's not running anywhere.
Speaker 1 (02:41):
Please welcome Lynell. Oh my god, this is so exciting.
Speaker 3 (02:45):
This woman is ridiculous and she makes me laugh so hard,
not only because of her outfits and her nails that
I don't even know how she wipes with them. But
her stand up is so fucking funny. She is so
fucking funny. And if you're in New York you can
see her at the Apollo Theater. She's going to be
performing tomorrow night at the Apollo Theater April twenty six,
(03:05):
And she's also going to be at the Netflix as
a Joke Festival in May in La And she has
her first ever special which was on Netflix was called
Chappelle's Home Team Now Town Business, Right, what do you
have to say for yourself, Chequita Banana.
Speaker 4 (03:22):
Hey, I'm booked and busy and blessed.
Speaker 3 (03:24):
I know you know, yeah, your career, your comedy career. Well,
I keep trying to hook up with you, but you
live in Vegas.
Speaker 6 (03:31):
I live in Vegas and here, I just a year
ago this month purchased my first home.
Speaker 4 (03:37):
It's my first time.
Speaker 6 (03:39):
You know, everybody doesn't get it when everybody else does.
Speaker 4 (03:42):
You know, you get it when you're supposed to.
Speaker 6 (03:44):
So I've been at my residency in Vegas for four years,
living out of the Flamingo Hotel and the Link. But
I came upon an opportunity and it is totally upgraded
my life.
Speaker 4 (03:59):
I love living in Las Vegas.
Speaker 6 (04:01):
I just recently got awarded the key to the Strip,
oh goes city council people or.
Speaker 4 (04:06):
Whatever, and I got a proclamation. Wow.
Speaker 6 (04:09):
On March eleventh is Lunelle Day in Las Vegas. And
I work for as a great Jimmy Kimmel, you know,
a Jimmy Kimmel's comedy club. Yes, Sunday and Monday nights
at nine p thirty. So I'm I'm very booked. Like
you were saying that you went on a date, I'm like, damn,
how how do you do it? Because I don't really date.
I want to, but it's you know, our schedule is changed,
(04:30):
like with a phone call, you know, and you can
make a plan with the guys and all of a sudden, listen.
Speaker 4 (04:35):
I can't do it. I'm going to Europe tomorrow, you know.
Speaker 1 (04:37):
Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.
Speaker 4 (04:38):
Sh it is like that. So it's hard for me.
Speaker 3 (04:40):
Look at you, I know, I know, well, sometimes I
go through phases where I don't have sex or I
don't date people for months because it is kind of hard,
especially as a woman, you know. I mean, we kind
of talk about this and it's a little bit of
a beating a dead horse because it's hard as being
a woman who has her shit together.
Speaker 1 (04:55):
Men don't think that they need you need them.
Speaker 4 (04:58):
That is what a guy said. They don't think. Okay,
first of all, we don't need you.
Speaker 3 (05:02):
Right, So that's actually a good thing. It's not a need.
It is a desire, right.
Speaker 4 (05:07):
I don't need you for nothing.
Speaker 1 (05:09):
And sex, but also a sex is also not a need.
It's a desire.
Speaker 3 (05:13):
Just to clear it because I've heard people say sex
is a need, I'm like, no, no, that's excuse.
Speaker 6 (05:18):
That's the excuse the men make to go fuck around.
I needed you don't give me enough. We first got married,
it was hot, and now I don't do it because
I'm one of my favorite shows on TV is Cheaters.
I could watch that shit all day and all night.
Cheaters and fucking Catfish.
Speaker 4 (05:32):
I'm down. I'm like, are you serious? I could watch it.
Speaker 3 (05:36):
When was the last time you did have a relationship.
Have you ever had a serious relationship?
Speaker 4 (05:40):
I've been married.
Speaker 3 (05:40):
Oh, okay, so I guess that that would be considered
a serious relationship.
Speaker 1 (05:45):
Well, not all marriages.
Speaker 6 (05:46):
Are well, I mean we didn't stay married how long well,
we were legally married for like maybe twenty years, but
we've been separated for like eighteen of those years.
Speaker 4 (05:58):
And it was just a whole mess.
Speaker 6 (06:00):
But I still love him, be very ill right now, Okay,
And so I still love but we're divorced and go
see him and stuff like that. But we had a
it was it was a whole trip.
Speaker 1 (06:10):
Okay. And you don't have kids though, right.
Speaker 4 (06:11):
I have one daughter. She's twenty eight.
Speaker 1 (06:13):
Oh what's her name?
Speaker 4 (06:14):
Her name is Danielle.
Speaker 6 (06:16):
I had to get rhymes now, well, yeah, and her
father's name is Dana, so Dana and Lanelle Danielle. Oh, okay,
not Danielle. I don't like Danielle. Every Danielle I know
is a bitch. But this is Danielle.
Speaker 4 (06:27):
That's it.
Speaker 6 (06:28):
And I had to have a tattooed on my arm
because I was so fucking frazzled about having a baby.
I didn't even know if I could remember her birthday.
So I got a tattooed on my arm.
Speaker 1 (06:38):
Yeah, yeah, you don't have a great memory.
Speaker 4 (06:41):
No, I don't, and my daughter will attest to that.
Speaker 3 (06:44):
Do you think it has anything to do with all
the pots smoking? Because I spoke a lot of pot too.
Speaker 6 (06:47):
But I oh, I can remember my material, and I
remember playing to get on that's the most important.
Speaker 4 (06:52):
Shit.
Speaker 1 (06:52):
Do you remember you go on stage stoned right.
Speaker 4 (06:55):
Most of the time?
Speaker 1 (06:56):
Well, you know the last time I got stoned with you? Yeah,
that's good.
Speaker 3 (06:59):
I usually have a I don't usually get stoned, but
this weekend I tried getting stoned before I went on stage.
Speaker 1 (07:04):
I loved it. I loved it. I love drugs, I
love alcohol, I love all of it. But last time
I saw you was at.
Speaker 3 (07:09):
Chappelle's birthday party in New York City and you had
a joint there, which I had to find you because
I needed a joint.
Speaker 1 (07:16):
I needed a joint, and I was like, where's Linel?
Speaker 4 (07:18):
No, listen. Chelsea was coming out of hall, me and
my daughter.
Speaker 1 (07:23):
Oh yeah, I died right.
Speaker 6 (07:24):
He and my daughter are about to go out and
smoke a joint. Chelsea says, where are you going? I said, well,
I'm gonna go outside to smoking joint. She said, you
don't have to go outside.
Speaker 4 (07:34):
Now.
Speaker 6 (07:34):
We was at a fancy you know, Angela Bassa was there,
Gail King was there, Spike Lee was there, all these fancy,
fancy people. Candle light dressed up. Chelsea's like, you don't
have to go outside.
Speaker 1 (07:46):
White privilege white.
Speaker 6 (07:47):
She's like, yes, I do. She says, no, you don't.
I said, well, you like the motherfucking it.
Speaker 4 (07:53):
So she did.
Speaker 6 (07:54):
And we sit in the middle of the fucking fancy
dinner far smoking the joint blow and smoking everybody's face,
and then.
Speaker 3 (08:00):
Everyone else started lighting up droids too, so it worked
out perfectly. Oh yeah, I loved sometimes I have Like
I went to my cousin's wedding over the summer and
I had like a whole sheet of microdose LSD and
I just handled them out, but I didn't. I just said, oh,
this is a mint to the people that I knew
wouldn't take drugs, and I know that's ruffine, but but
(08:20):
it was such a microdose that I knew it was
gonna help everyone and I have a great time. And
my Jewish side of the family is like very conservative
and they're not drug users, so I just said these
are mints. And then everyone had a blast. And I
told my cousin's mother after the fact, I was like,
did you have an amazing time? She's like, that was
the best night of my life. And she still doesn't
know why. She thinks it because her son got married.
(08:41):
But I'm like, no, I know why.
Speaker 6 (08:42):
No very elites here in La that do the micro
dos LSD shit And this other ship did you take
when you're with the Indians up in the Hiahuasca?
Speaker 4 (08:55):
That shit. I just smoke weed. I smoke, we drink tequila.
Speaker 1 (08:59):
So what do you do? You smoke your first join
as soon as you wake up.
Speaker 6 (09:02):
No, I don't wake and bake like that because I
can't smoke on an empty stomach. Oh it makes me crazy,
like crazy. I have to have like a you know,
some toast and maybe some juice. Really, yes, before I can.
I can't smoke on an empty stomach. It makes me insane,
more high than usual, no, more hungry than usual.
Speaker 1 (09:20):
Oh oh well, die, I gotta.
Speaker 4 (09:21):
Eat something first and then I can smoke.
Speaker 6 (09:24):
Plus I think that people that wake and bake, I'm like,
so you don't want to be sober.
Speaker 4 (09:29):
At all, like maybe till noon.
Speaker 6 (09:32):
To see what it's like, take care of your business
or anything like that. But then also I get sleepy.
But that's why I smoke sativa and not inticate, and
itica puts me down.
Speaker 1 (09:43):
And you don't smoke cigarettes.
Speaker 4 (09:44):
No, I detest any tobacco.
Speaker 1 (09:46):
Oh good, good for you.
Speaker 6 (09:47):
Cigarettes, cigars, all that bullshit pipes, all that. I don't
like tobacco. I don't want to kiss you. I don't
want to smell you. I don't want you to leave
that smell of my couch.
Speaker 4 (09:56):
Nothing. You can't come in my house if you smoke cigarettes.
Speaker 1 (10:00):
Garettes are pretty dissed, and.
Speaker 4 (10:01):
That includes family members.
Speaker 1 (10:02):
Of my Yeah, I mean cigarettes are pretty gross.
Speaker 3 (10:04):
I had a friend of a group of friends that
came to my house in my arca last summer and
they don't really smoke, but they were smoking on this vacation.
So of course I just do whatever anyone else is doing.
If I have a group that exercises, I exercise group
that wants to smoke cigarettes. I also smoked cigarettes, but
I after a week with them, I was like, get
the fuck out of my house. I am turning into
My skin was gray by the time they left my house.
Speaker 4 (10:27):
Lives dry.
Speaker 1 (10:28):
Yeah, and the smell, the smell.
Speaker 4 (10:30):
A smoker who has a non smoker mate.
Speaker 6 (10:34):
That's some kind of love that I can't I can't
understand because I can't you can't be my mate.
Speaker 4 (10:39):
We can't get together. You smoke.
Speaker 3 (10:41):
I think the same thing all the time. How does
someone who doesn't smoke with somebody who does? Can I
ask about your sex life with comics, because you hang
out with a lot of comics. You were doing the
Chappelle's Camp, right, the Comedy Camp for a while.
Speaker 1 (10:55):
Do you ever have you ever hooked up with any comics.
Speaker 4 (10:57):
I haven't fucked in comics since like the eighties.
Speaker 6 (11:00):
No.
Speaker 4 (11:01):
Let me see.
Speaker 6 (11:01):
The last comic guy I had sex with was in
ninety five. That's why I had a baby.
Speaker 4 (11:09):
In ninety six.
Speaker 1 (11:13):
So he was a comic.
Speaker 4 (11:14):
Yeah, my daughter's father's a comic.
Speaker 6 (11:16):
That's why we're making it a family trip when I
go do the Apollo because years ago, my baby daddy
performed at the Apollo, back when I think Sindbad was
hosting it or something, and that was, you know, forty
years ago whatever. So we're all together, my daughter, he
and I. He have not been in the Apollo since then.
(11:39):
Probably thought he would never go back in there because
we live on the West Coast. And my daughter can
now say that both her parents have performed at the Apollo.
Speaker 3 (11:47):
Oh wow, that's a lot of pressure for her to
fucking perform at the Apollo.
Speaker 4 (11:50):
She's fine. She's a dancer. She dances like you know
for award shows and stuff.
Speaker 6 (11:57):
She danced with Lizo to Grammy, she dance with Coiler
Ray and been on tour to like Amsterdam and like that.
Speaker 3 (12:03):
So you know what I saw someone try to wear
this weekend or no, someone showed me a picture or
something because they knew how sick I would make. It
would make me. They're selling crocs, but in heels, now
high heeled crocs.
Speaker 4 (12:14):
Okay, can I okay hold the train?
Speaker 1 (12:16):
Say yes, like you're getting a pair of Catherine No gyes.
Speaker 2 (12:18):
I've seen them.
Speaker 1 (12:21):
That would be it?
Speaker 4 (12:22):
Okay?
Speaker 6 (12:22):
Can I speak on crocks for a minute? Yeah, So
don't look down I'm wearing.
Speaker 4 (12:26):
Oh my No, let me tell you, you know what.
Speaker 3 (12:29):
I didn't even get to your feet because your body
is so bodacious that I had to focus on that.
Speaker 4 (12:33):
Let me explain first of all, No, don't I'm show people.
I'm gonna show you. Is this gonna be on YouTube
and stead?
Speaker 1 (12:40):
I don't know, I don't know what.
Speaker 4 (12:42):
Yes, it probably will.
Speaker 6 (12:43):
Okay, So I'm gonna show the people the crocs, and
I'm gonna get sure reaction about the crock. First of all,
let me go on record but saying I hate crocs.
I think they make your feet look like many mouse feet.
Speaker 4 (12:53):
You know many mouse the feet. Yes, yes, I think
they're for nurses.
Speaker 1 (12:57):
I actually don't remember many mouse's feet.
Speaker 6 (12:59):
They're big like this, and and and Mickey's feet are
big like that too.
Speaker 1 (13:05):
Fuck those two mice anyway.
Speaker 4 (13:07):
I'm like mice in general, but I don't like him.
Speaker 6 (13:12):
And then I had double knee replacement surgery during the
Corona and a.
Speaker 4 (13:16):
Girl reached out to me. We dou double.
Speaker 6 (13:21):
I had one and I had the other one four
months later. It changed my life. I wouldn't be here
under I would have committed suicide if I didn't get
my knees. Oh it was that bad bone on bone,
yeah yeah, yeah, So it's all better. So during the Rohner,
when I had my surgeries, this girl reached out to
me on Instagram and she's like, Lunel, I made crocks
(13:43):
you like these other? Oh my god, those would be
the only kind of crocks I would wear. She sent
me two pair about seven more so these are the
crocks I'm wearing today.
Speaker 3 (13:55):
I'm more interested in what your foot that you just
took out of it like a real chicken McNugget deluxe.
Speaker 2 (14:00):
They're blinged out.
Speaker 1 (14:03):
I mean, that's as cute as it's gonna get it.
Speaker 4 (14:05):
This is And I've got like seven pair and there
I'm like.
Speaker 1 (14:08):
And is it Gucci? Are they Gucci? Okay? I got it?
Oh yeah, that's cute. No, those are cute, and.
Speaker 4 (14:17):
They're good for the airport. You can slide in and out.
Speaker 1 (14:20):
And you know, by the way, you shouldn't be taking
your shoes off on planes. Do you know that?
Speaker 4 (14:24):
I wear socks?
Speaker 3 (14:24):
Honey, Okay, you fucking better because that is disgusting and unsanitary.
Speaker 4 (14:28):
I don't like I don't like it. I wear socks.
Speaker 6 (14:30):
First of all, I'm not going through the security thing
barefoot behind flesh eating disease. Isn't that still out there?
What if you stand behind somebody like that? Now your
feet are falling up.
Speaker 5 (14:42):
One of my friends we were going through the airport
a couple of days ago, and she like laughed at
me when I put on socks with my sandals before
going through the you know the thing, And then when
she got up there, she's like, oh no, no, I'm barefoot.
Speaker 1 (14:54):
I was like who's laughing.
Speaker 4 (14:54):
Now your luck, I'm not walking behind barefoot. Random.
