Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
Speaker 1 (00:00):
All right, you want to do a tangent, guys, Yes, man,
let's do a tangent because people complain we don't do
enough of them, and they're right, Actually, they're right, we
don't do enough of them. But here here's a new
edition of the Tangent. Take it away.
Speaker 2 (00:11):
It's the Tangent with the Bread Show, giving you all
we couldn't talk about on air. All right.
Speaker 1 (00:19):
So you know, I occasionally dabble in the dating apps,
and I've met some nice people over the years. I've
met some not great people. I mean, I don't know,
it's like whatever, but I feel like when i'm not
I don't love it. I don't love anything about it.
I think it's a game. I think it's a numbers game.
I think you got a match with a bunch of
(00:40):
people and work real hard to get a couple of dates.
Because you know, even if you match, it doesn't mean
that they didn't match with somebody else that they might
like better or think they like better, and or they
came in more recently. So it's like and you obviously
can't go out with everybody. So it's just I don't know,
it's a numbers game, and I don't really have the
time of the energy to do the work. But I
(01:00):
did get back on and I have imagining with some people.
But how about this one imagined with this girl early thirties.
We're chatting, we're talking, then we start texting talking about
going out and you know me, I mean, I think
part of the I wouldn't say it's a problem because
I think my approach often leads to not going out
(01:22):
with people. But yet if I went out with these
people and didn't know some of this information that I
wind up getting out of them beforehand, then it probably
wouldn't work anyway. So it's like it's double edged sword
because Caline, I know you've been to me before, like,
hey how about we And I've even seen like on
TikTok these dating coaches or whatever, like you know, eliminate
the pre date texting and talking, like just get it
(01:44):
all out on the date in person, right, But I
don't know that I wouldn't get this information in person
because this is my gift, you guys. I have the
gift of extracting information from people. It's what I do
for a living.
Speaker 3 (01:54):
It's your kryptonite, is what it is.
Speaker 1 (01:55):
Well, yeah, I mean, but I mean it's fascinating and
like if you get if there's a string, I just
I'm going to pull on it. And for whatever reason,
people tell me the craziest stuff. And so I'm chatting
with this girl. We're texting, we've never talked, we've never met,
and I guess we were talking about like previous relationships
and like what our experience has been like on these apps.
And she's like, yeah, I was dating a guy for
(02:16):
like two and a half years and then I broke
up with him and I'm out here on these apps
and whatever else. And then I don't know, it kind
of got a little spicy. The conversation kind of like
well where you at, like how the date's going, Like
I don't know, I don't Basically it got to like sex,
like like what's what's happening in that realm of your life?
(02:37):
And she's like, oh, I don't sleep around with guys
on this app. And I'm like, oh, that's cool, that's good.
And then she's like because I still fuck my acts.
She says this, and I'm like, okay, so let me
get this straight. And she's like, yeah, I just qualify
guys really quickly. And I'm like, well, yeah, of course
you do, because if you go on a date and
you find anything about this person that you don't like,
(03:00):
then you just call your ex and go sleep with him.
And so I'm sort of like, this is this is
kind of dumb, like you're not really single, and she's like,
and we kind of got into it about it, and
she's like, no, I'm absolutely single. I'm like, but you're
not because this guy you were with for two and
a half years, it's obviously not worthy of you being
in a relationship with him. One or the other or
(03:20):
both of you think that, right, because you if it were,
you'd be in a relationship. But the fact that you
still sleep with this person still, that's not just I'm
sleeping with like a friend, or I have someone I
go to for sex, I have a maintenance man or whatever.
There's actual, like emotional ties to this individual. Two and
a half years is a long time, right, And I
(03:41):
get it. You know what it must suck to like
be with somebody. Obviously the sex is good, the rest
of the relationship was, and this person knows you, knows
what you'd like, knows how to get it done, you know,
and for whatever reason, you're not gonna be they don't
want to be with you, or you don't want to
be with them, or you don't want to be with
each other, and so then you got to go out
and sort of re establish that with other people. And
you run the risk when you're hooking up with people
(04:01):
for the first time, when you're dating, like any other
dating situation, that it won't be what you want, or
that you have to train them, or that you have
you know what I mean. So I understand the desire
to keep going back to that person, but again, this
isn't just a casual person who puts it down. This
is a person with whom you have a lot of history,
and in my opinion, this she's I say this not
(04:25):
as a statement of her value. I don't think it's
worth my time, because the fact of the matter is
I think I have a very small chance of it
working out because I think she's still caught up on
this other guy. The fact that she's telling me this
and then she's like, well, no, I'm really single, and
now of course she's disappeared because I don't think that
she likes but she provided that information.
Speaker 2 (04:44):
I didn't she said it to me, But.
Speaker 1 (04:47):
I mean, would you bother going out with somebody who
admits to still sleeping with their ex. And her point was,
I think everybody does this, they just don't talk about it.
And I'm like, well, that might be true, But now
that I know that, I mean, how if you're still
going back to someone with that much history, how much
of a how much of an opportunity are how open
(05:08):
minded are you really about the future, honestly, because more
than likely if you start sleeping with somebody else, that's over.
Speaker 3 (05:15):
Yeah, I mean, there's a reason they're not together anymore.
Speaker 2 (05:17):
Though I don't.
Speaker 3 (05:18):
I don't know where you find these people that talk
like I really don't because I don't ever especially that
soon talk about past relationships like that is not a
detail I would ever give up. And I don't understand that.
And maybe you make you do a great job of
making people feel safe and like it's there's not gonna
be judgment, but obviously there does come judgment when you
say something wild like that.
Speaker 1 (05:39):
Well, and I'm not even judging her for doing that.
I guess if I'm judging anything, it's my ability to
to to make an impact her, to get a fair
shot at dating her, you know, or or hooking up
with her or whatever else because I and for her
to say she disqualifies most guys, and that's because she's
still thinking about that guy. That's because she's got a
place to go if it doesn't work out. You know,
(06:01):
you go in a couple of yeeah, this is boring.
You know, I don't know. I don't know how motivated
you are if you're still sleeping with your ex.
Speaker 2 (06:07):
But what is your end? Like, are you just there
to hook up?
Speaker 4 (06:10):
If you're just there to hook up with this woman,
then I don't see a problem with it because she's single,
you're single, she could sleep with who what she wants to.
