An Ode to Altadena

Episode Transcript
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Speaker 1 (00:00):
The Black Fat Film Podcast is a production of iHeartRadio
and Doctor John Paul LLC.

Speaker 2 (00:07):
Hey everyone, Joho and John here. Just want to let
you know, by the time this episode comes out, you
will have we will have been pass the inauguration of
the new ministration, and we know that's going to be
a interesting four years ahead of us, maybe least depending
on what happens. We want to let you know that
we're here for you. Our show is committed as long
as we're on air, committed to talking about all the
things that will be about all oberation and our work together.

(00:32):
If you need more community, please for free to follow us,
reach out to us, message us, email us, wherever you
need to do, sendence spouts with no girl, wherever you
need to do to get us to make us see you,
We got you. If you are. If you're ideas forcial
topics that you have for us as we experienced the
next for years, we're here for that as well too.
We're saying everyone, love, strength, strength and solidarity, strength and community.
Maybe all find ways to make a lot more movement

(00:55):
justice justice, movement work happened our communities in our country
and thought sat here's our show.

Speaker 1 (01:02):
Hey everyone, Welcome to another episode of the award winning
Blackfeft Film podcast, where all the intersections of identity are celebrated.
I am one of your hosts, John also known as
Doctor John Paul, and I just want to say that
in twenty twenty five, there should be no reason why I,
the Good Doctor, can't find a quiz Nos or toe

(01:24):
gos near me. It's giving anti fat, anti black, anti trans.
I am making this a part of my agenda in
twenty twenty five. Bring back quiz nos and togs. Don't
nobody want no subway. I just don't want it. Jersey

(01:45):
Mike is not even that good. I'm sorry, it's not
It's not the same. Did I lie? Did I lie?

Speaker 2 (01:54):
Lie?

Speaker 1 (01:56):
Lie? You know I'm a walking knee. You know that,
you know I'm a walking But how are you? Bitch?

Speaker 2 (02:12):
Bitch? I missed quiznos Lo jesus, Oh my god. I
missed the quiz nos literally last month. As I drove
back to the Bay with moment, we drove back, my
mama drove back from the bay. We saw a quiz
no sign off the five and we were like, my
mom was like Jordan's quizts. We gotta stop. I was like,
oh girl, quiz nos, let's fucking go. We pulled over
and stop there just be being boozled. The sign was

(02:34):
still there, but the quizts was not. It was it was,
which is fine. I look, I love bell, but the
way I was like, Hi, y'all keep a christ No
sign because yeah, what heavy with a quiz no? Amen? Amen?
That's why you my people, that is why you were
my girl. Also tell me why so is it so Togos?

(02:55):
I was never like a basically on Togo was by
God like like like we we would go, which is
so because now today I like love sandwiches.

Speaker 1 (03:02):
But I was like, is it to gos or to goes?
Because it's to goes?

Speaker 2 (03:06):
Okay, okay, okay.

Speaker 1 (03:08):
And the only reason why I know that is because
there used to be a Togs next to the Starbucks
I used to work at back in my heyday, okay,
and we would always go in for lunch to that
Togs because one of my friends from college worked there
and he would always hit me with the.

Speaker 2 (03:21):
Discount per Yeah, because judging Mike's Firehouse subs. So we
just don't hit the same as they do, Like they
don't and they keep trying to be those girls. But
they just canna be those girls. To me, they don't.
They don't have the range. You are not that kind
of girl. That's just how it is anyways, not even Panera,
not even Panera, I mean, but Panera brings as a

(03:43):
different girl like she's she's in the class of her own.

Speaker 1 (03:46):
Actually, we should do a whole episode just don't sandwiches
and we should break Yeah, that's gonna be so so
for the dolls that are listening, we probably, if not,
if not next week the week after no where, are
gonna go ahead.

Speaker 2 (04:01):
And do for John This's house to be in person thing.
We have to film ourselves eating these sandwiches.

Speaker 1 (04:07):
So what have you do? What a muckbom I'm not man, yes, ma'am,
I'm not saying okay, okay, okay, we'll get through a
Subway five house and we'll try everything, bitch, and we'll
give we'll get y'all. So we're gonna plan that that
will be. It'll probably be special behind the scenes content
for some for those who put that behind a paywall

(04:29):
because I don't like people watching me eat, but yes,
but for the for the listeners and for the watchers,
we will probably give y'all some exclusive content, but that
is a great idea.

Speaker 2 (04:41):
So all to say, fam isshuring your girl jojo and
soon you will. I won't do a pay well he
watched me eat till you want, girl. If he wants
me money, go ahead, girl, I want to stop you
about doing free I'm here to tell you. I'm here.
I'm here to tell y'all is uh. I would say
the shout out to the girls who do nails, because
they really be doing the damn thing. But also nothing

(05:04):
is more sad then when you get a fresh set
and then one bitch breaks off, like it becomes incomplete,
like I have these, but then I have this little
like half nub now and it's sad because these my
real nails, like right right, these my real if y'all
can see me, these my real nails. A bitch got length.

(05:24):
And so when a nail breaks, it hurts first of
all physically but also emotionally because you realize you have
to part with the beauty that you just have to
sort upon you. So I just want to know that
for this month, I have been changed in the worst
way because my nail broke, and it makes me so sad.
And this is this is how I cope with what

(05:44):
around me. The world's on fire. The tree of my
nail broke and I'm crying about it. So that's how
I am.

Speaker 1 (05:49):
So you're gonna have to go get an acrylic put on.

Speaker 2 (05:52):
No, I'm just gonna do with it. I was just
like because I was, I don't go back inside because
also like if I go in the hot to like
take that under, have to like take off the gel,
take off the take take off the theo on top,
put a tip on it all again. It is it
won't I'll just do what. I'll just say it's a
soulage because it's not so bad from Afar. But it's

(06:16):
not so bad like what you're talking about, girl, that
one broke.

Speaker 1 (06:22):
Oh I see it. Okay, okay, but but but you
can can't you just file it to make it more shy.

Speaker 2 (06:27):
I was thinking I could file it. It would just
look like it would just look a small and a
smaller file and the oberk won't be the same. But
yes I could, and I think I will. I think
I'll just do that. I'll just I'll make it work.
I make a work like I'm not having a new
set anyways in a few weeks, so I'll just wait
to the new set.

Speaker 1 (06:41):
But like, I just got my done for creating change,
by the way, stand down here in this huh and
then the the cosmic looks cute, girl. Yes, it's giving
I did I wanted.

Speaker 2 (06:50):
The file was.

Speaker 1 (06:51):
Alphaba alphaba ala alpha alpha. I'm giving you the alphaba
if you can't hell, yeah, yes, bitch, we've got to
be seen. It's so for those of you watching, you'll
probably see me put my hand to the to the thing.
I didn't get them long this time. Last time they
were super long, and I found myself struggling to type.

(07:12):
So I so I was like, you got to cut
them down, girl. But yes, this Green is definitely giving
me everything. I'm really into Green right now. And I
don't know why that's a cue Colors. Yeah, it's just
it's it's definitely my like I feel like I'm in
my Green era, like I love Green so much. But anyway,
we're gonna go ahead and kick this show off, and
we're gonna kick it off like we always do. We're

(07:32):
putting the ask out. We have said to the universe.
Tisha Campbell is going to join us. One of these days,
but she's not here right now. So with that being said,
we're gonna celebrate her and are still here section? Are
still here segment? I should say and are still here segment?
And I wanted to ask this week the question for
the dolls is what is something that you are still

(07:53):
holding onto that you need to let go of?

Speaker 2 (07:55):
Now?

Speaker 1 (07:55):
I was gonna go and give you a whole, but
I feel like I want to hear yours first and
then I'll share mine. So what like, if you have
yours up front and in front of your man, what
is something you're holding on to you that you feel
like you need to Like John, who do you work for? Like?

Speaker 2 (08:09):
Are you?

Speaker 1 (08:10):
Are you?

Speaker 2 (08:10):
Are you in my favorite sessions? Talk about that? Because
I swear you ask some questions that have that are
personate to my life at that moment.

Speaker 1 (08:18):
Why are you watching me? Where are the gar male?
The other part of this is this is, I mean,
we've been doing this together for almost three years, we've
been friends for almost ten, Like I mean at this
like I know you, bitch. It's kind of like one
of those things is like, I mean, as much as
we don't see each other on the day to day,
we see each other once. We talk almost all with

(08:39):
each other. It's like we see each other. So I mean,
come on.