Speaker 3 (15:00):
My friend Kelly in Africa, she she has like she
doesn't like her feet to touch anything public, like any
public facing situation. So we were in Africa and we're
taking these like little going to these tiny little airports
and bopping around and they were like okay. She basically
worked it out with our safari guy that she had
a medical emergency so she wasn't allowed to take her
shoes off because of her phobia of touching any dirt.
(15:23):
So she was allowed to wear her shoes through all
the like you know, scanners and stuff. And I was like,
what condition would that be that you're not that you.
Speaker 6 (15:31):
Ain't gonna fly and Dubai have your feet.
Speaker 4 (15:36):
Ye just don't like walking behind people like that.
Speaker 7 (15:40):
No.
Speaker 3 (15:40):
I was on a plane yesterday and the woman there
was a six month old baby in its own seat
next to me by itself, and the mother was in
the row in front of her.
Speaker 1 (15:51):
Baby is like six months old, it's strapped into the seat.
I got yes, and I was like, I'm sorry, am
I supposed to take care of this baby?
Speaker 7 (15:59):
Like?
Speaker 1 (16:00):
Baby is this? And then the woman she was sitting
in front of me, and I said, excuse me, is
this your baby? And she's like, oh, yeah yeah, And
I go, are you allowed to just put.
Speaker 3 (16:09):
The baby in a seat by and she goes, yeah,
I bought in his own ticket, or I bought her
her own ticket. And I was like, don't you want
to sit where with your baby? And she was actually,
I prefer to sit here.
Speaker 1 (16:18):
And I'm like, you think I wouldn't sit next to
your six little baby. I'm never was two hours.
Speaker 3 (16:28):
It was from San Francisco to uh or No, San
Francisco back to LA It was an hour.
Speaker 1 (16:32):
And it was on an airline, a real airline, commercial.
Speaker 4 (16:35):
Give a ship.
Speaker 6 (16:35):
Nobody's sitting next to my baby. They could be doing
anything to my fucking baby.
Speaker 1 (16:40):
I don't want the baby anywhere near me.
Speaker 4 (16:42):
I understand that too.
Speaker 1 (16:44):
I mean, who cares. It's just.
Speaker 4 (16:47):
In the middle.
Speaker 3 (16:48):
It wasn't in a seat or anything like. It wasn't
in a baby scene. I was just sitting there like
it was an adult.
Speaker 4 (16:53):
And the airline allowed that. Cocktail shit, I don't know.
Speaker 3 (17:00):
I had two cocktails at noon. I was like, fuck,
I'll take a Vikasota. And then I was like, I
don't even drink a. So you've never had sex with
comics since nineteen since the last time you had sex
with comics, and then you I only had sex with
a couple of comics early in my career because it's
just not hot, you know, comic on comics.
Speaker 6 (17:17):
Sens and then if it goes wrong, then the guy
has probably gone to do some material about you.
Speaker 4 (17:23):
And now you got beef like, yeah, the crips and
the bloods.
Speaker 6 (17:27):
Yeah, because if a motherfucker said something about me on stage,
I would tear that ass up.
Speaker 4 (17:33):
But it has not happened.
Speaker 1 (17:34):
Well, thank God for that, Thank God for small miracles.
Speaker 3 (17:37):
Now you spend most of your time in Vegas working
at this Jimmy Kimmel Comedy Club, and I know you
have your residency there right, So you've had a lot
of success later in life, in your professional life. So
tell me how that's impacted you.
Speaker 6 (17:52):
Well, you know, when you're younger, you want what you want,
You want it right now, you know, and when you
don't get it like that, but you do still get it,
but you get it later, I feel like you appreciate
it more and you won't fuck it up as easy.
You know, I did all my I did all my
fuck ups before I even left the Bay Area, before
I came to LA, Like I did all the coke
(18:14):
and everything like that in Oakland. When I got to LA,
I was already all coked out, so I didn't didn't
do it anymore. And then you know, now that I'm older,
of course I would never because these kids got some
shit fentanyl or something like that.
Speaker 3 (18:28):
Thank God, everyone need, anyone who needed it to turn
from cocaine has one because you can't do it anymore.
Speaker 6 (18:33):
Russian Roulette with that shit now. So I also feel
that if I had got a house earlier, who knows
if I'd have been able to sustain it. My money
is pretty stable now, and that's good everything that I've got.
Bevery Smith always says it gets greater later, and you
don't want to hear that shit when you're young. But
you're still figuring shit out for like years, you know,
(18:55):
like everybody doesn't, you know, get a YouTube channel, make
a million dollar everybody mama house, like a lot of
these kids do. But we came up there. There was
no cell phones, there was no social media. The only
best promotion you could get, especially about the female comedist,
that bitch is funny, go see her that you that
(19:16):
was your your promotion.
Speaker 4 (19:19):
So I feel like we appreciate it more. We do
what it.
Speaker 6 (19:23):
Takes to stay out of the shit. We mind our
own business. We don't get caught up in the bullshit.
Speaker 4 (19:30):
We don't social.
Speaker 6 (19:30):
Media, bank what you do, I don't, and you know
stuff like that. So, yeah, it impacted my life in
a great way. I'm all good now.
Speaker 3 (19:40):
Yeah, Yeah, it's nice to be It's nice to be
earning a good living doing what you love to do.
Speaker 4 (19:45):
Oh for sure. Like that eats all day for sure.
Speaker 3 (19:48):
And it feels so it's so helpful for your self
assuredness and your confidence and the way you go through life.
When you feel financially secure, when you feel settled, you
have a house, you have job security.
Speaker 7 (20:01):
Yeah.
Speaker 6 (20:01):
I have seven brothers and sisters, and believe you me,
nothing means more to them than you not asking them
for money. Nothing means more. That's when you have made it.
They don't ask me for no money and actually help
out when you can. So I enjoy that. And also
I feel like being a comic, we don't have to
(20:25):
rely on a band background singers, glam squad, maybe you do,
I don't because I do my own ship.
Speaker 4 (20:33):
You don't have to wait on nobody. It's just us.
Speaker 3 (20:35):
Well, you're also monetizing your own personality. Yeah, we're making
money off of being ourselves. Like what a gift that is.
We just get to be ourselves and make a living
doing that. Not everybody can do that.
Speaker 4 (20:46):
Well, not everybody's interesting.
Speaker 1 (20:48):
No, I will not worry.
Speaker 3 (20:49):
We will not anybody's interesting or not everybody's interested in
monetizing their own personality. Right, I'm like, what's the least
amount of work I could do be myself? I'd rather
just be myself get paid for that.
Speaker 1 (21:02):
How do you work that out?
Speaker 3 (21:04):
Okay, we're gonna take a quick bake. We're going to bake. Actually,
we're gonna take a little break of bake, and we'll
be right back.
Speaker 5 (21:10):
Need advice from Chelsea about a coworker situation. Right into
Dear Chelsea podcast at gmail dot com.
Speaker 3 (21:21):
And we're back with Lonelle. Do you like to do
you prefer Lonel or Lunell either? It Relly my driver
who knew you when I said I was interviewing you today.
He said, oh, and I said Linnell, she's a comic,
and he goes Lunew and I was like, yeah, you
know her, and he goes, yeah, I know her from
years ago.
Speaker 1 (21:38):
He said he used to drive you around.
Speaker 6 (21:40):
Yeah, there's a lot of boys that said he used
to drive me around.
Speaker 3 (21:44):
He said, you tried to do yeah. Okay, Well okay,
so you know what goes on here. We're gonna take callers.
We give them a okay. People call in and they
want advice, and that's why we're here.
Speaker 1 (21:55):
For Yeah, me too, I fucking love it too.
Speaker 5 (21:58):
Our first question comes from Annie says, I'm living with
my boyfriend and our mutual best friend. We've all been
friends for over a decade, traveled and lived together, and
are currently living together, just the three of us. I've
always thought this friend of ours was attractive, and maybe
even then and maybe even that, I'm possibly in love
(22:19):
with him, but I've held those feelings in the whole time,
so he can all just be good friends and I
don't ruin it for everyone. Well, this roommate and I
often trade backrubs. He was a massage therapist and we've
been doing this for years, always one hundred percent platonic,
although honestly, I've always fantasized about it not being platonic.
Speaker 2 (22:36):
When my boyfriend and I hit a rocky patch and
he took some space.
Speaker 5 (22:39):
I told our friend about it and we ended up
going all the way that night and a few times
after that. When my boyfriend got back, we stopped and
haven't had much physical interaction since then. My problem is
I love them both. My boyfriend is just an epic person.
My roommate, on the other hand, I've never been more
attracted to anyone in my life, and I cannot stop
thinking about it.
Speaker 2 (22:59):
I believe I'm in love with him.
Speaker 5 (23:01):
It was a crush the whole time, but recently I'm
thinking about him as a life partner. I don't know
what the heck to do. I love living with them
both where great friends have fun, and in some sort
of twisted way, I'm getting the best of both worlds.
Speaker 1 (23:12):
Yeah, I'm curious. I'm curious if you think.
Speaker 5 (23:14):
I should move out and leave my wonderful life and
look elsewhere. Tell them both I like them or what.
Please help, Chelsea, I know you'll set me straight.
Speaker 4 (23:22):
Annie, you go first.
Speaker 3 (23:24):
Oh my god, what a fucking mess. You can't fuck
your roommate while your boyfriend lives there. That is so disrespectful.
That you did that.
Speaker 4 (23:32):
Boys do it all the time.
Speaker 3 (23:33):
Yeah, they do it is, but it's still disrespectful. It's
I mean, it doesn't justify it because boys do it.
I don't want to be a boy.
Speaker 4 (23:39):
Say how old she is?
Speaker 2 (23:41):
She's like twenties, she's in her twenties.
Speaker 4 (23:43):
I say, fuck them both.
Speaker 3 (23:45):
Okay, great advice, Yeah keep yeah, yeah, Well it's gonna
blow up, and your boyfriend is not going to forgive
you for fucking your roommates. I think you break up
with your boyfriend right away and maybe pursue it the roommate.
Speaker 4 (24:01):
You become such a prude.
Speaker 1 (24:02):
I have morals, Okay, I have standards and moral is this?
Speaker 4 (24:07):
Can I see? Chelsea?
Speaker 1 (24:08):
Yeah, yeah, I'm right here.
Speaker 3 (24:10):
I don't you say fuck Everyone left said, Yeah, you
gotta have some sort of boundary.
Speaker 4 (24:14):
Not there, not in the environment. Don't listen.
Speaker 1 (24:17):
Don't even listen to what the fuck she's said.
Speaker 4 (24:19):
Why am I here?
Speaker 1 (24:20):
Okay, go ahead, go ahead, Okay.
Speaker 6 (24:22):
I say this because number one, her boyfriend's a fucking
great guy.
Speaker 1 (24:26):
Yeah, epic, she says that epic guy.
Speaker 4 (24:28):
You don't want to get rid of him.
Speaker 6 (24:31):
Number two, the other guy, you're just hot in the
pants for he may not be as great a guy
as the boyfriend. Okay, you motherfuckers knew when you moved
in together that some ship like this might happen. In
the back of somebody's mind, somebody mind.
Speaker 4 (24:49):
To be guilty too.
Speaker 6 (24:52):
So I say, continue on with what you're doing, to
be very cautious, be prepared for to blow up, because
it will. Don't be all crying, all broken hearted because
you fucking did it.
Speaker 4 (25:04):
Take the l move on, don't.
Speaker 3 (25:06):
You, jo First of all, that's that is that is
the only piece of your advice that I agree with,
is when it fucking blows up, don't start crying and
acting happened.
Speaker 1 (25:16):
It happened because you couldn't keep your fucking pants on,
and you have to keep sucking your roommate.
Speaker 4 (25:20):
You can keep their pants on in their twenties. Come on, child,
I know.
Speaker 3 (25:24):
But it's not cool if you have a great boyfriend
and you fuck your roommate that you've been fantasizing about.
Speaker 4 (25:28):
Well, she should, she should release.
Speaker 3 (25:31):
That boyfriend, and she should release herself into the wilderness
so she can go sower oat.
Speaker 4 (25:35):
So she can be miserable for the rest of her life.
Speaker 1 (25:38):
No, right now, she's just making people miserable.
Speaker 6 (25:40):
Now nobody's miserable. She did say, nobody's complaining. Well, so
what he don't know won't hurt him. And the other
motherfucker he's a dog because he's fucking his boy's girl.
Speaker 1 (25:49):
Would you be in a relationship?
Speaker 3 (25:50):
Would you ever put in and be in a situation
where you lived with two roommates and you were fucking
both of them and one thought they were your boyfriend.
Speaker 6 (25:55):
I've lived with two roommates that I was fucking anybody,
But I have fucking father and son before. Now, how
about that? How about them apples?
Speaker 3 (26:09):
Well, that is something. Tell us more about that. I
would like to know about a father's son.
Speaker 6 (26:14):
I've never Yeah, years ago, when I lived in Oakland, California,
when I was hot in the athim in my twenties,
I fell in love with this bass player guy that
was in this band, so I used to hang out.
Speaker 4 (26:29):
It was a studio rat check, hang out.
Speaker 6 (26:30):
The studio, sleep in the studio, listen to him practicing,
all that kind of stuff. Fine, then we got older
and about our little separate ways. Many years later, this
guy gets at me because I used to do a
show like this in Oakland on the Sobe Television Network
local cable station and where people could.
Speaker 4 (26:49):
Call in and stuff like this.
Speaker 6 (26:50):
This guy called me and he was so consuming he
wanted to get Amy Kpeton's station.
Speaker 4 (26:54):
We hooked up and so we were laying in.
Speaker 6 (26:57):
Bed talking one day and he said, yeah, my dad
blah blah blah blah his name. And I said blah
blah blah. He said, yeah, blah blah blah. I said
blah blah blah blah blah blah, and he said yeah.
I said, oh my god, I said that's your father.
He said, yeah, Oh my god. You'll never guess what happened.
Speaker 4 (27:16):
I told him.
Speaker 1 (27:17):
And what did he think?
Speaker 6 (27:18):
Well, you know, he will, you know, the typical mail ship. Well,
who's better in bed? Actually he was. Daddy was all right.
But you know, we were doing a lot of drugs
back then. So the impotency cocaine ain't never made nobody
dig hard like they think, and make it.
Speaker 3 (27:33):
Very hard to get a hard deck on. It's very
hard to get a hard deck cocaine. Cocaine and a variety.
Speaker 1 (27:38):
Of other drugs as well.
Speaker 3 (27:39):
Quite frankly, everyone needs to just carry viagra with them
after you turn fucking forty men need to carry VIAGRAA no, just.
Speaker 4 (27:45):
State younger man, fuck some viagra.
Speaker 1 (27:47):
We don't want to date a thirty year old.
Speaker 4 (27:49):
I don't want to date a sixty year old because
I'm not putting ice pack on your gout foot. Whatever
the fuck's wrong with you?
Speaker 1 (27:56):
So very specific.
Speaker 3 (27:57):
No, Who's Who's our next call Catherine?
Speaker 2 (28:02):
So our next color is Josie. She is a stay
at home mom. She says, you're Chelsea.
Speaker 5 (28:09):
I'd love your opinion and advice on a topic I've
been struggling with for twenty years.
Speaker 1 (28:14):
Orgasms.
Speaker 5 (28:15):
The first time I had sex, I was seventeen and
I'm thirty seven now, and I have never once had
an orgasm with a man.
Speaker 2 (28:22):
I was married a minute with a man with a man. Yeah,
a good point. I was married from twenty two to
twenty five.
Speaker 5 (28:30):
I cheated on him and divorced him, and that marriage
was filled with exciting sex. Still, the only way I
was able to orgasm was from porn and or a
vibrator by myself.