Speaker 1 (06:17):
Yeah, no, but I mean I'm not look am I
looking to hook up? I am looking to hook up,
but I'm looking to hook up. Yeah yeah, yeah, I
definitely want to judge chemistry and like, but ultimately, truly
my ambition would be to find someone that I hook
up with consistently and then I'm in a relationship with
at some point and then who knows, Like I'm not,
(06:38):
I'm not simply on the apps just to get laid
Like that doesn't really do it for me.
Speaker 2 (06:42):
Well, what if you just go.
Speaker 3 (06:43):
And be doper than her ex. You know, like there's
two ways to look at it. You could be like, oh,
I'm not even gonna try, or you could just go
and it could be a better situation for her.
Speaker 1 (06:51):
Oh it could. I think at this point I'm out.
I think she's disqualified me now because I know too much, right,
which is fine, I mean, and by the way, that
in itself tells me that she you know now that
I know, it's like, yeah, she told you to keep
going out with other guys, but they're not going to
know this information. So I kind of feel bad for
(07:12):
those guys because I truly don't know if people really
have a chance, because I think she, for whatever reason,
it's just comfortable or easy to keep going backwards. But
I agree with you, if you if you were if
you're still sleeping with this person and the relationship was functional,
then you'd be together still. So what's the what's the disconnect?
Speaker 5 (07:33):
Right?
Speaker 2 (07:33):
The sex was good, but the rest of it sucked.
I mean, you know, ain't that always the truth?
Speaker 1 (07:37):
That's what it's giving? Yeah, I mean I've had more
of the well have I had that? I guess in
my past I've had it where I should not be
with somebody but the sex is awesome. But then I've
also had where the sex is not that great but
the person's pretty cool, and it's like damn it, you know,
And I think that's why I don't lead with the physical.
But I'm I'm forty something years like, I'm not going
(08:02):
to wind up with somebody who with whom there is
an almost instant attraction in chemistry. So I'm not out
here trying to get laid. But I'm also not trying
to like really get to know somebody well only to
find out that we're just not on the same page.
Because I do think you get to a certain point
in life where you like what you like and I
like what I like, and either that comes together and
we make it work. It's not like we're twenty one
anymore and we're teaching each other. I mean, there's still
(08:24):
some of that that goes on, right. I Mean, obviously,
when you first meet somebody, it's not going to be
as good as it could be in the future case
in point, But like, I don't know, I guess I'm
not shy to say that that's something I want to
experiment up front and see what's going on with that
because I don't I don't need to be in a
relationship at all. So I guess I want to make
(08:45):
sure I can get the best of both worlds. And
I'm pretty forward about it clearly, but I don't know.
Speaker 3 (08:50):
Like about the chemistry stuff. Yeah, do you so you
you before the date, We'll do a little.
Speaker 1 (08:56):
Sexting sometimes sometimes not nervous, Like I read the room.
I guess what I'm trying to read is like, there's
a few things I'm trying to get. Do you have
a sense of humor? Do you take yourself seriously? Are
you sort of open minded? You know, because for some
people it's like and I also understand people are kind
of scarred by these dating apps too, because some people
are just gross, you know. I mean some of the
(09:17):
stuff that's been sent to you guys, and some of
the stuff that people have shown me that men right
is disgusting, Like I mean, and you know, my theory
about this, it must work, because guys wouldn't do it
if it didn't work. So there are obviously people out
there who are never going to admit it, who are like, yes,
I would like to come over and fart in your
face or whatever. Weird shit, people are asking for real.
(09:40):
That's a real one. I saw what you sit on
my face and fart, real one I saw from a guy,
you know. And you know he's copying pasting that several
times over, right, So I think I come at it
a little more respectfully, but I'm not ashamed.
Speaker 3 (09:53):
Oh yeah, someone asked me to fart in their face?
Speaker 2 (09:55):
Oh is it you? I've heard it more than once.
Speaker 3 (09:57):
Actually, yeah, yeah, I posted it. He said, God, okay,
what was the thing?
Speaker 2 (10:02):
It was?
Speaker 3 (10:03):
I love you didn't answer, and then it was that
sweet yeah yeah, and then it was can you fart
in my eye? No answer? And the last one was
I'm so sorry. I recently got diagnosed with autism. That
might be why I sent those messages, Kiki.
Speaker 5 (10:16):
I mean that was not true national autism data other day.
Speaker 3 (10:20):
But that's not why he's asking me to fart in
his eye.
Speaker 2 (10:23):
Yeah.
Speaker 1 (10:23):
I don't think those two things are correlated. But I mean,
I don't I'm not an expert. I don't you know, correct.
Speaker 4 (10:28):
I mean.
Speaker 3 (10:30):
I think that he was just saying that because I wasn't.
Speaker 2 (10:32):
Do you say you did it? Did he get pink iron?
Speaker 1 (10:34):
Now?
Speaker 6 (10:34):
You should just played him, be like Okay, cool.
Speaker 7 (10:36):
Where can I meet you and.
Speaker 2 (10:37):
Fart in your eyes?
Speaker 5 (10:38):
You know what?
Speaker 3 (10:38):
I can't fart on command, first of all, Second of all,
I'm not interested in that.
Speaker 2 (10:42):
And third of all, it's a very personal thing.
Speaker 3 (10:45):
Why would you want that?
Speaker 2 (10:47):
Yeah, I'm really not sure.
Speaker 3 (10:49):
No, I don't. I don't think he was actually diagnosed
with autism.
Speaker 2 (10:52):
Well, I don't know. I mean dating app or not.
Speaker 1 (10:54):
If you meet someone and they're like, yeah, I'm totally single,
but I'm also still fucking my ex.
Speaker 5 (10:57):
Like I mean so odd.
Speaker 2 (11:01):
I'm also odd.
Speaker 1 (11:02):
Highly sensitive to the whole X thing right now too.
You know, it's like I need, I need to meet
people who are not attached in any way, Like, can
we just.
Speaker 3 (11:10):
Can weate single people?
Speaker 2 (11:11):
Yeah? Can we like it?
Speaker 1 (11:12):
Because I'm sorry, I don't think you're truly by definition single?
