April 3, 2024 • 20 mins
Hey y'all! You ever been in love with your best friend? Are you struggling with grief? Is your marriage okay? Jess can fix your mess! Tap in!
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Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
Speaker 1 (00:00):
Welcome to Can't Flee Reckless, the production of iHeart Radio
and The Black Effect.
Speaker 2 (00:15):
And just like that, we're back on the air.
Speaker 1 (00:17):
Welcome back to you another carefully reckless episode with your
girl Jeffs hilarious.
Speaker 2 (00:21):
What I'll be doing, I'll be fixing mess.
Speaker 1 (00:22):
I want to also say, if you have not gotten
your tickets for the second annual Black Effect podcast Hostibal,
get your tickets.
Speaker 2 (00:29):
From event bright right now.
Speaker 1 (00:31):
I think the VIP is sold out and it's not
too late to pitch your podcast. God, it's gonna be
me live on that stage fixing people's mess.
Speaker 2 (00:39):
And look how I plan to do it.
Speaker 1 (00:41):
I literally am gonna pick people from the audience did
on the spot. I don't have anything pre planned or
anything like that, because I feel like that's when I
thrive best. When I fix people's mess on the spot.
That's how I do it on Breakfast Club, That's how
I do it. When I'm picking these stories, I don't
even read through all of the story as you can see,
because in the past so I got frustrated reading that shit.
(01:03):
Maybe I should pre read or you know, pre pick
for the episodes, because I'll be irritated a shit when
y'all can't spell, but that's the game. But I'm taking
But just because you can spell, don't mean I can't
fix your mass all right, So I want to let
y'all know y'all can still send voice memos whenever y'all
would like.
Speaker 2 (01:22):
But if y'all don't, I do understand.
Speaker 1 (01:24):
But please, if I mess up your story, it's because
you're rote it wrong, all right. Now, speaking of voice memos,
we don't have any, so people are still writing me stuff,
So I'm just gonna jump straight into it. Hija's my
husband and I have been married for four years. I
know my husband like the back of my hand. He's
my best friend. We were even best friends before we
got together. Recently, I noticed change in him. He would
(01:46):
really just kind of walk around the house kind of
sluggish and not really have that big smile on his
face like he normally did. I feel like he's bored
with our relationship. I want to do things that'll bring
the spark back for him and just simply remind him
why we fell in love or why he fall in
love with me in the first place. Any suggestions on
how I can keep this man happy? Well, look, that
(02:06):
was very short and simple, like what else is he feeling?
Did something recently happen? I feel like it's something that
you're leaving out. It could be a number of reasons,
you know what I'm saying, Like is he still giving
you that sexual attention that you need that women long
for me because we're still human? Right, I mean, do
you get turned on? I mean, what's going on? Have
you noticed something something else? Like does he get emotional
(02:29):
around certain times of the day, like after certain phone
calls or whatever? Is everything okay with his family, with
work that he just recently lose a job? Like I mean,
I'm not saying that you don't know. I mean, because
nobody knows your partner like you. You understand what I'm saying.
But I feel like you're leaving out certain things. So
I wouldn't know how to even maneuver through this advice
(02:51):
or navigate through this advice if you don't really give
me more meat on the bone. And then you're saying
he was your best friend before. So to have a
best friend and to understand what that is, you got
to know the ins and outs of a person, like
I have a best friend, been my best friend since
my son was what one year.
Speaker 2 (03:08):
Old, like no, I was. Now, I met my best
friend when I was pregnant. I'm tripping.
Speaker 1 (03:12):
Me and Sheen have been best friends for eleven plus years.
You get what I'm saying. So it's like I know
when something's wrong with her, even if she come around
me and be too quiet. And she got different quiets
because Shena is an introvert, you get what I'm saying.
So she got that quiet where something is bothering her
but she don't want to talk about it. And then
she got that quiet when she's just sitting and observing.
You know what I'm saying, cause she she's a Libra and.
Speaker 2 (03:32):
I don't know.
Speaker 1 (03:33):
You know, I'm not really big on ZODIAX, but trust me,
my best friend is a true Libra. And she will
sit and be looking, but she's paying attention to everything.
She won't say a word, but she pays attention to everything.
Speaker 2 (03:43):
You get what I'm saying. She's a very introverted person.
Speaker 1 (03:46):
But she's extroverted with me when it's just me and
her old or with somebody that she knows.
Speaker 2 (03:51):
You know, you gotta fully know Shena.
Speaker 1 (03:53):
She like the scenery or whatever, and she'll open up
around motherfucker she's comfortable with. So if this is your
best friend, not to compare best friend relationships, but if
this is your best friend, it would be beyond you
just noticing the little things like him not smiling as much,
or him being kind of sluggish. It seems that he
is in a state of depression. I mean from the
(04:14):
sluggish situation when somebody is sluggish, they're moving slow, and
they're inactive.
Speaker 2 (04:19):
You get what I'm saying.