Speaker 2 (08:42):
Now, thank you. At your point, it's gonna come right right,
So I think from me and I'm holding on too,
then you can let go of I think. So today
I actually was unpacking, like I commit to myself to
tell the story that that's a so vulnerable on the
show that I just don't typically say. So. Know, y'all

(09:02):
see me as as confident as bitch, and I am,
like I am that bitch. I'm confident as hell, Like
I love my fashion, I love my friends, all that
person's personality. But I struggle with confident when it comes
to meeting guys because it's just it's not easy, and
guys be sucking sometimes in the worst way.

Speaker 1 (09:21):
And so I want to I want to preface that
and say people suck. I don't even think it's just guys.
And I know what you mean, but I'm saying, like
I think in general, I think we as a just people.

Speaker 2 (09:31):
Say people do.

Speaker 1 (09:32):
But I'm trying to kiss guys, and so you're trying
to it's not just people, you're trying to. I get
what you're saying.

Speaker 2 (09:37):
I hate I mean, I've actually thought I actually could
be more expansive these days. I could. There are some
folks I'm like, know what, maybe I don't need to
be with someone who is this man And that's actually fine.

Speaker 1 (09:48):
And I tell you right now, you know, try I
tell you, you know, being gender gender affirming means you
you are open to all in everyone.

Speaker 2 (09:58):
And I will probably affirm some genders. I know that's right.
Come on, come on now, y'all. But anyway, so, so
my so, my well and go of is just the
idea like it is, that is my own commitment to
believing that I'm not like desirable enough to be seen

(10:19):
or flooded with or like blah blah blah blah blah
like made out with whatever. Like I'm committing to the
idea of people like people are fat phobic and then
they don't they don't like my body, and I know that,
and I know that there are I know that there
are people who like who do who do like my body,
But majority of people push you where I live are
more fat phobic and I.

Speaker 1 (10:41):
And like, I.

Speaker 2 (10:44):
Know, I want to release the whole of the house
on me, like and people don't don't don't let my
body that really is on them and not me, and
like I can still outwardly be by confident self and
like that will pull somebody in regardless. I don't need
I don't need to like I don't just search for that.
I can just be myself and like be comfor myself.

(11:04):
And so I'm trying to be in my like Dululu
era of like like I'm walk around like everyone's fucking
called that the damn day, but like I need to
like go the idea that no one does because everyone
does right without myself.

Speaker 1 (11:16):
Yeah, you're speaking to something I think is really important
for folks to hear, not only just on the mic,
but for folks to kind of just carry with them
that even the people that we think are like quote
unquote attractive, or people who are conventionally attractive, most of them.
This is something that has really helped me kind of
feel a little bit better about my own body in
these last couple of years, you know, learning and seeing

(11:36):
that statistics have shown that a lot of people who
present as skinny and jim you know, Jim rats and
I'm I'm trying to look at a lot of them
don't even like the way they look a lot of
them have a lot of body dysmorphia. And then even
on top of that, you know, there are statistics. I
don't know the statistics verbatim, but I know that there
are stats out there that show that a lot of

(11:56):
the people who we believe that have quote unquote beautiful
exteriors are doing really dark and really harmful things to
keep those exteriors. And so that's something that I hope,
you know, I know that I'm I wouldn't say I'm
preaching to the choir, but I know someone could easily say, John,
shut the fuck up, you have a husband, what are
you talking about? But I also want folks to realize
and understand too.

Speaker 2 (12:16):
That could even for me.

Speaker 1 (12:18):
You know, though I've been married for almost fifteen years,
I still struggle with my body. I still struggle with
like so for instance, like not trying to tire of
the situation, but like today, when I was working out
on my peloton, I ordered a new Peloton like they
were having a cell and so I ordered a whole
bunch of new Peloton shirts and Peloton shorts. And the
Peloton shirt stops like halfway. It's it's basically a crop top.

(12:41):
And I could feel myself getting ready and looking at
in the mirror and being like, oh, look at the
way my belly hangs out around my Like I could
I could hear myself beating myself up about how I
looked in that in particular crop top. And then something
just kind of grabbed me and said, well, people just
gonna have to deal with the fact that you got
a belly and they just gonna have to deal with
it like that. That's where my head is now, like

(13:02):
people just don't have to deal with this big body.
And that's the thing I really hope that you take
with you, Joho, is that the person who loves you,
the person who will come to love you or will
will learn to love you, is going to love you.
It won't be if if the only thing they see
is your body first. I wouldn't want that person in

(13:22):
my life for sure for sure.

Speaker 2 (13:24):
And it can't just say like I'm tired of people
being like, oh, I'm tired of someone be like oh John,
you're married, like blah blah blah. Like okay, it's because
you're married, you can't like you can't feel sexy in
your relationship like girl, like remember will not also like
shouldn't they also feel sexy in the relationship. Should they
also be allowed to like find themselves and their partners
sexy and like actually like like like just because you're married,

(13:45):
don't mean you want to stop like like like you
want to stop feeling desired, And.

Speaker 1 (13:49):
It doesn't mean that you're you feel sexy all the time.
That's the other thing that I don't think people get.
I think, especially when you're loving someone for such a
long time, one of the and that's maybe something that
we can we can delve into longer, you know, and
later on down the line. But that's something that I
don't think we talk enough about, is about how hard
it is to still love the way you look after

(14:10):
years of being with somebody. Do you feel attractive? Do
you feel sexy? Like you know, the struggle of feeling sexy,
But like I mean, to my point, joho, like, I
think it is imperative that you really and again, I know,
I know you know this. Again, I don't think that
you'd be on the mic if you didn't. I know
you know this, But I think it is really important

(14:31):
to also understand that like this is like as much
as we tell ourselves and we and again This is
more for the for for the audience, and it is
for you. The same people that we're looking at and
that we're idolizing about how they look and how they feel,
they're probably looking at us and being like, damn, I
wish I could feel that good in that body. I
wish I could eat a sandwich and not because no again,

(14:53):
people are fucking start. Like I saw someone today, like
I was on threads and somebody was literally on threads
talking about, oh, I cut out this, I cut out this,
I cut out this, I cut out this, and look
how much I look, how much I weigh. And I'm
looking at him like, nigga, you look hungry, like because
you literally are telling us you're not eating. You're literally
telling us the only thing you eat is like brown

(15:15):
rice and chicken, and your start like you are literally
so it's like I just really like in the shared piece,
like I really understand what you're going through, and I
think from like sister to sister, it's real, it's real
out there. But I also want you to like I
want the audience to hear this episode and go, you
know what, Doctor John and Joe Hornan Wright like there
are a lot of people out there who, even if

(15:37):
they look conventionally attractive, are still hating the way that
they look, you know, and we don't talk enough about that. Hm.
Well for me, you know, so I personally, you know,
I know what I'm about to say as old as hell.
And I also feel real about being super vulnerable on

(15:59):
the show. I'm laughing, by the way, not that Johoan.
I'm laughing at our producer. So our producer had to jet.
But they are on the They're literally texting us talking
about quiz Knows for the Wind. So I'm just happy
that I picked my team like I picked as the
right team because they me and they know me. But

(16:20):
what I was gonna say is, you know, one of
the old things that randomly still creeps up in my
mind and bugs me, and I know I need to
let it go. All Keisha Cole. Now, Keisha, I.

Speaker 2 (16:32):
Know I need to let it go.

Speaker 1 (16:33):
You need get.

Speaker 2 (16:41):
Where you want to be. I will not let me
let that go.

Speaker 1 (16:51):
But I was gonna say, like I know, for me,
it is and I'm really trying to be more comfortable
with being more vulnerable on the pod. But it is
something I struggle a lot with, is seeing other influencers
get asked to do something and knowing I could do it,
and often knowing I could do it better. Girl, you're
thinking to myself, well, why in the fuck did nobody
hit me and asks me like that is something that

(17:13):
I have to like literally fight with myself with when
I see certain things that I just have to tell myself, like, girl,
it's okay for you not to be included, like you're
already doing a lot you already have. You know, you
already have eyes on you the way that they need
to be on you. Don't worry about the people who
didn't ask you. Just know that next time when they
come around to ask you, you might be bigger and

(17:35):
the check might be bigger. And that's what I keep
telling myself these days. I keep telling myself they may
not ask you now, but one day they are going
to and when they do ask you, you'll be able
to charge them more. How you're doing, how you doing,
how you're doing, and so that that is literally what
I've been like reveling with. But I know for me,
I have to constantly tell myself, you know, and this
is it's funny because I actually went to lunch with

(17:56):
with doctor James. Uh today and you know today as
a a week ago y'all here, But when I went
to lunch with doctor James. For many of you know,
doctor James is a friend of the show and lives
pretty close to me now, and so we try to
have lunch at least once a month. And in our
talk today when we were like talking and going back
and forth with each other, it really was a conversation

(18:17):
about recognizing, especially now, that are good enough is good enough,
and that there is no need to constantly be vying
for like attention, like you don't you Like, yes, we
want to be seen and we want our work to
be celebrated, but this need to constantly feel like everyone
has to always be in your inbox celebrating you, and
you have to constantly pushing to be celebrated. That shit

(18:40):
is all. So I'm just very much this point today
where I'm like, my good enough is good enough?