Because if I if I knew that, my ex put
it down and I and I'm habitually going back for
just that. I'm gonna sit on these dates with these
girls and You're going to say one thing to me
I don't like, and I'm gonna be like, all right,
I don't need you for this.
Speaker 2 (11:30):
I don't.
Speaker 1 (11:31):
I don't I'm not interested. Like the bar would be
that much higher, I think, And that's not what I'm
I guess. I'm not intimidated by the bar. I guess
it's just like, am I wasting my time? Are you
gonna wind up telling me like I don't want to
get with you because I don't want to get with you?
Or is it because you still want to get with him?
Doesn't have anything to do with me?
Speaker 3 (11:47):
Well, I know you're not this way, but I think
for some people's sex can be very transactional, and so
I think even if the relationship didn't work out, you know,
if they are good and bad, then that could be
just a transactional situation. There's a reason they're not together,
you know what I mean?
Speaker 2 (12:01):
Yeah, Or there's a.
Speaker 7 (12:03):
Way where actually, like, okay, you're not getting clouded on
a date just because you're horny, right, Like you're getting
off right and in normal times you could.
Speaker 2 (12:13):
Actually like weed out. Is this dig good like.
Speaker 7 (12:15):
Someone that I actually want to be in a relationship
with or am I just horny?
Speaker 1 (12:19):
That is true, that is true, But I have to wonder,
like how open minded is this person really? And that's
all I'm saying, is like how how focused on? Because
if you meet somebody else and you start sleeping with them,
probably there would have to be a conversation on the
other side, Hey I met somebody else, and then you
(12:41):
might burn that down officially, and so like, that's another
question is are you ready to completely disqualify yourself from
another person, because if I mean, maybe until you're actually
in a relationship, then everybody's okay with that. But I
tend to be like pretty quickly in the process if
we're sleeping together, like, hey, we don't like for as
long as his last can we not bang other people?
(13:02):
Like I tend to sort of like that agreement, especially
with this uncurable guin rhea that's floating around. Yeah, you know,
I don't think that's an unfair expectation. Now. Now I'm
not saying that's what she would do or wouldn't do.
But if I'm in that situation and my ex girlfriend
comes to me and says I'm fucking somebody else, now,
that might make me feel a certain kind of way.
That might make the breakup feel more real, and then
(13:23):
I might move on. And again I'm really out here
with my forward thinking here. I was going to say,
but let's face it, if you're actually you're sleeping with him,
and he came to you and said, hey, I start
fucking somebody else, You're probably not gonna fuck him anymore.
Speaker 3 (13:36):
I don't know why he would tell me that if
we were single. I don't know why people are telling
you these things.
Speaker 2 (13:41):
I don't I don't want to know.
Speaker 6 (13:43):
Like, no single, I'm gonna assume that you're having sex
with other people and use a conduct right like unless
we like have that conversations like why would you be
so forthcoming, like it's so hot?
Speaker 4 (13:53):
Maybe she just wasn't interested and it's her like go
to out, you know, like, hey, I sleep with my ex.
I'm not in anymore.
Speaker 1 (14:00):
So yeah, maybe, But I don't know how we got
that far. Why do I have her phone number? Why
are we texting? Like?
Speaker 2 (14:05):
You know what I mean? I think, which is what
she's doing now?
Speaker 7 (14:09):
By the way, horse, no, the car before the horse.
Speaker 3 (14:13):
You put the car before the horse, like until you
try stuff, you don't know, you overthink way before we
even get there.
Speaker 1 (14:18):
You know, that's no, there's no question about that. I
just I have this information now, but it's not It's
like I don't know if it's some little subconscious game
I like to play, but I'll sit next to people
on planes, and like I said, next to a person
on playing like a year ago, and before the end
of it, I knew she was having an affair.
Speaker 2 (14:33):
And I've never met heah, bro, I've never met this person.
I don't know.
Speaker 1 (14:39):
I think I wound up with the middle seed somehow.
It was the last minute thing and she was there
and then I think she was scared about the takeoff
and said something to me about it, and she was cute.
So we get to talking and before the end of it,
she's you know, she's telling me about how she cheated
on one guy to be with her husband and now
she's cheating on him and doesn't know it, and I'm
just and at the end of it, she goes, why
the fuck did I tell you all that? And I'm like,
(15:00):
it's my gift.
Speaker 3 (15:02):
Stop your gift because it's it's hurting you, right.
Speaker 1 (15:05):
But is it though, that's my question, like is it
really or is this person not really available? And then
I just get saved again because I do seem to
have a knack for the unavailable.
Speaker 7 (15:16):
You have like the perfect storm of getting the information
out of people. But then on the other side, overthinking
it and replaying and replaying, replay and then like spiraling right,
Like it's like the two things that shouldn't go together.
Speaker 1 (15:27):
But I guess we'll come back to the points again though, Jason,
if we come back to the very point of the podcast,
which is now that I have the information, if you
had that information, what would you do? Right?
Speaker 7 (15:35):
I mean, there would need if we were to move forward,
there would have to be a conversation of like, Okay,
if we're gonna date, like actually date, are you actually
serious about not fucking your yes? Because if you're if
we're gonna date and you're still gonna go fuck him,
then like I'm not in it to date you, like
if like you you have to match up with your intentions.
Speaker 1 (15:52):
And am I really getting a fair shot here? Like
are you really?
Speaker 7 (15:55):
Are you emotionally cut off? Like like is it going
to be an easy thing? Like I'm just not going
to fuck him anymore? Or are you still emotionally invested?
Like that has to be a conversation.
Speaker 1 (16:04):
Because I've dated people before, and you know, I don't
like to sleep with more than one person at the
same time.
Speaker 2 (16:09):
I don't like to do that. I just I don't know.
Speaker 1 (16:12):
I mean, even if it's just a couple times and
then we just have that conversation like it's if it's
not gonna happen again, I'll just you know, I mean,
like how hard is that? I don't know why we
have to be out here like stacking them up. I
really don't know. But what Like I've been in this
situation where I've got something that I kind of like,
but we're not official, and so I'm still out here
searching for something that I think might be better.
Speaker 2 (16:30):
I mean, that's shit. That's the design of the ass
right to do that.
Speaker 1 (16:33):
Yeah, and so but my point is like, if I
like somebody enough that I'm considering them, am I really open?