Speaker 1 (04:20):
So obviously something did happen. Did you do something that
you don't think he knew about, or that you know
you hit from him? You just got to give me
more goddamn meat on this bone, dammit, Like I need
to know what's going on. I wouldn't question my whole
marriage because of this behavior. Because you're asking me any
suggestions on how to keep this man happy. You're not
(04:42):
even really trying to get to the root of why
he's even feeling this way in the first place. You
get what I'm saying. So that's telling me maybe you
did something wrong, and you get what I'm saying, Like, Nah,
let's just see it for what it is, a little bit.
The fact that all right, let me read the the
end again, you said, I want to do things that
will bring that spark back for him and just simply
(05:04):
remind him why he fell in love with me in
the first place. Any suggestions on how to keep this
man happy. This is like like you're trying to cover
up the problem, and you may be subconsciously doing that.
You may not even know that that's what you're doing,
you know what I mean. But a best friend will
get down to the bottom of what's going on wife.
He get down to the bottom of what's going on
(05:26):
in your marriage. You understand what I'm saying. Don't look
at it as Okay, I gotta keep him happy. No
why you said in the first place, what's going on?
Bab It doesn't say here that you had to talk
to him. I mean that you have talked to him
about it. I always tell everybody communication is for everything,
not only in relationships. That's in friends, family work, kids,
from kids to parents, from parents to kids, whatever, whatever
(05:49):
bond of friendship it is, communicate. You can communicate with strangers.
Keep that shit a hunted, you know what I mean.
Stop tiptoeing around motherfucker's feelings, and that's how you end
up miserable and unhappy and left in the world of
chaos because you're not saying something that you should have
been said. So you let everything play out and it
gets crazy. So definitely check back.
Speaker 2 (06:08):
In with me.
Speaker 1 (06:08):
Give me more meat on his bone, girl, But talk
to your man. Talk to your husband and figure out
what's wrong with him. Get to the root. And then
you try to figure out, all right, how can I
get him back to this happy place? How can I
get him to be cause he may still be in
love with you, it's just something else going on.
Speaker 2 (06:23):
You get what I'm saying, So get.
Speaker 1 (06:25):
To that baby's not good with communicating his feelings or
expressing himself in those ways that could come from childhood,
that can come from relationships with homeboys, that can come
from previous relationships. I really feel like, have a conversation
with your best friend. Don't even go at him as
a wife. Have a conversation with your best friend. Make
it a safe environment for him to open up, you know,
(06:46):
and then open up about the truth, and then ask him, Okay,
what can y'all do together as best friends slash husband
and wife to get this together?
Speaker 2 (06:56):
You know what I mean?
Speaker 1 (06:56):
Because I'm over here thinking it's me, babe, and I
don't know what's going on. All I know is that smiling.
Speaker 2 (07:00):
Like you used to.
Speaker 1 (07:01):
You're moving slower. You're sluggish. You know you're inactive, and
this ain't you. So what's wrong? Tell me like, I'm
your partner, I'm your best friend, I'm your everything. You know,
talk to your man, girl, but let me know.
Speaker 2 (07:12):
Check back in. If you love me, you'll listen to
this commercial and then we'll be right back.
Speaker 1 (07:18):
Okay, moving on, Jess. I just lost my little brother
about a year ago. He literally was everything to me,
and I raised him like he was my own. I
know you can't put a time on grief and healing,
but I'm just tired of being sad. I see his
picture on my nightstand every day and just ball my
eyes out. There are so many songs and so many
(07:39):
things that I do in my routine that just reminds
me of him.
Speaker 2 (07:42):
He's everywhere.
Speaker 1 (07:43):
You would think that would make me smile, but I
feel like it just makes me more sad because he's
not here to share those moments with me. I want
to get back to my old self. I want to
be able to go with my friends again and listen
to those same songs without crying. I want to be
able to do my daily routine without stopping to go
run and cry in the bathroom. Lol, ain't nothing funny,
(08:04):
Trust me, baby, I hear you. I've never really lost
anyone this close to me, So this is a pain
I've never endured before. Have you ever lost someone? What
did you give to grieve? Well, baby, yes, I can
tell you I have lost someone. However, I haven't lost
anybody in my immediate family, thank god.
Speaker 2 (08:22):
So I really don't know what that feels like, you know.
Speaker 1 (08:25):
And everybody plays different parts and different roles in your life,
and you know, to some degree, the level of bondness
is different, you know. But I have lost friends, you know,
I've lost family, and no loss is easy, you get
what I'm saying. But it's only been a year, you know,
So give yourself some grace a little bit. That's your
(08:47):
little brother. I don't know how you lost him, you know,
And that doesn't even matter the fact that he's just gone,
you know, and he's not coming back. And I know
that bothers you every day, But don't try to jump
back in your regular, everyday routine so quickly, you know,
like you said you want to go with your friends
and all.
Speaker 2 (09:05):
Yeah, I'm not saying don't go.
Speaker 1 (09:06):
Try to have a good time, for sure, but give
yourself some grace if you do, got to run to
the bathroom and cry, that's your little brother again.