Speaker 2 (28:39):
My ex knew this was the case and was fine
with it.
Speaker 5 (28:42):
We just continued about our merry way and still had
sex about five times per week. I've been married to
my current husband for almost eleven years and have not
had an orgasm with him once. I'm ashamed to admit
that I've been faking it the whole time. It doesn't
bother me that much since I'm still able to get
off maybe once a week by myself. I've never had
a huge sex drive regardless of this issue. I don't
(29:03):
want to tell my husband I've been faking it for
a decade. We have sex around one to three times
a week, and I love that he loves fucking me.
It really makes me happy to have sex with him,
but I can't shake this feeling that I'm lying to
him about this. What do you think? Thank you and
love you, Josie.
Speaker 4 (29:19):
Chelsea your show.
Speaker 1 (29:21):
Her name is Josie to go with Chelsea and Linelle.
Speaker 4 (29:24):
Because you know I'm going to disagree with what she said.
I know.
Speaker 1 (29:27):
Hi, Josie, Hi you all, Oh see you? Hi. This
is our special guest Linel. She's from.
Speaker 4 (29:35):
Outer space.
Speaker 1 (29:36):
Round the way, She's she dropped by. She came in
from Vegas hot off the darmac tarmac.
Speaker 7 (29:42):
Oh man, I feel like I should be wearing stung
glasses right now too.
Speaker 6 (29:46):
Well, you're not anonymous, even if you had him on,
because there you are right on the camera.
Speaker 1 (29:50):
Yes, Now did you want to go first on this shore?
Why didn't you take it?
Speaker 4 (29:54):
Okay?
Speaker 6 (29:55):
First of all, you and ninety eight percent of women
in marriages are faking orgasms.
Speaker 4 (30:00):
First of all.
Speaker 6 (30:01):
Okay, because some people will sacrifice an orgasm for a
really good man. Now, this guy must be a really
good guy. Maybe he's a good provider and he loves you,
he loves you, loves fucking you and stuff like that,
and you're faking it, you know, just what's Look, what's
the problem. Let him go to work, bust out the vibrator,
(30:22):
rub one out, and keep keep going about your day.
I don't see you know, it would be lovely for
you to have an orgasm with the man that you
I think you love him still, Do you love him?
Speaker 5 (30:33):
Oh?
Speaker 7 (30:33):
Absolutely, He's a fantastic man.
Speaker 3 (30:35):
Okay, well you know, But so you're able to have
an orgasm by yourself, which means you're able to have
an orgasm and with porn and with porn. Right, I
like to fantasize about porn a lot. When I'm having
an orgasm. I think about a couple of scenes in
some porn movies I've seen that really gets my juices flowing,
so I can I can relate to what you're saying.
Speaker 1 (30:55):
I won't mention what those movies are because they're too embarrassing.
Speaker 3 (30:58):
The plot lines is a gay point, well, lesbian portant,
I do like lesbian gave me.
Speaker 4 (31:04):
I don't like to oppose a gay porn either.
Speaker 6 (31:09):
Dick, I tell you, I pick up a few pointers
watching somebody.
Speaker 1 (31:13):
But whose dick are you sucking? No one, you're saying
one taking sucking classes right now?
Speaker 4 (31:21):
I don't I do. My big second is trans.
Speaker 3 (31:26):
Josie, have you ever had your husband give you an
orgasm with the vibrator while you're fooling around with him?
Speaker 4 (31:33):
Oh? She just came.
Speaker 1 (31:35):
She just came to Okay, So you.
Speaker 3 (31:45):
You've never had him give you an orgasm with the
vibrator while you guys are fooling around.
Speaker 7 (31:50):
No, but that's a great idea. And he gave me
one for Valentine's Day last.
Speaker 1 (31:53):
Year, coicked.
Speaker 3 (31:54):
So bring that into the bedroom and show him. He
doesn't know exactly what to do. You have to show
him what to do.
Speaker 4 (31:59):
Agree with that, Chelsea, Oh.
Speaker 1 (32:01):
Thank you. You have to show point your finger and
tell him higher, lower, there.
Speaker 4 (32:05):
But are you like that? Are you sweet?
Speaker 1 (32:11):
Yeah?
Speaker 3 (32:11):
I'm not like, Hey, higher, I had to ask, but
I want them, I want to help them. I'm not
going to fake an orgasm at this age. I've done
exactly what you did for twenty years. First of all,
it takes concentration to have an orgasm. You have to concentrate.
I'm not sure what exactly, but I know you need
to concentrate. Your fucking clatorus is what you need to
concentrate on. But you know you can have one, so
(32:32):
there's really nothing wrong. You just have to show your
husband and don't admit that you've been lying about orgasms.
Speaker 1 (32:37):
That information isn't healthful. But just start getting a little bit.
I bet you he's going.
Speaker 3 (32:41):
To be great at it once you show him the way,
and then you're gonna have even better sex with your husband.
Speaker 1 (32:45):
You already have a really healthy sex life. Three times
a week is great.
Speaker 4 (32:48):
Yeah, you're fucking blessed. What the fuck are you.
Speaker 1 (32:52):
Since the eighties?
Speaker 4 (32:57):
Yeah, I'll agree with Chelsea.
Speaker 6 (32:59):
Maybe have him says he bought it for you, Maybe
have him use it on you.
Speaker 1 (33:04):
Okay, I like this.
Speaker 4 (33:06):
Buzz your way into happiness.
Speaker 3 (33:07):
Buzz your way and also don't fake it anymore. Get
him involved in helping you orgasm.
Speaker 5 (33:14):
And I would wager that if he bought you the vibrator,
he wants to use it with you. Yeah, you know,
so you could be like, hey, guess what I thought
would be hot, Let's try this, and then if he's
still not getting it from you, like describing like high
or lower, let's do it this way.
Speaker 2 (33:28):
You can be like, you know it would be hot,
why don't you watch watch me?
Speaker 4 (33:32):
Yeah, I like that. Okay, okay, I like that.
Speaker 3 (33:36):
And also try some different combinations with the vibrator, like
have him fingering you, have him do whatever, like turn
you know, not just the clatorous stimulation, but some girls
need a bunch of things to happen at the same time.
Some girls like to have a finger in their asshole
when they're having an orgosoics.
Speaker 1 (33:52):
This girl, Yeah, I know what you like. You can't
put your finger in anyone's.
Speaker 3 (33:59):
Yeah, I am a doctor and I am a doctor,
and I don't do that.
Speaker 7 (34:05):
That's really helpful. I just yeah, it's just been on
my heart for years and years and years after.
Speaker 4 (34:12):
Put it in your pantings and let's go. Yes, ma'am okay.
Speaker 1 (34:16):
I like, yeah, you're gonna be fine. Just be more communicative.
Speaker 7 (34:20):
That's a really good idea to get the vibrators out
that he bought me for. That's a really great idea.
Speaker 4 (34:25):
I love that.
Speaker 1 (34:26):
It's gonna be fun.
Speaker 4 (34:28):
Okay, right, know how it went?
Speaker 7 (34:30):
Yes, I sure will you know, I'll check back in.
Thank you Catherine, thank you Read and Nel.
Speaker 3 (34:37):
She's feeling is feeling marginalized. Right, she's go have an
orgasm right.
Speaker 8 (34:43):
Now, we'll do okay, Yes, stay on the phone. How
how frequently do you masturbate?
Speaker 6 (34:55):
I don't anymore, not much. Only when I come to
l A because that's when I vibrator.
Speaker 1 (35:00):
Oh really, do you keep it in a storage facility here?
Speaker 6 (35:03):
No? I keep it by the bed in my house
in la but I get my housekeeper that is from
my neck.
Speaker 3 (35:10):
I had this face thing like for your under eyes,
like this like vibrator contraption that you like smooth out
your under eyes when they're puffy.
Speaker 1 (35:19):
And I had it in a hotel room in London.
Speaker 3 (35:23):
I stayed in there for a month and every morning,
every time I come back to the hotel, they would
have it right next to my bed, like on a
piece of like one of those little it was a
really fancy hotel, and they had on one of those
like yes, yes, like on these special towels that they
had in the bathroom that are like face towels, and
they would like wrap it nicely. I'm like, I can't
believe they think that they're wrapping my vibrator up each
(35:43):
day and placing it next to my bed. Talk about
turndown service, I'm saying, okay.
Speaker 2 (35:52):
Next, our next question comes from Dave.
Speaker 1 (35:56):
This is just an email, or maybe it's Dave Chappelle.
Speaker 2 (35:59):
He says, I'm thirty five mail.
Speaker 5 (36:00):
I've been married for thirteen years to my best friend,
who is a gorgeous blonde. Her workplace is ninety five
percent mail, which was never a problem until recently. She
brought up to me that a friend of mine who
works there tried to make a pass at her. I
was appreciative of the honesty. Fast forward a couple of
months and he started to avoid me and doesn't talk
to me anymore. Then I find out she's deleting text
(36:22):
messages from him and a couple other male coworkers. I
asked her about it, and she said it was nothing,
just some light joking that she thought I wouldn't understand
or I would read into the wrong way. I just
asked her for her honesty and to not delete the messages,
no matter what they were. She's still doing it. How
do I express to her that she's breaking the trust
between us? After all, if the messages are harmless, why
do they need to be deleted? I appreciate your advice, Dave.
Speaker 1 (36:46):
Yeah, but why are you reading her phone? I know exactly,
I know.
Speaker 3 (36:49):
It's like, exactly, No, I had a boyfriend who ran
through my phone and.
Speaker 4 (36:52):
I I just go looking for some shit you're going for.
Speaker 3 (36:55):
Yeah, exactly, it's like, but I mean, deleting the messages
is also like a sign that you're He.
Speaker 6 (37:00):
Wouldn't know if they were being deleted, if he didn't
go prowling around.
Speaker 4 (37:05):
If the guy is he.
Speaker 6 (37:07):
A friend of the man outside of the port, okay,
and now the guy is avoiding him and shit, so
he's acting shady. She's doing the right thing by deleting
the messages, because number one, we don't know what the
fuck she wrote back. She might be leading this motherfucker on.
She covering her own ass. And then also the friend
(37:29):
you need to go ahead on and be glad that
he not fucking with you no more. He clearly wants
to fuck your broad and you don't need to be
fucking with him no way. That she can't leave her
job just because somebody thinks she's hot at work. And
at some point he might need to pull him to
the side and say something. But I say, keep deleading
that chair, and you stay off her fucking phone.
Speaker 1 (37:50):
I don't know if somebody's deleting messages. I find that.
Speaker 6 (37:52):
I mean, you don't know they're deleted if you don't know, But.
Speaker 1 (37:55):
That's not the point.
Speaker 3 (37:56):
She's still the guy's acting strange. So why is the
guy from work, I can think strange.
Speaker 6 (38:00):
Because he knows that he can't look him in the
eye no more because he was broad.
Speaker 3 (38:05):
Yeah, but so then that's what the guy's trying to
find out. So if that's the truth, she's flirting with
that guy, don't you think her husband does have a
right to know that she's flirting with some coworker.
Speaker 4 (38:15):
Listen, we all flirt, don't we.
Speaker 1 (38:18):
That's the thing.
Speaker 5 (38:18):
Like, flirting is not cheating, and like, if you are
in a work environment that's ninety five percent man like,
it does kind of get you a little farther if
you're like that cute flirty girl at work, you know,
and that my carry over to text messages.
Speaker 1 (38:32):
I don't know about this subject matter. I really just don't.
Speaker 4 (38:35):
I don't go through people.
Speaker 3 (38:37):
I will never go through someone's phone again. I used
to do that. I had a relationship once where I
was paranoid and I looked through his phone, and of
course I found stuff.
Speaker 1 (38:45):
No, no, I never looked through fifty cents phone. I
never did.
Speaker 3 (38:49):
We weren't together for long enough for him to get
up to any other business, although maybe he did.
Speaker 1 (38:52):
Maybe he was fucking the whole world.
Speaker 3 (38:53):
I don't know.
Speaker 1 (38:54):
We only dated for two months.
Speaker 4 (38:55):
I hate it right now?
Speaker 1 (38:57):
You would?
Speaker 3 (38:59):
She just showed me picture of her with fifty cent.
Where did you see him in Vegas?
Speaker 4 (39:03):
Well? You know is that really important? Where we were
and broke up?
Speaker 1 (39:08):
Can I see your phone? I want to see your phone?
Speaker 4 (39:10):
You want to go to be my phone?
Speaker 1 (39:12):
You would have sex with fifty cent? You would have? Really?
Speaker 7 (39:15):
Why?
Speaker 1 (39:15):
Because you find him hot?
Speaker 4 (39:16):
Well? Yeah, because I think he is really sweet.
Speaker 1 (39:19):
And really sweet is a sweetheart?
Speaker 6 (39:21):
Yeah, And I mean no, I really probably wouldn't because
I know, you know, Vivica as well, And so you know,
I don't want to.
Speaker 1 (39:28):
What's their story Vivica in fifty Well.
Speaker 6 (39:30):
No, I just don't want to. I'm not that bitch
that well fuck your ex boyfriend. I'm not her. But
if he would not involved with you, if he would
not involved with her, and if he wanted me me.
Speaker 3 (39:41):
I would say, listen, I would first of all tell
you to go fuck fifty cent. I would be happy
for you, so you don't have to worry about that
aspect of things. I don't consider anyone to be a
real boyfriend if you haven't dated them for less.
Speaker 6 (39:53):
White Chelsea in the Black World, you don't do that shit.
Vivica would never fucking forgive me if I went fuck
fifty cent. When she is clearly declared on television that
that was the love of her life.
Speaker 1 (40:05):
Oh she has.
Speaker 4 (40:05):
I don't know that love of her life.
Speaker 6 (40:08):
I could pull her up, so I don't you know.
And they was for that a hot minute. There was
a hot ass.
Speaker 1 (40:14):
How long did they date?
Speaker 4 (40:15):
Not long?
Speaker 6 (40:16):
Maybe six months something like that. But a lot can't
happen her six months. You could be a love love
love love in six months. So I wouldn't do that
for that aspect. But if he if he was any
you know, if he wasn't involved with people, I knew
if he wanted me lounell.
Speaker 4 (40:30):
Yes, I would fuck fifty cent uh huh.
Speaker 1 (40:34):
What about Bill Cosby?
Speaker 4 (40:37):
I have a picture of me and Bill.
Speaker 1 (40:39):
Oh really? Is it in his hotel room?
Speaker 8 (40:42):
No?
Speaker 4 (40:42):
But I was sleep on the shoulder. I don't know
if he gave me anything.
Speaker 1 (40:45):
You fell asleep on his shoulder?
Speaker 7 (40:46):
Huh.
Speaker 3 (40:47):
I think I've seen you fall asleep publicly though before,
like twice.
Speaker 6 (40:50):
No, you have not, liar, but I do. I put
him and I posted that picture.
Speaker 1 (40:57):
Don't look on your face, knock, I haven't.
Speaker 6 (41:01):
I put that picture on my Instagram once of me
and Cosby and I had my head on his shoulder
like this, and underneath the picture I wrote Bill, I'm
feeling sleepy. I think I need to go, and it
was very popular post. But I don't fuck old men.
Speaker 3 (41:19):
First of all, have you ever had what was what's
the oldest man you've ever had sex with?
Speaker 4 (41:23):
Like maybe in this maybe early seventies, but a.
Speaker 1 (41:28):
Very that's fucking old.
Speaker 4 (41:29):
But that was a very fit motherfucker.
Speaker 1 (41:31):
Like how fit was he and who was it fit.
Speaker 4 (41:33):
Enough to have a hard dick that would work in me.