Like is the bar just that much higher for these?
Am I wasting other people's time basically just to see
if there's something better? And I realize that's what everybody
is doing. So that's not really unfair, and it's so
easy to do it, you know, back in the day,
(16:55):
like in the nineties and the ats, you know, like
when you actually had to meet somebody in person and
like make a real investment. I feel like it was
less likely that people were stacking as deep as they
are now, because you don't have to do anything to
have five or six people pining after you at any
given time. So I guess my point is, though, like
I think of it myself, like when I'm in these
situations where I'm not sure i'd like someone a lot,
(17:16):
but I'm not sure, the bar then becomes higher for
all these other people than it would have been otherwise.
So I don't really know if it's fair to go
into these other dates because it's like I'm doing the
same thing. I'm sitting there going, no, this isn't better
than what I got. Okay, nice meeting you. You go
on another one. Now, this isn't better than what I got,
or hey, now that's better than what I got.
Speaker 2 (17:36):
It's not you know.
Speaker 7 (17:37):
Yeah, But I'm also a firm believer, and like if
you were with someone that you would be so enthralled
with that that you wouldn't even want to see what
else is out there. You're saying, I'd like to believe that, Yeah,
that tells you that it's not right. Like if you
still want to go up in the app and see
what else is going on, then the person you're with, Like,
I think that sort of answers itself.
Speaker 2 (17:56):
I think you're right.
Speaker 1 (17:57):
I need to stop asking so many questions that being said,
this was valuable information to extract, like in this case.
Speaker 3 (18:03):
It wasn't. What if she liked you a lot, you know,
you just got to meet these people first.
Speaker 1 (18:08):
I think if she liked me a lot, she she
would have said what she said and then she wouldn't
ghost me.
Speaker 2 (18:13):
And yet, well that's what I mean.
Speaker 1 (18:15):
I think we'd still meet, but I don't think that's
even gonna happen now, which, by the way, tells me
something to.
Speaker 3 (18:19):
You don't know until you meet someone. Though I agree
he's seeing and talking.
Speaker 1 (18:22):
But we talked a couple of days ago and now
we're not, And so something tells me I because if
there was really nothing going on there, then this information
wouldn't be valuable.
Speaker 3 (18:32):
Didn't you say? You guys were arguing about.
Speaker 1 (18:33):
It, not arguing about it, But I'm just like, hey,
are you available? Like are you really available? And I am.
But my point is I think I probably struck a
chord because now that I have that information, she doesn't
seem to be interested anymore, which is fine, But if
he weren't a thing, then that I think she'd be
like yeah, well, fuck him, like, let's go out and see.
Speaker 3 (18:55):
Why don't say that before meeting you, you know, but.
Speaker 1 (18:57):
That's what I just said, fuck him, Let's go out
and see. Let's go out and see.
Speaker 3 (19:01):
But the fun him, though, is not gonna come until
you meet with someone in person and realize, oh, your
word saying for him.
Speaker 2 (19:06):
For I don't mean him like go away.
Speaker 1 (19:08):
I just mean like, I'm open to seeing if you're like, yeah,
that that was true yesterday, but maybe it won't be
true tomorrow. I don't know that that's If that were true,
then we'd be talking and going out, but now we're not.
Speaker 8 (19:20):
It's too much thinking, it's too much fuck her at
this point, that's how you feel, Okay, Yeah, I feel
like fuck her. Okay, girl, you are weird. This is
a weird flex Like I did not need to know this.
She did not need to tell you this. She could
have just been fucking happy and on a day with
you and you know what, I'm like, you are that
was very weird.
Speaker 5 (19:38):
And then I would also ask her, why do you
value yourself? Why you let your ex still?
Speaker 2 (19:42):
Fuck girl?
Speaker 8 (19:43):
I mean, you're never gonna move on and get another
man because you're trying to get some d from a new.
Speaker 1 (19:49):
But yet right right, why are go go fucking new
guy with whom you might have a better connection.
Speaker 2 (19:58):
I just stop talking. What I'm saying is he's an ex. Stop.
I agree with you.
Speaker 3 (20:03):
Facts while you're looking for the next one.
Speaker 5 (20:05):
But I don't need to tell no one that I'm
getting my fix from.
Speaker 8 (20:09):
As far as you're concerned, I'm a version, okay, I
am a celibate.
Speaker 5 (20:13):
And that this cat is waiting on you for it.
That's not this cat.
Speaker 2 (20:23):
You know, that cat over there, not your cat.
Speaker 5 (20:26):
Not my cat. My cat is chilling.
Speaker 8 (20:28):
But but her cat should have been waiting on you.
That's what I would have made you think, at least.
Speaker 3 (20:32):
Of course, you always lie and make them think.
Speaker 1 (20:35):
Yeah, her, I think it was. I realized I was
the one asking the question. But I didn't say, are
you fucking your ex? She put that out there?
Speaker 3 (20:44):
Make him feel safe energy for sure?
Speaker 2 (20:47):
Anyway, did you tell her?
Speaker 8 (20:48):
Who are you fucking?
Speaker 2 (20:51):
Okay, I'm not. I'm not though.
Speaker 1 (20:54):
Okay, So it's been a bit of a it's been
a while, it's been a minute. I've been you know,
I was trying to do one thing, and that thing
is not and so, so I'm not.
Speaker 2 (21:08):
Doing that anymore. Okay, and now I'm going to do
something else. Yes, this cat is waiting. Yeah miss, I'm
looking for a new pe nutter. What is it again?
Is the thing umobile? I'm looking for someone to drive
the nutmobile to Nutshout. I would like to apply. Okay, Well,
I'll be honest with you at this point, I'm open.
(21:29):
I've really never been more open to alternative lifestyle.
Speaker 5 (21:32):
Whale tongue.
Speaker 1 (21:33):
Yeah, yeah, so they called me a blue whale. They
called me a blue whale.
Speaker 3 (21:39):
Right, no ideas are bad.
Speaker 1 (21:40):
Okay, she's missing out on this blue why and not?
Speaker 2 (21:43):
Anyway? Never mind?
Speaker 1 (21:45):
If you listen, then you know I'm talking about my tongue. Everyone, Okay,
there's the tangent we missed. You have a good day.