Speaker 2 (09:12):
It's only been a year.
Speaker 1 (09:15):
You know, you ain't the first person that wrote me
about losing a close family member. People lose parents and
grieve for a decade, ten years. You know what I'm saying.
You only get one set of parents. You know, that's
your brother, your little brother, your baby brother. I imagine I
can imagine how close y'all were. Give yourself some grace.
Like my son's dad, Rome, Rome found his mother dead
(09:38):
when he was ten. You get what I'm saying. That
still haunts him. He still lives with that, He still
holds on to that. Can't nobody tell him how to grieve.
He never properly got to grieve when he was a kid.
He was ten. After he found her, he was pulled
out of that household and thrown into another one. You know,
he had to go live with his dad and his stepmom.
Completely different rules, completely different level of nurturing, completely different.
(10:03):
You know, he went from having his own room to
sharing a room with his step brothers and his little brother.
You get what I'm saying, Like it's definitely a shock.
It's a world you have to adapt to being without
somebody who you were just with every day, so sudden.
I would say, give yourself some grace. I sympathize with you,
(10:25):
and I have a great level of empathy for you,
But give yourself some grace. Baby girl, everywhere you go
you think of him everything you do.
Speaker 2 (10:34):
Like you said, you see him everywhere.
Speaker 1 (10:36):
Try to think of a good memory and then try
to also know that he wouldn't want you to be
said and depressed like this either. You get what I'm saying.
But if you have to do it, you do it.
It's all a part of grievance. Are you in some
type of therapy? Are you in some type of counseling?
Did your parents offer that to you, extend that to you? Look,
I need to go talk to somebody about this. It's
been a year and I feel like I should be
(10:56):
not over it, but further than I am right now.
Speaker 2 (10:59):
Mom and Dad, you know what I'm saying. How old
are you?
Speaker 1 (11:01):
I would love to know how old are you? How
old was your little brother, and I want you to
give yourself some grades. Like you said, Okay, you see
his picture on your knight stand every day, you just
boil your eyes out. Put the picture somewhere else. You
know what I'm saying. That's not erasing them, and don't
feel bad about it. That's not erasing them until you're
ready to see a picture of him and not cry.
I think it's you know, you should just put it
(11:22):
in the drawer or put it somewhere else. Put it
in the bathroom, put it in you know. That's what
you see when you open your eyes, that's what you
see before you close them.
Speaker 2 (11:30):
I get it.
Speaker 1 (11:30):
I can only imagine that you're probably having dreams about
him as well. It's your brother, man, you know. So
I want you to understand it is totally normal what
you're going through and not totally get it.
Speaker 2 (11:43):
All right, Just check back in with me and let
me know moving on. Hey, Jess, could we keep this
between us?
Speaker 1 (11:50):
No face, no case, Gerda can't see your damn face
on a podcast anyway. Girl, And I'm not going to
say your name. Okay, let me cut straight to the chase, please.
I am in love with my best friend whoa we
have been best friends since we were five. She's an amazing,
beautiful woman. Every time we're together, our dynamic and our
energy is just insane, and I always have thought in
(12:13):
the back of my head like we would be great together.
I just recently got some clarity all my feelings for her,
so it's been harder to hide it. Okay, so you've
been showing a girl I like you, bit y'all, won't
you come here? She's also in a relationship, ad damn,
so that makes it even harder.
Speaker 2 (12:28):
Now.
Speaker 1 (12:28):
I've seen her in plenty of relationships, but this one,
I think this is the one I might actually lose
her too. I don't want to actually lose her, though,
but I also don't want to push her away with
telling her how I feel. And then she's also in
a relationship, so I don't know how she would take it.
I wouldn't want to lose my best friend just because
I can't be with her, so I always try to
put her feelings first.
Speaker 2 (12:49):
But I don't know, Jess.
Speaker 1 (12:50):
My feelings get stronger for this girl every time I
look at her, and it's starting to really kill me.
Speaker 2 (12:56):
Okay, Jesus up, hold up.
Speaker 1 (12:59):
I noticed getting good, but listen to just a couple
seconds of a commercial.
Speaker 2 (13:03):
If you love me, you'll listen, all right, So listen.
It's two sides to this.
Speaker 1 (13:10):
She's in a relationship now you think this is the
one that you could actually lose her to. That means
she's happy, That means she's thriving. I mean, this is
obviously the best person for her that she's had out
of all the relationships you've seen her through. And then
you're honestly her confidant because that's how you know everything
about her and all these relationships and moving forward. You know,
(13:30):
you said she's an amazing, strong, beautiful woman, all of
that that you've admired.
Speaker 2 (13:34):
You know, you've known each other since y'all was five
and shit like that.
