Break Up Songs with Shannon Beveridge

Queer YouTuber and Blogger Shannon Beveridge is in the O.R.! We hear her journey from Tumblr to YouTube and the story of how she came out while in college in Okalahoma. 

Shannon is an open book, and when Tanya asks a *personal* question about the songs her ex-girlfriend Fletcher wrote about her, we hear the WHOLE story. 

Plus, Becca and Shannon bond over the challenges of dating an artist, and we get the details on Shannon’s new relationship!

See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

Episode Transcript

Speaker 1 (00:00):
Scrubbing In with Becca Tilly and Tanya rap An iHeartRadio podcast.

Speaker 2 (00:07):
Hello, everybody, we are scrubbing is scrub Dub Dub. We
have a very exciting guest today. People have been saying Becca,
please get her on the podcast, and I'm so.

Speaker 3 (00:19):
Excited because today's the day.

Speaker 2 (00:21):
Today's day. Shannon Beveridge. You would know her from the
YouTube world. She was like one of the first lesbian
out lesbian YouTubers.

Speaker 4 (00:32):
And don't forget about Tumblr and Tumblr. Hu John Tumblr.

Speaker 3 (00:36):
Yeah, I wasn't a Tumblr girl. I wasn't either, but
I think I'm gonna get one. This is I don't know.
Oh yeah, you should get a Tumblr. I'm going to Well.

Speaker 2 (00:45):
She was one of the OG's and she has lived
a very public life with her relationships and opening space
for people in the queer community. That's literally what her
goal is in everything she does.

Speaker 3 (00:59):
She is also a fell a podcast or with her
podcast X's and O's.

Speaker 2 (01:03):
She is a podcast door. She's a content creator, she edit,
she takes photos. She's very talented, and she's here and
she's here scrubbing in.

Speaker 3 (01:11):
So let's welcome Shannon Beverage.

Speaker 2 (01:17):
Hello, Shannon Beverage, Hello, Thank you for scrubbing in.

Speaker 5 (01:22):
Thank you for having me. So I feel like I'm
being interrogated right now. Why because it's on one. I'm like, okay,
let's do it TV one.

Speaker 4 (01:30):
Is it intimidating the two on one vibe, it's a
little intimidating. It's a lot of interesting to know, something
to think about for the next interview.

Speaker 3 (01:37):
Thanks for being honest. No one said that what if
I were sitting there, would that be different?

Speaker 5 (01:42):
I don't know, maybe like more of a circle discussion
rather than like, I'm like.

Speaker 3 (01:46):
Okay, all right, thank you, thank you so much. I
really am. I'm so excited.

Speaker 2 (01:53):
Uncomfortably those for people who don't know you and don't
know you from YouTube world, what's something that you want
people to know about you?

Speaker 3 (02:06):
Oh god, what's something?

Speaker 5 (02:08):
I think, like my whole thing is just trying to
create queer representation. So whether that's like through YouTube or
art or music videos or photography, whatever, it is, Like
that's my main goal in life, just to like show
people that you can, like live a whole, amazing happy
life and be queer.

Speaker 4 (02:28):
Yeah, if somebody asks you, like or if you go
to the doctor's office and you have to fill out like,
what's your occupation?

Speaker 3 (02:34):
What do you say?

Speaker 4 (02:36):
Self employed? Me too, It's like self employed, I have
a doctor's office. If you're like at a dinner party
and you're chit chatting, I.

Speaker 3 (02:44):
Would say I'm a content creator. Okay probably.

Speaker 5 (02:47):
And now I just started my podcast like end of December,
So since then I've been able to be like and
I like have a podcast, which is nice because I
don't know. I think for a while, there was like
a stigma too when I first started YouTube, of saying
you're a YouTube or like an influencer, like some people
take you less seriously. But now I feel like in
twenty twenty four, now it's like cool again.

Speaker 3 (03:08):
I don't really know.

Speaker 2 (03:08):
It's like people change it it, yeah, and like people
are like I'm trying to be influencers.

Speaker 3 (03:12):
Yeah, it's crazy how it's changed.

Speaker 4 (03:14):
I hate that stigma because it's like, if you're influential,
what a blessing is that?

Speaker 2 (03:20):
Yeah?

Speaker 4 (03:20):
I mean, like especially if you're standing up and speaking
about stuff that's important to you, Like how cool and
how like much of an honor is it to be
influential to people?

Speaker 5 (03:28):
Yeah? No, it's sick, but I think people hear it
and they don't necessarily like they will makeup are you
selling people? You know what I mean?

Speaker 3 (03:33):
What influence? Are you influencing?

Speaker 5 (03:36):
Right, So if they don't know my brand, then it
kind of just can sound fall flat.

Speaker 3 (03:40):
It's just like less cool. Maybe I don't know.

Speaker 5 (03:42):
I think content creator also makes more sense for me anyway,
because I'm I do a lot of different stuff too.

Speaker 3 (03:47):
It's not just social media, like I also.

Speaker 5 (03:50):
Do like photography stuff and other stuff outside, So I'm
creating stuff all the time.

Speaker 2 (03:55):
I was gonna say, because you shot Ariana Grande's New
York Time Yeah, Times, Square, time Square billboard or whatever. Yes,
it was so cool and that was so random.

Speaker 3 (04:07):
Yeah, it's so random.

Speaker 5 (04:09):
I'm like, listen to my podcast and I one time
took a picture of arion A grandeck.

Speaker 3 (04:15):
Why who knows? Honestly.

Speaker 5 (04:18):
No. My one of my best friend's name is Katya Tempkin,
and she is a photographer and she does all of
Ari's stuff, Arianas stuff.

Speaker 3 (04:29):
We're really close.

Speaker 5 (04:33):
Yeah, And she was shooting something in London and they
needed a BTS person to do it and kat started
as arian As BTS and like photography thing like person,
and then for that project she actually directed it, so
obviously she couldn't do the BTS. So we were driving
in La on our way to shoot something for Kenzie

(04:55):
Ziegler and I was shooting BTS for that and Kat
was creative directing for it, and she looked at me
like Arianna sent her voice Mama and was like, can
we find someone to do the bts?

Speaker 3 (05:04):
And then we were.

Speaker 5 (05:04):
Driving and then she looked at me and I was like, uh,
with shrug, I'm like, yeah, I would love to do that.

Speaker 3 (05:11):
So I got to go do that.

Speaker 5 (05:12):
And then I took a picture for her and she
loved Obviously she liked it enough to put it in
Times Square.

Speaker 3 (05:17):
It was sick. That's so cool. I feel like people.

Speaker 2 (05:22):
When they talk about their experience coming out, your name
gets brought up almost every time.

Speaker 3 (05:29):
That's so nice. It's so cool.

Speaker 2 (05:30):
I mean seriously, like talk about being like like being
someone who's in the influencer space, like I do feel
like it's so vapid sometimes and I'm like, what am I?
You know?

Speaker 3 (05:39):
What is my purpose?

Speaker 2 (05:40):
And I really feel like you have found your purpose
because it's such a it's such a huge Like we
were just talking about our episode on Monday, like being
able to see people feel comfortable. And we were talking
about Sophia Bush just short this essay and Glamour, and
she was saying she felt like weighted best was lifted off.

Speaker 3 (06:01):
From her if she could breathe.

Speaker 2 (06:03):
Yeah, And I was saying I felt that when Haley
and I went public with our relationship, like I felt
like a physical weight was lifted off totally. And you
grew up in the South in a very conservative I
mean I'm from the South too. Yeah, but you came
out a lot younger than I did.

Speaker 3 (06:20):
And you were in a sorority. And what sorority were
you in? Tried Delta? What about you? I was a
cap out amazing.

Speaker 5 (06:29):
I mean, I mean, I'm happy I could have been sisters.

Speaker 3 (06:33):
Really that was that's But did you love being a sorority?
I did love it? I actually really loved it.

Speaker 5 (06:41):
We were I was just talking to I was with
four people yesterday, all of them queer, and we all
were in sorority, and we were all talking.

Speaker 3 (06:47):
We all loved the experience.