Speaker 2 (18:47):
Girl. Well, now that you guys talk about the shit
that we should be talking about with our therapist, we
gotta call them real quick and take a quick little break.
We'll be back into husicategory in just a sec. All right, fam,

(19:09):
We are back in this week. Me and my best.
You wanted to dive into our roots a little bit,
not Kunta, but a little kay okay, I talk a
little bit about.

Speaker 1 (19:23):
I hate it.

Speaker 2 (19:23):
I really do live the history of black towns or
towns high population. So as you were gonna get relevant today,
as Jean may Or may not know, last week we
have mentioned the fires in Altadena, and while fires are
sad all around, you want to name, we nearly want
to mention the impact that the Eaton fire has had
on Altadina, an area where over eighty percent of black

(19:45):
residents own their home, which is more which is I
think more than or just about double the national average.
In the national average, I think it's forty percent. The
city is also majority minority, meaning that majority people color
live in the city. One fifth of them are So
since you won in twenty people are black for contacts.
According to twenty census in San Diego, only thirty one

(20:08):
percent of black residence own their home. Myself in one
of them. So that really is a huge.

Speaker 1 (20:19):
Yeah.

Speaker 2 (20:20):
And so this limit asked an important question that we'll
look out this week, and that's why we should be
engaging the topics of US black areas or areas with
high Black ownership and residency more and why should not
be inticipating tragic happens for us to lift them up.

Speaker 1 (20:36):
Yeah, I think so, Joho. I love that you mentioned
this in our our kind of our prep meeting you
were talking about like last week we mentioned it and
then we kind of just like skirt it past it.
But I also think last week we didn't really both
of us really didn't have the capacity to really like
dig into it this way because it was also and
it still is fresh, And I think that's the hard

(20:56):
part about this is like even when you drive over
the ten or when you're looking around you know, Los Angeles,
or when you're on social media, we're still seeing homes
that are still burning and sore. Again, it was a
little little fresh for me last week. But I'm glad
we're diving into it now because, as you all know,
we talk about intersectionality on the show, and one of
the intersections that we have to talk about is this

(21:17):
idea of how oppression impacts the buying power, moneies, home buying,
all of the things that you think about and in
regards to being a black individual living in southern California.
And I'll say this, this is not in the script,
I'll say this, and then I'll go on to making
my point. You know, I know a lot of folks
who listen to the show. Specifically, when we look at

(21:37):
the stats of the show, there are a lot of
people who are on the East Coast and in the
South who listen to this show who don't understand the
racism that lives here in southern California. And so I
thought this, you know, when we were talking about doing
this episode, I said, this is the perfect time for
us to engage not only the stats, but also to
engage the history of southern California, so folks have a

(21:58):
better understanding of what's really what has happened here, but
then also too what is happening here. And so one
of the things that I see on social is that
it often feels like the only time we engage our
history in Southern California is when pain is on the horizon.
And what I say about that is it's like, so,
for instance, like the only time we ever really talk

(22:18):
about racism is like with Rodney King, or when something
like this happens, right someone black or black people are
impacted by something. And with that being said, I wanted
to note that before we talk about the importance of
talking about this on a grander scale, did you know
one of the things that I found in doing the
research for this, did you know that historically black towns

(22:40):
also known as Friedman towns, emerged primarily after the Civil
War to newly freed black people who were establishing their
own communities as a way to seek political autonomy, economic independence,
and escaping the racial South. So it wasn't even like
people were just saying, oh, we want to live around
black people. It was basically them saying, we don't like

(23:03):
the racism that we're facing after coming back from the
Civil War, so we're out of here, like we're out
of and and that, And in a lot of ways,
that actually makes a lot of sense because, again Tyra
me being Tyra Banks bringing it back to me, my
grandfather lived in Alabama and was also in the Civil
War and ended up in Los Angeles, so did my

(23:24):
mom's father. My mom's father also saying thing, well, so no,
I take that back. My grandfather, my grandfather on my
dad's side, is from Mississippi and was in the Civil
War and migrated after he came back. And then my
mom's father, I don't think he was any in any
type of war. But what I do know is that
he lived in Alabama and he hit the brick when
he realized that his parents realized the racism was too bad.

(23:47):
They also moved to Compton, California. And so, yeah, like
we I feel, I don't know how much you know
about your background, but I know for me, I know
that like seeing this this, this proves this rings true
for me because that's exactly how my family landed in
Los Angeles.

Speaker 2 (24:01):
Okay, teacher, teach us some divege, you know. I I
so I know that that they're they're called free freedmen's town,
but there's anything a lot about like like. Tulsa, Oklahoma
probably is one of the yeah, the best examples of
what like of what like like like a freedman town
was before it was destroyed heavily in the next twenty

(24:23):
one Tulsa race massacure, but right used to be known
as the Black Wall Street where so many black folks
began to build wealth and then people. Then the white folks,
the white the white Toulsons had uprising and attacked and
destroyed I think two million dollars worth of infrastructure, which
today would be like millions, millions more and really ruined

(24:46):
the opportunities for a lot of black folks to to
to be to to to create wealth in their own lives.
It's important to note that you know, this happens in
a lot of black a lot of black areas, alter included,
and it happened a lot more in the nineteen thirties
because of red lighting. Now, this is something folks to
add to the lexicon in case you're not familiar with
red lighting. It's a discriminatory practice that prevents certain races

(25:11):
mini black folks. But but but I'll name like like.
These often created were formed the sense of like covenants
and restriction covement restrictions for buying property or or like
or the guidelines of like real estate people but like
oftentimes we Blacks, Asians and Jews, preventing them from accessing
homes and financial services. This problem, this process was established

(25:33):
through maps that banks are insurance created that shaded areas
of more racial density, So people living in those areas
that we're seeking services like mortgage loans will be denied
for racially motivated reasons. Interesting enough, and I did not
know this, actually that the the f h A, which
is I think the federal Househusing administration sponsored red lighting

(25:54):
from nineteen thirty said that spot bons bons like they
like that means the government, the government, not even seven
years of the government itself was saying, yes, bitches, you
bear redline and you and negroes in getting shipped from
us like that is well on a federal level, Yeah,
we love that stuff because I thought I thought it
was just I thought it was a covert practice by

(26:17):
banks and stuff, and I was like, oh, the government
was out here being like you girlha red by not shit.

Speaker 1 (26:22):
Oh yeah, yeah, So they were in cahoots with each other.
And that's the thing I really want people to under
Like you'll probably you're probably sitting here and you're probably wondering, like,
why are we here for a history lesson? I think
it is imperative for us, especially knowing what we're getting
ready to walk into. Right So, you know, at the
top of the show, we heard what Joho shared about
kind of where we are and where we're going in

(26:43):
the next couple of years. You know, as much as
we think that we've made a lot of progress, I
really felt it was important for us because again, this
is what we're seeing in the news. We're seeing people
on out in Altadena, specifically black people now being approached
by these developers already, like they haven't Folk hasn't even stopped,
and developers are approaching them and are saying, we would

(27:04):
love to buy your home. And it's intentional. It's not
necessarily just because the plot of land is available. It's
this idea that in a lot of these developers' minds,
they want to make these areas, specifically areas that have
a high population. And that's why you see, like if
you're from and so I'm again gonna go off script,
if you're truly from LA and I'll tell I say this,

(27:27):
you know, kind of in the same way. So when
me and Jojo were trying to put this together, I
had asked them, I said, are you from Oakland? And
they said, no, I don't claim Oakland because I'm not
from Oakland. I want to make it clear that I'm
technically even though I was born in LA, I only
really lived in LA probably I would say about thirty
percent of my life, and a lot of that was
visiting my parents, visiting my parents' parents, visiting cousins, visiting

(27:49):
friends that my mom had and different people. Right, So
I got glimpses of LA. But even with the glimpses
of LA that I got, what I do know for
a fact is that if you go down to Pico
and you go to Slawson, and you go to all
these different areas of like the quote unquote black areas
of LA, if you would have gone there around the

(28:09):
nineties or the two thousands, you would have seen that
there was a very high population of black people. Since then,
they have all been pushed out. So that is the
reason why Lamart Park is now white, right, same thing
they've been pushed out. That is the reason why Compton
does not look like the Compton I grew up with
because a lot of black people what have been pushed out.
And so that is exactly what this conversation is about.