Speaker 6 (41:38):
That's it, you know, But I'm not fucking nobody would
gout goddamn it.
Speaker 3 (41:43):
I've never had sex with a seventy year old, actually
seventy year old. I had sex with a sixty year old. Well,
a couple of sixty year olds.
Speaker 4 (41:51):
Okay, that adds up to one hundred and twenty year old.
Speaker 1 (41:53):
Well, no, it doesn't, it doesn't. And that was a
long time ago.
Speaker 4 (41:58):
Well, this was a long time ago. But I don't,
you know, I don't. I don't do the.
Speaker 1 (42:02):
Guys, what about anal? Do you do anal?
Speaker 4 (42:05):
Apps? So motherfuckingly not.
Speaker 1 (42:07):
Yeah, black women do not like to talk about anal.
Speaker 6 (42:10):
No, I'll talk about it and let you know. I
don't funk around. First of all, ouch, how about that?
Speaker 1 (42:15):
How about it?
Speaker 6 (42:16):
Second of all, everybody, asshole don't look like the picture?
Speaker 4 (42:20):
You know what I mean?
Speaker 1 (42:20):
Well, where is the picture of the asshole that you saw? First?
Speaker 4 (42:23):
A dictioneer.
Speaker 3 (42:26):
Assholes are all sorts of different colors. Some are picks, some.
Speaker 4 (42:30):
Have hemorhoids, some don't, and open summer tight like a lip. Yeah,
or Harry asshole is impenetrable. It's a virgin.
Speaker 1 (42:39):
Okay.
Speaker 3 (42:40):
Well, things come out of it, So that's the way
God wanted it. But if things can come out, they
can go in.
Speaker 4 (42:45):
God want you.
Speaker 1 (42:46):
That's what a whole is when something can go in.
Speaker 6 (42:50):
Or no, but a vagina has moisture making quality booty
old do not, but that's diarrhea.
Speaker 3 (42:59):
But you can just you know, what you can do
is take some of the moisture from the pikachu.
Speaker 4 (43:03):
And don't mean that everybody.
Speaker 5 (43:10):
So should we tell Dave that he should drop it
with his girlfriend or do we think like, who got
us here?
Speaker 1 (43:19):
Oh ship?
Speaker 4 (43:21):
Oh God, take that girl?
Speaker 1 (43:23):
I'm out.
Speaker 3 (43:23):
I know this is like I don't know what to
say to Dave because it's just obviously something's up. I
would just go straight to the man and find out
what's going on, be like like man, and man, are
you fucking?
Speaker 1 (43:36):
Probably just do but no one's gonna tell the truth.
That's the problem.
Speaker 4 (43:41):
And she flirt.
Speaker 3 (43:42):
Let's keep it a buck, Like what guy is gonna
be like, yeah, I'm fucking your wife, Like unless he's
in love with her.
Speaker 4 (43:46):
I don't know if you wat.
Speaker 1 (43:51):
I'm sorry that, I'm sorry that we can't help you more.
Speaker 3 (43:53):
But it sounds to me I would say instinctually something
is up in your marriage.
Speaker 1 (43:57):
She's up to something.
Speaker 3 (43:59):
And I would also say stop checking her phone and
try to find out another way.
Speaker 1 (44:03):
That's a little bit less. Yeah, checking the phone at
a certain page, we have to.
Speaker 4 (44:09):
Go look for you find it.
Speaker 3 (44:11):
I'm going to look through your phone and I know
what I.
Speaker 1 (44:17):
Yeah, exact in my phone.
Speaker 2 (44:20):
Well, our next question comes from Sophia. Sophia, says Bgara.
Speaker 5 (44:26):
Of course, Sophia Bergara says, Dear Chelsea, my wife and
I are starting to look into our options for sperm donors.
She's always wanted to be a mom and be pregnant,
and after deconstructing that idea and defining the reasons behind it,
we decided that we want to start a family together.
So when it comes to pregnancy for a lesbian couple,
you can have anonymous donors, gay friends, or, as we've
been talking about recently, a brother's sperm. We figured that
(44:49):
if the baby is going to be half hers and
half someone else's, why not be someone we know. But
the intricacies of asking a friend are many, so in
our discussions we brought up our brothers. Mine doesn't really
look much like me, and I don't particularly look a
lot like my family, but there's still something to be
said about seeing that you belong and also knowing where
you came from. We're trying with the idea of asking
my brother what he thinks about all this, and I
(45:11):
have no idea how to tackle this. We're not extremely
close and we've had our moments of not talking to
each other in the past, but we get along well. Currently,
what should I do, Sophia.
Speaker 4 (45:21):
Oh, that's the wife's brother not to.
Speaker 1 (45:23):
Tell Yeah too, it's a first of all, it's a
pair of lesbians. Would you figure that out?
Speaker 6 (45:27):
Bit?
Speaker 4 (45:27):
I heard what she said.
Speaker 1 (45:28):
It's a nice idea.
Speaker 3 (45:29):
A lot of people do this, but I mean a
lot of people who are in families and our a
brother or sister are not interested in doing this for
their brother or sister. So that's something to just contemplate
and know going in that it's not a sure thing
when you do connect with him and ask him. But
I would just get it out there and be like,
you know, we're thinking about it, and just be open
like we're is that something you would be interested in
(45:51):
doing or is that like, would you even consider something
like that?
Speaker 1 (45:54):
Make it a.
Speaker 3 (45:55):
Casual offering or suggestion, it's not an offering really like
a suggestion, so that you're just gauging the temperature, because
he might be like, no fucking way, or he might
be like, oh that's weird, like that's interesting. Let me
think about it, because do they have children? Does he
have children with his wife?
Speaker 6 (46:11):
I just say, get your paperworking order, because he sounds
like an asshole. They have had times where they didn't
fuck with each other, you know what I mean, And
you don't want this to get weird down the line.
Speaker 4 (46:23):
So even if it.
Speaker 6 (46:24):
Is your brother, even if he says, okay, get your
fucking paperwork in order about what his rights are gonna
be and what his rights ain't gonna be or you're
gonna do it now or do it later, do it now,
go to court later.
Speaker 3 (46:34):
Yeah, well, you definitely have to get your paperwork in
order if you're having someone's you know, taking someone's sperm
or eggs or embryos anything like that.
Speaker 1 (46:43):
But also can you help drop the contracts for that?
Speaker 3 (46:45):
I got a guy okay, Yeah, I mean I don't
know how I feel about it, Like if somebody asks
me for my eggs, I mean obviously they're not girl.
Speaker 4 (46:54):
Don't know why I want them old ride or bad
powdered eggs.
Speaker 6 (46:56):
You got girl, my nis and shit, that ship has sailed,
so look moving on.
Speaker 4 (47:03):
I think you answered this question.
Speaker 2 (47:06):
Somebody tried to give you a baby yesterday. Chelsea's ye.
Speaker 3 (47:10):
I've had babies like there's some sort of magnetic pull,
Like all these kids are around me all the time,
and I don't want them.
Speaker 6 (47:18):
I have seventeen nieces and nephews. I'm the only sibling
with just one child. And I tell you, kids, the
worst you talk to them, the more they like, you know,
because they feel like you care. I got this celebrity
friend and she just had a baby with a surrogate.
They got the baby, the babies at home, and I
(47:39):
was giving them black mother and advice because like a
lot of white families, they're.
Speaker 4 (47:43):
Like, sh the baby's to sleep, we can't talk, don't
wake up the baby.
Speaker 6 (47:49):
And black families will have the baby a newborn on
your chest while we're playing fucking cards, dominoes at the
party or anything like that, because the baby heard your
voice the whole time.
Speaker 4 (47:58):
It was in you.
Speaker 6 (47:59):
So they to sleep better with the noise than they
do in the quiet. You know, it was never quiet
when it was in you. So I was just telling them,
don't get everybody trained, don't get your baby trained to
sleep in the quiet, get your baby trained to sleep
with noise around it, because life is noisy and you're
not gonna always be in a quiet place, and the
(48:20):
motherfucking need to know how to go to sleep.
Speaker 1 (48:22):
No, I agree with that.
Speaker 3 (48:22):
I don't like when people are like, oh, and they
have to buy blackout shades in the baby's room, and
it's like, wait, why does a baby need blackout shades?
You just fucking got here, like he's got to figure
out what's happening.
Speaker 4 (48:32):
Listen. I've been to jail before.
Speaker 6 (48:34):
I know how to sleep with a floodlight on me,
and they don't turn out the lights in jail.
Speaker 1 (48:39):
I slept in jail one night and it was so awful.
Speaker 3 (48:42):
I've never felt worse because of that, the fucking light
in your face.
Speaker 4 (48:47):
Well, the handcuffs were uncomfortable either.
Speaker 3 (48:49):
You slept in handcuffs. They didn't unhandcuff you once you
were unhandcuffedy what you get arrested for embezzelment on money
grab and light in bezzil man coming at you lie
from dear Chelsea, how many days did you spend in jail?
Speaker 4 (49:07):
Months? Oh?
Speaker 6 (49:08):
Really, I missed my child's first Halloween and first Thanksgiving
because I was in jail.
Speaker 1 (49:13):
Oh so this is like twenty eight years ago.
Speaker 4 (49:15):
Yeah, I haven't gone to jail no more.
Speaker 6 (49:18):
You go spend four months in jail with a new baby,
you probably would get your shit together quickly.
Speaker 1 (49:23):
Is that what happened? You got your shit together after that,
chel Stin? Yeah? Yeah, Jael looks like it fucking blows.
Speaker 4 (49:29):
It does.
Speaker 6 (49:30):
From the minute you see the light behind you on
the highway, or from the minute the cops entered the
establishment that you're in.
Speaker 4 (49:41):
It's downhill from there, all of it.
Speaker 6 (49:45):
The confrontation, the handcuff behind your back. You know, if
we don't walk around with our arms behind our back so.
Speaker 4 (49:51):
Your shoulders hurt, that's we're old.
Speaker 6 (49:54):
The space in the back of the police car is
not plush, it's not roomy.
Speaker 1 (49:59):
Well, I mean, I'm saying that it's gonna be fun.
Speaker 6 (50:01):
No, I'm letting you know it ain't fun. You had
one day I'm and that was miserable. I don't go
to jail people, because it's not It's not like on TV.
Speaker 1 (50:11):
I was so scared.
Speaker 3 (50:12):
I just found the biggest woman I could find right away.
And I was like, protect me. I'm like, I have money,
I will pay you when I get out, and you
need to be my best friend. And she was like fine,
and I'm like, I won't be here for long, I promise,
but I need you to sleep.
Speaker 6 (50:25):
I did have a big someone Selly named Baby. She
was like twenty three years old, she had five kids.
And she said, miss Gumbo, Miss Gumba, listo exercise. I said,
I don't feel like exercising, baby, Okay, miss Gamba, don't
make me pick you up. Oh fuck okay, let's go
fucking emphercise and shit fuck baby.
Speaker 1 (50:45):
I love samoans. I love their bodies.
Speaker 4 (50:47):
I do too.
Speaker 1 (50:48):
I love that body type.
Speaker 6 (50:49):
Oh I like it because they're not they're strong, well,
the ones I like.
Speaker 4 (50:55):
They're strong, but they sort of have a little dad
bought you know.
Speaker 6 (50:58):
They're not all mascular, all roided the funk out. Just
regular big strong ass man out with hair.
Speaker 4 (51:10):
Hair.
Speaker 1 (51:11):
Okay, we're going to take a break and we'll be
right back.
Speaker 4 (51:17):
And we were back.
Speaker 1 (51:21):
Well, this has been quite the hour with Linnelle. Yeah,
it is. That's an hour.
Speaker 3 (51:26):
I mean I really appreciate you flying in from your
Vegas residency to be here with me today.
Speaker 1 (51:31):
I couldn't wait. I mean, I can.
Speaker 3 (51:33):
Only do like twelve hour spurts in Vegas because I'm.
Speaker 1 (51:36):
Out of control. Yeah, I go hard, I go hard,
and then I have to get the fuck out of the.
Speaker 4 (51:43):
God damn it. What is no?
Speaker 1 (51:48):
No, no, no, I don't I don't funk with tequila.
I'm not a tequila. We'll do that together. We'll save
efforts together for that one.
Speaker 4 (51:57):
Okay.
Speaker 3 (51:57):
So if you love Lunelle, just please go and follow
her on Instagram, watch her special on Netflix. You can
go and buy tickets to the Apollo tomorrow night, which
you will not disappoint and goodbye.
Speaker 1 (52:09):
Thank you the now.
Speaker 3 (52:14):
Okay, guys, So for stand Up, we added a second
show in Sydney, and we added a second show in
Prior Lake, Minnesota, which is now going to be May
twenty fourth. We added the Santa Barbara Bowl, which is
so fun. I performed there last year. That's August seventeenth,
the Santa Barbara Bowl. We added a second show at
(52:34):
Santa Rosa on August second, and we added two dates
at Hawaii. Guys, I'm coming to Hawaii on July nineteenth.
Speaker 1 (52:45):
To CA Who Louis. I'm gonna be at CA Who Louis?
And then I'm coming on July twenty. It's Honolulu.
Speaker 3 (52:53):
And oh I just added another date on August first, Auburn, Washington,
SO and all my Australia and New Zealand dates are up,
and I will be announcing a European tour shortly and May.
Speaker 1 (53:07):
Third, which is my mother's birthday.
Speaker 3 (53:09):
Norman, Oklahoma, So Oklahomians, Oklahomans, Okloams, come bye.
Speaker 5 (53:15):
If you'd like advice from Chelsea, shoot us an email
at Dear Chelsea podcast at gmail dot com and be
sure to include your phone number. Dear Chelsea is edited
and engineered by Brad Dickert executive producer Catherine Law and
be sure to check out our merch at Chelseahandler dot
com
Hi Catherine, Hi Chelsea. That's a good exciting day. What's today? Tuesday?
Speaker 2 (00:05):
Today is Tuesday Day.
Speaker 1 (00:06):
It's Tuesday.
Speaker 3 (00:07):
We're recording for our podcast that airs on Thursday. I
just got back from Vegas. I did a big promotional shoot.
I'm a big announcement coming at some point, and I
had a really fun day.
Speaker 1 (00:17):
I took Doug to Vegas yesterday. You know how I
feel about Vegas.
Speaker 2 (00:20):
He loves to fly private.
Speaker 3 (00:22):
He only flies privately because I don't think he's going
to get along well on a commercial airline, which means
that's going to be prohibitive to his travel schedule. I'm
already trying to think about my Orca. I'm going to
my Orca for the month of June, and I'm like,
how can I bring Doug? And then I thought, because
I can actually bring him, i'd rush off once.
Speaker 1 (00:39):
But it's too hot.
Speaker 2 (00:41):
Yeah, he's very furry, He's got a lot of lair.
Speaker 1 (00:43):
And I thought I could shave him, but that's so.
Speaker 4 (00:46):
I don't know that i'd shave.
Speaker 5 (00:47):
I follow the Girl with the Dogs on YouTube and
she is like a dog groomer, and she says, for
some dogs, it'll ruin their undercoat. It makes some kind
of like patchy. It's not good for them. So I
would doctor your groomer.
Speaker 1 (01:00):
Because he's so silky. It happened with Bernice because they're undercoat.
I shaved them too quickly.
Speaker 3 (01:06):
Yeah, I just wanted to get down to business and
see what was underneath their fur, you know what I mean,
because really what I'm after is that body.
Speaker 2 (01:12):
And they can be like spotty too. Chow's like we
had a chow would have spotted purple.
Speaker 3 (01:15):
And yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. So I don't think Doug
is going to go to my Erica. I just think
it's too hot.