Speaker 5 (06:49):
I missed like waking up and going out of my
room and being like who's around, Like who wants to
study or hang out or go out or whatever? Like
it was really such a unique experience that you'll never
have again, Like when are you ever gonna I lived
with a hundred girls, never gonna happen again. But also
really does not help you become straight. So if anyone,

(07:11):
if anyone is looking to me for influence, it will
not straighten you out.

Speaker 4 (07:14):
I was like, were you trying, like at that point
where you you knew you were cool?

Speaker 3 (07:18):
At that point, I, yeah, I felt with the girl
in high school.

Speaker 5 (07:21):
Yeah, so I wasn't out, but I got outed in
high school by that girl's parents.

Speaker 3 (07:25):
They outed me to like my parents.

Speaker 5 (07:27):
And then when they when my parents asked me if
I was gay, I was like, uh now, obviously not.
And I just kept it a secret and I went
to I went to school in Oklahoma. During to sorority,
I was like, I'm gonna find my husband here. Obviously
my MRS degree did not could happen. Then I just

(07:49):
was like around one hundred really beautiful girls all the time,
and I'm like.

Speaker 3 (07:54):
This is not working. Yeah, and then I went online.

Speaker 5 (07:58):
So it was like it was such a It was
a perfect experience because I felt so lonely in my sorority,
although I was having so much fun like, I had
a great time, but obviously everyone was dating boys and
like a lot of religious people going to school there.
And I was just like really internalizing like all of
my own like sexuality stuff and not talking to anyone.

(08:20):
And then I found out about Tumblr, which is like
a blogging website, and then I went on there, and
then I was like, oh my god, lesbians exist. I
had no idea that we were out there. Yeah, And
then I was like, okay, sick, maybe I could like
figure this out.

Speaker 2 (08:33):
I found my people. Yeah, so were you? Was when
you found when you fell in love with a girl
in high school? Was that the first time you like
had feelings? Because Haley's like, I knew I was gay
when I was five.

Speaker 5 (08:44):
I didn't know girls could be gay, that's the thing.
So I thought boys could be gay. I don't know
where this came from.

Speaker 3 (08:50):
I totally get that. I just didn't think anything Martin. Yeah,
well yeah, okay.

Speaker 5 (08:57):
Also I knew girls could be gay that looked like
my pec, my volleyball coach, which I look back and
I've talked about these women a lot, like in YouTube
videos in the past, where I've just been like and
I did not relate to them, and I kind of
feel guilty almost now thinking back, because how badass were
those two ladies to be out in Texas with their

(09:17):
crew cut haircut. I mean, like that's so brave in
some ways, like braver than being like a femme lesbian
working in a school system, because you could be under
the raidar and not say anything. Like there was no
hiding the fact that those ladies were gay. But I
did look at them and I was like, well, that's
not me. So I was like, I'm not gay, but.

Speaker 3 (09:39):
I had like some I thought maybe something was up.

Speaker 5 (09:41):
When I was really into this show called South of
Nowhere and it was about two girls and like they
kiss at the end, like season finale, and I had
sat all the way up in my chair and was
like leaning forward and I didn't even feel my body
like start moving. And then I was like, oh, oh no,
oh no, what's going on? But I had boyfriends and
I didn't think that much about it. And then this girl.

(10:02):
I think I had a crush on pretty much every
friend of mine ever, but I didn't know. I just
was like, this is friendship. You're supposed to be possessed
with your friends, like they get boyfriends and she does
not text me back as quick anymore. This is a bummer.
But then I think, finally, what happened with this girl
that I fell in love with is she had a
crush back. So it like the first time she ever

(10:25):
spent the night at my house. She I asked her
to scratch my back, like very like normal, I feel
like girl thing to do, right, she did for two hours.
It was like, something is happening. This is not I
didn't know how to tell her to stop. I didn't
want her to stop. But also I'm like, usually my
friends would do this for like five minutes. Two hours later,
I'm like, are we in love?

Speaker 3 (10:47):
And we were so? And then it got really scary
and weird but started nice. Yeah.

Speaker 2 (10:53):
Well, I feel like also when you're in high school,
whether you're into guys or girls, it's such an awkward time.

Speaker 3 (10:59):
Oh my god, I don't know what to do about.
You're trying to figure out how to do everything.

Speaker 4 (11:05):
The first time, Oh my god. The first time I
saw a penis, it was.

Speaker 3 (11:08):
Like, oh my god, I'm like, did I ever look
at one?

Speaker 4 (11:15):
Like, yeah, I don't look in the eye.

Speaker 5 (11:19):
I saw one before and it was not you know,
I am a lesbian, so I did not change anything
for me.

Speaker 3 (11:30):
I actually, I don't know. This is kind of inappropriate.
I don't know how appropriate.

Speaker 5 (11:34):
It was the first time I ever saw a penis.

Speaker 3 (11:39):
This guy.

Speaker 5 (11:40):
I was pulling it off of him and making it
slap him in the stomach over and over again because
I thought it was so funny and I didn't know
how else to touch it. I didn't want to touch it,
and he was like, okay, please stop doing that, and
I was like, I have to go home.

Speaker 3 (11:55):
I don't want to be here.

Speaker 4 (11:59):
I'm like, this isn't like it didn't come over you
like the how to Train a dragon, you know.

Speaker 5 (12:06):
One.

Speaker 3 (12:06):
I'm like, how do I train this?

Speaker 5 (12:08):
I literally like, how do I touch it as little
as possible and also somehow like abuse him in the process,
like slapping him.

Speaker 3 (12:17):
I'm like, I'm wwhelmed. You have to go home, Like,
I don't know why you're not enjoying this. It was
so fun, Like I don't want to do anything else
to it. Oh my gosh, that is so fun. When
you were in the sorority, You're living with one hundred
girls for two years. Life so fun, so fun. Did
you like any of them?

Speaker 5 (12:38):
Yeah, I think it was similar to the crushes I
had before that girl I liked, like, I had a
couple of friends that I probably like wanted to hang
out with a little bit too much, but all of
them were so obviously straight that I never let myself
really like fall into that, especially because I had that
experience with the other girl and she was still around,

(12:59):
so if I ever wanted to like talk to someone,
we kind of like kept our secret relationship going all
the way through like my freshman sophomore year of college,
but we it got weirder and weirder, but like, yeah,
I didn't need the validation from one of my forty sisters.
I knew they were so straight. They were just like
so straight. That was like, well no, but I can't

(13:19):
get in here.

Speaker 2 (13:20):
It's such a thing for lesbians to go for straight
girls like that.

Speaker 3 (13:24):
Haley was like that was her Oh my god, Yeah,
but that's but they're not straight. If if they are down,
I know they're not straight.

Speaker 2 (13:33):
But if people now obviously look obviously straight, Yeah, how
do you know?

Speaker 3 (13:38):
Because I it's like an energy thing though, too.

Speaker 5 (13:40):
You can tell if someone's giving you, Like I can
tell when a straight girl is giving me like far
too much attention, you know what I mean.

Speaker 3 (13:47):
Or they're like they'll say things like I kissed a.

Speaker 5 (13:50):
Girl once and you're like, okay, awesome, Like it's just
like out a pregame, like taking a shot and that
in between the shot, and like one time in high school,
I'm like, okay, got it.

Speaker 4 (14:02):
So you're throwing me up a flag. Yeah, so you
pick up on social cues.

Speaker 3 (14:06):
Yeah.

Speaker 5 (14:07):
And also it's just like body language, like it's flirting.
You can tell when someone's flirting with you. I mean,
I guess I can tell when someone's flirting with me.
And then my thing is, if you like me, you
are not straight immediately in my head, well yeahh but yeah,
so it's like going for straight girls, but it's more
so going for like girls who don't know they're gay
yet at least like a little.

Speaker 3 (14:43):
I feel like you told me you picked up on me,
and wat that What did you pick up on when
you were watching it?

Speaker 5 (14:49):
I thought I was like, okay, I thought you and
Jojo had to vibe like they are vibing.

Speaker 3 (14:54):
Why are they vibing like this really talking about it
all the time.

Speaker 2 (15:00):
I think it was a conversation people had. I'm realizing
it was for sure.