Speaker 1 (13:37):
So this is an interesting factor, you know, and it
plays a part in why you would fall in love
with her because you know her so well. However, she
is in a relationship and maybe she doesn't look at
you the way you look at her now. Is that
is like the harsh reality here right now. The other
side of it is you do love her, You're in
(13:58):
love with her, and you don't know if she feels
that week because you've obviously never told her how you
feel about her. So this is obviously a gamble and
a big toss up between like your feelings versus your mind,
because your mind is telling you know, but your feelings
in your heart is like, YO, tell this girl, right,
but this is what I don't want to happen, same
thing you don't want to happen. You don't want to
(14:18):
tell her about these feelings that you've always had for her,
and shit, and then you risk losing her.
Speaker 2 (14:23):
She looks at you like a weirdo and all that.
Not a weirdo, but it's.
Speaker 1 (14:26):
Like, damn, you like me the whole time, and you
sit back and you kept it from me, and now
I'm in this relationship and that you know that could
potentially fuck up things between you. But since I'm always
an advocate for honesty and for people telling the truth
about everything, oh gosh, I would say, meet up with
(14:47):
her and talk to her, but talk to her as
your best friend. Don't talk to her as somebody that's
trying to court her because she's still in a relationship.
I think it just needs to be an innocent conversation
of you coming.
Speaker 2 (14:57):
Forward with how you feel.
Speaker 1 (14:58):
You get what I'm saying because you having this agony
and pain and shit, you laying at night in your
bed and you thinking about her, and she was somebody else,
you know, But this is your best friend. So this
is something that you should have been brought to our
attention when she was in between relationships. You had all
the fucking time and opportunity in the world. You've been
knowing her since she was five. God damn it, Lord,
(15:19):
but I think you should go to where look y'all
stand down somewhere, I mean, it could be private or whatever,
and be like, look, I know you're in a relationship.
I know that you are happy, and I know this
is not going to be easy when I'm about to
tell you, and you probably may even look at me
differently after this.
Speaker 2 (15:35):
But I've always had a thing for you.
Speaker 1 (15:37):
You know, I know you, I know you in and out.
You're my best friend, and that's what you were before.
You know, my best friend. I know you you know
me or whatever. I got to grow with you. I've
gotten to see how amazing you are. You know, we've
known each other for so long. I feel like you
know you're my other half. You know what I'm saying,
And I just feel like I haven't said this because
(15:58):
I didn't want this to be weird to you, or
I just didn't you know, I didn't know how to
express my feelings in this way because we've always had
a friend to friend best friend relationship. We've never had
a relationship like this, you know, where I can tell
you for sure, like, Yo, I'm feeling you, you know,
but I'm in love with you, and I know you're
(16:19):
in a relationship. But I've been battling this and I
just wanted to get it off my chest.
Speaker 2 (16:24):
See what she say.
Speaker 1 (16:26):
Now, it's totally up to you if you want to
throw the part in there where you're like, I feel
like I may lose you to the person that you're
with now, because god damn it, that's treading on ice.
Speaker 2 (16:36):
You are chapped.
Speaker 1 (16:40):
You just don't want it to be weird, you know
what I mean? You just you really don't want it
to be fucking weird. And listen, I get it, but
you gotta tell her how you feel, just to get
it off your chest.
Speaker 2 (16:51):
Don't add that part in there, like I said, the.
Speaker 1 (16:55):
Person, I feel like I'm about to lose you because
it's like, nah, that's still your best friend, but just
because you're in love with her, don't mean that that's
how she look at you. You know what I'm saying,
This is kind of your fault, my nigga. I'm gonna
be honest with you. This is your fault. You less
shit goes so far. You let her get into another
relationship after you just saying her through many you know
(17:17):
what I mean? And how many has she seen you through?
You know?
Speaker 2 (17:21):
I think you keep that a buck with her.
Speaker 1 (17:23):
Sit her down and then check back in with me
and let me know how that shit went down, Polise,
let me know how that shit went down, all right?
And just like that, we've come to yet the end
of another Catholic Records episode with your girl. Just hilarious.
And what I be doing, I'll be fixing masks. Make
sure you get your tickets. Like I said, for Portman
Yards April twenty seventh, that's a Saturday in Atlanta. We're
doing the second an You Will Black Effect Podcast Festival.
Speaker 2 (17:46):
Get your tickets.
Speaker 1 (17:47):
I'm gonna see you there. Like I said, I will
be picking people. I will be picking people out the
crowd to fix the mess on stage.
Speaker 2 (17:55):
I will be picking four people.
Speaker 1 (17:57):
I want two women and two men, all right, I'm
not tripping about gender, non binary, trans, whatever the fuck
you are, come on, I got you.
Speaker 2 (18:05):
Uh, but have some goddamn mess, all right.
Speaker 1 (18:07):
Don't come up there just to look cute and take
pictures and selfies and shit, because that's not what I'm
there for. And mind you, I'm gonna be even more
pregnant and even more not giving a fuck, all right,
So if it ain't about the mess, don't come up
because it can't be can't be about nothing else. Trust me,
love y'all, and each and every Wednesday, tuned into my
podcast and then my deepest Pam voice. Peace Can't Fully
(19:39):
Reckless is a production of iHeart Radio and The Black Effect.