(28:31):
It's about even though no one is inherently redlining the
way that you know, the Federal Housing Administration did in
the nineteen thirties and nineteen sixties, they are still using
those mechanisms to make sure that black people, black and
brown people only live in specific areas. And so I
think it's imperative that we mentioned that. And so I
guess you know kind of I want to sale of

(28:52):
that to say, for folks who are thinking about Altadena
and other areas like Baldwin Hills, where again there's a
whole bunch of black people who have some coin, it's
important to keep in mind that these black areas didn't
just happen right Altadena just didn't pop up one day.
Many of them, because of systemic racism, have been pushed
out into these areas because they could not buy a

(29:15):
home in Pasadena, they could not buy a home in Monrovia,
they could not buy a home in Azusa, they could
not you know what I mean, like all of these
neighboring cities. They were pushed into Alta, Dina because somebody
was saying from the Federal Housing Administration in the early seventies,
in the early eighties, even though they weren't inherently redlining,
they were still doing it, and they're still doing it
if you really think about it. So okay, So now

(29:39):
that we have done this history lesson which as you
can till I'm super passionate about. I love talking about history,
especially when it comes down to looking at how systemic
racism plays an important part in how we move throughout
not only just the state but throughout the world. But
I did want to ask you, you know, I know
I had mentioned earlier that I know that you're not

(29:59):
from Oakland specific, right, so I want to make sure
that we don't have people jumping into our dms and
being like, y'all wrap in LA and y'all rep in
Oakland and y'all Nigga's not really no, that's not what
we're saying. We are familiar, Okay. I want to make
it very clear on this mic that we are familiar.
And even though you know, for me, Oakland was always
kind of an anomaly to me, because when I would
say anomaly, it was always something kind of like I

(30:20):
looked to Oakland with stars in the eyes because I
loved and I still do, I love people from the Bay,
people from the Bay, and that's probably what made me
gravitate towards you. I just love the culture of the
Bay and so I would love to know, like, considering
you grew up so close to Oakland and information another
bit of history. Do you do you know why Oakland

(30:42):
does have a large population of black people?

Speaker 2 (30:46):
I actually would not know it.

Speaker 1 (30:50):
So for those who are listening, you again, more information
and the more you know, the more you know that
big ass star just flew over your head. Basically what
it was was it was. And Oakland became a town
that was impacted by the railroads, so they had black
people working on the railroads sold in Oakland as a
way for them to be closer to one another.

Speaker 2 (31:12):
Okay, I had a thought. I had a thought, and
I was curious that it was and not just affirmed it.

Speaker 1 (31:17):
Okay, Yeah, so just a lot. Again, at the end
of the day, it all comes back down to the
ways that were pushed into certain areas. But I did
want to ask you, you know, growing up in the Bay,
growing up very close to Oakland, I would love to know,
you know, for folks who don't really know us and
really understand Southern well and not even say Southern, who
understand the dynamics of California, I would love to know,

(31:38):
how did that shape the way you viewed yourself? And
the only reason why I asked that is because I'll
talk more after you about my time in Compton. But
I know that some of the things that I saw
in Compton growing up as a child is what impacted
a lot of the way I see my life now,
but yeah, I would love to know your your take
on that.

Speaker 2 (31:53):
Yeah, so I love this question. And let me let
me just say, I have never said from Oakland, but
I always say I'm from the Bed, and I always
read East Bay and Oakland's the seat of East Bay,
which also makes sense about the river roads because the
whole point of the cutting around from Alameda County, it
was a seat also of all of like the transportation

(32:14):
for the railroads in the first place, So perect sense
why Oakland was made in that way and why it's
since errokely black. But like I will always up East Bay.
East Bay to me is home of the culture in
many ways. And I always said this question was great
because it pushed me to do some research into the
region that I grew up myself. The data is actually
really wild. So East Bay, right is a subregional the

(32:34):
Bay Area, anchored by Oakland. And according to published data
in my county, Alameda, when I was growing up, roughly
within seven people residents and census were black, right, So like,
so roughly if I left my house, every seven person,
every every single person I was going to see was
was gonna be a black person. So yeah, it was
a majority minority of county, and my city was also

(32:58):
a majority my minority. Like, growing up, white feltsially made
up I think thirty eight percent of the population. The
main polation was Black, Asian and Latine. Black folks at
that point made up roughly fifteen percent of the population, right,
So that that's the one and seven. And so it's

(33:22):
interesting because I always tell people like, growing up, I
feel like I definitely grew up in a multi racial bubble.
So when people so like, if someone would tell me, like,
as a kid, if I quote unquote like didn't see
race right like quote unquote, I would have understood that
because I truly felt people like we all looked different,
we all look different, and that never meant anything bad.

(33:44):
And so I grew with the privilege in that way.
To know that we I had to see a lot
of bipop faces around me and a lot of bipop
successes in terms of jobs, education, homeownership, and essentially. Right,
kind of a flip on the head of a suburb
where you know, where I grew up was a suburb
of vocal with essentially and football has headed because we
don't know suburbs were made for white flight in the

(34:06):
first place, right, and so to be in a suburb
where everyone was really multiracial as well. It's different now
because when I was looking into the data, right, so
now we're in the county, less than ten percent of
people are black. So when I went from one in
seven to one in ten or one in eleven, people
are gonna be black. Additionally, right in Oakland, this is fasting.

(34:30):
Some sixty thousand people have left since I think since
since the twenty ten census, right, yeah, a sixty thousand
black folks, I mean since black actual place that had
a certainly hute relation of black cloths like twenty seven
percent now is a like thirteen something percent, I believe.
So it's so fascinating to understand that, like the migration

(34:50):
patterns of people. I will also say, white folks also
are lesser population now. So now where I grew up,
white folks were growing up were forty percent and now
they're like twenty six percent I think, like they're in
the twenties. So interesting, So like in some cases it
became more minority majority, but maybe one only one one
ethnic racial group. My minority became more of the majority there,

(35:12):
So interesting to see how how that happened. But also like, oh,
of course it did. Because now when I go back,
right when I go back to businessespecially when I go
back to the city city, which is San Francisco, folks,
you know what that means, like in slaying terms of
the city. There's much less black of people that I see,
you know, I and I think, I say a lot
with people worth with you. Like my my brother where

(35:33):
he lives. Now, this is a this is a street
where he grew up on. And I think his family,
his you know, his loave of buss memory, her, her, her,
her husbands still alive. She lives on the other side,
the other end of the street, and he lives with
his his aunt and uncle and but but the house.
They've owned the house the past, like those houses in

(35:55):
the past eighty seven years. And they're the only people
I think, on those streets who like who originally own
who owned those homes versus everyone else's love there have
kind of been pushed out. Now it's like now we
go there, it's hello, white folks. No, one's not many
folks of color and stuff. So I'll just say, yeah,
super interesting stuff.

Speaker 1 (36:15):
Yeah, there's so many pieces that you hit that I'm
like we could go on and talk about for days.
But I think one of the things that is most
silent and most important in this conversation that I'm hoping
that people will take from this kind of you know,
reading rainbow way of how we've talked about the impact
of what's happening in Alsadina and you know, thinking about

(36:36):
you know, black spaces and black places. Is really thinking
about this idea of this, like I really want people
if there's nothing else you take from this talk is
or from this episode, is really hearing this notion that
there are a lot of people who probably struggle. I
think that's the thing that has hit me so hard
emotionally and it has made it so hard for me
to talk about is thinking about like I think about

(36:57):
what my so for instance, like I said, like my
grandfather on my dad's side, he goes through everything he
goes through in the Civil War. He gets a little
bit of pocket change, he buys a home in la
and he says, I want this home to be in
my family, and it still is. Like one of my
uncles still owns the house where we grew up and
where we were well, actually he just sold it, but
it's still in the lineage like my uncle still is

(37:19):
like and I wouldn't say sold it. I think that
he basically rents it out and he basically allows people
to live in it. But the reality of the matters
he still owns it. But I fail of that to say.
I think for me, it's like to be in that
mental state of knowing what you've gone through to build
a life and a home in an area that you

(37:40):
probably were pushed into that tbh, you probably didn't really
want to be in. You probably want it to be
and like I said, a Pasadena, or you probably wanted
to be somewhere along that line of Glendale, or you
want it to be somewhere in the more prettier and
the more burbank even maybe and probably we're told you
can't live here, right, like we're not. We won't sell