Speaker 5 (15:06):
The girls were talking about it, like those girls like
each other, well maybe one of them.

Speaker 2 (15:14):
Yeah, yeah, because I think you told me that. We
actually were at Haley's party and you were like, Cracy, what.

Speaker 3 (15:22):
Are you doing? Like, hey, it's all lining up when
I saw you.

Speaker 5 (15:31):
And then You're like I never even met Haley before.
It's my first time like ever meeting her. And I'm
like mm hm, oh.

Speaker 3 (15:36):
Good, what are you doing at this party?

Speaker 5 (15:38):
Though?

Speaker 3 (15:38):
Like why are you here?

Speaker 2 (15:40):
She was friends with a mutual friend who is very
straight Brittany, I'm joking, and she brought me and I
was like, Oh, we're gonna go out and if this
party sucks, will go to the next thing.

Speaker 3 (15:51):
And it was a fun party. Becca was like that
was in her phase of life where she was just
like down. She's like, oh.

Speaker 5 (15:58):
She was down.

Speaker 3 (16:00):
She sure was.

Speaker 5 (16:02):
She was.

Speaker 3 (16:02):
She was six years later crazy, that was six years ago.

Speaker 2 (16:05):
I know. But when you start so what I was
gonna say, when people reference your name, a lot of
it comes up like you were even my sisters, it's
like you were the first person where they saw they
that they.

Speaker 3 (16:19):
Looked like you.

Speaker 2 (16:20):
You know that it wasn't like the stereotypical, not that
anything's wrong with that. I just think that, like you said,
you didn't see yourself, yeah, and your teachers, and I think,
my I think a lot of people saw you and
watched you on YouTube and saw you on Tumblr, and
they're like, oh, if she can be gay, then maybe
I can be too, and it's the end of the world.

Speaker 5 (16:40):
Yeah, that's definitely And I had people who were like
that for me on Tumblr. They just like weren't necessarily
like YouTubers or like creating like content for like a
lot of people. And I think a big part of
it is just the timing of it. Like when I
started on YouTube, I was one of the first lesbian YouTubers,

(17:00):
which sounds crazy now, but I was not like the
first by any means, but there were not many of us.
There weren't many people making anything. And I definitely think
especially when I first came out, I mean, I'm still
I'm not like super mask or anything, but like, especially
at the beginning, I was like girl next door sorority
girl making videos from my sorority house but whispering so

(17:22):
that no one could hear me. And just like, yeah,
I always say, it was like lesbian Hannah, Montana because
I was out online but I was straight in real
life and like going to date parties with boys and
then coming home and literally I'd be on Tumblr to
like six in the morning, just like stalking people's profiles,
talking to people, asking people questions.

Speaker 3 (17:39):
I was obsessed.

Speaker 5 (17:40):
But yeah, I think that the representation thing is just
the timing of it was kind of divine.

Speaker 3 (17:45):
Yeah. Yeah, I don't know why I did that. I
don't know when I was bold enough to do that.
IM I'll do it.

Speaker 5 (17:51):
Well.

Speaker 2 (17:51):
Also, it's going you kind of go, okay, eventually people
if this picks up, people are.

Speaker 3 (17:56):
Gonna find it, find it. Mm hmm. That was scary.

Speaker 5 (18:00):
Yeah, yeah, but I had my all my videos were unlisted,
so you had to have the link to watch it,
but I would embed them on my Tumblr.

Speaker 3 (18:08):
I don't even know what that means.

Speaker 5 (18:10):
Yeah, you can still do it today, but you had to,
like go you had to be following my tumblr or
be on Tumblr to find it. And so the way
I rationalized it was if anyone finds it, then they're
gay too, Yeah, so like it's both of us together.
So that's how I was like, it'll be fine. But
I definitely got paranoid. My first my like handle is

(18:31):
now this is living on everything. But that's because I
started on Tumblr. So everyone's tumblers were like little weird
quotes or like a life with purpose, you know. So
my first tumbler was don't like Tumblr. Yeah it was awesome, Yeah.

Speaker 3 (18:44):
It was cool. My first one.

Speaker 5 (18:45):
It's like kind of like Pinterest meets Instagram, oh, I
would say, But my first tumbler was don't wait live now.
And then people started messaging me on there being like, Shannon,
are you thirsty? Do you need a beverage? And so
basically insinuating like they knew the I was, and so
I got scared. I deleted the whole Tumblr and I
had already kind of like amassed a little following on there,

(19:06):
and then I was like, I'm starting a new blog.
I'm never going to post pictures of myself ever again.
So I started this new one and then I think
it was like seven months later. I did take all
my pictures off and I was home for Christmas break
and I got bored. So I posted as healthy on there,
and I'm like, let's get back into it. I was like,
I need to talk to people again. But yeah, it
was so weird, crazy.

Speaker 2 (19:27):
So when who was the first question you came out
to outside of Tumblr?

Speaker 5 (19:32):
Mmmm?

Speaker 3 (19:34):
Who was my sister? Okay? Yeah? And how did she
re smile? It was so good. She laughed at me.

Speaker 5 (19:40):
She was like, yeah, obviously, I'm like, oh, gay, this
took a lot out of me.

Speaker 3 (19:45):
Just say this too.

Speaker 5 (19:46):
No. I kind of feel like the outing situation I
had in high school was almost like there was a
silver lining to it because it prepared my family a
little bit for the possibility that I would be queer.
Like I think both my mom and dad were probably
kind of like, well, hopefully not. But they had years too,
because that happened when I was sixteen, and then I

(20:08):
didn't come out till I was nineteen, Okay, so they
had three years to be like, it's definitely possible.

Speaker 2 (20:14):
Yea.

Speaker 5 (20:15):
And my sister I confided in her more about it,
and I was just like, I don't know what's going on, Like,
I still feel like I like that girl, but now
I'm like maybe I just like girls in general. And
then she laughed and I was like, Okay, glad, this
is fun for you.

Speaker 3 (20:29):
You're respect respect for response.

Speaker 2 (20:32):
Yeah, So when you came out to your how long
after that did you come out to your parents?

Speaker 5 (20:36):
Really quickly after I came out to my sister, probably
like at the beginning of summer, and then I came
out to my mom. I wanted to transfer school, so
it was like my freshman year of college was over.
I was like, there's no way I'm going to come
out in Oklahoma. And I was pretty positive at that point.
I'm like, Okay, I'm gay gay like gay, like it's

(20:56):
not even a there's I'm not by this is so
I have to do something. And I didn't want to
go do all that in Oklahoma, like I felt like
it would be. When I told my sister about it,
then I remember too she was really scared for me
and that she didn't want me to be like a
martyr or like put myself out there to get everyone's

(21:19):
whatever and to like help people change their mind about
queer people. She's like, I don't feel like it should
have to be you. She's like, maybe you should transfer schools.
You could go to UCLA or somewhere in California. So
we actually, me and my sister came to California that
summer and I toured schools and I looked at like
San Diego and all these other places, and then I
did not apply to transfer in time, so I had

(21:39):
to go back to Oklahoma, and I was just like,
I guess I'm stuck here now.

Speaker 3 (21:43):
And then it was great. It worked out amazingly.

Speaker 5 (21:45):
But I came out to my mom and my dad
that summer as well, because that was a conversation of like,
maybe I'll transfer schools, like why you would want to?
Like why wouldn't you go back to Oklahoma? And I'm
like something a lastpoon.

Speaker 3 (21:57):
So how'd you end up in La? I graduated.

Speaker 5 (22:01):
I have a fine ince degree in case anyone I'm
curious doing nothing with it?

Speaker 3 (22:06):
Do you have it? But if things go south and
I need a job, hit me up. Yeah.

Speaker 5 (22:12):
I graduated in May twenty let's not even say when
it doesn't matter. I graduated in May, and I had
been doing Tumblr for a while. I had started doing
YouTube a little bit, and I think I had like
four thousand subscribers on YouTube when I graduated in May.
By December the same year, I had one hundred thousand.

(22:32):
So because I started to actually post and I stopped
doing the unlisted things so it was public so people.