Speaker 1 (01:20):
Too hot. Yeah.
Speaker 2 (01:22):
Well, I have a quick follow up from a caller.
Speaker 5 (01:26):
People, as we know, wrote in to Sarah, whose boyfriend
couldn't get it up and had lots of opinions last week.
So Sarah responded, she said, thanks so much for following up.
I loved listening to the suggestions from the Dear Chelsea community.
His medication was definitely a big factor that, combined with
his already shaky self confidence, was a recipe for disaster.
(01:46):
But I'm happy to report that after a trip to
the doctor, our sex life has really.
Speaker 1 (01:50):
Turned around amazing.
Speaker 2 (01:52):
In fact, I can hardly keep him off me. Now,
thanks for the advice, Sarah.
Speaker 1 (01:56):
So what did they do? Do we know?
Speaker 5 (01:57):
They went to the doctor, got it figured out. I
think they might have switched his medications. But it was
exactly what you called last week.
Speaker 3 (02:03):
Okay, great, great, Yeah, I love it. I love it everyone.
Now everyone's now they're getting happy penetration.
Speaker 2 (02:08):
Very thrilled that Sarah is getting laid.
Speaker 1 (02:11):
So I know it's good for the soul to have penetration. Truly.
I'm gonna get them later tonight.
Speaker 2 (02:16):
Oh that's exciting, I know.
Speaker 3 (02:18):
Okay, So we have a special guest on today. She
actually is in Vegas all the time, and she flew
in special to record this podcast today.
Speaker 1 (02:26):
She is a comedian. She is ridiculous, and her nails
are longer than Flow Jos. Is that a reference people
know anymore?
Speaker 4 (02:33):
Joe?
Speaker 3 (02:33):
Yeah?
Speaker 1 (02:34):
Yeah, I remember that's when the first nails came on
the scene was Flow Joe. Remember.
Speaker 4 (02:37):
Yeah.
Speaker 3 (02:38):
Anyway, her nails are as long as flow Jo's and
she's not running anywhere.
Speaker 1 (02:41):
Please welcome Lynell. Oh my god, this is so exciting.
Speaker 3 (02:45):
This woman is ridiculous and she makes me laugh so hard,
not only because of her outfits and her nails that
I don't even know how she wipes with them. But
her stand up is so fucking funny. She is so
fucking funny. And if you're in New York you can
see her at the Apollo Theater. She's going to be
performing tomorrow night at the Apollo Theater April twenty six,
(03:05):
And she's also going to be at the Netflix as
a Joke Festival in May in La And she has
her first ever special which was on Netflix was called
Chappelle's Home Team Now Town Business, Right, what do you
have to say for yourself, Chequita Banana.
Speaker 4 (03:22):
Hey, I'm booked and busy and blessed.
Speaker 3 (03:24):
I know you know, yeah, your career, your comedy career. Well,
I keep trying to hook up with you, but you
live in Vegas.
Speaker 6 (03:31):
I live in Vegas and here, I just a year
ago this month purchased my first home.
Speaker 4 (03:37):
It's my first time.
Speaker 6 (03:39):
You know, everybody doesn't get it when everybody else does.
Speaker 4 (03:42):
You know, you get it when you're supposed to.
Speaker 6 (03:44):
So I've been at my residency in Vegas for four years,
living out of the Flamingo Hotel and the Link. But
I came upon an opportunity and it is totally upgraded
my life.
Speaker 4 (03:59):
I love living in Las Vegas.
Speaker 6 (04:01):
I just recently got awarded the key to the Strip,
oh goes city council people or.
Speaker 4 (04:06):
Whatever, and I got a proclamation. Wow.
Speaker 6 (04:09):
On March eleventh is Lunelle Day in Las Vegas. And
I work for as a great Jimmy Kimmel, you know,
a Jimmy Kimmel's comedy club. Yes, Sunday and Monday nights
at nine p thirty. So I'm I'm very booked. Like
you were saying that you went on a date, I'm like, damn,
how how do you do it? Because I don't really date.
I want to, but it's you know, our schedule is changed,
(04:30):
like with a phone call, you know, and you can
make a plan with the guys and all of a sudden, listen.
Speaker 4 (04:35):
I can't do it. I'm going to Europe tomorrow, you know.
Speaker 1 (04:37):
Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.
Speaker 4 (04:38):
Sh it is like that. So it's hard for me.
Speaker 3 (04:40):
Look at you, I know, I know, well, sometimes I
go through phases where I don't have sex or I
don't date people for months because it is kind of hard,
especially as a woman, you know. I mean, we kind
of talk about this and it's a little bit of
a beating a dead horse because it's hard as being
a woman who has her shit together.
Speaker 1 (04:55):
Men don't think that they need you need them.
Speaker 4 (04:58):
That is what a guy said. They don't think. Okay,
first of all, we don't need you.
Speaker 3 (05:02):
Right, So that's actually a good thing. It's not a need.
It is a desire, right.
Speaker 4 (05:07):
I don't need you for nothing.
Speaker 1 (05:09):
And sex, but also a sex is also not a need.
It's a desire.
Speaker 3 (05:13):
Just to clear it because I've heard people say sex
is a need, I'm like, no, no, that's excuse.
Speaker 6 (05:18):
That's the excuse the men make to go fuck around.
I needed you don't give me enough. We first got married,
it was hot, and now I don't do it because
I'm one of my favorite shows on TV is Cheaters.
I could watch that shit all day and all night.
Cheaters and fucking Catfish.
Speaker 4 (05:32):
I'm down. I'm like, are you serious? I could watch it.
Speaker 3 (05:36):
When was the last time you did have a relationship.
Have you ever had a serious relationship?
Speaker 4 (05:40):
I've been married.
Speaker 3 (05:40):
Oh, okay, so I guess that that would be considered
a serious relationship.
Speaker 1 (05:45):
Well, not all marriages.
Speaker 6 (05:46):
Are well, I mean we didn't stay married how long well,
we were legally married for like maybe twenty years, but
we've been separated for like eighteen of those years.
Speaker 4 (05:58):
And it was just a whole mess.
Speaker 6 (06:00):
But I still love him, be very ill right now, Okay,
And so I still love but we're divorced and go
see him and stuff like that. But we had a
it was it was a whole trip.
Speaker 1 (06:10):
Okay. And you don't have kids though, right.
Speaker 4 (06:11):
I have one daughter. She's twenty eight.
Speaker 1 (06:13):
Oh what's her name?
Speaker 4 (06:14):
Her name is Danielle.
Speaker 6 (06:16):
I had to get rhymes now, well, yeah, and her
father's name is Dana, so Dana and Lanelle Danielle. Oh, okay,
not Danielle. I don't like Danielle. Every Danielle I know
is a bitch. But this is Danielle.
Speaker 4 (06:27):
That's it.
Speaker 6 (06:28):
And I had to have a tattooed on my arm
because I was so fucking frazzled about having a baby.
I didn't even know if I could remember her birthday.
So I got a tattooed on my arm.
Speaker 1 (06:38):
Yeah, yeah, you don't have a great memory.
Speaker 4 (06:41):
No, I don't, and my daughter will attest to that.
Speaker 3 (06:44):
Do you think it has anything to do with all
the pots smoking? Because I spoke a lot of pot too.
Speaker 6 (06:47):
But I oh, I can remember my material, and I
remember playing to get on that's the most important.
Speaker 4 (06:52):
Shit.
Speaker 1 (06:52):
Do you remember you go on stage stoned right.
Speaker 4 (06:55):
Most of the time?
Speaker 1 (06:56):
Well, you know the last time I got stoned with you? Yeah,
that's good.
Speaker 3 (06:59):
I usually have a I don't usually get stoned, but
this weekend I tried getting stoned before I went on stage.
Speaker 1 (07:04):
I loved it. I loved it. I love drugs, I
love alcohol, I love all of it. But last time
I saw you was at.
Speaker 3 (07:09):
Chappelle's birthday party in New York City and you had
a joint there, which I had to find you because
I needed a joint.
Speaker 1 (07:16):
I needed a joint, and I was like, where's Linel?
Speaker 4 (07:18):
No, listen. Chelsea was coming out of hall, me and
my daughter.
Speaker 1 (07:23):
Oh yeah, I died right.
Speaker 6 (07:24):
He and my daughter are about to go out and
smoke a joint. Chelsea says, where are you going? I said, well,
I'm gonna go outside to smoking joint. She said, you
don't have to go outside.
Speaker 4 (07:34):
Now.
Speaker 6 (07:34):
We was at a fancy you know, Angela Bassa was there,
Gail King was there, Spike Lee was there, all these fancy,
fancy people. Candle light dressed up. Chelsea's like, you don't
have to go outside.
Speaker 1 (07:46):
White privilege white.
Speaker 6 (07:47):
She's like, yes, I do. She says, no, you don't.
I said, well, you like the motherfucking it.
Speaker 4 (07:53):
So she did.
Speaker 6 (07:54):
And we sit in the middle of the fucking fancy
dinner far smoking the joint blow and smoking everybody's face,
and then.
Speaker 3 (08:00):
Everyone else started lighting up droids too, so it worked
out perfectly. Oh yeah, I loved sometimes I have Like
I went to my cousin's wedding over the summer and
I had like a whole sheet of microdose LSD and
I just handled them out, but I didn't. I just said, oh,
this is a mint to the people that I knew
wouldn't take drugs, and I know that's ruffine, but but
(08:20):
it was such a microdose that I knew it was
gonna help everyone and I have a great time. And
my Jewish side of the family is like very conservative
and they're not drug users, so I just said these
are mints. And then everyone had a blast. And I
told my cousin's mother after the fact, I was like,
did you have an amazing time? She's like, that was
the best night of my life. And she still doesn't
know why. She thinks it because her son got married.
(08:41):
But I'm like, no, I know why.
Speaker 6 (08:42):
No very elites here in La that do the micro
dos LSD shit And this other ship did you take
when you're with the Indians up in the Hiahuasca?
Speaker 4 (08:55):
That shit. I just smoke weed. I smoke, we drink tequila.
Speaker 1 (08:59):
So what do you do? You smoke your first join
as soon as you wake up.
Speaker 6 (09:02):
No, I don't wake and bake like that because I
can't smoke on an empty stomach. Oh it makes me crazy,
like crazy. I have to have like a you know,
some toast and maybe some juice. Really, yes, before I can.
I can't smoke on an empty stomach. It makes me insane,
more high than usual, no, more hungry than usual.
Speaker 1 (09:20):
Oh oh well, die, I gotta.
Speaker 4 (09:21):
Eat something first and then I can smoke.
Speaker 6 (09:24):
Plus I think that people that wake and bake, I'm like,
so you don't want to be sober.
Speaker 4 (09:29):
At all, like maybe till noon.
Speaker 6 (09:32):
To see what it's like, take care of your business
or anything like that. But then also I get sleepy.
But that's why I smoke sativa and not inticate, and
itica puts me down.
Speaker 1 (09:43):
And you don't smoke cigarettes.
Speaker 4 (09:44):
No, I detest any tobacco.
Speaker 1 (09:46):
Oh good, good for you.
Speaker 6 (09:47):
Cigarettes, cigars, all that bullshit pipes, all that. I don't
like tobacco. I don't want to kiss you. I don't
want to smell you. I don't want you to leave
that smell of my couch.
Speaker 4 (09:56):
Nothing. You can't come in my house if you smoke cigarettes.
Speaker 1 (10:00):
Garettes are pretty dissed, and.
Speaker 4 (10:01):
That includes family members.
Speaker 1 (10:02):
Of my Yeah, I mean cigarettes are pretty gross.
Speaker 3 (10:04):
I had a friend of a group of friends that
came to my house in my arca last summer and
they don't really smoke, but they were smoking on this vacation.
So of course I just do whatever anyone else is doing.
If I have a group that exercises, I exercise group
that wants to smoke cigarettes. I also smoked cigarettes, but
I after a week with them, I was like, get
the fuck out of my house. I am turning into
My skin was gray by the time they left my house.
Speaker 4 (10:27):
Lives dry.
Speaker 1 (10:28):
Yeah, and the smell, the smell.
Speaker 4 (10:30):
A smoker who has a non smoker mate.
Speaker 6 (10:34):
That's some kind of love that I can't I can't
understand because I can't you can't be my mate.
Speaker 4 (10:39):
We can't get together. You smoke.
Speaker 3 (10:41):
I think the same thing all the time. How does
someone who doesn't smoke with somebody who does? Can I
ask about your sex life with comics, because you hang
out with a lot of comics. You were doing the
Chappelle's Camp, right, the Comedy Camp for a while.
Speaker 1 (10:55):
Do you ever have you ever hooked up with any comics.
Speaker 4 (10:57):
I haven't fucked in comics since like the eighties.
Speaker 6 (11:00):
No.
Speaker 4 (11:01):
Let me see.
Speaker 6 (11:01):
The last comic guy I had sex with was in
ninety five. That's why I had a baby.
Speaker 4 (11:09):
In ninety six.
Speaker 1 (11:13):
So he was a comic.
Speaker 4 (11:14):
Yeah, my daughter's father's a comic.
Speaker 6 (11:16):
That's why we're making it a family trip when I
go do the Apollo because years ago, my baby daddy
performed at the Apollo, back when I think Sindbad was
hosting it or something, and that was, you know, forty
years ago whatever. So we're all together, my daughter, he
and I. He have not been in the Apollo since then.
(11:39):
Probably thought he would never go back in there because
we live on the West Coast. And my daughter can
now say that both her parents have performed at the Apollo.
Speaker 3 (11:47):
Oh wow, that's a lot of pressure for her to
fucking perform at the Apollo.
Speaker 4 (11:50):
She's fine. She's a dancer. She dances like you know
for award shows and stuff.
Speaker 6 (11:57):
She danced with Lizo to Grammy, she dance with Coiler
Ray and been on tour to like Amsterdam and like that.
Speaker 3 (12:03):
So you know what I saw someone try to wear
this weekend or no, someone showed me a picture or
something because they knew how sick I would make. It
would make me. They're selling crocs, but in heels, now
high heeled crocs.
Speaker 4 (12:14):
Okay, can I okay hold the train?
Speaker 1 (12:16):
Say yes, like you're getting a pair of Catherine No gyes.
Speaker 2 (12:18):
I've seen them.
Speaker 1 (12:21):
That would be it?
Speaker 4 (12:22):
Okay?
Speaker 6 (12:22):
Can I speak on crocks for a minute? Yeah, So
don't look down I'm wearing.
Speaker 4 (12:26):
Oh my No, let me tell you, you know what.
Speaker 3 (12:29):
I didn't even get to your feet because your body
is so bodacious that I had to focus on that.
Speaker 4 (12:33):
Let me explain first of all, No, don't I'm show people.
I'm gonna show you. Is this gonna be on YouTube
and stead?
Speaker 1 (12:40):
I don't know, I don't know what.
Speaker 4 (12:42):
Yes, it probably will.
Speaker 6 (12:43):
Okay, So I'm gonna show the people the crocs, and
I'm gonna get sure reaction about the crock. First of all,
let me go on record but saying I hate crocs.
I think they make your feet look like many mouse feet.
Speaker 4 (12:53):
You know many mouse the feet. Yes, yes, I think
they're for nurses.
Speaker 1 (12:57):
I actually don't remember many mouse's feet.
Speaker 6 (12:59):
They're big like this, and and and Mickey's feet are
big like that too.
Speaker 1 (13:05):
Fuck those two mice anyway.
Speaker 4 (13:07):
I'm like mice in general, but I don't like him.
Speaker 6 (13:12):
And then I had double knee replacement surgery during the
Corona and a.
Speaker 4 (13:16):
Girl reached out to me. We dou double.