All right, you want to do a tangent, guys, Yes, man,
let's do a tangent because people complain we don't do
enough of them, and they're right, Actually, they're right, we
don't do enough of them. But here here's a new
edition of the Tangent. Take it away.
Speaker 2 (00:11):
It's the Tangent with the Bread Show, giving you all
we couldn't talk about on air. All right.
Speaker 1 (00:19):
So you know, I occasionally dabble in the dating apps,
and I've met some nice people over the years. I've
met some not great people. I mean, I don't know,
it's like whatever, but I feel like when i'm not
I don't love it. I don't love anything about it.
I think it's a game. I think it's a numbers game.
I think you got a match with a bunch of
(00:40):
people and work real hard to get a couple of dates.
Because you know, even if you match, it doesn't mean
that they didn't match with somebody else that they might
like better or think they like better, and or they
came in more recently. So it's like and you obviously
can't go out with everybody. So it's just I don't know,
it's a numbers game, and I don't really have the
time of the energy to do the work. But I
(01:00):
did get back on and I have imagining with some people.
But how about this one imagined with this girl early thirties.
We're chatting, we're talking, then we start texting talking about
going out and you know me, I mean, I think
part of the I wouldn't say it's a problem because
I think my approach often leads to not going out
(01:22):
with people. But yet if I went out with these
people and didn't know some of this information that I
wind up getting out of them beforehand, then it probably
wouldn't work anyway. So it's like it's double edged sword
because Caline, I know you've been to me before, like,
hey how about we And I've even seen like on
TikTok these dating coaches or whatever, like you know, eliminate
the pre date texting and talking, like just get it
(01:44):
all out on the date in person, right, But I
don't know that I wouldn't get this information in person
because this is my gift, you guys. I have the
gift of extracting information from people. It's what I do
for a living.
Speaker 3 (01:54):
It's your kryptonite, is what it is.
Speaker 1 (01:55):
Well, yeah, I mean, but I mean it's fascinating and
like if you get if there's a string, I just
I'm going to pull on it. And for whatever reason,
people tell me the craziest stuff. And so I'm chatting
with this girl. We're texting, we've never talked, we've never met,
and I guess we were talking about like previous relationships
and like what our experience has been like on these apps.
And she's like, yeah, I was dating a guy for
(02:16):
like two and a half years and then I broke
up with him and I'm out here on these apps
and whatever else. And then I don't know, it kind
of got a little spicy. The conversation kind of like
well where you at, like how the date's going, Like
I don't know, I don't Basically it got to like sex,
like like what's what's happening in that realm of your life?
(02:37):
And she's like, oh, I don't sleep around with guys
on this app. And I'm like, oh, that's cool, that's good.
And then she's like because I still fuck my acts.
She says this, and I'm like, okay, so let me
get this straight. And she's like, yeah, I just qualify
guys really quickly. And I'm like, well, yeah, of course
you do, because if you go on a date and
you find anything about this person that you don't like,
(03:00):
then you just call your ex and go sleep with him.
And so I'm sort of like, this is this is
kind of dumb, like you're not really single, and she's like,
and we kind of got into it about it, and
she's like, no, I'm absolutely single. I'm like, but you're
not because this guy you were with for two and
a half years, it's obviously not worthy of you being
in a relationship with him. One or the other or
(03:20):
both of you think that, right, because you if it were,
you'd be in a relationship. But the fact that you
still sleep with this person still, that's not just I'm
sleeping with like a friend, or I have someone I
go to for sex, I have a maintenance man or whatever.
There's actual, like emotional ties to this individual. Two and
a half years is a long time, right, And I
(03:41):
get it. You know what it must suck to like
be with somebody. Obviously the sex is good, the rest
of the relationship was, and this person knows you, knows
what you'd like, knows how to get it done, you know,
and for whatever reason, you're not gonna be they don't
want to be with you, or you don't want to
be with them, or you don't want to be with
each other, and so then you got to go out
and sort of re establish that with other people. And
you run the risk when you're hooking up with people
(04:01):
for the first time, when you're dating, like any other
dating situation, that it won't be what you want, or
that you have to train them, or that you have
you know what I mean. So I understand the desire
to keep going back to that person, but again, this
isn't just a casual person who puts it down. This
is a person with whom you have a lot of history,
and in my opinion, this she's I say this not
(04:25):
as a statement of her value. I don't think it's
worth my time, because the fact of the matter is
I think I have a very small chance of it
working out because I think she's still caught up on
this other guy. The fact that she's telling me this
and then she's like, well, no, I'm really single, and
now of course she's disappeared because I don't think that
she likes but she provided that information.
Speaker 2 (04:44):
I didn't she said it to me, But.
Speaker 1 (04:47):
I mean, would you bother going out with somebody who
admits to still sleeping with their ex. And her point was,
I think everybody does this, they just don't talk about it.
And I'm like, well, that might be true, But now
that I know that, I mean, how if you're still
going back to someone with that much history, how much
of a how much of an opportunity are how open
(05:08):
minded are you really about the future, honestly, because more
than likely if you start sleeping with somebody else, that's over.
Speaker 3 (05:15):
Yeah, I mean, there's a reason they're not together anymore.
Speaker 2 (05:17):
Though I don't.
Speaker 3 (05:18):
I don't know where you find these people that talk
like I really don't because I don't ever especially that
soon talk about past relationships like that is not a
detail I would ever give up. And I don't understand that.
And maybe you make you do a great job of
making people feel safe and like it's there's not gonna
be judgment, but obviously there does come judgment when you
say something wild like that.
Speaker 1 (05:39):
Well, and I'm not even judging her for doing that.
I guess if I'm judging anything, it's my ability to
to to make an impact her, to get a fair
shot at dating her, you know, or or hooking up
with her or whatever else because I and for her
to say she disqualifies most guys, and that's because she's
still thinking about that guy. That's because she's got a
place to go if it doesn't work out. You know,
(06:01):
you go in a couple of yeeah, this is boring.
You know, I don't know. I don't know how motivated
you are if you're still sleeping with your ex.
Speaker 2 (06:07):
But what is your end? Like, are you just there
to hook up?
Speaker 4 (06:10):
If you're just there to hook up with this woman,
then I don't see a problem with it because she's single,
you're single, she could sleep with who what she wants to.