Speaker 3 (22:38):
Could find me.

Speaker 5 (22:38):
On YouTube, and I came out, like fully I merged.
I had two instagrams back to my lesbian Hannah Montana thing.

Speaker 3 (22:45):
I had like my straight one and I had the
gay one. Oh my god. Yeah, and they.

Speaker 5 (22:49):
Were both private, so everyone I was like having to
accept manually all of my followers. I had on my
gay one too, so yeah, I like merged the two.

Speaker 3 (22:58):
I came out.

Speaker 5 (22:58):
I posted a YouTube video I posted that on my
straight Instagram. Was like, two instagrams is too too many?
And by the way, I'm gang and I was like yeah,
and then I don't know, it just worked and then
la thing I think kind of happened organically. I wanted
to move to New York, but YouTube stuff, like everything

(23:19):
was kind of out here. And at the time I
had a girlfriend and she wanted to live in the warm.

Speaker 2 (23:24):
Weather, so that was Cammy, so she wanted to be here.
You and Kimmy had this like super public, super public.

Speaker 5 (23:32):
Relationship and were you guys together like three and a
half years I.

Speaker 3 (23:36):
Think long And what age ages was?

Speaker 5 (23:40):
I think I was turned twenty one when I was
dating her, so like twenty to twenty three, twenty four
something about something around.

Speaker 3 (23:48):
That was she like your first love.

Speaker 5 (23:51):
I think my first love was the high school for sure,
and it was super rocky. Though Cammy was like my
first like real relationship, sure, and so yeah in a
way like my first love.

Speaker 3 (24:03):
And it was so public, so public. It was crazy.
What were we doing? We had no idea, We didn't
we really didn't know that.

Speaker 5 (24:12):
I mean, I also, I'm from I like had a
lot of the Texas kind of like ideal like things
still in my head where it's like, oh, you fall
in love, you get married, you whatever. So when I
started dating Cammy and I fell in love with her,
I was like, well, clearly you're my wife, and so
who cares if we share everything everything online?

Speaker 3 (24:31):
Yeah?

Speaker 5 (24:31):
And then yeah, you turned twenty four and you realize
you came out dating someone you don't have any life experience.
Our whole identity kind of became the sane, like we
were really really combined, I don't know, And no one
would say Shannon without saying Cammy, and no one would
say Cammy without saying Shannon, or that's how.

Speaker 3 (24:48):
It felt so crazy.

Speaker 5 (24:49):
Yeah, and back then and then I was like, we
have to we have like more life to live. And
I realized that those texts things that I thought I wanted,
I actually didn't want, you know, I wanted to experience
more life. So yeah, and then breaking up with her,
like our breakup felt like breaking up with three hundred
thousand people. It was so and no one saw it

(25:13):
coming because obviously you're only posting the very best.

Speaker 3 (25:17):
It's like a highlight reel.

Speaker 5 (25:18):
But it was also twenty sixteen, like before I think
people even realized what a highlight reel was like because
no one was using social media. People weren't using social
media as much. I feel like now that there's Instagram
stories and like stuff like that, everyone even like normal
everyday people realize that you only post the best of

(25:38):
the best versus then I think.

Speaker 3 (25:40):
People were like, what are you talking about?

Speaker 5 (25:43):
You're perfect couple, like this is yeah, and I'm like, yeah,
we weren't posting our fights. Yeah I didn't come out
of the videos, but yeah, So it came as a
shock to people.

Speaker 2 (25:53):
How long, Like, was there a period where you were like,
this is not working, but I'm so scared to break
up because this is so public. Was that time frame
before when you realize like, we're not gonna get married.

Speaker 5 (26:04):
She's not I think I really had a really hard
time believing that that was true. So I think for
like eight months or so, I was like, no way,
there's no way. I fell out of love. Like I
could not let myself accept that or believe it. So
I was like it must be this or this is
the problem, or it's because we're doing this, and like
maybe we need just need more space, like trying to

(26:25):
problem solve and be like we can fix it, we
can fix it, we can fix it, when in reality,
I think I just didn't. I wasn't mature enough to
know that it was just over, and I was like
forcing something to work that had run its course probably
at that point, which I feel like, yeah, I feel
like that's like kind of a classic first love kind
of situation where you're like no, no, no, no, no no no.

Speaker 3 (26:46):
No no, we can fix it.

Speaker 5 (26:47):
And then the pressure of the inner like I had
that pressure just as a person, yeah, dating a person,
because I'm like I don't want to lose you.

Speaker 3 (26:54):
You're my whole life.

Speaker 5 (26:56):
Then they added pressure of and when we do break up,
what the hell is going to happen? Like are we
posted videos all the time together? Like what is the
internet gonna think? Are we gonna am I gonna have
to do something else? Like is social media done? Like
are you going to do social media? Like a million questions.
I mean, and here we are today, there's.

Speaker 3 (27:15):
Still edits of y'all. Yeah yeah that. People are like,
are can't you married?

Speaker 5 (27:21):
Yeah?

Speaker 3 (27:21):
Yeah, Cammy's married. Everyone's moved on, everyone's moved on.

Speaker 2 (27:25):
We're devastating for the lesbian community because now I see
all lesbian and TikTok and it's like, wow, this was
a moment.

Speaker 3 (27:34):
It was a moment.

Speaker 5 (27:34):
I think like when I see it now too, I
feel like people have kind of detached it from actually
being me. It's more like just their own you know
what I mean. They're not like shipping me and Cammi
together like Edward were characters were like you were a
moment in time and there coming out story. Yeah, and
that's beautiful. And also like I feel the same way

(27:58):
about that relationship, Like when you're years out of a relationship,
you can look back on it and be like, wow,
there were so many good things about that and so
many great things and beautiful things that I can appreciate it.
And also I'm like it's done that. Yeah, it's in
a box. But it's weird to have to see it.
But also, I've been online now, I've been doing this
for so long. I feel like I can see anything

(28:18):
at this pointsized.

Speaker 3 (28:20):
Yes, it don't take it to heart.

Speaker 2 (28:22):
Well, I want to talk about how desensitized you are
with your next relationship that.

Speaker 3 (28:28):
Came after Cammie.

Speaker 2 (28:31):
And we're going to take a break in just a second.

Speaker 3 (28:48):
All right, we're back. So who is this? It's Carrie Fletcher.

Speaker 4 (28:52):
Oh yeah, I have such a really important question. But
you can go first. You can ask you well after that, now, No,
Because so I I listened to her music Pluture, and
I listened to this song. I was like obsessed with
this song and I just discovered that she wrote it
about she's your ex.

Speaker 3 (29:13):
Girlfriend now but it was your girlfriend at the time.
Becky's so hot. I love that song so much, And
so now it's like this because I.

Speaker 2 (29:23):
Was like, I need the straight to Tanya to ask
questions like this.

Speaker 3 (29:28):
This is a very straight question. She's just like trauma.
It's sensitized.

Speaker 4 (29:36):
Yes, because like I'm like, how okay, so you're like
not dating this person where they're writing songs clearly about
you and your new Like she literally named.

Speaker 3 (29:46):
Her Becky which is her name, which is.

Speaker 4 (29:49):
Her name right, her actual name, and you're dating this
person in the moment, how do you explain that, Oh.

Speaker 3 (29:56):
It was not good.

Speaker 5 (29:57):
It was not good. I did not expect that, and yeah,
it was bad. It was it felt and I feel
like it's funny. Well, now if you're kind of talked
about it, I hadn't talked about it really at all,
and then I had Carrie on my podcast and we
kind of talked about it a little bit.

Speaker 3 (30:15):
Yeah, because I feel like you guys are like friendly, fine,
now we're okay.

Speaker 5 (30:19):
But I had dodged talking about it for a long
time just because I also didn't want to like promote
the song. So like anytime I talked about it, it
made the song do better, and I'm like, I kind
of don't want the song to do that song. It's awesome,
I can cause there was like, yeah, there was no
like winning and now, out of respect for your girlfriend,
I feel like exactly, yeah, And also because that was

(30:40):
it was just not I wasn't expecting it. So when
it happened, like when you date an artist, you expect
that there will be songs written about you, and you
know There's also a song called Birthday Girl, and it
says like are we have the same birthday? I mean, Carrie,
So it's like March eighteenth, at eleven fifty nine, Like
where are you going to be?