(38:02):
a home to you. You need to go to Altadena
right to buy a home. That that that is something
I have been thinking a lot about this week. And
so you know, not to get away from me talking
about my own experience. I think for me, that's where
my heart is. I was gonna post about it and
talk about it online, I said, I'll just save it
for the pod. It has been really, really, really hard

(38:22):
for me to watch so many black people that I
either know or black people that I know of. It's
like I said, I when I talked with James today,
James said, we are all like one point five people
removed from someone who has either been impacted by the
Pacific Palisades Fire or the al the Eating Fire. And
it's true, like I have a thing at this point

(38:43):
now it's four people. I have two people from the
Pacific Palisades Fire, and then I have two people from
the Eating Fire that I know who have lost their home.
And it is just very much in the mind of like,
you know, and they're and they're all black. And I
think that's the thing that's hard for me is to
process that. But I tell that to say, I love
hearing you talk about growing up in the Bay. For

(39:05):
many of you who know me, I've probably talked about this,
and I actually talk a little bit about this in
my book too, Plug Plug, But I talk a little
bit about this idea of engaging in my like not really,
I grew up being engaged in my blackness, but it
was always it wasn't something that was always kind of
in my face until I got to Compton. And it's
because you know, my mom. So a lot of people

(39:27):
may or may not know this about me, but the
only reason why I actually grew up in San Bernardino
was because of everything that was happening in LA at
the time. When we were growing up, we used to
live in Paramount. For many who don't know what Paramount is.
Paramount excuse me, kind of borders al Monte and East
Los Angeles, and we were living there. We were going
back and forth. We were going back and forth, and

(39:47):
then everything broke out with you know, basically the riots.
And there was two different riots. There was a riot
in nineteen ninety I think it was, and there was
another riot in nineteen ninety one. And the first riot
was the little I forget the young black woman who
it was, a young black girl who was killed. Yes, yes,
that was the first riot that kind of made my
mom go, I don't know how I feel about living here.

(40:10):
And then we had the Ronnie King riots and I
actually remember now I will say this, I remember to
the day being probably I think I was around six,
and I remember being at my grandma's house and I
remember like walking outside towards the car and seeing the
corner store go up in flames and asking my mom

(40:31):
why are they doing that, and my mom saying, don't
ask no questions, get in a car, we gotta go,
and we high tailed it out of there, And that
was kind of the first moment of my mom saying
we need to get out of here. So I always
have to say my mom is a part of what
they call that Black flight that fled to the Inland
Empire because they were trying to get away from a
lot of the stuff that was going on with the
LAPD and blah blah blah blah blah. And so that's

(40:52):
also partly why I tell people that's why San Bernadino
has such a high population of black people. One it
was affordable, but also two, a lot of a lot
of black people came from Los Angeles because they were
trying to get away from the riots and a lot
of the issues that they had with the LAPD. And so, yeah,
my mom would talk to us about that. Even though
we grew up around a lot of Latinae and Asian

(41:13):
folks here in San Bernardino, I still got a lot
of moments and love from being in Coompton and going
to the corner shop and going to churches and going
to Kmar and seeing you know, living Montillanda lived across
the street from the you know, the railroad tracks, and
so they're having the donut truck man come around like that.
That for me, those are the two there are two

(41:34):
things that really signified my youth in terms of blackness.
Is the fucking donut truck that would come around. Did
you have a donut truck growing up?

Speaker 2 (41:46):
No, just asking truck.

Speaker 1 (41:48):
My god, the donut truck would come around and it
was I from what I remember as a kid, and
maybe I might be exaggerating, those donuts were probably the
best donuts I ever had in my life. But yes,
there was a donut truck. And then there was a
fucking candy lady. And when I say the fucking candy lady,
it's because she had candy that I don't even I

(42:09):
don't know how that woman got her hands on some
of the candies that we had, but Mama stayed stacked
with all the best candy. And I don't remember her name,
but I do remember her living across the street from
my grandmother, and my grandmother, from what I know, still lives,
will live somewhere around I think it was one hundred
and sixty eighth, but man, my god, it was. It

(42:31):
was just absolutely fantastic. The days, you know, on the
weekends when we would go stay with my grandparents, my
cousins would come over, shout out to Steven and Renea
and my cousin Alicia and Aisha, and we would all
sing and dance and have a good time. We'd go
to the candy lady's house. We'd play tag in the
front yard. My grandfather would come out with his bb
gun and be yelling at us for being on his grass.

(42:51):
But those like that was Compton to me, like it
was just and it was and it wasn't just us.
It was a whole bunch of other black kids that
we knew and that we hung out with, and it
just it really made me adore the moments that I
could escape Sam Bernadino. Not because I hate it living
in San Bernadino. I mean, obviously I still live near
it now, but I think for me, there was just

(43:12):
a sense of blackness that really lived with me when
I was or what carried me when I was in
Compton or when I was in downtown LA. You know,
when I was in certain elements of paramount growing up
as a kid, and even now sometimes when I go
visit my my grandmother and my grandmother lives in Torrance,
and just seeing all the black people in Torrance and

(43:33):
and how how much they support and love one another,
it's just it's just a beautiful thing.

Speaker 2 (43:37):
And it really is.

Speaker 1 (43:38):
So I say that to say, I'm going to shut
up now and and really say, like my heart goes
out to the folks out in Alta Dina more than
they know.

Speaker 2 (43:47):
You know. I'm curiously that's your thoughts on this, just
because you mentioned the DA Black flight and we know
the impact of the fires can very well and me
will very well impact the future. But Generussia wealth in LA.
And we know that LA is about to be the
spot for three global sports event in the coming years,
right the super Bowl is coming, the Olympics and then
another and then and then and then I think the

(44:08):
World Cup or like a big soccer tormance coming as
well too. So like the next three years are gonna
be very the next ray is gonna be very very
big years for LA. So I'm curious to ask you,
and I mean, right, like this is like totally like
just like just thoughts to win, But like, what do
you think we'll see happen for black communities in the region.
Do you think they'll be pushed more put to the
ie do you think they'll be pushed more south? Like

(44:29):
I think we're already seeing, I'm agression pattern of people
from the Bay or even LA coming down to San Diego.
Like look like like like on threads, I see a
lot there are a lot of black like young black
folks from moving to LA, and we're moving to San
Diego from LA. And so yeah, I'm curious of what
do you think might happen because I know that you know,
there's a lot of work of like how now they

(44:50):
have to rebuild LA, but they also gonna be with
people the government right of Vala will be we're building
LA in a different image because they want to have
an image that the people who come for these porting
of can also come and quote unquote enjoy. Yeah, so
I'm just curious your thoughts and all that.

Speaker 1 (45:05):
But to your point, I will say, I think I
think it's just at this point, I think people are
gonna go where they feel safest. I think they're gonna
go where they feel most like they can celebrate themselves.
I worry, you know, just I wonder, and this is
something that I just I don't I don't really have
the words to kind of like indulge, but I will say,
I just wonder when any of when, when any and

(45:26):
all of how much? Because because I will give it this,
it is expensive af to live anywhere in California now period.
People will say, oh, it's a cheaper. Nope, there's there's
nowhere cheap. They're cheapish places to live, but there are
there is nowhere cheap. And so I worry. I wonder
about that, how how all of this is going to

(45:46):
impact the costs of living in terms of where people
live and how they afford to live there. But I
also will say, like I just I wonder if we're
we're going to see you know, growing areas like Alsodina
that will eventually are you know, inviting you know, hey,
black people, if you you know, you you lived in Altadena,
you may not want to live there anymore, or you

(46:06):
may want to move or you're coming from the Bear
or whatever, come to this black part of you know, Escondido.
I'm just throwing that out there.

Speaker 2 (46:13):
I don't really know what I'm saying, yeah, I.