For more podcasts from iHeart Radio, visit the iHeartRadio app,
Apple Podcasts, or wherever you listen to your favorite shows.
Welcome to Can't Flee Reckless, the production of iHeart Radio
and The Black Effect.
Speaker 2 (00:15):
And just like that, we're back on the air.
Speaker 1 (00:17):
Welcome back to you another carefully reckless episode with your
girl Jeffs hilarious.
Speaker 2 (00:21):
What I'll be doing, I'll be fixing mess.
Speaker 1 (00:22):
I want to also say, if you have not gotten
your tickets for the second annual Black Effect podcast Hostibal,
get your tickets.
Speaker 2 (00:29):
From event bright right now.
Speaker 1 (00:31):
I think the VIP is sold out and it's not
too late to pitch your podcast. God, it's gonna be
me live on that stage fixing people's mess.
Speaker 2 (00:39):
And look how I plan to do it.
Speaker 1 (00:41):
I literally am gonna pick people from the audience did
on the spot. I don't have anything pre planned or
anything like that, because I feel like that's when I
thrive best. When I fix people's mess on the spot.
That's how I do it on Breakfast Club, That's how
I do it. When I'm picking these stories, I don't
even read through all of the story as you can see,
because in the past so I got frustrated reading that shit.
(01:03):
Maybe I should pre read or you know, pre pick
for the episodes, because I'll be irritated a shit when
y'all can't spell, but that's the game. But I'm taking
But just because you can spell, don't mean I can't
fix your mass all right, So I want to let
y'all know y'all can still send voice memos whenever y'all
would like.
Speaker 2 (01:22):
But if y'all don't, I do understand.
Speaker 1 (01:24):
But please, if I mess up your story, it's because
you're rote it wrong, all right. Now, speaking of voice memos,
we don't have any, so people are still writing me stuff,
So I'm just gonna jump straight into it. Hija's my
husband and I have been married for four years. I
know my husband like the back of my hand. He's
my best friend. We were even best friends before we
got together. Recently, I noticed change in him. He would
(01:46):
really just kind of walk around the house kind of
sluggish and not really have that big smile on his
face like he normally did. I feel like he's bored
with our relationship. I want to do things that'll bring
the spark back for him and just simply remind him
why we fell in love or why he fall in
love with me in the first place. Any suggestions on
how I can keep this man happy? Well, look, that
(02:06):
was very short and simple, like what else is he feeling?
Did something recently happen? I feel like it's something that
you're leaving out. It could be a number of reasons,
you know what I'm saying, Like is he still giving
you that sexual attention that you need that women long
for me because we're still human? Right, I mean, do
you get turned on? I mean, what's going on? Have
you noticed something something else? Like does he get emotional
(02:29):
around certain times of the day, like after certain phone
calls or whatever? Is everything okay with his family, with
work that he just recently lose a job? Like I mean,
I'm not saying that you don't know. I mean, because
nobody knows your partner like you. You understand what I'm saying.
But I feel like you're leaving out certain things. So
I wouldn't know how to even maneuver through this advice
(02:51):
or navigate through this advice if you don't really give
me more meat on the bone. And then you're saying
he was your best friend before. So to have a
best friend and to understand what that is, you got
to know the ins and outs of a person, like
I have a best friend, been my best friend since
my son was what one year.
Speaker 2 (03:08):
Old, like no, I was. Now, I met my best
friend when I was pregnant. I'm tripping.
Speaker 1 (03:12):
Me and Sheen have been best friends for eleven plus years.
You get what I'm saying. So it's like I know
when something's wrong with her, even if she come around
me and be too quiet. And she got different quiets
because Shena is an introvert, you get what I'm saying.
So she got that quiet where something is bothering her
but she don't want to talk about it. And then
she got that quiet when she's just sitting and observing.
You know what I'm saying, cause she she's a Libra and.
Speaker 2 (03:32):
I don't know.
Speaker 1 (03:33):
You know, I'm not really big on ZODIAX, but trust me,
my best friend is a true Libra. And she will
sit and be looking, but she's paying attention to everything.
She won't say a word, but she pays attention to everything.
Speaker 2 (03:43):
You get what I'm saying. She's a very introverted person.
Speaker 1 (03:46):
But she's extroverted with me when it's just me and
her old or with somebody that she knows.
Speaker 2 (03:51):
You know, you gotta fully know Shena.
Speaker 1 (03:53):
She like the scenery or whatever, and she'll open up
around motherfucker she's comfortable with. So if this is your
best friend, not to compare best friend relationships, but if
this is your best friend, it would be beyond you
just noticing the little things like him not smiling as much,
or him being kind of sluggish. It seems that he
is in a state of depression. I mean from the
(04:14):
sluggish situation when somebody is sluggish, they're moving slow, and
they're inactive.
Speaker 2 (04:19):
You get what I'm saying.