Speaker 3 (30:59):
It's obviously about me, you know what I mean.

Speaker 5 (31:00):
You're like putting she put she She's adding a lot
of details, likes.

Speaker 3 (31:06):
Could be a little more vague, you know, leave something
up for.

Speaker 4 (31:10):
Interpretation, right, Like Taylor uses like different people's names like
Peter and Cassandra, like throw me a bone here.

Speaker 5 (31:17):
I know.

Speaker 3 (31:17):
I thought maybe that would happened for me too, but
I don't know.

Speaker 5 (31:20):
So I was expecting a lot of that, but I
was not expecting that scenario. And then that was it
was really tough. It was really hard for my girlfriend
at the time, just because.

Speaker 3 (31:31):
It's just like who, how do you get it at that?

Speaker 5 (31:35):
You know?

Speaker 3 (31:35):
And I obviously I don't want to talk.

Speaker 5 (31:37):
For her at all, but it was just like a
really unique situation to be in. And like I was
in therapy at the time trying to explain that to
my therapist and she's like, just don't go online.

Speaker 3 (31:47):
I'm like, uh, yeah, well is my job? Also? Is
my job?

Speaker 5 (31:53):
I had a manager at the time, and I was like,
what the hell do I do? Like, what should I
be doing? I don't have a publicist, like, I'm not
Capitol Records isn't behind me. It's me and my little
social media manager, you know. So I'm like, what the
hell should I be doing? And she was like, just
don't do anything, and I'm like that feels wrong, Like
everything nothing felt I think the biggest takeaway from the

(32:14):
whole not the biggest, but a huge takeaway it was
just how out of control that situation felt for me,
and I felt like there was really no winning in
talking about it or staying silent about it, like it
just kind of for a while was like eating me
up and then creating issues and then also like being
angry at someone is a terrible feeling, yeah, because no

(32:35):
one is winning, Like it didn't do anything for me,
And she didn't even know because I wasn't talking. I
wasn't like, hey, what the fuck she had? She Well,
I think the radio silence that I did.

Speaker 3 (32:46):
Made it pretty obvious.

Speaker 5 (32:47):
I was not happy, But yeah, that whole scenario was wild.
The gift that keeps on giving. Also, I'm like, just well,
I just can't I can't.

Speaker 3 (32:57):
Believe she actually used her name. I'm singing the song
and it's like something you know, not not made up.

Speaker 4 (33:05):
Like obviously you know that people write from like real
life experiences.

Speaker 3 (33:08):
I didn't know there's this actual person's name. Yeah, a
whole human being, a human.

Speaker 2 (33:14):
I think it's like you expect you break up and
you're dating an artist, and you're like, there's gonna be
content that comes out and it's inspired by me in
our relationship. But I think what you don't expect is
that your current girlfriend inspires a full song that goes
fully viral. And then I imagine every like lesbian bar

(33:35):
club you went to was blasting the song. Yeah.

Speaker 5 (33:38):
Sometimes you'd be in like an urban outfitters and it
would come on and I'm like, did you do it
on some what lesbian is back there?

Speaker 3 (33:44):
Like we walk in the door and.

Speaker 5 (33:45):
I'm like, oh really, oh really, okay, awesome, what a bom?
But yeah, no, none of that was expected, and then
none of it was really easy to like figure out
afterwards either, you know, oh my gosh, of difficult conversations
and just like hurt feelings, yeah, and weird vibes. I

(34:06):
feel like maybe people shouldn't do that. Maybe she shouldn't
have basically.

Speaker 2 (34:12):
Told her, And she said on your podcast, like, I
regret Yeah, I don't know if I know deeply she
feels that because it.

Speaker 3 (34:19):
Did do pretty well.

Speaker 5 (34:20):
But I know, I'm like that worked though, didn't it
seems like it worked out or nice? You can see
that in hindsight, yeank you I know. And also she
went on a different podcast. I'm not talking because we're
friendly and fine, but she went on another podcast and
she said the same thing that she regrets playing the
song out and the host was like, okay, well, will

(34:40):
you stop performing the song then?

Speaker 3 (34:42):
And she was like no, I said, I mean you can't.
You got to get the people what they want.

Speaker 2 (34:48):
Apparently, do you feel like it led to the breakup though,
like all that trauma?

Speaker 3 (34:54):
And she wouldn't say that.

Speaker 5 (34:57):
No, I think it was just an I think a
lot of I'm like, really cough, I don't talk that
much about my last relationship just because it also is
fresh fresher.

Speaker 3 (35:08):
Since it just i mean eight months ago it happened.

Speaker 5 (35:10):
But and also I don't know, just like I tread lightly,
but I think we had a lot of random things
like that got thrown at us when we were together,
Like my dad had a heart attack, that song thing
happened like other like you know, little things that just
were like really stressful, and I think it was just
hard to get like all of it together really affected

(35:33):
our relationship obviously, you.

Speaker 2 (35:34):
Know, I would watching it, I was like, this is
so hard.

Speaker 3 (35:40):
I don't know how they're navigating this, Like.

Speaker 2 (35:42):
I just feel like it would I feel like I
would cause a lot of fights.

Speaker 3 (35:47):
Yeah, personally, yeah, it was. It definitely didn't. It didn't help. Yeah,
I becky, I'd be so pitched. It did not help anyone.

Speaker 5 (35:57):
Yeah no, But I also don't I don't think you
can contribute any one thing to relationship ending.

Speaker 3 (36:04):
You know, obviously a lot of life happens. Yeah, do
you so?

Speaker 2 (36:08):
I listened to your episodes with with Carry Fleer and
I Carrie.

Speaker 3 (36:14):
I know.

Speaker 2 (36:15):
Well, I'll say it for the for the people listening
for Fletcher, just so they were.

Speaker 3 (36:19):
Aware if we were talking. Thank you so much.

Speaker 2 (36:25):
Butcher and I was texting you. It's like the chemistry was.

Speaker 3 (36:31):
So palpable through visually.

Speaker 2 (36:35):
Watching you and hearing all because it was like I
was listening to y'all just like giggle and like reconnect
and y'all were saying things like, yeah, well this is
the end, like this is our closure, and.

Speaker 3 (36:47):
I was like, what this is closure?

Speaker 5 (36:50):
So mean, I know, I think I think it's I
think it's impossible to not have chemistry with someone that
you dated for a long time.

Speaker 3 (36:58):
I think, let me tell you again, it's possible as possible. Yeah,
I don't know.

Speaker 5 (37:04):
I think it really is one of those things where
she is we had more of a friendship, and we
talked about it in the podcast.

Speaker 3 (37:12):
I think too, even when we were.

Speaker 5 (37:14):
Together, our relationship was way more friendship based than it
ever felt super romantic, which was when we were in
the relationship kind of a complicated like it made.

Speaker 3 (37:25):
Things harder because I'm like, wait, do we do we
like each other? Like do we love each other? You know,
like the intimacy, which is right?

Speaker 5 (37:32):
Right?

Speaker 3 (37:33):
People are people don't believe that. I'm sure.

Speaker 5 (37:35):
I mean, we didn't talk about it on my podcast,
but like we did not like have like a super
sexual relationship, I would say, which I think people would
think that we did, especially based off the songs that
Carrie Wrights Fletcher like they tend to be super sexual
and like, yeah, our relationship was so friendly, which made
it so fun, but also I feel like it made

(37:57):
it like this could never be like a ever thing. Also,
I don't want I would never want to date an
artist like that, no offense, hardship.

Speaker 4 (38:09):
Let me tell you, the songs she's writing about Beck
are really uh what are.

Speaker 3 (38:14):
The yeah breakup song? Who break?

Speaker 2 (38:20):
I'm like, I thought we were breaking up and I
was like, I just thought we had a fight.

Speaker 3 (38:25):
You're so dramatic.