Speaker 1 (46:16):
Think that I think that's gonna be the wave. And
I think it's very interesting that we mentioned that because
in our next segment we're going to talk a little
bit about community. But I think that that's the biggest,
the biggest thing for me in my mind, you asking
that question is I genuinely believe that a lot of
black people are migrating and moving and leaving because they
are recognizing how important it is to be in black
spaces and around black people. Because again I tell people

(46:40):
all the time, you can feel just just because you're
behind a gate and you live in a quote unquote
nice area doesn't mean you're safe. And I think that's
the thing a lot of people remiss. And I could
go on for days talking about, you know, the fabrication
of that in my own mind, of how you know
how much racism and how much you know anti blackness
you experience in a quote unquote nice area, you know,

(47:03):
because you decide in your mind you think that living
behind the gate is going to say, I mean, there
is no quote unquote safe space when you're black, queer,
that you're when you're marginalized. So yeah, I don't know,
I don't. I guess that's my long way of saying
I don't know, but I definitely, I definitely want to
just send my love out to anybody who's thinking about
migrating anywhere here in California, but also the people who

(47:25):
are migrating because not because they want to, but because
they have to. So yeah, all right, y'all. Well, with
that being said, we have given you a ride on
the Magic school Bus for the last forty what I
feel like, forty five fifty minutes. But we're going to
take a quick break to refuel, and when we get back,
we are going to get into our next segment where
we talk a little bit about community. More in a second.

(47:57):
All right, y'all. So for this week's UH set, we
decided our next segment. We decided that we're going to
go ahead and bring back Go Love Yourself because we
haven't really been in this bag for a minute. And
I with Go Love Yourself. The thing that I was
thinking most about is really wanting to kind of like
touch on something that I think we kind of hinted
at in our conversation, but we really didn't like get at.

(48:20):
And we were talking about this notion of community and
So with that being said, I wanted to ask you,
especially with us being who we are at our big age,
and this was something that I had also brought up
on social media. I had said, you know, I'm thirty
nine and I don't feel like I have a I
feel like I have I want to like this clear,
I feel like I have good people around me, but

(48:41):
I don't feel like I have a quote unquote strong
community because so much of my true community was from
college and a lot of them have like left, Like
my community is in Atlanta, my community is in San Diego,
my community is in San France, so like my community
is like virtual at this point. But for those of
you who are in a sense of like I'm a
social butterfly or I want to make you know, I

(49:03):
want to I want to find the people. I want
to find the dolls, you know. I think that's one
of the things that I've been thinking a lot about,
is this notion of how black people are black where
people can find communities. So, because I think of you
as a social butterfly, this week, I wanted to ask you.
You know, I know that you're a little bit younger
than me, and so I don't say that with how

(49:25):
do I say that.

Speaker 2 (49:26):
I don't.

Speaker 1 (49:26):
I don't say that to make it seem like it's
any easier to find good community. But I did want
to ask you, girl.

Speaker 2 (49:37):
She's just verge girl, she said, bitch, look at me,
look at me, look at me. How much did you
put out to get in? Girl?

Speaker 1 (49:50):
I'll go ahead and read say and ask the question. So,
so I wanted to ask, considering that I believe that
you are a social butterfly, I want to And again
I know that you're younger than so I don't want
to make the assumption that it's easier to find community
because you are younger. But I did want to ask
you what has been a good thought process, something maybe
that you've learned that has helped you find true community

(50:12):
out where you are at your big age.

Speaker 2 (50:15):
Girl, I'm like a social bat. Like butterflies are beautiful
creatures floating when the wind takes some looking elegant, as
I am a fucking bat, flapping uncontrollably trying to survive
the most chaoical way possible. Like I'm like, like, I
am not a little bit of fla but thank you
so much.

Speaker 1 (50:34):
Off.

Speaker 2 (50:35):
Yeah, But that said, finding good community is not easy.
I've made a lot of community in the past few years,
and now I'm kind of paring it down, like I've
been to this over you know, I'm making community ever
ago over the past few years, especially being a pandemic,
and again like thinking about what community means to me.
How do I like discover who actually feels a community,

(50:58):
and how do I manage time with them and prioritize
them over people that don't like community. I think good
community looks like people I can enjoy both unstructured time
with and structured time with. Right Like there there was
there's an artfull that came out I think like last
month or a few weeks or a few weeks ago,
where like or was that last month or in November?

(51:21):
It was about how like having unstructured time with friends
actually builds deeper relationships, right because now in the age
of digital media, right, but before your we never just
roll up to your house say hey, or I was
in the neighborhood. I want to say hi, right like
people just knocking on the door and say hey, or
what were you doing? And so if I come up
to your house and hang with you without us trying
to do something in particular or ghost in particular, then

(51:43):
that to me feels like a community. And anversely, if
we go out, are we having fun?

Speaker 1 (51:47):
Like?

Speaker 2 (51:47):
What like what we're doing? Are we enjoying ourselves? Also?
Can we travel? Can we travel together?

Speaker 1 (51:52):
Like?

Speaker 2 (51:52):
Can we be in different places at Cyberg City together
really enjoy having fun in new places? Like? That's the
thing that makes a good community for me emotionally, it's
do we tell each other what we want to hear?
Or do we have different conversations with each other as
much as we have the easy ones, right, Like, I
don't want friends I don't to me to me is
not people who just like say tell me, tell me
what I want to hear In that say, like, I

(52:13):
want people who will like hold me accountable and challenge
me on shit. I think finding community has a different
because I'm someone to write like I join I joined
this quite queer queer kickball league, and so I've had,
like I've made quite a few friends that I believe
will be like lifelong friends from that experience. You know,
I think this podcast gives us a chance to meet
new people. My job is to new people, So like

(52:36):
you know, I'm I'm also the person that like I
think I can be friends with anybody. I've had to
learn to stop doing that because I have learned that
actually you can't make everyone's friend. Unfortunately, you know, I
think you can, but I think I've also realized that
when I try to be everyone's friend, I then lose
focus on the people that like have like like make
me who I am and push me to be the

(52:56):
best person myself. And so now I'm in this space
of I'm the negotiating when it looks like to build small,
build smaller, build more community in small ways while recommitting
myself to my kid they already have in bigger ways
that way, right that way, Like you know, I don't
feel stiding it in just like in not having new

(53:16):
things or new people, but I'm really nurturing and growing
with people that have currently because that really, that really
is what makes it good for me, and that's what
that's what that's And then I think the ways I'm
finding it is like just also doing new things, Like
now I'm also trying to There's this app called it's
called Time Meat or something or something Time something, and
it's about basically you put in your like your like

(53:39):
interests and then it can make. It basically creates a
dinner for you with five strangers. It sounds wild, but
I'm gonna try it for when it's like eighteen bucks.

Speaker 1 (53:49):
Wait wait, okay, run up by me again. Say that again,
because I think I want to do with too.

Speaker 2 (53:54):
So I think he listen trying to find it because
I think I think I'm an email. I think it's
called time meat.

Speaker 1 (54:00):
Where is it?

Speaker 2 (54:00):
Where is it? Where is it? Where is it is from?

Speaker 3 (54:01):
Yesually she got somebody fucking emails? God nay, yeah, day Okay.
I think it's time meet or keep time or time
keep one of those things. But basically it's an app
where you and you will put in. You'll put in
like ask you questions like what your interests, you know,
how you identified you you? And it usually if you're
in an area where they have it okay, like a

(54:23):
range of a region, right, And so for me, they
have it in like in like within fifteen minutes in
my house, and so I put this information and then
it matches me with five different people. And then it
basically like we'll book a dinner for us somewhere and
we will meet there and as all strangers and like connect.
So it sounds wild, but like like I'm gonna try.

Speaker 2 (54:40):
It's like it's like fifteen bucks for one ticket and
I'm like, no, girl, I'll do it, like I'll see
what happens. You choose a day, us the day and
see and we're like no, girl, like I'm done, I'm done.
Makes shake. I can find some good friends and like
let's see what happens. And I love that cause it's like,
you know, and I heard about this. Do you watch
Random Tangent? Do you watch Subway Takes? Yes, genius show.

Speaker 1 (55:02):
Can I just say that I'm actually gonna be in
New York and about two or three.

Speaker 2 (55:05):
Weeks if you're on that show, bitch, I would scream please.

Speaker 1 (55:08):
Yes, if somebody is in New York, if y'all can.

Speaker 2 (55:11):
Get on the show, please it will be a wrap please,
cause that would be you have the hot take. I live,
I Live. It's such a show. So there was one
person who said, there it was. It was it was
an interesting hot take. Like they began by saying like
basically their thing was like we like we have to stop.

(55:33):
It was like cancel. It was like cancel, canceled reservations.
Basically like we have become two used to reservations, Right,
so we become too used to requesting what table we want,
and we're at that we have we now like essentially
created more social anxiety for ourselves.

Speaker 1 (55:50):
Right.