Speaker 1 (04:20):
So obviously something did happen. Did you do something that
you don't think he knew about, or that you know
you hit from him? You just got to give me
more goddamn meat on this bone, dammit, Like I need
to know what's going on. I wouldn't question my whole
marriage because of this behavior. Because you're asking me any
suggestions on how to keep this man happy. You're not
(04:42):
even really trying to get to the root of why
he's even feeling this way in the first place. You
get what I'm saying. So that's telling me maybe you
did something wrong, and you get what I'm saying, Like, Nah,
let's just see it for what it is, a little bit.
The fact that all right, let me read the the
end again, you said, I want to do things that
will bring that spark back for him and just simply
(05:04):
remind him why he fell in love with me in
the first place. Any suggestions on how to keep this
man happy. This is like like you're trying to cover
up the problem, and you may be subconsciously doing that.
You may not even know that that's what you're doing,
you know what I mean. But a best friend will
get down to the bottom of what's going on wife.
He get down to the bottom of what's going on
(05:26):
in your marriage. You understand what I'm saying. Don't look
at it as Okay, I gotta keep him happy. No
why you said in the first place, what's going on?
Bab It doesn't say here that you had to talk
to him. I mean that you have talked to him
about it. I always tell everybody communication is for everything,
not only in relationships. That's in friends, family work, kids,
from kids to parents, from parents to kids, whatever, whatever
(05:49):
bond of friendship it is, communicate. You can communicate with strangers.
Keep that shit a hunted, you know what I mean.
Stop tiptoeing around motherfucker's feelings, and that's how you end
up miserable and unhappy and left in the world of
chaos because you're not saying something that you should have
been said. So you let everything play out and it
gets crazy. So definitely check back.
Speaker 2 (06:08):
In with me.
Speaker 1 (06:08):
Give me more meat on his bone, girl, But talk
to your man. Talk to your husband and figure out
what's wrong with him. Get to the root. And then
you try to figure out, all right, how can I
get him back to this happy place? How can I
get him to be cause he may still be in
love with you, it's just something else going on.
Speaker 2 (06:23):
You get what I'm saying, So get.
Speaker 1 (06:25):
To that baby's not good with communicating his feelings or
expressing himself in those ways that could come from childhood,
that can come from relationships with homeboys, that can come
from previous relationships. I really feel like, have a conversation
with your best friend. Don't even go at him as
a wife. Have a conversation with your best friend. Make
it a safe environment for him to open up, you know,
(06:46):
and then open up about the truth, and then ask him, Okay,
what can y'all do together as best friends slash husband
and wife to get this together?
Speaker 2 (06:56):
You know what I mean?
Speaker 1 (06:56):
Because I'm over here thinking it's me, babe, and I
don't know what's going on. All I know is that smiling.
Speaker 2 (07:00):
Like you used to.
Speaker 1 (07:01):
You're moving slower. You're sluggish. You know you're inactive, and
this ain't you. So what's wrong? Tell me like, I'm
your partner, I'm your best friend, I'm your everything. You know,
talk to your man, girl, but let me know.
Speaker 2 (07:12):
Check back in. If you love me, you'll listen to
this commercial and then we'll be right back.
Speaker 1 (07:18):
Okay, moving on, Jess. I just lost my little brother
about a year ago. He literally was everything to me,
and I raised him like he was my own. I
know you can't put a time on grief and healing,
but I'm just tired of being sad. I see his
picture on my nightstand every day and just ball my
eyes out. There are so many songs and so many
(07:39):
things that I do in my routine that just reminds
me of him.
Speaker 2 (07:42):
He's everywhere.
Speaker 1 (07:43):
You would think that would make me smile, but I
feel like it just makes me more sad because he's
not here to share those moments with me. I want
to get back to my old self. I want to
be able to go with my friends again and listen
to those same songs without crying. I want to be
able to do my daily routine without stopping to go
run and cry in the bathroom. Lol, ain't nothing funny,
(08:04):
Trust me, baby, I hear you. I've never really lost
anyone this close to me, So this is a pain
I've never endured before. Have you ever lost someone? What
did you give to grieve? Well, baby, yes, I can
tell you I have lost someone. However, I haven't lost
anybody in my immediate family, thank god.
Speaker 2 (08:22):
So I really don't know what that feels like, you know.
Speaker 1 (08:25):
And everybody plays different parts and different roles in your life,
and you know, to some degree, the level of bondness
is different, you know. But I have lost friends, you know,
I've lost family, and no loss is easy, you get
what I'm saying. But it's only been a year, you know,
So give yourself some grace a little bit. That's your
(08:47):
little brother. I don't know how you lost him, you know,
And that doesn't even matter the fact that he's just gone,
you know, and he's not coming back. And I know
that bothers you every day, But don't try to jump
back in your regular, everyday routine so quickly, you know,
like you said you want to go with your friends
and all.
Speaker 2 (09:05):
Yeah, I'm not saying don't go.
Speaker 1 (09:06):
Try to have a good time, for sure, but give
yourself some grace if you do, got to run to
the bathroom and cry, that's your little brother again.