Speaker 5 (38:26):
Yeah, well see, And you have a different experience than
me because when I dated Carrie, she was not big,
Like she wasn't super famous or like, you know, her
career has popped way more off now, so dating a
smaller artist was not that difficult for me. Like it
was fun and I could go be on the tour.
I like did her photos for like one a tour,

(38:46):
and it was like she was an opener. It's like
just a very different kind of life I feel, versus
knowing her now and watching the content she posts and
like also talking to her about what her life looks
like now, Like there's nothing about that that sounds desirable
like as a partner for me. But yeah, I really
just genuinely missed her so much as a friend. I

(39:08):
think that's what comes through in the podcast, but because
of course you can think of us as a couple
and like a past couple. I think a lot of
people were watching it being like, oh my god, they're flirting,
and I'm like, I swear to God, I'm not I swear.
This is like I'm just like, I think it's like
the biggest to quote Sophia Bush, but it literally felt

(39:29):
like a weight was lifted just to be like, Okay,
things are copasetic. And I come from a family where
my parents are divorced but they're best friends. So I
think my role models in life about like a relationship
you could have with the X are kind of like
kind of beautiful and sweet, and I didn't have that,
Like we had such a tumultuous bad thing going on

(39:50):
that I think when we finally got together and I
forgave her for a healing, yeah, like I just feel
so much lighter. And I think that that's what it's
like getting interpreted as like flirtation is more just like lightness,
and I just feel like, yeah, just so happy to
I'm so happy to have her as someone in my
life that I could just like text and be like, hey,

(40:13):
I hope you're doing well. You know, that's like a
whole it's like going through like to the other side.

Speaker 3 (40:18):
Of so you're really putting a period on it. It's
really done. It's done. We are done. Done, closure is closed.
We are friends. All right, awesome, you heard it here.

Speaker 5 (40:35):
First, we'll say I've been saying it. Yeah, you heard
it here for the eight hundred time. Okay, we're friends.

Speaker 4 (40:46):
But I will say how friendly you are with an
ex is like tricky when you are navigating a new
relationship totally because like if I were dating someone and
they were like, hey, hope you have a good day
to their ex, I'd be like, what the heck is on?

Speaker 3 (40:59):
Yeah?

Speaker 5 (40:59):
I mean yeah, I don't think. I don't intend to
be like her best friend. You know, it's nice to
be like friendly and friend, like like if we talk
it would be okay, you know it's not.

Speaker 3 (41:12):
But yeah, I think.

Speaker 5 (41:15):
Dating me in general is probably a little bit intimidating
considering my track record.

Speaker 3 (41:21):
It's a little scary back there eyes on all of it.
It's okay.

Speaker 4 (41:27):
Sometimes the best views come from the scariest climbs, you know,
beautiful Hell yeah.

Speaker 3 (41:32):
You put that on your hinge profile. Are you dating?
Oh my god, thank you. Yeah, so I'm dating. This
keeps coming up so much.

Speaker 5 (41:43):
But yes, I'm dating, casually dating or you I've been
dating one person, I think, and I talked about it.

Speaker 3 (41:50):
Yeah. I think.

Speaker 5 (41:52):
The thing that I'm navigating right now is just how
much I want to talk about it or not talk
about it, just because my track record, my history is scary,
but also because I think at the beginning of dating someone,
like I want to protect it, you know, and just
make sure that I don't know. I think the more
eyes you have on something, then it gets scarier, and.

Speaker 3 (42:15):
Then people get invested.

Speaker 5 (42:16):
My like, one of my biggest fears about it in
general and me dating is how invested people get in
who I'm dating. Like there, it feels a little bit
more intense than what some of my friends I see
go through, you know, Like I have a lot of
friends who are influencers or content creators or artists or whatever,
and I'm like, why then do people care so much

(42:37):
about who I date?

Speaker 3 (42:38):
Like like that, Like, I think it's so nice, it's
is it?

Speaker 2 (42:44):
It's I'm not we don't understand.

Speaker 3 (42:48):
No, I don't understand that I really don't one hand.
It is nice though obviously people care. It's nice. People
are invested in the happy at the end of the day.

Speaker 5 (42:56):
Yeah, and I I mean I created it.

Speaker 3 (43:01):
I set this monster up.

Speaker 5 (43:03):
I think by being so public with my first relationship,
it's kind of like people do think. I think people
think of me. And also I barely ever am single,
just my own thing. But I feel like people think
of me as a girlfriend to people, you know, and
then they're like, oh, I wonder what Shannon's relationship would
look like.

Speaker 3 (43:21):
And then I started a podcast called X's and Oh's.

Speaker 5 (43:23):
It's about relationships and sex, so yeah, I know people
care about that content from me, and also I enjoy
talking about it too. So it's it's just like now
going into something new, trying to figure out a balance
that's right.

Speaker 3 (43:37):
And I have never done it.

Speaker 4 (43:39):
Even when you're really dating somebody, it's like, I feel
like you should make sure that it's like solid before
you invite everyone, even like family and friends, you know
what I mean.

Speaker 3 (43:48):
Like it's like make sure that that's good and then
bring people in.

Speaker 2 (43:51):
So true, I was gonna say, but because you and
Carrie didn't have a public relationship, Yeah, people knew or assumed,
but it was never public. So you went from this
like super long public, we filmed everything relationship.

Speaker 3 (44:05):
The most public, super public.

Speaker 2 (44:07):
Breakup, and then you get into a relationship and it's
quiet with the assumptions that people are talking about.

Speaker 5 (44:13):
I mean, it was everyone knew we were dating, but yeah,
we didn't give them like I never posted a kissing
picture and we never would be like happy anniversary, but
but yeah, people definitely knew. And then the weirdest part
was when we broke up, we released all of these
pictures and videos that we had been Like we obviously

(44:34):
we took kissing pictures, We took like fun little videos
of us, and I did her music videos for her
EP the sex tapes and like sex with the X
in parentheses and I am the X in question.

Speaker 3 (44:48):
And I filmed all the videos for it.

Speaker 5 (44:50):
And then when we put them out, they also like
leaked this website and posted like all these pictures and
videos that we had hidden for all those years, Which.

Speaker 3 (44:58):
Why did do that?

Speaker 5 (45:01):
Why if we hadn't If we hadn't done that, no
one could make an edit of us. And now it's
like here you go there after we broke up, what
the Hell's that?

Speaker 3 (45:11):
What the heck? What? What was that? That was delusion.

Speaker 2 (45:16):
I was like, you said, you got bored in Texas
over Christmas break, so you posted your phone on somebod.

Speaker 5 (45:22):
It was giving bored, it was giving covid bored. I'm like,
I guess let's mix it up.

Speaker 3 (45:28):
No, you guys did it. We did it. We leaked them.

Speaker 5 (45:32):
We leaked all of it like letters I'd written like everything.

Speaker 3 (45:37):
I'm like, whoa, what the hell is this? What are
we doing? It's are you giving manic covid?

Speaker 5 (45:45):
It was like, so, I don't know. On one hand though,
it's we've healed. Yeah, And I'm so proud of the
project itself. Like the videos I made there, I'm like,
stand by them. And it was very it was a COVID.
We literally did all of it, just me and her
film at editing, someone edited for us. But you know,
it was very small, like intimate kind of little project.

(46:06):
And then we could have done without the leak, though,
I think of the others.

Speaker 3 (46:12):
We could have just done the videos. That would have
been enough. We're like, no, let's lean in. It's even crazier,
clean into the art. Yeah, did you?

Speaker 5 (46:20):
Maybe I should have expected Becky's so hot now that
I think about it, was she doing.

Speaker 2 (46:40):
Music videos or anything where she was like making out
with other people or doing projects where she that when
y'all work together.

Speaker 5 (46:47):
I feel like that, Yes, I think there was like
a couple and yeah, how's that for?

Speaker 3 (46:52):
Yeah, that was a touchy, touchy subject. Over here were
you and how did you handle that?

Speaker 2 (47:00):
I think because you're an artist, so like you also
have the viewpoint of like reading art.

Speaker 5 (47:06):
And also I've been on set, not like that, I've
been on set, and I know the vibe also of
like what an on screen kiss is like, and you've
got like forty people behind this screen watching it and
it's just choreographed and it's like, Okay, move.