Speaker 2 (55:50):
We don't allow ourselves to be surprised. We don't allow
ourselves to like go into a place and like, okay,
the wait waits an hour. Well then let's go and
like explore the area for an hour, then come back
and see if our table is ready. Right, we all
come in at six pm saying we're here in badman
mam exactly, you know, and so and and and and
koreem the host. At first it was like have person disagree,

(56:11):
and then by the end of it he was like,
actually agree with you. It was really interesting. So I
feel like, right, there's this there's this call. It's like,
we build the technology to make lives easier and more convenient.
But there is a point in like, has a convenience
come at the cost of, like, our inability to be social,
our on ability to like, you know, has been too convenient,
been has been being too convenient? Damage our ability to

(56:33):
like hold empathy and hope perfective, it said, damage our
ability to like see people where they're at and be
and being being community with others, and so this app
sounds very fasting, So I'm gonna try that as well
to report back. He went for me, there's a lot,
I said, John, how about you?

Speaker 1 (56:48):
Yeah, so you know what tbh, I actually didn't really
want to say a lot this segment. So I'm glad.

Speaker 2 (56:55):
I think he's awful.

Speaker 1 (56:55):
Well, I think they didn't really have a lot because,
like I said, I I struggle with them a lot,
and you know this, like and I think I think
a big part of it is I want to make
this very clearly because I think that there are probably
people who listen to the show that know me and
they're like, what the fuck is John talking about? They
don't have community when they when I know you and
I live in your area, you know, I live around you,
and I see you are work with your blah blah
blah blah blah. And what I'm what I'm what I

(57:17):
think I'm reveling with is and this is something that
I've had to have conversations with some of my coworkers about.
There's a certain feeling like the only way to really
explain it is you have to be from the inline Empire.
You have to be a black queer from the Illin
Empire to understand the feeling that I have because San Diego,

(57:39):
Los Angeles, San Francisco, like a lot of these areas
where there's like a certain kind of gay there's community there, right,
But when you get into the ie, if you don't
if you don't show up a certain type of way,
or you don't look a certain type of way or
do what other people do, then you're kind of cast
to the side. And so I think for me, it's

(58:00):
been really hard because and I also say this too,
like I think there's also something and again I don't
know if I need to go back to therapy over this,
this is something I need to work through. But I
also think too, like growing up in my mind, there
was this picture that was painted that by the time
I was thirty nine and forty, i'd have friends knocking
on my door, like Martin or like living single, where

(58:22):
I would always be with these four or five people.
We'd be having dinner, we'd be laughing, we'd be going
on trips, we'd be doing and I don't have that,
and so and it's not and it's not to you know,
it's not a poor it's not a you know, boohoo
cry for John situation. I'll be transparent and saying no,
I know that A part of that is I'm too
fucking busy. I know, I know. A lot off it
is this girl has a lot on her play and

(58:44):
she's doing a lot, and I don't really have a
lot of time to just sit around my apartment with
people and chit chat and have fun. But there's also
a part of me that still feels like I'll look
around sometimes and I'll be like, I don't have anything
planned with any of my friends, and it feels kind
of like lonely. So I think a lot of it
is again you have there's a certain type of growing

(59:05):
up feeling you get being from the land Empire. And
I also say this for people who live in small towns.
You probably know exactly what I'm talking about. But there's
also this element of being a black queer in a
small town that very much is like leaving to go
to other big towns and other big areas. And oftentimes,
if you're not that girl that's gonna get up and
drive to San Diego or Los Angeles every Saturday or

(59:27):
every Sunday or for brunch. You're pretty much as sol,
you know. So that's kind of where my mind was.
So that was that was my way of me saying
a lot, even though I said I wanted to say, I.

Speaker 2 (59:36):
Was like, this is a lot. I mean, we got
all to say what can need do?

Speaker 1 (59:39):
So hey, you let me have you all think about
the big sea word. We got to get a quick
break to pay some bills so we can afford to
see community how long?

Speaker 2 (59:48):
And when we get back, we're gonna we're gonna get
into contuny of the things that we're gonna get into
communion with the things that we love and we hate
back in just a second.

Speaker 1 (01:00:04):
Okay, So this week I'm gonna go ahead and put
my girl on the spot. You can go ahead and
go first, because I am trying to get my yes,
ma'am's my no man.

Speaker 2 (01:00:11):
I hate you so much together, sut up. You see
the blank? You see the blank on my side? How
dare you.

Speaker 1 (01:00:21):
Do this to me?

Speaker 2 (01:00:22):
Okay?

Speaker 1 (01:00:24):
How did you do this to me? You? So?

Speaker 2 (01:00:29):
Okay? So my man, Pam first and foremost a surprise gollagers,
because y'all bitches are doing the worst, doing the devil's work,
and I will tell the truth of him right now.
Y'all are nasty ass hose, jewishous, stink, broken ass things.
And I can't wait to get your comeuppance. Y'all just
so evil, And I just I'm know, yes.

Speaker 1 (01:00:46):
Did you see that? Did you see that TikTok? And
that man who called that man? There was a man
who I guess had put an apartment up for for
rent and was charging nine thousand dollars a month for
rent all all of a sudden, and they asked him
because I guess he said when he had checked it
the day before it was he hit And he was

(01:01:06):
like why and and.

Speaker 2 (01:01:07):
The person was like because because because we know disasters
will make women make good money. Yeah, put his ass
on the last give us, give us the government name,
give us the name, let me know who I wash
up the door. But I'll be ready to go, girl,
let's go. Let's sorry to cut you off, but that's
what that period of period also say, no man, Pam
to carry underwood.

Speaker 1 (01:01:25):
I'm so sad.

Speaker 2 (01:01:26):
I will never I can't sing before he seats ever again.
Now I'm so sad she had Bob.

Speaker 1 (01:01:30):
I don't even like that fucking song. You know what
song I love by her. She has a song called
Anywhere with You. People love us, love that goddamn song.

Speaker 2 (01:01:40):
I'm loved because she Also she was supposed to drop
like this special that's be like over hit songs that
she was gonna sing. And I was like, I may
watch this and but and people have people have rumored
for years that she may not be, that she may
be a little you know, Trump, a little trum pet.

(01:02:01):
But but it was confirm and I said, oh no,
and she she was like, she's like, we have we
have to be unified. And I said, girl, fuck you,
you're not you were not quean with deep a girl
you and not ta No, that's not for you. Booth
that her.

Speaker 1 (01:02:15):
Also fucked the with the y m c A people too,
because they perform it on Monday.

Speaker 2 (01:02:19):
Oh they do? Huh they again? Is it them or
just the dude from the y m c A. It's
just all of them all singing that terrible as Also,
no man Pam to this band on TikTok. They're closing
on Sunday. I'm bad because I have friends who work
on TikTok. But I'm just saying I know they'nna be
pissed off they when they can't go into the jobs.

Speaker 1 (01:02:37):
Word on the curb is I don't think we may
have to worry.

Speaker 2 (01:02:40):
We may, we may not. There will depends. There's a
guy who said he buy it, but I know if
he's being serious.

Speaker 1 (01:02:44):
And they're also saying that we're going to get a
two hundred and seventy day stay.

Speaker 2 (01:02:48):
Well, so people are saying that the new president will
do this as his first thing to like make him
seem like it's for the people, and I just I
hate that very much.

Speaker 1 (01:02:58):
Also that he'll undo all this to me what I did.

Speaker 2 (01:03:01):
Yeah, I'm like girl, but so just trash to that. Yes, ma'am, Pam,
I will say. I was searching on the news channels
if i'd something to say yes about really got nothing.
I guess it's not like yes, ma'am to us for
being here, girl, because we could have said no, and

(01:03:22):
we said.

Speaker 1 (01:03:22):
Yeah, we really could have this week and it was
I'm not going to even hold you. There was a moment,
there was a moment today where I almost text you
and said, bitch, can we record tomorrow because of the
way I was feeling, And then I said no, get
your black ass up. And go record, so that way,
it's one less thing you have to worry about while
you're traveling this week. So I hear you when I

(01:03:43):
tell you, Like as much as it may seem like
we're laughing and KEI king, it's just and like I said,
this is what I've been saying a lot of the
people in my circle. It's so hard to see like
it just it feels like since January first, like not
even January first, since December seventh, it has literally felt
like one thing after another every every day, back to back,

(01:04:05):
there's something else and I'm just going, I don't know
how much energy I can have. So I'm I'm I'm
very grateful for I guess I'll say that as my guest.
Part of my guest, ma'am is I definitely want to say,
so I'll start this way and then i'll end it
with what I'm what I was about to say, So
I'll say for me for this this week, I'm just
gonna it's a very simple guest, ma'am. I want to

(01:04:26):
shout out white people who are actually using their platforms
to do what's right. And what I mean by that
is is and it can show up in any way,
I'm not talking about one specific thing, but I definitely
wanted to shout out I have so. I was on
her podcast last week. Meredith Flinch has a podcast called
Ali Specific, And if you follow me on social you

(01:04:47):
know I've mentioned why that why me being on that
podcast was important. Go find my tweet or go find
my my post. You'll see what I'm talking about. But
what I what I do want to say is I've
learned that Meredith is not just using her platform to
further her platform, but she's helped several of black creators,
some of the bigger black creators that you know of,
she has had one that has helped them get to

(01:05:10):
the level that they are at, including Francesca Ramsey. And
so I definitely just want to say, like, I appreciate
when when white like, like I said, I've I've said
this over and over and again. I'm a huge fan
of the the podcast.