Speaker 2 (09:12):
It's only been a year.
Speaker 1 (09:15):
You know, you ain't the first person that wrote me
about losing a close family member. People lose parents and
grieve for a decade, ten years. You know what I'm saying.
You only get one set of parents. You know, that's
your brother, your little brother, your baby brother. I imagine I
can imagine how close y'all were. Give yourself some grace.
Like my son's dad, Rome, Rome found his mother dead
(09:38):
when he was ten. You get what I'm saying. That
still haunts him. He still lives with that, He still
holds on to that. Can't nobody tell him how to grieve.
He never properly got to grieve when he was a kid.
He was ten. After he found her, he was pulled
out of that household and thrown into another one. You know,
he had to go live with his dad and his stepmom.
Completely different rules, completely different level of nurturing, completely different.
(10:03):
You know, he went from having his own room to
sharing a room with his step brothers and his little brother.
You get what I'm saying, Like it's definitely a shock.
It's a world you have to adapt to being without
somebody who you were just with every day, so sudden.
I would say, give yourself some grace. I sympathize with you,
(10:25):
and I have a great level of empathy for you,
But give yourself some grace. Baby girl, everywhere you go
you think of him everything you do.
Speaker 2 (10:34):
Like you said, you see him everywhere.
Speaker 1 (10:36):
Try to think of a good memory and then try
to also know that he wouldn't want you to be
said and depressed like this either. You get what I'm saying.
But if you have to do it, you do it.
It's all a part of grievance. Are you in some
type of therapy? Are you in some type of counseling?
Did your parents offer that to you, extend that to you? Look,
I need to go talk to somebody about this. It's
been a year and I feel like I should be
(10:56):
not over it, but further than I am right now.
Speaker 2 (10:59):
Mom and Dad, you know what I'm saying. How old
are you?
Speaker 1 (11:01):
I would love to know how old are you? How
old was your little brother, and I want you to
give yourself some grades. Like you said, Okay, you see
his picture on your knight stand every day, you just
boil your eyes out. Put the picture somewhere else. You
know what I'm saying. That's not erasing them, and don't
feel bad about it. That's not erasing them until you're
ready to see a picture of him and not cry.
I think it's you know, you should just put it
(11:22):
in the drawer or put it somewhere else. Put it
in the bathroom, put it in you know. That's what
you see when you open your eyes, that's what you
see before you close them.
Speaker 2 (11:30):
I get it.
Speaker 1 (11:30):
I can only imagine that you're probably having dreams about
him as well. It's your brother, man, you know. So
I want you to understand it is totally normal what
you're going through and not totally get it.
Speaker 2 (11:43):
All right, Just check back in with me and let
me know moving on. Hey, Jess, could we keep this
between us?
Speaker 1 (11:50):
No face, no case, Gerda can't see your damn face
on a podcast anyway. Girl, And I'm not going to
say your name. Okay, let me cut straight to the chase, please.
I am in love with my best friend whoa we
have been best friends since we were five. She's an amazing,
beautiful woman. Every time we're together, our dynamic and our
energy is just insane, and I always have thought in
(12:13):
the back of my head like we would be great together.
I just recently got some clarity all my feelings for her,
so it's been harder to hide it. Okay, so you've
been showing a girl I like you, bit y'all, won't
you come here? She's also in a relationship, ad damn,
so that makes it even harder.
Speaker 2 (12:28):
Now.
Speaker 1 (12:28):
I've seen her in plenty of relationships, but this one,
I think this is the one I might actually lose
her too. I don't want to actually lose her, though,
but I also don't want to push her away with
telling her how I feel. And then she's also in
a relationship, so I don't know how she would take it.
I wouldn't want to lose my best friend just because
I can't be with her, so I always try to
put her feelings first.
Speaker 2 (12:49):
But I don't know, Jess.
Speaker 1 (12:50):
My feelings get stronger for this girl every time I
look at her, and it's starting to really kill me.
Speaker 2 (12:56):
Okay, Jesus up, hold up.
Speaker 1 (12:59):
I noticed getting good, but listen to just a couple
seconds of a commercial.
Speaker 2 (13:03):
If you love me, you'll listen, all right, So listen.
It's two sides to this.
Speaker 1 (13:10):
She's in a relationship now you think this is the
one that you could actually lose her to. That means
she's happy, That means she's thriving. I mean, this is
obviously the best person for her that she's had out
of all the relationships you've seen her through. And then
you're honestly her confidant because that's how you know everything
about her and all these relationships and moving forward. You know,
(13:30):
you said she's an amazing, strong, beautiful woman, all of
that that you've admired.
Speaker 2 (13:34):
You know, you've known each other since y'all was five
and shit like that.