Speaker 3 (47:21):
Your head here, do this there.

Speaker 5 (47:23):
So that was all fine, but I think I think
going back to the fact that we didn't have a
super intimate relationship like oh yeah, I think sometimes it
was even more churning to me because I'm like, when's
the last time we made out?

Speaker 3 (47:36):
And now I have to watch you make out with
some girl. Okay, this kind of sucks.

Speaker 5 (47:40):
But I think also was like an immaturity thing because
I was younger then. I think today, if I dated
an artist, which I don't want to, but if it
were to happen, I could be more open minded about
the situation. But yeah, and it's it's weird. Also, I
think there's a part of you that's like, why don't
you just like cast to other?

Speaker 3 (47:59):
Do you have to be in the music video at all? Yeah? Y.

Speaker 2 (48:04):
I pitched that idea as Okay, do you need to
be in it or would you rather be behind the scene?

Speaker 3 (48:10):
Direct? Direct?

Speaker 2 (48:11):
Do you want to direct? You love to direct, You're
really good at director. I'm going to direct it and
be in it.

Speaker 5 (48:16):
Yeah, Okay, you're wearing too many hats, take a hat off.

Speaker 3 (48:20):
You're exhausting yourself. So is it hard for you then? Yeah,
it's really hard.

Speaker 6 (48:23):
Yeah, yeah, got it, And we'll just leave it at that. Yeah,
I can'te you know, she's always like, it's just she's
the same way.

Speaker 3 (48:36):
If you saw it happen, like if you're on set,
would you ever go on set?

Speaker 2 (48:40):
I don't want to watch it either, but maybe that
would help me maybe.

Speaker 3 (48:44):
But you said you also.

Speaker 5 (48:45):
Got I didn't have a relationship, so I did also
get jealous. But I don't even know if there's ever
I don't know if it actually ever happened.

Speaker 3 (48:55):
Maybe she did.

Speaker 4 (48:56):
Guy, this is very normal, Like yeah, that's to be jealous,
Like it's so yeah, Like if I saw my fiance
making out with anybody and behind a lens, I'd be like,
get your mits.

Speaker 3 (49:08):
Off, my man. Yeah it's but okay, I don't.

Speaker 4 (49:12):
Care anybody that says like, yeah, it's fine, it's like
so cool, Like no, deep down, it's irking something.

Speaker 1 (49:17):
Maybe I don't like him that much if you're fine
with it, right, But the I think the good the
positive thing about a music video is what the like
the length of that set is maybe two days, you know,
so you're I have a way harder time dating an
actor who's on the occasion with someone for months at
a time, for ten Yeah, Shannon, really, she's wearing.

Speaker 3 (49:46):
Stop she's doing too much. She really is.

Speaker 2 (49:49):
Yeah, okay, but I do say like that would I
think that would really send me into the spiral, which
we haven't navigated yet, but we will get there when
we do, we'll get there.

Speaker 3 (50:00):
But yeah, I just think it's like, you know, you
watch the person.

Speaker 2 (50:03):
I've always wanted to talk to you about that because
I was like, I wonder what that feels like or
what it felt like for you.

Speaker 3 (50:08):
It's just not. It doesn't feel good no matter what.

Speaker 5 (50:10):
It doesn't feel good, even if you can be super
secure and be like, I know, it's not real, like
obviously you're kind of like.

Speaker 3 (50:17):
I have watched Haley on stage.

Speaker 4 (50:18):
I'm not even dating her, and I like, I was like,
oh my god, like that girl's grinding very close to.

Speaker 3 (50:24):
Her nothing and I'm not even dating her. Like I
was on my friends were like, are you good? Oh
my god? Okay, it's art though, detach.

Speaker 5 (50:35):
I know.

Speaker 2 (50:36):
I've had to really have had to, you know, because
I come from a very traditional Southern street world, and
it's like I've had to detach that what she creates
is her art and like how she wants to express
herself and it's not has literally nothing to do with me.

Speaker 5 (50:53):
Yeah, or how much she loves you, or like or
how good your relationship is.

Speaker 3 (50:57):
Right, Yeah, it's hard.

Speaker 5 (50:59):
And I have friends, as are artists to who navigate
that with their partners. And I don't know that anyone's
doing it awesome, you know, I think everyone everyone struggles
with it a little bit.

Speaker 3 (51:11):
Like I think it'd be weird if you didn't. I agree. No,
one's doing it awesome. No one's doing it awesome. It's
a great tagline. We should make that, yeah awesome.

Speaker 2 (51:20):
Do you what are your plans in your career? Are
you wanting to focus on the podcast? Are you liking
doing the podcast?

Speaker 5 (51:27):
Yeah, I'm loving doing the podcast and I'm hiring like
an editor right now, and I think that will help
me like it even more because right now it's just
so much work that I feel like and it's because
it's weekly. It's like, Okay, Wednesday happens, and I'm like,
who I can a wreath and I'm like I have
to do it again, like I have to keep it's
again another one, And I feel I just think that

(51:50):
doing all of it, I I'm not able to focus
as much on like what the what we talk about,
or like if I want to play game, like I
don't have I don't even have like the threshold to
do it because I'm just kind of like burnt out.

Speaker 3 (52:02):
But I love it. But also, you know, what is
killing me is like a part of me would love
to be mysterious, Like I want to be kind of
like how do you be mysterious when you have a podcast?

Speaker 5 (52:13):
Yeah?

Speaker 3 (52:13):
You have? What else? Do y'all want to know? Need
to break it to you.

Speaker 5 (52:17):
I know, I'm only twenty episodes in. I'm like, I
think I've said everything. I don't know anything else.

Speaker 3 (52:24):
We've talked about it covered every ground and that's it.
Let's wrap it up.

Speaker 5 (52:30):
No, but having a guess makes it so much easier
because every time it's like, what could be anything?

Speaker 3 (52:37):
Or maybe you get a co host.

Speaker 2 (52:38):
Because I started the podcast by myself and bringing Tanya
on it was.

Speaker 5 (52:41):
Like that would help to I think the only thing
that I like about doing it by myself is the
freedom of being able to do it whenever I want
to do it, you know.

Speaker 4 (52:48):
Yeah, Like you can schedule up at two am and
just like bust out a podcast.

Speaker 3 (52:52):
I literally can.

Speaker 5 (52:53):
Yes, Sometimes I film my intro of the night before
and I'm like, I post it at three am and
I will film my intro part, which is like a
little bit by myself at like midnight. I'm what's wrong
with me? Like I had all day? Also, by the way,
I can do things whenever I want, but I've choose
to do them like two hours before.

Speaker 3 (53:13):
I need the pressure, Like, yeah, I do I do
that too.

Speaker 2 (53:15):
Oh, I need the pressure it's got to be like
the last midnight.

Speaker 5 (53:20):
The midnight hour for yeah, a huge procrastinator too. But
then I'm like, and my best work happens after midnight.
I'm like, probably not, though we wanna know how my
could probably be better?

Speaker 2 (53:31):
Yeah, I got like B plus on my essays that
I wrote the night before, but.

Speaker 5 (53:35):
I exactly it's doing okay. Yeah yeah, but yeah, I
love the podcast.

Speaker 2 (53:40):
I see a lot of people on TikTok and then
like even in our Facebook group on social media talk
about dating women and how.

Speaker 3 (53:47):
Do you like a lot of girls that are like either.

Speaker 2 (53:50):
Discovering their sexuality later or they've you know, only dated men,
and they're like, I want to date girls, and they're.

Speaker 3 (53:56):
Like, how do you approach a girl? How do you date?
How do you with girls? What's your what's your advice
for people?

Speaker 2 (54:02):
Because you kind of have an advantage because you're kind
of just known. You probably haven't had to do a
lot of the heavy lifting, not doing.

Speaker 5 (54:10):
Any heavy lifting. Oh yeah, no, I don't. I definitely
don't have a normal dating experience. I wouldn't say like
I've never had to, like, I don't know, go up
to someone at a ball.