Speaker 2 (01:05:27):
Uh, what is it?

Speaker 1 (01:05:29):
I'm trying to think of it. I can see I
can see their faces, but I cannot say the name
of the podcast. I'm blanking because I'm tired, y'all. But
I listen to it every Tuesday, every Thursday. I've had it.
I definitely wanted to shout out them, the women on
I've had it. They are constantly talking about black liberation.
They're constantly talking about, you know, the things that need

(01:05:51):
to be talked about, and I'm just I'm at a
place now where it's like you, I don't care about
you being a good white person. I need you to
do something. That's it. And when I say, do something,
that means anything to eradicate this and to make this
world better for people who look and live like me.
So again, Jesus, like, I know that there are a

(01:06:12):
lot of white people right now that I want to
give the side eye because I know for a fact
that they voted for that man. They have family who
voted for that man, and they could have done more
to get us to a place. But I'm also but
I don't want to spend my time like mulling over
that over and over and over again. I want to

(01:06:33):
celebrate the people who are actually doing good work, the
women and the men and the queers and the trans
people who are making space for people who look and
live like me and are saying I'm gonna I'm gonna
do what I can to uplift you. So I definitely
wanted to make that my yes man for this week,
my no ma'am. So I was reveling with a few
other things. But today as I was driving home for

(01:06:55):
running errands, this thought came to mind. Actually, while I
was listening to the I've Hatted podcast, I wanted to say,
my no man, Pam this week, are maga people who
make maga their personality. And what I mean by that
is like the way I was thinking about it in
the car, Like the only way I can say it

(01:07:15):
is this, if you have if you if if being
a part of a group of of a sect of
people is the only thing, because I know someone would say, oh,
well you make lgb being lgbt Q your identity, you
make being black your identity. Well, nigga, that's who I am. Like,
I'm gonna talk about it, and I'm gonna create around

(01:07:37):
that and I'm going to move throughout this world because
I can't get away from those things. Maga is a choice.
So you are making a belief system, a sect of people,
a sect of a group of things, you're a person
that that to me is what's scary. I'm gonna just
say it this way. I think the only way I
can say it so it makes sense to people who
are who might be listening, is that if you have

(01:07:59):
to being a part of a certain group of people
or a part of some type of organization your personality, Baby,
you're in a cult. I just I That's the only
way I can say it. If the if everything you
do comes back to that thing. And I'm not even
just talking about I'm talking about anything. You're You're a
part of a cult, right. I don't make Beyonce my personality.

(01:08:21):
I love that woman to death. She can't do no
wrong in my eyes. But the reality for me is
is that that's not my whole personality. I'm so much
bored beyond.

Speaker 2 (01:08:29):
Maga bumma stickers. There's this dude who drives in relevant Hillcrest.
This dude drives at least once a week in his
big ass pickup truck with four Trump flocks on his backwagon.
And I'm like, what, just why, Like why.

Speaker 1 (01:08:47):
You are a part of a cult. You've been you
have been brainwashed, because you're now letting this thing, these people,
this organization, whatever you want to call it, control the
way you think, control the way you move, the way
you treat people, the way that you respond to people like,
it's just it's just it's it's exhausting to watch. And
so I'm just in this place of like, I'm I'm

(01:09:09):
really trying not to let what's gonna happen in the
next four years bug me that much, because I know
that's what they want. They want us to be bugged.
They want us to stop talking, they want us to
shut down shop, they want us to go away.

Speaker 2 (01:09:22):
I'm not.

Speaker 1 (01:09:23):
I'm not going away. We're not going away as long
as we can, as long as we get a chance
to plug this mic in every week to talk our
ship and to be strong and to be strong black
queer people. Honey, We're not going anywhere. But I just
I just wanted to say, like, I'm just sick of
people making that their personality. It's just it's what's the point, trash.

Speaker 2 (01:09:48):
It's trash.

Speaker 1 (01:09:48):
So I'm over it.

Speaker 2 (01:09:49):
That's it.

Speaker 1 (01:09:50):
That's that's all I got this week. Okay, Well, with
that being said, we're gonna have wrap up shop. Please
send us your thoughts, your feedback, and email to blackfetfepod
at gmail dot com. You can send us your thoughts
via social media by interacting with our posts on Instagram
and disguise of Blue, the Skies of Blue. We are
over there using they hand no black fatfmpod. We are

(01:10:10):
no longer on ex exed. Lord, I'm already we are
no longer on X. That place in Elon Musk is
dead to us. So with that being said, Queen Jojo,
where can the dogs find you?

Speaker 2 (01:10:24):
Of course, loves as alway as you can find me
at Joehodanel's across All Socials or my website, girl, what's
my name? Nana said that real quick, I am screaming.
Of course you can find me at Joe Hoo Dane's

(01:10:44):
across all the Socials or my website Jordan Daniels dot com.
If not there, you will find me. Know what you
will find me? Where will you find me? Girl? I
have no idea because I have no where to be seen? Okay,
I'm trying.

Speaker 1 (01:10:59):
Tonight a new episode of Traders is coming on, so
what know tonight? Tomorrow?

Speaker 2 (01:11:04):
Tomorrow? Wait? I thought they came on a Wednesday on Thursday's. Baby,
I'm watching it tomorrow. Some shit, don't you worry? I
watched you. I should do bitch, you give me an idea?
I should be doing that girl, you'll find me take
my big mic everywhere on these streets.

Speaker 1 (01:11:19):
Okay, girl, Yeah, being out there with your with your microphone.
You should be interviewing people. Yeah, interview people down in
San Diego about things.

Speaker 2 (01:11:29):
No, so, I mean so so I just did this.
There is this queer Queer Professionals group and I just
did like a little thing with them where I ask people, no,
I want tell them my show because I want I
want no one stealing our ideas.

Speaker 1 (01:11:41):
No, don't say it on the air. Don't sit it
on the air, because I'm telling you right now, somebody
will come out with your ship and then you'll be
mad as hell that you said it on the air,
and somebody will try to act like, oh, I didn't
even know. I'm just like, just ain't came out with it. No,
you didn't. You stole it. People like to steal other
people's ideas. So don't say it on the air. But
I love the fact that you are getting into your content,
girly bag. I really'll it's more than I'll ever be

(01:12:04):
able to do because I am not a con like
I'm not. I'm not gonna be that girl that is
going to run out with the video camera and then
come back and edit it and put it up online.
Y'all not gonna. I won't. I probably will never be
that girl, and I'm sorry. I'm kind of sorry about it,
kind of. But as for me, I'm what I will
do is I will write and there's a book that
you should buy, So head on down to the ww

(01:12:27):
dot doctor Johnpaul dot com. You can find me on socials,
but you can also find me on the corner telling
people and passing out fliers letting the girls know that
this book is coming out and you need to pre
order it because we are, what about around sixty something
days away from the release, and if you don't have
your pre your pre release, you're already doing a disservice

(01:12:48):
to black fat fems. Yes, I'm gonna, I'm gonna shame
you into buying my book. Buy my book. Otherwise, I'm
exclusively on Blue Scott and Instagram and threads. If you
try to find me on Facebook, good luck with that
because I rarely use it anyway. With that being said,
we want to thank our producer By Wang for handling
all the logistics and everyone down to the I Halt

(01:13:10):
Media so keeping this show up and running honey, you know,
thank you so much room to keep the show moving
and going. We also like to shout out our wonderful editor,
Chris Rogers, because without him, we wouldn't have no click
click click click. If that be no visuals, that'd be
no show. There'd be nothing in your ear for us
for you to listen to. It'd be a really sad day,

(01:13:32):
be a really sad day without Chris around these parts.
So Chris, we love you and thank you so for
all that you do for the Blackfefin Podcast. This has
been another show. Stay black Fat, feeling fabulous and what
show hot.

Speaker 2 (01:13:45):
Remember we may not be your cup of tea, but
baby probably anyway it.

Speaker 1 (01:13:52):
Anyway, I know that's right. We'll see you next week.
Love us for real fight

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