Speaker 1 (06:17):
Yeah, no, but I mean I'm not look am I
looking to hook up? I am looking to hook up,
but I'm looking to hook up. Yeah yeah, yeah, I
definitely want to judge chemistry and like, but ultimately, truly
my ambition would be to find someone that I hook
up with consistently and then I'm in a relationship with
at some point and then who knows, Like I'm not,
(06:38):
I'm not simply on the apps just to get laid
Like that doesn't really do it for me.
Speaker 2 (06:42):
Well, what if you just go.
Speaker 3 (06:43):
And be doper than her ex. You know, like there's
two ways to look at it. You could be like, oh,
I'm not even gonna try, or you could just go
and it could be a better situation for her.
Speaker 1 (06:51):
Oh it could. I think at this point I'm out.
I think she's disqualified me now because I know too much, right,
which is fine, I mean, and by the way, that
in itself tells me that she you know now that
I know, it's like, yeah, she told you to keep
going out with other guys, but they're not going to
know this information. So I kind of feel bad for
(07:12):
those guys because I truly don't know if people really
have a chance, because I think she, for whatever reason,
it's just comfortable or easy to keep going backwards. But
I agree with you, if you if you were if
you're still sleeping with this person and the relationship was functional,
then you'd be together still. So what's the what's the disconnect?
Speaker 5 (07:33):
Right?
Speaker 2 (07:33):
The sex was good, but the rest of it sucked.
I mean, you know, ain't that always the truth?
Speaker 1 (07:37):
That's what it's giving? Yeah, I mean I've had more
of the well have I had that? I guess in
my past I've had it where I should not be
with somebody but the sex is awesome. But then I've
also had where the sex is not that great but
the person's pretty cool, and it's like damn it, you know,
And I think that's why I don't lead with the physical.
But I'm I'm forty something years like, I'm not going
(08:02):
to wind up with somebody who with whom there is
an almost instant attraction in chemistry. So I'm not out
here trying to get laid. But I'm also not trying
to like really get to know somebody well only to
find out that we're just not on the same page.
Because I do think you get to a certain point
in life where you like what you like and I
like what I like, and either that comes together and
we make it work. It's not like we're twenty one
anymore and we're teaching each other. I mean, there's still
(08:24):
some of that that goes on, right. I Mean, obviously,
when you first meet somebody, it's not going to be
as good as it could be in the future case
in point, But like, I don't know, I guess I'm
not shy to say that that's something I want to
experiment up front and see what's going on with that
because I don't I don't need to be in a
relationship at all. So I guess I want to make
(08:45):
sure I can get the best of both worlds. And
I'm pretty forward about it clearly, but I don't know.
Speaker 3 (08:50):
Like about the chemistry stuff. Yeah, do you so you
you before the date, We'll do a little.
Speaker 1 (08:56):
Sexting sometimes sometimes not nervous, Like I read the room.
I guess what I'm trying to read is like, there's
a few things I'm trying to get. Do you have
a sense of humor? Do you take yourself seriously? Are
you sort of open minded? You know, because for some
people it's like and I also understand people are kind
of scarred by these dating apps too, because some people
are just gross, you know. I mean some of the
(09:17):
stuff that's been sent to you guys, and some of
the stuff that people have shown me that men right
is disgusting, Like I mean, and you know, my theory
about this, it must work, because guys wouldn't do it
if it didn't work. So there are obviously people out
there who are never going to admit it, who are like, yes,
I would like to come over and fart in your
face or whatever. Weird shit, people are asking for real.
(09:40):
That's a real one. I saw what you sit on
my face and fart, real one I saw from a guy,
you know. And you know he's copying pasting that several
times over, right, So I think I come at it
a little more respectfully, but I'm not ashamed.
Speaker 3 (09:53):
Oh yeah, someone asked me to fart in their face?
Speaker 2 (09:55):
Oh is it you? I've heard it more than once.
Speaker 3 (09:57):
Actually, yeah, yeah, I posted it. He said, God, okay,
what was the thing?
Speaker 2 (10:02):
It was?
Speaker 3 (10:03):
I love you didn't answer, and then it was that
sweet yeah yeah, and then it was can you fart
in my eye? No answer? And the last one was
I'm so sorry. I recently got diagnosed with autism. That
might be why I sent those messages, Kiki.
Speaker 5 (10:16):
I mean that was not true national autism data other day.
Speaker 3 (10:20):
But that's not why he's asking me to fart in
his eye.
Speaker 2 (10:23):
Yeah.
Speaker 1 (10:23):
I don't think those two things are correlated. But I mean,
I don't I'm not an expert. I don't you know, correct.
Speaker 4 (10:28):
I mean.
Speaker 3 (10:30):
I think that he was just saying that because I wasn't.
Speaker 2 (10:32):
Do you say you did it? Did he get pink iron?
Speaker 1 (10:34):
Now?
Speaker 6 (10:34):
You should just played him, be like Okay, cool.
Speaker 7 (10:36):
Where can I meet you and.
Speaker 2 (10:37):
Fart in your eyes?
Speaker 5 (10:38):
You know what?
Speaker 3 (10:38):
I can't fart on command, first of all, Second of all,
I'm not interested in that.
Speaker 2 (10:42):
And third of all, it's a very personal thing.
Speaker 3 (10:45):
Why would you want that?
Speaker 2 (10:47):
Yeah, I'm really not sure.
Speaker 3 (10:49):
No, I don't. I don't think he was actually diagnosed
with autism.
Speaker 2 (10:52):
Well, I don't know. I mean dating app or not.
Speaker 1 (10:54):
If you meet someone and they're like, yeah, I'm totally single,
but I'm also still fucking my ex.
Speaker 5 (10:57):
Like I mean so odd.
Speaker 2 (11:01):
I'm also odd.
Speaker 1 (11:02):
Highly sensitive to the whole X thing right now too.
You know, it's like I need, I need to meet
people who are not attached in any way, Like, can
we just.
Speaker 3 (11:10):
Can weate single people?
Speaker 2 (11:11):
Yeah? Can we like it?
Speaker 1 (11:12):
Because I'm sorry, I don't think you're truly by definition single?