Speaker 6 (13:21):
I had one and I had the other one four
months later. It changed my life. I wouldn't be here
under I would have committed suicide if I didn't get
my knees. Oh it was that bad bone on bone,
yeah yeah, yeah, So it's all better. So during the Rohner,
when I had my surgeries, this girl reached out to
me on Instagram and she's like, Lunel, I made crocks
(13:43):
you like these other? Oh my god, those would be
the only kind of crocks I would wear. She sent
me two pair about seven more so these are the
crocks I'm wearing today.
Speaker 3 (13:55):
I'm more interested in what your foot that you just
took out of it like a real chicken McNugget deluxe.
Speaker 2 (14:00):
They're blinged out.
Speaker 1 (14:03):
I mean, that's as cute as it's gonna get it.
Speaker 4 (14:05):
This is And I've got like seven pair and there
I'm like.
Speaker 1 (14:08):
And is it Gucci? Are they Gucci? Okay? I got it?
Oh yeah, that's cute. No, those are cute, and.
Speaker 4 (14:17):
They're good for the airport. You can slide in and out.
Speaker 1 (14:20):
And you know, by the way, you shouldn't be taking
your shoes off on planes. Do you know that?
Speaker 4 (14:24):
I wear socks?
Speaker 3 (14:24):
Honey, Okay, you fucking better because that is disgusting and unsanitary.
Speaker 4 (14:28):
I don't like I don't like it. I wear socks.
Speaker 6 (14:30):
First of all, I'm not going through the security thing
barefoot behind flesh eating disease. Isn't that still out there?
What if you stand behind somebody like that? Now your
feet are falling up.
Speaker 5 (14:42):
One of my friends we were going through the airport
a couple of days ago, and she like laughed at
me when I put on socks with my sandals before
going through the you know the thing, And then when
she got up there, she's like, oh no, no, I'm barefoot.
Speaker 1 (14:54):
I was like who's laughing.
Speaker 4 (14:54):
Now your luck, I'm not walking behind barefoot. Random.
Speaker 3 (15:00):
My friend Kelly in Africa, she she has like she
doesn't like her feet to touch anything public, like any
public facing situation. So we were in Africa and we're
taking these like little going to these tiny little airports
and bopping around and they were like okay. She basically
worked it out with our safari guy that she had
a medical emergency so she wasn't allowed to take her
shoes off because of her phobia of touching any dirt.
(15:23):
So she was allowed to wear her shoes through all
the like you know, scanners and stuff. And I was like,
what condition would that be that you're not that you.
Speaker 6 (15:31):
Ain't gonna fly and Dubai have your feet.
Speaker 4 (15:36):
Ye just don't like walking behind people like that.
Speaker 7 (15:40):
No.
Speaker 3 (15:40):
I was on a plane yesterday and the woman there
was a six month old baby in its own seat
next to me by itself, and the mother was in
the row in front of her.
Speaker 1 (15:51):
Baby is like six months old, it's strapped into the seat.
I got yes, and I was like, I'm sorry, am
I supposed to take care of this baby?
Speaker 7 (15:59):
Like?
Speaker 1 (16:00):
Baby is this? And then the woman she was sitting
in front of me, and I said, excuse me, is
this your baby? And she's like, oh, yeah yeah, And
I go, are you allowed to just put.
Speaker 3 (16:09):
The baby in a seat by and she goes, yeah,
I bought in his own ticket, or I bought her
her own ticket. And I was like, don't you want
to sit where with your baby? And she was actually,
I prefer to sit here.
Speaker 1 (16:18):
And I'm like, you think I wouldn't sit next to
your six little baby. I'm never was two hours.
Speaker 3 (16:28):
It was from San Francisco to uh or No, San
Francisco back to LA It was an hour.
Speaker 1 (16:32):
And it was on an airline, a real airline, commercial.
Speaker 4 (16:35):
Give a ship.
Speaker 6 (16:35):
Nobody's sitting next to my baby. They could be doing
anything to my fucking baby.
Speaker 1 (16:40):
I don't want the baby anywhere near me.
Speaker 4 (16:42):
I understand that too.
Speaker 1 (16:44):
I mean, who cares. It's just.
Speaker 4 (16:47):
In the middle.
Speaker 3 (16:48):
It wasn't in a seat or anything like. It wasn't
in a baby scene. I was just sitting there like
it was an adult.
Speaker 4 (16:53):
And the airline allowed that. Cocktail shit, I don't know.
Speaker 3 (17:00):
I had two cocktails at noon. I was like, fuck,
I'll take a Vikasota. And then I was like, I
don't even drink a. So you've never had sex with
comics since nineteen since the last time you had sex
with comics, and then you I only had sex with
a couple of comics early in my career because it's
just not hot, you know, comic on comics.
Speaker 6 (17:17):
Sens and then if it goes wrong, then the guy
has probably gone to do some material about you.
Speaker 4 (17:23):
And now you got beef like, yeah, the crips and
the bloods.
Speaker 6 (17:27):
Yeah, because if a motherfucker said something about me on stage,
I would tear that ass up.
Speaker 4 (17:33):
But it has not happened.
Speaker 1 (17:34):
Well, thank God for that, Thank God for small miracles.
Speaker 3 (17:37):
Now you spend most of your time in Vegas working
at this Jimmy Kimmel Comedy Club, and I know you
have your residency there right, So you've had a lot
of success later in life, in your professional life. So
tell me how that's impacted you.
Speaker 6 (17:52):
Well, you know, when you're younger, you want what you want,
You want it right now, you know, and when you
don't get it like that, but you do still get it,
but you get it later, I feel like you appreciate
it more and you won't fuck it up as easy.
You know, I did all my I did all my
fuck ups before I even left the Bay Area, before
I came to LA, Like I did all the coke
(18:14):
and everything like that in Oakland. When I got to LA,
I was already all coked out, so I didn't didn't
do it anymore. And then you know, now that I'm older,
of course I would never because these kids got some
shit fentanyl or something like that.
Speaker 3 (18:28):
Thank God, everyone need, anyone who needed it to turn
from cocaine has one because you can't do it anymore.
Speaker 6 (18:33):
Russian Roulette with that shit now. So I also feel
that if I had got a house earlier, who knows
if I'd have been able to sustain it. My money
is pretty stable now, and that's good everything that I've got.
Bevery Smith always says it gets greater later, and you
don't want to hear that shit when you're young. But
you're still figuring shit out for like years, you know,
(18:55):
like everybody doesn't, you know, get a YouTube channel, make
a million dollar everybody mama house, like a lot of
these kids do. But we came up there. There was
no cell phones, there was no social media. The only
best promotion you could get, especially about the female comedist,
that bitch is funny, go see her that you that
(19:16):
was your your promotion.
Speaker 4 (19:19):
So I feel like we appreciate it more. We do
what it.
Speaker 6 (19:23):
Takes to stay out of the shit. We mind our
own business. We don't get caught up in the bullshit.
Speaker 4 (19:30):
We don't social.
Speaker 6 (19:30):
Media, bank what you do, I don't, and you know
stuff like that. So, yeah, it impacted my life in
a great way. I'm all good now.
Speaker 3 (19:40):
Yeah, Yeah, it's nice to be It's nice to be
earning a good living doing what you love to do.
Speaker 4 (19:45):
Oh for sure. Like that eats all day for sure.
Speaker 3 (19:48):
And it feels so it's so helpful for your self
assuredness and your confidence and the way you go through life.
When you feel financially secure, when you feel settled, you
have a house, you have job security.
Speaker 7 (20:01):
Yeah.
Speaker 6 (20:01):
I have seven brothers and sisters, and believe you me,
nothing means more to them than you not asking them
for money. Nothing means more. That's when you have made it.
They don't ask me for no money and actually help
out when you can. So I enjoy that. And also
I feel like being a comic, we don't have to
(20:25):
rely on a band background singers, glam squad, maybe you do,
I don't because I do my own ship.
Speaker 4 (20:33):
You don't have to wait on nobody. It's just us.
Speaker 3 (20:35):
Well, you're also monetizing your own personality. Yeah, we're making
money off of being ourselves. Like what a gift that is.
We just get to be ourselves and make a living
doing that. Not everybody can do that.
Speaker 4 (20:46):
Well, not everybody's interesting.
Speaker 1 (20:48):
No, I will not worry.
Speaker 3 (20:49):
We will not anybody's interesting or not everybody's interested in
monetizing their own personality. Right, I'm like, what's the least
amount of work I could do be myself? I'd rather
just be myself get paid for that.
Speaker 1 (21:02):
How do you work that out?
Speaker 3 (21:04):
Okay, we're gonna take a quick bake. We're going to bake. Actually,
we're gonna take a little break of bake, and we'll
be right back.
Speaker 5 (21:10):
Need advice from Chelsea about a coworker situation. Right into
Dear Chelsea podcast at gmail dot com.
Speaker 3 (21:21):
And we're back with Lonelle. Do you like to do
you prefer Lonel or Lunell either? It Relly my driver
who knew you when I said I was interviewing you today.
He said, oh, and I said Linnell, she's a comic,
and he goes Lunew and I was like, yeah, you
know her, and he goes, yeah, I know her from
years ago.
Speaker 1 (21:38):
He said he used to drive you around.
Speaker 6 (21:40):
Yeah, there's a lot of boys that said he used
to drive me around.
Speaker 3 (21:44):
He said, you tried to do yeah. Okay, Well okay,
so you know what goes on here. We're gonna take callers.
We give them a okay. People call in and they
want advice, and that's why we're here.
Speaker 1 (21:55):
For Yeah, me too, I fucking love it too.
Speaker 5 (21:58):
Our first question comes from Annie says, I'm living with
my boyfriend and our mutual best friend. We've all been
friends for over a decade, traveled and lived together, and
are currently living together, just the three of us. I've
always thought this friend of ours was attractive, and maybe
even then and maybe even that, I'm possibly in love
(22:19):
with him, but I've held those feelings in the whole time,
so he can all just be good friends and I
don't ruin it for everyone. Well, this roommate and I
often trade backrubs. He was a massage therapist and we've
been doing this for years, always one hundred percent platonic,
although honestly, I've always fantasized about it not being platonic.
Speaker 2 (22:36):
When my boyfriend and I hit a rocky patch and
he took some space.
Speaker 5 (22:39):
I told our friend about it and we ended up
going all the way that night and a few times
after that. When my boyfriend got back, we stopped and
haven't had much physical interaction since then. My problem is
I love them both. My boyfriend is just an epic person.
My roommate, on the other hand, I've never been more
attracted to anyone in my life, and I cannot stop
thinking about it.
Speaker 2 (22:59):
I believe I'm in love with him.
Speaker 5 (23:01):
It was a crush the whole time, but recently I'm
thinking about him as a life partner. I don't know
what the heck to do. I love living with them
both where great friends have fun, and in some sort
of twisted way, I'm getting the best of both worlds.
Speaker 1 (23:12):
Yeah, I'm curious. I'm curious if you think.
Speaker 5 (23:14):
I should move out and leave my wonderful life and
look elsewhere. Tell them both I like them or what.
Please help, Chelsea, I know you'll set me straight.
Speaker 4 (23:22):
Annie, you go first.
Speaker 3 (23:24):
Oh my god, what a fucking mess. You can't fuck
your roommate while your boyfriend lives there. That is so disrespectful.
That you did that.
Speaker 4 (23:32):
Boys do it all the time.
Speaker 3 (23:33):
Yeah, they do it is, but it's still disrespectful. It's
I mean, it doesn't justify it because boys do it.
I don't want to be a boy.
Speaker 4 (23:39):
Say how old she is?
Speaker 2 (23:41):
She's like twenties, she's in her twenties.
Speaker 4 (23:43):
I say, fuck them both.
Speaker 3 (23:45):
Okay, great advice, Yeah keep yeah, yeah, Well it's gonna
blow up, and your boyfriend is not going to forgive
you for fucking your roommates. I think you break up
with your boyfriend right away and maybe pursue it the roommate.
Speaker 4 (24:01):
You become such a prude.
Speaker 1 (24:02):
I have morals, Okay, I have standards and moral is this?
Speaker 4 (24:07):
Can I see? Chelsea?
Speaker 1 (24:08):
Yeah, yeah, I'm right here.
Speaker 3 (24:10):
I don't you say fuck Everyone left said, Yeah, you
gotta have some sort of boundary.
Speaker 4 (24:14):
Not there, not in the environment. Don't listen.
Speaker 1 (24:17):
Don't even listen to what the fuck she's said.
Speaker 4 (24:19):
Why am I here?
Speaker 1 (24:20):
Okay, go ahead, go ahead, Okay.
Speaker 6 (24:22):
I say this because number one, her boyfriend's a fucking
great guy.
Speaker 1 (24:26):
Yeah, epic, she says that epic guy.
Speaker 4 (24:28):
You don't want to get rid of him.
Speaker 6 (24:31):
Number two, the other guy, you're just hot in the
pants for he may not be as great a guy
as the boyfriend. Okay, you motherfuckers knew when you moved
in together that some ship like this might happen. In
the back of somebody's mind, somebody mind.
Speaker 4 (24:49):
To be guilty too.
Speaker 6 (24:52):
So I say, continue on with what you're doing, to
be very cautious, be prepared for to blow up, because
it will. Don't be all crying, all broken hearted because
you fucking did it.
Speaker 4 (25:04):
Take the l move on, don't.
Speaker 3 (25:06):
You, jo First of all, that's that is that is
the only piece of your advice that I agree with,
is when it fucking blows up, don't start crying and
acting happened.
Speaker 1 (25:16):
It happened because you couldn't keep your fucking pants on,
and you have to keep sucking your roommate.
Speaker 4 (25:20):
You can keep their pants on in their twenties. Come on, child,
I know.
Speaker 3 (25:24):
But it's not cool if you have a great boyfriend
and you fuck your roommate that you've been fantasizing about.
Speaker 4 (25:28):
Well, she should, she should release.
Speaker 3 (25:31):
That boyfriend, and she should release herself into the wilderness
so she can go sower oat.
Speaker 4 (25:35):
So she can be miserable for the rest of her life.
Speaker 1 (25:38):
No, right now, she's just making people miserable.
Speaker 6 (25:40):
Now nobody's miserable. She did say, nobody's complaining. Well, so
what he don't know won't hurt him. And the other
motherfucker he's a dog because he's fucking his boy's girl.
Speaker 1 (25:49):
Would you be in a relationship?
Speaker 3 (25:50):
Would you ever put in and be in a situation
where you lived with two roommates and you were fucking
both of them and one thought they were your boyfriend.
Speaker 6 (25:55):
I've lived with two roommates that I was fucking anybody,
But I have fucking father and son before. Now, how
about that? How about them apples?
Speaker 3 (26:09):
Well, that is something. Tell us more about that. I
would like to know about a father's son.
Speaker 6 (26:14):
I've never Yeah, years ago, when I lived in Oakland, California,
when I was hot in the athim in my twenties,
I fell in love with this bass player guy that
was in this band, so I used to hang out.
Speaker 4 (26:29):
It was a studio rat check, hang out.
Speaker 6 (26:30):
The studio, sleep in the studio, listen to him practicing,
all that kind of stuff. Fine, then we got older
and about our little separate ways. Many years later, this
guy gets at me because I used to do a
show like this in Oakland on the Sobe Television Network
local cable station and where people could.
Speaker 4 (26:49):
Call in and stuff like this.
Speaker 6 (26:50):
This guy called me and he was so consuming he
wanted to get Amy Kpeton's station.
Speaker 4 (26:54):
We hooked up and so we were laying in.
Speaker 6 (26:57):
Bed talking one day and he said, yeah, my dad
blah blah blah blah his name. And I said blah
blah blah. He said, yeah, blah blah blah. I said
blah blah blah blah blah blah, and he said yeah.