Speaker 1 (13:37):
So this is an interesting factor, you know, and it
plays a part in why you would fall in love
with her because you know her so well. However, she
is in a relationship and maybe she doesn't look at
you the way you look at her now. Is that
is like the harsh reality here right now. The other
side of it is you do love her, You're in
(13:58):
love with her, and you don't know if she feels
that week because you've obviously never told her how you
feel about her. So this is obviously a gamble and
a big toss up between like your feelings versus your mind,
because your mind is telling you know, but your feelings
in your heart is like, YO, tell this girl, right,
but this is what I don't want to happen, same
thing you don't want to happen. You don't want to
(14:18):
tell her about these feelings that you've always had for her,
and shit, and then you risk losing her.
Speaker 2 (14:23):
She looks at you like a weirdo and all that.
Not a weirdo, but it's.
Speaker 1 (14:26):
Like, damn, you like me the whole time, and you
sit back and you kept it from me, and now
I'm in this relationship and that you know that could
potentially fuck up things between you. But since I'm always
an advocate for honesty and for people telling the truth
about everything, oh gosh, I would say, meet up with
(14:47):
her and talk to her, but talk to her as
your best friend. Don't talk to her as somebody that's
trying to court her because she's still in a relationship.
I think it just needs to be an innocent conversation
of you coming.
Speaker 2 (14:57):
Forward with how you feel.
Speaker 1 (14:58):
You get what I'm saying because you having this agony
and pain and shit, you laying at night in your
bed and you thinking about her, and she was somebody else,
you know, But this is your best friend. So this
is something that you should have been brought to our
attention when she was in between relationships. You had all
the fucking time and opportunity in the world. You've been
knowing her since she was five. God damn it, Lord,
(15:19):
but I think you should go to where look y'all
stand down somewhere, I mean, it could be private or whatever,
and be like, look, I know you're in a relationship.
I know that you are happy, and I know this
is not going to be easy when I'm about to
tell you, and you probably may even look at me
differently after this.
Speaker 2 (15:35):
But I've always had a thing for you.
Speaker 1 (15:37):
You know, I know you, I know you in and out.
You're my best friend, and that's what you were before.
You know, my best friend. I know you you know
me or whatever. I got to grow with you. I've
gotten to see how amazing you are. You know, we've
known each other for so long. I feel like you
know you're my other half. You know what I'm saying,
And I just feel like I haven't said this because
(15:58):
I didn't want this to be weird to you, or
I just didn't you know, I didn't know how to
express my feelings in this way because we've always had
a friend to friend best friend relationship. We've never had
a relationship like this, you know, where I can tell
you for sure, like, Yo, I'm feeling you, you know,
but I'm in love with you, and I know you're
(16:19):
in a relationship. But I've been battling this and I
just wanted to get it off my chest.
Speaker 2 (16:24):
See what she say.
Speaker 1 (16:26):
Now, it's totally up to you if you want to
throw the part in there where you're like, I feel
like I may lose you to the person that you're
with now, because god damn it, that's treading on ice.
Speaker 2 (16:36):
You are chapped.
Speaker 1 (16:40):
You just don't want it to be weird, you know
what I mean? You just you really don't want it
to be fucking weird. And listen, I get it, but
you gotta tell her how you feel, just to get
it off your chest.
Speaker 2 (16:51):
Don't add that part in there, like I said, the.
Speaker 1 (16:55):
Person, I feel like I'm about to lose you because
it's like, nah, that's still your best friend, but just
because you're in love with her, don't mean that that's
how she look at you. You know what I'm saying,
This is kind of your fault, my nigga. I'm gonna
be honest with you. This is your fault. You less
shit goes so far. You let her get into another
relationship after you just saying her through many you know
(17:17):
what I mean? And how many has she seen you through?
You know?
Speaker 2 (17:21):
I think you keep that a buck with her.
Speaker 1 (17:23):
Sit her down and then check back in with me
and let me know how that shit went down, Polise,
let me know how that shit went down, all right?
And just like that, we've come to yet the end
of another Catholic Records episode with your girl. Just hilarious.
And what I be doing, I'll be fixing masks. Make
sure you get your tickets. Like I said, for Portman
Yards April twenty seventh, that's a Saturday in Atlanta. We're
doing the second an You Will Black Effect Podcast Festival.
Speaker 2 (17:46):
Get your tickets.
Speaker 1 (17:47):
I'm gonna see you there. Like I said, I will
be picking people. I will be picking people out the
crowd to fix the mess on stage.
Speaker 2 (17:55):
I will be picking four people.
Speaker 1 (17:57):
I want two women and two men, all right, I'm
not tripping about gender, non binary, trans, whatever the fuck
you are, come on, I got you.
Speaker 2 (18:05):
Uh, but have some goddamn mess, all right.
Speaker 1 (18:07):
Don't come up there just to look cute and take
pictures and selfies and shit, because that's not what I'm
there for. And mind you, I'm gonna be even more
pregnant and even more not giving a fuck, all right,
So if it ain't about the mess, don't come up
because it can't be can't be about nothing else. Trust me,
love y'all, and each and every Wednesday, tuned into my
podcast and then my deepest Pam voice. Peace Can't Fully
(19:39):
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