Because if I if I knew that, my ex put
it down and I and I'm habitually going back for
just that. I'm gonna sit on these dates with these
girls and You're going to say one thing to me
I don't like, and I'm gonna be like, all right,
I don't need you for this.
Speaker 2 (11:30):
I don't.
Speaker 1 (11:31):
I don't I'm not interested. Like the bar would be
that much higher, I think, And that's not what I'm
I guess. I'm not intimidated by the bar. I guess
it's just like, am I wasting my time? Are you
gonna wind up telling me like I don't want to
get with you because I don't want to get with you?
Or is it because you still want to get with him?
Doesn't have anything to do with me?
Speaker 3 (11:47):
Well, I know you're not this way, but I think
for some people's sex can be very transactional, and so
I think even if the relationship didn't work out, you know,
if they are good and bad, then that could be
just a transactional situation. There's a reason they're not together,
you know what I mean?
Speaker 2 (12:01):
Yeah, Or there's a.
Speaker 7 (12:03):
Way where actually, like, okay, you're not getting clouded on
a date just because you're horny, right, Like you're getting
off right and in normal times you could.
Speaker 2 (12:13):
Actually like weed out. Is this dig good like.
Speaker 7 (12:15):
Someone that I actually want to be in a relationship
with or am I just horny?
Speaker 1 (12:19):
That is true, that is true, But I have to wonder,
like how open minded is this person really? And that's
all I'm saying, is like how how focused on? Because
if you meet somebody else and you start sleeping with them,
probably there would have to be a conversation on the
other side, Hey I met somebody else, and then you
(12:41):
might burn that down officially, and so like, that's another
question is are you ready to completely disqualify yourself from
another person, because if I mean, maybe until you're actually
in a relationship, then everybody's okay with that. But I
tend to be like pretty quickly in the process if
we're sleeping together, like, hey, we don't like for as
long as his last can we not bang other people?
(13:02):
Like I tend to sort of like that agreement, especially
with this uncurable guin rhea that's floating around. Yeah, you know,
I don't think that's an unfair expectation. Now. Now I'm
not saying that's what she would do or wouldn't do.
But if I'm in that situation and my ex girlfriend
comes to me and says I'm fucking somebody else, now,
that might make me feel a certain kind of way.
That might make the breakup feel more real, and then
(13:23):
I might move on. And again I'm really out here
with my forward thinking here. I was going to say,
but let's face it, if you're actually you're sleeping with him,
and he came to you and said, hey, I start
fucking somebody else, You're probably not gonna fuck him anymore.
Speaker 3 (13:36):
I don't know why he would tell me that if
we were single. I don't know why people are telling
you these things.
Speaker 2 (13:41):
I don't I don't want to know.
Speaker 6 (13:43):
Like, no single, I'm gonna assume that you're having sex
with other people and use a conduct right like unless
we like have that conversations like why would you be
so forthcoming, like it's so hot?
Speaker 4 (13:53):
Maybe she just wasn't interested and it's her like go
to out, you know, like, hey, I sleep with my ex.
I'm not in anymore.
Speaker 1 (14:00):
So yeah, maybe, But I don't know how we got
that far. Why do I have her phone number? Why
are we texting? Like?
Speaker 2 (14:05):
You know what I mean? I think, which is what
she's doing now?
Speaker 7 (14:09):
By the way, horse, no, the car before the horse.
Speaker 3 (14:13):
You put the car before the horse, like until you
try stuff, you don't know, you overthink way before we
even get there.
Speaker 1 (14:18):
You know, that's no, there's no question about that. I
just I have this information now, but it's not It's
like I don't know if it's some little subconscious game
I like to play, but I'll sit next to people
on planes, and like I said, next to a person
on playing like a year ago, and before the end
of it, I knew she was having an affair.
Speaker 2 (14:33):
And I've never met heah, bro, I've never met this person.
I don't know.
Speaker 1 (14:39):
I think I wound up with the middle seed somehow.
It was the last minute thing and she was there
and then I think she was scared about the takeoff
and said something to me about it, and she was cute.
So we get to talking and before the end of it,
she's you know, she's telling me about how she cheated
on one guy to be with her husband and now
she's cheating on him and doesn't know it, and I'm
just and at the end of it, she goes, why
the fuck did I tell you all that? And I'm like,
(15:00):
it's my gift.
Speaker 3 (15:02):
Stop your gift because it's it's hurting you, right.
Speaker 1 (15:05):
But is it though, that's my question, like is it
really or is this person not really available? And then
I just get saved again because I do seem to
have a knack for the unavailable.
Speaker 7 (15:16):
You have like the perfect storm of getting the information
out of people. But then on the other side, overthinking
it and replaying and replaying, replay and then like spiraling right,
Like it's like the two things that shouldn't go together.
Speaker 1 (15:27):
But I guess we'll come back to the points again though, Jason,
if we come back to the very point of the podcast,
which is now that I have the information, if you
had that information, what would you do? Right?
Speaker 7 (15:35):
I mean, there would need if we were to move forward,
there would have to be a conversation of like, Okay,
if we're gonna date, like actually date, are you actually
serious about not fucking your yes? Because if you're if
we're gonna date and you're still gonna go fuck him,
then like I'm not in it to date you, like
if like you you have to match up with your intentions.
Speaker 1 (15:52):
And am I really getting a fair shot here? Like
are you really?
Speaker 7 (15:55):
Are you emotionally cut off? Like like is it going
to be an easy thing? Like I'm just not going
to fuck him anymore? Or are you still emotionally invested?
Like that has to be a conversation.
Speaker 1 (16:04):
Because I've dated people before, and you know, I don't
like to sleep with more than one person at the
same time.
Speaker 2 (16:09):
I don't like to do that. I just I don't know.
Speaker 1 (16:12):
I mean, even if it's just a couple times and
then we just have that conversation like it's if it's
not gonna happen again, I'll just you know, I mean,
like how hard is that? I don't know why we
have to be out here like stacking them up. I
really don't know. But what Like I've been in this
situation where I've got something that I kind of like,
but we're not official, and so I'm still out here
searching for something that I think might be better.
Speaker 2 (16:30):
I mean, that's shit. That's the design of the ass
right to do that.
Speaker 1 (16:33):
Yeah, and so but my point is like, if I
like somebody enough that I'm considering them, am I really open?