I said, oh my god, I said that's your father.
He said, yeah, Oh my god. You'll never guess what happened.
Speaker 4 (27:16):
I told him.
Speaker 1 (27:17):
And what did he think?
Speaker 6 (27:18):
Well, you know, he will, you know, the typical mail ship. Well,
who's better in bed? Actually he was. Daddy was all right.
But you know, we were doing a lot of drugs
back then. So the impotency cocaine ain't never made nobody
dig hard like they think, and make it.
Speaker 3 (27:33):
Very hard to get a hard deck on. It's very
hard to get a hard deck cocaine. Cocaine and a variety.
Speaker 1 (27:38):
Of other drugs as well.
Speaker 3 (27:39):
Quite frankly, everyone needs to just carry viagra with them
after you turn fucking forty men need to carry VIAGRAA no, just.
Speaker 4 (27:45):
State younger man, fuck some viagra.
Speaker 1 (27:47):
We don't want to date a thirty year old.
Speaker 4 (27:49):
I don't want to date a sixty year old because
I'm not putting ice pack on your gout foot. Whatever
the fuck's wrong with you?
Speaker 1 (27:56):
So very specific.
Speaker 3 (27:57):
No, Who's Who's our next call Catherine?
Speaker 2 (28:02):
So our next color is Josie. She is a stay
at home mom. She says, you're Chelsea.
Speaker 5 (28:09):
I'd love your opinion and advice on a topic I've
been struggling with for twenty years.
Speaker 1 (28:14):
Orgasms.
Speaker 5 (28:15):
The first time I had sex, I was seventeen and
I'm thirty seven now, and I have never once had
an orgasm with a man.
Speaker 2 (28:22):
I was married a minute with a man with a man. Yeah,
a good point. I was married from twenty two to
twenty five.
Speaker 5 (28:30):
I cheated on him and divorced him, and that marriage
was filled with exciting sex. Still, the only way I
was able to orgasm was from porn and or a
vibrator by myself.
Speaker 2 (28:39):
My ex knew this was the case and was fine
with it.
Speaker 5 (28:42):
We just continued about our merry way and still had
sex about five times per week. I've been married to
my current husband for almost eleven years and have not
had an orgasm with him once. I'm ashamed to admit
that I've been faking it the whole time. It doesn't
bother me that much since I'm still able to get
off maybe once a week by myself. I've never had
a huge sex drive regardless of this issue. I don't
(29:03):
want to tell my husband I've been faking it for
a decade. We have sex around one to three times
a week, and I love that he loves fucking me.
It really makes me happy to have sex with him,
but I can't shake this feeling that I'm lying to
him about this. What do you think? Thank you and
love you, Josie.
Speaker 4 (29:19):
Chelsea your show.
Speaker 1 (29:21):
Her name is Josie to go with Chelsea and Linelle.
Speaker 4 (29:24):
Because you know I'm going to disagree with what she said.
I know.
Speaker 1 (29:27):
Hi, Josie, Hi you all, Oh see you? Hi. This
is our special guest Linel. She's from.
Speaker 4 (29:35):
Outer space.
Speaker 1 (29:36):
Round the way, She's she dropped by. She came in
from Vegas hot off the darmac tarmac.
Speaker 7 (29:42):
Oh man, I feel like I should be wearing stung
glasses right now too.
Speaker 6 (29:46):
Well, you're not anonymous, even if you had him on,
because there you are right on the camera.
Speaker 1 (29:50):
Yes, Now did you want to go first on this shore?
Why didn't you take it?
Speaker 4 (29:54):
Okay?
Speaker 6 (29:55):
First of all, you and ninety eight percent of women
in marriages are faking orgasms.
Speaker 4 (30:00):
First of all.
Speaker 6 (30:01):
Okay, because some people will sacrifice an orgasm for a
really good man. Now, this guy must be a really
good guy. Maybe he's a good provider and he loves you,
he loves you, loves fucking you and stuff like that,
and you're faking it, you know, just what's Look, what's
the problem. Let him go to work, bust out the vibrator,
(30:22):
rub one out, and keep keep going about your day.
I don't see you know, it would be lovely for
you to have an orgasm with the man that you
I think you love him still, Do you love him?
Speaker 5 (30:33):
Oh?
Speaker 7 (30:33):
Absolutely, He's a fantastic man.
Speaker 3 (30:35):
Okay, well you know, But so you're able to have
an orgasm by yourself, which means you're able to have
an orgasm and with porn and with porn. Right, I
like to fantasize about porn a lot. When I'm having
an orgasm. I think about a couple of scenes in
some porn movies I've seen that really gets my juices flowing,
so I can I can relate to what you're saying.
Speaker 1 (30:55):
I won't mention what those movies are because they're too embarrassing.
Speaker 3 (30:58):
The plot lines is a gay point, well, lesbian portant,
I do like lesbian gave me.
Speaker 4 (31:04):
I don't like to oppose a gay porn either.
Speaker 6 (31:09):
Dick, I tell you, I pick up a few pointers
watching somebody.
Speaker 1 (31:13):
But whose dick are you sucking? No one, you're saying
one taking sucking classes right now?
Speaker 4 (31:21):
I don't I do. My big second is trans.
Speaker 3 (31:26):
Josie, have you ever had your husband give you an
orgasm with the vibrator while you're fooling around with him?
Speaker 4 (31:33):
Oh? She just came.
Speaker 1 (31:35):
She just came to Okay, So you.
Speaker 3 (31:45):
You've never had him give you an orgasm with the
vibrator while you guys are fooling around.
Speaker 7 (31:50):
No, but that's a great idea. And he gave me
one for Valentine's Day last.
Speaker 1 (31:53):
Year, coicked.
Speaker 3 (31:54):
So bring that into the bedroom and show him. He
doesn't know exactly what to do. You have to show
him what to do.
Speaker 4 (31:59):
Agree with that, Chelsea, Oh.
Speaker 1 (32:01):
Thank you. You have to show point your finger and
tell him higher, lower, there.
Speaker 4 (32:05):
But are you like that? Are you sweet?
Speaker 1 (32:11):
Yeah?
Speaker 3 (32:11):
I'm not like, Hey, higher, I had to ask, but
I want them, I want to help them. I'm not
going to fake an orgasm at this age. I've done
exactly what you did for twenty years. First of all,
it takes concentration to have an orgasm. You have to concentrate.
I'm not sure what exactly, but I know you need
to concentrate. Your fucking clatorus is what you need to
concentrate on. But you know you can have one, so
(32:32):
there's really nothing wrong. You just have to show your
husband and don't admit that you've been lying about orgasms.
Speaker 1 (32:37):
That information isn't healthful. But just start getting a little bit.
I bet you he's going.
Speaker 3 (32:41):
To be great at it once you show him the way,
and then you're gonna have even better sex with your husband.
Speaker 1 (32:45):
You already have a really healthy sex life. Three times
a week is great.
Speaker 4 (32:48):
Yeah, you're fucking blessed. What the fuck are you.
Speaker 1 (32:52):
Since the eighties?
Speaker 4 (32:57):
Yeah, I'll agree with Chelsea.
Speaker 6 (32:59):
Maybe have him says he bought it for you, Maybe
have him use it on you.
Speaker 1 (33:04):
Okay, I like this.
Speaker 4 (33:06):
Buzz your way into happiness.
Speaker 3 (33:07):
Buzz your way and also don't fake it anymore. Get
him involved in helping you orgasm.
Speaker 5 (33:14):
And I would wager that if he bought you the vibrator,
he wants to use it with you. Yeah, you know,
so you could be like, hey, guess what I thought
would be hot, Let's try this, and then if he's
still not getting it from you, like describing like high
or lower, let's do it this way.
Speaker 2 (33:28):
You can be like, you know it would be hot,
why don't you watch watch me?
Speaker 4 (33:32):
Yeah, I like that. Okay, okay, I like that.
Speaker 3 (33:36):
And also try some different combinations with the vibrator, like
have him fingering you, have him do whatever, like turn
you know, not just the clatorous stimulation, but some girls
need a bunch of things to happen at the same time.
Some girls like to have a finger in their asshole
when they're having an orgosoics.
Speaker 1 (33:52):
This girl, Yeah, I know what you like. You can't
put your finger in anyone's.
Speaker 3 (33:59):
Yeah, I am a doctor and I am a doctor,
and I don't do that.
Speaker 7 (34:05):
That's really helpful. I just yeah, it's just been on
my heart for years and years and years after.
Speaker 4 (34:12):
Put it in your pantings and let's go. Yes, ma'am okay.
Speaker 1 (34:16):
I like, yeah, you're gonna be fine. Just be more communicative.
Speaker 7 (34:20):
That's a really good idea to get the vibrators out
that he bought me for. That's a really great idea.
Speaker 4 (34:25):
I love that.
Speaker 1 (34:26):
It's gonna be fun.
Speaker 4 (34:28):
Okay, right, know how it went?
Speaker 7 (34:30):
Yes, I sure will you know, I'll check back in.
Thank you Catherine, thank you Read and Nel.
Speaker 3 (34:37):
She's feeling is feeling marginalized. Right, she's go have an
orgasm right.
Speaker 8 (34:43):
Now, we'll do okay, Yes, stay on the phone. How
how frequently do you masturbate?
Speaker 6 (34:55):
I don't anymore, not much. Only when I come to
l A because that's when I vibrator.
Speaker 1 (35:00):
Oh really, do you keep it in a storage facility here?
Speaker 6 (35:03):
No? I keep it by the bed in my house
in la but I get my housekeeper that is from
my neck.
Speaker 3 (35:10):
I had this face thing like for your under eyes,
like this like vibrator contraption that you like smooth out
your under eyes when they're puffy.
Speaker 1 (35:19):
And I had it in a hotel room in London.
Speaker 3 (35:23):
I stayed in there for a month and every morning,
every time I come back to the hotel, they would
have it right next to my bed, like on a
piece of like one of those little it was a
really fancy hotel, and they had on one of those
like yes, yes, like on these special towels that they
had in the bathroom that are like face towels, and
they would like wrap it nicely. I'm like, I can't
believe they think that they're wrapping my vibrator up each
(35:43):
day and placing it next to my bed. Talk about
turndown service, I'm saying, okay.
Speaker 2 (35:52):
Next, our next question comes from Dave.
Speaker 1 (35:56):
This is just an email, or maybe it's Dave Chappelle.
Speaker 2 (35:59):
He says, I'm thirty five mail.
Speaker 5 (36:00):
I've been married for thirteen years to my best friend,
who is a gorgeous blonde. Her workplace is ninety five
percent mail, which was never a problem until recently. She
brought up to me that a friend of mine who
works there tried to make a pass at her. I
was appreciative of the honesty. Fast forward a couple of
months and he started to avoid me and doesn't talk
to me anymore. Then I find out she's deleting text
(36:22):
messages from him and a couple other male coworkers. I
asked her about it, and she said it was nothing,
just some light joking that she thought I wouldn't understand
or I would read into the wrong way. I just
asked her for her honesty and to not delete the messages,
no matter what they were. She's still doing it. How
do I express to her that she's breaking the trust
between us? After all, if the messages are harmless, why
do they need to be deleted? I appreciate your advice, Dave.
Speaker 1 (36:46):
Yeah, but why are you reading her phone? I know exactly,
I know.
Speaker 3 (36:49):
It's like, exactly, No, I had a boyfriend who ran
through my phone and.
Speaker 4 (36:52):
I I just go looking for some shit you're going for.
Speaker 3 (36:55):
Yeah, exactly, it's like, but I mean, deleting the messages
is also like a sign that you're He.
Speaker 6 (37:00):
Wouldn't know if they were being deleted, if he didn't
go prowling around.
Speaker 4 (37:05):
If the guy is he.
Speaker 6 (37:07):
A friend of the man outside of the port, okay,
and now the guy is avoiding him and shit, so
he's acting shady. She's doing the right thing by deleting
the messages, because number one, we don't know what the
fuck she wrote back. She might be leading this motherfucker on.
She covering her own ass. And then also the friend
(37:29):
you need to go ahead on and be glad that
he not fucking with you no more. He clearly wants
to fuck your broad and you don't need to be
fucking with him no way. That she can't leave her
job just because somebody thinks she's hot at work. And
at some point he might need to pull him to
the side and say something. But I say, keep deleading
that chair, and you stay off her fucking phone.
Speaker 1 (37:50):
I don't know if somebody's deleting messages. I find that.
Speaker 6 (37:52):
I mean, you don't know they're deleted if you don't know, But.
Speaker 1 (37:55):
That's not the point.
Speaker 3 (37:56):
She's still the guy's acting strange. So why is the
guy from work, I can think strange.
Speaker 6 (38:00):
Because he knows that he can't look him in the
eye no more because he was broad.
Speaker 3 (38:05):
Yeah, but so then that's what the guy's trying to
find out. So if that's the truth, she's flirting with
that guy, don't you think her husband does have a
right to know that she's flirting with some coworker.
Speaker 4 (38:15):
Listen, we all flirt, don't we.
Speaker 1 (38:18):
That's the thing.
Speaker 5 (38:18):
Like, flirting is not cheating, and like, if you are
in a work environment that's ninety five percent man like,
it does kind of get you a little farther if
you're like that cute flirty girl at work, you know,
and that my carry over to text messages.
Speaker 1 (38:32):
I don't know about this subject matter. I really just don't.
Speaker 4 (38:35):
I don't go through people.
Speaker 3 (38:37):
I will never go through someone's phone again. I used
to do that. I had a relationship once where I
was paranoid and I looked through his phone, and of
course I found stuff.
Speaker 1 (38:45):
No, no, I never looked through fifty cents phone. I
never did.
Speaker 3 (38:49):
We weren't together for long enough for him to get
up to any other business, although maybe he did.
Speaker 1 (38:52):
Maybe he was fucking the whole world.
Speaker 3 (38:53):
I don't know.
Speaker 1 (38:54):
We only dated for two months.
Speaker 4 (38:55):
I hate it right now?
Speaker 1 (38:57):
You would?
Speaker 3 (38:59):
She just showed me picture of her with fifty cent.
Where did you see him in Vegas?
Speaker 4 (39:03):
Well? You know is that really important? Where we were
and broke up?
Speaker 1 (39:08):
Can I see your phone? I want to see your phone?
Speaker 4 (39:10):
You want to go to be my phone?
Speaker 1 (39:12):
You would have sex with fifty cent? You would have? Really?
Speaker 7 (39:15):
Why?
Speaker 1 (39:15):
Because you find him hot?
Speaker 4 (39:16):
Well? Yeah, because I think he is really sweet.
Speaker 1 (39:19):
And really sweet is a sweetheart?
Speaker 6 (39:21):
Yeah, And I mean no, I really probably wouldn't because
I know, you know, Vivica as well, And so you know,
I don't want to.
Speaker 1 (39:28):
What's their story Vivica in fifty Well.
Speaker 6 (39:30):
No, I just don't want to. I'm not that bitch
that well fuck your ex boyfriend. I'm not her. But
if he would not involved with you, if he would
not involved with her, and if he wanted me me.
Speaker 3 (39:41):
I would say, listen, I would first of all tell
you to go fuck fifty cent. I would be happy
for you, so you don't have to worry about that
aspect of things. I don't consider anyone to be a
real boyfriend if you haven't dated them for less.
Speaker 6 (39:53):
White Chelsea in the Black World, you don't do that shit.
Vivica would never fucking forgive me if I went fuck
fifty cent. When she is clearly declared on television that
that was the love of her life.
Speaker 1 (40:05):
Oh she has.
Speaker 4 (40:05):
I don't know that love of her life.