Speaker 2 (54:20):
I mean I guess I have or I guess what
gets your attention if someone comes up to you and
what what is it about someone that you're like question
that you're like, oh, I'm I want to know more.

Speaker 5 (54:29):
Well, I think that the energy thing, like we were talking
about before, like clocking someone's queer right away, that is
the first step for me, and.

Speaker 3 (54:37):
Then I don't know.

Speaker 5 (54:38):
I think just like having I think it's it's the
same as dating guys. That's the thing I think, and
I think people get so in their head it's obviously
different their differences, but at the end of the day,
you're not.

Speaker 3 (54:50):
There's not like.

Speaker 5 (54:51):
Some new unique formula where it's like and only wear
an earring on your left ear. It's not that anymore
gross exactly, it's twenty twenty four. It's like you were
gonna just date someone and it will feel the same
as dating. I think the biggest thing is people just
getting over, like girls getting over the fear of not
being experienced and thinking that that makes their sexuality less

(55:14):
valid or uh just like less confident in themselves because
of it. It's like every person who is queer had
a first relationship, had a first experience, just like every
straight person had a first relationship, a first experience, Like,
it's all the same, and you will find the right
person who wants to like take on that journey with you,

(55:34):
and sometimes it'll be both of your first relationship. But
sometimes you know someone will have already dated multiple people
and then you'll be their first girlfriend and it's like, yeah,
you just need to find the right person who you
really care about, and then they'll make it I think
smooth and easy for you.

Speaker 3 (55:48):
Yeah, that was very intimidated.

Speaker 2 (55:50):
You didn't have to, Like I mean, when Haley and
I met, it was so like it wasn't a lot
of thinking to it.

Speaker 3 (55:55):
But then like when we started, I.

Speaker 2 (55:57):
Was like, oh, she's like listening Jesus, like what and
I am from the Bachelors.

Speaker 5 (56:03):
Two worlds? Yeah, two times tried to get but you did.
How did it, Like, how did it go for you?
Did you feel like it felt that much different than
dating men?

Speaker 3 (56:12):
Well? I felt like it.

Speaker 2 (56:13):
Felt different in a whole new way, Like it felt
so exciting, exciting and effortless. And I wanted to talk
to her twenty four to seven and I wanted to
know what she was doing. And then I was like,
get a grip on yourself.

Speaker 3 (56:24):
BA like play it cool. You're way cooler than this. Yeah,
you definitely didn't play it cool. No, it was not cool.
So it was different.

Speaker 2 (56:31):
It was different in like almost the opposite way for me,
where I was like.

Speaker 5 (56:35):
Well, there's also like the thing like the familiarity of
being a woman and talking to a woman. Yeah, we
like get each other already, and it looks so nice.

Speaker 4 (56:45):
I always feel like whenever it's like their anniversary stuff,
I'm like, god, like just I don't know.

Speaker 3 (56:49):
And then they could to share clothes like I much. Yeah,
it's so nice. There's like definitely pros.

Speaker 5 (56:56):
Yeah, sure, like con can't have a baby together.

Speaker 3 (57:00):
That's like the only one I can think of.

Speaker 5 (57:01):
But yeah, but you still can have babies those ways,
just like the DNA bit right right, But you know
what of Beach, I would take everything else about being
a lesbian and leave that behind.

Speaker 3 (57:14):
I'm loving it. It's going potentially, Yeah, I think I do.

Speaker 5 (57:19):
I just I think I'm realizing the timeline that I
thought I was on is different again. You know, like
the first I already did it once when I that
first relationship, I was like, oh I'm gonna get married
probably when I'm like twenty seven. Yeah.

Speaker 3 (57:33):
Yeah, Now I'm thirty two.

Speaker 5 (57:35):
I'm like, what the hell. I don't know if I
want to get married in the next five years, I
don't know. I feel like there's like people say that
there's a delayed adolescence for queer people because you don't
get to go through puberty and have those like first
relationships at the same time as your straight friends getting
to have like their first loves and stuff. And I
do feel like there's some truth to that, where in

(57:56):
a lot of ways, I feel a lot younger than
thirty two, just like time.

Speaker 3 (58:00):
Mind wise. But I think also timelines just are bullshit.
I yes, throw them to the curb, kick them out.
It's not real. Who made this up? Yeah, no one
in LA.

Speaker 2 (58:10):
Everyone's mad about it though, so I don't know who
made it up, but we're all mad about the timeline.

Speaker 5 (58:14):
I know, But don't you feel like I literally, like
looking around at all my friends, I'm like, is anyone
getting engaged soon?

Speaker 3 (58:21):
Like now I'm surrounded by engaged people right now? Yeah
that's one. Yeah, but I'm also thirty six yeah, like.

Speaker 2 (58:28):
Yeah, but like it's that time. I mean, if I
was in the South, this would have happened fifteen years agow.

Speaker 3 (58:32):
All my friends were like engaged ten years ago. I'm like, oh,
mine too.

Speaker 5 (58:35):
And also it's awesome because I don't have to go
to a wedding for a long time. I done you
like weddings. I do not like wearing a dress and
being a bridesmaid. It's miserable, but it's fun. But the
dress part. Last wedding I went to, I got drunk
and at the very end of the night changed into
sweatpants and came back to the reception and I looked

(58:57):
back and I'm like that maybe it was inappropriate, but
also should you have put me in a dress?

Speaker 3 (59:03):
Yeah? What did you expect? I got uncomfortable.

Speaker 2 (59:06):
Always get in bites about wedding stuff because I'm like, well,
I'm also very much about like whatever the dress code is,
I like to follow that. So I'm like, you don't
have to wear dress like were like she wore a
beautiful suit to Chris Harrison's wedding and it was like
I felt like she felt good about herself, and I'm like,
it doesn't have to be this like frilly dress. But
we always got She's like, why are there rules to this?

Speaker 5 (59:29):
It's like so hard though, lesbian, it's so hard to
not like when a dress is not on the table,
which Haley will wear dresses, right, yeah, yeah yeah, but
for me, so I'm now I've removed dress from the
dresses dress, no dress for me. Then you look at
these things, You're like, what the hell do I wear?
And then I date people who wear dresses. I'm like,

(59:51):
that was so easy. I could do that in one second.
Obviously I could pick out that dress and wear it,
but I cannot.

Speaker 3 (59:58):
It will not look good.

Speaker 5 (59:59):
And then girl suits also a whole other problem going
on there. They fit badly, like like what the do
you wear?

Speaker 3 (01:00:08):
And what is business casual.

Speaker 5 (01:00:10):
For a lesbian? For people like like a cool? Yeah,
if I could figure out what to wear myself. Yeah,
I'm still trying to figure out. I always joke sometimes
I'll go on Pinterest and be like lesbian business casual
and a picture of me will pop up.

Speaker 3 (01:00:25):
That's and I'm like, I don't like that outfit. That
outfit is bad. We should remove this scrubbing from the internet.
Now this is wedding a tire. Yeah that's a mouthful,
or it could just be what is it?

Speaker 5 (01:00:36):
Now?

Speaker 3 (01:00:36):
This is now this is clothing.

Speaker 4 (01:00:38):
Now this is living and then Parends wedding attire, Parends
work attire. You could do all different. These are parentheses.
These are very long titles. These are the longest. It's
a mouthful.

Speaker 2 (01:00:54):
Well better Next, off the cuffs, Yeah, yeah, off the cuff.

Speaker 3 (01:00:59):
I think there's something that Yeah, I think it really is, and.

Speaker 2 (01:01:01):
I think you could be the later to do it.

Speaker 3 (01:01:05):
I'm ready. I'm ready.

Speaker 5 (01:01:06):
As soon as I get an editor for my podcast,
so I have a little bit more time, I'll start
trying on the outfit.

Speaker 2 (01:01:12):
We'll get back together once you have your editor perfect.
Thank you for taking time to scrub in and be
on the podcast. Thank you, thanks for sharing about yourself
and your life with our listeners, who I know are
going to love this because every time I talk about
you or post about either.

Speaker 3 (01:01:28):
Like get shared on the podcast. It happened. I'm here.
Thank you so much for having me. Thank you for
being here. I hope my girlfriends get mad.