Like is the bar just that much higher for these?
Am I wasting other people's time basically just to see
if there's something better? And I realize that's what everybody
is doing. So that's not really unfair, and it's so
easy to do it, you know, back in the day,
(16:55):
like in the nineties and the ats, you know, like
when you actually had to meet somebody in person and
like make a real investment. I feel like it was
less likely that people were stacking as deep as they
are now, because you don't have to do anything to
have five or six people pining after you at any
given time. So I guess my point is, though, like
I think of it myself, like when I'm in these
situations where I'm not sure i'd like someone a lot,
(17:16):
but I'm not sure, the bar then becomes higher for
all these other people than it would have been otherwise.
So I don't really know if it's fair to go
into these other dates because it's like I'm doing the
same thing. I'm sitting there going, no, this isn't better
than what I got. Okay, nice meeting you. You go
on another one. Now, this isn't better than what I got,
or hey, now that's better than what I got.
Speaker 2 (17:36):
It's not you know.
Speaker 7 (17:37):
Yeah, But I'm also a firm believer, and like if
you were with someone that you would be so enthralled
with that that you wouldn't even want to see what
else is out there. You're saying, I'd like to believe that, Yeah,
that tells you that it's not right. Like if you
still want to go up in the app and see
what else is going on, then the person you're with, Like,
I think that sort of answers itself.
Speaker 2 (17:56):
I think you're right.
Speaker 1 (17:57):
I need to stop asking so many questions that being said,
this was valuable information to extract, like in this case.
Speaker 3 (18:03):
It wasn't. What if she liked you a lot, you know,
you just got to meet these people first.
Speaker 1 (18:08):
I think if she liked me a lot, she she
would have said what she said and then she wouldn't
ghost me.
Speaker 2 (18:13):
And yet, well that's what I mean.
Speaker 1 (18:15):
I think we'd still meet, but I don't think that's
even gonna happen now, which, by the way, tells me
something to.
Speaker 3 (18:19):
You don't know until you meet someone. Though I agree
he's seeing and talking.
Speaker 1 (18:22):
But we talked a couple of days ago and now
we're not, And so something tells me I because if
there was really nothing going on there, then this information
wouldn't be valuable.
Speaker 3 (18:32):
Didn't you say? You guys were arguing about.
Speaker 1 (18:33):
It, not arguing about it, But I'm just like, hey,
are you available? Like are you really available? And I am.
But my point is I think I probably struck a
chord because now that I have that information, she doesn't
seem to be interested anymore, which is fine, But if
he weren't a thing, then that I think she'd be
like yeah, well, fuck him, like, let's go out and see.
Speaker 3 (18:55):
Why don't say that before meeting you, you know, but.
Speaker 1 (18:57):
That's what I just said, fuck him, Let's go out
and see. Let's go out and see.
Speaker 3 (19:01):
But the fun him, though, is not gonna come until
you meet with someone in person and realize, oh, your
word saying for him.
Speaker 2 (19:06):
For I don't mean him like go away.
Speaker 1 (19:08):
I just mean like, I'm open to seeing if you're like, yeah,
that that was true yesterday, but maybe it won't be
true tomorrow. I don't know that that's If that were true,
then we'd be talking and going out, but now we're not.
Speaker 8 (19:20):
It's too much thinking, it's too much fuck her at
this point, that's how you feel, Okay, Yeah, I feel
like fuck her. Okay, girl, you are weird. This is
a weird flex Like I did not need to know this.
She did not need to tell you this. She could
have just been fucking happy and on a day with
you and you know what, I'm like, you are that
was very weird.
Speaker 5 (19:38):
And then I would also ask her, why do you
value yourself? Why you let your ex still?
Speaker 2 (19:42):
Fuck girl?
Speaker 8 (19:43):
I mean, you're never gonna move on and get another
man because you're trying to get some d from a new.
Speaker 1 (19:49):
But yet right right, why are go go fucking new
guy with whom you might have a better connection.
Speaker 2 (19:58):
I just stop talking. What I'm saying is he's an ex. Stop.
I agree with you.
Speaker 3 (20:03):
Facts while you're looking for the next one.
Speaker 5 (20:05):
But I don't need to tell no one that I'm
getting my fix from.
Speaker 8 (20:09):
As far as you're concerned, I'm a version, okay, I
am a celibate.
Speaker 5 (20:13):
And that this cat is waiting on you for it.
That's not this cat.
Speaker 2 (20:23):
You know, that cat over there, not your cat.
Speaker 5 (20:26):
Not my cat. My cat is chilling.
Speaker 8 (20:28):
But but her cat should have been waiting on you.
That's what I would have made you think, at least.
Speaker 3 (20:32):
Of course, you always lie and make them think.
Speaker 1 (20:35):
Yeah, her, I think it was. I realized I was
the one asking the question. But I didn't say, are
you fucking your ex? She put that out there?
Speaker 3 (20:44):
Make him feel safe energy for sure?
Speaker 2 (20:47):
Anyway, did you tell her?
Speaker 8 (20:48):
Who are you fucking?
Speaker 2 (20:51):
Okay, I'm not. I'm not though.
Speaker 1 (20:54):
Okay, So it's been a bit of a it's been
a while, it's been a minute. I've been you know,
I was trying to do one thing, and that thing
is not and so, so I'm not.
Speaker 2 (21:08):
Doing that anymore. Okay, and now I'm going to do
something else. Yes, this cat is waiting. Yeah miss, I'm
looking for a new pe nutter. What is it again?
Is the thing umobile? I'm looking for someone to drive
the nutmobile to Nutshout. I would like to apply. Okay, Well,
I'll be honest with you at this point, I'm open.
(21:29):
I've really never been more open to alternative lifestyle.
Speaker 5 (21:32):
Whale tongue.
Speaker 1 (21:33):
Yeah, yeah, so they called me a blue whale. They
called me a blue whale.
Speaker 3 (21:39):
Right, no ideas are bad.
Speaker 1 (21:40):
Okay, she's missing out on this blue why and not?
Speaker 2 (21:43):
Anyway? Never mind?
Speaker 1 (21:45):
If you listen, then you know I'm talking about my tongue. Everyone, Okay,
there's the tangent we missed. You have a good day.
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