Speaker 6 (40:08):
I could pull her up, so I don't you know.
And they was for that a hot minute. There was
a hot ass.
Speaker 1 (40:14):
How long did they date?
Speaker 4 (40:15):
Not long?
Speaker 6 (40:16):
Maybe six months something like that. But a lot can't
happen her six months. You could be a love love
love love in six months. So I wouldn't do that
for that aspect. But if he if he was any
you know, if he wasn't involved with people, I knew
if he wanted me lounell.
Speaker 4 (40:30):
Yes, I would fuck fifty cent uh huh.
Speaker 1 (40:34):
What about Bill Cosby?
Speaker 4 (40:37):
I have a picture of me and Bill.
Speaker 1 (40:39):
Oh really? Is it in his hotel room?
Speaker 8 (40:42):
No?
Speaker 4 (40:42):
But I was sleep on the shoulder. I don't know
if he gave me anything.
Speaker 1 (40:45):
You fell asleep on his shoulder?
Speaker 7 (40:46):
Huh.
Speaker 3 (40:47):
I think I've seen you fall asleep publicly though before,
like twice.
Speaker 6 (40:50):
No, you have not, liar, but I do. I put
him and I posted that picture.
Speaker 1 (40:57):
Don't look on your face, knock, I haven't.
Speaker 6 (41:01):
I put that picture on my Instagram once of me
and Cosby and I had my head on his shoulder
like this, and underneath the picture I wrote Bill, I'm
feeling sleepy. I think I need to go, and it
was very popular post. But I don't fuck old men.
Speaker 3 (41:19):
First of all, have you ever had what was what's
the oldest man you've ever had sex with?
Speaker 4 (41:23):
Like maybe in this maybe early seventies, but a.
Speaker 1 (41:28):
Very that's fucking old.
Speaker 4 (41:29):
But that was a very fit motherfucker.
Speaker 1 (41:31):
Like how fit was he and who was it fit.
Speaker 4 (41:33):
Enough to have a hard dick that would work in me.
Speaker 6 (41:38):
That's it, you know, But I'm not fucking nobody would
gout goddamn it.
Speaker 3 (41:43):
I've never had sex with a seventy year old, actually
seventy year old. I had sex with a sixty year old. Well,
a couple of sixty year olds.
Speaker 4 (41:51):
Okay, that adds up to one hundred and twenty year old.
Speaker 1 (41:53):
Well, no, it doesn't, it doesn't. And that was a
long time ago.
Speaker 4 (41:58):
Well, this was a long time ago. But I don't,
you know, I don't. I don't do the.
Speaker 1 (42:02):
Guys, what about anal? Do you do anal?
Speaker 4 (42:05):
Apps? So motherfuckingly not.
Speaker 1 (42:07):
Yeah, black women do not like to talk about anal.
Speaker 6 (42:10):
No, I'll talk about it and let you know. I
don't funk around. First of all, ouch, how about that?
Speaker 1 (42:15):
How about it?
Speaker 6 (42:16):
Second of all, everybody, asshole don't look like the picture?
Speaker 4 (42:20):
You know what I mean?
Speaker 1 (42:20):
Well, where is the picture of the asshole that you saw? First?
Speaker 4 (42:23):
A dictioneer.
Speaker 3 (42:26):
Assholes are all sorts of different colors. Some are picks, some.
Speaker 4 (42:30):
Have hemorhoids, some don't, and open summer tight like a lip. Yeah,
or Harry asshole is impenetrable. It's a virgin.
Speaker 1 (42:39):
Okay.
Speaker 3 (42:40):
Well, things come out of it, So that's the way
God wanted it. But if things can come out, they
can go in.
Speaker 4 (42:45):
God want you.
Speaker 1 (42:46):
That's what a whole is when something can go in.
Speaker 6 (42:50):
Or no, but a vagina has moisture making quality booty
old do not, but that's diarrhea.
Speaker 3 (42:59):
But you can just you know, what you can do
is take some of the moisture from the pikachu.
Speaker 4 (43:03):
And don't mean that everybody.
Speaker 5 (43:10):
So should we tell Dave that he should drop it
with his girlfriend or do we think like, who got
us here?
Speaker 1 (43:19):
Oh ship?
Speaker 4 (43:21):
Oh God, take that girl?
Speaker 1 (43:23):
I'm out.
Speaker 3 (43:23):
I know this is like I don't know what to
say to Dave because it's just obviously something's up. I
would just go straight to the man and find out
what's going on, be like like man, and man, are
you fucking?
Speaker 1 (43:36):
Probably just do but no one's gonna tell the truth.
That's the problem.
Speaker 4 (43:41):
And she flirt.
Speaker 3 (43:42):
Let's keep it a buck, Like what guy is gonna
be like, yeah, I'm fucking your wife, Like unless he's
in love with her.
Speaker 4 (43:46):
I don't know if you wat.
Speaker 1 (43:51):
I'm sorry that, I'm sorry that we can't help you more.
Speaker 3 (43:53):
But it sounds to me I would say instinctually something
is up in your marriage.
Speaker 1 (43:57):
She's up to something.
Speaker 3 (43:59):
And I would also say stop checking her phone and
try to find out another way.
Speaker 1 (44:03):
That's a little bit less. Yeah, checking the phone at
a certain page, we have to.
Speaker 4 (44:09):
Go look for you find it.
Speaker 3 (44:11):
I'm going to look through your phone and I know
what I.
Speaker 1 (44:17):
Yeah, exact in my phone.
Speaker 2 (44:20):
Well, our next question comes from Sophia. Sophia, says Bgara.
Speaker 5 (44:26):
Of course, Sophia Bergara says, Dear Chelsea, my wife and
I are starting to look into our options for sperm donors.
She's always wanted to be a mom and be pregnant,
and after deconstructing that idea and defining the reasons behind it,
we decided that we want to start a family together.
So when it comes to pregnancy for a lesbian couple,
you can have anonymous donors, gay friends, or, as we've
been talking about recently, a brother's sperm. We figured that
(44:49):
if the baby is going to be half hers and
half someone else's, why not be someone we know. But
the intricacies of asking a friend are many, so in
our discussions we brought up our brothers. Mine doesn't really
look much like me, and I don't particularly look a
lot like my family, but there's still something to be
said about seeing that you belong and also knowing where
you came from. We're trying with the idea of asking
my brother what he thinks about all this, and I
(45:11):
have no idea how to tackle this. We're not extremely
close and we've had our moments of not talking to
each other in the past, but we get along well. Currently,
what should I do, Sophia.
Speaker 4 (45:21):
Oh, that's the wife's brother not to.
Speaker 1 (45:23):
Tell Yeah too, it's a first of all, it's a
pair of lesbians. Would you figure that out?
Speaker 6 (45:27):
Bit?
Speaker 4 (45:27):
I heard what she said.
Speaker 1 (45:28):
It's a nice idea.
Speaker 3 (45:29):
A lot of people do this, but I mean a
lot of people who are in families and our a
brother or sister are not interested in doing this for
their brother or sister. So that's something to just contemplate
and know going in that it's not a sure thing
when you do connect with him and ask him. But
I would just get it out there and be like,
you know, we're thinking about it, and just be open
like we're is that something you would be interested in
(45:51):
doing or is that like, would you even consider something
like that?
Speaker 1 (45:54):
Make it a.
Speaker 3 (45:55):
Casual offering or suggestion, it's not an offering really like
a suggestion, so that you're just gauging the temperature, because
he might be like, no fucking way, or he might
be like, oh that's weird, like that's interesting. Let me
think about it, because do they have children? Does he
have children with his wife?
Speaker 6 (46:11):
I just say, get your paperworking order, because he sounds
like an asshole. They have had times where they didn't
fuck with each other, you know what I mean, And
you don't want this to get weird down the line.
Speaker 4 (46:23):
So even if it.
Speaker 6 (46:24):
Is your brother, even if he says, okay, get your
fucking paperwork in order about what his rights are gonna
be and what his rights ain't gonna be or you're
gonna do it now or do it later, do it now,
go to court later.
Speaker 3 (46:34):
Yeah, well, you definitely have to get your paperwork in
order if you're having someone's you know, taking someone's sperm
or eggs or embryos anything like that.
Speaker 1 (46:43):
But also can you help drop the contracts for that?
Speaker 3 (46:45):
I got a guy okay, Yeah, I mean I don't
know how I feel about it, Like if somebody asks
me for my eggs, I mean obviously they're not girl.
Speaker 4 (46:54):
Don't know why I want them old ride or bad
powdered eggs.
Speaker 6 (46:56):
You got girl, my nis and shit, that ship has sailed,
so look moving on.
Speaker 4 (47:03):
I think you answered this question.
Speaker 2 (47:06):
Somebody tried to give you a baby yesterday. Chelsea's ye.
Speaker 3 (47:10):
I've had babies like there's some sort of magnetic pull,
Like all these kids are around me all the time,
and I don't want them.
Speaker 6 (47:18):
I have seventeen nieces and nephews. I'm the only sibling
with just one child. And I tell you, kids, the
worst you talk to them, the more they like, you know,
because they feel like you care. I got this celebrity
friend and she just had a baby with a surrogate.
They got the baby, the babies at home, and I
(47:39):
was giving them black mother and advice because like a
lot of white families, they're.
Speaker 4 (47:43):
Like, sh the baby's to sleep, we can't talk, don't
wake up the baby.
Speaker 6 (47:49):
And black families will have the baby a newborn on
your chest while we're playing fucking cards, dominoes at the
party or anything like that, because the baby heard your
voice the whole time.
Speaker 4 (47:58):
It was in you.
Speaker 6 (47:59):
So they to sleep better with the noise than they
do in the quiet. You know, it was never quiet
when it was in you. So I was just telling them,
don't get everybody trained, don't get your baby trained to
sleep in the quiet, get your baby trained to sleep
with noise around it, because life is noisy and you're
not gonna always be in a quiet place, and the
(48:20):
motherfucking need to know how to go to sleep.
Speaker 1 (48:22):
No, I agree with that.
Speaker 3 (48:22):
I don't like when people are like, oh, and they
have to buy blackout shades in the baby's room, and
it's like, wait, why does a baby need blackout shades?
You just fucking got here, like he's got to figure
out what's happening.
Speaker 4 (48:32):
Listen. I've been to jail before.
Speaker 6 (48:34):
I know how to sleep with a floodlight on me,
and they don't turn out the lights in jail.
Speaker 1 (48:39):
I slept in jail one night and it was so awful.
Speaker 3 (48:42):
I've never felt worse because of that, the fucking light
in your face.
Speaker 4 (48:47):
Well, the handcuffs were uncomfortable either.
Speaker 3 (48:49):
You slept in handcuffs. They didn't unhandcuff you once you
were unhandcuffedy what you get arrested for embezzelment on money
grab and light in bezzil man coming at you lie
from dear Chelsea, how many days did you spend in jail?
Speaker 4 (49:07):
Months? Oh?
Speaker 6 (49:08):
Really, I missed my child's first Halloween and first Thanksgiving
because I was in jail.
Speaker 1 (49:13):
Oh so this is like twenty eight years ago.
Speaker 4 (49:15):
Yeah, I haven't gone to jail no more.
Speaker 6 (49:18):
You go spend four months in jail with a new baby,
you probably would get your shit together quickly.
Speaker 1 (49:23):
Is that what happened? You got your shit together after that,
chel Stin? Yeah? Yeah, Jael looks like it fucking blows.
Speaker 4 (49:29):
It does.
Speaker 6 (49:30):
From the minute you see the light behind you on
the highway, or from the minute the cops entered the
establishment that you're in.
Speaker 4 (49:41):
It's downhill from there, all of it.
Speaker 6 (49:45):
The confrontation, the handcuff behind your back. You know, if
we don't walk around with our arms behind our back so.
Speaker 4 (49:51):
Your shoulders hurt, that's we're old.
Speaker 6 (49:54):
The space in the back of the police car is
not plush, it's not roomy.
Speaker 1 (49:59):
Well, I mean, I'm saying that it's gonna be fun.
Speaker 6 (50:01):
No, I'm letting you know it ain't fun. You had
one day I'm and that was miserable. I don't go
to jail people, because it's not It's not like on TV.
Speaker 1 (50:11):
I was so scared.
Speaker 3 (50:12):
I just found the biggest woman I could find right away.
And I was like, protect me. I'm like, I have money,
I will pay you when I get out, and you
need to be my best friend. And she was like fine,
and I'm like, I won't be here for long, I promise,
but I need you to sleep.
Speaker 6 (50:25):
I did have a big someone Selly named Baby. She
was like twenty three years old, she had five kids.
And she said, miss Gumbo, Miss Gumba, listo exercise. I said,
I don't feel like exercising, baby, Okay, miss Gamba, don't
make me pick you up. Oh fuck okay, let's go
fucking emphercise and shit fuck baby.
Speaker 1 (50:45):
I love samoans. I love their bodies.
Speaker 4 (50:47):
I do too.
Speaker 1 (50:48):
I love that body type.
Speaker 6 (50:49):
Oh I like it because they're not they're strong, well,
the ones I like.
Speaker 4 (50:55):
They're strong, but they sort of have a little dad
bought you know.
Speaker 6 (50:58):
They're not all mascular, all roided the funk out. Just
regular big strong ass man out with hair.
Speaker 4 (51:10):
Hair.
Speaker 1 (51:11):
Okay, we're going to take a break and we'll be
right back.
Speaker 4 (51:17):
And we were back.
Speaker 1 (51:21):
Well, this has been quite the hour with Linnelle. Yeah,
it is. That's an hour.
Speaker 3 (51:26):
I mean I really appreciate you flying in from your
Vegas residency to be here with me today.
Speaker 1 (51:31):
I couldn't wait. I mean, I can.
Speaker 3 (51:33):
Only do like twelve hour spurts in Vegas because I'm.
Speaker 1 (51:36):
Out of control. Yeah, I go hard, I go hard,
and then I have to get the fuck out of the.
Speaker 4 (51:43):
God damn it. What is no?
Speaker 1 (51:48):
No, no, no, I don't I don't funk with tequila.
I'm not a tequila. We'll do that together. We'll save
efforts together for that one.
Speaker 4 (51:57):
Okay.
Speaker 3 (51:57):
So if you love Lunelle, just please go and follow
her on Instagram, watch her special on Netflix. You can
go and buy tickets to the Apollo tomorrow night, which
you will not disappoint and goodbye.
Speaker 1 (52:09):
Thank you the now.
Speaker 3 (52:14):
Okay, guys, So for stand Up, we added a second
show in Sydney, and we added a second show in
Prior Lake, Minnesota, which is now going to be May
twenty fourth. We added the Santa Barbara Bowl, which is
so fun. I performed there last year. That's August seventeenth,
the Santa Barbara Bowl. We added a second show at
(52:34):
Santa Rosa on August second, and we added two dates
at Hawaii. Guys, I'm coming to Hawaii on July nineteenth.
Speaker 1 (52:45):
To CA Who Louis. I'm gonna be at CA Who Louis?
And then I'm coming on July twenty. It's Honolulu.
Speaker 3 (52:53):
And oh I just added another date on August first, Auburn, Washington,
SO and all my Australia and New Zealand dates are up,
and I will be announcing a European tour shortly and May.
Speaker 1 (53:07):
Third, which is my mother's birthday.
Speaker 3 (53:09):
Norman, Oklahoma, So Oklahomians, Oklahomans, Okloams, come bye.
Speaker 5 (53:15):
If you'd like advice from Chelsea, shoot us an email
at Dear Chelsea podcast at gmail dot com and be
sure to include your phone number. Dear Chelsea is edited
and engineered by Brad Dickert executive producer Catherine Law and
be sure to check out our merch at Chelseahandler dot
com
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